Summertime … and the Thorping better be wacky
Gil Thorp, 7/14/10
Hey, Gil Thorp! We waded through like six months of baseball season because we were all psyched for summer, and you know why? Because summer is when awesome things happen in Gil Thorp! Awesome things like Kaz kicking ass and Marty Moon getting grifted and Milford students saving grown-up ladies from stalkers and and little girls getting into fistfights and Kaz chillin’ in his dojo! What we specifically don’t want is the same stuff we get during the school year, namely Gil doing a half-assed job of coaching today’s youth in some sport or other, which appears to be what we’re getting. Still, it’s kind of amusing to see how limited his set of coaching techniques is. “So, let’s do some laps to build up your endurance!” “But coach, this is golf, and…” “I SAID LET’S DO SOME LAPS!”
Mary Worth, 7/14/10
At last, the drama in this Mary Worth plot has been revealed! It’s been a week since Jenna and Mike got high on the beach, and he apparently hasn’t returned her calls or emails or texts or whatever other forms of misspelled communication she’s been bombarding him with. Tonight it’s time for her to mourn, alone with her circa-2003 Danger Hiptop and her bottle of fortified ketchup wine; tomorrow she seeks out and destroys the person responsible for her emotional devastation (Mary).
Funky Winkerbean, 7/14/10
One of the striking features about Funky Winkerbean over the decades has been that its title character had receded in importance in favor of Les Moore, who bore the brunt of the strip’s grimness but still, despite terrible psychological damage, managed to remain mildly optimistic (if creepy). But since the most recent time jump, it seems to me that Funky’s narrative focus has come back more often than not to Funky. And why not? He’s an angry, bitter recovering alcoholic on the verge of relapse, who’s managed to screw over or alienate his son, his mentor, and at least one wife. This time travel storyline actually started out sort of whimsical and interesting — I’ve had a lot of people writing me to say that they can’t believe that they’re looking forward to seeing how it turns out — but naturally it’s quickly come to this, a prematurely old man wandering about his own past, raving like a crazy person about Elvis’s corpse, and unleashing a string of metaphors whose incoherence (his issues are baseball-playing sharks on a road?) can’t mask his essential awful self-loathing. The sad thing is that in his current state he’s probably still happier than he’ll be if he wakes up in the present.
Apartment 3-G, 7/14/10
Oh, how convenient of Kat and Kitty to list all the people who helped further the humiliation of our gals, right here on TV! It will make it easier for police to link what might otherwise seem like an unconnected series of brutal stranglings committed by an unknown assailant’s ultra-powerful “quoting fingers.”
Hi There
July 14th, 2010 at 6:10 pm
Old Funky walks across the park, thinking about teenagers. He sticks both hands deep into the pockets of his Hager slacks.
“Right ball, corner pocket,” he says while rubbing one out.
Old Funky has lost track of time again. Is it still afternoon? He could have sworn he spent the night on a park bench but that high school band was still around…
“This bender – it’s something else,” he mutters to himself. It was time to visit a 7-11 and get himself another bottle of Vice Tea. Oh, shit, he forgot about the time jump. He would have to get a six pack of Bud, instead.
You have to drink 30 cans of that piss just to get a buzz. Where’s Oly when you need it?
Staggering along, Old Funky thought about his favorite band as a kid. What was the name of that album? ‘Too Old to Rock ‘n Roll, Too Young to Die.’ Waitaminute – what was the name of his favorite band again?
Dammit – if only it was 2010. He could look this stuff up on Wikipedia.
“Once I thought I knew all the answers,” Old Funky thinks. But then he took the SAT’s and found out otherwise.
Old Funky considered that other fat, washed-up asshole, Elvis Presley. “Man, Elvis was a hero to most, but he never meant shit to me.” Then, Old Funky remembered how Elvis went out. “Next to the toilet on the floor of his bathroom.” As opposed to the toilet in his kitchen or mud room.
Yeah, but Elvis went out riding a good high. Funky sighed. The rich always get the best drugs. Here he was, getting by on cheap booze and glue.
Old Funky decides to mix metaphors. “And waiting down the road for me are killer shark issues that will knock those pretensions right out of the park.”
He smiles. God, that’s terrible writing. A shark…who is a killer…is on a road…with a baseball bat…who will knock my dumb ideas…out of the park. Is that four or five metaphors in a single sentence?
Old Funky thinks about killer shark issues. What are those, anyway? Are they better or worse than killer whale issues? Maybe he should be thankful he didn’t have to face Tyrannosaurus Rex issues. If only his issues could only be of the cute squirrel variety.
For some reason, Old Funky thinks about his favorite comic book hero. He looks up at the sky and weeps. “Where’s Squirrel Girl when you need her?”
At this point, Old Funky loses control of his bowels.
“Argh,” he screams. “I hate when that happens.”
Miss Othmar
July 14th, 2010 at 6:14 pm
I must be tired today. I read today’s Blondie as:
“Well, my boy, are you farting better these days…?”
“At last night’s dinner, we moved up to two cans of beans….”
t007
July 14th, 2010 at 6:15 pm
The guy is a DOCTOR, ya know, as in probably very busy. What are you, 14 and your crush didn’t call you after you made out? BTW, this seems to be the first time in MW time that a week was really a week and not MONTHS.
Sliver of Mope
July 14th, 2010 at 6:16 pm
@Sequitur (#Y30): Thanks for the “Starchie.” Good stuff. So sad that that these days Mad is a fractured reflection of the shadow of its former self.
GT: I believe the Panel 2 thought bubble foreshadows a Very Special storyline about parental neglect, or perhaps an insane golf parent screaming at his/her kid from side of the fairway. Hopefully, somehow, the Fists o’Kazness will be unleashed in all their mulletifying glory.
MW: Where’s Charlie when you need him? Seriously. Like Jenna, he doesn’t believe in love but recognizes that people still have needs. Like Jenna, he enjoys a refreshing adult beverage. And like Jenna, he’s been screwed over by Mary’s meddling. Why doesn’t Mary try to hook them up? Oh, that’s right–if they actually hit it off she’d have no reason to meddle, which for her is the same as having no reason to live.
More MW–My Prediction: Dr. Roberts hasn’t called because he’s got a patient on the edge of death or somesuch similar emergency. When Jenna hears about it, the knowledge will serve the twin purposes of making the man appear to be a gallant hero with Very Important Things to Do and putting the silly, insecure woman in her place for not magically knowing this from the start. If we’re lucky, it’ll all go down at a pool party. If we’re really lucky, it’ll go down when a drunk Jenna goes down on Mike at a pool party.
Last Word on MW: Woah! A one-week timejump? Slow down, Ms. Moy, this lightning pace is killing me.
ZFBOFW: I usually don’t Zombie Foob, so I have no idea what’s happening in the current storyline. I’m guessing that Ellie’s being lured into the woods by a serial killer.
Violet
July 14th, 2010 at 6:18 pm
After reading today’s Funky Winkerbean, Batiuk’s doctor decided that in addition to the antidepressants he’d been so insistently recommending, it was maybe time to go ahead and prescribe some antipsychotics as well.
BoulderDan
July 14th, 2010 at 6:21 pm
MW: Actually, I think this latest drama is set up so Mary can give comeuppance to the Doc. Of course the real reason he got all weird about returning Jenna’s call was the 45 messages left on voicemail the day after…but clearly in Marysverse all men are pigs anyway.
Patrick
July 14th, 2010 at 6:22 pm
I love the fact that, for a strip that regularly forgets such basic anatomy as where a human’s arm meets his shoulder, the first panel of Gil Thorp has enough detail that you can see individual strings on the tassels of a pair of loafers in the middle of a really crowded sports store.
Johnny
July 14th, 2010 at 6:34 pm
I’m not sure if this has come up in the comments already, but if not I think it should be mentioned – the great Harvey Pekar died this week.
In a just world the comics pages would be cleared for the next six months, and devoted to reprints of American Splendor.
Uncle Lumpy
July 14th, 2010 at 6:37 pm
Mary Worth, panel 2 — “My cabinets — gone! My flowers — gone! I’ve lost everything!
Ukulele Ike
July 14th, 2010 at 6:37 pm
Phantom: Wasn’t there an episode of Alfred Hitchcock Presents about a prisoner’s escape plan that involved burying oneself alive? And it didn’t turn out so good there, either, did it?
Edge: So it seems Len is quite the connoisseur of china hutches. A Heywood-Wakefield, you say? Splendid! Only $200? Ripping! What th’ hell is a china hutch?
9CL: Twenty-four hours of pleasuring the Nazi and it’s back to the arms of Mr. O’Malley. I hope Edna has a good long shower, first.
S-M: I admit to never having read an Iron Man comic book or seeing an Iron Man movie…but didn’t Stark build some kind of electronic sensors into that armor? He must bump into things a lot, considering the peripheral vision he probably enjoys through those little eye-slits.
Ukulele Ike
July 14th, 2010 at 6:40 pm
@Sliver of Mope (#4): I can’t read “family car trip” comic storylines without thinking about “A Good Man is Hard to Find.” I hope Elly runs into the Misfit in those woods.
AndyL
July 14th, 2010 at 6:43 pm
Actually, this isn’t that kind of theater. We don’t have a projector.
Chyron HR
July 14th, 2010 at 6:43 pm
Oh, I get it! Funky was so stressed out about his PSA that he had a stroke. It’s called
writingirony!BigTed
July 14th, 2010 at 6:44 pm
I always enjoy those super-cool texting words that barely save any letters. “2gether”! “U”! “Thanx”! “Nite”! Maybe Dr. Mike couldn’t keep up with Jenna’s ultra-hip youthisms.
Petal Metal
July 14th, 2010 at 6:44 pm
Mike and Jenna’s date supposedly occurred on the 4th of July, and yet as they danced on the beach, a huge full moon glowed in the sky. Meanwhile, here on earth, the moon on July 4 was in its quarter phase. So either these “kids” were really, really high, or MW takes place on another planet, perhaps in another galaxy. Which would explain much.
cheech wizard
July 14th, 2010 at 6:45 pm
You know, Funky, if you don’t want to go back, there’s a way to end it all. Just wander over to the high school and start wandering around without a hall pass until Les cuts you in half with his M1917A Browning.
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 14th, 2010 at 6:49 pm
Snuffy Smith: In order to make the “banana-ster” gag work, Snuffy had to hire a team of carpenters to build a whole second story on top of his shack. Was the Jane Goodall joke really worth the time and effort — not to mention expense — that it cost Hootin’ Holler’s leading citizen?
It Rhymes with Orange: Poor guy hasn’t worked since they stopped making new episodes of The Sopranos!
