Monday mostly soapers
Apartment 3-G, 7/5/10
Oh, God, Tommie’s humiliation is going to be even more delicious than I might have hoped. “Tommie, get out here! What are you wearing, a sweatsuit? You’re letting down everyone, with your ugly clothes! God, you make me want to puke. Let’s turn the house lights up, so you can see everyone’s disgusted faces!”
Mary Worth, 7/5/10
Dear Mary Worth Creative Team: I know you submit your strips weeks in advance and all, but I can’t help but feel a bit miffed that you’ve followed up my “Jenna and Mike are on drugs” funny with a strip in which our lovers are talking in oddly lucid and detached terms about their weird, altered emotional state and the “strange buzzing” they’re experiencing, all while rubbing up against each other. Has Mary so lost faith in her meddling skills that she’s resorted to spiking her victims’ meals with Ecstasy?
Mark Trail, 7/5/10
Since the main point of this storyline is to return Sassy home so that Rusty can make another horrifically overwrought facial expression, I fail to see the point to any of this sordid unlicensed animal shelter drama; people are just competing for the Sassy reward money, as is natural and healthy in a capitalist society. “Yes, Mr. Trail, your little dog is here somewhere… wait, where is he?” “Why, is this the dog you’re looking for, sir?” “Why, yes it is, mysterious mustachio’d man! Here is your reward!” “But … but … that man stole the dog from me!” “Whatever, lady, I stopped caring about this the moment the wayward puppy was returned to me. By the way, does the zoning board know you keep all these animals here?”
Dennis the Menace, 7/5/10
Mrs. Wilson has paid Dennis and Joey to induce the heart attack that will finally free her.
Jym
July 5th, 2010 at 4:48 pm
=v= MW: Dr. Mike walking down the beach in a vivid orange jacket with matching hair is clearly an allusion to Kate Winslet’s character in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. It’ll all end in forgetfulness.
Austria
July 5th, 2010 at 4:49 pm
FW: And now he’s hallucinating that he’s a narrator.
Jump Start: Oh great, now we’re going to get a whole week of lame Facebook jokes. Awesome.
Luann: Momma DeGroot, Momma Zits and Lois oughta all meet up and share tips on how to be annoying. The entire comics page would explode shortly after.
MG&G: ….Angry teenage history nerd is angry.
PBS: I can’t decide whether the last panel would be better without any dialogue or not…
RMMD: Man, check out that glower. Someone’s jealous of Brooke.
Zits: Oh, heeeeey, it’s that girl…like, that girl that Jeremy used to date eons ago? It’s been so long since anyone but Jeremy’s parents showed up in this strip, I totally forget her name…
And finally, Baby Blues: YES. See, Jump Start? SEE, MG&G? THIS is how you do technology jokes.
bats :[
July 5th, 2010 at 4:49 pm
Wow, Josh, you’re whipping them out (ahem) today!
bats :[
July 5th, 2010 at 4:50 pm
@Austria (#2): re Luann: You’ve forgotten (perhaps mercifully) St. Ellie the Martyr. And don’t forget Momma…uh, just Momma. The Mother of All Mommas.
BigTed
July 5th, 2010 at 4:51 pm
If Dennis really wanted to menace Mr. Wilson, he’d take a page from today’s “Blondie,” in which Herb tosses a leftover firecracker under the sleeping Dagwood’s hammock. Heart attacks are a lot funnier when accompanied by the loss of a limb.
Dude...wait...what?
July 5th, 2010 at 4:55 pm
The puppet master is taking a page out of the Rusty book with his horrifying visage. He has combined this with a Margo-esque desire to constantly stare down his nose. I cannot wait to see how Spiderman somehow manages to beat this obnoxious little man who plays with dolls.
BigTed
July 5th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
It’s a good thing Jenna and Mike are both capable of falling madly in love within minutes of meeting each other. Becoming a crazy stalker is a lot more fun when you do it as a couple.
Joe Blevins
July 5th, 2010 at 5:05 pm
MW: Whatever Jenna’s on, I want some, too. She doesn’t even seem to mind that someone has beaten her viciously with a tire-iron, knocking out one of her front teeth and causing severe bruising on the right side of her face.
