The Comics Curmudgeon

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Behold your new golden god

Curtis, 1/2/07

Ah, Kwanzaa: What would our life be without you? We would be bereft, is what, since we wouldn’t be treated to the annual totally demented and awesome Kwanztravaganza in Curtis. I didn’t think anything could beat last year’s bat-winged Kwanzaa bear, but this enormous, huge-eyed, telepathic (and the good kind of telepathic, with the glowing rings of telepathy emerging from her brain) golden otter is breathtaking in its over-the-top Kwanztasticness. I was going to go back and read the earlier Curtises I missed during my vacation to see if I could figure out what the hell is going on here, but why bother? Just lie back and enjoy the huge golden otter’s telepathic glow. Ahhhh.

The Phantom, 1/2/07

I did go back and read all the old Phantoms I missed, but I still have no idea what the hell this conversation is supposed to mean. Mostly I just like the sentence “We had it made with that securities job! Now we’re robbing natives!” I like to imagine it coming out of the mouth of one of the fratty Ivy League pricks I went to college with, one of the ones who was all eager to move to New York and get jobs working for Smith Barney or some such, but who one day found himself advancing on a village in Malawi with an AK-47 instead, wondering what had gone wrong with his life.

They’ll Do It Every Time, 1/2/07

The haircut and the striped t-shirt are strongly evocative of Ronald McDonald, which can’t possibly be accidental. But I think what really sells this for me is the fact that the giant cargo shorts are magenta. Because that’s what they’re wearing on the streets. Word.

Mark Trail, 1/2/07

Look at that wistful little smile on Mark’s face in the last panel. Oh, if there’s ever a man who loves the thrill of the struggle with a clever, hard-working beaver, it’s Mark Trail. He’s going to live-trap the hell out of those rodents — but he respects them, is the important thing.

I wonder when Mark is going to tell Dick that he’s the one who set Lucky loose to wreak havoc on Dick’s land. Hint: the best time will be when Dick is unarmed.

Hagar the Horrible, 1/2/07

Oh, for … Hagar and Lucky Eddie do not defend castles! OK? Hagar and Lucky Eddie attack castles that other people defend! Get it? They’re attackers! Not attackees! GAH!

I think there’s something wrong with me that this bothers me so much. But I’m still right, dammit.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, January 2, 2007 at 10:57 pm and is filed under Curtis, Hagar the Horrible, Mark Trail, Phantom, They'll Do It Every Time.

268 responses to “Behold your new golden god”

Francis
January 2nd, 2007 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

Re TDIET: How does one elongate the “G” at the end of “dig”, exactly?
HBGlord
January 2nd, 2007 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

#1: Imagine a cat coughing up a hairball — Bob’s yer uncle!
Rob H.
January 2nd, 2007 at 11:12 pm [Reply]

“You dig it?”

So this is the kind of slang the kids are using nowadays.
D
January 2nd, 2007 at 11:12 pm [Reply]

Maybe they’re defending a castle they just attacked?
Uncle Lumpy
January 2nd, 2007 at 11:14 pm [Reply]

So much to complain about in TDIET, the mind reels. Seven virtually-identical stupid outfits (the leftmost with a crude cartoon bear on the shirt). “Kick Butt” may actually have been the best choice of a poor lot. The vaguely subserviant, vaguely embarrassed expression on the double-breasted, striped-tied full-service salesman prowling what can only be the “REDUCED” section in the Teen Department of Ross Dress for Less.

But what gets me (every time!) is the interminable “punch line”: “Oh, yeah. . . This is the oufit I want, Ma. . . It’s perfect. . .It’s right in style. . .It’ll feel good to be all dressed up. . . .” It’s the sign of a comedian who’s never quite sure the audience is going to laugh – and I’m looking at you, Mr. Jay Leno – filling in the anticipated silence with lamer and lamer reiterations of the nominal joke.

C’mon. We know it’s not funny. You know it’s not funny. Just stop!
Jerry
January 2nd, 2007 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

I really need her to take “one step closer to the rubber ward”. Because I need to know just what the hell the “rubber ward” actually IS.
Rusty
January 2nd, 2007 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

The Curtis annual wallow in Kwaanzapalooza frightens and confuses me. I’ve tried to read it in the past, but I fear turning into a pillar of salt.
Justafoob
January 2nd, 2007 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

So, you are saying that the Kickbutt outfit I got for Xmas will make me the laughing stock around the water cooler.

Sniff
ohnoabear
January 2nd, 2007 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

I think whoever writes Curtis should forget his normal characters and setting and just write Kwanzaa stories year round. God knows we need more politically correct, stream of consciousness acid trips in the funnies.
Kate
January 2nd, 2007 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

I’m sorry, I can’t see what anyone’s saying. Today’s TDIET made me lever out my eyes with a salad fork. ‘Night, all.
Derelict
January 2nd, 2007 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

The very concept of the terms “unarmed Dick” and “Lucky beaver” appearing in the same sentence adds up to a kind of fun we’re not likely to see in the funny papers! But I’m sure mark’s respect for any live-trapped beaver will indeed impress an unarmed Dick.
Rafael
January 2nd, 2007 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

#1 I think Junior is talking ’bout his g-g-generation.
Kate
January 2nd, 2007 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

Wait. If you can go anywhere instantly in the world with one step, what happens then? I mean, say you want to go to a market in Morocco. So you take a step and you’re there. Then when you take a step towards the first stall to look at spices or silks or whatever, do you end up in Antarctica or Boise?
Freezer
January 2nd, 2007 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

The annual Kwaanza fable is pretty much the only thing remotely original and readable in Curtis. Once it’s over, it’s back to 51 weeks of “Curtis Snatches Cig From Dad’s Mouth”, “Curtis Acts Like A Complete Toolbag In Front Of ~~thatlittlestuckupbitch~~ Michelle”, and “Gunk’s Flyspeck Island ________ Runs Amok”…

And Derrick and Onion. (Sorry “Onion”) Can’t forget them!
Kate
January 2nd, 2007 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

Rafael, I love you.
macb
January 2nd, 2007 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

TDIET- where to begin? I like Josh’s comment about the magenta cargo pants. Maybe Riffraff and Magenta’s mutant kid in some Godforsaken remake of “The Rocky Horror Picture Show” would wear them (but only if the director were some cognitively-challenged would-be hipster- maybe that great auteur Paulie Shore). And the fact that a store has a “teen dept.,” like a Debbie Reynolds comedy of the early ’50s (when she often played teens though she was in her early 20s). Or the fact that a teenage boy old enough to go to a dance is a foot shorter than his mom. Or the fact that ridiculous outfits worn by teenage boys at high school dances was already done more than 30 years ago in a “humorous” sequence of Brian DePalma’s “Carrie.” I could go on, but why bother? Here in Chicago, as I’ve said before, we are not blessed with the presence of TDIET in either of the dailies, but we have plenty of lame single-panel strips to make up for it (PMP, DTM, Love Is…, to name just some of the ones in the Sun-Times, the lesser of the two papers). Now the Tribune, the bigger paper, has replaced several lame daily strips, as of New Year’s Day, with even lamer ones, including a sort of Humble Stumble clone with a dad (not divorced in this case, just “Mr. Mom”-ed into involuntary retirement while wifey goes to work, fortuitously on the day dad loses his job) as the stay-at-home parent.
reader-who-posts
January 2nd, 2007 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

Curtis: I saw a giant golden telepathic otter holding a baby (presumably) telepathic otter once – those were some damn good mushrooms.

Foxtrot – two days after the strip turned to Sunday only, and already it took me five minutes to remember what this new strip in my paper replaced. Not exactly like losing Calvin and Hobbes. Then again, it’s not exactly the sheer joy that will result from losing FBOW.
Justin
January 2nd, 2007 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

WHY ARE THE PARENTS ALWAYS 74 AND THE KIDS ALWAYS MUTANT LITTLE PEOPLE?!

In TDIET, I mean.
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
January 2nd, 2007 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

Hey – I clicked on this link to go to “That One Picture of Genetic Mishap – You Know the One” and instead I get all this blather about comics?

What’s up with that?
reader-who-posts
January 2nd, 2007 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

TDIET could have been worse. Junior could have wanted to wear $90 jeans that were already made to look old and torn up to the school dance.
ikkt!
January 2nd, 2007 at 11:47 pm [Reply]

Sorry Josh, there is one vacation-missed strip you do need to check out – one of the greatest interrogatories to ever appear on the comics pages. See the final panel of the 12/29 Curtis.

I sure hope the pictograph approach catches on.
Steve S
January 2nd, 2007 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

Having “Kick Butt” on a sweater-vest would serve as a useful reminder for the school bullies, who would be on this kid like Ohhhh on Yeah.
Steve S
January 2nd, 2007 at 11:52 pm [Reply]

I think the Curtis Kwanzaa stories are a result of Billingsley calling Johnny Hart and saying “Hey, can you pretend you’re black and write a story for me to draw?”
Squeak
January 2nd, 2007 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

I see that a lot has happened in MT over the holiday break. They’re now “Mark and Dick Morgan.” Mark looks happy in panel 3, and I’m happy for them both.
GG
January 2nd, 2007 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

There is too much that is wrong about this TDIET to even put into words for me. Suffice to say, I do not dig-g-g it. Not one little bit.
Kenny
January 3rd, 2007 at 12:01 am [Reply]

#6 “The Rubber Ward” is a reference to this woman losing her sanity and ending up in the psychiatric ward or, “loony-bin” if you will. I really like the sound of The Rubber Ward. I originally wanted it to be some bizarre reference to condoms but no, no not in a Scaduto.
Tabby Lavalamp
January 3rd, 2007 at 12:03 am [Reply]

So I was at a 50 Cent concert the other day, and after the show Fiddy himself comes up to me and said, “Hi-de-ho, groovy chick, did you get hep to my funky beat? 23 skidoo! Dig-g-g it!”
Scaduto’s more with it than any of us squares could ever hope to be.
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
January 3rd, 2007 at 12:04 am [Reply]

Okay, so what’s going on in panel 3 of “Curtis”? Is Yama (surname “Ma”), the very bald young man (this isn’t FW, so I’m assuming he doesn’t have cancer), thinking of the image in the top part of the panel? And what is that, uh, thing anyway? The Flying Fickle Finger of Fate?
Dick, the doorbell
January 3rd, 2007 at 12:08 am [Reply]

At last, I get Kwanzaa! It’s all about tha shoes, baby! Although the benefit of having only one eludes me. Does one hop merrily whilst thumbing one’s nose at the continuum?

And is the magic in the shoe or the materials? Those dimensionally transcendant twigs look like they’d slice up your sole. Maybe Dr. Scholl’s could incorporate them into a comfy ergonomic composite. Unless the Chuck Jones Otter has propreitary rights to the formula and is a greedy bitch.

And do they come in 13EEE?
Citysqwirl
January 3rd, 2007 at 12:09 am [Reply]

I’m so glad you’re back.
Poteet
January 3rd, 2007 at 12:10 am [Reply]

# 28 — Gadge, it’s the tail of the disappearing giant golden otter. And Holmes, they were the footprints of a gigantic hound.
Poteet
January 3rd, 2007 at 12:13 am [Reply]

# 13 — BWAHAHA! Geez, Kate, you must have been hell to read fairytales to:-).
Poteet
January 3rd, 2007 at 12:17 am [Reply]

And I really like the bat-winged Kwanzaa bear. I think that bear would be an excellent fantasy mate for Molly.
LN
January 3rd, 2007 at 12:32 am [Reply]

#s 28 & 31 – no, no – that’s most definitely an otter phallus. Right? I mean, what else could it be?
Shannon
January 3rd, 2007 at 12:33 am [Reply]

#5: “Itâ€™s the sign of a comedian whoâ€™s never quite sure the audience is going to laugh – and Iâ€™m looking at you, Mr. Jay Leno – filling in the anticipated silence with lamer and lamer reiterations of the nominal joke.”

