The Comics Curmudgeon

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Medico vs. medico

Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/1/09

What must it be like to be part of a couple in which both you and your spouse work in the demanding but rewarding medical field, with human lives literally in your hands, day after day? Since I’m a terrible person, I assume it mostly involves petty score-keeping. “Oh ho, Peter, it looks like you managed to kill someone — again — while I nobly went above and beyond the call of duty and found one of my missing patients just before she developed deadly pneumonia. Advantage: Becka!”

Family Circus, 12/1/09

I’m going to skip over Dolly’s chilling views on mother-daughter relationships (“I can’t believe she’s wasting her time talking to that old bag! When I grow up, I’m not even going to tell Mommy where I live!”) and focus on little Jeffy, wearin’ his best penny loafers and just stone cold maxin’ and relaxin’ in that doorway. I love the way he’s holding that book in his lap like a little table. Obviously he has some dim idea that education might be his ticket out of the Keane Kompound, but since literacy will be forever beyond his capabilities, he just grabbed a thin little brown volume (the Reader’s Digest abridged version of Leviticus, probably) from whatever shelf he could reach and carries it around the house with him, hoping it will help, somehow.

Mary Worth, 12/1/09

Mary’s expression of palpable and inappropriate relief may indicate that even a master meddler has her limits; even she doesn’t have the spiritual strength to deal with the emotional problems of a sad sack like Wilbur. “She’ll only be gone a few months, but who will wipe all this dirt off my face? I’m far too sad without her to deal with basic hygiene! Will you do it Mary? I think there are some towels over by the side of the pool.”

Dennis the Menace, 12/1/09

“An’ that’s why we’re buryin’ this snitch in a shallow grave.”

This entry was posted on Tuesday, December 1, 2009 at 03:41 pm and is filed under Dennis the Menace, Family Circus, Mary Worth, Rex Morgan, M.D.. |

193 responses to “Medico vs. medico”

Alex Blaze
December 1st, 2009 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

Even more troubling than Wilbur’s poorly-shaded forehead is the Mary Worth double over his shoulder in panel 1. Sure, it’d be funny for a while to watch two Mary Worths battle it out over who can be the meddlingest, but, eventually, they’d talk to each other about something deep and get stuck in an infinite loop of platitudes. Ian would have to come marching in shirtless to break it up, and nobody would win.
Steve S
December 1st, 2009 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

Wilbur’s face in panel 1 reminds me of when our junior high yearbook accidentally printed a teacher’s photo running right down the gutter between pages. That’s quite a fold!
shanghaishrimpo
December 1st, 2009 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

MW: Okay, in the first panel… is that Mary’s doppelgänger walking AWAY from Wilbur and Mary? The hubby and I found this very, very distracting from the excitement of the new storyline!
Muse of Ire
December 1st, 2009 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

I notice how it never occurs to Dolly — or indeed, to Thelma — to suggest that Daddy Bil might get off his lordly ass to do the dishes so the wimmenfolk might enjoy their chat.
Écureuil Écumant
December 1st, 2009 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

FC: Kitty’s body language strongly suggests that Thel’s polyester pants are gonna have one hell of a run in the right leg just … about … now.

Guess there’ll be a new dinner-table treat tonight: calico casserole.
Baka Gaijin
December 1st, 2009 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

Beetle Bailey: OMG! Killer totally found out that Cookie’s going commando today. Killer totally found out that he shouldn’t look up another man’s pants legs. Killer is totally unsure if he’s turned on.
Digger
December 1st, 2009 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

If Mary needs a meddling fix, may I suggest she deal with Wilbur’s pathetic attempt at a comb-over? Perhaps she could give him a nice hat with a big brim, thereby covering both his chrome-dome and the disturbing black abyss in the middle of his forehead.
commodorejohn
December 1st, 2009 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

#6 Baka Gaijin – I’m no expert, but I get the feeling that Killer is one of those “anything that moves” types.
Baka Gaijin
December 1st, 2009 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

#8 commodorejohn: I guess the tree outside and the hole in the ground are safe, for now…
Poteet
December 1st, 2009 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

RMMD — Shouldn’t a few of these people be wet? I seem to recall a lot of rain.
Red Greenback
December 1st, 2009 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

Silly Mary, out-of-body experiences DO NOT WORK THAT WAY!
zenvelo
December 1st, 2009 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

Thel’s asking mother when the hell she should expect to blow up into a lard -ass “just like you..”
commodorejohn
December 1st, 2009 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

#9 Baka Gaijin – Well, the hole is probably safe. The tree? Not so much.
Poteet
December 1st, 2009 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

9CL — I don’t know anything about German popular songs around the time of WWII, but I find it hard to believe that Mozart was the only music that German soldiers hummed. On the other hand, I’m one of those non-artistic people that I suspect Brooke kind of despises, so I’m probably not qualified to comment.
Niall
December 1st, 2009 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

I never would have thought of that menacing angle in Dennis. That’s why Josh is the Pope.
Mardou Fox
December 1st, 2009 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

Yikes. Dennis’s expression made my blood run cold. I’ll bet it’s Mr. Wilson that they offed. I’d say this one is pretty high on the menace scale!!
Baka Gaijin
December 1st, 2009 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

#13 commodorejohn: Oh, so Killer’s real name is Earl, his childhood obsession redirected to topiary due to the lack of Hoovers in the US Army.
Pozzo
December 1st, 2009 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

I have a feeling that, if we had the privilege of hearing Wilbur’s voice, it would sound an awful like Droopy Dog. (“Hello, folks.”)
Bryan
December 1st, 2009 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

9 Chickweed Lane: “Do you know the Horst Wessel Song?” “By heart, Mein Herren! Ooops, I mean I could learn it, sir.”
Crankshaft: “It’s called The Turner Diaries!”
Curtis: “I was born to have my career begin and end with Inner City Black Cheerleader Search #56!”
Funky Winkerbean: Oh, ripoff! Everyone had high hopes for gay sex or murder (or possibly both, but not necessarily in that order) and we get reindeer?
pabbybear
December 1st, 2009 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

I’ve never posted on here before, but I read it every day & always just love all your inventive, funny comments. Today I just HAD to say–that line with the little dot on Wilber’s nose reminds me of that glasses thing Steve Martin invented in “The Jerk.” He will undoubtedly become cross-eyed very soon.
Baron Bizarre
December 1st, 2009 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

Bryan @ 19: How about gay sex with murdeous reindeer?
Terry in Silver Spring
December 1st, 2009 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

MW: “Don’t worry! She’ll be back. Even so….we have plenty of time….to get to know each other MUCH better.”

Wilbur is clearly a swinger, making on a move on Mary.
Baron Bizarre
December 1st, 2009 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

“Murdeous” should read “murderous” Me am college graduate.
kkarenb
December 1st, 2009 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

FW – The Christmas decorations in the basement were made in China and were recalled for being made of carcinogenic materials. Time to decorate!

Snuffy Smith – What the heck is going on here? Several times in the past week – TEETH.
Dragon of Life
December 1st, 2009 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth writers, rejecting canon explanations from ST: Enterprise, embark on an ambitious crusade to explain how Klingons developed forehead ridges between the original series and the movie.

Meanwhile, RM:MD and Dennis the Menace crossovers! It’s like Christmas, if Christmas were hell.
ratnerstar
December 1st, 2009 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

Whoa … who’s that woman on the left in Family Circus? The grandmother I remember has white hair and glasses! I mean, sure, I guess most families have two sets of grandparents, but I always figured Bil and Thel were siblings.
bats :[
December 1st, 2009 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

Have we ever determined if Mark Trail, albeit a “nature writer,” even has a sense of direction?
troy macgregor
December 1st, 2009 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

When I saw the title of today’s entry all I could think of was “Overdrawn At The Memory Bank”.
“Dummy! Only a retard would wanna be a medico.”
Uncle Lumpy
December 1st, 2009 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

Becka: “You lost a patient tonight? Hey, I found two of them! Puts us one ahead, by my count — let’s ditch this loser and go find a motel with a bar.”
Jacob
December 1st, 2009 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

Mark Trail: This is very interesting. Notice that the MARK LOOK OUT balloon was clearly coming out of the bush by the side of the road. Now, a deer jumps out of the forest on the other side of the road. Who was in that bush, and did they set this up? Is a guy with sideburns going to stand up and declare his victory over Mark Trail? The plot thickens!

Dennis the Menace: Wow, I didn’t even need to see any text to realize this is about burying people. I guess he needed a friend to help dig a hole big enough for his grumpy neighbour.

Sidenote: Thanks to the Comics Curmudgeon, Mark Trail is now my favourite comic strip.
edp
December 1st, 2009 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

I’m pretty sure that RM is about petty score-keeping, it’s just thinly varnished with waspy, passive-aggressive propriety. Allow me to translate:

Good to meet you Mr. Howard…
Uhm, who the fuck are you?

