Let he who is without … I mean, blessed are the, uh … look, just keep giving on Sundays, all right?
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 12/3/09
It has long been my contention that Parson Tuttle is a fraud, using his position as Hootin’ Holler’s lone clergyman to bilk his gullible parishioners out of their meager savings. Today it has become clear that he never even bothered acquiring the rudiments of a theological education before launching into this long-term grift. He’s desperately trying to come up with some vaguely Biblical-sounding thing about niceness that might get these ladies to make peace with each other, and all he can pull out of his fancy hat is the Good Samaritan; but even the semi-literate locals know that this parable is really about expanding the notion of “neighbor” to encompass mercy and virtue, not just geography or ethnic and religious loyalty, and has little to do with stopping people who actually live next door to each other from feuding. Still, they might yet get some spiritual edification out of it; after all, the parable does involve a man beaten by bandits and left for dead at the side of the road, which I imagine happens in Hootin’ Holler with depressing regularity.
Crankshaft, 12/3/09
I have to admit that I kind of enjoy the often nonsensical “Crankshaft-speaks-to-the-garden-club” episodes of Crankshaft, mostly because there’s so much disconnect between the various components. The ostensible point of the strip is to provide a humorous counterpoint between the ’Shaft’s educational agenda and his wacky and relentless malapropisms; but funnier still is the comical juxtaposition of both with his look of unbridled disgust and contempt and his audience’s terrified cowering. Pretty much the only way to parse any of this is to imagine Crankshaft as an aged absolute dictator, still wearing his proletarian uniform to show his revolutionary bona fides despite years in power, launching into hour four of a rambling, nonsensical harangue that his audience cannot escape or ignore for fear of execution.
Funky Winkerbean, 12/3/09
Ha ha, whoops! I think we’re about to find out that Funky recently decided in a “cost-saving move” not to renew his restaurateur’s license. Westview’s last economically viable private business will be shut down, throwing its already struggling employees out of work just in time for the holidays. Merry Funkmas, everybody!
Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/3/09
I’d argue that the blame for this whole escapade really ought to be placed not so much on Henry the non compos mentis golf pro but on the neglectful management of the nursing home that allowed the two oldsters to escape. I’d also point out that it’s incredibly common for people with Alzheimer’s to form romantic attachments to each other in care facilities, and that it probably brings a certain amount of joy to their lives. But whatever, Tim! I’m sure your mother will be much happier locked up in your basement! I do hope you and Becka can stay friends, if by “friends” we mean “she will come by a couple times a month free of charge to make sure your mother isn’t dying.”
Mary Worth, 12/3/09
People, people, people, this strip, in which Wilbur confesses (while moodily chewing on an orange celery stick) that his daughter helped him set up a Facebook page, has been live on the Chron Web site for more than 10 hours, and yet nobody has set up an actual Wilbur Weston Facebook page yet. Shame on all of you! Whoever does this first, and makes sure that his six combover hairs are visible in each and every one of his profile pictures, will be a true Internet hero.
UPDATE: Wlibur profile is up! Go to it!
Marmaduke, 12/3/09
It’s a good thing that former president Bill Clinton has his wife’s salary as Secretary of State and the money he makes from his speaking engagements to fall back on, because I don’t think his bosses at the dealership will be pleased that he let a demon-dog with unnaturally powerful neck muscles destroy the roof of one of the cars he was trying to sell.
Mark Trail, 12/3/09
OH OH OH! Please, please, please let Sassy get eaten by a squid!
bourbon babe, unbuckled
December 3rd, 2009 at 12:35 pm
(Yes! Caught the post-jump just in the nick of time!)
BB: Haha! It’s funny because they’re all trapped in the never-ending hell that is Camp Swampy. There is no “home,” Beetle—only potatoes to be peeled, the futile struggle to evade even more futile work, and the monotony of your ritualized abusive sexual relationship with Sarge. This is your “life,” Beetle, and there is no exit. Sartre couldn’t have crafted it better—and he cracks me up every time.
DtM: I’m so glad that after all these
yearsdecadeseons, Ketchum is keeping things fresh. Green beans instead of carrots! Way to keep it edgy, Hank!mollificent
December 3rd, 2009 at 12:38 pm
Great post, Josh!
Awww…today’s MT kind of brings back memories. My dad’s old friend in Hawaii had a dog named “Puka”, so named because they would take him to the beach and he would go crazy chasing and digging out crabs. (“Puka” means “Hole” in Hawaiian.) He got hit by a car a while back, poor little thing. *sniffle* At least he didn’t get eaten by a
squidPortuguese man-o-war…those things are NASTY.Back to snark now. Really.
MW: I swear to God, if Mary joins Twitter I am going to hunt Karen Moy down and smack her.
Phantom: Oh. My. God. Panel one is, without doubt, the single greatest Phantom panel in history. Go Diana!
Shortpacked!: Aw, poor Ethan. That guy was pretty cute. Stupid Robin.
commodorejohn
December 3rd, 2009 at 12:40 pm
BB – …huh.
FW – “You’re under arrest for public happiness. We don’t need that kind of thing in this community, sir.”
GT – Fear the octopus!
JP – !? What is this, Spider-Man?
MT – Come on, squid!
MW – Oh. My. God. Mary Worth, Facebook, and Wilbur trying to get together with old classmates. This is going to be a glorious triple-play of utter pathetic failure.
MC – I’ve been there a few times.
OBH – I love this. I think it’s the expressions that really make it work.
PBS – Win.
Phantom – You know, I totally respect what The Phantom is doing with this storyline, but…panel one was just a little too hilarious to take seriously.
RMMD – Trying to horn in on a married person and then playing the “well let’s stay in touch, okay?” card? Maybe he’s not Anthony after all. Maybe he’s Liz.
SM – Peter: Hot. Wife. Clad. Only. In. Towel. Forget. About. The. Damn. Sandman.
Chyron HR
December 3rd, 2009 at 12:46 pm
Marmaduke – Ha ha ha! That sure is a big dog!
Cranshaft – Ha ha ha! That sure is a senile octogenarian!
Zits – Ha ha ha! That sure is an annoying teenager!
Edge City – Ha ha ha! That sure is a neurotic Jew!
9 Chickweed Lane – Ha ha ha! That sure is a pretentious cartoonist!
Mardou Fox
December 3rd, 2009 at 12:48 pm
RM: Why does Tim’s eyeball object to his mother’s boyfriends?
MW: “an online social network”? Sounds like Mary has been doing some meddling with Herb and Jamaal.
MT: Can anyone tell me how long Sassy has been in this strip? Is she a recent addition, or is she a frozen-in-time puppy? Guess it doesn’t matter. She will soon be squid bait.
Sed
December 3rd, 2009 at 12:51 pm
Ed’s the Castro of Canton! This Midwestern Mao’s Little Red Book is the Acme Seed Catalog – Viva La Germinacion!
zillah
December 3rd, 2009 at 12:51 pm
RMMD: AHHHH, Extreme eye close-up!
But seriously, I love the look on Becka’s face in the last panel, which to me conveys her silence as she tries to find a polite way to say “Absolutely not.”
Mark J. Hansen
December 3rd, 2009 at 12:53 pm
Becka’s look of disgust/uncertainty is not so much at the thought of remaining Tim’s friend as it is at his ventriloquist glasses routine. To Tim’s credit, he really nailed those N’s and P’s.
Patrick
December 3rd, 2009 at 12:53 pm
What Wilbur doesn’t know (as he and Mary shuffle along the very narrow walkway between the Charterstone pool and the buffet table) is that Mary will soon absorb his profile into her single-player Facebook game Meddleville.
Mary Worth has found a poor, lonely divorcee at the Charterstone Pool Party! Oh, no!
Help Mary find a proper, Christian spouse and earn 5 meddling points!
shermy glamrocker
December 3rd, 2009 at 12:54 pm
Still no “Wilbur Weston” on the Face Books, but OMG, 500 “Mary Worth” pages!
zillah
December 3rd, 2009 at 12:54 pm
BGGS: He couldn’t have just quoted The Golden Rule? Or “Love your neighbor as yourself?” Come on, he’s not even trying.
Classic Nekrotzar
December 3rd, 2009 at 12:55 pm
Nekrotzar is on vacation this week, but, to ensure that there are no blank spaces on this blog, the distributor has provided us with this Classic Nekrotzar from 16 November 2007:
Professor Fate
December 3rd, 2009 at 12:56 pm
MW: so is Mary trying to amuse herself and wilbur by sticking a muffin in her ear? It looks that way to me.
FW: Ah the war on Chisrtmas comes to Funkytown – “This display is illegal – none these Reindeer have cancer.”
shermy glamrocker
December 3rd, 2009 at 12:58 pm
I know you need a license to operate a restaurant, but do you really need a “registration”?
Alan's Addiction
December 3rd, 2009 at 12:59 pm
Bah, Parson Tuttle doesn’t know a REAL Hooten Holler feud when he sees one. Squabbling and shouting among neighbors? That’s just a standard Tuesday evening past time. It’s not an official Hooten Holler feud until the automatic weapons are taken out of the cases and at least one family holes up in their home-made basement panic room until the Feds get involved.
The ‘Shaft has no business lecturing to the garden club. It’s well known that he’s a vile old man whose mere presence is enough to end life; his own lawn and garden is a blackened crater of horrors.
I think the officer in today’s “Funky Winkerbean” is really just suspicious of any decoration that could possibly promote hope or joy (the intention of most Christmas decorations); neither emotion has any place in the Funkyverse and have recently been banned by a town council decision.
Speaking of discouraging hope and joy, I applaud Tim’s decision to remove his dear old mother from a clearly second-rate nursing home, even if I don’t approve of the rationale behind it. I also like his subtle, passive-aggressive death threat against Peter; “I don’t approve of her boyfriends!” However, Becka’s handling of this statement is perfect, and I award her a gold star for her expression in the third panel, which is a mixture of the best “Fuck off and die” look I’ve ever seen and mild amusement. Also, why is Tim’s eye speaking in the second panel?
I love this inevitable upcoming story in “Mary Worth:” “Interwebs 2: Ted Confey’s Revenge.” Of course, it might also be a story designed to soothe the senior readership that the Internet isn’t so bad, really, and can be a good place to meet new people… provided you don’t meet on some Santa Royale Fan Club site. Of course, that’s pretty boring and lacks the possibility of everyone’s favorite con man coming back to exact revenge on Adrian and Mary.
