The Comics Curmudgeon

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Will Mark punch himself?

Funky Winkerbean, 12/11/09

Ever since it became clear that Summer was going to take up gainful employment at Montoni’s, Funky Winkerbean followers have asked themselves, “How will this plotline end in a terribly depressing conclusion?” The answer emerges today: age-inappropriate romance! Summer (who is supposed to be 16-ish) will against all odds fall for the smooth moves of morose loser Mopey Pete (who is supposed to be 26-ish) not because of the smoothness of said moves but because he has the advantage of not being a 16-year-old boy (and in Westview, sullen kleptomaniac Corey Winkerbean is apparently the best on offer in that department). Awkward, furtive romance will ensue, with possible negative outcomes including but not limited to: teen pregnancy, father-daughter rift, parent-on-boyfriend assault, statutory rape charge, parent-on-boyfriend assault interrupted by parental heart attack, ill-advised secret wedding, and (unrelated, but still inevitable) cancer.

Dennis the Menace, 12/11/09

While I’m all for stickin’ it to the man, I would argue that Dennis should stop focusing on the logical paradox that the sign represents and instead point out that happy family of three keeping on the grass right over there, on that hill. This police officer is regarding Dennis with a weary squint that says to me that he’s looking for an excuse to bust some heads, so its probably best to deflect his hostility rather than to explicitly ask for it.

Joey’s sartorial choices are always interesting! A short-sleeved sweater over a short-sleeved dress shirt is a remarkably bizarre outfit for a child, but, as ever, someone has got to make Dennis look menacing, if only by comparison.

For Better Or For Worse, 12/11/09

I must give props to today’s FBOFW new-run for depicting what it’s like to be a tiny person whose mother looms over you terrifyingly and ruins all your fun. In panel one, Ellie’s menacing pelvis is particularly striking.

Mark Trail, 12/11/09

It seems now that each new Mark Trail will offer another installment in the hilarious series of opportunities Mark is being given to let Rusty drown. While each obstacle is easy enough to overcome individually, when taken as a whole they should perhaps be understood as the universe itself wanting Rusty dead. Still, I’m sure Mark will courageously do some breaking and entering in order to find a special sand-compatible car jack, which leads me to wonder just how badly Mark will be willing to violate his moral code in order to save Rusty’s life. What if the urchin’s only hope is for Mark to grow a beard that the little twerp can grab onto so as to be pulled to safety? Would Mark make that ultimate sacrifice?

Judge Parker, 12/11/09

I would like it if any of my readers in the law enforcement of criminal lawyering industries could back me up here on just how insane the current Judge Parker plot developments are. To recap: Sam has dispatched one his firm’s lawyers to his client’s house so as to remove evidence from the scene that would exonerate said client. Had the police found the note — and had, say, lawyer Steve made a point of being present when the note was found — it would have become part of the evidence of the case, available to both sides in the trial, and there would have been a paper trail describing when and where it was found. But now it’s in possession of the defendant’s lawyers, which means that the prosecution can just say it’s a post facto fabrication.

Now, if the local police were terribly corrupt, Sam might have legitimate fears that they would “lose” any evidence damaging to their case, in which scenario Sam might gamble that getting the note illicitly would be better than nothing. Local law enforcement is corrupt, of course, but it’s corrupt in the sense that it favors Sam and his rich asshole friends, so this move makes even less sense. Calling the cops and taunting them by describing his painfully stupid move immediately after he made it is just moronic icing on the legal misconduct cake.

Apartment 3-G, 12/11/09

OH SNAP MARGO JUST GOT PAID! She’s putting on a halfway decent show for Tim — “if I purse my lips like this, that … that looks like grief, right?” — but clearly she’s already counting the money. Now that’s she independently wealthy, she can give up all of her half-assed attempts at earning a living and dedicate herself to plotting evil full time, which is going to be pretty fantastic.

This entry was posted on Friday, December 11, 2009 at 01:39 pm and is filed under Apartment 3-G, Dennis the Menace, For Better or for Worse, Funky Winkerbean, Judge Parker, Mark Trail. |

373 responses to “Will Mark punch himself?”

Little Guy
December 11th, 2009 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

JP: What makes Sam’s dilemma more maddening is that the local cops are only corrupt for the ugly people. Mrs 38-D’Vito needs a bucket of acid thrown on her before the cops would go near her, or else have her go all vengeful-animal-loving-exotic-dancer in a blaze of glory.

DtM: Nice try, but that’s a pathway over the hill.

MT: Frustrated that he can’t punch his way into the store, Mark runs to the next town, where the Billy Mays Memorial Convention is taking place.
Sequitur
December 11th, 2009 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

Josh, ie. FW: Sounds about right to me.
MolyBendum
December 11th, 2009 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

En garde! En use!
mere cog in the machine
December 11th, 2009 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

“Menacing pelvis”. I need to do something with that, but I’m not sure what. Haiku, perhaps?
zenvelo
December 11th, 2009 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

Josh, you assume Margo was left money. Money would make her happy. I think she was left Eric’s BDSM collection. She always figured Eric was a sub; now she realizes he had a whole seperate life as a Dom….
mere cog in the machine
December 11th, 2009 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

3: Truly, Josh’s typing error is the “en use terrible” of this post. If he had made two more, he would have created a “Triple En use”.
commodorejohn
December 11th, 2009 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

Oh man oh man, “parent-on-boyfriend assault” just conjured up this hilarious image of Les flailing his limp little fists against Mopey Pete’s sunken chest in the most wonderfully lame fight scene in all of history. Pete would still kick his ass, though.
Sequitur
December 11th, 2009 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

bb,u: Just because this is a new thread does not mean we are going to forget the Dag incident.
Do not fold, spindle or mutilate
Zemto
December 11th, 2009 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

Dilbert: Does Dilbert really think all the cell phone towers will survive an earthquake better than land lines? I was pretty glad to have a land line during Hurricane Ike.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
December 11th, 2009 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

y294 Sequitur: I am the very model of discretion. (And I don’t want anything to get to Blondie; I mean, she has knives—she could cut me!)

So your curiosity will have to go unsatisfied. Unlike—but I’ll say no more.

4 mere cog: “Menacing pelvis” has the same syllabic rhythm as “Beautiful dreamer”–maybe someone can write a disturbing song?
Zemto
December 11th, 2009 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

Menacing pelvis
Ellie looms over her children
Wagging her finger
Sequitur
December 11th, 2009 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

The only question I have about Mopey Pete is even though he can sit around and be lecherous, will he have the energy to actually do anything about it?
Forrest
December 11th, 2009 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

It also appears that Joey is wearing a slightly too long evening gown beneath his short sleeved swearter/short sleeved collared shirt. Truly stunning.
Chyron HR
December 11th, 2009 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

Oh, it’s the long-awaited Funky Winkebean/Beatles Cartoon crossover!
MechTeach
December 11th, 2009 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

FBOFW – Is Ellie making any sense at all? In my house, Santa brought the presents on Christmas Eve/Christmas morning. He didn’t hide them around the house in the weeks leading up to Christmas.
lightglobe
December 11th, 2009 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

Another of the moral quandaries Mark Trail will soon face is whether to do a McGiver with whatever rusty, broken-down tools and fistfuls of dust he finds in the shop.

“But… he had a mullet! I can’t take after him! I’D HAVE TO PUNCH MYSELF!”
Steve S
December 11th, 2009 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

Just how mopey do you need to be for the Funky Winkerbean characters to notice it as mopier than the norm? It’s like having a Mark Trail villain named Beardy Joe.
lightglobe
December 11th, 2009 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

Oh dear, it’s “MacGyver”. My nine year-old self will hate me for this.
Baka Gaijin
December 11th, 2009 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

Rose is Rose: At least it’s not a baboon butt.

Mary Worth: Wilbur ponders the best way work the phrase “fanny bandit” into his reply.

Cathy: Why doesn’t she choke to death on her rising bile? Damn.

Sally Forth: I didn’t see the last panel coming. That was great, Ces.

Pickles: Earl Pickles, your salvation is in the strip above yours. Rat’s patented “Spoon Picker Upper” can change your channels and annoy that shrew of a Barbara Bush-looking wife.
Tim O'Shenko the Perpetual Lurker
December 11th, 2009 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

Growing a beard as the Ultimate Sacrifice, eh?

“Jesus Died to Save us All from Sin,
And Grew a Beard to Save us from Mark’s Fists.”
Sequitur
December 11th, 2009 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

10. bb,u
Yeah. You’re safe. I called up Dag. He ain’t talking.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
December 11th, 2009 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

menacing pelvis
children look up in terror
at their Origin
Black Drazon
December 11th, 2009 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

So here I am trying to make a joke about the fact that both Summer and Pete seem to have the same haircut when I realize that her’s reflects light and his soaks it up like a black hole. I like to believe that he’s covering self-induced early greys with permanent marker, foreshadowing the ritz and glamour of Chez Pete, where Summer Jr. will be messily conceived. God I love this comic.

I also love Margo (who doesn’t?) who in panel 1 is clearly shorter than Tim but in panel 2 demonstrates her superiority by smugly looking down at him all the same.
Spiderman Defense League
December 11th, 2009 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

Ellie’s got the weirdest crotch I’ve ever seen. She looks like Mel Brooks in Spaceballs when his head got put on backwards by the teleporter. “Why didn’t somebody tell me my ass was so big?”

And maybe that’s something we can monitor daily: whether Ellie Patterson’s pelvis or Dennis is more menacing on a particular day.

Good lord, I actually thought about Ellie Patterson’s crotch. And then posted about it on the internet. What the hell is wrong with me?
Carlo
December 11th, 2009 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

Foob’s last panel is referencing what Ellie has in her pants in the first panel.
MolyBendum
December 11th, 2009 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

Dennis – It’s amazing how many boys are roaming the city streets of America in purple sweaters, unaccompanied, in these halcyon days of almost 2010. And young ragamuffins in their dungarees are stopping passing policemen to enquire as to the appropriateness of local ordinances. Wait, no they aren’t. Why is this comic still around? As a testament to nostalgia? Nausea?

Also, “menacing pelvis” will be worked into conversation as often as possible over the next few days. I will put it… en use.
fnord3125
December 11th, 2009 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

So I’m late to the party, but I wanted to comment that yesterday’s Spider-Man was the first time I have literally LOL’ed at a comic strip (rather than Josh’s commentary on a strip, which happens frequently) in a long, LONG time. Of course, I’m pretty sure I wasn’t laughing for intended reasons. I’m not even sure laughter was the authorially (is that a word?) intended response to that strip, but whatever. You got genuine joy and pleasure from me, Spider-Man Newspaper Strip. Take your win and be happy.
Pozzo
December 11th, 2009 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

Is there a road anywhere near that Groceries/Hardware/Jackelrod store, or was it just plopped down in the middle of the forest? Or has it been abandoned for so long that the forest has had time to grow up around it? If that’s the case, I think Mark can give up any hope of finding a usable jack in there. Nice supply of buggy whips and isinglass, though.
Jonny Quest
December 11th, 2009 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

Parker: Your analysis is perfect. What’s more bizarre is that Sam and Co. are spending all this illegal, unethical and counterproductive energy for a client that can’t pay them.
Sequitur
December 11th, 2009 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

22. bb,u
Most Haiku do not make me laugh.
This one made me laugh!
Ringo Beaumont III
December 11th, 2009 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

Menacing Pelvis sounds like it would have been one hell of a great late ’70s punk band.
Josh
December 11th, 2009 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

Ha! “en use” has been fixed to “ensue” — but everyone’s comments on it were hilarious, FYI.

29 Jonny Quest: What’s more bizarre is that Sam and Co. are spending all this illegal, unethical and counterproductive energy for a client that can’t pay them.

No, that’s the only part that makes sense. Sam is ludicrously wealthy and doesn’t need legal fees. He just saw an opportunity to be a smug dick about things in this case, which to him is more precious than gold.

Josh
survivor
December 11th, 2009 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

I can’t understand why the store in Mark Trail would be closed. Ample parking, great location … what’s the problem?
kallista
December 11th, 2009 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

I missed you, Moly B, and I had to settle for real-life sex.
Jacob
December 11th, 2009 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

Mark Trail: That’s definitely how I’m going to announce a store is closed from now on.

“Can you check the times, Jacob?”

“Sure thing…

The place is closed!”

“…”
Black Drazon
December 11th, 2009 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

Joking aside, I do wonder what Batiuk has planned for this storyline: the jump between yesterday and today’s comic was so sudden he must have something to get to in a hurry. No “great, we got jobs!” or “Hey dad, I’m gainfully employed, there IS some joy in the world!”. Instead we’ve slammed into the first day at work so fast that it’s obvious that something about Job at the Pizza Joint + Guy with Brock-from-Pokemon-esque Inability to Open his Own Eyes = Plot Developments before anyone starts singing Auld Lang Syne.
MolyBendum
December 11th, 2009 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

Apartment 3G – Yeah, I see no grief even mistakenly drawn on Margo’s face, not even an attempt. That is pure smug. “Bitch, I just inherited an assload of money, you can piss off now… Err, I’m sorry Tim, did I say that out loud?”

22 bb,u – Mmmm, that’s good haiku.
MolyBendum
December 11th, 2009 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

34 kallista – I gotta say, I’d settle for real-life sex over reading me or anyone make rude comments on comics any day. Put the two together maybe and… well, you’d have one fucked up love-making session. Like Spiderman manhandling a giant vacuum. What?
ElkMeadow
December 11th, 2009 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

Sheesh, Mark, what’s your hurry? If an old real life woman can survive in a swamp for three days, Rusty should do just fine. And around here, when a store closes, everything is taken out of it, pronto. Otherwise, it’s like money’s lying around. Ya get what I’m saying?

And over at 9CWL, sexual harrassment continues, as young Gram falls for a man whom she does not know is married, and who put her on the job singing in German POW camps so that no one else in the US Armed Forces would/could get involved with her.

And at Luann, we are spared of a day of ~~insults to~~ jokes about Aussies.

Stone Soup has a camera at my house, only the site is Facebook, and what the h3ll did they do to my privacy settings?

Looks like Santa’s not bringing Elly any Christmas presents this year, ’cause he’s tired of the whining.
Dr. Weird
December 11th, 2009 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

Y262 Niall on OBH – What about the orange-flavored children’s chewable aspirin? I used to look forward to headaches to get a taste of that.

Peanuts in the AZ Republic made me laugh today, but it’s not the same strip online, even on the Republic’s own site. Charlie Brown talking to Lucy about being lonely at her booth, she asks about his dog, he starts to explain and Snoopy peeks up over the edge of the booth. “You promised he wouldn’t be here.”
Roland Burton Hedley, III
December 11th, 2009 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

*beep*beep*beep*beep**beep**beep**beep**beep*
THIS JUST IN!

The headless torso has now developed arms and a head and is still wandering around the greater Baltimore area. And now the monster is splitting into copies of itself! All citizens are asked to stay in their homes and run for their lives.
Oh, the humanity!

