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Mark Trail’s “burner” phone must be disposed of by 5 pm!

Mark Trail, 7/15/10

Not since Rusty claimed that he “just put a new memory card” into his 1953 Leica camera has there been a Mark Trail that more hilariously mashes together decades-old repurposed art and writing with the vague sense that the existence of so-called “modern technology” should probably acknowledged. For the love of God, Mark, why are you paying $2.99 a minute or whatever madness the local Motel 6 is going to charge for use of their in-room telephone when you’re talking on a cell phone right now — a cell phone that, if it’s like every other cell phone sold in the last eight years, has a built-in caller ID feature? Is he one of those paranoids who doesn’t give out his cell number to strangers, because that would allow them to steal his precious bodily fluids? Does Mark’s Junior Illegal Wiretapping And Phone-Call Tracing Kit only work with landlines?

Gil Thorp, 7/15/10

Well, I guess we all owe Coach Thorp an apology, because it turns out his “Let’s run six miles around the golf course!” idea from yesterday was a joke, just a joke, heh heh heh, no, obviously I know how to coach golf, OK? Why else would they be paying me? They are paying me, right? Anyway, it appears that this summer’s dramatic conflict will come from the thought-ballooned antics of this surly teen golf prodigy, and honestly I can’t even imagine four more boring words in the English language than “surly teen golf prodigy,” I almost fell asleep just typing them.

Pluggers, 7/15/10

Most of the people I know are not pluggers, and none of them enjoy actually being tickled. Thus, I’m going to assume that “front tickle” is a plugger euphemism for sex, putting this one firmly in the Pluggers “there are a whole lot of things pluggers would rather do than be sexually intimate with their spouses” file, which is depressingly large.

This entry was posted on Thursday, July 15, 2010 at 01:54 pm and is filed under Gil Thorp, Mark Trail, Pluggers. |

258 responses to “Mark Trail’s “burner” phone must be disposed of by 5 pm!”

The Spectre
July 15th, 2010 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

Depressingly large like a plugger, in fact.
twg
July 15th, 2010 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

Why is he staying at a motel, anyway? HOW FAR DID SASSY RUN?!?
Tim
July 15th, 2010 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

I dunno… there certainly has been lots of interest in the adventures of a ’surly thirty-something golf prodigy’… Dial it back twenty years, add a cleavage revealing triangle cutout on that tight top and step back, because I believe that this way whackiness lies.
jzimbert
July 15th, 2010 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

How about a test tickle or two?
Mark J. Hansen
July 15th, 2010 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

Was “I feel asleep” a typo or a Metal Gear reference?
Baka Gaijin
July 15th, 2010 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth: Please take Jenna to the Bum Boat, STAT! Shove an order of orange glop into her cakehole. Need to fill out the half of her face that’s imploding.

Mark Trail: Um, Mark, if you take a look at the phone when the call comes in, you can see the number. It’s called “caller id.”

Drabble: I’d love Drabble to skunk-eye Mary Worth and a pair of Kats.

Cathy: The look on Irving’s face: Oh my God, what kind of crazy lady have I gotten myself hooked up with? For what? She’s not a fireball in bed. Maybe she’ll spontaneously combust with all that paper. Yeah, that’s a good alibi. I’ll go with that.

Pluggers: EWWWWW!
commodorejohn
July 15th, 2010 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

I can’t even imagine four more boring words in the English language than “surly teen golf prodigy,” I almost feel asleep just typing them.
Yeah, watching Gil Thorp characters rant about golf is almost as stultifying as watching Mort Walker characters rant about golf (and only because in Gil Thorp it has a veneer of novelty, as opposed to being a regular feature, like in every Walker strip ever.) Probably the only chance of redemption for this storyline would be if Thorpian physics combined with the girl’s foul attitude to elevate things into a larger-than-life, gonzo action-movie version of the sport, like some of those loony sports manga. I doubt this will happen, but then again, it is Gil Thorp.
Dude...wait...what?
July 15th, 2010 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

I’m just hoping Mark punches a cleaning lady by accident
Josh
July 15th, 2010 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

@Mark J. Hansen (#5): I don’t understand the “video games” you kids today play, so let’s go with typo. Fixed!

Josh
Ned Ryerson
July 15th, 2010 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

MT: Forget all that stuff about cellphones and hotel rooms, what the hell is up with Mark’s creepy little fingers in the third panel? GAH!
Sans Sense
July 15th, 2010 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

Holy crap. I guess I am a Plugger since I’d rather get a backscratch than screw a chicken too…
Violet
July 15th, 2010 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

Even the birds in panel two are exasperated by Mark’s bafflingly stupid plan. Their expressions clearly read “Can you believe this clown?” and “Do not get me started.”
Larry Fine
July 15th, 2010 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

@Ned Ryerson (#10): Maybe his hand is shriveled from all the punching he’s done over the years.
Randy
July 15th, 2010 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

“Cherry, Rusty and I are going to check into a motel . . . No, you’re not invited . . . Yes, it’s what you’ve always worried about.”
RichterCa
July 15th, 2010 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

Just when you thought 9CL couldn’t possibly get any more boring, it’s time for pictures of hats! Joy!
Mibbitmaker
July 15th, 2010 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

A3G: Zip, already at the hotel*? Gyp! So…
Margo: Way less rebellious and more whiny.
LuAnn: Oh, boo-hoo, my poor clothing! (like a person died or something)
Tommie: Doormat. As usual.

*Hanoi Hilton West?

Crank: More like “Grum-P-Boy”.

Curtis: Aaaaand he’s once again in future Mel Gibsony “boyfriend” mode.

Edison Lee: Goo goo g’ *bloop*!

Phantom: No… I think they missed you. You’re home fre– wait a minute….. there’s a dog cominggggg…. right up to you. Oh no!… he’s lifting his……EEEEEEWWWWWWWWW!!

DT: Her “oops, my bad!” to STARDOM!

Other Coast: Stay out of Mark Trail!

And my ythread 9CL bears repeating:
Kiesl is a hat man!
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 15th, 2010 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

Gil Thorp: GT’s bargaining with the exotic dancer he met on Craig’s list — he wants her to give him two lap dances for the price of one!

Blondie: His wife thinks Dagwood is a basket case!

DtM: The Mitchells are sitting in their doctor’s office where Alice went to get fitted for a new set of prosthetic legs!
Sans Sense
July 15th, 2010 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

Mark needs a landline because his plan is to follow the actual telephone wires to the stachioed Sassy napper.
Krazy Kat
July 15th, 2010 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

Wouldn’t a trace require police involvement? Which would require the police to have some interest in this case? I mean, we already know they’re interested in the crazy animal lady, but that interest has nothing to do with helping her get an animal back.

Aw hell, this is Mark Trail we’re talking about. Of course the police are interested.

Maybe after the local law enforcement convinces a judge to sign a warrant allowing them to wiretap our villain’s phone, Mark can rig up a trap using a giant cardboard box, a forked stick and a length of rope, bait it with mustache wax, and lie in wait outside his house. Take that, New Technology! It’s the closest Mark can get to punching an abstract concept.
Gertrude
July 15th, 2010 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth: Relax, Jenna. The good doctor is building you a dream mansion of salmon squares so you two can be together forever. He’ll be back.
The Shamazing Spitter-man
July 15th, 2010 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

Blondie: Saddest Blondie ever , mainly because Dagwood is genuinely pleased at his own thoughtfulness.

DtM: Dennis menaces the MSM.

Peanuts: Props to Charles Shultz for going meta back when it was still a prefix.

Phantom: Prisons in superhero universes seem amazingly easy to escape from. I guess that’s why they need all those superheroes.
AndyL
July 15th, 2010 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

I like to think of myself as a liberal, open-minded fellow, but I think that If I was married to someone who was not a mammal, then I would rather have the back scratch as well.
Grump
July 15th, 2010 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

“Two laps? Are you kidding?”
“Actually yes…”

Oh, ho ho! Shit, I got you good, you FUCKER!
Canaduck
July 15th, 2010 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

As a birder, I’d love for Mark Trail to point out where I can find baby blue chickadees.
Mibbitmaker
July 15th, 2010 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

@Ned Ryerson (#10): In that panel, Mark is like that Kristen Wiig character in the SNL “Lawrence Welk Show” parodies.
AndyL
July 15th, 2010 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

Hey, if Rusty’s camera really is a Leica then that explains why he wasn’t willing to sell if for a large handful of cash. Digital Leicas start at about eight grand.
Uncle Lumpy
July 15th, 2010 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

Those pluggers’ one attempt at a front tickle ended in shock, a furtive trip to the library, and tears. God bless ‘em for making do with the geometry they have.
Jose
July 15th, 2010 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

How to make ice cubes, Mark Trail-style:

a) buy bag of ice at local five and dime
b) place bag of ice in a bucket and let nature melt it into water, the natural way
c) pour melted ice into hundreds of little square cups
d) leave outside and wait for winter and nature to turn it into ice cubes, the natural way
e) enjoy!
The Modesto Kid
July 15th, 2010 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

You ignore the obvious plot point that Mark forgot to charge his cell phone and is about to run out of battery life.
Farley's Revenge
July 15th, 2010 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

@commodorejohn (#Y188): It’s quite common and not just in Britain. European washers are nowhere near the size of the behemoths that Americans use so the washers are fairly unobtrusive. When we lived in the Netherlands, the washer hookup was in the kitchen but we had an American washer. Given the lack of counter space, we tended to use the top of the washer as an auxiliary counter top when we needed a place to use the stand mixer(plus it was close to a transformer so it was convenient).
Baka Gaijin
July 15th, 2010 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

Blondie: It’s at this point Blondie sees the reality of Dagwood’s split personality, a split she thought she imagined for the past 30 years.

Brevity: Oh ho ho ho. Who’d think of looking for an evil mastermind there?

