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Pool party NIGHTMARE

Mary Worth, 11/30/09

At last, the long, dragged-out saga of Adrian and Scott and Adrian’s Hesitation To Love and Scott’s Many Bullet Wounds is over. (And how did you do in faithful reader 8th Man Fan’s pool? See the results online here, or download them in an OpenOffice or Microsoft Excel spreadsheet!) As is the style of this feature, the details of the new story will emerge at a Charterstone Pool Party, and I’m very excited to see that said new story will involve Mary’s long-neglected neighbor Wilbur Weston, who, for an extra added bonus, has just had his heart ripped from his sweaty, hairy chest (metaphorically), as his girlfriend has skipped town without him. I’m guessing that Mary is oh-no-ing not because Wilbur is sad (as Wilbur’s sadness is hilarious), but rather because, as Charterstone’s resident manager, she was supposed to make sure that Iris hadn’t trashed her apartment before leaving in the dead of night, as one might be prone to do after God knows how many months in a relationship with Wilbur Weston.

Anyhoo, today’s strip is quite satisfying not just because it presages Wilbur’s long-term humiliation, but because it features Ian Cameron in his most outrageous pool party outfit yet. He pays a lot in condo fees and works hard reading years-old lecture notes on Robert Burns to bored undergraduates, damn it, and he deserves to unwind a little, and if that means matching up a Hawaiian shirt, electric blue cargo shorts, white socks, and (invisible, but a pretty safe bet) Birkenstocks, then so be it. Toby has put on her most bland off-pink shirt-dress to make sure that nothing outshines her husband’s aggressive sartorial choices.

Wizard of Id, 11/30/09

Speaking of hirsute humanoids, today’s Wizard of Id contains what I’m pretty sure is another instance of a legacy strip forgetting its own gimmick. Perpetual prisoner Spook, I have always assumed, is portrayed as hairy because he’s been in a dank jail cell, forgotten by the outside world, for decades, and has never been allowed any kind of razor or scissors to cut his hair or otherwise groom himself because he might use them to commit suicide and end his torment. This strip, however, seems to imply that he’s not just someone with long, matted hair, but is rather a member of a particularly hairy hominid species; perhaps his detention is not a result of some long-ago act defined as a crime by Id’s repressive regime, but was dictated by racial purity laws that keep his kind out of the public’s sight. It may be that he is in fact the last of his race, which makes his request for the depiction of a comely she-Spook all the more poignant.

Mark Trail, 11/30/09

Oh, and speaking of soap strips changing storylines, usually in the transition between Mark Trail plots, Mark briefly revisits Lost Forest and spends a few days avoiding his wife’s marital advances before going out on another moronic assignment. Therefore, I’m assuming that what Rusty is warning Mark to LOOK OUT for in eight-gazillion point font is Cherry lying in wait on the side of the road in her attempt to sex-ambush him. On the other hand, they are near the ocean, so it’s possible that their car is coming under attack from a flock of vicious flying squid.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/30/09

Oh look, Peter the Sex Chameleon has made an appearance! He’s normally blond when interacting with his similarly fair wife, but can darken up when necessary to woo a raven-haired beauty. And now that he has encountered a rival for his wife’s affection, his hair has turned red, for anger! Tim’s going to need those throttling-and-punching skills soon enough.

Funky Winkerbean, 11/30/09

Funky is leading Les down into the basement so that he can feed him into the meat grinder and serve him as pepperoni on Montoni’s awful pizzas. Thus Funky Winkerbean’s feel-good holiday storyline begins!

This entry was posted on Monday, November 30, 2009 at 04:53 pm and is filed under Funky Winkerbean, Mark Trail, Mary Worth, Rex Morgan, M.D., Wizard of Id. |

131 responses to “Pool party NIGHTMARE”

  1. rita
    November 30th, 2009 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    agggggggggggggg after 10000 years im free!!!!!

  2. Pozzo
    November 30th, 2009 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    …or maybe Spook’s just into tranny’s.

  3. Niall
    November 30th, 2009 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    Late to the party, but who cares! Monday comics!

    A3G: Hmm, is that how you succeed in the private investigator business? “Infidelity cases: take blurry photos at night of total strangers and tell your client what she wants to hear. Works just like fortune tellers. N.B.: never give these clients your work address, always meet them outdoors so they can’t track you down after the cash payment.”

    Archie: Svenson is melting; does that mean he is related to the Wicked Witch of the West, or did he simply spill industrial-grade solvent on his shoes and it just won’t stop dissolving?

    BC: It’s gonna take a better man than me to figure out WTF is going on here. If it’s a simple “school” pun, well, Mason, lemme tell you: it’s not enough.

    Beetle: I wish it could be said that Sarge got snarky and smart-ass about the instructions, taking them literally in an ironic way; but we all know he’s just stupid. Sigh. It might actually have made a reasonable joke.

    Blondie: …and this is how the mail carrier lost his job, his pension, and his wife (after the local paper ran the story), and came back a week later to… hmm, this black humour joke is not funny right now after Sunday’s events in Tacoma.

    Thorp: And with those words, he now only had a ghost of a chance with Valerie. So his nickname still fits.

    H&L: Um, why is Lois smiling? What is the least bit funny about this situation? Most mothers would go “Shut up, just go outside, no smart talk to your parents”, but she’s just smiling like an idiot. What’s in store? If this were a continuity strip, there would be a big argument and one more step to divorce, but as it is, it probably was something about Hi wanting better tee times next spring. (When in doubt, make a strip about golf, you can’t miss!)

    Parker: Gasp! Oh no! Not… crumpled papers in the trash!! *gasp!* *choke!* What unbelievable plot twists will they come up with next?

