Brad and Toni “heat things up,” and other things that will make you suicidal
Luann, 11/2/09
Have you guys heard about the new Lars van Trier movie, Antichrist? In the opening sequence, a couple known only as “He” and “She” (played by Willem Dafoe and Charlotte Gainsbourg) get it on in sexy black-and-white slo-mo, and while they are so distracted, their little son climbs out the window and falls to his death. They are tortured by this, psychologically, and later literally! According to rumors on the Internets (and stop reading if you’re some kind of Lars van Trier aficionado or something), there is extensive genital mutilation along the way to the horrifying ending.
Anyway, nothing I’ve heard about this movie has caused me to change my opinion that Lars van Trier is a loathsome sadist, but upon reading this strip I can begin to see the appeal of such a plot line. If you’ll allow me to project: Brad and Toni engage in intimate congress on the couch the moment TJ leaves on his onion run; against all of our expectations about Brad, it lasts longer than seven minutes; TJ’s risotto (his “baby”) is burned (“killed”); TJ returns and crushes Brad’s testicles with a block of wood. This will all be part of a long-range and ultimately successful strategy to make TJ the strip’s most sympathetic character.
Spider-Man, 11/2/09
And speaking of characters for whom we should or should not harbor sympathy, have we mentioned lately that Spider-Man is an self-centered douchebag? Here is his latest scheme: he wants to convince Sandman, whom he defeated in super-combat some time ago and who has since gone straight, to engage in simulated combat in New York, so he can photograph it and sell said photographs to the Daily Bugle. Never mind the damage this will do to Sandman’s already dodgy reputation; our theoretical protagonist isn’t even bothering to pay the poor guy for his trouble! We are left to wonder who’s the worst offender: Spider-Man, for demanding that Sandman go along with his journalistic hoax, or Bigshot, for kidnapping Sandman’s daughter and threatening to harm her unless Sandman robs a bank. OK, sure, promising harm to little girls is pretty bad, but consider the fact that Bigshot is a comically preening villain named “Bigshot,” who is almost certainly constitutionally incapable of better, whereas Spider-Man is, ostensibly, a hero. Or at least he was until this week! Maybe this is the Spider-Man newspaper strip’s attempt to wade into Alan Moore-style moral ambiguity, which ought to be extremely hilarious.
Gil Thorp, 11/2/09
“I’m 5-5, Valerie. I’m easy to miss! Especially because you’re, what, seven feet tall? Eight? Is volleyball even challenging to you? Argh, no, don’t step on me!”
Mary Worth, 11/2/09
Meanwhile, in one of those “Gift of the Magi”-type things, Adrian has decided that, to live in solidarity with her comatose beloved who will never be able to perceive this beautiful world again, she will be disabling all of her senses as well. Scott is opening his eyes just as Adrian is in the process of ripping out hers.
Pluggers, 11/2/09
Thank goodness, the plugopalypse has been averted! Unfortunately the use of the elitist neologism “snail mail” will only cause further problems for our overburdened postal system, as the official Pluggers P.O. box becomes encrusted with slime from all the actual snails mailed in by confused pluggers everywhere.
Black Drazon
November 2nd, 2009 at 5:20 pm
And speaking of blocks of wood, here’s Spider-Man!
Nekrotzar
November 2nd, 2009 at 5:23 pm
Doesn’t the phrase ‘I should’ve thought this through’ pretty much apply to everything that has happened in Spider-Man, pretty much ever?
Patrick
November 2nd, 2009 at 5:23 pm
So the kids in Gil Thorp have picked up on the fashion trend of wearing Snuggies to the diner, huh?
Tim
November 2nd, 2009 at 5:23 pm
Spiderman: “I should’ve thought this through.”
I imagine the writers of this strip end up saying that to themselves almost constantly.
Jeff
November 2nd, 2009 at 5:24 pm
On the plus side, seeing “I should’ve thought this through” in Spider-Man’s thought bubble is a bit of refreshing honesty on the part of the writers. Perhaps they’ll start pasting that in to every panel in which Spider-Man appears from now on.
DAS
November 2nd, 2009 at 5:25 pm
MW: Scott wakes up with amnesia and wonders who the blithering idiot is. Meanwhile he does remember always wondering about that phrase and is finally excited to actually see an idiot blither.