Either that or Carlos Mencia, who explains the punchline while yelling. That makes it funny, see? The yelling. Kind of like Lewis Black, except without the entertaining, righteous, politically-charged anger.
Luther
January 3rd, 2007 at 12:35 am [Reply]

When you set a live trap under water guess what happens? Beavers aren’t fish, and they don”t spontaneously spring from the swamp.

they drown.
treedweller
January 3rd, 2007 at 12:37 am [Reply]

Yeah, I had some black water weeds once. That was some good shit. Oh, Yeah!
Summerhouse
January 3rd, 2007 at 12:39 am [Reply]

#13 Kate – No bedtime stories for you. One question like that and it would be, “Katie, here’s some Nyquil. Go to sleep.”

Josh – I was also going to suggest what D suggested at #4. Perhaps if you imagine that Hagar and Eddie just now won the castle and are trying to keep it from being re-taken, you can – I don’t know – rest easy?

MT- I have to pat Theodore’s cute little head whenever I see it on my monitor. Things are not going to go well with me if something bad happens to Theodore.
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
January 3rd, 2007 at 12:39 am [Reply]

Poteet “Gadge, itâ€™s the tail of the disappearing giant golden otter”…A tail for which the world is not yet prepared!”

I think the otter should be named Yabadabadoo Ishkabibble Otter. Or Y.I. Otter for short.

(pause…taps feet…clears throat…pause…)

Oh never mind.
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
January 3rd, 2007 at 12:45 am [Reply]

38 Summerhouse: I hope you don’t read the comics at work, as beaver-petting is generally not acceptable cubicle behavior.

(My apologies for the terrifying pun-ishment I’ve been dishing out tonight…)
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
January 3rd, 2007 at 12:46 am [Reply]

LN 34: “#s 28 & 31 – no, no – thatâ€™s most definitely an otter phallus.”

No, that’s most definitely an utter fallacy… (ducks barrage of bricks).
treedweller
January 3rd, 2007 at 12:52 am [Reply]

4/38: I ain’t buying. They never hang out in the castles tey attack. They go in, loot and pillage, and take their booty home, where Helga complains because they forgot her Stilton cheese. Josh wins. This strip is horrible.
treedweller
January 3rd, 2007 at 12:53 am [Reply]

4/38: I ain’t buying. They never hang out in the castles they attack. They go in, loot and pillage, and take their booty home, where Helga complains because they forgot her Stilton cheese. Josh wins. This strip is horrible.
KenM
January 3rd, 2007 at 1:02 am [Reply]

#1 – I personally want to read this as sounding a lot like The Warriors. “CAN YOU DIG IT?”
Sarah
January 3rd, 2007 at 1:02 am [Reply]

I have never been moved to make a comment here before, but something about this TDIET is making me do it. Maybe the fact that the sales clerk in this teen boys department is over 50 and wearing a suit? I’m not sure if it’s the incongruity of it all, or the fact that I’m relatively sure that makes him a pedophile.
Poteet
January 3rd, 2007 at 1:21 am [Reply]

12/3

RMMD — I think it is really kewl the way fury and malevolence in RMMD are now being expressed by smearing large amounts of kohl around the eyes. I hope June and Rex and Sarah-the-forgotten-rugrat and Abbey the Wonderdog will also start doing it.

FOOB — I hate you so much, Lynn.

MT — And you too, Jack.
xris
January 3rd, 2007 at 1:22 am [Reply]

Maybe the beavers will also reveal themselves to be part of the Psychic Forest Friends Network, and give Mark Trail the other magic soggy pond weed flipflop.
Uncle Lumpy
January 3rd, 2007 at 1:29 am [Reply]

“One Step Closer to the Rubber Ward” – tonight, on a very special Leave it to Beaver.
Donald The Anarchist
January 3rd, 2007 at 1:29 am [Reply]

Curtis Not that I should tell the Kwanzaa Master how to write, but was there some point to all their little character traits, like not caring, and thinking everything is a joke? Shouldn’t those traits have got them into trouble by now, to make this a proper Moral and Improving Story? Hasn’t the writer read Charlie And the Chocolate Factory? I wanna see someone turned into a blueberry, dammit!!

Phantom Ohmigod! What if Ghost Who Walks teams up w/ the SEC on this one? Imagine the excitement! I bet those scalawags are selling the natives Worldcom stock, that’s what I think.
TDIET Two noteworthy things: 1. The kid appears to be doing the robot, cleverly(?) obscuring the decade this occurs in (That Scaduto is anachronistic like a fox..) 2. Obviously the women is referring to the fact that she wishes she’d used contraception. The Rubber Ward is the name of the local sex emporium, since for some reason, the pharmacies in her area don’t stock condoms.
Poteet
January 3rd, 2007 at 1:32 am [Reply]

Foob — Okay, I’ve totally had it. Will all the many men in North America who are in love with Elizabeth please line up and boink her over and over until she’s senseless and then toss her unconscious but happy body into Lake Ontario so she can ascend to that great big Foobville in the sky? Thank you.
Boomer
January 3rd, 2007 at 1:33 am [Reply]

I thought TDIET said that moms were going “Boners.” Had that been the case, I would have read that strip every day…

Sadly, it said “Bonkers,” and not the delicious candy kind either.

All that being said, why can’t we just get some more pictures of Genetic Mishap?
Spotted HÃ˜rse
January 3rd, 2007 at 1:44 am [Reply]

PBS: Does anyone else think that Maura the nonanthropomorphized duck is adorable? Pastis escaped the “male as default” look without employing the lazy cartoonists methods inventoried recently by HBGlord, including a “…big bow situated on the head, a too-short flouncy tutu or a flat straw hat with a daisy…”

Now a smart feller could make an attractive link out of HBGlord’s quote, but I’m not cutting the mustard here in the HTML dept, so I’ll jes’ do it ugly:
http://joshreads.com/?p=883#comment-126993

Maura the Duck: http://members.comics.com/members/common/affiliateArchive.do?site=spi&comic=pearls
Poteet
January 3rd, 2007 at 1:49 am [Reply]

1/3 Foob — But wait! It’s obvious from his hair, teeth, ears, collar, and general expression that Warren is now a vampire. (Margo), so THAT’s how Lynn is going to do the time-freeze. Good luck, Warren — biting some of these foobs will be no thrill.
Summerhouse
January 3rd, 2007 at 1:55 am [Reply]

Can’t sleep – might as well read comics.

#40 Gadge – The truth is, I have an office. But so many people have keys to the door, it might as well be a cubicle. I cannot risk petting Theodore at work. Oh, Dear God! “Petting Theodore.” What a euphemism.

Luann can’t decide if Gunther is “weird or fascinating.” She should also consider – gayer than the love child of Ryan Seacrest and Richard Simmons. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

MW – Wouldn’t the children affected by Agent Orange be about 35 now? Or am I a clueless idiot?

MT – Castoria is trapped. Theodore is in a panic. I am standing by.
alsoReallySheila
January 3rd, 2007 at 1:59 am [Reply]

I think Kwanzaafest is just a cartoon pictorial on the black section of Flyspec Island. That cameleon turns into a scary-assed looking otter.
Jerry
January 3rd, 2007 at 2:31 am [Reply]

#26 – I have heard of “the rubber room”, but I don’t think that’s it. I think you might be right. I bet the “rubber ward” is where she takes that kid to contraception training, to be absolutely CERTAIN that he doesn’t reproduce. Ever.
Mik Holmes
January 3rd, 2007 at 2:37 am [Reply]

#26
“a Scaduto” sounds like a type of video that doesn’t have any need for condoms, but its still definitely not for minors. A kind of video that takes the internet by storm.

“Hey, lets send that stupid english teacher the picture of goatse again!”
“Nahh, lets send her a scaduto instead!”
“Oh yeah…. yeah… .yeah….!”
Adjuster
January 3rd, 2007 at 2:37 am [Reply]

Ok, just to stop snarking for a public service: one of my new year’s resolutions was to finally get all my comics on one page (or so). I’d avoided doing so on the Houston Chronicle site because I thought I’d have to create a username and all that [Margo]ing BS.

But I went there today, and no registration is required! Check out the build your own comics link if you haven’t done so already.

Incidentally, you can push the comics per page up higher than 8 by putting a larger number in the cpp= field in the URL. (I’m at cpp=13.) You can also change the order by swapping one “c=” field for another… so you can put A3G, Rex Morgan, Mary Worth and Mark Trail together the way nature intended.

Why didn’t I do this earlier? I feel like one of those geezers on TDIET marvelling at the amazing technology the kids have these days.

As for my other resolution: Just say no to FOOB in 2007!
Nyssa23
January 3rd, 2007 at 2:46 am [Reply]

Hey! The new “Get Fuzzy” has a shout-out to Apartment 3-G! Not a very nice one, but a shout-out nonetheless.

9 Chickweed Lane: Now with more middle-aged ass! Oh, and some text that will put a permanent crick in your neck if you try to read it. Owie.
Mike
January 3rd, 2007 at 2:53 am [Reply]

2 years ago I said “Dig it” in a conversation at work. A coworker swivelled in his chair, looked at me with a puzzled expression and asked “Did you just say “Dig it”?”.

Then he laughed so hard he had the entire staff cracking up in a few minutes. And I think thats the last time on the planet the words “Dig it” made someone laugh, no matter how many “G’s” you add to the end.
PBMax
January 3rd, 2007 at 3:01 am [Reply]

#27 There’s a slim chance that the “dig-g-g” is indeed a reference to Curtis Jackson, as he is fond of announcing his creative clique as “G-G-G-G-G-G-UNIT”
Will
January 3rd, 2007 at 3:16 am [Reply]

I like the Hagar and Eddie defending a castle until new Vikings arrive and they can get away theory. That would explain why they’re so ill-prepared for defense that Lucky Eddie uses grog.
Goaty
January 3rd, 2007 at 3:21 am [Reply]

Mark and Dick need to take a page from Kwanzafest…. perhaps if they are nicer to Lucky he’ll turn golden and give them a shoe to wear. I mean… it makes as much sense as putting a live trap under water for a mammal.
Sheilagh
January 3rd, 2007 at 4:10 am [Reply]

I’d respect that giant golden otter more if it didn’t look so much like a Hello Kitty…
Sheilagh
January 3rd, 2007 at 4:11 am [Reply]

…or maybe the Pink Panther?

Either way, dubious street cred.
Goaty
January 3rd, 2007 at 4:38 am [Reply]

I’m gonna go more with the Pink Panther than the Hello Kitty…. but the one truly defining mark…. she’s using AquaMan’s telepathic rays!

Is the golden otter AquaMan in disguise? I mean, where has he been lately?

And when I was a kid I wanted to be AquaMan.
Loppie Scaduto
January 3rd, 2007 at 5:18 am [Reply]

TDIET: Al… m’man!… one of your shining golden moments here, but… you blew it on the kid’s name!

