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Metapost: Comments! Advertisers! Merch! Compassion!

Hey kids! Here’s today’s slightly delayed CsOTW! First, our top finisher. Many people expressed this sentiment, but Josh (nice name, that) said it in that way that made me laugh loudest:

“Is Lynn Johnston really saying that the band’s members being stoned and/or drunk actually made them unable to play their instruments? This goes against everything I know about music.” –Josh (not THE Josh)

And now the runners-up, which as usual are all excellent and difficult to select from:

“Panel 1 may be the most non-angry I’ve ever seen Margo. I didn’t believe it was her at first. I would almost trust her with a sharp knife.” –majolo

“Tommie Thompson always struck me as the type of woman who could only get sexual satisfaction from an inmate, a paperboy, or a rolled-up issue of Cosmo.” –Dingo

“How many Stevie Nicks impersonators had to die to make those costumes, Apwil? People for the Ethical Treatment of the ’70s are gonna be super pissed.” –arto

“OK, but why on Earth would anyone kidnap a bear? Isn’t the whole point to get away from bears? Why not just kidnap a mako shark, or a malfunctioning Russian nuclear submarine?” –Dan

“Sam better go check if Bobby and Raju need some help. And by ‘help,’ I mean ‘lube.’” –yellojkt

“I’m surprised that the Caveman in B.C. doesn’t just look at the card that pops out of the Know It All Boulder in total puzzlement for a moment before sniffing it cautiously and then eating it.” –Wirrrn

“The motion lines behind Tommy’s Tiny Bible seem to suggest he’s moving it rapidly toward his mother’s face. Which would seem to suggest he’s either about to hit her with it, or else he’s already given her some pretty wicked shit and knows she’ll enjoy the tracers. The Jesus tracers.” –briantologist

“That Bible is up to no good.” –Laura c

“I am not the sort of person who would wish harm on anyone, but it sure wouldn’t bother me if Molly killed somebody. I really don’t care who.” –Mr. Barkie

“What could be better than June Morgan at the DMV? Ha ha! Five straight days of June Morgan at the DMV!” –hogenmogen

“Peter Parker has the proportionate earning power of a spider.” –Air Forbes

“What the hell is Gil Thorp? Seriously? There are all these people talking but no-one’s saying anything.” –ben

“Yeah, June’s pretty hot — for a pampered rich lady who’s ready to call her lawyer at the first sign of things not going her way. I’ll still take Margo, because Margo is street people. She wouldn’t even go to the DMV. Margo is such a badass, she just steals a car whenever she needs one and then dumps it off at the chop shop when she’s done. Margo is GOD! I exist to be crushed under her iron hand. Also, Margo told me if I didn’t post this, she’ll beat me until I wet myself again.” –dramashoes

“Oh, Bobby and Raju. Your love affair may seem charmed in the the artful glow of the porchlight, but I fear Bobby’s wrestling buddies won’t be quite so taken with Raju’s self. They’ll only see the geeky side, not the romantic guy exchanging sweet nothings under the starry sky, while Sam watches and reminisces about his own carefree homoromantic youth before glumly wandering inside to not have sex with his wife.” –Laura

“Since this is Funky Winkerbean, I suggest that Jess’s throwing up is an early warning sign of cancer. Never underestimate the ability of FW to put its characters through a living hell. It’s part of Funky the way big sandwiches are a part of Blondie.” –Woodrowfan

Also, we must as we do every week thank our sponsors, without whom we would have less money.

If you’d like to advertise on this site, click here to get started.

And! Also! New merchandise! Faithful reader Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener has submitted this wonderful graphic for all those boat-wrestlers/4.0 GPA chem majors out there:

Right now shirts with this very logo are available at the Comics Curmudgeon store! At the moment I’ve got a sweatshirt and ash grey t-shirt available, but if you want it on something else, just say the word.

(If you’re totally baffled by this, click here and scroll down.)

58 responses to “Metapost: Comments! Advertisers! Merch! Compassion!”

  1. MossMoses
    November 6th, 2006 at 11:42 am [Reply]


  2. Opus
    November 6th, 2006 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    I love this weekly funny comments feature. It’s instant therapy.

  3. Gabe
    November 6th, 2006 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    I thought the “Licorice” shirt would be hard to beat. This does it. Must order.