DAS
November 2nd, 2009 at 5:27 pm
Normally I am rather happy to be a little on the tall side. But looking at Gil Thorpe, I see that being a 5-5 male would have its advantages … especially if I hung out with girls on the volleyball team.
Sequitur
November 2nd, 2009 at 5:29 pm
SM: What is it with Sandman? It seems he’d be able to figure out a way to find out where his daugher’s being kept. He’s sand, for crying out loud. He could just lie around tripping up baddies, throwing sand in their eyes then envelop his daugher in a protective covering of sand and split the scene.
But no. He’s gotta play patticake with Spider Man and knock off a bank while Mr. Bigsnot keeps blackmailing him by holding on to his daugher. Some supervillian.
And don’t get me started on the Spiderdude.
LaziestManOnMars
November 2nd, 2009 at 5:33 pm
MW: Look, there in the second panel! It’s Scott’s death rattle!
Les of the Jungle Patrol
November 2nd, 2009 at 5:33 pm
“the actual snails mailed in by confused pluggers everywhere”
I dunno, isn’t escargot suspiciously french?
Naked Bunny with a Whip
November 2nd, 2009 at 5:33 pm
I’ll bet sand under your spider-suit is really, really uncomfortable.
Dragon of Life
November 2nd, 2009 at 5:34 pm
“Goddammit, Adrian is still here?! How much longer do I have to fake this?!”
Steve S
November 2nd, 2009 at 5:36 pm
Careful how you stack these comics! TJ’s rictus grin is spreading down the page! Sandman and the Gil Thorp kids already have it, and by tomorrow Scott may have it too, especially if he’s dead.
A New Day
November 2nd, 2009 at 5:36 pm
My goodness, Scott is looking manly today. I swear if he becomes any more square-jawed, he’ll be Mark Trail.
Aldo lives!
November 2nd, 2009 at 5:37 pm
Um, Josh… WTF is wrong with you today?
DAS
November 2nd, 2009 at 5:38 pm
Ah yes … speaking of Mark Trail, he’s being mentioned in Chemical and Engineering News again …
Elliegal
November 2nd, 2009 at 5:39 pm
Adrian better grab her moment with Scott while she can. Jeff is going to run in and push her out of the way any second now!
DAS
November 2nd, 2009 at 5:39 pm
BTW — am I the only one a little confused by TJ’s risotto recipe? To my knowledge usually risotto involves a lot of standing right by the stove and adding hot water/broth in a little bit at a time. Rarely does it involve just letting rice cook while you go out and get onions.
Baka Gaijin
November 2nd, 2009 at 5:42 pm
Frazz: I don’t get it. Does the kid’s father think big butts are blobby and filled with gooey maple? Huh.
Dick Tracy: Has the clown been converted to tiger poop yet?
walty
November 2nd, 2009 at 5:43 pm
Sandman should probably be more worried about the two voices excitedly thought-bubbling in his head than about Bigshot’s threats to cut off his daughter’s pigtails.
Matt Algren
November 2nd, 2009 at 5:44 pm
MW: I still think Scott’s in cahoots with Ted Confey to get at Adrian’s Girl Doctor savings account. He’s been faking his coma for the last month or so and he finally decided to risk peeking.
seismic-2
November 2nd, 2009 at 5:47 pm
#18 DAS – Remember that this is Luann. The members of the DeGroot household use a special recipe for risotto, involving Uncle Ben’s Perverted Rice.
teddytoad
November 2nd, 2009 at 5:54 pm
#12 – Totally hit the nail on the head. His expression is much less “Scott slowly awakens from his coma!” than “Scott, encouraged by Adrian’s long silence, cracks open his eyes to see if she’s left, and will hastily close them again when she looks his way.”
#18 – I don’t think the Luann writers understand that “risotto” is not just “what the gays call rice.”
Shlomo
November 2nd, 2009 at 5:55 pm
Mary Worth- Has Adrian been sitting by Scott’s bed for 24 hours straight singing the first parts of Lionel Richie songs, waiting for Scott to finish the song with words “My endless love”?