I mean, c’man! “Junior”??!! Howzabout something a bit more classic, like “Wombo”? Or maybe…. y’know…. ohhh yeahhh…
ChefMike
January 3rd, 2007 at 5:38 am [Reply]

MW: Uh yeah, Mrs. Worth, see the thing about these humanitarian doctors is, they’re always hearing about these causes, and after Vietnam, he’s planned stops in Laos AND Cambodia. then he’s off for a tour of Africa, the thing is, he may never come back to the states.
FOOB: PLOT TWIST ALERT!!! what we need now is a cage match, Paul, Warren and Granthony, only one will emerge victorious, only one will emerge alive. And he shall win the heart of the spinster schoolmarm, Liz Patterson
TDIET: in panel one, a single V is sufficient to spell the word ‘love’ but by panel two what happens? she’s compelled to spell lov-v-ve with three v’s can you dig-g-g it?
Curtis:And when the stylized representation of an African tribesman investigated further he discovered the trees weren’t applauding him after all, they’d all been watching an HBO comedy special featuring Chris Rock.
yellojkt
January 3rd, 2007 at 6:11 am [Reply]

Gunther has sewing as on of his hobbies, but he only makes dresses in his size.
yellojkt
January 3rd, 2007 at 6:12 am [Reply]

I want to see the Golden Otter cross-over with the Silver Beaver.
treedweller
January 3rd, 2007 at 6:16 am [Reply]

56 adjuster,
thanks! I’ve resisted for the same reasons you cited, but that was easy. This will only save me a few seconds a day, but tons of annoyance and frustration. I’m at cpp=27. That’s a lot of opening and switching between tabs I can avoid now.
Sheilagh
January 3rd, 2007 at 6:26 am [Reply]

You know, what with Warren resurfacing, it occurs to me: wasn’t Paul going to visit for Christmas? Did he? *I* didn’t see him. Did he stand Liz up or what?
DrBear
January 3rd, 2007 at 6:32 am [Reply]

You must get yerself over to Get Fuzzy, where Satchel reminds us that “Apartment 2B” is a cutting-edge comic strip.
Meander
January 3rd, 2007 at 6:32 am [Reply]

cpp=70

One page for everything! Oh, Yeah!
Jimmy
January 3rd, 2007 at 6:59 am [Reply]

No matter that the strip is apparently set in these latter days; all the wives and mothers in TDIET look like frumpy housewives from the late 1950s. I know; I was there.
Sharkbait
January 3rd, 2007 at 7:01 am [Reply]

Welcome back, Josh. I only know of one other public figure who gets as much vacation time as you do, and I’m sure the decidering you have to do is just as important, so I want to commend you for one heckuva job this past holiday season.
Dean Booth
January 3rd, 2007 at 7:11 am [Reply]

MW: Jeff just doesn’t understand!
benro
January 3rd, 2007 at 7:14 am [Reply]

FOOB – Yes, Paul is overdue for his visit, and I guess Liz didn’t bother to tell Warren that he is out of the running. My guess is that Warren and Paul will show up at the same time, come to the conclusion that Liz is a flake who doesn’t think of anyone but herself, and go back where they came and leave happy Liz-free lives. Meanwhile we will find that Liz was really always in love with Granthony, who will be able to accept her for who she is, and they will get married in a touching ceremony in which April and Grandpa Chin-Nuts perform a duet of “the wedding song”, and an airplane crashes into the reception hall, engulfing the entire Patterson family in a ball of flame. End of strip.
Joel
January 3rd, 2007 at 8:05 am [Reply]

#65 Loppie: you are so right. It’s obvious the boy’s name is Kickbutt. It even says so on his shirt.
Pozzo
January 3rd, 2007 at 8:08 am [Reply]

Okay, I’m ready for a steel-cage death match between Goldie the Otter and Molly the Bear, with Lucky the Beaver as referee. No holds (or hostility) barred.
Calico
January 3rd, 2007 at 8:13 am [Reply]

#52 and #68 – talk about crossovers! (BTW-welcome back, Josh, King of Snarkdom!)
A Golden Kwaanzotter, a lonely Gray beaver, and now wife of Theo is stuck. Damn!
I think Mary W. and Castoria could use that Magic Sandal right about now.
Calico
January 3rd, 2007 at 8:18 am [Reply]

…And, I couldn’t resist commenting on Apt. 3G’s hilarious dialogue for today:
“I was just about to go upstairs and see what the ruckus was all about…But I guess it was just you ladies.” Oh-ho!
Check the smirk on the guys’ face-”Hey, Charlie – you BET I know why they rented that studio!”
Sounds like this dude’s got every single episode of “The L Word” on DVD for his (private) viewing pleasure.
migellito
January 3rd, 2007 at 8:24 am [Reply]

76 – I don’t know.. for the end of For Worse, I’m still hoping the dad wakes up next to Susanne Pleshette.
Ran
January 3rd, 2007 at 8:33 am [Reply]

Mark loves wearing those thigh high rubber boots, in public!
Edward
January 3rd, 2007 at 8:44 am [Reply]

When Hager and Eddie start drinking grog, up is down and black is white, baby. We’ll find these guys deep in the Malawi llano, back to back, circled by failed securities analysts, shrieking about some damn telepathic otters. “Eddie! Throw me the all-black “Kick Butt” sandal, pronto! Aieee!!”
teenchy
January 3rd, 2007 at 8:44 am [Reply]

#29: You sort of beat me to it: I was thinking that the “Chuck Jones Otter” was actually a nude Slappy Squirrel from Animaniacs.

#81: You made coffee squirt out of my nose. Thanks.
Allie Cat
January 3rd, 2007 at 8:45 am [Reply]

FOOB – Cool your jets, April – sounds like you need to get a little roadside with Gerald! Is she taking some of Elly’s hormone pills?

Why, oh WHY are they bringing Warren back into the picture?

Unless, maybe he’s come to tell her he’s getting married, which makes him unavailable, which is like a sexy cologne to Liz, who now realizes she’s made a huge mistake. What mistake, I know not…

I really hate this strip more each day.
teenchy
January 3rd, 2007 at 8:47 am [Reply]

Ooops – that wasn’t #81 but #82 that made my coffee go squirt. I’m picturing Paul and Warren as the two Darryls.

#81, still a good comment nonetheless.
Squawk
January 3rd, 2007 at 8:48 am [Reply]

TDIET: With that pear-shaped physique and Prince Valiant haircut, Junior can pretty much forget about getting any kind of snatch at the dance no matter what he’s wearing.
JEdens
January 3rd, 2007 at 8:48 am [Reply]

Phantom:
>but who one day found himself advancing on a village in Malawi with an AK-47 instead, wondering what had gone wrong with his life.

Ex-stockbroker is in for an even worse let-down – I lived in Malawi for two years working in the Peace Corps and let me tell you, the ‘natives’ there don’t have a darn thing worth stealing.
Calico
January 3rd, 2007 at 8:58 am [Reply]

#86 – Warren has come to tell Liz that he is running off with Paul. They’ve decided to live together in B. C. Guess Liz is stuck in Foobtown forever.
gh
January 3rd, 2007 at 9:03 am [Reply]

Yes! yes! YES! yes! Yes! After 18 days my long national nightmare is finally over and Iâ€™m back at â€œworkâ€ (a little help here, â€œFQâ€ Margo), doing the Poteet Bouncy Chair Dance and I swear if they ever make me take a â€œvacationâ€ that long again Iâ€™m going to â€œquit.â€ Scurrying from kitchen to den, legal pad clutched in hand, knowing the party thatâ€™s raging on the other side of the cold, dark computer screen in the other room, it . . . it does things to you. You start to, well, compose things. Bad things. Blasphemous things. Please donâ€™t hurt me.

(youâ€™ll have to provide piano accompaniment yourself; I only do vocals)

Imagine thereâ€™s no Jeffy,
Itâ€™s easy if you try,
No Thel to bore us,
And Billyâ€™s turn to die.
Imagine Barfyâ€™s rabid,
And he takes Dolly down . . .
You-hoo-oo-oo-oo
You may say Iâ€™m a dreamer,
But PJâ€™s on the run,
I hope someday heâ€™ll join them,
And the funnies will be more fun.

Imagine thereâ€™s no Funky,
It isnâ€™t hard to do,
Nothing to kvetch or cry for,
And no more Crankshaft too.
Imagine all the foobsters
Laid out on a slab . . .
You-hoo-oo-oo-oo
You may say Iâ€™m a dreamer,
But Iâ€™ve only just begun,
I hope Gil Thorp will soon join them,
And the funnies will be more fun.

Imagine thereâ€™s no Cathy,
I wonder if you can,
No more pointless shopping,
And endless words to scan.
Imagine her on fire
In that dressing room . . .
You-hoo-oo-oo-oo
You may say Iâ€™m a dreamer,
But the work still isn’t done,
As long as Ziggyâ€™s still out there,
Then the funnies wonâ€™t be as fun.

Happy New Year everyone (better late than never)!
NJ Mike
January 3rd, 2007 at 9:04 am [Reply]

TDIET: Its good to see that the kid from “Year without a Santa Claus” has finally found some other work….At least I think it’s year without a Santa Claus, where Santa dressed up in his summer tux has tea with the kids family and Snow Miser and Heat Miser negotiate snow in Southtown where the kid lives?
gh
January 3rd, 2007 at 9:07 am [Reply]

JP: “Don’t worry . . . she’ll be home this summer.”

So it’s an overnight trip to Paris?
Artist formerly known as Ben
January 3rd, 2007 at 9:07 am [Reply]

Re: Hagar, I think you’re just distracting yourself from the depressing absence of any joke whatsoever. I mean, “Grog, so… groggy. Am I right, people?”
Baby Dâ€™oh
January 3rd, 2007 at 9:09 am [Reply]

A BABY D’OH KWANZAA

A huge golden otter rose from the black waters and it telepathically thanked Yama for saving its offspring from the poacher’s trap by emitting perfect ringlets of urine from its eyes.

It gave Yama one sandal fashioned of black water weeds and black blossoms, because the cheap-ass otter was too cheap-ass even to spring for a pair of Wal-Mart sandals (retail $2.99).

With it on, the wearer could go anywhere in the world, instantly, with one step!

Tragically, unable to see with pee in his eye, Yama stumbled and fell into the black waters, where he was summarily eaten by excited beavers.

FIN

P.S. Not normally one to toot my own horn, I should point out that I have just saved Kwanzaa.
Dr. Hans Krapflinger
January 3rd, 2007 at 9:09 am [Reply]

More monkeys!
gh
January 3rd, 2007 at 9:22 am [Reply]

I saw Curtis in an out-of-town paper a couple days back (we don’t get it here). Don’t recall any otter, but it was clearly mythtifying. I didn”t add it to my “must read” list.

My paper, like others, didn’t replace Foxtrot with anything; it just stretched the rest to fit the page. Kinda odd because Family Circus is now Family Oval.
fishmorgjp
January 3rd, 2007 at 9:42 am [Reply]

Y’ever notice… how TDIET is narrated by the Kool-Aid Man? “Clappo goes bonkers over the weirdo styles teens wear — ohhhh yeah-h-h-h-h!” [Kool-Aid Man bursts thru wall.]
ISBN
January 3rd, 2007 at 9:45 am [Reply]

I am so angry right now. SO ANGRY. I’ve been a good and faithful reader, but haven’t felt the need to post as of late. Today I am enraged.

I just realized something about TDIET: I think it’s supposed to be ironic and clever!! You know those people whose lips pull down when they smile?? I hate them, too. Well this comic seems like it’s supposed to garner some sort of… you know what? I’m too angry. I’m just SO angry about this stupid cartoon. It attempts to sneer at the mass population, but its attempts are so lame and… and…

oh, you all know this. I just needed to vent before I turned into the incredible hulk.
rich
January 3rd, 2007 at 9:52 am [Reply]

“Whoa! A hot fireman!!! Too funny!”

…and it’s funny because…? She’s making a strained pun on “hot” and “fire”? Is she saying that most Canadian firemen are repulsive? Or is Lynn cleverly signalling to us that April has a screw loose? I don’t get it.

To me, Warren looks like a silent movie actor…is that lipstick and eye makeup he’s wearing?
Dennis Jimenez
January 3rd, 2007 at 9:53 am [Reply]

I kind of hear TDIET narrated by Gilbert Gottfried.