Rose is Rose: Gad, what a colossal wuss. It’s no wonder Clem could bogart all the ‘mallows yesterday.
Farley\'s Revenge
July 15th, 2010 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

@Krazy Kat (#19): You’re attempting to apply logic to a Mark Trail storyline. Stop immediately before irreparable brain damage occurs and you end up like, well, a character in a Mark Trail storyline.
Thomas B.
July 15th, 2010 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

Mark finds a reason to stay at a motel the moment Cherry returns to the Lost Forrest looking for some alone time with him. Wow, he’s better at avoiding intimacy than Stedman.
Sans Sense
July 15th, 2010 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

RMMD: Why do I get a feeling that the only “options” Rex wants to talk about are upfront billing options? You gonna die mofo!
jamoche
July 15th, 2010 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

Wait – we’re not supposed to sympathise with the golf prodigy? Because I’ve been in her situation – surrounded by beginners and expected to do beginner stuff despite already having more of a clue than they – or worse, the teacher – ever will.

Oh. This is GT. Of course we’re not supposed to sympathise with talent.
commodorejohn
July 15th, 2010 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

@Farley’s Revenge (#30): Hmm, interesting. Guess I’ll chalk this one up to “cultural oddities” instead of “Fred Basset being utterly baffling in the most boring way possible,” then.
A Dude from Dallas
July 15th, 2010 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

@The Modesto Kid (#29): Haven’t we learned from eight seasons of “24″ that cell phones don’t need charging?
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 15th, 2010 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

@Baka Gaijin (#31): A word to the wise — don’t look at today’s Tundra!
Larry Fine
July 15th, 2010 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

FC — “Tell you what, Billy, I’ll just let you off here, and you can read all the signs you want.”
Thomas B.
July 15th, 2010 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

@Josh (#9): That quote is from Metal Gear (1987). The quotes “I feel asleep” and “The truck have started to move.” are classic game typos right up there with “Pwned” from the more recent Warcraft.
killercoconut
July 15th, 2010 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

Jenna seems to be awfully keen on throwing Mary off the trail, insisting she hasn’t seen Dr. Whatever for a week and introducing imaginary “other” women to the plot. I think she stabbed him to death during their drug orgy Sid and Nancy style and his body washed out to sea. Jenna is just covering her tracks with all the phone calls and texts.
Sans Sense
July 15th, 2010 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

A3G: Oh, she’s crying… With the teardrop tat, I thought she was being broken down and made over as the meanest banger in the Aryan Sisterhood.
The Modesto Kid
July 15th, 2010 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

@A Dude from Dallas (#37): –true, true…
Thomas B.
July 15th, 2010 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

Today’s Pluggers is just reminding us that anthropomorphic dogs, rhinos, and chickens prefer it doggie style. It is painfully obvious. And by painful I mean the sensation of dry heaving while clawing your eyes out at the thought of Plugger sex.
Business Pyjamas
July 15th, 2010 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

MW: A mosquito, after a sampling of Jenna’s 80-proof blood, leaves a zig-zag trail as it drunkenly flies straight from her shoulder into Mary’s mouth, agape in horror at this woman’s piteousness.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 15th, 2010 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

Couple that you most want to punch:

A) The couple in Edge City
B) The couple in the Toyota Sienna ads
C) Both
D) They are the same two people, so punching either pair will get the job done.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 15th, 2010 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

@Thomas B. (#40): “All of your base are belong to us.”
bupdaddy
July 15th, 2010 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

Surly Teen Golf Prodigy’s right eye is bionic, or Borg, or something.
Thomas B.
July 15th, 2010 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#47): Ha! Good one.
Pozzo
July 15th, 2010 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

To give jackelrod his due, Mark *does* hold a cell phone slightly more convincingly than Dick Tracy does — meaning it doesn’t look like it was welded onto the ends of hideously stumpy fingers.
Farley's Revenge
July 15th, 2010 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

@commodorejohn (#36): Having the washer in the kitchen was quite convenient(And not just because of the transformer placement), unlike our house in Germany where the W/D room was located off the boiler room in the garage…two floors down from where the bedrooms were located. There was also a W/D hookup in the bathroom but it wasn’t designed for American style W/Ds so we lugged our laundry up and down 2 flights of stairs.

It’s really not much different than those American homes that have the W/D setup behind louvered doors in the kitchen(I’ve seen it) or in a closeted area on a hallway. I’ve even seen McMansions where there’s a W/D setup in the master walk-in closet. It’s all about convenience.
Thomas B.
July 15th, 2010 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

@bupdaddy (#48): It’s like she’s part way into her transformation to a snake. Kinda like James Earl Jones in Conan.
Krazy Kat
July 15th, 2010 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

@Farley\’s Revenge (#32): Ah, too late. I just punched the pizza delivery guy. I opened the door, and alarm bells started ringing in my head: “Sideburns! Sideburns! Danger! Danger!”
tb4000
July 15th, 2010 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

A Plugger would never get a front tickle, due to those activities being affronts to God.
A Dude from Dallas
July 15th, 2010 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

I am a noob to Comics Curmudgeon. I started looking for a site like this when I saw Funky Winkerbean go black a few weeks ago.

I have followed FW off and on for several years and at this point I doubt I could say anything that hasn’t been said a hundred times already, but I have to get this off my chest…

There are three ways this arc could end for maximum “screw the readership” effect:

A.) Lisa Moore steps out of the shower while Les is reading a book in bed.

B.) Haley Joel Osment shows up and starts talking to Funky.

C.) Funky wakes up in his room the morning of his high school graduation and says “what a nightmare.”

Of course, Batiuk will surely choose option D… WRITING.
Nekrotzar
July 15th, 2010 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

Boring? That teen golf prodigy shot 71 others on this one golf course alone — is Gil Thorpe turning into Dick Tracy? This could be a whole new … oh, it’s just a score? Sigh. Wake me up when Marty Moon goes on another drunken rant.
Sans Sense
July 15th, 2010 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

DtM: Dennis’ cloying stupidity makes Alice physically sick to her stomach.
Ed Dravecky
July 15th, 2010 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

A qualified, compassionate doctor would realize that the mayor’s swollen, cancerous prostate might make sitting uncomfortable. Too bad the city’s health plan includes only Rex Morgan, M.D., and several seasons of St. Elsewhere on DVD.
Sans Sense
July 15th, 2010 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

Gil: “All those who’ve played golf before, raise your hands. Ok, you, you and you teach this effen class, I gotta go get my drink on.”
Mark55025
July 15th, 2010 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

“Not since Rusty claimed that he “just put a new memory card” into his 1953 Leica camera”

Just to be fair some of the current Leica Digital camera look a lot like the ones from the ’50s.
odinthor
July 15th, 2010 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

y#188. commodorejohn.

FB – Is it typical for middle-class Britons to have their washing machines in the kitchen?

But . . . but . . . speaking for a middle-class American household, the washer and dryer at Slott Odinthor™ (ce mot “slott,” c’est le suédois pour “château”) are in the kitchen, and have been since time out of mind. It’s very convenient for renditions of Who Threw the Overalls in Mrs. Murphy’s Chowder?, which are, of course, a mainstay of American home evening entertainment (um, renditions are the mainstay, not overalls; overalls are a mainstay of American evening entertainment away from home).
Nekrotzar
July 15th, 2010 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

@Mark55025 (#60): Of course before he put a new memory card in he had to turn the hand crank to rewind the old one.
Deb T
July 15th, 2010 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

Oh my Mark! What has happened to shrivel up you fingers to baby sized in panel 3? Or maybe Rusty is holding the phone or you’ve been hiding some freakish conjoined twin?
Sans Sense
July 15th, 2010 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

@Mark55025 (#60): If we were fair this site would have two comments a day from a spammer that Josh would no longer bother to block. Bring on the inequities!
Chowder
July 15th, 2010 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

Mark’s insistence upon using outdated technology with modern-technology terms is actually part of an elaborate money-laundering scheme to process the profits from the twisted genetic experiments that spat out Rusty. “Memory card” is actually a coded message indicating they’ve received another order for a vaguely boy-shaped abomination.
Baka Gaijin
July 15th, 2010 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

@Rocky Stoneaxe (#38): Thanks. If could find Tundra online I’d be more concerned.

@Thomas B. (#44): The eye-clawing goes much easier with the Ronco© Automatic Eye Snaffler and Fishing Hook Remover. Only $19.95! But wait, there’s more! Order now and receive free! The Ronco© Pocket Vomitorium, perfect for both dry and wet heaves!
Farley's Revenge
July 15th, 2010 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

@Krazy Kat (#53): Oh dear. All that’s left for you is to get a St. Bernard and move to the nearest greenbelt. Barring that, you could find the nearest busybody and beg to be meddled to a happy ending. You may have to elbow the drunken chick in the stained bathrobe out of your way, but that’s okay. It might sober her up for a few seconds.
Sans Sense
July 15th, 2010 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

Rusty usually likes a nice meal and a little white zin before he checks into a motel with Mark…
Ned Ryerson
July 15th, 2010 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

Gil: “All those who are here by court order, raise your hands. Phew, not just me then. Good.”
Calico
July 15th, 2010 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

Mark and Rusty, at the ramshackle no-tell Motel, where the complimentary breakfast consists of burnt coffee and stale Twinkies ™.

Mark can give a gratuitous nature lecture when he discovers the family of very large, hungry rats inhabiting their room.
Calico
July 15th, 2010 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

@jzimbert (#4):
Extremely well played. : )
fishmorgjp
July 15th, 2010 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

Uh-oh… Mark Trail has contracted dinky-finger syndrome from being in proximity to the Dick Tracy strip.
Walker of Dog
July 15th, 2010 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

@Rocky Stoneaxe (#Y233): Uh-oh…The Midtown Hotel, Inc. maintains a shark tank of lawyers who aggressively initiate legal actions alleging trademark infringement, libel and slander. The Midtown Hotel®: totally real and totally litigious. Discover cards not accepted.

@littlestevie (#Y225): We’re only seeing the cop’s shadow in today’s strip. I think Officer O’Flaherty has become a victim of a tragic transporter accident.
Austria
July 15th, 2010 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

@Thomas B. (#40): One of my personal favorites is “The miracle never happen.” That’s from Phoenix Wright: Justice for All, which is comparatively recent, having come out in the latter part of this decade. Oh, Capcom…

My dead tree edition never came today, so I’ll have less to snark about. Waah!

Arch: …..There….there is something inexplicably fruity about this first panel. Like…don’t even ask me to explain it. I don’t know. I think it’s Jughead.

FW: “Apparently you can go home again…all it takes is a little head trauma!!”

PBS: He’s even cute when he swears.

