The Comics Curmudgeon

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Next on the CW: Tommie Thompson’s Cavalcade of Soul-Wrenching Depression

Apartment 3-G, 11/5/09

Oh, man, apparently Tommie really isn’t familiar with I Dressed In The Dark, or with the reality TV genre in general, or with the sort of thing that normal humans enjoy as entertainment. If she were, she’d know that she should be jerking about spasmodically for the camera here, clowning it up for the people at home; if she must express negative feelings, they should be big negative feelings, with ostentatious, theatrical bawling. Instead, she’s just looking directly into the camera, and, with a flat expression and eerily affectless voice, describing the terrible emotional desert through which a cruel God has cursed her to wander, like the Israelites, but not as well dressed. I’m assuming that the cameraman is only managing to hold that microphone up through sheer professionalism, and will soon be quietly weeping. Tommie should very much not be allowed on television.

Mary Worth, 11/5/09

Ha ha, look, Adrian is already trying to squirm out of the drunken promises she made to Scott when she thought he was in a coma and couldn’t hear her. Now they’re getting married when he’s “better.” “Adrian, I’m back on my feet and back on the job, and the doctor says that these scars from the bullet wounds are pretty much permanent, so…” “Scott, please! You know I can’t marry a man with any sort of disfigurement! You’ll make sure they heal, if you really love me.”

Gil Thorp, 11/5/09

Congrats to Gil Thorp for depicting what most scientists agree to be the douchiest high-five possible there in panel two. Meanwhile, the parallelism of the two cafeteria scenes leaves one to contemplate the question: where’s a worse place to eat lunch, high school or prison? Your fellow inmates are more likely to shiv you, but at least they won’t stoop to lying about going to your volleyball game.

Dennis the Menace, 11/5/09

I’m sorry, Dennis, this is a game attempt to work within this strip’s restricted ambit of bad behavior, but good manners are never menacing.

B.C., 11/5/09

Ha ha, you see, because one of them wants to kill her, and one of them wants to have sex with her! Women, am I right? They’re like prey animals!

Beetle Bailey, 11/5/09

Honest to God, anyone who opens a gay bar named “McGooey’s” on the outskirts of a US Army base will get free advertising on this site for a year.

This entry was posted on Thursday, November 5, 2009 at 06:17 pm and is filed under Apartment 3-G, B.C., Beetle Bailey, Dennis the Menace, Gil Thorp, Mary Worth.

171 responses to “Next on the CW: Tommie Thompson’s Cavalcade of Soul-Wrenching Depression”

Dingo
November 5th, 2009 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

Josh, now I know what to do with my retirement money. McGooey’s it is!
Sequitur
November 5th, 2009 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

BC – That buck looks like he’s trying to figure out how to pick up a glass with hooves.
Jessie
November 5th, 2009 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth: Between panels one and two, the looming commitments of marriage have preternaturally aged Scott at least three decades.

Also: I had the most amazing erotic dream about James Lileks last night, and I just had to tell someone!
bats :[
November 5th, 2009 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

And in the wonderful world of Bangalla, sometime Old Man Mozz’s advice is spot-on. And sometimes it kind of meanders…
Sort of like Tommie’s self-respect.
Baka Gaijin
November 5th, 2009 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

Dick Tracy: Is this storyline over with yet? When will the clown been eaten by the tiger or lion or bear or ninja goats?
Uncle Balustrade
November 5th, 2009 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

Thor’s hat and spear seem to be made of deerhide. The top of Wiley’s bar, as well. Or was there just a lot of the same Zip-A-Tone lying around the studio?
cheech wizard
November 5th, 2009 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

MW – “Yes, my love – after I help you get better. Because I’m going to spend my life trying to improve you.”
Alan's Addiction
November 5th, 2009 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

I love how Tommie is describing most Americans’ lives as her life. She’s so boring that she’s even developed a generic life story. What I want to know is if she ever connects the point at which she “gave up on [herself]” with “the time that Margo moved in.”
Why does Detective Scott have a sling on while he’s lying down? Slings are great at supporting injured limbs and restricting their movement, but they kinda need gravity to work. Additionally, does he have some sort of hidden lasting damage? I was betting that he’d be turned into a human vegetable, but that’s not the case, so I’m now changing my bet to some sort of semi-permanent injury, from complete paralysis to a minor limp. After all, we know that no one can love Adrian and escape her horrible luck (and personality) totally unscathed.
I’m not sure what’s going on in the latest Gil Thorp storyline – we keep randomly cutting away to an unnamed corrections institute where, presumably, Duncan’s brother is learning to be a better person (or a more violent person; the two seem interchangeable in prison). Will this keep up throughout Duncan’s high school career? Will we cut away from the game-winning touchdown to see “lights out at a certain prison?” I can only hope so, if only to add another hallucinogenic quality to the already surreal “Gil Thorp.”
The facial expression on that magician in “Dennis the Menace” is an entire story unto itself. “I shoulda been a mercenary, just like Ma always told me. Then I could slaughter these little bastards.”
Why isn’t that caveman attacking the deer? Is “BC” set in some sort of Warner Brothers’ cartoon universe where they have time-outs? If so, that might explain why we never see any of them evolve.
You know, I don’t know much about the restaurant industry, but I’m fairly certain that you don’t want anything that sounds like “Gooey” in the restaurant’s name (marshmallow factories excluded, of course). I don’t want to know what they serve, or why Sarge was so happy when they opened, with a moniker like that.
cheech wizard
November 5th, 2009 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

GT, center: I know that’s supposed to be a hand, but from the positioning it looks like the guy just has a very large and misshapen penis.
cheech wizard
November 5th, 2009 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

GT – And what’s with the perspective in panel 3? Did one of these hoods just shiv the cameraman, who’s expiring on the floor as these hardened inmates nonchalantly go about getting their dinner?
Kibo
November 5th, 2009 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

“And it’s also lunchtime at a certain minimum-security prison!” is something I’m now going to blurt whenever it’s lunchtime. Or any other time, for that matter, ’cause somewhere in the world, it’s lunchtime in prison, certainly.

As far as Dennis the Menace being passively-aggressively mean by being super-polite: When I was a kid, I remember that the best “Dennis” strips were the ones where he was just peering in from the corner of the panel while the adults discovered something horrible he’d done earlier. In one, Dennis’s dad is on the phone, asking, “You say Dennis broke your GARAGE?” In another, the school nurse is shoving forceps up some kid’s nose while asking how he got half a salami sandwich up there — and from the doorway, Dennis is watching the aftermath of his horseplay with a carefully neutral facial expression. I learned many valuable life lessons from those strips — namely, that blowing up Mr. Wilson’s garage isn’t the best part of the day, it’s first watching Mr. Wilson finding out, and then watching Dad find out, and then watching the local media find out, and… hey, gotta go — somewhere, it’s lunchtime in prison!
Kibo
November 5th, 2009 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

P.S. Nearby, at a certain prison, someone’s having a salami sandwich. ***WINK!!!!!***
Shlomo
November 5th, 2009 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

A3G- I love how the reporter first fakes feeling sorry for Tommie in panel 1, but can’t hold back his laughter at her pathetic existence in panel 3. Yes, Mr. reporter, we have all been there.

I missed something in Mary Worth. Why the hell does Dawn have a stethoscope?

McGooeys has a much different special sauce than a regular Big Mac.
Aviatrix, The Red Baroness
November 5th, 2009 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

Did we already know that Sarge had a girlfriend/wife? Do you think she knows about Beetle? Is he supposed to be using a military vehicle for a date?

