The Comics Curmudgeon

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Attack of the book-learnin’

Spider-Man, 10/28/09

I’ll admit that I’ve been disappointed with Bigshot as a sinister adversary, as his name seems to indicate only his somewhat larger than average girth and his sole apparent superpower is the ability to wear that suit without self-consciousness. But now we’re beginning to see that below the surface of cheerful good-natured criminality lurks almost unspeakable depravity. In order to force the reformed Sandman to return to his life of crime, Bigshot has kidnapped the mutant’s daughter — an obvious and time-tested tactic. Presumably Sandman will rob a bank or two, little Sandy will be released unharmed, and everyone’s comes out a winner, right?

But wait, what’s this? Is Bigshot having is awful minions pollute li’l Sandy’s mind … with literacy? Imagine the scene: Poppa Sandman’s all like, “Hey, Sandy, let’s tune in to NBC to watch the hilarious and insightful Jay Leno, just like we do every weekday at 10 pm!” but then Sandy’s all “No way, dad! I’m still working my way through this week’s New York Review of Books!” And just like that, a once-solid father-daughter relationship begins to founder. Bigshot, you are a monster.

Momma, 10/28/09

Upon reading this strip, my first thought was, “Hey, Danny is supposed to be one of Francis’s no-good friends, right?” This implies some kind of intriguing family drama here, with Marylou going after (and by “going after” I mean “attempting to strangle”) a member of her little (?) brother’s coterie of losers. I was just about to start plumbing the depths of my archives or the Chronicle’s pages to confirm Danny’s identity, but then I had an epiphany: I had spent the maximum reasonable amount of time thinking about Momma today. Sure, this whole comics thing is fun now, but when you’re trying to cross-reference the identities of Momma’s mushy scribbles — and then, once you do, maybe update the strip’s Wikipedia page with your findings, just in case you or the Internet community at large has need of this data in the future — well, that’s when people start staging interventions.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 10/28/09

I’m sorry, residents of Hootin’ Holler would have to trudge three or four miles down rocky hillsides to the flatlands in order to get any kind of advanced schoolin’, so I refuse to believe that any resident of this impoverished hamlet would be able to deal with advanced math like “fractions” — or, for that matter, to form coherent thoughts without verbalizing them.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, October 28, 2009 at 02:27 pm and is filed under Barney Google & Snuffy Smith, Momma, Spider-Man.

244 responses to “Attack of the book-learnin’”

zenvelo
October 28th, 2009 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

what kind of Seussian horror is Sandy being subjected to? “The Dog in the Fog” – sounds like some Goth doggerel to me. But a better education than the Milford High kids are getting in Gil Thorpe.
Uncle Lumpy
October 28th, 2009 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

I had an epiphany: I had spent the maximum reasonable amount of time thinking about Momma today.

Uh-oh.
Chip Whittle
October 28th, 2009 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

Beetle Bailey: General Halftrack means something different by “ten” than I do. This forces me to wonder what other words he defines differently than I do, and I don’t want to do that.

Herb and Jamaal are being encouraged to waive critical rights of citizens to seek redress of wrongs by a person who appears to be the child of Dilbert and Muppet Labs Assistant Beaker. I should like to seek redress of this wrong.

Jump Start: Ah, so abuse of police authority runs in the family. It’s not just limited to stealing cookies from fire fighters.

Mark Trail: Suddenly Sassy leaps into action, aware that if somebody doesn’t do something soon Mark is going to escape this plot without ever having anything to do with the poachers. Look at how Sassy’s eyes are rolling at having to put up with Mark and Rusty.

Lio: Wait, what does Lio’s Dad think would happen if Lio picked up? Wait again, what does Lio think would happen if his father called?

And in a completely unexpected and unpredictable plot twist Pibgorn finds itself …in Hell, which is a game show! And it’s a game, and they can’t die! And they keep getting killed! Surely this development has been worth the three years it’s taken to get here!

Scary Gary is mercifully ready to give Luann’s Parents home-baked treat advice. Thank you, Gary.

W. T. Duck risks censure from the Legion of Concerned Comic Strip Artists Doing Technology Jokes by telling a technology joke that couldn’t have the name “Facebook” swapped out and replaced with “Twitter” or “Google” or “Geocities” or “Q Link” or “CompuServe” just as easily.
150
October 28th, 2009 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

I’m charmed by Loweezy’s pose in today’s Snuffy Smith. It’s as if the artist started to draw her checking her watch, and then realized it would be more technologically advanced than a sundial and therefore has no place in Hootin’ Holler.
zenvelo
October 28th, 2009 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

and since when did Foghorn Leghorn go to work for Marvel? and why has he turned to kidnapping?
John Small Berries
October 28th, 2009 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

I was just about to start plumbing the depths of my archives or the Chronicle’s pages to confirm Danny’s identity, but then I had an epiphany: I had spent the maximum reasonable amount of time thinking about Momma today.

It is comments like this that give me hope that Obsessive/Compulsive Disorder can indeed be cured.
Baka Gaijin
October 28th, 2009 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

Spiderman: Spidey’s next villian, Don “The Chop” DiCiccio, will somehow involve his daughter Dawn in the hijinks.
Comcis Fan
October 28th, 2009 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

Don’t sell Loweezy or the Hootin’ Hollerers short, Josh. No doubt “Miss Prunelly, the boadacious school marm” learnt them but good.
Comcis Fan
October 28th, 2009 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

Oops, here’s the Miss Prunelly link.

http://www.kingfeatures.com/features/comics/bgoogle/charactMaina.htm
Patrick
October 28th, 2009 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

Bigshot seems to be showing video on a screen approximately the size of an iPhone, but it has some buttons underneath, making the phone itself about the size of one of those huge 1980s satellite phones that showed up in spy movies.
Larry Fine
October 28th, 2009 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

FC — Actually, he leads the league in scratching, a habit the Keane boys will no doubt pick up.
ArtisticPlatypus
October 28th, 2009 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

Since the one who’s holding Sandman’s daughter captive is called mr. Foghorn, i’m forced to believe ‘the Dog in the fog’ is his cheesily named self-biography that he now forces the girl to read. Either that or the novelization of some really weird porno he starred in.
Laocoon
October 28th, 2009 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

Dennis: Dennis smugly one-ups his own dad in vying for his mom’s affections. This family has more of an Oedipal issue than Momma’s

Lockhorns: The author is no longer relying on subtle wit and black humor: Leroy’s Alzheimer’s is now just out in the open
Larry Fine
October 28th, 2009 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

A3G — The drugs Bobbie got from the Prof. are doing their job a little too well, as evidenced by her obliviousness to the blue people around her.
Mollie
October 28th, 2009 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

The Mommy Wars have made it to Hootin’ Holler. Soon every strip will be about the competition to get Junior into the best one-room-schoolhouse the barter-system can buy.
Joe Blevins
October 28th, 2009 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

Bigshot looks so smug because he figured out how to use the camera feature on his phone. That’s pretty rare for someone in his age bracket.
Josh N.
October 28th, 2009 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

Ugh. One-panel strips. HATE one-panel strips. Such lack of intellectual thought. Why Snuffy Smith, why?

On the other hand, if you like intellectual jokes, go check out Frazz. I think I’ve figured out who Caulfield’s going to be for Hallowe’en.

Or you could stay with the Catch-22 of one-panel strips. Blech.
Johnny Geo
October 28th, 2009 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

Don’t sell Bigshot short. It looks to me like he has the power to age little girls by about 10 years.

http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20091014&name=Spiderman
Artist formerly known as Ben
October 28th, 2009 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

#9 comcis fan,
Helfpully, the site shows her picture right under Lukey’s wife Elviney. While they wear different style glasses, it’s easy to reckon them for the same gal. I ran into some trouble with this when I was doing my “I, Snuffy” blog, now on open-ended hiatus.
Andy L
October 28th, 2009 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

Three quarters of an hour?
I do like how Ma is looking at her wrist even though no one in Hootin’ Holler has ever owned a wrist watch.
skullcrusherjones
October 28th, 2009 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

Snuffy: We’re missing the second panel where bugged-eyed Ma finishes backhanding her nosy neighbor for making her use math.
Naked Bunny with a Whip
October 28th, 2009 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

SM: Bigshot is smart. He makes sure that Sandman knows he has his daughter, but also know that she is not being treated too badly. Sandman would have gone into an uncontrollable rage if Bigshot had shown Sandra reading, say, a collection of Spider-Man newspaper strips.
Ed Dravecky
October 28th, 2009 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

In a twist of meta-cruelty, The Dog in the Fog is actually the “Mark Trail” plotline embarked on just today as Sassy fled his own captors for freedom in the swamp.
Anonamuse
October 28th, 2009 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

Re: yesterday’s Luann and subsequent discussion of Halloween…

Anyone who refuses to give out candy to children once a year on Halloween is a total curmudgeon, in the traditional meaning of the word. I am of course not referring to the light-hearted way in which it is used here!
Dragon of Life
October 28th, 2009 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

“Danny, I have a question I have to ask you. WHY DO I HAVE A FACIAL TUMOR THAT ONLY SHRINKS IN CLOSE PHYSICAL PROXIMITY TO YOU?”

Loweezy is about to deliver a backhand so powerful its reverberations will knock Hootin’ Holler from West Virginia clear into normal Virginia. Those are the eyes of a woman who has *nothing left to lose*.
Steve S
October 28th, 2009 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

Regarding Momma, I think you accidentally said “epiphany” when what you really meant was “coronary.”
zenvelo
October 28th, 2009 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

A3G: in some weird version of a zombie movie, there are no more men left in the streets of A3G’s New York…
P
October 28th, 2009 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

Today’s Cleveland Plain Dealer editorial cartoon showed Linus visiting a grave of a girl who was abducted 20 years ago today, with his blanket on the grave. (The girl was found a few months later somewhere 100 miles away.)
Mibbitmaker
October 28th, 2009 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

S-M (continuing from yesterthread): The Dog in the Fog, available on a log in the bog (it’s a slog!), says the clogged frog (who’s just a cog)… in analog. I’m agog!
Jacob
October 28th, 2009 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

Can’t think of anything witty today, oh well.
Mibbitmaker
October 28th, 2009 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

Mr. and Mrs. DeGroot, you have gotten an official message: Halloween says it hates you.
Harold
October 28th, 2009 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

“You worm”? Momma is now cribbing from Maggie and Jiggs in Bringing Up Father.
Anonamuse
October 28th, 2009 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

Jacob @ 30:

Well, hey, at least you checked in! :)
Naked Bunny with a Whip
October 28th, 2009 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

@Mibbitmaker: They should just turn off the lights and pretend they’re not home. Of course, the question then becomes, what can two adults do alone in the dark to pass the time? And does it involve bran muffins, puzzle pieces, and rubber bands?
Anonymous
October 28th, 2009 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

Once upon a time a lady called Loweezy owned an invisible watch. Unfortunately for her, the residents of Hootin’ Holler found her checking her wrist one too many times, and stoned her to death for being a witch.
TruthOfAngels
October 28th, 2009 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

D’oh! Stupid cookie-deleting CCleaner. #35 was me.
spike
October 28th, 2009 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

harold @ 32: Let’s see if she tosses in an occasional “Insect!” before we go there.
Shlomo
October 28th, 2009 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

“I had spent the maximum reasonable amount of time thinking about Momma today.”