So, I gave up (DT)GT for Archie, but I find the modern version of Archie is no longer worthy of my masterbat…, er, meditation. Where do I go from here?
Joe
January 3rd, 2007 at 9:56 am [Reply]

Why the hell aren’t glowing telepathic otters the most publicized aspect of Kwanzaa? Its presence in Curtis has single-handedly legitamized this holiday in my mind.
Doug Puthoff
January 3rd, 2007 at 9:59 am [Reply]

#88 (Sqwak)–You’re right. Junior looks like the result of a gene-splicing experiment involving Prince Valiant, Ronald McDonald, and George Wilson gone terribly, terribly wrong.
monica
January 3rd, 2007 at 10:00 am [Reply]

#44 – Like you, Sarah, I’ve never commented here before – yet somehow this TDIET has forced me to cross the line.

I feel as if I’m trapped in a horrible nightmare, in which Velma from Scooby Doo (obviously the recipient of both an unfortunate makeover and laser vision correction surgery) has somehow wandered into an episode of Are You Being Served?… Wake me up, somebody! WAKE ME UP!
Randy
January 3rd, 2007 at 10:08 am [Reply]

A3G: For reasons of space, the obvious “nudge, nudge, wink, wink, grin, grin, say-no-more” was deleted from the last panel.

TDIET: Yes, I suppose spermatazoa flying into one’s ear for no apprent reason could make a grown man cry.
Doug Puthoff
January 3rd, 2007 at 10:15 am [Reply]

I believe Ray Billingsley is actually two people in on head. One is the “Griffy” Billingsley, and the other the “Zippy” Billingsley. I think he uses Gunk and the Kwanzaa strips to unleash his inner Zippy.
cheech wizard
January 3rd, 2007 at 10:20 am [Reply]

91 – beautiful, gh! We can all dream of a better world…
yellojkt
January 3rd, 2007 at 10:26 am [Reply]

I want to be on the record as the first to predict a Threes Company level misunderstanding by Paul about Liz and Warren. As a result, Paul leaves in a jealous snit, leaving Granthony free to move right in.

Signed and dated.
Concerned Citizen
January 3rd, 2007 at 10:40 am [Reply]

â€œWe had it made with that securities job! Now weâ€™re robbing natives! Good move, Ike!â€ is sheer poetry. After all, it is more satisfying to rob someone with an AK47 then it is raiding their pension funds. And it’s all Eisenhower’s or Ike Turner’s fault. Oh, I just read it again, actually I’m a little disappointed that he’s being sarcastic. I’ll have to content myself with K-k-kickbutt Jr. being the B-b-b-buddy Holly of his g-g-generation. Isn’t Rubber Ward Reed Richard’s adopted son?

If the Beaver was telepathic he’d get Mark and whatzitsname to f-f-f-fade away.

Hey! Isn’t that a Mallard lapping up that grog?
Archivalist
January 3rd, 2007 at 10:44 am [Reply]

Kwanzaniness!

Isn’t that a young Emo Phillips in TDIET?
Justin
January 3rd, 2007 at 10:52 am [Reply]

Mary Worth: “Man, motherEFF those kids! When’s my man comin’ back, yo?”
Captain Wrong
January 3rd, 2007 at 10:58 am [Reply]

TDIET: Last time I saw a look even vaguely similar to that was about 1991. Did Scaduto get the “In Living Colour” box set for Xmas?
sumokitty
January 3rd, 2007 at 10:59 am [Reply]

By far the most disturbing thing about this TDIET is the fact that Junior is sporting a large and clearly described camel toe in those magenta shorts.
AhClem
January 3rd, 2007 at 11:02 am [Reply]

#91 — Beautiful, gh! I heard John Lennon singing it in my head. (How he got in there, I’ll never know).
Hysterical Woman
January 3rd, 2007 at 11:04 am [Reply]

Hey, Dick Tracy opened his eyes! Does that ever happen?
Anonymous
January 3rd, 2007 at 11:08 am [Reply]

I thought Kwanzaa was invented in the 1960’s as an American black thing. During the 80’s when I first heard about it, I was told that being a black thing, I wouldn’t be able to understand it. This communication problem should have been solved by the telepathic otter.
Foobaphobe
January 3rd, 2007 at 11:09 am [Reply]

Global warming seems to have caused a veritible heat wave of passion in the collective loins of the Foobites, be they chopper pilots, impressionable teens, smoke-eaters, or even mustachioed stalkers. What in the world has happened to April? What a total all-canadian skank! Liz, you better talk to your little sister before she starts lining up for some of that free Canadian STD health care, necessitated by her promiscuous (to put it mildly) behavior. The final Foob strips this year will undoubtedly explode in a blaze of wierd eroticism never before documented in the comic papers. I strongly suggest a parental advisory notice.
Anonymous
January 3rd, 2007 at 11:10 am [Reply]

Curmudgeon Pie

A long, long time ago, I can still remember
How that stalker used to make me smile
And I knew if he had his chance
That heâ€™d get into Maryâ€™s pants
And maybe, they’d be happy for a while
But Mary sometimes made me shiver
With ev’ry platitude she’d deliver
Bad news in M. Worth
Stalkerâ€™s last night on Earth
I can’t remember if I cried
When I read about Aldoâ€™s crazy ride
Johnnie Walker deep inside
The day that comic died, so

*Bye bye Mr. Kel-er-ast guy
Drove his Chevy over the levy
But the Chevy wonâ€™t fly
Them old Curmudgeons
writing humor thatâ€™s wry
Bettin’ this’ll be the day that he dies
This’ll be the day that he dies

Lumpy writes poems of love
Hart writes â€˜bout faith in God above
When the voices tell him so
Now do you believe itâ€™s well and good
That Dennis doesnâ€™t menace his neighborhood
And that Billy Keane always
Walks around reeeal sloooow
Well I know that you like Marmaduke
But when I read it I just have to puke
People are bumps on logs
and Marmâ€™s just a big dog
Mallard is just one shit trash talkinâ€™ duck
With a drunken artist that makes him suck
But we all said â€œWhat the fuck?â€
The day the stalker died, we started singing

(Repeat *)

Now twenty years have come to pass
And moss grows fat on a Patterson ass
But that’s not how it used to be
Thorpe is more confusing than clarifying
Any less sense and it would be terrifying
Evil Spock as the radio person-al-it-y
Oh and Spider manâ€™s an idiot
It is so bad I pity it
No pig or crock or rat
Is a match for Bucky Katt
Winkerbean couldnâ€™t be any darker
An APB was issued on Judge Parker
The contrast couldnâ€™t be any starker
The day that Aldo died, we were singin’

(Repeat *)

Hagar stranded on a desert isle
Dilbert is a guy who can not smile
Thatâ€™s because he has no mouth
Zippyâ€™s a pinhead
And Ziggyâ€™s a skinhead
But not every plugger is from the South
Now Dagwoodâ€™s wife is like cotton candy
Sheâ€™s really hot but kinda Blandie
We all drank gin and tonics
But we will always read the comics
‘Cause Milford tried to take the field
Winkerbeanâ€™s band refused to yield
Rexâ€™s gayness was revealed
The day the stalker died, we started singin’

(Repeat *)

Celeste Black-or Mama Raptor
Screech just like a farmerâ€™s tractor
Being dragged on itâ€™s side down the streeeet
Missus Buxley dates Beetle Bailey
That guy is all so frigginâ€™ lazy
If he were in a war zone heâ€™d be meeeaaat
And as I read them on the page
My hands are clenched in fists of rage
No Foxtrot for the week
â€œOnly Sundaysâ€ is so weak
And Ragu is a stalker of a different kind
With a saggy chin and a flat behind
But at a party, a job heâ€™ll find
The day my brain got fried, I was singin’,

(Repeat *)

(slow and sullen verse)
I met a girl named Margo Magee
And I asked her if sheâ€™d sleep with me
But she just smiled and smacked my face
Then I said I liked her hat
She changed her tune when I said that
And she said I could come back to her plaaace
But in the streets June got her fix
With Tommy Lee and Nikki Sixx
But not a word was spoken
In Lio, words are foreboden
And the two men that I wish had sex
The Troy Gainer and Doctor Rex
They got caught and their lives are wrecks
The day the comics died
And they were singin’

(Repeat *)
LittleGuy
January 3rd, 2007 at 11:11 am [Reply]

FOOB: I’m probably the only one not excited with the Warren Twist. To me, it signals the ‘Wrap Up the Perfunctonary Non-Granthony Relationships of Liz’.

I see Warren with Therese, Paul with Susan, so we can have ~~Bo and Hope~~ ~~Sonny and Carly~~ ~~Luis and Sheridan~~ Lynn’s fangirl SooperCouple.
Hogen Mogen
January 3rd, 2007 at 11:11 am [Reply]

I’ll take credit/blame for that Curmudgeon Pie thing.
pelagius
January 3rd, 2007 at 11:13 am [Reply]

MW: Who else is envisioning the expression on the other end of the line from Mary as she badgers the hell out of him about Dr. Jeff Corey. “Disabled kids schmisabled kids. When the hell is Jeff coming back to ME?! Stupid agent orange mutant freaks… sheesh! Momma needs a housecall from the Love Doctor!”
camster
January 3rd, 2007 at 11:14 am [Reply]

118 Anonymous: [Sound of extended clapping]
Luna
January 3rd, 2007 at 11:20 am [Reply]

#118

I was going to post, but no.

I sit here in silent awe.

Pure genius.
Mrs. Kelrast
January 3rd, 2007 at 11:21 am [Reply]

Ok I’ve got a jones that won’t go away. Where are those January FOOB letters? Hello “Studio” it’s 11:00 on your first day back from “holiday”…Can someone please tell me what was in the leaked letters at least?????
Pozzo
January 3rd, 2007 at 11:23 am [Reply]

Yeah, I can hear the Kool-Aid Guy or Gilbert Gottfried, but for my money, TDIET is narrated by Randy “Macho Man” Savage.
Old Fogeyette
January 3rd, 2007 at 11:24 am [Reply]

Hogenmogen: I LOVED your Curmudgeon Pie. What a talented group of timewasters we have here!

I’m too distraught by today’s comics to say much. Castoria’s plight is breaking my heart. And poor Theodore is too confused to be much help. Shame, shame, Mark Trail!

I’m sure this has been mentioned before, but I don’t remember it. Is RMMD giving a shoutout to the old rock band Kiss?

FOOB: I’m glad to see Warren back. Now maybe something interesting will happen. (I still don’t properly hate FOOB–sorry, guys.)

And Lio: I still don’t get it. Plus the art is ugly. Still waiting….
Hogen Mogen
January 3rd, 2007 at 11:32 am [Reply]

126 – Fogeyette – I think Lio set up shop selling crosses where he knew that there would be a vampire hiding in the way that people in large cities take advantage of the rain by putting out umbrellas to sell on the street. A subtle message not to laugh at a religious symbol. Serves ya right, little Louie Anderson Jr. kid.
Hogen Mogen
January 3rd, 2007 at 11:32 am [Reply]

Lio: http://www.gocomics.com/lio/
Uncle Lumpy
January 3rd, 2007 at 11:33 am [Reply]

#118 Hogen Mogen -

Yay!
gh
January 3rd, 2007 at 11:43 am [Reply]

#120 Hogenmogen

Bravisimo!

You were on the short list already. And I think you’re credit’s good. Jeez, next time try something short and snappy, like “Alice’s Restaurant.”
NEW-ME
January 3rd, 2007 at 11:44 am [Reply]

MT- Watch out for the Beaver shot….. My eyes my eyes

#95 Baby, You kill me, can’t stop laughing.. ( boss is coming) help help, there is no way I can explain this to her
gh
January 3rd, 2007 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

#114 AhClem

Thanks. And I’ve been meaning to say for awhile that while I don’t know what got me here your, um, stage name (?) was one thing that made me stay. [Gadge was too obscure for me.] I just stared at it thinking, “nah, couldn’t be.” After 30 odd (very) years of no one I knew having even heard of FT, I now have the delight of stumbling onto a whole beehive of afficionados. How is that? Someone should do a paper or something.
Hap Hapless
January 3rd, 2007 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

Maybe Eddie dumping the grog on the enemy isn’t working because Tinsley is drinking it as fast as it falls. Just a theory
benro
January 3rd, 2007 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

I nominate #118 for Comment of the Year!!
bootsybooks
January 3rd, 2007 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

#101, hey Dennis, what is a masterbat?
Allie Cat
January 3rd, 2007 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

#130 – Remember Alice? It’s a song about Alice.

