Scenes from the class struggle in Manhattan
Apartment 3-G, 1/9/07
Apartment 3-G ought by right to serve at least a little bit as an anthropological survey of life and mores of various types in New York City. 99 percent of the time it’s laughably off-target, but every once in a while it hits the mark. Margo is exactly the sort of yuppie wannabe who would make this sort of snarky, dismissive comment about New York’s superabundance of artist wannabes, and has exactly the sort of defective empathy gene to make it in front of her roommate and supposed friend, an aspiring artist.
Lu Ann, meanwhile, has one of the thinnest books of art history I’ve ever seen. Presumably that’s all the information her little brain can hold. I guess that helpful, horny librarian ended up taking her to the children’s section, which may explain why that relationship went nowhere.
Gil Thorp, 1/9/07
Note to Gil Thorp and Comics Curmudgeon readers: Please, please stop making fun of the art in this strip, because you’ll only goad the artists into perpetrating more unsettling attempts at photorealism like panel three here. I guess the point is supposed to be that Helen is making this daring investigative phone call in the dark because that’s, you know, more dramatic.
Rick Bozich is right, by the way: nobody cares about no-bid contracts, especially when the contracts involved are for IT services to a no-account exurban school district, as they are here. Presumably the Man and/or lack of public interest will force the Star to kill Helen’s exposé, and she’ll have to resort to the ultimate indignity: turning to the world of blogs. Her spiritual brother, that crusading journalist known only as HALIBURTON $UCKS, was forced down the same path.
Dennis the Menace, 1/8/09
I think that about fifteen years from now, we’ll find out [INNUENDO-LADEN JOKE ABOUT A "MARGARET SANDWICH" REDACTED DUE TO EXTREMELY POOR TASTE] hey, is Dennis drinking Metamucil?
HBGlord
January 9th, 2007 at 3:14 pm
Notice the little tab on Margo’s Art book — when she pulls it, a 3-D representation of Guernica pops up.
Gryph
January 9th, 2007 at 3:16 pm
I love how it never, ever occurs to Lu Ann that the A who left her that note could be Allen. No no, it must be a ghost. That’s the only answer here. I think Margo is just stringing Lu Ann along because she can. I also think that if Margo doesn’t beat Lu Ann upside the head with that book, I am going to be VERY disappointed.
Dennis Jimenez
January 9th, 2007 at 3:16 pm
Yum – Margaret fish taco!
Loppie Scaduto
January 9th, 2007 at 3:19 pm
Attempted photorealistic death to Gil Thorp!
Joey
January 9th, 2007 at 3:25 pm
In 15 years, it is going to be a Joey-Dennis-Margaret sandwitch as they share “three pillows”
HBGlord
January 9th, 2007 at 3:27 pm
Dennis the (Real) Menace — “I call this a Margaret sandwich, because, like her, it sucks! You must be a mama bird, because it tastes like you just spat up a mouth-warmed bolus of the cottage cheese and cooking sherry you had for lunch 15 minutes ago! Oh, and i saw Daddy playing married with a new mommy, who’s a man.”
lesles
January 9th, 2007 at 3:28 pm
(DT)GT: OH, MY GOD! …THAT LAST PANEL… MAKE IT STOP!!!! please god, make it stop.
Black Card
January 9th, 2007 at 3:29 pm
In order to represent her simple, unwavering trust in the Ghost-Who-Has-Apparently-Been-Watching-Her-Sleep, as contrasted to Margo’s withering skepticism, Lu Ann has transformed herself into a Hobbit for the first panel.
DrBear
January 9th, 2007 at 3:31 pm
Nah…Dennis/Margaret/Gina. Wouldn’t be a sandwich, but it’s more fun to imagine…er…I’ll be going home now.
Kevin
January 9th, 2007 at 3:34 pm
Don’t you know Rich Chocolatey Ovaltine when you see it?
Hogen Mogen
January 9th, 2007 at 3:34 pm
Oh, panel 3 is supposed to be the same Helen that we see in panel 1? At least the strange, meandering management changes in Judge Parker keep intact the artwork across one day’s strip.
A3G: The title of the book is “Art History”. It sort of reminds me of Repo Man, where the drinks were labeled “Drink” and the food was labeled “food”. Maybe “Art History” just a clever device to cover up a porn mag.
SmartPeopleOnIce
January 9th, 2007 at 3:36 pm
[INNUENDO-LADEN JOKE ABOUT USING THE PHRASE "EXTREMELY POOR TASTE" TO DESCRIBE AN INNUENDO-LADEN JOKE ABOUT A “MARGARET SANDWICH†REDACTED DUE TO EXTREMELY POOR TASTE]
lesles
January 9th, 2007 at 3:40 pm
every building in the city is haunted … by the aching loneliness of tommy’s loins. but that’s another story. one which we’ll no doubt inexplicably switch to just as this one starts to pick up speed and look like it’s going somewhere.
Old Fogeyette
January 9th, 2007 at 3:41 pm
I missed the previous two threads, so please forgive me if this was already posted. It’s a left-wing diatribe against “Mallard Fillmore,” and I found it pretty funny, even though I’ve never read “Mallard Fillmore”. It’s at:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/chris-kelly/mallard-fillmore-makes-me_b_38124.html
Dingo
January 9th, 2007 at 3:46 pm
I get done typing something and discover that Josh has again ended the thread. So… I’m copying it into this thread since it might not be seen on the old one.
with apologies to Jerry Herman
You coax the men to do themselves harm, Liz,
Their testicles will set off alarms, Liz
You’ve got Mtigwaki wacky
That funny herb tabacky they don’t need
You want that Warren, baby?
Or will it be the officer as steed?
You’ve got the snatch that latches ‘em on, Liz
One taste and ev’ry man’s in a diz, Liz
Who ever thought a Patterson
Could cause so much commotion w’out a fire?
For such a blandly blander bland
You fill men’s poor hearts with such desire
You’ve seen the basement lair and the cage, Liz
That setup’s gonna be the new rage, Liz
Milquetoasts from far and wide, y’know
Will beg their sullen wives for just a chance
To put their manhoods on the ledge
And let you keep ignoring them, askance
As Johnston brings the strip to a close, Liz
You’ve got no right to feeling morose, Liz
So what if we’ve been told so far
That Michael and his brood the focus be
Just sic the Mountie-boy on them
He’ll jail them all in reciprocity
You’ll live to be a hundred years old, Liz
Creating tuna casseroles – Mmm! – Liz
Meddlin’ in lives of others
You’ll soon discover meddlin’ is a cure
For spending out your golden years
With Anthony resemblin’ Raymund Burr
So farethee well to all in the North, Liz
Let Lynn bring closure to her dead strip, Liz
She’ll see that you and Anthony
Live miserable, neurotic dreary lives
And make us read of Michael
The books he writes of which we will despise
Just keep your chin up, girl, and you’ll shine, Liz
When Lynn retires you’ll be sublime, Liz
Some new blood inkers and writers
Will turn the strip around and you will see
They’ll take each other name and then
The country will all cheer again
When your name is the title marquee!
Liz! Liz! Liz! Li-iiiiiiiiiiiz!
rich
January 9th, 2007 at 3:46 pm
1) I’m very disappointed that he didn’t say “sammich”…doesn’t Dennis always say “sammich”?
2) Has anyone seen Margaret lately?
anne
January 9th, 2007 at 3:46 pm
I’m surprised noone’s mentioned popeye, unless it’s just too obvious. I’m reading it and rereading it and the only meaning I can gather is that the most stupid and ridiculous thing you can ask of a lady is “blow me down”. I find that surprising. I would think Popeye would be OK with that kind of thing. Maybe he’s very conservative, sexually.
Derelict
January 9th, 2007 at 3:48 pm
Hmmm…..sandwich……mmmmmmMargaret sandwich………..Filled with Dennis’s luncheon meat………mmmmmmm
andreavis
January 9th, 2007 at 3:50 pm
Too right about the art book– I catalog books all day; we get art books in and we HATE them because they’re all full of heavy, glossy paper and they’re tall, heavy, tall, wide, and tall. They’re all put in an oversize section of the library, because if they were shelved with the regular books, they’d fall off and put a dent in your head the size of a DeSoto. I think they gave LuAnn a pamphlet from an exhibit, or maybe the cover of a book to play with, so she doesn’t hurt anyone.