I see that the “Marmaduke” writers have decided to quit writing original tales of bloodthirsty hell hounds and their fascist owners, and instead steal material directly from older movies. Today’s strip courtesy of “Harry and the Hendersons,” which was much better than the entire 50-year “Marmaduke” catalog.
I can’t believe that Mark and Rusty’s horror was over some vehicular problems. Given their overblown reactions, it’s amazing that they don’t curl into the fetal position and wimper whenever Lost Forest is invaded by anything more menacing than a large squirrel. As a side note, I’d like to nominate the phrase “having a good time chasing crabs” as the new euphemism for “engaging in socially risky behavior that puts one at risk for disease.”
Baron Bizarre
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:00 pm
MW: Is that celery Wilbur’s eating? ‘Cause I’m pretty sure celery ain’t supposed to be brown.
Will
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:03 pm
FB: I’ve never had luck with British crosswords. Anybody know the anser? It vexes me.
GT: HA-ha!
Poteet
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:03 pm
CRANKSHAFT — Perhaps I hang around with unusually crabby female friends, but we’ve basically reached the point in life where we aren’t willing to waste much of our time anymore. If someone stood up in front of us and talked like Crankshaft, we’d be out of that room so fast the wind would knock the chairs over.
Will
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:05 pm
Me, @17: I spend 5 minutes trying to figure out the acronym thing for the GT joke, and forget to proofread my crossword comment. Gah.
zenvelo
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:05 pm
so is this the MT thread where they find out Sassy’s not a puppy but an ocelot cub? where’d those spots come from?
actually, I’ve been puzzled how Mark’s driving off a cliff turned into driving on the beach…
Poteet
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:06 pm
MW — So now even Wilbur is more hip than me. I knew this would happen someday, but still.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:09 pm
18 Poteet: “Perhaps I hang around with unusually crabby female friends”
But does Sassy have a really good time chasing you?
Red Greenback
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:11 pm
Why is Parson Tuttle flashing the heavy metal “Devil Sign”?
odinthor
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:13 pm
GT. — Now, let’s see . . . Daddy here was lying the same way Jamarr was, except Jamarr’s motivation was that he liked Valerie and Daddy’s motivation was to help his daughter in a little game of humiliation. Yeah, clear win, Dad—“great parental moment” indeed.
MW. — Ummm . . . “one of the many legions” . . . ??? For he is many. Come out of the man, thou unclean spirit. Yes, Mary, I’m talking to you.
Uncle Lumpy
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:13 pm
Attention Mark Trail — do not lift a car with a bumper jack resting on sand. That is all.
Rain
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:15 pm
Patrick at #9, have my children, please.
And Dawn helped Wilbur “set up a Facebook page” – that must have involved some pretty gruelling coding and html’ing and whatnot. That Facebook is just so tricky.
But wait! Didn’t Wilbur hear about Toby’s run-in with The Internet??? Run, Wilbur, before someone from your past that you DON’T COMPLETELY REMEMBER *pokes* you! Or worse, asks you to join their Meddleville team….
Red Greenback
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:17 pm
#25-UL: Silly Mark, use your Marmaduke.
Calico
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:20 pm
Wow, Mary isn’t wasting any time today in getting her meddle on, is she?
She thinks of Wilbur’s Facebook foray as adultery.
He’ll be forced to wear a giant “F” on his shirt for a year, if not longer.
Calico
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:22 pm
And if no one else, perhaps Mr. Wanders can set up Wilbur’s page, as he has a MW blog.
MT – Chasing crabs-so Sassy’s hiring an escort?
Slager
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:23 pm
I cannot believe that I am the first person to friend WW on the Facebook. It must have just been created, I swear.
Uncle Lumpy
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:24 pm
Two weeks from now, a handsome policeman will cuff a Leather Alley ne’er-do-well as Wilbur blubbers, “b-but he called me ‘Queenie‘!”
Donruss
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:28 pm
Merry Funkmas indeed!
Jonny Quest
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:28 pm
Parker: I hope Sam, Steve and Judge (Randy) Parker all end up disbarred or in jail for their ethical violations and crimes, then we can re-name this strip Abbey and Friends.
MW: From the looks of Wilbur’s girth, he should stay away from the buffet line for a while.
Morgan: Coming up, Tim the Stalker. Run Becka.
NotATwit
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:28 pm
I think it’s clever how the cartoonist of Mary Worth uses Mary to oh-so-subtler define words and phrases some of the strip’s most loyal readers might not recognize.
“Dawn helped me set up a Facebook page.”
“You joined an online social network?”
“Yes, it can be seen on the World Wide Web.”
“Your Facebook page is on a tool for working with collections of data or databases around the world?”
“Yes. By the way, I’m thinking I’m going to start making my own decisions, live my life the way I want to, without ‘advice’ from any outside parties.”
“ERROR 4a6ef2: DEFINITION NOT FOUND. CLICK ANY KEY TO RESTART.”
UncleJeff
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:29 pm
MT: Rusty: “Sassy’s having fun chasing crabs but she’s not as good at it as Cherry.”
Mark: “What do you mean”.
Rusty: “Cherry said she caught a bunch of crabs while you were out chasing down the guys dumping the barrels in LoFo. She sure was mad at the delivery boy.”
JuggsParker: RUN Steve RUN! Oh. Sorry.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:30 pm
Well, crap—Now I have to spend the rest of the afternoon following Wilbur’s new Facebook page. Any possibility of productivity today? Gone.
Terry in Silver Spring
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:32 pm
MW: Look at the guns on Mary there. Does she compete in power lifting in the Senior Olympics?
Crankshaft: Don’t ask me how I know this, but it used to be a, uh, regular thing to have the seed catalog in the bathroom or outhouse as reading material. Read the seed catalog, then use the Sears catalog for something else.
Black Drazon
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:32 pm
Life’s too short in the Funkyverse, which is why it’s desperately important to enforce fire code violations. “Are they set up yet Can we bust them?” “C’mon rook, show some patience, we can’t bust them until we’re sure they’re satisfied, and if that Rudolph is one half inch to the right… BAM!”
And Rex Morgan’s storyline ends exactly as they all should: with a panel full of nothing but incredibly awkward silence.
MT – Mark’s apparently uncharacteristic lack of emotional investment in crabs is actually quite understandable, since they can’t make a fist and he just can’t bring himself to relate to that nonsense.
bartcow
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:33 pm
Well, at least Tim got a “happy ending” out of the deal. Dude was seriously stressed out. At least he has the sense to not get emotionally involved with his sex workers. I wonder if Neon Turquoise in the background knows the rules. Probably not, by the looks of him.
Becka’s a whore, is what I’m saying. No reason, just saying it.
Pope Buck I
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:36 pm
To paraphrase Lily Tomlin: No matter how joyless and soul-crushing you think the Funkverse can get, it is impossible to keep up.
AndyL
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:37 pm
The only people who would take a drawing of what is obviously a stick of celery, and color it a rusty red are Martians.
This probably also explains why the apples are yellow.
Mela
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:39 pm
Thursday stuff (and in the day’s post, too)!
A3G: “Bring the head of his mistress to me, peon!”
Curtis: Y’know, for someone who supposedly hates Curtis’ guts with a passion, Michelle sure seems to be talking to him a lot this week.
FW: Nothing says Christmas in the Funkyverse quite like layoffs and destitution thanks to the title character being a cheap, forgetful jackass.
Garfield: I think I tried that one.
GA: Oh my God, we’re gonna get a rehash of that plotline for the sake of a stray cat, aren’t we?
Luann: By “dates”, TJ means “chunks from the bodies of male prostitutes he’s killed”.
OBH: This strip has, quite possibly, the world’s craziest children. The Vacuum Cleaner Kid is the most normal.
PBS: Beer’s spiritual, in a way.
Pluggers: Furry Confusion aside… STOP FEEDING CHICKEN BONES TO THE DOG, YOU BRAIN-DEAD PINEY CHILD!
Anonymous
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:45 pm
I like the fact that the only things visible on the buffet table in the Mary Worth strip are a bowl of apples, a plate of fish quenelles and a bottle of ketchup. One can’t help speculating about what the dessert will be. Bernaise cake? Cheese-flavored ice cream with a topping of erasers?
Bryan
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:47 pm
42, Mela:Pluggers: Furry Confusion aside… STOP FEEDING CHICKEN BONES TO THE DOG, YOU BRAIN-DEAD PINEY CHILD!
I’ve always heard that chicken and pork bones for dogs are right out (because poultry bones splinter and pork bones chip) but in recent years I’ve heard that if the bones are already cooked, then it’s OK. I’m certainly not going to try it with my dogs, that’s for sure.
tbiggs
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:48 pm
RMMD – there was a ‘happy ending’? I thought Becka quashed Tim’s advances. Maybe there were some frames we didn’t see…
Max Zook
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:49 pm
What will it say about my online networking skills if Wilbur Weston won’t accept me as a Facebook friend?
SWMBO
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:50 pm
Made it in the first 20 for Wilbur! (#14) Can’t wait to do some “social networking” with him…
temujin
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:51 pm
y’all know john hodgman (“PC” in the commercials) said – on diggnation – that he visits here every day? i can’t figure out how the googles would let me check.
survivor
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:55 pm
I think this Christmas edition of Funky Winkerbean is going to echo the movie that involved Clarence the angel convincing George Bailey that he does not want to commit suicide by jumping off the bridge. Except in FW’s version, Funky and Les will just stare off the side of the bridge despondently for the next few weeks.
It’s a Winkerful Life
AhClem
December 3rd, 2009 at 2:03 pm
JP – Luckily for Steve, the guard’s cell phone has no trouble receiving a signal inside the house. I think I’ll switch my cell phone service to Deus Ex Machina Communications, too.
Jim
December 3rd, 2009 at 2:06 pm
Do you think kids reading today’s “Heart of the City” will be more confused over the Producers reference, or the Peanuts reference?
TheDiva
December 3rd, 2009 at 2:09 pm
FW: Okay, Funky, let me make sure I understand this: you took a moldering old reindeer and sleigh set that the city council was going to throw out, then set it up on the sidewalk where it can impede pedestrian traffic, block the entrance to your establishment, and violate city ordinances. Maybe the economy is not to blame for your crummy business…
HotC: Heart got the role not with her attitude, but her ability to spontaneously grow a fifth finger (a trait the original Lucy shared, I believe).