I like ‘Aviatrix’ too. It just seems lazy to be using my blog name when everyone else has clever comics names.
troy macgregor
November 5th, 2009 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

I wouldn’t want to be the janitor at “McGooey’s”
Carly
November 5th, 2009 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

GT: Wait, it’s a minimum security prison? Now how am I supposed to take whatever’s going to happen over the next month in this strip seriously? (I guess the answer is I don’t, but still.)
Ed Dravecky
November 5th, 2009 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

I, um, have no snark today. Fort Hood is only a few hours south of Dallas and… well, I just don’t have any words at all right now. I’m going to give blood. I promise to bring the snark tomorrow.
junk science
November 5th, 2009 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

McGooey’s might work as a country-western lesbian bar.
ArtisticPlatypus
November 5th, 2009 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

‘Yes, my love. When you are better. Like, when you’ve grown three feet longer and learned to breathe fire. Oh, and gills! Gills would be neat!’
Alan
November 5th, 2009 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

A pith helmet? A pith helmet? I’m willing to accept a certain level of anachronism in BC, but what the hell? I spent a fair amount of time trying to figure out what the hell he was wearing on his head. Once I realized that it was a pith helmet, I remained confused, because it’s a type of hat most famously associated with the middle east, northern Africa, and India. None of those places are particularly famous for deer hunting. The spear was plenty. If you felt the need to toss in an unnecessary anachronism, why not a camouflage vest or a hunting cap which would have made sense?
One-eyed Wolfdog
November 5th, 2009 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

The 3rd panel narration makes it seem like a notable coincidence that it happens to be lunch-time in two different places at the same time. Probably around noon for both of them, I’d guess, but what are the odds it would be around noon in two places at once? I would answer that interesting probability question, but The Wolfdog has things to do.
Violet
November 5th, 2009 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

Luann: I’ve been struggling to think of a single word to perfectly capture the essence of TJ—skeezy, glib, be-jheri-curled, voyeuristic, beady-eyed, lobotomized, nightmarish, vesty? No, wait, I’ve got it! Classy.
Citric
November 5th, 2009 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

Tommie should have just revealed that she wasn’t there to make friends. People who don’t want to make friends are reality gold!
treedweller
November 5th, 2009 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

I generally like “Zits”, and I really like the idea of mocking “Love is . . .” but . . . eeewww!!! Make it stop! Please!
The Mighty Captain E
November 5th, 2009 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

Oooo….eerie coincidence.
The Onion AV Club (second only to CC on my favorites list) just did a Halloween interview with Elvira, Mistress of the Dark in which she mentioned performing in a gay bar at an army base (commentors there couldn’t decide if by ‘at’ she meant ‘in’ or ‘near’). Perhaps McGooeys already exists.
Ooooo…eerie coincidence.
OR NOT???
One-eyed Wolfdog
November 5th, 2009 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

1. Socrates’ student
2. Modelling compound for children
3. Thor from BC
Deathbysalmon
November 5th, 2009 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

I assume that through their use of monochrome and extreme angles, the artists for Gil Thorp are trying to tap into the same feel as 1940s noir films. Unfortunately for them, Jimmy Stewart never had a hand protruding from somewhere near his waist, nor did Sidney Greenstreet and Peter Lorre high-five douchily after misleading Humphrey Bogart.

Also, are the prisoners wearing platform shoes?
Violet
November 5th, 2009 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

Just recently, Tommie? Cause we are WAY ahead of you.
Naked Bunny with a Whip
November 5th, 2009 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

Women, am I right? They’re like prey animals!

Yes! But so are the bucks. Mwrar!
Jacob
November 5th, 2009 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

Crock: Well, that wildebeest over there, for one.

Mark Trail: The frightened little Plot Device decides she’d better lead the antagonists to the hero.
Écureuil Écumant
November 5th, 2009 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

RMMJ: In panel 2, we see the precise moment when the Jack-In-The-Box Clown embarked on his sinister spree.

ZITS: Love is … licking the frosting off your strudel together.

Baby Blues: This is almost Lockhornian in its ill-suppressed marital disdain. By her criteria, she’d be fine with mukluks — especially because mukluks never need their toenails cut, nor do they fart and then shake the covers in your direction.

Blondie: Dag becomes the second comics victim of TSS (Tuna Sandwich Syndrome). But unlike Curtis’ dad, he really IS talking about sammiches. Wouldn’t want to mess up that ol’ metabolism of yours, wouldya, Bumstead.

Pickles: Gramps, bless his enlarged colon, has a sense of humor not unlike my own: In a word, disgusting.

Prickly City: Pastis’ literary tribute to “Through the Looking Glass”: slick. Stantis’ literalist implementation: ick.

Red & Rover: “It’s now BARE and BROWN.” — “Precisely why you drop in on an old friend.”

Goddam, it’s near freezing outside and now for some reason I can’t stop thinking about my old friends back home in Hawaii and my sudden strong urge to drop in on them ;-)
odinthor
November 5th, 2009 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

#26. One-eyed Wolfdog.

4. James Finlayson rehearsing.

5. Wheel of Fortune™ gambit.

6. What denizens of Hootin’ Holler would call the world’s largest one, in Tibet.
Mooncattie
November 5th, 2009 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

A3G – The grin on the producer’s face widened as he listened to the spiritless redhead babble on about her horrible life. Could this be the break he had been waiting for? Visions of television audiences in their millions danced like martinis at the end of a good day. A sold-out studio audience heaving with laughter with every utterance of self-pity and defeat. Could he possibly get away with it? Did she have a clue how hilarious she was? If she says one big rut again I’ll spit up all over this microphone, he thought. Steady, man, steady. Ease her along, and with luck we can reposition I Dressed In The Dark the hell out of local cable and right onto the Comedy Network, maybe even a lead-in to Stewart himself! Now make sure the camera is running, and ask her to tell us more about the “going to bed” part….
AndyL
November 5th, 2009 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

Wow, Tommie would do better on some sort of psychological therapy reality show.
Margo would totally DVR that and watch it over and over.

On a similar note, Today’s A3G has taught me something about Tommie.
I had always thought that Tommie *liked* being the wallflower of the bunch, or at least that she was content. Now we learn that she’s not boring, she’s just dead on the inside.
AndyL
November 5th, 2009 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

About BC:

At first I wondered why he just didn’t just kill the deer that’s right there at the bar, but then I realized that the deer is male, and it’s probably not THAT kind of a bar.
One-eyed Wolfdog
November 5th, 2009 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

There’s something ostentatiously pathetic about that arm sling, sort of like a dog who’s had a very minor upset – bowled over while roughhousing, for example – but feels like he’s not getting enough pity, so he holds up his limp paw and whines a long, protracted whine in the precisely calculated timbre of injustice and suffering.

Adrian, if you are sensible, you will – er, hang on, this sentence is off to an implausible start already. Adrian, speak sternly to him and don’t offer him and coddling or biscuits until he shakes it off and shows you how he can be a brave boy. Who’s a brave boy, then? Hm?
Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
November 5th, 2009 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

A Google for “McGooey’s” brings up a very eclectic collection of responses, Several youtube videos, a road trip diary, minutes from a public works subcommittee, several facebook accounts…

Josh may actually have to pay off on this proposal…
AirForbes
November 5th, 2009 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

I’ve attended a couple of schools where getting shived during lunch was a possibility. I think I’ll take the prison, at least there’s guards there.

A3G: The host of I Dressed In The Dark seems to be starting by offering Tommie a hairbrush.
Ant Baby Machete Squad
November 5th, 2009 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

“My life is an endless gray corridor.”
“I’ve been there, too. Usually there’s a midget making googly eyes at me. I call him Mr. Piccolini.”
Alfred E. Neuman
November 5th, 2009 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

A3G— I believe that it would be accurate to describe Tommie as having had a moldering youth.
Rana
November 5th, 2009 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

Who hunts female deer? It’s usually the bucks that are the targets of hunters.

…nevermind doing it while dressed up as a Spanish conquistador.
cheech wizard
November 5th, 2009 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

MW – What a touching scene! If these two keep carrying on this way, it will be the first ICU in history where the doctor’s the one with a tube down her throat.
Aviatrix, The Red Baroness
November 5th, 2009 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

Does are just as tasty as bucks, so if you spot one, why not pursue it? Mind you, perhaps the opposite advice could be given to the disappointed buck at the bar. He might have better luck if he “goes stag” as it were.
Dadaio
November 5th, 2009 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

The bartender is angling to fulfill his ultimate fantasy: furtive masturbation while Thor kills the doe mid-coitus.
Patrick
November 5th, 2009 at 8:12 pm [Reply]

You can tell that the prison in Gil Thorp is minimum security because it has a well-polished black onyx floor. Fancy!
Digger
November 5th, 2009 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

After that spiel, I don’t think Tommie’s getting a makeover. But they may hand her a gun and say “here you are, dear. Could you please go out to the alley to do this, so we won’t have to clean up the mess afterwards? Thanks. NEXT!”
The Ridger
November 5th, 2009 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

Modern hunters don’t shoot does because then they’d run out of deer to shoot.