Mary Worth (take two): What you can’t hear is Bob Hope’s “Thanks for the Memories” playing in the background. And like the late Bob Hope, Mike is a notorious womanizer. Thanks to Mary’s failure to do a simple background check on the roamin’ doctor, Mike is fiddling around while Jenna gets burned!
Soup to Nutz: Andrew’s clothing provided by Stromoski Outfitters (“Golfing Togs for the Mentally Challenged”).
Digger
July 14th, 2010 at 6:51 pm
MW: I always suspected Mary drank human blood. And now it appears she has given Jenna a bottle from her private stock. What a sweetheart.
gnome de blog
July 14th, 2010 at 6:51 pm
@Ukulele Ike (#10):
Re Phantom: This is supposed to be a 17-month story act that we’re about halfway through. The obvious assumption was that Stripey-Butt would eventually bust Diana out of the slam. What if instead she busts herself out, tracks him halfway across the world and finds him in flagrante delicto with Captain Savarna?
And the kids get so browned off by his abandonment and infidelity that they grow up to be Pirates, kill their father, and the Phantom’s 400-year reign of terror comes to an end?
zenvelo
July 14th, 2010 at 6:51 pm
Sorry Jenna drinking to forget won’t help you remember that in your blackout you got a little freakier than Mike could handle.
Colage
July 14th, 2010 at 6:52 pm
Mary Worth continues to tread new ground: What other strip has the courage to call doctors out on their tendency to hit it and quit it?
Alfred E. Neuman
July 14th, 2010 at 6:54 pm
A3G— Margo’s response: “Roll heads!”
FW— In the 2010 mixed metaphor playdowns, Funky has just pulled into a substantial lead over Crankshaft.
GT— The ever-sensitive Gil, not wanting the to damage the delicate psyches of his young pupils with a spoiled walk, is having them run instead. [*]
MW— It looks like Jenna is about to open her second (or third) economy-sized bottle of Costco’s cherry-flavored cough syrup. She should really see a doctor about that cough, but apparently he won’t return her calls.
gnome de blog
July 14th, 2010 at 6:55 pm
@Petal Metal (#15):
I think we can safely assume that most, if not all, comic strips except Doonesbury take place in an alternate universe.
Baron Bizarre
July 14th, 2010 at 6:55 pm
@Johnny (#8):
Or at least give Batiukl a copy of Our Cancer Year so he can see how it’s done right!
[Old Man] Muffaroo
July 14th, 2010 at 6:56 pm
Another one from Toon River Anthology:
TRIXIE FLAGSTON
It was a static life. I went from bed to bath to floor
And was carried places, sometimes crawling,
Sitting and staring. I watched my family stay the same
For year after year, decade after decade
Stuck in infancy, unable to talk, or walk
My only friend was the dog, and after a while,
He found somewhere else to be.
Mom was the only one who ever changed. Once.
She went from staying home to showing homes,
And didn’t even hire a sitter or get my siblings
To pay any attention to me. So I stewed
In my filthy diapers, which led to a rash, which led to infection
And that led to a welcome demise.
My stone is under some trees. I stare at other stones
And never see anybody, and they don’t come to see me,
Not even the damn sunbeam!
Baron Bizarre
July 14th, 2010 at 6:58 pm
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#25):
As a long-time Edgar Lee Masters mark, I’d just like to say that that is some really good stuff!
Canaduck
July 14th, 2010 at 6:58 pm
How the hell is Funky Winkerbean still being published? Is the newspaper seriously not depressing enough for some people? Jesus.
nescio
July 14th, 2010 at 6:59 pm
FamCirc: Thank goodness they didn’t decide to pretend to be bonobos. Actually, some bonobos moving to Slylock Fox’s jurisdiction would enliven things.
W&E: Today’s Willy ‘n’ Ethel is quintessential Willy. This has been one of my favorite strips since first noticing it in the Detroit News in the 90s. Josh rarely talks about it unless it doesn’t make sense (no, I can’t explain the ones in the archives, either).
Pere Ubu
July 14th, 2010 at 7:00 pm
All’s I know is I’d rather piss off G. Gordon Liddy than Margo. He’s safer.
Canaduck
July 14th, 2010 at 7:04 pm
Also, Jenna better hope that Dr. Mike is turned on by desperation, a total lack of shame and/or pride, and a tendency towards stilted, unnatural txtspeak.
DairyStateDad
July 14th, 2010 at 7:05 pm
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#25): Ooh, run that through the “I write like” engine and tell us what it comes up with!
(Courtesy of bats:[ — http://iwl.me/)
cheech wizard
July 14th, 2010 at 7:09 pm
Without qualified instructors available, the Milford junior golf program has turned to Gil, figuring he can yell “Keep your head down” and “Quit trying to kill the damn ball!” as well as anybody.
You probably won’t appreciate this unless you had a converted high school teacher for a golf coach yourself.
Joshua
July 14th, 2010 at 7:12 pm
@Ukulele Ike (#10): Although the term “china hutch” was not in my vocabulary before this past week’s “Edge City” storyline, it turns out that a china hutch is a cabinet in which one displays one’s finest plates and bowls, which one does not use on a daily basis.
Joe Blevins
July 14th, 2010 at 7:14 pm
GT: You want Gil Thorp summertime wackiness? Just check out panel 2 of that strip. Gil has been blasted with a shrink ray so that he may more effectively coach miniature golf.
FW: If Batiuk had written Back to the Future, the plot would have gone like this: Marty McFly is transported back to 1955 and then walks listlessly around the streets of Hill Valley, hands thrust deep in his pocket, brooding about that blown talent show audition and picking apart the blatant factual inaccuracies in the lyrics to “The Power of Love.” (“Don’t need no credit card, MY ASS!”)
Flummoxicated
July 14th, 2010 at 7:18 pm
MW: Sorry, Jenna, he’s just not that into you. I would not be at all surprised to find that he prefers the company of men. Or women who don’t leave stalker-ific messages several times a day.
cheech wizard
July 14th, 2010 at 7:19 pm
@DairyStateDad (#31): I ran a bunch of quotes from “The Old Man and the Sea” through it – it says Hemingway writes like Margaret Mitchell.
Gal Friday
July 14th, 2010 at 7:31 pm
A3G Um, wouldn’t these secret-surveillance style people have captured Bobbie trying to kill Margo’s real mom a few weeks ago?!
Gal Friday
July 14th, 2010 at 7:33 pm
My grandmother had a china hutch!
DairyStateDad
July 14th, 2010 at 7:35 pm
@cheech wizard (#36): Excellent idea! So it really is bullshit.
Uncle Lumpy
July 14th, 2010 at 7:40 pm
William Topaz McGonagall writes like H.P. Lovecraft?
cheech wizard
July 14th, 2010 at 7:49 pm
@Uncle Lumpy (#40): Not only that, but God
writes like Kurt Vonnegut.
Emily K [Riff Chick]
July 14th, 2010 at 7:54 pm
so, question: Was Tommie’s performance or solo or whatever ENTIRELY just a RUSE to get all 3 girls plus hair-flips-girl plus perfect-couple-friends under one roof and in a place that’s tv-camera-ready? Or did she actually perform it or something? I mean, COME ON. If i was tommie, i’d be UBER-pissed, having practiced and prepared and all that.
DairyStateDad
July 14th, 2010 at 7:56 pm
And Harry Couchon Jr. writes like Charles Dickens…
DairyStateDad
July 14th, 2010 at 7:57 pm
@cheech wizard (#41): Actually there’s a certain logic to that. Short paragraphs, relatively short, declarative sentences. I’d have understood it if God wrote like Hemingway, too.
cheech wizard
July 14th, 2010 at 8:00 pm
@DairyStateDad (#44): I think we have to wait until further into the Old Testament for that. Once people start drinking and dying.
Emily K [Riff Chick]
July 14th, 2010 at 8:04 pm
@Alfred E. Neuman (#22): RE, your MW riff: a striking burn if i ever saw one.
HBD
July 14th, 2010 at 8:04 pm
GT: Wouldn’t two laps around a golf course amount to about 6 miles?
Trilobite
July 14th, 2010 at 8:11 pm
Kat and Kitty’s Tommie-esque outfits just confirm that the only person in A3G who’s even remotely qualified to give fashion advice to anyone is Blaze. Sure, he’ll just recommend that everyone dress like a ’70s-era Urban Cowboy on the make, but at least it’s a style. And whichever store has the foresight to stock up on neckerchiefs will make a killing!
Carrie at the prom
July 14th, 2010 at 8:12 pm
I’m still waiting for Sam Tyler, Alex Drake, and Gene Hunt to beat the tar out of Funky for stealing their storyline.
zerowolf
July 14th, 2010 at 8:16 pm
@Trilobite (#48): You mean like this?
Sans Sense
July 14th, 2010 at 8:20 pm
Rejected? Depressed? Drunk? Hmmmm, Jenna just entered my dating sweet spot…
Sliver of Mope
July 14th, 2010 at 8:20 pm
@Ukulele Ike (#11): I can get behind that, especially if the Misfit’s drawn to look like Glenn Danzig.
Sliver of Mope
July 14th, 2010 at 8:23 pm
@Carrie at the prom (#49): Yeah, I don’t think Sam would even mind the ’70s-era interrogation “procedures” in this case.
This Guy
July 14th, 2010 at 8:26 pm
@Hi There (#1): For some reason, Old Funky thinks about his favorite comic book hero. He looks up at the sky and weeps. “Where’s Squirrel Girl when you need her?”
I’d be asking the same question at this point. If Squirrel Girl did show up, she’d kick Funky’s sorry ass up and down the sidewalk for being a depressing asshole. Then she’d break through the fourth wall and give Batiuk a good thrashing, because she preferred the times when comics were fun and light-hearted.
Shawn S.
July 14th, 2010 at 8:26 pm
Jenna texts like a 13 year old and drinks alone during the day. What a catch! Y don’t U luv her Mike? Y!?
Emily K [Riff Chick]
July 14th, 2010 at 8:35 pm
@Shawn S. (#55): I LOL’D
Sans Sense
July 14th, 2010 at 8:38 pm
Jesus Funky, snap out of it! What is it, 1980? Shouldn’t he be buying up as much Apple and Microsoft stock as he can? Betting on the Raiders to win it all, with a super long shot bet on the Niners the year after? Phillies to win the series? Reagan in a landslide? Hostages safely released? The one memory he drags up, Elvis’ death, had already happened 2 years before that! What a dick!