TimorouseBeastie
January 9th, 2007 at 3:51 pm
Who’s Margaret? I have a hard time thinking he’s referring to Maggie Thatcher, but that’s the only Margaret I can think of.
Weaselboy
January 9th, 2007 at 3:57 pm
I call my sandwich the “Bil Keane Sandwich” because it’s mayonaisse on white bread. Oh yeah, and it’s not funny.
gh
January 9th, 2007 at 4:07 pm
The “Margo”
Ground glass and honey on wry.
lesles
January 9th, 2007 at 4:07 pm
#19 andreavis – ha, felt exactly the same when i was studying librarianship and having to deal with the brutes during placement. soon as i switched to visual art and jewellery, though, i couldn’t get enough of the oversize tomes. they are problematic when ghosts start chucking them ’round the studio, though.
doug rogers
January 9th, 2007 at 4:07 pm
Dennis; I heard Dad talking about a secretary sandwich. What’s that taste like?
NotThatGuy
January 9th, 2007 at 4:08 pm
Why does Helen in (DT)GT have a hoofprint on her face in the third panel? I don’t understand this strip at all.
rich
January 9th, 2007 at 4:12 pm
One obstacle in Liz and Warren getting together is that, to this point, they seem to be “just friends”. I don’t believe she feels a true romantic spark with Warren. He is, dare I say, too bland for her.
On the other hand, Anthony — Anthony! Why, Anthony is “honest, hard working, smart, funny and kind,” “incredibly reliable,” and “a pretty sharp fellah.” [All of the above quotes courtesy of John "Mancrush" Patterson.]
To paraphrase an old saying, how can you keep her down on the farm after she’s had a taste of cinnabun moustache crumbs??
Allie Cat
January 9th, 2007 at 4:14 pm
#15 Dingo – Genius! It never ceases to amaze me the breadth and depth of musical knowledge here!
bootsybooks
January 9th, 2007 at 4:19 pm
Foob: If this hittin’ us upside the head foreshadowing about Liz getting to Mtigiwhatthefucky in time to catch Paul doing Chipper does NOT end with Lizard flinging open the door to see him riding the schoolmarm like an obsessive eight year old on Christmas morning with a new pogo stick, well, um, I for one, will be deeply disappointed.
That’s all.
Yohannah
January 9th, 2007 at 4:19 pm
Redacted=Retracted?
Margaret Maloney
January 9th, 2007 at 4:26 pm
This is one of those times when I really wish my last name didn’t rhyme with baloney.
Forthillrox
January 9th, 2007 at 4:28 pm
The halo around Helen Marzano in that third panel indicates she may be something more than just a small town newspaper editor.
Behold the photorealistic power of Helen Marzano!
MossMoses
January 9th, 2007 at 4:34 pm
26. Rich – COTW worthy.
By comparison with Granthony, DooRight and Flyboy may be heart throb hunka hunka burning love cauldrons but they both are really quite bland, outside of their professions. Think how pathetic DooRight is for stalking Lizardbreath all the way to EmptyCaulky based on a 4×6 glossy photo that Saint Elly gave him. Warren can’t quit her and has amorous thought balloons about LIzardbreath as he lusts for her. Of the two, Dooright is perhaps more interesting since he dirty dances and grabbs ass but in the final analysis they are both needy losers.
Poppinjay
January 9th, 2007 at 4:44 pm
At least Dennis isn’t talking again about that hot dog that reminded him of Mr. Wilson.
Smitty Smedlap
January 9th, 2007 at 4:45 pm
Nice to see that Dennis has found a comfy resting place for his sagging left breast.
MossMoses
January 9th, 2007 at 4:50 pm
34. Good one, Smitty! I think that boob is supposed to be a popeye-esque elbow with a patch of exzema on it.
Hogen Mogen
January 9th, 2007 at 4:52 pm
#17 – Anne – isn’t “blow me down” what Monica did to Bill?
#25 – Notthatguy – Helen has a hoofprint on her face because Rich Ballzitch is a jackass and kicked her for insisting that some petty no-bid contract was awarded. Hee-haw! No-bid contracts are good for smaller contracts, as they can be given out and the work can be done quickly, instead of the laborious rules surrounding a bid. I still don’t understand why she would insist that it is news fit for the school paper – the relevance to the school has yet to be established. Hee-haw! Hee-haw!
Hogen Mogen
January 9th, 2007 at 5:02 pm
This is what I hate about the Foobs: They’re boring. I guess April has a personality. Mike used to. Liz never really did, and her boyfriends especially so. Look at Luann in A3G – easy to see how she’s a happy-go-lucky-blonde idiot. Easy to see how Margo is Evil Queen Malificent from Sleeping Beauty (don’t knock Malificent, even Woody Allen confessed his appreciation for her in “Annie Hall”). Even in a badly written strip like Spiderman (VERY BADLY), we see personnas like JJJJJ and Liza Minelli come around. No, I don’t count other characters telling me that Granthony is so smart and funny when I never see it. I don’t get it when characters tell me how incredibly funny Mike’s expose on his neighbors is when the rest of the strip goes down my throat like wet toilet tissue doesn’t. So boring girl is being pursued by three boring guys, two of which have at least interesting jobs. So she’s obviously ruling them out and going for former-accountant-now-sticky-bun-dealer. Yeah, that’s a noble profession.
Anonymous
January 9th, 2007 at 5:07 pm
Is it a coincidence that Rick Bozich is also a sports columnist with the Louisville (Ky.) Courier-Journal?
http://www.courier-journal.com/apps/pbcs.dll/section?Category=COLUMNISTS01
Mibbitmaker
January 9th, 2007 at 5:08 pm
Hey, GT-drawing guy!… If you insist on drawing dramatic lighting, draw the whole furshlugginer panel dramatically. Angle. Expression. Watch some old noir films, fer crine out loud!
dramashoes
January 9th, 2007 at 5:15 pm
Are we sure that’s Helen in the last panel of GT? I could swear it’s one of the ladies from Jack Chick’s work who didn’t accept Christ, which means any minute now she will die dramatically and then go to Hell.
commodorejohn
January 9th, 2007 at 5:20 pm
FOOB – What’s that sound? Why, it’s the Gong of Blatant Foreshadowing! As predicted, all hell (really bland, FOOBish hell, with maybe a couple of paunchy middle-aged demons whose pitchforks are rusted from disuse, but hell nonetheless) is about to break loose. Also, I know that Mtigiwakawakawaka is supposed to be a Native American community, not Inuit, but I really can’t get over that Eskimo jacket Liz is wearing.
RMMD – As unkempt and silly as Elvis looks, he’s still about fifty times smarter than Mark Trail’s bad guys, who would, no doubt, have tried to threaten/force the information out of Landlady rather than twist the facts into a perfectly reasonable explanation.
BC – Mr. Hart, it’s over, dude. Just retire, please, and let us remember how good your strip was twenty or thirty years ago. Please.
OBH – Way to enlighten us with a really, REALLY contorted Scripture joke there. I had no idea Ruthie’s parents were Calvinists.
Id – …WHAT?!
Concerned Citizen
January 9th, 2007 at 5:29 pm
6 – I think that must be Stewey Griffin, a real menace in his own right.
What kind of baloney is square? What kind of chips are square? What kind of rich chocolatey Ovaltine is translucent? What kind of menace is Dennis? This strip is so bizarre.
Naming sandwiches from comic characters is chock full of possibilities. The Mary – a grilled cheese, some broken chips on the side with a limp sodden pickle on top of them, served on a hideous pastel plate just like they used to serve at Woolworth’s. Comes with vapid chatter and terminal boredom.
38 – It’s no coincidence. GT is based on the real life adventures of murderous hideous zombies. The world is precisely twice as weird as you think it is.
HBGlord
January 9th, 2007 at 5:30 pm
Since i already cracked on the third panel depicting Hideous Helen back in post #895, i’ve invoked a heretofore unknown clause and grandfathered myself in on Josh’s no-criticizing edict to hit her appearance in the first two frames:
That panel has distracted us all from her bowlie quiff, clearly inspired by Leonard Nimoy in his pious-Judaism post-Star Trek incarnation but with the addition of payos to make it extra Torah-riffic.