The summer that I was 10, I memorized Alice’s Restaurant. I’ve actually seen Arlo Guthrie in concert five times.

I can just feel my popularity just skyrocketing…

FOOB – I’m kind of hoping that Flyboy Warren will come in, stir up some serious foobpoop, and leave.

Also, can I once again say how I’d like to take April’s head and slam it down on a hard surface?
MossMoses
January 3rd, 2007 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

Apeshrill’s hormones sure are raging. “Lizardbreath, let all male hotties in the house so I can roadside gig them”. I know she’s horny but how would she react if Granthony showed up? What a little ho! Does flyboy qualify as a “hottie”? April and Lizardbreath may have to do some sisterly menage a trois sharing.
Devil in the Drain
January 3rd, 2007 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

#113 (sumokitty): “By far the most disturbing thing about this TDIET is the fact that Junior is sporting a large and clearly described camel toe in those magenta shorts.”

I don’t think, technically speaking, that a guy can have a cameltoe. Camels having two toes and all. Though I don’t know what you’d call the male equivalent.

Oh I know! Rhino toe! Rhinos have three toes, you see, so. . . .

(Oh, also, I don’t think that Junior has a rhino toe. I think that Scaduto can’t draw baggy shorts.)
gh
January 3rd, 2007 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

#130 Allie Cat

It’s a mighty burden, but since you’re obviously best equipped to take it on, I’m sure we all wish you good luck. See you in 2008!
Lucyâ€™s Spunk
January 3rd, 2007 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

Kudos to CC’s resident songsmiths gh and Hogen Mogen, great work. I’ve always had a deep abiding hate for “American Pie,” but I could listen to this version without wanting to throw my radio out the window.

FOOB: So Liz is the hottest hottie that ever hotted? Give me a break. Throwing Warren in the mix this late in the game is completely uncalled for.

JP: Did somebody slip the artist some acid? The drawings are getting more and more out there, like the shadow that ate the third frame.

SF: I have to say that 12/31 (http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20061231&name=Sally_Forth) was laugh out loud funny. Ted really brought the bitter.
queek
January 3rd, 2007 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

39: Gadge, Y.I. Otter would have made a great addition to the I.M Weasel show.

glad that others noticed the 3-G reference in Get Fuzzy. Without this place, I would have been very confused at the strip.
JB2
January 3rd, 2007 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

While we’re on the topic of Liz’s many admirer/stalkers, what’s up with Howard’s jury? How long could it possibly take to decide whether or not Liz and Granthony are big fat liars? Or has Lynn just dropped that storyline altogether?
BEG
January 3rd, 2007 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

Oh, to #13. NOW it makes sense why only ONE shoe…you step with the other foot, of course.

I’m sitting here thinking…one shoe? One? How daft is that?

BTW, I’m delighted to know that Satchel is lurking, possibly even contributing here… :-D

http://www.comics.com//comics/getfuzzy/archive/images/getfuzzy20024434870103.gif
HBGlord
January 3rd, 2007 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

Slylock: I’m with ya, Weber — fuck the TSA!

#51 — That’s a long memory you have (to go with your long face), Spotted HÃ˜rse. I too commend Pastis for a new way of feminizing animals — i hope fluffed-up feathers (or fur, if Molly ever needs a makeover) catch on.

#118/120 — Hogen, color me impressed, to quote Paul Westerberg.

#136 — I once say Arlo Guthrie on the No. 7 bus in Manhattan about 25 years ago. I was trying to notice if his hands were shaking. Am i a bad person for that?
HBGlord
January 3rd, 2007 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

#144: I once “saw” Arlo, i meant to write.
Loppie Scaduto
January 3rd, 2007 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

“Curmudgeon Pie” effin’ rules, Hogen Mogen!

101 Dennis Jimenez: Holy crap yes! Gilbert is the missing ingredient! That works, that is right, on so many levels!

125 Pozzo: “… for my money, TDIET is narrated by Randy ‘Macho Man’ Savage.”
Just the “ohhhh yeahhhh”s! ;) ;)
NJP
January 3rd, 2007 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

53, I don’t think you’re clueless. Even assuming that the youngest children who would have been affected by Agent Orange were born 10-15 years after it was last used in Vietnam, the youngest ones would still be in their 20s.
Allie Cat
January 3rd, 2007 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

#144 – No, that in and of itself does not make you a bad person.

It’s all the other things you’ve done in addition to checking out Arlo for Huntington’s Disease that makes you a bad person. :)

Actually – our Bio teacher in 10th Grade did a punnet square showing us the chances of Woody passing the disease onto Arlo. Being a huge fan, I kept my eyes and ears open while he was in his 40s to see if anything came of it, but it seems he dodged that genetic bullet.
Axel Fusco
January 3rd, 2007 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

So those of us in the nation’s crapital have received the “gift” of Pooch Cafe as a replacement for Foxtrot. So far it’s basically a piece of crap, as far as I can tell. Has anyone out there in CCland been reading this in your area? Can we expect it to get better? (I shake at the thought of it getting worse.)
Meanwhile
January 3rd, 2007 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

It wasn’t exactly a convoluted etymological path when the word “groggy” sprang from the word “grog.”

It would have been equally as funny if the joke had been, “I thought water would make them wet,” or “I thought poop would make them poopy.”
Concerned Citizen
January 3rd, 2007 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

TDIET – Don’t moan about the wardrobe; moan about the nightmare gene pool that would produce a critter like Jr.
Allie Cat
January 3rd, 2007 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

#151 – Exactly – it’s as if Moe Fine (of 3 Stooges) + Carrot Top = Kickbutt
andreavis
January 3rd, 2007 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

#53 Summerhouse, I had the same idea about MW, since the U.S. left Saigon in 1975. Those “kids” are all middle aged, which might explain why Jeff is taking his time getting back.

#118 – Brilliant. Just, brilliant.

TDIET: Actually, little Junior Kickbutt looks a little like me… from 1984, when I was a teenaged girl. That tank-over-the-striped-shirt look was very big at my school; he just needs an asymmetrical haircut and a Pat Benetar headband to complete the look.
BewaretheCreeper
January 3rd, 2007 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

GT Did anyone besides me noticed that the Milford basketball game was played on an outdoor court located within a globular star cluster which was convienently close enough to illuminate the game? Gil Thorpe is AWESOME!!
King Folderol
January 3rd, 2007 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

Sometimes, if I’m busy or have been away and haven’t had the time to read every comic every single day, I like to pretend that a comic like the Phantom is secretly brilliant. This installment, taken out of context, can easily be viewed as a Quentin Tarantino-esque beginning to a great movie, with more and more being revealed about our three characters as the story moves along. I’m just going to leave it there, because if I go backward and try to figure out what happened, or if I go forward and follow this story to its inevitably bad conclusion, I know it’s going to suck.
Kdog
January 3rd, 2007 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

JP – Neddie gets a visit to the well where ‘it rubs the lotion on its skin…’
King Folderol
January 3rd, 2007 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

And, in the spirit of defending bad comics, I propose that Hagar and Lucky Eddie have successfully taken over a castle from some annoying ex-Roman Empire citizens, but now are fighting off another “barbarian” clique in an effort to maintain their little corner of the pagan world. See? It all makes sense, Josh.

Ah, screw it. Hagar still sucks.
gh
January 3rd, 2007 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

#157 King Folderol

I just think Hagar makes you nervous, being a king and all that. I bet after this you’ll be obsessively checking the locks on the castle door each night, just in case.
finger quotinâ€™ annie
January 3rd, 2007 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

Thanks to this site, I am now addicted to those soap comics I always sneered at in the paper as a kid. My life has never been richer.

To that end, Mary Worth: You need to get a clue. Clearly Dr. Jeff Cory is “just not that into you.” If he were, he wouldn’t be traipsing all over southeast Asia looking for children to help / excuses to stay away from Santa Royale. In fact, I bet he’s composing a totally awesome breakup letter to her right now:
Dear Baby,
Welcome to Dumpsville, population: You.
HBGlord
January 3rd, 2007 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

#148 — You got me sussed. I am rotten to my core, Allie Cat (do close friends get to call you AC?). But maybe, just maybe (hear me out, now) i was actually for once in my furshlugginer life showing some concern for my fellow man. That’s it, all right — i was worried for Arlo’s health and well-being, i’ll convince myself.
Pozzo
January 3rd, 2007 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

Allie Cat (#136): “Iâ€™d like to take Aprilâ€™s head and slam it down on a hard surface”

Me, too, but I don’t think we’re talking ’bout the same thing…
Uncle Lumpy
January 3rd, 2007 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

#155, #157 Sire -

And what of the strange force that brings Ernest Borgnine, young Ronald Reagan, and Carlos Santana together? Do they seek a miracle root to cure the strange growth that makes their weapons appear as tiny trinkets against their distended chests? Do they plan to shoot their way into a Curtis crossover? Stay tuned!
Mibbitmaker
January 3rd, 2007 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

Above:

Phantom: Enron gone horribly wrong(er)!

MT: Theodore thinking, “Hard working??Oh, great! Stereotype my species, why don’t you?!” Then he goes on to spout some Mallardesque crap about entitlements, but I don’t want to tarnish ol’ Lucky’s rep.

Hagar: New catchphrase (in heavy black): “Good grog, man, what’s wrong with you!”
Luna
January 3rd, 2007 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

#144 #136 — Arlo Guthrie lives in Sebastian Florida. My parents also live there. My Dad says Arlo hangs out in his yard wearing that hat. You know the one, from the album cover. I personally think that is way cool.

1/3 (DT)GT — Panel #2? Those coiffures? Six words. “It’s all ball bearings these days.”
TB Tabby
January 3rd, 2007 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

Are those yellow voice balloons in today’s MW? Dare I hope for a Deadpool crossover?
Michael
January 3rd, 2007 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

Hagar and Eddie frequently end up stranded on a tropical island, with a lone palm tree and no wrecked longboats to be seen.

So a castle (whether H & E are attacking or defending), any castle, is a level of verisimilitude Hagar should be proud to achieve. It’s an accomplishment on par Dagwood’s indigestion or Sarge’s PTSD.

“Howzzat? Eddie the Viking has always been great with the pillaging, bringing back enuf grog to keep Valhalla satisfied. But put Eddie in a castle, what happens to the grog? Oh no-o-o-o.”
benro
January 3rd, 2007 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

#161 – Put those thoughts out of your head, unless you’re in High School. After all, April is only 15.
Len
January 3rd, 2007 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

Kickbutt Junior’s Renn Faire shorts and hose would look better with a codpiece (hides the camel toe!).

But the PETA people are gonna be on Mom’s tail soon — we see the collar and cuffs, Mom! Fur is MURDER!
Kate
January 3rd, 2007 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

#32, Poteet: Actually, yes, you are absolutely correct. “But if the trees were covered with diamonds, wouldn’t the branches have broken?” Drove.My.Father.Crazy.

#38, Summerhouse: I wonder why my father didn’t think of that.

#143, BEG: Of COURSE! One sandal, so that when you step with it and you get where you’re going, then you can step with the other non-magic foot. Then when it’s time to step with the thousand-mile sandal again, you don’t. You just HOP on the non-magic foot. YES!

Then the only problem is if you lose your balance and touch the toe of the sandal down. Then you overshoot and you have to take another step with that sandal to get back to where you were.