    Mary Worth: And lo, all our prayers are answered! POOL PARTY!! Chinbeard in appropriately-horrid faux hawai’ian wear! Despondent Wilbur drinking a salmon shot! Flashbacks! What more could we ask for?

    My Cage: I really, really hope this strip goes on long enough that we get to see Lily (Maureen’s daughter) wrap Violet’s daughter around her little finger. And it will be awesome.

    OBH: Ooo, looks like someone has Earl’s number, and knows how to push his buttons. Watch out, Earl, once your geekdom is exposed, you’ll never hear the end of it… Just practice it safely at home. With the blinds down.

    PBS: I think this premise has potential for three good jokes, tops. This wasn’t one of them, but the setup is necessary (and the information in panel 1 sadly accurate).

    Phantom: About time! We better see Diana kicking major butt. She’s set-up to be no slouch. I bet she needs no one’s help to escape.

    Sally: What the hell is with Ted’s nose in panel 1?? It’s a honking huge shlonker! Also: um, can Sally return to straight hair? It doesn’t look half-bad on her. MUCH better than the, um, thing around her head presently.

  4. Peanut Gallery
    November 30th, 2009 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    MT: I didn’t know pelicans could yell that loud. And it was it was having such a charming little conversation with itself, too.

  5. Chyron HR
    November 30th, 2009 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    Rusty: MARK, LOOK OUT, ITS A GIANT SEAGULL!

    Mark: No, RUSTY, that’s a GIANT pelican! Aaagh, I’m BEING eaten!

  6. Digger
    November 30th, 2009 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    FW: “These Christmas decorations are far too cheery. Come, let us descend to the dark, rancid basement so we can wallow in our misery in a more appropriate environment.”

    WI: The fact that Spook was able to get his pinup in poster form suggests that this hairy woman is some kind of famous model or actress. Kind of makes me pity the poor men of Id.

    MW: What’s that on Mary’s plate? Has she abandoned her famous salmon squares in favor of indistinguishable white goo? Or did someone decide to take pity on their fellow residents and chuck the little pink bricks over the fence? “Look, Mary, your salmon squares are already gone! Mmmmm, they sure were delicious!”

  7. heavylifitng
    November 30th, 2009 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    FW: For a “smart guy,” Les apparently can’t read the sign on the door that demands “Keep this door closed,” leaving it open as he descends into Montoni’s bowels with Funky.

  8. Patrick
    November 30th, 2009 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    Only in Funky Winkerbean would a Santa Claus hanged in effigy be considered “festive.”

  9. tb4000
    November 30th, 2009 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    Grand Funk Failroad: What exactly does Funky hope to gain by casually murdering our dear Les? Lord knows you need to balance one psychosis laden fictional character with another. Without it, pure, unadulterated chaos. And by chaos, I mean happiness.

  10. Tim O'Shenko the Perpetual Lurker
    November 30th, 2009 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    Oh good, it was about time Funky Winkerbean made a Sweeney Todd adaptation.

  11. Farley's Revenge
    November 30th, 2009 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    MW: Wilbur, Wilbur, Wilbur. You’ve horrified Queen Mary, not with your sentence of abandonment but how you’re sucking her precious potato-ade with a straw like you’re at Chuck E. Cheese’s with a group of little kids celebrating a birthday when you should be guzzling the stuff like you’re an alley-way wino who just scored a half bottle of MD20/20. Get with the program, man! What’s next? A sippy cup as you relate your tale of woe?

  12. qmodo
    November 30th, 2009 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    Dang, Sassy pooed on the back seat again.

  13. bats :[
    November 30th, 2009 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    I’m thinking that Ian Cameron might be movin’ with the times and is wearing Crocs instead of Birkenstocks. Maybe magenta or yellow ones, to coordinate with his shirt. Like mr. bats :[ does.

    Uh oh. I’ve said too much.

  14. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 30th, 2009 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    I thought Spook’s girly-Spook poster was just a half-hearted shoutout to The Shawshank Redemption. I’d like to think he’s going to tunnel his way out with a spoon or something, but that would require the writer to remember his own jokes.

  15. Poteet
    November 30th, 2009 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    8th Man Fan, thank you again!

  16. dondie
    November 30th, 2009 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    I believe that the poster is of spook himself, having been forced into prostitution as part of his entrapment. It was meant to be punishment, but seems to take a lot of pride in his erotic accomplishments.

  17. ArchieNemesis
    November 30th, 2009 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    I couldn’t decide whether Wilbur was rude or amazing, the way he spoke to Mary without removing his pursed lips from the straw. Then I realized the man in the blue trucker hat was a ventriloquist, following Wilbur everywhere, and no doubt the root of his problems with Iris.

  18. Sequitur
    November 30th, 2009 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

    MW: I think Mary dropped by Mark Trail and is now enjoying some squid. Whatever it is, it looks like a fork is needed yet Mary has no forks about.
    I suppose forking is not allowed in Mary Worth.

  19. Farley's Revenge
    November 30th, 2009 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    Oh, and Wilbur? You’re balding. No amount of combing those four limp strands of hair will disguise that fact. Go ahead, shave off all the rest of the hair! Look what being bald did for Patrick Stewart!

    While I don’t have much patience with Mary’s meddling, it appears ol’ Wilbur actually NEEDS to be meddled…and fast! C’mon, Mary, you’re wasting time! Put down that plate and get to flinging out random platitudes, woman!

  20. Poteet
    November 30th, 2009 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    I have an embarrassing kind of facial dyslexia that makes it hard to recognize faces, especially when they pop up out of context, like in the supermarket. I come to the comics partly so I can forget life’s little problems, and RMMD and A3G, You. Are. Not. Helping. I’m at the point where I want nametags on all male characters, or at least initials.