Bill Murray
July 14th, 2010 at 8:38 pm
Jenna is getting her just reward for being a hussy — Mary would never countenance kissing on the first date. Mary wrote the Tao of Steve — eliminate your desire, be excellent in their presence and then retreat, we pursue that which retreats from us. Jenna has a lot to learn, but Mike is clearly a Steve
Flying Manatee
July 14th, 2010 at 8:42 pm
MW: The second panel is awesome! We are watching Jenna from the same vantage as Mary is watching—from the videocam hidden in the pink flowers.
commodorejohn
July 14th, 2010 at 8:43 pm
@This Guy (#54): I would pay honest-to-God cash money to see such a thing.
Austria
July 14th, 2010 at 8:46 pm
FW: You know what would make this storyline far more interesting? If there actually were killer sharks waiting for him right down the road.
H&L: HHHHHNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGHHHHH
Luann: Th–….she would have a poster of Lady Gaga. Luann’s not content to deny her love for the crap like the rest of us are, no, she’s willing to admit it. I’m not sure if this makes her a stronger person than the rest of us or not. And now I want to read a Luann-themed version of “Bad Romance.”
MW: Word of advice, Jenna — any doctor worth his salt isn’t gonna date someone that uses chatspeak.
MC: Unlike the rest of the comics page, which is celebrating Jane Goodall’s 50th anniversary of…chimp-working or whatever you call it, Ashley is recognizing Bastille Day by threatening Monsieur Platypus with the guillotine. Vive l’France!!
RMMD: Oh my gosh, the cruise!! How long ago was that in comic-strip time? Like a week? Coupla days? Man oh man…nothing like continuity.
Walker of Dog
July 14th, 2010 at 8:51 pm
@Canaduck (#27): Funky Winkerbean: Because it’s nice to have at least one part of the newspaper where people can go to get relief from all the good news in the world.
@Joe Blevins (#34): I took it as a metaphorical representation of Gil’s long-suppressed feelings of filial inadequacy, which have been stirred up by an older, assertive, paternal archetype who makes a pointed reference to “good parents”. If only Gil had been a good son. Bad Gil. Such a disappointment…
Or maybe the pro-shop guy is a genie! Has Gil Thorp ever run a summer storyline with a genie?
@Emily K [Riff Chick] (#42): “If I was Tommie”? I don’t know that you want to start down that road. Just comfort yourself with the knowledge that you’re nothing like Tommie, who can never be offended since she has no concept of self to be violated.
This Guy
July 14th, 2010 at 9:04 pm
@commodorejohn (#60): As would I. Try teaming up on this one, Marvel and King Features: it’s a surefire bestseller.
@Austria (#61): Re: MC: And I can’t blame ‘em for it, either–Gary Larson has already given us the definitive Jane Goodall comic. Why try to top it?
Biiirdmaaan!
July 14th, 2010 at 9:04 pm
FW: Funky’s belief in the saving power of rock and roll makes a lot of sense. Westview, of course, would have no organized religion since living in Westview absolutely disproves the existence of a benevolent higher power. A young Funky, spiritually thirsty and not yet beaten down by the world, would turn to popular music as the closest proxy for real faith.
You have to respect the Westview elders, though. A Stoic nihilism is a hell of a lot more hopeful than the creation of a dark religion devoted to the dread Trinity of Alcoholism, Car Crashes, and Cancer.
DairyStateDad
July 14th, 2010 at 9:15 pm
@cheech wizard (#36): hmmm… so I wonder who margaret mitchell writes like…
8th Man Fan
July 14th, 2010 at 9:17 pm
@Walker of Dog (#62) re: Gil Thorp wishing he’d been a better son: Considering how long the two little Thorps have been missing, he’s an even more disappointing parent. Too bad “Without a Trace” got cancelled, Milford police could use the help.
Ukulele Ike
July 14th, 2010 at 9:17 pm
@cheech wizard (#36): Oh, man. Papa would just love that.
Ed Dravecky
July 14th, 2010 at 9:19 pm
I’ve been to Graceland and nobody on the tour gasped with amazement that the toilet was on the floor of the bathroom. Did Funky think the King had his throne bolted to the ceiling or installed in the Jungle Room?
DairyStateDad
July 14th, 2010 at 9:23 pm
@DairyStateDad (#65): and the answer is…like Margaret Mitchell (I used the first 3 paragraphs of GWTW….)
Alfred E. Neuman
July 14th, 2010 at 9:29 pm
@Emily K [Riff Chick] (#46): I’m not familiar with the clever phrase “striking burn”, but I assume that if I have inflicted a striking burn on a Mary Worth strip, then that’s a good thing. So thanks!
Gabacho
July 14th, 2010 at 9:31 pm
Mary Worth – You now what would be really cool? If after his dance with Jenna, Dr. Whatever His Name Is, had a new patient named Vera the next day, and Vera was all devastated about how Dr. Drew had abandoned her and it was all the fault of a certain Mary Worth who sent him off to Vietnam, and he decided not to pursue Jenna. And it all came out at a Charterstone pool party. And then Toby and Dawn and Wilbur and Dr. Jeff and the others all realized at the same time what’s happened and they put Mary on “I Dressed In The Dark.” or killed her. That’s how it’s playing in my head.
Apt 3G – I too am worried that the whole, be a singer Tommie, was a ruse, and just another one of the cruel jokes played on this plain but useful woman. I am also amused at that possibility.
bats :[
July 14th, 2010 at 9:33 pm
@Ed Dravecky (#68): of course not! There’s a pretty little thing waiting for The King down in the Jungle Room!
(funny, I’m hearing music…)
Flying Manatee
July 14th, 2010 at 9:45 pm
GT: Two laps around the golf course?? The only “jogging trails” at a golf course are the cart paths. Average length of a golf course – 7200 yards (or 4.1 miles.) OK Milford golfers, a quick little 8 mile jog to loosen you up before you start golfing in the mid-summer heat.
bats :[
July 14th, 2010 at 9:48 pm
For those of you who feel MW is speeding ahead by leaps and bounds…
Hip Young Urban Plugger
July 14th, 2010 at 9:53 pm
I think Funky left the cake out in the rain.
DairyStateDad
July 14th, 2010 at 10:09 pm
@bats :[ (#74): Priceless…. How long does it take you to do those things, anyway?
DearPrudence
July 14th, 2010 at 10:09 pm
Killer shark issues? Did someone in “Funky Winkerbean” get eaten by a shark when we weren’t looking?
Thomas B.
July 14th, 2010 at 10:09 pm
MW
As funny as this is, I am a little disappointed that Jenna didn’t type “HIC” in her text to Dr. Mike.
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 14th, 2010 at 10:11 pm
@Hip Young Urban Plugger (#75): Nice “MacArthur Park” reference! (One of the cover bands for MP was called The Negro Problem. I kid you not!)
[Old Man] Muffaroo
July 14th, 2010 at 10:21 pm
@DairyStateDad (#31): Ian Fleming!
Thomas B.
July 14th, 2010 at 10:22 pm
@Miss Othmar (#2): My God, I thought I was the only one!
commodorejohn
July 14th, 2010 at 10:35 pm
@DairyStateDad (#31): I submitted my write-up of the meaning behind The Funnies and it told me I write like David Foster Wallace. Huh.
This Guy
July 14th, 2010 at 10:45 pm
GF: Simultaneously both went for the pen, and the coconut-like sound of their heads colliding secretly delighted the cat.
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 14th, 2010 at 10:49 pm
@bats :[ (#74): Wait… are you saying Jenna — the little chippy — has a drinking problem, too? And Funky Winkerbean must be a former(?) intimate of Jenna’s if she can still smell his “funk” on her dress! (As Ms. Thomas’ life grows increasingly dark, I’m waiting for the inevitable cancer diagnosis!)
Baka Gaijin
July 14th, 2010 at 10:53 pm
@zerowolf (#50): Oh come now. Mr. Furley is way more cool than Blaze. On second thought, maybe not, but he definitely had much more interesting storylines.
@Gabacho (#71): Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.
@Hip Young Urban Plugger (#75): And he’ll never have that recipe again! Never! As a futureman, he knows this.
@bats :[ (#74): “What the hell you talkin’ ’bout, Willis?” Tee hee. Mary Worth does Arnold Jackson.
papa
July 14th, 2010 at 10:54 pm
@commodorejohn (#82): Today, Josh is writing like David Foster Wallace, too. Who’s David Foster Wallace?
cheech wizard
July 14th, 2010 at 10:55 pm
Poor Jenna – she never realized she was dating a resident. Don’t worry, you can see him again in about four years.
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 14th, 2010 at 11:01 pm
@Ukulele Ike (#11): A good writer like Flannery O’Connor is hard to find!
Steve S
July 14th, 2010 at 11:08 pm
Whoa, whoa, Margo’s dad went snooping through all their closets while Blaze surreptitiously shot candid videos of them? Who knew the buttoned up 3-G characters were such perverts?
un_malpaso
July 14th, 2010 at 11:24 pm
Why do I think Gil Thorp uses the same exact two phrases for all coaching and mentoring tasks? I’m thinking, “GIVE ME SOME LAPS!” and “DROP AND GIVE ME TWENTY!”
This one-size-fits-all strategy proved especially inappropriate when he attempted to use it during his substitute stint with the Milford Middle School girls’ health class.
bats :[
July 14th, 2010 at 11:24 pm
@commodorejohn (#82): mr. bats :[ submitted two samples of his deathless prose, and both came up with Wallace. Are we beefwits for neither one of us knowing who Wallace is/was? (We had to Google him.)
Sequitur
July 14th, 2010 at 11:25 pm
@bats :[ (Y#361): I just got in late and thought I’d catch up and saw bats :[ link to see who you author like. So I type in a bit of essay and rats. It says I write like David Foster Wallace.
I think I’ll go hang myself.
ElkMeadow
July 14th, 2010 at 11:26 pm
@Hip Young Urban Plugger (#75):
Hasn’t rained around here lately, but the cake is gone and the dog is covered with sweet green frosting.
ElkMeadow
July 14th, 2010 at 11:27 pm
And I’ll never have that recipe again.
The Poster with No Name
July 14th, 2010 at 11:27 pm
Some low-grade snark before today’s comics become yesterday’s comics:
Apartment 3G: Do you suppose that the videotape will show that one of those closets is filled to overflowing with poop bags? It would have to be LuAnn or Tommie’s closet, though — Margo’s closet is most likely too full of dominatrix gear to store anything else.
Popeye: “Where does the boom boom go in”?! Who the heck is writing this dialogue — Brooke McEldowney?
Funky Winkerbean: Dammit, Funky, if the Discovery Channel’s “Shark Week” upsets you so much, then don’t watch it. And as far as Elvis Presley’s dying next to his toilet, you should know by now that everybody’s gotta die somewhere, right? At least, that’s what the motto says on Westview’s official city seal.