MW: If this doesn’t end with Dawn becoming the target of a sex offender, I will be gravely disappointed. Bonus point if the sex offender turns out to be Charley.
hogenmogen
December 3rd, 2009 at 2:09 pm
Marm: Yes, that IS Bill Clinton selling cars! When he gets happy because a new customer arrives, he automatically reflexes by thrusting forth his pelvis.
I’m almost feeling sorry for Tim on RMMD. It’s like one of those high school movies where the geek and the cheerleader have some kind of adventure and the geek proves his heroics, but then the cheerleader goes back to her useless jock boyfriend that she is only dating because he owns a muscle car. Oh if only Rex were here, he’d make it right. He’d sit around asking for a third bowl of mac & cheese while June counseled Becka’s husband on how not to be such an uncaring jerk who cheats. Then Abbey the Wonderdog will bark approvingly. But it will be due to Rex’s awesomeness flowing through the actions of others that anything in this strip is accomplished.
troy macgregor
December 3rd, 2009 at 2:10 pm
The pleasantness of the Funkyverse reminds me of British humorist John Dowie and part of his comedy routine about a miserable place called “Backup Town”. So I reimagined Backup Town as Westview and replaced the British place names/phrases with Ohio/American ones. Enjoy!
Fifteen miles from Massillon there stands a living hell
A poxy place called Westview, a place that I know well
It’s full of folks with throats like goats, they bleat all bleeding day
Ee, Ii, Ooh, Umm, Ay, Nayy
To have a good time there, stay home and smash your face
Westview life is one long episode of Peyton Place
Eating pizza from Montoni’s that smells like bottled gas
There’s lots to do providing you like counting blades of grass
Read the Westview newspaper, the headlines are insane
Westview man falls over……..and then gets back up again!
And in the Westview cinema, the same film every night
“The Colorful World of Youngstown” in glorious black and white
If you like entertainment, Westview has a lot about
Spend the evening with some bums and watch the fire go out
The weather is consistent; it will not make you brown
But the only time it doesn’t rain is when it’s pissing down
So those of you who like to live a lifestyle of a stone
Why not be advised by me, let Westview be your home
When life is at an end, you get three choices I have found:
Be buried, be cremated, or live in Westview town
*Bows*
See the original here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3QMGQWCGTyk
Marthas Rolling Pin
December 3rd, 2009 at 2:11 pm
And now the fun begins, as we go to Wilbur’s Friends page and try to match up the Friends with their ‘Mudgeon noms de snark.
hogenmogen
December 3rd, 2009 at 2:12 pm
Since Wilbur Weston’s stated profession is masquerading as a female advice columnist, I can only imagine that his Facebook page would have to carry the charade farther. So, when he asked for Dawn’s “help”, I suspect he meant “pose for my Facebook photo, and show some skin, if you could.”
Artist formerly known as Ben
December 3rd, 2009 at 2:18 pm
Great post, Josh. I had noticed a disconnect between the Parson’s biblical citation and the banal neighborly tiff. It could have been worse, I guess. He didn’t say, “Remember to be like the loaves and fishes.”
bats :[
December 3rd, 2009 at 2:21 pm
I think Tim’s not so put out at losing his “girlfriend” Becka, as this sad, sad realization…
Aviatrix
December 3rd, 2009 at 2:24 pm
For the edification of anyone still confused by Mark’s car plunging off a six inch precipice, I have determined that Google reveals 1160 instances of the search term Mark Trail perspective on joshreads.com. I believe this excludes the comments. There are over half a million hits on the www in general, but many of them are for an artist named Kevin Mark Trail and his single Perspective.
wossname
December 3rd, 2009 at 2:26 pm
55 Marthas Rolling Pin – I was just thinking the same thing, as soon as Wilbur accepted my offer of friendship. Since almost nobody here uses any real names, this should be challenging.
Joe Blevins
December 3rd, 2009 at 2:29 pm
‘SHAFT: Oddly, this is the first time I’ve really been bothered by the vast expanse of blank white space at the front of the ’shaft’s omnipresent baseball cap. My theory: his hatred for the world and everyone and everything in it is so thorough that the only thing he feels comfortable endorsing is pure nothingness.
BG&SS: How long, exactly, has there been a fued between Elviney and Hillbilly Woman Who’s Not Elviney?
RMMD: “I’m afraid I don’t approve of her boyfriends.” Ick. Before you utter any opinion, Tim, you should always run it through this test: is this something that Norman Bates might say? If so, you’re better off not saying it yourself.
Jumper
December 3rd, 2009 at 2:31 pm
Actually, Marmaduke’s neck muscles, though powerful, are within the norm for a dog his size. The humor is supposed to come from the fact that automakers now make roofs from aluminum foil. And the yuppie engineers get big bonuses from GM. Arg. Cough. Never mind. Crankshaft looks like Cheney with a hat. It made me bitter.
surlychick
December 3rd, 2009 at 2:36 pm
MT: Sounds like Sassy was one of Tiger Woods’ conquests as well…at least she had fun, right?
Poteet
December 3rd, 2009 at 2:36 pm
# 22 — Hahaha! Better that than listen to the Crank.
Dr. Weird
December 3rd, 2009 at 2:50 pm
61 Joe Blevins -
Your critique of Crankshaft’s hat made me think of someone else who wears a red hat with a blank white space… Fatal Fury/King of Fighters fighter Terry Bogard!
Actually, given how he gains and then loses a girlfriend in every movie he’s in, Southtown might be a suburb of Westview!
(Link to pic is under my name if the HTML didn’t work)
qmodo
December 3rd, 2009 at 2:51 pm
I don’t know about crabs or squid, but the seagull on the right looks like it might be interested in a spotted, tasty snack.
Also…is Funky just a loser businessman or what? Who in the world takes up valuable parking spaces with flipping reindeer?
Dr. Weird
December 3rd, 2009 at 2:51 pm
The linking worked TOO WELL! THAT didn’t show up in the Preview!
Calico
December 3rd, 2009 at 2:55 pm
#53 – I wonder if Car-Sales-Guy hands out free cigars as well.
*please please don’t cockpit me-I promise I’ll “friend” Wilbur*
mordock999
December 3rd, 2009 at 2:56 pm
Today’s Comics 12/03/09
Snuffy Smith — And these two lovely ladies WONDER why they’re STILL single.
Crankshaft — “Next week, ladies we’ll discuss the PROPER way to bury a beaver, I MEAN, bulbs!”
Funky Winkerbean — See Funky, I TOLD you those ‘Reindeer Burgers’ were a BAD idea!
Rex Morgan — Hey Henry! You don’t APPROVE of your Mom’s boyfriends and Nancy DeGroot doesn’t approve of her Adult son’s Girlfriend. You two should get together and COMPARE pettiness!
Mary Worth — “Yes, I’ve FINALLY become one of the many legions…, of the DAMNED!” — Wilbur
Marmaduke — And THAT freshly damaged car is SOLD!
Luann
TJ — “Hey, Brad, CHEER Up and don’t worry about ANYTHING! I’ll PATCH things up for ‘ya! We”ll invite everyone BACK for Christmas dinner and….”
Later on the Evening News – “And Police are STILL baffled but delighted over the mysterious disappearance of local Conman and Resident Troublemaker, TJ. In related news, the Governor said, in memory of TJ, he is ordering ALL State Flags to be flown at FULL staff.”
_________________
DEATH to TJ!!!
dmac
December 3rd, 2009 at 3:01 pm
Uh oh. With his tenuous grasp of the Bible, pretty soon Parson Tuttle is going to be ordering a baby to be cut in half.
Max Zook
December 3rd, 2009 at 3:06 pm
Wilbur’s quote: “I am bland”
Wilbur added a new job as Advice Columnist, Homewrecker
Wilbur went from being “in a relationship” to “it’s complicated”.
Birthday:
05 June 1935
Religious views:
Vague Christianity
Interests:
Electric blue clothing, pool parties, Iris
About me:
I am the combover king
Lucky
December 3rd, 2009 at 3:18 pm
Buckles – Let today be known as the day Buckles became the new favourite comic strip among the furry sub sub culture of paw fetishists.
Heathcliff – When did Tom Batiuk take over Heathcliff?
Prickly City – “Or like when I paraded around with your Kenyan birth certificate that turned out to be just an empty sheet of paper?”
Digger
December 3rd, 2009 at 3:20 pm
Funky’s attempt to spread holiday cheer is a clear violation of Westview law, which forbids cheer of any kind. His penalty will be a small fine and, of course, cancer.
MT: Forget the squid, I’m hoping a giant whale shows up and swallows Sassy whole. Then Rusty and Mark will have to travel into the whale’s belly to rescue her, which would naturally involve Mark punching the whales internal organs.
sixquarters
December 3rd, 2009 at 3:21 pm
Crankshaft: So, pretty much exactly like the original Manchurian Candidate, then. This explains why people still read Funky Winkerbean — they all think it’s the “kindest, bravest, warmest, and cancerousest comic strip they’ve ever read in their lives.”
Josh
December 3rd, 2009 at 3:25 pm
#65 Dr. Weird — Holy crap, that guy’s outfit is way WAY too close to Crankshaft’s for comfort. I’m pretty sure that’s the ‘Shaft’s mental image of himself, actually.
Josh
wossname
December 3rd, 2009 at 3:26 pm
Wilbur’s FB page — or at least his friends list — is fascinating. I wish I had paid more attention in here every time somebody mentioned where they live.
And now I see KarMann is outing himself. Maybe I’ll do the same. Wouldn’t it be a hoot if Wilbur’s FB page actually led to a few more of us meeting each other?
Mardou Fox
December 3rd, 2009 at 3:28 pm
“How about a little solitaire, Crankshaft?”
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
December 3rd, 2009 at 3:30 pm
I can’t believe I have to add Wilbur Weston as a friend before I can see his Facebook page. Look, Wilbur, just ’cause you make me your Friend doesn’t mean I am your friend, OK?
LITTLE A. OF THE GRAND CONCOURSE JUNGLE PATROL
December 3rd, 2009 at 3:33 pm
MT: No trouble at all, huh? Try jacking up the rear end of a car WHEN THE JACK IS ON SAND!!!
KarMann
December 3rd, 2009 at 3:33 pm
And already, my outing has been pushed off the “recent activity”. That didn’t take long! That Wilbur, he sure is a popular guy!
