The Comics Curmudgeon

33 responses to “Our revels now are ended (in mass death)”

1. Sheila Sternwell
   July 18th, 2010 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

   A3G: Lu Ann will have the canned BEE juice, and Margo will take that 5th of whatever brown liquid is on the bottom shelf.

2. Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™
   July 18th, 2010 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

   @bats :[ (previous thread #506): Perhaps it’s best then because you would have looked at me with your inky black Louisiana eyes and said, “You’ve ruined me” turning the word ruined from one syllable into three or four the way that Southern women can when they want their husband to get riled and fight another man to show his ‘victions and I, being a kind and gentle soul, would have to kill your husband so that my paramour was not forced into singlehood and the world would become a kerfluffle like Funky Winkerbean and WE DON’T WANT THAT!

3. BillJames
   July 18th, 2010 at 9:14 pm [Reply]

   “… these our actors as I foretlod are but spirits only, and vanished into air, into thin air.”

4. BananaSam
   July 18th, 2010 at 9:14 pm [Reply]

   wait, a dramatization of Dick Tracey vs the Blank? like the Warren Beatty movie, but on stage? I think Dick Tracey just took the award for out of date culture references by referencing it’s own movie twenty years after the fact.

5. Mac
   July 18th, 2010 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

   Hold me closer, tiny liquor.

6. Uncle Lumpy
   July 18th, 2010 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

   A3G: “Take what you want from the mini bar, Lu Ann, because the MAXI BAR is all mine!

7. Hi There
   July 18th, 2010 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

   Sunday FW: Old Funky resolves to make some changes as soon as he gets out of the hospital. He plans on firebombing Montoni’s, collecting the insurance money, and fleeing to Thailand where he’ll become a degenerative sex tourist. He’s already composed the letter he’ll eventually send to his wife:

   “Sell the House Sell the Car Sell the Kids Find Someone Else Forget It I’m Never Coming Back Forget It”

   Pleased with himself, Old Funky slips back into a coma.

   ‘Oh, look! There’s late ‘70’s Les! Hi, late ‘70’s Les – you’re still a virgin, aren’t you? Les is a loveable loser.’

8. seismic-2
   July 18th, 2010 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

   RMMD: “Even without treatment, you could serve two more terms as mayor. By the way, did you ever see Weekend at Bernie’s?”

9. Bizarro Stormy
   July 18th, 2010 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

   Wait, so exactly why is Rex Morgan implying that the mayor shouldn’t get any treatment for his prostate cancer?

10. Uncle Lumpy
    July 18th, 2010 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    @Hi There (#7):

    Les is a loveable loser.

    Even the landlords reject him: he’s a losable lessor.
    And he’s terrible in the sack: he’s a risible lover.

11. The Ghost of Jarrod
    July 18th, 2010 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

    Seriously, I do give RMMD kudos for treating prostate cancer as the generally non-fatal annoyance it is. Let me rant to explain why.

    Like Tom Batiuk, I’m a cancer survivor, and like Batiuk, I’m a survivor of an extremely treatable, generally non-lethal form of it. He had prostate cancer, I had testicular cancer, but I’d take either over, say, breast or lung or pancreatic cancers, cancers that have a high risk of mortality no matter how aggressively they’re treated.

    Now, cancer isn’t fun, and I don’t recommend anyone go out and get chemotherapy for no particular reason. But when I was diagnosed with TC, I talked to my doctors, we developed a plan of attack, I had surgery and received follow-up chemotherapy, and…that was the end of it. It wasn’t fun, but lots of life isn’t fun. I’m in full remission and given the odds, I’m almost certain to remain so. I could wallow in my “cancer survivor” status if I wanted to, but life’s too short. And frankly, I survived the Dane Cook of cancers. Someone who’s gone through actual difficulty — someone who’s dealt with pancreatic cancer or AIDS or a bad car accident — they’ve got far more cause to complain than I ever will. All in all, I’m pretty lucky, and while my experience with cancer wasn’t fun, it’s over now, and it’s not something that I dwell on daily.

    Which brings me back to Batiuk.

    Batiuk had prostate cancer. He had surgery, and that was that. His deep affliction with cancer was similar to mine — it was there, it was over, it was survived. Indeed, both Batiuk and I are living proof that cancer is not always a death sentence.

    This is why the whole “Lisa’s Story” arc has always bothered me. Not because one can’t write a decent story about cancer and its effects, but because Batiuk was self-consciously using his own brief cancer scare to justify his killing off of Lisa, and the general malaise that now suffuses the Winkerverse. When asked, Batiuk was always careful to note that hey, he’d had cancer, which was why it was important for him to write this important important story.

    But Batiuk had prostate cancer. And that ain’t nothin’ compared to breast cancer. His using his own cancer to justify speaking for others would be like someone who twisted their ankle talking about dealing with amputation. It’s simply on another plane of existence. Batiuk didn’t suffer a horrible fate. He got sick for a while and got over it. And it bugs me that he seems so intent on taking that three months or so of discomfort, and wringing every last drop of pathos out of it. As a fellow cancer survivor, it offends me.

12. Mac
    July 18th, 2010 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

    @The Ghost of Jarrod (#11): I was going to write that (down to having the same cancer you did) but you did it a lot better than I would have. Batiuk drives me crazy.

13. malta
    July 18th, 2010 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#10):

    Well, just so long as he’s a rise-able lover [rimshot]

    Oh god, did I just make a dirty joke about Funky Winkerbean? Now I feel sick.

