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Triumphant return comics!

Hi everyone! Yes, I’m back, and Uncle Lumpy’s reign is over, as you can tell by this totally-posted-in-the-early-evening update to the site. As our good Uncle so aptly put it in the wee hours of yesterday morning: “Josh, amiright?” Anyway, thanks go to my illustrious pinch hitter, and HUGE thanks go to everyone who contributed in the pledge drive (though of course each and every one of you will be getting personal thank-yous in the next few days).

Part of what delays me, as ever, is my obsessive-compulsive need to read at least the high points of the strips I missed! Here’s one panel that jumped out at me, fairly aggressively:

Panel from Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/27/10

“Garage painting” is of course a euphemism for oral pleasures of long standing in this strip, so what this panel is revealing is that Rex and June and planning on holding their dewy young layabout houseguests hostage, as sex slaves. Either that, or Nikki did a really, really bad job painting the garage, since that all happened, what, three weeks ago, in strip time?

Meanwhile, America’s Teen Sweethearts offered material of more philosophical interest:

Panel from Luann, 3/26/10

Here, Tiffany offers an intriguing analysis of the experience that staged drama brings to its audience; Brecht would be proud of this description of a play as both intensely real and transparently false.

But the most important thing that happened in the world of the comics last week didn’t happen in the funny pages, but in movie theaters, where the full-length Marmaduke trailer finally dropped:

That of course is Oscar nominee William H. Macy as the subject of not one but two getting-hit-in-the-nuts jokes. Perhaps this year he’ll finally take home that golden statue (in the newly created “most times hit in nuts by CGI dog” category). Just keep telling yourself “It’s only fake real.”

And now! There were also comics today! Let’s get on it!

Apartment 3-G, 3/29/10

While I usually find the art in this strip pretty blah, I actually think Ari’s stunned silence in the final panel is quite effectively executed. He’s probably supposed to be figuring out how exactly he can avoid the violent episode Bobbie’s about to perpetrate onto him, but I’d like to believe that he’s more concerned about all those scripts he wrote. “Wait, she’s not taking the pills? The beautiful, delicious pills I so thoughtfully prescribed for her? This relationship is nothing but a mountain of lies!”

Dennis the Menace, 3/29/10

When Dennis joined a new church, one whose services featured glossolalia and snake-handling, he finally found the immediate and ecstatic connection to God that he had been searching for his entire childhood. Still, the suit-clad WASP squares at his parents’ Episcopal congregation sure found it menacing.

Judge Parker, 3/29/10

Oh, this battle for Neddy’s love/purity is going to be delightful! I can’t wait to see what sort of snide comment her fashion-world boyfriend has in store for Sam’s epically minty argyle sweater.

Luann, 3/29/10

Back to the fake real! Turns out that theater prodigies Luann and Quill were only capable of creating on-stage romantic chemistry because of their mutual lust for their shared pale good looks. Now that they’ve been transformed into non-Aryans via stagecraft wizardry, they’re no longer attracted to one another, and the play will bomb.

Crankshaft, 3/29/10

I may have missed the thrill-o-coaster that was last week’s “Mary returns a blouse,” but by God I will be here for each and every delicious minute of “Crankshaft gets dumped.”

This entry was posted on Monday, March 29, 2010 at 06:09 pm and is filed under Apartment 3-G, Crankshaft, Dennis the Menace, Judge Parker, Luann, Marmaduke, Rex Morgan, M.D.. |

105 responses to “Triumphant return comics!”

  1. AirForbes
    March 29th, 2010 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    “Violent episodes and manic behavior”? Maybe Bobbie is Margo’s biological mother, after all.

  2. scott
    March 29th, 2010 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    Baldo- Whats going on with the almost realistic portrayals of people? New artist, Josh?
    Crankshaft- If you had eaten with a napkin in your lap, ’shaft, maybe you wouldn’t have been kicked to the curb. That being said, there are more old gals out there. Just keep living, ’shaft, just keep living.

  3. Josh
    March 29th, 2010 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

    @scott (#2): It’s a technique the strip (same artist) uses when it does the Tia Carmen romance storylines; discussed here:

    http://joshreads.com/?p=1010

    Josh

  4. BigTed
    March 29th, 2010 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    I wouldn’t worry about Crankshaft’s love life. As one of the few remaining vital, more or less cogent males in his advanced age range, he’ll have his pick of all the sprightly grannies in the local old age homes/meat markets.

