The Comics Curmudgeon

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Dr. Mike wasn’t even a challenge

Mary Worth, 7/29/10

I’m not going to lie to you: the deeper Dr. Mike sinks into misery, the happier I get. Thus I’m nearly ecstatic at the first-panel flashback, in which he mopes sullenly in the rain, having been stood up by his deadbeat dad once again, with only an albino pigeon for company. In panel two we see the present-day man tormented by these visions, and attempting to punch them out of his mind, or at least knock himself out and fall into blessed unconsciousness. Mary, watching over tented fingers, seemed stunned at just how quickly her latest meddle has gotten so awesome.

Momma, 7/29/10

But I don’t want you to think that I wish ill to all inhabitants of the comics pages! For instance, poor Tina is one of the minor characters whose plight I feel most keenly. She’s been exposed to this sort of Oedipal horror for the entire duration of her marriage, but from her crumpled mouth and thousand-mile stare in panel three, I’m thinking that today may be the day when she finally snaps.

Beetle Bailey, 7/29/10

Camp Swampy’s base doctor was a good choice to conduct the terrible medical experiments that the government is secretly carrying out on unwitting human subjects, since he appears to be literally incapable of empathy.

EXCITING CONTEST OPPORTUNITY: You have all probably been wondering “Why is Gil Thorp wasting its time this summer on golf, the most boring sport in existence, without even the fun of Marty Moon being humiliated?” Well, it might have something to do with a little contest being run by the Detroit News, which employs Gil Thorp writer Neal Rubin to write about sports as his day job. Readers vote for a News writer; whoever gets the most votes will get $500 bucks for his or her favorite charity, and one person who voted for the winner will be selected at random to spend some Quality Time with that writer. So obviously you should all vote for Neal, get some cash to Gleaners Community Food Bank, and get in the running to win “a lavish lunch for two with Neal Rubin at one of the area’s best restaurants, or lunch and a round of golf for two with Neal at Plum Hollow Country Club in Southfield.” If you play golf with him, you must dress up as Ben Franklin and keep trying to get him to bet on the game. DO IT! VOTE NOW! (Thanks to faithful reader jvwalt for the tip!)

This entry was posted on Thursday, July 29, 2010 at 09:41 am and is filed under Beetle Bailey, Gil Thorp, Mary Worth, Momma. |

227 responses to “Dr. Mike wasn’t even a challenge”

TheDiva
July 29th, 2010 at 9:43 am [Reply]

FW: I can just picture the physical therapist struggling not to laugh as she gives Funky meaningless busywork and calls it “exercise.” Serves him right for being mean to her dog! Holly’s snide smirk lets us know that she’s in on the joke, and is adding her own twist by getting Funky to make himself useful around the house for once.

Lio: “Actually, this is our damaged discount stock…” “Oh, then you want Crankshaft, three strips down.”

Luann: Brad has apparently never heard of a little thing called “allergies.”

MW: Well, we’ve gotten to the root of Dr. Mike’s fear of commitment…now can we find out what compels him to gesticulate like a silent film heroine?
bourbon babe, unbuckled
July 29th, 2010 at 9:47 am [Reply]

@Écureuil Écumant (#y290): I do like Mr. Danders—although he’s no fish-slapping bear.
Wally Ballou
July 29th, 2010 at 9:55 am [Reply]

Curtis – Why does Michelle’s Invisible Crown of Envy resemble Chef Boy-ar-dee’s hat?
These Strange Worlds
July 29th, 2010 at 9:56 am [Reply]

I voted for Neal.

Wait a second?! A chance to ride with Scott Burgess in a 2011 Ford Shelby Mustang GT500 convertible?

(Rips keyboard from the cube one over and votes again)
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 29th, 2010 at 9:57 am [Reply]

Momma — Wasn’t there a 1960s exploitation film called “Faster, Oedi-pussycat! Kill! Kill!”? (Well, there should have been!)

Tundra — Remember… all bears are innocent until proven guilty!
150
July 29th, 2010 at 9:59 am [Reply]

Hmm. I attempted to vote but the loathsome pop-over confirmation popped too far offscreen for me to complete. Perhaps some of the charity dollars could go toward web design.
zenvelo
July 29th, 2010 at 10:01 am [Reply]

Mary Worth- that’s not rain, those are bullet traces. His dad is up the hill trying to shoot him. Too bad he’s too drunk to hit a barn door.
LaziestManOnMars
July 29th, 2010 at 10:02 am [Reply]

BB: Camp Swampy decided to hire Dr. Kurt Plötner after WW2, because he “seemed like an okay guy.”
LaziestManOnMars
July 29th, 2010 at 10:05 am [Reply]

Josh, I’m gonna lay some ornithology on you… An “Albino Pigeon” is called a dove.
jayjaybear
July 29th, 2010 at 10:06 am [Reply]

Oedipus, Oedipus,
Rex, of drama,
cannot compete
with the Hobbesian Mama.
jayjaybear
July 29th, 2010 at 10:10 am [Reply]

MW: Oh, and Jenna? My advice to you is this: RUN AWAY! Put down the bottle and the tumbler and run away from this pile of deeply buried psychological disasters NOW!

Only Mary Worth would attempt to turn “Physician, heal thyself” into “Physician, let theyself be meddled by some old retirement community biddy”.
Jon J
July 29th, 2010 at 10:11 am [Reply]

The last time Dr. Mike tried love it ended up in the horrible smothering of his pet bird as he sought solace in bird hugs to make the up for the gaping absence in his heart of his father’s affection.
Gordogato
July 29th, 2010 at 10:12 am [Reply]

Beetle Bailey has no nipples?
Dragon of Life
July 29th, 2010 at 10:16 am [Reply]

If Mary Worth, of all people, is staring at your emo-posturing in disbelief, you may be slightly too melodramatic.
Écureuil Écumant
July 29th, 2010 at 10:17 am [Reply]

@jayjaybear (#11): Tumbler? So MW is really getting serious about turning into a circus, huh.
Shawn S.
July 29th, 2010 at 10:22 am [Reply]

What kind of shot in the arm makes someone grab at their heart? Considering Beetle has an extreme pain tolerance due to his savage beatings by Sarge, I believe Beetle is actually dying here.
John C Fremont
July 29th, 2010 at 10:25 am [Reply]

I’ve done my civic duty and voted for Neal. I am now wishing ill will on Scott Burgess and the tag-team of Laura Berman and Brian Dickerson for daring to be so far ahead.

DT – Since I’m sure I saw that house the other day, I’d say that Mrs. D’Buckworth is not so much in a state of shock as she is in the state of Nebraska. Come to think of it, though, realizing that you’re in Nebraska tends to put most sane people in a state of shock. Oh, well. Po-tay-to, po-taw-to.

9CL – Since this is Brooke McEldowney we’re dealing with, I am assuming there is supposed to be some significance the the room number. Since 811 is the number to call before digging up the dirt in your yard, that’s a number that probably should have been given to Juliette before this whole damned thing began.

Did I mention I’m on Hydrocodone today?

Pluggers – By this logic, Howard Hughes was a Plugger. Does this mean you’re a Plugger if you wear Kleenex boxes on your feet? Actually, that sounds about right.

MW – I think Farley’s Revenge might be right about that bird being dead. Even pigeons know to keep out of the rain. Unless they’re dead. What’s Mike’s excuse?
LUJBEM FEJF
July 29th, 2010 at 10:26 am [Reply]

MW- Maybe Dad was scared of your gravity-defying pigeon?
Cranky
July 29th, 2010 at 10:29 am [Reply]

Just so we’re clear: this is what gives fashion and beauty advice in the A3G world.

Sleep well indeed.
Mela
July 29th, 2010 at 10:32 am [Reply]

I nominate #14 for COTW. It says EVERYTHING about today’s Mary Worth.

A3G: Not pictured – Margo behind the hostesses with an axe.

Bizarro: For some reason, this made me laugh. I think imagining how the music sounds helps.

‘Shaft: I found that last panel to be disturbingly cute. Clearly, whatever assistant drew it has been fired by Batiuk for bringing joy & happiness to one of his characters.

Edge: Granny wrinkles or spotty body hair?

FW: I find it amusing the Winkerbean household has a spice rack with all of five spices in it, which have apparently been gathering dust. This really isn’t a surprise – I’m sure Funky would pitch a fit if his wife tried to serve him a meal with any other seasoning than sweet, sickening salt in it. Otherwise, he might actually enjoy his food, and enjoyment just isn’t part of what living is about.

MT: The Dark Squirrel of Death disapproves of this story’s punching-free resolution.

My Cage: Rex is just saying out loud what every parent is thinking whenever they show off photos of their kids. In a weird way, I admire his honesty.

OBH: This made me laugh, too.

Pluggers: Pluggers are largely unaware that they suffer from megalocephaly and chalk it up to aging, like so many of the diseases they’ve received through inbreeding.

6Chix: Good point, poor execution. But at least you have the good point in your court for once.

Zits: “Great, now I’ll have to explain to Mom that I’m no longer four and dependent on her for all of my social needs, while ignoring the fact that her failure to find anything good in me as an adult will continue to go unaddressed.”
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 29th, 2010 at 10:37 am [Reply]

Beetle Bailey — Hmmm… Beetle has a bellybutton (or at least a dimple), but his nipples are missing! Just what kind of of sick puppy are you, Sgt. Snorkel?

Candorville — Who’s the greater bloodsucker… the vampire or the lawyer?

Lio — After Mr. Puns delivers his large package to the Pastis residence, he’s heading over to Brooke McEldowney’s house with a small package… a very small package!

Watch Your Head — I have the sinking feeling he should have taken the “moral high ground” this time!
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 29th, 2010 at 10:42 am [Reply]

@SenatorPoopyDrawers (y241):
thinkthinkthink

Hey. You’re right! Josh isn’t funny at all! So I’ve just been wasting my life here. What was I thinking?
Walker of Dog
July 29th, 2010 at 10:42 am [Reply]

@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#Y276): Well-stated.

@John C Fremont (#17): Be sure to stretch out that prescription. When you’re riding the next CoTW float, we’re going to expect you to toss some hydrocodone our way.