That would be a great line for Francis to say, except he would probably be naked when he says it.
Uncle Balustrade
October 28th, 2009 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

Whatever happened to the good old days, when Snuffy Smith spent most of his time passed out on his porch holding a jug marked “XXX”, or chasing revenue agents with his muzzle-loading gun? Being originally from North Carolina, this sort of stuff gave me a feeling of home.
Sequitur
October 28th, 2009 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

Apearently, there really is a The Dog in the Fog publication.

A beer too.
Makya
October 28th, 2009 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

New to the site – very funny. And, just by reading your post, I officially gave more thought to Momma today than I have in the rest of my life combined.
buckyswife
October 28th, 2009 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

y212 Niall: Your Halloween plans sound much better than mine, which will involve handing out good candy to the six or seven cute little kids who show up at the door and then grading papers—and those are actually the most pleasant tasks for this weekend. (How about you send some of that single malt down my way, and I’ll enjoy it with leftover candy?)

27 zenvelo: The men are all in their offices, of course, doing the important work that men do, while the women spend the day shopping, and lunching, and gossiping, and wheedling mind-altering drugs out of leering shrinks. It’s like Mad Men, but without cigarettes. Or any real plot.
Meekrat
October 28th, 2009 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

This is splitting hairs, but Sandman isn’t a mutant. Mutants are born with their powers, Sandman got them by being zapped while covered in sand.
BigTed
October 28th, 2009 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

So The Sandman actually named his daughter Sandy — long before he was hit by a radioactive sandstorm, or whatever the heck turned him into a mutant freak? Talk about your self-fulfilling prophecy. Remember, Marvel Comics characters, if you name your kid Raine, Windee or Hailey, you only have yourself to blame for what happens next.
Sequitur
October 28th, 2009 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

42. buckyswife
Do you enjoy your single malt before or after you grade the papers? Or does it really matter anymore?
buckyswife
October 28th, 2009 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

45 Sequitur: The students would probably prefer before, during, and after because then they’d get higher grades. Sadly for them, though, I grade sober—and cranky.
Lolsworth
October 28th, 2009 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

Given the strip’s author, would it be unforgivably tasteless to point out that Momma’s characters appear to be halfway through mutating into swastikas?
The Waz
October 28th, 2009 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

Josh,

Is this one of those negative infinity things? Because that implies there is a reasonable amount of time to spend thinking about Momma, and we all know that just isn’t true.
bats :[
October 28th, 2009 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

I’m loving the totally unexpected Loweezy expression today — considering most of these characters have their mouths open (or worse, their tongues hanging out), this is a New High in the art-form.

Pibgorn: oh, god, it just keeps going on and on and on…
Master Softheart
October 28th, 2009 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

JP: Art is capturing the expression of a handsome veteran special operations/JAG corps officer who has just been told to violate professional legal ethics and go root around in the trash of an old man with colon cancer. I like to think that a thought bubble involving Sam and some of the ‘aggressive interrogation techniques’ he learned in Afghanistan was cut from the last panel.
150
October 28th, 2009 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

#47 Lolsworth:

Given the strip’s author, would it be unforgivably tasteless to point out that Momma’s characters appear to be halfway through mutating into swastikas?

Not as unforgivably tasteless as Momma.
Rob
October 28th, 2009 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

Give a Marvin writer a pun and he has a comic strip for a day, but teach a Marvin writer to put a crappy title in front of the pun and he has comics for the whole week.
Sequitur
October 28th, 2009 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

46 buckyswife. I have no idea what it’s like to have to grade papers. When I was working on my Masters degree, I worked in the department as an Assistant Instructor. The Graduate Assistants had to grade the papers. All I had to do was to teach some classes which, to me, was more like doing a stand up routine. I didn’t even have to administer tests. The actual Profs did that. So grading papers… what a mysterious wonderful thing you do.
Lolsworth
October 28th, 2009 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

Don’t knock the current Marvin theme-series. At least it’s not about piss or shit or vomit or arses or pre-schooler nudity. In other words, it’s incomprehensibly bad, but not actively disgusting.
Niall
October 28th, 2009 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

In Snuffy Smith, that giant black wattle disturbs me greatly every time I see it.
Uncle Lumpy
October 28th, 2009 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

#44 BigTed –

. . . if you name your kid Raine, Windee or Hailey, you only have yourself to blame. . . .

“Behold the awesome power of The Windbreaker

. . . and his sidekick L’il Farty.
Jumper
October 28th, 2009 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

Mein Gott! Swasticles fallink from der sky!

Oh, er um (coff) Yes! Josh, you should learn how to delegate. A simple “who the hell is that guy?” aimed at your avid followers should normally suffice. You should get your answer back within an hour. The worst that could happen is that you’d get as lazy as Scott Adams, who instructs his fans to look up stuff on Wikipedia and report back the results to him. And even that risk is not as bad as thinking about ‘Mama’ too long.
Jumper
October 28th, 2009 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

“Momma”: the comic that can’t spell “Mama.”
mr 12 oz can
October 28th, 2009 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

since mr no burns bob went on the straight and narrow saving mark . couldnt he tell the sideburn brothers where mark is camping or hold off one day because the wildlife weirdo and the retarted kid and dog were leaving the next day . these guys are just as dumb as the guys who gave rusty 500 dollars. . jack elrod please find a nice nursing home now !!!
Piper Grey
October 28th, 2009 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

No 43 (Meekrat) – Sandman still might be a mutant even though he wasn’t born with his powers. The irradiated sand might have caused him to mutate or it might have activated latent mutant powers. If I recall correctly, Spiderman – who was not born with his powers – was once invited to join the X-men and he was registering positive on their mutant detector.

Magical science – don’t you love it?
Ed Dravecky
October 28th, 2009 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

Big Ted @44: This is from the same Stan Lee who had Dr. Octopus’ real name be “Otto Octavius” so the whole Marvel universe suffers from Inevitable Name Foreshadowing. In real life, this effect is demonstrated by the fact that there are no Nobel Prize winners named Brandy, Tiffany, or Misty.
Sequitur
October 28th, 2009 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

60. Piper Grey
Is this just limited to Marvel characters or do we go into the DC world as well?
Superman acquired powers by moving to a smaller planet with a yellow sun instead of a red one.
Batman and The Green Arrow don’t really have any powers, just gagets.
Aquaman? Any real power besides swimming really fast?
The Flash – I have no idea how he got to be so fast. Wheaties?
Wonder Woman – Possibly could be considered a mutant since she was born with her powers but adds to them with her lasso, bracelets and invisible plane.
One-eyed Wolfdog
October 28th, 2009 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

That’s not really accurate. Back in the early 50s you had Glenn Tiffany Seaborg taking the Nobel in chemistry.
Naked Bunny with a Whip
October 28th, 2009 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

The Flash – I have no idea how he got to be so fast.

Chemicals, lightning, and metagene.

Wonder Woman – Possibly could be considered a mutant since she was born with her powers

WW was magicked out of clay by gods, last I heard.
Little A and his Verkokte Magic Ball
October 28th, 2009 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

BB: Although General Halftrack’s wife may or may not be holding a clyster (q.v.) will somebody please explain to me what the joke is, in today’s strip?

Does this mean he has told her to call him on line ten when there is no line ten? How long could this deception last? Fifteen minutes? This is supposed to be funny?

Who writes this shit, anyway?

Y0ou should pardon my Bronx verncular.
Little A and his Verkokte Magic Ball
October 28th, 2009 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

Momma: No doubt about it, this strip is THE WORST DRAWN STRIP IN AMERICA. Lazarus makes Dick Tracy look like Leonardo da Vinci.

And don’t tell me the strip would lose some of it’s CHARM if it were drawn any better. Feh.

As we used to say in The Bronx. Or as our grandmothers used to say. Feh.
MolyBendum
October 28th, 2009 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

K, I don’t really follow Spiderman, but when Sandman first showed up (out of nowhere) on the beach he was instantly swarmed by 3 or 4 fully uniformed police officers. But in the middle of the city, after throwing 2 guys around the street and carrying on a 10 minute conversation in his full sandblasted glory, nobody even gives him a second look. That is awesome. I think I will carry on not following Spiderman.
Poteet
October 28th, 2009 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

SNUFFY — This has probably been pointed out, but the correct phrase is “far be it fr’m ME,” not “far be it fer ME.” And I congratulate Elviney, or whoever the hell that is, on finding a way to persuade Loweezy to put her tongue away for a little while.
queek
October 28th, 2009 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

I don’t usually read it, but yesterday’s and today’s Retail were full of Miyazaki and win.

44, et al, I give you: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/StevenUlyssesPerhero
Poteet
October 28th, 2009 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

As an aside, I will admit that when I’m having a difficult day, I am (when it’s true) able to cheer myself up by muttering “but I’m on the float this week!” I try not to mutter it in public, obviously. Well, not loudly.
One-eyed Wolfdog
October 28th, 2009 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

I think in Momma you have to understand there’s some symbolism going on. Marylou represents the modern state of Iran and Danny represents either the United Nations, or possibly Northern Ireland, or very possibly the Church of Scientology or the Freemasons or homosexuals or the Fraternity of Kosher Butchers or something. And the quality of the artwork represents a prolonged history of consuming bathtub gin. Anyway, it all makes a lot of sense when you look it that way and it gives you something to think about, too.
Old School Allie Cat
October 28th, 2009 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

Luann – I’m surprised that Gregg Evans is taking such a grumpy stance against doling out candy. I pegged him for the kind of guy who would do anything to get scantily clad young people to his front door.

What?! Come on, have you seen the way he draws Toni and Tiffany? And Luann may be a butter face, but she does have a nice figure.
Écureuil Écumant
October 28th, 2009 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

y173 Sister Sestina, 65 Little A:

“He no more can work wonder
Than a clyster-pipe thunder”

Beddoes never made it to Pattaya.
Écureuil Écumant
October 28th, 2009 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

“… Or I sing a psalm with my nether-end.”

Nor did he ever meet M. Pétomane
MolyBendum
October 28th, 2009 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

#71 OEW – And The Church Fraternity of Iranian Kosher Homosexual Scientologist Butchers is one demographic you don’t want to fuck with. Talk about conflicted!
sugarpie
October 28th, 2009 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

Poteet, 68 When you have your next chat with Elviney, could you also please ask her to get Loweezie some sort of appropriate lady’s underwear. She’s about to get splinters where she wont really want them. (I’m trying to avoid saying bra and tits, in case you were wondering.)
Gnoll
October 28th, 2009 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

I think the Spiderman strip would be a lot better if the next several ones were just actual pages from The Dog in The Fog.

And then Spiderman is defeated by a lead pipe at the end.
Marion Delgado
October 28th, 2009 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

Is Zombie Foob like arsenic – leave it alone cuz it accumulates in your system – or like alcohol – toxic but tolerable in moderation?

Are there enough zombie Foob readers left to even mention it? or is it such a given that it’s both inept and boring that you can’t possibly add anything that isn’t obvious?
Muffaroo
October 28th, 2009 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

Comcis Fan @9 – I followed your link to the character page for Snuffy, and was struck by the one at the bottom — “Mary Beth: Purty, Prissy an’ sweet on Jughaid.” — Then why is she trying to stick her tongue in the ear of a lifelike Loweezy doll? Whut in Tarnation’s goin’ on here?

ps: Aw Aw AWWW!

