The Comics Curmudgeon

56 responses to “Metapost: Happy birthday, Mr. President faithful reader”

1. Ianscot
   October 27th, 2006 at 7:20 am [Reply]

   Easily the most exciting things about this picture are the quotes around “Matt.” “Christy” has something hidden behind that fetching smile. What can it be??

   Ooh — Or maybe she’s giving this little gift as a “back off” missive to her own Kelrast! You haven’t yet explored that potential niche to which your Aldo mechandise could be marketed.

2. yellojkt
   October 27th, 2006 at 7:39 am [Reply]

   Happy birthday, Matt! You’ve got one special lady there. Keep her happy.

3. Sheilagh
   October 27th, 2006 at 7:46 am [Reply]

   Ha, I was gonna comment on the scare quotes around Matt, but Ianscot beat me to it. Is his name not really Matt, then?

4. aldowannabe
   October 27th, 2006 at 7:52 am [Reply]

   Hey, “Matt”, thanks to the diaphanous qualities of Curmudgeon’s high-quality cotton, I can see your woman has a body that kills me as dead as Mary Worth.

5. Archivalist
   October 27th, 2006 at 8:02 am [Reply]

   This is for the little bit of “Matt” in all of us.

6. Dingo
   October 27th, 2006 at 8:42 am [Reply]

   Oh. My. Gawd. Charterstone is becoming more and more like Desperate Housewives. There’s murder, adultery (with food products), and mischief-mischief-mischief afoot! I can’t wait for Mrs. Beedie (aka CamelToe2) to step into Ella’s apartment and see 28 stuffed cats lining the living room.

7. Leslee
   October 27th, 2006 at 8:57 am [Reply]

   Fabulous, Christy!….just ordered my Molly thong, but before I get my BFF “Mary” to take a picture, I need to know whether Josh and his readers are averse to some more racy product placement pix.

8. Chet McCord, Wildlife Defender
   October 27th, 2006 at 9:03 am [Reply]

   Is that Willll-burrr I see in panel 1, passing by without a word, carrying the jacket to his leisure suit over his shoulder in such a jaunty manner? I suppose “Wendy” likes to keep a low profile so he’s not hounded for autographs or free advice.

9. Josh
   October 27th, 2006 at 9:03 am [Reply]

   Leslee, my policy is: PG-13 yea, R nay, if you follow me.

   Josh

10. Chris
    October 27th, 2006 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    Hey, “Matt”, you’re a lucky guy…your gal is “hot”!!!

    Oh, yeahhh!!!!

11. jake
    October 27th, 2006 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    “happy” birthday, matt

12. yellojkt
    October 27th, 2006 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    I think leslee is the first person to ever won up to buying CC thongs. I think I speak for most of us here when I say, go ahead and push the PG-13 real hard.

13. Dennis Jimenez
    October 27th, 2006 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    8 films to die for – Git-Sum Girl and Blogshub have already pushed the rating envelope.

14. Josh
    October 27th, 2006 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    Actually, yellojkt, somebody did buy a “roadside” thong back in November, but have to this date been apparently too cowardly/sensible to send a picture.

    Josh

15. Harry Paratestes
    October 27th, 2006 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    Nice “finger quotes” there, Christy. ;-)

    RMMD: So good ol’ meth mama got her dream job – working in a meth lab for Tommy Lee! And what’s up with Nikki’s hair? Do you suppose he has a special mold (sort of like a modified cheesecake pan) that he clips around his head at night to keep his hair in the ‘roadkilled starfish’ hairdo?

    MT: Uh oh, better watch out, MT’s got the Gun and Dog of Righteous Justice out, and he’s going to open a can (or even a case, maybe) of whup-ass on Jake’n'Snake!

    JP: I still think Raju’s heading for a beat-down, even though he’s got little Sophie to protect his ass. Maybe that’s the coming story line-that she’ll save him and do penance for bringing him to the U.S. under false pretences.