I’m glad your mom is OK
Shouldn’t you be taking care of your mom instead of groping my wife? Also, who loses their mom?

Yeah me too
Maybe you ought to keep better tabs on your wife

Are you just getting out of your residents’ meeting…
See what I’m driven to? Why can’t you pay any attention to me? Seriously, I basically just went down on this guy, and he’s uggo.

Peter?
Yeah I remember your name, but only barely, so I’m trying to use it so I don’t forget

No, I lost a patient tonight…
At least I was actually doing my job, not some smarmy old who can’t even keep track of his parents, Also my job is way harder than yours

I’ve been with the family.
Not that you care about people, you heartless ice-queen.
micedwhale
December 1st, 2009 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

It has literally been years since I have commented, but I think I figured out why Jeffy is sitting there. He just burned a doobie. He has that smug far off look, he’s sitting in a doorway spacing out watching his matriarchs get their gab on while Dolly drones on. “What’s she even talking about man, and check out that cat man that cat is far out.” He’s so stoned that he’s even going to roll another one right there in the doorway, hence the book/rolling tray. Trust me on this. I know. I went to college. I did this same thing once and strangely enough all the characters were animated.
bats :[
December 1st, 2009 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

Les: “How are we supposed to decorate using these old wrestling mats, Funky?”
Baron Bizarre
December 1st, 2009 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

micedwhale @ 32: Dude, you are so bringing back memories…
Uncle Lumpy
December 1st, 2009 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

#32 micedwhale –

Hey, welcome back! When you last posted, Aldomania was in full swing, Al Scaduto was alive, and For Better or For Worse sucked. The wrong things changed.
UncleJeff
December 1st, 2009 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

My Cage: What? No comment on Norm agreeing to set “the date” with whatshername? (I’m sorry, I can’t keep track of all of the MC characters)

MT: If Mark had just kept going in a straight line, the deer’s momentum would’ve safely taken it out of the truckster’s path. (Of course, Mark was probably startled when hideously deformed Rusty screamed in his ear. I wonder what Rusty’s voice would sound like. Hmmm.)

Phantom: Meanwhile, let’s backtrack a few more weeks and get the Diana story straight. In a couple of months, we’ll learn that she escaped Python’s men and grabbed a bus outta town.

DTM: Those look like the graves in the cornfield in “Casino”. Extra menace points today! (Extra points if tomorrow there’s a third grave and no Joey)
bourbon babe, unbuckled
December 1st, 2009 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

30 Jacob: Wow, that would be a big damned hole. Now I’m picturing a) all the neighborhood kids helping out, as Dennis supervises and screams, “No, you morons! It needs to be much deeper! We don’t want Ruff to dig him up in a week!” or b) Dennis and Joey digging a whole series of little holes, and then raiding the garage for a saw….
Doug
December 1st, 2009 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

MT: Nobody commented on the impending Aldo moment?
Roto13
December 1st, 2009 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

Dirt? Is that what’s on Wilbur’s face? I thought he had been shot in the forehead.
Carlo
December 1st, 2009 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

Finally, a truly menacing Dennis! Maybe all the non-menacing stuff is part of his long-term plot to slowly off the neighborhood.

23 Baron Bizarre: I think it’s spelled grajuat, not graduate.
Alfred E. Neuman
December 1st, 2009 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

MW— Iris has left Wilbur because he has been infected by an intergalactic retrovirus that is gradually turning him into a Klingon. Mary, being a member of the Meddleborg Collective, is not worried, as she knows that any resistance by him to her involvement in his life will be futile.
Well, Wilbur, qapla’ with that!
micedwhale
December 1st, 2009 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

#35 Uncle Lumpy-

Over 3 years. Wow. I have wasted my life…
Iconoclast
December 1st, 2009 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

Today, we learned that Mary Worth is probably the most sadistic person alive. If the people around her don’t maintain a basic level of misery, she just doesn’t feel right.

“Oh, thank goodness that an elderly woman fell and hurt herself. This completely makes up for the disappointment of Adrian’s boyfriend not dying.
The Scientist
December 1st, 2009 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth was so excited for a juicy meddle that she started licking her fingers! Begs the question, does she taste like chicken?
Professor Fate
December 1st, 2009 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

9CL: couple of things one the most popoular ‘war song’ of World War 2 was “Lilli Marlene” which was German in german no less.
Motzart? -Beer hall songs more likely. And dirty ones at that.

Two if these guys have been in a prison camp long enough to get homesick how valuable could their information be anyway? Good for general intelligence about the state of morale, gossip and the like but in no way anything that would lend itself to the melodrama 9CL loves so well.

FW: I’m sorry Funky has decided to try and kill Les by getting him to fall off the roof putting up the reindeer or have heart attack doing so – I was so looking foward to the smirk after the Funky beat his head in with a tire iron and was feeding body parts to the sausage grinder all the while humming songs from Sweeny Todd slightly changing the lyrics “have a little creep.”

MW: Mary flees before being asked to wash underware. wouldn’t you? If it was his?
JC Lisbon
December 1st, 2009 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

We all agree that “lost” is being used literally, right? These two are pretty good at misplacing patients. Maybe they should check Cue’s crib again, just to be sure.
deb
December 1st, 2009 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

Mark Trail is determined to kill Sassy. Remember she is in the back seat with her head out the window and no seat belt. Where the alegator didn’t succeed the car accident will. Or else she will be running up the hill ala Lassie to get rescue.
Alan's Addiction
December 1st, 2009 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

I like the subtle implication in Peter’s dialogue in “Rex Morgan.” “I LOST a patient tonight… I’ve been with the family! If those selfish grieving people weren’t so greedy with my time, I could be out killing more patients! But how have you been, dear?”
It’s nice to see the Keanes know how to treat elderly guests. Grandma’s coming to visit? Great! She can help do the dishes! Let’s hope Grandpa comes too, then we can get him to paint the fence!
I like Mary Worth’s casual (and callous) assumptions about Wilbur. “Oh, of COURSE she left you, Wilbur, it was only a matter of time. Wait, she’s only visiting a sickly relative? Ah, continue about your day, I didn’t mean to unintentionally and passive aggressively reinforce your deep-seated fears of abandonment in an attempt to become your co-dependent.”
I think that Dennis is making a genuine attempt to be plausibly menacing today. I mean, digging holes in the yard by itself isn’t quite so menacing, but what suburban parent doesn’t harbor vague fears that their progeny will accidentally dig up a power cable, or a water line, or, God forbid, a septic tank? It’s not the same caliber as murder, perhaps, but that horrible sewage scent would drop values and make the neighborhood virtually uninhabitable. Perhaps the strip should be retitled, “Dennis the Menace to the Local Home Owner’s Association.”
gnome de blog
December 1st, 2009 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

y84 Baron Bizarre
I have to agree with y96 commodorejohn. However, like Ted, Les would probably be happier in a dress. Ted-in-a-dress would be sublimely ridiculous. Les-in-a-dress would be just…depressing. He’d take it seriously.

y105 tanz
Speaking of someone taking himself seriously,
Brooke McEldowney is so pretentious that he’s self-snarking, and therefore not really worth the trouble. Despite that, 9CL has been the subject of significant snarkage, just not lately.
Poppinjay
December 1st, 2009 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

I feel very positive about the Aldoization of Mark Trail.
mr 12 oz can
December 1st, 2009 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

by friday mary will be talking to wilber as he cleans his woodchipper .hopefully moy makes this plot fun because wilber is money
Black Drazon
December 1st, 2009 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

FW: “Oh dear!” “Reindeer, actually! Aha! Aha haw haw haw! But no, seriously, we’re making venison pepperoni tonight.”
AMC
December 1st, 2009 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

MT: Mark and Rusty, the deerly departed….
Jamus the Bartender
December 1st, 2009 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth: Oh yeah. The “elderly aunt”. New York. Just a few months….right. If i’ve seen this once, i’ve seen it a dozen times. When Mary starts getting phone calls in the middle of the night from Wilbur wondering why Iris left without a clue, and innocent questions about “premature ejaculation…it..it’s for a friend of mine”, Mary is surely going to have to show her Worth, and find out just what meddling really means.
Red Greenback
December 1st, 2009 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

@36-UncleJeff: Re. Rusty’s voice. I always imagined him sounding a little something like this.
Jamus the Bartender
December 1st, 2009 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

9CL : “Yeah, better learn some Wagner, too, those Germans, they love their Wagner, ‘Pommpity pomm, pomm, Pommpity POM pom….”
Jamus the Bartender
December 1st, 2009 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

Archie: Wow. This must be one of those rare strips that shows some of Reggie’s positive qualities, like the time he dated Betty and didn’t act like a complete douche. When it comes to the Riverdale Times, or whatever the school paper is called, Reggie Mantle is Perry White all the way, baby. Take THAT New York Times.
Jamus the Bartender
December 1st, 2009 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