9CL: Despite his best efforts, Kiesl fails to maintain his composure as he enters the elevator and catches a whiff of stale elevator-fart.
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 29th, 2010 at 10:42 am [Reply]

7/29

MW: While waiting for his father who never comes, young Mike communed with doves? Honestly, I never saw the St. Francis thing coming.

WofI: “They have us surrounded! What do we do now?”
“Ignore them. They obviously can’t hit the side of a barn.”

9CL: Kiesl gets on the elevator and silently weeps, for Lio has cast someone else in its recurring creepy European role. Will he never appear in a better comic strip?

Baldo: Pretty funny. You never see Jeremy Zits outsmarting his parents like this.

BB: Ah yes. Those first nipple growth stimulating treatments always hurt like a mofo.

Phantom: Dodging bullets now? You gotta admit, Wife-Who-Walks is scaling the badass ladder.

S4th: Um, don’t they know any teenagers?

Popeye: That’s Professor OG? Ridiculous. He looks nothing like Ice-T.

S-M: The Puppet Master can’t even be bothered to remember what fake name he’s using. With that level of indifference, he must know what comic he’s in.

H&L: Hi is easily shocked for a man wearing a pro-lupus t-shirt.

H&J: How did Jamaal guess “golf”? I would have gone with “clown college.”

Momma: Oh goodie. We haven’t had a good Oedipal nightmare in here for a couple of months.

Cathy: No mention of the model glue Irving seems to have been inhaling. Maybe it doesn’t count as a couple thing.

DT: “I said, Mrs D’Buckworth is in a state of shock! Hello? Dammit, people, learn your cues!”
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 29th, 2010 at 10:48 am [Reply]

@bmrr (#y231): I mentioned it Monday, but without squee-links, so it may have been passed over. The series that are linked today include some truly wonderful ones, well worth checking out.

Lio: WIN!

MC: Rex, it’s ok that you’re being a d-bag. Its expected of you.

RMMD: panel 3, oh MY! [*]

RwO: ROFL! well played!

SF: must . . . resist . . . usual . . . .commentary.

Zits: nice art in the last panel, Jeremy mimicking his Mom’s posture. Also, we have a double “she’s right behind me, isn’t she?” trope along with Doons.

IP: just when I thought this strip couldn’t get any more surreal.

yay for Preview avoided post-jumpage!
Nekrotzar
July 29th, 2010 at 10:51 am [Reply]

@Artist formerly known as Ben (#22):

Hey. You’re right! Josh isn’t funny at all!

…thus his riches.
Mibbitmaker
July 29th, 2010 at 10:51 am [Reply]

MW: “CBS cares!” — Craig Ferguson

9CL: She’s longing for Kiesl… longing… long…… THIS IS GOING ON WAY TOO LONG!!!

A3G: Hair, LuAnn? Kat’s going to get you on the “Let Us Mess with Your Look” bit on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon.

BC: Yeah, the rimshot woke him up.

BF: ….but their husbands better apologize for what they can’t, amirite, pop culture?
Blondie: …on the other hand, there’s bitchy Dagwood, who really should apologize.

Curtis: Well, the cartoonist drew the damn thing! Now Michelle should apologize to US!

DT: That wasn’t Mrs. D’Buckshot, that was Mick Jagger and the Jacksons in 1984!

H&L: “IUPUI!”, indeed!

JP: That’s definately an “I’m losing my husband, who tells me nothing of his life, to a man!” look.

Luann: In some real trouble regarding Evans’s “No sex between characters” rule, that is.

Marmaduke: “…What birthday party?”

MW: Mary can read thoughts, and she’s deeply concerned that he refuses to accept LOVE into his life. Horrors! The human race is DOOMED! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!

NS: Gee, I’m going to listen to the radio, then maybe watch some TV now. Grumble, grumble, grrr! Grrr! Hate, hate, hate…..

Phantom: Oh, gee, that went well — meaning not well at all, story-wise. Did she at least get through to her kinfolk? No screwing with our minds and expectations, DePaul & Ryan!

Popeye: Lemme guess: it looks like a small (for now) elephant, right…?
Mela
July 29th, 2010 at 10:53 am [Reply]

@Artist formerly known as Ben (#24): Baldo: Pretty funny. You never see Jeremy Zits outsmarting his parents like this.

True, but then again, Baldo’s dad is willing to address him in tones other than baseless outrage or baseless frustration. Plus, Baldo’s dad doesn’t resent his children anywhere near as much as Jeremy’s mother resents him.
Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
July 29th, 2010 at 10:56 am [Reply]

@Mela (#20): re FW — Why have a spice rack if all you eat is crappy pizza?
Walker of Dog
July 29th, 2010 at 10:59 am [Reply]

@Mibbitmaker (#27): Missing fourth JP panel: Abbey wears a smirking “On the other hand, I’m not exactly shocked” look.
Edgy DC
July 29th, 2010 at 11:03 am [Reply]

You’re too hard on Dr. Mike. He wasn’t moping in complete solitude. You know if hey showed the other end of that park bench, you’d see Willbur Weston’s deadbeat non-son Kurt teetering on the end of it.
Mustang
July 29th, 2010 at 11:09 am [Reply]

MW – I don’t mean to point fingers here, but didn’t we just do the “I’m all screwed up because my father didn’t love me thing” with Wilbur and Kurt? Don’t get me wrong — If we’re just going to recycle the same plots over and over, I’m fine with it, as long as there’s frolicking, but I don’t think I’d care to slog through Jenna’s shopping addiction. I just can’t.
Jasper
July 29th, 2010 at 11:10 am [Reply]

MW – “. . . and I don’t need you, you old bag, sticking your meddling nose in my business. I was perfectly content paying for sex until you forced that psycho-needy bitch on me. Now get the hell out of my office before I throw you out!!”

GT – Wilbur Weston- pudgy, meek, mild mannered GOLF HUSTLER!
Larry Fine
July 29th, 2010 at 11:13 am [Reply]

MT — A giant squirrel that talks out of its ass? Shouldn’t this be in a Jim Carrey movie?

BTW Josh, the last line of your Momma comment contains a typo.
A Dude in Dallas
July 29th, 2010 at 11:15 am [Reply]

My newspaper doesn’t carry Mary Worth or 9 Chickweed Lane, but thanks to my curiosity over the recent events in Funky Winkerbean, not only have I been disappointed that the Funky storyline is going nowhere, now I’m hooked into two other storylines that are just as tedious!

All the snark here is just a clever ruse to conceal the ongoing chorus of “One of us! One of us! One of us!”

Damn you, Comics Curmudgeon!
commodorejohn
July 29th, 2010 at 11:15 am [Reply]

Agnes – That’s so horrible it almost sounds like it could work.

A3G – Whoa. That’s a Margo face Luann is wearing there. A mild one, but a Margo face nonetheless. I like where this is going.

AS – Okay, points for the idea, but I’d like it better if that were supposed to be Sif and not just a standard-issue Far Side housewife.

BlC – One of my favorite Bloom County strips ever. The entire comic’s existence could be justified just by that punchline.

FW – Funky, you do realize the therapist is just fucking with you, right? I mean, you’re so unlikeable that who wouldn’t take any opportunity to have a laugh at your expense?

Garfield – At least we have a built-in peanut gallery to break up the treacle here.

HOTC – Dude, are we seriously going out on some more film-buffy secret than more Star Wars nostalgia? I’m actually looking forward to seeing where this is going now.

JP – “Well, it’s been great talking with you dear, but I’m off to nurture my new protegé and ignore your long-frustrated sexual needs! Ta!”

Liō – Win.

Luann – “Sounds like that could get us into some real trouble?” Yeah, you know how it goes, right, guys? One minute you’re trying on cologne with an attractive woman and the next thing you know you’re waking up in the Macy’s dressing room after three solid hours of hardcore genital-mashing because the two of you just couldn’t control yourselves. Robots run by hormones, that’s what we young adults are! Greg Evans, you’re a man of profound insight.

MT – Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of mustaches? The Shadow-Squirrel knows!

MW – This is so hilarious it hurts.

Momma – AUGH.

MC – Psst, Maureen, there’s probably twenty or thirty pounds of water in that jug, and the plastic is elastic enough to inflict pain without doing serious harm. Just sayin’.

OB – Vince’s mother is Helen Clark?

Pickles – As Red Green said, the trick is to learn to fake wisdom.

Ripley’s – brings you a scene of bright, cheery carnage straight out of The Perry Bible Fellowship, or a particularily blithe Mark Trail Sunday. Also, special guest appearance by the walking tank of the Cretaceous.

RMMD – “I mean, what wife wouldn’t know if her husband was having trouble getting it…oh, right. Me.”

SF – Sorry, girls, but the teenage years are where not only are you acutely aware of societal problems, but suddenly everyone’s blaming you for them.

SM – I don’t think he was even disguising himself; I think he just put on the hairpieces so he could dramatically tear them off to punctuate his sentence in panel three.

EDISON LEE – THIS. IS. NOT. FUNNY.
mary_worthless
July 29th, 2010 at 11:19 am [Reply]

MT – what is so crazy about the current MT storyline is to think that law enforcement is going to go to the time-expense-effort to set up a phone tap for a stolen puppy!!! Or perhaps that is the most excitement that this town has had in a long time, and they have the resources to do that sort of thing. “Hey, look, we’ve got this wire tap thing that we’ve had for years. Maybe we can use it to catch that filthy dog napper!!”.

It’s so Mayberry-ish!! So Barney Fife- ish!!
Dude...wait...what?
July 29th, 2010 at 11:19 am [Reply]

let’s just marvel (see what I did there???) at how easy it is for any super villain whose face is permanently frozen in an evil grin to just WALK IN TO A WEAPON’S R&D LAB!!! “I could just kill Tony Stark with the this thermonuclear device the size of a wrist watch, or this laser mini gun, or these animatronic titanium attack dogs, but instead, I’m just going to repeatedly smash my voodoo action figure against the table yelling BAM BAM BAM like some 4 year old might do.” It’s like Stan Lee put out a help wanted add “Need mediocre super villain to cross wits with inexplicably muscular couch potato journeyman photographer”
Little Guy
July 29th, 2010 at 11:21 am [Reply]

yStripeyWifeInChainedHeat: The part of Uncle Dave was played by Eric Braeden.
Mustang
July 29th, 2010 at 11:26 am [Reply]

@Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#29): If you could see the labels on the bottles, you’d understand. They are marked “Depression Leaves” “Despair Salt” “Disgust Dust” and Funky’s favorite to sprinkle on his lonely bowl of stale Wheaties — “Ground Failure”
The Man with the Golden Nose
July 29th, 2010 at 11:26 am [Reply]

“Is it safe, Beetle? Is it safe?”