What I’m really hoping is that this parallelism in Gil Thorp concludes with Jamarr being shivved…
AhClem
November 5th, 2009 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

A3G – Tommy is auditioning for a spot on “Queen for a Day”. She’s really hoping she wins a new washer and dryer so she can keep Margo’s clothes in tip-top shape.

As for parodying “Love is…”, nobody did it better than the Rejected “Love is” Comics” web site.
DavidMac
November 5th, 2009 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

BeetleBaily: Sarge must have paid off the MPs at the gate so he and Ms. Sarge could ride off-post in style (?) to the fast food joint.
It's time to pay the price
November 5th, 2009 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

That looks far less like a high-five and more like highschool kid number 2 looking on as someone feverishly prays, perhaps for anatomy that makes sense.
Red Greenback
November 5th, 2009 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

I love McGooey. The Prisoner was like the best show ever!
GG
November 5th, 2009 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

So that high five in Gil Thorp isn’t douchy so much as it is just terribly pathetic. I mean, is there anything more sad than getting a high five for lying after not going to a volleyball game? When I was in high school you got high fives for lying after not getting laid.
maryworthy
November 5th, 2009 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

Here is what I want to know – is JP doing a MW-crossover this week? Is Mary going to do a guest appearance and help “Godiva” and “Rocky” w/their marital problems? What an opportunity to meddle!! She could spout platitudes from here on!!
Bryan
November 5th, 2009 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

When I was a little kid and my Mom would ask, “What’s the magic word?” I would reply, “A la peanut butter sandwiches!” like the Amazing Mumford on Sesame Street. It never failed to crack her up.
Ichi
November 5th, 2009 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

Whew Adrian survived the first trial of their relationship – 10 hours of unconsciousness.

Will her love now withstand the bedpan?
minorflood
November 5th, 2009 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

Is Johnny Hart’s reanimated corpse drawing B.C.? It looks worse than usual.
queek
November 5th, 2009 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

47: modern hunters know that shooting does is the best way to deal with the overpopulation of deer that are destroying their habitat, spilling over into destruction of crops, and causing an increasing number of car/deer accidents.

“if its brown, its down”
Stu
November 5th, 2009 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

Is it just me, or is someting squicky about a black character in a comic strip calling himself “The Ghost”?
Comrade Denny
November 5th, 2009 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

“…but good manners are never menacing.”

Unless you’re a serial killer niggling over with which fork one’s victims should eat their own spleens. Sadly, I don’t see Dennis an a serial killer in the making. Nice, quiet Joey on the other hand…
CanuckDownSouth
November 5th, 2009 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

A3G So Tommie finally joins the rest of us.

But she really is selling herself short. She doesn’t just get up, go to work, go home and go to bed. Why, she cleans, and bathrooms! At least when ~~Zorglub~~Margo tells her. She’s perfect for the New World Order.

#54-Bryan – a friend of my mom’s tried to coax “please” out of my preschool self by asking for the magic word. Naturally, I said bibittybobittyboo and a family joke was born.
Chris
November 5th, 2009 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

When I was a kid, 3-G was a daily wet dream…Margo, the demonic man-eater, Luann, the blonde of every boy’s fantasy…but, Tommie, the wise-crackin’, hip shakin’ redhead, well, she was something else, and something hot.,..a nurse, for crying out loud…did she become a Raelin or something llike that in the interim?

Because back in the day, Tommie rocked!!
MikeP
November 5th, 2009 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

Feel like you’re in a rut, Tommie? You need to make your love life more like those of your roommates. By the way, that Gary was a nice boy. And Denver has both drug addicts and avalanches!
BigTed
November 5th, 2009 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

I love the fact that the sign for McGooey’s is bigger than the restaurant itself. It’s the Randy’s Donuts of Swampytown.
Muffaroo
November 5th, 2009 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

Shlomo @13 – Adrian has a stethescope because when she’s not mooning at Scott’s bedside, she’s supposed to be working the ER. Helping patients, like the one she sprinted away from when she heard about Scott. I’m guessing that one’s body has been rolled away by now, and all the blood mopped up. Not sure how long Scott’s been in there. Time passes differently in a waking nightmare.

A3G – I’m reminded of the Woody Allen strip from The 80s: A Look Back (which came out in 1979 or so), where he’d turned the strip into a bleak tribute to Bergman along with his movies. Translated from the Swedish:

Wøødi: Life is an endless tunnel without light.
Poor Shmoe: (sobbing into his hands) I know it!
(Poor Shmoe blows his own head off. Wøødi turns out to the audience sadly.)
Wøødi: Death, too, is an endless tunnel without light.
mr 12 oz can
November 5th, 2009 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

how can adrian be in the middle of detective scotts bed maybe shee worked as saw a lady in half years ago . im waiting for adrian to tell him his lookalike cop died in the shootout and he will keel over or maybe mark escapes from jail and calls scott king and the marriage never happens.
gnome de blog
November 5th, 2009 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

Tommie just feels left out because her boyfriend went to Denver. Margo’s and Lu Ann’s went to hell.
Comrade Denny
November 5th, 2009 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

A3G: Postmodern Late Industrial Capitalism got you down? Feeling alienated? Disconnected? Do you feel like everything stops at your skin — that you touch no one and no one touches you? Well come right down to IDITD and passively participate in a Spectacular representation of life, and you’ll sleepwalking through a slightly less horrifying nightmare world again in no time!
gnome de blog
November 5th, 2009 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

Oh, and another thing: if Abigail Thompson’s gettin’ a makeover the first thing that should go is the tomboy name. What’s wrong with Abbey? As in Spencer (she’s a redhead too)? or Wonder Dog?
Comrade Denny
November 5th, 2009 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

McGooey’s slogan: “We don’t ask and never tell.”
VanPatrick
November 5th, 2009 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

Has it occurred to anyone that Dennis may be pulling the ultimate prank on his audience, Andy Kaufman style? I mean, everyone expects him to terrorize the neighborhood, so he turns those expectations on their ear and bores us to death with lessons in etiquette.
Comrade Denny
November 5th, 2009 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

#51: Woah, that’s two Prisoner references in as many days. Now all someone needs to do is point out how much Santa Royale resembles the Village in terms geography and its population.
britbike
November 5th, 2009 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

The sling is to keep the arm from flopping around if he moves. I tore up my shoulder last year and slept with a sling and carefully placed pillows for a while. Believe me, you do NOT want movement.
Poteet
November 5th, 2009 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

# 57 queek — Thank you. Well said. Biologists refer to the deer overpopulation that is impacting much of eastern North America as an “ongoing catastrophe.” I am really hoping that the nice guy who’s bowhunting my land will get a few does this fall. And if he hadn’t expressed strong interest in taking does, he wouldn’t be hunting my land. Sorry, folks, rant over.
Poteet
November 5th, 2009 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

BB — The sad thing is that I actually wouldn’t put it past McDonald’s to consider suing over this.
Uncle Lumpy
November 5th, 2009 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

#71 Comrade Denny –

Santa Royale resembles the Village in terms geography and its population.

Try to escape and Ian envelops you!
Écureuil Écumant
November 5th, 2009 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

@72 britbike: No doubt, that likewise explains the purpose of the sling around Scott’s ~~brain~~ head.
queek
November 5th, 2009 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

73: I’m a biologist by education, and grew up in a hunting family. /me knows these things.

reading the outdoors columns in the deadtree papers also helps. :-)
queek
November 5th, 2009 at 10:28 pm [Reply]

*sends hugz to Poteet, buckys???wife and Niall on general principles*
Poteet
November 5th, 2009 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

# 72 britbike — I broke my shoulder awhile back, and you are so right. Thanks for reminding me of how nice it is to be able to sleep on my left side again.

# 78 queek — Aww, thank you very much! *sniff*
Écureuil Écumant
November 5th, 2009 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

@73 Poteet: Here in MoCo we hunt ‘em with cars and they thoughtfully drape themselves over the fenders for us. To the tune of at least ten of them this morning, and 2000 per year just in our county. Roughly half survive the impact and have to be put down in the gutter by the local gendarmerie. Not a nice way to go.