AwfulArt
January 9th, 2007 at 5:31 pm
Maybe a should call myself AwfulStupid..!! Spent all afternoon trying to figure out the punch line in today’s “Doonesbury”.. What the hell does ” Okay, He Was Good At Frosting My Tips” mean???
Mibbitmaker
January 9th, 2007 at 5:32 pm
(The following is from the 1965 film “The Sound of Newsprint”)
Foob girls who have all the guys in love with her,
Cows hamed Celeste with a shriveled-up liver,
Pointy-haired children escaping ‘The King’
These are a few of the stupidest things!
Cap Kangaroo stalkers chasing old ladies,
Ghosts who do walk with a hound named of Hades,
Young girls on only one arm can wear rings
These are a few of the stupidest things!
Big bears named Molly who understand nothing,
Sergeants who get turned on by turkey stuffing,
Treetop reporters who sport their own wings
These are a few of the stupidest things!
Continued strips whose creators are dead now,
Dumb little children whose heads are big, and how!
Richard-and-Amy’s relationship clings
These are a few of the stupidest things!
Strips whose pa-nels can be in any order,
Beavers and bears that keep getting much shorter,
Biddies whose swans are as precious as Mings
These are a few of the stupidest things!
Dark-haired young ladies with bobbles and quoting,
Soap opera strips whose long stories are bloating,
Danae and Mallard whose politics stings
These are a few of the stupidest things!
Note: I think Zits’ RichandAmy bit is pretty clever, actually.
ohgrl
January 9th, 2007 at 5:36 pm
I nominate commodorejohn’s first 2 FOOB sentences for COTW.
Poteet
January 9th, 2007 at 5:40 pm
# 15 — Wow, Dingo, genius is right! Thank you! And belated congratulations on your COTW listing!
ohgrl
January 9th, 2007 at 5:41 pm
44/AwfulArt: He’s talking about the tips of his hair. On his head. I hope.
MossMoses
January 9th, 2007 at 5:41 pm
44. “frosting tips” probably refers to hair styling whereby tips of hair follicles are frosted with dye. It’s a lame gag at best, not exactly grrrrrrr-eat!
HBGlord
January 9th, 2007 at 5:48 pm
#42 — You got me sussed, Concerned Citizen: I thought it was more appropriate to have Dennis the Mild Irritant reply in a barrage of Stewie-inspired precocious vitriol. I think it was the word “bolus” that may have tipped my hand.
Mibbitmaker
January 9th, 2007 at 5:49 pm
#45: Should be “Cows named…”. Damn, of all the times to let a typo slip by!
Eric
January 9th, 2007 at 5:50 pm
Family Circus was kind of depressing today. “You have an imagination, eh, Jeffy? Let’s go ahead and crush that out of you.”
Poteet
January 9th, 2007 at 5:59 pm
# 45 — Mibbitmaker, nicely done. I like the treetop reporters line.
Tonstant Weader
January 9th, 2007 at 6:16 pm
Re: Gary’s thought balloon in the last panel of today’s FBOFW: “Well, girl — you’ll have some inspecting to do.”
A) Shut up, Gary.
B) Is “inspecting” a euphemism for “making the sign of the epileptic platypus with Officer Krupkitoon”? Or for “radiating downhome wisdom an’ preternatural grace befitting the future desperate housewife of a Martin Mull lookalike after you discover that Dudley Doo Right is sticking his Migi in someone else’s Whatsit”? Either way, shut up, Gary.
C) The syntax is intriguing, especially that “girl”. I’m beginning to suspect Gary is in fact be Gary Puckett of Gary Puckett and the Union Gap. Maybe he’s in the Witness Protection Program after being convicted of perpetrating not only “Young Girl” and “Woman Woman”, but also, and perhaps most damningly, “This Girl is a Woman Soon.”
D) Shut up, Gary.
Joe
January 9th, 2007 at 6:16 pm
I like this Dennis El Menace because it’s hard to imagine what his mother’s reaction to his little play on words would be. “Dennis, you’re absolutely right. That Margaret tramp is so full of shit.” Then maybe the dad would come home from work: “I hit that little Margaret girl with my car when I was pulling into the driveway. Was I right in assuming that you two wouldn’t mind if I didn’t contact the authorities right away?”
HBGlord
January 9th, 2007 at 6:17 pm
Hear! (#15) Hear! (#45)
There really ought to be a place where all the song parodies live (no, not Lost Forest), and we can visit them whenever we need to feel that special feeling they give us. Perhaps a page on the forum?
Kenny
January 9th, 2007 at 6:26 pm
In 15 years, Joey will be making the Margaret Sandwhich at his FABULOUS cafe, “Yummy Joey’s” – because he is Yummy and so is that Yummy pink belly-top he wears.
Josh
January 9th, 2007 at 6:30 pm
HBGlord (#56) — whenever someone suggests this, I always point people to this section of the forum:
http://www.joshreads.com/forum/viewforum.php?f=4&sid=28c4a6cb11e280188303b0893374a1c8
But nobody ever listens to me.
Josh
Gal Friday
January 9th, 2007 at 6:49 pm
GT: Really, the art on Gil Thorp is so over-the-top, mind-bogglingly bad that I have to squint my eyes in pain, wince, and look away! And then look again to be sure that it was a bad as I thought. Yep. It is.
RMMD: Today’s depiction of Elvis ranks up with Gil Thorp.
#22: great sandwich!
stewart
January 9th, 2007 at 6:57 pm
This is going to be a controversial bit of breaking news, but…
Editor and Publisher is claiming that FBOFW won’t be ending this year after all:
http://www.editorandpublisher.com/eandp/search/article_display.jsp?vnu_content_id=1003528715
jules
January 9th, 2007 at 7:02 pm
I thought “frosting my tips” was a euphemism for “pissing me off.” But maybe, for once, I’m not reading enough into it!
jules
January 9th, 2007 at 7:06 pm
#60 Stewart, thanks for the link. I only have this to say:
*whimper*
She’s going to start focusing on Michael’s family?! Does this mean we get endless bad phrases such as “place of toil” starting in September? That’s kind of a mixed blessing, I suppose; we Curmudgeonites can continue snarking.
I guess I had more to say than *whimper.* I usually do!
MonkeyHawk
January 9th, 2007 at 7:06 pm
RE: #60 — Stewart:
“…”I don’t want anyone dancing with maracas on my grave,” Johnston said with a laugh….”
Can the Comics Curmudgeon store get me a deal on maracas?
TB Tabby
January 9th, 2007 at 7:16 pm
I immediately pictured the “Evil Homer” joke from the Simpsons.
True Fable
January 9th, 2007 at 7:17 pm
Johnston obviously could have continued a non-hybrid “FBorFW” for years, but decided that wouldn’t be the right thing to do. She said, “I know if I tried to push it further it would not be my best work.”
Lynn, baby….it’s not your best work RIGHT NOW.
Vince M.
January 9th, 2007 at 7:18 pm
GT: “I spent like three hours doing shading the upper lip. It’s probably the best drawing I’ve ever done. “
groddeck
January 9th, 2007 at 7:23 pm
FOOB – Here’s the big betrayal scene as written by a hack sitcom writer (probably for a premium cable channel):
Liz comes upon Paul introducing the local mattress-back to his North Pole. He cries out in fevered ecstasy, “Who’s the lucky beaver?!? Who’s the lucky beaver?!?” As Liz stands aghast, the mattress-back’s sister, Lucky Beaver, pushes her aside and enters the hut saying, “It’s my turn already?”, followed by the standard sitcom “wah-wah’ sound.
Uncle Lumpy
January 9th, 2007 at 7:26 pm
#67 groddeck -
Somebody’s watching too much Telemundo!
groddeck
January 9th, 2007 at 7:32 pm
#68 Uncle Lumpy –
Nope. Just made the mistake of watching late 60’s-early70’s TV all through puberty. A bad combination.
Chinbeard Nutz
January 9th, 2007 at 7:36 pm
#6 has my vote for COTW.
True Fable
January 9th, 2007 at 7:38 pm
MT Young beaver will be safe in the stream, because that is where the Jackball kelp flourishes. All hail the great Jackball.
RMMD Marilyn Manson frightens Aunt May.
BC Yes, but it’s nothing like being a Man with a Big Dog, like Marmaduke. In fact, if you switch the caption for Dog with the caption in BC’s panel three, you have cross-pollination that still doesn’t improve either breed.