  21. Farley's Revenge
    November 30th, 2009 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    Poteet: I can relate, sort of. One of the after-effects of my time in the ICU is that I either don’t recognize people I’ve known for years or that I don’t remember their names when they point out I have known them for years. I’ve often said life would be so much easier for me if everyone simply wore name tags.

  22. phan
    November 30th, 2009 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    Spook is by his own admission inprisoned for lying and cheating.
    Tough times, tough sentences…
    http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_P5-KXUCbsI8/Su0OwQjWrjI/AAAAAAAAIf0/YOFHZPZDyWo/s1600-h/Wizard+Sept+28+1966.jpg

  23. Josh N.
    November 30th, 2009 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    Wow. Mark Trail was shouting so loud today my ears hurt. This is ridiculous.

  24. Steve S
    November 30th, 2009 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    Given the volume of his warning, I think Rusty just noticed the beginning of the apocalypse. No doubt Mark will take it in stride: “Yes, the boiling ocean and the fire-breathing skulls are always interesting. Speaking of which, I have some punching to do.”

  25. Randy
    November 30th, 2009 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    The guests at this Charterstone Pool Party look about as jolly as the attendees at a Funky Winkerbean festival.

  26. Mustang
    November 30th, 2009 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    FW: For a smart guy you’re pretty stupid Les, not to know that in Funkyville, we don’t decorate basements. We get drunk in silent desperation in basements, we ponder the horrible sadness of this hell called life in basements, we might even contemplate suicide in basements, but no, Les, you idiot, we don’t DECORATE basements.

  27. Dr. Novakaine
    November 30th, 2009 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    I’d argue that being fed to a meat grinder and served on pizza isn’t really “feel-good,” but given that it’s Funky Winkerbean we’re talking about, I’m guessing it’s probably the best fate any of them can look forward to.

  28. Baka Gaijin
    November 30th, 2009 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    One Big Happy: Normally I’m squicked out by Earl’s unhealthy interest in sucking things, but that other boy french kissing the vacuum. Uh, yeah. How does the fake vomit fit into this absurdist play?

  29. Charterstoned
    November 30th, 2009 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    MT- What I’d really like to see in today’s strip is Rusty’s mutant face as he’s screaming at Mark. If wooden Mark can muster such an expression of horror and dismay, think of what Rusty has come up with. Unless, as the word baloon seems to be indicating, it’s not Rusty who is warning Mark, but some creature hidden in the dune grass. In which case, Mark had better look out.

    MW – Charterstone could do with a dress code. Ian’s nasty outfit aside, there seems to be no consistency whatsoever to the choices these folks made. “Oh, hell, another pool party. I’ll just throw on the first thing I grab from the hamper.” “Oh, boy! Another pool party! I hope you remembered to pick up my blue silk sheath from the cleaner’s!” “Oh, dear! Another pool party. All I have is this white dress that went through the wash with the salmon squares from the last pool party. Oh, well. Maybe if I add a neck scarf nobody will notice except the cats.”

  30. Charterstoned
    November 30th, 2009 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    Make that “balloon.” Sorry.

  31. Dragon of Life
    November 30th, 2009 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    Did Josh just imply that Cherry is a giant pelican? In fairness, I will grant that said pelican totally has a “hardened sexual predator” glint in its eye.

    MW: Wilbur just rammed about eight inches of straw down his throat. Suicide by soft-palate impalement, or merely subtly commentary on how exposure to Mary results in homosexual impulses?

  32. Sequitur
    November 30th, 2009 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

    Psst. 28, Baka Gaijin. It’s not really fake. It’s what happened after he read the punch line.

  33. Baka Gaijin
    November 30th, 2009 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    Luann, last panel: A little more makeup and she’d be an EVILSCARYCLOWN!!! AAAAAaaaaaAAAAaaaah!

    Luann, part 2: If there was a God, a Kansas farmhouse’ll fall out the sky on top of Mrs. DeGroot. Serves the bitch right.

  34. Uncle Lumpy
    November 30th, 2009 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    @ Mustang (#26) –

    . . . no, Les, you idiot, we don’t DECORATE basements.

    Except maybe that the sight of Les hanging from a joist over a toppled chair is the most wonderful, warmest holiday gift ever. Seriously, Santa, you can skip the puppy now.

  35. Kibo
    November 30th, 2009 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    I thought the headline said “Poo Party Nightmare”, and expected something about Marvin.

    Marvin’s like Little Dot, except he obsesses over doots, not dots.

  36. Sequitur
    November 30th, 2009 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

    Baka Gaijin. For what it’s worth, it’s safe to read Dick Tracy again. That is, if you want to. Maybe. I suppose. Uh-huh.

  37. Sequitur
    November 30th, 2009 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    MW: Hey! Look close at the guy on the far left in the 2nd panel. Is that Josh?

  38. Sue D. Nymme
    November 30th, 2009 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

    Mark, LOOK OUT! The pelican is a sniper!

  39. cj
    November 30th, 2009 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    Worth:
    Wilbur’s tears must have filled a bucket. He can’t stop drinking the orange soda long enough to talk out of his mouth instead of his scalp.

    Trail:
    I don’t get why Mark is surprised. He’s never before shown a reaction to the perfectly natural utterances of inanimate flora.

    FW:
    Hey, I liked Sweeney Todd!

  40. Michael
    November 30th, 2009 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

    “She’s gone, Mary. She left about a week ago, you could say, but it’s taken me this long to dismember the body and bleach down the apartment. Worked up quite a thirst!”

    Oh c’mon LOOK AT HIM.

  41. Baka Gaijin
    November 30th, 2009 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

    #36 Sequitur: “He’s tall and lanky with long hair.” Sorry, that sounds like a clown to me, especially if said long hair is fashioned in a zero-gravity environment. Besides, I’m waiting for that bear in last week’s Mark Trail to discover that he has long, razor-sharp claws, suitable for ripping the sides off a car and eating the soft creamy humans middles.