  5. Steve L
    March 29th, 2010 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    Good God, Quill turned into T.J. Does this give him carte blanche to spy on Luann in the bathtub now?

  6. Patrick
    March 29th, 2010 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    Is Dr. Bryant trying to cover up his baldness with tattoos of individual hair follicles on his scalp, or is he some sort of psychiatrist/toothpick dispenser hybrid?

  7. Sebastian
    March 29th, 2010 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    OK, in “West Side Story”, Maria is Puerto Rican, so I understand the need to put Luann in a wig. But Tony is Polish. What’s wrong with blond for Polish? Doesn’t blond actually make it easier to distinguish him from Bernardo and the other sharks?

    Meanwhile, I like to think that Dr. P’s expression in A3D is the sudden realization that the same behavior that is supposed to be endearingly kooky when Zooey Deschanel does it in a movie is, in fact, a sign of bipolar disorder in real life.

  8. Digger
    March 29th, 2010 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    Wait one f-ing minute. There’s a woman who doesn’t want to date Crankshaft? Get outta here!

  9. zerowolf
    March 29th, 2010 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft: Look on the bright side, Ed. At her age everyday you could be that different person she’s never met before.

  10. One-eyed Wolfdog
    March 29th, 2010 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

    That “little privacy please” comment in the Marmaduke trailer comes immediately after a sweeping technicolor panorama of dog junk. I wish I could assume that was some sort of sly joke instead of just stupid, but the entire thing has Grade A Fancy Stupid oozing out of it like sap out of a New England sugar maple.

  11. mustang
    March 29th, 2010 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

    Crank -It’s partly because your nose in profile looks like a fetus and it’s partly because every time you tuck your napkin into the top of your shirt, I want to crawl under the table, but it’s mostly because you are the most self-centered asshole in the universe. BAR NONE! AND THAT INCLUDES LES MORE!

  12. Robin
    March 29th, 2010 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

    OH MY LORD LEE PACE WHY ARE YOU DEGRADING YOURSELF LIKE THIS?

    Whew, sorry. I just had to get that out.

  13. yellojkt
    March 29th, 2010 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    Welcome back, Josh. Uncle Lumpy cleaned everything up. We made him.

    And this year’s abbreviated March Comics Madness is in full swing with the second round of the National Crappy Comics Copy Cats competition looking for Faux Far Sides.

  14. Lisa
    March 29th, 2010 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    I never really noticed until the hair color change that Quill is a dead ringer for TJ. I guess we know the limits of what’s his face’s artistic talents.

  15. Lisa
    March 29th, 2010 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

    Oh, and welcome back, Josh!

  16. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    March 29th, 2010 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

    @AirForbes (#1): Actually, I thought Roberta was Margo’s resentful, distant, adopted mother?

  17. Tmdess
    March 29th, 2010 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

    I’m pretty new to this, so maybe this has been answered before: since Dennis the Menace seems to take place in the early ’60s, was Mad Men based on this strip? Are Henry and Alice the bizarro-Don and Betty Draper?

  18. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    March 29th, 2010 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    @zerowolf (#9): Maybe she’ll need that mace after all…

  19. Jake Morgendorffer
    March 29th, 2010 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

    Only William H. Macy has proven himself capable of depicting the soul-crushing despair required of someone playing Marmaduke’s Hitleresque owner.

  20. Islamorada Girl
    March 29th, 2010 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    @yellojkt (#13):

    Uh, Jkt, that Rubes on the right in your Far Side blog is a B.Kliban cartoon, I think. . .

  21. John C Fremont
    March 29th, 2010 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    Welcome back! Dreams, ticket out, etc.

    Crankshaft has a girlfriend? Well, had.

  22. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    March 29th, 2010 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

    Josh — Despite what anybody says, I had nothing to do with any “venal” or “corrupt” schemes to sway the COTW selection. I mean, geez, there’s nothing wrong with a little unadulterated bribery, is there?

  23. corinthian
    March 29th, 2010 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    Ha ha, Crankshaft’s ex implies he’ll be alone until he dies! Finally, this strip arcs back into what it was once spun off from.

  24. Chip Whittle
    March 29th, 2010 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    @BigTed (#4):

    I wouldn’t worry about Crankshaft’s love life. As one of the few remaining vital, more or less cogent males in his advanced age range, he’ll have his pick of all the sprightly grannies in the local old age homes/meat markets.

