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I think you’re old enough to know

One Big Happy, 2/12/06

Yes, kids, it’s true: all those tchotchkes you bought your grandparents — all that crap you thought they treasured so much? Baloney. They didn’t want any of it, and only dragged it out when you came over to avoid hurting your feelings. And not because they actually cared about your feelings, but just because they knew you’d start squalling like a little baby, and if there’s one thing they earned by living through the Depression and fighting World War II and mortgaging themselves to the hilt to move to the suburbs and never once complaining when their kids started smoking dope and burning their bras, it was the right to not hear you cry, you little brat.

Also, those plastic-covered sofas in their living rooms? They had sex on those. Thus the plastic. Easy wipe-down.

My question for you in this One Big Happy: what exactly is Grandma doing on the computer in the rightmost panel of the second row? If it has something to do with a filthy, filthy browser history, my suspicions about life are all confirmed.

This entry was posted on Monday, February 13, 2006 at 11:03 pm and is filed under One Big Happy.

36 responses to “I think you’re old enough to know”

loudfan
February 13th, 2006 at 11:36 pm [Reply]

I think Grandma was trying to clear her browser cache so the kids wouldn’t see she was hanging out at the ihatemygrandchildren.com chat room.
Joe
February 13th, 2006 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

I think she’s checking her database for which stuff the arriving family members gave her, so she puts out the right crap.
Swany
February 13th, 2006 at 11:43 pm [Reply]

I have to go along with the browser cache.
Carrots
February 13th, 2006 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

She’s probably changing her background and screensaver from something normal to cute pictures of her eternally sad grandkids.
Jeff
February 14th, 2006 at 12:21 am [Reply]

I was wondering what that is on the table in the second panel on the bottom row. Is she hiding fake doggie poop under a “World’s Greatest Grandma” sign? That’s sick.
Zannah
February 14th, 2006 at 1:19 am [Reply]

Grandma’s got a spreadsheet of exactly what nicknacks each grandchild has given her, so she gets out the right ones.
winterbear
February 14th, 2006 at 2:32 am [Reply]

Granny was quiting her WebCam software so that the kids dont figure out she is “RosyToe” on http://www.ISpyGrandMasCamelToe.com
Eo
February 14th, 2006 at 3:08 am [Reply]

#5: I believe it is a poorly-made ceramic ashtray.
Greg
February 14th, 2006 at 6:05 am [Reply]

If I have my OBH trivia right (and it’s not like there’s a website anywhere that I can check this), these folks have upwards of 10 kids, so I think the “grandkid-crap.xls” spreadsheet is a realistic touch. Of coure, I’m sure that Ruthie’s precious artwork is on display 365 days a year…
Peter C. Hayward
February 14th, 2006 at 6:37 am [Reply]

I assumed that she was jamming the computer, so that her children/grandchildren could fix it for her. Can’t have a hip granny, yo.

Change the punctuation around there, and it becomes “Can’t have a hip, granny yo.”
yellojkt
February 14th, 2006 at 8:41 am [Reply]

I didn’t even know Over 50 magazine had a website.
DrBear
February 14th, 2006 at 9:03 am [Reply]

http://www.hotgrandpas.com?
Lyman Returns
February 14th, 2006 at 9:57 am [Reply]

#10-that was my guess, too. Younger people need to keep their illusions that all senior citizens are technologically inept. The world must have SOME order in it.

FBOFW disturbed me today…teenage April giving her old man advice? The girl who can’t be bothered to make her own sandwiches, who scrubs her face for ten hours straight each day, who uses bizarre slang terms like “gig” and “roadside”, telling her old man how to live his life? If I was Papa Patterson, I would be totally like, “I didn’t go through dental school to be lectured by the likes of you!!!”
King Folderol
February 14th, 2006 at 10:26 am [Reply]

It almost seems as if she’s using the computer to print out the grandkids’ pictures that she scanned into her computer. But I don’t see a printer.
bob
February 14th, 2006 at 10:58 am [Reply]

Fortunately, all my grandparents were dead by the time I could crawl, so instead of having to make lame crap like ashtrays in art class I made cool things like dinosaurs and alligators.
Alex
February 14th, 2006 at 11:21 am [Reply]

Maybe it’s like one of those Bank of America online banking commercials. Get all your bills paid online and still have time to convince your grandkids that you actually care about the crap they give you.
RBF
February 14th, 2006 at 11:49 am [Reply]

I go with the Excel spreadsheet:
grandkid-crap.xls

Great stuff Greg and others who thought it up!
Donut
February 14th, 2006 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

“Stall ‘em”?