  42. Sequitur
    November 30th, 2009 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    41. Baka Gaijin
    That’s not a nice thing to say about Dick Tracy’s wife.

    Bears Discovering Things Department: One of my favorite Far Side comics is where you have two bears in a circus ring with their trainer. One bear takes off his muzzle and proclaims to the other bear, “Hey! These things pop right off!”

  43. cj
    November 30th, 2009 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    Re: 31 Dragon of Life:
    Looks like Cherry…is his albatross.

    YYYEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!

  44. Matt Algren
    November 30th, 2009 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    I’m sorry, but that is not Toby. Look how little she is next to her Dr. Ian! No, Toby’s off doing girl stuff, leaving Dr. Ian to attend the party with a special made 3/4-scale blow up Toby.

  45. mr 12 oz can
    November 30th, 2009 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    tomm wilber will say he just got back from a cruise and somehow iris wasnt there when the ship docked . mark will do anything to avoid cherry so i guess i wont see andy to next year

  46. Sequitur
    November 30th, 2009 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    I still want to know what Josh is doing at a Charterstone pool party.

  47. commodorejohn
    November 30th, 2009 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

    Glad I’m not the only one seeing Josh in panel two. Watch out, Fruhlinger, or you might wind up disappeared save for a photo of a pool party featuring a scraggly, unkempt blogger among the attendants, like the end of The Shining…

  48. Sequitur
    November 30th, 2009 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    If Josh disappeared, I bet we could go waaayyy past 1000 comments!

  49. DaveyK
    November 30th, 2009 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

    Mary’s exclamation has nothing to do with Wilbur. No one, after all, ever pays attention to anything he says, even when asked. In fact, Mary (like the young gentleman in the background) just realized that the Yellow Lumps of Food which she unwisely chose from the buffet passed their sell-by date weeks ago, and is preparing to vomit onto Wilbur.

  50. Écureuil Écumant
    November 30th, 2009 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

    @26 Mustang says: “FW: … we might even contemplate suicide in basements, but no, Les, you idiot, we don’t DECORATE basements.”

    I agree with Uncle Lumpy. I’m dying to see the basement ceiling decorated with greyish gobbets of springy brain curds. A typical two-fer in WinkerWorld — decoration and death.

  51. Écureuil Écumant
    November 30th, 2009 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

    MW: Some are questioning why Prof. Chinbeard isn’t wearing the kilt he acquired in Edinburgh and mocking his apparent paucity of ethnic pride.

    May I remind them that just perhaps, blue terrycloth is Lard Laird Cameron’s true tartan?

    Et pour @3 Niall — merci d’avoir mis l’okina dans le “hawai’ien”!

  52. Charterstoned
    November 30th, 2009 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    MW – Assuming that liquid always finds its level, Wilbur seems to be sucking up something solid–or at the very least, gelatinous. Mary is working on a plateful of…leftover mashed potatoes? Given that Mary’s famous Salmon Squares have been served at recent Charterstone Attitude Adjustment parties, perhaps a Worthy exercise might be for us Mudges to assemble a Charterstone cookbook.

  53. Dr. Pill
    November 30th, 2009 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

    MW: The guy isn’t wearing cargo shorts, not enough pockets Also, they have a crease. Looks like he just whacked the legs off a pair of dress pants in a desperate move to look “cool” at the poolside party.
    FW: He’s not being a smart guy, he’s being smart-alec, Winkerbean. Surely you’ve known Les long enough to recognize that. I’d like to give you credit that you do know the difference, but I don’t know, lately you’ve been acting, shall we say, one taco short of a combination plate.

  54. Little A and his Verkokte Magic Ball
    November 30th, 2009 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

    #35 Little Dot? Little Dot? You must be as old as I am. And I ain’t telling how old I am. Except to say that when I was young, The Bronx was fresh and fair.

    Seriously, is this crappy comic still being produced?

    More about Little Dot can be found on the inernet. Maybe. I am going to take a look right now.

  55. billman
    November 30th, 2009 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

    FC – who on earth is Billy talking to? what he’s saying woudn’t be addressed to his mother in that way, so either he’s talking to his lunch box, someone off-panel, or some scary other alternative i don’t want to contemplate.

  56. sarahtheawesome
    November 30th, 2009 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

    Sometimes the speech bubbles in Mark Trail are misplaced, but today I’m pretty sure they’re exactly right. The ocean is murmuring self-complimentary nothings, but it’s secretly preparing a tsunami to crush Mark and company. The spoil-sport clump of grass is warning Mark, thus depriving us of the suspense of seeing Mark finally meet a foe he can’t punch.

  57. lylebot
    November 30th, 2009 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    How come Funky Winkerbean can manage to keep the colors consistent from strip to strip but the other soap opera strips can’t? Anyone have any ideas?

  58. Ed Power, Cage Writer
    November 30th, 2009 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

    Niall @ 3:

    “My Cage: I really, really hope this strip goes on long enough that we get to see Lily (Maureen’s daughter) wrap Violet’s daughter around her little finger.”

    I really, really hope that too. (sigh)

  59. It\'s time to pay the price
    November 30th, 2009 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

    MARK LOOK OUT! IT’S YOUR DEFORMED TWIN FROZEN IN THE HEADLIGHTS!

  60. Birthmark Hal
    November 30th, 2009 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

    Rusty: MARK, LOOK OUT!

    (squealing tires)

    *thump*thump*thump*quask*thump*gubp**squnch*thump*crunch*thump*
    bump*squnch*thump*crunch*thump*thump*glorp*thump*thump*quask*thump*

    Rusty: Gee Mark, it looks like you ran over hundreds of critically endangered leatherback sea turtles. They must have been females making their once-every-three-years journey to lay their fragile, soft shelled eggs in the sand above the high tide line.