Maybe the real trick with wearing those sandals is to be very specific about where you want to go: “To the stall in the Moroccan market that has that great cardamom.” Then you stand there and buy the cardamom. Then “To Aisle 3B of Target, right in front of the Lotrimin.” Then you stand there and pick out the Lotrimin. Then “To cash register 24.” Then “Damn. To cash register — can’t see the number — the one with the short line. Beside the Pepsi display.”
Poteet
January 3rd, 2007 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

# 91 — Magnificent, gh! I’m in awe.

# 118 — Glorious, Hogen Mogen! Deep bows.

The incredible funniness just keeps coming and coming…

Faaaall on your knees!
Oh heeear the brilliant voices!
Oh Site divine! Oh Site where Snark was born!
Mibbitmaker
January 3rd, 2007 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

Today:

A3G: Good grog, now LuAnn’s head bobbling for no reason! Not in panel 2, making sense, but panel 3! She’s dumber than a bag of FC kids.

FOOB: April’s like a sex-driven female Scaduto. Yikes! And it seems like the strip’s gone back to Lizardbreath and her 9,439,810 suitors.

As to why no Mtigsecondchoice’s hot cop (April as GOB Bluth) at Christmas… remember: Most Important St. Patterson’s place burned down. Time simply vanished for All Others over the holidays.

S-M: Watch JJJ…J…J go from conspiracy nut to Ronald Reagan buget guru in a blink of an eye.

FC: Dolly can’t do 6s. Of course, if she could, she might write 666, and we can’t have any of that! Oh, wait: the pet cemetary. Yeah, she can do that.

Curtis: Trees clapping??!? someone’s ready for the rubber ward!
govtdrone
January 3rd, 2007 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

Gah–the comics in my local paper suck. They are still running old Peanuts cartoons.
Len
January 3rd, 2007 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

“Listen, dear — You tell Doctor Jefferson Cory that it’s all well and good that he’s traipsing around through Southeast Asia, but if he ever wants to pet the Silver Beaver again, not to mention taste my hot cocoa, he’d better hustle his bustle back to Cal-i-forn-AYE-yay! Immediately. Capisce?”

http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20070103&name=Mary_Worth
Marion Delgado
January 3rd, 2007 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

~~not~~ to blow my own horn, but I did predict April calling Lizz a whore like Becky http://www.geocities.com/marion_delgado/foob_backstory.gif .

How long before Trainman is led away in cuffs while Elly is on the phone to Child Protective Services?

FOR BETTER!

Next: Lizz admits to Warren she was strangely drawn to Howard Erk “But he wouldn’t wear the glasses! He wouldn’t wear the glasses!”
Marion Delgado
January 3rd, 2007 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

Re brilliant mind of edison lee. I meant Sid Harris re cartoons. ANYHOOZEL i started a forum thread for it.
Hogen Mogen
January 3rd, 2007 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

149 – Axel – I’ve read Poop Cafe for a while. Some of the strips are passable. I sort of like when the dogs conspire to launch all cats into the sun but nothing ever comes out of these planning sessions. What I don’t go for is the way that the dog Poncho speaks with perfect English to his master and everyone else. If he is completely sentient, why bother with the leash and the walking and all that? There’s a certain delicacy to handling anthropomorphized pets in the comics, and a lot of times this strip crosses the fine line.
Marion Delgado
January 3rd, 2007 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

And the <shannon>word Shannonizer tag </shannon> tag works great, Josh!
Roadchick
January 3rd, 2007 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

#38 & #40 – As Mr. George Carlin says,

“In public, it’s acceptable to prick your finger, but it’s very bad form to finger your prick.”

And as for TDIET – where in the HELL do they get these people??? The mom looks like Mrs. Kostanza from Seinfeld. And that boy could be George. . . but I want me one of them vests!
Edgy DC
January 3rd, 2007 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

Explain TDIET to me. It seems like it’s a British strip that is aimed at folks over 60, but has a wildly aggressive syndicator that has gotten it published in US outlets by altering the claimed origin of the fake submissions from Ipswich and Sussex to Wichita and Silver Spring.

I mean, I appreciate as much as the next guy that the strip’s name comes from a Violent Femmes lyric, but we have to be honest with ourselves and accept that nobody submitted that material.

I mean, I understand a tapped-out strip writer who still has to file every day tossing in some of that TDIET crap, but an ordinary citizen has one idea in him or her that they’re burning to share with the world, and that’s it? No way.
gh
January 3rd, 2007 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

#170 Poteet

10Q very much. But “Oh Site divine!” is . . . divine. I think it comes down to what you listened to over the holidays. Mine was a compilation disk played over and over while driving back and forth (and back and forth) to relatives through a driving rain. The songs just naturally change on you. Well, maybe “naturally” isn’t the right word, perhaps “demonically” but they just don’t sound right without a little CC seasoning.
Axel Fusco
January 3rd, 2007 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

# 176 Hogen Mogen: Tanks for the heads up re Poop Cafe (and I LOVE the better name). The perfect speech is sort of like the lady crocs in PBS — they speak well. I’m used to all kind of lines being crossed in the comics!
Allie Cat
January 3rd, 2007 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

#161 -Uhh, EWWWW. If that’s what you dig-g-g-g though, go roadside with it!

#164 – I’d really like to meet Arlo at some point, but he hasn’t been in my neck of the woods in almost 10 years…
MonkeyHawk
January 3rd, 2007 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

#152 — Allie Cat:

Of course it’s Moe *Howard* and *Larry* Fine of the Three Stooges. Curly and Shemp were Moe’s brothers.

Something about girls and the Stooges; it’s always an awkward fit. Sort of like what Mark Twain said of his wife when she thought she’d shame him by cursing like a man: “You know the words, but not the music.”
Allie Cat
January 3rd, 2007 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

#183 – Monkey Hawk – I actually had to think about it, and I guessed wrong. It reminds me of one of my favorite jokes -Q: Why don’t women like the Three Stooges? A: Because they aren’t funny.
ObÃ©lix
January 3rd, 2007 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

#179 – Edgy DC:

Alas, the submissions are definitely real. I know this, on accounta how I sent one in to Scaduto just for the hell of it, and–by gummies–it is going to be printed (with a “Thanx” acknowledgment to my real name, no less!) in a couple of months. Now all I have to do for local immortality is get the Washington Post to start carrying TDIET….
MossMoses
January 3rd, 2007 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

Doc Jeff’s secretary is a nosy meddler, herself. “He was terribly moved by their condition”. How would she know this? Is she writing “The Jefferson Corey Story”? Perhaps she means his bowels moved when he got to Vietnam, since diarrhea is one of the primary symptoms of agent orange poisoning.

Mary Worth should take the hint by now. The writing is on the wall. He hasn’t bothered calling or writing her for months. Are readers supposed to believe a rich boat owning doctor didn’t bring a smellular phone with him or that there are no telephones in SE Asia? He hasn’t had a single spare moment to contact his “special friend”? On the other hand though, maybe the good doctor is just aloof. His worthless offspring don’t know what’s become of him either.
SmartPeopleOnIce
January 3rd, 2007 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

Re: Hogen Mogen’s Curmudgeon Pie and gh’s Imagine

clap clap making doing.

Site devine, indeed…
gh
January 3rd, 2007 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

I keep coming back to MT and Theodore’s state of “fear and confusion.” First, I want to say that I can’t tell Theodore from Castoria — maybe a little mascara or something would help, I don’t know. Actually, maybe it would be better if the whole thing was done off-scene a la GT. Elrod: “Didja see that svelte, hot female beaver in the trap? Her brutish, hulking mate was WILD with fear and confusion! It was like some frenzy of, like, fear! And confusion! Man, that was one confused and fearful beaver. But, I guess you had to be there.”

Which is how I wish all of GT was handled — all the butt-ugly couples literally “obscene.”
Cornwhacker
January 3rd, 2007 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

Joining the applause for all the fine song-parodying going on today.

Speaking of which, does anyone have a Dr. Jeff -inspired reworking of the Dead Kennedys’ “Holiday In Cambodia”? I’ve been thinking it over for months and nothing’s gelling for me…
Marion Delgado
January 3rd, 2007 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

If anyone had any doubt Darby Conley reads “Comics Curmudgeon” – check out today’s strip. He might as well have written a shout-out to Josh.

Josh is getting big – he’s the Roger Simon or Markos Moulitsas of comics blogging.
kitkat
January 3rd, 2007 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

Dear god… Those megenta shorts are almost as bad as Kevin Costners cargo short shorts… *shudders*
Also, I didn’t even know that was a guy. I thought it was a freaky girl…
Uncle Lumpy
January 3rd, 2007 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

#190 Marion -

Yes, “behold our new golden god”, indeed! I can’t wait until Josh is the Michiko Kakutani of comics, and the Lynn Johnston roadshow semi rolls to a stop outside the Cathedral. Imagine that conversation:

Lynn: “M. . . Josh? Hey, Josh! Aw, c’mon out. I’m sorry . . . you know . . . about Michael ‘n’ all!”

Josh: “Begone!”

Lynn: “And Elizabeth. That was excessive. I know that now! How ’bout another chance?”

Josh: “BEGONE!”

Ahhhhhhhh.
Old Fogeyette
January 3rd, 2007 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

Hogenmogen, thanks for explaining today’s Lio to me. Actually, I got the “joke,” what I DON’T get is the strip. I guess ’cause it’s so ugly. I mean, the vampire idea is cute and all. But Lio’s no Buffy, you know what I mean? I guess I’ll wait for it to grow on me. Or not.

As for Pooch Cafe, I started reading it on someone’s recommendation here. I don’t know why I continued. It’s really stupid more than 99% of the time. It’s also really ugly. I think I will stop reading it.

Re animal anthropomorphizing, Get Fuzzy somehow manages to do that brilliantly, as did Pogo. In very different ways.
Bitter Scribe
January 3rd, 2007 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

TDIET: When was the last time a clerk in a double-breasted black suit with a name tag helped a teenage boy (if that’s what he is) try on outfits?
Shiptic Canker
January 3rd, 2007 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

The clerk in the black suit is actually our friend Tom Dewey, newly sans moustache and well on his way to achieving his dream of converting America’s teens into the Ella Army. It’s enough to send me to the rubber ward too, but thanks to the golden otter, I can get there in one step.
PurpleMartin
January 3rd, 2007 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

TDIET: I get the feeling for whatever guy draws TDIET, it is perpetually 1975 and TIME has STOPPED. ‘Can you DIGGG IT? I wonder if he has used “GROOVY” in one of his recent comics?
Kdog
January 3rd, 2007 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

#172 – You must be getting the Pantagraph. Half their Sunday section is Peanuts and Prince Valiant. The horror…
gh
January 3rd, 2007 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

#57 Adjuster

Thanks! My life just got easier.

# 190 Marion Delgado

I used to read Dailykos religiously, i. e., daily, but, um, just don’t have time anymore. See note to Adjuster above. And I’ve cancelled my daily downloads from WaPo and *gasp* The Onion. I’ve reassessed my values and have decided I really need to spend more time with, uh, my family. Yeah! That’s the ticket! I’m a family values kind of guy. Maybe I’ll read ‘em the comics! Come on, kids! This Mary Worth is priceless! Wait! Where ya going?
Red Greenback
January 3rd, 2007 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

Dick Tracy: What do the Blockheads from Gumby have to do with this storyline???
Squawk
January 3rd, 2007 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

#179, the fake submission thing in TDIET is not unprecedented. Every Sunday Heathcliff used to have a “Kitty Korner” panel illustrating an adorable cat story supposedly submitted by someone living in a random U.S. city. These Kitty Korner blurbs were so obviously fabricated, and so god-awfully inane, they made me retch.
commodorejohn
January 3rd, 2007 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

I’m not one to pick out innuendo in the obviously innocent, but does “We have a deal – more cash requires a visit to the well!” in Judge Parker sound wrong to anyone else?
MossMoses
January 3rd, 2007 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

201. Well – that’s a deep subject.
Anonymous
January 3rd, 2007 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

TDIET–

If by “they” you mean “the mentally disabled children that terrify thunderously out of touch people in their provincially psychadelic nightmares” then yes, yes, they will do it every time.