Dick Tracy: ….the hell? Maybe you should like….call the cops or something. Unless…yeah, I bet Junior is something like 20-25 and spends all of Dad’s money. Which can’t be much, because…musician. If it was Dick Tracy’s kid missing, every single perp would be leaving the bars and pool halls feet first. Trust me on this.
Jamus the Bartender
December 1st, 2009 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

FOOB: Ooo…Jamus real life story. I had flaked on getting birthday prezzies for my sister’s kids….yeah, all three. You forget for one, you may as well blow off the other two, so that way, no feelings get hurt and the kids think Uncle Jamus is just flaky. Anyway, we all went to Wal-Mart* shudder* for a shopping trip….I really should have put this in “Pluggers”….anyway, Child 1 and Child 2 did okay with their gift cards, but Child 3 , who is on the Dennis The Menace in his prime level of sneaky, comes up to Uncle Jamus and says, ” Uncle Jamus, could you give me ten more dollars pleeeease??? You’re our FAVORITE uncle….” Naturally, I didn’t, not with their Grandma in tow, who went to the same child rearing school as the Keanes, if you know what I mean. Anyway….yeah, Elly, I gotta go along with you here, shopping sucks.
Muffaroo
December 1st, 2009 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

Dragon of Life @25 – The explanation for the ridges on the foreheads of Klingons is simple, if you look at their architecture. Always, the low doors with sharp edges. After a century or two of “Ouch! Goddammit, not AGAIN!” you have Klingons with permanent ridges and really bad tempers.

Uncle Lumpy @29 – By my reckoning, it puts them ahead three. It’s not like you to make a mistake like that. This weekend must have been more of a strain on you than I thought. Take it easy for a while: here’s the key to Josh’s liquor cabinet.

Mary – Wilbur has dirt on his face because he just crawled out of a hole in Dennis Mitchell’s back yard.

Professor Fate @45 – Mozart wrote some pretty dirty songs. Scatty, anyway.

Alan’s Addiction @48 – The situation in Rex reminded me of the vet in albert Brooks’s REAL LIFE telling a man whose horse he was operating on that they’d lost him, and the man saying, “Well, let’s go look for him!”
Écureuil Écumant
December 1st, 2009 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

MT: Mark’s clunker will plummet into the surf and start to founder. All hands onboard will then be rescued by the Sea Hag, and all will be well — until Mark notices her chin hairs.
StramgeRover
December 1st, 2009 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

DTMT!!
Aviatrix
December 1st, 2009 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

RMMD: I’m thinking the Becka-Peter petty rivalry is of the passive-aggressive kind, such that “my patient died” trumps “my patients got lost” — Advantage: Peter.

FC: The book-on-lap is a poignant attempt by Jeffy to emulate his peers outside the walls of the compound. He’s pretending it’s a laptop or a game console.
Jamus the Bartender
December 1st, 2009 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

Gasoline Alley: Hm. I can already see that Clem’s white kitty has that look of ” step off, trailer trash” towards Boogie Woogie, the cat with no tail, that Cassandra Cat gets ….well, anytime Carla Cat comes to visit.
bman
December 1st, 2009 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

FC: “Daddy needs to put Mommy in a Brank or nothing will ever get done around here.”
Jamus the Bartender
December 1st, 2009 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

Luann: Quill’s a smart guy, so far one of the smartest in the Luannverse. Another flaw is what we call in America ” Defcon Two”, which usually leads to Nancy DeGroot and Toni Daytona pulling each other’s hair, biting each other, growling things like, “He’s my man…..stay away from him, b**ch…”. You know the drill. Anyway, this can be loads of fun for fans of Luann. All twenty or so of them.
Aviatrix
December 1st, 2009 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

bats @27, that is the funniest comic strip adjustment I’ve ever seen.
Jym the L.E.S. Man
December 1st, 2009 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

=5044.16= A3G (8th Man Fan & Poteet, Yesterthread): The Lower East Side totally rocks. It has a storied history of immigrants, Yippies, junkies, punks, squatters, and my ilk. Folks like Bobbie, however, wouldn’t dream of going south of 14th Street. Makes me wonder who hubby’s running around with, and whether Frank Bolle can draw dreadlocked hipster babes.
Jamus the Bartender
December 1st, 2009 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

My Cage: Great. Now Cassandra will see this.
Violet
December 1st, 2009 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

Mary obviously finds this situation completely hilarious and really, who could blame her? I think she takes it a little far, though, a few minutes later when Wilbur complains that he can’t find any French’s for his ham sandwich and Mary quips, “Oh, did the mustard leave you too?”
Écureuil Écumant
December 1st, 2009 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

68: Jym the L.E.S. Man says: “The Lower East Side totally rocks.”

Hell yeah, it was good enough for David Peel, it ought to be just the place for Bobbie’s besieged hubby.
Mary Worth Discussion Group
December 1st, 2009 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

MW: Wow the two Mary Worths is wild!
note to Iconoclast post # 43 According Charterstone’s internet security Lesbian… Terry Bryson …Mary is very sadistic!
wossname
December 1st, 2009 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

58 Jamus the Bartender – he did call the cops – on Thursday. Over the next few days the dispatcher sloooooowly elicited the info that he (the conductor guy) didn’t care about his son, but about what his son had with him.
wossname
December 1st, 2009 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

Aviatrix @ y103 – I’ve been on most or all of Hwy 98 along the Florida gulf coast (and west of that to Biloxi etc.) – and I’ve never seen anything remotely resembling a hill. Maybe a gentle rise of 2 or 3 feet above sea level, but that’s it.
Carbunicle
December 1st, 2009 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

The pile of reindeer in Funky Winkerbean puts me in mind of John Carpenter’s The Thing. I wish!
wossname
December 1st, 2009 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

Although (continuing to obsess over the question of where Mark and Rusty and Sassy are plunging to their doom) – if you look at the topography in Monday’s strip, the road is barely above sea level. So maybe today’s “cliff” is a trick of perspective, kinda like a bus-sized seagull.
littlestevie
December 1st, 2009 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

MW: Wibur in the first panel looks like he is ready to kack up his salmon square frappe that he seemed to be enjoying yesterday. Maybe salmon squares don’t taste so good when thrown in a blender with lots o’ vodka. On second thought that might improve ‘em.
BigTed
December 1st, 2009 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

Jeffy clearly thinks he’s holding a laptop computer, and he can’t figure out why tapping it doesn’t bring up any of that “porn” his friends have told him about.
zerowolf
December 1st, 2009 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

MT: Barely miss hiting a deer by a good ten feet, or drive off a cliff into the ocean? Mark naturally heads for the ocean.
Anonymous
December 1st, 2009 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

“Peter, I know it’s pretty hard on you, losing a patient, so I think maybe you need some time to yourself. I’ll just leave you alone and go with Tim to the backseat of his car. Watching him take down Cue really got me all moist.”
Nekrotzar
December 1st, 2009 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

#80 was me. Switched browsers for the day.
zerowolf
December 1st, 2009 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

FC: Jeffy’s learning to sleep in doorways will come in handy for his future career as a homeless bum.
zerowolf
December 1st, 2009 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

Did Luann and Quill take lessons in “vaguing it up” from Herb and Jamaal? Come on, just say it, “Your mother is a total bitch, Luann.”
Sister Sestina
December 1st, 2009 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

In my part-time job as devil’s advocate…

9CL – She isn’t necessarily being groomed to sing to the rank-and-file German soldiers. If what she’s being recruited for is espionage, then does it not make sense they want her to get an in with higher-ranking officers? The kind that plume themselves on being cultured, and are proud of “Aryan” culture? If so then Mozart would indeed suit the purpose better than a few rounds of “Lili Marlene” or “Vom barette schwankt die feder”.
Sister Sestina
December 1st, 2009 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

tagging on to 84…And come to think of it, she doesn’t have to restrict her Mozart to the German output. She could do the Italian too; what matters is that it’s “Aryan Culture”. The German only comes in for listening to gossip.
commodorejohn
December 1st, 2009 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

#84 Sestina – You make a good point, but I am fairly certain that its relevance to 9 Chickweed Lane is entirely coincidental. Mozart is being referenced in 9CL because, to Brooke, there is no other music than classical. Seriously, I love classical music a big huggy bunch, but the guy’s got an embarrassingly obvious hard-on for anything that he thinks makes him more cultured than the proles who enjoy such lowbrow fare as, say, Pearls Before Swine.
Vince M
December 1st, 2009 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

MT: If they’d made it all the way out to the barrier islands on the Atlantic coast, they might have encountered beach erosion that’s eating its way onto developed areas despite extensive control construction – I’ve seen an elevation drop of a whole foot in places!
Maybe the drama will be a tow from a local who laughs “I never seen nothin’ so mother-blessed dumb in all my life. Y’all must have shit for brains!”
Mardou Fox
December 1st, 2009 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

#87: Ooooh, the whole story could be about erosion! Wow, I’m on the edge of my seat now. Mark’s gonna end up punching out some rich bearded people with beach houses!
gnome de blog
December 1st, 2009 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

86 commodorejohn – yeah. That’s why he made such a big deal of Edda and Amos getting youtubed rampant on a Boesendorfer instead of a Steinway or a lowly Yamaha.
Binder's Butter Beans
December 1st, 2009 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

MT: …and Mark automatically swerves to avoid a collision!