Écureuil Écumant
December 3rd, 2009 at 3:35 pm
MW: Wilbur’s trying to impress the ladies with his ’70s phone phreaking skills. “Watch this, I’m making free calls to Burkina Faso just by blowing my Cap’n Crunch whistle!”
Aviatrix
December 3rd, 2009 at 3:36 pm
Yeah, Wilbur’s profile should be public. Why should Facebook give him any more concealment than those five strands of hair?
Amateur
December 3rd, 2009 at 3:37 pm
#9 for COTW! That’s the only “Oh, no!” Facebook thingie that I’ve ever truly enjoyed.
Baka Gaijin
December 3rd, 2009 at 3:38 pm
Speed Bump: wwwaaaAAAAaaAAAAAaaaHHHH!!!! TWO EVILSCARYCLOWNS!!!!! AAAAaaaaaaAAAAaaaAAAA! Why didn’t anyone warn meeeeeEEEeeEEEee AAAaaaaAAAAaaahhhh QLUNK!
By the way, what’s this “Good clown, bad clown” shit? “Dead clown, bad clown who needs to be drowned in Potatoade, stuffed with rancid salmon squares, then fed to a giant squid and NOW dammit!” is what Coverly meant to say.
KarMann
December 3rd, 2009 at 3:38 pm
Well, it makes sense to me. I mean, Wilbur wouldn’t want to let just anyone see his *special* collection of pictures of Iris and Dawn, would he? Especially not those bothersome FBI people.
Soccerhead
December 3rd, 2009 at 3:38 pm
A@H: How did Adam fall so only the top of his pants ripped off?
Also, Clayton’s query, “What happened to your pants?” is almost FC-level stupid.
Cyranetta
December 3rd, 2009 at 3:43 pm
MW: Even the swimming pool water is agitated at the prospects of Wilbur’s social networking.
wossname
December 3rd, 2009 at 3:43 pm
I’m happy to say I invited Wilbur to join Fans of Santa Royale and he accepted. It makes me feel special!!
Although, now that I think of it, that was where Adrian met Ted Confey, wasn’t it. Uh oh…
KarMann
December 3rd, 2009 at 3:47 pm
I was the one (very possibly not the only one) who invited Wilbur to the Readers of CC group, also accepted. I didn’t know about Fans of Santa Royale until now, though!
Niall
December 3rd, 2009 at 3:49 pm
Oh MAN. There two, count them TWO bake sales on the office floor today. And one of them is “donate and take as mucha s you want“. And here I thought I was doing well in limiting calorie intake. Urf. I’d have to do a ton of exercicing this weekend to compensate. But.. baking! chocolate! home-made skor bars! *whimper*
wossname
December 3rd, 2009 at 3:51 pm
I didn’t know about Readers of CC, so I just joined that. Fans of SR has been pretty dormant recently, after a flurry of activity when the Adrian-Ted story line was current. Ah, the pool parties we had…
tb4000
December 3rd, 2009 at 4:14 pm
It’s not that the reindeer are a violation of anything, it’s that the police force are fully aware of who Funky Winkerbean is, and any chance they have to make that motherfucker miserable is taken without extreme prejudice. It’s like Charlie Brown getting rocks for Halloween…it’s never explained why every home would honestly have rocks sitting there for him, but they know he exists, therefore he must be punished for simply being.
SandyH
December 3rd, 2009 at 4:16 pm
#44: I may not be reading your post correctly, but actually, it is RAW chicken bones that are OK for dogs, as they only get brittle after cooking.
Many people feed raw to their dogs these days. They say it makes for a healthier dog, but I can foresee a huge mess if you feed inside. This is the reason I haven’t tried it for my dog who has tummy issues. The vets at the clinic where I work don’t recommend or endorse it, yet we have many clients who do it.
CanuckDownSouth
December 3rd, 2009 at 4:18 pm
Just back from evaluating student lab talks. One had I kid you not the title “Experiment 2.3″. My first thought of course was It’s a “Herb & Jamaal” presentation.
(It took about two of the eight minutes to have the foggiest idea what this was about.)
Poteet
December 3rd, 2009 at 4:21 pm
MW — Wilbur, now that you’re an online, happenin’ sorta guy, you might just read this. So I want you to know that I wish you all the best with your new Facebook page. But as I understand it, I can’t see it unless I join Facebook, and I’m not gonna do that, even for you. I’m way behind on Real Life as it is.
PHANTOM — I don’t understand how and why The Python wields such power and commands such loyalty. Does he have a huge hidden stash of drugs and money to dole out to his minions, or what? Personal charm it isn’t.
Gal Friday
December 3rd, 2009 at 4:23 pm
Snuffy Smith: A word to the writer: After checking my Handbook of Hillbilly Grammar and Usage, I think Parson Tuttle should say, “Ladies, this feud of YORE’N has gotta stop!
Debating about joining Wilbur Weston’s facebook friends–he’s so yucky!
Baka Gaijin
December 3rd, 2009 at 4:25 pm
#96 Gal Friday: “…he’s so yucky!” I needed that. After the trauma of the EVILSCARYCLOWN x 2, I laughed like a litte girl. AAAAAAaaaahhh! Clowns!
Master Softheart
December 3rd, 2009 at 4:32 pm
YesterJosh: The Burber/Ernst women could indeed fit in a reasonable reproductive cycle across generations, but it rather warps my understanding of the strip. Juliette’s backstory seems to be that she married or at least reproduced fairly young and then raised Edda on her own until she married the chinless guy who worships her and finds her “Juliette of the Jungle” routine and leopard skin underwear fantasies mind-blowingly erotic. Since Edda left high school for NYC in roughly 2005, we can place her at the age of roughly 21. Assuming that Juliette a.) had Edda at a young age before realizing that no man with independence, personality, or willpower was worthy of her and b.) is now still young enough to make not only her new husband but also the entire faculty of her small New England college short-circuit their higher brain functions when she crosses her legs, then we can put an upper bound on Juliette’s age of roughly 50, with the probability being that she is a bit younger than that. (Please note that I gladly concede the potentially erotic character of women over 50 and my reasoning in this may reflect a socially pervasive but completely unjustified form of sexism manifest in ageism that is precisely what Brooke McEldowney is attempting to subvert through clever social commentary. Given his sexual fixation on Catholic school girls and my limited exposure to his other comic’s portrayal of sexuality, I would not grant him that degree of sophistication as a social critic and will assume that he has internalized these sexist attitudes and placed the Juliette character’s age appropriately).
This means that Juliette must have been born to Edie at an absolute minimum age of 34 – assuming that Edie could not have been born later than 1925 to be a USO singer in 1944. Why is this a problem? Well, if Edie met Juliette’s father in this flashback to the year 1944 at the age of 21, then she presumably must have been in a relationship/marriage (extrapolating the skanky parody of Catholicism that pervades the strip back onto Edie’s youth) to this man for at least thirteen years between meeting him in 1944 and having a child in 1957 (given assumptions about Juliette’s age above). This strikes me as strange first because the gap between marriage and birth itself seems odd in a Catholic family – though of course there may be older siblings of which we know nothing (so much for the theory that large families reduce the self-importance self-centered proclivities of children). More significantly, if Edie were married to Lt. Chinless for 13 years, it strikes me as very strange that Juliette barely knows anything about her father, how her parents met, or indeed has ever heard her Edie say anything positive about her father at all.
So yes, the ages are possible but seem out of character for what we know of the psychological problems and layers of hateful, unfocused misandry that we have learned exist at the heart of Burber women.
Phantom: If they just make this storyline focus on Diana escaping from the bizarre, unfocused international terrorists and eventually taking revenge on the Python – with perhaps the occasional flash to the titular character as he mopes around in self-pity and watches afternoon soaps while developing an eating disorder – I would be happy beyond expression.
JP: I suppose that it was too much to hope that in rapid succession both Sam and Steve would have their smug complacency and delusions of superiority kicked to the curb as bored minor characters catch them in stupid, easily discoverable lies and mock them for ethical and intellectual failings (I knew that the prospect of either actually facing punishment for said behavior was unimaginable). But at least we got to see Sam’s Fitzgerald-esque lack of regard for others broken for a moment – heck, Sam hadn’t done anything physically or mentally demanding since he rescued Gloria from Mexico a few
yearsdays ago.And I suppose that, all things considered, I’m glad that Steve won’t have to put more of his Navy SEAL training to work and kill the officer to cover his crime then frame an Afghani “terrorist” for the murder. Look carefully at Steve’s face in panel 2 and tell me that this is not exactly what he is considering. Thank your wife, officer; whether you know it or not, she has just saved you from a short but excruciatingly painful death. Instead, Steve will walk away calmly and deal with the sudden surge of unbalanced psychological fury that the encounter has unleashed by balancing the Freudian Thanatos/Eros diad in an afternoon of rough sex with Gloria back at the office.
And, while Barreto sadly won’t be illustrating that part, I think it still qualifies as a win all around.
GT: And speaking of catching someone in transparent, juvenile, self-serving lies, that was some good parenting. I would definitely read a comic strip in which the Okumbe family adopted Sam Driver and tried to raise him with some honest values and respect for other people.
Come to think of it, I’d also read a comic strip in which Jamarr Gaddis was hired by Sam Driver to be another arrogant and unethical lawyer, but only if it were drawn by Eduardo Barreto.
LuannBrad: Sometimes Brad shows flashes of sapience bordering on intentional wit that surprise the audience. The sad thing is that they clearly also come as a surprise to his best friend.Master Softheart
December 3rd, 2009 at 4:38 pm
Poteet @ 95: I have wondered about this as well. The Python doesn’t seem to run a terrorist group with a coherent political agenda or any real demands or goals. His minions never mention money or idealism or any other reason why they would blindly obey someone whose biggest practical concern at the moment is dropping the soap in Boomsby prison. They just say that he’s a great man and they fear him.
My academic colleagues in political science and sociology generally suggest that this “Cobra Commander” model of organizational leadership is difficult to achieve – it doesn’t appear in many business school case studies despite the fact that many CEO’s aspire to it – or study using the conventional tools of institutional sociology, so I usually just assume that it involves mind-deadening drugs or a bizarre minor superpower of some kind.
Calico
December 3rd, 2009 at 4:39 pm
#96 – Oh, c’mon – he’s harmless (I think)!
I joined a little white ago, and he’s not “poking” or stalking me, at least yet!
#90 Whatever happened to Heath Bars?
Calico
December 3rd, 2009 at 4:40 pm
A little while, I mean!