Rex Morgan: “Do I have cancer”?! Who the heck is writing this dialogue — Tom Batiuk?
With regard to the Mayor — I don’t know if frequent poster Fashion Police’s expertise extends to hairstyles, but I must say that I’m impressed with how Hizzoner is rockin’ the “Heat Miser” hairdo. I wonder if that styling choice figured into his campaign. Maybe he ran as the “Global Warming Candidate;” and maybe his campaign slogan was, “I’m too much!” (Da da da da! DAAAAA da! Da da da da! DAAAAA da!)
NoahSnark
July 14th, 2010 at 11:31 pm
Cheer up Funky! The way the plot is going you might end up drowning in a toilet and that’s almost the same way Elvis went out – right?
cheech wizard
July 14th, 2010 at 11:35 pm
So Margo is once again being pressed into involuntary servitude in support of the fashion industry? Maybe the three girls will all be forced to design new outfits for themselves, and as Margo attempts to sketch out a tasteful leather jacket, Mama Kat will whack her with a riding crop and screech “MORE ZIPPERS, MULE!!!”
Johnny Knuckles
July 14th, 2010 at 11:38 pm
Only when Jenna marshals the strength of 20 stalkers will she have the strength to raise her head again. Go Jenna!
ms. docweasel
July 14th, 2010 at 11:40 pm
UGH, why so much focus on funky winkerbean? It isn’t even interesting in a “it’s so bad it’s good” way, it’s just boring and useless and less than lame. I think I sprained my eyes rolling them at that pretentious pap in the final frame. The only time I read it is on this blog, and I’ve _never_ seen a strip that is even mildly, newpaper comics-grade “funny”, amusing, ironic, interesting or even irritating. It’s just less than nothing.
A blank white block of negative space would be more interesting, funnier and more engaging than Funky Winkerbean.
It’s very disorienting to have to face the fact that there are still people who actually open a newspaper and read it, and crazier still that they read the comics therein, and inconceivable they read Funky Winkerbean. It’s so lame it’s not even worth snarking.
Sequitur
July 14th, 2010 at 11:41 pm
@Sliver of Mope (#4): Glad you enjoyed “Starchie.” I actually have a copy of that 1954 issue but it’s not an original. Sometime back in the 80’s MAD put out a special issue with a reprint of the 1954 issue attached. I think that’s why there are so many good scans of that 1954 issue on the internet.
bats :[
July 14th, 2010 at 11:45 pm
@The Poster with No Name (#95): yay for Heat Miser! I knew Hizzoner reminded me of someone.
Alison
July 14th, 2010 at 11:45 pm
I just adopted a cat and her kittens a few weeks ago and though the mother has a name (Cleo) I have been affectionately calling her “Mama cat” as a nickname. Thanks to Apartment 3-G’s asinine new character, I think I will go with “Cleo” full-time. Apartment-3G you suck, you cat-nickname-ruining strip.
On a happier note, I laughed at Jenna face-down on the table next to a big ol’ bottle of alcohol. Nice going, Mary Worth.
cheech wizard
July 14th, 2010 at 11:45 pm
@bats :[ (#91): What I find interesting is that the King James version of the first chapter of Genesis matches up with Kurt Vonnegut.
“And God said ‘Let there be light. And there was light. So it goes.”
Poo-tee-weet!
Bill Murray
July 14th, 2010 at 11:45 pm
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#79): The Negro Problem was a great power pop band. Stew had a movie made by Spike Lee of his theater production Passing Strange
Sequitur
July 14th, 2010 at 11:48 pm
In case anyone out there wants to see the ultimate poop bag!
Check out the video. This is just plain nuts. Nice calming music, however.
Business Pyjamas
July 14th, 2010 at 11:59 pm
I hope Jenna starts drunk-texting Mary next. She can meddle through a whole new medium! And it’s not really fair to dump on her for the text-speak. I’m impressed she can do it at all with her eyes closed like that.
Business Pyjamas
July 15th, 2010 at 12:03 am
Also, this is one of the few times I’ve ever really admired (and not just been amused by) the artwork in Mary Worth. It’s so bleak! That second panel is almost Hopper-esque. Hang it in a museum, use that text portion as the title.
DeLand DeLakes
July 15th, 2010 at 12:05 am
Let’s see: baseball, Elvis, killer sharks, and a Velvet Underground reference thrown in for good measure? That’s it, Funky: you’ve maxed out your mixed metaphors for the next fifteen years or so. (Ha ha, as if it will take that long for the cancer to claim him!)
Sequitur
July 15th, 2010 at 12:09 am
That second panel of Gil Thorpe. It is so Lilliputian.
A New Day
July 15th, 2010 at 12:11 am
After he came out of the whole Tibetian/Roberta storylines as sort of a hero (at least to his daughter), I was wondering how they were going to make Margo hate her father again. Yep, that oughta do it.
This Guy
July 15th, 2010 at 12:11 am
@Alison (#102): A cat who hangs around our house, and has been more-or-less adopted by the people next door, is called “Mama Cat” or “Mama Kitty” by us and by them. She’s had quite a few litters, as far as we know, but she’s fixed now. Two of her great-grandkittens (if that would be the right term) still live with us. I’m still calling her that because she had the name first, dammit.
Sequitur
July 15th, 2010 at 12:13 am
Nutz. I’m so tired I can’t sleep. And guess what? You all get to put up with all kinds of manic postings just because I can’t fall asleep. Ha! There’s no telling what this crazed sleep-deprived brain will say next. Why, I must just up and say…
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
commodorejohn
July 15th, 2010 at 12:17 am
@bats :[ (#91): I dunno, but if not knowing David Foster Wallace makes you a beefwit, color me…uh, beef? I had no idea who the guy was either, even after looking him up on Wikipedia.
A New Day
July 15th, 2010 at 12:19 am
Oh, and another thought – how old is Funky, exactly? Seriously, I’ve never read the strip regularly, so I’m not sure. He equates Rock and Roll with Elvis, which I think means he grew up in the 50s or 60s, but youthful Funky’s appearance has a late 70s/early 80s vibe to me. Also, Josh describes him as ‘prematurely old,’ and I presume Josh has some idea how old he’s really supposed to be, which makes me think the Elvis thing is just odd. I suppose I could look this up somewhere, but I’m not prepared to spend that kind of time on it. (Yes, I know, it’s probably taken me longer to write this post. I have issues.)
GearBoxClock
July 15th, 2010 at 12:20 am
Fear not dear reader! Jenna has not commited suicide, but is rather finally sober for the first time this week
Thomas B.
July 15th, 2010 at 12:25 am
@The Poster with No Name (#95): If anything is written on he town seal of Westville it has to be “A locus ut sensim intereo ex morbus”
Thomas B.
July 15th, 2010 at 12:31 am
MW
Fortified wine, really? All I saw was a bottle of tabasco sauce in panel one, and in panel two a 3 liter grape Crush.
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 15th, 2010 at 12:33 am
@ms. docweasel (#99): Hey, I agree with you that Funky Winkerbean is “less than lame”! But don’t you see? Its very lameness is what makes it so much fun to pick apart! Snarking on TomBat’s strip is like shooting fish in a barrel — with Funky being the fish with the biggest target painted on it. Personally, I don’t spend a lot of time reading or analyzing Funky, and neither do you, obviously. However, there are plenty of other strips to write about, so I really don’t see your problem. (ms. docweasel meet Brooke McEldowney!)
bats :[
July 15th, 2010 at 12:35 am
7/15:
JP: someone needs to kick Jules in the slats. Hard.
MW: oh, my gosh, Jenna is so disheveled. Maybe there WAS a love connection with Charley after all!
(In reality, how sad is it that she’s reduced to this after one stinking date. All that’s missing is the Jetsons’ Rosie the Robot’s “sad and depressed” noise.)
Phantom: come on, everybody! Let’s play “what part of Diana is that?”!
FW: and a little for the literati…
HAMMY THE SQUIRREL!
July 15th, 2010 at 12:47 am
@bats :[ (#119):
YOU MEAN KICK JULES IN THE JEWELS??!
I’LL DO IT! I’LL DO IT!
after all i do know my nutsWalker of Dog
July 15th, 2010 at 12:56 am
7/15 strips:
JP: Jules, jealousy is a loss-making, non-core competency in the Business Plan of Life.
MW: Jenna has a lock of hair out of place! She must have moved on to drugs! Drugs!
Phan: I see from the first panel that the Gravelines penal system has integrated the zombie and human prison populations. How progressive.
FW: The real letdown is the fact that Funky is crossing against the traffic light without anyone running him over.
RMMD:
“Yes, and you have your choice: saddle or bicycle seat!”
A3G: Announcer voice: “Prisoners of Dressed in the Dark stay at New York’s Midtown Hotel. The Midtown Hotel: clean, affordable, and perfect if you’re just looking for a place to sleep.”
bmrr
July 15th, 2010 at 1:05 am
@Flying Manatee (#73): but if you look at that golf course I bet it’s a mini golf course or driving center so it can’t be that all big. I mean where they’re all standing is either the putting green or driving range with the refreshment stand right behind (you know that big box with the giant M on the end and the propane tanks right behind it). Even if they have to jog around the outside of the driving range it can’t be much more then a regular track oval in terms of total distance.
ElkMeadow
July 15th, 2010 at 1:09 am
@DeLand DeLakes (#108):
The Underground?!
No! Not the Labyrinth! Run, Jareth, run! Or fly away! Fly far away!
ElkMeadow
July 15th, 2010 at 1:16 am
For a fun arc, I recommend this week’s The Knight Life. Starting with Monday’s strip, we have some fun in the funnies again!
Farley's Revenge
July 15th, 2010 at 1:28 am
MW: Jenna asks Mary if there might be *gasp* another woman in Dr. Mike’s life and Mary is aghast that one of her meddle-ees might be trying to remain unmeddled. Well, bucko, we’ll just see about that! When Mary meddles with someone she meddles with them good and they stay meddled with until she says otherwise! That is, just as soon as she puts away the ingredients for the salmon squares and her copy of “Meddler’s World: The Magazine for Busy Biddies Everywhere”.
CanuckDownSouth
July 15th, 2010 at 1:39 am
May I start today’s A3G loud W.T.F.!?! chorus?
They’re being held in a hotel and not permitted to leave, and their possessions are being taken away / destroyed without their consent. Now the show has added major criminal charges to the civil charges they were facing for “rolling tape” without consent. (Assuming the broadcast was sent out on the airwaves.)