Uh, no good, Mark. You’re about to hit that big-ass seagull.
Uncle Lumpy
December 1st, 2009 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

Best choice would be songs from Lehar operettas — Hitler’s preference, also nice and romantic. What on earth would you sing of Mozart’s? Arias from The Magic Flute or Abduction from the Seraglio?
qmodo
December 1st, 2009 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

Thankfully for Mark, Rusty, and Sassy, the Mythbusters recently proved that cars flying off cliffs do NOT automatically explode into balls of flame.
Poteet
December 1st, 2009 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

# 84 Sister — Good point, and that may be just what’s planned. However, it seems to me that higher-ranking officers are also the ones who are supposed to have more brains than to stare google-eyed at an American singer and think to themselves “Ooh, I’m so homesick! I can hardly wait to hold her hands and gaze into her Aryan eyes and tell her lots of things about my life in Germany that might be useful information for the Allies.”
dyslexic dog
December 1st, 2009 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

A3G: Apologies if this has been mentioned before, but who in the world are these dreadful imposters?
Poteet
December 1st, 2009 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

# 86 commodorejohn — And right there’s the Brooke irony. I also find a lot of classical music extremely huggable. But something about Brooke’s attitude makes me want to sing Neil Diamond songs as loud as I can, off-key. Or Aerosmith. While eating potato chips and farting.
Écureuil Écumant
December 1st, 2009 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

9CL: Actually, since it’s Brooke, I’m pretty much expecting Mamacita to do the whole Ring Cycle in one go … all parts … simultaneously where required … using multiple orifices if needed.
Poteet
December 1st, 2009 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

# 94 dyslexic — Lu Ann looks like that and is a glamorous blonde schoolteacher???

*head explodes*
Poteet
December 1st, 2009 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

# 96 Écureuil — It’s kind of embarrassing how much I’d be willing to pay to see that.
Eau de Plugger
December 1st, 2009 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

Looking at Wilbur in the first panel made me realize that Mary Worth should be taken over (writing and art) by Daniel Clowes whenever the legacy torch passes. It would be both harrowing and wonderful.
Happy McMonkey
December 1st, 2009 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

Is Wilbur being guest penned by Daniel Clowes? Is this stylistic hommage connected to the Mary doppelgaenger in the first panel? Is the Mary Worth universe about to take a turn for the dark, depressing and surreal… or have we been there all along?
Comrade Denny
December 1st, 2009 at 9:14 pm [Reply]

“(the Reader’s Digest abridged version of Leviticus, probably)”

That would read something like, “Don’t do anything. If anybody does anything, put them to death, for doing things in an abomination unto the Lord.”
LITTLE A. OF THE GRAND CONCOURSE JUNGLE PATROL
December 1st, 2009 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

LUANN: I think Bernice is hot, and I can’t wait until the summer gets here, so we can see here in a bathing suit again. Or maybe during the winter break, the girls will go down to Florida?

Pant pant.
God
December 1st, 2009 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

To be fair, #101, it also sayeth: “Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself.”

Just sayin’.

Yours,
Big G.
Joe Blevins
December 1st, 2009 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

RMMD: Mr. Howard is clearly so overwhelmed by Peter’s almost superhuman handsomeness that he barely cares about his mother at this point. “Yeah, yeah, the old bag seems fine… Tell me, what kind of product are you using in your hair? I’ve mainly been using varnish and STP in mine, but I want the kind of bounce and vitality that you have! I mean, just look at that shine!”
Carrie ForthWorth
December 1st, 2009 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

A3G: Is Bobbie’s husband Margo’s dad?? If he is then he’s feathering a love nest for him and Gabriella.

MW: Wilbur Weston, drama queen. “She’s left me” (for a few weeks). Yawn.
Immaculate Cueception
December 1st, 2009 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

Free Me!!
Now!

Just sayin’.
Écureuil Écumant
December 1st, 2009 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

Crank: Crank’s admitting that he hasn’t bathed in so long that seeds are starting to sprout in his creases. This explains the ladies’ obvious discomfiture.
Mardou Fox
December 1st, 2009 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

Free cukes! Now? Oh, wait, they’re out of season.

Is there any chance that Cue will really come back? Maybe he could team up with Rex (if he ever returns). I’ll bet Rex wouldn’t mind becoming one of those doctors whose practice consists mostly of writing prescriptions. Lots of prescriptions, for lots of people. It would be so easy… and profitable!

“Rex Morgan, Pain Management Specialist”
queek
December 1st, 2009 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

106: can’t you free the real me

me

me

me

me
mr 12 oz can
December 1st, 2009 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

#70 just buy a ad your trying too hard for comment of the week omg mustard jokes
Carbunicle
December 1st, 2009 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

Not completely on topic, but a little bit of how the sausage is made at the political cartoonery
Mooncattie
December 1st, 2009 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

MW – You too can be a straw-suckin’ Love God at your next Pool Party! Just follow these three simple guidelines:
1. Da Lay-Dees jus’ LOVE guys who stand alone with sad puppy eyes and a Can’t Miss sob story. My (gal, fella, vacuum cleaner) is visiting a sick (aunt, fella, electrical appliance distributorship) in (New York, Lost Forest, actually New York is best) and won’t be back for (a few months, Evah, some time after Kyoto-compliant solar suction hoses are invented). See, they’re all over you by now, aren’t they? You Da Man!
2. Make sure all six of those remaining hairs are combed over! You are a self-sufficient, confident man of strength, and your hair-placement skills will just shout out “Tiger In The Bedroom!” to your fellow non-swimming, action-seeking pool party guests. And that long straw in your drink? Icing, my friend. Icing.
3. Find an even bigger loser than you to stand near. Steer clear of Chick Magnets like Ernest P. Worrell (now is no time for competition, Knowhutimean?). Some chubby boob in a really crappy-looking Hawaiian shirt frightening the locals with his sandals and socks will do nicely.

If things still don’t pan out for you after all this, never fear! Write to the nationally-syndicated advice column Ask Wendy, and you’ll get all the answers you need. What’s that? You ARE Wendy???

Oh dear.
Mr.Death
December 1st, 2009 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

Yo this is the story all about how
my sis just flipped and bitched mommy out
and I’d like to take a minute, just sit right there,
I’m gonna tell you all about Mom and Gram cleaning dishware.

In the Keane household, I was born and raised,
In the doorway is where I spent most of my days,
chilling out, maxin’, relaxing all cool
while reading some book I needed to for school

When a couple of gals wearing pink and green
started picking up some dishes to clean.
They had one little conversation, Dolly was stunned!
She said “They’ll never get all those dishes done!”

She held her drawing, she started to squawk,
she said “That’s because all they do is talk!”
I put my loafers on and by the door I sit
thinkin to myself “Well I might as well kick it!”
Salvor "Tubby" Hardin
December 1st, 2009 at 10:54 pm [Reply]

FC: I don’t beleive Jeffy’s obese little body could actually assume the position shown in the cartoon. Just saying.
Salvor "Tubby" Hardin
December 1st, 2009 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

Or, if I were speaking English, “believe”. D’oh.
mollificent
December 1st, 2009 at 11:23 pm [Reply]

#95: Sooooooo COTW!!
NoahSnark
December 1st, 2009 at 11:23 pm [Reply]

If today’s Family Circus is supposed to be cute than their target audience is more terrifying than I imagined.
Graddy
December 1st, 2009 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

Oh, come on. We all know that Dennis is planting flowers that, once grown, he will present to his mother to smooth things over from whatever these snitches said to discredit Dennis and upset her.
dyslexic dog
December 1st, 2009 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

#109 queek –
Clever, and cute, too.
And for some of us oldsters, here’s another take from the early ’70s. (no video, starts at 0:10, and only one speaker, but does include a very funny Harry Shearer)
Muffaroo
December 1st, 2009 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

Maybe Amos and Edda had to ‘do it’ on a big Bosendorfer. Those extra nine keys can give important room for intricate maneuvers such as the Stokowski Shocker, or the Leschetitzky Double Whammy.
Buck Ripsnort
December 1st, 2009 at 11:47 pm [Reply]

I came here tonight hoping, PRAYING that someone would explain Ziggy to me! Wouldn’t the doctor take Ziggy off anti-depressants? Wouldn’t he WANT Ziggy to be depressed until he paid up? Why am I thinking harder about Ziggy than Tom firking Wilson ever did?
Buck Ripsnort
December 1st, 2009 at 11:50 pm [Reply]

MW: Clearly, Iris stepped on Wilbur’s face on her way out.
Poteet
December 1st, 2009 at 11:52 pm [Reply]

# 110 mr can — Given Violet’s impressive record for times on the float, maybe I should try a few mustard jokes myself.
Aviatrix
December 2nd, 2009 at 12:01 am [Reply]

Y88 Miss Othmar Your links, I thank you for them. I think I have prosopagnosia. My life is like A3G. No, not the bathrooming, self loathing and visiting Tibet, but that everyone I meet looks the same as every other person, except with different hair, and if I’m really lucky, consistently wacky personal fashion choices.
dyslexic dog
December 2nd, 2009 at 12:04 am [Reply]

#123 Poteet –
You might try this one, creatively adapted for the present venue.