The oil of clove will come out next.
The TJ
July 29th, 2010 at 11:28 am [Reply]

Are you sure that’s rin? It looks more like some kind of gunfire to me… Maybe his estranged father is trying to take him out. It would explain why he looks so sullen.
The TJ
July 29th, 2010 at 11:29 am [Reply]

Shoot! I meant “Rain”.
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 29th, 2010 at 11:30 am [Reply]

Pluggers… suffer from mange!

Dick Tracy — Mrs. D’Buckworth lives in a gingerbread house deep in the forest! (Does that mean she’s a witch?)

Red & Rover — That’s so not bunny!

Garfield — Liz and Jon’s feet look like they were drawn by Mad magazine’s Don Martin!

Rhymes with Orange — Pinocchio and the unicorn are really, really glad to see one another!

Snuffy Smith — Arlo gets some street cred! (So Loweezy and Arlo’s dad are siblings… thanks for finally explaining their relationship, Rose!)
John C Fremont
July 29th, 2010 at 11:32 am [Reply]

@A Dude in Dallas (#35): Gooble, gobble! Gooble, gobble!
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 29th, 2010 at 11:34 am [Reply]

Love Is . . . something with a prick in the morning? ye gods.
Hi There
July 29th, 2010 at 11:40 am [Reply]

FW: Holly does a double-take. “Really? MY physical therapist thought that clogging and then unclogging a toilet would be a good exercise for me.”

“Yes,” says Old Funky. “But you had irritable bowel syndrome.”
McManx
July 29th, 2010 at 11:42 am [Reply]

M Worth – I don’t find the pidgeon’s color so disturbing as the fact that it is suspended perpendicularly on the back of the bench. Either Dr. Mike is having a Dali-esque vision of the past or he stapled the poor bird’s feet to the bench out of the frustration of his dad standing him up.

Beetle Bailey – My guess is that Sarge put Doc up to giving Beetle a fatal shot of adrenaline, which would account for the tremors and chest pain. Why waste a rifle cartridge when you can frag your nemesis cleanly and neatly in the same infirmary which will perform the autopsy and fudge the reports.

M Trail – Like a malevolent shade in a Greek tragedy, a giant black squirrel appears and rebukes the villain by talking out of his fuzzy rodent ass. The message is clear — there is nothing lower than a puppy thief.

Phantom – JEE-sus! Is that a head shot that Diana just took? It appears her skull is exploding.
bats :[
July 29th, 2010 at 11:44 am [Reply]

@Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#29): the spices have probably been in the cabinet for an average of 8-10 years, so it’s okay. (You don’t think they actually are used, do you?)

@A Dude in Dallas (#35): ah, Josh’s mission is now complete. ;)
Joe Blevins
July 29th, 2010 at 11:47 am [Reply]

MW: In just a few weeks, Mary has managed to take a confident, successful doctor and turn him into a quivering mess. Way to meddle, Mare. P.S. I don’t think birds do whatever that bird is doing. I’ve never seen one perched on a park bench at a 45-degree angle.

BB: This strip is credited to “Greg & Mort Walker,” but shouldn’t they also credit the neanderthal, cro magnon, or Piltdown man who first crafted the “this won’t hurt me a bit” joke?
Stroker Ace
July 29th, 2010 at 11:47 am [Reply]

MW – Your dad showed up Mike…but he kept on walking. Seeing his son in blue pants, blue windbreaker & blue hair was too much. You might as well have been watching ‘Glee’ on your iphone.
The Inedible Iron Spam
July 29th, 2010 at 11:52 am [Reply]

A3G: So on most reality shows, there are cameras filming these scenes for the TV show, and yet, I haven’t seen one cameraman filming anything during this storyline. Are we to assume the panels themselves are the camera’s view or that Kit-Kat are running some kind of con?

DtM: Woah, Mr. Wilson is an anti-work revolutionary! And wasn’t he a mail carrier like these guys? Way more menacing than some lazy little kid.

Gasoline Alley: I had my first comics-related dream last night! In it, Joe Pye and his sons were brutally murdered and their mangled bodies left in the cemetary. Sam Merlot was investigating it because Joe Pye was his real father.

H&J: I’m not sure what Hammer-pants and saddle shoes have to do with golf, so I’m going to assume that this is just a visual vaguery to accommodate whatever sport requires ridiculous clothing in 2191.

@McManx (#48) re: Phantom: That’s why I saw. My first through was “ELEPHANT GUN TO THE HEAD!” Wouldn’t that be something? It would have to be the most nihilistic faked-death storyline ever.

Popeye: I’m always wary of big-nosed perverts’ plans to solve the world’s problems, especially if they involve farting shoes. Trust me, farting shoes make more problems than they solve. Question: Are the little bumps at Olive’s waist her boobs?
The Inedible Iron Spam
July 29th, 2010 at 11:53 am [Reply]

@The Inedible Iron Spam (#52) re: Phantom: Should read: That’s WHAT I saw…
Larry Fine
July 29th, 2010 at 11:54 am [Reply]

DtM — Judging from his emaciated appearance, Joey is likely being starved/abused at home, and all Dennis does is recount one of Mr. Wilson’s witticisms. Joey, my boy, you need some better friends.
Peripheral Visionary
July 29th, 2010 at 11:55 am [Reply]

Apartment 3-G: “What about your hair? Well, I can’t exactly say what’s wrong with it, but hey, this is a makeover show, and we don’t get paid the big bucks to tell people that they look fine as they are, we’ve got products to pitch and service providers to shill for, so it’s off to the overpaid hair stylist with you.”

Dick Tracy: Only a matter of time before Tracy mutters that “the D’Buckworth case stops here”.

Funky Winkerbean: Hahahahaha! Wives and their constant nagging of their husbands to take a fair share of the housework, amirite?

Lio: I am having a hard time believing that Pearls is the only stop on that deliveryman’s route.

Luann: I can’t read this comic strip anymore without hearing Jon Lovitz’s voice: ” . . . of Rrrrribaldrrry!” Not Josh’s fault, all he did was point out the obvious.

Pluggers: GAH!!! (Deep, involuntary shudder) Come on people, you have to warn us on these things!

@TheDiva (#1): Re: Lio :)
Aviatrix
July 29th, 2010 at 11:56 am [Reply]

Unfortunately, Funky will catch on before he completes the ‘regrouting the bathroom tile’ therapy.
Robin
July 29th, 2010 at 11:56 am [Reply]

MW: Are you sure that’s rain? It looks more like the worst sniper in the world is in that tree behind him.
Baka Gaijin
July 29th, 2010 at 11:56 am [Reply]

@Écureuil Écumant (#15): “So MW is really getting serious about turning into a circus, huh.” Circus? You know what they have at circuses. Clowns. CLOWNS. We must stop this from happening.

@commodorejohn (#36) on Heart of the City: Like I said yesterday, it’s the famed lost Mary Worth cameltoe porn.

@The Inedible Iron Spam (#52) on Popeye: What? Olive Oyl has tits?
The Inedible Iron Spam
July 29th, 2010 at 11:58 am [Reply]

@Baka Gaijin (#58): That’s what I want to know? Olive always has those weird bumps at her waist. Boobs? Tumors? Poorly tucked shirt?
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 29th, 2010 at 11:58 am [Reply]

Never understood why sloth was Deadly, either.

bb,u, you might want to save this for emergencies.

This could be interesting.

Memetic Mutation at it’s finest.
Islamorada Girl
July 29th, 2010 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

MW: DR. Mike, you fool, that pigeon beside you on the park bench is your father.
It’s a long story, but trust me, that’s dear old dad preening his feathers for lice.
Aviatrix
July 29th, 2010 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

Phantom: One tends to assume that having been kept alive this long, Dianna isn’t going to be shot in the head by an incidental character[*], but look at her posture there. She isn’t ducking the gunfire or running. She’s falling stiffly face first.

Who is Vincent?
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 29th, 2010 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

@Rocky Stoneaxe (#44): she turned me into a newt. . . . .
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 29th, 2010 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

but I got better.
Uncle Lumpy
July 29th, 2010 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

The Winkerbeans’ spice cabinet: turmeric, nettle, wormwood, chicory, and flour.
Aviatrix
July 29th, 2010 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

@wossname (Y285): That would be fancy, and prevent orphaned comments, but could have the deleterious side effect of drawing spam replies to five year old threads into the current discussion.
ms. docweasel
July 29th, 2010 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

Does “Momma” take place in some weird time warp between the present (the wife’s outfit) and the 1920’s, where a straw boater, swallow-tailed morning coat and a cravat with a starched, high detachable collar is the uniform of the day for working men?

Momma seems to hie from an era when humans were 2 foot tall and torsoless and wore a plain, pine board adorned by a tiny bow on their head.
Braniff
July 29th, 2010 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

FC–Dolly, don’t you realize that you cannot re-enact the Mount St. Helens eruption on a beach with magnesium and black powder because it’s too wet?!?!?!It’ll never blow up!!
Helen Clark
July 29th, 2010 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

@ElkMeadow (#y233): What would Helen say? Well, I’ll tell you what Helen would say, Missy. If that mewling bag of drama had been born into the Clark family, we would have (hic) drowned him as a puppy. Ha! Just kidding—can’t you take a goddam joke?

No, we would have shipped him off to a military school that would make him into a man, toot sweet. No Clark man rolls around on a couch, waving his hands and whimpering like a 12-year-old girl before her first period. Makes a person (hic) sick just to see it.
AndyL
July 29th, 2010 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

The layout between Mary Worth’s chair and the therapist’s couch is ever-shifting and non-euclidean. This is a sure-fire indicator of a dream. But who’s dream is it? Dr Mike’s nightmare? Or Mary Worth’s greatest fantasy?
Walker of Dog
July 29th, 2010 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

@The Inedible Iron Spam (#52): I’d love to see Lu Ann pawing at the base of one of the TV cameras, trying to get the Polaroid picture to come out.