: )
kevinbapp.com
December 3rd, 2009 at 4:41 pm
Perhaps Sassy will avoid being squid food, but she seems determined to get crabs. If Rusty starts scratching his crotch with his tiny hands in subsequent stips, that will be all the confirmation I need that she was successful.
edp
December 3rd, 2009 at 4:43 pm
Mary is clearly dismayed by Wilbur’s facebook foray, but why? When she disapprovingly asks him if he’s trying to get in touch with past acquaintances, is she implying that he should know better than to try to get back together with the people from his sordid past (which begs the question, what past? Child pornography? Scandalous non-heterosexuality? Sex outside of marriage?), or is it that she fears he is in fact not attempting to harmlessly re-connect with old friends, but rather trying to open up a new, sordid network of “friends” (Here, I think the possibilities are the same. Kiddie-porn, deviant lifestyles, non-monogamy). This is what makes Mary Worth so fun; only time will tell, what boring arc this story will take, but in the meantime, Wilbur is, for me, both a past and future cheating pederast, with a range of embarrasing fetishes.
Poteet
December 3rd, 2009 at 4:44 pm
# 99 Master Softheart — Ooh, how interesting. Thank you. Now I can speculate about the bizarre minor superpower. My first thought is that The Python can deliver long-distance telekinetic really severe wedgies.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
December 3rd, 2009 at 4:45 pm
55 Marthas Rolling Pin & 60 wossname: Actually, there’s an “outing” discussion thread on the CC Facebook page, too.
queek
December 3rd, 2009 at 4:49 pm
84: I did. yy267. :-(
bourbon babe, unbuckled
December 3rd, 2009 at 4:50 pm
Incidentally, for you stripey-shirt aficionados, Charley Smith now has a Facebook page, too—and he’s friends with Wilbur. Wilbur might get more useful advice from Charley than from Dawn…..
Muffaroo
December 3rd, 2009 at 4:51 pm
Well, looks like I didn’t even know I was jumped. Repeat of 15 minutes before the new thread. I swear I looked.
Crankshaft – Crankshaft found the Acme Seed Catalog so exciting, he had to stop reading every few minutes and spill his seed.
Dick – That face… I can’t take it any more. I confess! I killed Kennedy!! Just make the face go away!
Family – Thel’s at that ‘Aunt Fritzi’ angle. I saw a Playboy cartoon strip that explained it: she’s getting it on (in the biblical sense) with herself just out of the viewer’s sight.
Marmaduke – “Do you have one with a gas chamber?”
Pluggers think it’s safe to use jokes from 1960s “Peanuts” collections.
Popeye – “I ain’t no number! I’m a free swab!”
Rex – Becka’s speechless reaction in the last panel shows that she is trying to think of a way to get Tim to switch to Dr. “Shucks, Lost Another One” Pete as his primary care physician.
Rhymes with thinks it’s safe to use jokes from 1950s McKimson Warner Brothers gag cartoons.
R=R – Jimbo’s rope is fastened a foot and a half too high.
Speed Bump knows that if enough other people have used a line, it’s part of our rich tradition of humor. (And rightly so.)
Crankenstank
December 3rd, 2009 at 4:51 pm
I’ve had to “chase” crabs, and trust me, it is no fun at all.
Muffaroo
December 3rd, 2009 at 4:54 pm
ElkMeadow @y184 – The hair thing works in Chicago: The Windy City.
Latka Gravas @y187 – Thankyouverymuch.
Poteet @y189 – So, having watched WHITE CHRISTMAS that many times, which song do you think is dumber? “Snow Snow Snow Snow” or “What Do You Do With a General?” I’m inclined toward the latter, because it’s such a strawman kind of thing. (And everyone says, “General Who”? AWWWW, I’m CRYYYYYIN’!)
gnome de blog @y204 – I hope somebody else knows the answer to your query, because I’m trying to race through the comments here. A mudge’s work substitute is never done.
ChattyGenes @y206 – I can still remember my first good snark. We had (I still have) a book called 365 Bedtime Stories and one of the tales concerned a young reader trying to sound out the punctuation… “Oh boy, baseball bat, rabbit ears, said Tommy…” …until a sibling tells her about question marks (buttonhook), exclamation point (baseball bat), quote marks (rabbit ears), and so on.
Okay. So there we are. It’s maybe 1963, I’m about seven, and we’re watching one of those made-for-TV Disney live-action shows with two kids outside, listlessly reciting lines. The little girl says something, and I add: “…baseball bat, rabbit ears.” And because we all knew that book, I didn’t have to explain it like just now.
Zla’od @y223 – TJ dropped the grin one time, briefly. My view is that he’s consumed with self-loathing and reflexively grins to blunt the impact of his generally bitter, sarcastic words. He’s a house fire waiting to happen. Again.
Mibbitmaker @y256 – “YES! WE ARE ALL INDIVIDUALS!”?
“I’m not.”
?“Shhh!”
Muffaroo
December 3rd, 2009 at 4:56 pm
“?’Shhh!’” – Strike that buttonhook. Thank you.
bourbon babe @1 – Actually, Hank Ketcham’s been dead for some years now, and he’s probably got that not-so-fresh feeling, so far as he feels anything.
zenvelo @20 – Sassy’s spots come and go, depending on the stress level. Since we never see Sassy at any time but when she’s in danger, she’s usually spotted. If she’s really in terror of her life, the spots pop off and stick to her attacker — it’s what she was gearing up to do when the gator didn’t get her.
TheDiva @52 – This holiday, in a very special Funky Winkerbean sequence, we’ll learn that you can pick up MRSA from fiberglass reindeer.
wossname @76 – There’s an FB page for Mudges where several of us have already outed ourselves. Or is that LJ? Eh; details.
Calico @100 – I can walk into dozens of places around here and buy Heath bars.
Josh – “Wlibur”?
Muffaroo
December 3rd, 2009 at 4:59 pm
ps: It’s an FB page. I just got a notification that one of us had commented there. Hiya, BB! (Or should I say, “Hiya, initials that aren’t BB?”)
soslight
December 3rd, 2009 at 5:02 pm
Surprisingly Jack Elrod dropped the ball on drawing the crab in horrifyingly close perspective with an ominous, looming, speckled dog-like thing closing in, choosing instead to focus on the majestic seagull. I was convinced Sassy was about to eat a stray fece, and then we’d learn all about how dog owners are allowing our national beaches to become giant litterboxes.
Of course, it could be that the “crab” is luring Sassy toward the giant squid. It being the holiday season and all. A present from Elrod to us.
Calico
December 3rd, 2009 at 5:03 pm
#111 – That is wild to me – I haven’t seen a Heath since the early 90’s at least.
I’ll have to order some online, I guess, if possible.
(My Dentist alternately weeps and cries with joy)
ar_d
December 3rd, 2009 at 5:03 pm
I do hope that Sassy gets snatched up by those giant seagulls while distractedly chasing that crab.
Also, it looks like Mary is preparing to take hold of Wilbur’s personal life the same way that she’s gripping that cookie in her strong, meddling hand.
caley
December 3rd, 2009 at 5:05 pm
You missed a great puzzled/annoyed expression on P.J.’s face today as he’s rocked by Ernest Borgnine in drag.
Carbunicle
December 3rd, 2009 at 5:06 pm
‘Button hook’ is to ‘question mark’ as ‘longhair’ is to ‘Liszt. ‘
bourbon babe, unbuckled
December 3rd, 2009 at 5:12 pm
112 Muffaroo: Yes, initials that aren’t even remotely BB. (And, hiya back!)
My Facebook page just got a lot more interesting today. But how depressed should I be that Wilbur Weston has far more “friends” than I do—and two of mine are now comics characters? But at least none of my real-life friends are Mary Worth—that’s gotta be, well, worth something, right?
(And, incidentally, I’m kidding: I’m not depressed at all because I’m not a big “friend accumulator” on FB.)
deb
December 3rd, 2009 at 5:14 pm
Luann: I am calling this . . . TJ is going to go all Mary Worth on Mrs. DeGroot and set her straight on Toni.
Marthas Rolling Pin
December 3rd, 2009 at 5:16 pm
Master Softheart@98, if Jamarr goes to JP, it is only fair that Valerie gets to go too, cause she sure deserves some Barretto treatment after having to live in GT.
Violet
December 3rd, 2009 at 5:24 pm
I am disoriented and weirdly a little angry at the bait-and-switchiness of Mary Worth this week. How many red herrings are we going to get before we find out what this storyline is actually about? I think we may cycle through being misled to think Wilbur is dying, Dawn is moving out, Wilbur actually killed Iris and she’s been mouldering in the basement for the past week, and Wilbur had a torrid fling with Dr. Jeff last summer and the guilt’s been eating him alive before we realize the story is actually about one of the background pool-partygoers’ aspiration to break into professional ventriloquism.
Also, you may be a tad on the chubby side, Wilbur, but you hardly constitute a legion.
Baka Gaijin
December 3rd, 2009 at 5:34 pm
#106 queek: Damn! You did. The one time I forget to read all the comments…EVILSCARYSCLOWNS!!! More than one! waaaAAAAaaaAAAAaaah!!
Victor Von
December 3rd, 2009 at 6:24 pm
Wilbur looks incredibly angry about having joined Facebook. Not just regular angry, either. Swizzle stick eating angry!
Sam Malone
December 3rd, 2009 at 6:28 pm
I’ll send a friend request to Wilbur but no chance in hell do I poke him.
bats :[
December 3rd, 2009 at 6:33 pm
I think Wilbur’s eating the perfect snack food to reflect his tedious existence and boring personality: pretzel sticks.
Is there anything more bland? (Well, salty, yes, but take away the salt…bland.)
queek
December 3rd, 2009 at 7:03 pm
bourbon babe, unbuckled, I thought of you last night whilst watching Top Chef. Bryon is definitely the cuter of the Two Brothers (and less of an asshat).
Here’s hoping that he succeeds in your personal Quickfire Challenge, the one involving bourbon and a
Jacuzziimmersion circulator. ;-)queek
December 3rd, 2009 at 7:07 pm
Baka Gaijan, have you seen today’s Monty? Perhaps something to try. . . .
Stij
December 3rd, 2009 at 7:11 pm
Whoops, there’s an entire word missing from the second panel of today’s Marvin! Looks like the copy editors from the King Features sweatshop screwed up again.