MW Ella has everything in place now. Once Mary reports back to Charterstone that Jeff really was in trouble overseas – hangnails are so painful – Ella will be able to get all the hocus-pocus business she can handle, and Gary Dent will be left to gnash his teeth and twirl his moustache in futility.
FW So what’s the blonde chick’s point? That she can smugly reel off the tribulations One-Armed Chick is going through with a far superior smirk than anyone else in all of Weepytown? Terrified? Concerned? Worried – Good! Good?!?! Bitch, I still have two finger that can poke your eyes out.
JP Oh for God’s sake! We get that the butler is getting a replacement, already! Three days of repeating the same dialogue is e-freakin’-nuff!!! Even for Judge Parker. Let’s get back to the hotly drawn Abbey.
C(MD) She’s fat, she can’t stop being fat, she blames everyone but herself on her fattitude. Cathy Must Die.
DT What? No qwink? I want me some sound effects to go along with Wilt Chamberlain watching Diet Smith direct jet fighter traffic, or whatever he’s doing in panel 2.
doughy lawyer Roy
January 9th, 2007 at 7:38 pm
Look what I found while researching the angst, strum und drang of Funky Winterbean:
http://www.kingfeatures.com/features/comics/fwinker/funkyflash.html
True Fable
January 9th, 2007 at 7:43 pm
DT My mistake; Diet is doing his Marcel Marceau impression. What was I qwinking?
doughy lawyer Roy
January 9th, 2007 at 7:53 pm
Hey did anyone else notice that Spiderman swiped an introbang from the Phantom today!?
True Fable
January 9th, 2007 at 7:54 pm
FC Tomorrow’s panel: Billy wakes up to the ominous sight of the knight chess piece at the foot of his bed, bathed in blood, where his legs should have been. Moral: Don’t patronize Don Jeffy.
Eric
January 9th, 2007 at 7:57 pm
So is it just me, or is Lynn Johnston basically proposing to do a *clip show*?
brownsfan
January 9th, 2007 at 7:57 pm
The DooRight platter:
thick roast beef “mountied” with foie gras; on the side, a cinnamon bun squirting white sugar icing
Loppie Scaduto
January 9th, 2007 at 8:13 pm
RE: #60 — Stewart [following your link]:
“Johnston originally showed Michael, a writer, rushing in to save his manuscript. Someone told her it would be more realistic for Michael to rush in to save his laptop, and Johnston ended up redrawing the sequence that way.” [emphasis added]
“Someone” has a lot of splainin to do…
AwfulArt
January 9th, 2007 at 8:15 pm
# 48/Ohgrl & # 49/MossMoses…
Thanks for the tip.. Glad it wasn’t the tip of something else..!!
Dr. Y. Zowl
January 9th, 2007 at 8:22 pm
Does editor Rick Bozich look like a youthful Aldo Kelrast to anyone else but me? Could the fact that his name is a near anagram of “Borzoi Chick” mean something?
I need help.
Booper
January 9th, 2007 at 8:24 pm
#1 HBGlord — At first, I thought LuAnn was reading the Classic Comics version, but I think you’re right about it being a pop-up book.
#72 — Foob that I am, for YEARS I thought Les “is” Moore was Funky Winkerbean. Seriously. Thank you, doughy lawyer Roy, for straightening me out.
PurpleMartin
January 9th, 2007 at 8:32 pm
Foob: Im losing track of Lizbreath’s boyfriends….and am utterly confused…who is who? She’s got so many I can’t keep track anymore. They all look and act alike except for the one with the mustache. Can someone give me a run-down?
Dennis the Menace: Isn’t he a bit old for a bib?
Geezil
January 9th, 2007 at 8:39 pm
#72: How old is that guide? I thought Cindy and Funky (I can’t believe I just typed that . . .) got a bitter divorce (is there any other kind in FW?) years ago. And didn’t he get remarried or something?
Booper
January 9th, 2007 at 8:41 pm
#82 PurpleMartin — Your comment speaks to a theory I posted a few weeks ago about the way Lynn Johnston draws characters who aren’t going to be around much. Anyone who is even remotely normal looking will eventually be a goner. I guess that explains where the strip appears to be headed. Sigh.
Donald The Anarchist
January 9th, 2007 at 8:54 pm
A3G Don’t dis Luann’s artistical talents. She drew the turtle right the first time, and I understand it wasn’t a tracing… And she also does a great kitty-kat shaped like a ‘Q’…
Poteet
January 9th, 2007 at 8:58 pm
Foob — Gaaah, every time the future iteration of Foobville is explained in the press, it sounds worse than the time before. I see possibilities too dreadful to discuss. I liked it much better when the strip was going to die, period. Now it sounds more like a vampire, and not the erotically-appealing kind.
Prehumous
January 9th, 2007 at 9:04 pm
Why is For Better or For Worse called Foob? I tried to get an acronym out of that and it just didn’t work in that order. Could anyone please clarify for me?
Poteet
January 9th, 2007 at 9:05 pm
Re the wonderful songs, I won’t suggest a special site on the web, lest the Pope grow too frustrated:-). But I have a suggestion — how about posting the name and possibly composer of the lucky song being parodied at the bottom of the parody?
That way, snarky knowledgable curmudgeons can enjoy gleefully recognizing the rhythms and word patterns and pat themselves on the back for their extensive musical knowledge, while those of us whose song knowledge is deficient in certain areas — say, for example, we are totally ignorant of just about every pop song that has been composed since 1976 — can get to the bottom of the parody and see the title and look it up online if we so choose, and maybe download and hear it. Assuming we know how to download and hear songs, which some of us don’t. Some of us are so computer-challenged that we feel positively ecstatic to have just figured out how to use this website. I’ll quit now.
Poteet
January 9th, 2007 at 9:09 pm
# 87 — Prehumous, foob is a combination of fool and boob that was invented by Lynn Johnston as fake adolescent slang. The term was first used by April, I think, and is now common on this site.
And I do believe that the foob question has now officially overtaken the Aldo/Captain Kangaroo observation. Congratulations, Lynn!
Booper
January 9th, 2007 at 9:18 pm
This isn’t particularly funny or clever (actually, it’s kind of sad). But, a kid’s got to start somewhere.
(Sung to the tune of “What Kind of Fool Am I?”)
What kind of foob am I? Why’d I ever fall in love?
Can someone ’splain to me
What the hell it was that I was thinking of
When I flew up here
To be at Paul’s side?
Guess the joke’s on me
And now I see
The kind of foob I am.
Uncle Lumpy
January 9th, 2007 at 9:26 pm
#89 Poteet -
Alas, I believe Prehumous is having a little good-natured fun at our expense: Behold!
Ribinin
January 9th, 2007 at 9:27 pm
Doonesbury – I just supposed that “He was good at frosting my tips” wasn’t an actual joke, but rather more in the category of “damning with faint praise”. He was trying to come up with something good to say, and that is the best he could do.
Luna
January 9th, 2007 at 9:32 pm
#15 Dingo, #45 Mibbitmaker : Bravo, bravo! Brilliance!
FOOB: In the land of Mtgetthefugouttahere, Glamlip Liz is gonna get what she deserves.
IN REAL LIFE PEOPLE LETS ADMIT IT; In a long–distance relationship, the only time you “surprise” your significant other without calling ahead is if you think he’s cheating on you. Lynn Johnston you are a naive bitch if you think anybody out here is going to fall for your Pollyanna bullshit. Gawd I see your picture on your webpage and I just want to feed you white bread until you explode.
Luna
January 9th, 2007 at 9:37 pm
I just took a Valium. I feel much better now.
Dingo
January 9th, 2007 at 9:53 pm
AP: Ontario
In news that saddened all of Canada today, Lynn Johnston, creator of the popular comic strip For Better or For Worse was found in tiny shards throughout her dining room in what police believe to be a white bread explosion. Parts of Ms. Johnston were tied to a straight-back chair and the plastic packaging from a loaf of Wonder Bread were placed over her head.
For reasons unexplained, the letters “STB!” were scrawled in Johnston’s blood throughout the residence.
AP: The World
Literate people throughout the world celebrated today the death of Lynn Johnston. “Sheilagh parties” were held in London, Paris, New York, Chicago, and other environs where people known to read reside. Los Angeles was silent.
macb
January 9th, 2007 at 10:09 pm
#95 Sorry, what does “STB” stand for? “Still the Best”? “Slutliz the B-tch”?