@Uncle Lumpy (#65):
*smack smack*
Needs more wormwood.
The Inedible Iron Spam
July 29th, 2010 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

MW: Mary looks a little let down by Mike’s total capitulation to her meddling. She’s a sort of Cassanova of meddling, and she just doesn’t get the same rush or satisfaction if her conquests give in so easily. Maybe she’s beginning to wonder there isn’t something missing in her life, something that casual meddling just can’t give her. Maybe it’s time found that special someone she can meddle with for the rest of her life.
Peripheral Visionary
July 29th, 2010 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

Garfield: Curmudgeons, I am in a bit of a quandary here.

I know I’m not supposed to like Garfield. It’s run way too long, it’s exhausted many of its long-stale jokes, like Garfield’s bottomless appetite and endless kicking of Odie. I really should think very dimly of it.

And then there is the Jon-Liz romance, which has all the trappings of a horrid McEldowney-esque storyline: transparent projection of the author’s fantasies onto his dopey male protagonist’s inexplicable success with a beautiful woman, saccharine romantic fawning, moralizing over the Power of Love(tm)’s ability to help romantic dreamers rise above it all, etc.

But I am still enjoying it. It may be a guilty pleasure, but there is a distinct reason why I find it hilarious: the relentless mocking of Jon. (I particularly enjoyed today’s entry: “I don’t want a big, strong man . . . I want YOU!”) It’s like 9 Chickweed Lane, only as written by an artist who sees through McEldowney’s transparent fantasies and mocks them for the ridiculous tripe they really are. Garfield is on the very edge of having completely worn out his welcome, but as long as the focus is on Jon’s deficiencies, I’m still watching this show.
The Inedible Iron Spam
July 29th, 2010 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

@Peripheral Visionary (#73): I think you hit on the key difference there. Jon is a likeable loser, but in 9CL, they’re all reprehensible losers. I’m with you in that Garfield is at the edge of wearing out its welcome, but as long as it’s Jon-centric, I’m okay with it. I’m even tempted to advocate killing-off Garfield (what is he? 32?), but it would so change the tone of the strip that Funky Winkerbean would look like a Blazing Saddles in comparison, that and Arbuckle Chuckle would be a terrible title.
DairyStateDad
July 29th, 2010 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

@Peripheral Visionary (#73): @The Inedible Iron Spam (#74):

Is there a term for whatever is the opposite of “Jumping the Shark”? Because that’s what happened to Garfield after Liz did a 180 and became Jon’s girlfriend instead of the ice queen to his unrequited crush. I assume the reason for the change was much more commercial than artistic: The two Garfield movies were anchored in a Jon/Liz romance, and so to make the comic consistent, Davis had to rethink that relationship. I was never a Garfield fan, considering it basically a kid’s comic, but I swear in the last couple of years it’s gotten a lot more fun and a lot less stupid.
Howard
July 29th, 2010 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

@DairyStateDad (#75): “Growing the Beard.”
lynn
July 29th, 2010 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

@Gordogato (#13): “Beetle Bailey has no nipples?” – What, you’re disappointed? You were hoping for a glimpse?
Howard
July 29th, 2010 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

On Beetle Bailey–where does the needle go? Are we supposed to believe that this doctor, so eager to throw his arms in the air to celebrate, carefully disposed of the needle first? Or are we meant to believe that in a rage-filled moment of weakness he jammed the whole needle into Beetle’s chest cavity, leading to Beetle’s wordless thrashing in pain?
Joe Blevins
July 29th, 2010 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

BB: Is that hypodermic needle sucking the heroin out of Beetle’s body? How else to explain away those panel 2 tremors?
bourbon babe, unbuckled
July 29th, 2010 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#60): Oh, I’m keeping that little sweetie up on his very own tab today!
Jorge Barnes
July 29th, 2010 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

Luann: OK, I call plagiarism. “Wanna go fragrance shopping sometime?” has to be lifted from a Mystery Science Theater-spoofed 50’s short entitled “How to date without becoming unclean.”
BananaSam
July 29th, 2010 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

I’m unreasonably angry about the fact that Mary Worth’s amateur psychoanalysis is working. I don’t know what I expected; it’s her strip she makes the rules.
McManx
July 29th, 2010 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

@The Inedible Iron Spam (#52):
You are correct Spammy. I guess you could say Diana has been “an-nihilated” ;-).
foobar
July 29th, 2010 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

Subcutaneous injection of compound x003b caused sweating, tremors, convulsions and complete systemic pain in subject. A++++++ would test again!
The Inedible Iron Spam
July 29th, 2010 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

MW Redux: “I tried to meet my dad a few times over the years, but he never showed up!” Yes he did, Mike. Who do you think’s sniping at you from the grassy knoll? Even the dove’s smart enough to take cover.
monkeytoe
July 29th, 2010 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

I can’t think of what kind of shot goes directly into the middle of the chest. What exactly is wrong with Beetle?
bats :[
July 29th, 2010 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

@Stroker Ace (#51): something about your comment just sang to me. And then it danced. And then there were jazz hands. Well, you know how it goes…
cheech wizard
July 29th, 2010 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

Ok, I went ahead and voted for Neal Rubin – although I must admit, I’ve already played golf with him. Someone I used to golf with fairly regularly is a friend of his and invited me to join them a couple of times. He’s a great guy and a good golfing partner – I just hope he doesn’t read this and go back to look up all the snark I’ve written about Gil Thorpe.

Anyway, I urge the rest of you to vote for him as well.
The Inedible Iron Spam
July 29th, 2010 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

@monkeytoe (#86): He could be implanting an alien-embryo.
DairyStateDad
July 29th, 2010 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

@Howard (#76): Cool. Never heard the term before, but as soon as I saw it, I KNEW where it must have come from…
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 29th, 2010 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

#58 baka gaijin

Like I said yesterday, it’s the famed lost Mary Worth cameltoe porn.

Alas, does nothing ever stay lost?
Aviatrix
July 29th, 2010 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

@The Inedible Iron Spam (#85): You’re all assuming that Dr. Mike set up some kind of rendezvous with his father. Not so. He just goes to random locations and waits, hoping his father will materialize.
McManx
July 29th, 2010 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

@monkeytoe (#86): Remember the scene from Pulp Fiction where Uma Thurman gets a similar shot from John Travolta? There you go!
McManx
July 29th, 2010 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth II — I hadn’t noticed before, as I was distracted by that goddamn pidgeon, however is Mary praying in panel II? Or maybe she is preying…
annamaria
July 29th, 2010 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

Dr. Mike = sad Keanu, complete with pigeon!
Just Call Me E
July 29th, 2010 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

I don’t understand why the chief (? – I guess that is what she is – I have not read DT for years….darn you, Josh!) looks like Michael Jackson on July 28 and Che Guevara on July 29. Hmmm….maybe Hitler on July 30? What artistic wackiness is next?
Shawn S.
July 29th, 2010 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

@DairyStateDad (#75):

I like to think that Davis just got tired of writing about Jon failing miserably. With a new plot development, he actually has new things to write about! When he wants to go play golf though, he goes back to the safe formula: a comic about Garfield kicking Odie, eating food, or talking to spiders.

The other legacy comics don’t have the problem of getting bored and shaking things up because their original creators are all dead.
Trogdor
July 29th, 2010 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

9CL: I’ve been thinking of how pathetic this two-and-a-halfway love story is (pathetic, as in evoking pathos). Eva and Peter (they’re having wild and repeated sex; I refuse to call him by his last name) are clearly very much in love. They’re even engaged, for heaven’s sake. But they both seem to know that despite all of this, Eva will forsake that twue wuv (hand dramatically held against forehead) because Bill loves her and he went through so much in the war to defend her virtue (oh yea, and he stormed the beaches in the D-Day invasion).

For a while I thought that there was no way out of this that wouldn’t be both sickening and stupid. Yes, I know Brooke is going for the Casablanca vibe (“we’ll always have apartment 811″). But it just doesn’t work for me. Then it suddenly occurred to me that there is a way out of this that could at least make the story believable, if still insipid and maddeningly long.

Consider this. What if Eva goes to meet Bill. He’s still madly in love with her. (Well, he is institutionalized.) She sees him again and while she still cares for him and wants the best for him, she’s passionately in love with Peter and, what’s more, engaged to him. Maybe if Bill had pursued things before Peter came back into her life … but that’s not what happened. She’s ready to tell Bill that their love can never be and that she’s going to fly to Vienna to marry Peter.

Then she hears that Peter has been killed in a tragic plane crash. He was flying to Vienna and the plane went down. There were no survivors. Eva is crushed, but thankfully Bill is there to comfort her. In fact, seeing Eva in real pain over losing real love (not some fantasy of love like he’s been playing with) makes Bill realize what a total ass he’s been these last ten years and motivates him to genuinely try and help Eva through this very difficult situation. Over time the feelings that Bill and Eva had during the war are rekindled and they get back together, eventually marrying. Eva doesn’t pick Bill over Peter. Rather, she picks Bill once Peter is gone.

Yea, I can’t imagine that it would work out that way. But at least it’s still possible that this won’t end in a head-slappingly bad way.
Saluki
July 29th, 2010 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

1) Soccer is exponetially more boring than golf – and that takes some doing.

2) There had better be some punching coming to Captain Puppystealerfacialhair.
Saluki
July 29th, 2010 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

1) Soccer is exponentially more boring than golf – and that takes some doing.

2) There had better be some punching coming to Captain Puppystealerfacialhair.
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 29th, 2010 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

@cheech wizard (#88):

Small world… Mrs. Stoneaxe and I once had dinner with Gil Thorp’s artist, Ron Whigham! He was down here for a comic book convention in the early 1990s, so we were able to spend some quality time with him. I was (and still am) a fan of the G.I. Joe series Whigham worked on for Marvel — and he was nice enough to accept our invitation to dinner. I’ve done my share of snarking on GT (like today), so I hope he never figures out who “Rocky Stoneaxe” is!
Oatmeal
July 29th, 2010 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

Pigeon’s walking on the walls? I knew only someone as meddling as Mary Worth could have been responsible for Inception. But rainy park abandonment memories aren’t good enough, she must go deeper!
Little A. from Da Bronx
July 29th, 2010 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

@Gordogato (#13): Neither did Superman. Neither did L’il Abner. It had/has something to do with The Comics Code Authority, or something, years ago, I don’t know what the rules are these days, or regulations these days. (I apologize, if somebody already mentioned this, I didn’t read all the snarks, yet.