    Mark Trail: *Punches self*

  61. Citric
    November 30th, 2009 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

    FW: Why did my mind immediately go to sodomy? I think I’ve been reading Beetle Bailey too long.

  62. Lolsworth
    November 30th, 2009 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

    Mark, look out! There’s a gigantic multi-dimensional speechbubble that straddles time and space right in front of you!

  63. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    November 30th, 2009 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    6 Digger: I think that’s rice pudding on Mary’s plate. And as we now know, that means that someone’s gettin’ lucky tonight.

  64. troy macgregor
    November 30th, 2009 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    FW: Heyy why does my meat lovers pizza have a pretentious goatee attached to it!?

  65. Écureuil Écumant
    November 30th, 2009 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

    @57 lylebot says: “How come Funky Winkerbean can manage to keep the colors consistent from strip to strip but the other soap opera strips can’t?”

    I think I speak for at least a few others in here — Batiuk really does do quality cartooning work in his unstinting effort to advance his truly lugubrious plots. Ultimately, it’s probably not a sufficient offset for his buzz-harshing ways.

    Like “Garfield minus Garfield”, the world would probably benefit from a “Wordless Winkerbean”.

  66. Jumper
    November 30th, 2009 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

    Cool stuff like Funky Winkerbean leading Les through a secret tunnel which leads to a back road along the beach only happens in my dreams.

  67. Carbunicle
    November 30th, 2009 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

    Looking at the linked vintage Id, I am appalled by how off-model the art has drifted.

  68. Carbunicle
    November 30th, 2009 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

    re: Batiuk draftsmanship. I can’t remember the source, but my understanding is that the artists can provide color instructions for the synicate’s ‘color monkeys’ or they can provide the necessary files / art themselves. Someone else undoubtedly has a more cogent explanation.

  69. seismic-2
    November 30th, 2009 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail’s station wagon has the world’s loudest GPS. Of course, I would expect no less of Mark. I bet the air bags automatically punch passengers with facial hair, too.

    Something is wrong in Charterstone – Mary is serving potato squares, and Wilbur is guzzling salmon-aide. I suspect a rift in the space-time continuum, brought on by too dense a confluence of story-lines in a single week. If the “many worlds” theory of quantum mechanics is correct, perhaps the dimensional rift will enable Mary to jump from reality to reality throughout the entire meddleverse!

  70. billman
    November 30th, 2009 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

    me @55 or my paper had the wrong caption for today, which i suppose falls under the scary options -_-

  71. Victor Von
    November 30th, 2009 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail’s ocean… always talking itself up!

  72. bartcow
    November 30th, 2009 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

    In my cold-medicine drug-addled haze, I read “Montoni’s” as “Monotoni’s” (monotony), which now that I think about it, should have happened a lot sooner, and regardless of side effects.

  73. Uncle Lumpy
    November 30th, 2009 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    Tom Batiuk — the Andrea del Sarto of the female teen buttock. But alas, no Browning.

  74. Écureuil Écumant
    November 30th, 2009 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

    @55, 70 billman: At first it seemed plausible that after eating turkey for four days straight, Billy probably was giving his mom some blowback.

    But now I think he’s as serious as a heart attack, and he wants to make sure Mommy knows there’s no way he would’ve traded his turkey sandwich for some other kid’s. ‘Cause Mommy said it’s a very special turkey — a capon, just like him!

  75. Carly
    November 30th, 2009 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

    Wow, kudos to 8th Man Fan for actually SCORING all that. Impressive, and time consuming. I got two right so I guess I’m not totally bad at this…?

    Rusty was adopted, right? Because he and Mark sure make identical faces of horror that are also horrifying.

  76. Poteet
    November 30th, 2009 at 8:26 pm [Reply]

    # 21 Farley’s — I truly sympathize. And I don’t know about you, but I’ve never seen any Miss-Manners-type advice on what to do when someone marches over, says “Hi, good to see you!”, and starts chatting away, and you haven’t the foggiest idea who the person is. That happens to me a lot. I feel your pain.

  77. Emily K [Riff Chick]
    November 30th, 2009 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    FW: They need to hang a couple more things… …themselves.

  78. Poteet
    November 30th, 2009 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

    # 21 Farley’s — And yeah, nametags on everyone. Excellent idea.

  79. Gap-Toothed Starey "HOOOO!" Guy
    November 30th, 2009 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    FW – We should be so lucky, Josh. Funky’s probably taking Les down there to show him his enlarged prostate.

  80. Alan's Addiction
    November 30th, 2009 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    After the recent horrors of Delilah’s horrible salmon-pink jumpsuit, I’m quite ready to face anything Ian’s wearing. Good God, it’s merely offensive, not garishly blinding. Clearly, this man is a newcomer to the bad fashion world of Charterstone. Also, I’d like to know why Mary is speaking to Winston Churchill today.
    I applaud the development of male cross dressers being used as pinups. It’s either a step forward for equal rights, or it’s bringing in the British comic traditions of cross dressing; both of which can only improve “BC.”
    I approve of Mark’s open-mouthed look of gaping shock in today’s “Mark Trail.” I can only assume that he’s terrified at that car-sized pelican that’s coldly assessing the car in the first panel.
    Tim, the continuously poorly drawn chauffeur appears to be a police composite sketch of a serial killer in the second panel of today’s “Rex Morgan.” The only features that would enable us to identify him are the glasses and stupid mustache. I’m starting to think that those two features comprise Tim’s personality, too.
    Today, Les perfectly demonstrates the “white dude in horror movie” move by following a man he doesn’t know that well into the basement. I think that we’re all overreacting here, Funky simply keeps his Holocaust memorabilia down there. It helps him remember a simpler time when only a single country was pointlessly and ruthlessly massacring millions of people, back before the universe aligned in such a way as to make Earth slowly uninhabitable, which is what has happened in the Funkyverse

  81. Amateur
    November 30th, 2009 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    MT: A clump of grass just yelled at Mark to look out. I’ve heard of the rocks crying out, but this is ridiculous.