Alan's Addiction
November 2nd, 2009 at 5:57 pm
Wow. To be filed under “Way more information than I really ever needed” is the fact that Brad and Toni expect to be able to get intimate in the amount of time it takes TJ to get onions. Questions: 1. Is TJ getting the onions from another state? 2. Are Brad and Toni really that fast? 3. Seriously, TJ, are you actually smiling at the thought of Brad and Toni befouling your previously semi-pristine couch?
“We need to stage a fake fight in public!” Oh, Spider-Man, that’s your entire job description in a nutshell.
Oh, boy! Milford looks like it’s being invaded massive Amazons! I can only assume that the folowing storyline will be awesome, with frequent references to Greco-Roman mythology and/or “Attack of the 50-Foot Woman.” Or it could be another boring, insipid love story about a midget and a giant finding love against all odds. I’d actually be okay with that last one, too, if it involved the midget getting crushed at some point.
Forgive me for asking the obvious and semi-offensive question, but if Detective Scott is turned into some sort of human vegetable with exceedingly limited thought and communication abilities, how would we know? I know that’s insensitive, but the guy wasn’t exactly Walt Whitman even when he was expressing his undying love for Adrian after their second date. He wasn’t even John Grisham. Anyways, even if he is brain dead (well, finally confirmed brain dead), we all know that he’ll always have a special place in Dr. Jeff’s heart.
Thank God “Pluggers” has announced a happy conclusion to their local mailbox storyline – I was gripped in worry about whether those poor postal workers would still have jobs, or whether their severance from contributing society would eventually (and prematurely) turn them into… well, Pluggers.
UncleJeff
November 2nd, 2009 at 6:01 pm
Pluggers: I dunno. The postal people I know get pretty upset when you refer to their business as “snail mail.”
Maybe Mr. Brookins can try to make amends by drawing a new postal snail instead of that nasty crane postal clerk he’s used in the past.
Kibo
November 2nd, 2009 at 6:04 pm
Haw! Haw! It’s funny ’cause T.J. can’t afford to buy a $16 rice cooker at Wal-Mart!
http://www.walmart.com/catalog/product.do?product_id=5871074
Well, at least he’s not enough of a loser to be using Minute Rice. Anyone who tries to make their friends eat Minute Rice should be shot. For an entire minute.
One-eyed Wolfdog
November 2nd, 2009 at 6:08 pm
Ol’ Furface thinks he’s a real quick wit, but who gets the last laugh when the site bigshot swipes his shtick? Oh-h-h yeah-h-h!
<-⦿ The urge to preview his comments to the moon!
Mikey
November 2nd, 2009 at 6:09 pm
Scott wake from his, long coma to find that 80s headbands have made a comeback, and that the “Spock-Cut” is all the rage among the ladies
Red Greenback
November 2nd, 2009 at 6:09 pm
Pluggers: I was going to do a riff about Brookins informing his Dear Readers that genuine Pluggers® gear is available at “brick and mortar” stores, resulting in confused pluggers hitting up their local building supply outlets for t-shirts. Then I realized that building supply places probably do sell Plugger® gear.
Sequitur
November 2nd, 2009 at 6:19 pm
19. Baka Gaijin
Someone’s about to grab the clown. This may take longer than anyone can stand.
Baka Gaijin
November 2nd, 2009 at 6:26 pm
#31 Sequitur: Thanks. Maybe that Smart car full of clowns in Bizarro will run him over or rescue him. I don’t care which. As long as he’s out of the funny papers. Creepy…Scary.
pogonaV
November 2nd, 2009 at 6:28 pm
What sort of risotto can he be making?
Serious Cooking Issues:
The rice gets turned off in 7 minutes. He’s _that_ precise he can set a timer. Sorry, I don’t think so.
The rice is cooking but the onions haven’t even been sauteed yet. Not possible.
No one is stirring the rice or adding broth during this fantastical 7 minutes.
Disturbing sexual issues (assumes they won’t get it on together but would rather choose something hot and runny, like a pot of poorly cooked rice, to live out their dark fantasies):
With that look on his face what does Brad intend to do to the risotto? Extra creamy, hmmm?
What does Toni intend doing to the risotto?
Sequitur
November 2nd, 2009 at 6:28 pm
32. Baka Gaijin
I don’t think the tiger’s gonna eat the clown. He’s afraid the clown may taste funny.