Maybe the conventions/rules have been loosened, these days.
Brickers
July 29th, 2010 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

BB – I didn’t know it was proper medical procedure to inject directly into the heart. Learn something new…
Thomas B.
July 29th, 2010 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

Why did the Doctor from Cannonball Run II put the entire syringe into Beetle? I suspect that light fixture in panel one is actually broadcasting this snuff film to Sarge’s quarters for his auto-erotic self asphyxiation ritual. Of course since it’s Sarge he is probably choking himself with food. Ha! Sarge is choking his chicken while choking on chicken…wow, I need help.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
July 29th, 2010 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

@bats :[ (#87): Hee! It figures, too, that Mike isn’t man enough to be attracted to Puck.
McManx
July 29th, 2010 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

@Little A. from Da Bronx (#103): Regarding comics with nipples, be careful what you wish for. Witness the nipply horror that is “Love is”.
Bob Weber Jr.
July 29th, 2010 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

@Rocky Stoneaxe (#101):
Just wondering, did you ever have the pleasure of meeting GT creator Jack Berrill? About 20-25 years ago I would often go to a weekly cartoonists lunch gathering in Danbury, CT. It was there that I met Jack. What a super nice guy!! So sorry he’s gone.
Hank
July 29th, 2010 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

@ms. docweasel (#67): Momma only “works” on any level when you assume that it is set on some sort of alien planet where clothes are different than ours and the population shrinks to midget size as it ages. Sort of a rejected plot line for an episode of Star Trek.
cheech wizard
July 29th, 2010 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

Brewster: Someone may have said it before, but I think Cliff is a descendant of Dilbert’s Wally.

A3G – They’re carting off 10 garbage bags of clothing? Somehow, this is shaping up less like a reality TV show and more like an elaborate burglary scheme. “Next, we’re going to do something about that dowager jewelry you inherited from your grandmother! And that awful stereo system! Plus that inadequate flat-screen TV! And who takes the time to polish real silver these days?”
The Inedible Iron Spam
July 29th, 2010 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

@Hank (#109): Maybe it’s the world where the Tall Man sends his minions.
Jonny Quest
July 29th, 2010 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

Judge Parker: Abbey to Sam: “Would you rather caress those beer cans or these?”
Hank
July 29th, 2010 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

@Shawn S. (#97): I’m pretty sure that Jim Davis neither writes nor draws Garfield at this point and hasn’t for about thirty years. I remember reading an interview with some Marvel comics artist (I can’t remember whom) who talked about getting his start in the business as one of Davis’s ghosts, in fact. I think that, much like Matt Groening and the Simpsons, Davis’s job now consists of supervising the merchandising.
cheech wizard
July 29th, 2010 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

@Rocky Stoneaxe (#101): That’s cool – I’m afraid I don’t know much about his work outside of GT, though. I used to read Rubin all the time when he was a columnist with the Free Press, but haven’t seen that much of his stuff since he went over to Mordor – er, the Detroit News about 15 years ago.
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 29th, 2010 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

#67 ms docweasel,
Yeah, I’d love to know which fossil Sonia is based on.
Poteet
July 29th, 2010 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

MW — I’m sorry, but that bird does not look like a pigeon to me. I had excellent opportunities to observe pigeons closely in my youth, and even shared bird mites with them (don’t ask), and that bird looks too small and isn’t really shaped right.

I’d go along with it being some kind of demonic bird-spy for Mary, sent back in time to scout future meddle-victims and note their weak points. That might account for it hanging suspended in mid-air with its head down, something most pigeons never do.
Thomas B.
July 29th, 2010 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

@Aviatrix (#92): Imagine this as a movie trailer:

Voice over guy: Dr. Mike Roberts’ dad left him as a child.
Young Mike: Daddy come back!
Voice over: The pain left Mike unable to love.
Mike: Jenna’s a great girl but I can never love until I resolve things with my dad.
Voice over: She was the unlicensed therapist who wouldn’t take no for an answer.
Mary: Mike, patch things up with your dad.
Mike: It’s too late Mary, my dad died years ago.
Voice over: But what Mike didn’t know was that his father was reincarnated as a pigment less pigeon.
Mike: (holding the bird) No, it can’t be. Are you my…my dad?
Bird: Coo!
Voice over: Fox Searchlight Pictures presents a story of love…
Mike: She is such a great girl.
Voice over: Loss…
Jenna: For what it’s worth, I had a great time.
Voice over: …and finding the courage to mind someone else’s business.
Mary: Mike, you will never find love until you trust this bird.
Bird: Coo!
Voice over: This Valentine’s day, love takes flight.
Mike: Jenna, Mary, Dad, you all taught my heart to fly.
Jenna: Oh Mike.
Mary (smiles)
Bird: Coo!
Voice over: On the Wings of Love. Only in theaters. Written by Karen Moy.
Aviatrix
July 29th, 2010 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

@Shawn S. (#16) and @Brickers (#104): Beetle isn’t just lacking nipples; he also has no shoulders. Hence when he clutches the painful injection site with the fingers of his his left hand, then clasps his right hand over the left wrist, he appears to be gripping his chest.

It’s still possible that whatever noxious substance was in the syringe has travelled through his arteries to his heart, but we should avoid anatomical assumptions.
Thomas B.
July 29th, 2010 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

FW
You know, putting your spices in the same bottles that you keep your prescriptions in might lead to pain, suffering, or death. Oh wait, this is Westville so I’m sure that is the point.
Aviatrix
July 29th, 2010 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

@Thomas B. (#117): *clamps hands over ears* The swelling theme music is unbearable.
Aviatrix
July 29th, 2010 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

@Aviatrix (#118): Veins. Veins go to the heart, not arteries. Although there I go making anatomical assumptions again.
tb4000
July 29th, 2010 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

Garfield: I feel so much shame for finding Doc Liz somewhat hot in these last few beach themed strips. I suppose it’s because Jim Davis draws his female women like life-size sex dolls, but I hardly can be blamed for that.
Ed Dravecky
July 29th, 2010 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

Dammit, Mark Trail, if there’s not going to be any punching you at least owe us some fish-slapping bears!
JB
July 29th, 2010 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

That seems less like momma and more like Naomi in the Living Room. Also, “love bunny”?
Dude...wait...what?
July 29th, 2010 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

@Thomas B. (#117): COML: Comment of My Life
bourbon babe, unbuckled
July 29th, 2010 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

@Thomas B. (#117): Excellent—I can just picture this, complete with sound….. ((shudder))
Shawn S.
July 29th, 2010 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

@Thomas B. (#117):

Amazing! My music choice for this corny trailer is “Solsbury Hill” by Peter Gabriel.
Shawn S.
July 29th, 2010 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

@Hank (#113):
Oh… I just assumed that Davis would oversee big changes for his characters. Guess he just cashed out then. :(

@Aviatrix (#118):
You’re probably right, I think deep down I’m just rooting for someone in a legacy comic to die.
Steve Reno MD
July 29th, 2010 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

Why are all the Detroit News writers participating in the big charity contest WHITE?
Peripheral Visionary
July 29th, 2010 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

@Thomas B. (#117): Bravo!

Well, it would beat Weekend at Bernie’s 2, anyway.
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 29th, 2010 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

@tb400 (#122): Not to quibble, but Greg Evans draws women as life-size sex dolls. Jim Davis depicts them as hunting decoys.
Sgt Saunders
July 29th, 2010 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

@Gordogato (#13): I recall reading something (it may have been here) about a year or so ago indicating that Zero, by way of a rag/bandana in his back pocket, was signaling his fondness for tit torture. Apparently, Beetle was his partner/victim and suffered the horrible deformities as a result.
This Guy
July 29th, 2010 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

@jayjaybear (#10): I’m guessing “Hobbesian” is because Momma is nasty, brutish, and short.
Baka Gaijin
July 29th, 2010 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

@Artist formerly known as Ben (#91): Unfortunately, no, nothing will ever stay lost due to Wikileaks.

@This Guy (#133): Stop making me laugh uncontrollably when I’m ready to go to bed. Now I’m going to have dreams about social contracts and talking hat-wearing hassocks.
Little Guy
July 29th, 2010 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

@Peripheral Visionary (#73): Don’t be. Thanks to the Jennifer Love Hewitt portrayal in the movie, we have a boobalicious Liz in Garfield. And right now, it’s holding the top spot in lieu of a Baretto/Cho comeback.
Push Trot
July 29th, 2010 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

Luann: I’m a bit weirded out by Jon Arbuckle getting more affection from his freak-out on the beach than Brad is getting on his dinner date. But I guess that compared to Brad Jon is rather smoothe.

Phantom: I don’t know what’s worse: Trying to shoot an unarmed woman as she’s running away, or missing a target that big right up close.
Well, perhaps the former is worse. But then again, judging by the rare choice of brain shot, I suppose the guy could have mistaken her for one of them fast zombies.

S-M: A little advice, Puppet Master: When you are working to establish a secret identity, try not to go around muttering your real name out loud, and refrain from revealing your true appearance in public areas, like for example large industrial complexes. I’ve taken the liberty to send you one of my WWSMD-bracelets. Now, whenever you have any doubts about the proper way to conceal the truth about yourself, just think: “What would Spider-Man do in this situation?”, and then for the love of God DON’T DO IT, NUCKLEHEAD!
commodorejohn
July 29th, 2010 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

@Artist formerly known as Ben (#131): COTW nominee!
cheech wizard
July 29th, 2010 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

@Steve Reno MD (#129): Because its the Det. Snooze. Go read the editorial page, then come back and ask that question.
Écureuil Écumant
July 29th, 2010 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

@Aviatrix (#121): Well, you weren’t necessarily wrong in 118; in fact, you were technically correct, since it’s the coronary arteries that would eventually deliver Doc’s surprise directly to Beetle’s myocardium … [*]
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 29th, 2010 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

¡Muchas gracias!, commodorejohn. But this is a pretty hot week, so there’s many COTW-worthy comments.
Thomas B.
July 29th, 2010 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

@Peripheral Visionary (#130): Glad you folks are enjoying it. It is satire of the many weird supernatural love stories that keep popping up. The line I forgot to add was, Mike: I thought you left me, but you never really did, did you? Bird: Coo!.
Écureuil Écumant
July 29th, 2010 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

@131 Artist formerly known as Ben said:

@tb400 (#122): Not to quibble, but Greg Evans draws women as life-size sex dolls. Jim Davis depicts them as hunting decoys.