Red Greenback
January 9th, 2007 at 10:10 pm
I would really like a t-shirt that says “THE MILFORD STAR CARES” .
Red Greenback
January 9th, 2007 at 10:12 pm
Slap The Bitch…
Mudman
January 9th, 2007 at 10:15 pm
Tell me that GT wouldn’t make a terrifyingly great video game!
“…your team came to Milford to play just one game but then something odd happened! Your bus driver was eaten and your equipment manager won’t stop ranting about No-bid contracts! The people are friendly but those mishapen heads….
THEY”RE COMING-THEY”RE COMING!!!
Visit the hospital, find your team mates (they’re the ones with the normal looking foreheads) and escape Milford with your lives!”
“This is the game Halo should have been!!!” Gamecentralpix
Faramir
January 9th, 2007 at 10:19 pm
Long time reader, first time commentor.
I just want to let everyone know, if this hasn’t been pointed out already, that the Rick Bozich character in Gil Thorpe is the name of a real person. In fact, he’s a sports columnist for the Louisville Courier-Journal. As proof, I offer a link to his latest column:
http://www.courier-journal.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070109/COLUMNISTS01/701090370/1002/SPORTS
There was an article in the paper when the character first appeared, but I can’t access it online anymore.
Poteet
January 9th, 2007 at 10:23 pm
# 91 — Thanks, Uncle Lumpy. I appreciate this revelation. Har har, but now I know it’s time for me to stop answering the foob question. I’ll just focus on surviving the strip itself.
Which reminds me that I’d really like to know how AppleGirl is doing with her new Foobless lifestyle. AppleGirl, do you feel more energetic, optimistic, happy, and free than ever before? Or are you jonesing to read just long enough to see what happens to Lizardbreath this week? And if a Foobstrip is featured on a Metapost, will you read that or skip it? Inquiring minds want to know!
Baby D’oh
January 9th, 2007 at 10:28 pm
Re: Gil Thorp -
Actually, I think the point of panel three is that making daring investigative phone calls causes Helen’s face to slide off. Or that could just be me.
Dean Booth
January 9th, 2007 at 10:29 pm
GT: In the last panel, that’s not a phone, it’s a gun. Helen’s hoping to visit that great superintendent’s office in the sky, where everything’s drawn right.
Heckler123
January 9th, 2007 at 10:39 pm
I call this the foob sandwich. It’s dry white meat on bland white bread. No special sauce, no condiments. Just dry, white, crustless bread and meat. Oh so very, very dry and bland.
Best served roadside.
Artist Formerly Known as Ben
January 9th, 2007 at 10:52 pm
Is that “Margaret Sandwich” joke on a password protected site? Should I write an email to get it?
I’m thinking Joey is the olive with the toothpick stuck in it. Am I close?
Doug Puthoff
January 9th, 2007 at 10:56 pm
Gil Thorp rules! It’s one of the greatest comic strips ever, where else can one get a boring two-hour sports event deleted into three of four easy-to-read comic strips? And no lame beer commercials, either. The strip has done a great service to the sports world.
Mr. O’Malley
January 9th, 2007 at 10:56 pm
Commemoration of the 99th anniversary of the death of Wilhelm Busch, creator of Max and Moritz.
To anyone born in Germany since, oh, 1865 or so (or almost anyone who’s taken a German literature course), they are quite familiar faces: Max and Moritz. Wilhelm Busch, their creator, died 99 years ago today, and his work inspired the Katzenjammer Kids, and through them, the entire American newspaper comic strip industry.
In an era when German children’s books had titles like “Of Proper Children” and were filled with positive images of obedient little munchkins, Busch presented the complete opposite – juvenile delinquents without peer. He tells his story with rhyming poetry and delightful images, akin to (and perhaps inspiring) what Dr. Seuss would do with words and pictures a century later.
(I didn’t find any site that was equally descriptive, but without the heavy-handed political allegories; however you can skip over them without missing anything.)
Monkey's Paw
January 9th, 2007 at 11:20 pm
Anthony’s personality is like action in GT, it all happens off screen and we only hear about it secondhand.
Dingo
January 9th, 2007 at 11:23 pm
Something’s Coming
music by Leonard Bernstein, lyrics by Stephen Sondheim, retold by Jeff Gillette (aka Dingo)
Could be!
Who knows?
They expected me next day;
I will know right away,
Soon as it shows.
There may be a beaver in my boyfriend’s place,
Gnawing on wood,
Maybe his face!
Who knows?
Mtigwaki’s just out of reach,
Up on the tundra, I’m such a “beach,”
Wait and see.
I got a feeling there’s something afoot,
When I find out,
Oh, what a hoot!
Could it be? Yes, it could.
Boyfriend’s cheating, cheatin’ good,
I’m on my way!
Boyfriend’s cheating, I don’t know who it’s with,
But she is
Gonna regret.
With a click, without a knock,
I will enter, boyfriend shock,
He’s in some snatch!
Stop your comin’, pull it out, wipe it off;
Out of bed!
Put on some pants!
Around the corner,
I’m coming with a skillet,
Your head? I’ll drill it,
New holes!
Will it be? Yes, it will.
Your new girlfriend? Fed to krill!
People will stare.
Flame-retardant polar bears
Give icy stares
To such a ‘ho.
Come on, Mtiguaks, come on in, don’t be shy,
See the guy,
Pull up a chair!
The air is fetid,
Gary, please open the door!
Who knows?
It’s only just out of reach,
Anthony? I beseech!
Maybe tonight . . .
Maybe tonight . . .
Dingo
January 9th, 2007 at 11:27 pm
If we ever all get together, I expect a dance off between the Mary Worth crowd and Girls in Apartment 3G. Someone can pretend to be Tommie Thompson and sing to Toeby, “A man like that? He is no lover! Green jacket love, you will discover! Beware of that man, he is a HAT MAN!”
Uncle Lumpy
January 9th, 2007 at 11:30 pm
#109 Dingo -
“Fed to krill!” Ahhhhhhhh. . . .
MonkeyHawk
January 9th, 2007 at 11:54 pm
#107 — Mister O’Malley:
Thank you ever so much for introducing me to the contributions of Wilhelm Busch, the guy to made little Adolf Hitler chuckle as a child, instilled in him the will to live and aspire to bigger things.
I could probably find more information somewhere (but where? oh where?!), but does anyone know what happened to the Katzenjammer Kids during World War One (when German Shepherds were renamed “Alsations,” when saurkraut was called “Liberty cabbage,” when vinegar was at long-last removed from potato salad?
apostate
January 10th, 2007 at 12:14 am
The Toby and Chinbeard:
Bland, inadequately aged cheese spread over stale, unappealing sourdough.
Poteet
January 10th, 2007 at 12:20 am
# 102 — No, Baby D’oh, it’s not just you. That face is definitely slidin’, probably soon to reveal the green lizard skin beneath. And belated congrats on making The List!
# 109 — Ooh, Dingo, you do that SO well. Parody, I mean.
mcmc
January 10th, 2007 at 12:34 am
RMMD: What the heck happened to Elvis in panel 3? Did his face fall off? Did he whip on a balaclava between frames? Is he losing the ability to maintain his human disguise, reverting to his actual alien appearance whenever no one is watching? (That could explain the mysterious chin-dots and eye-rings). And what’s that mummy wrapper he’s wearing? Where did that come from?
Poteet
January 10th, 2007 at 12:46 am
# 115 — mcmc, thank you. Exactly what I was wondering.
1/10 MT — Ooooooh…sob…it’s moments like these that make it all worthwhile…
MW — Please, please, don’t just keep talking for another two weeks. Head for the bum boat.
JP — Aliens from Planet Zorg in Paris! Already one is succumbing to human microbes.
Dingo
January 10th, 2007 at 1:06 am
Today’s Apt. 3G reminds me of a line that William Goldman quoted in a film magazine. It was from a 40s movie he didn’t name but was said by a secondary character instead of the lead. Two women were seated near each other at a party. Another woman walked by and one sniffed, “What’s so special about her? What’s she got that I don’t?” To which the other woman replied, “What she has, you’ll never have. What you have, she could never spell.”