Now, Josh, I’m not saying you didn’t completely eviscerate and humiliate this comic strip. Dont get me wrong — my score card reads Josh: 4,987,678,045,943,120,987, TDIET: 0. I’m just saying it could have been brutalized a little more thoroughly. Like, the way that poor child would be brutalized if he ever set foot in a public junior high school.

For goodness sakes, Josh, the author believes that wearing an outfit bearing the slogan “kick butt” on it captures the feeling popular rebellion brewing among American youth! He thinks that American youth still “dig” things! And then, by describing it as “fashion note 2007″, he has the audacity to assert that it is timely! You didn’t even mention the apparent man-boobs.

I understand there is something to be said for brevity, but if ever there was an appropriate case to mercilessly have your way with a comic strip to the tune of ten or twenty thousand words, this was it. Oh, this was it brother.

Don’t worry there’ll be another one tomorrow.
gh
January 3rd, 2007 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

#202 MossMoses

I thought it was an indirect object.
Heckler123
January 3rd, 2007 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

TDIET is a strip that my paper doesn’t run, thank the Lord. For the life of me, I can’t imagine why it has ever been run in any newspaper, anywhere, at any time, for any reason.

As much as I dislike the pap in FC, at least I can imagine some wistful grandparents and great-grandparents regarding it nostalgically.

But in TDIET, there is nothing that anyone can vaguely relate to, as far as I can tell. The surreal, anachronistic characters and situations are just too mind-numbingly banal to be believed.

Oh, yeahhhhhhh……………..
Occam
January 3rd, 2007 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

#190 Marion Delgado:

Darby Conley may not read “Comics Curmudgeon” but the site got a mention by Gael Fashingbauer Cooper today on MSNBC “Test Pattern” for its FOOB comments and predictions:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/4326967/
monica
January 3rd, 2007 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

In place of Foxtrot, the Philly Inquirer is asking readers to vote for either Sherman’s Lagoon or Cow and Boy. I’ve seen the Lagoon before and I can take it or leave it, but Cow and Boy was entirely new to me. So far (all of three days), it looks like it’s in Calvin and Hobbes territory – but I really haven’t seen enough of it to get a decent impression. Does anybody here know of it?
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
January 3rd, 2007 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

Good eve. I cordially welcome all of you to Pedant’s Corner – no wait, Pedants’ Corner…uh, Pedants’ Corners…never mind.

I cordially welcome all of you to Pedantry Place. I am your host, Professor Boring. It behooves me, as a pedant in good standing, to point out that in fact, there is only a 65 per cent* correspondence between the name of Al Scaduto’s lovely, cutting-edge, and contemporary cartoon panel – which name is “They’ll Do It Every Time” (sometimes incorrectly appearing as “They’ll Do It Everytime”) – and the phrase from the Violent Femmes’ 1983 waxing “Kiss Off” alluded to by one of our generous and clever post-makers (utilizing the charming and vaguely punning moniker “Edgy DC”; the post in question is currently numbered “179″), since that latter phrase is, in fact, “They do it all the time.”

Yeah yeah.

* Counting the contraction “they’ll” as 1.5 words and allowing that, therefore, 7.5 of the 11.5 words in both phrases combined are held in common.
Uncle Lumpy
January 3rd, 2007 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

#208 Gadge -

“Pedants’s Corner”

God damn it.
Craigers
January 3rd, 2007 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

204 – He hasn’t even begun to plumb those grammatical depths.
Craigers
January 3rd, 2007 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

Speaking of double entendres, the last panel of The Phantom that Josh reproduced above has four of them strung together.

Also, given the hair color and body shape of lil’ Kickbutt there, did anyone else notice that he’s a dead ringer for a 12-year-old Hagar the Horrible?
Wasoe
January 3rd, 2007 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

And a huge golden beaver rose from the pond and telepathically thanked Mark for saving its offspring from being killed.
PInk Haired Girl
January 3rd, 2007 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

Mary says: “Children? Dying in Vietnam? Their parents should have gotten them vaccinated. But you know, I really couldn’t care any less. “
Citric
January 3rd, 2007 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

MW: Oh Dr. Jeff, those children might be in need, but Mary has needs too! Which sort of explains why he keeps going progressively further away, now that I think of it.
Uncle Lumpy
January 3rd, 2007 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

#214 Citric -

I telepathically thank you for not mentioning Mary Worth’s needs ever again:

. . . o o o O O O
HammerGirl
January 3rd, 2007 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

TDIET – Yeah, my gut reaction was to interpret “rubber room” as a location in a mental institution. However now I think those who immediately thought of contraception are on the right track. Only Ma Kickbutt should be practicing retro-active birth control.

Actually if Scaduto wanted to take that idea an apply it to the whole strip that would suit me down to the ground.
MonkeyHawk
January 3rd, 2007 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

My local paper replaced the daily Foxtrot with Lio. They made a minor deal about its being a “pantomime” strip; a rarity on the comics page.

I’m sade to hear some papers have ignored our Pope’s LA Times op-ed, which made a solid case for newspapers to run more, not fewer features.

I got to thinking that, if I ran a newspaper, I’d eliminate the comics pages altogether and sprinkle strips and panels throughout each day’s editions. Some papers put Tank McNamara in sports. The LA Times puts Dilbert in the Business section. Cathy and other chick strips could share the page with Dear Abby and Heloise. MF and Doonsbury (as happens sometimes) could brighten up the OP-ED section. And what better place for paleo-comics (ones that, say, were all created before the Truman Administration) — Mary Worth, GA, DT, Snuffy Smith, Popeye, Blondie, etc. — than among the Obituaries?
commodorejohn
January 3rd, 2007 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

Cow and Boy, from what I’ve seen, appears to be a sort of “Bloom County meets Calvin and Hobbes” deal, in a good sort of way. I mean, one of the strips I read dealt with being the “court jesters of the Apocalypse,” complete with Road Warrior-style gang lords; what’s not to like about that?
cheech wizard
January 3rd, 2007 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

207 – Monica: Cow and Boy is pretty uneven, but is sometimes sublimley demented. Figure on a good laugh every two or three weeks, with lots of just plain weird shit in between.
cheech wizard
January 3rd, 2007 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

Mary goes to Vietnam to look for Jeff, where she is killed by a falling Lizardbutt when the latter is thrown out of a helicopter by Warren during interrogation as to why she left him for Chief Doo-Right.
True Fable
January 3rd, 2007 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

I go away on vacation, come back to find my internet access totally fucked up, and then I finally get back online, and what do I find?

Brilliant parodies! You people are freakin’ amazing in you abilities to make me not only laugh, but to artfully spray soda out of my mouth like a top-quality water hose attachment.

And there’s Poteet and Kate, two excellent reasons to slog through hundreds of posts, as if all the other wonderfully snarky comments weren’t enough. In fact, Kate’s #13 post has me in a hypothetical haze that will keep me cheerfully musing for days. Yes, I wax poetic in blissful states like this..

…and then I go and foob it up by reading Foob. Dammit, Fable; learn to quit while you are well ahead.
Mibbitmaker
January 3rd, 2007 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

#91, 118: The trees are applauding! And Uncle Lumpy has serious competition (not from me, dangit).

Agnes: Hey, Aggie, you wanna join April Patterson’s band? You can replace her uncle!
Spotted HÃ˜rse
January 3rd, 2007 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

Ah, my first TDIET. Family on vacation when?â€¦ 1977?…. Pops picked up local paper. Spent rest of said vacay barking â€œWHYIZZIT!?? Coldest day. Wanna cuppa javaâ€¦ coffee shop CLOSED!! BUTâ€¦. Hottest dayâ€¦ WH-APPEN??! YOU GUESSED IT!!â€

Never subscribed to any paper with TDIET. Nowâ€¦ WHOâ€™da THUNKKIT!!! Read TDIET everyday! Aw-w-w-k hubba hubba gurk! O-o-h yea-a-h-hhh.
Spotted HÃ˜rse
January 3rd, 2007 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

Todayâ€™s posts make me think of MST3K:
#113 sumokitty/TDIET: Yes, the rarely seen Male Camel Toeâ€¦

FOOB: Paul, Liz, Warren and Granthony are on a Collision Course to Wackiness!
Keith
January 3rd, 2007 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

I hope one of the natives they rob is that poor girl with down syndrome, just so those magenta shorts get taken away. Sadly she’ll still be asking people if they “dig it.”
Trilobite
January 3rd, 2007 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

I think Josh’s line about the Phantom is getting insufficient love here today. The thought that we might get a flashback to three suit-wearing commodities brokers, just some good ol’ college buddies livin’ large and playin’ the market…until suddenly their manager tries to jump Ike, and rather than file a complaint with Human Resources like the company handbook says to, Ike flips out and shoots him. And then all that’s left for them is a life of petty thuggery in Africa.

I bet it happens more often than the financial sector wants us to know.
Mibbitmaker
January 3rd, 2007 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

Theodore “Lucky” Beaver and Castoria don’t understand Mark Trail’s hostility.

JP: How did Sam get all smudged with newsprint? Did he rub his face in the crossword puzzle or the horoscope or something?
roydrink
January 3rd, 2007 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

Today’s TDIET (3rd)

What the “Margo” is in Migraina”s hair in the lower panel? It either looks like Freud or a caveman?

Your suggestions please.
True Fable
January 3rd, 2007 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

MW It seems Aldo unlocked the hot-blooded temptress within her, and now Mary wants her some action. Ah, Aldo…never the groom, only the corpse.
TDIET I want to point out not the ridiculously overdressed teen line salesman, nor the ancient withered up “mom” or her hopelessly unhip kid, but the kid in the background. What is the deal with turned around baseball caps being the symbol of youth? Every Disney movie features a supposedly “hip” kid wearing a turned around ball cap, clothes seven sizes too large, who slouches for the camera. Why? McDonald’s ads do the same thing, and now TDIET is walking in step with this “typical American Teenager” b.s. But why am I asking why, of a comic that says a teen who is the physical size of a six year old also has a mother who is easily in her 70’s. Oh Yeaaaah.
Curtis …but the golden otter did not give the guy a return sandal, so he’s doomed to Quantum Leap forever.
FOOB Ah, so her early January letters and their reaction must have struck a nerve in Lynnie! We didn’t see Warren coming, at least not from Lizzie’s letters. Think Lynn did some quick strips to make us try to forget Mike’s ridiculous purple prose, by tossing in one of Liz’s castoffs in a return guest shot? Whatever. Just as long as April remembers to change the sign over her bed to read, “Over one million served”.
GA What? Uncle Walt is Still Alive?! Guns, cannons, rockets…good Lord, will nothing kill this old geezer? Is he the new cast member of Heroes or something?
DtM Dennis, Dennis, Dennis. Wherever are your menacing skills, dear boy? The Old Dennis would say what you said, but he would have been tossing a big fat ice-encrusted snowball at her at the same time. You are Sooo slipping. You’re more like, Dennis the Foppish Little Rapscallion. Weenie.
A3G Ruckus-Makin’ Margo. Yep, that’s our gal.
Cathy Cathy must be one short little heifer. Oh… who cares. Cathy Must Die. Period.
Curtis Man, whatever Billingsly is on, I want some too. He’s been trippin’ for days. Golden otters and applauding trees! As Scaduto would say – “dig-g it!”
SmartPeopleOnIce
January 3rd, 2007 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

OMG.

Elrod found a way to work the phrase “hits the trigger” into the beaver story.

Say what you will about the ginormous fauna, the indistinguishable humans, the ubiquiducks. I say Jack Elrod is a god.
monica
January 3rd, 2007 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

Thanks, commodorejohn and cheech wizard – I knew the CC would come through for me! I only discovered this site a few weeks ago, and now I don’t know how I lived without it.