    SF: Maybe Ted will get into a drunken knock-down fight and use his nails to scratch C3PO’s face!

16. Allie Cat
    October 27th, 2006 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    Today is my birthday, and not only did my husband not buy me any Aldomania-wear, he didn’t even say “Happy Birthday”.

    On the upside, I think I can turn this into a TDIET somehow.

    Urge to throttle? Oh yeah!

17. 2fs
    October 27th, 2006 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    Today is not my birthday, and I am not wearing a thong.

18. Meanwhile
    October 27th, 2006 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    16: Happy Birthday, Allie Cat!

    Isn’t it kind of better than a present when the husband forgets? Surely he will make up for it with an EVEN BETTER present?

19. hogenmogen
    October 27th, 2006 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    I like Phantom. I do. But here’s the trouble. Yesterday’s strip clearly showed these modern day indentured servants (although I’m not sure they’re really wearing dentures). They were outside, and free to walk away via the same road that Phantom took to get there. Today’s strip says that the guard at the door is keeping people inside. But they were just outside. Not only that – but if I were the armed guard (complete with mullet, no less) and some purple freak wearing striped Speedos approached, I’d be pointing the rifle saying “F – U and the horse ya rode in on. The Barney costume convention is three miles up the road.”

    Funky has had a really good week. I’m all about the dueling French maids – yeah, they’re underage, but they’re cartoon characters so there really is no serious moral complication (a myriad of minor moral complications – but I’m too busy to trifle with a moral complication unless it’s at red alert stage). Now we have heavy drinking thrown in to the mix. What’s better than a hot French maid? A drunken French maid looking to get even with her soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend! Woo-hoo! Even loser flunky friend in the Spidey costume has a chance now!

    Niki in Rex Moron really does have to learn when to keep his mouth shut. I’m thinking that if I were Elvis (not Presley or Costello, but the Nikki Sixx wanna-be that smacked the kid around), I’d have done about the same. Niki could have been the poster child for the noble savage – beaten at home, no father, druggie mother who takes her kid’s cash, but he keeps a pleasant disposition and minds his manners. But no. Now he’s the beaten thug who snatched June’s purse and wises off to his mother and her boyfriend. Kid gotta lern sum respek’, y’all. By the way, how did loser Elvis get Niki’s mom a job in a lab AT MIDNIGHT? If Elvis could get Niki’s mom a job, maybe with his high echelon connections to the world of corporate pharmaceuticals and medicinal research, he could get a job for himself?

20. cheech wizard
    October 27th, 2006 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    Ella, for the 90th time, the reason you’re at Charterstone is because you crap your pants, can’t feed yourself and the Health Department said the 85 cats can’t live with you anymore.

    Oh, and you’re getting Alzheimer’s.

21. yellojkt
    October 27th, 2006 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    FW’s loser in the Spidey costume has channeled the real comic strip Spidey’s power to make any story lame. French Maid will jump him, but he will fail to close the deal when he can’t get the lens cap off his camera.

22. Mole Preener Gadge Cubic
    October 27th, 2006 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    Looks like Zippy’s going after FW

23. AppleGirl
    October 27th, 2006 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    Happy Birthday, “Matt!” Christy is gorgeous, you’re a lucky guy!

    FBOFW: April is soooooo jealous of Becky, it’s hilarious!

24. hogenmogen
    October 27th, 2006 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    #17 – 2fs – “Today is not my birthday, and I am not wearing a thong”

    Not my birthday either. And instead of a thong, I’m wearing NOTHING AT ALL!

25. Dingo
    October 27th, 2006 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    Hmm… I’m imagining 2fs lurkin’ in a merkin since he doesn’t have a thong. And hogenmogen? Rrrrrrroahr.

    Happy “birthday”, Matt. Christy puts the “babe” in babalicious. She has that wonderful Sara Evans’ quality (righteous bible thumper who watches porn with you) that intoxicates the comics geeks of the world (well, some of ‘em). Here’s hoping that she dances around the living room in that t-shirt for you tonight to Goldfrapp’s “Strict Machine” (used in the Verizon Wireless “chocolate” commercial).