Well, if Liz’s tits aren’t just popular — but poplar — that would certainly explain why her bikini top has been featuring those shiny highlights all week.
gnome de blog
July 29th, 2010 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

@Trogdor (#98):
I think Keisl-in-a-plane crash is a cop-out. It’s pretty obvious they both know it’s over. The only scenario that makes any sense from the stoy is that Col. Yancey has threatened Keisl in some way unless he stands down. Eva/Edna will marry Bill to both protect Keisl and to give her out-of-wedlock child a name. It isn’t clear yet whether she knows that Bill’s middle name is Jake Barnes, or if she finds out after the wedding.

I’d say she finds out afterward, but can’t divorce him (she’s Catholic) and can’t get an annulment because her pregancy contraindicates her claim that he marriage can’t be consummated.

Keisl also takes the pregnancy as evidence that Eva betrayed him, even though he knows that she married Bill to protect him from Yancey. His sense of honor and of public propriety will not allow him to live in sin with another man’s wife, or to accept that the child is his.
Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
July 29th, 2010 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

@Thomas B. (#117): This is better than the trailer for Titanic 2 — Jack’s Back
gnome de blog
July 29th, 2010 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

@Ed Dravecky (#123) said:

Dammit, Mark Trail, if there’s not going to be any punching you at least owe us some fish-slapping bears!

Damn straight.
gnome de blog
July 29th, 2010 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

It could have been worse, Mike. Wilbur Weston could have been your father. Care for a sandwich?
Steve
July 29th, 2010 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

Oh please let Wilbur be the father!
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 29th, 2010 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

@Bob Weber Jr. (#108):

I’m a fan of Jack Berrill’s Gil Thorp, but I never got the opportunity to meet him in person. However, I started attending Jim Ivey’s OrlandoCon in the 1970s, and I got to meet Prince Valiant’s Hal Foster once!
Nekrotzar
July 29th, 2010 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

@Trogdor (#98):
Maybe we can arrange for Eva and Bill to also be on that plane to Vienna?
Violet
July 29th, 2010 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

I think Luann and Momma may be involved in some sort of unholy competition over which can be more stomach-turning. Much as with Alien vs. Predator, whoever wins, we lose.
ThursdayNext
July 29th, 2010 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

@commodorejohn (#36): re: Luann–No, Brad, trouble is what happens when the condom breaks.
Dagger
July 29th, 2010 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

Given the way that pigeon is walking, I’d say Mary has learned too much from Inception. She’s using albino pigeon intruders to plant ideas in Dr. Mike’s head, which means her meddling has crossed the line from annoying to terrifying. On the plus side, it means we’ll get to see Aldo’s car plummet off a cliff for the equivalent of ten years.
Steve the Pocket
July 29th, 2010 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

Actually, fun fact, according to the Garfield 25th anniversary book In Dog Years I’d Be Dead: Liz was always planned to eventually become Jon’s girlfriend. The official character sheet from when they were originally trying to sell the strip to papers refers to her as “Jon’s veterinarian. Later, his girlfriend. Then… who knows?” (slightly paraphrased, as I don’t have the book with me). Clearly something happened in the intervening years that made Jim change his mind, as he did about keeping Lyman around and continuing to make the strip funny, and I daresay the fact that the strip eventually got around to living up to that pitch is probably just a fun coincidence.

@tb4000 (#122): “Life sized sex dolls” … erm, you mean there are other kinds? o_O
ThursdayNext
July 29th, 2010 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

@Uncle Lumpy (#65): And please, dear god, arsenic.
commodorejohn
July 29th, 2010 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

@Steve the Pocket (#153): I know there are people out there with shrunken-woman fetishes, and I presume there’s a statistically-significant intersection between that set and the set of people who would use sex dolls. Add in the fact that a business exists for almost every niche market, and Q.E.D.
DairyStateDad
July 29th, 2010 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

@Steve the Pocket (#153): …which leads to this question: Did the folks who made the live action movie know that Liz was envisioned as Jon’s eventual gf? (The first movie would have come out at about the same time as the 25th anniversary book, I think.) Or was that just a coincidence, arising from the pretty obvious need for a romance to add interest to the movie?
DairyStateDad
July 29th, 2010 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

@commodorejohn (#155): Add in the fact that a business exists for almost every niche market, and Q.E.D.…

Or, to quote a friend, “For every object in the Sears catalog, there’s someone in the world who wants to make love to it.”
commodorejohn
July 29th, 2010 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

@DairyStateDad (#157): Quite so.
zerowolf
July 29th, 2010 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

Love Is — They run around naked all day but put on clothes to go to bed?
Austria
July 29th, 2010 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

H&L: ….*deep breath*
I HATE PC! I HATE PC! I HATE PC! I HATE PC! I HATE PC! I HATE PC!

MT: AUGH BLACK SQUIRREL OF DEATH

MW: Whoa, check out that pigeon dove thing. It’s doing some serious wall-walking right there. Er, back-of-bench-walking. Gravity-defying pigeondove!

MC: He speaks the truth. And to sweeten the deal, his baby is demonic!!

R=R: That’s because the furry woodland creatures beat you to it, Clem. It’s time to face the truth, you can’t outhog this strip’s birds and raccoons and what have you. It’s impossible.

Jeremy’s Parents: I’m already dreading this.
gnome de blog
July 29th, 2010 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

Can you imagine if Nancy DeGroot was Jeremy’s mother?
DairyStateDad
July 29th, 2010 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

@Austria (#159): FWIW, I do think that H&L is making fun of the game concept, and, consequently, making fun of PC…
wossname
July 29th, 2010 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

@Thomas B. (#117): COTW!
Just some guy
July 29th, 2010 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

MW:
Haha, nice “Members Only” jacket, and…
WHOA IS THAT DOVE WALKING SIDEWAYS
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 29th, 2010 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

@DairyStateDad (#157): or draw Rule 34 of it, depending. ;-)
hibbleton
July 29th, 2010 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

MW:
“on the morrow he will leave me
As other hopes have flown before”
Then the bird said “Nevermore”
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 29th, 2010 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

@hibbleton (#165): I think you mean “Meddlemore” there.
Chowder
July 29th, 2010 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

I initially misread the doctor’s line in Beetle Bailey panel two as “YOU didn’t feel a thing,” implying he’s stupid as well as unempathetic. This might explain why Beetle doesn’t want to exert himself-he’d rather be reprimanded, court martialled, dishonorably discharged, ANYTHING as long as it means he doesn’t have to deal with the doctor.
Jason1981
July 29th, 2010 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#25): ” Also, we have a double ’she’s right behind me, isn’t she?’ trope along with Doons. ”

Gotta love those “..she’s right behind me, isn’t she” moments…though I still think the best one was in JLU with Batman/Wonder Woman. (BM’s “oh sh*t, busted!” face was priceless. lol)
Mustang
July 29th, 2010 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

@BananaSam (#82): Perfect.
Buck Ripsnort
July 29th, 2010 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

MW: This is starting to seem horribly familiar — an adult orphan trying to reconnect w/ a long-lost father. . . . If Dr. Mike’s father turns out to be Wilbur Weston, I’m coming down to the King Syndicate and bust some heads.

A3G: Can someone please explain why Lu Anne seems so much more pissed off than Margo? It’s drugs, isn’t it.

S-M: If the Dr. Smith from Lost In Space looked that Evil, they’d have shot him in the first episode.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 29th, 2010 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

@Jason1981 (#168): it’s a popular trope. :-)
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 29th, 2010 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

172 spambag
cheech wizard
July 29th, 2010 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

@designer leather bag (#172): Which one? Shrunken-woman fetishes? Giant squirrels planting ideas in people’s brains? Liz’s tits? Beetle’s lack of nipples? A deconstruction of Mar Worth?

You really have no idea what the fuck is going on here, do you?

Fucking spambot.
commodorejohn
July 29th, 2010 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

@cheech wizard (#174): Now that’s not a very nice thing to say! Clearly, designer leather bag is referring to the overarching topic touched on by all of those, namely, shrunken woman being mind-controlled by giant squirrels who want to gain access to Liz’s tits for their master, Beetle Bailey, who is suffering from crippling jealousy at his own stunted papillary development and desperately needs deconstructive counseling by Mary Worth.
ElkMeadow
July 29th, 2010 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

Luann: Dirk, Dirk, Dirk, Dirk….

MW: Mary, just give Wilbur a call. He’ll be right over, with mayo on white bread sandwiches, fishing poles, and frolicking. And Mike will become happy to go find someone to love. Too bad nothing can be done for Jenna. Maybe she could get Charlie’s number; after all, he just lives down the hall from her aunt.
Comcis Fan
July 29th, 2010 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

MW: No matter how far into the 21st century we are, flashback guys continue to sport classic ’70s hair.
Red Greenback
July 29th, 2010 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

Post #172: Sorry, “poop bags” was a couple of weeks ago
EatsShootsAndLeaves
July 29th, 2010 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

I’m hoping against hope that in a day or so, after more heart wrenching histrionics, that Dr. Mike will turn, look deep into Mary’s eyes and say “PSYCHE! HAHAHAHA!”
bourbon babe, unbuckled
July 29th, 2010 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

@EatsShootsAndLeaves (#179): Better that than seeing him turn to look deep into Mary’s eyes and stammering, “M-m-mommy?”
Anonymous
July 29th, 2010 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

I can see where Mary Worth is going: she’ll hook the good doctor up with Wilbur for some sammich based faux-father/faux-son merry-making.
Buck Ripsnort
July 29th, 2010 at 11:50 pm [Reply]

Y’know, a while back, belly-buttons were censored from Beetle, let alone nipples. Walker finally beat the censors w/ a panel of naval oranges; how can he beat the nipple-snippers?
Rusty
July 29th, 2010 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

MW: If Dr. Mike waits on the park bench long enough, Les and dead Lisa are sure to come by.

