Youth wasted on the young; fantasy life wasted on the old
For Better Or For Worse, 7/2/06
I admit it: In addition to being a judgmental bastard, I’m a capricious bastard. How else can you explain the fact that I found Grandpa Foob’s last sexual fantasy sequence horrifying and distasteful, while I was mildly charmed by this one? Maybe it’s because instead of hoping to be rubbed down by nubile slave girls, he’s imagining relatively innocent pursuits, like dancing at arm’s length, holding hands in the general vicinity of pert young rear ends, or sharing incredibly phallic ice cream cones. Maybe I’m impressed that he’s daring to dream about a blonde-brunette three-way, or at least about driving to one. Maybe it’s because the strip dramatically illustrates the fact that, no matter what our age, we’re always young and virile in our own minds, our chins firm and manly, with only a slight cleft pointing the way to their scrotum-like future.
Meanwhile, in Rex Morgan, M.D., Rex is wearing a kind of gay robe.
Going over my old posts, I’ve noticed a trend with me and Rex Morgan: I get all excited about every new storyline and inevitably have fun with it for the first few weeks; then suddenly the air goes out if it and I lose
interest. The last few weeks in this strip have involved a punk-haired girl killing Harry and taking over the blackmailing biz and … a partial fingerprint … and … something about arthritis … damn, I can’t even work up the energy to write a summary. But I offer Rex in his classy robe here as a reminder of happier times.
(Speaking of robes, what the hell is June wearing? At first I thought she had one of those little trays that hook over your neck, like an old-timey cigarette girl, which she was pretending to be in a desperate and doomed attempt to get Rex’s attention. But I suspect she’s just wearing a robe festooned with the exact same cheesy pattern as the top underneath it. More troubling is the hand at the bottom of the frame, which appears to be protruding from her torso.)
Yohannah
July 2nd, 2006 at 5:38 pm
Oh my goodness! Check out Foxtrot! Even Foxtrot makes fun of Family Circus!
Bill Peschel
July 2nd, 2006 at 5:39 pm
Clicking on the comments to grampa’s wet dream was a bonus. Who knew we had so many foot fetishes who knew Greek?
MossMoses
July 2nd, 2006 at 6:15 pm
Grandpa should lose the withered old hag and put the move on those hot young chicks. Some women find older men with chin scrotal sacks really sexy.
FUN CHIN SCROTAL SCIENCE PROJECT:
On a hot day, disrobe and slip your chin (groin and all) into a cold shower. Notice how your chin testicles tell your chin scrotum to contract and thus, bring them closer to the warmth of your head’s bulk. Examine the prune like puckering your chin scrotum produces to accomplish this amazing feat of strength and engineering. Write about your experience in your journal
BigJoe
July 2nd, 2006 at 6:34 pm
Jumble: Okay, this isn’t really a comic, but it does have a cartoon drawing as part of it. Is this some of the worst artwork you’ve ever seen? What the heck is that saleman driving, a monorail? Look how huge the cabin is. The side window is 4 feet tall. He has several feet of headroom. And check out that seatbelt, it’s just a rope looping around his stomach. He’s not even close to leaning against the seat cause the front cabin is so massive. Man, that’s some lazy drawing.
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2006/7/1&name=Jumble
LittleGuy
July 2nd, 2006 at 6:50 pm
Who knew Grandpa Joe has relatives in Quahog, RI?
Colin
July 2nd, 2006 at 7:12 pm
does anyone want to guess where rex’s other hand is?
and the weirdest part about that is, a couple of my friends and I’s inside joke is that studying means masturbating.
Yeah, doing a little research. Keep searching rex, you’ll find it eventually.
Ron
July 2nd, 2006 at 7:19 pm
It looks to me like she’s wearing an apron, though God knows why she’d be doing that, and she’s using her left hand to beckon him seductively, like a bellhop, towards the bedroom.