26. The Original Steve-Dave
    October 27th, 2006 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    Is anybody else disturbed that Curtis’ mom Diane looks like she’s WAAAY underage in bed next to her husband?

    No?

    It’s just me, then.

27. K
    October 27th, 2006 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    Josh,

    Isn’t there some alternate universe to which you relegate Leslee’s R pics? You know, like the place where you send political diatribes?

    Otherwise I agree with #12.

28. SmartPeopleOnIce
    October 27th, 2006 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    14 (Josh) Actually, yellojkt, somebody did buy a “roadside” thong back in November, but have to this date been apparently too cowardly/sensible to send a picture.

    To borrow a phrase from P.J. O’Rourke, posting a picture here of someone in a “roadside” thong would be like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

    Yikes.

29. Leslee
    October 27th, 2006 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    Josh et.al. We’ll try for PG-13 then. It’d be a thrill not only to get on the board, but to be the first!!

30. SmartPeopleOnIce
    October 27th, 2006 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    I’m just astonished no one has commented on Christy’s oranges.

31. kingklash
    October 27th, 2006 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    Check out today’s Lio for a quick joke on Mark Trail.

32. Some Guy Here
    October 27th, 2006 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    The most exciting thing about that picture, from my point of view, is…well…on second thought, I don’t want Matt to go after me with a shotgun….

33. av8rmike
    October 27th, 2006 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    FBOFW: Ohhhh SNAP! April is bringing it ON!

    Seriously, these are teenagers, right? What kind of teens talk like that?

    RebeccaH is certainly drawn… lovingly in panel 3.

34. yellojkt
    October 27th, 2006 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    I’m a little concerned about how thin the walls are at Casa Curtis. If the ball cap wearing cock-blocker pipes up everytime dad makes a move on his Brandy-licious preternaturally hot (in a CBS sitcom kinda way) wife, it’s no wonder Poppa Greg is grouchy all the time.

35. frigg
    October 27th, 2006 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    “Happy” “birthday” “Matt” “!”

36. cheech wizard
    October 27th, 2006 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    31- Today’s Lio not only disses Mark Trail, but is also a shout-out to Frank Cho, creator of the much-lamented Liberty Meadows. Not only did Cho do the same gag in an MT parody, Tatulli is “aping” monkey-boy Cho’s style in his MT rendition.

    Oh, and Christy is a knockout. Matt must be a pretty happy guy on his birthday, and every other day as well.

37. Len
    October 27th, 2006 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail tells Cherry: “They kill bears for their parts.”

    Sheesh! And I thought that _New York’s_ show business scene was cut-throat!

    http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20061027&name=Mark_Trail

38. hogenmogen
    October 27th, 2006 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    MT:
    Curly hair Mark: “Look, these bear tracks lead from Jake & Snake’s love shack out into the woods.”
    Straight hair Mark: “Almost as if a bear had made them.”
    Curly hair Mark: “And Molly is a bear.”
    Straight hair Mark: “Yes, the path that two grown men and a thousand pound animal trundled into the woods is clearly marked plain as day.”
    Curly hair Mark: “Certainly, two forest rangers familiar with the area would be able to follow such an obvious trail.”
    Straight hair Mark: “I think I’ll drive home and tell Cherry about it. I might come back with my dog if nothing else is on TV. Maybe I’ll leave Andy in the back of the Jeep and stop in the local 7-11 for film for my camera, a Slurpee or whatever vinyl album is hot this week. I’ll flirt with the counter clerk – even if she’s underage.”

39. Christy
    October 27th, 2006 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    Hi everyone! Matt enjoyed his surprise cyber-me. For anyone thinking snarky thoughts: this is the ONLY place I’m on the web. Anyway, here’s what I told Josh: this really made Matt’s morning, although I had to keep insisting he check the site. “So – what does the Curmudgeon think about the Mary Worth illustrator’s penchant for comb-overs?”