I’m definitely up for anything “sublimely demented,” so here’s hoping Cow and Boy makes the cut. Now if we could just kill off Cathy….
True Fable
January 3rd, 2007 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

Monica, I think this Now if we could just kill off Cathyâ€¦. is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
Spotted HÃ˜rse
January 3rd, 2007 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

#230: Isn’t that Scaduto’s backwards baseball cap in panel 3?
jules
January 3rd, 2007 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

I know I’m at least a day late and a dollar short on this one, but:

I TOTALLY do NOT believe in hitting children, but if my kid ever got a haircut like Junior Scaduto’s and stood in front of me wearing magenta cargo shorts and a “KickButt” t-shirt with a striped shirt underneath, I would smack him till he was cross-eyed.
Anonymous
January 3rd, 2007 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

#230, SPOI – “Say what you will about the ginormous fauna, the indistinguishable humans, the ubiquiducks. I say Jack Elrod is a god.”

In the manner of Cthulhu, perhaps?
Trilobite
January 3rd, 2007 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

Regarding January 3rd’s Get Fuzzy, I have to admit that I’ve always read strips like Mark Trail or Apartment 3G as a self-contained three-panel gag strip first. It’s kind of a zen thing, a deep spiritual cleansing breath.

Not only do they end up being the funniest thing on the comics page, usually they work better that way than they do as ongoing stories.
Summerhouse
January 3rd, 2007 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

gh and Hogenmogen – Yeah? Well, well yesterday or sometime, I made up the line “Huh? Huh? Huh? thought our Molly ” to the tune of Clang, Clang, Clang goes the Trolley. So who’s the big deal now? That’s right, it’s still you guys. I just wanted to make sure you knew.
Frank Drackman
January 3rd, 2007 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

Dr. Jeff needs a better story to explain his side trip to Vietnam…Agent Orange hasn’t been used since 1971. I think his “patients” are gonna turn out to be hot Vietnamese hookers..
Uncle Lumpy
January 3rd, 2007 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

#237 Summerhouse -

Yeah, and “Molly” totally rhymes with “trolley”!

Totally. Just sayin’.
Summerhouse
January 3rd, 2007 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

#169 Kate -I am enchanted by your deeply neurotic reaction to the magic Kwanza sandal, and I think I could read of your continuing conversations with it all day long.

Sandal: Lotrimin on Ailse 38? Okay. You must be talking gyno-lotrimin, ’cause I’m a sandal and I can tell you don’t have athlete’s foot.
Kate:Who wants a free sandal? Anyone? Free freakin’ sandal!

I saw the producer of Everybody Loves Raymond say that they did the story about Marie’s frightened reaction to the Fruit of the Month club(”What is it? A cult of some kind?”) because his own mother responded that way. “My mother,” he said, “the only woman in the world, who, when you get her Fruit of the Month, acts like you bought her plutonium.” Your sandal reaction made me think of that. Anyway, I think the way it would work is, you would have to wish for the sandal to transport you. When you weren’t wishing for it to transport you, you could just walk around in it looking dopey cause it doesn’t match your other shoe.
Ukulele Ike
January 3rd, 2007 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

The only reason for reading Pooch Cafe is that Carmen, the wife of Chet, who is Poncho’s owner, is a stone hottie. Except for her man-hands.

And nobody had better blame me for that Commodities Market shit.
Uncle Lumpy
January 3rd, 2007 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

#241 -

Ah, but Ike – when it all went down, where were you?

Where were you, bro?
Blueline
January 3rd, 2007 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

Has the artist for Curtis ever SEEN an otter? Because, you know, his otter looks a lot like my cat, who looks nothing like an actual otter.
DickBlick
January 3rd, 2007 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

There are many victims of Agent Orange who are children even to this very day. Do I need to tell y’all where more information about this can be found? It’ll be just Mary and her dreams for a lo-o-ong time.
sandtarts
January 3rd, 2007 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

196 – 1975 is futuristic for TDIET. Most of the clothing seems to come from 1961-62, and the hairstyles are from the 1950s. (I didn’t know Mamie Eisenhower’s hairstylist was still around!) The “slang” dates from before I was born, and I can remember the 1950s somewhat.
Happy Gilmore
January 3rd, 2007 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

TDIET:

Does the clothing salesman’s hand look familiar to any of you?

http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e100/cocothomps/537b3624.jpg
Linnie
January 3rd, 2007 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

Regarding today’s Get Fuzzy and the awesome exchange between Rob and Satchel about Apt. 3 – G, I think we need to temporarily set aside our common admiration for Molly the Bear and Lucky the Beaver and install Satch as Curmudgeon Animal of the Month! His image and comment about comics as cutting edge are made for a tee shirt, if Darby would give permission.
DickBlick
January 3rd, 2007 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

TDIET is about as timely and cool as a Payless Shoe commercial.
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
January 3rd, 2007 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

Has anybody here…seen a golden otter?
Can you tell me where he’s gone?
That might be his tail or…
It might be his golden whatsit
You know, I just looked around
And he’s gone

Has anybody here…seen my magic sandal?
Can you tell me where it’s gone?
It looked kinda gnarly
But its seams were good and dyed dun
You know, I just looked around
And it’s gone

Has anybody here…seen my clapping foliage?
Can you tell me where it’s gone?
There was a fire burnin’
But I crapped it out with my dung
You know, I just looked around
And it’s gone

Didn’t you love the things
That they stood for?
Even though I’ve got no freakin’ idea
What they might be?
Someday we’ll see
Someday soon
(Filler rhymes with “see”)
One day…

Has anybody here…seen my old friend Ray?
Can you tell me where he’s gone?
I thought I saw him smokin’ up
Mad Kwanzaa style
With otters, a sandal, and a bong
Fred P.
January 3rd, 2007 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

One suspects that it takes a while for the latest fashion trends to filter down from the runways of Santa Royale to lowly Toledo, OH., so one shouldn’t be too judgemental in re TDIET. And to be fair, poor Junior- (Junior? Junior? Seems awfully unimaginative a name for a strip where tags like “Barfwell” and “Lardbutt” are all the rage)- poor Junior doesn’t seem to have much of a selection there to choose from: the rack behind him seems to feature styles geared toward the modern thalidomide teen of indeterminate gender who like clothes in a muted shade of lavendar.

I ponder the TEEN DEPT sign- based on the misalignment of TEEN and DEPT, I suspect there is something in front of TEEN that is obscured by the speech balloon. And no, I don’t think it could be AESTHETICALLY IMPAIRED before TEEN, because I don’t think that’d fit.

I also think the salesman’s been sniffing dry-cleaning fluid.
AhClem
January 3rd, 2007 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

Josh –

Is there any way to create a special archive for all the poetry and song lyrics created by the inmates around here? Such treasures should not be allowed to scroll into oblivion.
Josh
January 3rd, 2007 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

AhClem –

As I pointed out after Uncle Lumpy’s recent opus, there is a section of the discussion forums dedicated to long-form comedy stylings. I urge anything that y’all think should be saved for posterity to be posted there.

Josh
slinkimalinki
January 3rd, 2007 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

#180 — of course, british. because they dig-g-g-g-g kick butt sweaters over there in british-land. oh yeah-h-h-h.
Chaz Larson
January 4th, 2007 at 12:07 am [Reply]

â€œWhoa! A hot fireman!!! Too funny!â€

â€¦and itâ€™s funny becauseâ€¦?

This actually rings really true to me. My 13-yr-old daughter would make exactly this sort of joke and laugh uproariously.
BewaretheCreeper
January 4th, 2007 at 12:40 am [Reply]

MW Now I’m getting confused. I thought we used Agent Orange on the Vietnamese Clapping Trees and Napalm on the kids. Mary Worth is getting more Funky Winkerbeanish by the minute.
Kate
January 4th, 2007 at 1:03 am [Reply]

I was really pleased that I could speak to the souls of True Fable (222) and Summerhouse (241). But then True Fable told me that s/he will be considering variations on how you can complicate your life with a magic sandal, and I start to wonder just how many variations there are, and have I overlooked any? And then Summerhouse gives me the concept of having a sandal that talks to me.

I had the normal fears of a child that my teddy bear would grow pointed teeth as I slept and sink them into my throat, or that if I were in the room alone when the cuckoo clock sent the cuckoo out, the cuckoo would tell me to do things and I would have to obey (normal, right?). But having a sentient shoe, I never thought about that possibility.

Fuck.
Poteet
January 4th, 2007 at 1:49 am [Reply]

# 250 — BWAHAHA! Excellent, Gadge. I can even hear those riffs of angelic harp music at the end.

# 222 — Thanks, True Fable. The admiration is mutual. And it’s an honor to be paired with Kate, whose potentially-homicidal teddy bear I will never forget.
Kate
January 4th, 2007 at 10:28 am [Reply]

Yeah, Poteet, not to turn this into a lovefest or anything, but you’re POTEET. I got mentioned with POTEET. Dayum!
treedweller
January 4th, 2007 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

Screw you all. I like Pooch Cafe. I mean, sure, it’s only funny every now and then, but that puts it ahead of 80% of the comics in my newspaper.
treeedweller
January 4th, 2007 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

Screw you all, I like Pooch Cafe. It’s funny every now and then, which is more than I can say for 80% of the comics in my newspaper.
lefthanger
January 4th, 2007 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

With 260 comments it didn’t take to long to get through them as i bypassed any thing about Curtis and TDIET. Margo quote “YUCK”
Dan Someone
January 4th, 2007 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

OK, as if if you really needed a reason to hate further on Hagar:

1. “Groggy” comes from “grog,” so the “joke” is even lamer than it appears on first glance. I mean, if you didn’t know the etymology of “groggy,” you might think “Hey, that’s kind of amusing, that ‘grog’ and ‘groggy’ sound so similar so it’s a pun.” Well, you might think that if you were particularly stupid, but you get the idea. Anyway, once you know that the words are intimately related, the joke is equivalent to “I’m pouring green paint on them because I hope it will make them green.”

2. Hagar is a Viking (sort of), so presumably his exploits are occurring sometime in the 8th-11th century range. Grog was not called “grog” until at least the 18th century. Seriously, they might as well have Hagar and Eddie wearing jetpacks.
cjcasa
January 4th, 2007 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

wow, Junior is a male?
Jen
January 4th, 2007 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

huh huh huh. They said “dick” and “beaver” … huh huh huh….
Mr. Doob
January 5th, 2007 at 9:21 am [Reply]

Why do these Kwanzaa “stories” seem like they were contrived by a bunch of 5-year-olds making it up as they go along?

Kid 1: Okay.. there’s a guy in the woods… ‘an all of a sudden-
Kid 2: A BIG SCARY MONSTER APPEARS!
Kid 3: Yeah! A monster that is 200 feet tall with blue fur and laser beams coming out of his eyes-
Kid 2: And he got a big helicopter-head so he can fly and stuff-
Kid 1: And the monster says to the guy “Hey, like, if you do stuff for me I will give you 29 MILLION dollars and an underwater house-”
Kid 3: And the guys says “NO WAY!” and then he goes to the moon to save his mom-
Kid 2: who was kidnapped by these very tiny, itty-bitty people but there’s six thousand million of them-
Adult: Children! Your fable has no structure! You need to include devices such as irony to make it interesting! But overall, all actions in the story need to serve an ultimate point that is easy to understand by the listener!
Kids: (silence)
FeafStafecy
July 26th, 2008 at 9:24 am [Reply]

?o?????? ?????? ? Seo, ??????????? ?????? ? ????????? ? ????????
AlexM
August 13th, 2008 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

I found your site on technorati and read a few of your other posts. Keep up the good work. I just added your RSS feed to my Google News Reader. Looking forward to reading more from you down the road!

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