    I protest the characterization of Crankshaft as “vital”. Even if you mean simply that he is “alive” I dispute it. I think he’s more likely a shambling mound of malapropisms and pettiness slouched against itself so firmly that even the buckets of water Dorothy keeps chucking at him can’t penetrate his mild wickedness enough to start dissolving it.

  25. Aviatrix
    March 29th, 2010 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

    Josh, you accidentally put the trailer for Cujo up instead of Marmaduke.

  26. Grandstanding Oddball
    March 29th, 2010 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

    @Lisa (#14): Oh, god, that’s not TJ? I mean, I don’t care about this strip at all, but I just took a glance and thought, “It’s that one freak of a guy who never stops smiling, ever. I didn’t think that he was in high school/whatever age category Luann herself is in…”

  27. Boris the Spider
    March 29th, 2010 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

    I know why Dennis has become a puss. He is afraid of being left like his twin brother sitting right above him. Oh, yeah, welcome back Josh.

  28. ElkMeadow
    March 29th, 2010 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

    Welcome back, Josh!

    My praises continue for “Family Tree”. Artwork still awful, but look! The school did NOT put on “Romeo and Juliet”, “West Side Story”, or that version that takes place around WWII on the California coast, where Patty Duke was the Juliet character and her Romeo was Japanese. (Costuming took a step WAY back, as she was preggers and wore a heavy coat to hide her weight.) Or “High School Musical”, or anything else related to the star-crossed lovers. INSTEAD the school chose the ensemble piece “Cats” and even though the story arc showed Twig practicing (Luann never did) and talked about auditions instead of showing them, today it looks like she didn’t get a part!

    In Luann we have a true “WHAT?” moment of gagginess. Most north Italians are blonde. Antonio could have stayed blonde. Many PR women dye their hair (including one in the movie). It’s just really creepy that we have Nancy and T.J. look-alikes on the scene here. And that is not a pretty dress.

    In the movie, the only blacks portrayed were at the gym dance, and stayed on the sideline, on the background. Toni even nods to one when he enters the scene. And yeah, it is weird that Delta isn’t anywhere. She must be out recruiting volunteers to fill out her college applications.

  29. Dragon of Life
    March 29th, 2010 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    For decades, America has wondered what Charlie Brown’s hair actually looked like. A3G has dared to give us an answer.

  30. ElkMeadow
    March 29th, 2010 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    Is there any chance that the bombing of Dresden had anything to do with Edna? Maybe the knowingly false intelligence she passed on might have led to its horrors?

  31. Charterstoned
    March 29th, 2010 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    Welcome back, Josh. Whatever Uncle Lumpy said, he’s lying–we didn’t do it.

  32. BigTed
    March 29th, 2010 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#24): I respectfully disagree. Crankshaft works, drives, gardens, makes terrible puns — heck, if Andy Rooney can still pull in the babes, this guy can.

  33. fluffy
    March 29th, 2010 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

    So it’s bad enough when they turn a talking-animal cartoon or comic strip into a talking-animal movie, but now they’ve taken a one-panel animal-related comic strip that involves no talking animals whatsoever and turned it into a talking-animal movie. Really, the only similarities between Marmaduke the comic and the movie are:

    * There is a Great Dane
    * His name is Marmaduke

    I hate Hollywood for making me care about the artistic integrity of Marmaduke.

  34. Mooncattie
    March 29th, 2010 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

    Yikes! That trailer wasn’t so much “dropped” as “excreted”! Downfall had more jokes. Now, Crankshaft / Nuts / CGI dog might work!

  35. buzz
    March 29th, 2010 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

    Luann & Quill in dark hair = Nancy DeGroot & TJ action by proxy

    re Baldo’s turn for the realistic, this may be a re-run. They did a previous storyline where the aunt had a brief flirtation done in a semi-realistic novela style.

  36. Lolsworth
    March 29th, 2010 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

    “What’s a while?” “Well, we’re pretty old, so not very long. Looking at you, I think about two weeks. I mean, I can hear your heart attempting to beat from here. And you made me deep-fry this salad.”