    Glad to see a lot of you liked the quote marks. There was a lot of deliberation on my part whether they should go around “Happy Birthday” (you bastard) or “Matt” (if that’s who you say you are). Seriously, though, a great-aunt of mine used to always put quote marks around my pet’s name in her letters, as in, “How’s “Fluffy”? ” – as if the cat was some evil-doer whose very name was suspect. (with the hindsight of 25 years, she may have been right…)

    As for the comment about the orange – LOL! – I was at a friend’s house – it’s HER orange. Why there’s an orange on top of her armoire, I don’t know. My oranges aren’t worth commenting on.

40. hogenmogen
    October 27th, 2006 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    For Worse or For Even Worser: April dished the punch line – admittedly not much of one. In case you didn’t get April’s punch line, Gerald helpfully re-dished as if he didn’t get April’s joke at all, but somehow cleverly thought up the exact same joke himself. I hate when people do that in real life. In a comic where you can control all the action, why would you repeat the punch line as if to sabotage your own strip? Does Lynn Johnson sketch out ideas, then decides “Nah, this is funny – can’t use it.” Or, “This is funny. I’ll delete this, change that, and abracadabra – it’s pabulum for the masses!”

41. MossMoses
    October 27th, 2006 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    Panel one of today’s MW looks like Wilbur Weston and Iris Beedie just finished up a passionate whoopie sesh. Iris is rearranging her dissheveled clothing and Wilbur is walking out all smug with his glasses missing. I sure wish Iris Beedie’s drug dealing son would come back to C-stone and settle some old scores. The new biddie, Ella, may be there to meddle in Iris’ life.

    Mark Trail sure takes the law into his own hands with total impunity. The “wildlife expert” and Sheriff Rawhide both seem to have no problem with gun toting vigilantes doing their jobs for them. This is 100% based on one witness spotting a blue van. Here in the DC area a couple of years ago, people were looking over their shoulders for a white panel van with raised lettering, since one witness spotted such a vehicle near a sniper incident. It turns out the snipers were in a Caprice. If the LoFo witness had described it accurately as a freakish looking blue alien van like he had never seen before in his life then it would make sense but all Wildlife Expert heard was blue van and immediately there was no doubt the culprits are Snake ‘n Jake.

42. hogenmogen
    October 27th, 2006 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    Does anyone still tune in to the misadventures of Ed Crankshaft? He’s starting to turn in to a modern day Everett True. I keep reading in hopes that Batuik will show some more “incidental” chicks in bikinis, lesiurely tanning themselves as the neighborhood peeps from afar with their zoom lenses instantly loaded on to http://www.chicksinbikinis.com (oh – is that just me that does that?). This being late October, I’ve more or less given up on the t&a until spring. However – can anyone else decipher the joke here? Is it supposed to be funny that there’s a dude smoking a pipe in a public place, or that Crank is vaguely mixing metaphors (without regard to the fact that he did the exact same thing just yesterday)?

43. hogenmogen
    October 27th, 2006 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    By the way, I just made up the link about chicks in bikinis without realizing that it would automatically be displayed like an actual link. Don’t click there, you perv.

44. benro
    October 27th, 2006 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    FOOB – My prediction is that 4evah & Eva, with expert coaching from has-been Uncle Phill, will miraculously improve 10000% in the four days between now and the show. Eva will put on a Streisand caliber performance (wait, this is Canada, make that Celine Dion), and Beckers will have an Ashlee Simpson style lip-sync implosion after being upstaged by the St. Foobsters.

    Either that, or they will bring out Grampa Chinnuts as a special musical guest ala Timmy on South Park..

