Red hot roommate-on-roommate action!
Apartment 3-G, 6/5/06
“Holy crap,” a million Apartment 3-G fanboys around the country bellowed this morning. “First Batwoman, now this!” Unfortunately for Tommie, who, having finally given up on getting any action from Margo, might now be feeling hope awaken in her breast once again, I’m betting that Lu Ann is using those quotation marks such that she’ll avoid a visit from her finger-quotin’ roommate. The old “make your ex-boyfriend jealous by pretending your roommate is your hot lesbian date” ploy may get the job done, but it inevitably ends in heartbreak for the roommate. Alan will no doubt get all riled up and whisk Lu Ann off for a quick “life drawing” session, while poor Tommie will be cast aside and left to the unwanted attentions of Maynard G. McVesty.
They’ll Do It Every Time, 6/5/06
Note to cartoonists everywhere: Do not, repeat, do not deploy slang words that you don’t understand in a desperate attempt to appear “hip” or “cool” or “with it.” For instance, the author of this feature really should have consulted someone under the age of fifty to help him fully grasp all the nuances of the Truman-era neologism nerd.
Have you ever noticed that TDIET’s text inevitably has a lot of filler material (i.e., “well”, “er”, “oh, yeah”)? Are the boxes laid out in advance, and the text needs to be fluffed out to fill them? Or is some poor assistant taking dictation and afraid to apply any editorial judgement?
dlauthor
June 5th, 2006 at 4:06 pm
I like to think of the filler text in TDIET as the written equivalent of the indistinct sounds that bus-station lunatics make during the occasional pauses when they’re not ranting at passing oxygen molecules. Or anything that comes out of Bill O’Reilly’s mouth. You know, sputtering for the sake of noise.
Oh. Yeah.
GotFuzzy
June 5th, 2006 at 4:10 pm
So you suppose there really are a million A3-G fanboys? Because that’s just sad.
Dennis Jimenez
June 5th, 2006 at 4:31 pm
When I read the 6.2.2006 A3G, I just assumed Maynard G. McVeste’s “Whoa, who’s the babe!” exclamation was to be interpreted as “What are you, Alan, my gay paramour doing with a woman.” I’m sure much merriment will ensue when Luanne shows up with Tommie as her “date.”
Marc
June 5th, 2006 at 4:41 pm
Nerd makes absolutely no sense at all. How did the editors let this get buy? And oh no! Those nerds even left the doorknob upside down!! GASP!
Hank Kimble
June 5th, 2006 at 4:42 pm
Rex: Did you know one of Popeye’s nephew’s name was Poopeye?
Dr. Troy: No, but I have one of those. Wanna check it out?
BassoGap
June 5th, 2006 at 4:43 pm
If there aren’t a million A3-G fanboys, GotFuzzy, there might be, if this storyline continues for a few days, with sufficiently-vague dialoge and narration, a la Rex & Troy’s golf game.
What we really need, though, is Mrs. Phantom-without-clothes to visit another hot springs…
Josh R.
June 5th, 2006 at 4:46 pm
The incorrect use of “nerd” in They’ll Do It… juxtaposes nicely with their bizarre choice of the word “flat”. Were the Pestleys moving from London? I guess Mr. Pestley does look a bit like Andy Capp.
In any case, thank god they got out of their old apartment before it collapsed. It’s easy to see that nothing was built square in there. I doubt the door can close, and the whole place seems to be sinking dangerously to the left.
gump worsley
June 5th, 2006 at 4:54 pm
Does it help if you say that sign-off “Oh yeah” in a deep bass voice?
GotFuzzy
June 5th, 2006 at 5:51 pm
Basso, I guess it just goes to prove H.L Mencken right. Now if only I could figure out some way to profit off those masses of fanboys.
Gump, are you making a “Ferris Bueller” soundtrack reference or a Kool-Aid reference? Because either one is comedy gold.
roydrink
June 5th, 2006 at 6:00 pm
I think nerds was the replacement of the word that starts with ‘tu’ and ends with ‘rds’. (can’t use that in the comics)
BassoGap – “What we really need, though, is Mrs. Phantom-without-clothes to visit another hot springs…”
I can’t wait for a grown-up Helosie to be in the lyrca Phantom outfit (March 3&4). Watch out Marvella, when Spiderman spots her, it’ll be real-superhero on real-superhero then!
Analyzer
June 5th, 2006 at 6:22 pm
The “oh, yeah” at the end needs to be followed by a “chicka chicka.”
Also, kudos to whoever colored the second frame.
Dub Not Dubya
June 5th, 2006 at 6:28 pm
I figured that “Oh, yeah” meant that the comic was being narrated by Simpsons character Duffman.
NJP
June 5th, 2006 at 8:44 pm
I hear the “Oh Yeah” as narrated by Duffman too, Dub. I can only figure the word “flat” was meant as a coloring instruction in the second panel.
Mike P
June 5th, 2006 at 8:50 pm
I think the Kool-Aid Man sent in today’s TDIET under a pseudonym. In fact, if you imagine the Kool-Aid Man narrating it, it actually becomes amusing.