Darby Snails
July 5th, 2010 at 5:06 pm
Dear Rusty,
Considering all you put that poor animal through lately, you obviously completely lack the responsibility needed to own a dog. I can only imagine that in six months Sassy will be blind, horribly scarred and missing three limbs. So… Maybe it’s for the best if you just let Sassy go. Even if she ends up gassed at the pound, that’s probably a more humane end than whatever future tortures your negligence is going to put her through.
Écureuil Écumant
July 5th, 2010 at 5:08 pm
@BigTed (#5): According to the “low hanging fruit” principle, it’d probably be more likely that Dag got one of his butt cheeks blown off. Except that he’s never had any.
demoncat
July 5th, 2010 at 5:13 pm
Mark will wind up after they fiind sassy give the moustashe man a chop. Jenna and Mike are not on drugs for they have fallen under the power of Mary and are busy getting ready to fulfil her plans of being in a lifetime match against their wills. Mr. Wilson will not have a heart attack for Denis will never let him or any one else in that world have peace ever.
The Poster with No Name
July 5th, 2010 at 5:19 pm
My snark still needs practice:
Dick Tracy: “And the World War II terror weapon lives up to its name” — “Its name”? Is it wrong if I’m hoping that the aircraft is a “Fokker”?
Pluggers: Alternative Caption — “Pluggers often get drunk and then try to hammer things.”
Mary Worth: Hey, wasn’t the beginning of Jaws sort of like this, with two young people on a moonlit beach? I hope that Mike and Jenna’s date is heading the same way, if only because a horrific shark attack would liven things up a bit:
Alison
July 5th, 2010 at 5:31 pm
Damn, Mr. Wilson has got some scray-skinny legs peeking out from under his pants.
I guess it’s supposed to be a shadow, but that dark line on Jenna’s face makes it look like she scribbled all over herself with a black pen.
Stu
July 5th, 2010 at 5:32 pm
@Austria (#2):
Good point about Mama Degroot, Lois, etc….maybe they can each have a Job Jar.
dale
July 5th, 2010 at 5:50 pm
@Austria (#2):
The History Channel types keep telling us that the rebels (we like to call them “patriots”) would not have said “British”. They were all British. The term would have been “regulars” or maybe “redcoats”.
Black Drazon
July 5th, 2010 at 5:56 pm
Is the woman in the plain white blouse and no makeup lecturing the woman in the plain white sweatshirt and no makeup about appearances? It’s like a game of King of the Hill where the only losers are the poor ants that have lost their front door.
You’ve got to love Mark and Rusty’s gazing towards the horizon in hopes of spotting Sassy even though every dog in the area is running toward this old woman, to eat her.
LaurenM
July 5th, 2010 at 5:59 pm
Perhaps some of the inky blackness slowly spreading across the turquoise night sky fell on Jenna’s face.
Smokehouse
July 5th, 2010 at 6:04 pm
Jenna’s not going to be so excited when Mike lures her under that pier to murder her and add her skin to his collection. Never go under the pier on the first date.
[Old Man] Muffaroo
July 5th, 2010 at 6:07 pm
@Baka Gaijin (#y6): Umlauts on the PC: I used Character Map. Umlauts on the Mac: Option-u, then the vowel that goes under it. Any sort of diacritical anywhere (new kludge): Google a word you know has it, then copy and paste from a hit that has what you were looking for. First used to get the second accent mark in ‘déjà vu.’
Hi There
July 5th, 2010 at 6:19 pm
FW: “Hey, balloon-head, DOWN IN FRONT! We’re trying to watch a concert here.”
Fed up with the psychotic ramblings of a drunken Funky Winkerbean, the audience takes matters into its own hands.
Funky awakens the next day in a dumpster covered with cuts and bruises.
“Oh, no,” he moans while attempting to stand. “They said they wouldn’t take my clothes this time.”
Funky climbs out of the dumpster, still confused as to the decade.
Naked, he staggers towards Montoni’s. “I need a drink.”