Poteet
January 10th, 2007 at 1:10 am
Foob — Golly, when Liz gets really pissed off, her lips swell and exude lipstick, eyeshadow appears on her lids, her bangs grow out, her eyelashes lengthen, her nose reshapes to look perkier, and her eyebrows pluck themselves. How can we mortal women ever compete?
Aaron
January 10th, 2007 at 1:10 am
1/10:
In today’s Slylock Fox, Is that a reference to comic section newcomer Diesel Sweeties, with Maura’s portrait on the calendar? Kick ass!!
Dingo
January 10th, 2007 at 1:14 am
Dios mio! Liz… Liz Patterson… drawn in panel 5 like some raging harpie! (Yes, harpie, not hair pie) Oooh, if only Poteet was next to me with a bag of Krunchers and some Dr Pepper to cackle gleefully and call up AppleGirl and coax her back into FOOBian bliss. Paul is so busted! You don’t pull on Superman’s cape. You don’t spit in the wind. You don’t pull the mask off the ol’ Lone Ranger and you don’t fuck with Pattersons!
Poor Gary and Viv. For their sake, I hope there aren’t any porcelain swan figurines lying about the house.
mumbles
January 10th, 2007 at 1:16 am
MW: Uh oh. I’m getting worried about this storyline. Tobey, don’t you be talking Mary out of Vietnam! Mary does the meddling around here! Mary, never mind her. Jeff’s, er, going down. He’s not an able, uhm, seaman. Your dream is spot-on in ways you don’t even comprehend yet.
FOOB: You’re telling me, that in the entire town, there’s not one smug busybudy with a cell phone who loves to be the bearer of bad news? Hope there’s room for two in the basement prison, Francoise, coz you’re getting a roommate.
Dingo
January 10th, 2007 at 1:20 am
Pity poor Lucky. Where in Lost Forest does a beaver go to find ice chips while his woman heaves and curses and threatens him with bodily harm for putting her in this condition? Better start work on that dam and lodge pronto, buddy. You’re gonna need rooms for the kits, a place for her mother, and another to stash your porn.
TB Tabby
January 10th, 2007 at 1:22 am
119: HOLY MOTHER OF PEARL, IT IS!
As for MT: Whjile I’m happy to see the beavers reunited, it makes me wonder just how far away Mark relocated her, if she was able to find her way back so quickly…while on the verge of labor, no less.
Also, in Spider-Man, JJJ just referred to himself as “King of All Media.” THAT brings some unpleasant images to mind.
slinkimalinki
January 10th, 2007 at 1:24 am
Apt 3G — “i’m afraid what you have is a lot creepier”
she’s referring to crabs?
PixelFish
January 10th, 2007 at 1:27 am
Like Dramashoes @ #40, I think the last Gil Thorpe panel looks like somebody took an X-acto to a Jack Chick comic. That woman’s left eye t’ain’t right.
Aaron
January 10th, 2007 at 1:34 am
Diesel Sweeties fans: I see that comics.com now has the strip up, in “color” (rather than dithered black & white), and they have last week’s “unofficial” premiere strips. Start reading here!
Ron
January 10th, 2007 at 1:39 am
I want a T-shirt that says “With Susan? With SUSAN?”
TB Tabby
January 10th, 2007 at 1:58 am
Breaking News: I just learned that the Dennis the Menace cartoon is coming to Boomerang, staring with a marathon beginning next Monday. Check it out if you want to see Dennis actually doing things that might be considered “menacing” in some circles.
Dingo
January 10th, 2007 at 2:03 am
Folks, I don’t know if this link will work but it was too precious for me not to share. My local newspaper, The Times of Ottawa, Illinois, printed an article on a woman who has started her own comic strip called Harriet Thimble. First, y’all have to see her style of drawing. Is that scar tissue on her vagina? A telephone cord? An apron? Is that a phone near her hand? How is she holding it and how well does she hear out of her eye? This strip makes the hairstyles in TDIET seem modern! What’s really priceless is the caption beneath:
“Life and relationships are like a ship. With every hole you sink more and more, so keep patching holes before they become unpatchable. And always sail straight ahead.†Oh, if only Mary Worth had said this to Dr. Jeff before he left for Cambodia!
Enjoy.
Kate
January 10th, 2007 at 2:15 am
Dingo,
this excerpt from the story:
One example of Harriet Thimble’s wit has to do with combating weight gain.
“Margrett,” says Harriet, “Yesterday I received the diet pills that guaranteed me to lose 50 pounds overnight. I didn’t realize then [sic meant in English currency!”
sucks all the joy and beauty from my life and leaves me a flaccid sack of skin. Sort of the way Harriet Thimble looks.
Trotzenbonnie
January 10th, 2007 at 2:21 am
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2007/1/10&name=For_Better_Or_Worse
Liz is going to work it out with pleasure. Hmmmm. A threesome maybe?
Mibbitmaker
January 10th, 2007 at 2:24 am
Oh, God, no. Liz has that beat-him-to-a-bloody-pulp look in her eye again! It’s 2002 all over again. It’s all here: Liz boyfriend who came off all stalky when first interested, another woman, she finds out the jerk’s cheating… next thing you know, it’s punching-out-a-man-is-okay,-no-regrets time again – and written/drawn by a woman who admits to abuse from her mom, to boot. Liz might as well stage a phony intervention and drive DoWrong to drink himself off a cliff.
Uncle Lumpy
January 10th, 2007 at 2:26 am
#129, #130 -
Aw, c’mon you guys.
I think Harriet Thimble is a swing in the direction of the old Hazel panels, with maybe a dash of Pluggers, minus of course the creepy rhinocerosity.
Yeah, the art needs to be deThorped and somebody needs to boil down the writing. But it seems sweet, and in a Tinsley/Hart world, that’s gotta count for something.
Uncle Lumpy
January 10th, 2007 at 2:30 am
“Those diet pills I ordered from England worked perfectly! I lost 50 pounds overnight!
Something like that.
Dingo
January 10th, 2007 at 2:38 am
Uncle Lumpy and Kate, doesn’t it make you wonder what the currency is in the rest of Great Britain?
“Margrett, I just got the bill from my husband’s golf pro. Why would they need condoms and lubricant?”
Trotzenbonnie
January 10th, 2007 at 2:39 am
Panel #2 – Apparently, real men wear pedal pushers.
Panel #3 – Is Elvis about to start singing “Mammy’?
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20070110&name=Rex_Morgan
Mibbitmaker
January 10th, 2007 at 2:43 am
Maybe this is how it’ll play out:
Liz steams in, loaded for bear (sorry, Molly!), but Paul, who’s in full sex mode with Susan, won’t be an Eric weeny. Big, tough cop that he is, he’ll actually hit back. “Hey, smacking someone’s so &%#&^* wrong!!”, spits Liz, ironically. He then pulls out his police firearm, but Liz grabs it, and quickly shoots the Mtigquisling cop, offing him.
Susan, who refused to join in the Patterson Punch-out and hid behind a chair, sees him in a pool of blood and yells, “PAUL IS DEAD!”
But Lizardbreth remains calm. “It’s okay,” she blandly states, “It’s only a man. They’re all just cowboys, anyway.”
And nobody in FoobLand even thought twice about it, ever again, the end.
Nyssa23
January 10th, 2007 at 2:44 am
129 – Thanks, Dingo, for finding a comic strip that makes “Ziggy” look well-drawn and “Pluggers” sound like Pulitzer Prize-winning literature. Yikes!
P.S. I didn’t know there was a Tom of Finland documentary; I’ll have to check it out. And you put it very well–the art does have a real kind of sunny pre-HIV-angst innocence about it.
P.P.S. Now you’ve got me thinking of a “Don’t Mess Around With Liz” parody. I can only hope the ghost of Jim Croce won’t leave me threatening notes if I complete it.
ChefMike
January 10th, 2007 at 2:48 am
Crock: How appropriate that the entire gang from the Crock strip is admonished to stay on the side of the line where the strip is NOT funny
GA: Corky, your brother is tryin to tell you that maybe it’s time to hang up the apron (as if the lack of customers in the diner wasn’t enough of an indication.)
Curtis: more evidence that this strip is trapped in a time warp. There are entire sections of most bookstores dedicated to African American authors. Maybe I’m out of touch with the issues of the African American community, because I’m not one myself, but it seems to me that no one’s being supressed.
