"Why is the bear so pissed off? Probably the same reason the owl is the judge. Bears are angry murderers, owls are wise hooters. And in Slylock's forest, chicks are either old or hot, and green evil-looking people are always evil. Honestly, it's the easy-to-follow stereotyping in Slylock that I enjoy the most, and I really hope kids can take that from the comic and apply it in their day-to-day lives." --MolyBendum
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Luann, 4/12/06
Um, Gunth, you are my brother in persecution and all, but I have to tell you that you aren’t a victim of guy-bashing. You’re a victim of nerd-bashing. There’s a difference.
Meanwhile, in the world of superhuman heroics:
Worry not about your fears, ordinary men and women! Spider-man is on the case!
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April 13th, 2006 at 8:09 am
What is it everyone used to say again?
April 13th, 2006 at 8:17 am
It looks to me like Peter is going to relax and watch a little mirror.
April 13th, 2006 at 8:20 am
Yesterday I used my rudimentary Photoshopping skills to change the “u” in “guy” to an “a” and posted in the Discussion Forum that I really thought Gunther was trying to form a Gay Straight Alliance at the school. It’s a shame Aaron still isn’t there. He’d get elected president by popular acclaim.
I mean nerds already have a support group. It’s called the Audiovisual Team.
April 13th, 2006 at 8:25 am
Hasn’t it been a long time since TV remotes (formerly known as “clickers”) made a “KLIK” sound?
April 13th, 2006 at 8:34 am
Yes, Spidey, glad you got your suit back. There’s a fire raging in the rubble of downtown after an earthquake, but since you got your suit back the hell with the thousands still in desperate need of saving, a rerun of “Friends” might be on.
April 13th, 2006 at 8:41 am
A3G: “Omigosh – Tommie, you’re breathtaking.” This is in reaction to her putting on a veil. That’s all it took to totally transform her. Must be the “Clark Kent takes off his glasses and becomes Superman” syndrome.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/style/comics/king.htm?name=Apartment_3-G&date=20060413
MW: Since he adds a silent “and we always will”, I’m to assume that is something sinister. So “we always will share everything” is somehow diabolical. Someone have an explanation?
http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/fun/mary.asp?date=20060413
Shoe: Uh, does an hourglass change shapes as time goes on? No.
http://www.ucomics.com/shoe/2006/04/13/
W&E: What the hell’s a “binoclar”?
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2006/4/13&name=Willy_n_Ethel
BC: Hi-larious. No, wait, I meant to say “stupid”.
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2006/4/13&name=BC
FC: Double hi-larious. Strikes me as something we’d see in the Foobverse, the morally superior family. And what grade is he in? That looks like one huge book report for his age.
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20060413&name=Family_Circus
Okay, that’s enough for me today. I left a few comics for the rest of you.
April 13th, 2006 at 8:54 am
But … but … if Peter didn’t watch TV, he wouldn’t have the opportunity to get all bent out of shape because his wife isn’t shrieking at a reporter and ending her career before it’s started, thus most likely leading to a three-week-long, borderline-misogynist conversation about how they don’t need her to make money because he makes $800 a month in New York as a freelance photographer, and doesn’t want to have to rely on a woman to support him.
This is important, because otherwise, he might have to GO FIGHT CRIME SOMEWHERE AS A SUPERHERO AND MAYBE FIGHT THE GREEN GOBLIN OR SOMETHING. And we can’t have that, no sir.
Seriously, Spidey’s been back in my paper for three freaking _months_, and not once in that time has Peter Parker turned into Spider-Man. Three months! And I hate to think how long it was before that; I’m aware of the Gown Man Cycle. And no, I don’t count “Justice Guy” as anything even vaguely worthwhile. Who would?
GF: kill the cat already, Satchel. Kill him and wear his skin.
Foob: kill Elly already, John. Kill her and wear her skin.
Mallard: kill yourself already, Tinsley. Kill yourself and … well, actually, I guess you’d just sorta lie there. Good enough.
Arlo & Janis: I’d tell Janis to kill Arlo already, but stuff like the olive thing I find kind of amusing, because it’s the sort of childish thing I do to annoy _my_ wife. Except not really jamming olives in my eyes, exactly. See, there’s this thing called brine. I imagine in the fifth panel of the strip, Arlo would be clutching his face and screaming.
Prickly: I truly, truly hope the shovel-bashing moment comes soon. And you know it would be a scribbly, really badly drawn shovel, too.