Funky remembers that old saying about Thunderbird wine: as the eagle rises higher, you sink lower.
ratnerstar
July 5th, 2010 at 6:20 pm
Judging by the oil on the water in panel one and the oil on Jenna’s face in panel two, Mike and Jenna are taking a romantic stroll along the Gulf coast. But I’m at a loss to explain the oil in the sky.
Steve S
July 5th, 2010 at 6:23 pm
“No, lady, you’ve got it all wrong. I don’t want Sassy back. I want you to take Rusty.”
Poteet
July 5th, 2010 at 6:24 pm
S-M — I still wanna know how the Puppet Master handles bathroom breaks for Iron Man. Maybe the poor superhero will have to whizz through the air as he whizzes through the air.
Renee
July 5th, 2010 at 6:24 pm
I’m not buying Mary putting drugs in Mike and Jenna’s drinks. Judging by that last panel, Jenna is actually some kind of zombie succubus in disguise, and has grown impatient with waiting for the right moment to eat Mike. Maybe it was the blunt head trauma she encountered earlier on their date – succubi don’t bleed black, Mike. Run fast.
Renee
July 5th, 2010 at 6:25 pm
@Renee (#24):
that should say “humans don’t bleed black.”
Uncle Lumpy
July 5th, 2010 at 6:28 pm
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#19):
Alternately, you can type in ü and it will show up ü. You can usually guess these “html entities” (for example, < is coded as <). There are also tables all over the place.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 5th, 2010 at 6:39 pm
@The Poster with No Name (#12): *geek mode* It’s a Junkers Ju-87 Stuka */geek mode*
@Austria (#2): is it Stone Soup that occasionally features a coffee klatch of women from other strips, including Alice from Dilbert, Connie from Zits and perhaps Cathy?
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 5th, 2010 at 6:43 pm
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#27):
yes yes it was. yay for better memory than self-credited for. :-)
LUJBEM FEJF
July 5th, 2010 at 6:46 pm
Dick- I really don’t think the Corsair lived up to it’s name. Since (according to Wikipedia) the word “corsair” is used generically as a more romantic or flamboyant way of referring to privateers, or even to pirates. Dating myself, I’m a big fan of the movie “Midway” and of the show “Baa Baa Black Sheep” and I know a corsair when I see one. Now let me think of a terror weapon from WWII…mmmm..something that would really scare the bejesus out of people. Nope, can’t think of anything. Corsair it is.
dyslexic dog
July 5th, 2010 at 6:48 pm
Buzzed beach walking is drunk beach walking. It’s just not worth it.
[Old Man] Muffaroo
July 5th, 2010 at 6:50 pm
@Uncle Lumpy (#26): The alt-codes do seem to have been named by someone with a knowledge of mnemonics. I offer the Google method as an alternate that requires little memorization.
bunivasal
July 5th, 2010 at 7:04 pm
If I had to guess, I’d say Jenna’s feelings is the deep thrumming of the Final Ones, drawn to this world from Blackest Depths by the scent of the black ichor dripping slowly from her head.
MWDG
July 5th, 2010 at 7:09 pm
MW: Jenna looks like Courtney Cox would look if she wasn’t botoxed. I wish:
either….
a. Seagulls would attack Jenna leaving her without a tongue
b. Both Jenna and Mike would start laughing about what a hag Mary is
c. Jenna would make a move on Mike and he would laugh and say something like… “what makes you think a young dr. like me would touch a GD skank like you!”
d. Jenna would relieve her bowels on the beach in front of Mike
e. Terry Bryson and her gal pal hoodlum biker internet security gang would terrorize the two young lovers.
Poteet
July 5th, 2010 at 7:10 pm
@Poteet (#23): Come to think of it, maybe that’s why he’s called the Golden Avenger.
Lawyerbob
July 5th, 2010 at 7:10 pm
MW: Judging from their faces, the roofies that Mike and Jenna slipped each other seemed to have had some unfortunate side effects.
A3G: Are you telling me Kat got dressed with the light on?
curlyfries
July 5th, 2010 at 7:14 pm
@This Guy (YY#320): And in return, I’d like to remind TWITBM that he is afflicted with a bad case of tote Hose. It means “dead pants” and it’s another word for crashing bore or nothing going on. As a delightful aside, it also means you’ve got no sproingg in the Y-fronts area, but that sort of goes without saying. So if Brooke ever demands to be blown first, shrug it off.