This morning I went out on my second floor balcony and there were three of them munching the downstairs neighbor’s bushes. Didn’t even budge when I looked down at ‘em. Happens almost every morning, sometimes there are 6 or 8. They walk down the driveway in broad daylight, go out to the main road and walk down the sidewalk with four lanes of traffic whizzing by at 45 mph. Amazing.
(sic transit) buckyswife
November 5th, 2009 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

78 queek: Hug accepted, gratefully. Thanks!

80 Écureuil Écumant: I see scads of deer on my walks with the dog—in Arlington, a semi-urban area. Not only are they not afraid of the dog, but they move towards her, stamping their feet aggressively. (Still, I admit that I do think it’s cool when I’m on a walk and come across deer, even if they are ferocious attack deer.)
Tim
November 5th, 2009 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

good manners are never menacing.

And thus we learn that Josh has never been to Minnesota.
Dr. Krude&Rude
November 5th, 2009 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

I passed some gas.
This is quite natural for all us mammals. We do it all the time. In fact, I remember seeing bubbles come up from under Flipper one time.
Much of the time it’s just a little poof fart that may not even be noticed by anyone.
And then there was mine.
Oh, yeah. It was a good one. Not some SBD (Silent But Deadly) slow seeping hideously quiet one. This was the Big Daddy, call the cows home, hear the cannons firing, blow the horn Gabriel and we’ll all go to heaven, bring the ships into the harbor explosion of power!
And even with that it may not be so bad. You know, if you’re alone and all. But I wasn’t. No, this happened in probably the worse place for such a rumble puppy. This was in the middle of a three hour, intricate surgery with a multitude of doctors and nurses tending to a delicate operation to save the life of a patient.
And there was no place to go. Not if we wanted to complete the operation.
At first there just seemed to be startled looks on all those present. I, of course, tried to make myself as small as possible but that didn’t work. Everyone knew where the giant air biscuit originated. They were all looking at me.
It was kind of interesting to see attempts at closing one’s nose behind a surgical mask. The words of George Carlin came to me when he spoke about how your own fart doesn’t seem so bad. And, really, it didn’t. But that’s just my viewpoint.
This incident may have passed (ha!) except the anesthesiologist muttered something about how we wouldn’t be needing him anymore that day.
And that’s what started the snickering. Just a little at first but soon followed by louder and louder tittering and soon the guffaws were ringing throughout the operating theater. The chief surgeon and nurse could barely keep their fingers on the intricate tools they were using to save this patient’s life.
I was mortified. And then I got to thinking, WWMD. You know, What Would Marvin Do.
And then it came to me. Peace. Calm. And a resolve that would keep me steady and on an even keel. Marvin would just not care about what anyone thought. He would remain wholly in charge of the situation and merely give a slight smile.
No one could see my smile. Not through a damned mask.
And then a most horrible thought passed through my seemingly serene brain. What if more than just noise and air came screaming through my melodious ass?!
“OH NO!” I thought.
I quickly tried to feel my rear without anyone noticing. What I found was reassuring. There was nothing down there that wasn’t there a few moments ago. Whew! Now it didn’t seem so bad at all.

The operation was a success and the next day I had a chance to speak to the patient. He related a strange dream he had while he was unconscious during the operation. He dreamed that he had heard a load noise and suddenly there was this bright light and the most god-awful smell. He dreamt he had gone to Batiukland where putrid smells of the dead and dying were filling the air. And laughter! Laughter that was mocking his very existence. Then he slipped into a deeper sleep and knew nothing. He said he awoke from the operation with this feeling of utmost dread. Like there was no hope.
I tried to cheer him up. Telling him the operation went just fine and that he should make a full recovery.
That didn’t help at all. I just couldn’t bring myself to telling him what happened. Would you?
gozar
November 5th, 2009 at 10:49 pm [Reply]

I’m a 49 year old man, and I am TOTALLY STOKED about Tommie’s make-over. What does that say about MY life?
Écureuil Écumant
November 5th, 2009 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

@83: I’d probably just tell him he did, indeed, hear a load noise and all the rest was simply the result of Boyle’s Law.
Charterstoned
November 5th, 2009 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

A3G – See, this is the difference between Apartment 3-G and Mark Trail. If Mark had said, “My life is one big rut,” we would all think there was a sex orgy going on in Lost Forest and that maybe Cherry was finally getting some action. Ah, well.
shlomo
November 5th, 2009 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

83- Thanks Doc. I was just recently thinking that it has been a long time since I peed my pants. That streak is over.
Steve S
November 5th, 2009 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

Alternate, menacing caption for Dennis: “You call that magic? I just got done sawin’ Joey in half.”
mr 12 oz can
November 5th, 2009 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

#72 i just need to know if it was worth it and has herorin been knocked out of your town
Joe Blevins
November 5th, 2009 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

DTM: In the unseen second panel, the birthday party magician will think — but not say aloud — “Oh, yeah? Well, your mom is a stupid bitch!” Keep in mind, he will only refrain from doing so while he’s still at the party. He will, however, mutter this phrase audibly — many times, in fact — while he drives back to his basement apartment in his Ford Festiva, his flopsweat-drenched tux clinging uncomfortably to him. He will continue uttering the retort, by now a sick sort of mantra, while he joylessly scarfs down another frozen dinner while staring glassy-eyed at the television. He will cap off the evening by thinking back to his days as a theater major and then crying himself to sleep.

Congratulations, Dennis, you have out-menaced yourself. Extra points for subtlety. Nice work.
zerowolf
November 5th, 2009 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

Zits: Enough nudity already! If there is any strip that must have nudity let it be Judge Parker having a very casual day at the office.
Poteet
November 5th, 2009 at 11:36 pm [Reply]

# 80 Écureuil & # 81 (sic transit) buckyswife — There are way too many deer in my county, and they are wrecking cars, damaging crops, reducing wildflower populations, and otherwise causing problems. I recently learned that an old friend from college has been helping a botanist survey deer impacts on vegetation in the area of Arlington, VA (is that where you are, bw?) and naturally the preliminary results indicate that the deer are noshing on rare natives, which helps the invasive exotics. Argh, sorry, I’m ranting again. Mmph! Mmph! *stifles rest of rant*
zerowolf
November 5th, 2009 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

FC: Someone is going to get a beating for making a graven image!
zerowolf
November 5th, 2009 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

MT: From Sassy’s reaction on hearing the words “grabbed from behind” I’d say that Rusty has discovered sex.
Joe Blevins
November 5th, 2009 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

My, aren’t we being playfully coy these days, Gil Thorp narration box? Tell me, is this “certain minimum-security prison” the one where a “certain” brother of a “certain-to-be-temporary” character is imprisoned? Oh, I’ll never tell! *blush*
R. Riis
November 5th, 2009 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

GT: First panel: “The Ghost” is wearing neither bracelet or watch on his right wrist, but his seated blond friend is.
Second panel: Horrors! What kind of weird-ass, twisted high five is this? Did they exchange bracelets? Have they hooked their arms? Is someone reaching up from between “The Ghost”’s legs? Whose hands are those?
Third panel: A prison cafeteria? Thank God, what a relief.
NoahSnark
November 6th, 2009 at 12:30 am [Reply]

Given that he seems content to sit at the opposite end of the bar from a prey animal, I think Thor was more interested in fulfilling his bestiality fantasies than getting something to eat.
(sic transit) buckyswife
November 6th, 2009 at 12:35 am [Reply]

92 Poteet: Yep, Arlington, VA—urban home to a variety of wildlife. With my rational brain, I know the damage deer do (and that they can eat themselves out of their habitat), and I recognize the need to control them (although it still pisses me off that they’re a problem because we killed off their predators, but no crying over spilled predator). But with my naive 12-year-old brain, I think, oooh! deer!
Justin
November 6th, 2009 at 12:47 am [Reply]

GT – The scientists apparently thought the high-five contained so much douchebaggery that they gave it an 11 out of 5 on the scale.
Poteet
November 6th, 2009 at 12:49 am [Reply]

# 98 (s.t.) b — Yes, I know the feeling. I almost stepped on a curled-up fawn this summer, and it was so incredibly cute that I almost melted into a puddle of Poteet-goo while I stared at it. That’s why I happily and hypocritically leave the hunting to other people:-).
Jason1981
November 6th, 2009 at 1:01 am [Reply]

GT: Wait, there’s actually a difference between highschool and prison?
bats :[
November 6th, 2009 at 1:08 am [Reply]

Quick! Before something new and bad happens!
Gabacho
November 6th, 2009 at 1:10 am [Reply]

Apt 3G – oh, h-e-double hockeysticks! Yesterday, I truly found Tommie poignant and today, she’s just all whiny. Nothing like slamming the only guy who treated you decently, and slamming him on national TV no less, you self absorbed rhymes with witch.