*beep*beep*beep*beep**beep**beep**beep**beep*
Mustang
December 11th, 2009 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

FBOW — This comic makes having a husband and children look so hideous, they should use it as a text in high school health classes. No one would ever get pregnant again.
Écureuil Écumant
December 11th, 2009 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

FOOB:

Menacing pelvis –
Look at those nasty stretch marks!
Thanks for nothing, John.
Poteet
December 11th, 2009 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

Y278 Marthas Rolling Pin — Thank you, thank you. No need to save anything. I just needed to know that the website is still there. I feel much better. So the problem’s on my end, but I can deal with that. If necessary, I’ll mug a neighbor and use his computer.
Sequitur
December 11th, 2009 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

Josh’s commentary on A3G:

“if I purse my lips like this,

How many of you when you read this, made your lips go like that?
BigTed
December 11th, 2009 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

With any luck, Margo’s inherited windfall won’t be cash, but some plot-advancing object. A haunted house she has to sleep in for a week? A previously unknown love child she’ll have to pretend to care for? Even better, it could be some run-down New York City apartment building. Margo the slumlord has the best ring to it of all.
Les of the Jungle Patrol
December 11th, 2009 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

When Mopey Pete’s mother warned him that his face was going to freeze that way, she wasn’t kidding. Summer would get a better looking boyfriend if she dated Crankshaft. Plus it would really create optimal amounts of misery for everyone. Therefore, I cal it as the next plot development.
Poteet
December 11th, 2009 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

JP — Thank you to all the Mudges, including Josh, who have pointed out the almost-unbelievable insanity at the heart of the current JP storyline. It’s like the story writers are trying to gaslight us.
Sequitur
December 11th, 2009 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

46. BigTed
I know what she’ll get. It will be a magic ring that allows Margo to read people’s minds. When she finds out how hated she is the vengence plotting will be monumental!
RichterCa
December 11th, 2009 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

Josh, not only are you right about Judge Parker’s whole note thing, but don’t forget that Sam himself just used a fake identity to enter the house of the victim’s widow under false pretenses. And what precisely was he going to do once he got there? Take her deposition?
Poteet
December 11th, 2009 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

FW — Mopey Pete looks like Alfred E. Neuman’s dumber, uglier cousin. Just from a visual point of view, this story is going to be painful.
Alan's Addiction
December 11th, 2009 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

Why does Pete have weird extra lines under his eyes in today’s “Funky Winkerbean?” Is he drunk? Suffering a cold? Has the incessant, horrific depression of life in the Funkyverse finally caused night terrors and insomnia, giving him permanent bags under his eyes? I think Pete (and the rest of the characters) all suffer from vastly accelerated aging. I think this because, A. I know 40-year-olds who look healthier and younger than Pete, and, B. at the current death rate, Batuik will kill all off of his senior characters within five years, leaving him twiddling his thumbs for twenty years as he waits for the younger generation of characters to reach cancer-appropriate ages.
I see that Joey is going for the “upper class, English nitwit” look in today’s “Dennis the Menace.” If we could get a shot of Joey in a smoking lounge saying things like “Good show, old bean,” I’d applaud the aggressive use of stereotypes, which would increase the strip’s general menace by at least 35%.
“For Better or For Worse” came so very close to greatness today. If only Ellie had told the kids that she hid the presents in the laundry chute, or under the car, or in any of the potentially fatal places in suburban houses, she’d be funny AND she might save us from twenty years of boring character development.
It’s nice to see that Mark Trail is keeping up his training regimen, as evidenced by those giant, exaggerated steps he’s taking in the first panel (hey, it’s good for the lower body and the heart). He’ll be exercising his upper body quite shortly as he punches his way into the store; he might even have to punch the car off of Rusty. I can even foresee a series of obnoxious Internet ads based on this strip: “I lost 35 pounds in four weeks by punching poachers!”
Reading “Judge Parker” looking for legal realities is akin to watching those old “Wile E. Coyote and Road Runner” cartoons trying to learn physics. It’s just confusing and annoying. That’s why I personally only read “Judge Parker” when there are hot, scantily-clad, evil women explaining their nefarious schemes to the main characters as they’re being dragged off by the police. That way, I only have to read “Judge Paker” once every two or three weeks, and I still get to see the strip’s main attraction, namely, hot, scantily-clad, evil women. The main thing I took away from today’s strip is that someone was wearing glasses; a relative rarity in “Judge Paker.”
Today’s “Apartment 3G” was worth it for that final panel, in which Margo gives Tim that coolly disinterested gaze that clearly says, “After I get Tommie to clean the kitchen and fix my dinner, I shall destroy you.” Forcing Tommie to do petty chores is pretty much a given for all of Margo’s thought processes. My bigger interest in the upcoming weeks is, will Tim be able to escape Margo’s wrath alive (short answer: no), or will he finally, like his brother, find escape in death’s sweet embrace? If so, will Margo reveal the full extent of her terrifying powers and charge into the underworld to recapture both Tim and Eric?
Holly Golightly
December 11th, 2009 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

In what year does Mark Trail take place that he lack a cell phone? Even Zack Morris had a cell phone! It was as big as his head, but still!
Uncle Lumpy
December 11th, 2009 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

Foob: I AM MOTHER! BEHOLD MY BIRTHING HIPS!
Sister Sestina
December 11th, 2009 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

Josh, why do you assume that the inevitable cancerous conclusion would be “unrelated” to this setup? Two words: human papillomavirus. Cervical cancer, ahoy!
cheech wizard
December 11th, 2009 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

Pluggers – Pluggers often ponder life’s unanswerable questions – like “How come he’s a dog and you’re a rabbit and both of us don’t simply devour you instead of this slop you’re serving us?”

Phantom – “Dear, what did you ever do to merit such revenge by the Python?”

“I bit his dick while giving him a blowjob. Let me out and I’ll tell you all about it.”

A3G – That’s not grief Margo’s feigning – it’s just now dawning on her that, as Eric’s sole heir, she can finally get a place of her own. From now on, if she wants a clueless redhead and even dumber blonde for company, she’ll get a couple labrador retrievers.
bad wolf
December 11th, 2009 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

According to the character bio/design page at funkywinkerbean.com, Pete is 28 years old, and Summer 15. Since she’s driving i guess you can add a year to both numbers.

As Josh put it, “Merry Funkmas, everybody!”
mere cog in the machine
December 11th, 2009 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

57 Hey there Sir! Easy on the labs! I bet you that neither Luanne or Tommie could sniff out a bomb or help a disabled person run errands! And talking to the labs would doubtlessly be much more rewarding!
Mustang
December 11th, 2009 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

FW- “But not limited to” indeed! Why no mention of depression, botched suicide attempts, public drunkenness, and the FW hallmark — painful humiliation from cruel sarcasm?
queek
December 11th, 2009 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

41: I call shenanigans. Roland is exclusively Tweeting his reports these days, and that’s more than 140 characters!

56: I think you meant “Irish setter and Golden Retriever” there. (or perhaps “Afghan hound”)

the best Labs are black, and are very smart dogs. (unlike most Irishes.) ;-)
Hank
December 11th, 2009 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

RE: Judge Parker, Josh’s questions. Off the top of my head Sam and Steve’s conduct has violated a number of ethics rules and, probably, several criminal codes.

Sam committed false impersonation to get onto the widow’s property. Steve tampered with evidence. Steve then stole the evidence (petit larceny). Even if the the evidence wasn’t stolen, Steve has violated the ethical canon about becoming a witness for his own client’s case.

The fact that he and Sam cooked the plan up together means there was arguably a conspiracy.

And to top it all off, Sam regularly has ex parte communications with the Judge (Randy) who is supposed to hear the case.

At this rate, not only would Sam and Steve be facing disbarrment, they’d probably be sharing a cell next to Robert Simels and Lynne Stewart.
bup
December 11th, 2009 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

You think maybe the grocery store went out of business because there’s no road there?
queek
December 11th, 2009 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

58: that, and very few people are willing to go swimming in late October to retrieve ducks!
Aviatrix
December 11th, 2009 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

I can accept an old store being deep in untracked forest, and I can accept Mark knowing where it is, but he has twice stated that they recently passed it in the car. They’ve been driving along the beach for the last while so that means there should be two ways to reach the store: running along the beach or running along the road. Or perhaps the store was visible from the road, but Mark decided to run through the uneven swampy terrain on the other side of the road than the open beach or the road itself.

I’m compiling a list of Mark’s lapses of judgement in this storyline, to try to predict the moral we can draw from it all. So far I have:
- Leaving a puppy untethered at a campsite
- Leaving a child unaccompanied in an alligator-infested swamp while he goes off to look for the puppy
- Possibly speeding on the back road
- Not watching the road (Rusty had to draw his attention to the deer)
- Swerving for a deer he was only going to graze anyway
- Sending a child to play unsupervised at water’s edge
- Not restraining an exuberant puppy before working under a jacked vehicle
- Jacking up a car on sand
- Allowing a child to crawl under a jacked vehicle
- Trying to dig out the side of the car rather than the leg of the trapped child
- Leaving the child pinned under the car alone with the incoming tide, carnivorous birds, and accident-prone puppy while he runs a couple of kilometres to a store he thinks he saw.

At this rate the moral will be something like “always bring an extra sweater.”
Ian
December 11th, 2009 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

I don’t usually comment, but did Mopey Pete just make a boner joke?
Crankenstank
December 11th, 2009 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

You forgot Funky Chlamydia.
It's time to pay the price
December 11th, 2009 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

Is that a funeral procession on the hill? Maybe Dennis will impishly order the cop to haul them off the grass, desecrating the body in the process. Actually if they were ever looking to do a Dennis/Winkerbean crossover…
Krazy Kat
December 11th, 2009 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

No wonder that store went out of business: what kind of convenience store is tucked away deep in the woods like that?
TruthOfAngels
December 11th, 2009 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

“IT IS RUSTY! Oh, no, wait a minute, I left him on the beach dying of gangrene. Oh well. Better punch someone, I suppose.”
bats :[
December 11th, 2009 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

If Joey’s expression as he gazes at Dennis isn’t a classic “Christ, what an asshole.”, nothing is.
Steve the Pocket
December 11th, 2009 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

Dennis the Menace: Shouldn’t he at least be standing on the grass when he says that, if only to justify the cop’s angry gaze? Has he really stooped this low?

Heart of the City: Whoa. The heck is midget Sarah Palin doing there?

Hi and Lois: “Storage memory speed”? *sigh* Dear Messrs. Walker: Neither of you apparently knows an ounce of computer lingo. Please learn some before trying to work it into your comic. Thanks.

Mark Trail: It’s locked… are we gonna get to see him PUNCH OUT THAT WINDOW to break in?

Marvin: See, Dennis could learn a thing or two from this kid. When you’re being out-menaced by a kid in another comic owned by the same syndicate, you can’t claim it’s your editor’s fault. You’ve just plain lost your edge.

One Big Happy: Not specific to just today’s strip (which was pretty good, really), but is anyone else disturbed by the way people’s mouths always hang open in side views? And “mouths hang open” is putting it nicely; “lower lip flops like it’s weighted down by the world’s heaviest piercing” is more accurate.
DamienBixlan
December 11th, 2009 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

” Ok you two… listen up. If you don’t behave, I’m gonna suck you both back into my uterus, understood? “
cheech wizard
December 11th, 2009 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

58/60 – “Smart dog” is an oxymoron. And I say that as a dog lover and owner of a border collie mix. Also, chocolate labs tend to be kind of reddish, sort of like those gals with the intense purpleish/red dye jobs.

Of course, talking with a couple labs would be more rewarding than conversation with LuAnne or Tommie. That’s just the point!

All dogs go to Heaven. All cats go to Hell.
gnome de blog
December 11th, 2009 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

I’m betting Margo inherited Eric’s art gallery. Which instead of a windfall will turn out to be a money pit. She will end up having to depend on Tommie for charity.
cheech wizard
December 11th, 2009 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

68/Krazy Kat – You’d be surprised. Lots of remote areas that are popular for camping, hunting or have vacation cottages scattered around have convenience stores tucked away in the oddest places. You even find an occasional bar. And they do tend to go in and out of business over the years.
bats :[
December 11th, 2009 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

41. Roland Burton Hedley, III: hahaha — wait. What?

AeroSquid seems to be missing in action, so I’ll post one of his mashups. I never really understood it until today, with Josh and his Menacing Pelvis comment. (All right. I admit it. I still don’t understand it, only than it’s prettier than Elly’s.)
Rusty
December 11th, 2009 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

FW: Every teen girl wants to make it with a loner who lives in an apartment above the local pizza shop, doesn’t own a car, and writes for DC comics. Solo car date with Mopey Pete, and Summer’s driving! Batiuk probably thinks this is the height of romance.
Uncle Lumpy
December 11th, 2009 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

Lucky for Rusty the store sells “Fries”– if it were “Pancakes”, Mark would never return.
Rusty
December 11th, 2009 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

FOOB: Panel 1, the kids look up, awaiting April to drop from Ellie’s loins as has been told in the prophecies.
Uncle Lumpy
December 11th, 2009 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

Upside of Margo’s inheritance of the Mills Gallery — more Doris.
Bootsy
December 11th, 2009 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

# 4, mere cog, here ya go:

Foob Christmas haiku

Menacing pelvis
looms large and terrifies me
I’ll try to be good
Artist formerly known as Ben
December 11th, 2009 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

“Moronic icing on the legal misconduct cake” is my favorite phrase of the week.

Is it bad form to shout KA-CHING! at the reading of a will? Margo can never remember.
ladadog
December 11th, 2009 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

MT: I see An English Patient plot here. Poor, dead Rusty.

MW: I see The Sun Also Rises plot here, although there is some rewriting needed to explain Wilbur’s daughter. And Wilbur ain’t no Jake Barnes.
Ranger
December 11th, 2009 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

That doesn’t look so much like Elly’s pelvis as it does her ass. Its as if she has gone Linda Blair with her head and is about to projectile vomit on her demon spawn.
Lolsworth
December 11th, 2009 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

You’re Dar’s sis Sum?
Trilobite
December 11th, 2009 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

That detective looks exactly like an older Sam Driver, doesn’t he? I bet he’s getting a headache from the potential paradox involved in discussing an open investigation and potential evidence tampering charges with his younger self. Either that, or he’s just making his “Christ, I wish someone had told me I was such a smug, overbearing idiot back then” face.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
December 11th, 2009 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

73 cheech wizard: I agree that dog intelligence (oxy/moronic or not) is beside the point. Dogs rule. It’s that simple. Not only do I prefer dogs to cats, but I prefer dogs to many people.

But I’m not sure that a dog—simple, loving, warm-hearted, goofy in the best possible way—is the best companion animal for Margo. Unless it’s a raging hell-hound, some mythical, multi-headed, slavering beast prepared at any moment to rip the still-beating heart out of any creature who so much as looks at Margo sideways.

76 bats:[ —Yeah, I was wondering about Aerosquid recently, too. Who will tell us the stories of Agent Tik-Tik now?
The Mighty Captain E
December 11th, 2009 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

Menacing pelvis,
Stirring the sauces in my
Traitorous penis
Bootsy
December 11th, 2009 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

bb, u @ 87: so you’re saying Margo’s dog should be Marmaduke?
Bootsy
December 11th, 2009 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

The Mighty Captain E re your haiku. I bow. Why do I even try?
Peanut Gallery
December 11th, 2009 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

Mark Trail – Yes, I see something in the store window that could help me free Rusty! Maybe I can jack up the car with that vintage Jackelrod!
Baka Gaijin
December 11th, 2009 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

#56 cheech wizard on Phantom: Ha ha! “I bit his dick while giving him a blowjob…” I’m so glad Mrs. Phantom is saying this instead of, say, Mary Worth or Momma.

#72 DamienBixlan: I’ll finish your post: ”Ok you two… listen up. If you don’t behave, I’m gonna suck you both back into my uterus, understood?“ said ~~June Morgan~~ ~~Blondie~~ ~~Les Moore~~ Momma.
mere cog in the machine
December 11th, 2009 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

Menacing pelvis
Masking the puckered horror
That awaits behind
BoulderDan
December 11th, 2009 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

DtM: Obviously Dennis misunderstood. “Keep Off Grass” without the “the” is meant to be a PSA from the Reagan/Bush. Just say NO!
bats :[
December 11th, 2009 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

88. The Mighty Captain E: That is a tiny, perfect masterpiece. And that’s why I stick with mashups…
commodorejohn
December 11th, 2009 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

#88 The Mighty Captain E – I just knew that “traitorous penis” was going to make an appearance sooner or later. Nicely handled!
Sequitur
December 11th, 2009 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

Mark Trail has VD
How the hell did he get it?
Ellie’s pelvis knows.
cheech wizard
December 11th, 2009 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

MT – We all know that something as hideous as Rusty can’t be human. So perhaps this is going to turn out to be the heartwarming, wonderful story of how he discovers he has gills. And instinctively feeds on small, struggling mammals that have somehow been taken by the tide.
Jumper
December 11th, 2009 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

Alas. Ken Kesey knew how to end this. We could only wish Elrod could bring himself to employ this sort of drama.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vKdF-IP7rE0
Muffaroo
December 11th, 2009 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

Lio – Hey! Lio can talk!