~~A blonde~~ Mary Worth goes into a laundromat and asks to have her sweater cleaned.
The attendant doesn’t hear her correctly and says, “come again?”
~~The blonde~~ Mary blushes slightly and giggles, “oh, no it’s just mustard this time.”
Aviatrix
December 2nd, 2009 at 12:11 am [Reply]

wossname #74 & 76 – I think that’s where it has to be. He’s not on the A1A and once you get north of Jacksonville it’s all estuaries and inlets without convenient bridges, then massive cities, until you get to New England. And I’m thinking the pelican there kinda rules out Maine. He’s driving off a tiny erosion-made embankment onto the Florida beach.
Spiderman Defense League
December 2nd, 2009 at 12:25 am [Reply]

FC: It’s a book in a lap, people. You know what that’s all abut if you’ve ever been a teenage boy. Of course with the book concealing the Keane Machine from Dolly, Jeffy can continue to leer Oedipally into the kitchen and envision the wrongest threesome ever.
ElkMeadow
December 2nd, 2009 at 12:49 am [Reply]

There’s just something about Becka’s posture in this whole story arc that just gets me. Like her boobs are the focus for her whole body. Especially in panel 2, where you don’t see them, but she’s still craning her head like, “Look down, see how pert they are?”

Oh Cue, come back, Cue~
Poteet
December 2nd, 2009 at 12:53 am [Reply]

# 125 dyslexic — Great. Now how am I going to get rid of these hiccups?
Poteet
December 2nd, 2009 at 1:01 am [Reply]

# 124 Aviatrix — Me too. I sympathize. I can recognize my mother, but am perfectly capable of sitting across from someone at a meeting for two hours and utterly failing to recognize him the following morning. Isn’t it fun?
Carly
December 2nd, 2009 at 1:02 am [Reply]

Finally we get to see Mary dressed in the color that best suits her.
Niall
December 2nd, 2009 at 1:03 am [Reply]

Doomed to be always late… Metapost!

Congrats to the funny funny floaters and to Patrick! THat made me titter like a git when I first read it. Special congratulations to Écureuil, bourbon babe, Uncle Lumpy and dondie for making giggle all over again.

Y21. bats :[ : You know, I think you’re the only reason I even remember what Rex looks like…

Y27. Farley’s Revenge on MC: Well, Jeff already has a new girlfriend, so it’s possible someone already jumped the shark many times recently…

Y52. Calvin’s Cardboard Board: the “Sophie tries out for the cheerleaders” storyline was a double cop-out, both for the cliché ending and the large build-up actually skipping the actual performance. Grrr.

Y56. bourbon babe: hey, buck the system! Get lucky in love AND snark!

Y72. Sister Sestina: I know now what the Immaculate Conception is, but like you, it sure wasn’t from mass or advent or anything; it was just repeated that conception was early December and birth late December. My brain took it from there. :)

Y104. Mardou Fox: see above comment. I was trying to depict how my child’s brain completely misunderstood the two concepts. Seemingly I did a better job than I expected, if people think I still believe it! :)

Urf, so many things to clean in an apartment, I never have tiiiiiiime….
commodorejohn
December 2nd, 2009 at 1:10 am [Reply]

#96 Écureuil Écumant – And it will, naturally, be shot like the world’s most self-indulgent porno.
bats :[
December 2nd, 2009 at 1:11 am [Reply]

I like to think this would work if Mollificent would sing it (a capella, naturally). And I still have no idea where Rusty and Mark are:

Where in the World is…Mark Trail?

Well he drives in his huge Jeep from swamp to ol’ Lost Forest,
He’s a pancake-lovin’ Good Guy from the Great Outdoors you know,
He’ll take you for a ride in a rowboat with Andy,
Tell me where in the world is (PUNCH!) Mark Trail?

Up at dawn to kiss his Cherry, says a bright hello ol’ Pop,
All the critters love him, from the turtles to the moose,
His tiny little feet don’t stop his lightnin’ fast one-twos,
Tell me where in the world is (PUNCH!) Mark Trail?

He goes from Bayou to Backwoods, the Beach to Big City,
Lost Forest to somewhere else and back!

Well he’ll unchain pet raccoons and run away from Kelly Welly,
Then he’ll type it up in 12-point and go fishing for the day,
He puts the Judge in judgement when he knocks out hairy villains,
Tell me where in the world is (PUNCH!) Mark Trail?
Oh tell me where in the world is… Oh tell me where can he be?

Ooh, canyon lands to caverns, swampland via back roads,
Ocean to desert, grasslands, prairie…!

Well he rides around the country and he’ll take out ev’ry bad guy,
He’s makin’ Nature safe for all the giant squirrels he sees,
His little boy IS RUSTY! But don’t hold that against him,
Tell me where in the world is (PUNCH!) Mark Trail?
Poteet
December 2nd, 2009 at 1:21 am [Reply]

12/2

MT — Wonderful. Not only did Mark veer for a deer, but MT Narrator seems to approve of veering for deer. Way to educate the public, MT!

MW — I deeply thank Moy and Giella for giving us a closeup of Wilbur that does not involve looking up his nostrils. His visage is not a glorious sight, but it could have been much worse.
commodorejohn
December 2nd, 2009 at 1:22 am [Reply]

#134 bats :[ – I love you.
dyslexic dog
December 2nd, 2009 at 1:23 am [Reply]

#129 Poteet –
Boo!
Poteet
December 2nd, 2009 at 1:25 am [Reply]

# 134 bats:[ — Yay! Good ‘un!
Farley's Revenge
December 2nd, 2009 at 1:28 am [Reply]

MW: It appears that Mary has meddled so often that she doesn’t know whether she’s coming or going. Literally.

#27Bats:[: Oh lordy, the YIP! from that airborne car is priceless!

#132Niall: I had forgotten about Jeff’s new girlfriend. Still…this is Jeff we’re talking about here. He’s not exactly the smartest fish in the ocean, yanno. He’s definitely one of those “he has a sweet nature, bless his heart” types.
Mibbitmaker
December 2nd, 2009 at 1:49 am [Reply]

12/2:

A3G: Isn’t that like saying Monica was the one, not Gennifer Flowers or Paula Jones or….

Cranky: Hey, Non Sequitur already HAS a Captain Obvious!

FW: Not cute… oh, what’s the word?… uh……… oh yeah! Lazy (the pun, that is).

RMMD: Aw, the poor creepy psychotic rageaholic is going to be deprived of his adulterous affair! Too bad.

JP: “Okay, E. Howard Hunt — spread ‘em!”

MT: Another storyline blind alley. What is with the “continuity” strips lately?

S-M: “Willy’s Wonderment”? Is that really any of our business?

FC: Ah, a grandmama’s boy.
True Fable
December 2nd, 2009 at 1:55 am [Reply]

Buxley Wednesday!

Children of the Circle The mystery of this panel is, just why is PJ staring up at Grandma like that in the background? Is there some sort of mystical aura around her, a Pied Piper effect, that compels children to stand and gape at her with a dumb little smile plastered on their pans? Is that the reason Jeffy is refusing to go shopping with Thel, because Grandma might decide to do something even MORE thrilling than put away dishes? “OMG…Grandma is folding dishtowels! AHHHHH I just can’t stand the excitement! Oh Jeezus this is the greatest moment of my young life so far….!”

Army of One I honestly want to see a YouTube video of someone attempting to walk like Mort Walker characters walk. You know, with the back foot in normal alignment and the other one stepping forward at a bizarre angle that demands that the foot somehow detact itself from the leg at the ankle.

Sam Driver’s Pretty People Posse! Hey buddy, you wanna give Steve a moment? There’s a reason he’s wearing rubber gloves and is turned away from you, you know. And never mind the paper in his hand; it’s just a picture. Down at the sperm bank they call it a ‘emission aid’.