Mary Worth – Yeah, Adrian, that’s good. Start an argument with him now…Be sure to contradict him. Nothing helps recovery more than being told you’re wrong and reminding him that it goddam well is all about you!!
bats :[
November 6th, 2009 at 1:19 am [Reply]

TGIFunnies!

MW: yeesh! Adrian smiling is like Wednesday Addams smiling — creepy, and not in a good way.

FC: you do that, Billy, and don’t let the door hit you on the freakishly big ass on your way out.

Phantom: Kit got married in his Goofy Grape outfit?! Damn, that’s just sad.

Zits: I’d like to think that Jeremy is taking Sara’s photo more or less from the side to show the spilled tray and drink. But you know what I’m really thinking.
Damn, these are gross.
bats :[
November 6th, 2009 at 1:26 am [Reply]

Oh, in regard to the Style Invitational at the Washington Post. Well, coming in 4th place is still pretty cool. Yesterday I got a package in the mail with an official Loser t-shirt (very stylish! some poor schlub playing Hangman on the front, and on the back “L O _ E R”, with all the letters (including “2″) that had been incorrectly guessed. I also received a car air freshener, a very nice letter from the Empress of Style who runs these weekly contests, AND the best of all, a copy of the paper section in which the Style Invitational runs.
Yes, indeed, my mashup made the printed edition of the Washington Post! In color! (I sorta thought this was an online-only contest.) If you get the Post, it’s in the 31 October edition (and if you don’t want your copy, I’ll gladly take it off your hands!).
Of course, I couldn’t have done it without Jack Elrod, Stephan Pastis, and all the folks here who encourage me to abuse innocent comic strips. Thanks!
Edgy DC
November 6th, 2009 at 1:27 am [Reply]

I guess I should be kind to Frank Bolle, but his one trick of carving a slash in the cheek to show facial definition frustrates me. As much as you all make fun of Tommie and her blah-blah-blankness, they’re all blank to me under Bolle’s artistic direction. The strip makes me sad and dolorous. I read it just to keep up at the Curmudgeon.

So, why, pray tell, have I suddenly been attacked with a hope? — a hope I so wholly foreign to Apartment 3G that I didn’t at first recognize it as hope at all. Why indeed am I so hopeful that Tommie is going to come out this makeover as such a sizzling vixen that she’ll make the casts of Judge Parker and Rex Morgan blush like schoolgirls?

That’s just too awesome to hope for, isn’t it?
CanuckDownSouth
November 6th, 2009 at 1:35 am [Reply]

Mary Worth … the second panel … angles skewed, proportions off … irisesdrawnwithoutrespecttoeyeballs, facestretched-two-D-andtoobigforskull… ahh! the perspective, it burns!
Poteet
November 6th, 2009 at 1:36 am [Reply]

11/6

MT — Ooooooh, you guys are setting yourselves up for such a punching. Not only a cute little dog, but Rusty’s cute little dog. You’re gonna wish you’d become drug dealers instead.

PHANTOM — Hahaha! Please show us Stripey-Butt rockin’ out at the reception to “Brick House.” Please.
True Fable
November 6th, 2009 at 1:39 am [Reply]

Meanwhile in Mary Worth for 11/06/09, Joe Giella’s not even trying to make Adrian attractive or for that matter, even human-like. It’s as if he’s saying, “Look, I realize what a total loser Adrian is, so if Karen’s not going to make her personality worth caring about, then I won’t bother with the visuals, either. Oh, and just for fun? I’m going to turn Adrian into a Beta fish. Enjoy!”
Christopher
November 6th, 2009 at 1:39 am [Reply]

So, Tommie is basically going to be David Cook, with, I dunno, Susan Boyle or any given Queen for a Day contestant mixed in?

And yet I still can’t even imagine her meteoric rise to reality show fame and subsequent fall due to tabloid gossip and and over-exposure as being the least bit interesting.

Not unless Margo gets involved anyway.

By the way, has anybody noticed that Luann has basically transformed into one of those sex comedy mangas, complete with underage fan-service, casual attitude toward peeping, and hot girls throwing themselves at the blandest men in the world? I’m betting Luann will be wearing one of those Sailor Moon uniforms by the end of the month.

And I do not like it one bit.
Poteet
November 6th, 2009 at 1:40 am [Reply]

# 106 Edgy DC — Yay! Long-time Mudges may remember that I used to rant on at length about the weird cheekbone lines in A3G. It’s nice to meet a kindred spirit.
sugarpie
November 6th, 2009 at 1:41 am [Reply]

bats :[ 105 That’s the best thing I’ve seen all week. Congratulations! I’m sure you’ll now get a larger audience for the bats :[ mashups-they’re one of the great things about the CC site.
Poteet
November 6th, 2009 at 1:51 am [Reply]

11/6

FC — If only.

MW — That face belongs on McGooey’s.

ZITS — He’s taking a photo of Sara’s anus to post on YouTube? Wow. I’m awed by such multidimensional tastelessness.
Poteet
November 6th, 2009 at 1:52 am [Reply]

# 105 bats:[ — Congratulations!
True Fable
November 6th, 2009 at 1:58 am [Reply]

Apartment of Doom Gary out in Denver sat watching TV after a tough day in front of a monitor at work, when he saw Tommie’s interview. When she got to the part of “I almost accepted a proposal from a man I don’t love”, soda and whiskey shot out in a fine spray from his nose. “The hell you say!” he roared at the screen, “You said it was the distance that was the problem! What’s all this ‘don’t love’ shit?” Gary quickly got online and created a delightfully funny and vicious video of mashed-together security camera scenes of Tommie doing unflattering things when she thought no one was looking, as well as a private video he caught on his phone camera. He had intended to use those shots of Tommie’s awkward gagging on a blowjob as part of a humorous gift for their first anniversary, but fuck all that.
It was ON, bitch. It was ON.
True Fable
November 6th, 2009 at 2:03 am [Reply]

Flakey Whatthehell Is an “after school suspension” taking the place of “After School Detention”? Because suspending a student would only serve to send him home after school, which is where he’s likely to go anyway. A detention, on the other hand, would keep the little begger at school as a punishment.

I think Funky Winkerbean should not bother to be set in a school environment any more if Batuik can’t figure out the language. It would be better set in a funeral home. Plenty O’ laughs!
True Fable
November 6th, 2009 at 2:07 am [Reply]

Children of the Circle One down, three to go.
Poteet
November 6th, 2009 at 2:11 am [Reply]

9CL — Was there a time when Batiuk thought about something else occasionally?

Foob — This is almost scary. In one strip, the fish dies because it was overfed and lived in filth. In the next strip, the fish lived a good life and was treated with respect and dignity. One small fish illustrates the basic reality/memory warp that is Foob.

GA — Walt is about 110 years old. It would help if I could forget that, but I can’t.

LUANN — Am I missing something, or is Toni not too bright?
True Fable
November 6th, 2009 at 2:30 am [Reply]

IFHZ “”Hey, babe; guess what! I just took a shot of your bare ass when you fell just now! Isn’t that FUNNY??!!” Sadly, it does sound like what people post on YouTube. YouTube is the next generation of America’s Funniest Home Videos, Or Maybe Not.
gnome de blog
November 6th, 2009 at 2:51 am [Reply]

106 Edgy DC said:

So, why, pray tell, have I suddenly been attacked with a hope?

Because Margaret Schuloch has a What Would Margo Do? bracelet?
bunivasal
November 6th, 2009 at 2:59 am [Reply]

GT: That high-five looks suspiciously like the Ghost is defending himself from an open hand slap, kung-fu style.
True Fable
November 6th, 2009 at 3:31 am [Reply]

#118 O Poteet, my queen! – I have a long list of things I would love to see happen in the comics, and seeing Mr. Walt finally retire to that Old Comic Character’s Home permanently is one of them. I mean, when I write I care about every one of my characters and hate to see them go, but DAMN. Walt Wallet is 110 – that’s like, what? 15 or 16 in dog years? Put ‘em down, I say.