RMMD: The good mayor sure is eager to find out his cancery fate, isn’t he? I smell a conspiracy. Chekhov’s Gun, or something. Like, he’s only looking for life insurance money or something like that. There’s gonna be something here, there always is.

Zits: Kay, how much you wanna bet the Scott-Borgman inbox’ll be full of wank for using the word “tripping” in a newspaper comic strip? Five hundred? Six?
AndyL
July 15th, 2010 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

I look forward to seeing this golf player finally stop aiming for personal glory and learn the value of teamwork.
commodorejohn
July 15th, 2010 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

@odinthor (#61): Huh, okay. I guess this is more commonplace than I thought? Maybe it has to do with living in areas where square footage in housing is a little more of a premium…
Sans Sense
July 15th, 2010 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

@Walker of Dog (#73): I think Officer Murf(sic) is only concerned with two words when it comes to Mark and Rusty, “plausible deniability”. Just fade away Officer Cliche, just fade away.
commodorejohn
July 15th, 2010 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

@AndyL (#75): Comment. Of. The. WEEK.
Baka Gaijin
July 15th, 2010 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

@Calico (#70): Stale Twinkies ™. Can such a thing exist? I thought they’d survive the atomic blasts to serve as food for the cockroaches that also would have survived the blasts.

@Austria (#74) on Archie: “Inexplicably fruity.” Next time I’m in Austria, I’ll work that phrase into the conversation as a tribute to you. Maybe it’d be easier to use it as the name for my Village People cover band.

Yes, something is unsettling seeing random picnic foods drifting across the panels, much like some demented 80’s video game.
Stu
July 15th, 2010 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

I’d be more impressed with her score if it wasn’t a 9-hole course.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 15th, 2010 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

@Austria (#74): Lio doesn’t understand Cybil’s hostility towards playing ‘fetch’ [*]
Sans Sense
July 15th, 2010 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

Wow Funk, your current life is teetering on bankruptcy, imminent physical injury and relapse and now your past is a letdown… You’re not drinking yourself stupid because…?
bats :[
July 15th, 2010 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

@Farley’s Revenge (#51): someone else oding the laundry — the ultimate in convenience!

@Calico (#70): “Oh, boy, Mark! Twinkies! We never get Twinkies at home!”
Iconoclast
July 15th, 2010 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

You have to admit, Surly Teen Golf Prodigy’s performance in panel 3 is pretty amazing. I’ve never seen anyone shoot 5 golf balls straight up in the air like that with a mere “bink” of her club. But then again, I’ve never shot 71 either.
Perky Bird
July 15th, 2010 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

Pluggers prefer back scratches to “front tickles” because their giant, saggy paunches make “front tickling” too much of a sweaty, awkward, and ultimately futile experience.
Écureuil Écumant
July 15th, 2010 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

@Sequitur (#Y105): As much as I love the bowel bandoneon, that red carrying pack is what really does it for me. It’s the veritable Palanquin of Poop!
Darkefang
July 15th, 2010 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

Whenever this current 9 Chickweed Lane storyline ends, I’ll probably have to stop reading the strip. I’m in my mid-30s now. Since men generally only live to an average of 67, that means there’s pretty much no chance that I’ll live to see the end of any new storyline.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
July 15th, 2010 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

@Calico (#70):

Mark can give a gratuitous nature lecture when he discovers the family of very large, hungry rats inhabiting their room.

Coming this Sunday….
The “motel rat” is a hardy creature, well adapted to finding the crumbs that sloppy housekeeping leaves behind. Like its cousin, the “sewer rat,” the motel rat finds itself unpopular with humans, who try to kill it with poison, clubs, and shovels. Many suspect, though, that the motel rat will have the last laugh, as it develops the skills to work together with its fellows to lift and steal….
Say, where are you going with Rusty? Bring him back this insta—
Eh, never mind.
UncleJeff
July 15th, 2010 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

@A Dude from Dallas (#37): And in western movies, you never run out of ammunition.
Dennis Jimenez
July 15th, 2010 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

The horrors – the horrors….
Sans Sense
July 15th, 2010 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

@Darkefang (#87): Worry no more, this storyline will NOT end.
BananaSam
July 15th, 2010 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

yeesh lady, if you’re so much better at golf go play golf, do a tournament or something, it’s not a team sport.
The Shamazing Spitter-man
July 15th, 2010 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

@Calico (#70): Rusty’s a stale twinkie. HEY-OH!
MaryAnnTheRest
July 15th, 2010 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

@A Dude from Dallas (#55): An awesome first comment, sir. Glad you found us.
Sequitur
July 15th, 2010 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

@twg (#2):

Why is he staying at a motel, anyway? HOW FAR DID SASSY RUN?!?

I’m gonna give Elrod a qualified pass on this one. It’s possible that the man who struck Sassy did not take her to the local vet but continued his trip to wherever he was going before getting her vet care. We don’t know how far that was. However, you bring up a valid point since Elrod gave us no indication other then Sassy went to a city as to how far they ended up from Lost Forest. The more I think about this the more convoluted this whole story becomes. My head is starting to hurt.

Dammit, Elrod! What is Mark doing in a motel, anyway?!
Mysterious Shirtless Lawyer
July 15th, 2010 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

“I can’t even imagine four more boring words in the English language than “surly teen golf prodigy,” I almost fell asleep just typing them.”

Don’t worry, Josh. When that surly teen golf prodigy starts scrubbing Gil’s balls, you’ll be wide awake! She’s a gal with a grip that won’t quit, if you know what I mean!*

*Though, as the world’s youngest plugger, I guess you probably don’t.
odinthor
July 15th, 2010 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

@commodorejohn (#76): I think that, when the house was built (cuz the site of the hook-ups for laundry machinery and kitchen appliancery are original to the house) in the mid 1950s, there was some thought that the Modern Lady of the House would enjoy the convenience of having one place for all of her housewifely tasks so that she could turn from one bit of slavish drudgery to another in the twinkling of an eye. And, in truth, darned if it isn’t very convenient for this Modern Man of the House, as one can use one’s precious moments to good advantage by, say, folding laundry while keeping an eye on one’s likely-to-scorch food a-sizzling on the range, or washing dishes while waiting for the moment, the very moment, one’s potentially wrinkly things finish drying to swoop down and hang ‘em so that one’s clean stuff doesn’t start off looking as if it has been slept in for a week. I like the arrangement.
[Old Man] Muffaroo
July 15th, 2010 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

@commodorejohn (#Y188): It looked a little odd to see the washer there, and then I thought, well, in Virginia, we had our washer in the kitchen as well, and would have had the dryer there too if the vent hadn’t been a problem. We did it because we had the room in the kitchen. I think they do it that way there because they don’t have the room anywhere else (and it’s probably not a terribly large machine, either).
Jason1981
July 15th, 2010 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

GT: “Two laps? You’re kidding.”

“Actually yes. The rest of you, run eight laps around the course. YOU, on the other hand, can work on one lap: MY lap.”

*Panel 3 shows Gil in an ambulance, with a club shoved thru his skull while he groans something about broken balls*
Shawn S.
July 15th, 2010 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

@Josh (#9):

Come now Josh, that particular Metal gear reference is from the horribly translated Metal Gear for the NES. NES references should be fair game.

GT: “All those who’ve played golf before, raise your hands. Good! I’ll just be over there macking on the surly teen then, you guys can go run laps or lose in the playdowns or whatever, I don’t care.”

Luann: This strip still baffles me, the title character is nothing but an insecure, self-absorbed brat. Are we supposed to go “Haha, Shannon got in Luann’s makeup, little kids are crazy!” Because all I’m thinking is “Shannon is at your house, isn’t allowed to touch anything, you won’t pay attention to her, and if she turns on the TV you say she’s going to become a fat loser when she grows up.” Is there anything redeeming about her? Anything?
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 15th, 2010 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

@Sans Sense (#68): Rusty’s a Zin master?
Bootsy
July 15th, 2010 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

Bryan at Y#166 sez re Pig’s BPcomment:

It’s the textbook definition of “clapter.” It’s not actually funny, but people who agree with the sentiment will applaud and go “Whoooo!”

Wait, there are people who don’t agree with that sentiment?
DairyStateDad
July 15th, 2010 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#88): awesome.
Red Greenback
July 15th, 2010 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

What, the motel doesn’t have a fax machine?
DairyStateDad
July 15th, 2010 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

@odinthor (#97): The ranch home my parents moved into right when I went away to college had its laundry unit behind bifold doors just off the open-concept kitchen. That was 35 years ago. So I concur that this was a design trend of sorts, at least for a time.
DairyStateDad
July 15th, 2010 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

@Shawn S. (#100): re Luann: My serious bet is that at week’s end she’ll get a lesson in what a jerk she was and how she could have been a lot nicer and engaged in the task at hand (maybe via her mom, or a zinging rebuke from Bernice, or something like that). Which then she’ll promptly forget the next time she has an opportunity to be like, you know, a decent human being.
ArchieNemesis
July 15th, 2010 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

@Business Pyjamas (#45): I got a good laugh out of picturing that mosquito…
Spunde
July 15th, 2010 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

Why does Mark Trail’s plan have to make sense? Or are we now saying there’s something wrong with his being hepped up on goofballs between writing gigs?
The Shamazing Spitter-man
July 15th, 2010 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

@Spunde (#108): Well said, tho’ a woodsman like Mark would probably go for a Psylocybe/ephedra cocktail.
ArchieNemesis
July 15th, 2010 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

There is much in my life that should evoke greater concern .. so why is all my anger is directed at Spiderman? Is it the paradox of Iron Man being so completely blinded by spiderweb that he can’t continue the desperate fight directly in front of him, yet he can still fly at high speeds through skyscrapers the untold many miles to the Puppet Master’s lair? Spiderman makes Mark Trail seem plausible.
Topliff
July 15th, 2010 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

Wow, two F-bombs in one day: PBS and Dilbert, the latter barely disguised graphically. Maybe the Second Circuit fleeting profanity decision should have worried less about Cher and more about Piggy!
Marthas Rolling Pin
July 15th, 2010 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

@Bootsy (#102): Nope, not taking that Cockpit bait. @Bootsy (#102): I could name some names, but I reckon I’d rather stay out of the Cockpit today.
Sans Sense
July 15th, 2010 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

@Rocky Stoneaxe (#101): He is indeed, he likes the sweetness and the cold not to mention the much needed anesthetic qualities of alcohol. Rusty also self-administers roofies just to keep himself sane…
Marthas Rolling Pin
July 15th, 2010 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

@Marthas Rolling Pin (#112): Oops, thought I’d erased that first draft!
Charterstoned
July 15th, 2010 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

MT – Wait, are those pesky drunken lorikeets back again? Isn’t it enough to have a drunken Jenna stirring up trouble for Mary Worth without having avian lushes hanging around?
BP
July 15th, 2010 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

Where’s that *#^%$ Pig!!!!
Business Pyjamas
July 15th, 2010 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

@Shawn S. (#100): On top of what you point out, just two weeks ago, or around about, we learned that Shannon’s parents are immature deadbeats who ignore her. My guess is that this all will lead to some ishy-squishy, sitcom-style, tear-jerking bonding. Of course, this being Luann, this same conclusion will also work in that whole Luann-sees-Gunther’s-wang thing too, and so instead we’ll all feel… uncomfortable.
This Guy
July 15th, 2010 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

Thanks to all for the appreciative words yesterday about my open letter to Batiuk!