Mary, queen of regurgitating dull guest characters Aaaaand we’re back in step with Wilbur and Dawn Weston and their father-daughter generation-gap storylines. AGAIN. Does this mean Dr. Drew is going to return from Vietnam? Or is Dawn going to meet some unprofessional cop and make it a double wedding down at the precinct?

Rex Morgan, MIA Tim is just plain creepy-looking.

Fist O Justice Theater Ohhhh..! Trust Mark Trail to take an exciting premise and punch all the entertaining possibilities out of it.
Poteet
December 2nd, 2009 at 2:09 am [Reply]

# 137 dyslexic — Eeek! Awww…it’s kinda cute, actually.

12/2 GA — Yes, welcome back, Boogie-Woogie. I wonder what Rufus and Joel will do to you this time. Punt you off a roof, perhaps?
Thomas B.
December 2nd, 2009 at 2:14 am [Reply]

In fact, Mommy Keane is so engrossed in conversation that she does not seem to notice her hand burning on the steaming dish water filled sink. Originally, I thought the cat was placed there as a snarky comment on the “catty” behavior of women. Now I realize Kitty has fixed upon the smell of cooking flesh.
Hobbes Fan
December 2nd, 2009 at 2:18 am [Reply]

ReFOOB – Bwah-ha-ha-ha, because not knowing your life partner and the father of your children is just sooo hilarious!

FW – Hmm, I see the Soviets are now sneaking messages into the word balloons. Way to go on outsourcing, Hackiuk.

MT – “Wow, I don’t know how you missed that deer and caused the car to go from careening off a cliff to landing safely on a beach, Mark!”
michael5000
December 2nd, 2009 at 2:20 am [Reply]

The strong vertical division of The Family Circus places Jeffy in the active domestic sphere along with Mommy, Gramma, and the Cat (whose name escapes me). He is visually incorporated into the active, human half of the composition. Dolly, on the other hand, is cast against the stark white background of a wall; visually, she is cast out from human society and utterly alone. Which is fine by me.

Meanwhile, in the first panel of Mary Worth, we see a medieval device — multiple representations of the same subject within a single composition. In the foreground, Mary is conversing with Wilber; in the background, another Mary — the Mary of the immediate future? Mary’s attention? Her life force? — wanders away from us toward the horizon.
Thomas B.
December 2nd, 2009 at 2:21 am [Reply]

Hey Bil and Jeff, um how hot does the dish water need to be? I understand cleanliness is next to godliness and therefore a requirement in the Keane World Order; but don’t you think something short of the temperature of molten lava will get the dishes clean?
Aviatrix
December 2nd, 2009 at 2:28 am [Reply]

Michael 5000 #145 – I believe the cat is named Kittycat. Or maybe that was my mother’s cat.
Thomas B.
December 2nd, 2009 at 2:36 am [Reply]

Okay the “dirt” on Wilbur’s head is actually a nod to the Michael J. Fox film “The Frighteners” in which the next victim received a mark on the forehead just before dying. Clearly, Death has taken a leave of absence from FW to pay MW, and specifically Wilbur, a visit. But don’t get too excited about Death visiting another strip FW faithful because War, Pestilence, and Famine never stray far from their reserved booth at Montoni’s.
Steve the Pocket
December 2nd, 2009 at 2:46 am [Reply]

Now for number two on the countdown, today’s Worst Writers in the World. (Apologies to anyone who absolutely hates Olbermann but it was just too good of a fit today.)

The bronze to Darby Conley of Get Fuzzy for making a character say “OMG”. Look, Conley, just because this is a medium where dialog is conveyed in text form, that does not mean characters can speak in unpronounceable abbreviations. Go outside more. Reacquaint yourself with how people speak outside of the Internet.

The runner-up is … *checks Wikipedia* Stephen Bentley of Herb and Jamaal, for featuring a Christmas gift exchange on December 2nd. Of course this isn’t the first time he’s gotten the date wrong; at least a couple of times he’s forgotten what year it is and submitted an old strip a second time.

But the winner, and speaking of forgetting what year it is, goes to Ray Billingsly of Curtis. (Wow, all “-ley”s today. Weird.) If you have any sense of TV history you’ll be able to catch the mistake for yourself, but I think this too is indicative of a bigger problem.

*leans in to the camera*

Psst. Mr. Billingsly. I think you might be developing some sort of memory loss that’s causing you to think you’re still in the ’80s, even when you’re surrounded by current pop culture and even writing about it. Just to set the record straight: It’s late 2009. The ’80s were between 20 and 30 years ago. Which means rap was already around when Mr. Wilkins was a kid, and The Muppet Show ended roughly twice as long ago as Michelle would have been born. If this problem persists, please seek help.

Ray Billinglsy, today’s Worst Writer in the World.

————

And to clear the air, today’s Strips That Actually Made Me Laugh: My Cage, Rhymes with Orange, and believe it or not, Funky Winkerbean. Although that one was more of a smirk.
Alfred E. Neuman
December 2nd, 2009 at 2:47 am [Reply]

#141 True Fable, Re: Army of One— Walker is creating his variation of R. Crumb’s classic stride from Keep on Truckin’. You should expect that from a Walker.
(Not worthy of a Padumpum.)
Aviatrix
December 2nd, 2009 at 2:47 am [Reply]

@148 Thomas B. That wouldbe the most hilarious thing I’d ever seen in FW. Can’t you see it: three horses ties up outside Montoni’s and inside War, Pestilence and Famine finishing off a pizza then ordering another round of drinks while looking at their watches and grumbling to each other about how Death is always making them linger around here.
Thomas B.
December 2nd, 2009 at 3:22 am [Reply]

@151 Aviatrix Oh I can see it. I was inspired by this link.
http://www.kingfeatures.com/features/comics/fwinker/funkyflash.html

I wondered why the Four Horsemen were not featured. Don’t they deserve a pepperoni pizza too?
True Fable
December 2nd, 2009 at 3:28 am [Reply]

#149 Steve the Pocket – I’m a big fan of Olbermann, and that post does him proud, man!

#150 Alfred E. Neuman – True that; it just looks so fucking weird. It makes me think of Fred Flintstone running ninety to nothing past the same fifty yards of front room over and over again; I mean damn, their cave was a fuckin’ airplane hanger or something.
Mibbitmaker
December 2nd, 2009 at 3:37 am [Reply]

#149 (Steve the Pocket): That’s okay, Steve — I’ll just do alittle O’Reilly parody to balance it out (like I did in the megathread went I, myself, inadvertantly referenced that Olbermann bit)

PINHEADS & PATRIOTS

The gang over at Cul de Sac always deliver possibly the freshest comic strip in existance right now. This is not due to any particular strip, just the ongoing excellence greatly missed since the days of Calvin. So for this, everyone at Cul de Sac are patriots.

On the pinhead front, there have been numerous affronts to legal ethics by Sam Driver and his gang of anything-goes associates. They embarrass the legal profession all day long. There’s no question they are pinheads.

And here is the word of the day: Don’t be…. furshlugginer… when writing to us.

(Okay, my megathread one was better, not counting “word of the day”, which I’ve been dying to do for a while)
Mibbitmaker
December 2nd, 2009 at 3:54 am [Reply]

More 12/2:

9CL: Nobody talks like that!

Archie: When Archie knows the answer to a question asked, he gets frightening!

Dilbert: “Ah, grrrrrrrrrrruesome, isn’t it?” — Jerry Colona, as immitated in old ’40s Warner Brothers cartoons

DT: Introduce Dick “I hate ‘long-hair’ music” to Brooke “Mr. Pretentious” McEldowney, and it would start a new, horrific culture war, with no good guys.

Doonesbury: My initial snark was going to be “NICKNAME OVERLOAD! NICKNAME OVERLOAD! NICKNAME OVERLOAD!”, but I’m changing it to “They’ve got more nicknames than the internet!” ‘Mibbit’s take note…

R&R: Don’t get used to one of your eyes, Rover. (I can’t bear to tell him about the chin implants)

Ziggy: “Reality” shows ARE the bogus stuff!
Sheila Sternwell
December 2nd, 2009 at 5:50 am [Reply]

RMMD: I know Tim is supposed to be a bit of a jerk, but really, this obvious uglying-up is undignified. They’re practically shouting “If you’re not handsome and don’t possess a pair of 42DDs, then you’re evil” from the rooftops. That’s Juggs Parker’s shtick, and Rex Morgan would do well to remember that.
ChattyGenes
December 2nd, 2009 at 6:28 am [Reply]

FBOFW. Ellie, you are such a TURD.

When I buy a shirt and tie for a man, I am excited and happy. I have fun choosing JUST the right shirt that I know he’ll love, along with one or two GORGEOUS ties that match it perfectly. I add in a tie-slide, and maybe cuff-links if the shirt has French cuffs, and I’m in heaven.