Jay Nickola
June 5th, 2006 at 11:34 pm
On a sort of serious note — somewhere in “The Prehistory of the Far Side,” Gary Larson discusses the necessity of getting a single-panel cartoon’s caption and/or dialogue just right. There has to be a rhythm, a flow; after all, a panel shows (more or less) one captured moment, so if the caption goes on and on it breaks up the unity between image and text, and the cartoon loses its punch. I think that’s part of why TDIET is often so painful to read and its continued existence so baffling. That, and the fact that the premise, as in today’s example, is basically not all that funny: “PEOPLE ARE OFTEN CRITICAL OF OTHERS FOR FLAWS THEY THEMSELVES ALSO HAVE! ZING!!” Clearly, I have given way too much thought to this. I’m going to go lle down.
mooselet
June 5th, 2006 at 11:35 pm
Perhaps the Kool-Aid Man is about to come crashing through that rickety wall any second. ‘Scuse me while I get me a drink…
Ferd Berfel
June 6th, 2006 at 1:13 am
9CL – First religion and now psychiatry. I love you Thorax.
A3G – You’re so right, Lu Ann. Every time I read this strip it feels like nothing has changed.
FBOW – Oh shit. St. Elly’s becoming a writer. I was going to bitch about Her Foobness dropping the “Homesick Lardass Pussy Whips Doo-right Into Moving” story so quickly, but even hinting that St. Elly is now writing is a far worse development. We’re already forced to deal with Mike’s infantile, thesaurus laden ‘writing’, can you imagine how horrifically cloying and ‘uplifting’ St. Elly’s prose will be? Dear ‘Life In These Foobarian Provinces’. My grandchild Mewedith did the cutest thing…
GF – ‘Doltcent’. Just beautiful. My mind may be in the gutter, but I think Conely slipped one past the syndicate with ‘tool guide; and ‘gross incontinence’.
JP – That kid hired an Indian, outsourced her homework, and is still getting all ‘A’s? She’s doing better with that than most of us who call tech support then.
Luann – Let’s see… Brainy kid works in book store. Check. Minority kid builds homes for needy families. Check. Nerdy kid goes to computer camp. Check. Clueless slacker serves food. Check. A perfect score! The American Society for the Perpetuation of Stereotypes salutes you!
Monty – This has all the makings of a great arc. It’s all the little things that Meddick puts in. Look at yesterday. We had a gag about the “D” being on back order, an unshaven doctor in a wife-beater with dark circles under his eyes, and syringes in the dart board. Of course the dig at HMOs and off-shore med schools is great too. Doctor Vinnie Boom Botts should be fun for a couple of weeks.
MT – Mark has gone off to get a ’surprise’ for Tony. I suppose it could be a bag full of Fists o’ Justice, but I suspect it is the injured mountain goat Mark is nursing back to health. Cherry is quite cool towards Mr. Hill while Doc seems to be letting bygones be bygones. One final question; why isn’t Hill in jail?
RMMD – Tests, schmests. Our real doctors here have already told us tests can’t diagnose JRA. Either Wilson is using Wiki for research or he’s throwing us a curveball and Sarah is simply allergic to her stuffed toys. We missed out something that would have been amazing though. June changed blouses between yesterday and today. How come we never get to see that? Huh? How come?
Piranha Club – You know, they rioted over cartoons not too long ago. I’m laughing at this story line and wondering at the same time.
Mibbitmaker
June 6th, 2006 at 2:52 am
I read the “Oh, yeah” as that wrestler with the distinctive voice (did a gig at “Space Ghost: Coast 2 Coast”), whose name I’m proud not to remember.
6/6/06:
FW: WHAT, already???!! Sheesh, make a guy who could care less need to know, why don’t you, Batiuk’s guest-writer!
A3G: The girl-on-girl story got lost faster than Jeremy Zits’s break-up. (Sigh!)
Spiderman: Peter Parker, Keen Judge of Character!
FOOB: Along with the abovementioned strip, lame irony overload.
Beatle Bailey: The Everett True of the 2000s takes on Texas Hold ‘em, formerly known as Poker.
Zits: Jeremy’s going to get as soul-crushingly annoying as that Verizon commercial icon/character.
TheMagicMel
June 6th, 2006 at 7:34 am
Today’s GF is a beautiful thing, indeed. Tool guide, hee!
Smitty Q. Smedlap
June 6th, 2006 at 7:57 am
The Stableys are all against mass murder…
“Oh, look, Stanley, there’s somebody machine gunning a gaggle of school children out on a field trip….that’s bad.”
But give them a couple of…uhhh….knives and some…er…ummm….twenty dollar whores…and…
Oh yeah!
Brian Schlosser
June 6th, 2006 at 7:58 am
TDIET: Did the person who sent this one in ever actually rent an apartment before? Isn’t it the landlord’s job to clean up the place before the next tenants move in? Hell, the last apartment I moved out of had more stains on the floor than clean carpet, holes in the walls and a broken window. I guess I’m just a nerd, leaving it that way and expecting that my new apartment be clean…
Pozzo
June 6th, 2006 at 8:24 am
Mibbitmaker: It’s “Macho Man” Randy Savage.