Red & Rover: This is one of those strips that is unlikely to be the favorite of any non-psychotic person. Too dumb and obvious, and it doesn’t have the benefit of nostalgia like Family Circus. It’s a harmless nothing, really. But today’s really creeped me out: what kind of infected-bronchi-type-phlegm did Red smear on Rover’s ears to get them to stand up like that?
April 13th, 2006 at 8:55 am
Are Luann’s eyebrows located on top of her bangs?
April 13th, 2006 at 8:57 am
Gunther’s “guy bashing” complaint sure came out of the blue, there. He’s a hapless nerd, and being taken advantage of is his only method of achieving any sort of attention at all, but “guy bashing”?
Maybe that was just a strained attempt to make the misogyny of those magic tricks more conspicuously ironic.
Or… Could this be foreshadowing for a previously unheralded subplot involving Gunther and Knute holding Robert Bly drum beating ceremonies in the woods somewhere back of the school? (Knute knows the spot, he smokes his reefer there.) Might their balding teacher with the tattered mustache have instigated such a group in response to the whipping he takes from the fellow teacher he dates?
Might Toni show up and reveal her gender switch at the culmination of such a plotline, throwing Brad into an existential crisis that ends in his romantic attachment to the clearly narcissistic Dirk?
April 13th, 2006 at 9:01 am
Could we petition the A3G artists to get Tommie a new hairdo? I keep getting unpleasant flashbacks to my 3rd grade gym teacher.
April 13th, 2006 at 9:01 am
Peter Parker bought that flat panel TV with money from his wife’s film career. You know, the career he’s so wound up about because she’s a girl and all.
No way did he afford it on his Bugle earnings, anyway.
April 13th, 2006 at 9:03 am
And how about the war on the FC? Today’s panel has me seeing red…and pink. Check out Thel on line and see how she’s decked out in a lovely pink sweater with a red skirt while Billy is wearing a red t-shirt while studying in his room with the fashionable pink curtains.
April 13th, 2006 at 9:30 am
11: I thought at first PJ was giving Billy the finger (pressed up against his cheek).
April 13th, 2006 at 9:38 am
#11 – Actually, Spidey is not at home, so that is not his fancy TV. He’s visiting LA, so he’s in a hotel room now.
April 13th, 2006 at 9:41 am
I’m not sure if anyone else can read my post from earlier this morning, #6 on my screen. It’s this one: http://joshreads.com/?p=577#comment-31533
For me it says “Your comment is awaiting moderation.” Was something I said flagged, or was it the length of it? I haven’t gotten that before, and my other post from a minute ago doesn’t have that message. Am I on double secret probation or something?
April 13th, 2006 at 9:50 am
Sorry about that BigJoe. My blogging software puts posts that it thinks might be spam into a moderation queue and I have to sign off on them before they go live — in your case, this happened because you had so many links (which is a common characteristic of spam posts, since they exist mainly to boost the number of links to the page that the spammer wants to promote). Since I am a loser and spend most of my day in front of the computer, usually I approve non-spam comments that get into the moderation queue by mistake pretty much right away, which I thought I did in your case but obviously didn’t. It’s been approved now though.
jf
April 13th, 2006 at 10:04 am
Beasley says:
April 13th, 2006 at 8:25 am
Hasn’t it been a long time since TV remotes (formerly known as “clickersâ€) made a “KLIK†sound?
Speaking of which– does Yellojkt know how long it’s been since there’s been an “Audiovisual Team”? Talk about dating yourself! Now, we have “Media Labs.” No more film strips, Yellojkt…. (I know, some of the best dates….)
April 13th, 2006 at 10:06 am
Peter Parker is clearly bucking for a cabinet post. All he needs to do now is start sending e-mails about how he wants a tasty marguarita once he gets home.
April 13th, 2006 at 10:12 am
Regarding food a la MW: I wonder what kind of holiday it would be if the fat people with their weakness had to be catered to? “Don’t put out food for 25 people” and “don’t bring sweets”. So what do you do, put a plate of lettuce and carrots in front of everyone to save the fatsos from temptation? Screw that. A holiday dinner, at least where I come from, means FOOD is put at the table. Special FOOD. With several desserts to choose from. If the fatsos trying to lose weight can’t deal with it, let them drink their Slim Fast at home and come over later in the day, when all the food is put away. Why should everyone else suffer and be deprived of the holiday meal????Jeez.