…seriously though, does Tom Armstrong even care anymore?
queek
December 3rd, 2009 at 7:13 pm
re my earlier comment about not overdoing the “Dishopolis” jokes. Forgive me, Ed, its been over two years, so I guess you haven’t been going to that well too often. My bad.
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20071126&name=My_Cage
Norm was skinnier then. Weren’t we all?
Baka Gaijin
December 3rd, 2009 at 7:17 pm
#127 queek: Better: Monsanto could genetically engineer a seltzer water or pie cream that’s violently poisonous to clowns but not to normal humans. A reaction that involves the word “explosive” would be excellent.
Josh
December 3rd, 2009 at 7:19 pm
Master Softheart — I bow to your superior command of the emotional intracacies of the 9CLiverse. And please, please, please tell me that you and your fellow academics really truly bandy about the phrase “‘Cobra Commander’ model of organizational leadership”.
Josh
gnome de blog
December 3rd, 2009 at 7:38 pm
110 Muffaroo – I believe that “The Christmas Song” by the Chipmunks aka David Seville aka Ross Bagdasarian toppled Bing Crosby’s version of “White Christmas” as the best-selling Christmas song of all time. Seems to me I read that someplace many years ago. However, I don’t have the stats to back it up and I’m not inclined at the moment to do the research. I was hoping you or someone else had the answer off the top of their head, ’cause that’s the kind of place this is.
I also remember reading at the same time (many years ago) that “Diana” by the teen-aged Paul Anka (as an adult he wrote “You’re Having My Baby”) was the best-selling song of all time. Whatever that says about the American record-buying public.
And whatever it says about the state of my memory, being sort of an old guy.
gnome de blog
December 3rd, 2009 at 7:42 pm
Oops! I meant “The Chipmunk Song.” Apologies to Mel Torme.
Poteet
December 3rd, 2009 at 7:54 pm
# 110 Muffaroo — I emphatically vote for “What Do You Do With A General” for dumbness. And for Most ‘Eh’ Role, I vote for the general’s daughter. It seems the producers made that part and the casting thereof as boringly bleah as possible, maybe so the leading ladies wouldn’t even come close to being upstaged:-).
dale
December 3rd, 2009 at 7:59 pm
Mark Trail
Reasonable instructions to Rusty would be: stay here, watch how I do this, don’t touch anything (or if the kid is smart enough) help me.
Mark’s approach: Go play by the water. See if you can figure out what undertow means.
Poteet
December 3rd, 2009 at 7:59 pm
# 113 soslight — There’s good evidence that dog droppings left on beaches are passing diseases to marine mammals. So will we see Mark or Rusty set a good example by scooping the poop? Fat chance.
wossname
December 3rd, 2009 at 8:02 pm
105 bourbon babe, unbuckled and 111 Muffaroo – I just outed myself on Wilbur’s page, after deciding there wasn’t any serious downside to it.
But where is the CC FB page? I don’t see it on Readers of The Comics Curmudgeon, and I searched Comics Curmudgeon and got nuthin’.
mr 12 oz can
December 3rd, 2009 at 8:09 pm
why is wilber on facebook . has he heard about what happen to adrian going on santa royale chat ???
puzzled
December 3rd, 2009 at 8:23 pm
Everyone got so excited about the Facebook thing that I don’t think any of you caught that Crankshaft reads the seed catalog on the shitter…
Jamus the Bartender
December 3rd, 2009 at 8:26 pm
9CL: If Howard Chaykin were writing this, they’d be having twelve kinds of nasty sex by now. If it were Garth Ennis, same thing, but they’d be blown up , blood and brains everywhere, twelve ways to Sunday.
FOOB: Not to defend Prince MIchael or anything, but i’d say he’s earned at least $ 2.75 by just haggling with his dad.
Gasoline Alley: Ah, yes, Chef Meowrice. Cassandra was slated to do a commercial with him, but seems Monsieur Meowrice was all hands with the talent. M. Meowrice will never hold a knife correctly again.
Luann: Chopped dates in the stuffing, i’ll have to remember that…..
Hey, it’s not all snarkage. Let’s face it, TJ kicks ass in the kitchen.
Spider-Man: Yow. MJ in the shower. Very nice. Now, aren’t you sorry you made a deal with Satan, Comic-book Spider-Man?
Sally Forth: If Ted Forth’s mom and dad make Christmas ornaments, I get the feeling they’re gonna be along the lines of crushed beer cans and nervously twisted Kleenex. All tied with small red and green bows.
Braniff
December 3rd, 2009 at 8:33 pm
Funky Winkerbean: Hopefully this will be the start of a story in which the Christmas decorations will be saved in a farcical (?-spelling) way. After all, it was Montoni’s pizza place which had its sign spared from being removed years ago by an order of the President of the United States (who declared it a historical landmark if I’m not mistaken). Shades of Yes Minister/Yes Prime Minister!! (Those who recall that British sitcom might remember the time when the Prime Minister had to send in the military to rescue a dog from a ammo dump–causing his popularity to rise and the Prime Minister to feel like Churchill or Margaret Thatcher.)
Such satire was one of the things that made Funky Winkerbean great. The description of the high school classes in the catalog, Harry Dinkle and the marching band–they’re all gone! I miss the old Funky Winkerbean.
Farley's Revenge
December 3rd, 2009 at 8:42 pm
MW: I thought Wilbur was picking his teeth with a wood splinter. Splinter or celery, really is there much difference?
Maybe Tim and Becka can call it a night in this storyline but what about Cue? What’s happening to him? Have we forgotten about poor, befuddled Cueball who was just trying to make the best of a bad situation in his crib?
FREE CUE NOW!
Farley's Revenge
December 3rd, 2009 at 8:47 pm
What does it say about my life today that the biggest decision I’m going to make is whether or not I join the fun on Wilbur’s FB page?
Not much, I suspect.
wossname
December 3rd, 2009 at 8:54 pm
I’m noticing an odd thing about Wilbur’s FB friends. A large number of them are (or claim to be) college students, or even high school students. Now, I’m not saying kids couldn’t be mudges, but I had the impression from the conversation in here that most of us were, uh, of a certain age.
So – am I wrong? Are there legions (so to speak) of under-20 CC fans? Or are they Wilbur fans who don’t even know about this site? Or is there something on that there Facespace thing that alerts people when somebody is gaining friends at a rapid rate, so they can join in?
Girl Reporter
December 3rd, 2009 at 8:56 pm
I wasn’t no English major, but isn’t “many legions” redundant? And isn’t Wilbur a writer?
commodorejohn
December 3rd, 2009 at 9:00 pm
You know what? I bet this storyline is going to be about the dangers of Facebook. And given the overblown, maudlin hilarity of the
Mary Worth storyline about the Internet and the overblown, maudlin hilarity of the Mary Worth storyline about “sexual predators,” (finger-quotes necessary because of Charlie’s unfair malignment,) I think this will quite possibly be even funnier than Gil Thorp’s take on “sexting.” (However, the exact amount of hilarity will depend on whether the victim is Dawn, or Wilbur.)
Fashion Police
December 3rd, 2009 at 9:05 pm
y218, Sheil Sternwell:
We hate to disappoint you, dear, but it’s actually a sassy skirt-suit. We do so adore women who can expertly perform judo and karate in a straight skirt. Even Miss Modesty Blaise used to wear skirts with enough fullness to give her freedom of action, or wrap skirts with velco closures that could be quickly shed in a crisis. Miss Blaise was modesty in name only.
Remember the Batusi
December 3rd, 2009 at 9:10 pm
For the longest time, I stared at October 10th’s BGaSS, having misunderstood the good Missus’ use of the verb “pass”, and thinking she was using it in the physiological sense, I began to wonder whether this was some sort of hat-eating joke, since obviously what comes out must go in. Finally I realized that despite the fact that the people of Hootin Holler can afford to keep a hat store afloat in this economy, the good reverend is still so poor he must beg the only ones not yet drunk at 11am on a sunday morning to throw change into his hat. I can’t help but wonder whether he might not be better served buying a collection plate instead. It’s not that hard Padre, any shallow metal plate-ish thing will do!
bman
December 3rd, 2009 at 9:23 pm
What caught my eye in Marmaduke is how awkward that car dealer looks standing there. My guess is he has some kind of car wax fetish and he likes rubbing down his goods when he makes a deal.
Joe Btfsplk
December 3rd, 2009 at 9:28 pm
#14 shermy glamrocker – It’s the emissions standards that I’d be worried about.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
December 3rd, 2009 at 9:37 pm
126 queek: Hee! Quickfire, indeed! (Haven’t seen last night’s episode, though–thank heavens for my DVR!)
135 dale: And then we could get the Trailian version of the famous Christmas Story scene: The hubcap full of bolts gets accidentally upended, and Rusty blurts out, “Oh, goooooooossssssshhhhhhhh,” leading to his shame and humiliation upon his return to Lost Forest, where Cherry must wash out his mouth with pancake syrup.
137 wossname: Go to Readers of the Comics Curmudgeon, and then to the Discussions; you’ll see the outing thread there (it’s the first one on the list, I think).
146 commodorejohn: Bonus points if Moy & Giella manage to work in an orange-suited Chris Hansen.
Mr. O'Malley
December 3rd, 2009 at 9:42 pm
145. Girl Reporter. The size of a Roman legion was 4000-5000 legionaries, plus auxiliary troops, slaves, etc., which in some eras might total 15,000, so a large number but definitely bounded. When Augustus took power, Rome had about 50 legions, but the number was reduced to about 30 under most of the later emperors.
But Wilbur surely doesn’t mean he has become a legion (unless he is possessed by demons as in Luke 8:30-31), but that he has “joined one of the many legions” or “become one of the many legionaries”.
Almost a Crankshaft-worthy mixed idiom.
Muffaroo
December 3rd, 2009 at 9:55 pm
Calico @114 – Heath bars are in grocery and convenience stores, and I can get fun-size (ie, small) ones in bags at the grocery store, alone or in assortment packs with Whoppers and Peter Paul candy bars. The baking section has bags of just brickle. Ben & Jerry’s has two ice cream flavors with Heath bars in it (one is coffee). Where are you located?
bourbon babe @118 – I get a bit depressed sometimes when someone one FB says “it is raining” and gets two dozen comments. Fill in the rest. It’s like when I work for an hour and a half on an amusing Photoshop and get (at latest count) four views. I’m pretty sure that if I link directly to it, it doesn’t count as a view, so it’s possible that two or three times that many Mudges have looked at it, actually.
gnome de blog @132 – Hm. Here’s a blog that says “White Christmas” was the highest selling record of all time in 1942. Wikipedia says “The Chipmunk Song” was the last Christmas song to reach #1 on any US single record chart totaling performance of all available records. That I can’t find any mention of how it compares with “White Christmas” is suggestive but not conclusive.