It doesn’t matter so much with strips like Mark Trail where the lead character is “perpetually” 32 and Rusty will never ever grow out of his awkward tween years. To be fair, Mark Trail routinely puts a torch to the notion of reality, but at least we know he’s not about to be 33, no way and no how.

But since Gasoline Alley and strips like Canadian Zombie are proud to boast about their “age in real time” situation, they should at least acknowledge that 110 year old men don’t usually go running out to the theater much, nor should Grandpa Jim in FBoFW have to endure being related to Elly any longer without the dignity of preferable death.

Oh, I have a Bucket List of things I’d like to see in the comics, but I know if some of these happened, the strip would be altered greatly by the loss of that particular bit of business. Still, I would like to see:

1. the death of Cherry Trail, and Mark Trail get an edgy attitude. It’ll never happen with the golly-gee whiz wholesomeness if enjoys, but it’s a fond wish of mine nevertheless.
2. someone bitch slap both of the parents in Edge City. They are annoying.
3. DIE CATHY! DIE!!
4. Dennis the Juvenile Delinquent. Oh I know, the most menacing he’d likely be is lowering the thermostat in the Dairy Queen, but what I’d like to know is, Will he knock up Gina or Margaret first?
5. The folks over at the Foobiverse site have a completely wonderful “Foob letters” fic going on that makes me, a Total Foob Hater, actually sympathetic to the characters. Would that these talented writers could write FBoFW the comic strip. That will never happen, however. Lynn Johnston isn’t going to quit until Canada itself rises up in protest against her.
6. Amos and Edda get married in 9CL and move to Brussels, where Thorax is taken away to his home world for good. This leaves the strip to center around Mark, Seth and the other people they know.
7. Masky McDeath visits Westdale in a sweeping roundup of every single character who all die of cancer, of course.
8. Neddy returns with Cedric, making Sam realize he is no longer the only Chick Magnet on the planet. Wouldn’t that be fun!
9. Crankshaft dies and the strip closes,putting its suffering cast of characters out of their misery at last.
10. Year-long Kwanzaa at Curtis’s house.
11. Rex and June Morgan appear in their own damn strip, thankyouverymuch!
12. Apartment 3-G have a Renaissance return to its old elegant art style.
13. Mr. Walt FINALLY dies and Gasoline Alley closes shop for good, as well as a host of legacy strips that just tread water and waste space these days.
14. Mary Worth. Ah, Mary Worth! As heavy-handed and dreadful as it is, I don’t know that I would want to actually change anything in it. Mary Worth is SO stilted, SO awkward, SO oddly drawn, it would be a disservice to the art of snark to change it one iota.
OMJulie
November 6th, 2009 at 3:37 am [Reply]

I would like to point out that my home newspaper doesn’t carry Love Is… and hasn’t for as long as I can remember. I never even knew of its existence until I moved out of state for a bit. Now I’m back again and it’s still off the radar. My paper does, however, carry Zits. I’m looking forward to plenty of outrage over the sudden, inexplicable appearance of a teenage couple, in the nude, who plainly don’t love each other (but have no problem posting erotic videos of one another online).
Jess
November 6th, 2009 at 3:42 am [Reply]

#80 and rest of deer sub-topic:

Tonight when I was leaving my house (on the DC/Maryland border, NOT RURAL AT ALL) I saw a yearling buck walking down the sidewalk towards me, all nonchalant. I assumed he didn’t see me so I clapped my hands, and shouted, to scare him off, but he sorta did a headtilt and kept walking towards me. When he got about 15 feet away I actually stepped *off* the sidewalk and let him pass. And he did, no fear, not 5 feet away from me.

They think they own the place!!!
Rodergaut
November 6th, 2009 at 3:59 am [Reply]

MW: Yes, I do feel sort of like I have something to live for. But it’s probably the morphine.
Marion Delgado
November 6th, 2009 at 4:08 am [Reply]

I looked it up in the Big Book of Life, and it turns out Tommie’s chance to settle for second best came and went when she was 17 1/2 and her parents took her along on a business trip to Toronto.

Tommie Thompson is currently eligible to settle for 91,407,732nd best. I hope it’s a pretty extreme makeover.
True Fable
November 6th, 2009 at 4:15 am [Reply]

#124 Jess – I wish I could have been there; I would love to see a deer so up close and calm. Cheeky old thing, wasn’t he?
notapipe
November 6th, 2009 at 4:39 am [Reply]

God, Tommie is devastating hot in panel two there. There’s a cynical, androgynous beauty there that I Dressed in the Dark is sure to snuff out rather than embrace. All she needs to become my ideal woman is to start smoking, get into chicks (again?) and develop a personality.
athena
November 6th, 2009 at 4:40 am [Reply]

MW: No, Adrian and Scott–the true miracle is that anyone can read your dialogue without bring gagging
athena
November 6th, 2009 at 4:41 am [Reply]

MW: No, Adrian and Scott–the true miracle is being able to read your dialogue without gagging
Carlo
November 6th, 2009 at 4:46 am [Reply]

58 STU: I don’t see anything wrong with calling him the ghost. I played ball with and against at least two guys who were nicknamed “the ghost” by their teammates. You see, the ghost is so fast you never see him as he speeds by you.
sarahtheawesome
November 6th, 2009 at 4:46 am [Reply]

Dennis carries a sheet of notes to help him remember long and difficult words like “please.” Maybe he should just get an English phrase book and look like a tourist, because tourists are way more menacing than a kid who takes notes on good manners.
seismic-2
November 6th, 2009 at 5:20 am [Reply]

#96 R. Riis: In panel 2, “The Ghost” feels he has earned a high-five for telling a lame lie to his girlfriend rather than be inconvenienced by actually offering her some support, since he has better things to do. Clearly, the wrist ornament in this panel is a “What Would Margo Do?” bracelet.

In today’s strip, we see that 7117-511-3128-70 is the error code for “total system malfunction” in the Gil Thorp random storyline generating algorithm.
mojo
November 6th, 2009 at 5:56 am [Reply]

I didn’t think Mary Worth, given all the laugh-fueled excitement this past year or so, could get so boring as this last month waiting for Scott to come out of his coma. Now that he’s woken up and interacting with Adrian again … somehow it’s gotten even MORE boring.
Asterion
November 6th, 2009 at 5:57 am [Reply]

Every time I see Tommie Thompson, I have no choice but to replace her in my head with Tommy Thompson, governor of my state during the tender childhood years of my life. Of course, it’s not as though that makes a difference in the dialogue at all. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tommy_Thompson
KarMann
November 6th, 2009 at 6:12 am [Reply]

@Asterion: This might be slightly before your time, then, but for a while, not only was Tommy Thompson the Governor there, but also, Jummy Thompson was Governor of the next state to the south at the same time. Unfortunately, I never heard of any case of this leading to confusion and ensuing hilarious political hijinks, as I’d been led to expect by cartoons and Shakespeare.
Sheila Sternwell
November 6th, 2009 at 7:51 am [Reply]

A3G: I feel genuinely badly for Tommie here. I can’t feel bad for the guy she’s allegedly dissing, because let’s be honest, the men in this strip have come and gone like Mary’s dates on the Mary Tyler Moore Show. And unlike Mary, we know Tommie didn’t sleep with the guy, so he couldn’t have been too attached.

Archie: Okay, dude, that’s not even a joke. That’s just a psychosis.

Garfield: Dammit, that mouse is cute.
Mr. O'Malley
November 6th, 2009 at 8:08 am [Reply]

A-3g: Is that a blue nun? Yes, Sister Ignatia, we always knew she had the call…

FC: Sorry, you’re too late, it’s open water all the way to the North Pole these days.

GA: The first panel with the bats is rather nice.

MW: From direct experience I can say, this is not how people come out of comas.

And Adrian in the second panel looks like a bad caricature of Fanny Brice doing Baby Snooks. I see Scott has determined to inflate his body to monstrous size to compensate, but it may not be enough. Ask for the extra morphine…

MC: Hah!