  82. sugarpie
    November 30th, 2009 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    Many thanks to 8th man fan. I completely botched it, too, and have learned a valuable lesson: never, ever, take the under on how long Mary Worth can stretch even the lamest plot. Damn it, I knew that! I just got caught up in the warehouse firefight excitement. I can now hear Mary’s splintery voice gurgling in my ear…”sucker.”

  83. Donruss
    November 30th, 2009 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    FW-We DESOCRATE not DECORATE things here in the Wink of Funky. As we all know this is a Bat (Shit insane) iuk story/tragedy! BTW, been reading the site for weeks and this is my 1st post.

  84. Poteet
    November 30th, 2009 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

    MW — Is there any chance this new storyline could bring Tommie the Tweaker back to Charterstone? Or is he dead or in a coma or imprisoned for life or something? I missed him the first time around, but some of you Mudges have written about him in ways that intrigue me.

  85. AM
    November 30th, 2009 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

    FW – come on Les, we’re going on an adventure Les…we’re going to Candy basement…shun the non-believer, shun, shun…and then Les wakes up to realize that Funky has stolen his “freakin’ kidney!”

  86. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    November 30th, 2009 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

    83 Donruss: Welcome!

    85 AM: Hee! I imagine that many strips would improve with a bit more Candy Mountain.

  87. Black Drazon
    November 30th, 2009 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

    After all these years, we should have known that Mark Trail, unable to be killed by villains bearing all sorts of armaments, would be killed by those that had always been his greatest friends: in a head-on collision with a giant speech balloon spouted by, apparently, an equally giant blue heron.

  88. Red Greenback
    November 30th, 2009 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    If I recall correctly, it didn’t work out too well the last time someone in Mary Worth said “OH NO!”. One can only hope Mary meets a similar fate*.

    *Drinky, drinky. Drivey, drivey. “OH NO!” Screechy, splatty.

  89. DavidMcG
    November 30th, 2009 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

    I’d like to think you’re joking about that Funky Winkerbean strip, but I literally cannot think of any other interpretation of what’s going on in that narrative.

  90. Mary Worth Discussion Group
    November 30th, 2009 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

    MW–on the far right of the second panel I believe I see the beloved Marilyn Monroe (or perhaps impersonator Jim Bailey as Marilyn Monroe) in a blue dress. Where is charterstone resident internet security LesbianTerry Bryson?

  91. Soccerhead
    November 30th, 2009 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

    GT: Val is 6-1, which would be taller than most of her teammates. that alone might disqualify her from being the Jamarr Gaddis of v’ball.
    BB: Cpl. Yo has all the stereotypes, the shanty eyes, the yellowish skin. At least he didn’t say, “the chaprain”.
    FC: I figure tomorrow’s the leftover turkey deadline.

  92. Farley's Revenge
    November 30th, 2009 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    #76Poteet : I’ve had people come up and start chatting with me and I know I know them but have no idea who they are. If the spouse is with me, he’ll say “Hi, XXXX, how are you?” to let me know the person’s name-he’s aware of my blank-so that’s a big help. If I’m by myself, I simply grin and nod until the person goes away. Sometimes they give me enough clues I can make an educated guess to their ID but sometimes I’ve carried on entire conversations with people who seem to be oblivious to the fact I have no clue who they are.

    Makes life interesting, it does.

  93. Farley's Revenge
    November 30th, 2009 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

    MT: Mark appears to be in a state of shock that the clump of grass yelled a warning to him. Why, he’s so agog at the foliage that he seems to have let go of the steering wheel entirely and climbed into the back seat. Sassy, being the only sentient being in the car(and that’s saying a lot for that bunch) is left to grab the wheel and cause the car to veer uncontrollably into the ocean, where they discover giant talking squids holding a meeting.

  94. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    November 30th, 2009 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

    93 Farley’s Revenge: Had Andy been in the car, however, he would have safely steered them around the fretful foliage, adjusted the rear-view mirror, and winked at Mark in the back, as he found the best radio station in the area and quickly located the next exit with a Wawa so everyone could stop for snacks.

  95. Farley's Revenge
    November 30th, 2009 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

    Luann: If “too cold”=stone cold bitch, then yeah, you were too cold. And Pop DeGroot. Wow. Could he be much more disapproving.[/eyeroll]

  96. Farley's Revenge
    November 30th, 2009 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

    #94BB, U: True, Andy’s the brains of the outfit. Heck, Andy’s so smart he begged off on this trip completely. He’s probably vacationing in Vegas.

  97. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    November 30th, 2009 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

    96 Farley’s Revenge: And winning at the high-stakes tables.

  98. seismic-2
    November 30th, 2009 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    Actually, what I find most interesting in today’s MT strip is that Rusty says “Wow, this is neat, seeing the ocean!” and the ocean replies to him, “Yes, the ocean is always fascinating!” If that’s the inane level of the ocean’s feeble chit-chat, however, I’d say Mark has taken a detour to the Boring Straits.

  99. Steve the Pocket
    November 30th, 2009 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

    I’m guessing there’s something about the basement of Montoni’s that Les, and possibly the reader, are supposed to remember. The only thing that came to my mind was that old arcade game they’ve got stashed down there, and I doubt that has anything to do with anything.