  37. Johnny Knuckles
    March 29th, 2010 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    That kid hovering over Dennis’s head is the kid that “came this close” to getting the lead role in this comic. Now he’s just a stalker/background extra in the world he should be menacing. Well, he’ll show ‘em…

  38. Johnny Knuckles
    March 29th, 2010 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

    He’ll show ALL of them!

  39. AirForbes
    March 29th, 2010 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#16):
    Yes, and if Bobbie Merrill turns out to be that same Roberta, well, she and Margo do have a lot more in common than you might expect from an adopted kid. Of course, this could all turn into a nature versus nurture argument.

  40. Joe Blevins
    March 29th, 2010 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

    JP: When you utter a tough-guy phrase like “over my dead body,” try not to be wearing a pastel sweater that even Bill Cosby would declare unfit for wearing.

    LUANN: If the kids in Luann actually put on the official Luann play… what? Would the world end? Would the time-space continuum just throw up its hands and say, “I just don’t know anymore?”

    By the way, if “Hitler Finds Out He’s Not the Owner in the Marmaduke Movie” doesn’t merit one of those Downfall spoof videos on YouTube, I don’t know what does.

  41. gnome de blog
    March 29th, 2010 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

    @yellojkt (#13): Ah, the real March Madness. Welcome back, yello.

  42. Carrie ForthWorth
    March 29th, 2010 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

    I’m with John @21 – Crankshaft has a girlfriend???

    Thoughts going through Dr. Passapill’s head – “shit, she’s really crazy??” Wow, some psychologist he is. Now we know who Margo learned her behaviour from, growing up observing Ms. Merrill’s highs and lows. She has the anger down pat.

    Mary, welcoming new victims visitors. Aah, the delicious anticipation.

  43. Carrie ForthWorth
    March 29th, 2010 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

    @AirForbes (#39): Hah, beat me to it by a couple of keystrokes. I nearly used the nurture triumphs over nature twist myself! :)

  44. Mibbitmaker
    March 29th, 2010 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    Y218 (gnome de blog): Tomorrow is the last day of the phonecall. The shoe drops elsewhere; I won’t say more as to not spoil the storyline for anyone (unless they choose to spoil themselves at Comics Kingdom as I did. I… I’m weak)

  45. Fashion Police
    March 29th, 2010 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    The horror that is Mr. Sam Driver’s pastel argyle sweater has been well-documented. We need say no more, except that if he had any nerve at all he would have worn a bow tie with it.

  46. Ed Dravecky
    March 29th, 2010 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

    I’m in the process of actually painting my garage and can assure you that it’s nothing at all like sex of any sort, unless you’re aroused by spackle. (Note: If you are aroused by spackle, please keep that bit of data to yourself.)

  47. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    March 29th, 2010 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

    @Tmdess (#17): Oh dear. Please, it was bad enough when someone corrupted my Mad Men fantasies with Wilbur Weston; now I have be interrupted, in flagrante with Don and Roger, by some yammering, overalled, freckled “menace” and his homoerotically ambiguous sidekick?

    On other hand, committed alcoholism might well be the only way the Mitchells make it through the day….

    Welcome back, Josh! If anyone says I drank all your bourbon, they’re lying. Wait—you didn’t have any bourbon? Oh, never mind….

  48. Uncle Lumpy
    March 29th, 2010 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

    @Ed Dravecky (#46):

    … unless you’re aroused by spackle.

    Just remember to leave enough of an air gap for the heat to dissipate from around the, um, limb, and agree on a safe word in advance.

  49. HootieShark
    March 29th, 2010 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

    Thank God Josh is back. Uncle Lumpy is a poor substitute and shouldn’t be allowed to post at all.

  50. Judas Peckerwood
    March 29th, 2010 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

    Marmaduke the Movie looks like an unmitigated disaster. On the brights side, it appears that Owen Wilson and Kiefer Sutherland have finally found their level.

  51. Perky Bird
    March 29th, 2010 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

    Based on Quill’s newly-adopted habit of grinning like a maniac all the time, I’d say Dr. Papagoras is being really generous with those prescriptions. Where on the comics page will drug-induced rictus grins appear next? Ziggy? Judge Parker? Not Funky Winkerbean–we all know the pharmacist there would mistakenly fill the happy-pill prescription with hemlock.

  52. Fashion Police
    March 29th, 2010 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

    Mrs. Henry Mitchell’s pink-jacket-over-black ensemble is a bit self-conscious for Palm Sunday in suburbia. She looks like she dressed for the country club charity fashion brunch and ended up in church by mistake.