@LUJBEM FEJF (#29): Actually, you shouldn’t go by gull-wing alone, because Corsair it isn’t – that’s a Ju87 Stuka. Note the unique fixed and spatted undercarriage and distinctive squared-off canopy. The F4U Corsair had retractable gear and a different birdcage canopy. That fixed undercarriage design was particularly important because a Jericho Trumpet, which was a prop-driven siren, was mounted on its landing gear fairing. When it dive bombed you the siren gave out a horrible eldritch scream to warn you that you were going to be toast in a few minutes so that you could be just that more terrified.
DT writers – the German terrorwaffen were the flying bombs, or doodlebugs (the Fieseler Fi-103, or V-1 was the worst) and they were usually referred to as Vergeltungswaffen or vengeance weapons. You’re sort of reaching to get some poetic justice here.
curlyfries
July 5th, 2010 at 7:27 pm
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#27): Sorry, fellow geeker, I forgot to reference your earlier post in my response to LUJBEM FEJF.
sugarpie
July 5th, 2010 at 7:50 pm
@Uncle Lumpy (#26):
mr 12 oz can
July 5th, 2010 at 7:53 pm
mark trail-how does elrod get out of this . there are no cell phones in trailverse so mark will have to go home to get call from slim stache or cherry dressalike which again he will say ill be there the next day to meet at the city skyline . problem solved sassy will smell rusty from slimstaches window mark breaks into apartment beats him up reward goes to old bag officer murph goes to the bar .they go home to cherry s new hairstyle .next story probably about poaching
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 5th, 2010 at 7:54 pm
@curlyfries (#37): no worries. WWII aircraft are a hobby of mine. :-)
The Corsair and the Stuka were perhaps the only gull-winged aircraft of WWII, and it’s not like DT has shown the full craft much, except for a Sunday strip last week. My first guess was a Val, judging by the fixed undercarriage and canopy, but that was before I saw the Sunday strip, which left no doubt that it was a Stuka.
This Guy
July 5th, 2010 at 7:54 pm
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#19): In my high school German classroom, we had a printout with the alt-codes for ö, ü, and ä posted on the wall.
@curlyfries (#36): Speaking of German, Die Toten Hosen are also a punk band from Germany. I wish our teacher had used their music to teach us instead of Die Prinzen, but bullshit angry letters from parents likely would have ensued.
sugarpie
July 5th, 2010 at 8:05 pm
Sorry, I was trying out the umlaut thing, ü, and it got completely away from me, in addition to it not working. ü ® . Huh. What do you know, it workes. I dont have much snark these days, but am getting lots of usefull stuff from the CC regardless. Thanks Uncle Lumpy.
Écureuil Écumant
July 5th, 2010 at 8:22 pm
@LUJBEM FEJF (#29) and @curlyfries (#36): Regarding WWII terror weapons, there were also the German Nebelwerfer — the late-model, multiple-rocket-launcher versions — that the allies called “Screaming Meemies” or “Moaning Minnies” for the scary screech they made incoming. The Russians had the early Katyushas (“Stalin Organs” for the multiple tubes) that had the same effect.
The Germans also developed the much-copied S-Mine (aka “Bouncing Betty”) landmine that would fly into the air when triggered, either to head or waist height, and then explode blowing off either your head or your nuts.
The Japanese had the “Ohka” suicide rocket planes (colloquially the “Bakabomb” or “crazy bomb”) that had no landing gear to emphasize the nature of the mission.
The Allies apparently weren’t into purely terror weapons at first — until nukes, which are still the alpha predators in that category.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled FW tote hose misery.
Uncle Lumpy
July 5th, 2010 at 8:26 pm
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#31):
Yup; Google also helps check spelling, as in été vs. ètudiant vs. tête.
Patrick
July 5th, 2010 at 8:26 pm
I don’t know what Mike and Jenna are on, but whatever drugs make you pick a pumpkin-colored jacket and matching Sansabelt slacks are drugs I want no part of.