Charles
July 2nd, 2006 at 7:22 pm
It’s rather sad that Grandpa can only imagine himself wearing the same shapeless old-man sweater, no matter how young he is in his fantasies.
Either that, or he’s only ever had the one set of clothes.
Anonymous
July 2nd, 2006 at 7:24 pm
I thought it was an apron she was wearing too, except that her hand makes it look like she is wearing a sling. The way her hand is palm up means that somehow June’s arm got mangled somehow in a horrible accident.
Propaniac
July 2nd, 2006 at 7:35 pm
Yeah, looks like a sling to me, too.
Zorba.the.Geek
July 2nd, 2006 at 9:07 pm
June’s wearing a nightgown with a matching robe (and a badly-drawn arm). Haven’t any of you ever been to the lingerie department of any large department store?
Kristin
July 2nd, 2006 at 9:36 pm
What is June wearing? Why, a lovely matching gown and robe, of course. Google charmeuse robe and check a few of the results.
Doug Puthoff
July 2nd, 2006 at 9:49 pm
Zits: Pierce has taken up scrapbooking?? Next week in “Dennis the Menace”, we’ll probably find out Mr. Wilson is a Sex Pistols fanatic. (Though I do think DTM’s dad is an Elvis Costello fan–after all, the two look alike).
Dub Not Dubya
July 2nd, 2006 at 9:53 pm
June may be wearing suspenders that fit badly around her ginormous rack. Makes as much sense as anything else.
Meggie
July 2nd, 2006 at 10:02 pm
This has already been said, but Grandpa should leave that hag of his.The mans almost dead! Let him live life like he wants!
AwfulArt
July 2nd, 2006 at 10:15 pm
Way to go Lucy Van Pelt for winning the Margo contest…
Way to go to the spelling spider who nailed some pig in Sundays “Lio”..
treadwell
July 2nd, 2006 at 10:52 pm
Will someone please tell me the age in which I’m supposed to magically no longer find pert young things attractive, so when I reach it I can revel in ignoring the deadline?
I don’t care how old ya are…a hot chick is a hot chick.
saint ruby
July 2nd, 2006 at 11:33 pm
Maybe it’s because in his fantasies about his younger self, he looks exactly like Michael. Also, like his son-in-law. Creeeeepy
Dawn Weston
July 3rd, 2006 at 12:14 am
I like how in the last fantasy the girl’s daisy dukes turn into a long red dress, which fully covers her beee-hind. Obviously gramps is not an assman unlike Officer Doo-Right.
tefflan
July 3rd, 2006 at 5:07 am
Good looking, scantily-clad women DO NOT go out with or date smelly old Ballchinians.
Unless the smelly old Ballchinian is a multimillionaire with Alzheimer’s disease.
tefflan
July 3rd, 2006 at 5:54 am
I was going to let my comment go at that (see above), but really, really there is nothing more disgusting than seeing a diabetic-shoe clad, cane-bearing dirty old man leering at the hotties in the park. And especially sitting right there with his significant other. Dr Kevorkian, where are you when someone is so obviously crying out for your services?
treadwell
July 3rd, 2006 at 6:26 am
When you’re ancient yourself, be sure to remind yourself to not find attractive people attractive. Wouldn’t want to be disgusting, even within the privacy of your own thoughts.
tefflan
July 3rd, 2006 at 8:00 am
Thanks, Tread. I’m already ancient. If I took a cane and a pair of Habands out to the park right now, you might be able to tell the difference between me and Gramps in the strip because I don’t have balls for a chin, but other than that, well…
anonymous
July 3rd, 2006 at 8:29 am
#15 – does Grandpa have a billion dollars put away, unbeknownst to us? If so, he can hire himself a hot home health aide which will be as close to living the life he wants as he’s ever going to get, at this stage of the game
mere cog in the machine
July 3rd, 2006 at 10:59 am
#22: I am not ancient – yet – but I do find myself checking out women in their thirties or forties more so than hot young things these days. I guess the reason is that in order for a fantasy to be truly exciting there has to be an element of the possible to it. I can actually dream up a sequence of events where I end up in a sweaty tangle of arms, legs and genitals with a fortyish woman (though even that is a little bit of a stretch), but the possibilty of a hot young twenty-something wanting to even exist in the same space as me is so completely remote that it just doesn’t get the ‘ol cog turning, if you know what I mean. Still, I give the old bastard credit – I just hope he doesn’t soil his grampers.