FOOBS: I think Lynn Johnston’s writing gets more bizzarre the closer she gets to retirement, she’s clearly rushing to get loose ends tied up. By Saturday, Lizardbreath will be back in Granthony’s arms, far away from that no-good, cheating Mr. Wright. and you will hear a chorus of heads banging loudly upon many desks.
Trotzenbonnie
January 10th, 2007 at 2:57 am
Do Curmudgeons ever sleep?
Mibbitmaker
January 10th, 2007 at 3:05 am
1-10:
RMMD: Great, little old lady Death, just great. Now Elvis has an executioner’s mask on! I hope you’re happy, Lady.
Lockhorns: “Round Two”? Oh, you mean Liz vs. Paul.
S-M: Why don’t you say your dialogue for once, MJ? And why want help from that pathetic doofus? “Why doesn’t Peter help me” is becoming this strip’s “Molly doesn’t understand hostility”.
And no wonder I hate JJJ…J…J; he’s freakin’ Howard Stern.
FW: “Uh, I hate to tell you this, Winkerbean, but that terrorist you firebombed back in Bagdad was…your son!”
(DT)GT: “…Aaaand he passes the ball down the court, while bombs are going off all around him!…”
MT: And the next day, Trail and that other guy show up to find the Beavers finishing up a dam. In the same place. Yet again.
Mark Trail: “D’oh!”
TB Tabby
January 10th, 2007 at 3:12 am
FC: So instead of bothering to tie her shoelaces, Dolly would rather buy a pet mouse just so her cat can kill it.
No wonder the backyard has so many “pets” buried in it. Somebody alert PETA!
Harry Paratestes
January 10th, 2007 at 3:32 am
RMMD: I think it’s great how Tommy Lee turned into a character from Dr Seuss in panel 3.
reader-who-posts
January 10th, 2007 at 3:35 am
DtM: “My bologna has a first name, it’s M-A-R-G-A-R-E-T, my bologna has a second name, it’s W-A-D-E” (Really! More information about Margaret Wade can be found on the internet.) Calling a bologna sandwich a “Margaret Sandwich” is by far the most menacing thing that Dennis has done in months. I’m just glad he wasn’t eating tuna fish.
reader-who-posts
January 10th, 2007 at 3:47 am
#112 – I’m not going to say that you are lazy, or not internet savvy, but a VERY quick google search (katzenjammer kids world war) led to the first result having the answer – The Shenanigan Kids – with the text in the result on google ending with “During World War 1,..”. Need I say that more information about the Katzenjammer Kids during WWI can be found on the internet?
http://www.toonopedia.com/katzen.htm
Mr. O’Malley
January 10th, 2007 at 4:03 am
Pluggers, as we saw a few days ago, have remote controls for their TVs, but they have yet to encounter a dessert commonly served in America for at least 100 years? Or is it supposed to mean that despite managing to eat enough to balloon up over 300 pounds, they are too poor to afford a trip to Dairy Queen? Do they put on all that weight by eating cornstalks?
lesles
January 10th, 2007 at 4:04 am
#140 Trotzenbonnie – Do Curmudgeons ever sleep?
no time. too many comics. josh gets to sleep ’cause his minion dominion reaches around the globe. josh sleeps so we don’t have to.
dingo, brilliant statement from the daughter on that link: “She said I have a God-given talent, and I should use it,” said Anderson
ah, irony. so often wasted on earnest parents.
Mr. O’Malley
January 10th, 2007 at 4:16 am
143. Yes, I remember in my childhood how much I enjoyed reading that immortal children’s classic, The Cat in the Ski Mask.
Elvis is gonna terminate everyone who knows of the existence of the kid, starting with Granny Yokum, and June is next on the list. Plus Rex and everyone at the office and the DMV lady too. And only June stands in his way! Forget Orbweaver Hominid and Squid, PhD. This is going to be a real battle!
reader-who-posts
January 10th, 2007 at 4:17 am
Pluggers: I like the name of the ‘too poor to eat an entire banana’ poster, Marlene Evilsizor. If I ever submitted an entry in to Pluggers I would use my “childhood pet/childhood street name” porn star name “Hammer Oakwood”. After that, of course, I’d kill myself.
TB Tabby
January 10th, 2007 at 4:31 am
Evilsizor?! Sounds like a Decepticon!
Mr. O’Malley
January 10th, 2007 at 4:43 am
A while ago I proposed a topic that still flares up occasionally, of musicians or bands named after comics characters.
There would also be the reverse topic, that of music derived from comic strips. Of course there is “Alley Oop” by the Hollywood Argyles and the atrocious “Snoopy and the Red Baron” by the revolting Royal Guardsmen. No doubt some other examples will occur to CCers.
However, I’ve come across a fairly early example on a CD of Bob Crosby and his Orchestra, from January 23, 1939.
“The genesis of Swingin’ at the Sugar Bowl was in the Harold Teen comic strip, popular in the ’30s and ’40s. “Carl Ed, who drew it, used to come in all the time to hear us when we were at the Blackhawk, in Chicago,” says Haggart. “And he regularly put us in (the strip)—me and Bauduc. The Sugar Bowl, of course, was the soda shoppe where Teen and his pals all hung out; I guess this was our way of saying ‘thank you’ to him.”"
I suspect that Harold Teen may have also been an early influence on Scaduto.
Olaf glad and big
January 10th, 2007 at 6:11 am
hey dennis, it could be worse. you could be eating dog food like mike patterson’s son.
Lockestep
January 10th, 2007 at 7:47 am
“Still another reason Johnston doesn’t want to continue doing new “FBorFW” strips every day is that she’s not as clued in as younger people are to the latest technology, language, and attitudes.”
Well, knock me down with a feather. I never suspected it.
doughy lawyer Roy
January 10th, 2007 at 7:48 am
Aunt Fritzie in Nancy today…Oh yeah-h-h-h!
Sheilagh
January 10th, 2007 at 7:56 am
Well, I’m relieved to see someone had the decency to WARN Liz, so she doesn’t just walk in and get sucker-punched. And I’m relieved that she seems to be reacting with anger rather than anguish — good for her! I do wonder whether Warren set this up on purpose, though — her “I know you, what are you up to?” remark would imply something like that.
Why do I care? Oddly enough, I like Liz. Unlike her completely soppy brother, who was making cow-eyes at possible mates from the age of about three, she was having a career, she picked a somewhat adventurous one, she got out of town and away from her smothering family, and the men in her life were mostly secondary. Okay, she’s too saintly, but at least she’s not a Stepford Wife like Deanna. What a DRAG that Lynn insists on pounding the square peg into the round hole by main force! Yeah, Lynn, create an interesting character and then KILL HER SPIRIT, that’ll keep your readers engaged…
Come to think of it, I guess it does :-P
Sheilagh
January 10th, 2007 at 8:01 am
As for Mary Worth, that noise you hear is my mind boggling. WHAT is our Meddlin’ Mary going to DO when she gets to Saigon?
Is there an Agency of Missing Doctors at which she can inquire?
I bet there is. This is Mary Worth, after all.
Baby D’oh
January 10th, 2007 at 8:02 am
#114: Thanks, Poteet! Good to have your support on the face-slidin’ action.
True Fable
January 10th, 2007 at 8:14 am
FOOB You know, when you think about it, Liz should not be all that surprised. Paul fell for her from just a picture, and pursued her hard until he got her. If he can fall for her that fast, he can fall for other girls that fast, too.
LIZ! Is it SO inconceivable to you that some other woman just might be on the same level as you? That you are NOT the be-all, end-all, worshipped goddess of dumbfounded doofii that Lynn has set you up to be?
So, Paul has another squeeze. Yeah, so? Liz was supposed to stay to Mtconnerly and teach, but she changed her mind; she was going to go home to live but changed her mind; she was going to spend Christmas with Paul but changed her mind; she was going to fly up there on a specific day but changed her mind. Evidently Paul figured she would change her mind about him anyway and decided to beat her to the punch.
I want Liz to cry. I want to see the pain. I want Lynn to wallow in her self-righteous “can’t trust any man except someone you grew up with” glory and revel in her “if a woman wants to be a real woman, she will have to bear children and therefore will want to quit work to stay home with them” bullshit.
Then I want her staff to all walk out on her, because they want to quit work and stay home with their families.