To which I say http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3286/2711095837_e70f239f62.jpg

Niall @y263 – no aspirin has ever tasted like candy. You probably weren’t around in the 1960s for St. Joseph’s Children’s Aspirin (Dr. Weird, I think this is what you were thinking of.). It had a vaguely orangey flavor that was interesting enough to me I ate quite a number of them one day. Maybe that accounts for these occasional killing sprees.

commodorejohn @y277 – …don’t tell me Mopey Pete is going to start hitting on Summer. Well, at least it’s not incesty like with Les. …that we know of.

Josh and RichterCa re JP – Like I’ve been saying, Sam’s screwed up the evidence – and now it’s pointed out that he’s even tainting the witnesses. New theory: Sam did it.

Zemto @11 et al Come with me
Menacing pelvis
Settle down and rest with me
Oh fly with me menacing pelvis
To my little nest by the sea
With me that’s where you belong with me
I know I can be strong when you’re — you’re with me…

Roland Burton Hedley, III @41 – Whoops! queek got there first. He even used the word “shenanigans”! I think I should be scared.
Jeff Soesbe (yeff)
December 11th, 2009 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

Given that this is an abandoned grocery store, we can’t think Mark is looking for some tool that will help him save Rusty.

Instead, Mark is looking for some abandoned liquor that he can use to make Rusty’s last hours more comfortable.

For himself.

- yeff
The Ghost of Jarrod
December 11th, 2009 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

You can say what you want, Josh, but any FW that has Les dying of a heart attack is a-ok in my book.
Jeff Soesbe (yeff)
December 11th, 2009 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

The other good expression in DTM is from Joey, who is looking at Dennis with a gaze that says “D*mn you, you malevolent bastard. You’re going to get us beaten, maced, handcuffed and tossed in overnight lockup. Again.”

- yeff
shermy glamrocker
December 11th, 2009 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

Menacing pelvis
Has produced two demon spawn
Apwil will be next
shermy glamrocker
December 11th, 2009 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

MT: “Hmmm, maybe I can use this 10-foot steel pipe and concrete block to fashion a lever to pry open the door.”
Miss Othmar
December 11th, 2009 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

#101 yeff:

Given that this is an abandoned grocery store, we can’t think Mark is looking for some tool that will help him save Rusty.

But I thought that Bob got a job at The Department of Woodland Security? What’s he doing moonlighting?
gnome de blog
December 11th, 2009 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

83 ladadog

Detective Scott Hewlett is Jake Barnes. Maybe that’s why Adrian is so eager to marry him.
Belle
December 11th, 2009 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

is Joey wearing a hobble skirt? if the boy is into Poiret, I doubt he wants to wrestle around playing football with Dennis for the love of the sport.
wossname
December 11th, 2009 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

You know, if Rusty had a smart cat like Boogie-Woogie instead of that brainless cookie-dough yippy dog, he would probably not be in this predicament.

(don’t have time to catch up on reading until tomorrow, so I apologize if this topic has been covered)
bourbon babe, unbuckled
December 11th, 2009 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

100 Muffaroo: Oooh, I loved those aspirins! Faked many a headache to get one. (My feelings about them changed when Husband #1 was stalking me and, among other things, broke into my apartment and substituted children’s aspirins for my birth-control pills—yes, even carefully cut out the foil backing and filed down the sharper edges of the aspirin to make them look more authentic. Now I have less-pleasant associations with St. Josephs—you know, like paralyzing fear.)
The Mighty Captain E
December 11th, 2009 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

90 Bootsy – Don’t give up. Menacing pelvis/traitorous penis was a lightning strike. It could have happened to anyone. I’ve had more misses than hits for sure.
95 Bats:[ – Right back atchya! Beautiful mashup, suitable for framing. Well, in my house anyway.
96 commodorejohn – Bless you sir. And, if I may add, the traitorous penis is truly all yours and I humbly thank you for letting me get my hands on it first. Quite.
crazyjerseygirl
December 11th, 2009 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

FooB (first panel): Ellie isn’t jutting out her pelvis, that’s her ass!
Am I the only one that can see that her head is on backwards?

It’s the Foob/Exorcist crossover the “fans” have been waiting for!

(mumbles some Latin)
~Crazy
cheech wizard
December 11th, 2009 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

MW – “This requires a most tactful reply. Hmmmm….’Dear Kurt. I am greatly saddened to hear of your mother’s passing. Abby was indeed a dear friend of mine during our college days. However, I regret to inform you that the liklihood of me being your father is roughly equivalent to your winning the Mega Millions lottery – and for similar reasons, statistically speaking.’ “
Master Mahan
December 11th, 2009 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

It pained Agent Menace to affect the stupidity of a typical American juvenile, but it was all the distraction his loyal sidekick Josef needed to bury a throwing knife in the policeman’s throat. Even so, the child terror of the KGB was running out of time. He still had to get into position on the grassy knoll and assemble the rifle concealed in his football — and President Kennedy was already passing by!
Niall
December 11th, 2009 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

Many threads ago, queek, on the answers to the Post’s random questions: I’m sorry, but stick figures are not easy to do well – and xkcd does them masterfully. I’d say it’s even better-drawn than Dilbert because it gets more body language, action, drama and emotion out of far fewer body cues possible, all in the careful placement of figures and very deliberate positioning of heads and limbs. It could use more backgrounds, however.

As for what makes it the season, when I was listening to the radio other than morning shows (to get me up and moving away from the radio quickly), it was inevitably the Bob and Doug McKenzie 12 days. “…BEER! …iiiin a treeeee…”

Y274 Bryan: amusingly enough, I’m partly into watching Zardoz myself; considering it was filmed in Ireland (I now definitely recognise those rolling hills), it’s not surprising there’s such a Niall; but yes, I am always tickled pink when I see one. There’s also a Niall as main character on the cable show Eureka, though considering who it is (annoying Zane), I’m a little less thrilled. Ah well, it has Matt Frewer and is filmed in Vancouver, it’s all good in the end. :)

Y275 Poteet: yup, seeing how every other cell company says why every other cell company are crooks makes me wonder, maybe they’re all correct… :)

40. Dr. Weird and 100. Muffaroo: Okay, while I am maybe just old enough to have been around when they were, I doubt my mother bought any – if they were even available up here. So I’m half-wrong; I should have said no aspirins today taste like candy.. or should, anyway. Vitamins, yes. Aspirins, no.

And now, off to Toronto! Sizzling beef and junmai daiginjo saké (on which I’ll probably spend half the meal cost), here I come!
Master Mahan
December 11th, 2009 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

I am so looking forward to the climax of this Mark Trail storyline. Clearly the fates are conspiring to ensure Rusty’s demise, so there’s only one way this can end: with Mark Trail punching the bony jaw of Death himself!
mollificent
December 11th, 2009 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

oh man…I am SO behind on my CC reading/posting, I’m practically ahead.

A3G: Margo looks slightly revolted in panel 2. “Human emotions…ugh. I need to shower.”

Curtis: That’s it, my mind has finally snapped. I actually feel genuinely sorry for Curtis.

Doonesbury: I have been finding this week’s strips damned funny, because I’ve just started using a Garmin GPS device a friend lent me. It’s really helpful, and yet really annoying (when you miss a turn, there’s a palpable tone of disapproval in the woman’s voice when she sniffs, “Recalculating…”) I think it would be hysterical to have a celebrity GPS voice (as I’ve mentioned before, Ewan McGregor or James McEvoy would do nicely).

Then again, I think back to how cool I thought it was back in 1990 when I got “Star Trek Sounds” for my first Macintosh (I’m not going to tell you which model because you’ll just laugh). It was all fun and games until the computer broke down, and as I gazed at the Frowny Mac Face of Death, Mr. Spock began intoning repeatedly, “Most unpleasant situation, Captain. Most unpleasant situation, Captain. Most unpleasant situation, Captain.” After a minute it was either unplug the damn thing or take a sledgehammer to it.

Retail: Hahaha, well played. :)
commodorejohn
December 11th, 2009 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

#111 The Mighty Captain E – Oh no. I just coined the phrase; it was all the many terrific wits around here who turned it into a threadful of lunacy.

#115 Niall – I’m still trying to psych myself up to watch Zardoz at some point in the future. I don’t know if I’m ready for it.
Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™
December 11th, 2009 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

Josh. Oh, Josh. You did it. I’ve been so good at only thinking of Rusty’s sad and harrowing Lifetime Original Movie death as he claws at the sand and sputters the salty water from his mouth while Sassy runs back and forth on the beach yipping and yelping for someone to help her human beau. And now, because of you, Josh, I’ve had to imagine Mark coming back to the car and Rusty pleading with him to throw him something he can grab onto. Mark has a “lightbulb moment” and removes his trousers. He takes off his boxers (Mark would only wear boxers) and digs his boots into the sand next to Rusty…
———————————————————————-
Mark crouches. “Now, Rusty, I’m gonna jerk my cock ’til it’s nice and hard and then you grab onto it, okay?”

Rusty nodded. Mark began pleasuring himself with his hand but nothing was happening. “Hurry!” Rusty cried.

“Dammit, don’t be like Cherry!” Mark snapped. “I gotta think of something to get wood.”

Rusty thought. Rusty thought deep. “Mark, maybe you could call Bob to come down here and help us.”

BOB. Sweet, blonde-mained hairy-chested lovable honey-assed Bob. With that, Mark’s cock engorged like Oprah at a hamfest. “Gee whilickers!” gushed Rusty.

Mark crouched. “Grab on, Rusty. Take my cock and hold it as tight as you can.”

“Like Grandpa asks me to when you and Cherry are out?”

“Yeah… not sure what you mean there but… yeah.”

Rusty grasped the fleshy beast with all of his power. Mark dug his boots into the sand and began to stand. Slowly, the boy was pulled free. Mark fell back and Rusty landed on top of him.

“Oh, Mark, I’m free! I’m free! How can I ever repay you?”

Mark was naked from the waist down with a hardon and a young boy lying on top of him while waves lapped about them as though they were Deborah Kerr and Burt Lancaster. It wouldn’t be difficult to think of a reward. Not at all.
commodorejohn
December 11th, 2009 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

#117 mollificent – My brother has one of those devices as well. Our voice wish list included James Earl Jones, Liam Neeson, and Jeremy Irons.

Also, 1990? I’m going to guess it was a Mac Classic, and that’s nothing to be ashamed of; I still have my Classic II on a desk in my room, for those occasions when I need a fix of System 7’s still-unmatchedly-elegant user interface.
Master Mahan
December 11th, 2009 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

I think Summer just implied she’s really a man. This is going to be just like The Crying Game, only with testicular cancer.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
December 11th, 2009 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

115 Niall, re: phone companies: You’ll have me agreeing with you if you throw the land-line companies into the mix. (I canceled my Verizon land line because service went out for days every time it rained, and they refused both to make any repairs or reimburse me for the missed days.)
Poteet
December 11th, 2009 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

# 113 cheech — Oooh, Dear Kurt messages! What a great idea!

I’ll give it a try…

Dear Kurt,

I’m sure you are a fine young man, and I sympathize with the loss of your mother. She was a lovely woman. However, she also had a charming touch of severe paranoia. Unless sperm can travel from the lower thighs all the way up to the hoo-hoo in the fifteen seconds before a pair of panties is used to hastily wipe them all away, there’s no chance you’re my son. Best regards, Wilbur
bourbon babe, unbuckled
December 11th, 2009 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

Okay, I can’t resist…..

Dear Kurt:
Thank you sir for conctating me. Yes I had a relation with your mother. You will be happy to note before we partted she gave me detail of a bank account in her name. Said account currently have 4.5$$ Millions dollars in it. To gain acess to said dollars I must have participation of blood relation. Will you find yourself abel to assist me?
sugarpie
December 11th, 2009 at 6:06 pm [Reply]

bb,u 110 There’s crazy and then there’s crazy and that’s just so crazy! I shouldn’t laugh, but that’s completely nuts.
mollificent
December 11th, 2009 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

#120 commodorejohn: Heh heh…actually, I believe it was a Mac Plus (my parents got it used, thus beginning my career of acquiring already-obsolete computers ;)).

Mmmm, Liam Neeson. His voice is so soothing. He can recalculate for me anytime. *grin*
Sequitur
December 11th, 2009 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

Dear Kurt,

Fuck off.

Respectfully,
Wilber
Citric
December 11th, 2009 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

Hi & Lois: I like how Lois is not at all perturbed that her son just asked her for speed for Christmas.
odinthor
December 11th, 2009 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

DtM. — Dennis, mind your particle! It’s not “Keep Off The Grass,” it’s “Keep Off Grass.” The sign means that the city authorities want you to refrain from weed. The cop is getting all squinty because he loathes people such as yourself who are numb to the presence or non-presence of particles. But there’s good news: You can trot the Festuca all you want.

Menacing pelvis:
Dennis, mind your particle!
Trot the Festuca.
Écureuil Écumant
December 11th, 2009 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

@71 Steve the Pocket says: “Mark Trail — It’s locked… are we gonna get to see him PUNCH OUT THAT WINDOW to break in?”

We sure might, even though he’s so two-dimensional he could just slip himself under the door like a Child Services custody hearing notice.

But he knows we yearn to see his pugilistic prowess, if only in the hope he might slice his brachial artery.

@101 Jeff Soesbe (yeff) says: “Given that this is an abandoned grocery store, we can’t think Mark is looking for some tool that will help him save Rusty.”

You wouldn’t think so. But judging by how intently he’s peering at his reflection in that darkened window, apparently he’s pretty sure he’s found one. And who am I to disagree.
Tim
December 11th, 2009 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

@9 Yes, I was absolutely glad to have a landline during and after Ike. No cable, no electricity, and even for a while no water. But, the dang phone (using an ancient ‘property of AT&T’ corded model) worked when the cellular networks were all overloaded.
Mardou Fox
December 11th, 2009 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

Elly: “If you are looking for Christmas presents, you won’t find any–because Santa only brings presents to good children….” [emphasis hers]

Wow. Did she steal that line from Joan Crawford–or maybe Sybil’s mom? What a bitch!

Menacing pelvis
Condemns me and drips acid
My ego is crushed.
Baka Gaijin
December 11th, 2009 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

#132 Mardou Fox: Elly = Joan Crawford?I don’t think so. Joan Crawford didn’t degenerate into a huge assed, gap mawed, slurp-glopping harpy. Did she?
bats :[
December 11th, 2009 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

119. Dingo: okay. I think we can drop “the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™” right about now.
bats :[
December 11th, 2009 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

What I’m wondering is why Mark thinks that the store has been closed for a long time. Is the entire front window obscured by spider webs? Are the skeletal remains of the store-owner and a customer (both strewn across the counter) wearing Victorian duds? Is there no Slurpee machine?
Mardou Fox
December 11th, 2009 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

133 baka: I was thinking more of the screaming, child-abusing side of Joan Crawford. Who, when she had a faceful of make-up on, looked quite a bit like a….

never mind!
Mardou Fox
December 11th, 2009 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

P.S. to 136: If you haven’t seen or read “Mommie Dearest”… lets just say Joan Crawford wasn’t the most nurturing of mothers.