Even the British What Not to Wear abuse discussed yesterday was still taking place under some form of consent: the participant agrees that they’ll toss the clothes and come to the city to buy ones that meet the shopping rules, in exchange for the new, free wardrobe. There’s agreement and consent to the overall rules. And in the US version, I’ve seen a clips show that discussed how frequently people refuse (I forget the fraction, but it’s enough for an ambush to not be a sure thing).
Farley's Revenge
July 15th, 2010 at 1:39 am
A3G: Tommie seems to be taking sadistic glee in Luann’s single tear of unhappiness. This is a side of Tommie we have not seen before and may never see again, especially if she trots it out to use on Margo. If she does, there won’t be enough left of one Tommie Thompson to fill a sandwich bag by the time Margo’s finished air-quoting her.
Fata Morgana
July 15th, 2010 at 1:45 am
A3G: Luann sheds a twee little tear for clothes lost but not forgotten. Love it.
MW: Is Mary Worth going to have to choke a bitch?!
seismic-2
July 15th, 2010 at 1:51 am
@bmrr (#122): It would make more sense, though, if it were a regulation-sized golf course. That would give Gil enough time to empty his hip flask at a leisurely pace and then send all the exhausted golfers home.
“Margo’s Dad documented all your closets”! So Martin had a nefarious purpose in breaking into Apartment 3-G with the key that Margo gave him. The one act of generosity in Margo’s life, and now this.
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 15th, 2010 at 2:00 am
When did Apartment 3-G turn into a badly written SPY THRILLER with absolutely no basis in reality? We’re supposed to believe that three women living in New York City were abducted in broad daylight by a spy ring (Mama Kat and her minions), spirited away to a remote location and presumably locked in a room from which there is no escape.
How was this miraculous feat accomplished — and what made the indomitable Margo Magee give up her freedom without a fight? To make matters worse, her petulant “I want to go home!” is more suited to a small child — like Shannon Daytona from the Luann strip. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if Margo collapsed into sobs as the clothes are ripped from her body!
If this sniveling little coward is a harbinger of the new, improved Margo, then she deserves to get her ass handed to her by Tommie and Lu Ann — and she probably will, too!
Revenge of Chesnut
July 15th, 2010 at 2:05 am
Oooh! The second panel of today’s Mary Worth MUST be made into a t-shirt. The patheticness has reached virtuoso levels with Jenna’s head on the table and that terrible text message floating above, taunting her to pour another glass of red stuff. I would wear that so hard.
Bucky Katt
July 15th, 2010 at 2:12 am
K! KR! KRKR! KRRK!
seismic-2
July 15th, 2010 at 2:17 am
So Funky now strolls into the drugstore, where he will tell his younger self to buy that first issue of the crappy comic book that has just hit the shelves and to hang onto it because it’s the sort of thing that will be valuable some day. His mission in life thus fulfilled, present-day Funky will die in the ambulance. Next week, the strip re-launches as “Les’s Story”, but Wally will still get held hostage every few years anyway.
Buck Ripsnort
July 15th, 2010 at 2:22 am
MW: You people are never happy; you complained about the lack of drama last week, and now that they give you drama you’re STILL complaining. Just wait, next week Jenna will start following Mike all over town, calling him at strange hours, opening his mail — and THEN, we’ll see the triumphant return of the Charterstone Anti-Stalker Interventionists!
“YOU BETTER NOT!”
Charlene
July 15th, 2010 at 2:30 am
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#130): What annoys me most is the implication that kidnapping and larceny are A-OK as long as the perpetrators are employees of a television production.
Scott
July 15th, 2010 at 2:32 am
You gotta love Gil Thorpe. TWO laps around the golf course! AROUND, not through! It might be 4 miles through a golf course but how far is it around one?
“Hey, what are you bitches doing going up the middle of the fairways? Get your asses around over by the rough and give me some effort! And you better get those laps in before I’m through with my round!”
These little bastards won’t be able to play golf to save their lives by the end of summer but they’ll be ready for next year’s Boston Marathon! None of them will win, of course, because a Gil Thorpe-coached athlete doesn’t learn any vital life lessons by winning!
Ed Dravecky
July 15th, 2010 at 2:33 am
I put in my long comment from yesterthread into the “who do you write like” machine and it said I wrote like Douglas Adams. Thrilling for me, but possibly a tainted victory since that comment included the phrase “Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal”.
This Guy
July 15th, 2010 at 2:34 am
7/15
MC: More getting carp past the radar! And really, Rex is just being anti-feline. Frakkin’ racist.
Roman Fingers
July 15th, 2010 at 2:50 am
Crankshaft Hey, Cranky-try plopping your ass into one of those regional jet seats three or four times a week, like I did for almost a decade. Then, you can complain about the comfort.
See how the lady in the window seat is dressed? She’s traveling on business, and wants nothing more than peace and quiet on this two-hour cattle car ride to Raleigh-Durham, or whatever God-forsaken burg you’re flying into. She doesn’t care that you can’t recline your seat to a near-horizontal position, she doesn’t care that all you’re going to get to eat is a small package of a food-like substance, and half a cup of warm soda. If the plane comes to a stop with the same number of wings it had when the flight started, she considers it a good flight.
The reason the seat won’t go any further back is because if it did, the lady behind you would have her knees in your back. If she’s anything like me, she’d be constantly moving them, which will give your kidneys a thorough going-over.
Farley's Revenge
July 15th, 2010 at 2:50 am
@This Guy (#138): No, Rex is just being anti-anyonewhoisn’tRex. He’s a Rexist of the worst sort.
Lucky
July 15th, 2010 at 3:17 am
Funk on Mars – Whew, the sudden optimism in the last few strips (even if it was about how good it’s to be back in the good ol’ times) already left me confused, but now we’re back to Batiuk’s signature depressiveness.
Gasoline Alley – Well, technically Gertie is incorrect since that guy used double negatives.
Get Fuzzy – Frankly, I believe Bucky, as there usually isn’t anything to laugh at in this comic.
Pluggers – And thank god for that!
Rose is Rose – Oh, why don’t you just go all the way and call him Yipyiff, you frigging furry-basher!?
This Guy
July 15th, 2010 at 3:36 am
7/15
FW: Batiuk’s oh-so-subtle between-the-lines message today is: “You shouldn’t want the old days back! The new writing is so much better!” Okay, Batiuk, I’ll level with you. I don’t necessarily mind when a story takes a more serious turn. I don’t hate drama. And to be honest, I didn’t even read your stupid strip before I started hearing about how much everyone hated it nowadays. The problem is this: You don’t know what the fuck you’re doing. All you do is pile misery upon misery because you can’t think of anything else. Your feeble, smirky attempts at levity do nothing but cast your assholery into sharper relief. I’ve read and enjoyed stories where the characters really get put through the wringer. The difference in your little tale here is that none of it makes the slightest damn bit of sense. Discharge papers one day too early? Test results mixed up? These contrivances could be glossed over, perhaps, if they achieved something the dwindling audience actually wanted, but all you’ve done is to stamp out whatever remaining goodwill you’d earned back when the strip was, according to witness testimony, still funny. Stamp it out, set it on fire, and piss on it.
Do the characters suffer because they live in a cruel world, like one imagined by Orwell or Huxley? No. Do the characters suffer because of karma? No. Do the characters suffer for our amusement? No, no, a thousand times no. When the reader asks “Why?” the only possible answer is: “Because Batiuk’s a fucking prick.” That, gentle sir, is what is wrong with your comic, and if you had a sliver of common decency, you’d put it out of our misery right quick.
Sheila Sternwell
July 15th, 2010 at 4:37 am
@This Guy (#142): The problem is this: You don’t know what the fuck you’re doing.
A truer truth has never been spoken, my friend.
Meanwhile, all I can do with A3G is hope that this story arc ends in gunplay and lengthy prison terms for the kidnappers and robbers who are holding everyone hostage.
Kibo
July 15th, 2010 at 5:00 am
I made myself an Elvis sandwich a couple nights ago. It was delicious but its cultural milieu was all wrong because I was afraid to eat it on the toilet. I shall make another one now, but I still won’t eat it anywhere near my toilet, or Funky Winkerbean’s.
(Also, Elvis sandwich fans take note: The real thing didn’t have bacon in it. There are at least nine cookbooks about Elvis, but the addition of bacon to the peanut butter and banana seems to have been well after he died.)
Just some guy
July 15th, 2010 at 5:50 am
Mary Worth should move to Westview.
Imagine all the things she could FIX!!
It would be like dying and going to heaven/hell.
Ed Dravecky
July 15th, 2010 at 5:55 am
@Just some guy (#145): A wise man once told me that “dog heaven is bunny rabbit hell”.
Mr O'Malley
July 15th, 2010 at 6:02 am
@Ed Dravecky (#146): You remind me of something I read on some Christian website. It said “When you get to heaven, you can ask Emily Dickinson to explain her poems”.
My reaction was wouldn’t it be hell for Emily Dickinson to have to spend eternity explaining her poems to a bunch of idiots?
Bill the Butcher
July 15th, 2010 at 6:30 am
Jenna (translation of her panel 2 text): “Don’t even think I’ll forgive and forget your not calling me for the last week, you stone-hearted charlatan in the shape of a human fiend.”
John C Fremont
July 15th, 2010 at 6:40 am
@Alison (#102): Aw. Kitties!
I say go ahead and call her Mama Cat. Don’t let Margaret Shulock dictate your life! (That said, I understand that Ms. Shulock is a wonderful person and probably should be dictating my life.)
@Kibo (#144): I tried the peanut butter and banana sandwich prepared Elvis style, and I was unimpressed – just like Herod. (I throw that in for all the musical theater geeks. You’re welcome.) On the other hand, peanut butter, mayo, lettuce and cheese – now that’s a sandwich! But when it comes to all things sandwichy, we must consider the thoughts of The Sandwich Master and ask ourselves, “WWWWD?” or “What would Wilber Weston do?” One thing The Master would not do is put banana, mashed or whole, on a sandwich. Beyond that, it’s all a mystery of delicious sandwichness.
Bananas on a sandwich? I don’t think The Master would approve.
DairyStateDad
July 15th, 2010 at 6:55 am
@CanuckDownSouth (#126): I’m beginning to wonder if it’s just a simultaneous nightmare all 3 of the girls are having…
BringTheNoise
July 15th, 2010 at 6:55 am
@This Guy (#142):
APPLAUDS!
Someone get that to Batiuk, STAT.