Luann: “No, it isn’t makeup. Well, whaddaya know, it isn’t breath spray either–it’s oven cleaner! D’oh! Live and learn, I gu–well, I lived, anyway.”

@Sans Sense (#91): Yeah, this “story” is pretty much a dramatization of Zeno’s Paradox (*).
Sequitur
July 15th, 2010 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#88): Heh! Maybe we could get bats :[ to mash it. Eh, the concept, not the rat.
Crankenstank
July 15th, 2010 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

I think this is the wrong interpretation of today’s Pluggers. You’re a Plugger if your hideous mutant genitalia is located between your clavicles instead of between your legs, and you have managed to convince somebody to marry you who was willing to put up with your anomoly.
Sequitur
July 15th, 2010 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

@Crankenstank (#120): That’s what happens when you have Plugger cross-species mutations.
Calico
July 15th, 2010 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#88):
Ha! All we need is a Stephen Fry narration a la this:
(I know someone posted this here quite a while ago, so props to you-I’ve forgotten the poster!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9T1vfsHYiKY
SF_Reader
July 15th, 2010 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

I’ve been gone and just catching up with A3G -
What do they mean by makeover? Having the two of them say your clothes are stuck in time is really insulting. Kitty looks like Farmer in the Dell in drag and Mamma Kat is Barbara Walters 20 years ago, which means she’s wearing 1968 fashions. I hope Margo kicks their asses.
Écureuil Écumant
July 15th, 2010 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

BB: Sarge — “To remind me of my importance compared to Uranus.”
DairyStateDad
July 15th, 2010 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

@Crankenstank (#120): Sounds like the plot to a really innovative pron film…
The Shamazing Spitter-man
July 15th, 2010 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

@DairyStateDad (#125): Or some of David Cronenberg’s movies. I’m looking at you Naked Lunch.
Écureuil Écumant
July 15th, 2010 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

@97 odinthor said:

…or washing dishes while waiting for the moment, the very moment, one’s potentially wrinkly things finish drying to swoop down and hang ‘em…

Uh, I think I’m gonna just skip my shower tonight.
DairyStateDad
July 15th, 2010 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

@Écureuil Écumant (#124): I dunno, isn’t Beetle’s anus very important to Sarge?
Les of the Jungle Patrol
July 15th, 2010 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

@odinthor (#61): Oh man, I missed out on a discussion about British clothes washer placement. Stupid time zone differences!

In other news, my neighbour said I looked like Andy Capp in my new hat and then was astonished to learn it gets run in American newspapers. I’m no longer entirely pleased with my hat.
dale
July 15th, 2010 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

@UncleJeff (#89):

I spent a lot of effort counting up to 6 shots while watching cowboy movies. About 20 years later, I learned that it wasn’t safe to load those guns with 6 rounds. You should load 5 and keep the hammer over an empty chamber.

PSA: If you have a handgun and don’t know whether it’s safe to keep a loaded round in the chamber, find out! Old guns are still around and newer ones may still be built that way.
AndyL
July 15th, 2010 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

@dale (#130): Don’t worry. You’ll find out.
bats :[
July 15th, 2010 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

@Red Greenback (#104): we’ll be lucky if the motel has indoor plumbing.
dale
July 15th, 2010 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

Luann

I’m still hoping that Shannon will end up with Luann’s diary recording about seeing Gunther naked.
zerowolf
July 15th, 2010 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

MW: Meddlegasm denied!
bats :[
July 15th, 2010 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

@Sequitur (#119): I keep thinking that a couple of months ago, a Sunday Mark Trail actually featured rats. I don’t think anything was said about motel rats.
littlestevie
July 15th, 2010 at 6:06 pm [Reply]

@Sans Sense (#11): Wasn’t that a plot device in a, Baltimore’s own, John Waters movie?
zerowolf
July 15th, 2010 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

A3G: Kidnapping? Oh, why not, everything else about this plotline has become Kafkaesque
commodorejohn
July 15th, 2010 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

@This Guy (#118)re: 9CL: I was going to respond with a joke about “asymptotic storylines,” until I remembered that someone had already made that joke. Maybe this storyline is a calculated exercise by McEldowney to wring all of our snark out of us in hopes of preventing us from ever criticizing his Magnificent Magnificentness again, beefwits that we are.
Sans Sense
July 15th, 2010 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

@littlestevie (#136): Eggzactly! John Waters? NOT a Plugger.
dale
July 15th, 2010 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

@AndyL (#131):

THEY’LL find out. The problem is that it makes the rest of us look bad.

And speaking of amateur extortionists, Mark Trail idiot guy. First thing is – don’t use your home phone. Look for a pay phone, there are still some around. Or, steal a cellphone. Or, buy a cheap cellphone and pay cash. The incompetence of the world continues to expand.
Bill Peschel
July 15th, 2010 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

Wait a minnit, I went back and read the last few days of Gil Thorpe (and is there a sadder phrase than that?). This is part of a “charity outing” at the golf club? What kind of outing is it And what’s a “junior program”? This is as complicated as understanding “playdowns!”
cheech wizard
July 15th, 2010 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

GT – Can all those who’ve shot a 71 on this course go do something useful? Yeah, you can go get a JOB instead of spending all summer loafing around on the golf course! The mere fact you can break 80 means you’re spending far too much time out there already.

You think carding a 71 on your local cow pasture means you can make a career out of this? You better be shooting that on your bad days if you’re hoping to make it on the LPGA Tour. Otherwise, your career choices are pretty much limited to being an assistant instructor at a driving range or blowing fat, sweaty businessmen as a manufacturer’s rep. Your call.
Jumper
July 15th, 2010 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

I’d rather have back sheesh than front “sheesh.”
Sans Sense
July 15th, 2010 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

McEldowney (oh so cleverly) rewrites Shakespeare:

EDNA
Sweet, so would I:
Yet I should kill thee with much cherishing.
Good night, good night! our parting is much
too clever,
That I shall say good night for fucking EVER.
bats :[
July 15th, 2010 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

@dale (#140): hmmm. You know, with the pencil ’stashe, the puppy-napper bears a slight resemblance to John Waters.

And you know if he was willing to be in a Simpsons episode, Mr. Waters might like to guest-star in a Mark Trail story-line. I’d read it.
Fashion Police
July 15th, 2010 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

@SF_Reader (#123):
We beg to disagree. 1968 fashions were much more interesting than the Kitty-Kat people. Miss Magee’s coat-dress might have been worn in 1968, assuming the hemline is at least six inches above the knee.
cheech wizard
July 15th, 2010 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

GT – I think I figured out why the fat kid has such a big grin as he’s staring at the underside of her visor. It’s got Tiger Wood’s autograph and his room number at the Marriott on it.
[Old Man] Muffaroo
July 15th, 2010 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

@This Guy (#118): I know I’ve made the joke, within the current storyline, but who can keep track of everything that’s said here? Especially since the current storyline stretches back to the previous administration. Of Korea.
[Old Man] Muffaroo
July 15th, 2010 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

…North! North Korea, I mea…

START OVER
Fashion Police
July 15th, 2010 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

@cheech wizard (#142):
We would be more impressed with Miss Surly Teen Golf Prodigy if she were wearing her glove on the proper hand.
Hi There
July 15th, 2010 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

“Stay with us…” says the EMC. “We gotta get your insurance information.”
“Screw you!” Old Funky yanks the IV connection from his arm. He wants nothing to do with hospitals, having an old-time rummie aversion to institutional care. Old Funky knew too many people who stepped into a hospital for overnight observation and never stepped out again.

Last night, Old Funky passed out in the park after 24 bottles of Bud and Champale. Lying on his back, he would have drowned in his own vomit if not for a quick emergency call by a fellow boozer. Old Funky awoke just as his carcass was deposited into the ambulance.

“I am out of here!” screams Old Funky, flailing his arms about.
The EMC backs away from the rancid drunk. Briefly, he considers calling the police, but decides the associated paper work wasn’t worth the effort.

Raging, Old Funky stomps across the park. “As nice as all this is,” he mutters. “I’m afraid I really don’t belong here anymore.”

Exhausted from lack of sleep and the effects of an unending bender, Old Funky is on autopilot. He sees the word ‘DRUG’ highlighted in neon and walks towards it.

A filthy brown windbreaker hangs from his arm. It’s splattered with puke.

Funky thinks back to his high school years when he wore a spiffy leather jacket and had his hair greased back into a slick pompadour. Riding his motorcycle to school, acting the rebel – all the ladies loved him. “He-eey,” he used to say when happy, giving the thumbs-up to Les, Crazy Harry, and Ralph Malph. When he was angry, a stern “Sit on it!” would send a chill down the spines of everyone within earshot.
What happened to those days? He was so happy back then.

Like a zombie staring at fireworks, Funky looks around downtown. He recognizes nothing, understands nothing.
“Apparently you can go home again,” he mutters. “It’s just kind of a letdown when you do.”

Dimly, Old Funky remembers his wife and son. He thinks about his douchebag cousin who still owes him for a case of PBR. The rising anger gives him enough energy to cross the empty street.