FW: In which the final panel reveals Funky has been married to Harry Dinkleman(sic?) all these years. Seriously, for a pretty adept artist, he can only draw one mouth in a side view.
Aviatrix
July 30th, 2010 at 12:00 am [Reply]

@Buck Ripsnort (#182): Farm animals. Hundreds upon hundreds of cows, sows, and doe goats. Or perhaps putting nipples on everything. Hats, walls, doors, jeeps, guns, trees, boots: all with nipples.
True Fable
July 30th, 2010 at 12:32 am [Reply]

@Aviatrix (#184): GOAT! Goat mention!

Memorable Quotes That Never Made It To Print

Finky Wonderbleat “I may be lucky to be alive, but that’s no reason not to whine about the unfairness of it all.”

I Fucking Hate Zits “Oh no, my parents saw my Facebook page! Not that they will do anything close to effective by way of punishing me; I guess they figure my being stupid as a post is punishment enough.”

Kit Walker, Merry Widower Ranger! “We mustn’t tell Kit; I don’t think I can bear to hear him refer to Diana as ‘What’s-Her-Name’ any longer.”

Moby Worth “He doesn’t care about me! I can take the hint! Here, let me show you how I can punch myself and he won’t try to stop me!”

Scenes from Suburban Hell “Hmm, you’re right. I need a tattoo in order to be a hard rock star. I know! I’ll get a Strawberry Shortcake tatt on my left buttcheek! Boy, is that ever hard core!”
Walker of Dog
July 30th, 2010 at 12:39 am [Reply]

7/30 strips:

A3G: Margo is still aggravated that Kat has outdone her in driving Tommie to new depths of self-abnegation. By next week, Tommie will start eating her own hair and sleeping under the sink, just to avoid bothering Kat with her unwanted existence.

FC: Man, that little Jeffy is just all kinds of stupid.

RMMD: June, not all wives assist their husbands with their twice-daily prostate exams.

JP: Oh good, a fresh pair of sodas. Because carrying around those warm ones was starting to look silly.

MW: Mike, stop wasting all of those fine dance moves laying on a couch. You need to polish that routine and put together a wicked crunk instructional video. YouTube glory awaits.

S-M: Peter, if you don’t want Tony (or anyone else, for that matter) to “flip out” when they see you, may I suggest you stop using that particular angle of approach?

FW: Somebody foreclose already!
Poteet
July 30th, 2010 at 12:57 am [Reply]

7/30 CRANKSHAFT — I have a real thing about cats being tormented by children and clueless adults who let it happen. End this theme now, Batiuk. I’m warning you.
ElkMeadow
July 30th, 2010 at 1:00 am [Reply]

I would so like sometime next week, Monday would be nice, to see 9CWL’s Gran find a LIFE magazine that has a full-page spread about her Nazi-lover and his adoring wife and their three, no, five beautiful children and their plans to move to Madrid or London, far away from Vienna, and some passage about how his wife is the only love of his life, greater than that of music, and how he would always be faithful to his beloved spouse, the mother of his so adored sons and daughters.

After all, what’s more crap on the manure pile?
ElkMeadow
July 30th, 2010 at 1:05 am [Reply]

Whoa, I enlarged the Mary Worth strip for tomorrow–in the last panel, is he looking at us? Like, “Watch what I can do, to make this old bat eat all this garbage I’m feeding her! My old man croaked when I was ten, leaving my mom the lottery ticket that paid for our living expenses and all of my med school. Look! I can pull a rabbit out of my chest!”

Which makes me wonder where the drug cabinet is, and where are the keys?
Poteet
July 30th, 2010 at 1:08 am [Reply]

7/30 9CL — Oh, what a saint she is. I can see the golden clouds beneath her dainty self-sacrificing feet.
True Fable
July 30th, 2010 at 1:14 am [Reply]

Dennis MENACE, boy, MENACE! The word does not mean cheerfully anticipating escorting your mother across the street! Geez, why do I even bother. You’re not a menace, you’re a mensch.

Dennis the Mensch This is your future, Dennis Mitchell.
True Fable
July 30th, 2010 at 1:21 am [Reply]

I Don’t Care About Dick Tracy not even when word balloons are so full of awesome, they burst and the cruel wooden “ha ha”s spill out onto ~~the woodcut scene~~ panel three.

Fist O’ Justice Theater “I’m not helping these animals for a reward, son! I’m doing it for scale pay as a Guest Star in a Comic Strip. Now help me stretch this storyline out a little longer; Mama needs a new pair of shoes.”
True Fable
July 30th, 2010 at 1:32 am [Reply]

Marmadick Big Dog isn’t barking at some random hellspraw clawing its way into our world; he’s summoning his minions to attack. Marmadick HUNGERS FOR YOUR FLESH.

9 Dickweed Lane Ah, there you are, Miss AllLegs. I see you are here for your 9:00 Slut appointment. Go right in, your next trick is waiting.
Lucky
July 30th, 2010 at 1:38 am [Reply]

Funky Winkerbean – It’s official, Batiuk is just playing with us now.

Heathcliff – Ha ha. Heathcliff… killed a dog? Wow, that’s dark.

Hi & Lois – Hi, Lois, what’s the difference?

Marmaduke – It was only a matter of time until one of Marmaduke’s victims would return with a vengeance.

Slylock Fox – You missed ’scurvy’.

Spider-Man – “Just like I did with Dr. Mike!”
Ed Dravecky
July 30th, 2010 at 1:41 am [Reply]

Beetle Who?: “Are you my Mommy?”
bats :[
July 30th, 2010 at 1:42 am [Reply]

@Anonymous (#181): Mary Worth may be a saint (a SAINT!), but I think even she has her limits. STFU, Mike.
Ed Dravecky
July 30th, 2010 at 1:52 am [Reply]

Judge Parker: Does the Driver’s refrigerator eliminate gravity as well as heat? The only human in Sam’s pose I’ve ever seen was doing science experiments on the International Space Station.
Farley's Revenge
July 30th, 2010 at 1:56 am [Reply]

@jayjaybear (#10): For some reason, now I’m hearing Tom Lehrer’s song about Oedipus Rex.

Lio: Total win.
This Guy
July 30th, 2010 at 1:58 am [Reply]

7/30

9CL: “Oh, hi, Edna. A life of bitter disappointment and regret? Yeah, I guess.”

OBH: See, the cat attacks annoying people! He’s a hero! We need to get him out from under that car so we can sic him on Carlos Mencia.

Marm: Is this an attempt to cash in on the recent trend for shoehorning the undead into incompatible stories? Then again, maybe it’s not so incompatible… the hell-beast might be rebuking that zombie instead of turning it. “Fool, it’s not time to come up yet!”

WoI: Okay, Guy-Who-Writes-This-Comic-Whose-Name-I-Don’t-Know, I’m going to say this clearly, so you can understand: FUCK YOU. Take your goddamn fucking ignorance and your shitty cheap laughs and shove ‘em up your ass until they come out your mouth. As it happens, only about 1 in 10 TS patients exhibit coprolalia–the uncontrollable urge to utter obscenities, insults, or other inappropriate things (of course, all tics are ultimately uncontrollable by will alone.) But thanks to fuckheads like you who think “a disease that makes people swear” is a goddamn laugh riot, that’s all most people think it is. So we get people like “Dr.” Laura Schlesinger declaring that people with TS shouldn’t be allowed at family social functions. Fuck you again, GWWTCWNIDK, and fuck your misinformation. For some actual facts, I invite the reader to visit the Tourette Syndrome Association website. And yes, I too am a TS patient, and every last swear word in this comment was intentional. Asshole.
This Guy
July 30th, 2010 at 2:03 am [Reply]

@This Guy (#199): …and the TSA website is here. Preview has failed me.
Hi There
July 30th, 2010 at 2:24 am [Reply]

I don’t get it — now why is the old bag from ‘9 Chickweed Lane’ unable to stay with her man if she’s so into him? Also, I don’t buy the 10-12 sex acts in a 24 hour period thing. That doesn’t really happen, particularly with people who’ve never done it before. Unless no one’s having an orgasm, but that’s just sad.
Farley's Revenge
July 30th, 2010 at 2:28 am [Reply]

MW: I’m starting to think Mary had the right idea hooking up Jenna, the boozing, needy stalker, and Dr. Mike, the drama whore. They could over-emote at each other, leaving the rest of the world to continue on in relative peace.

RMMD: Love that look on Rex’s face in the second panel as he talks about people dealing with things in different ways. Yeah, Rex, we already know how you deal with “things”…And June’s a fine one to discount denial. She’s been in denial about Rex’s way of dealing with “things” for years.
Fata Morgana
July 30th, 2010 at 3:01 am [Reply]

9CL: And for today’s comic, EDIE SEES BILL, BUT HE DOESN’T SEE HER. For tomorrow’s strip, BILL SEES EDIE, WHILE SHE HAPPENS TO BE LOOKING AWAY. Next week, THEY FINALLY BOTH SEE EACH OTHER AT THE SAME TIME. Criminey, no wonder everything is taking so long. Brooke is apparently under the mistaken impression that “bullet time” makes everything more awesome, even ridiculous melodrama. If only, Brooke, if only.

MW: Dr. Mike is in such a state of agitation that he’s pummeling his face with both fists now. Mary reacts the way any practiced meddler would: she readies a fist to help him out.

Marmaduke: Marm didn’t do a thorough job of killing this victim; it’s not a mistake he’ll make twice, newly-buried corpse.
Roman Fingers
July 30th, 2010 at 3:41 am [Reply]

MW: Suggesting trying the same thing again and again and expecting different results. What’s that the definition of, Mary?

The Funktacular Winkerbean: Funky’s got the right attitude. It’s always darkest–just before things go pitch black.

FC: Jeffy manages to toss a rock in a body of water 4000 miles across. Yeah, the Yankees are really gonna be scouting this kid.

MT: Three entire panels where the speech balloons point to the people doing the talking? Alright-what have you done with Jack Elrod?