Carrie at the prom
July 15th, 2010 at 7:02 am
FW: This storyline is the real letdown Funky. I would say that today’s strip hints that he’s going to wake up soon, but considering just how long it’s taken us to get this far, I use the term “soon” very loosely. So, is this the point of the story we’ve waited so long for, “You can’t go home again?” Like I said, this storyline is the real letdown.
The paramedics are only just now putting him in the ambulance? I guess this means that Funky could still wake up before he ever reaches the hospital.
I wonder what would happen if he flatlined? Would Lisa and Masky McDeath come to greet him back in the 70s world?
Molly
July 15th, 2010 at 7:05 am
Alas, I’ve been Jenna more times than I can count. In real life, he just wasn’t interested because she didn’t put out or didn’t know how to spell. In this strip, it’s because he’s been kidnapped like Mark Trail’s Sassy.
DairyStateDad
July 15th, 2010 at 7:09 am
@This Guy (#142): Nailed it. From beginning to end.
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 15th, 2010 at 7:15 am
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#130):
Now that “Butterflies Are Free” Magee has had her wings clipped permanently by Mama Katzenjammer and her Fashionazis, who will step in to take her place as leader of the Tough Grrl Squad? The goosestepping Fashionazis continue their blitzkrieg of the funny pages — and even Zippy the Pinhead and Ziggy (Fort Mudge’s answer to ZZ Top) are scared spitless that the Fashionazis will force them to answer for their numerous fashion faux pas!
It’s time for Mudgeville to roll out its secret weapon — Naked Girl from the Love is… strip. Unencumbered by clothing, Naked Girl can never be out of fashion, and thus is naturally immune to the evil machinations of Mama K and her Army of Darkness. Joining Naked Girl in her battle against the Fashionazis are the remaining members of the Tough Grrl Squad: Little Orphan Annie, Bimbo Karate Kid and the Incredible Hank!
To be continued…
idathefossil
July 15th, 2010 at 7:30 am
Gil Thorp, epitome of washed-up high school coaching: “You kids do two laps around the golf course-that’ll take, what, an hour? That should give me plenty of time to polish off this fifth of Jack and pass out in the equipment shed. Wake me up when it’s time to go home.”
bourbon babe, unbuckled
July 15th, 2010 at 8:19 am
MW: Good god: They’ve had one date, and he’s already being unfaithful? No wonder Mary looks so aghast. The cad! The bounder! The non-telephoning, non-text-replying, cold-hearted, unfeeling, beach-dancing jerk!
Meanwhile, Jenna, I see that you took the trouble to put on earrings, but the Purple Robe of Despair probably isn’t appropriate work attire.
MT: Dear Mark,
Perhaps you have never wondered about those numbers that show up on your cell-phone screen when someone calls you; they are, in fact, the phone numbers of the callers. So if the Sassynapper calls you on your cell phone, you can “trace” his number that way. And then you can find a computer (they might even have one down at the police station) and use this thing called “google” to look up the phone number and find out the address. I know that you’re reluctant to embrace
21st-centuryany form of technology, but as an incentive, let me point out that it will allow you to achieve punching more quickly and more often.All the best,
Andy
JP: Wow, Jules can go from “cheerful” to “pouty” in under 10 seconds.
SM: And as we all know, once Spidey has disabled a villain, he is incapable of pursuing him and finishing him off. Spider-Man: true master of the half-assed job.
A3G: Who would have thought that Tommie would be Miss “Look on the Bright Side”? “Yes, we’re being kidnapped and robbed, not to mention publicly humiliated and betrayed by everyone who was formerly close to us, but at least we have this dandy room at the Midtown Hampton Inn!”
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 15th, 2010 at 8:31 am
ooo, bats:[ is gonna love today’s Frazz!
A&J: awwwwww. well done.
MC: ahhh Rex, reminds me of Blitz from Road Rovers on such occasions.
Blondie was funny today. witty and clever as well. *goes to look for flying pigs*
Cleats: ROFL! fun stuff this week.
PBS: win.
posting before catching up on the latenighters and earlybirders, so apologies for any oversnark.
Foolkiller
July 15th, 2010 at 8:51 am
@HBD (#47):
That’s about what I was thinking. Maybe Gil wants to get in the front nine while these kids struggle to hoof it around the course.
DairyStateDad
July 15th, 2010 at 8:57 am
PBS and Dilbert both trade on the same expletive today. I smell a conspiracy! (Each was good, though.)
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 15th, 2010 at 9:00 am
this may be my new favorite lolcat.
I don’t remember Murphy’s Law having this corollary.
This would make for a very confused MT panel, but the bebeh skunk is kewt.
TheDiva
July 15th, 2010 at 9:28 am
Cathy: Wow, every time I think Cathy can’t get more pathetically bizarre…
C’shaft: The lady in the black jacket wonders if it’s too late to switch her seat for one next to someone less annoying–a guy who hasn’t bathed in forty-eight hours, perhaps, or a very fussy baby.
FW: In order to save time, I recommend that all future installments of Funky Winkerbean be replaced with a photograph of Tom Batiuk’s navel.
I’ll join in the general commendation of This Guy’s (#142) analysis. Once again, Batiuk fails to understand that it’s not what he says, but how he says it.
MW: Jenna’s grief is such that she doesn’t realize she’s wandering around Charterstone in her bathrobe. Or maybe this is further evidence of the “they’re all in an insane asylum” theory.
PBS: WORD.
ks
July 15th, 2010 at 9:30 am
I am SO starting a band called Blaze and Doris.
DairyStateDad
July 15th, 2010 at 9:36 am
@TheDiva (#162): re: Cathy — OK, I’ll confess, I’ve been there, done that… So, yeah, it is pathetic. But uncomfortably real…
DairyStateDad
July 15th, 2010 at 9:52 am
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#161):
“I don’t remember Murphy’s Law having this corollary.
“Everybody Hates Chris” built a whole episode around that one….
Bryan
July 15th, 2010 at 10:02 am
PBS: Oooooh, way to stick it to the man, man! That’s really going to have those nasties at BP shaking in their boots. “Fuck you, British Petroleum.” It’s so eloquent it reminds me of Martin Luther King’s Letter From a Birmingham Jail. It really does.
It’s the textbook definition of “clapter.” It’s not actually funny, but people who agree with the sentiment will applaud and go “Whoooo!”
Sequitur
July 15th, 2010 at 10:03 am
Why does Popeye remind me of The Goon Show?
Thomas B.
July 15th, 2010 at 10:04 am
MW
Jenna: “Mary you don’t suppose there’s another woman in his life?”
Jenna have you been so obsessed with Mike that you haven’t noticed that you’ve been wearing the same outfit since you left him the first message nearly a week ago? Oh wait, it seems you’ve changed your blouse between panel’s one and two, so my mistake.
But What Do I Know?
July 15th, 2010 at 10:10 am
@Old Man Muffaroo (#25)
That’s some good parody, right there. You are the Master of Masters. . .
Anonymous
July 15th, 2010 at 10:14 am
@TheDiva (#162):
Thanks for the mental-hospital reminder. I was thinking of resurrecting the theory myself.
Anonymous
July 15th, 2010 at 10:18 am
MW: Though they’re trying to trick us subversive moderns into thinking maybe there’s actually a man in Dr. Mike’s life, I predict the other woman will be an adorable moppet of a 6-year-old daughter, of whom Mike has custody this week, if not always. No, I didn’t look ahead, not for lack of trying. Comics Kingdom Viewer is no longer allowing me to do that.
Comcis Fan
July 15th, 2010 at 10:19 am
Comments 170 and 171 are from me. That’s what I get for deleting my cookies.
True Fable
July 15th, 2010 at 10:36 am
@This Guy (#142): Man, that is one gloriously grand rant; 100% spot-on accurate. My hat’s off to you.
True Fable
July 15th, 2010 at 10:38 am
I misplaced my cell phone not long ago. Now Mark Trail, Gentleman Luddite, suddenly appears with one. Coincidence?
Carrie at the prom
July 15th, 2010 at 10:38 am
I’m glad that Sherman’s Lagoon is still funny, especially given the subject matter.
How long has this Funky storyline been going on? About a month maybe? And what has been accompliced so far? An ambulance has arrived on the scene and put Funky’s broken body inside. Meanwhile, Funky dreams that he’s gone back in time, gets a cup of water from his younger self, watches the younger version of his wife from a distance, had long monolouges with himself(one of which was about Elvis’ death and something about sharks…) and is now saying that he doesn’t belong in the past anymore and that going home again was a total letdown.
This story has been mostly made up of filler and it’s taken us nearly a month to get to this point. Nothing exciting has happened, save for the car wreck. It’s the Life on Mars premise! This should be a lot more interesting.
[Old Man] Muffaroo
July 15th, 2010 at 10:42 am
9 – Try on the helmet! Try on the helmet!
Crank – Perhaps he’d prefer something like this?
Dick – And the rock through Tracy’s window? Happened a couple of days ago in strip time. Almost certainly, completely gone from the minds of everybody in the strip, and writing it. Well, probably Nothing to worry about.
Hägar – “But this is ridiculous!”. Number 7981 in a series.
Howard
July 15th, 2010 at 10:45 am
Gil Thorp: “Here’s what I’ll do: I’ll bait those ‘Mudgeons! Yeah, I’ll have him say something more clueless than usual, just to get them to comment, and in the very next strip, Ha-Ha, just kidding! I’ve got you now! Now, um, how would you go about coaching golf? Well, heck, we’ll just have them fire off from the driving range. I saw that on TV once, sounds good. And how do I show that one of them is actually really good at this game, secretly? Well, I can have her do the Tiger Woods trick… dang, now that I’ve drawn it, it doesn’t look anything like Tiger doing it. So I’ll have her brag about an arbitrary number… this is like bowling, right? 72 is about right? I don’t want to figure the math… I mean, nine holes, par fours each would be … um… anyway, yeah, 72! In bowling numbers, that’s EXCELLENT! So it must be good for golf. Yeah, I showed those ‘Mudgeons!”
John C Fremont
July 15th, 2010 at 10:49 am
@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#157): That was my first thought about the Mark Trail phone tracing business. What do you want to bet that officer what’s-his-face will tell Mark to keep him on the line for just a few more minutes so that the police can trace the call with there 1950’s era equipment?
Mary Worth said it best; Sheesh!
[Old Man] Muffaroo
July 15th, 2010 at 10:53 am
Mark – The nuthatches are a silent Greek chorus as Mark hatches his nutty plan.
Momma – Some serious swearing here. Is the thing between the star and the asterisk supposed to be a scrotum or a pile of crap?
Pluggers – Don’t forget to say “Who’s a good dog?” over and over.
Shoe – “How’s the weather?”
“We might have a spot of rain later.”