Poteet @134 – We’re in agreement on the dumbest song in WHITE CHRISTMAS. It’s a favorite around here, and I unironically enjoy “Love, You Didn’t Do Right By Me” every time. I also cringe watching Danny Kaye squirm at the prospect of romance. There’s something fundamentally unconvincing about his performance there… can’t quite put my finger on it…
wossname @137 – I was just going to tell you what bourbon babe just told you. The discussion board’s title is “Who wants to reveal their screen name?”
queek
December 3rd, 2009 at 9:56 pm
151: I thought that might be the case, hence the lack of spoilers in my post. There is a great Facebook comment right near the start, which is also amusing given the current topic of discussion. :-|]]
Ed Dravecky
December 3rd, 2009 at 9:56 pm
While waiting for Wilbur Weston to approve my Facebook friend request, it has begun to slowly dawn on me that I’m doing this “secret identity” thing all wrong. Of course, my distinct lack of a life will come as no surprise anybody who knows me well enough to care, so it’s all good.
Muffaroo
December 3rd, 2009 at 10:00 pm
Complete Irrelevance Department:
Since it’s now December, I take seasonal joy in re-re-[...]re-running something I wrote back when many of you were wee little nippers in nappies:
bourbon babe, unbuckled
December 3rd, 2009 at 10:03 pm
153 Muffaroo: (re: Photoshop views) And I was one of them–I thought it was great! (That Freddy song, though—little bit creepy…..)
Peanut Gallery
December 3rd, 2009 at 10:03 pm
Did somebody mention Heath CLIF Bars?
Carrie ForthWorth
December 3rd, 2009 at 10:05 pm
Muffaroo #153: Know what you mean about the FB thing. I have one friend who posts about 5 times a day with updates about what she’s doing, eating, or buying, and each update gets a bunch of comments. I post 2-3 times a week and deliberately try to make it funny or topical and the silence is deafening. Oh well.
Outed myself on the CC FB thread too. It’s fun to put real names with mudgeon monikers. :)
Farley's Revenge
December 3rd, 2009 at 10:13 pm
MT: I’ve changed a few tires in my time(and on station wagons, no less) and looking at Mark’s “technique”, well, all I can say is I hope his auto club membership is up to date and he has one of those new-fangled cell phones everyone is talking about so he can call for a tow truck.
I’ve also seen a few broken tires in my time and if that’s what Mark really has, he better consider trading in the ol’ station wagon for something with 4W drive.
I guess whatever it does that he claims as his career on his 1040EZ form doesn’t pay well enough that he can get himself a decent off road vehicle.
sloopygoop
December 3rd, 2009 at 10:16 pm
I thought that was Bill Clinton. Why does he seem so pleased that during the natural course of events (notice his clear “hands-off”) pose, Marmaduke has destroyed one of his cars?
Carrie ForthWorth
December 3rd, 2009 at 10:43 pm
Uh oh. Feeling suspiciously sniffly, and I have a headache. Check cupboard contents: Johnnie Walker, a lemon, a jar of honey. Ah. Hot toddy it is then!!
Birthmark Hal
December 3rd, 2009 at 10:46 pm
Foolish human, no car can contain the force of primal destruction that is Marmaduke.
How feebly they try to reign in his thirst for bloodshed and ruin. Marmaduke (or as he was known in ancient times Muhr-Marduk, translating loosely as The War Dog of Marduk) can only be leashed or tamed by one of Sumerian demigod status or greater.
Marmaduke likeness, though stylized is still easily recognizable in this clay tablet depicting him sitting at the feet of his original, true and divine master.
Earthgirl
December 3rd, 2009 at 10:46 pm
So… why did Funky’s Christmas decorations prompt that cop to ask for his license? Is everyone in Westview just a terrible person?
Earthgirl
December 3rd, 2009 at 10:48 pm
Also, Wilbur Weston now has about ten times as many Facebook friends as he has ever had in real life.
Birthmark Hal
December 3rd, 2009 at 10:48 pm
Behold the Tablet
bourbon babe, unbuckled
December 3rd, 2009 at 10:55 pm
162 Carrie Forthwith: Oh, those are the best! (And where did our family originally get the recipe for this “medicine”? From our pediatrician. Things were different back then…)
Carbunicle
December 3rd, 2009 at 10:58 pm
re 164. Yes. And that’s why they are burning in Hell. It’s the only theory that fits the facts known.
I anticipate infinitely recursive irony if this turns out to be how the Man is keeping the carefree Funky from getting his Christmas on in the joy-antagonistic dimension that is the Winkerverse.
Except the Man is the Almighty, the cop is Saint Michael and Funky is the Great Deceiver. I think that makes Les Morothel the Devourer but I don’t have a compendium of devils at hand. Maybe I am overthinking this, which happily, very likely distinguishes me from the author.
Still, adequately drafted.
Parmalat Loire
December 3rd, 2009 at 10:59 pm
Bless me, for I have sinned.
Today I have committed a mortal sin, inexcusable by the sacrifices or forgiveness of any and all messiahs, deities, prophets, oracles, and condo boards.
I printed out Marvin to stick on the secretary at my work’s monitor, since she’s in love with the “girls are just better attitude” and somehow works the maturation bit into everything.
Already, I feel my clothing fill with shame as loathesome and bubbling as the filth that fills Marvin’s diaper. And much like Marvin’s diaper, within me that shame will fester and rot until beneficient intervention comes.
Poteet
December 3rd, 2009 at 11:00 pm
# 153 Muffaroo — I have to admit I’m always impressed by how all those former soldiers can fit into their old uniforms. Others of us *cough* tend to gain a little weight after our early twenties *cough*.
zerowolf
December 3rd, 2009 at 11:04 pm
No Mary, I joined Facebook as a form of escape. I’m hoping I can escape from these inane pool parties. But most importantly I can escape any contact with you sticking your nose in everyone elses business.
commodorejohn
December 3rd, 2009 at 11:05 pm
#168 Carbunicle – Funky’s the Great Deceiver? Well, he looks like cigarettes and ice cream, but where do the figurines fit in?
Kyra
December 3rd, 2009 at 11:23 pm
When I first glanced at FW, I read “please” as “plebe”: “I think I’d like to see your restaurant license and registration, plebe.” It was a lovely fantasy.
Humanoid Female
December 3rd, 2009 at 11:24 pm
#23 Red Greenback – thanks for the inspiration. Once you pointed that out, it was so obvious:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/45236236@N03/4156437029/
Vince M
December 3rd, 2009 at 11:26 pm
146: commodorejohn – whatever the outcome, I pray soda-carton swimwear is not in the equation.
Carrie ForthWorth
December 3rd, 2009 at 11:34 pm
bb,u #167: Yeah, I’m not sure if I feel better but I no longer care. Damn, now I want another. Must resist, or I’ll be getting up 4 or 5 times tonight.
Carbunicle
December 3rd, 2009 at 11:50 pm
The reindeer figures are clearly cherubim. Old school cherubim. Marduk style.
Carbunicle
December 3rd, 2009 at 11:56 pm
Ha ha ha! I just looked at the Wikipedia article for cherub and read that the Assyrian word for ‘cherub’ is ‘karabu,’ which sounds like, more or less, ‘caribou,’which is what reindeer are.
I feel all tingly in my brain pouch!
Bloody Bitch
December 4th, 2009 at 1:03 am
I laughed when Crankshaft used the term “plow through.” It’s the same kind of unexplainable joy I get when sports commentators talk about “penetration.”
Girl Reporter
December 4th, 2009 at 1:05 am
152 Mr. O’Malley re 145 me:
but…
(adj) numerous, legion (amounting to a large indefinite number) “numerous times”; “the family was numerous”; “Palomar’s fans are legion”
bats :[
December 4th, 2009 at 1:06 am
143. Farley’s Revenge: after 18 months? 2 years? however long Facebook has been around and people I know have repeatedly asked me to join, today was the day. To be one of Wilbur’s friends.
I’d hang my head in shame, but I also became Charley Smith’s friend, so I don’t really feel ashamed. Just slightly dirty…
True Fable
December 4th, 2009 at 1:28 am
I admit that I play Facebook’s Farmville because of the goats. I currently have nearly a dozen goats. My goal is to eventually have a farm with nothing but goats. Sure, I do the crops and harvesting and shit, but it’s only a means to an end.
Like my job and its relation to my writing. A means to an end. :D
bats :[
December 4th, 2009 at 1:35 am
Not much to snark on this early, but I have to admit that I’m really concerned for Rusty (and Sassy). Honest to gosh, I don’t want either of them getting hurt (hey, I wasn’t even rooting for the gator!).
FC: the excess drool disturbs me. Hydrophobia? Or worse?
Poteet
December 4th, 2009 at 1:46 am
# 182 Sir Fable MTK — If I could ask a quick question, being as how it’s late at night, does that Farmville game include any farm conservation measures, like putting in filter strips or wetlands? Just curious.
# 183 bats:[ — I am touched by your tender generous heart. For your sake, I’ll hope nothing bad happens to Rusty or Sassy.
My first thought, not nearly so tender or generous, was gratitude that it’s Rusty and Sassy who are captive passengers on that road trip from hell, not me.
True Fable
December 4th, 2009 at 1:59 am
#184 O Poteet, my queen! – Oh sweet darlin’ NO; it doesn’t bother to try to educate in the least. It depends on some very simple graphics and simple point and click directions and absolutely no real grasp of what it takes to actually farm. It’s just a game. I suppose the best comparison is to say Farmville is like the original Pac-Man game compared to a real farm as Dynasty Warriors IV.
Or “Steamboat Willie” compared to “Fantasia”.
bluepencil
December 4th, 2009 at 2:08 am
MW: Perhaps Wilbur will be friended by the female version of Ted Confey. We can only hope.
Poteet
December 4th, 2009 at 2:18 am
12/4
DT — This is going to be painful even for me, and I’m middle-brow at most.
FC — Ewww.
GA — Rufus, compared to you, even the denizens of Hootin’ Holler look savvy.
LUANN — I can explain it, Nancy. You’re a tool.