This stupid comic (read: Ellie) is so good at taking all the joy out of life. It’s one big sour-fest these days.

I had two grandmothers, God rest their souls. I loved them both. But from an early age, I sensed that they were different from each other, somehow.

One grandmother made me feel that life was great! and life was fun! And FULL of wonderful things to enjoy! But that sometimes, unfortunate things might happen to you.

The other grandmother made me feel that life was difficult. And melancholy. And full of hardship. But that now and then, IF you were lucky, something good MIGHT happen.

Ellie has taken my second grandmother’s philosophy to a depressingly horrible extreme–way beyond anything my grandma ever communicated, or conveyed. I pity her kids and future grand-kids.

(And I wish TO GOD I could quit reading this comic. Someone PLEASE, kick Lynn Johnston OFF THE PAGE!!! (Where is a Fable when you need him?;-)
Écureuil Écumant
December 2nd, 2009 at 6:47 am [Reply]

MT: Clearly Mark has been dazed by the hard landing. He’s using contractions, someone call 911!

Well, either he’s dinged, or the impact jolted the broomstick right out of his butt.
Marion Delgado
December 2nd, 2009 at 6:58 am [Reply]

dyslexic:

tommi’s the brains of the bunch, margo, the calm center. luann is the educator … everything fits so far. nothing wrong with comic strips written and drawn by crack monkeys in a parallel universe, is there?
Écureuil Écumant
December 2nd, 2009 at 7:00 am [Reply]

RMMJ: No, you two go on and head for home. I just have to strangle the rest of Peter’s patients, then I’m outa here too.
Écureuil Écumant
December 2nd, 2009 at 7:30 am [Reply]

JP: I’m confused. I thought guns either barked or stuttered. This one just talks like regular folks.
mordock999
December 2nd, 2009 at 7:31 am [Reply]

Today’s Luann 12/02/09

Brad — “So, Toni, what did you REALLY think of my mom?”

Toni — “Well, let me put it THIS way Brad. I think your ‘mom’ is a Two-Faced, Loathsome, Hypocritical, Self-Centered, Sanctimonious, ASSHAT that somehow ESCAPED the lower regions of HELL to TORMENT the Righteous. The very FACT that your father continues to SLEEP with THAT Rattlesnake IS, in MY humble opinion, an even GREATER mystery than why certain people who read THIS Strip think that your ‘friend’ TJ is ‘ actually Kinda Cool’. ”

Brad — “Uh, yeah. Ah, so, will we be making love tonight?”

Toni — “No.”

______________________

DEATH to TJ!!!
Écureuil Écumant
December 2nd, 2009 at 8:01 am [Reply]

Luann: When a cartoonist has to label every visual element in the panel so we can tell what they are, that’s an automatic fail.

Actually he did leave one element unlabeled, but that doesn’t let him off the hook because the last I checked, terminal moraines weren’t particularly flammable so he probably didn’t want us to realize what we were looking at.

Without the labels, it looks as if she’s trying to arson those toxic sludge barrels at the bottom of the LoFo cliff — which I wholeheartely support, since it would be a welcome denouement for both those strips.
Mela
December 2nd, 2009 at 8:47 am [Reply]

Wednesday comics:

Archie: Archie kills anyone who dares beat him to answering that one question he knows with a pencil.

Curtis: He’s right – Miss Piggy would WRECK you if you tried to upstage her. And don’t brag about learning to walk to DeBarge. It’s like bragging about dancing to Starland Vocal Band.

ReFOOB: Elly’s Marriage Is a Loveless Sham, chapter 9,548,699.

FW: The pun before the inevitable death-by-falling-giant-reindeer.

GA: I agree with the old Going Antisane blog – that eyeless kitty is disturbing.

Luann: Thanks for the labels, Greg! If it wasn’t for those, I would’ve thought you’d drawn a stick figure flipping off a giant flan.

Zits: Ha, ha! Kids and their cell phones, amiright? This might actually be worse than the week of bad zombie jokes.
Mardou Fox
December 2nd, 2009 at 9:00 am [Reply]

MT: Whoa, not only does Mark use contractions, he says they “busted” a tire. That sounds like bad-guy talk! Could this be Mark’s evil twin? Over the next few days he will stop shaving and take Rusty off to some swampy hideout. Eventually, the real Mark will show up and punch himself in the hairy face!
Greg
December 2nd, 2009 at 9:00 am [Reply]

When the Hollywood movie is made of Mary Worth (and it will be, oh, it will be) Angela Lansbury will transform and do her meddlin’ with arm cannons and plasma grenades. Hollywood!
Brick Bradford
December 2nd, 2009 at 9:15 am [Reply]

MT: Yesterday Mark and Rusty were clearly going off a cliff. Today they’re just rolling onto sand. I feel violated.

MW: Gee, a bourbon swilling whiner with a bad comb over. Hard to imagine why Iris might want to get away, isn’t it?

S-M: Boy, nothing fazes those New Yorkers.
fahrenheit451
December 2nd, 2009 at 9:26 am [Reply]

MW-I don’t know what’s worse. The single strands combover or the perpetually constipated look.
JustAGuyGuy
December 2nd, 2009 at 9:40 am [Reply]

*spoiler alert* If you look on Hulu, Family Guy this week has a theory on how Family Circus might end.
Amateur
December 2nd, 2009 at 9:40 am [Reply]

MW: Oh, I can’t WAIT to see where this is going. “She blew up at me just because I tried to change the record on her iPod!”
bourbon babe, unbuckled
December 2nd, 2009 at 10:01 am [Reply]

MT: Boy, when Elrod likes a gull drawing, he’s going to use the hell out of it, isn’t he? Later, we’ll have a close-up of Rusty and Mark in the car, and that damned gull will be riding shotgun.

Once again, Rusty demonstrates that he really has no clue; let me tell you how Mark missed that deer, Rusty: He swerved wildly, careened over a ~~cliff~~ ~~embankment~~ small pile of sand, endangering all your lives, and rolled to a stop on the beach, where you had to peel Sassy off the inside roof of the car.

FC: Grandma smiled in triumph: Score one more for her in the Mother-Daugher Battle for Affection! Two down, two—or was it three?—more to go!

MW: I love how everyone at the pool party is studiously keeping their backs to Mary and Wilbur. Has Wilbur already tried to tell his tale of woe to everyone else, and after his fifth Potato-Ade Manhattan, he’s ready to confide in Mary? Does Wilbur have a well-earned rep as a whiner, and so whenever he strolls near, Charterstone denizens become engrossed in nearby shrubbery to avoid catching his eye? Or are they just worried that they’ll be drawn into Mary’s Meddlesphere, and as with the Medusa, if they look into her face, their lives will turn to shit?
bourbon babe, unbuckled
December 2nd, 2009 at 10:04 am [Reply]

112 Mooncattie—-Hee! That’s great!

134 bats:[ —-Hey–that’s great, too! (And no fair! You’re fabulous at mash-ups AND this?)

167 Brick Bradford: With “rolling in the sand,” I got a Burt Lancaster/Deborah Kerr image—and felt not only violated, but nauseated.
gleeb
December 2nd, 2009 at 10:34 am [Reply]

Brenda :And, after a flurry of activity (sped up so you don’t notice it makes no sense), Brenda Starr, reporter, fails to do her job.

Archie :Black shirt. Fish tie. Pince-nez. Mr Weatherbee marches to the beat of a drum most of us never even dream exists.

’shaft :Is he speaking to a garden club? A literary society? Ed doesn’t know, because he’s such a worthless old plugger. And he doesn’t care because he hates the world.

Gil :The real revelation is that Valerie’s father, who really was at the games, is busted for not paying attention.

Rex :Tim is dejected because he knows the only interesting day he’ll ever have is over now. Time to move to Cancerdeathville and wait for the end.
mayzshon
December 2nd, 2009 at 10:42 am [Reply]

149-Steve the Pocket Sadly, I have heard people use “OMG” when speaking in real life. Also “BTW”.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
December 2nd, 2009 at 10:57 am [Reply]

132 Niall: How about if I just get lucky? =-)
Li’l Bunnë FooFoo
December 2nd, 2009 at 10:57 am [Reply]

MW: Visible chest hair alert! Once again, visible chest hair has made it to the comic pages in the form of Mary Worth’s Wilbur. Giella is not afraid of middle-America’s aversion to body hair (note: Wilbur also has hair on his hands, like, you know, a LOT of men). Meanwhile Spider-Man wrapped the notoriously hirsute Wolverine in a big ol’ hoodie — let’s call it a man-burqa.