  53. 150
    March 29th, 2010 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

    I watched the Marmaduke trailer. Then I burst into furious, impotent tears.

  54. Andy L
    March 29th, 2010 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

    The current 9CL story is pretentious and highly illogical, but at least it’s set against an interesting backdrop. I’ll be disappointed when it switches back to being illogical and pretentious in modern day Manhattan.

  55. Andy L
    March 29th, 2010 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    Hey, does anyone else get the impression that Dr Baldy and Dr Greyhair are just passing the same phone back and forth across the panel divider?

  56. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    March 29th, 2010 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

    @HootieShark (#49): Wha—? The erudite, sophisticated, witty, thematically cohesive, not to mention cute as hell Uncle Lumpy? ((sputter))

    Oh, what I wouldn’t give for Fists O’ Justice!

  57. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    March 29th, 2010 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    @Islamorada Girl (#20): He must have changed it since you posted. What I see is a two-panel gag populated by standard-issue ugly Easter Island pinhead with staring eyes which, to me, spell “Rubes.” It’s interesting to learn that the jokes are competently executed, because I just can’t bring myself to look at the horrid drawings.

    (I voted for the sweater. Bizarro I generally like and I feel it has its own identity, separate from Gary Larson. Larson didn’t invent the one-panel oddity genre, after all, but follows in a proud line including Charles Addams and — as you mentioned — Bernard Kliban. You can certainly tell when people are trying to channel Mr. Larson, though.)

  58. Poteet
    March 29th, 2010 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    Welcome back, Josh! And thank you. When I posted about the possibility of Rex and June forcing their young guests to make a porno several days ago, I felt like a perv. Now I believe that the strip itself pushed that idea into my brain, and I was forced to think like a perv. Better.

  59. Chris Rywalt
    March 29th, 2010 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    Thanks for the embedded trailer, Josh. I’ve been looking forward to “Scooby-Doo 3: Macy’s Balls”! “I ruv ru, Rarmaruke!”

  60. Poteet
    March 29th, 2010 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

    LUANN — Where is Fashion Police? I’d appreciate The Word Of The High One regarding these outfits and ‘dos. WEST SIDE STORY takes place in the mid-fifties, not 1964. Those big hoops don’t look right to me, and neither does the poofy hair and flip. I also have my doubts about the dress, which to me looks like something worn by Maria von Trapp. But I’m very willing to have my doubts assuaged.

  61. commodorejohn
    March 29th, 2010 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    @AirForbes (#39): I’d go for “nurture,” but I’m pretty sure that it’s a foreign concept to both of them. Maybe it’s more of a modified Stockholm syndrome.

  62. LITTLE A. OF THE GRAND CONCOURSE JUNGLE PATROL
    March 29th, 2010 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

    AGNES: Somebody help me out here! Trout says that her sister went to prison? This is the first I read or hear of this! Or is Trout being facetious once again?

  63. zerowolf
    March 29th, 2010 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

    MT: That canoe is pretty smart, but I think Buzz is stalking out his ass.

  64. zerowolf
    March 29th, 2010 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

    MT: I meant talking out his ass

  65. zerowolf
    March 29th, 2010 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

    MW: Prisoners walking “the last mile” have happier expressions on their face than this couple.

  66. Crankenstank
    March 29th, 2010 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

    Sweet jesus, you think by the age of 80 she’d have learned that you dump the guy at the END of the meal, after the check has arrived, if at all possible. But I guess what they say is true: it doesn’t get any easier, even if the first boyfriend you broke up with was Methusalah.

  67. Crankenstank
    March 29th, 2010 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

    If Marmaduke does for William H. Macy what Beethoven did for Charles Grodin…nah, I cannot bring myself to finish this sentence.

  68. Crankenstank
    March 29th, 2010 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    Ah yes, Luann’s racism rises well above subtext: Puerto Ricans are ugly and unsexy. So much for Quill and Luann’s future married life, as role-playing appears to be a dead end. Fortunately for Luann, Gunther’s active fantasy life will come to the rescue.