Lolsworth @54 – So you’re saying that this week’s Marvin is about a runny body secretion that’s socially acceptable and not disgusting? Well, I suppose.

Sequitur @62 – Yes, Aquaman has a real power. He can communicate with sea life! They can be his finks, and run trivial errands for him. (Some DC writer, possibly Grant Morrison, had a scene where you got to see what a shark was thinking: “Food, food, food, food… Hi Aquaman! …food, food, food…”)
Rusty
October 28th, 2009 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

78: I read Foob just to see how bad it can get. Cathy, too. Yet I’ve been able to quit other crap like Wizard of Id cold turkey.
Uncle Lumpy
October 28th, 2009 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

. . . because no one expects it; nobody can see
What might fall from the heavens or rise from the sea.
Like bananas that fall to the ground when they’re ripe
You could walk down the street and get hit by a pipe!

I’m not saying it has to, not saying it should,
But you’ve got to admit that it certainly could!
If a pipe made of lead has come loose way up high,
It could fall on your noggin, and Spider bye-bye!
Ukulele Ike
October 28th, 2009 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

Jumper @ #57: Damn, that is one obscure R. Crumb reference. My hearty congratulations!
Stev0
October 28th, 2009 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

You could have just put a period after “coherent thoughts” and it would still be a true sentence.
CanuckDownSouth
October 28th, 2009 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

#78 – there’s still a good bit of interest at Howard Bunt’s Blog and livejournal’s Foobiverse.

Several of us are dissecting just how low it can go, finding every inconsistency brought up in the new-run reorders (or rewrites) and having, uh, “fun” … for certain twisted definitions of fun :) Keep in mind that I’m enjoying Pride and prejudice and Zombies right now.

Speaking of which, Zits takes what could be a good 1 or 2 dailies, or a Sunday “life with Zombie parents” and sucks all the humour out by deciding that there must be 6 days of it – and there aren’t 6 good standalone jokes. They should really end this week with a “don’t have enough brain left to get annoyed by your repetitive chatter” strip.
bats :[
October 28th, 2009 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

Future titles:
“The Ass in the Grass”
“The Goat in the Boat” (well, there’d be at least one copy sold)
“The Bear in the Lair”
“The Hare in the Lair”
“The Hare in the Bear”
etc.
bats :[
October 28th, 2009 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

Spandex off to yesterthread’s comment by shadylady!
Packherd
October 28th, 2009 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

Since Marylou is apparently a ModCloth model, I can say with some confidence that it’s just infatuation.

Feels good to get that off my chest.
Fashion Police
October 28th, 2009 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

#71, One-eyed Wolfdog:
Whatever symbolic frame of reference you care to impose, it is inconceivable that anyone enlightened enough to go about casually in a sports jacket and a bow tie would have any connection with Momma’s offspring that didn’t involve the servant’s entrance. One can more easily imagine President-for-Life Lamanda Luaga hobnobbing with the criminal classes of Mawitaan.
Alan's Addiction
October 28th, 2009 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

Sandman must also have sand for brains. Seriously, what’s stopping him from grabbing Big Time and torturing him to reveal his daughter’s whereabouts? I fail to see how that course of action is less moral than staging a bank heist where presumably dozens of innocent citizens will be put at risk and the resultant property damage will undoubtedly drive several local businesses to close. Of course, such a decision would show competency and intelligence in a Spider-Man character, which is Against The Rules. It would also end the story before we could see a protracted, extremely stupid Sandman/Spider-Man fight (and later team-up).
I’ve dreamed of seeing an Alex Forrest-like character in the comics pages for years; I just never thought I’d see one in “Momma.” Hopefully they’ll follow Marylou’s continued descent into obsession and madness, making for a compelling, gripping story. But probably not, it is “Momma,” after all.
Of course the woman advising Maw on child raising has a right to tell Maw how to raise them; she is, after all, the childrens’ aunt (and sister).
Agent 07
October 28th, 2009 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

Look, if Chatu has succeeded in making Phantom not want to live any more, then let’s not waste any time — let’s do whatever it takes to get his ass on FW and Crankshaft for a little guest appearance??
Alfred E. Neuman
October 28th, 2009 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

Luann— This week’s strips have outdone the worst of the Brad ‘n’ Toni saga in terms of sheer pointlessness. In addition to what Old School Allie Cat has said (#72), Evans seems to have forgotten the history of his own characters. As I recall, Nancy DeGroot was a hippie when she met her husband. As someone who lived in Berkeley in the ’60s, I cannot imagine any ex-hippie becoming so dorky, unless she’s turning senile. But that would move this strip into Batiuk territory, and I don’t think Evans wants to go there.

He’s done a lot of interesting and funny strips over the years, and he has some good characters, so why can’t he use them for Halloween? My first choice, of course, would be to focus on the delectably perverse ravenously incestuous bisexual harridan, Bernice. For example, she and Gunther could dress up as each other and then both make a move on Luann. Comedy Gold!
(Yeah, I know that Heart Of The City is doing a similar plot, but in Luann, it would be funny instead of creepy.)

/end rant/
commodorejohn
October 28th, 2009 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

#91 Alfred E. Neuman – I dunno, I don’t think even the most exquisitely-crafted costume could capture the sheer horror that is Gunther. Or disguise it.
KT
October 28th, 2009 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

Non Sequitur:

Yeeees, it is completely unacceptable to use a proper noun as a verb. This practice should be Boycotted!
zerowolf
October 28th, 2009 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

GT: Is the football season over yet? I’m can’t wait for the even more inane basketball to begin.
zerowolf
October 28th, 2009 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

#84 CanuckDownSouth The Zombie Parents thing would have been good for Sunday strips leading into Halloween. Jan Elliot did the same thing, beating a great once a week on Sunday idea to death with a week of “Gotta Love August.” By Friday I was thinking, “September yet?”
zerowolf
October 28th, 2009 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

#66 Little A and his Verkokte Magic Ball If you think Momma is the worse drawn strip, you have never seen Sylvia have you?
zerowolf
October 28th, 2009 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

Refried Foobs: What good is your wife going back to school if she doesn’t bring home any good jack off material?
Alfred E. Neuman
October 28th, 2009 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

#92 commodorejohn—- Point taken. But if anyone could craft such a costume, it would be Gunther.

A3G— I have questions. Has anyone noticed that the addled Bobbie is wandering through a city that is populated only by women? Have Bolle and Shulock moved the setting of the strip to Provincetown? And have they moved the strip back in time? It has a 1950s look. (Maybe it always has — I just noticed.) I guess what I’m saying is, “What I need is dirt!”
zerowolf
October 28th, 2009 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

Today’s Barney Google is entitled “Two women, one tongue, no teeth.”
AhClem
October 28th, 2009 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

#66 Little A and his Verkokte Magic Ball -
In terms of art, Momma (and Sylvia, mentioned by zerowolf in #96) is right down there with Close to Home . Except for the fact that CtH is sometimes funny and off the wall, the two strips are nearly identical.
sugarpie
October 28th, 2009 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

AhClem, 100 Dont forget Quigmans! Stupid jokes and sucktastic art? It’s one I keep an eye on just to see if it can maintain its worst-comic-on-chron.com status.
Lesser Whark
October 28th, 2009 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

#9 Comcis Fan, #79 Muffaroo: Thanks for drawing our attention to the Snuffy Smith character page. Now I’m thinking too hard about this comic again. Why do they draw our attention to he copy-paste from Snuffy to Tater? Why do the pastor and sheriff wear identical hats – is it some incisive commentary on how separation of church and state does not apply in Hootin’ Holler? Has ‘Spark Plug’ appeared in the past decade? Why does everyone have such malformed ears? Is maximum reasonable amount of time to spend on these questions higher or lower than for Momma?
AhClem
October 28th, 2009 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

#101 sugarpie – Continuing on this theme, the only thing worse than a one-panel strip with rotten art is a one panel strip with rotten art AND way too much dialogue. This can best be exemplified in two words: Dinette Set. I’ve tried to keep an eye on it for the same reason you watch Quigmans, but it’s just too painful.
buckyswife
October 28th, 2009 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

53 Sequitur: “Mysterious” and “wonderful”— I’ll keep repeating those words to myself about 8 hours into the stack of papers this weekend (and thanks for helping me to see the more positive side of what I do!).
Johnny Knuckles
October 28th, 2009 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

SpiderMan: Playing the Sandman this week will be Ted Kennedy.

What, too soon?
mollificent
October 28th, 2009 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

#30 Jacob: Welcome to my world. ;)

#69 queek: Nooooooooo! Must…not…click…link…
Uncle Lumpy
October 28th, 2009 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

#101 s’pie; #103 AhClem –

When I did a Quigmans post the very first time I subbed for Josh, I learned about a guy who believes that the nominal author of Quigmans stole his ideas.

I bless that day.

Now when I’m feeling low I just say, “I’m not the guy who wants credit for Quigmans!
Buck Ripsnort
October 28th, 2009 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

“I had spent the maximum reasonable amount of time thinking about Momma today.”

Josh, I am sorry, but that’s the second time this week you’ve used that joke. Further uses will be punished by enforced reading (and explication yet!) of the current Dick Tracy storyline.
Poteet
October 29th, 2009 at 12:42 am [Reply]

# 76 sugarpie — I suppose I should recoil in horror at the thought of chatting with Elviney, but it has more appeal than chatting with some other comic characters, like Fee Fi.

# 78 Marion — I read ReFoob mostly to see how dated it is, and also to catch those magic moments when strange alterations are made to make it seem less dated.
sugarpie
October 29th, 2009 at 12:44 am [Reply]

107 Uncle Lumpy. Yikes! That was quite a post. And how interesting to see some of the same followers posting back then as now.

Of course I cant get a response from the quigmans.com site mentioned in that thread. I’m dying to read the abused’s screed. “Not Available.” It’s an ugly thing to admit, but back in the mid 80s when the local rag started carrying The Quigman’s, it was highly thought of by the local comics cognoscenti.

Not ‘getting’ The Quigmans would certainly have resulted in the revocation of one’s cool credentials (well… in as much as anyone in the mid 80s had any cool cred. Jeezus the hair alone…). Oh well, temps perdu…
Carly
October 29th, 2009 at 12:45 am [Reply]

I can’t remember how old the Sandman’s daughter is supposed to be, but I’m thinking the answer is “too old to be reading books titled ‘The Dog in the Fog’” unless that’s the title of a new Stephen King novel. Which would actually make this comic better, since it means that Bigshot is doing something more threatening than babysitting.
Parmalat Loire
October 29th, 2009 at 1:21 am [Reply]

Marvin – OH GOD! This is much worse than fecal humour, since babies should NEVER imply that candy comes from masturbating male bovines and processing the results.
Uncle Lumpy
October 29th, 2009 at 1:25 am [Reply]

#110 s’pie –

Try this.
Steve the Pocket
October 29th, 2009 at 1:34 am [Reply]

Crankshaft: I have never heard of these things. Well, I mean, I’ve seen the object itself; I got one at Epcot Center way back when it was still called Epcot Center. But I’ve never seen them anywhere since and certainly never used as jack-o-lantern lighting. I don’t know if I should be embarrassed that Crankshaft of all things made me feel old, or if this is just BS.