45. hogenmogen
    October 27th, 2006 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    #41 – Moss – Given that there is only one blue van in the entire county, and all traffic to LoFo is screened with blue vans turned away immediately, the forest ranger knew who owned the van. More disturbing, though, is the fact that the ranger knew that Jake & Snake were poachers, knew where they lived and yet did nothing to apprehend them until Trail comes around. Even with Mark’s lacadaisical attitude, he’s at least pushing the dink in the blue shirt farther than he’s gone before in the way of enforcing the law. My family was once picnicing in a state forest. We were there for two hours in the picnic area when I decided to have a beer. One minute and three seconds after I opened it, the ranger pops up out of nowhere informing me that I had to dump it immediately or be forceably expelled from the park, for certainly there was no greater crime than that. The ranger looked remarkably like the guy in Mark Trail, too. “Poaching? Eh, I’ll get around to it. HEY YOU WITH THAT BEVERAGE! DROP IT OR I’LL HAVE TO ARREST YOU, SIR!” Mark even has to drive the guy around his own forest in Mark’s Jeep.

46. Leslee
    October 27th, 2006 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    Sister Christy – your kindly – dare I say ’saintly’? – poise and passion on the occasion of “Matt”’s birthday has already resulted in your pic being grabbed, photoshopped and plastered all over the net. Most crudely on http://www.chicksinbikinis.com.

    I think Matt will be “enjoying” the cyber-you for months to come.

    “MEN”!!

47. Cornwhacker
    October 27th, 2006 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    Does Cherry Trail always wear that much eye makeup? Scary.

    Leslee: No *ahem* Toby Cameron tributes on the thong pics, okay?

48. Christy
    October 27th, 2006 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    Leslee,

    Good point. Well, if that’s the case, I suppose I’ll just unwrap his presents and save them for Christmas – his birthday can’t get any better.

49. King Folderol
    October 27th, 2006 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    Non-Sequitor – Isn’t this joke a little out-of-date? Couldn’t Wiley have come up with something less lame like, “if you get mad at me for being late, the terrorists win?”

    FW – If Darin does wind up banging the other French maid, he can always use the Stephen Colbert “I don’t see color” defense and claim he thought it was really Jesse he was sleeping with.

    #33 – Yah, I had that thought about RebeccaH, too, but thought I was just being a dirty old man.

    BC – Johnny Hart is apparently so desperate for storylines that he’s borrowing terrible puns from Bill Keane.

    One Big Happy – It’s always an awkward trip to the 4th panel in One Big Happy, but today’s journey definitely took the cake. I had to read it three times just to figure out the “joke”.

50. Robert Whitaker Siorignano
    October 27th, 2006 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    If someone had to read the current daily of ONE BIG HAPPY, does he or she stand to gain employment with THE FAMILY CIRCUS? Not too many real Micro cephalics wandering loose.

51. dramashoes
    October 27th, 2006 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    Hey Josh, I promise to buy a shirt soon. It’s just that Margo won’t give me my “allowance” until I “satisfy” her, and you know what that means- waterskiing on Lake Cocytus.

52. SmartPeopleOnIce
    October 27th, 2006 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    Ya know, given the depths of all manner of freakish depravity of the web, the fact that a site called chicksinbikinis.com doesn’t actually exist is somehow deeply troubling. There’s not even anyone sitting on the name, as far as I can tell.

    It’s like the terrorists have won.

53. Cedar
    October 27th, 2006 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    But with all the depravity on the web, who would want to look at chick in bikinis, when you could easily see seeing them nude and bi-curious?

    Only Leroy Lockhorn.

    http://joshreads.com/?p=650

54. Marion Delgado
    October 27th, 2006 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

    If you can’t get useless meddling help at Charterstone, get help somewhere!

55. Pendragon
    October 27th, 2006 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

    Today in Pibgorn — hot girl-donkey action. And the twist is who’s the Bottom.

56. Mountain Mama
    October 30th, 2006 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    Hey! Friday was my birthday, too! I’ll just pretend the sign says “Happy Birthday Mountain Mama!” and that Christy is really the new guy playing James Bond, only shirtless.

    I’ll be over here if you need me.

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