(The first speaker reacts to this information with a look of confused terror, as if his entire world has just been shaken to the core and his soul will never recover. Exeunt.)
@Lucky (#141): There’s a strain of grammarian now that disputes the old bit about double negatives, pointing out how they traditionally mean stronger negative, and that language does not work by the rules of arithmetic.
mvg
July 15th, 2010 at 10:57 am
This Guy (142): Can I have an “Amen!”?
CanuckDownSouth (126): Nailed it re: WTF? Unlawful restraint & destruction of private property w/no signed consent? Pfft.
The Diva (162): “C’shaft: The lady in the black jacket wonders if it’s too late to switch her seat for one next to someone less annoying–a guy who hasn’t bathed in forty-eight hours, perhaps, or a very fussy baby.”
But w/Ed, she gets BOTH.
9CL: Fergodsakes, she was ENGAGED to this man! Why does she refer to him as “Kiesl” & not “PETER”??
LuAnn: “Oops, sorry, Shannon, that was my mace. My bad.”
MT: Re; today’s 1st panel, when did Mark Trail become a public service announcement for NAMBLA?
[Old Man] Muffaroo
July 15th, 2010 at 10:57 am
Thanks for kind reactions to Toon River installment. Previous parts can be found here, here, here, and here. All were originally published in the CC, but it’s easier for me to find and link to them at New Pals (which my nom links to as well).
@Howard (#177): This looked reasonable until I realized that it required me to accept the premise that a newspaper strip cartoonist was ignorant of the rules of golf. Good heavens, man! It’s in their blood! They have to shoot par just to get an interview with the syndicate! No, there’s something far more subtle and disturbing going on here. Perhaps it’s a coded cry for help.
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 15th, 2010 at 11:08 am
7/15
DT: “But she knew that if she could shoot you point blank and pass it off as ‘accidental’, she would have found the world’s most gullible jury.”
MW: You can tell the coloring gnomes are bored when they create lush sunset-orange grocery bags.
MT: Does Mark know the first thing about tracing phone calls? Or does he just think you can say, “Presto! Your call is being traced!” “Damn you and your cleverness, trail.”
HtH: Obviously not the kind of “eating in bed” that Helga hoped Hagar would be doing tonight.
C-Shaft: The lady next to Crankshaft is going to spend the flight reminiscing about the time she got seated next to that baby who screamed for three straight hours, and wasn’t that the best trip ever?
RMMD: In retrospect, it’s kind of good that the mayor didn’t take a seat. When you have to tell a man he has prostate cancer, it’s not the best time for the whoopie cushion gag.
Popeye: In Spinachovia, all you have to do is send in your measurements for the uniform, and you’re a general.
S-M: “I’ve already accomplished my goal. I went twenty-four straight hours without drinking. My sponsor will be thrilled.”
H&J: Where’s the Meat Loaf? Somewhere between Paradise and the dashboard light, I would guess.
Phantom: So if you’re unjustly imprisoned and need to escape, your best bet is to impersonate corn? I’ll make a note of that.
A3G: Only Margaret Shulock dares tell the truth. America is a police state, and VH1 has absolute power! Obviously Tommie is the best equipped to live under totalitarian rule.
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 15th, 2010 at 11:19 am
Bizarro: The Devil wrote the book on Arguing with Idiots!
Spider-Man: What about your friggin’ repulsor rays, Stark — aren’t they good for something other than blasting potholes in the street?
Baldo/La Cucaracha: Ha Ha! Latino teenagers are just like millions of other teenagers on the planet!
Snuffy Smith: So this is Maybelline’s THIRD husband! Big whoopin’ deal! (Hootin’ Holler sure has some weird counting games!)
DairyStateDad
July 15th, 2010 at 11:20 am
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#181): I wasn’t aware of the earlier installments. Now I’m even more impressed! Well done…
ElkMeadow
July 15th, 2010 at 11:20 am
@This Guy (#142):
You’re absolutely right. Thanks for saying it.
cheech wizard
July 15th, 2010 at 11:22 am
GT – That excited kid in panel 1 is too young to have the hots for Golfer Girl, so I’m assuming he’s looking at her visor and thinks she’s some of of large, exotic bird.
And what is somebody who can shoot 71 doing in a beginner’s class anyway? Besides teaching?
Shawn S.
July 15th, 2010 at 11:23 am
@Scott (#136):
“You gotta love Gil Thorpe. TWO laps around the golf course! AROUND, not through! It might be 4 miles through a golf course but how far is it around one?”
Should be shorter to go around then weaving through all the holes. I’d say they’re going on a 5-6 mi run, assuming it’s a full 18 hole course.
commodorejohn
July 15th, 2010 at 11:25 am
@This Guy (#142): *applauds wildly*
Agnes – Brooke McEldowney, take note: this is how to be cleverly dirty without the syndicate noticing.
A3G – Tommie likes her cages gilded. At least Margo isn’t going to play nice.
A.D. – …welcome to 1995, Mason.
DT – Melting, hideous visages, shapes that display all the consistency of a drug-fueled hobo rant, and writing that leaps past mere incoherence into complete and total insanity…but at least they pay enough attention to detail to label the box of bullets.
FB – Is it typical for middle-class Britons to have their washing machines in the kitchen?
FW – So, Batiuk, your response to people wanting the past Funky Winkerbean back is to claim that the past sucked too? I mean, that flies in the face of all the evidence, but sure, I’ll take your word for it, for the sake of argument. BUT IT DOESN’T MAKE THE PRESENT NOT SUCK.
GT – Please let that golf ball inexplicably double-whack Gil in the head while someone’s recording it to post on YouTube.
HOTC – Dean is a man of excellent taste.
JP – Don’t make me come over there and bitchslap the both of you.
Love Is… – scat.
Luann – Honestly, Luann is the worst babysitter I’ve ever seen. Are we supposed to be sympathizing with her?
MT – Wait, if Mustache McDumb was going to just hand out his location like Cherry said, why bother trying to trace the call?
MW – Oh God, let me guess: in Mary’s world, any date is an automatic commitment to a long-term romantic relationship, so Mike is now supposed to be Jenna’s, and his not calling back/possibly being with another woman amounts to cheating. And why is Mary wearing a rain slicker? Is she trying to put together a Gorton’s Fisherman outfit for Halloween?
Peanuts – Somebody order a lampshade?
Phantom – Well whaddya know! The hills do have eyes!
Popeye – …is everybody in this strip retarded?
SM – WHAT.
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 15th, 2010 at 11:28 am
@TheDiva (#162): Didn’t intentionally steal your “Crankshaft” snark. It just sort of worked out that way.
Old School Allie Cat
July 15th, 2010 at 11:33 am
A3G -If LuAnne think that throwing her clothes away is something to cry about, she’s going to lose it when she sees what they want to do to her hair. Big, fat, flesh colored tears flowing freely.
Luann – If you would put down your magazine and iPod for five minutes, and maybe pay some attention to the kid, you might actually earn some of that $10 Brad is paying you. I’ll bet Shannon would enjoy you telling her a story – how about, “Once upon a time, I saw Gunther naked at the library…”
RwO – Another winner. Hilary Price has a very fertile mind, and I don’t think she’s ever had to resort to fart jokes.
PBS Well, yeah.
MW – Oh, Jenna – if only you had Mary’s super-powers, you’d know that Dr. Truelove is at Peace Village in Vietnam suffering from some kind of horrible, life-threatening infection that could be cured with amoxicillin and baby aspirin. If only your dreams would tell you this, then you could rush to his side and save him. As it is, you’ve had a snootful of Red, Red Wine ™ and the good doctor will die alone, his carcass as soft, rank and mushy as a pumpkin left to rot after Halloween.
TheDiva
July 15th, 2010 at 11:39 am
@Artist formerly known as Ben (#189): GMTA, AFKAB. (And this may be the first time I’ve made a sentence composed entirely of acronyms.)
cheech wizard
July 15th, 2010 at 11:52 am
JP – “How did it feel? How did it feel? It felt long, hard and good, ok? Are you happy now? Oh, don’t give me that look – don’t you dare give me that look! You know, maybe if you spent less time nailing shoes and more time nailing me, maybe I wouldn’t have to drive into town to seek out old boyfriends for gratification? Ever think of that? Did you? Did you? No, you’d rather hang around the barn and play shoe elf with Sam! ‘Oh, maybe if I leave some leather and stuff out in the barn, Sam will come in and turn them all into shoes for me!’ Gawd, you make me sick. Where’s my car keys? I’m going back to town – maybe I can find Mark and make it a doubleheader today.”
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 15th, 2010 at 11:55 am
TheDiva @191.
Green Mountain Transit Agency?
(beat)
Oh! Oh, yes indeed.
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 15th, 2010 at 12:00 pm
Archie: Remind me again… which one’s the pitcher and which one’s the catcher?
Beetle Bailey: Sarge gets a buzz from what’s actually a bee hive, but Lt. Fuzz is the one who gets stung!
Wizard of Id: You’d never catch me swapping spit with a guy named “Bung”! (Is his last name CROSBY by any chance?)
Pluggers: But how does he feel about French Ticklers?
Broom Hilda: “Not Me” did it! (Ax me no questions — and I’ll tell you no lies!)
mollificent
July 15th, 2010 at 12:00 pm
Retail: Aaaaand…once again, the comics are giving me ridiculously appropriate personal advice. Not sure what that says about me.
Meh…I got nothin’.
@Bill the Butcher (#148): LMAO!! Can I use that? :D
Poteet
July 15th, 2010 at 12:02 pm
I shall be mostly absent for a few days because of a visit to parents. I look forward to catching up later. Have fun, all!
odinthor
July 15th, 2010 at 12:02 pm
DtM. — Same reason the Comics are called Comics: Because the truth hurts.
FC. — And, indeed, the sign didn’t say “No backing up.”
FW. — Tut tut, Funky! Had you accurately assessed its true worth to begin with, you wouldn’t be feeling let down now!
MW. — Don’t worry, Jenna! It’s not another woman . . .
Love Is . . . — . . . Being prepared to shovel the crap.
#157. bb,u. —
Vive les Français!
Calico
July 15th, 2010 at 12:02 pm
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#183):
You mean they can actually count?
SquirrelGM
July 15th, 2010 at 12:04 pm
So, in essence, “Funky Winkerbean” traveled through time so we can see close-ups of Aging Funky being bummed out about how much things suck and discussing his rapidly-approaching death. He needed to TIME TRAVEL to do this??? This is as pointless as, oh I dunno, having “Spider-Man” relocate Peter Parker to Miami so we can see him laying on a different couch and complaining about different TV channels. Oh, wait …
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 15th, 2010 at 12:11 pm
I really must try and fit “oily sporkbill” into my next discussion on the BP disaster. (SL ref, for those who must know.)