Curtis: Shoulda cut it off at the third panel, man. When you’re in a hole, don’t explain the joke.

Hagar: Wow, actual humor from Hagar? I’ll be sure to watch out for low-flying farm animals.

Marvin is failing epically in its attempt to make any of these make any sense. First low-fat milk from an obese cow, and now “milk duds”, which should be represented by a cow with doopy eyes and a dunce cap, coming from…a……bull? Wait, that’s doubly wrong. Unless……… OH GOD

My Cage: I have to say, I’m liking the facial expressions today. Take note of this, Ms. DeJesus, because this feature tends to waver in that department.

Edison Lee: Kid, you’re better off inventing your own jet pack, seeing as how nobody else has. But being a genius you should know that already, right? ;)
mordock999
October 29th, 2009 at 1:49 am [Reply]

Today’s Luann 10/29/09

HEY, I KNOW what we can do with all those books, Luann. We can BURN them! And we can wear Brown shirts, and MARCH around the bonfire and sing DISTRUBINGLY Nationalistic songs and…, (Sigh)

Sorry, folks. I’ve been watching the MILITARY Channel Waaay too much. Please DISREGARD my rather callous and thoughtless statement and continue to play amongst yourselves.

_____________________-

DEATH to DER TJ!!!
Uncle Lumpy
October 29th, 2009 at 1:51 am [Reply]

What th’? –

Consistent with Chron practice, all the black-and-white comics for 10/29 loaded right on time at midnight Central (color loads midnight Eastern).

With the single exception of the Jumble.

What the heck?
Aviatrix
October 29th, 2009 at 1:51 am [Reply]

Carly @ 111: The Dog in the Fog a Stephen King novel? No, no. Just imagine my username is Dingo, and then imagine the rest of this post is an excerpt from that piece of “literature.”
Mr. O'Malley
October 29th, 2009 at 1:57 am [Reply]

116. Today’s Jumble is one where you can fill in the final answer directly without having to bother with the tedium of first figuring out which letters go in it.
Alison
October 29th, 2009 at 2:00 am [Reply]

“Momma” actually made me laugh today, just because of Marylou’s head in the first panel. What kind of a weird, deformed head is that? Plus her nose apparently is an orange.
Uncle Lumpy
October 29th, 2009 at 2:03 am [Reply]

#118 Mr. O’M –

Hey, are you reading the Jumble at the Chron? So it’s blocked for me only?

OK, mustn’t think like that.

Jumblejumblejumblejumble.

Seriously, I can quit any time.
PoeWar
October 29th, 2009 at 2:13 am [Reply]

A fiber optic jack-o-lantern? What, are we Episcopalian now?
Uncle Lumpy
October 29th, 2009 at 2:14 am [Reply]

(Dumps cookies, upgrades browser, refreshes DNS)
OK, that’s better!

Sinners in the hands of an angry Jumble–IV:

(Warning: Jumble spoiler)

If I should MERGE with Satan’s horde,
Or TWINE to any sinful spell –
I soon may find MYSELF aboard
A JITNEY to the Gates of Hell.

The Lake of Fire will torment beyond measure
Who SWIMMINGLY indulge in fleshly pleasure!
Happy Hippo
October 29th, 2009 at 2:16 am [Reply]

This nicely sums up my feelings towards Luann’s bah-humbug approach to Halloween this week:

http://www.homestarrunner.com/brainkriegween.html
sugarpie
October 29th, 2009 at 2:18 am [Reply]

Uncle Lumpy, 113. You sir, are a gentleman and a scholar. Thanks.

BuddyWatch is by far one of the most self absorbed sites ever. EVER!

Fourteen Years! Imagine hating someone with that laser-like intensity for fourteen years. That is a dedication which neither I, nor most mortals, will ever be able to replicate. I haven’t been able to hate any of my exes for, like, even, fourteen minutes. And all of this over The Quigmans. Uh, uh, uh.

On the other hand, I guess everyone needs a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
Uncle Lumpy
October 29th, 2009 at 2:21 am [Reply]

#124 s’pie –

Yeah, but you should see me when I can’t get my Jumble. Not pretty.
Bob
October 29th, 2009 at 2:30 am [Reply]

“And just to show you your little girl’s safe… I downloaded the new iStalk app for my 2-inch-thick iPhone so I can watch everything she does.”

“I like this book even better than the other one, Mr. Foghorn. But why are you pointing that camera at my face?” “Stop asking questions. Shut up and read your crappy fake Dr. Seuss books! You’re not paying me enough for this, Bigshot!”
Mibbitmaker
October 29th, 2009 at 2:36 am [Reply]

29th:

9CL: Oh well, back to the ol’ cruel, hateful women that Brooke finds soooooo sexy, and the pretentious wording thing.
*Sigh!* I already miss Monday-Wednesday.

A3G: Br-r-r-r-r! Actually, that makes her a Burber!

Between FOOBs: Can’t wait for the Impossible Book Deal…

ReFOOB: Aw, Mike, now you’ve upset Linus VanPelt again!

FW: Gee, they almost had an awful, unfunny pun there.

HotC:
Tatulli: “Hey, wanna moonlight in Heart of the City for Halloween?”
Lio: “”Naw… they’re too disturbing for me this week!”

JP: They have offices between Pioneer Aviation and Vandelay Industries.

Luann: There’s so much preachiness in this strip these days that it officially counts as a church!
(though if I got, say, a comic book or Peanuts collection for trick-or-treat as a kid, I would’ve been happy)

MT: Actually, she’s just trying to escape that creepy little troll she’s been stuck with all this time.

MW: “How long it takes” is an understatement in this strip.

Ghost-Who-BooHoo: Or, he could, I dunno, maybe GO TO THE GROUND ZERO AREA TO SEE IF DIANA IS ACTUALLY DEAD!!

R=R: Clem, Akbar and Jeff would be proud.

S4th: “That’s okay, Ted — we can use that tonight. (wink!)”

S-M: That Spidey’s useless — even by HIS standards!
Sheila Sternwell
October 29th, 2009 at 3:16 am [Reply]

#116 Unca Lumpy – Maybe Jumble IS in color but made to look black & white to fool us all? Dun dun duuunnnnnnn

#118 Mr. O – I often figure out the answer first and then use that to go back and figure out the words, because those scrambled words are HARD. Hard like math kinds of hard. My brain looks at them and thinks they’re real words even when scrambled. I blame my medical “training”, where words like hepatosplenomegaly are real when every right-thinking human being in the world knows that’s impossible.
Sister Sestina
October 29th, 2009 at 3:22 am [Reply]

Écureuil Écumant @ 74: Don’t be so sure. The bit I quoted was the, um, calm before the storm. Remember she’s “The New Cecilia” (St. Cecilia being the patron saint of musicians) — this one ends up playing a windy instrument the rest of her life.
Sheila Sternwell
October 29th, 2009 at 3:23 am [Reply]

Garfield: I’VE ALWAYS FOUND YOU VERY TASTY is the funniest thing the strip has written since the First Annual Cheese Festival series back in the 90s. Imagine a robot saying that line. Awesome.

GT: Jamaar’s last name is Gaddis? As in pretty-much-rhymes-with-badass? Such a waste that the strip has to be G rated. That name is perfect for the edgy nickname subplot featuring Jamaar.

Phantom: I just started reading this… we’re gonna find out his wife is really alive, right? I’m assuming she dies all the time, like Mulder.
Piper Grey
October 29th, 2009 at 3:55 am [Reply]

No 62 (Sequitur) – I’m not sure what you are getting at, precisely. Mutants aren’t all that important in the DC world, not the way they are in the Marvel universe. There may be mutants, but it isn’t important there.

What I was trying to say is that the line between mutants and non-mutants is not a clear one. There are those who were born with their powers who are mutants; there are those who were born with their powers because they are part of a species/race, etc who naturally have those powers; there are those who acquire powers through things that cause them to mutate; there are those who acquire powers through things that do not cause them to mutate; there are those who acquire powers because something triggers a latent mutation; there are those who acquire powers through magic; and there are those who acquire powers through technology.

Some super-powered types fit into more than one category. Dr Doom, for instance, was born with great intelligence, and most of his powers come under the heading ‘acquired through technology’. However, he is also a magic user.

Aquaman, by the way, can breathe underwater and can command sea creatures to do his bidding.

Wonder Woman is an Amazonian princess. I think that Amazons in general have her powers, though not her gadgets.
True Fable
October 29th, 2009 at 4:11 am [Reply]

Apartment of Doom Bobbie is trying her best to out-Margo Margo, but we shall see whether she’s tough enough soon. It’s one thing to THINK you are cold, lady, but it’s quite another to destroy a man’s very soul. Take that.

Army of One Are they sure Beetle isn’t dead?

Between Foobs Geez, lady; just write the teacher that neither you or your spoiled, whiny kid know how to do the assignment. It’s not going to kill you to be honest for once iin your life.

C’haft Given the way he ruins every cookout, she’s just trying to keep him from blowing pumpkin chunks all over the yard. Lord knows he’ll hunt for candles, can’t find them, and stick M-80 firecrackers in there instead.

Children of the Circle Don’t hand her a zucchini.

Canadian Zombie I don’t know many kids who would carry an armful of pumpkin guts through the house just to see his mother’s gobsmacked expression, but maybe Mike was hoping he’d send her to the looney bin before he had to lead a life of eating Cheapie Weenie Casseroles and Greaseburgers.

Freaky Weenieshrink Cory’s not sorry for what he did; he’s just sorry he got caught. What the heck, he’ll probably develop cancer anyway.Cancer of the conscience.

Assoline Galley Please don’t make me regret the visit to the Old Comic’s Home. But, since Scanarelli can take a premise and unnecessarily run it into the ground, he’ll jump on this with a vengeance.

Scenes from Suburban Hell “Damn it,” Chip fumed, “they taped over all my porn!”

Sam Driver’s Pretty People Posse! Aw, c’mon, Sam, don’t be so modest. You know ex-models will just fall all over themselves once they get a good look at your handsome square-jawed manliness; you don’t have to make up some lousy lies.

Sweet N Shallow GEE I WONDER WHAT KEEN IDEA SHE’LL HAVE and I also wonder if she plans to help Spongebob Squareparents clean all the TP out of the trees next week.

Fist O Justice Theater If there is justice in the cosmos, Sassy will be caught and used as gator bait by the poachers.

Marmadick The scene indicates to me that Marm managed to eat some trick or treaters. Don’t know why you have to bring candy into it.

Master Poopypants Marvin drinks bull semen. Oh lord pass the brain bleach.

Mary, Bringer of Meddle PSST! Adrian! Remember you’re a doctor? With other patients? And that if you are not going to treat them, you can at least find someone to do that for you? And while you’re just sitting there, can you at least get Scott hooked up to some monitoring stations?

I, Platypus For an otherwise sharp cookie, Ashley can be dumb as a stick.

Kit Walker, Cart-Before-Ranger! Since when did “question Chatu about his involvement in the bombing in Matewan ” become “Go kill Chatu in his cell”?