  69. mr 12 oz can
    March 29th, 2010 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

    mary worth- if moy wanted to cause some excitement bonnies husband would have been black and his name would have been hugh johnson .why does bonnie look like aunt bea
    mark trail – after marks camera tech today elrod promises to sneak the apple thinkpad into saturdays strip
    rex morgan – toots will start his odd jobs in may for how long this inane discussion will go on
    apt 3g – drp wonders why his hair can only be brown on sundays

  70. Dr. Novakaine
    March 29th, 2010 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

    Did anyone else know Crankshaft was even seeing someone? I get the comic in my daily paper, but I can’t recall ever seeing a storyline where that happened. Is he getting dumped by random people now? Given that it’s the Funkyverse, I can’t imagine that it’s impossible.

    Also, I almost did a spit-take when I read today’s Hi and Lois. You can reference spooning in comics now? When did this happen?

  71. fishmorgjp
    March 29th, 2010 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

    Welcome back, Josh! Wow, you waste no time in dealing out the mental terror; the Marmaduke trailer, no less. I can’t tell you how glad I am that I have Flashblock enabled.

  72. Austria
    March 29th, 2010 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

    Welcome back, Josh. I’m new as of last week, what’s up. *waves* Picked a heck of a time to join, huh? I swear that wasn’t intentional. xD

    Luann: “Eww. I’m supposed to fall for you?” Luann in a nutshell, ladies and gentlemen.

    MW: I bet Bonnie just plucked those daffodils from out front.

    RMMD: “June is more than dubious of Rex’s stimulus package!” Oh, come on, this is too easy.

    RiR: All I want to say is that Spongebob first pulled off the crazy-awesome spatula joke back in 1999 or so, and he did it way better.

  73. Larry Fine
    March 29th, 2010 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

    FC — Billy, you’ve been living with your parents for 50 years. Any chance of reaching your full potential has long since vanished.

  74. Black Drazon
    March 29th, 2010 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    Abbey: “That’s right. Jules will be sleeping where he’s least likely to have sex with anyone: next to Sam. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have an escort to hire.”

  75. NoahSnark
    March 29th, 2010 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

    Dennis is proof there was a time when an annoying prat was considered a menace.

  76. Alfred E. Neuman
    March 29th, 2010 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    I’m on a vacation visiting my sister, but in honor of Josh’s return, I had to get on my nephew’s computer and comment.
    P.S.— Thanks, Uncle Lumpy!

    Luann— I’m too late! Every other Curmudgeon it seems, has nailed down the Luann/Maria/Nancy and Quill/Tony/TJ connection, so all I can say (besides “I knew that!”), is that it was pretty clever of TJ to bleach his hair, put on an Aussie accent, and pretend to be a high school student just to get into Luann’s pants. Now that she looks like Nancy, so much the better for TJ. I was also going to ask, “When did they switch to the ‘Sound of Music’?”, but Poteet beat me to it. OK, you want something unique? How about this: I predict that the guy (I forget his name) who kills Tony will be played by…Bernice.

    FW— Just one word: LOSERS!

  77. Walker of Dog
    March 29th, 2010 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

    Welcome back, Josh, and thanks for linking to the Marmaduke trailer. To call it disappointing implies some expectation of non-crappiness, so I’ll just say Ugh and try to imagine what Wim Winders could have come up with.

    You certainly missed an exciting week: the Phantom bailed on Savarna, Mary began reeling in her next meals, and it turns out Mark Trail is actually the sidekick to his own camera. And most exciting of all, Peter Parker read a newspaper.

  78. Old School Allie Cat
    March 29th, 2010 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    OK, maybe I missed something, but Quill is supposed to be Tony, who in the movie was, as I recall, more whitebread (I got the feeling maybe Polish, Irish…) why have they dyed his hair black and dressed him in some of TJ’s old clothes? I… he…

    Khakis, oxford cloth shirt. DAMMIT Gunther, your Tony costume RUINED the play…

    Oh, wait.

    Carry on.

  79. IronMouse
    March 29th, 2010 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

    Forget about William H. Macey’s appearance in the new Marmaduke movie…I think it’s great that Cujo is back on the big screen

  80. Nekrotzar
    March 29th, 2010 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

    When I look at the guy in panel 1 of Luann, the one with the ‘Jets’ cap, I have to wonder: can’t the Jets and the Sharks put aside their differences for a few hours and just find common cause to beat the crap out of this guy?

    Is Neddy really coming home? I was starting to think that this was sort of the like ’spaghetti incident’ to which Calvin & Hobbes often refer: always vaguely hinted at, but we never actually see it.