Thomas B.
July 15th, 2010 at 12:13 pm
Josh,
I really like that Shoe has purchased ad space on your fine site. I especially like that the ad appears in the top right hand corner above the comments. After years of the commenters pooping on Shoe, the strip has purchared the ideal perch to to return the favor. Now if only such wit could find it’s way into the strip.
P
July 15th, 2010 at 12:24 pm
Hey gang, remember that “Past visit to the beach” from 1976 Bil Keane had reruns of 5 years ago?
Well he’s running them again, but this time he’s making them as if they are new strips.
I’m sure that he’ll trick the 80 year old women who still struggle with the VCR this time around.
Ranchoth
July 15th, 2010 at 12:24 pm
I think the only way ol’ Funky’s crushed incoherence can get worse is if someone tells him that Steiner couldn’t break through the encirclement.
Sliver of Mope
July 15th, 2010 at 12:36 pm
@P (#202): Actually, it’s Jeff Keane who’s doing the rework these days.
Jesse C
July 15th, 2010 at 12:36 pm
Josh, sometimes I think Tom Batiuk is making these just for you…
Spunde
July 15th, 2010 at 12:38 pm
@Kibo (#144): Wait, somebody added bacon to Elvis’s sandwich after he died? How sick is that?
Zemto
July 15th, 2010 at 12:38 pm
@DairyStateDad (#31): I ran Wednesday’s Funky Winkerbean through it and it came up with Stephen King. Are bookstores moving FW collections to the horror section yet?
Mibbitmaker
July 15th, 2010 at 12:39 pm
9CL: Kiesl is a hat man!
FW: No, Funk, it’s a letdown when you leave “home” in 2 time jumps! Both times! Ass.
PBS: Unsarcastic applause!
This Guy at #142: Complete, enthusiastic applause!
Shawn S.
July 15th, 2010 at 12:45 pm
@Thomas B. (#201):
Google AdSense shows ads related to…
#1 – The content on the site you are at.
#2 – The kind of sites Google knows you like to visit based on browsing history.
Shoe didn’t pick this site, Google picked this site as a good spot to show an ad for Shoe. However, either Josh or Shoe is allowed to block the other in their account settings.
Perky Bird
July 15th, 2010 at 12:49 pm
Spider-Man: Huh. I always thought a puppet was a figure meant to be worn over one’s hand or maniputaled by strings or rods. But I guess “Dolly Master” just didn’t have quite the panache that this villain was looking for.
Shawn S.
July 15th, 2010 at 12:51 pm
Speaking of Adsense… Josh, how good is the language moderation on the site? Google is about as forgiving towards mature language as Darth Vader is when you come out of hyperspace too close to the planet Hoth.
Thomas B.
July 15th, 2010 at 12:54 pm
@Shawn S. (#209): Thanks for ruining a perfectly good poop joke with Googlead logic.
bats :[
July 15th, 2010 at 1:00 pm
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#158): heh.
Fashion Police
July 15th, 2010 at 1:01 pm
We note Mrs. O’Malley now recalls Herr Keisl as more appropriately casual. While we may concur that he seems to possess a nicely-developed sense of style (at least as she remembers him), one also notes that he appears to be something of a narcissist.
While it is diverting that Monsignor McEldowney is taking a week off to display his fashion wares, one continues to grow impatient over the untidiness of the narrative. One supposes however, that Mrs. Burber remains agog at each thumb-on-the-camera-lens nuance.
MaryAnnTheRest
July 15th, 2010 at 1:04 pm
Luann: Worst babysitter ever? She definitely doesn’t know what she’s doing. I’m thinking she ranks somewhere below Snuffy Smith and just above Mark “Rusty and I are checking into a motel room” Trail.
mvg
July 15th, 2010 at 1:05 pm
Ranchoth (203): “I think the only way ol’ Funky’s crushed incoherence can get worse is if someone tells him that Steiner couldn’t break through the encirclement.”
The only possible reply to that “Cross of Iron” reference is, “Demarcation!”
Buck Ripsnort
July 15th, 2010 at 1:10 pm
PBS: How about that crazy Comics Lead Time, huh folks? When Pastis wrote this, I bet he was worried that Deepwater would have been over for weeks by the time it came out and nobody would remember it.
DairyStateDad
July 15th, 2010 at 1:13 pm
@Zemto (#207): That’s actually kind of interesting — see y#138, y#188, and y#369…
Sliver of Mope
July 15th, 2010 at 1:15 pm
@Buck Ripsnort (#217): I KNEW Pastis is behind the botched “clean-up”! Thanks for connecting the dots!
Buck Ripsnort
July 15th, 2010 at 1:20 pm
S-M: “I’ve already accomplished my objectives!” If this is about Puppet Master short-selling Stark International and using Iron Man to drive down the price, I’ll. . . . well, I’ll wish I’d thought of it first.
Walker of Dog
July 15th, 2010 at 1:21 pm
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#130): Excuse me – “a remote location”? The Midtown Hotel is conveniently located on New York’s famed West 45th Street, in heart of Manhattan’s vibrant Midtown district. The Midtown Hotel: sheets and towels provided for your use free of charge.
@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#157): If Jenna really wants to mope it up big-time, she needs to change out of that Robe of Despair – too stylish. Nothing says “I have surrendered to my desolate fate” like a Snuggie.
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#176): Kiesl, try on the bucket of acid. It’s the latest thing from
BASFMilan. But be sure to wear your goggles.Carrie at the prom
July 15th, 2010 at 1:35 pm
I don’t suppose there’s any chance that Funky could run into teen Lisa before he woke up, is there? Since I didn’t join until the Lisa dies storyline(due to its media coverage) I have no idea what she looked like young and healthy.
I just wish this storyline would become interesting again! Too much to ask, I suppose…
bats :[
July 15th, 2010 at 1:43 pm
@Carrie at the prom (#222): “Young”? “Healthy”? This is Funky Winkerbean we’re talking about! The correct terms are “less old” and “not dead yet.”
Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
July 15th, 2010 at 1:45 pm
@Carrie at the prom (#222): List has bad hair and glasses. The guy who knocked her up was both drunk and desperate.
littlestevie
July 15th, 2010 at 1:50 pm
MT: What in the hell is officer Fatty O’Flaherty doing? Mark just starts doing his own police work and Fatty is just standing around hoping that the good widow will feed his giant maw. Mark needs backup now, and Andy is the one to do it. Besides a little punching, Stashy McDognapper needs a little chomping that only Andy can provide.
spike
July 15th, 2010 at 1:50 pm
@Carrie at the prom (#222): Lisa was not pretty [Well, it would be accurate to say she was pretty plain] in her high school years during the original version of FW. What else could be expected of the love interest of poor ol’ Les? Batiuk gave her a total makeover during Act II when she reunited with Les Moore.
teenchy
July 15th, 2010 at 1:52 pm
@DairyStateDad (#31): David Foster Wallace. I guess I’d better keep tabs on my meds.
Thomas B.
July 15th, 2010 at 1:53 pm
@Carrie at the prom (#222): What if Funky leaves his cell phone in the past, Lisa finds it, tries to use it and the resulting radiation lays the foundation for the cancer that kills her? How freaky (and fitting for this strip) would that be?
teenchy
July 15th, 2010 at 1:54 pm
Wait, there are a lot of David Foster Wallace-like writers here. Either great minds write alike, or CC fans write alike, or the engine offers limited results, or…nah, better to keep tabs on my meds.
unclelumpy
July 15th, 2010 at 1:56 pm
@Carrie at the prom (#222):
Lisa was pretty mousy as a teenager — it was self-esteem issues that brought her to the back of Frankie’s van. She was recast as a pixie after the first jump — here’s an example featuring hott Lisa-on-Les action. Ghost Lisa is a pretty fair representation of her as an adult, though of course she’s now ennobled well past the point of attractiveness.
Steve the Pocket
July 15th, 2010 at 1:57 pm
You know what annoys me the most about today’s Funky Winkerbean? It’s not the implication that he’s repudiating everything he wrote that was actually good (and I dunno, that seems like a stretch to me, even coming from the writer of the unsubtle “Wit” storyline). It’s the fact that Funky’s soliloquy is so out of place. It’s like he’s trying to present the moral of a story he forgot to actually tell. One where Funky has been missing the “good old days” and, upon getting a chance to revisit them, finds he misses his own time even more.
If Batiuk had written such a story, this bizarre head trip might have been redeemable. A bit pretentious, but at least it would have a point to it beyond “life sucks at every turn”. Instead, either he’s losing his memory in his old age and literally forgot to write out the story, or he just got lazy and decided to rush straight to the depressing bits, like Original Life* with clinical depression.
*A comic that’s gotten infamous for hastily wrapping up its storylines when the writer gets bored with them, as well as having a writer who’s more interested in pontificating than telling a story, period.
MWDG
July 15th, 2010 at 2:15 pm
MW: The Jenna story is great… Guess Jenna put out to early and Dr. Mike is off to nail some hot nurse or developmentally disabled teen hottie!
Jenna is a pathtic durnk and not halk as hot at Dee from a few stories ago. I wish Jenna would hire Terry Bryson to find out what is going out with the “good doctor.” Terry B would find out that Dr. Mike made some sort of “artistic” video of his time with Jenna on the beach and is about to post it on the internet!
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 15th, 2010 at 2:37 pm
@Walker of Dog (#221): This is supposed to be a spy thiller, remember? “Midtown Hotel” is simply a code name for the secret location where they’re actually being held. (You’re excused!)
corinthian
July 15th, 2010 at 4:42 pm
Join us next time when Kat and Kitty discover all the corpses Margo stuffed in her closet!
Crankenstank
July 15th, 2010 at 5:14 pm
FW: I have asked my wife to initiate the euthanasia if I ever get to a point where I am self-narrating that does not involve pretended athletic heroics.
Vince M
July 15th, 2010 at 6:39 pm
@John C Fremont (#178): MT: I hope the police trace the call with radar!
bbug
July 15th, 2010 at 10:28 pm
The thing that disappoints me the most is Funky’s taste in music. Funky was a kid in the ’70s– Elvis would have been his parents’ rock star. What about Peter Frampton, The Who, Grand Funk Railroad, or the Stones? Rock and Roll CAN save you, Funkster, but only if it’s done properly.
Jwalk
July 17th, 2010 at 8:16 am
Is it wrong to hope Funky dies? I really miss Masky.
Jwalk
July 17th, 2010 at 8:17 am
Shit. The old bastard woke up.