Rex Morgan, MIA It’s a singing bass?
dale
October 29th, 2009 at 4:59 am [Reply]

Uncle Lumpy

You seem like a decent sort, so I feel slightly bad about the following line, but -

Thanks a steaming heap … !

Stop posting the JUMBLE answers. They leap off the screen a lot faster than I can magically not see them and skip to the next comment.
Dr. Weird
October 29th, 2009 at 5:09 am [Reply]

FW

Whatever he did, Cory’s already gotten away with it. If he was going to be arrested, he’d be at the station now, not dragged home to see his parents. Funky said “And now? Nothing, but this is the last time I’m bailing you out” after Cory stole the Lisa’s Walk cash. Since he doesn’t need bailing out this time, having gotten off with a warning and the expectation of parental punishment, nothing will happen once again.
John C Fremont
October 29th, 2009 at 7:06 am [Reply]

I hope somebody reads today’s Retail. It has Marvin. No, not that Marvin. The other Marvin. The good Marvin.
MolyBendum
October 29th, 2009 at 7:23 am [Reply]

Archie – Miss Grundy, realizing she has failed to excite another man and is yet again accused of being a tease, becomes forlorn.

B.C. – An ant named Tim. How enchanting.

Beetle – “Lolling Beetle” is also the porn set colloquialism for a “midget’s flaccid penis”.

Cathy – One could only logically conclude from Cathy today that all women are fat, insane, and lack any sort of self-control. One can also only logically conclude that Cathy is written by a 300 pound virgin in his parent’s basement.

Garfield – Garfield is about cunnilingus today. Awesome.

Jumble – Doesn’t matter, Dale @ #133, Uncle Lumpy got it all wrong. Today was GRIME, WHITEN, SMELLY, INJECT. How the teens got along when they met at the pool? “DOGGYSTYLE”

Marmaduke – Figuring Marmaduke is a 100 pound dog, it’d take about 6 ½ lbs of chocolate to kill him. Probably too much to hope for.

My Cage – I would like to rephrase yesterday’s comment on My Cage: I don’t like the ~~emu~~ emo. He makes me want to punch ~~emus~~ emos. I think it’s the ~~hair over the one eye~~ fact that he’s an emo. Umm, welI guess I don’t like the hair too. And since I don’t know any emos, but I know where an emu farm is near where I live, I’m still going to punch an emu.

Pearls – Ahh, the desecration of cherished memories of childhood books, weed smoking and penises (in the 3rd panel…there’s no way those are supposed to be mushrooms). Guess you didn’t really need Rat to beat your editor over the head after all, didja Pastis?

Ziggy – Ireland makes cars?
Mela
October 29th, 2009 at 7:28 am [Reply]

Thursday comics:

‘Shaft: “Dammit, woman, how am I supposed to burn down the house with THAT?”

ReFOOB: I feel bad for laughing at this. Again.

FW: “I dunno, maybe that you two would actually pay attention to me instead of regarding me as an inconvenient interruption to your self-absorbed whining.”

GA: Hey, everyone, let’s watch Scanarelli take what was a cute premise when it debuted and run it into the ground! And, again, fail to adequately ape the style of Roy Crane. Crane gets NO love, I swear.

Luann: Hey, books make great projectiles. Just sayin’.
(Now, a rant: My God, are the only stories in this strip either creepy, poorly done romances or prolonged soapbox rants? One fucking night of candy isn’t resposible for the nation’s obesity problems, no matter how much you try to make it so, jackass! It makes me hope that Luann’s copy of “My First Kama Sutra” finds its way into some kid’s bag, and they discover that a civil court case & possible sex offender charges are way worse than one night of candy. I think… I think I hate this strip more than Funky Cancercancer.)

My Cage: *Snort*!

OBH: Looks like we found the Joker’s mother.

PBS: I love this story thread.

Plugger: Stimulus jokes never get old, huh?
buckyswife
October 29th, 2009 at 8:02 am [Reply]

JP: Did Sam Driver actually ever, um, study the law?

A3G: Today, Bobbie muses. We can only hope that tomorrow she’ll seethe, and then fume, and then barely contain her rage, and eventually erupt into homicidal fury, targeting every Blue Woman she sees as a suspected object of her womanizing husband’s lust, her stony heart only satiated after the pile of bleeding, hat-wearing corpses is sufficiently high.

Because that kind of action would be, well, highly uncharacteristic of this strip.

MW: I’m not so worried about the lack of medical equipment hooked up to Scott, so much as I’m concerned that the whole room is tilting sideways—both Scott and Adrian’s facial features are about to slide right off.

MT: Is it just me, or does Sassy look a bit more mutated than usual in panel one today? (I was trying to figure out the precise combination of animals and baking products that he resembles today, but my brain is too tired for that particular challenge.)
Whippersnapper
October 29th, 2009 at 8:25 am [Reply]

MW: Dude, you might as well stop faking the coma. She isn’t going to go away or even shut up until you respond to her rambling. I know this probably seemed like a good plan to get out of your proposal that sprang from a moment of insanity, but you’re going to have to be much wilier to dodge the daughter of Mary Worth’s boyfriend.
queek
October 29th, 2009 at 8:40 am [Reply]

117: that would be “The Bear and the Hair” (the sequel, “The Further Adventures of Dingo and The Mole-Preener”, is usually in the adults-only section.)

135: brain the size of a planet. . . .
Uncle Lumpy
October 29th, 2009 at 9:29 am [Reply]

#133 Dale –

Oh. Sorry, I’m sure that’s very annoying — I’ll find a way to hide the answers, or stop.
Sequitur
October 29th, 2009 at 9:43 am [Reply]

BC: Hey, ants! It don’t work that way! You still need an antenna with digital!

Curtis: Hey, Greg! Tune up CBS!

FW: Hey, Cop! You got cop hair.

Luann: Hey, Greg Evans! Stop it! STOP IT NOW!

MC: Hey Ashley! Damn ~~emo, eh, emu~~ Emil, bird with hair.

PBS: Hey Pastis! Heh, heh. Good.

Forget my thoughts on mutants. I come from a time where no one read Marvel comics and DC ruled. In fact, all my information is based on dim deep-set memories, long ago veiled by years of brain-numbing college intellectualism, “useful employment to society” and booze. In fact, I don’t think I’ve read a comic book in over 40 years. (My wife would disagree. She considers Mad Magazine a comic book).
Comics, yes! Comic books, no. I don’t hate comic books (other then the fact they no longer cost 10-cents. Did you realize the “cent” symbol is nowhere to be found on today’s keyboards?! I couldn’t find it in the “symbols” area of Word either. Damn! I’m a Plugger! I guess you’re suppose to say $0.10 for 10-cents).
Anyway, carry on. Like I said eariler, I don’t know what I’m talking about.
spike
October 29th, 2009 at 9:44 am [Reply]

MW: Scott will be saved by the powers of The Magic Radioactive Ring.

9CL: Being of a certain age, I so agree with Edna!
Uncle Lumpy
October 29th, 2009 at 9:52 am [Reply]

#142 Seq. –

Yeah, but good ol’ html’s got our back: “¢”=¢
RCW3000
October 29th, 2009 at 9:56 am [Reply]

MW – From the way that Scott’s back seems to be spasmodically arched in the 2nd panel, I’d say that Adrian just “Garped” him.
Artist formerly known as Ben
October 29th, 2009 at 9:58 am [Reply]

Man, the comics are kind of a snooze today, although I got a nice unironic laugh out of 9 Chickweed Lane.

The main event seems to be Marvin expanding from poop jokes to jokes about trying to milk a bull. A proud achievement, I’m sure.
Sequitur
October 29th, 2009 at 9:58 am [Reply]

144. Uncle Lumpy
Whoo hoo! Thanks Uncle Lumpy! Good ol’ html.
¢ ¢ ¢ ¢ ¢ ¢ ¢ ¢ ¢ ¢ ¢ ¢ ¢ ¢ ¢ ¢ ¢ ¢

Sorry. I just channeled Zippy the Pinhead ¢
Mibbitmaker
October 29th, 2009 at 10:14 am [Reply]

9CL: “Hi, I’m your day nurse, Linda Burber.”

#142: Well, Mrs. Sequitur, MAD used to be a comic book. And MAD the magazine used to be, well, a bit more magaziney in the late ’50s/early ’60s (but then, magazines generally used to be more magaziney back then, too. Arguably, magazines are more like comic books these days, too)

For me, even as a kid I had no use for superheroes in my comic book reading. It was all Popeye, Flintstones, Spooky, Hot Stuff, Archie (the one series of titles that people think of when you say “comic books” besides superzeroes), etc. There are many types of comic books/graphic novels out there today (all more than 10¢ , alas), with as much variety as strips, prose novels, movies, and TV, and that is gaining some traction with the public, though good ol’ pop culture still clings on to the nerdy crap on the subject.

“Clings on”… Klingons… that’s a joke, I say, that’s a joke son — geek, that is! …Hey kid, stop squirming or I’ll take your Dog in a Fog away!
Artist formerly known as Ben
October 29th, 2009 at 10:18 am [Reply]

137 Mela,
It does seem that Bernice and Luann are trying to out-pontificate Delta. Plus, being a library aide, Luann has the rest of the year to make reading fun. The kids who come to her door will naturally be like, “Don’t push it girl.” (Except for whoever gets the Kama Sutra. They’ll be smirking but speechless.)
Poteet
October 29th, 2009 at 10:25 am [Reply]

9CL — I’d make a terrible Burber. If I had collapsed and passed out in a store and had been brought to a hospital to recover, I think I’d be, well, somewhat grateful to be alive. And if I did want someone to address me differently, I’d try to say so politely.
Sequitur
October 29th, 2009 at 10:26 am [Reply]

148. Mibbitmaker
Besides the Superman, Batman, Action Comics, etc. I too went for the “cartoony” comics such as Bugs Bunny, Little Lulu, Donald Duck, etc, etc.. and even Archie. In fact, I still have my 47-year-old Archie Club button (excuse the poor photo).
Dingo
October 29th, 2009 at 10:26 am [Reply]

111 and 117: Sigh. The farthest I ever got with the Mole Preener was being seated next to each other at a dinner. All of that wonderful, juicy hirsuteness just lying there going to waste. Then again, since so many of my dates have turned into Stephen King stories, it might have been the best for me.

Luann is becoming far too kum-bi-yah. Bring back Brad and Toni!
Islamorada Girl
October 29th, 2009 at 10:28 am [Reply]

Reading today’s Mary Worth, I can;t help but think it’s so heartrending that there’s not a dry seat in the house.
Professor Fate
October 29th, 2009 at 10:33 am [Reply]

Luann: It’s not halloween it’s eating the sugared cereal, the cookies, the superzied mars bars, the 20 oz Soda every damn day that is rotting kids teeth. Try and do something about that rather than this busybody gibberish. And just donate the books. Yes do good, just don’t make a huge production out of it.

MW: Please get off my chest. It’s hard enough to breathe with the bullet holes.

FW: “And why isn’t your hair short and gray”
Lou Shumaker
October 29th, 2009 at 10:33 am [Reply]

Quigmans: Good lord, how did my newspaper fail to put that atrocity in. After all, we do have “Fusco Brothers.”

I especially love how Hickerson gets reamed by someone using the Quigmans domain name! That speaks for the substantial dubloons of the blog owner and the inability of creators.com to protect their talent.