  81. Les of the Jungle Patrol
    March 29th, 2010 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    Maybe Margo is the biological child of Bobbie Merrill and Gabriella and her dad is not biologically related. That would explain why she looks and acts much more like them than she does her dad. It would be cool if a newspaper comic had such a family in it, but I don’t think it would be cool just to hint at it. An explicit backstory would be much more politically sound.

    Like: Bobbie wisely banked some of her tadpoles. She and Martin decided that Gabriella kind of looked like him, so they thought she might be a good surrogate. Happily, she agreed to do it and was even willing to keep her old job afterwards. Martin, though, began to have feelings for her that eventually split up his marriage. Margo, when she found out about all this, was resentful of not being told earlier and had a sadly transphobic reaction, turning her back on her mother and replacing her with her surrogate/biological mother.

  82. ElkMeadow
    March 29th, 2010 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

    Re. RMMD: The whole paint the garage think is probably the same stunt that many people used to treat panhandlers in the Great Depression. If some “hobo” knocked on the backdoor, asking for food, have said hobo move the woodpile. Feed said hobo a decent meal after wood pile is moved. Next day, new hobo, repeat. For some families, the wood pile got moved all over the yard every week, and the same hobos never came back.

    Now having Toots paint the garage AND the basement…gee, that’s a lot of stuff to get out of the way. You wouldn’t mind it if he took it out to the curb, and from there, the pawn shop?

  83. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    March 29th, 2010 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

    The movie trailer lies. There is no “Appropriate Audience” for Marmaduke. However, it does add credence to my theory that you can always tell a movie is going to suck if it uses “What I Like About You” in the trailer. Especially if it’s a dance number. Especially especially if it’s a dance number with dogs.

  84. bbo'fun
    March 29th, 2010 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

    “Depression, violent episodes, and manic behavior.”

    What are 3 things brought about by watching the MARMADUKE trailer?

  85. Rusty
    March 29th, 2010 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

    JP: I’m intrigued to learn that Sam is a hipster doofus, who may blog about vintage WASP clothing.

  86. Indichik
    March 29th, 2010 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

    @The Spectacular Spider-Brick (#83): Wait, that son actually is “What I Like About You?” I always thought of it as Generic Comic Movie Trailer Dance Song. It almost tricked me into getting excited about the Marmaduke movie, the same way I’m pretty sure it tricked me into getting excited about the Garfield movie. And a few years before that, the Dennis the Menace movie.

  87. Mac
    March 29th, 2010 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

    Garage painting is one thing, but I do not think that we need filth like “basement painting” in the funnies.

  88. Mak
    March 29th, 2010 at 11:48 pm [Reply]

    I laughed three times at that Marmaduke commercial. Three times. Someone kill me.

  89. Carly
    March 30th, 2010 at 12:12 am [Reply]

    I meant to mention and forgot that my local movie theater was advertising the Marmaduke movie with a giant cardboard fire hydrant.
    I don’t go see movies very often but if I do happen to go catch a flick in the next few days and it’s still there I’ll take a pic (no camera on me last time).

  90. Poor Thompson
    March 30th, 2010 at 12:22 am [Reply]

    A Marmaduke movie, huh? I thought they already made Hound of the Baskervilles

  91. Walker of Dog
    March 30th, 2010 at 12:38 am [Reply]

    @Carly (#89): Taking a picture of it would be nice. Even better would be for you to take a leak on it.

  92. Jeff
    March 30th, 2010 at 12:56 am [Reply]

    At least the Spider-Man movies had the balls to make their Hitler-lookalike actually LOOK LIKE Hitler! I knew I would be disappointed by the Marmaduke movie, but this is beyond the pale.

  93. gbeenie
    March 30th, 2010 at 1:57 am [Reply]

    RE – The Marmaduke movie

    It’s easy to blame Garfield for this, but, really, Garfield’s just another symptom of the same thing; I blame the death of mainstream culture we’ve seen in the last decade. Who could have foreseen, way back in the days of yore (a.k.a., the 90s), that there would be a viable market for Movies Based On Comic Strips No One’s Read In At Least A Couple Decades?