{```ducks and hides under the table```}Uncle Lumpy
November 2nd, 2009 at 6:30 pm
Dick Tracy has been nothing but reaction shots all year. I guess with Rex Morgan “missing inaction”, Dick thought it was OK to steal his schtick.
seismic-2
November 2nd, 2009 at 6:32 pm
OK, the guy with whom Spidey wants to stage the fight is the “Sandman”, because he’s, you know, basically a big pile of sand. So what does that make Marvin?
Carlo
November 2nd, 2009 at 6:32 pm
Here’s a suggestion for a strip: Pluggers use AOL. Seriously, does anyone use AOL anymore.
One-eyed Wolfdog
November 2nd, 2009 at 6:33 pm
TJ obviously got his risotto recipe from Mary Worth, and he’s talking about popping out to pick up a bag of funyuns which he will crush and scatter over the top of the lukewarm rice once it’s stood long enough to absorb all the cream of mushroom soup from the pot.
AMC
November 2nd, 2009 at 6:33 pm
MW – “Wha….? Adrian, I’m lying here dying and you’re playing peek-a-boo?”
“The wedding is OFF!”
S-M – After the awkward minute filled with thought balloons, Spiderman and Sandman looked at each other with the same thought: “Is he trying to date me?”
Bryan
November 2nd, 2009 at 6:34 pm
MW: I’d love it if Scott sat up in bed and sank his teeth in Adrian’s shoulder.
Kibo
November 2nd, 2009 at 6:42 pm
pogonaV: Maybe he’s not stirring the rice ’cause he’s using sushi rice. T.J. wants his risotto to have the texture of old-school modeling clay, the kind you had to knead for an hour before you could eat it. I mean sculpt it.
Red Greenback
November 2nd, 2009 at 6:43 pm
MW: “Oh, my love… I could’ve had a V8!”
Binder's Butter Beans
November 2nd, 2009 at 6:46 pm
I can’t wait to see the episode of “Pluggers” where that one turtle plugger attempts to catch a snail in order to resume sending “snail mail.” (”Pluggers always follow the orders of Mr. Brookins, and the Keane Clan.” Har har!)
JP (not Judge Parker)
November 2nd, 2009 at 6:48 pm
Since it’s pretty obvious that TJ is in fact NOT making risotto, as he isn’t following any known risotto recipe, I think he was just testing to see if Brad and Toni were going to get freaky on the couch as he suspected. But what will he do with this information, now that his suspicions are confirmed? I could list of the possibilities that have crossed my mind, but all of them make me want to stab my eyes out.
Harold
November 2nd, 2009 at 6:49 pm
Scott’s gonna be wondering why the hell he’s had his arm in a sling during his coma.
crazyjerseygirl
November 2nd, 2009 at 6:53 pm
pogonaV @ #33: Awww EWWWWW man! EEWWWWWW!
Now I’ll never be able to have creamy OR cheesy risotto again!
Iconoclast
November 2nd, 2009 at 6:57 pm
Instead of a bear or a dog or whatever the hell the Plugger lady is, wouldn’t it have made more sense to draw her as a snail? Or is there some sort of unwritten rule that Pluggers have to be vertebrates?
This gives me an idea for a Plugger cartoon: the caption says “Plugger bigotry,” while the scene depicts a rabbit waitress refusing to seat a family of earthworms at the local diner.
It would make more sense than most Plugger cartoons, at least.
Écureuil Écumant
November 2nd, 2009 at 7:00 pm
SM: “Get lost! I got troubles of my own!” Yeah, lymphedema. As your doctor would say, you have a “Growing” problem.
Ballard Street: This seldom-snarked strip is to be commended today for depicting corporate executives doing to each other what they normally do to us, the consumers.
MW: We must now add a third dramatic muse mask to the Greeks’ Melpomene (”Tragedy”) and Thalia (”Comedy”). This one is defined by Scott’s expression and is named Phlegmon (”Woeful Resignation”).