But she did take better care of her ass than Elly did, apparently!

But the thick makeup…. shudder…. you know what I’m saying, Baka.
Mardou Fox
December 11th, 2009 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

Hey! I just had a cheerful thought. Maybe Mark will find some dynamite in that old store!

“This ought to get that car off you, Rusty!”
Poteet
December 11th, 2009 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

# 100 Muffaroo — Yep, those St. Joseph vaguely- orange kiddie aspirin tasted really good to me. I remember them well. It’s a wonder more kids didn’t eat entire bottles, but the Sixties were dangerous years in general. I climbed trees without a helmet, frequently.

# 110 babe — Eewww, yeesh! I hope karma has paid him back by now.

# 118 commodorejohn — You’re probably not, but watch it anyway.
Poteet
December 11th, 2009 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

# 124 babe — You’ve got the style perfectly. Wilbur could never do it that well.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
December 11th, 2009 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

140 Poteet: Thanks! But you know, I DO have “deposed African prince” in my heritage, so I have an advantage.
mollificent
December 11th, 2009 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

P.S. commodorejohn: it looks like TomTom has all the good celebrity voices: http://www.navtones.com/products/tomtom/

Kim Cattrall would be pretty damned great.

Disappointingly, the “Holly” on the list is NOT Holly from Red Dwarf, as I’d hoped. Would not THAT be Crowning Moment of Awesome? “Go two hundred feet, then turn left. Or right. It really doesn’t matter, we’re six billion light years from home anyway.”
NoahSnark
December 11th, 2009 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

That sign is depressing. Grass is one of the few things that makes Dennis the Menace tolerable.
cheech wizard
December 11th, 2009 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

What I’d like to see is for Mark to find a jack or a long iron bar or something in the store., then rush back to the beach in time to reach Rusty before the tide, but not the red-clawed crabs that have picked all the flesh from his bones, leaving a small, hideous skeleton. Extra props for Sassy gnawing on a femur.
Niall
December 11th, 2009 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

Waiting in the very nice and posh Porter lounge at Ottawa airport, as my flight to Toronto is delayed… free drinks (non-alcoholic – the free alcoholic drinks are on the plane) and nice cookies and teas and an espresso machine – self-serve.

I was a minor hit passing through security as I had a laptop with me – but not any kind of laptop(at bottom). I turned heads… :) (I’m bringing it to a friend in TO who wants it.)

118. commodorejohn: I decided to find a copy of Zardoz after a particularly hilarious review on the Onion AV Club, which I thought was mocking its first lines – then I realised they were quoting verbatim. Oh lord. (“The Gun.. is Good. The Penis.. is Evil.”) It’s… tough to take. Since it’s a 70s artsy movie, I’m still waiting for the nigh-inevitable orgy scene (see Blow Up or The Man Who Fell To Earth).
Mayzshon
December 11th, 2009 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

Dear Kurt,
I thank you for contacting me, however your mother never had a great grasp of biology. While it’s true that Abbey and I did enjoy many hedonistic cocaine and Thunderbird fuel weekends together, that was back before my operation. Sure, everyone called me “Wilbur” back then, but my real name at the time was “Wilma”.
Sincerely,
Wilber / Wilma
queek
December 11th, 2009 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

96: I was expecting that as well.

137: I don’t want to even explain why I’m squicked by that comment re Joan Crawford’s ass.

and further up than I care to scroll @ cheech wizard, if all cats go to hell, what about Ceiling Cat?!?
ScienceGiant
December 11th, 2009 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

I’m with 135. Bats on this one. Hey, Mark, you know what a hammer from 1992 looks like? EXACTLY LIKE A HAMMER FROM 2009! Same with screwdrivers. And with… You know what? Screw it. I just look forward to Mark being bewildered the next time he enters an hardware store and notices everything looks exactly same the “old, abandoned” one he had to break into to save Rusty.

Shovel teWhat I’m wondering is why Mark thinks that the store has been closed for a long time. Is the entire front window obscured by spider webs? Are the skeletal remains of the store-owner and a customer (both strewn across the counter) wearing Victorian duds? Is there no Slurpee machine?
VALIS
December 11th, 2009 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

MT: I was wondering why Mark wouldn’t just remove sand from under Rusty’s leg with his hands. I thought it would be easier and faster than using a jack. Instead, he’s apparently about to destroy private property to get this new jack. So I again wondered, as long as he’s there, why doesn’t he take a shovel, in my opinion the best tool to save Rusty?

I had an epiphany: he would need to come back for the jack in any case since the other one is broken.

After I understood what the problem was, I went back to read an article on fark. Did you know that half of you wipe while standing?? That’s one crazy world I tell you
Jason1981
December 11th, 2009 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

MT: ” Maybe I can find something in there to help me free Rusty!……..Hey, someone left behind a giant vacuum cleaner! That might work! “
Alfred E. Neuman
December 11th, 2009 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

#52 Poteet— While there is some resemblance, Mopey Pete is unrelated to me. My only relative currently acting in the comics is my young nephew, Jasper E. Neuman.
Poteet
December 11th, 2009 at 8:14 pm [Reply]

# 151 Alfred — Thanks for setting me straight. I should have guessed.
Alcharisi
December 11th, 2009 at 8:14 pm [Reply]

If Tom Batuik had any sense of character, he’d notice that Keisha clearly has the hots for Summer. What’s with this Pete nonsense? Pete is clearly well above the “half your age plus seven” threshold.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
December 11th, 2009 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

125 sugarpie & 139 Poteet: Well, you know, losing a woman who’s as bitchy and meanly sarcastic as I am could drive any man to desperate measures. (Yeah, I’m quite the catch.)

Seriously—dude should have been drinking champagne and toasting his good luck instead of trying to ruin my life for three months. That’s what’s crazy.
Jamus The Bartender
December 11th, 2009 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

Luann: Double win. A. An impending Christmas catfight, and 2. Tiffany’s talking like Batman in Arkham Asylum: A Serious House On Serious Earth.
FOOB/FC: Elly’s doing okay, but….>>
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQyCvttUcMM
In the above link, Thel Keane does a much better job gaslighting the kids, causing Jeffy to see fictional characters sitting on his toybox.
Mr. O'Malley
December 11th, 2009 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

9. Zemto. We had a fairly large earthquake in 1989 when everyone was using land lines, and all the phones fell off the surfaces they were on and went off-hook, and you couldn’t get a dial tone for hours. The phones did come back before the power for most people, though.

We had a small earthquake last year and everyone immediately tried to call their friend and say “Did you feel that?” so no one could get a cellphone connection, but the land lines were fine. If I could afford a cellphone I would probably keep the landline for that reason.

I would cut Mark Trail a little slack on one thing. In areas that are popular for camping they have stores out in the woods that are closed out of season. There was a case in Oregon a while ago where some people got lost on a snow-covered private road out of cell phone range and a man died trying to walk out for help, but if he had continued down the road there was a closed store stocked with food, fuel and a telephone (land line) that they could have broken into.

Not that it makes the rest of it any more believable.
Anonymous
December 11th, 2009 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

“Things are picking up?” I, for one, am amazed that there exists a male in the Funkverse not stricken by depression induced erectile dysfunction.
KarMann
December 11th, 2009 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

@Alan’s Addiction #52: FW: “…B. at the current death rate, Batuik will kill all off of his senior characters within five years, leaving him twiddling his thumbs for twenty years as he waits for the younger generation of characters to reach cancer-appropriate ages.”

We should be so lucky. Nope, Batiuk would just sock us with another time jump, straight to when Cory, Summer, Keira, et al. are about the right age to start getting cancer, returning from overseas captures, and all the fun stuff which makes it ~~Funky~~ Groovy.
Jake Morgendorffer
December 11th, 2009 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

Wait… if Margo is loaded, what excuse will they have for her putting up with not even one but TWO idiot roommates? I don’t care how expensive it is to live in the city, Margo’s a born misanthrope… How long until she kicks her friends to the curb and consigns them to a live spent commuting in from the boroughs?
mollificent
December 11th, 2009 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

#146 Mayzshon: I burst out laughing at your post. A few years ago my friend and I were hired to play a house concert for a party by a lovely couple. When we arrived with instruments in tow, the door was answered by the husband, looking fetching, in a dress, heels, earrings and tasteful makeup. It turned out it was a party for a group of men who like to discreetly and privately dress as women (some of them with wives in tow). The host’s name was Wilbur/Willa. Last names, obviously, shall be withheld to protect the fabulous. :)

It was, hands down, the most fun gig I have EVER had. They treated us like royalty, fed us, plied us with wine, and put out a tip jar on top of the money they were already paying us. My partner even promised to wear a kilt next time so he wouldn’t be the only man in pants. *grin*

#154 b.b.u.: Hey! Watch it–I don’t stand for people talking about my friends that way. Even themselves. ;)
Aviatrix
December 11th, 2009 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

VALIS, I really appreciate that tidbit from fark. Sadly, none of that half are on the design teams for automatic toilets, meaning that the toilets flush as soon as we stand up, leaving half of us waving our hands at the sensor, trying to flush the toilet paper.

It’s enough to make me break into an abandoned hardware store.
mollificent
December 11th, 2009 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

P.S. bourbon babe: Also, please ignore the beginning of my last post…such atrocious grammar! “…hired to play a house concert for a party by a lovely couple”? Ugh. I defy anyone to diagram that sentence.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
December 11th, 2009 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

160 mollificent: Don’t worry, part 1: I was actually trying to be more funny than self-critical.

Don’t worry, part 2: I almost never mix snarking and proofreading!
Joe Blevins
December 11th, 2009 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

Mark Trail runs like a man who learned how to run by looking up “running” in an encyclopedia and carefully studying the step by step diagram which accompanied the article.
Aviatrix
December 11th, 2009 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

Joe Blevins @164 for COTW!

When Mark told Rusty he was going to run to the store, I thought, “I’ll believe it when I see it,” and when he was indeed running the next day I took note, but in the back of my mind wondered why it was still strange. You have put your finger on it. Heel, toe, opposite arm, extend foot push now lift!
bats :[
December 11th, 2009 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

164. Oh, Joe, you say that like it’s a bad thing! I’ve stashed that panel away “for later” — you can never have too many Mark Trail “action shots!
queek
December 11th, 2009 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

160: d’aaaaaawwwwwwwwwww!
MrGuy
December 11th, 2009 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

Spider-Man: Today’s Spider-Man, in making fun of its own unoriginality and terrible dialogue, actually ends up less funny than usual somehow.
Buck Ripsnort
December 11th, 2009 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

Mopey Pete looks like he’s sitting at a bar more than a pizza parlor.

Ellie’s Pelvis (should definitely change the strip’s name to that): “This is where you brat’s CAME from, and I can put you right back IN!”
queek
December 11th, 2009 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

completely OT, but needed to share.

I forgot to pick up the traditional starch to go with dinner, so ended up making polenta for the first time, cooled it down in a snowbank for an hour, and then fried some slices. This seemed to prove the theory that anything can be tasty if you fry it and put enough salt on it. (honestly, the difference with “more than usual” salt was quite noticeable.)

Top Chef will most probably not be calling on me for Season 7.
Poteet
December 11th, 2009 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

# 154 bourbon babe — I really like laughing, and research now confirms that it’s excellent for one’s health, so for that reason alone, someone as funny as you is a good catch in my book. But apart from that, now that I think about it, anyone who carefully files the edges off kiddie aspirin to try to deceive someone may be his own worst punishment. It’s definitely creepy, but also quite pathetic. Okay, I’m done:-).
queek
December 11th, 2009 at 10:49 pm [Reply]

semi-OT: mollificent, I just finished re-watching your 3 CC-related youtube efforts, and I am reminded yet again that you fully and completely rock. Face of Venus, voice of an angel, and all that. Thankfully, unlike the arch-typical Venus de Milo, you have arms, which makes your harping a much easier endeavor. ;-)

(((mollificent)))
Aviatrix
December 11th, 2009 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

So bourbon babe, finish the story. Was the tampering obvious when you looked at the packet, or when did you realize? Were you afraid it might be poison? Did you call the police and did they tell you you were a looney looney lady?
Poteet
December 11th, 2009 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

# 170 queek — Hahaha! That was definitely my motto when I was a camp nature counselor and was cooking my way through parts of STALKING THE WILD ASPARAGUS and forcing little campers to taste the results. Only I depended on butter as well as salt.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
December 11th, 2009 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

173 Aviatrix: Short version because this is SO off-topic: I realized it after a couple days when I noticed how easy it was to push the pills through. The pills were a minor incident; there were repeated tire-slashings, other break-ins, profane stenciled vandalism graffiti about me covering the walls of the school at my first teaching job, letters to my principal, other car vandalism, late-night door poundings, a brick through a window, other apartment vandalism, bank theft—oh, and because he was a hunter and had multiple guns, the quite realistic fear that I was going to die of a shotgun blast to the face. (As for the police: At least in San Jose, CA, they “don’t get involved in domestic disputes.”)

It ended with my discovering him outside my new apartment, where I’d tried to secretly flee, and my screaming at him, then a restraining order, and then a couple friends of mine essentially giving him an ugly taste of his own medicine.

So, you know, a happy ending! (Seriously, it’s a pretty good story now, and I’m over it, but I’m glad it’s in my distant past!)
Aviatrix
December 11th, 2009 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

Geez, this husband thing works about as well for you as trying to relax does for Dick Tracy.
Mopey Jym
December 11th, 2009 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

=v= FW: I’m just assuming that Mopey Pete’s suave moves will extend his virginity another 26 years, thereby forestalling the whole statuatory rape thing up until he starts hitting on Summer’s out-of-wedlock granddaughter.

=v= A3G: I wonder whether Margo’s crimson-hued “blue Tiffany’s box” is mentioned in the will.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
December 11th, 2009 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

176 Aviatrix: Hee! Or as well as trying to play on the beach works out for Rusty. (I’m sure there are many more…)
bats :[
December 11th, 2009 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

170. queek: corn meal mush is called mamliga in Romanian. My folks used to make it to go with lamb stew. The leftover mush was poured into a loaf pan and then sliced and fried for breakfast the next morning.
If there was anything better than lamb stew and mamaliga for dinner, it was fried mamaliga and butter for breakfast.
If it worked out for you and you liked it, screw Top Chef. :)

175. bb,u: well, I guess, that Husband #2 was an improvement. Sort of. For a while. Maybe.
Okay, I got nothin’.
Mopey Jym
December 11th, 2009 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

=104= ZombieFoob (shermy glamrocker): Indeed, it is the fruit of her loins that makes Ellie’s pelvis so particularly menacing. I understand that Canada’s version of Hollywood is in negotation with Michael Patterson for the rights to his epic of meth addiction, Stoned Season.
sugarpie
December 11th, 2009 at 11:32 pm [Reply]

bats :[ 179 Fried mush for breakfast (with sorghum)! All of the sudden I’m 8 years old. We, of course, didnt call it mamliga, we called it fried mush. When I can be bothered to look back, it often seems I was raised in Hootin’ Holler.

bourbon babe, unbuckled I certainly wish you better luck with the next husband. Be sure to trot him out in front of everyone here and we’ll give you the thumbs up or down.

A friend of mine was married for a while to a Texas Ranger (who kept an absolute arsenal in the trunk of his Crown Vic). And when she finally tossed him out, one of his stunts was to sneak into the house and put a bag of quickcrete in the clothes washer. The tire slashings, bank fraud, etc. were met with the same reaction you got from every branch of law enforcement. Some sort of twisted version of redneck omerta.
commodorejohn
December 11th, 2009 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

#145 Niall – I first learned about Zardoz from the recap over at the Agony Booth. I don’t recall there being an orgy proper mentioned, but…there’s something much, much stupider, sex-wise. I won’t spoil it for you.
Poteet
December 11th, 2009 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

# 175 babe — Holy moly. But I like the “medicine” part.

Some people lose their minds when they lose relationships. A friend told me that his ex shoved dead sparrows up his tailpipe.