Zits: Photos of your girlfriend’s ass should be posted on voyeurweb.com, not YouTube.
Pozzo
November 6th, 2009 at 8:34 am [Reply]

Okay, is BC going for the Roman centurion look, or does he want to become a Beetle Bailey-style “can’t see my eyes” character? Pretty desperate marketing ploy on creator.com’s part either way.
Little Guy
November 6th, 2009 at 8:35 am [Reply]

Zits: Last week, it was zombie parents. This week, it’s sexless naked teenage nymphs. I don’t know which one is more terrifying.
Mela
November 6th, 2009 at 8:36 am [Reply]

Friday funnies:

‘Shaft: Here’s the key difference between this strip and “Cancer Smirkercreep” – the characters there curse the vengeful deities that torments them, while here we see Ed openly daring them to blanket the area with a devastating blizzard. Frankly, his approach is healthier.

Curtis: Is it Kwanzaa yet?

ReFOOB: Sometimes I ask myself why I liked this strip in the first place, and then this comes along to remind me.

FW: Wow. Teachers who don’t know the difference between in-schools and detention. Westview faculty, you might want to consider laying these two off for that.

GA: Gertie, you do that every day. In fact, everyone in this strip does.

Get Fuzzy: I haven’t said anything, but I am LOVING this story thread.

Luann: So what are the odds Toni is climbing through the window to escape?

My Cage: Cute and true.

Zits: When you build a strip about two hormonal teenagers who want to snog each other, it’s probably a bad idea to do a parody with them that requires them to be naked. It’s an even worse idea to do a strip that involves one taking a picture of the other’s naked ass. Ugh.
Bryan
November 6th, 2009 at 8:50 am [Reply]

9 Chickweed Lane: Another item in the List of Things Brooke Doesn’t Understand: How letters work.
FBOFW: Aggh, it’s The Rising! Frank the Fish’s corpse has been inhabited by the demon Ob and only Farley can prevent him from killing the whole family!
Gasoline Alley: Gertie became self-aware at 2:14 a.m. Eastern time, November 6th.
Hi & Lois: Hi uses young Filipino boys to cure what ails him.
Luann: “We were cleaning up after our scat play!”
Phantom: So he got married as the Phantom? Diana is (or, rather, was) known as Mrs. Diana Walker (everyone knew her as Nancy!) but all of their wedding photographs show her getting married to the Phantom. They don’t get the whole secret identity thing, do they?
Sally Forth: A better counter argument would have been, “How are you going to donate your time, mother?”
tb4000
November 6th, 2009 at 9:03 am [Reply]

Luann: And by showing her where the bathroom was, I meant my DICK, bitch!
spinster with cat
November 6th, 2009 at 9:17 am [Reply]

I’m confused as to how “Zits” made it past the censors. Sure, *we* know it’s mocking “Love Is…”, but what about my 93 year-old grandmother? This will be more action than she’s seen in years.
Jen
November 6th, 2009 at 9:19 am [Reply]

Oh my gosh, please say something about today’s Zits, and how love probably also isn’t taking pictures of a 15 year old’s vag and sending it around to your buddies.
Whippersnapper
November 6th, 2009 at 9:20 am [Reply]

Cathy: As a girl with muscular calves, I kind of sympathize with Cathy. It really is tough to find boots that fit. Cripes, I’m sympathizing with Cathy. Quick, someone slap some sense into me before it can grow into something worse, like affection.
queek
November 6th, 2009 at 9:27 am [Reply]

Zits: Love Isn’t . . . sexting

RwO: Well, that should make up for a few tofu strips come Turkey Day.
True Fable
November 6th, 2009 at 9:31 am [Reply]

#141 Mela – That’s not an original Foob comic. That’s a new-run that Lynn stuck in between the “Rod/John Was Always A Creep” and the “Elly Likes To Terrorize Her Child Rather Than Simply Bathe Him” comics.

What really floors me is the fact that so many readers still think this is such a nice family, despite new-run efforts like this that shows not only is Elly a wasteful heartless bitch of a mother, but that Mike displays his “me me me” attitude early too. The Pattersons all turn out to have deep issues and seeing the attempts to sweeten this early phase makes it all the more laughable, only not “ha-ha” but “you’re kidding me.”

Mouse over me, baby!
Mordock999
November 6th, 2009 at 9:39 am [Reply]

Today’s Luann – 11/06/09

During Dinner at Brad’s house..,

TJ: “I’m tellin’ ya Toni you shoulda BEEN there! LOL!!”

Toni: (Smirk) “I SHOULD Have! Tell me what Brad’s Mom said again!”

TJ: ” She said, (Guffaw) she said, ‘I ADMIRE her DEDICATION to firefighting. BUT (NOW GET THIS) I
just don’t TRUST her (Nearly Uncontrollable laughter) EMOTIONALLY’! LOL!!!”

Toni: “ROFL, thats just too FUNNY! What an ASSHAT, your mom IS, Brad!”

TJ: “Wait, WAIT! Heres the BEST part! When I asked her ‘WHY’ she said because YOU were a BEAUTY with a WEAKNESS for FLASHY EXCITING Guys!!! Yet YOU picked BRAD for GOD’s sake!! BRAD, of ALL people!!! LMAO!!! She THINKS YOU are gonna (Hold On now) GET TIRED of HIM, LOFL!!!!!”

Toni: “Oh NO, She Didn’!”

TJ: “Oh YES, she DID! LOL!!!”

Toni: “Stop, STOP! I can’t TAKE any MORE! I’m LAUGHING so HARD I’m blowing rice out of My nose! LOL!!!”

TJ: “What the matter Brad? You’re not eating! Rice not “FLASHY and EXCITING enough for you?? LOL!!!”

Toni: “LOL!!! Oh, TJ you ARE a CARD! ISN’T he Brad? Brad? Wait! Brad WHAT are you doing with THAT chainsaw?!? OH, MY GOD!!! NO, put THAT thing DOWN, Brad!! WAIT, STOP! I…., ”

______________________

DEATH to TJ!!! (and MAYBE Toni…,)
bats :[
November 6th, 2009 at 10:07 am [Reply]

Baka Gaijin: we have a clown down! I repeat: Clown Down!
(well, Mr. Pops just started falling into the tiger cage…he’ll probably hit the floor (or the tiger) sometime next week)
LUJBEM FEJF
November 6th, 2009 at 10:28 am [Reply]

Dick- “The clown shot Fee Fi. He dropped Mr. Pops…right into the tiger cage… and its 1st and ten at the Tigers 10 yard line.” ” Well Dick, I didn’t see this coming. I believe they’re going to call an injury timeout for Fee Fi. That’s gotta hurt. Let’s go back to the play by play, Dick..”

Ziggy- I had to look at the online version to see if it was just something screwy with my paper. Nope. for some reason Mr. Wilson left a lot of white space about the hilarious, because it’s true, teller speak. Maybe there was more and it was censored out or it’s a contest to fill in the funny line.
“I see that your Ultimate Pant-less Porn Pass is valid for the rest of the year. That’s strange……..”
Kanomi
November 6th, 2009 at 10:34 am [Reply]

I don’t agree that a Tommie Thompson TV show would be a bad thing. That Discovery show about addiction is a good example.

Emphasize the emotional wreckage she has left in her wake. The weeping family, the shattered roommates. Depict the frightening hollowness of her daily interactions.

Then make her choose: a fresh start at the New Mexico Personality Infusion Centre, or life on the streets as a raging Schizoid.
Old School Allie Cat
November 6th, 2009 at 10:42 am [Reply]

RwO – This really makes me want some gravy. That said, I’ve been known to use eggnog in my coffee in lieu of cream and sugar. Try it, you’ll like it!

A3G Congratulations Tommie, thanks to you, we’re stuck with Ruby’s Ridiculous Hairbows – there’s no way a basket case like you won’t get the makeover.

Luann – TJ, quit cockblocking your roommate!
Écureuil Écumant
November 6th, 2009 at 10:47 am [Reply]

DTM: That’s OK, Alice — let ‘em hog the intertubes so they can plagiarize their homework — less congestion in the stacks will just make it that much easier for you to get to the V.C. Andrews shelf.
seismic-2
November 6th, 2009 at 10:54 am [Reply]

MW: “Scott, do you know you saved my life? It’s too bad you couldn’t have done the same for Officer Colleague, though, since that was your job. I just thought I’d mention that, since the SRPD just called, and you’ve been fired for screwing up the drug bust. Oh, and Officer Colleague’s widow is suing you for causing his death. Now hurry up and get well – you’ve got so much to live for. And I really do mean hurry up – since you got fired, your insurance has been canceled, and you have to be out of here by noon. Bye!”