‘DRUG.’ ‘DRUG.’ ‘DRUG.’

Old Funky plans on shoplifting a bottle of cough medicine. If this was truly the 1970s, the medicine should have a nice paregoric kick to it. If it was 2010, well, then he’d steal a bottle of Listerine and chug that down instead.

What’s that awful smell, wonders Old Funky as he approaches the drugstore. And why are my pants so clammy?
Chip Whittle
July 15th, 2010 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#149):

…North! North Korea, I mea…

Heck, the current Chickweed storyline dates back to just before the Shinmiyangyo War.
Sunny Paris
July 15th, 2010 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

Or if her club weren’t 18 inches too short for her.
odinthor
July 15th, 2010 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

@Les of the Jungle Patrol (#129): Next: Storage Jars!
Lee
July 15th, 2010 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

@Topliff (#111):

Another one in Jump Start too, though that’s been going on a few days. Three comics on one day with the symboled-out cussing was definitely one of those noticeable weird things…
Citric
July 15th, 2010 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

It’s code for Pluggers like anal.
Sequitur
July 15th, 2010 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

@bats :[ (#135): Could it have been this one on the jerboa?

Or maybe this one about the mouse?
I think I remember you doing a fine mashup on the mouse.
cheech wizard
July 15th, 2010 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

Has anyone actually seen Gil Thorpe play golf before? Maybe instead of being a golf instructor, they should send him over to the airport to give flying lessons. At least we know he used to have a pilot’s license about 30 years ago – and the results would probably be less disastrous.
Miss Othmar
July 15th, 2010 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

Here’s one for our friend bats :[

DT: “I’m ready for my closeup, Mr. DeMille….”
Carrie at the prom
July 15th, 2010 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

@Hi There (#151):

I think I like your version of events a lot more than Batuik’s.

In all seriousness though, if Funky does wake up tomorrow I’ll be pretty darn mad. There’s been no point to this time travel story at all.

Every day I look, hoping that something interesting is going to happen, hoping that at last I’ll find out what the point of this narative is.

But nooooo…. all I’ve gotten so far is that even if you do go home again, you’ll still be miserable because you no longer belong there. I was hoping for something with a bit more substance. Funky’s meeting with his younger self was a complete letdown. I have a feeling that it could have been epic(especially for those who have followed the strip from the very start) but instead all old Funky did was get a cup of water and discuss his bladder problems with his younger self.
Roman Fingers
July 15th, 2010 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

@cheech wizard (#142): Waitaminnit-my low round hitting from the back tees was a 65, and I had a job! Of course, you have to be 20 (or an idiot) to work an overnight shift at a radio station, get out at 5:30, and in the summer, tee it up at 6 for a quick 36 holes before noon.

I’m sure it’s totally unrelated to the cracking noises by back makes when I tie my shoes…
cheech wizard
July 15th, 2010 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

@Roman Fingers (#161): 36 holes by noon? Like I said, too much time at the golf course. Lucky motherfucker. Best I could do was sneak through a hole in the fence with a handful of clubs after 7:30 p.m. at the executive course behind my apartment one summer.
Farley's Revenge
July 15th, 2010 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

@commodorejohn (#138): If, in the unlikely event that snark begins to trickle instead of flow, I suggest that we resort to the WWE tag-team method of snarking to conserve flagging snarkiness. One or two snarkers in the ring at a time, and then, when they’re reduced to comebacks like “Oh yeah?” or “Yo’ mama!”, they slap the hands of other snarkers to take their place while they rest up for another go.

This way, we could snark forever, or at least until we get bored.
mr 12 oz can
July 15th, 2010 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

mary worth- it must be sunday morning in mary worth time because shouldnt jenna have a bag of liquor in tow. tomm they will show jenna at 12 noon when the stores open on sunday if they do in charterstone
mark trail- the only motels in big citys have stained mattress and hourly rates . by the way mark your only 5 miles from home is cherrys new hairdo gonna scare you that bad
gil thorp- gil will have a affair with the scary eyed girl golfer who is 18 . mimi wont mind shes rolling in the sheets with cassie .
public service announcment- this is only a cartoon . mark trail loves his jitterbug cellphone it gives fine service and the numbers are easy to read . he only wants to stay in the motel to avoid cherry, hope rusty gets a staff infection from the mattress , and make many 900 phone calls and run out on the bill
Farley's Revenge
July 15th, 2010 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

@bats :[ (#83): Agreed. I’m not very domestic and I don’t see much reward in the household tasks so anytime anyone else does them, I’m a happy camper.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 15th, 2010 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

@Farley’s Revenge (#163): snarka lucha?
Elliegal
July 15th, 2010 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

Lordy, day 8 of Jenna in the same outfit and ponytail, reeking of cheap booze. And she wonders why she’s alone…
commodorejohn
July 15th, 2010 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

@Farley’s Revenge (#163): Sounds good to me. Anything that keeps McEldowney from winning is worth considering.
This Guy
July 15th, 2010 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

@commodorejohn (#138): Yeah, I think that was me. Your theory is certainly disturbingly plausible.

@Hi There (#151): Well written! Could it be that Batiuk and McEldowney are making us better writers through their own shitty writing? Silver lining, closed door open window, etc.
Farley's Revenge
July 15th, 2010 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#166): Been a while since I was subjected to the world of wrestling so I’m not sure about the reference. The offspring was a fan from the days when the Undertaker was popular(He may still be, I don’t know. Offspring lost interest not long after Kurt Angle joined the circuit) so how about Undersnarker?

@Elliegal (#167): Then there’s the whole harrassment thing, with the repeated calls and lord only knows what else. Honestly, I never thought I would say this but this chick definitely needs Mary’s firm meddling hand to get herself straightened out.
[Old Man] Muffaroo
July 15th, 2010 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#166): snarka lucha?
Lucha Vavoom!
(We’re not doing word association?)
Fashion Police
July 15th, 2010 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

@mr 12 oz can (#164):
Santa Royale is in California, where one may purchase liquor at the grocery store.

Nonetheless, Miss Thompson traipsing about in her night-clothes ought to be nearly as unlikely as Herr Keisl in dinner attire during the day. That she was so tightly wrapped that one date and the ensuing silence left her so devatatingly unstrung indicates that Mrs. Worth ought to educate herself more fully about her targets before meddling them into total disarray.

Of greater concern is that young women wandering zombie-like in a state of déshabillé might be a common sight at Charterstone, and will remain so as long as Mrs. Worth is allowed to roam at will. We had thought that the recent improvement in her wardrobe might have indicated a similar settling of her behavior but apparently we were sadly, sadly wrong. We deeply apologize for any distress we may have caused.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 15th, 2010 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

@Farley’s Revenge (#170): lucha libre is the term for the masked Mexican version of pro-wrasslin’. I was making a play on that, inspired by one of the merch pics from back in the day.

I volunteer to be a valet for bourbon babe, unturnbuckled.
Rusty
July 15th, 2010 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

GT: Michelle Wie finally finds a level she can dominate.
SF_Reader
July 15th, 2010 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

@Fashion Police (#146): Sorry, but Mamma Kat has that Peggy Cass thing going on.
Andy L
July 15th, 2010 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

Good work PBS for dropping the !@#$%-bomb on BP the same day they announced that they’d finally caped their broken oil-well.

I imagine that right now Pastis is drawing a strip congratulating them on this impressive engineering accomplishment. It will probably run on the day that the cap inevitably fails.
Andy L
July 15th, 2010 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

Oh, by the way, good timing on PBS story-wise too! Pig’s wife is killed in a freak accident and pig feels the need to curse for the first time. Makes sense. Who is he cursing? The incompetent police officer that crushed his wife? Cruel fate? God? No, a multi-national energy corporation for a problem that’s been ongoing for months..
Farley's Revenge
July 15th, 2010 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#173): Ohhhh…Right. Duh. The offspring would have known that but he was asleep(He works nights).

Yeah, that would work.

Luann: Does the cartoonist really think we, the readers, find it funny when he does a run of strips with a neglected child who gets dumped on whatever quasi-adult might not be able to run out of the room fast enough? Does he think we laugh hysterically when this child is alternately insulted, ignored, and treated like an unwanted plate of day-old liver by adults who can’t claim a maturity level beyond thwarted toddlers?

If so, let me say this: I don’t find this the least bit funny. I find it emotionally abusive and the only character who shouldn’t be explaining him or herself to the state child protective services investigator is TJ. He’s the only one who treated that kid like she’s human instead of an annoying potted plant that’s to be tolerated.
Johnny Knuckles
July 15th, 2010 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

“Front tickle”? Where’s the mind bleach?
ElkMeadow
July 15th, 2010 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

@bats :[ (#132):

He’s staying next to the cabin that Elly and John Patterson are at. Amazing that Mark would have a land-line.
DairyStateDad
July 15th, 2010 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

@Sans Sense (#144): win!
seismic-2
July 15th, 2010 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

Let’s see – we know from Funky Winkerbeanthat when you’re really in the 21st century but you think you’re in the 1980s your cell phone doesn’t work, but we see from Mark Trail that when you’re really in the 1950s but are pretending to be in the 21st century then your cell phone does work, even if you’re unclear on the concept of its use and even if the act of placing a call across the decades requires a signal so strong that it causes your hand to wither and shrink to the size of an infant’s, as if it had been redrawn by an artist who’s as unclear on the concept of cell phones as you are. This dichotomy in the effectiveness of mobile telecommunications after virtual time travel is a paradox that is so unintelligible that it will probably be used as the basis for the next story arc in Dick Tracy.
commodorejohn
July 15th, 2010 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

@Farley’s Revenge (#178): One thing that pisses me off about Luann (of many) is its steadfast refusal to ever do anything with its ideas, ever follow them through to conclusion. This storyline is a good example. Were Luann’s neglect and dismissal of her charge taken to a comedic extreme, played for what TV Tropes calls Comedic Sociopathy, it might actually be funny. It would still depend on the author’s comedy chops to pull it off (admittedly, chops whose existence Greg Evans has yet to demonstrate,) but we’d at least know it’s supposed to be funny. If, on the other hand, it were presented as a Bad Thing (which, in real life, it is,) then we’d still know that Luann’s actions aren’t being presented in a sympathetic light. As it is, with neither option being evidently correct, the natural assumption for the reader to make is that Luann, being a generally “sympathetic” (note sarcastic quotes) protagonist, is engaging in “reasonable” (as above) behavior, and thus we are infuriated by the plain fact that she is not.