    (no offense, Walky. Your “shirt” was cool, too.)

  4. Ted Barlow
    November 6th, 2006 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    For the record, Josh: You’re hilarious, but the weekly metapost is absolute gold, week after week.

  5. Poteet
    November 6th, 2006 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations to all the snarky winners! Of course I remember other comments that were also hilarious. Clearly there are still people who can think and write on this planet, which makes the current state of the movie industry even harder to understand.

  6. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    November 6th, 2006 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    You know who’d look really hot in that “Boat Wrestling” sweatshirt? That 2fs guy, that’s who. I wonder what ever happened to him?

  7. Joe
    November 6th, 2006 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    Damn, my first time not making the list since becoming a semi-regular commentator. Damn you, law of diminishing returns!

  8. Albatross
    November 6th, 2006 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    In today’s Mary Worth Mary is so angry she’s actually crackling with electric energy like some kind of manga character. Meanwhile this has got to be the tenth time that Iris has mentioned the good advice that she got from Ella, almost as if she is deliberately provoking Mary. I think she is curious to see Mary’s thunderbolt fist.

    “Man, that was some great advice Ella gave me!”

    “DYAAAAHH! Thunderbolt FIST!

    *CRACK* -BOOM-

    “Whoa, that was cool! Too bad I’m dead!”

  9. yellojkt
    November 6th, 2006 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    Thanks for fixing my missing quotes around ‘help’. I think Raju and Bobby are going to be buying Astroglide by the case once they both enroll at Some State College.

    I just noticed it, but the ‘XXX’ instead of ‘XXL’ on the sweat shirt is genius.

  10. Chromium
    November 6th, 2006 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    So it seriously would never have occurred to Iris to visit her son in prison if Ella hadn’t suggested it? How has she even survived without Ella? Do other Charterstone residents need to tell when to eat and go to bed?

    Meanwhile, in Mark Trail, even Jack Elrod is getting tired of this storyline. Check out that pissed off caption.

  11. SmartPeopleOnIce
    November 6th, 2006 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    #10 (Chromium) And not to be mean (well, no more than usual), but isn’t Iris setting the bar a just teensy bit low here? What’s that you say? You’re son’s a doctor? Well, my son has a bible and a ponytail and a cellmate named “Oink”. He’s terrific!

    I guess “jail” is the new college.

  12. SmartPeopleOnIce
    November 6th, 2006 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

  13. Josh (not THE Josh)
    November 6th, 2006 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    Wow. Josh #1, you have made my week. If I were Grandpa Jim, I would cry tears of joy at you. Meaningful joy.

  14. lesles
    November 6th, 2006 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    #8 Manga Mary would be cool. We’ve already got hentai Molly. Wouldn’t want to see that crossover, though.

  15. JEdens
    November 6th, 2006 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    After the current MT story arc resolves, Molly is going to spend some serious time thinking about finding a place where she is appreciated for who she is.

  16. AirForbes
    November 6th, 2006 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    Wow, I made runner-up! And for Spider-man too, which is great because I (love to) hate Spider-man. I’d like to squash him with a rolled-up newspaper ala Garfield.

  17. joe
    November 6th, 2006 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    hey josh –
    in case you haven’t seen it yet, Jeopardy mega champ Ken Jennings gave you a big shout-out in his most recent post about comics, touting you as his “favorite blog”! –

  18. Marion Delgado
    November 6th, 2006 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    BTW all, latest Non Sequiter:

    YET more proof, as if any was needed, that the daily comics closet is way, way bigger than the GOP closet.

  19. Ran
    November 6th, 2006 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    MW: Look out Mary! A midget is about to snatch your Purse!

    MT: lots of people wandering around with guns will eventually lead to a better story.

  20. Mibbitmaker
    November 6th, 2006 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    MT: “Molly can’t understand…”! “Molly can’t understand…”! Jeez, it’s hard to imagine how she made it past cub. Actually, though, I think she does: “Oh, I understand why I’m being treated hostile-like, alright! And I blame you, Mr. Jack Elrod! …in a white circle…that’s all over the place!”

    FW: Again it’s so depressing, it makes me feel like I’ve aged 20 years. Maybe if the main cast itself hadn’t aged 20 years, it’d still be a fun strip. Either that, or Batiuk would’ve found fundamentalist religion and ruined it anyway.