14. Joe Blevins
    July 18th, 2010 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

    A3G: “Tommie yawns and…” And? You mean there’s more? Relax, Apartment 3G. You’ll run yourself ragged. Mary Worth might have gotten two days out of a plot development like that.

15. Uncle Lumpy
    July 18th, 2010 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

    @The Ghost of Jarrod (#11):

    As @Spills (#187) helpfully pointed out a few threads ago, he had a car accident, too. Something involving another driver swerving, then skidding and hitting his PT Cruiser. Broke a rib.

16. Joe Blevins
    July 18th, 2010 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

    DT: Regarding “Dick Tracy Vs. The Blank” – I’m assuming there wasn’t room on the sign for “The Blank, Empty Space Where His Soul Ought To Be.”

    RMMD: I think the Mayor looks so stricken because all this talk of prostate cancer and grandkids reminds him of his own advancing age, which he’s been desperately trying to fend off by dying his hair flourescent orange and painting on thick greasepaint eyebrows.

17. Snowshoecat1
    July 18th, 2010 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

    Instead of having those pathetic refugees from the Gulag, Kit and kat, make the three roomies over into modern, more interesting characters, how about hiring a real artist instead of M. shulak? I refuse to tune into the Tuesday 6 Chix because she draws the worst anthropomorphic birds in toondom. Wigs and neckties on birds? Puleeeeeze!

18. yaoi huntress earth
    July 18th, 2010 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

    @The Ghost of Jarrod (#11): And Bautnik is pretty much milking it for all he’s got as if it is the only thing he’s got going to make himself a “serious writer”.

    If you want a good example of a cancer story I suggest “Our Cancer Year” by the late Harvey Peckar. Sure it was a memoir of Peckar’s own bout with cancer and chemotherapy, but he went on to other stories and kept the story at that.

19. Carrie at the prom
    July 18th, 2010 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#15):

    Why am I not surprised? Are we to assume that Funky will end up in a wheelchair then?

20. tb4000
    July 18th, 2010 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Liquor is the only way Margo can stomach being in the same room as these bitches, hence why her breath constantly smells of Riunite on Ice, the trendiest drink in the A3G universe.

21. Sheila Sternwell
    July 18th, 2010 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

    @The Ghost of Jarrod (#11): And frankly, I survived the Dane Cook of cancers.

    Ha! I’m going to hell for laughing at that because I’m genuinely sorry you had such a serious illness, but also, you’re funny so I couldn’t help it.

    You make a good point about Batiuk taking his revenge scenarios out by using characters in worst case scenarios when he was actually in a pretty-descent-case scenario is in his real life. When I was pondering Spills’ revelation about the car accident a while back, all I understood was that this was revenge. You helped make sense of Batiuk’s gloomy Funkiverse, although it does make Batiuk look even MORE pathetic. If that’s possible. Which apparently it is. So there is that.

22. True Fable
    July 18th, 2010 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    @The Ghost of Jarrod (#11): I’m a cancer survivor too, and I agree with everything you said.

23. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 18th, 2010 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

    But WHO is the mystery man gunned down by the Blank’s grandson… the “John Doe” we saw lying in a pool of blood during Act One? I can’t believe this plot point hasn’t been addressed by Locher and Brozman! Which is why I’ve rewritten part of the “Mister Ed” TV theme song to reflect my concerns:

    Hello, I’m Mystery Dead

    A corpse is a corpse, of course of course,
    and no one ignores a corpse of course,
    that is of course, unless the corpse,
    is Dick Tracy’s mystery dead!

24. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 18th, 2010 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

    @Snowshoecat1 (#17): If you’re talking about Apartment 3-G, then the artist in question is FRANK BOLLE. Since Bolle has been drawing professionally for 60 years or so, he’s probably in his 80s. Although I share some of your concerns about the art on 3-G, I would hate to see a seasoned veteran like Bolle put out to pasture before he’s ready to retire. Assuming that he can even afford the luxury of retiring!

25. Black Drazon
    July 18th, 2010 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

    The Dick Tracy Stand Up Routine! Finally! “I just flew in from Los Angeles, and boy are the guys I beat up on the plane tired! Ha-ha! But seriously folks, they’re both dead, along with everyone else on that plane.”

26. NoahSnark
    July 19th, 2010 at 12:02 am [Reply]

    When the audience failed to laugh at his lame joke, Dick Tracy pulled out his .45 automatic and started randomly shooting. The survivors thought it was hilarious.

27. bats :[
    July 19th, 2010 at 12:27 am [Reply]

    @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#2): uh, yeah. Righto.

28. Carly
    July 19th, 2010 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    It just occurred to me that Dick Tracy remains in black and white. Is that the only way they get away with publishing the carnage in newspapers?

29. Northernlurker
    July 19th, 2010 at 12:59 am [Reply]

    On first glance at panel 2 of A3G I thought Margo and Luan would be boinking together.

30. Lynn
    July 19th, 2010 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    RMMD: I was thinking more like, “Yes, the illegitimate daughter you had with that stripper, that you thought nobody knew about, is now pregnant – I saw it on the cover of the National Enquirer this morning…”

31. ali
    July 19th, 2010 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    @Northernlurker (#29): Why do you think Margo suggested the minibar?

32. Some Guy Here
    July 19th, 2010 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    Is it just me, or does it look like the very spectre of death is hiding behind the last panel in Dick Tracy? I can clearly see the long, dark scythe in its still pose; undoubtedly, the Grim Reaper is just hanging back, waiting for Dick’s next victim.

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