This problem affects a whole lot of other Luann storylines (spending a couple weeks on Luann catching Gunther naked and then dropping it without any resolution, focusing on TJ The Sometimes Troublesome Housemate and then completely forgetting about it for a long time, etc.,) but I never really noticed it until now (probably because there were so many more glaringly evident horrors at hand, whereas this storyline is downright mundane without Luann’s rampant neglect of the kid she’s supposed to be babysitting.)
ElkMeadow
July 15th, 2010 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

@Farley’s Revenge (#178):

There really isn’t much funny stuff in the funny papers anymore. And when we post on boards, such as FBOFW Coffee Talk or Gocomics or comics.com, the fact that something isn’t funny, there’s a whole mob waiting with the “It’s a comic strip–lighten up!”
bourbon babe, unbuckled
July 15th, 2010 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#173): Good call. I’m little, but I’m ~~mean~~ ~~sneaky~~ scrappy.
seismic-2
July 15th, 2010 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#185): Thank goodness – I though you were going to say you are Sassy.
NoahSnark
July 15th, 2010 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

The spouse of a Plugger can be touched or make eye contact – but never both at the same time.
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 15th, 2010 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

Heart of the City: It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one who remembers OSWALD THE RABBIT, CHILLY WILLY and LITTLE LULU!

Nancy: The Legends Million race started today at Charlotte Motor Speedway! (I’m used to cartoonists doing shout outs, but this has got to be one of the strangest!)
bourbon babe, unbuckled
July 15th, 2010 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

@seismic-2 (#186): Sometimes I’m sassy, but I’m never Sassy.
Sequitur
July 15th, 2010 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#189): You got spunk. And I don’t agree with Lou Grant.
mr 12 oz can
July 15th, 2010 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

@Fashion Police (#172): classic response but if you remember she was drinking beer at breakfest when story started. usually woman with drinking problems like that wear neon colored clothes withugg boots when having too much to tipple
Farley's Revenge
July 15th, 2010 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

@ElkMeadow (#184): Yeah, I know these are allegedly “comic” strips and whether or not they’re funny has no bearing on my life. I also know that were I in the cartoonist’s shoes, I probably would have a hard time coming up with strip ideas week after week.

The thing is, there are strips out there that are consistently funny. Lio has really grown on me. PBS. Doonesbury. I’ve become quite a fan of Rip Haywire. A great many online comics. They may have an occasional clunker strip but the majority of the strips make me laugh. So it is possible but it seems like for every PBS, there are a half dozen Luanns or FBorFWs.
Black Drazon
July 15th, 2010 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

When I was in 8th grade we took a class trip to Quebec and at one point noticed the word “CONDOM” writ across the Montreal skyline. We found it amusing not just for puerile reasons but for the sheer lack of context. “CONDOM”. Okay! A while later we caught it from another angle and realized it actually said “CONDOMINIUMS”. The lesson here is that the sign in FW doesn’t say “DRUG”. It says something longer that makes more sense in context, like “DRUGS”. Goodness knows he needs them in plural.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 15th, 2010 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

@Farley’s Revenge (#192): Sturgeons Law in action. Pretty much the nature of any such medium.
Farley's Revenge
July 15th, 2010 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#194): Very true.
Arkham
July 15th, 2010 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

I’ve concluded that Mark Trail pursues his villains so aggressively because he somehow draws out the life-force of lesser men through the act of punching. You let him stagnate too long without fisticuffs and his extremities start to shrivel up.

I’ve also concluded that Mark’s gigantic face and his tiny withered hand are going to haunt me until I die. UNTIL I DIE.
Ian
July 15th, 2010 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

I feel like most pluggers comics about how disinterested pluggers are in sex are submitted by pluggers taking a shot at their spouses.
commodorejohn
July 15th, 2010 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#194): Well, there’s that, and there’s the fact that, as steep as the barrier to entry can be for comic strips, the requirements for continued existence are low enough that, decades after its inception, an incoherent, unfunny, hideously-scrawled mess like Crock can still be running.
Fashion Police
July 15th, 2010 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

@SF_Reader (#175):
“Peggy Cass” and “fashion” cannot co-exist in the same sentence.

@mr 12 oz can (#191):
All the more reason to gasp at seeing her lurching about in night-things.
Écureuil Écumant
July 15th, 2010 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#189): And certainly not Rusty.
Loki
July 15th, 2010 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

Is it just me or are Mark’s fingers freakishly tiny in panel three? Maybe he needs to use a landline because if he uses the cell too long, his hands shrink until he can no longer hold a phone.
Lee B.
July 15th, 2010 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

@odinthor (#61): I prefer renditions of Harry “The Hipster” Gibson’s updated version, Who Put the Benzedrine in Mrs. Murphy’s Ovaltine?
Uncle Lumpy
July 15th, 2010 at 11:12 pm [Reply]

@commodorejohn (#198):

… as steep as the barrier to entry can be for comic strips, the requirements for continued existence are low …

This dynamic applies lots of places, e.g., physicians, Ivy League universities, the United States Senate.
yaoi huntress earth
July 15th, 2010 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

@Farley’s Revenge (#192): Thanks for mentioning Rip Haywire. Never even heard of it until now.
Farley's Revenge
July 15th, 2010 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

@yaoi huntress earth (#204): I hadn’t heard of Rip until someone here mentioned the strip. Checked it out and it’s now on my regular list of comics to read. Love TNT and can’t imagine how Cobra is able to stand upright.
commodorejohn
July 15th, 2010 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

@Uncle Lumpy (#203): Oof, yeah. The Senate in particular has to be the ur-example.
Dances About Architecture
July 15th, 2010 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

Seriously, no-one has yet posted a link to yesterday’s post on Cake Wrecks – The Amazing Adventures of Spiderman Head?!
Carrie at the prom
July 16th, 2010 at 12:13 am [Reply]

07-16:

Whew! Old Funky didn’t wake up, and we got to see young Funky again. Whomever called it on the comic book give yourself a cookie. In the final panel Old Funky’s going into a phone booth, I guess to call that tow truck(Because the dream version of the car is in a ditch, remember? It’s been awhile so I don’t blame you if that plot element went past you.)
Black Drazon
July 16th, 2010 at 12:20 am [Reply]

“And people call me crazy!” No, people call you Funky, but don’t worry, clearly that doesn’t make it true.
Black Drazon
July 16th, 2010 at 12:23 am [Reply]

By the way, I’m glad to see Sherman’s Lagoon a) addressing the oil leak and b) still making jokes. I’m not so glad to see how long comic strip artist has to wait for their strips to get to print. I think print media would do better to prove its relevancy if the things it was printing were relevant. I am triply not so sad that, ah… unfortunately, it is still relevant.
Black Drazon
July 16th, 2010 at 12:24 am [Reply]

triply not so glad*

And sorry about the triple post.
papa
July 16th, 2010 at 12:32 am [Reply]

@odinthor (#61): <– COTW candidate. More entertainment in that comment than in a week's worth of the "funny" paper.
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 16th, 2010 at 1:08 am [Reply]

Archie, Beetle Bailey, Dennis the Menace and Garfield…

The Sunday Funnies commemorative stamps debut today (July 16) and each strip shows a picture of the titular character’s stamp. There’s also a fifth stamp commemorating Bill Watterson’s classic Calvin & Hobbes strip.

Bizarro: The top sumo wrestler pick up line is…

Mother Goose & Grimm: The yoke’s on him!
bats :[
July 16th, 2010 at 1:28 am [Reply]

7/16

RMMD: “Don’t beat yourself up, Stu…there’s little you could have done to prevent it.”
Oh, Rex, Rex, Rex. How soon you forget.
Walker of Dog
July 16th, 2010 at 1:29 am [Reply]

7/16 strips:

RMMD: I guess that’s just Mayor Stu’s outstretched palm in panel 2, but initially it sure looked like he was holding a lump of flesh in his hand. “I didn’t take care of myself and this is what I get! This prostate tumor, right here! I just removed it by hand, in an unspeakable procedure captured in the grotesque, never-to-be-seen panel 1.5!”

Meanwhile Rex is racking his brain to come up with a billable HCPCS code for the insurance claim.

JP: I am enjoying Mr. Manley’s output, but no matter how artistically the characters are rendered, I think it’s weird when their eyes cave into their heads.

MT: The third panel is a whole new level of creepiness. I’m close to feeling pity for Rusty.

MW: Enough of this sob story – Jenna, no one wants to be with a face-toucher. Thanks to today’s bird’s-eye view, the real shocker can be found in those grocery bags: Mary buys her salmon pre-squared!

Also, can anyone read Jenna’s panel-3 dialogue out loud, with the bolded emphasis, and get it to sound at all coherent?

Phan: “Sorry everyone, let’s try it again. Diana, the line in the second panel is ‘Brains!’”

FW: Batiuk is retconning like crazy today – in the original timeline, teenaged Funky never had a stroke.

GT: Michelle Wie is recovering nicely from that botched Tommy John surgery.
Stu
July 16th, 2010 at 1:36 am [Reply]

@Red Greenback (#104): well challenged!
CanuckDownSouth
July 16th, 2010 at 1:43 am [Reply]

Just when you thought Brooke couldn’t up the pretension, she’s Marilyn freakin’ Monroe?! We get it, they’re just the perfectest people e-VAH. All culture, creativity and beauty are derivative from THEM. Public boundaries and standards don’t apply to the Noble Nazi and the Brilliant Bombshell – /incoherent rage

Oh, and Jenna? He’s just not that into you. Read the book, repeat the mantra, get on with your life.
ElkMeadow
July 16th, 2010 at 1:43 am [Reply]

Today’s Mark Trail strip reminds me of when I knew this old woman who was getting obscene phone calls. She called the police, who came out to her house and put a caller i.d. box on. When he called the next time, the police did a reverse look up and went to confront him. He denied calling her, until told about the caller i.d. box.

“Oh, I didn’t know she’d have one of those.” Caught!