Of his car. Of his car.
zerowolf
December 11th, 2009 at 11:43 pm [Reply]

Actually the sign just says “Keep off Grass.” That leaves a whole range of drugs wide open for experimentation.
queek
December 11th, 2009 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

183: I’ll be waiting for the MT Sunday strip involving *that* use of sparrows! *rofl*

179: yeah, took the recipe off the side of the Quaker Corn Meal container as “corn meal mush.” Running back to the computer and googling “polenta” and frantically parsing results before the water boiled lead to adding some parm/asiago mix that was taking up space in the fridge, thus “elevating” the result. :-)

174: mmmmmmm, butter. :-)~~~
bourbon babe, unbuckled
December 12th, 2009 at 12:12 am [Reply]

181 sugarpie: Next husband? In the immortal words (sort of) of Louis Prima:
I said there’ll be no next husband
That was the last husband for me.

All this polenta patter has gotten me hungry…. Hmmm…. I have a half-bag of grits; how weird would it be to whip up a batch at 11:15 p.m.?
Mardou Fox
December 12th, 2009 at 12:17 am [Reply]

187. Sounds pretty good to me. Hey, how about trying some curd on those grits??
Mardou Fox
December 12th, 2009 at 12:19 am [Reply]

186…. oops, I meant….. 186…. not 187… but you knew that.

Geeze, it’s been a long day. I can’t wait to see what new Elrod madness awaits us tomorrow.
sugarpie
December 12th, 2009 at 12:27 am [Reply]

bourbon babe, unbuckled; 186. Any time is the right time for grits. Leftovers are to be treated as outlined by bats :[ 179, above. Once said grits are cooled overnight in a loaf pan, they can be sliced and given a quick dip in beaten egg, then sauted in a butter-drenched skillet.

If only leftover husbands were as easy to get rid of as leftover grits…
bourbon babe, unbuckled
December 12th, 2009 at 12:30 am [Reply]

189 sugarpie: Well, if you could improve a husband by dousing him in butter and cheese, I’d probably still be married, too!
Sister Sestina
December 12th, 2009 at 12:50 am [Reply]

170 queek : Memories! Polenta made to go with chicken or fish “paprikash” (which the Dalmatians construed as meaning stewed with tomatoes, peppers, garlic and onions); the next day, the leftover polenta cut up and sauteed with onions. Always better the second day, my mother would say (and quite correctly too).
Baron Von Foobenstein
December 12th, 2009 at 12:50 am [Reply]

FoobKu:

Oversized momma
Towers over the children
“My vagina speaks!!”

Seek not thy presents!
Thou shalt perish horribly!
The Pelvis of Death!

Shrill, bitchy Elly
University dropout
Stuck with rotten kids.

Behold my pelvis!
It will crush you like walnuts
If you search closets!
Joe, Upper-Evergreen Guy
December 12th, 2009 at 12:57 am [Reply]

#22 bourbon babe, unbuckled: Nah. Both foob-ites were hatched.
Dicky
December 12th, 2009 at 1:06 am [Reply]

52, Alan’s Addiction: There’s always testicular cancer. And as per http://info.cancerresearchuk.org/cancerstats/incidence/age/index.htm , leukemia for the kiddies and young adults, lymphoma and testicular cancer for teens and young adults, and melanoma as a gateway to aging for them before they go into the other elder cancers and diseases.

119, Dingo: It’s just not a thread without a graphic demonstration of your essential purity and virtue.
Poteet
December 12th, 2009 at 1:17 am [Reply]

12/12

FW — Ewwww. I’ve seldom become so nauseated so fast. Montoni’s — if the pizza doesn’t make you sick, the customers will.

MW — So why was Abby “amazing”? Because she was willing to copulate with Wilbur? Okay, I”ll buy that.
mollificent
December 12th, 2009 at 1:18 am [Reply]

#172 queek: *blushing* oh wow. thanks so much! I really appreciate your enjoyment. And yes, having arms helps. Though I did talk to a customer yesterday who has lost the tips of his fingers–I showed him how to place his hands so the stubs can still play the strings perfectly effectively. That was pretty amazing. :)
Dr. Pill
December 12th, 2009 at 1:27 am [Reply]

The original FOOB ended before Michael could write is fourth book, a memoir, “Menacing Pelvis: Growing Up Under the Threat of a Forced Return to the Womb.”

DtM: Joey’s parents must have sent him to private school, what with the sweater/white shirt/long pants combination. He’s certainly got the private-school sneer down: “I can’t believe I still hang around with a simpleton who cannot grasp the meaning of a simple sign. Moron.”

BBlues: Darryl gets earthy about having to listen to insipid kiddie music. Go Darryl!

Apt. 3G: If Margo did inherit a bunch of money, then she can become 3G’s version of Mary Worth: income secure, she spends her days hanging around the pool interfering with everyone else’s lives. Next: the Mary-Margo smackdown!
spazmodeas
December 12th, 2009 at 1:49 am [Reply]

Reheated FOOB: I would have forgiven this strip much if Ellie had started doing the Time Warp. (again)
Steve the Pocket
December 12th, 2009 at 2:07 am [Reply]

@mollificent #142: Holy carp. Has Trudeau fallen prey to the dreaded “That thing you just made up turned out to be a real thing”? Heck, I didn’t even know GPS devices were designed to take third-party voice packs. But now that I know they are, and there are even people offering famous voices for them, methinks me needs to drop the good folks at Valve a line…
Steve the Pocket
December 12th, 2009 at 2:09 am [Reply]

…Come to think of it, any of the characters Ellen McLain voiced for their games would be appropriate.
Poteet
December 12th, 2009 at 2:21 am [Reply]

12/12 GA — Finally, sanity intrudes. It would be nice if Rufus had a cat carrier, but at least he’s trying to do the right thing.
commodorejohn
December 12th, 2009 at 2:37 am [Reply]

#199 Steve The Pocket – Oh man. I would pay so much money for that, and I don’t even use a GPS…
Ed Dravecky
December 12th, 2009 at 3:22 am [Reply]

(to the tune of “Walking in Memphis”, with sincere apologies to Marc Cohn)

Put on my blue knit toque
And I boarded the plane
Touched down in the land of the Maple Leafs
In the middle of the comics page
Brian Mulroney — won’t you look down over me
Cause I got a nightmare vision
Of maternal ReFOOB anatomy…

Ellie’s menacing pelvis
Looks to be feet ten feet off of the floor
Ellie’s menacing pelvis
Must I really read this anymore?

Saw the ghost of Farley
On Milborough Avenue
Followed him up to the Patterson’s doorstep
Then I watched him walk right through
Now the kids they did not see him
They just gaped at their mother’s womb
It’s a horrifying thing
Just contemplating
It’s as big as their dining room

Ellie’s menacing pelvis
Looks to be feet ten feet off of the floor
Ellie’s menacing pelvis
Don’t wanna read this anymore…
KarMann
December 12th, 2009 at 3:34 am [Reply]

I think Saturday’s PBS is a dead giveaway that Pastis has been reading this blog, in case there had been any doubt. And I love it!
Ed Dravecky
December 12th, 2009 at 3:57 am [Reply]

ARGH! “Looks to be feet ten feet off of the floor” should be “Looks to be at least ten feet off of the floor”.
Baka Gaijin
December 12th, 2009 at 6:17 am [Reply]

#204 KarMann: My first thought, too.

Mary Worth:

“I did know your ‘mother’ in college. Fanny bandits we were, actually, until that fateful May day in Junior year when someone left a beautiful baby on his stoop. From then on, he wore dresses and makeup to provide you with the mother you otherwise would not have. I hope this explains a few things, like why your mother never got a camel toe wearing ‘her’ workout leotard.

I soon ~~kidnapped~~ was left with a baby, too, but like a Disney movie, I told my daughter that her mother was dead. I lived my life, such that it is, as man, my daughter none the wiser of my sexuality.”

Apartment 3-G, panel 3: Margo’s smile can only come from envisioning her future harem of identical blond haired white guys not wearing scarves or facial hair.

Archie: I’m getting this squicky Mary Kay Letourneau vibe from that picture of Miss Grundy in Jughead’s room.

Spiderman:

Sally Forth, panel 3: Sorry, Ted, even in bed with a “woman,” you still look like a fruit.

Mark Trail: A giant eletrolytic capacitor in the middle of the woods. How Spiderman.

Brevity: Worth a look today.

Rose is Rose: OK, somewhere on the mothering scale between Rose and Elly Patterson is where mommas need to be. Except Momma who she should be between 6 and 7 feet under.
Charles
December 12th, 2009 at 6:59 am [Reply]

I initially thought Mopey’d get punished by developing cancer of the wee-wee, but then I remembered that in Funkyworld, cancer’s not punishment, it’s validation.
Bryan
December 12th, 2009 at 8:52 am [Reply]

Phantom: The way the Phantom keeps popping up in his strip reminds me of that bit from The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra.
Dr. Roger Fleming: Sorry, I’d love to stay, but I have a skeleton to bring to life.
Skeleton: That would be me!
queek
December 12th, 2009 at 9:17 am [Reply]

204: “and a nice pair of pants for Ziggy”

GT: Gil runs the Wildcat! (which, it should be noted, is not that far off from the antiquated Single Wing that he pulled off the last two seasons.)

A3G: who is this smiling, hugging person, and what has she done with Margo?!?
dreadedcandiru2
December 12th, 2009 at 9:19 am [Reply]

Sunday Unfunnies:

ReFoob: Elly and Anne Nichols share a good laugh as they both admit to being woefully under-prepared for the Holidays; that’s because they know that theyèll get to stand around bellowing about being overworked while sidestepping questions from their husbands about what they did with all the time.

Funky Winkerbean: Funky confesses to have witlessly offended and humiliated Holly at a social gathering.

Curtis: The titular hero comments on the fact that the musical group singing at the Church are hardcore gangsta rappers on work release.
Écureuil Écumant
December 12th, 2009 at 9:19 am [Reply]

MT: Marvelous self-deprecatory humor today, as Mark notes “That looks like an old jack” while staring at the Jackelrod ball. Wal, we ain’t all spring chickens no more, nosirree.

And @206 Baka Gaijin: Man, is that the spittin’ image! He could charge that sucka’ up with his car battery, touch one end to the rear axle and the other to the wet sand, and Rusty’s total-body seizure would instantly pop him out like a cork from a champagne bottle.
Écureuil Écumant
December 12th, 2009 at 9:25 am [Reply]

MT again: And frankly, that “jack” looks a lot more like a pre-pneumatic industrial grease gun. Which would actually work pretty well too.

On Mark’s hair.
Écureuil Écumant
December 12th, 2009 at 9:36 am [Reply]

MW: Giella does a laudable job of depicting a puter keyboard today. On the other hand (so to speak) it wasn’t so long ago he gave Mary six fingers. The better to meddle you with, my pretty!
gleeb
December 12th, 2009 at 9:40 am [Reply]

‘bean: Mopey Pete, already completely unlikeable a character, ramps up the repulsion. Of course, since her father is Creepy Les, Summer will probably find this charming by comparison. “Wow, at least he’s not a blood relative!”

Driver, CSI!: Gloria seems…stimulated by the mention of baggies and rubber gloves.

Mark: Having crossed the line into the realm of lawbreakers, Trail will have to grow whiskers and start either poaching or smuggling.

Rex: They were supposed to be away for even longer? Man, I should have gone to cartoon medical school.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
December 12th, 2009 at 9:41 am [Reply]

MW: Well, I got my morning squick: Wilbur’s palsied, stubby, pale fingers hovering inexplicably over the keyboard, with his (definitely not menacing) pelvis almost in view.

JP: Given where Steve’s going in panel 1, Gloria’s sly smile certainly makes sense. Sam, totally absorbed in his own dickishness, won’t even notice.

Hey, maybe Sam thinks that “dick” for “detective” means that if he’s playing at investigator, he gets to be a royal asshat to everyone. That would certainly explain his enthusiasm.

FC: No, Billy, ~~your elderly chattel~~ Grandma is weeping because she’s thinking, Free at last! Thank god almighty, we’re free at last!

A3G: For the moment, Margo is content: She has the inheritance, she has the sympathy, and she has Tommie at home cleaning the bathroom.

BB: No, that’s her “I can’t believe I wasted my life in this fucking comic strip” face.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
December 12th, 2009 at 9:48 am [Reply]

197 Dr. Pill, re: Margo: Would Margo be a meddler? That would indicate an interest in other humans that seems uncharacteristic of her. Perhaps she’d hang around Charterstone sneering at people?

203 Ed Dravecky: Excellent!

211 Écureuil Écumant: I thought the same thing; is it wise for Mark to insult his omnipresent Creator that way?

Mark’s a big fan of obeying the law, of course, but it seems a bit excessive for him to be weeping over his own malfeasance in panel 2. Don’t cry, Mark—the old Jackelrod ball will absolve your sins.
Numbat
December 12th, 2009 at 9:55 am [Reply]

12/12

#204 KarMann – I also thought that when I saw it. PBS for the big win.

Luann – Thongs? As in G-strings or flipflops? Two very different animals and – strangely enough – it is important to differentiate when selecting one’s attire for the day.

MT – Glad to see that Mark noticed the jack and didn’t even consider looking for something which he might be less likely to break – like a shovel. I can see it now – he returns to the car with the jack, breaks it and has to run back to the store to get another. This could go on for some time but at least it will provide him with plenty of opportunities to speak emphatically.

FC – I know why Grandma is crying – she can see her opportunity for freedom and is crying tears of joy for soon she will be able to shuck off the burden of having to pander to the melonheads and will be free to experience normality again. That is if the melonheads don’t slip into hunting mode and bring her down before she can escape.
Écureuil Écumant
December 12th, 2009 at 9:57 am [Reply]

RMMRSA: Rex and June got back to port three days early? Musta been a hell of a tailwind. And since the last time we left them onboard, they were sailing into the sunset and planning on makin’ bacon — musta cut the foreplay short considerably.

Also, Brook came in through the dog door? Boy, deflatable implants come in mighty handy at times. You’d never catch her stuck under a rear axle.
Baka Gaijin
December 12th, 2009 at 10:01 am [Reply]

#211 Écureuil Écumant: A capacitor the size of a garbage can hooked to the Country Squire wagon? I’m thinking the fireball will be visible from Des Moines.
CanuckDownSouth
December 12th, 2009 at 10:17 am [Reply]

When Judge Parker completely ignores the rules of evidence, it’s somehow less annoying than this mangled, ham-handed attempt to kinda sorta show they’re aware there are *some* rules to follow. Chain of custody, people! Sheesh!
One-eyed Wolfdog
December 12th, 2009 at 10:25 am [Reply]

Between Friends: It’s fabulous to be a forty-something woman because…
…people in the same demographic will mindlessly read your witless, artless comic strip out of simple tribal solidarity.
One-eyed Wolfdog
December 12th, 2009 at 10:31 am [Reply]

H&J: HA HA HA HA HA HA! Good one, Bentley!
jerseygull
December 12th, 2009 at 10:50 am [Reply]

Searching for presents
Instead we see our mother’s
menacing pelvis.
bats :[
December 12th, 2009 at 11:10 am [Reply]

203. Ed Dravecky: this is one of my favorite songs, and I don’t even mind that you mucked with it…well done!
Jimmy
December 12th, 2009 at 11:41 am [Reply]

When I first saw this Funky strip, I thought I was watching two L-words flirting with one another. That’s L for lesbian, not lymphoma. Oh, wait…
Brick Bradford
December 12th, 2009 at 11:43 am [Reply]

A3G Margo shows human warmth and gratitude. Mayans now believe world will end in December, 2009.