    As far as the coloring in it, I’m reluctant to claim Batiuk does it himself, since wouldn’t he want to colorize the version that doesn’t already have the (probably Photoshopped) zip-a-tone added to it? (Admittedly it’s hard to see at this size; try zooming in on the Times-Union’s version.) But whoever does colorize it definitely puts more effort into it than most.

    @#22: I’m pretty sure that’s of questionable accuracy too, since I remember another strip where he was imprisoned for calling the King a fink. A couple strips, actually.

  100. cheech wizard
    November 30th, 2009 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

    MW – “Oh no!” is Maryspeak for “Hot damn!” since she’s now got a juicy new crisis to meddle in. She could just send out the guys in black to hog-tie Iris and haul her back to Charterstone, but the chains of guilt are so much more satisfying.

  101. Steve the Pocket
    November 30th, 2009 at 10:31 pm [Reply]

    And while we’re on the subject of zip-a-tone, I’ve always wondered, now that it’s all digital, why cartoonists don’t just add the grayscale in Photoshop and send it like that, and let the printer dottify it like it does with photos. I’ve seen bad things happen when a cartoonist adds their own zip-a-tone, and somewhere along the line the image is scaled down to a lower resolution, leaving an unsightly moire pattern. Our paper used to do it to Get Fuzzy all the time.

  102. cheech wizard
    November 30th, 2009 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

    Luann – Actually, I have to give Greg Evans credit for taking a character that’s commonly regarded as one of the sexiest mature women in the funny pages and making her appear completely revolting. Last week’s ice queen behavior was merely distasteful; Nancy’s face today is downright disturbing. Way’ to push the envelope, Greg!

  103. mayzshon
    November 30th, 2009 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

    FW-”No Les, I’d like you to see examine the Cask of Amontillado I recently purchesed.”

  104. Lisa
    November 30th, 2009 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

    {“My Cage: I really, really hope this strip goes on long enough that we get to see Lily (Maureen’s daughter) wrap Violet’s daughter around her little finger.”

    I really, really hope that too. (sigh)}

    Ed, any news about your strip? You seem kind of apprehensive, like you think it’s going to be dropped… I certainly hope not. It’s one of the few bright lights on the comics page anymore. (((Ed)))

  105. zerowolf
    November 30th, 2009 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

    MW: The title of this story arc is: “How Mary got her Meddle Back.”

  106. cheech wizard
    November 30th, 2009 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

    You know, Melissa and Ed have a Facebook page, but very few fans. If you want to support MyCage, it wouldn’t hurt to become fans and recommend it to your friends.

  107. Brick Bradford
    November 30th, 2009 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

    I am so hoping that Wilbur is wearing bermuda shorts, black knee socks, and wing tips. If so he’s dressed like my dad.

  108. Edgy DC
    November 30th, 2009 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

    You know, we all know that Mark Trail is one cold fish but a patronizing “Yes the ocean is always fascinating!” doesn’t deserve a “Mark, look out!” so much as a “Mark, fuck you!”

    Maybe, Rusty is telling Mark to look out for his fist.

  109. Poteet
    November 30th, 2009 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

    # 92 Farley’s — Me too! I do that too! Occasionally I get desperate enough to say something like “I’m sorry, I’m having a brain glitch and can’t remember your name,” but I feel like a moron when so doing. I guess the one advantage of having that problem with A3G and RMMD is that I can freely snarl “who the fuck are you?!”

  110. Linty McDangle
    November 30th, 2009 at 11:44 pm [Reply]

    “She’s gone!” “Oh, no!”

    “Yeah, you were too busy meddling with that chick with the Swiss cheese boyfriend and yakking to that skank. But no, she’s gone, mentioned somethin’ about ‘having to get away’ or ‘unstatisfied with our relationship’ or somethin’ like that. I wasn’t paying attention, y’know how Iris is. Anyways, that ‘white indistinguishable processed food product’ wasn’t too bad – is it possible that if there’s leftovers, that I could take some home? Iris didn’t even leave me so much as a casserole, can you believe it?”

  111. Rusty
    November 30th, 2009 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

    MW: Wilbur’s been hittin the Tang pretty hard.

  112. Uncle Lumpy
    November 30th, 2009 at 11:52 pm [Reply]

    No – she’s been gone all week.

  113. Poteet
    November 30th, 2009 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

    MW — Wherever Iris is now, she’s probably raising a glass and proclaiming, “Thank God I’m through with those *$%*@^! pool parties!”

  114. NoahSnark
    November 30th, 2009 at 11:54 pm [Reply]

    Why do I think this current Mark Trail storyline will end up with him punching a shark? Simple – having bested every challenge the mustache kingdom has to offer our hero is ready for the next chapter in the book of villains – creatures who view Sassy as a tasty snack.

  115. Rusty
    November 30th, 2009 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

    Can anyone fill me in on what happened to Wally Winkerbean’s TV Party? He was drawing the shades, cracking some cold ones, and ready to watch violence on the tube when last I saw him. Has he been left “figuratively” hanging?

  116. Aviatrix
    December 1st, 2009 at 12:13 am [Reply]

    Thank you Josh for pointing out the white socks that Toby is sporting. They really pull the whole outfit together. Brick, I’m sure he’s wearing black socks and wingtips. I can’t imagine him owning any other kind shoes, and Iris always told him he had to wear socks to match his shoes.

  117. Joe Blevins
    December 1st, 2009 at 12:14 am [Reply]

    I thought this Wizard of Id sequence might work better as pantomime.

    What do you think?

  118. cheech wizard
    December 1st, 2009 at 12:16 am [Reply]

    115- I think he’s in Funky’s basement.

    “Les, are you ready to do me your favor, my old friend? I want you to use all your powers. I don’t want his ex-wife to see him looking like this.” (pulls sheet back)

    “Look at how cheery he is. Make him look depressing. You have that effect on people.”