That was more than 15 years ago, about 1995.
ElkMeadow
July 16th, 2010 at 2:08 am [Reply]

Funky is going into a phone booth in a pharmacy. Even my small town pharmacies did not have phone booths inside them. They had so much other stuff in them that there wasn’t room. Magazines, books, presents, OTC drugs, candy, roasted hot cashews and almonds, school supplies, baby clothes, weigh-yourself scales that had no springs. The actual pharmacy where the pharmacist worked at, and if he wasn’t there, like he had a heart attack or something, the whole store had to shut down. There simply wasn’t any room for it.

Restaurants had that type of phone booth-usually with a wooden door and big enough for two adults to squeeze inside.
ElkMeadow
July 16th, 2010 at 2:10 am [Reply]

And who is Funky going to call anyway? His dad? How long does he plan to stay there?
Dan
July 16th, 2010 at 2:14 am [Reply]

Sound the self-promotion alarm in today’s Archie, Dennis the Menace and Beetle Bailey.

Garfield has a stamp too but aren’t pimping it like the others.
Jason1981
July 16th, 2010 at 2:36 am [Reply]

F*ck-up Douchebean: That’s right, Funky, tell yourself to buy a comic book instead of future stuff that’d end up making you insanely rich. I mean, didn’t you watch the movie “Frequency”? (“remember this word when you grow up: ‘yahoo’. “)
Mr O'Malley
July 16th, 2010 at 2:37 am [Reply]

@ElkMeadow (#219): I’d give Funky a pass on the phone booth in the drug store if, when the tow truck guy sees his PT Cruiser, he says “Wow, I remember when my dad bought one of these back in ‘47″. But since we’re already past the the comic book reference that I suppose is the point of this length excursion, I expect that Funky will be waking up in hospital pretty soon.
Ed Dravecky
July 16th, 2010 at 2:46 am [Reply]

ReFOOB: Ha! It’s funny because they’re breaking into the backwoods cabin of Ted Kaczynski, aka the Unabomber. Maybe young Michael can get him a publishing deal…
Farley's Revenge
July 16th, 2010 at 2:48 am [Reply]

MT: Yeah, Officer McBum. You have no other crimes to report. No beat to walk. No paperwork to finish. Yours is the easiest beat in all of creation so you have all the time in the world to run a trace on a dognapper.

I think my eyes are rotating around inside my eye sockets faster than Mel Gibson’s career swirling down the drain.

MW: Yeah, Mary, focus on the doc and not on the pathetic female in front of you. She looks so bad that even Charley Smith wouldn’t invite her over to listen to a R&H musical. And why is it so hard to believe that Dr. Mike just might have a life outside the hospital that he hasn’t told you about? It’s not like you’re best buds, you know. You had to stalk and trap him into this date in the first place.

RMMD: Yeah, don’t worry about the big “C”, Mayor. Worry about how you plan to pay for the honking big medical bill you’re about to run up on the token salary the mayor of this burg makes and worry about the fact that Rex is going to treat you instead of an actual oncologist. Hope your estate is in order.
Thomas B.
July 16th, 2010 at 2:59 am [Reply]

FW Why not warn him off alcohol too?
—
The predestination fun doesn’t have to end with a comic. I could see Funky drop his cell phone in the past only to have Lisa find it. She will carry it for several weeks trying to figure out what it is. While exposure to the radiation from the device will form the foundation for the cancer that will eventually take her life.

And if you think that’s a stretch, then you don’t know Batiuk.
HammerOfTheCarp
July 16th, 2010 at 3:25 am [Reply]

Gil Thorp: I was quite titilated for the first panel as I read the words ‘Two Laps are you kidding?’ I thought “ah, trixie here is gonna work two laps at the same time” Lets stretch— “Yes,yes lets stretch.. hate to strain something wouldn’t we you lucious visor wearing, a meth mishap burned down your last trailer type whore” —and then step over to the driving range…Well ,Dammit I guess I have to resort to reality for my seedy thrills and inevitably end up in the clink for indecent exposure yet again..
HammerOfTheCarp
July 16th, 2010 at 3:29 am [Reply]

Pluggers – Hmm nothing like a back massage over a frontside “pickle tickle” from a chicken wearing glasses…I’d call the dog silly but then again I can’t lick my own testicles.
Mr O'Malley
July 16th, 2010 at 3:38 am [Reply]

@Lee B. (#202): That song killed Harry the Hipster’s career in the 1940s, but on the other hand he was far too hip to get anywhere much in the early 1950s.

You can tell that people like Jerry Lee Lewis and Little Richard had been watching him, though.

But then in the 1970s Dr. Demento started playing the song and it revived Harry’s career. He never became a big name, but he did start recording and performing again. And the world would have been a poorer place without

Now if you dig somebody you think is great
You might have dug them back in 1448
That’s the name of the game
Get hip to Shirley MacLaine

And if you want to dig a sound with a groovy tone
All you gotta do is sing Om Om Om
Lighten up, kick back, don’t be lame
Get hip to Shirley MacLaine

(Harry’s lyric’s are collected here and you can find him on YouTube.)

If you wonder where rock’n'roll came from in the 1950s, it was young guys like Chuck Berry and Little Richard imitating people like Harry the Hipster Gibson and Louis Jordan who were around in the 1940s.

(bio and autobio—figures someone like that would hand out with Lord Buckley.)

Thanks for reminding me to take a little time to review the life of Harry the Hipster Gibson, whose contributions to our culture may eventually receive the recognition they deserve.
bunivasal
July 16th, 2010 at 3:52 am [Reply]

I’m suspicious of those birds. I think they’re CIA.
This Guy
July 16th, 2010 at 4:05 am [Reply]

@HammerOfTheCarp (#228): Lewis Grizzard used to tell a story about two guys at a University of Georgia football game. They’re the Bulldogs, and their mascot is a live bulldog named Uga (a long line of dogs over the years, of course.) During the game, the dog started licking his own balls, and one guy turned to the other and said “Man, I wish I could do that.” The other replied: “Oh, that dog ‘d bite you!”
Mr O'Malley
July 16th, 2010 at 5:38 am [Reply]

@HammerOfTheCarp (#228): How come we never see a “Pluggers can lick their own testicles” contribution?
Ed Dravecky
July 16th, 2010 at 5:40 am [Reply]

@Mr O’Malley (#232): Because Reed Hoover just isn’t that flexible?
Roman Fingers
July 16th, 2010 at 6:03 am [Reply]

Crankshaft Cranky, remember what I said yesterday about complaining about the food? The lady in the window seat is now thinking “Damn–I’ve only got this wimpy iPhone. If this were ‘Mark Trail’, I could find one of those old Western Electric Model 500 phones, and club you into insensibility”.
Ed Dravecky
July 16th, 2010 at 6:32 am [Reply]

Archie: “This Archie postage stamp is fantastic! It’s acknowledgment by the US government that you’ve been dead for at least 5 years.”

Yes, really: “Commemorative stamps or postal stationery items honoring individuals usually will be issued on, or in conjunction with significant anniversaries of their birth, but no postal item will be issued sooner than five years after the individual’s death.” (That’s why they waited until 1993 to issue the Elvis stamp, of course.)
gleeb
July 16th, 2010 at 6:43 am [Reply]

’shaft: The idea of being locked in a flying tube with an angry glutton is just art, man.

‘bean: But since the readers already know fat failure Funky’s twisted body is in an ambulance, what’s the point of this? It’s called padding.

Slylock: The last few humans are thralls, working endlessly for their new overlords.
Lucky
July 16th, 2010 at 7:19 am [Reply]

Archie, Beetle Bailey and Dennis the Menace – Be sure to pick up some those stamps and write the creators of Archie, Beetle and DtM telling them just how you feel about strips plugging commemorative stamps.

Baldo – Never having heard about AMC Pacer before, I had check Wikipedia to see just how bad it was. Apparently it wasn’t, for a 70s car that is, so I have no idea why it’s called one of the worst cars… sorry, one of the worst cars ever made! here. Did Hector Cantú confuse it with AMC Gremlin?

Dinette Set – What is this? Something that could be classified as a joke in Dinette Set? Has the world gone mad!?

Hi & Lois – Why is Chip giving his father the finger in the first panel?

Pluggers – Kitschy palmtree ties are never fashionable.

Prickly City – Could someone tell what point Stantis is trying to make here? Or did he get a sunstroke and is writing random gibberish now? And why does Kevin look so much less squiggly than all the other characters?

Spider-Man – “Why is he copying my fighting style?”
Little Guy
July 16th, 2010 at 7:52 am [Reply]

MT: Okay, Jackelrod is just playing to the Mungeon Shoppers with that third panel.

Candorville: Don’t EVER tell her what she can’t do. EVER!
A Dude from Dallas
July 16th, 2010 at 7:57 am [Reply]

B.C. > Today’s winner in the “How many phallic symbols can I get past the editor?” contest.

Blondie > Today’s strip brought to you by Blackberry. We work when you hold us!

Doonesbury > I see nu-think! Nu-think!

Funky > Today’s special guest artist… Obviousman!

Luann > Well, Shannon… this is how you are going to look in your future profession. Do you like the outdoors and meeting new people?

Non Sequitur > Now we know where Batiuk and McEldowney meet for drinks.

Pearls > You missed a chance here, Pastis. You should have shown the bag caught on the screw with Rat beating the crap out of the machine trying to make it drop.
Little Guy
July 16th, 2010 at 8:03 am [Reply]

@Thomas B. (#226): That is freaking brilliant. Unfortunately, we won’t see that with Batiuk at the pen.
Carrie at the prom
July 16th, 2010 at 8:05 am [Reply]

@gleeb (#236): This whole story of Funky back-in-time/in-a-coma has been 99.9% padding.
gleeb
July 16th, 2010 at 8:10 am [Reply]

@Carrie at the prom (#241): I know, but it’s time someone said it.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
July 16th, 2010 at 8:12 am [Reply]

MT: “Well, since I restricted myself to Puppy Patrol, I’ve lost some credibility at the station house, but I’m sure this new case will make the guys respect me once again!”

MW: There’s certainly one believable component to this story: Jenna has never, ever dated before. Because if she had, she’d know that sometimes, people seem to have a great time on a date, and then one of the parties doesn’t follow up. It happens, Jenna; find yourself a real fucking problem to mope over.