    FC: More of “Family Circus – More Female Chauvinism Than in a Misogynist’s Worst Paranoid Nightmare”. This episode: “Go Away, You Stupid Cowboy!”

  21. Jennifer
    November 6th, 2006 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    Ken? Are you here?


    He could be watching us right now.

  22. DoubleJeopardy
    November 6th, 2006 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    Ken-Jennings’-fave-blog-4evah? Smarmy and punchable Ken Jennings?

    Please Josh, say it ain’t so. Can we please collectively will Ken over to Charterstone for a month of strips, puh-LEASE??

  23. Dennis Jimenez
    November 6th, 2006 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    Josh (not THE Josh) – Congratulations of the COTW. It was a proud week for me when my quote ran, though in those days a thread might have a dozen posts and you didn’t exactly have to be Bennett Cerf to grab the ring. The bar is much higher these days. Oh Yeah!

  24. Mibbitmaker
    November 6th, 2006 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    SF: Wow, it’s like the author of this strip reads the CC! Oh, right, he does!

    BBailey: As long as you don’t see a bloviating duck in a Matt Drudge get-up, Sarge, you’ll be okay.

    A3G: Gee, Ed Asner’s really slumming it, isn’t he!

    RiR: It’s a good thing that Rose is finally realizing that her biker chick persona is a bad, evil, selfish jerk. You’re getting on your way to curing yourself of delusional tendencies, Rose. Soon, Rose really will be Rose once again.

    Dagwood’s psychosis, however, is just beginning in today’s “Blondie”. Don’t be too late, Blondie!

  25. Jennifer
    November 6th, 2006 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    Dudes! DoubleJeopardy is KEN!!!!

    Nice try throwing us off… sh’yeah.

  26. Carol
    November 6th, 2006 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    hey, can we get the boat wrestling in a zip front hoodie?

    Yes, I’m as demanding as Margo.

  27. Mibbitmaker
    November 6th, 2006 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    Our dream Jeopardy questions in the form of an answer if Ken were still on that show:

    Place where information about licorice can be found.

    This type of animal is called upon to provide more zippers to sweatshop workers.

    Condition that Aldo Kelrast refuses to believe Mary Worth would prefer to be in.

    Children’s TV friend that this stalker resembles.

    She regularly appears in Beetle Bailey on Wednesdays.

    Foob harasser whose real name is Bunt; or “Get Fuzzy”-hating blog commentor.

    There are many ways to spoof the name of this pretentious Native-Canadian villiage where Liz Patterson went to teach for a nonasecond.

  28. King Folderol
    November 6th, 2006 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    It’s not a Boat Wrestling Scholarship, it’s a Full Boat Wrestling Scholarship. Bobby’s not messing around with little tugboats and sailboats…he’s in the 40 foot yacht division.

  29. Josh
    November 6th, 2006 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    #26 Carol-

    Not sure which hoodie you meant so I made ‘em both.


  30. Gabe
    November 6th, 2006 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    I um, want a hoodie too.

  31. DoubleJeopardy
    November 6th, 2006 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    Yeah, uh, me too. It gets cold sitting out on the porch here in Salt Lake City with my golden lab, my boy Dylan

  32. Josh
    November 6th, 2006 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    Here you go, Gabe and/or DoubleJeapordy.

    A hoodie for boys! There doesn’t seem to be a zip-up hoodie for the fellas, though, I apologize.


  33. Trent
    November 6th, 2006 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    In regards to Funky, I don’t think the vomiting is an early sign of cancer. That level of long, drawn out cruelty pales before the short-term cruelty of this situation. This is probably the only time in this dude’s life that he’ll have had two girls in french maid’s outfits grinding up on him, and the one who likes him is insecure and drunk. Nothing on earth could stop that sex from happening… except vomit. Its like an episode of the Twilight Zone… if it were written by Shakers.

  34. Gabe
    November 6th, 2006 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    Pullover’s fine. Thanks Josh! Will order on payday. Boat wrestling pic sometime after that.

  35. DoubleJeopardy
    November 6th, 2006 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    …and my other trivial pursuits.

  36. Gabe
    November 6th, 2006 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    Well then DJ, if you are Ken, then you’re wiki entry is wrong. It says you live in Seattle. Or is SLC your winter home? And good god why? And don’t tell me cause you’re Mormon.