MT Add your own punchline after last panel.

S-M I have no words. It’s like they’ve been reading us here and thought, “They think this strip is stupid? WE’LL show ‘em stupid!”
Peanut Gallery
December 12th, 2009 at 11:59 am [Reply]

#91 Me: Wow, I called it… Ol’ Jackelrod is just messing with our minds now.
AMC
December 12th, 2009 at 11:59 am [Reply]

A3G – Margo feels for a soft spot to stick the knife.
AMC
December 12th, 2009 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

MT – “That looks like an old jack! It’s browned with age, but the splatter and dribble pattern under the pin up calendar are unmistakable!”
zerowolf
December 12th, 2009 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

Luann: Is having a giant penis head hairdo part of your clues for the clueless program, Tif?
zerowolf
December 12th, 2009 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

MW: Wow, Wilbur must be a superhero in one hell of a damn good disguise. His fingers just hover over the keyboard and the keys press themselves.
zerowolf
December 12th, 2009 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

Barney Google: The bestiality joke just writes itself.
zerowolf
December 12th, 2009 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

DtM: Finally he does something menacing by giving Santa the stink finger.
Snicker
December 12th, 2009 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

I was worried Mark Trail’s current storyline, given the lack of human antagonists, would come up short in Mark’s Right Hooks of Justice. I’m relieved to see that, through the magic of clever writing, Mark has the opportunity and impetus to put his fist through a plate glass window.
mollificent
December 12th, 2009 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

#199 Steve: Not sure, but I think the custom voices have been around long enough for Trudeau to have got wind of them. No Scottish accents yet, alas *sigh*.

#203 Ed: AUGH!! I love that song! AUGHH!!!!!

#209 queek: LOL! Good memory! (That’s right, you did just watch it…)

Shamelessly self-promoting reminder to everyone: Follow my name link and click on “Twelve Days of Comics” for a seasonally appropriate Comics Curmudgeon tribute penned by our very own ChattyGenes! :)

Saturday:

A3G: Others have already snarked this perfectly; I have nothing to add. But I feel it must be acknowledged. ;)

Luann: *jaw drop* OK, now Evans is just screwing with us.

MT: OK, all together now: “IT IS RUSTY!!”

(Yes, I know that joke’s already been used here. I just can’t help it…it called to me.)

MW: Hover typing sure is catching on these days. Kids and their newfangled peripherals!

Mutts: Isn’t it just? *sigh*

OBH: *wild applause* Yay Ruthie!

PBS: We love you too, Stephan. *big hug*

RwO: This is eerily true. I was NOT among the most popular kids in my high school by any stretch (though winning a statewide talent competition my senior year did wonders for my reputation, it didn’t particularly make the “cool kids” want to hang out with me). And yet, people who barely acknowledged my existence in high school are now some of my most enthusiastic FB friends. And you know what? Some people may call bullshit on that; I call maturity. I can look back and feel ashamed at some of my own behavior back then (boy, can I *shudder*), so why not others? I don’t think that friending someone on FB that you weren’t actually close friends with before is such a bad thing. I know not everyone feels that way about it, but…hell, I’ll take all the friends I can get as long as they’re sincere.

/soapbox ;)
queek
December 12th, 2009 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

Love Is. . . . .Cowboy bondage role-play.

yeeeeeee-haw!
commodorejohn
December 12th, 2009 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

A3G – What the…!? Money does strange things to Margo.

Curtis – What is this, Funky Winkerbean?

FC – Is that a rhetorical question? Who would enjoy a visit to the Keane household?

FW – You know, maybe this isn’t so creepy after all. The average Winkerverse lifespan has to be somewhere around 40, so Summer’s nearly over the hill.

GT – “Taking the snap in what looks like a shotgun?”

JP – *facepalm*

MT – Surely the old jack will do a better job than the new one!

MW – Really, is it that hard to draw an actual computer keyboard?

PBS – Where do I sign up?

Pluggers – Pluggers are losing their memory.

RMMD – I love her already.

SF – Ted Forth: a man with a dream.

SM – So Sandman can be sucked in in a few seconds, but it’ll take him over a year to get out? NO. JUST NO.

Edison Lee – is turning into Pluggers. This should represent a marked improvement.
commodorejohn
December 12th, 2009 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

Menacing pelvis
Holds a set of withered and
Drooping labia.
mollificent
December 12th, 2009 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

#238 cj: AUGHH!!!!
One-eyed Wolfdog
December 12th, 2009 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

Rose: You say “a mom”, I say “brain-damaged”, who knows where the truth lies.
queek
December 12th, 2009 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

238: could be worse
Muffaroo
December 12th, 2009 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

9CL – So now we’re going to meet Herr Kapitan Swanstücker von Grössenschlang und seiner kleine Kapitan.

Curtis – I was going to suggest this when it looked like Barry was going to spill junk all over the paper, but I’d said something just like it recently in regards to Zits, when Jeremy was absurdly worried about losing what must have been a mere printout of a paper he’d written. So, has anybody done one yet where the dog ate the flash drive the homework was on? Any bets on who and when? (Not Marmaduke. He has too much respect for computers, without which he couldn’t order pizzas on the internet.)

Dick – “I could kill you!” “…But I’ll just wait until you inevitably get your flowing locks entangled in some kind of machinery two or three months from now.”

Hägar – I’ll bet it’s been years since Helga tasted that kind of salt.

Judge – “Baggies and rubber gloves all the way, Jim!” “…But enough about my private life. Let’s get back to this note.”

Mark – “That looks like an old Jack.” Mark, you’re not supposed to see the jackelrod ball, let alone read it! Damn it, go back and try again. Missed by three hours!
Muffaroo
December 12th, 2009 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

Mary – “Mr. Evans, your mother was an AMAZING girl, but I’m pretty sure nothing we did could have ever led to a… I mean, sure we… well, she was great at… excuse me for five minutes, there’s something I need to do just now…”

Phantom – And by “the enemy you’ve made,” she’s clearly referring to the aptly named “Sir Not-Appearing-In-This-Strip,” [inset].

R=Bleeding Demented – By this time, in the real world, she’d be living out of a shopping cart in an alley and throwing cats at passers-by.

Snuffy – Lukey, Miz Snopes isn’t really pregnant! That’s just an easily debunked rural legend!
Muffaroo
December 12th, 2009 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

bourbon babe @110 – Yeesh! You’re well rid of that one.

Niall @115 – You’re not entering Canada from the US, are you? Watch out for the looney US border guards, if so. They just beat up and busted a science fiction writer for not cringing enough. Kind of discouraging, as I’d been thinking of renewing my passport so I could drive through Canada and save four hours off a trip to the You Pee some time.

mollificent @117 – In 1984, wife and I were considering out first real computer (having tested the waters with a TS 2068). We looked at the Macintosh, which interested me a good deal. Ultimately, we went with a color computer with a better-known manufacturer, more support, and therefore, a better future: the PCjr.

Écureuil Écumant @130 – Now I’m wondering if Mark threw that barrel through the window to break it, or if he was just fighting with his reflection.

Poteet @139 – Ah, but did you climb trees while wearing a cape? There’s the real test. (I didn’t, because we didn’t have any climbable trees near our house, and because it never occurred to me to make a cape and wear it until I played a villain in a play, and that’s different.)

@174 – Sounds sort of like my breakfast cereal line, “Weedies with milk, eggs, and toast give you all the nutrition of milk, eggs, and toast” –> “Fried X with butter and salt gives you all the delicious flavor of butter and salt!”

sugarpie @181 – Kerrville cartoonist Ace Reid (“Cowpokes”) did a book of his panel cartoons alternating with recipes from various folks. H. Allen Smith contributed a piece on fried mush where he mostly rambled about eating it as a kid and mentioning that Hank Ketcham made pretty good fried mush. Ultimately, he passed on giving a recipe at all, stating “hell, anybody can make fried mush!” No wonder H. Allen Smith is one of my top favorite writers.
tb4000
December 12th, 2009 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

Curtis: I KNOW that little motherfucker didn’t purposely crash his own brother’s laptop so he’d fail. If so, he just crossed over from annoying little brother to grade a asshole.
odinthor
December 12th, 2009 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

Ballard St. — Hm. I have a retirement plan that’s the equivalent of a dog balancing on one toe too. Small world!

BeBa. — No, I think it’s the “I found the Victoria’s Secret™ catalog stashed under your boxers” scowl.

C-Shaft — I know that I always snack on firewood when I get back from the dentist; but I thought it was just my own thing.

FB. —

I’m ooohing and aaahing from a safe distance!

That you are, Fred! Maybe you can use the time alone to come up with a joke for your strip today!

Garfield. —

Oh, Jon, you don’t have to get me anything!

Jon—the correct response to this is, “Great! I love cheap wimmin!”. Guaranteed to bring more excitement into your life!

GT. — Dear Santa Claus: The characters in Gil Thorp live every day with the distressing disability of having perfectly flat asses. This hurts them when they sit down, and minimizes their chances for real success in the porn industry. Could you please deliver them multiple copies of Five Effective Exercises for your Glutes, and How They Grew!? Thank you. Yr. Ob’t Servant, odinthor.
One-eyed Wolfdog
December 12th, 2009 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

6Chix: It makes my life more tolerable if I just imagine she went to University of Washington, or Wisconsin, or something.
Baka Gaijin
December 12th, 2009 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

#241 queek: Yes, it could be worse.
Menacing pelvis
Holds a set of withered and
Drooping labia
On an evilscaryclown.

AAAAhhh! QLUNQ! [baka scared himself]
Baka Gaijin
December 12th, 2009 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

#245 tb4000: Maybe Elly can suck Curtis’ baby brother into her vagina. Would that make you happy?
commodorejohn
December 12th, 2009 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

#241 queek – If anybody’s hoo-hoo is fanged and all-consuming, I think it’s probably Cathy’s.
kkarenb
December 12th, 2009 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

246 odinthor – I didn’t get Crankshaft at first until I remembered that yesterday Cranky gave the neighbor the hard-as-rocks cookies. He must have broken a tooth on them. Holy crap, I just wasted several minutes thinking about Crankshaft.

Polenta – I made polenta once several years ago – I liked it but the family didn’t. They still have a very awful name for it. The version I made was kind of mushy – too bad I didn’t keep it and fry it the second day – that sounds delicious.
mr 12 oz can
December 12th, 2009 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

no reason for mark to hurry back .he can always go to the island of dr moreau and have deer legs sewed on rusty .can joe giella ever do one week in a row with the background art being right . hes gone from nothing on the desk to a plant being on the desk noteholder on the left noteholder on the right . drapes open drapes closed mysterious daughter there then shes gone all in the time of reading one letter
TheDiva
December 12th, 2009 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

Curtis: Judging by the look on Barry’s face, he spent all afternoon downloading every virus he could find onto Curtis’ laptop. I wouldn’t put it past the little bastard, anyway.

FW: Somewhere on YouTube, there’s an old educational film called “Girls Beware” which states that guys who hit on much younger girls do so because no girl in their own age group would have them. While this is almost certainly an oversimplification, I’m sure they’ve hit the nail on the head with Mopey Pete here.

Luann: Is there a way this strip hasn’t insulted Australia this week?

MW: I’m sure by Wilbur’s standards any female willing to touch him, let alone procreate with him, is an “amazing girl.” And Wilbur, please put yourself in Abby’s shoes–would you want you as a father figure for your child?

PBS: Here here!
Peanut Gallery
December 12th, 2009 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

Mark Trail In Hell

OH, NO! A deer jumped in front of the car! Well, I’ll just swerve off the road onto the beach…

OH, NO! We “busted” a tire! Well, I’ll just change it…

OH, NO! The jack slipped and Rusty’s trapped under the car and the tide is coming in! Well, I’ll just jack the car up again…

OH, NO! The jack is broken! Well, I’ll just run to that store for help…

OH, NO! The store is abandoned and locked up! Well, I’ll just break the window and grab that old jack…

OH, NO! I’ve cut my hand on all this broken glass! Well, I’ll just rip down these curtains and fashion a makeshift bandage…

OH, NO! Ripping down the curtain has disturbed a colony of ravenous vampire bats and they smell my blood! Well, I’ll just torch them with this handy flamethrower from the store’s surprisingly well-stocked weapons shelf…

OH, NO! Now the store is on fire and the flames are spreading to the forest! Well, I’ll just run down to the beach and try to signal a passing ship for help…

OH, NO! I’ve fallen into a deep tidal pool with slippery rock walls and I can’t climb out! Well, I’ll just tread water and I’ll be able to get out when the tide comes in and fills up the…

OH, NO! RUSTY!!
cheech wizard
December 12th, 2009 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

MT – Mark’s doin’ the right thing. This strip is now officially a Spike Lee joint. Which means the cops will show up, beat the living crap out of him and toss him in the can despite his protests that he’s not really doing anything wrong.

RM – Wait – Brook shows up at their house because she didn’t realize they were out of town, but then says she didn’t expect them back for another three days? The logic in this strip is like an MC Escher painting – maybe the stairs in their house run sideways as well.

Phantom – Yadda, yadda, yadda. Now that Diana has her butch haircut and flimsy prison garb, can we just cut to the hot womens’ prison mass catfight, please? Preferably with fire hoses.

MW – “Your mother was an amazing woman.” Well, yeah – dweebish college boys are always stunned to discover that a woman is actually willing to have sex with them. Forty years later, Wilbur still can’t get over it.
True Fable
December 12th, 2009 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

# 254 Peanut Gallery – “Mark Trail in Hell”.

THAT’S what I want to name the next fanfic I do of Mark Trail. Oh lord that is just plain wonderful.
commodorejohn
December 12th, 2009 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

Actually, when I think “Mark Trail In Hell,” I think of Sunday specials on the Lesser Stygian Imp.
queek
December 12th, 2009 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

257: I think I had that issue of Dragon Magazine once.
One-eyed Wolfdog
December 12th, 2009 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

Mark Trail in Hell? Why not? I hear they have a nice nature trail.
queek
December 12th, 2009 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

259: yes, yes they do
Uncle Lumpy
December 12th, 2009 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

cheech (#255) –

. . . can we just cut to the hot womens’ prison mass catfight, please?

Not yet! Hawa and Kay need to show up first. Um . . . undercover.
bats :[
December 12th, 2009 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

260. queek: dang! You beat me to it!
queek
December 12th, 2009 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

262: mass geekery is cumulative. :-)
One-eyed Wolfdog
December 12th, 2009 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

Yeah, thanks for spelling that out, queek. Somebody might have missed it.
One-eyed Wolfdog
December 12th, 2009 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

The more I look at MW the more I realize that uniform rectangular grids of identically-sized buttons make me angry.
cheech wizard
December 12th, 2009 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

261/Uncle Lumpy – But Diana can’t reveal she’s married to the Secret Decoder Ring Commander, so they’ll still have to assume she did something wrong. And punish her for being a bad, bad Diana.

This story line just keeps getting better all the time!
One-eyed Wolfdog
December 12th, 2009 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

Very angry.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
December 12th, 2009 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

MW: But… But—if Wilbur knew Abby well enough to consider her “amazing” and to get all determined and trembly just thinking about her, if they were that close, wouldn’t he have noticed when she disappeared for 7 months or more? Did she say she had to help out her mom at home and then never return? Did she come back to school, and Wilbur never asked any questions?

SM: But… But—if Sandman isn’t coalescing, how can he speak? Grains of sand don’t have vocal cords and can’t emit sound. The form and limits of Sandman’s abilities seem to be determined by the immediate exigencies of the “plot.”

….errrghhh…. sputter…..

Bad writing makes my thinky-parts hurt.
Miss Othmar
December 12th, 2009 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

Remember, Wilbur: What happens in the back seat of your roommate’s Chevette….
Artist formerly known as Ben
December 12th, 2009 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

12/12

DtM: Don’t flop-sweat now, Santa. This is one of the easy ones.