FC: Ma and Pa Keane already look beaten down after only two minutes in a motel room with the passel of melonheads.

JP: Way to overreact, Neddy: “No! And if I had, it wouldn’t have been a guy, especially a guy I used to date! And I wouldn’t have flirted with him or gotten all warm and moist when I looked into his eyes and thought about how we used to give each other hickeys in the back seat of his Honda Civic!”

SM: “And why am I not following him? Oh, wait, I know that answer to that one: because I’m the Amazing Spider-Douche.”
Baron Bizarre
July 16th, 2010 at 8:15 am [Reply]

Apartment 3-G: Is it even legal to tell Margo to “Hush!”?

Mark Trail: Wow, Rusty looks real unenthusiastic about finding a hotel room with Mark.

Snuffy Smith: Ha-ha, Mary Beth, you’re like, ten years old, aren’t you? That makes you a hopeless old maid by Hootin’ Holler standards, you’ll never have a husband!
commodorejohn
July 16th, 2010 at 9:04 am [Reply]

A3G – Funniest line in the comics today: “Oh no! It’s my favorite pink pantsuit!”

A&J – Awww.

Crankshaft – just wants to know: Airline food – what’s with that? (What? It’s been done? Feh, this is the comics, they’ll never notice.)

DT – Well of course criminals never succeed, Dick. You kill them all.

FW – Wow, it’s sort of like a bunch of other time-travel stories, only it neither shows the traveler having any real impact nor reveals anything interesting about the era to which he traveled or from which he came. In other words, IT’S. COMPLETELY. POINTLESS.

GT – I have to admit, Surly-Girly’s “this end up” shirt is a pretty good idea for Milfordites, being as it is difficult to discern A. which end of a Milford resident is which, and B. which direction constitutes “up” at the moment.

JP – Jesus Christ, Ned, he said “see,” not “bone.”

Luann – Cripes, look how desperate she is for attention; and she’s supposed to be some sort of unreasonable brat for it, judging by past depictions. Seriously, fuck Luann.

MT – Whew. Guess it’s not just Woody Wilson strips where the protagonists get total command of the law at their convenience.

MC – She may not get to show it often, but Maureen is pretty damn hardcore.

PBS – Rat is tripping ~~balls~~ Oompa-Loompas.

Phantom – AHHH!!! ZOMBIE!!! [*]

Pluggers – A Plugger thinks that bleaching the colors out of a clown outfit constitutes “fashionable vintage clothes.”

Popeye – if i don’t try to understand it it can’t eat my brain

RMMD – “I knew I should have passed that zoning ordinance preventing cancer from moving in!”

SF – How could a woman married to Ted fail to understand the manchild dynamic?

SM – “In some nutty way, I guess this means I win!”

Edison Lee – NO. YOU DO NOT GET TO DRAG BOB NEWHART INTO YOUR STUPID LITTLE NON-STORY. PISS OFF.
Howard
July 16th, 2010 at 9:09 am [Reply]

I’m starting to feel this uncomfortable sense… that perhaps I am being taught something of worth and value by the comics pages. I’m beginning to feel educated in ways that make me feel squeamish and ticklish inside, in ways that I’m not entirely sure I want to feel.

Spider-Man: As we go through story-line after story-line, the nature of this deconstruction begins to unfold, to show us the bleak emptiness of relying on a hero. How can one man fight the forces of evil? Sapped of his initiative by enemies who come back, no matter what he does, bound not to kill by rules he doesn’t understand, his earning potential cut by his secret identity, gradually Peter Parker has lost all that made him a man. His heroics have become less heroic. His ability to reason through problems is dying. He was once a promising student, who was able to invent, but now he never applies his mind to greater problems than ‘can I punch this man now’? His double life has gradually eroded his sense of self, and all that is left is a stiff paranoia that cripples him. He wanders around, increasingly unsure whether he’s in costume now or not, whether he’s Spider-man or Peter Parker. He vaguely resents his wife for sticking with him… after all, he hates himself so completely that every day he subconsciously tries to sabotage his secret identity, tries to get himself killed by ignoring his Spider-sense when it warns him he’s about to be struck or perhaps killed. How can she love a man he hates? He doesn’t trust her any more. Maybe he never did. Why does such a glamorous, beautiful woman want to be married to him? He had that dream again last night, where she was gone and he was a middle-aged loser living his with poor old aunt, who raised him. He’s having that dream more and more lately. It’s a sad dream, but he wakes up smiling. And he’s not sure if it’s the Spider or the Man smiling…

Funky Winkerbean: I didn’t even realize how subversive this narrative had become till it was pointed out here. A place where bad things happen to good people, but they manage to muddle through, just become smirky Les Moore? And where good things happen to bad people, but they just get worse and worse? Now, confronted with the ghost of Funky past, Old Funky still doesn’t get it. And he never will. In fact, this escapade into the past will fill him with resentment. Something bad is happening to him, in exchange for all the bad he’s doled out before. His car is broken. Now he will be filled with rage, and will lash out. Those around him, who are just starting to piece their lives back together from the tragedies of the past, will see their own lives cut down, and more and more misery piled on top of it.

Mark Trail/Dick Tracy: But there are still comics where there is justice. Not through the law, mind, but through the long arm of vigilantism. You want a better world? Pummel somebody. Crush them with a Stuka. This is the cry of the comics page! There is vast injustice, as shown so often in the other funnies. These two stand against the injustice, not hiding behind masks, not letting their identity split, but firmly standing against the Funkys and Cranks of this world! Fists and bullets of justice, the law be damned!

…so, I figured out what the comics are telling me. From now on, let civilization burn! Let anarchy reign! Let the whole world topple… I am Mark Trail, punching civilization right in its mustache, right in the sideburns! I am Dick Tracy, pounding the disfigured monstrosity of modern ego till it bleeds all over the comics!
TheDiva
July 16th, 2010 at 9:30 am [Reply]

9CL: In my experience, you’d have to be fairly oblivious not to realize the wind is kicking one up high enough to give the people behind you a free show–it’s not like accidentally tucking the hem in your pantyhose after you use the restroom. Of course, massive obliviousness would explain a lot about this comic.

C’shaft: Free food on a plane trip? What year is this comic from?

DT: Quick, without Googling, who shot the gun that accidentally killed Brandon Lee?…Yeah, that’s what I thought. I detect an eensy flaw or two in Aging Anja’s plan.

FW: Funky thinks his older self is crazy, so he…does exactly as he’s told. It’s called writing, not logical character development.

Luann: Luann teaches Shannon how to look like a whore. At least she’s not ignoring the kid anymore.

Pluggers have a VERY flexible definition of “fashionable.”

MW: “Can we talk about this inside, Jenna? I need to get these bricks into the fridge before they spoil.”
TheDiva
July 16th, 2010 at 9:32 am [Reply]

@TheDiva (#247): Er, kicking your skirt up high enough, that is. Never proofread while attending a ten-month-old.
ididn'tdoit
July 16th, 2010 at 9:35 am [Reply]

Oh oh oh!!! I know what’s going to happen! Young Funky will buy that comic the “crazy old man” suggested after all. Future Funky, after waking from his coma, will find it in a box, carefully preserved in acid-free mylar in mint condition and sell it for millions. Using the money to fund a research center, he will discover a cure for every known desease, and even bring some people back from the dead! All the agony will be worth it, you’ll see. It’s going to have a happy ending! IT WILL!!! Hahahahahahahahahah!!!
teenchy
July 16th, 2010 at 9:40 am [Reply]

@This Guy (#231): This Georgia alumnus thanks you for that morning chuckle.

@Carrie at the prom (#241): Have I missed the song parody Funky in a Coma to the tune of Girlfriend in a Coma? ‘Cause I know if Mojo Nixon could do it, someone here could.

@TheDiva (#247): re Luann: At least we now know how Mom deGroot, Tiffany, Goth chick whose name I can’t remember, Toni et al. get those liver lips.
Darkefang
July 16th, 2010 at 9:45 am [Reply]

Today, the US Post Office is releasing new sets of stamps featuring newspaper comic strips. One anachronism celebrates another.
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 16th, 2010 at 9:48 am [Reply]

Phantom/Slylock Fox: That hoe sure gets around!

Pluggers: Kiesl really let himself go after Edie left him. (It’s the same suit he’s planning to be buried in, I betcha!)

Dinette Set: This is why you don’t get on a carnival ride without a lid for your hot coffee!

Strange Brew: It’s always nice to start the day with a Star Wars joke — and this one actually made me chuckle. (I didn’t get choked up like some people I could name!)

Garfield: What I said earlier about the new Garfield commemorative stamp showing up in today’s strip… well, I was wrong. Jim Davis would never whore out his cartoon cat to peddle a cheap commercial product. (I even kept a straight face while I typed those words!)
HammerOfTheCarp
July 16th, 2010 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

@THIS GUY !! I thought that laughing until you spit up what you are drinking thing was an over reactive urban legend until now..Thank Winkerbeans mercilless Gods that it was only water..
Dave
July 17th, 2010 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

@Darkefang (#87):

This storyline has been like taking 6 months to read a single paragraph in a 500 page novel.
Dave
July 17th, 2010 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

“This storyline” = Current story 9 Chickenwood Lane
Mary
July 19th, 2010 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

Attn: Flying Manatee!

Your Mary Worth hidden-camera-in-the-flowers comment was definitely as good as the current COTW. I am still laughing!!
Eugenio Montoya
July 20th, 2010 at 3:42 am [Reply]

Today’s (20 July) FW makes it all clear at last: The Final Time Jump, wherein Funky turns out to have been Crankshaft all along.
MWDG Sub
July 20th, 2010 at 7:35 am [Reply]

MW: One can only hope now that cowardly Dr. Mike has been brow-beaten into returning drunken financial planner Jenna’s phone call by Mistress Mary that he will go totally Mel Gibson on our Jenna, causing her to return to the scene of their illicit love fest with her Three Buck Chuck, still in her night clothes, clutching her wedding registry list from her “planned” wedding to Dr. Mike…. Only Terry Bryson can save this woman! And I hope Dr. Mike can finally come out of the closet and that Mary doesn’t “convince” him that sleeping with that whore Jenna has cured his homosexuality.

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