Luann: Great idea! Kids love someone else’s childrens’ books, with their grubby pages, crayoned-over drawings and torn covers (yes, I do have kids, how did you guess?). Best of all, the cardboard covers will hurt when they’re pitched at your head.

Judge Parker takes dickishness to a new level, when we have a lawyer about to represent the “Colossial Insurance Company” in court, yet know absolutely nothing about the company. That’s our Sam.
Calico
October 29th, 2009 at 10:36 am [Reply]

Happy (?) 40th Birthday Internet!

http://www.cnn.com/2009/TECH/10/29/kleinrock.internet/index.html
Anonymous
October 29th, 2009 at 10:45 am [Reply]

135 John C Fremont: Sorry, John…but for me, the “good Marvin” is still Marvin the Martian from Looney Toons. After all, what’s cooler than having an “Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator”.
Mibbitmaker
October 29th, 2009 at 10:46 am [Reply]

#151 (Sequitur): Wow, that button is as old as I am! Yep, my comic book reading was based on cartoons. Any of the realistically-rendered (relatively speaking) comics seemed to “adult” for me, somehow. I got into not-always-cartoony stuff with MAD (starting in 1972 with the paperback collections and access to the then-recent magazines).

And the small Peanuts collections preceded comic books for me, as well.
Muffaroo
October 29th, 2009 at 10:48 am [Reply]

9CL – Edna, you’re such a card! I like how you go out of your way to antagonize somebody whose job it is to keep you alive, and I hope it pays off with your cold dead finger vainly pressing the call button some night real soon.

Dick – “It didn’t happen! It didn’t happen!”

Family – “Right now, I have the strangest desire for some Funny Face™ beverages! Do we still have any of that Jolly Olly Orange™ in the cupboard from the 60s?”

Gasoline – Personally, I think Scancarelli does a great job on these old characters, doing them justice without dropping his own style. Writing-wise, this is lightyears above “Sam’s Strip” and the endless parade of background cameos that don’t do a damn thing.

Luann – Ow! I’m being hit over the head with old children’s books.
bats :[
October 29th, 2009 at 10:49 am [Reply]

Phantom: “Oath smoath! Go to Boomsby! Be a trendsetter!”
Seriously, is this part of the Phantom Oath?
IS there a Phantom Oath?

S-M: is there any particular reason why Sandman is all stripey? Just wondering.

9CL: Mr. O’Malley (one of our CC contributors), are you any relation to Edna? Just wondering — you seem a whole lot nicer. Like galaxies nicer…

Luann: pleeeeeeeeeease keep beating us over the head! We love it, you know!
Muffaroo
October 29th, 2009 at 10:51 am [Reply]

Marmaduke – Same as every year, Dottie. I don’t know why you even bother waiting for him to barf up the wrappers.

Marfield – We’re supposed to think milk duds come from B.S., or is this a secret confession that everything in the strip does?

Mary – Here’s where Sleeping Beauty is awakened by Prince Valiant with True Love’s First… well, use lotion to avoid chafing.

Phantom Trading Cards – From the Phantasy League set: “Judge, Jury, and Executioner — The Phantom Pulls a Cowl Trick!”

Spidey – And now, The Sandman’s very moving interpretation of Billy Bigelow’s “Soliloquy” from “Carousel” by Rodgers and Hammerstein.

Ziggy – Clearly, the tenth Doctor has confused ‘Cars’ with ‘SARS’ — with Hilarious Results!

Zits – Jeremy’s parents are really just unmoving corpses turning green on the couch! Jeremy’s in denial.
Muffaroo
October 29th, 2009 at 10:54 am [Reply]

zerowolf @96 – If the writing and lettering in Sylvia was a bit better, the art wouldn’t look so bad. It’s ugly inside — smarmy, smug, clichéd, lazy, and bordering on illegibility. On artwork alone, without those considerations, Momma looks worse.

Still, I have to agree with AhClem that Close to Home is hideously drawn, and the fact that it continually bites off more than it can manage to convey is grating. Nonetheless, the Quigmans are also a pain in the eyeball (again, made even worse by the writing).

I have to give the ultimate nod to Cathy, though, with unfailingly annoying character design, stock-pose ‘ackting,’ and the staunch refusal of the artist to improve any aspect of the wretched thing. I’d consider canceling a newspaper subscription just to be able to stop looking at any of them. Next time I remake my Chronicle page, I might leave Close to Home off of it. It’s the only one of those that I subject myself to. (I don’t bother with The Dinette Set either, because the infantile art and dense yet unrewarding forest of words make any time spent looking at it a net loss.)

sugarpie @110 – I’m proud to say I hated Hickerson’s art the first time I saw it, and every time since. And the writing.

dale @133 – You could read JUMBLE before you come here. I read all my strips and write my comments before I read the Curmudgeon (and edit duplicate comments most of the time).

Uncle Lumpy @141 – Here’s my technological solution. Replace the words with asterisks or the scrambled versions of the words. Then use the HTML command a title=”unscrambled text“ so that hovering the mouse over the disguised word shows the undisguised word. (Hover over “tenth Doctor” in my Ziggy comment above for a sample.)
Mibbitmaker
October 29th, 2009 at 10:54 am [Reply]

#158 (me) “too ‘adult’”, not “to”. You can never be to/too adult for typos!

#135, 157: I never got into “Hitchhiker’s Guide” (except hearing the live-audience version on FM radio in the early ’80s, for all too short a time), but I enjoyed “Marvin, I Love You” on the Dr. Demento Show back in the day. Can’t beat the ol’ cartoon martian, though (though Daffy sure tried).
commodorejohn
October 29th, 2009 at 10:55 am [Reply]

AS – Okay, in the interest of fairness: today’s Argyle Sweater was funny, not obviously ripped off from anything, and not swamped in unnecessary verbage. That said, Hillburn needs to look up “rhinoceros” in the encyclopedia, specifically the bit about size.

Crankshaft – Much as I hate to admit it, Crankshaft’s right. That’s just lame. First gas fireplaces, now fiber-optic jack-o’-lanterns? What the hell is the world coming to?

FW – I dunno what Cory was thinking, but I’d be thinking that any step is worth taking to make yourself less like the bloated, balding turtle-man in panel one. No, wait, that was uncalled for. Apologies to any turtles reading this. (Also, the John Connor vibes are even stronger today. I can’t wait until Cory uses a handheld CP/M computer to hack an ATM.)

JP – …wow.

Love Is… – Well, I’ve lost my goddamn appetite, thank you so much.

Luann – AAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHH

MT – Rusty’s “inquisitive little dog” appears to be about half the size of Marmaduke. Of course, compared to the house-sized turtles and such, I suppose she still could be counted as “little.”

MW – Why wait, Adrian? He’s only comatose and maybe brain-dead; you’re perfect for each other!

MC – I love this strip.

PBS – Rat promoting drug use. Who would’ve guessed?

PC – Um, the scoundrel hero is actually a common archetype going back practically forever. It’s as common (if not more so) in folklore and myth as the warrior hero. Hell, even a lot of the warrior heroes are equal parts trickster. Just look at the Odyssey, or a whole hell of a lot of the One Thousand and One Nights. Now, granted, applying this willy-nilly to real-world figures isn’t always a good idea, but it’s not really new.

RMMD – Yeah, way to avoid the cheap demonization of shaved-headed white guys with piercings there, Rex Morgan. Hey, maybe you could borrow the sheik guy from Gasoline Alley next!

SF – This strip is just made of win.
bats :[
October 29th, 2009 at 10:56 am [Reply]

159. Muffaroo re FC: I still have two sets of pristine (never been used) Funny Face drink mugs. I hate to think how much Funny Face my family drank to enough packets for those little gems. But at least that was back in the days of good old Cyclamate…
Hank
October 29th, 2009 at 11:06 am [Reply]

RE: Johnny Geo October 28th, 2009 at 3:11 pm“Don’t sell Bigshot short. It looks to me like he has the power to age little girls by about 10 years.”i>Boy, I bet Roman Polanski wishes he had that power right about now…
Hank
October 29th, 2009 at 11:06 am [Reply]

RE: Johnny Geo October 28th, 2009 at 3:11 pm “Don’t sell Bigshot short. It looks to me like he has the power to age little girls by about 10 years.”

Boy, I bet Roman Polanski wishes he had that power right about now…
Uncle Lumpy
October 29th, 2009 at 11:07 am [Reply]

#162 Muffaroo –

Oh, I ****** **** that! I was trying to figure out some “highlight to see” business like TV Tropes uses, but Wordpress® comments don’t seem to support it. Thanks!
bats :[
October 29th, 2009 at 11:07 am [Reply]

Nothing quite like a quick, cheap shot — the only kind Pluggers endorse.
CanuckDownSouth
October 29th, 2009 at 11:13 am [Reply]

Between Foobs-1 Maybe if you spent more time looking at the homework than writing excuses about it, it would get done?

Between Foobs-2 and by pretending that your daughter could have done the homework because she understood it and just didn’t have the time, the teacher won’t get the feedback that either (a) the lesson related to the homework or (b) the phrasing of the assignment were unclear. And when the next assignment looks like hieroglyphics to you, whom do you think is to blame?
Sequitur
October 29th, 2009 at 11:13 am [Reply]

160. bats :[
ie. Luann – It feels so good when it stops.
Will
October 29th, 2009 at 11:18 am [Reply]

Luann: Thanks for making me miss Delta and her relatively subtle brand of browbeating.
mollificent
October 29th, 2009 at 11:32 am [Reply]

Retail: ROFLMAO!!! Oh, this week’s Retail has been gold, pure gold. “And I’ve got this terrible pain in the diodes all down my left side…”
TheDiva
October 29th, 2009 at 11:33 am [Reply]

C’shaft: At least Pam has FINALLY started taking steps towards keeping flammable materials out of the hands of her father. Now if she could just throw out his grill…

FW: What was Cory thinking? Probably that even if he got caught he wouldn’t be punished, just as he’s gotten off scot-free for all the other shenanigans that he’s pulled. If this ends with Officer Flattop telling Funky to look in the mirror if he wants to know where his boy went wrong, this storyline will not have been in vain.

reFOOB: Speaking of lousy parenting, this is what you get for letting a six-year-old carve the jack o’lantern by himself, Elly.

Luann: Okay, here’s why this is a bad idea: kids are a LOT pickier about books than they are about candy. Every trick-or-treater that comes to your door will take five minutes going through every single book in the stack trying to find one they like, all the while saying things like “Is this all you have?” and fighting over the last copy of The Cat in the Hat. And then there’s the parents who will burn you in effigy if you dare to give, say, And Tango Makes Three to their poor innocent children. You want to fight childhood obesity, start with the Pepsi machines and Taco Bell in the school cafeteria, and let the kids have their Fun Size Snickers for one night.

MW: With any luck, Adrian’s going to end up going the way of the title character in “A Rose for Emily.”
buckyswife
October 29th, 2009 at 11:35 am [Reply]

141 Uncle Lumpy: Please don’t stop! I look forward to the daily sermon, and a Jumble-based religious doctrine is starting to take shape in my mind (Jumbleterianism? Anagrammaticism?), with you as the stern, fiery Jonathan Edwards of the faith, standing at the pulpit and shaking your fist.
Joe Blevins
October 29th, 2009 at 11:38 am [Reply]

I would take Sandman more seriously if he weren’t made out of the stuff cats bury their poop in.
AMC
October 29th, 2009 at 11:39 am [Reply]

MT – Has Sassy grown to the size of a Newfoundland, or does she appear so large because she’s coming out of pup tent?