FC: Grandma is crying from the stench of that log PJ just dropped in his diapers. He would have to pick now, wouldn’t he?

MT: What on Earth is Mark throwing through that window? It looks kind of like a keg that some helpful frat left behind. It would be the height of irony if the life of Mark’s foster son were saved by littering.

MW: “She would have told me.” Yeah, that’s all the proof you need. Jeez, Wilbur, you might as well write out the tuition check right now.

Luann: Well, societal norms may prevent Evans from actually showing you bethonged teenage booty, but damned if he’s not going to go for the titillation anyway.

FW: I really hope Summer is flashing a tolerant, “lets make this tip good” smile, not one that shows she’s actually charmed. Mopey Pete is sending off a record-breaking number of red flags.

Archie: Jughead ignores the jiggling honey on his TV set in favor of his dog, but has a picture of Miss Grundy on his wall. Boy really likes ‘em mature, doesn’t he?

Phantom: “Um, no, I do not, in fact, know the kind of enemy I’ve made. Thanks for the visual aid, though.”

RMMD: The Morgans left their dog door unsecured while they went on the Cruise That Will Not End? They’re lucky it was just a mooching cousin (and all things considered she probably cost less than the housesitter they could have gotten) who broke in. 90% of crank-addicted burglars probably could have fit if they’d put their minds to it.

HtH: I can’t think of any snark that isn’t both filthy and highly regrettable, so I’ll move on.

DT: These two are so fun. They’re like Bart and Homer Simpson, with a hint of European polish.

Ziggy: Hey, Ziggy’s not dressed as an elf, so what is he doing so close to… Argh! Somebody call mall security!
Artist formerly known as Ben
December 12th, 2009 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

#265 1IWD,

That’s no ordinary keyboard. It’s part of that high-larious party game “Find the Spacebar.”
KarMann
December 12th, 2009 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

@AfkaB #270: Ziggy: To hell with the mall security, someone call Rat! That gnome isn’t wearing any pants!
AhClem
December 12th, 2009 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

#268 bb,u -
In the Spideyverse, there are no laws of physics, just suggestions of physics.
Andy L
December 12th, 2009 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

“I had just thought that I’d drop by the reading of Eric’s will because I enjoy a good will-reading. I had no idea that I would actually be mentioned in the will! “
bourbon babe, unbuckled
December 12th, 2009 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

273 AhClem: Makes sense—that goes along with the suggestion of character development, of super-heroism, of narrative, of logic, and of writing. All very NQR (Not Quite Right).
queek
December 12th, 2009 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

273: Comic Book physics is an old and established trope.
Poteet
December 12th, 2009 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

# 244 Muffaroo — No cape. But (and please pardon the OT digression), there was one wonderful maple. It was easy to climb and had two long sturdy parallel branches at about a forty-degree angle that were just the right distance apart for a kid to rest her full length on and feel the wind moving the tree. It had other kid-comfortable seats also. I bet I’m not the only one from that neighborhood who remembers that tree fondly (it was cut down because of disease years later). The creeks near our house had all been sent underground, and there was very little undeveloped land, but we did have the maple.

Okay, I’ll try not to go OT again for at least twelve hours or so:-).
zerowolf
December 12th, 2009 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

Lockhorns: And the only chairs he pulls out for your are electric…
Jason1981
December 12th, 2009 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

Curtis: Again, if his family is soooo poor–how the hell can they afford things like a laptop (even the “cheap” ones still cost a few hundred, right?) ?

No wonder he’s always wanting to buy things he doesn’t have money for– he must’ve learned it from his parents.
Écureuil Écumant
December 12th, 2009 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

A3G: Along with JP, conclusively proves that comic-strip guys named Tim just simply cannot get laid no matter how hard they try.
Écureuil Écumant
December 12th, 2009 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

(Sigh) Scratch that “JP” and replace with “RMMD”. No matter how hard I try…
bourbon babe, unbuckled
December 12th, 2009 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

277 Poteet: That was a lovely memory—go off-topic like that any time; it made me smile!
Gap-Toothed Starey "HOOOO!" Guy
December 12th, 2009 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

MT – There are a lot of things about Mark Trail that I find either irrationally irritating or incredibly awesome, depending on my mood — the random bolding, the lack of contractions, the talking animal butts, the hideous mutant children. But the one that’s really been slowly eating away at my soul over the past couple years is the need to qualify everything as “old.”

I expect to see the following dialogue, or something similar, emerging from the cloacal region of a gigantic, mutated tufted titmouse over the next day or three:

“I will take that old jack so I can get that old car off of RUSTY. OH NO! The old store has an old burglar alarm system!”
bourbon babe, unbuckled
December 12th, 2009 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

235 mollificent and Chattygenes: I hadn’t seen the video before, but: Yay! I’ll be humming all night!
Hibbleton
December 12th, 2009 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

A3G: Margo smiling is frightening. It’s like when the killer smiles in a slasher movie. I see foreboding doom.
Mooncattie
December 12th, 2009 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

More OT – a high-speed train trip from Frankfurt to Paris out the back window!

http://www.bahntv-online.de/btvo/site/index.php?s=1000&idwc=5

(for folks trying to, oh I don’t know, avoid grading papers or whatever!) :-)
bourbon babe, unbuckled
December 12th, 2009 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

286 Mooncattie: Must…. resist….. link……

Dammit. I’m as helpless as Sandman battling a vacuum cleaner: I just get sucked in!
Mooncattie
December 12th, 2009 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

It’s quite addictive – once it reaches the French border, it should really pick up speed!

MW – Well done, “Kurt”! You’ve enticed Wibur into replying. Now reel him in, nice and easy….

RMMD – Poor Rex hasn’t said a word in days, no doubt out of confusion and perhaps worry that he and June have accidently arrived in a Judge Parker storyline. I’m hoping that he’ll be slowly backing out the door on Sunday and stick with the tried and true “we’ll wait until the Sheriff gets here”!

Oooh! Passing through Lambrecht!
Aviatrix
December 12th, 2009 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

283 Gap-Toothed Starey “HOOOO!” Guy

I see it as Elrod being aware that everything he draws is as he remembers it from 1962. He knows the drawings are dated, but not wanting to learn how to draw a 7-11, fax machine, or one of those new “streamlined” automobiles, he just lampshades it by referring to it everything as old.
Perky Bird
December 12th, 2009 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

I don’t think Mark was smashing the store window to gain entrance. He probably saw his reflection in the glass, mistook it for a rival male, and instinctively attacked it.
Soccerhead
December 12th, 2009 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

12/12 GT: Panel 2: What’s with the purple hair on No. 61, and why does he have “69″ on his sleeve?
FW: So Mopey Pete is gonna see Creepy Les working at Montoni’s, and CL will remember when MP was on e of his students.
this should be interesting.
Then again, it probably won’t.
Mibbitmaker
December 12th, 2009 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

#242 (Muffaroo), re: 9CL — ……of Ulm.

9CL: Okay, now she IS a traitor….

Curtis: This week’s lesson — If you do the right thing, you’re screwed!

EC: “Everyone likes hip-hop.” I don’t!
……….post-1982, anyway……..

HotC: Curb your enthusiasm, kid.

H&J: One thing for sure — comic strip cartoonists don’t owe any of us money.

Luann: Lucky for her, Tiffany has the looks to make up for her misandry and xenophobia.

MT: “…and THAT looks like a police car. Sounds like one, too!”

MC: Suicide by friend?

RMMD: Dog door? It’s a wonder they’ve never been robbed by Nichole Ritchie!

PBS: Rat’s one of us, alright. I’m so thrilled and/or insulted!

Phantom: The enemy your warden made THINKS YOU’RE DEAD, MORON!

RMMD:
“I came through the dog door.”
“How was it?”
“rrrrrrrrRUFF!”
(*runs & hides*)
Alfred E. Neuman
December 12th, 2009 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

#290 Perky Bird— Snerk! Definitely a contender for COTW.
Muffaroo
December 12th, 2009 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

Alfred E. Neuman @293 – Would you consider “Now I’m wondering if Mark threw that barrel through the window to break it, or if he was just fighting with his reflection.” at 244?
Thomas B.
December 12th, 2009 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

@ 289 Oh too true.

I mean when was the last time you saw a store called “Groceries and Hardware?” And why does the word groceries appear in 200 point font while hardware is is in 8?

Also on “old things” look at the way Elrod drew a vehicle jack. Had Sasy not broke the damn thing Mark could have cleaned up at “Antiques Road Show. I bet he got it at Gimbels grand opening.
Thomas B.
December 12th, 2009 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

Isnt it just Mark’s luck to run to a Chick-fil-a only to realize that it’s Sunday?
Nefarious_Uno
December 12th, 2009 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

For a judge, Sam sure doesn’t know anything about the law.
Thomas B.
December 12th, 2009 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

Just read today’s MT and damn!

Most men would just hit the window with a rock, Mark throws a oil drum throught the window. Mark doesn’t do anything half assed. Execpt maybe care for Rusty.
Thomas B.
December 12th, 2009 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

MT

“That looks like an old jack.”

Older than the one you already had? Is it carved from stone? Did ye olde jack maker craft it to earn his way out of indentured servitude, or as a gift to the lord of his fiefdom?
MolyBendum
December 12th, 2009 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

I haven’t had time to really sit down and pore over the comics lately and make any decent comments the past week (I know, I know, try to keep the disappointed cries to a dull roar). But I am super-stoked that 3 days into my Facebook Experience I am friends with Mark Trail. Never in my wildest dreams….in so many ways.
Jason1981
December 12th, 2009 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

RMMD:

“I came in through the dog door. It was a real b*tch.”
dyslexic dog
December 12th, 2009 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

MW: So, really, whose disembodied hands are those doing Wilbur’s typing as he squats in his little kiddie chair in Panel 1?
And what kind of keyboard has only “enter” keys?

It seems that he is crouching in Panel 1, preparing for his jump in Panel 2, almost as if he knew what he was about to read. Actually, I am wholly impressed with the actor’s thespian skills. Kudos to the casting director!
Master Softheart
December 12th, 2009 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

9CL: Least surprising revelation in comics history: Juliette is the daughter of SS-Obergruppenführer Sepp Dietrich.
Wilbur
December 12th, 2009 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

My Dearest Son,

You have no idea how I have longed for this day! Me? A father? A father! (Well, to be honest I also have a daughter who lives with me, but she’s a girl, you know, so she only sort of counts. Her name is Diane, I think. Ha, ha!).

But forget about her because she is a big disappointment and sort of gets on my nerves. Lets talk about us. How soon can you come visit? I want to introduce you to all my wonderful neighbors and friends. As you must have guessed, I’m very popular. Just wait till I tell them about you. My boy. My very own son.

Or would it be better for me to come visit you for a few weeks instead? Yes, that might very well be best, since some of my neighbors will undoubtably be jealous of my great good fortune and may even start some trouble. One in particular, is ~~such a fucking bitch~~ very challenging around new people. She may even try taking you away from me. I’ve noticed her own family is very absent, Maybe that’s because she always smells like salmon and urine.

I will call Greyhound right now and book a one way ticket for tomorrow morning. You’ll find me at the station with no problems I’m sure. I’ll be the distinguished looking gentleman with the high forhead and piercing eyes. It will probably be like looking in a mirror for you, ha ha!

I cant wait to meet you. We have so much to catch up on.

Your most affectionate father,

Wilbur
Wilbur
December 12th, 2009 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

ps Even though I’m a famous writer, I’m not much of a speller, ha, ha.
Poteet
December 12th, 2009 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

12/13 PV — While I am happy that Val survived, and think it’s pretty cool that Ig is looking better every week, I wish this situation could have been resolved without the demise of Large Invertebrate, who was, in part, just defending her eggs from a clumsy schmuck who fell right on top of them. Fortunately, from the number of eggs, I suspect there are more of her around.
Niall
December 12th, 2009 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

244. Muffaroo: No, it’s an intra-Canadian flight, so airport security only. What’s this about a SF writer? Do you have a link?
bourbon babe, unbuckled
December 12th, 2009 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

304 Wilbur: Wow, Wilbur, I’m in no way related to you, but that letter even gave me the willies.
Poteet
December 12th, 2009 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

# 307 Niall — I used Google and found this:

http://www.boingboing.net/2009/12/11/dr-peter-watts-canad.html
bourbon babe, unbuckled
December 12th, 2009 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

307 Niall & 309 Poteet: I’m not taking sides, but here’s another perspective:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/12/12/AR2009121202730.html
sugarpie
December 12th, 2009 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

304 Wilbur Oooh, Wilbur. Too soon.
ChattyGenes
December 12th, 2009 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

mollificent@235 Thanks for the mention:-) I DID listen again, and I had Mr. CG watch it for the first time. He said (of you): “good-looking, great harp-work, great voice!” (He knows orchestras, instruments, and classical music. Didn’t really “get” my parody, though–he’s not into comics:-)

bourbon babe, unbuckled@284 Thanks!
Harry Pothead
December 12th, 2009 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

Joey’s sweater is one step above the ‘future prison bitch’ belly shirt that he had been wearing as of late.
mollificent
December 12th, 2009 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

#312 chatty: Yay! Glad he enjoyed it. Not my most polished harp performance, but I was having fun (and did manage to creakily pull off a couple of lever flips!).
bobberoo
December 12th, 2009 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

Mark could always dig Rusty out, but after trying to attack the sand with his fists, must have figured it couldn’t be done
cheech wizard
December 12th, 2009 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

If the sand is so loose it kept pouring back in around Rusty as Mark tried to dig him out, how does he expect to have a firm enough base to jack up a car using a hydraulic jack with a 4″ round base? The thing’s just going to go straight down in the sand, just like Rusty. He better look around for a good, thick piece of plywood as well.
Dr. Weird
December 12th, 2009 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

FW

There’s speculation that there will be a Summer/Mopey Pete relationship forming and it will lead to all sorts of horrible fallout, pregnancy, cancer,auto wreck, substance abuse, being taken hostage by militant Islamists, Dutch Elm disease…

But this overlooks LES, people! Star of the strip, who looks horrified whenever his daughter shows any bit of independence! I think there’ll be just a hint of a bad touch and he’ll go off on Mopey Pete, verbally and physically and use it as an excuse to be much closer to his daughter… and for extra horror, she’ll agree and say “You’re the only man I need in my life, dad.”
Comcis Fan
December 12th, 2009 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

FW: You see, this creeped me out because I figured Mopey Pete is a stand-in for Les/Batiuk, and because Mopey Pete and Summer look a bit too much alike.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
December 12th, 2009 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

316 cheech wizard: “He better look around for a good, thick piece of plywood as well.”

Why? So he can crack Rusty over the head and put him out of his misery?
Uncle Lumpy
December 12th, 2009 at 11:50 pm [Reply]

FW: What happened to Chien? She got a lot of buildup pre-jump.
Carbunicle
December 12th, 2009 at 11:56 pm [Reply]

Chien? There was a French dog before the jump? Oh, that funky Funky Winkerbean!
Rusty
December 12th, 2009 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

320: Chien found happiness and was asked to leave.
Thomas B.
December 13th, 2009 at 12:01 am [Reply]

12/11/09 ReFboFW

Look at the kids’ faces in panel 2. It’s like Mike is shooting Liz a look that says “Oh my God, is that pubic hair creeping out the top of her pants?” The look on Liz’s face is “My God you’re right. Jeeze mom, shave much.”
Buck Ripsnort
December 13th, 2009 at 12:04 am [Reply]

Saturday PBS: Rat on!
ElkMeadow
December 13th, 2009 at 12:20 am [Reply]

Put Pants On Ziggy has a Facebook page!