  37. MonkeyHawk
    November 6th, 2006 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    In SLC he’d be one of the cool kids.

  38. MonkeyHawk
    November 6th, 2006 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    Like here.


  39. Jennifer
    November 6th, 2006 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    The Mormons have taken over Seattle now?

    Man, that explains everything.

  40. DoubleJeopardy
    November 6th, 2006 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    Jennifer – with your wit and my sense of self-promotion, we could RULE THE WORLD!

    Marry me?

    (waves back)

  41. anne
    November 6th, 2006 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    DoubleJeopardy — are you really Ken? So self-deferential, I love it. And buying CC hoodies with your hard-earned Jeopardy $s!

    Who thinks the “man’s hoodie” in the cafepress picture kind of looks like it’s being worn by a woman?

  42. Todd 2.0
    November 6th, 2006 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    #11: There was once a Dilbert cartoon in which the pointy-haired boss was excited about his new hire, a guy named Sven who “went to Yale.” In the last panel Sven says “I yust got out.”

  43. Len
    November 6th, 2006 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    Why do I get the feeling that Mr. Neighbor will fade into nothingness with an echoing “BWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA!”

  44. Cornwhacker
    November 6th, 2006 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    You know what would look great with a pullover hoodie? A starfish haircut like Niki’s in Rex Morgan, MD.
    Think about it when you pose for your pictures, boys.

  45. Elizabeth
    November 6th, 2006 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    You’re not really a PeTAphile are you Josh? Say it ain’t so!

  46. Gabe
    November 6th, 2006 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    I have a ridiculously short haircut, so no dice. However, I’ll be applying a rear naked choke to an anchor while wearing a sailor hat, so that more than makes up for it.

    …I should put some beakers in front of me, too.

  47. Jennifer
    November 6th, 2006 at 5:43 pm [Reply]


    Thanks! But, if you are Ken, you’re already married, and if you aren’t…!

    I don’t even know who you ARE anymore! Where’s the trust? What’s happened to us?!

    I think we should see other commenters.

  48. MonkeyHawk
    November 6th, 2006 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    Elizabeth –

    It’s safe to assume Josh is either a PETAphile or a whore.

    Personally, I’d prefer to think he’s a whore.

  49. weiser
    November 6th, 2006 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

    Just what IS the difference between a hooded sweatshirt and a “hoodie”? I thought it had to do with the body-hugging fit – or lack thereof.

  50. DoubleJeopardy
    November 7th, 2006 at 5:22 am [Reply]

    Jennifer, we’ve grown so apart. (sigh)

    At least we’ll always have Saskatchewan, right?

  51. Jeremy Jones
    November 7th, 2006 at 7:21 am [Reply]

    ““Peter Parker has the proportionate earning power of a spider.” –Air Forbes””

    totally made me laugh out loud, in all literality.

  52. Jennifer
    November 7th, 2006 at 10:23 am [Reply]


    Yes, indeed. Let us not forget… Saskatchewan. Plus, this was one of the better relationships I’ve ever had, so there’s that.

  53. DoubleJeopardy
    November 7th, 2006 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    Jennifer, you give me hope that a flame will burn again in some not too distant metapost.

    Til then – D.J.

  54. comix
    November 7th, 2006 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    I wanna go to State College, I heard you can get nutritional advice from a guy in a pineapple shirt.

  55. Gabe
    November 7th, 2006 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    A hoodie is just a hooded sweatshirt. The kids these days, decided to start calling them that. No one knows why.

  56. Poteet
    November 7th, 2006 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    I think I remember that way back when, hooded sweatshirts were considered geeky, except that geeky wasn’t a word then. In fact hooded sweatshirts must have been considered geeky, because I used to wear one, and I was to fashion what Cheetos are to good nutrition..

  57. JohnWadd
    November 7th, 2006 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    Fortunately for us, the Unibomber made the hoodie fashionable again.

    But wt[Margo] ‘sup with the bodacious models without heads or appendages on CafeXpress?

  58. srah
    November 9th, 2006 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    Oh man, that “Also, Chemistry” almost killed me, especially because it was hidden below there and I only discovered it when I scrolled down. What to buy? What to buy?

Comments are closed for this post.