Peanut Gallery
July 5th, 2010 at 8:26 pm
Dick Tracy – I appreciate all the WWII airplane tech-speak here, but really I’m just loving the “TWANG”.
As a sound effect, it seems charmingly out of place. Sort of like if Dick Tracy were attacked by El Kabong.
KarMann
July 5th, 2010 at 8:38 pm
Groovy Blinkerlegume: So, among the other story’s to which it’s been suggested this current Funky story might compare, I’m surprised that I don’t believe I’ve seen anyone mention Jacob’s Ladder at all yet. Aside from the movie not involving going back before the time of his wounding much, it seems a pretty good fit. But that is a pretty significant difference.
And BTW, I’d guess that Funky might be back in 1976, just because that was the big Bicentennial one, and a reasonable touchstone for that time period which this seems to be set in.
Government Cheese
July 5th, 2010 at 8:40 pm
MW: I can’t wait for Mary to show up during the “heavy petting” phase yelling “HOW’S IT GOING” followed by “Let me unzip your pants to move this along – my meddling quota is short this quarter”
Ideally her eyes would be bugged out and she’d have the obligatory halo around her head.
Ed Dravecky
July 5th, 2010 at 8:47 pm
@Peanut Gallery (#46): I would pay good money to see an animated “Dick Tracy versus El Kabong”.
Mordock999
July 5th, 2010 at 8:51 pm
Thanks to all that helped with what Robert Plant screamed during the “Lemon Song”. Its haunted me for over 40 years.
What did he scream? Well as near as I can figure out it was:
“BAAAAAAAAAYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!”
As for today’s Luann 07/05/10
Forget babysitting Shannon for 10 dollars an hour, Luann.
I’d give you a HUNDRED bucks just to OFF TJ.
_______________________
DEATH to TJ!!!
curlyfries
July 5th, 2010 at 8:57 pm
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#40): Yeah, I can’t think of any other bent-wing or inverted gull-wings, except perhaps the torpedo dive-bomber Aichi B7A Shooting Star. And that kind of doesn’t count because only about 100 were ever made – because due to engine manufacturing problems it wasn’t produced until the war was almost over, when Japan had no carriers to launch it from.
It’s also not like DT rendered it in lovingly accurate detail, either. They showed the canopy and the whole plane prior to last Sunday, and I think it was you who mentioned then that it might be a Val – until you got a good look at the wing, that is. Since hanging planes are usually displayed with their gear retracted to add to the illusion of flight, it was pretty easy for aircraft geeks like us to ID due to that fixed undercarriage with spatted housings, since they quickly became obsolete as the war progressed.
@This Guy (#41): I think the translatation there woud be “dead boring guys,” so obviously Thorax is the lead in that little group.
@Écureuil Écumant (#43): But all of those were used in the field or in naval engagements, against an enemy military. The whole concept behind the terrorwaffe was to demoralize civilian populations. Having a hundred-a-day doodlebugs thrown at you and little Timmy and old Mrs. Wilson was terrifying enough, but the buzz bomb was really considered a terror weapon because you couldn’t hear or see it coming until it was on top of you. You suddenly were aware of that droning sound – and if you heard it stop, you knew you were directly underneath it. So while you could technically classify all weapons, tanks or planes as terror weapons (since war is pretty damn terrifying anyway) landmines, kamikaze bakabombs and the like were deployed against soldiers and ships, not civilians.
McManx
July 5th, 2010 at 9:16 pm
M Worth – I just figured out that Santa Royale must be on the Gulf of Mexico. Here Jenna and Mike are walking down the beach, and all of the sudden her face and dress are covered in oil.
Dennis – Jump starting Mr. Wilson by bouncing on the couch is tame. Jump starting Mr. Wilson by hooking up jumper cables to his testicles — now THAT would be menacing.
M Trail – Sassy’s missing? Oh my God… in panel 2 I can already see Rusty’s gap-tooth maw beginning to contort into the masque of the red death.
Luann – “Aww, Mom. ‘Fun time’ is so old school. These days we call it fukkin’!”