One-eyed Wolfdog
November 2nd, 2009 at 7:03 pm
Brad still hangs up his little crayon racecar pictures he’s drawn, like he’s still in grade school. I suspect he makes “vroom!” noises to himself while he’s making them, and I further suspect he does the same thing while he does whatever he does with Toni when nobody’s looking, which could for all I know be as innocent as drawing racecar pictures together because despite all the humorous japery with canteloupes a few weeks ago I’m seriously skeptical about either of their abilities to figure anything as complex as “Tab A” and “Slot B” instructions.
BigTed
November 2nd, 2009 at 7:05 pm
“Oh, my love…”? As Scott’s about to realize to his horror, the only thing worse than being in a coma is being a captive audience as your girlfriend butchers “Unchained Melody.”
queek
November 2nd, 2009 at 7:05 pm
19: BakaG, http://www.oldtimecandy.com/bun.htm
I really don’t recommend googling “big buns” to anyone else. Even with Moderate Search, the results were, um, obvious.
Charlene
November 2nd, 2009 at 7:07 pm
The only thing today’s comics have taught me is that the writer of Luann doesn’t have the faintest clue about how risotto is made.
seismic-2
November 2nd, 2009 at 7:08 pm
MW: If this strip had taken place 2 days earlier on Halloween, I would say that Scott will rise up from the bed as a zombie. He will hungrily shout, “Brains!!!”, stagger up to Adrian, look at her, and just keep on going.
benro
November 2nd, 2009 at 7:08 pm
I think the mail in the Pluggerverse is actually delivered by anthropomorphic snail-creatures, so the term ’snail mail’ is probably accurate.
By the way, have we seen a postman character in My Cage yet?
DaveyK
November 2nd, 2009 at 7:11 pm
Wait…when did Adrian get engaged to Adrian Veidt?
Ant Baby Machete Squad
November 2nd, 2009 at 7:13 pm
Snail mail is actually a retronym.
Red Greenback
November 2nd, 2009 at 7:24 pm
Spider-Man: Fixed.
Alison
November 2nd, 2009 at 7:28 pm
Toni looks like a blow-up doll. Did Lynn Johnston draw her lips?
Violet
November 2nd, 2009 at 7:35 pm
Ironically, heroin-drug-bust-participating-hero-cop Scott Hewlett wakes from his coma, beholds the woman to whom he’s committed his life, and rapidly descends into morphine addiction.
junk science
November 2nd, 2009 at 7:37 pm
the caption says “Plugger bigotry,” while the scene depicts a rabbit waitress refusing to seat a family of earthworms at the local diner.
Pluggers believe you can choose not to be an annelid.
Jamus the Bartender
November 2nd, 2009 at 7:42 pm
2. ” I should’ve thought this through”…let’s see, plays with radioactive spiders, makes a costume to be a pro wrestler, tells a cop to go f*ck himself when he’s chasing a bad guy, the same bad guy who ventilates his Uncle Ben, joins the Avengers during their B list phase, and makes a deal with Satan to bring Aunt May back to life in exchange for his marriage to MJ.
Yeah, you’re right.
maryworthy
November 2nd, 2009 at 7:45 pm
@#37 apparently pluggers do
Baron Bizarre
November 2nd, 2009 at 7:48 pm
Mary Worth: You know, I re-watched the Universal Frankenstein Saturday night, and Boris Karloff looked happier waking up on the slab to see Edward Van Sloan preparing to euthanize him than Scott looks to see Adrian standing there.
maryworthy
November 2nd, 2009 at 7:50 pm
@ #38 – Is that to be served w/salmon squares??
mr 12 oz can
November 2nd, 2009 at 7:51 pm
adrian -oh my love – detective scott -YOU RANG
carbunicle
November 2nd, 2009 at 7:58 pm
He’s making risotto from a box. The seven minutes? Who knows.
Here’s a perfectly nice recipe.
Écureuil Écumant
November 2nd, 2009 at 8:01 pm
@65 mr 12 oz can: YOU RANG
Now we know why he had that bandaid on the side of his neck, they set him up to take the custom chrome neck studs you install with a lug wrench
Hank Kimble
November 2nd, 2009 at 8:12 pm
Josh, I’ve got nothing better than you and your readers can come up with. But, your use of the term, “intimate congress,” are the delicacies of Mel Brooks, Monty Python, and Firesign Theatre.
I raise my whiskey glass and proclaim . . . “You use your tongue prettier than a $20 whore.