mere cog in the machine
July 3rd, 2006 at 11:05 am
I almost forgot – did anyone else notice the reefer reference in ‘Curtis’ today? I guess if the strip morphed into a Funky Winkerbean real-time deal we might actually be treated to a teenaged Curtis being tempted by an enormous blunt – courtesy of Derrick and “Onion”, of course. Man, could you imagine that kid with the munchies?
Hogenmogen
July 3rd, 2006 at 11:16 am
I was thinking that Grandpa Foob was fantasizing about Mike Patterson dating these women. Either way, it seems inappropriate behavior to fantasize about romancing other women while you’re with your betrothed. I like a hottie as much as the next guy. Carnal impulses are one thing, but Ol’ Testicle Chin is fantasizing about taking them out, dancing, dating, etc. Then he looks at his crotchety, discontented old ball & chain feeding pidgeons, making Mary Worth look like a Parisian fashion plate. And I thought the Lockhorns had miserable lives.
Hogenmogen
July 3rd, 2006 at 11:30 am
Grandpa Foob is wearing a Jacket, but the hussie in panel 7 is wearing a bikini? Exactly how hot/cold is it there? And, what park is that where attractive women in bikinis and high heels come strolling along without a man in sight?
mere cog in the machine
July 3rd, 2006 at 11:37 am
#28: Lots of old folks always seem to be cold. I saw an old woman wearing what looked to be a wool sweater waiting for a bus the other day, and this is in Philadelphia in July. Maybe they have thin blood. Or maybe Grampa Foob is relying on the hemline of his sweater to conceal his wrinkled, creaking, viagra-fueled boner.
Cyan
July 3rd, 2006 at 12:46 pm
The jacket is how you know it’s Gramps in the fantasy and not Michael. Otherwise there’d be no telling the difference.
cheech wizard
July 3rd, 2006 at 4:11 pm
25 – One of the things I’ve found enjoyable about getting older is that I now find myself attracted to a much broader range of women, even though the favor may not be returned. I’ll never forget the first time a truly older woman caught my attention — I was in my mid-20s and I noticed this gal, early 50-ish, prematurely gray but with a nice figure, smooth skin and thinking “she’s kinda hot” and then, immediately “Holy shit! Where did that come from?!?!?” Needless to say, it was very confusing. Of course, by now she’s probably worm food, so I doubt she’d have the same effect today. But I think the French are on to something with this business about “a woman of a certain age.” Just don’t tell Bucky Katt.
Tommie’s Dream â€Dateâ€
July 3rd, 2006 at 4:57 pm
The really amazing thing about the Rex Morgan drawing is that June seems to be behind Rex: notice how his arm is in front of her bust. She’s about the size of an Easter Island sculpture.
bear
July 4th, 2006 at 10:14 am
gay robe? josh, come on. did you look at that picture of yourself with the margo action figure?
Library Cat
July 5th, 2006 at 3:22 pm
FBOFW: I still don’t understand why Gwampa is dressing them with his eyes in the scenarios. Iris is all concerned about the revealing clothes the girls are wearing and Gwampa is covering most of them up in his imagination. The Alzheimer’s is really kicking in, first he was eating dog biscuits, now this.
Gene
September 14th, 2006 at 10:48 pm
Grampa-in-a-harem-house is disconcerting because the relationship is so unequal. Not only are the girls slaves, but they’re young enough to be his granddaughter. In the park strip, Gramps is still lusting after the 20-somethings, but he’s imagining doing it as a 20-something hisself — as equals. No sex slavery involved.