April 13th, 2006 at 10:40 am
FOOB: I knew, I KNEW we would be subjected to yet another shot of Elly’s fat can. And I knew she would find porn. Anyone care to guess what might be on those “slides”? I suggest they are some playful adolescent images of Mike and Lawrence “messing around”, if you know what I mean…
April 13th, 2006 at 10:43 am
Spiderman
Spiderman
Friendly neighborhood Spiderman
Surfs the web, and cable too
Give him a remote and crime is through
Look out
There reclines the Spiderman
April 13th, 2006 at 10:46 am
I still say Peter should be out fighting Osama bin Laden.
Thank you, Stan Lee for destroying comics by turning superheroes into whiny sad sacks of sh–. Thankfully, Frank Miller came to the scene. “The Dark Night Returns” is infinitely more interesting than any Spider-Man comic ever published.
April 13th, 2006 at 10:55 am
22: “I still say Peter should be out fighting Osama bin Laden”
Two gown-men in the same strip? It’d never work.
April 13th, 2006 at 11:20 am
#19 anonymous:
First, it helps if you are going to comment on something another poster says, to post your comment to the same thread as the one you’re commenting on. I assume your comment was regarding #88 Lyman Returns, in the “Puzzles, meta-ness, war fun, nerds†thread.
Second, nowhere does Lyman mention “holiday dinner.†What Lyman says is “holiday.†That’s quite a different thing. If sister-in-law is bringing the goodies for everyone to enjoy at a holiday dinner, that’s one thing; however, if she drops off cookies, candy, etc. to parents’ house every holiday, knowing they’re both watching their weight and have a fondness for sweets, that’s something else.
For Mary Worth to push exercise and diet on one hand and serve large amounts of high-calorie foods on the other seems a bit two-faced to me. Not that I’d expect anything less of our Mary, mind.
April 13th, 2006 at 11:34 am
#19 anonymous–
When Mary extended the invitation to the Stirlings, it was at the end of a conversation concerning Kelly’s goal of weight loss.
Mary is not hosting a large or formal function, but only having Kelly and Lou over for an evening meal.
Bearing those two facts in mind, it would not be too outrageous to expect Mary to be a good hostess, and provide a healthier meal than the one she made. Potatoes Au Gratin and pie are lovely, I’m sure–but they are also undeniably fat-and-carb-and-calorie-laden.
If Mary had served, say…roast chicken, steamed veggies, and a rice pilaf, with iced tea to wash it down, no one would have considered it a culinary compromise or felt that it wasn’t a good meal. Failing that–go with the Potatoes OR the pie, but don’t serve both at the same meal.
And if it is screamingly obvious that your one of you guests is emotionally bullying his wife with food, keep the goddam pie in the kitchen!
I have to say that you make good points in your comment, and I do agree somewhat–but I don’t think they apply in this particular situation.
April 13th, 2006 at 3:30 pm
FOOB: Uh, about those slides….we all know what’s coming, don’t we? Elly will have those old family photos organized and ready to go just in time to do the FOOB nostalgia slide show at Gwampa’s funeral.
Let the wagering begin!
April 13th, 2006 at 4:37 pm
Why is Columbine’s anniversary approaching and we have Gunther joking about sawing a girl in half?! I say that because in today’s ‘zero-tolerance’ atmosphere,’ someone is bound to squeal on our kinky haired Pat-lookalike to put him in juvie!
April 13th, 2006 at 8:07 pm
I stand corrected, I am sorry for misunderstanding.
It’s just that I find it awfully hard to follow MW, and just jumped to conclusions.
Being somewhat of a fatso myself, was just thinking about the inevitable Easter Sunday coming up, where there will inevitably be food for 25 put out and several desserts.
Again, sorry.
April 13th, 2006 at 8:20 pm
#28 anonymous:
Very nice apology! I owe you an apology as well for jumping on you a bit. I, too, have an Easter Sunday dinner to face. How my sister, an extremely thin woman, can turn out such calorie-laden dinners holiday after holiday and remain so thin is beyond me. Her Easter dinner will rival Mary Worth’s: ham, scalloped potatoes, creamed corn, and something for dessert that involves cake, ice cream, whipped cream, AND chocolate.
Hmm, she’s pretty good about dispensing platitudes, too. Can the world be big enough for two Mary Worths?