Space Cadet
November 2nd, 2009 at 8:13 pm
You guys, TJ is cooking rice in the kitchen. He’s going out to make “risotto” all over the asphalt. He’s just trying to hold it all in until he gets away from icky Brad and creepy Toni.
Or maybe he’s going to make “risotto” in his pants. God only knows why, though.
Hank Kimble
November 2nd, 2009 at 8:17 pm
Better written. . .your keyboard
Anonymous
November 2nd, 2009 at 8:44 pm
I’m somewhat impressed by how effortlessly Luann conveys meaning in so few words. The comic itself mentions very little of the culinary goings on (onions, seven minutes, disgusting innuendo), but already I can tell that TJ has no idea how to make Risotto.
tb4000
November 2nd, 2009 at 8:54 pm
I could have sworn Greg Evans killed these three characters off.
Uncle Lumpy
November 2nd, 2009 at 9:00 pm
TJ should try making his risotto in a fuzzy-logic rice cooker. That’s if he can’t find a skeezy-logic rice cooker.
Josh
November 2nd, 2009 at 9:04 pm
#28 One-eyed Wolfdog — I KNOW! For anyone who wonders, I generally don’t read the comments on a day’s cartoons until I’ve already written my own blog post on the subject, which means that occasionally I use the same joke as a commentor. I’m not stealin’, I swear!
By the way, your ASCII-art URGE arrow is exquisite.
Josh
Muffaroo
November 2nd, 2009 at 9:13 pm
junk science @60 – That gives me an idea for the New Yorker Caption Contest: “Christ, what an annelid!” I expect they’ll be having something with a giant snail in it any week now.
LITTLE A. OF THE GRAND CONCOURSE JUNGLE PATROL
November 2nd, 2009 at 9:17 pm
MW: I still say, that’s Jor-El, who somehow miraculously survived the explosion of Krypton and somehow wound up in a ward in the Charterstone hospital.
More information on Jor-El can be found on the internet.
No kidding, I checked.
Niall
November 2nd, 2009 at 9:21 pm
…I have nothing today.
queek
November 2nd, 2009 at 9:22 pm
75: snails are mollusks. Annelids are worms. Different, very different critters.
Sheila Sternwell
November 2nd, 2009 at 9:26 pm
Add me to the RISOTTO DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY list. Sheesh. More reason to loathe TJ.
Niall
November 2nd, 2009 at 9:28 pm
Oh yeah: thanks to every single one of you and a couple of threads ago, tonight, I simply HAD to stop by the pub near my place and have nachos.
They’re not even as good as they used to be.
But I had to have them.
So I could claim to be a nacho man.
Jason1981
November 2nd, 2009 at 9:29 pm
S-M: Don’t worry, Sandman–Spidey will reveal everything when you two are on Jerry Spinger. That’s why he needs the fake fight.
Baron Bizarre
November 2nd, 2009 at 9:30 pm
LITTLE A. OF THE GRAND CONCOURSE JUNGLE PATROL @76: “Gentlemen, Charterstone is doomed!”
Sheila Sternwell
November 2nd, 2009 at 9:39 pm
Adrian: (singing) “If you’re blue and you don’t know where to go to / why don’t you go where fashion sits…”
Scott: (slurred) “PUTTN ON D’RIIIIIIIIIIIZ”
Mary pops her head in the door and shouts, “Sedagive?!”
FIN.
Une production de Mel Brooks.
Andy L
November 2nd, 2009 at 9:39 pm
Scott looks so thoroughly disgusted. Presumably at Adrian’s god awful theatrics.
LUJBEM FEJF
November 2nd, 2009 at 9:45 pm
You know you’re a Plugger when the only person you have to talk to can only say “You’ve got Mail.”
” File’s done.”
Katie
November 2nd, 2009 at 9:45 pm
Yeah, well I’m 5′2″, Valerie, so I’m only accidentally looking at your crotch.
Jumper
November 2nd, 2009 at 9:47 pm
I supposed all the foofaraw about the un-dead- letter box could have been dealt with in realtime on the Pluggers website.
“Pluggers website.” Heh heh.