NoahSnark
July 5th, 2010 at 9:23 pm
Mr. Wilson has the expression of a man who wakes up from a nightmare only to discover reality is much, much worse.
seismic-2
July 5th, 2010 at 9:58 pm
Based on the preview of it that we glimpsed on the plane trip from Miami, I am not at all interested in seeing the eventual Spiderman vs. Iron Man showdown. I am, however, very much interested in seeing a possible Puppet Master vs. TJ grin-off.
Écureuil Écumant
July 5th, 2010 at 10:35 pm
MINI-MEETUP: A couple of us are planning to show up to chaperone Josh on Wednesday afternoon at the Wonkette’s “Weeping Eagle Awards” here in DC (see his note from Saturday). I posted some info in the “Meetups” section of the forum — let’s have a mini-meetup of any Mudges that can make it there! It’s been too long already since Mid-Atlanticon rocked the ‘hood!
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 5th, 2010 at 10:42 pm
@Écureuil Écumant (#55): I just had this mental vision of Josh, entering the locale, flanked by an honor guard of ‘mudges in Fist O Justice T-shirts, lead by the Didactic Duo in pencil skirts with holstered red pens.
Imperial March optional.
Sister Sestina
July 5th, 2010 at 10:52 pm
Judging from how mangled Jenna’s face looks, the “strange buzzy feeling” is actually the reverberation from a running chainsaw.
DearPrudence
July 5th, 2010 at 10:55 pm
For a fat guy, Mr. Wilson sure has skinny ankles. And as for “Baby Blues’, I’m starting to suspect that Wren is an android.
Baka Gaijin
July 5th, 2010 at 10:58 pm
COTW is up!
bats :[
July 5th, 2010 at 11:02 pm
@Écureuil Écumant (#55): ooooh, a Josh Posse!
Foobar
July 5th, 2010 at 11:33 pm
There? Menacing enough?
KarMann
July 6th, 2010 at 12:11 am
@bats :[ (#60): Posse Comicatus?
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 6th, 2010 at 12:20 am
Apartment 3-G: Is ambushing contestants the usual MO for Dressed in the Dark? Funny how there don’t seem to be any cameras filming this (alleged) TV show. Unless “Dressed” is actually a 1940s RADIO show about fashion faux pas! Don’t laugh — EDGAR BERGEN AND CHARLIE McCARTHY became famous performing unseen on radio!
ChrisB
July 6th, 2010 at 12:29 am
I’m having a hard time associating the word “menace’ with a kid who removes his shoes to bounce on the sofa. That’s Milquetoast, that’s Fauntleroy, that’s not hard.
Nekrotzar
July 6th, 2010 at 12:40 am
“Tommie, why are you wearing pajamas?”
“Because I’m asleep in my own bed, where no one can see me.”
“I can see you Tommie, and so can most of America. Let’s bring up the closet lights and get a closer look at that awful shoe collection. Tommie, can you tell our millions of viewers what you were thinking when you selected that wallpaper?”
PTPundit
July 6th, 2010 at 12:42 am
Has Jenna and Mike’s date moved to a gulf coast beach? Seems like Jena, in panel 2, is covered from brow to chin in oil.
ArtisticPlatypus
July 6th, 2010 at 5:13 am
Take a good look at the face of rusty in the second panel, and then read the rest of this post.
Back? Well, i don’t live in america, so you can’t sue me.
Ray Jay
July 6th, 2010 at 9:56 am
I think that beach must be on the gulf coast, because Jenna has a smear of oil on the side of her face.
Carlo
July 6th, 2010 at 10:56 am
“Has Mary so lost faith in her meddling skills that she’s resorted to spiking her victims’ meals with Ecstasy?”
Unlike others who think the lovers are on a stroll along the Gulf Coast, I think it’s LSD that Mary Worth slipped them, and Jenna’s face is melting.
un malpaso
July 6th, 2010 at 4:29 pm
re. MW: It’s not drugs. This is obviously the first sign of shellfish poisoning. Or, possibly, the revenge of the “fugu special” that Mike talked Jenna into sharing with him. (Of course, like all other foodstuffs seen in Mark Worth, it was served in peach-colored bar form.)
The next step should show Mike falling in a jelylike slump onto the beach, able only to signal “I’m not dead” with his left eyelid, before paramedics bury him alive. Sue me if I’m wrong!!!