Anyway… just keeping track so you don’t have to.
wossname
December 2nd, 2009 at 11:04 am [Reply]

MT – This would be the perfect time for a pack (school? herd?) of leaping giant squid to start plopping down on the beach.
mayzshon
December 2nd, 2009 at 11:04 am [Reply]

DT-Long-haired music? Don’t be such a square Tess! A hepcat like Dick wants to jitterbug in the aisles!
commodorejohn
December 2nd, 2009 at 11:05 am [Reply]

A3G – The One? Well that explains it! Apartment 3-G takes place in a prototype version of the Matrix, where everything is frozen in a drab, uninteresting version of 1960! Man, this makes so much more sense.

AS – …?

FW – Funky? Now would be a good time for that murder we were talking about.

GT – Huh. I know I joked about her hair being an octopus, but it even has eight legs. And, really, it wouldn’t be even close to the strangest deformity seen in Gil Thorp.

Luann – Well at least someone isn’t completely fuggin’ clueless.

MT – Ah dammit.

MW – On the list of people I wanted extreme close-ups of, Wilbur was somewhere above Nick Nolte and below Steve Buscemi. And I’m actually a little excited about the prospect of Mary Worth trying to portray a “generation gap” when their idea of young people consists of Scott and Adrian. Should be hilarious.

RMMD – Oh man. Oh man. Tim’s “pity me” face is the absolute funniest thing in this storyline. No contest. It’s like he tried to put on the poutiest face humanly possible, but forgot that he has a mustache.
Sequitur
December 2nd, 2009 at 11:06 am [Reply]

171. bourbon babe, unbuckled
ie. MT: That gull may be the most interesting character in the strip.

Grand Avenue: It’s snowed this morning here in McKinney, Texas, 35 miles north of Dallas. And we’re suppose to get more by Friday.

Pluggers: You’re a Plugger if you have no earthly idea why your Grandchild doesn’t know what “cellophane” is.
commodorejohn
December 2nd, 2009 at 11:08 am [Reply]

#177 wossname – I’m having trouble confirming it, but I’m fairly certain that the group term for squid is “flock.”
Muffaroo
December 2nd, 2009 at 11:12 am [Reply]

Beetle – Halftrack doesn’t have a bald spot. He has a medium-sized non-bald spot.

Dick probably thinks Professor Longhair is too highbrow. I’m trying to guess the names of the kid and old man. “Harry” seems like a possibility, but I also think the -ski suffix is de rigeur for the generation who associates all classical music with Leopold Stokowski. There’s also the depressing tendency to name characters what they are: Con Ductor.

In the last panel you can clearly see the crossword puzzle, usually not visible inside comics.

Garfield – All balloons are speech balloons in comics about kids and animals.

Hagar – The fat sonuvabitch even ate his umlaut.

Mary – “The generation gap was obvious when I needed her help the other day!” Exclamation points won’t help this story, if it’s even one third as boring and convoluted as the introduction has been so far. Just put your bulbous nose back into that Salmon Screwdriver and try to find your inner oblivion.
Muffaroo
December 2nd, 2009 at 11:14 am [Reply]

Phantom – This is suspense for those who don’t know who’s in the trunk already. I hope both of them are surprised as hell when he opens the lid.

Popeye – We’ve already established that the first ball’s name is Jack, right?

Prickly – If you’re going to photocopy the same picture for every panel, it’s considered polite to work a little harder on it.

Steve the Pocket @149 – I was a Townsperson in Carousel, and during rehearsals when we were supposed to be yucking it up and making small talk, I would sometimes say “Ell Oh Ell!” But only during rehearsals, and only a couple of times. Mustn’t overdo it.

Écureuil Écumant @ 163 – I’d expect to see a terminal moraine in Funky Winkerbean. Or is that terminal moron?

Sequitur @180 – We had snow (first of the season) yesterday morning in western NY, which was gone by afternoon. You sort of expect that up here, though.
Sequitur
December 2nd, 2009 at 11:29 am [Reply]

183. Muffaroo
Yeah, I would expect western NY to be having snow by now. We are way ahead of schedule. If we get snow at all it’s usually in January or February.
queek
December 2nd, 2009 at 11:29 am [Reply]

for B. Racoon and friends

Sunday MT: WEAPONIZED!
queek
December 2nd, 2009 at 11:37 am [Reply]

*sigh* preview is your friend, but not, apparently, mine.

Sunday MT, WEAPONIZED!
Sequitur
December 2nd, 2009 at 11:43 am [Reply]

LOGIC ALERT- Curtis: Let’s see. Michelle is about 13. That means she was born in or about 1996. THE MUPPUT SHOW WENT OFF THE AIR IN 1981!
You lie girl.
Écureuil Écumant
December 2nd, 2009 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

@183 Muffaroo says: “@163 – I’d expect to see a terminal moraine in Funky Winkerbean. Or is that terminal moron?”

Since they seem to be thinking “Lettuce leaf this reindeer down on the sidewalk, where he looks like he’s scooting along pleasuring himself”, another possibility might be “terminal romaine”.
Muffaroo
December 2nd, 2009 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

Curtis exists in a timeless void. His dad could just as easily be yelling at him for playing “that crazy rock stuff” or “that damned jazz music!”
True Fable
December 2nd, 2009 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

# 157 Chatty Genes – Baby doll, I’m trying my best! But right now it’s just online. I’m skeered a syndicate might rip its heart out.
Thomas B.
December 2nd, 2009 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

The Horsemen of Montoni’s: A one act play by Thomas B. (Aviatrix this is for you)

Location: Montoni’s pizzeria. Two figures sit at a booth 1 figure is still, the other eating voraciously. A third figure enters the building and joins the other two at their booth.

War: Sorry I’m late guys I’ve been really busy lately.
Pestilence: Yes we know, at least you called.
War: Where’s big D?
Famine: (mouth stuffed with pizza) Heef naw hur yut.
Pestilence: Must you speak with your mouth full?
Famine:(mouth still full) Awm ungee.
Pestilence: You are always hungry. (to War) Death is not here, and at this point I do not think he is coming. Let us just get started.
War: Okay.
Famine: (mouth still full) Aw k.
Pestilence: I called this meeting of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse to discuss our future in this strip. As you know we have been very active over the span of this strip. Thanks to my influence, Funky battled alcoholism, Becky Blackburn lost an arm, Lisa died of breast cancer…
War: (interrupting Pestilence) You can hardly take full credit Lisa’s death.
Pestilence: Of course everyone gives Death the credit for Lisa, but answer this: could he have killed her without my influence? No. In fact, he could not kill anyone without me making them sick first.
Famine: (mouth still stuffed with pizza) Ow bowt Ahn Arlin?
War: Good point Famine. What about John Darling?
Pestilence: That was nearly twenty years ago! The last person Death “killed” was Wally Winkerbean and neither of those times count. Wally was M.I.A. and presumed dead via a tombstone. The other time Wally was “killed” by an I.E.D. , which turned out to be just a version of Wally playing a video game. That’s cheesier than a dream sequence from “Dallas.”
Famine: (mouth full) Ooh hot Aay Ahrr?
(All laugh)
Pestilence: The point is we have to get back on our game. Lately we have just been teasing the audience with what we might do and reminding them of what we have done. I mean Lisa’s ghost watching Les make PB and J sandwiches? C’mon. Bull is just begging for a heart attack look at the size of his gut.
War: Look Pestilence, we have to face facts. We can’t do much without big D. You and I are collaborating on Wally with PTSD resulting in alcoholism, but without big D to finish Wally off in a drunken car crash…
Pestilence: Yes, you are right. Without Death there is little we can do. We must hope he returns to us soon. (Raises his glass) To Death.
War: To Death!
Famine: Ew Eth!
All laugh as lights fade.
Fin
PastJay
December 3rd, 2009 at 8:48 am [Reply]

At the end of yesterday’s strip we got to see Tim changing back into Skelator/Hitler as Becka tried to say “Good-bye.” So I thought in today’s strip we’d finally see Tim rampaging through the ER, trying to drag Becka back to his lair. (I can just imagine Tim tearing things up and killing people until his mother comes out from where ever they’ve taken her and says “Tim! Stop that! (And where’s my dinner?)” and he hangs his head and says “Sorry, Mom.”)

I think my version’s better than the lame ending in today’s strip. I’m sure tomorrow Becka will tell Peter she’s sorry she ever doubted him. Wouldn’t it be funny to hear Peter say something like, “It’s OK Honey, you know I love you. By the way, how about a ménage a trios with that Tim fellow—or that dark-haired nurse from back at the beginning of this story line?” That could set off another three months of Becka agonizing until at the end Peter says, “Just kidding, honey.”

I still think the old folks should have wandered onto the cruise ship where Rex and June are trying to procreate. Sara could find them: “Look, Mommy, there are old people hiding in that life boat.”
Johnny Knuckles
December 3rd, 2009 at 11:53 am [Reply]

“Reader’s Digest abridged version of Leviticus”

Thanks for dredging the memories, Josh. Almost had them suppressed.

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