No, no — don’t thank me.
BassoGap
June 6th, 2006 at 9:08 am
Foob – Now we know where Lynn is headed: the face-out to black for the strip will be a chorus of tik-tappa-tik-tap-tikka all across O Canada! Everyone writes!
Luann – Mmmm…my favorite. Retirement home leftovers. (No, not really)
Monty – Damn…I was hoping we’d see his bony, hairy ass sticking out of a thong. (No, not really) Let’s hope there’s not a “turn your head and cough” panel on the way, later this week.
RMMD – who the frickin’ frackin’ whatever cares about this storyline? more June in that sleeveless shirt, please…
GF – “Doltcent” has to be on Bucky’s all-time Top 10 list. “Gross incontinence”…note Satchel’s look of shame.
Fox Trot – Bill Amend makes fun of Apple all the time, but this series is going to end up in the Hall of Fame.
Rhymes With Orange – “Who care what color? Zeebas de-wish-uss wif barbecue sauce!”
BassoGap
June 6th, 2006 at 9:21 am
Make that “fade-out”. Duh.’
And Josh, it’s taking many tries to post anything this morning…
Lady Penelope
June 6th, 2006 at 10:52 am
A3G: Tommie says, “My pleasure.” Well if she’s going to be a selfish lover, no wonder her roommates refuse to cuddle. That, and she has bad hair.
Lady Penelope
June 6th, 2006 at 11:01 am
But the more I think of it, maybe Maynard G. McVesty will be good for Tommy.
Hysterical Woman
June 6th, 2006 at 11:41 am
The Pestley’s last apartment doesn’t look “we’re not keeping up with the housecleaning” bad, it looks “abandoned crack house” bad. Anyone who moves in will just be so glad at the lack of feces they won’t care that it’s a bit untidy.
King Folderol
June 6th, 2006 at 11:51 am
I’m hearing the Kool-Aid “oh yeah”.
The writers of TDIET are clearly stoners, thus all the pauses.
FW – “More information on high school teases who’ll never put out can be found on the Internet.”
FOOB – The thought of Elly buying made me laugh like this comic has never made me laugh. Thanks, Lynn!
Gershwin
June 6th, 2006 at 12:14 pm
Re 21: I’ve moved out of apartments that I had to clean, because it was in the landlord’s contract with me. I’m a neatnik who isn’t too hard on properties, but some of the friends I’ve helped with apartment-cleaning just before they moved out…
Never saw anything as bad as TDIET, though. (Or even as bad as the apt. portrayed in the second part.)
mere cog in the machine
June 6th, 2006 at 12:42 pm
I’ve come to imagine the “writer” of TDIET to be a portly, balding man in his late fifties who always wanted to be Henny Youngman when he grew up. The fill-in work at the more tawdry Catskills resorts having dried up long ago, his contemptuous brother-in-law got him the gig at the comic strip to pay the bills. Although clearly the near-prototype of a hack, he is vaguely uneasy about the more modern outlook of some of the other strips and so will occasionally throw out inappropriate terms such as “nerds” just to, you know, show all the kids out there he’s a “hep cat” and still, er, “groovy”. Oh yeah.
Hit Parade
June 6th, 2006 at 2:24 pm
As a Brit, that thing about the flat didn’t strike me until it was pointed out, but it’s absolutely right.
Oh, but 7 – Andy Capp’s not from London. He’s from a couple of hundred miles further north, which is a long way for us little islanders. Also: Andy Capp Andy Capp Andy Capp Andy Capp
mentarman
June 6th, 2006 at 3:07 pm
“One final question; why isn’t Hill in jail?”
He said he was sorry. What more do you want?
Dingo
June 6th, 2006 at 3:12 pm
32 posts and no one states the obvious.
Abridge – abridgment
Acknowledge – acknowledgment
Judge – judgment
Have finger quotin’ Margot take you out back and show you what she does with that extra “e.”
Junior Tracy
June 6th, 2006 at 3:21 pm
Don’t get your hopes up too high regarding the Tommie / LuAnn lesbo thing, although, God knows, it would be the greatest comic thing since sliced bread. I’m guessing Tommie and the ex will get together, in some wholesome, entirely boring A3G way.
As to TDIET, neither misuse of the slang word “nerd”, nor excessive filler, are even minor sins by the standard of this comic. It’s so vile that there’s not even any pleasure in mocking it. It’s a Readers Digest for people who can’t read the Readers Digest. Please, Josh, let it die with a modocum of dignity, but regardless let it die.
dfgkl;n
June 7th, 2006 at 12:05 am
does it seem the pestley’s old apartment has a window in the doorway, which is apperantly floating in space?
Alan Vanneman
June 11th, 2006 at 9:03 am
“They’ll Do It Every Time” was a strip that ran back in the fifties and early sixties. I’m guessing that the current strips are simply the old ones freshened up a bit with new copy. (Why pay for art when you can get it for free?) I’m guessing that the “freshener” is a 40-something alky who drank his way out of the AP and remembers “nerd” from “Happy Days,” which is the last time he actually was happy. Cut the dude some slack! In ten years, you’ll be him! And it won’t be funny!