Get it? Pup tent. Cause she’s a dog.

That looks too big coming out of the tent. And pup tents are small….

Uh….

I hope the alligators get that dog.
Hogan
October 29th, 2009 at 11:51 am [Reply]

“Intervention”? I’m thinking involuntary commitment.
spike
October 29th, 2009 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

177 AMC: Naw, Mark’s gonna administer the Fist o’ Justice to some poor gator…or gator poacher. You decide.
Will
October 29th, 2009 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

Rob Cockerham has handyhobo-inspired candy codes for trick-or-treaters. The DeGroots are bucking for “Teacher,” “Garbage,” and “Parents will take away” pictograms.
tb4000
October 29th, 2009 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

Luann: THIS is what the Halloween arc was leading up to? Evans who the fuck has you in their back pocket…..and how much are they paying?
Little A and his Verkokte Magic Ball
October 29th, 2009 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

96 Zerowolf: Never had the pleasure of seeing a Sylvia strip, thank God. It doesn’t run in New York. I agree with you, the drawing is execrable. How and why would a syndicate circulate such a thing? Why would a newpaper run it?

Of course, those two questions might be applied to every strip.

America is a wonderful country. Anybody can grow up to become President (no names will be mentioned here) and anybody, no matter how little talent he or she has, no matter how little sense of humor or how little ability to tell a story he or she has, etc. etc. etc., can become a syndicated cartoonist. So it seems, anyway. Were this not so, would this blog exist?

When I was in college, many many years ago, I started to draw a comic strip, The Adventures of Goopy Goo Goggles. (Don’t ask.) I still have some of the strips in a box someplace. It wasn’t very funny, and it was poorly drawn, but I sure could draw better than Mell Lazarus, and whomever the person is who “draws” Sylvia.
JustAGuyGuy
October 29th, 2009 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

The only problem with your joke is that I don’t know anyone who watches Jay Leno.
Niall
October 29th, 2009 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

42. buckyswife: unfortunately, I don’t think it would travel well on its own. I’ll have a glass thinking of you, how’s that.

86. bats :[ : may we keep inspiring you, because you keep topping yourself.

Lumpy’s post about Quigmans makes me discover Poteet’s hilarious and note-perfect “Feeling Funky” parody. It’s almost 3 years later, but bravo!

132. True Fable: your line on Suburban Hell fits Chip’s reaction to a T – and is the most plausible and possible thing to happen. As for Ashley, we all have our blind spots, and let’s say that her need for affection after dumping her abusive boyfriend and failing to rebound in Norm’s is eating a giant hole in her. Methinks it’s a character-development plot on her. At long last. :)

135. John C Fremont: not only the good Marvin, the original Marvin. That’s hardcore geekery.

141. Uncle Lumpy: Maybe just waiting until the afternoon to post it so those of us who want a run at it have a chance, instead of doing it minutes after it’s up?

142. sequitur: yeah, the ¢ character is not very easily accessible. (alt+0162 for non-HTML use, btw)

156. Calico: Thank you so much for that link! A fascinating interview! And going back to comics, it’s also today the 50th birthday of the first issue of Pilote Magazine, whcih feeature Asterix the Gaul, but which also helped usher in the modern age of European comics with an amazing roster of creators who were given carte blanche for their creations, to a point, until 1977 when René Goscinny died and in a sense, the golden age of European comics ended with him.
Rob
October 29th, 2009 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

DT- when will villans ever learn that the whole, I’m not going to shot you but instead tell you my entire plan, then set up an elaborate trap to kill you while I leave the room and hope you don’t escate, never works, and most times it just gets you eaten by a tiger
Jackuul
October 29th, 2009 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

Good News Everyone! I just blew up the moon!

Here is my latest “I hate shaft” thing.

Remember to click the picture to make it bigger.
Uncle Lumpy
October 29th, 2009 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

#175 buckyswife –

Ooh, I like “Anagrammaticism” — ripe with possibilities for a banned Pan-Anagrammaticist Schism (based in Panama, or Elba).

And imagine my surprise that either:

a) every Jumble contains a coded Revivalist sermon, OR

b) religion has such loose coherence that you can take just about any five words, in order, and make a plausible sermon out of them

Anyway, Muffaroo points the way at #162 — I shall hide the solutions in crafty code so as not to spoil anyone’s entertainment. Until I get bored of it. It has happened at least once before.
mike stanfill
October 29th, 2009 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

Dear Uncle Lumpy;

Your investigative skills are somewhat lacking regarding the Quigmans.

I don’t take credit for Quigman jokes. Uh–uh. Never. I just call foul whenever Buddy Hickerson re-uses old material, much of it being gags I wrote for the Quigs over twenty years ago. It’s all clearly laid out at quigmans.com. Back in the good old days I got a byline credit whenever a gag of mine was used. Now he just whites out my name. Classy.

You might find it interesting to learn that Buddy hasn’t published a Quigmans book since I quit writing for the Quigs. There were four books in all, the last appearing in 1994, the same time I quit speaking to him. Speaks volumes, don’t it?

And why would anyone daily castigate Buddy Hickerson for over 14 years? For one reason, it’s a lot of fun! But the better question is why has Buddy never changed his modus operandi in all that time. This year he’s handed in 145 old Quigmans cartoons as new, a record. As long as he keeps doing that, I’ll be there.

And, Sugarpie, I’m sorry you were unable to send me an email to me regarding the Quigmans. Are you sure you’re using a computer and not an Etch-a-sketch?

If you ever met Buddy Hickerson, you’d probably like him, but that’s because he has the ability to become whatever you want him to be. He is not unlike clay… fun to play with but you’d never want to depend on him as foundation. He also can’t write a gag to save his life.
Sister Sestina
October 29th, 2009 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

9CL: Unlovely and inappropriate as Edna’s (ouch!) I mean Mrs. O’Malley’s attitude is, I can actually understand it. I get squirmy myself when total strangers start off by calling me by my first name — especially ever since it’s been incorporated into the strategy of salesmanship. And with a personality such as that harridan matriarch’s, it’s almost a given that feeling a loss of control (and awakening unexpectedly in the hospital is nigh a Platonic Ideal of that state) will make her double-down on the bitchiness in an attempt to regain equilibrium. I recall a bizarre little interview with a doctor when my father was hospitalized during his last swirling rounds before the end, helping her to determine whether certain of his actions were symptoms of the onset of Alzheimer’s or relics of his perpetual Assholism.

What I find more odd and objectionable is the nurse’s attitude. Love to know what gray’s-anatomical reason she has for laying a trap for that doctor…
LUJBEM FEJF
October 29th, 2009 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

Dear Uncle Lumpy,
Anagram fans MERGE
to cut the TWINE of your intellectual purge

MYSELF I hoard my mental wealth

You, like an old JITNEY leaking oil
Their passion you do spoil

Let us move forward SWIMMINGLY
Respecting my creations minimally
Poteet
October 29th, 2009 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

# 184 Niall — Thank you very kindly. I’d forgotten about that myself. I hope you’ll enjoy your single-malt.

9CL — My deep apologies to Mrs. O’Malley for calling her a Burber in my earlier comment.
gnome de blog
October 29th, 2009 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

Dear Uncle Lumpy,

As a veteran Jumbler, I too am nonplussed when the answers appear before I have seen the questions. I live on the West Coast, and generally don’t look at the Jumble until lunchtime.

However, I don’t want to deprive you or your legion of faithful readers just because it’s an inconvenience for me, so I offer the following compromise:

1) Put your JUMBLE SPOILER ALERT! in all caps and bold.
2) Insead of capitalizing the answers, try italicizing them to make them easier to skip over.

thankyou. thankyouverymuch.

-gnome
David B
October 29th, 2009 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

Agnes: I’m gonna need a lobotomy to get today’s strip (and the accompanying Ewwwwwwww!) out of my mind, aren’t i?
Uncle Lumpy
October 29th, 2009 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

#188 mike -

Hi, Mike. If somebody erased my name without my consent from joint work — old or not, republished or not — I’d call that stealing my ideas.
Comcis Fan
October 29th, 2009 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

Lesser Whark #102: I don’t know how much time one should spend pondering the denizens of Hootin’ Holler versus Momma. I do know, however, that there’s probably little excuse for my spending several minutes of the prime of my life scouring the Internet for evidence of the education received by Loweezy and her clan, except for the fact that I derived some pleasure from it. As for your questions about identical hats and big ears, I think they have essentially the same demographically incorrect and insensitive answer, of which the hat is representative.
Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
October 29th, 2009 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

156 – Calico — So, they BSOD’d at the login prompt? Nothing really has changed then.
PeteMoss
October 29th, 2009 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

(here come the) Judge Parker -

I think these guys are going to find themselves hauled before the state bar before long but maybe not before some Judge issues sanctions. Geeez, this guy is going to lie to a potential witness in order to get information from her? And he’s going to lie to the cops in order to look for a note in the client’s trash? Wouldn’t it be easier for him to just write the note there in the office and say it came from the guy’s apartment? As long as you’re willing to take all kinds of risks with your law license with apparently no expectation of collecting a fee from their “terminal” client, why not go all the way, guys? With the fees your getting from Rocky Buckskin you should be able to buy all kinds of witnesses!
Hank
October 29th, 2009 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

RE: mike stanfill, October 29th, 2009 at 12:53 pm . I feel bad that someone else is (allegedly) stealing your work. However, I don’t think you understand why we’re mocking your website. We’re doing so because, frankly, no one in their right mind should want their name attached to that incredibly crappy comic strip. It’s not funny. It never was funny. It’s poorly drawn and always was poorly drawn. Really, it is quite possibly the worst comic strip ever, regardless of who did or didn’t write it.
queek
October 29th, 2009 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

193: David B, there is a less permanent solution available.
Marthas Rolling Pin
October 29th, 2009 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

y207, Thanks for understanding.
Comcis Fan
October 29th, 2009 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

Last thread #214: Thanks, Uncle Lumpy.

#200 Martha Rolling Pin: You’re welcome. :)
mike stanfill
October 29th, 2009 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

Unca Lump:

It was the line “I’m not the guy who wants credit for Quigmans!” I’m calling into question as it seemed to refer to my editorial bent. If you were referring to Buddy himself then all is forgiven.

To Hank: The Quigmans did well when I was writing the gags. Not so much since. Oddly enough, it was the Far Side’s retirement (A strip the Quigs undeniably aped) from cartooning that afforded the Quigs enough new fillable holes to remain viable as long as it did.

As for the art style, you wouldn’t believe how often I heard people say they enjoyed it because it was “drawn funny”. Oooooh-kay.