DtM: Oh joy. It’s the DtM/Pluggers cross-over we’ve all been living for. We can all now die, fulfilled.

A3G: Boy, for someone who just two days ago was insisting that she was in the crowd just to support her friend Ruby but would never be a part of the show herself because she wouldn’t want to lose her dignity, Tommie sure came around fast, didn’t she? I think the hospital where she works ought to do a spot inventory of their stock of drugs that can cause mood swings. Now, let’s all cross our fingers and hope that the stoned Bobbie Merrill will walk up to Tommie during the interview, smack her with her purse, and tell her to get a grip on herself. And you just know Margo is already stamping out the DVDs of this sidewalk gut-spilling, to send them out to everyone on her Christmas card list.
Écureuil Écumant
November 6th, 2009 at 10:57 am [Reply]

Most exciting deer experience: There’s a clearing in the woods — soccer-field size — behind our apartment and last year I went out there in the wee hours to get away from the lights and watch the Perseids.

As I stood there stargazing, I kept hearing these strange whooshing sounds, very close by. Suddenly I realized I’d become a nocturnal “cervador” without benefit of cape or rapier. For the last 15 minutes I was being charged by big bucks who didn’t appreciate my intrusion in their meadow. Once the realization struck, I was more than happy to cede them their territory!
AMC
November 6th, 2009 at 10:58 am [Reply]

MW – Scott, you know you saved my life . . . you animed me.
MolyBendum
November 6th, 2009 at 11:00 am [Reply]

B.C. Ahhhh…a background it took 5 minutes to draw, a joke someone else did back when language was invented…welcome back, BC with which I am familiar. I hate you.

Cathy ”Calves” my ass. Cathy has to shop at Lumberjacks-R-Us to find boots that’ll fit over her cankles.

Gil Thorp Yes. “Watch Out!” “The teacher’s coming! Awww, you guys are gonna get it!” Prison is Just Like That.

Mark Trail Oh god yes. Don’t chain Sassy to a log. Don’t tie her with rope. You want the alligators to eat her anyway, right? Punch Sassy in her stupid, cute head until she’s bleeding and unconscious and toss her out into the swamp. Cmon you sideburned pussies, you can do it! Gah.

Pearls I find it odd that Pig is dirty but it isn’t explained why. Plotline schmotline.

Ziggy Ziggy had a girlfriend once. He asked her to sit on his face, she said yes. She slipped and slid onto his nose. She tore so badly she died from blood loss before she got to the hospital. It was in the papers, you didn’t see?

Martha’s Rolling Pin (Ysomething) – Thank you. Nobody can say that today, since now Adrian looks like she has Cushing’s Syndrome. (Also, every time someone mouses my comment titles I get a little tingle, so keep it up.)

kallista (Ysomething) – Cigars for you?
Patrick, Interlibrary Loan Lending Division
November 6th, 2009 at 11:03 am [Reply]

Friday 11/6 comics

Mary Worth: I’ve rarely seen as bad a cut and paste job as Adrian in panel two. The rest of it is clearly recycled coma “footage” with what’s his name lying impossibly rigid on his back with that bizarre artificial gravity sling on his arm.

Dennis the Menace: I usually try to avoid this one online but I accidentally saw it in the Courier Journal this morning and then sighed in weary recognition at both the truth of his memory and that a library with no books is more menacing than Dennis.

Gasoline Alley: I’m guessing that Walt is actually at home in his easy chair this whole time and when Gertie finally gets home, he fires her for dragging him on the entire escapade. On the other hand, he probably won’t remember a thing. While I admire how well drawn this strip is, this storyline has been exasperating. Yet. I. Continue. To. Read!

Dick Tracy: Dick Tracy is like reading the full length version of Don Quixote in which Cervantes takes a scene he enjoys writing and then pounds into the ground with violent repetition

Mark Trail: Speaking of violence, apparently at least two out of the three knuckle-headed got to pay the mortgage rubes must also be sociopaths. They’re willing for Mark Trail to be eaten by gators and now Sassy whose talents for being the dog in distress will one day be legendary and songs sung about her around the campfire in the post apocalypse days when the world runs out of Brylcreem.
Mela
November 6th, 2009 at 11:17 am [Reply]

True Fable (#148) – That’s a new one? I honestly couldn’t tell; it didn’t have the freaky glassy eyes or oddly Muppet-like open mouths of the later strips.

But now that you point out the overwhelming cynicism of the “old” strips, of which I only caught the “I hate my ex-husband so I’ll defame him through his proxy”, I can see it’s new. The horrible latter years make a strange sort of sense.
odinthor
November 6th, 2009 at 11:21 am [Reply]

MC. — Win.

MT. — Today’s Mark Trail touches on the little-known fact that alligators make their food choices based upon æsthetics. Scientists have found that 9 out of 10 gators prefer prey sporting a William Morris-y inspired pattern in a rich medley of autumnal hues.

W&E. —

Which would you rather see, fat overdressed people singing songs nobody understands, or really good-looking people dancing in their underwear

Hey, what a coincidence! I’ll be doing the latter tomorrow night. And after that, I’ll be going to the ballet!

Luann. — Hey, is that the shower I hear going on, Brad? Oh, it’s Toni in there vomiting and crying. You stripped down again, didn’t you, dude?
Ned Ryerson
November 6th, 2009 at 11:27 am [Reply]

After stuffing myself at the Bum Boat, I always like to stop by McGooey’s for a couple blasts on the way home.
Gal Friday
November 6th, 2009 at 11:42 am [Reply]

So what are the results of the Scott-in-a-coma pool from October?
MrCanoehead
November 6th, 2009 at 11:49 am [Reply]

Mary Worth: I think Scott’s line is supposed to be read Wayne’s-World style. “Shyeah, like I have something to live for. NOT!”
Gypsymoth
November 6th, 2009 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

GA: I’m glad for the boldface of the word “Grave” or else I would have never gotten the punchline. It was a punchline, wasn’t it?
Farley's Revenge
November 6th, 2009 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

A3G: Wow. I had surgery this week, which has left me wearing men’s cotton boxers for a few days, and I still feel better about my life than Tommie does about hers.

*Surgery went well, I’m doing fine, and the boxers were brand new, not loaners(In case anyone wondered).
Anonymous
November 6th, 2009 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

Back in the mid-90s, I taught elementary school in South Texas in a small town named Roma. We used to drive to McAllen to see movies, eat at restaurants, buy books, etc. Halfway between Roma and McAllen there was a tiny little town named Alto Bonito. And in Alto Bonito there was a gas station/garage with huge white building next to the highway. On the west-facing side of the building, there was a lovely mural. On the left side of the mural, there was a painting of a white-tail deer leaping over a stream. On the right side of the mural there was a painting of a naked, blond woman, looking away from the driver. In the middle of the mural there was a man, with a rifle, looking through his scope at the blond woman’s butt. And, written over the top of the mural in letters easily three-feet high was this phrase:

“I hunt white tails year round.”
Squid Vicious
November 6th, 2009 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

Argh. Last post was mine. I didn’t intend to post anonymously. There’s no punchline to the post, I’m merely pointing out that B.C. could have been even more offensive if it tried…
Stu
November 6th, 2009 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

131: Carlo, maybe I’m just overly sensitive to Gil Thorp’s utter d-baggery that I see things that aren’t there: like, for example, a ghost.
Bender
November 8th, 2009 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

It’s funny to see that Tommie thinks a free makeover will help her years of unreleased passive-aggressive rage that resides in that seemingly emotionless facade
Pinokeyo's Wife
November 9th, 2009 at 9:47 am [Reply]

I do have to say that there is something about Scott’s sling that really bothers me. It’s like the hospital orders “Fake and Injury!” sets from the back of comic books. Aside from its American Civil War era comportment (let’s not forget it’s complimentary headband courtesy of the Revoltuionary War’s answer to the Village People: the fife and drum trio), Scott is laying in bed and therefore doesn’t even need the damn thing.

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