  119. Muffaroo
    December 1st, 2009 at 12:24 am [Reply]

    Poteet @20 – I’ve long been an advocate of nametags for everybody, and when I become dictator, you can bet your wish will be granted. I once had a nametag that was about six by nine inches in black sans-serif letters on a board painted reflective orange. Funny story: on my way to visit my cousin in Denver, I was driving past some construction on Kipling street, and someone had ripped a temporary “KIPLING” sign off the pole it was on so that it was hanging on by three quarters of a nail hole. I plucked it down with thumb and forefinger, and my cousin trimmed it for me — it had also been broken so that only my name (Kip) and part of the L remained. It’s like God wanted me to have a name tag.

    But wearing it at a convention was sort of a two-edged sword. People kept calling out to me, and when I turned around, I couldn’t see who’d done it. (It was like being the only anglos visiting Wuxi, China, only there people would shout “Hello!” and when I turned to look, nobody was owning up to it.)

    Mark Trail – Many newspapers cut Mark’s speech off completely today. For being too loud.

  120. AhClem
    December 1st, 2009 at 12:32 am [Reply]

    Poteet, Farley’s Revenge, et al -
    On Saturday’s Prairie Home Companion, one of the sketches featured an SPS (Social Positioning System), which combined features of social networking sites and a GPS. “Directly in front of you is Sam Smith. His wife, Barbara, is at four o’clock at the hors d’oeuvres table. At nine o’clock is Jimmy Anderson, your neighbor across the alley…”

    I’d pay good money for one of those.

  121. AhClem
    December 1st, 2009 at 12:34 am [Reply]

    And aren’t you impressed that I spelled “whore’s ovaries” correctly?

    Thank you very much.

  122. Aviatrix
    December 1st, 2009 at 12:42 am [Reply]

    Ah Clem @121, I’ll take two, one gift wrapped, please. There’s a reason so much of my social life is on the net.

  123. Poteet
    December 1st, 2009 at 12:48 am [Reply]

    # 119 Muffaroo — I look forward to your world domination. And I don’t say that to just anyone.

    # 120 AhClem — I need one. I want one. Now I’ll dream about having one.

  124. Aviatrix
    December 1st, 2009 at 1:28 am [Reply]

    Oh and let me investigate Mark’s back roads along the ocean that to the interstate. We know Bob lives in the natural range of alligators, so his starting point must be between the Texas coast and the tip of North Carolina.

    The location of the Lost Forest is also unspecified, but the strip was recognized by the state of Georgia with the Mark Trail Wilderness so presumably the species described are compatible with that area. Georgia also works as not being insanely far to drive to a swamp for a fishing trip, especially considering you already live in a forest.

    Anywhere in Florida you have to either cross the nearest N-S interstate or drive away from it to get to the coast. The sea is on his left, so he’s either driving south along the east coast or west along the south coast. That rules out eastern Florida south of I-10 and most of Georgia, just because there are too many estuaries with no bridges across their mouths: it’s not a straight shot along the coast.

    I have to go to bed. Someone pick this up and find a plausible place for Mark to drive on backroads to an Interstate. It doesn’t have to be the shortest route, just not radically in the wrong direction, and match the depicted flora and fauna.

    Could it be the 98 towards the I-10/I-65?

  125. Lucky
    December 1st, 2009 at 4:20 am [Reply]

    #115 Rusty – I’m betting that we’ll be seeing his remains on Christmas eve.

    Wednesday funnies!

    9 Chickweed Lane – Wait, German soldiers are Mozart enthusiasts? Does this mean that Granny here has been singing George Gershwin to the American troops?

    B.C. – “…though that might have something to do with the fact that bacon was invented only last week.”

    Buckles – Yup, those were definitely brownies in the original script.

    Dennis the Menace – Is that brown stuff what I think it is? There might actually be some potential for menacing here.

    Hagar the Horrible – Vikings did not drink rum!

    Mark Trail – And so ends the story of Mark Trail. …unless that giant seagull grabs the car and safely lands it somewhere, of course.

    Mary Worth – Oh now that was a cheap cliffhanger. Fortunately there’s still potential for meddling, as the rapidly emptying glass suggests that Wilbur has developed a drinking problem.

  126. gleeb
    December 1st, 2009 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    103 (mayzshon): I don’t think, “For the love of God, Winkerbean!” has the same ring to it.

  127. Brick Bradford
    December 1st, 2009 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    MT: The End. Please?

    MW: Imagine any woman taking off on a guy with a swell comb over like that. As a bonus he seems to be knocking back the bourbon at an alarming rate. Every woman’s dream, I’m thinking.

    A3G: Has Dr. Whosis talked with Bobbie about her alarming weight fluctuations?

  128. Camwyn
    December 1st, 2009 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    You know, I’m looking at Spook’s poster and all I can think of is this one toy I saw at pictureisunrelated. The product name was translated into English as ‘You Can Shave The Baby’. I’d been wondering where the target audience was for something like that.

  129. JustAGuyGuy
    December 1st, 2009 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    “You know, for a smart guy…you do seem to forget from time to time our secret torture room for some reason.”

  130. Lloyd S.
    December 1st, 2009 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    Gee, I thought I’d only ever see that look on Mark Trail’s face if the right fist o’justice missed, but there’s not a beard in sight.

  131. Hank
    December 2nd, 2009 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    My first reaction to seeing the expression of shock and horror on Mark’s face was that he must be passing by some young couple, sharing an intimate moment behind the dunes, as young couples are wont to do. Rusty, who may be familiar with these customs through his “special” merit badge work with his Scoutmaster, knows that this image could be devastating to Mark’s worldview and his realization of Cherry’s unfullfilled expectations all of these years.

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