As far I know the Quigmans are not currently being printed in any major newspaper. If anyone has information to the contrary I’d love to hear it. quigmans.com.
True Fable
October 29th, 2009 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

# 162 Muffaroo – Muffaroo, this is so damn cool!
Lou Shumaker
October 29th, 2009 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

#198: Respectfully, Hank, I’m ragging more on Quigmans rather than Mike. Reusing old gags is bad, but one that was a month old? Even a few years old is bad enough. If that’s true,
True Fable
October 29th, 2009 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

#202 Mike Stanfill – Hank just likes to stir up dust once in a while.
bats :[
October 29th, 2009 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

Is anyone making book on whether Mark and Rusty end their fishing trip with nary a punch thrown? I like to think things are leading up to a Fisticuff Fiesta, but on the off-chance they’re not…
mike stanfill
October 29th, 2009 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

Yes, Lou, it’s true.

True Fable: Thanks.
Uncle Lumpy
October 29th, 2009 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

#202 mike –

No, you read that correctly — I interpreted, “he erased my name from our stuff” as, “my name ought to be on our stuff”, and drew the conclusion that the issue was credit for your contribution. Still hard to see how it’s not, but I’ll take your word for it.
buckyswife
October 29th, 2009 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

206 bats :[ —I’ve had a long, not-good day, and that Mark Trail strip just made it tons better. All I need now is for something to happen so I can exclaim, “Holy crapping pancakes!” (Odds are good that something will….)
Marthas Rolling Pin
October 29th, 2009 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

206 Bats :[ I laughed out loud! Thanks.
spike
October 29th, 2009 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

206 bats :[ : You have just out-pastissed Pastis.
Muffaroo
October 29th, 2009 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

Mibbitmaker @163 – As far as I’m concerned, the best version of “Hitchhiker’s Guide” has always been the radio version. Somehow, the book was a disappointment — started off great, but by the end, it felt like he just kept introducing characters in order to have them run over by a bus five seconds later. If you can’t find the audio, the book of scripts is as good, or even better (because it’s annotated and has lines that were cut for reasons of time).

“It’s times like this I wish I’d listened to my mother.”
“Why? What did she say?”
“I don’t know. i never listened.”

bats :[ @165 – Oh, yeah, I miss cyclamates. Lots of beverages started tasting awful when they banned that stuff.

Joe Blevins @176 – Why do I feel like I’ll be standing by the curb again, watching this comment go by on the float? And laughing again, probably. (Spider-Man’s had all these years to think of that line, but nooooo…)

True Fable @203 – I’ve actually used that technique here from time to time, but unless someone happens to be mousing over the text, they will never find out. Mwahahahaha: I’m like a passive-agressive super-villain.
Marthas Rolling Pin
October 29th, 2009 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

212 Muffaroo, now I’m going to have to mouse your text every time (and doesn’t that sound unspeakably filthy?)
Poteet
October 29th, 2009 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

# 100 AhClem & #162 Muffaroo — My local paper carries CLOSE TO HOME, so I read it. “Hideous” is definitely the operative word. But at least CtoH doesn’t attempt “plots” like DT. Each panel is over with quickly, and occasionally there’s even one I sort of like.
True Fable
October 29th, 2009 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

#213 Martha’s Rolling Pin – Baby, you can mouse my text any time. Roll over me, darlin’. Go ahead. Mouse me. ;)
True Fable
October 29th, 2009 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

Mouse me, baby.
True Fable
October 29th, 2009 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

#206 bats :[ – Bwahahaha! “Holy crapping pancakes!” I read that aloud in a Captain Murphy voice and now I can’t stop laughing.
ladadog
October 29th, 2009 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

206 bats:[ Let me add to the chorus of delighted yips from previous posters. As my late mother would have said in glee, “HIGH-larious!”

APt 3G: A renegade ‘entertainment’ troupe calling themselves Blue Woman Group has invaded Manhattan. Either that or Bobbie Merrill’s stone-cold heart is freezing the bejesus out of them all.
.
AndyL
October 29th, 2009 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

Am I the only one who thinks that it’s horrible that the Sandman’s daughter is called “Sandy”? Because that’s horrible.
Perky Bird
October 29th, 2009 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

True Fable # 216:

“Mouse me, baby” sounds like some strange form of foreplay for Mark Trail. You know, being a wildlife enthusiast and all…
sugarpie
October 29th, 2009 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

188, mike stanfill Oh Jeeze! You may be on to something. The guy at BigLots! sold me this damned machine as a computer, but you know, every time I put bread and ham into that slidey thing on the side, out pops a toasty panini five minutes later. That is what an Etch-A-Sketch does, right? Right? OK, now I’m really embarassed.
Darkefang
October 29th, 2009 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

Luann: Let’s see, I can spend a dime on a mini-Snicker’s bar and have a happy trick-or-treater, or I can spend $5-$10 on a children’s book, hope I have one in the appropriate age-range of the trick-or-treater, then pray that they don’t come back and egg my car. Decisions, decisions…

Marvin: The shivering cow being a milk shake I get. The rest of these have just been baffling. Is today’s a milk dud because bulls are male and males are dudes? Or is it a dud because it isn’t really a cow?
Sequitur
October 29th, 2009 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

180. Will
Is that code for a teacher a dildo?
commodorejohn
October 29th, 2009 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

Yes, the title tag is perfect for stealth insults, isn’t it?

#188 mike stanfill – what’s with the smallcaps? are you related to e.e. cummings? or is it just stylistic?
Dr. Krude&Rude
October 29th, 2009 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

Mickey Mouse once walked into my office. He said he needed a physical to qualify for a Disney pension. I didn’t ask why but led him into the examination room and told him to strip.
Just as he had his pants off, my nurse looked into the room and exclaimed, “Mouse me, baby!”
What happened next wasn’t pretty. Now I’ve got to figure out how to clean mouse poo off an aneroid sphygmomanometer.
bats :[
October 29th, 2009 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

209. buckyswife (and others): thanks, all. If I can prompt an occasional “snork” from, I’m happy. (I think credit goes to Sequitur (yes? no? maybe?) for Holy Crapping Pancakes!.)
Dingo
October 29th, 2009 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

I fell asleep at my desk after lunch and dreamed that Orly Taitz walked up to Adrian Cory and told her that Scott is not really in a coma but playing opossum until she goes away.

Why do I feel that somehow the current story arc in Mark Trail will not end with Sassy being gangraped by a group of drunken alligators? They’ll probably be sidling up the edge of the embankment toward her, cocktails in paw and Sansabelt slacks already loosened, when Blonde Angel will see her and rescue her as he did Mark. Lord know, if Bob can work that magic with an alligator, I wonder what he could do with those kids on my lawn.
Niall
October 29th, 2009 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

216. True Fable: Once again, be glad I’m at work and can’t quickly find a link for “Mouse me, baby” that you’d regret. :)

206. bats :[ : you are insane. In the good way.

222. Darkefang: without seeing the Marvin strip (and thus saving sanity points), I can say that yes, it’s because a bull is a “dud”, not really a cow. Except that it’s not exactly what “dud” means, and there’s still only one way to get any white substance from “milking” a bull. Ow. Ow. There go those sanity points anyway.
Sequitur
October 29th, 2009 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

226. bats :[
Thanks for remembering. It all goes back to this.
Niall
October 29th, 2009 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

…and for some inexplicable reason, I just had a brief mental image of Ashley T Bengal saying “Mouse me, baby”. To whom? unknown. I’d say sometimes my brain does weird things, but it’s downright normal compared to so many others here… I feel almost let down. :)
AtomicDog
October 29th, 2009 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

Luann – So the sanctimoniousness carries on into a second week.
spike
October 29th, 2009 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

Guys! It takes me long enough to read the comments sans souris informatique. OTOH the embedded comments are off-the-wall hillarious!
Will
October 29th, 2009 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

223, Sequitur: I think it’s meant to be a pencil, but the other is just as appropriate for the DeGroots.
Hopscotch Willie
October 29th, 2009 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

The part of Marylou, will today be played by three different actresses. Seriously, is she a Facedancer or something?
queek
October 29th, 2009 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

206: bats:[-isian levels of Win!

oh! almost forgot about this, but should relate.

A few nights back I had a dream that I was listening to mollificent sing, and after she was done, started to tell her that the original singer was better, but drew a blank on just *who* the original singer was. I then woke up, still wondering who the singer was. In typical dream fashion, I couldn’t remember the song, but it may have been a remake of a Bond theme, perhaps Diamonds Are Forever. So, mollificent, please accept my apologies to your dreamself for my dreamself being insufficiently impressed by your awesome singing talents.
queek
October 29th, 2009 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

234; Dune ref, well done!
mike stanfill
October 29th, 2009 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

My dear Commodorejohn;

#224 what’s with the smallcaps? are you related to e.e. cummings? or is it just stylistic?

Soooooo, you don’t use caps at the start of your sentences and you’re lecturing me?

Oooo-kay.

Seriously, it’s just a way of casualizing (if that’s a word) my actual name into a pseudo-pseudonym.

BTW, I’m one of those that thinks everyone should use their real name online. It would make for more honest debate.
mike stanfill
October 29th, 2009 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

My dear Unca Lumpy;

>No, you read that correctly — I interpreted, “he erased my name from our stuff” as, “my name ought to be on our stuff”, and drew the conclusion that the issue was credit for your contribution.

The question is all about honesty. If my name was originally on the strip it should stay there, for good or bad. If Buddy re-uses an old strip I make a public stink of it. It’s as simple as that. (If the guy would quit re-using old material I’d take quigmans.com down in a heartbeat and never look back.)

Basically, I am wary of any type of memory hole, which means I’ve had a lot of arguments with conservatives since 2000. I don’t reserve my umbrage strictly for Buddy and his dumb little strip. Quigmans.com is simply the tip of my rancorous iceberg.
Sequitur
October 29th, 2009 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

JP: I was wondering why no one commented that Gloria had a bugger hanging out her nose. Then I looked closer and realized it was just a little piece of fusk embedded in the newspaper.
queek
October 29th, 2009 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

234: Best Dune reference ever
Old Goat
October 29th, 2009 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

138: MW: She’s trying to kill Scott!
From the moment Adrian showed up in the ICU, critical equipment has been mysteriously disappearing. First it was the IV tubing, then the monitor leads, then his nasal cannula. And now she has her closed-head-trauma fiance-patient flat on his back, the perfect maneuver to insure that he aspirates and, as an added bonus, increases his intracranial pressure — can’t have too much of that brain swelling. A few days ago, she ignored that funny looking squiggly line on the bedside monitor that screamed “V-fib” — too busy gazing at his dilated pupils and listening for that agonal breath. You thought you could pull this one off, but face it, Adrian, we know you want Scott dead. What’s your next move, a Masky McDeath consult?
sugarpie
October 29th, 2009 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

238, mike stanfill If that’s what it’s about then you’re right and I owe you an apology. I didn’t read everything on your blog-so I missed that. Sorry.
mike stanfill
October 29th, 2009 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

That’s okay, sugarpie. Just be sure the next time you’re there to make sure to read my collection of erectile dysfunction ads, and don’t miss the opportunity to sign up to play Evony, too. You’ll find them right between my low, low rates for mortgages and the chances to meet co-ed teens desperate to meet a man who knows how to treat an avatar controlled by a Russian housewife.
Cliff Arroyo
October 30th, 2009 at 7:29 am [Reply]

I just have to say that if Apartment 3-G is just going to turn into Bobbie wandering aimlessly through the land of blue women while thinking evil thoughts, then I’m okay with that.

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