Luann: Geez Brad, what are you waiting for–landing lights on her bed?

GT: OK, there’s gamesmanship, and then there’s asshatery. Guess which side you’re on, Old Man Peake?
Zla'od
July 30th, 2010 at 4:34 am [Reply]

MW: Notice how Mary has been slowly scootching her chair from Dr. Mike’s side to where it is now, behind his head? Soon she will surprise him by strapping him down and performing a lobotomy, with electric shock therapy for follow-ups.

Seriously, don’t psychologists normally go through a certain amount of psychotherapy themselves? Mary Worth can’t have been the first counselor to bring up issues like this with Dr. Mike.
John C Fremont
July 30th, 2010 at 6:00 am [Reply]

A3G – Mark Trail may have wimped out on us, but there will be punching in the comics! Not so much a “Right Fist o’ Justice.” More of a “Karate Chop o’ Anger and Resentment.” Or a “Kidney Punch o’ Petulance.”*

*Finger-quotes courtesy of Margo Magee of Manhattan. Grammar by Lu Ann Powers of South Dakota, eh? Additional blandness provided by that one red-haired chick.
Mela
July 30th, 2010 at 7:16 am [Reply]

Friday:

A3G: We may very well see the world’s first on-air murder during a makeover show in this storyline, and that alone makes it awesome.

Curtis: The expression in that last panel is priceless. Kudos, Billingsley.

FC: “And killed a seagull!”

FW: Die. Just die. I’m so fed up with this shit that I can’t even yell.

GA: Have we had an alarming close-up of Gertie wherein she suddenly looks too realistic to be in this strip for a while? No? Well, better fix that.

H&J: I know from personal example that there are some scary, sad truths to that.

Luann: I know there’s another day to it, but so far, I have to commend Evans for not going the painful sitcom route & having Brad’s beloved sMother show up to ruin his date.

MW: “I can also hit this invisible speed bag. Wanna watch?”

MG&G: Y’know, the “nostalgia versus horrible reality” may actually be worse with this strip than with Garfield. The last couple Garfields were downright cute; this, though, is an endless mire of a one-strip joke stretched out over a week.

My Cage: Cute. Like the insult.

NS: I’ll admit, the last panel was almost funny enough to negate the rest of this anvilicious slog. Almost.

OBH: Can we ship this cat off to “Funky Winkerbean”? He’ll kill half the cast in a week and help ease our suffering.

Pluggers: That line of dialogue seems to be the motto for both this strip and Reed Hoover.

R&R: Okay, I wasn’t going to say anything, but today, you officially tortured the “hot dogs” jokes to death. Please move on.

RiR: That is frighteningly accurate. Flat floats are evil.

Zits: “Great, now I have to explain puberty to a woman who refuses to believe it serves a biological purpose.”
LITTLE A. OF THE GRAND CONCOURSE JUNGLE PATROL
July 30th, 2010 at 7:28 am [Reply]

OBH: The drawing is getting WORSE. I still think Detorie is farming out the art. He may have an assistant who tries to approximate his style. Or, he is DASHING IT OFF.

You once told me to F-Off, Detorie! What do you have to say? We know you read this blog.
LITTLE A. OF THE GRAND CONCOURSE JUNGLE PATROL
July 30th, 2010 at 7:30 am [Reply]

@Poteet (#187): I agree. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Doctor Handsome
July 30th, 2010 at 7:58 am [Reply]

Why in the holy hell does Dr. Mike’s thought bubble emanate from his dialogue balloon, as opposed to, say, his head? Have his vocalizations become self-aware?
killercoconut
July 30th, 2010 at 8:13 am [Reply]

Mary is a lot better at hypnosis than I even imagined. She’s got Dr. Mike pouring out his deepest secrets and flapping his arms like a chicken!
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 30th, 2010 at 8:14 am [Reply]

Gil Thorp — Kemper’s father resorts to a sneeze play! (Incidentally, the artist on GT is ROD Whigham! I keep calling him “Ron” and that’s just plain wrong! Sorry, Mr. W!)

Soup to Nutz — Someone’s about to toss his cookies… er, guacamole!

Dick Tracy — D’MrsButterworth’s wife is revealed as the Joker in drag!

Nancy — Could we install a similar device in other comic strips?
dyslexic dog
July 30th, 2010 at 8:15 am [Reply]

@LITTLE A. OF THE GRAND CONCOURSE JUNGLE PATROL (#209):
But when Crankshaft is funny, it’s still not funny.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
July 30th, 2010 at 8:16 am [Reply]

MT: “Heh heh,” Mark thinks, “Sally believes that Rusty has a family!”

JP: Sam knows what to do in a situation like this: more cans!

(But really, Neddy should consider staying with Jules in order to boost his confidence? Yikes.)

DtM: Alice seems surprisingly unworried that Dennis has discovered his dad’s collection of Scout Porn.

MW: You know, it’s a sad state of affairs when Mary Worth has more scenes of a dark-haired guy throwing punches than Mark Trail does.
Amateur
July 30th, 2010 at 8:32 am [Reply]

MW: And now Dr. Mike is beating his chest like Tarzan?

Did Christmas come early this year? Or have we all just been good little Mudges?
gleeb
July 30th, 2010 at 8:37 am [Reply]

Archie: A weird tentacle from another dimension is reaching in to grab the girl who’s still distracted by Reggie’s attempt to deny the existence of Archie’s air-hockey victory. The AJGLU is becoming ugly.

’shaft: For the first time in a eek, Ed shows some little concern about his lost cat, only for it to be a prescient statement of the tortures it is no doubt being put to.

Dick: That’s not Mrs Duckworth, that’s Dolph Lundgren in a dress.

‘bean: “Especially with you touching me like that. What did I say about touching me? I married you to have someone to wash my shorts and smirk at appropriate times. Now go make me a sandwich or something.” Seriously, when your wife is showing affection is a poor time to disparage your existence.

Phantom: Diana’s going to kill you schmucks. You realize that, don’t you?
Bryan
July 30th, 2010 at 8:49 am [Reply]

Fast Track: I’ve had to take more multiple choice tests since I started my job hunt since I graduated from college, so being able to test well is a valuable skill.
For Better or For Worse: Has anyone claimed “They stayed at the wrong cabin” yet? I kind of figured that when the dad said he lost the map to Ted’s place.
Phantom: Oh, what a couple of dummies! I hope Diana kicks these two’s asses when she gets back. Then I hope she has a torrid affair with June Morgan.
Zits: Well, I guess this is how life as an adult is different, because both my parents are friends with me on Facebook and I just don’t put anything I don’t want them to see on it.

@LITTLE A. OF THE GRAND CONCOURSE JUNGLE PATROL (#208): You once told me to F-Off, Detorie!

“You once called me a warped, frustrated old man!”
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 30th, 2010 at 8:50 am [Reply]

Pluggers… are also incontinent! (Which is why his wife is putting newspapers down on the floor!)

Brenda Starr — Hank edges out Rusty for the title of “Ugliest Puss in the Comics”!

Gasoline Alley… where the pie jokes are half-baked!

Tom the Dancing Bug — A nice swipe at the Disney Channel… and sitcoms in general!
Smitty Smedlap
July 30th, 2010 at 9:01 am [Reply]

(Dr. Mike) “Yes, dad never showed up — but some guy named ‘Tommy’ did, and that’s the day my life took a turn for the awesome.”

If that’s not the same bench where Tommy the Tweaker plied his wares, it’s the next bench down: http://bit.ly/bg5j8P
cheech wizard
July 30th, 2010 at 9:13 am [Reply]

Frank Zappa references in Blondie? This would be a great theme if other cartoonists would pick up on it. For example:

Mother Goose and Grim: “Watch for where the huskies go, and don’t you eat that yellow snow!”

Judge Parker: “I’m a moron, and this is my wife. She’s frosting a cake with a paper knife.”

9CL: “We did it ’till we were uncouncho, and it was useless anymore.”

Luann (Toni speaking to Brad): “Fuck me, you ugly sonofabitch!”
Écureuil Écumant
July 30th, 2010 at 9:22 am [Reply]

@cheech wizard (#220): Well, you have to admit “Frank”, being a waiter, probably has plenty of inside connections when it comes time to peddle his first crop of dental floss.
CanuckDownSouth
July 30th, 2010 at 9:31 am [Reply]

Today’s Phantom takes the Preemptive I Don’t Believe You to new heights of stupid. How many people in the world even know that these two had a family member in Africa? Their social circle (which shares their grief) should be dominated by mature older folks who would never do this. This is a ridiculously improbably crank call – aren’t you CURIOUS? Why don’t you AT LEAST check the incoming number? Even without call display, wouldn’t the phone company have records? And then they’d see it was from Africa, where *surely* they’d realize that nobody has their phone number … except for Diana and the kids.
cheech wizard
July 30th, 2010 at 9:35 am [Reply]

@Écureuil Écumant (#221): Apparently, there is a weeklong festival going on right now in Zappa’s hometown of Baltimore to commemorate the unveiling of a statue of him. I suspect a connection – Josh, any insights on this?
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 30th, 2010 at 9:37 am [Reply]

@LITTLE A. OF THE GRAND CONCOURSE JUNGLE PATROL (#208):

“Rick Detorie Told Me to F*** Off!” would make a cool T-shirt… or band name. As far as your comments go, you’re certainly entitled to your opinion re:OBH and Detorie. However, don’t be surprised if Detorie continues to ignore you and anyone else who attacks his strip!
Tom
July 30th, 2010 at 9:39 am [Reply]

In panel 2 of Mary Worth, that’s the comic sign of wind, not rain. He is waiting in the windy cold park which is symbolic of his mood.
Maarvarq
July 30th, 2010 at 11:03 am [Reply]

Re: “Dr. Mike … with only an albino pigeon for company”, an albino pigeon that has apparently been glued to the bench to keep it at that unnatural angle…
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 30th, 2010 at 11:36 am [Reply]

@Rocky Stoneaxe (#224): the sad part about this, Rocky Stoneaxe, is that Mr. Detorie didn’t ignore it. He gave a well reasoned argument about why the art had shifted, and THEN told Little A to F-off. This has yet to sink in, despite rehashing this same conversation every other month since the event.

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