  94. Marion Delgado
    March 30th, 2010 at 3:27 am [Reply]

    The Rex Morgan MD writer simply HAS to be reading Comics Curmudgeon. Even so, it’s hard to believe they’d literally have June’s garage cleaned again so soon. And you might think Rex is “cute,” Brooke, but I’m afraid it’s Toots that’s going “golfing.” Which in Rex’s case has something in common with rolfing. And you’ll be garage-cleaning, so I hope you don’t find it demeaning.

  95. Karmyn
    March 30th, 2010 at 4:07 am [Reply]

    I swear I know those people that Mary Worth is having dinner with. Run away, run away fast as you can before the meddle monster gets you.

    I wasn’t even aware that Crankshaft had a girlfriend. When did this happen?

  96. Anonymous Bosch
    March 30th, 2010 at 4:57 am [Reply]

    The trailer for ‘Marmaduke’ seems fitting: a stupid, painfully-unfunny comic that nobody over the age of ten reads become a a stupid, painfully-unfunny movie that nobody over the age of ten watches.

    Really, was anyone out there actually expecting anything more from it?

  97. Karmyn
    March 30th, 2010 at 5:09 am [Reply]

    The only way the current Funky Winkerbean storyline could get more depressing would be if the gym exploded or the bus crashed.
    Wait, shouldn’t give him ideas.

  98. Trick Rider
    March 30th, 2010 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    Okay, I’m convinced that Quill/TJ is actually a guardian angel sent to the Luann universe in order to protect them from the forces of Satan. Either that, or to protect us from further “romance” in this strip. Bleeeaaaaargh.

  99. TimSquare
    March 30th, 2010 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    I, for one, think that a Puerto Rican Luann is Hot. Maybe she should stay Latina and the strip can change it’s name to “AnnaLuisa”. The comics need a new hispanic teen-ager comics since Baldo is becoming a soap-opera or Telenovela strip to be renamed “Tia Carmen”.

    PS. Luann has been in the comics so long she’s got to be a 20-something if not a 30-something so my attraction is that creepy (a la Jason Bateman in “Juno”) Huh?

  100. Jym
    March 30th, 2010 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    JP: Bosomy Widow DeVito’s story line and bosomy linguist April Bower were both taken off-panel at about the same time that Abbey Spencer opted for breast-reduction surgery and ass liposuction. I have no doubt that Jules will show up simply to announce that curves are out, angular features in.

  101. TruthOfAngels
    March 30th, 2010 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    ‘What happened the time you asked an incredibly fuckwitted question, Dennis?’

    ‘You cut my legs off.’

    ‘Right. See a pattern emerging?’

    ‘But I CAN’T STOP!’

  102. Barometz
    March 30th, 2010 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    @Robin (#12):
    I’m glad I wasn’t the only one who watched that thing with that crying out in their mind.

  103. Vinnie
    March 30th, 2010 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    @12: Hell yeah. C’mon, man, you were in “Pushing Daisies”, fer cryin’ out loud! How do you go from piemaker-slash-necromancer-slash-introverted-but-polite-guy to this?!
    Sigh. I guess we’ve got our new Michael Keaton. Alas, poor Lee, I hardly knew ye.

  104. un_malpaso
    March 30th, 2010 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    Dennis also has seriously messed-up hands. I think. Unless he’s supposed to be holding his palms inward in a “YOU ARE HEALED” praise-stance. That kind of makes sense, since he is also crouched on the pew, ready to pounce at any possible mention of his personal One Lord, Satan himself.

    And Luann is right to be frightened and astonished at Quill’s horrible attempt at a Latino hairstyle. iT’S LITERALLY DRIPPING. What kind of amateur production is this? I expect the utmost skill in sets, costumes and makeup from my high-school drama-related entertainment.

    I think this is what happens when one looks too closely at a comic panel after a double dose of allergy medicine. It’s like a new world! A world of bizarre, frightening angles and odd printers’ inks! This is what the Comics Curmudgeon is all about!

    Thank you all for existing. I once again see the reason for you.

  105. Doctorb
    March 31st, 2010 at 3:50 am [Reply]

    Ah, Marmaduke. If you had told me last year that there would be a cat-yowling-offscreen moment where I wouldn’t so much as smile, I would have laughed, because the very mention of a cat yowling offscreen was funny enough to me. I even had a cat yowling as my ringtone, which improved my mood so much that everyone who called me started thinking maybe I was on coke, which I wasn’t. Thanks, Marmaduke, for ruining that like a couch, or a human leg.

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