MW — Wow, Mary, that’s meddling with extreme prejudice. Too bad the next strip won’t show Wilbur snarling “Since you’re so fascinated by Facebook, why don’t you get your own damn page?”
Baka Gaijin
December 4th, 2009 at 2:21 am
#146 commodorejohn: Please let there be no soda box bikinis Please let there be no soda box bikinis Please let there be no soda box bikinis…
Poteet
December 4th, 2009 at 2:24 am
# 185 Sir Fable MTK — Thank you, my gallant knight, for your eloquent explanation. In a few words, you have made all clear to me. I hope you will achieve your goat-intensive farm dream, and let us know when the happy day arrives:-).
True Fable
December 4th, 2009 at 2:32 am
HMMM.
Fist O Justice Theater For months now I have been harping on my desire to see Cherry Trail offed, and Mark fall into a tailspin of vengeance and brooding introspection.
Ha ha, from Mark Trail; I know! But stay with me…
So when I see the Trailmobile about to fall on Sassy and possibly Rusty, a part of me said “You know, Truman, it’s not so funny to see a character you have come to know be in mortal danger, is it? Huh, Tru? Huh??”
But another, much more spacious part of me said “OOOH this is gonna be GREAT!” just like Flounder from Animal House did. Yeah I KNOW, I’d hate to see a little puppy get killed or maimed and the same goes for a little boy; but it’s either (a) not going to happen because my god it’s Mark Trail, and the MT Nation just isn’t going to go for having that nice young man and his puppy splatter all over a beach. I mean the property values would plummet.
Or (b) going to take the whole adopted kid thing out of Mark Trail’s world. This doesn’t make a lot of sense because they could just as easily make the kid go to SCHOOL and therefore out of Mark’s fist-swinging, Mackrel-shouting, gurrrl-avoiding way.
So! Where does that leave us? It leaves us with the possibility that Rusty and Sassy will be (a) injured or (b) killed.
(A) is of course the most likely scenario. Now if that happens, we could be in for another coma storyline (as if a Mark Trail storyline could possibly BE any more comatose, Chandler!) This is likely, although there won’t be anything lasting from it. I mean, Mark probably won’t feel any guilt or remorse or haunted by … I don’t know, anything, not that he should. It’s a sandy beach, a playful puppy and accidents just HAPPEN. Still, there likely won’t be any real meat to the storyline, certainly not something that a positive Boy Scout attitude and a lot of cut-and-paste work won’t solve by the Christmas panel, because hey, it’s Mark Trail.
However, let us examine (B) if only for the sake of inclusion. If Sassy is killed, Rusty will be heartbroken and stuff. I honestly don’t see the mighty Jackelrod Ball turning Rusty into a headstrong or angry kid as an ongoing thing, nor do I see him growing up because Mark has to stay 32 forever, remember? It’s Mark Trail!
So let’s say Rusty gets killed. Look, I understand if this makes some ‘Mudgeons upset and I don’t blame you, but as a writer I say let’s look at the premise, okay?
IF the mighty Jackelrod Ball was to actually try to do things my way (cue Sinatra music; now stop) then Mark would be all eaten up with grief. He’d go back home to Cherry; she’d wail and demand to know why he was driving so recklessly and always trying to save those damn deer and why didn’t you send them on down the beach if you knew the sand was unstable and therefore dangerous? They’d have a terrible fight with NO makeup sex because it’s Mark Trail Mark or Cherry turns to the bottle in an effort to blot out Rusty’s memory, rather than blot out seeing him simply walk into a room but I digress. Words are said, pressure is brought to bear, and the next thing you know, Mark and Cherry are in Splitsville. Mark can’t stay at the Honeycomb Hideout anymore because it’s owned by Doc and Doc IS Cherry’s father after all, so Mark’s got to find another place to live. Plus, he has to get a REAL job, so he finds himself working at the Forestry Department as Bob’s assistant. Holy mackrel, what a comedown but WHAT A CHANGE! What a new perspective on a venerated old comic strip, refurbished for the new century!
And Kelly Welly makes a beeline for Mark’s cheap walk-up studio apartment on the third floor, where to her dismay all he wants to do is talk about the good old days when squids used to fly through the air, and ginormous squirrels posed in the foreground.
Poteet
December 4th, 2009 at 2:49 am
12/4 LUANN — I really could have done without the oral-hygiene bathroom scene. I don’t even like seeing myself do that stuff. What’s next, watching one of the DeGroots take a dump?
Poteet
December 4th, 2009 at 2:52 am
12/4 PBS — Rat, I know the feeling.
True Fable
December 4th, 2009 at 2:57 am
Freaky Winkydink So Funky’s going to go home and take it out on his family. As usual.
Children of the Circle IT JUST LOOKS WRONG
Scenes from Suburban Hell Chip finds up upside to the clap.
Mrs. DeGroot is a Bitch Now with extra servings of hate.
Meddle Eyre Wilbur’s got 400+ new friends now!
Carbunicle
December 4th, 2009 at 2:58 am
Waitaminnit! Rusty looks like a regular human boy! Shenanigans! I guess Sassy the alpha channel dog makes up for it.
Carly
December 4th, 2009 at 3:00 am
Mark and Rusty seem to have confused a baby leopard for Sassy. Way to go, guys; they’re not even that similar since one is canine and one is feline. (Seriously, did Sassy have spots before?)
Rex Morgan (we haven’t seen the titular character in so long I had to double check which legacy soap I was talking about)- man, Tim is coming off as creepy. I’m glad he’s not my son.
Mary Worth: Now I know Mary isn’t suffering from arthritis based on how far she can crane her neck around. She may, however, be possessed.
Carbunicle
December 4th, 2009 at 3:23 am
cue JAMES BOND stinger
A figure in stark profile stand in the fog beneath a single streetlight. The figure turns as
ZOOM to face
NARRATOR: Mercedes Cambridge is Mary Worth in The Meddlecist. (SCARY STING)
Montage of quick cuts including
MARY WORTH: (sprinkling Potato-ade on Aldo tied to bucking bed) The power of Charterstone compels you! The power of Chartertone compels you!
MARY WORTH: (secured to laser press) You don’t expect me to talk do you?
CHINBEARD: No, I expect you to die!
NARRATOR: Coming this summer to a gated retirement community common recreation area near you!
Mibbitmaker
December 4th, 2009 at 3:32 am
MR. MIKE’S LEAST LOVED BEDTIME TALES
A little boy, let’s call him Rusty, had a little puppy, Sassy. Well, the lovable towheaded tyke chased the playful pup under a jacked-up car on a sandy beach. The cute little dog, just being playful and fun, bumped into the jack, and the car came down and mashed them both, the end.
– Oh, and one more note: the adorable tyke was actually a hideous troll, so nobody cared.
Farley's Revenge
December 4th, 2009 at 3:32 am
I caved. Now I’m waiting for Wilbur to get back to me.
MW: Damn, that woman is determined to meddle, isn’t she?
MT: Let’s see…Rusty and Sassy are to be the victims of Mark’s utter incompetence. Yeah, this is a story line that has potential in terms of Mark dealing with guilt but will we see this potential? Not on your life. By the end of the story line, Mark will have punched out the sand AND the station wagon for causing him to SPEAK ENTIRELY IN BOLD AND CAPITALS so we know how upset he is.
I’m intrigued by the JackElrodball hood ornament. How did Mark see over that thing?
Luann: Being a mother doesn’t give you permission to treat your son’s girlfriend so rudely, Nancy. Nor does being a mother entitle you to attempt to run your adult son’s life through manipulation and bad manners.
Leave the meddling to Mary Worth, bitch.
PBS: Heh. A real Hallmark moment there.
Mibbitmaker
December 4th, 2009 at 3:52 am
Friday the Fourth:
A3G: Why’s Alecx looking so ashamed? Bobbie’s the unreasonable one here — However, I do love the “thump”.
BC: Oh, you will be.
BBailey: Ugh, Sarge, that’s horrible! — and the singing’s bad, too!
Cranky: Someone finally cracked! — besides me, of course.
DT: “Really, Tess, this country should ban all music, like Khomeini did in Iran.”
GT: Not thinking — drinking.
Lockhorns: “Not if you use a safe word.”
Luann: She’s a protective mother, alright — one that makes a son long for being in danger, nevermind taking a chance (barely) on love.
MT: Elrod says ~ “Creepy and depressing, huh, Batiuk? HAH! — watch me crush a little boy and puppy in my strip, Candy-Ass!”
NS: Danae, you mean like giving someone a Nobel Peace Prize for something they haven’t done
yet?Phantom (I’m retiring the Ghost-Who jokes for a bit): She’s been Cue-ed!
SFx: The REAL Hagar.
Sheila Sternwell
December 4th, 2009 at 4:04 am
Woah. Angry sexy goth chick alert in today’s Slylock Fox!
JustAGuyGuy
December 4th, 2009 at 10:19 am
“depressing regularity?” I assume it’s probably more like…Tuesday.
Marion Delgado
December 4th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
Mark Trail:
Are the gulls watching over Sassy in a paternalistic fashion, or speculating on her calorie count?
Sparky AKA Able Bodied Seaman Craggy Fjord
December 4th, 2009 at 1:15 pm
Holy moley! Jumpstart has Joe getting shot on the heavy steel medal the homeless people gave him. What total lack of suspense …
Now I want to see Crunchy fight pirates …
Thomas B.
December 4th, 2009 at 7:19 pm
12/4 Pluggers
So the lesson is: pluggers are cheap. I guess you would have to be cheap when you save 2 bucks on coffee my taking it from a motel–pluggers dont stay at hotels or inns, just motels. But if this plugger had 2 bucks to spare, I guess he would use it to buy a razor to shave his ears.
Thomas B.
December 4th, 2009 at 7:21 pm
12/2 pluggers
No you are a Plugger when you choose to save green, moldy meat. Pluggers don’t waste food you know.
Thomas B.
December 4th, 2009 at 7:23 pm
11/29 pluggers
Just do the right thing and please don’t take her to KFC.
K. Ivan Ruppert
December 4th, 2009 at 9:24 pm
All the Garden Club strips I recall seeing highlight the intense hatred of the written word that caused Crankshaft to not learn how to read until he was in his 60s. He cannot enjoy the act of reading, so he’ll be damned if anyone else around him will either.
Ignatz
December 5th, 2009 at 3:57 pm
Has this site ever examined exactly why such a middle-aged fart is still called “Funky”?
Yo, Funk, isn’t it time you lost the high school nickname?