Exactly how the hell do you stall your kids when they’re at your door?

Does Grandpa spend five minutes trying to undo the latch? Does he pretend he can’t figure out the new-fangled doorknob lock?
Oh wait–he’s still inside the house…

Of course! We never see him below the waist! He doesn’t have any trousers on! He just waggled in front of the picture window and his kids and grandkids are weeping in the front seat of their Mazda Miata, desperately trying to erase the image that is now seared into their brains.
Lydia
February 14th, 2006 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

It looks like either a sreadsheet or Netscape browser history.

Well, Netscape circa the lat time I used it (about 1998) at least.
Marc
February 14th, 2006 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

2: I have to agree. It only makes sense…or maybe she’s displaying their pointless emails….or maybe clearing the cache so it does not show her “Plumpers” website history.
Mibbitmaker
February 14th, 2006 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

What are Ma & Pa Patterson going to do next, April? Well, they’ll just hurriedly put out all their grandkids’ crap (Mike and Deana’s offspring’ll produce some doozies, I’m sure!) whenever the family visits them at home, that’s what.
Musicfan
February 14th, 2006 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

How come everything is all about grandma? Is grandpa a mean ‘ol prick that is hated and ignored by the grandkids?
Concerned Citizen
February 14th, 2006 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

I think its a spreadsheet of stick figure sex positions. The cyber sex will have to wait until the obviously unwanted grandchildren leave. Actually, I am glad that they did before things got ugly.
FleaBailey
February 14th, 2006 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

I agree with Joe’s surmise (#2).

Is it funny? Well, of course not. This is One Big Happy, where nothing is ever funny.
payola
February 14th, 2006 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

Microsoft Crappy Grandparent Database, beta version. Or else she’s activating parental controls to lock out grandpa’s porn sites. Oh, wait a sec–That’s Aprils gramps.
Natural Medicine (of Humor) Man
February 14th, 2006 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

Does Grandma drive a rickshaw? Because why else is she dressed that way?
Marc
February 14th, 2006 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

I think grandma is going for “garage sale chic.” Or maybe, perhaps, one of her children gave it to her. And also, I notice this is the land of electric blue welcome mats.
Zzedar
February 14th, 2006 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

I think she scanned the pictures in to her computer when the kids gave them to her, and now she’s printing them out. I mean, where’s she going to keep all those pictures, otherwise?
Adam
February 14th, 2006 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

If there’s one thing that I’m curmudgeonly about, it’s the splitting of infinitives.

I realise that YOU are the resident curmudgeon and not me, but if you would be so kind as to let me curmudge on your time, I would be remiss if I didn’t act like a total dick and point out your split infinitive.

It’s “not to hear you cry” not “to not hear you cry”.

There, I said it. I feel like an ass, but in the interest of grammar I’ll be an ass…and so much more.
TDB
February 14th, 2006 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

Maybe the old lady was illegally downloading Lawrence Welk recordings.
Mary Brandt
February 14th, 2006 at 11:59 pm [Reply]

“I was wondering what that is on the table in the second panel on the bottom row. Is she hiding fake doggie poop under a â€œWorldâ€™s Greatest Grandmaâ€ sign? Thatâ€™s sick.”

I think it’s one of those mushed-up bowls kids make for people they thought cared about them. Oh, how sad to be a child.

Also, while everyone beat me to the spreadsheet, I would like to point out that freaky pyramid-shaped lamp. Why is that even there? Did a kid make that? Was it a gift? Where do you get a pyramid lamp?!

It’s a mystery we may never solve. We shall simply have to get used to not knowing the answer.

-MB
Tyler
February 15th, 2006 at 1:39 am [Reply]

What really bugs me is her hand in that last panel. Does she expect Grandpa to kiss her rings before answering the door? Maybe those Excel spreadsheets were full of all her mob contacts.
Sporktoast
February 15th, 2006 at 10:04 am [Reply]

I was figuring she was at one of the internet casino sites sharping a bingo game.
m. luminous
February 16th, 2006 at 5:40 am [Reply]

Mary Brandt: The pyramid lamp is obviously constructed entirely from popsicle sticks. I wonder if it lights up.
Dan Perducci
February 16th, 2006 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

#32. The hand gesture is classic comic posing for a woman who is trying to be imperious or haughty. Kids sometimes adopt that stance but men do only at their own peril.
Kim Scarborough
February 27th, 2006 at 11:44 am [Reply]

Many years ago, Gary Larson did basically the same joke much better.

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36 responses to “I think you’re old enough to know”

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