Pippy the Ziphead
November 2nd, 2009 at 9:51 pm
I’m a little surprised and troubled by the fact that the mailbox in Plugger world uses a Soviet style star (it was red in the colored version of Pluggers in today’s Boston Globe), rather than the “current” (in Plugger terms) full eagle taking flight icon that the US Postal Service used as its logo until 1993..
McManx
November 2nd, 2009 at 9:52 pm
Luann– Noticing that Brad’s hand is neatly tucked between his legs, it makes his invitation to Toni for “dinner” unspeakably vulgar. The plot line of this strip just improved 178%.
Phantom — Fearing his wife has been killed in a terrorist attack, the first place the Phantom goes is to an old man wearing a dress. Ghost-who-walks-goes-both-ways*. (* Old Jungle Saying.)
Gil Thorp — Oh, to be 5′5″ and staring into the belly button of a 7′ tall vixon. This nerd is either about to have the best sex (perhaps his first) or he’s about to get his ass kicked — or BOTH!
Gasoline Alley — Are they finally going to kill off poor old Walt, or will Gertie discover in the cemetery what we’ve known for years… everyone in this strip is a zombie.
Ukulele Ike
November 2nd, 2009 at 9:57 pm
G. Thorp: Jamarr…Jamalll?….Jamjar?…IS sitting down, right? He’s not so short that he’s staring into Valerie’s navel standing UP, is he?
Poteet
November 2nd, 2009 at 9:57 pm
MW — I now think Scott’s expression in Panel Two means that Adrian smells really, really bad. Apparently she hasn’t bathed, showered, or changed clothes during the two-plus weeks this coma has been going on.
And I still say she’s been singing “Diamond Girl.” If she hadn’t been overcome with emotion, she would next have warbled “you’re like a precious stone, part of earth where heaven has rained on.” (And if you don’t know the rest, count yourself lucky.)
Jumper
November 2nd, 2009 at 9:59 pm
Uh, hooo boy… Pluggers has a Facebook page… that freaks me out worse than finding out Lou Reed’s Metal Machine Music is on YouTube…
Judo Throw Toy
November 2nd, 2009 at 10:03 pm
S-M: What’s the deal with Sandman’s arm? Does he suffer from elephantitis?
One-eyed Wolfdog
November 2nd, 2009 at 10:04 pm
Right now, panel 2 of Gil is really puzzling me. “Today Big…” what, damnit? Big what? Big hamburgers going up stairs? Who makes a poster for that?
Shmork
November 2nd, 2009 at 10:07 pm
Oh, man, a Plugger’s “snail mail” comic practically writes itself. Wait! Maybe that means getting escargot in the mail? WAIT! TRUE PLUGGERS DON’T EAT SNAILS. Never mind.
(Are there French pluggers? Do they eat snails? Inquiring minds want to know.)
Judo Throw Toy
November 2nd, 2009 at 10:07 pm
MW: If Scott has any sense, he’ll quickly shut his eyes and go back to playing coma.
dale
November 2nd, 2009 at 10:13 pm
Luann
Does the T in TJ stand for Twee?
sugarpie
November 2nd, 2009 at 10:13 pm
Oh my God! I bet Scott doesn’t even know how to make risotto while trying to fake his coma.
Uncle Lumpy
November 2nd, 2009 at 10:16 pm
#94 O-e W –
In other news, “Sun Rises in East.”
zerowolf
November 2nd, 2009 at 10:18 pm
MW: Well this is an unexpected development. I figured we were due at least a week more of Coma Boy as Mary had her turn doing what she does best, talking to a captive audience. At the end of which Dr. Good would come in as Scott wakes up, grabs him by the lapels and screams, “Just fucking kill me, for the love of God, fucking kill me!:
zerowolf
November 2nd, 2009 at 10:19 pm
OK, I give, what is Rissoto?
zerowolf
November 2nd, 2009 at 10:25 pm
Why is the old dog-woman thing sticking a spoon into the mailbox?
zerowolf
November 2nd, 2009 at 10:33 pm
Princess Diana of Themyscira got the Lasso of Truth, bullet stopping bracelets, and an invisible airplane while her sister Valerie gets stuck in Milford. Life just isn’t fair.