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?v=info&ref=nf&gid=231308471146

But Cue doesn’t: there is no justice in this world.
cheech wizard
December 13th, 2009 at 12:21 am [Reply]

319/bourbon babe – No, that would be a 2×4
bourbon babe, unbuckled
December 13th, 2009 at 12:31 am [Reply]

286 Mooncattie: Ha! Despite all your locomotive temptations, another class graded and done!

(And no A grades in this class—geez, and I thought I was going easy on them; guess I was wrong!)
Sister Sestina
December 13th, 2009 at 1:03 am [Reply]

Menacing pelvis
Presenting them the one box
They don’t want to find.
commodorejohn
December 13th, 2009 at 1:15 am [Reply]

Oh, do I have a Christmas present lined up for you people… =D
Poteet
December 13th, 2009 at 1:39 am [Reply]

12/13

CRANKSHAFT — If this is how C-S celebrates Christmas, I don’t want to be around if it ever does Good Friday.

FW — I don’t understand this, but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t put the comic in comic strip.

MW — “If I eat this entire box of cookies, on top of the two others I ate earlier, maybe I can keep fighting off the image of Dad having unprotected sex with…eww! eww! eww! More cookies! Must have more cookies!”
Sparky AKA Able Bodied Seaman Craggy Fjord
December 13th, 2009 at 2:04 am [Reply]

Sunday’s Slylock Fox? Is Cassandra flashing the Fox? There’s more wrong but …
Farley's Revenge
December 13th, 2009 at 2:08 am [Reply]

#323ThomasB.: Elly shaves her sheets, not herself.
Poteet
December 13th, 2009 at 2:12 am [Reply]

# 331 Sparky — It appears that Cassandra is flashing both the Fox and Max, but neither one is looking in the right direction. You’re right — that’s so wrong.
bats :[
December 13th, 2009 at 2:59 am [Reply]

Lots of good, spot-on information in the Sunday MT. Nice to see some of Mark’s home life.
Of course, I am compelled to f[oohlala]k around with it…
bats :[
December 13th, 2009 at 3:01 am [Reply]

329. commodorejohn: telling you that were a pack of Jehovah’s Witnesses isn’t going to stop you, is it?
bats :[
December 13th, 2009 at 3:03 am [Reply]

335. bats: we’re … we are…
Okay, time for bed.
Alfred E. Neuman
December 13th, 2009 at 3:15 am [Reply]

#294 Muffaroo— Oops, I missed your original post. I guess Perky Bird did, too. Fortunately, the ultimate authority, Josh, sees all. OK, Josh, I’ve officially switched my COTW nomination to Muffaroo’s Mark Trail post @ #244.
Kanomi
December 13th, 2009 at 4:04 am [Reply]

Foob Mom is pantsless and bush-positive in panel four. Where is the outrage. America – WHERE IS THE OUTRAGE?
Foolster41
December 13th, 2009 at 5:45 am [Reply]

FW: “Thinks are picking up” I think he’s talking about his penis.

DtM: I think Denise is confusing the police officer for a robot and his grass conundrum with “I alwaysr tell lies, everything I say is true.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5I5dfI4SyLg
He’s hoping the policeman will start sputtering “I- um-” over and over and break. Menacing but incompetent.
Foolster41
December 13th, 2009 at 5:50 am [Reply]

DT: Speaking of Netflix cues for the phantom, I think the crew of Dick Tracy finally got to see Eagle Eye.

RM: I like how Brook is posing like she’s in a beer ad or something. “Look at me, I’m hawt!”
Foolster41
December 13th, 2009 at 5:54 am [Reply]

@339 (me): “Denise”? I really need to check my spelling especially at almost 2amr. I meant “Dennis”, but feel free to pretend it was a intentional mocking.

Sorry for the triple post.
Baka Gaijin
December 13th, 2009 at 6:58 am [Reply]

Sally Forth: Hil, you’re justified in your terror: your gift is the amputated ears from Easter bunnies. Not the chocolate kind…Yes, Mommy’s been driven right over the edge in a cupcake car by your dainty-wristed father.

Drabble: You and Cathy would make an excellent couple. After a few years together they’d both be crying on Jerry Springer that the other partner got so fat after they got married and it’s not fair and then Irving the Scorned who Cathy was seeing on the side (ewwww) comes out and throws a chair at Drabble but it bounces off all his blubber into Honeybun the Former Fiance, sitting in the audience waiting for her cue to come up and cry because Drabble used to be so handsome and sexxxxy before that shrieking harpy got her hooks into him then Honeybun and Irving get into a fight and Irving moons the audience before Steve the Security Guy breaks it up. After the final break, Jerry reflects pensively, then looks at the camera and says, “Know when to push away from the table, don’t wait for the table to push away from you.”

My Cage: Great use of space bar, Ed.

Things I don’t understand:

Dagwood bringing home mini-Dithers.
Flossing a snowman.
Cats’ desperation to smell breath.

Things I understand:

Someone’s gonna Photoshop Beetle Bailey to accurately reflect Beetle’s final statement.
How the Duggars got started via today’s Baby Blues.
Dawn thinking she’s royalty by eating “Best Cookies” with her pinky pointing outward very civilly, just like the Queen. The Queen she saw while driving by the Santa Royale Aunt Charlie’s Lounge.
queek
December 13th, 2009 at 9:03 am [Reply]

SFx: CASSANDRA! (and now both Max and the Fox should be able to answer the “Longhair or Shorthair?” question. . . .)

Dumbest Sunday comment, Funky or Jeff T Shark?

RwO: heh. moose are inherently funny.

PBS: hehehehehe.
wossname
December 13th, 2009 at 9:05 am [Reply]

MT – Good for Jackelrod for covering this topic, even if this strip has been recycled every Christmas season since 1965. I am curious, though, about the lower left panel: Why is the kid holding out a taxidermed kitty for Mark to pet?

And about the kid — IS IT RUSTY? He looks too sideburnish for Rusty.

MW – “Drama unfolds in the Weston household,” the narration box tells us. The evidence of said drama consists of Dawn alone in the kitchen eating cookies she borrowed from H&J, and Wilbur alone at the computer demonstrating his gesturing/hand hovering style of typing.
Bryan
December 13th, 2009 at 9:27 am [Reply]

Mary Worth: Wait, Wilbur’s son is the Joker? Oh no, he got a message from a joker, not the Joker. My mistake.
True Fable
December 13th, 2009 at 9:46 am [Reply]

Had to do it: “Menacing Pelvis” to the tune of “Beauty School Dropout”.

Menacing pelvis
Towering over tiny kids
Menacing pelvis
Looks like your figure’s hit the skids

Elly is a stylish doyenne at least that’s how she moves it
But she’s just a trashy hoyden with an M.R.S. to prove it

Menacing pelvis
Enlarging with each casserole
Like the late Elvis
Fitting through doors, her greatest goal

Well at least the kids could take the time
To wash and clean their clothes up
But like John they will discover
That she’ll only turn her nose up

Menacing pelvis
Elly’s misshapen body shows
No breasts and Mom jeans
Guess all that grows is just her nose

Well she’s screamed at John, the kids, the dog
and even whined at God –
Even the mutants at Milborough find her…..odd

Menacing pelvis
Go back to art school
Menacing pelvis
Go back to art schoooool…..
blammers66
December 13th, 2009 at 10:11 am [Reply]

Crankshank: Nice … two weeks before Christmas, and Batuik decides to kill Santa. “Hey, kids, I have this bad news for you …”
Pendragon
December 13th, 2009 at 10:52 am [Reply]

Phantom: I haven’t been able to keep up here — has anyone answered the question about why Kit and Diana’s kids have blond hair?

Slylock: Cassandra on the floor in a bathrobe. My day is complete.
Did I just say that out loud?
gleeb
December 13th, 2009 at 11:20 am [Reply]

Slylock: So, he and Max are just casually going about their business, peeking in windows?

‘bean: OK, Funky’s depressed, which makes sense and is pleasant to see, but his little story doesn’t explain why it’s cold in a place where, theoretically, they have a large oven lit all day long. I suppose it could be they just have a microwave and pallet-loads of frozen pizza. But that has nothing to do with a wedding.

’shaft: Oh, no! Retailers are suffering! Go out and buy crap, you proles!

Dick: “Psst! Kid! Slice of bread?”

Ballard St: Apart from the sheep, they’re all wearing the same suit. I think a company where the bosses wear uniforms and the workers wear whatever would be nice for a change.
Rusty
December 13th, 2009 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

FW: have the Sunday strips been dipped in a grey wash to reflect the characters’ angst? Every week there is a washed-out color on top of the panels, as if it was a movie shot through different filters on the lens.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
December 13th, 2009 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

MW: I would never have pegged Wilbur as an early adopter, but he’s clearly ahead of the curve with that Shape-Shifting Monitor.

More to be impressed by: that Wilbur can actually type with that freakish lobster claw of his in panel 3. Geez, did he actually touch Abbey with that thing? And still got lucky?

BB: Miss Buxley maximizes the attention to her charms by walking in slow motion wherever she goes.

FC: No, Billy, up yours.

JP: Poor Barretto—Drawing Gloria isn’t satisfying enough, so in the current male-centric plot, he has to throw in an androgynous-yet-busty chick cop.

MT: Oh—adopting from shelters! Cute (and realistically drawn) puppy! There’s almost nothing to snark on here. Well played, Elrod, well played. Celebrate by tossing another fish on to the fire!

(I do admit that I’m disappointed that the Trail Tree isn’t decorated with festive little animal heads.)
bourbon babe, unbuckled
December 13th, 2009 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

346 True Fable: Nicely done!
Thomas B.
December 13th, 2009 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

Muff of so much hair
is visable through her pants
children traumatized

ReFBoFW Haiku #119
mr 12 oz can
December 13th, 2009 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

its beginning to look alot like christmas because ANDYS BACK ANDYS BACK !!!!!!!
mr 12 oz can
December 13th, 2009 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

mark dancing with andy in the last panal worrys me because cherry has been waiting in bed with her ankles around her ears for the last hour
Joe, Upper-Evergreen Guy
December 13th, 2009 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

Sex Organ: “Hi. I’m Sex Organ, er, Rex Morgan. You invaded our house. You’re blonde with a nice rack. Let’s go bump uglies!!”

Luann: Way to go, Luann. You’ve given Mrs. DeGroot a non-breakable item to chuck at Toni.

Re-FOOB: Get ready for another week of congratulatory self-back-patting between SmElly and whats-her-face.

Smirky Cancerbean: What Funky isn’t saying is that Holly caught him and Cindy (his ex-wife) humping in the broom closet at the wedding reception….
Thomas B.
December 13th, 2009 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

Pelvis waived in face
they see mom not mom at all
son notices “nuts”

ReFBoFW Haiku # 121
Thomas B.
December 13th, 2009 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

Mark: “All of us need to love and to be loved during this holiday season Cherry…”

Cherry: “Oh my God Mark, do you mean we finally get to fu…”

Mark: “…and animals are no exception.”

Cherry: “Oh you mena with Andy. Mark, what you’re asking for isn’t natural. Besides Andy is too big and his clwas scratch my back.”
bourbon babe, unbuckled
December 13th, 2009 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

Possible quotes for today’s MW:

“We’re all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made.” —Dan Quayle

“She had an unequalled gift… of squeezing big mistakes into small opportunities. “—Henry James

“Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.”—Oscar Wilde

“A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she’s a tramp.”—Joan Rivers

“I’m not saying we won’t get our hair mussed.”—Gen. Turgidson, Dr. Strangelove
CanuckDownSouth
December 13th, 2009 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

#348-Pendragon I don’t think there’s been a formal search for an answer, because it doesn’t have to be mysterious. Both Kit and Diana could have recessive blond genes. That and chance = 2 for 2 on blond kids.
John C Fremont
December 13th, 2009 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

SFx – What a couple of boy scouts. There are naughty bits to be stared at, fellas! If I were there, I’d be looking up Cassandra’s robe, checking out the cleavage, getting slapped in the face and explaining to the police officer that I was just investigating a future crime and so not invading Cassandra’s privacy. Her sexy, sexy privacy.

MW – *”Vini, Vidi, Wilbur Weston!”

*Abby Evans, 1964

Best Cookies? Best Cookies? But they’re sugar free.

Wait. The clock says 9:24. If Wilbur had been unconscious since 7:30, his coffee would be cold by now.
Sister Sestina
December 13th, 2009 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

342 Baka Gaijin : Don’t know yet which comic you’re referencing but I do understand “Cats’ desperation to smell breath”. Cats do like to smell one’s breath, it’s a scent sampling of one’s identity — and lots less awkward than the canine equivalent of plunging nostrils in your crotch.
Thomas B.
December 13th, 2009 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

Cherry needs it bad
but Mark is oblivious
Andy one true love

-MT Haiku #241

Man and dog make fire
pour wine and play Barry White
Cherry sleeps alone

-Mt Haiku #306

adopted child Rusty
missing a chromosome pair
dog will bring his end

-Mt Haiku #115

old station wagon
fell off even older jack
way to go Sassy

-Mt Haiku # 124
bourbon babe, unbuckled
December 13th, 2009 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

326 cheech wizard: I imagine Rusty as being pretty soft-skulled, actually, perhaps with a vestigial fontanelle. So a 2X4 might not be necessary; a good, sharp stick should do the trick.
Karmyn
December 13th, 2009 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

Why does Mopey Peter look like he’s about 12? Is this some form of cancer unique to him?
And if Corey is supposed to be older than Summer, or at least he was before the time jump, why are they in the same grade? Surely even Corey is not stupid enough to be held back five years or so. Maybe he’s got that de-aging Westville cancer that Mopey Peter has.
Écureuil Écumant
December 13th, 2009 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

@342 Baka Gaijin, @362 Sister Sestina: Now what I don’t understand is why cats love to eat your earwax.

Meow Mix, now with more earwax!
Thomas B.
December 13th, 2009 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

typo in haiku #115

sfirst line should read
“adopted Rusty”

was editing original line of “adopted gnome child” and forgot to remove child when changed to rusty
Baka Gaijin
December 13th, 2009 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

#362 Sister Sestina: That’s referencing Rose is Rose. I guess I’ve been lucky that no cat has wanted to do that around me.
Lou Shumaker
December 13th, 2009 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

I wonder what explains why my grey cat loves to eat my ear plugs. Is it the smell of hot human wax?

Her love for it has forced me to hide them on my bedside table, especially after finding the after effects in the box. Urgh.
cheech wizard
December 13th, 2009 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

364/bourbon babe: If that’s the case, then perhaps even a sharp stick is unnecessary. Sassy should have finished the job and have his snout deep into the medulla oblongata by the time Mark returns.
wossname
December 13th, 2009 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

366 Écureuil Écumant and 369 Lou Shumaker – Cats? Ear wax? My cats have never shown any interest, but maybe I haven’t given them a chance. If you don’t have earplugs, how do you offer them this tasty treat? Surely not by inviting them to put their scratchy tongues in your ear???
ms. docweasel
December 13th, 2009 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

Mopey Pete’s skeezy grin and bedroom eyes as he delivers lame-ass pick-up lines make me want to punch him in the face for his smug confidence that he actually has a chance with any non-retarded, non- blind girl who hasn’t lost her face in violent chimpanzee tragedy, let alone one who is mildly attractive.

The next frame, which they omitted, shows her asking him if he’s going to buy anything, and if not, to get the hell out before she calls security. Once they see he’s already on the recently released sex-offender roll hitting on a minor, it’s off to prison again for Short-Eyes Petey.
Caroline
December 14th, 2009 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

What does Summer mean by “half right?” Does she mean she’s Darin’s half-sister, or that she’s Darin’s sister but her name isn’t Summer? Oh hell, this is Funky Winkerbean; she probably means she was born with half a body, & her legless torso is just propped up there on the bar in the hopes that she might get some use out of her soul-crushing waste of a life. Merry Christmas!

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