Buck Ripsnort
November 2nd, 2009 at 10:33 pm
Maybe I missed something, but did Spider-Man offer anything to Sandman in return for this “fake fight”? A few bucks, a cookie, a (sorry) sandwich? What is he, eight years old? “C’mON, Sandy, it’ll be fun! We can rassle around like they do on TV, and nobody gets hurt!”
Course, when my old Scoutmaster suggested that to me, he had something else in mind.
True Fable
November 2nd, 2009 at 10:59 pm
Heat things up? Please. The only way Brad and Toni are going to heat anything up is if TJ lights their asses on fire with a flamerthrower…a…a Aquanet 55 flamethrower. No, no….a Magmacannon!
Red Greenback
November 2nd, 2009 at 11:07 pm
101 zerowolf: Wasn’t he a Yankees shortstop in the late 40’s-early 50’s?
zerowolf
November 2nd, 2009 at 11:17 pm
I see today’s Beetle Bailey is featuring erotic asphyxiation while fisting and “bailout” is the safe word.
ChrisV82
November 2nd, 2009 at 11:18 pm
Every week TJ looks more and more like the love child of Joey Lawrence and Vanilla Ice.
Esther Blodgett
November 2nd, 2009 at 11:28 pm
Won’t somebody please explain what we’re looking at in the first panel of Spider-Man? And use small words; my brain hurts.
Ron Hogan
November 3rd, 2009 at 12:06 am
“Wait…when did Adrian get engaged to Adrian Veidt?”
I was just going to say. Talk about your Alan Moore-style moral ambiguities.
Muffaroo
November 3rd, 2009 at 12:08 am
queek @78 – The SNAIL is a VENTRILOQUIST!
Donkey Hotey
November 3rd, 2009 at 12:59 am
#7 DAS – I am a 5-5 male, and I was the manager of the girls’ basketball team in high school.
For four years.
Ed Dravecky
November 3rd, 2009 at 3:11 am
So, uh, why wouldn’t Jamarr want to this see this woman jumping around in shorts and a t-shirt, surrounded by other athletic women in the same skimpy attire? Does any heterosexual male watch Misty May-Treanor play because they give a damn about volleyball?
The Ghost of Jarrod
November 3rd, 2009 at 3:38 am
Well, macrophiles will be happy with the turn of events in Gil Thorp. And…well, that’s something, I guess.
Just some guy
November 3rd, 2009 at 4:31 am
TJ should run get an English book too.
Mela
November 3rd, 2009 at 8:46 am
‘Shaft: I agree with Ed – news/politics sucks, and news/politics fandorks suck as well. But dude, you don’t need to malaprop about it.
Curtis: Has Curtis ever forced someone to lose a hand on a meat slicer?
FW: Foreshadowing – your guidepost to quality plotting. We’ll pull up the station wagon for ya, Susan.
GA: Part of me thinks that this is where the strip should end its almost-century-long run. Gertie finds Walt sitting in the cemetary, softly muttering “Let this end, please let this end…” It’d be the most memorable thing this strip has done in years.
Luann: “While you’re here, TJ, Luann and I can lecture on the importance of a proper diet for the rest of the week with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer to the nutsack.”
My Cage: Cute. And true.
PBS: Whitman, no. Blake? Hell, yeah.
Pluggers: So geeks are Pluggers. Gotcha.
Zits: This actually reminds me of when I worked at a seafood counter, and we had a teenaged guy who thought the spray would magically clean the counter windows just with a spritz and no scrubbing. It looked like a dinosaur came in and sneezed all over everything. That’s all – it came right to mind, and I felt like sharing. Sorry.
JustAGuyGuy
November 3rd, 2009 at 11:31 am
And lo, did the “Pluggers” readers who fear, amongst other things, the scenario that the Droid will be the phone that enslaves mankind rejoiced.
fluffy
November 3rd, 2009 at 2:24 pm
I came to the comments only to see if my gripes about TJ not knowing how to cook risotto were addressed. They were. I am satisfied.
Carlo
November 3rd, 2009 at 3:42 pm
@Ed (not Dave) Dravecky:
You and I have much different aesthetic tastes. I certainly don’t watch Misty May-Treanor for her looks.
Reba Kent
November 4th, 2009 at 1:54 pm
Mary Worth–
Yeah, Adrian’s ring is on the wrong finger… am I the only one who noticed that?