I’m in a bad mood because I like and identify with Paul, and his character is going to get trashed as a sacrifice to Pouty Lips Patterson and Anthony McDickweed.
True Fable
January 10th, 2007 at 8:17 am
Yes I know, for that matter Paul changed his mind on many of those same things too. That only underscores the fact that he’s tapping something that might not run back home to Mommy and Daddy and Granthony at first chance, that’s all.
Justafoob
January 10th, 2007 at 8:17 am
Did anyone see the plot point of Paul and Susan being “together” coming?
I was totally blindsided.
Now who is poor Liz going to turn to.
Is there a steady guy who brings all the qualities of foobiness to bear?
Granthony, thy name is destiny.
benro
January 10th, 2007 at 8:30 am
#160 – Did anyone see the plot point of Paul and Susan being “together†coming?
Are you serious? How about since June 23, 2006?
Basil Wrathbone
January 10th, 2007 at 8:30 am
FOOB: Yay! She is finally there and indeterminate-First-Nation-exposition-guy has let it slip. I’m so happy. “Oh Foob-jous day, callou callay!” I chortled in my joy.
Allie Cat
January 10th, 2007 at 8:32 am
Foob. Yes, dumbass, WITH Susan. In a Biblical sense.
But does he like her, or does he LIKE her like her?
I can’t WAIT for the carnage!
Basil Wrathbone
January 10th, 2007 at 8:34 am
I was so excited about Liz’s impending emotional explosion, that I forgot about MW. I think the title for the strips in Vietnam should be Full Meddlesome Jackass.
Calico
January 10th, 2007 at 8:51 am
#34 – Dennis is a hermie – please no. That’s one big tit!
#37 – April doesn’t really have a personality – I think it’s simply called “hormones.”
Liz is morphing into Margo in the last panel, to the strains of Aerosmith’s “Janey’s got a gun.”
Calico
January 10th, 2007 at 8:57 am
#33 – or that warm apple pie.
Luna
January 10th, 2007 at 9:10 am
Who’s the bookie of the curmudgeons? I want to make a bet.
Sometime in the next week or so, there will be a panel in the FOOB strip with Elly comforting Liz and thinking a thought balloon that has something to do with her motherly intuition, or her female intuition about Paul.
I’d like to wager my life savings on that one, please.
Because, Lynn, you’ve become as creative as the authors of the Scholastic Aptitude Test and about as predictable as a Catholic mass.
STB! STB! STB! STB!
Hogen Mogen
January 10th, 2007 at 9:19 am
Like Dick Cheney, Mary “had other priorities”, too, which is why she didn’t go overseas with Jeff in the first place.
Priority #1 – water the roses.
Priority #2 – hang out uselessly at the hospital and pine over Dr. Jeff’s absence so much that she can’t even offer the sick some lame platitude for their health (which is good, because any sick person listening stands a good chance of vomiting when listening to such vapid, fortune-cookie wisdom).
Priority #3 – settling legal disputes between novegenarians and former presidential candidates with her encyclopedic knowledge of the Charterstone Commandments, and willingness to use them as a weapon against anyone she finds particularly annoying.
Priority #4 – TUNA CASSEROLES, BABY!
Spegs
January 10th, 2007 at 9:27 am
#158 “LIZ! Is it SO inconceivable to you that some other woman just might be on the same level as you? That you are NOT the be-all, end-all, worshipped goddess of dumbfounded doofii that Lynn has set you up to be?
So, Paul has another squeeze. Yeah, so?”
I can’t BELIEVE that my first comment here is going to be in defense of Liz. *shudder*
That being said, as much I love the Mounty (and pretty much anyone who is not Anthony), as he’s WITH Sharon, Liz has a right to be peeved. It’s not raging egotism (though there is plenty of that, too, of course), it’s more that Paul was making kissy-noises on the phone to her just a few days before Christmas. I think Paul ought to run away screaming, but for him to do so like a gentleman, he’d have to inform her of his intentions pre-shrieking flight.
Where were her Mtigwhatever friends on this one?
Saxman
January 10th, 2007 at 9:30 am
The last panel of FOOB was priceless. You know it just *has* to be a “self portrait of the artist.” I only wonder whether Lynn Johnston artfully arranged mirrors to catch that expression or maybe used a photograph.
Other random thoughts.
Does anyone know whether there is a 7 day waiting period to buy handguns in Canada?
Liz is *so* going to have snark rights on her mother (the one who originally fixed her up with Paul.” You know what I mean… If mom ever again says, “I met this guy who would be perfect for you,” Lizzardbreath will be perfectly justified saying, “Yeah, LIKE that will work out about as good as Paul did.” In fact, if mom says, “maybe you should frost your tips,” Liz will be perfectly justified saying, “Yeah, LIKE that will work out about as good as Paul did.”
Finally, let’s recap. Liz has been betrayed by two lovers, nearly raped, and now lives in a cramped extended family situation. It is time for her to come to terms with her relationships with mem and come out of the closet. Maybe Lynn Johnston had that in ind all along. Maybe her post-foob project will be a Canadian version of Jane’s World. I’d read it.
Hogen Mogen
January 10th, 2007 at 9:36 am
#72 – Roy – great link. But, uh… where’s Funky?
Hogen Mogen
January 10th, 2007 at 9:37 am
We want the Funk. Gotta have that Funk.
King Folderol
January 10th, 2007 at 9:45 am
A3G – This is starting to remind me of “Wuthering Heights”, and the last thing I need from A3G is to be reminded of a book I was reading while I was a sexually frustrated 9th grader.
DM – See, my mind went to cannibalism. Or a series of jokes about how different people in DM taste like different things. I guess I don’t have a dirty mind, but I…like eating people? What the hell?
GotFuzzy
January 10th, 2007 at 9:49 am
So FOOB is now headed down the (DT)GT path and instead of letting us see something, like Liz getting blindsided and catching Doo-Wrong actually doing her wrong, we just get important plot points exposited by minor characters. This on top of the great news that rather than dying a clean death, the strip will lurch into semi-zombie mode and take up space, with the spawn of Mike and Deanna frozen at their most irritating age. Fab. U. Lous.
Speaking of (DT)GT, Coach Wolverine is now rivaling Big Daddy Keane for most girlish figure. Check him out in his smart track suit today!
King Folderol
January 10th, 2007 at 9:52 am
It won’t be as good as Uncle Lumpy, but GT has inspired me. No parody, just free verse. Think Beck or Buck 65.
I know Rubin and McLaughlin do what they can
But their men all look like women
And their women like the man.
Ugly bloated people all walking around
All they ever do is play sports in Milford town.
And their faces all so ugly
That they’re breaking all the glass
And when I look at every face
I think I’m looking at an ass.
So you’ll just have to tell me
Is that Gil Thorp’s plan?
To have a man that’s like a woman?
And a woman like a man?
Hogen Mogen
January 10th, 2007 at 9:53 am
Here’s my Gil Thorp sandwich:
Peanut butter, wheat bread, corn flakes, banana slices, cheese – a confused pile of random stuff that is surprisingly edible, but you will never admit to ever trying it and liking it – sort of like that time you checked out what does dog food really taste like.
Calico
January 10th, 2007 at 9:54 am
My nominations for COTW:
MW – “Full Meddle Jacket”
MW again – “Yeah, I was in the shit.”
JB2
January 10th, 2007 at 9:59 am
Bottom left corner; you can barely see him.
FOOB: Gotta love the evil-ass look on Liz’s face. No, she’s not hurt or confused, just pissed. How dare he!!
Meanwhile, she didn’t even call ahead to tell him she didn’t need a ride. What an ass.
I wonder how much Warren knew about this? He’ll be in line for some nice rebound sex after the ride home.
Da KwanzOtter
January 10th, 2007 at 10:02 am
And in RM, Elvis has gone completely over to the Dark Side. Or Dork Side. Which is ironical, because my name on another site is Dorkseid.
Frank Drackman
January 10th, 2007 at 10:04 am
Someone should tell Rich Bozich he looks like a Lesbian(not that theres anything wrong with that). Also his false eyelashes and eyeliner don’t go with his mannish hairstyle..Speaking of sandwiches, I’ll take a LuAnn-Margo on Rye, footlong of course.
benro
January 10th, 2007 at 10:06 am
#180 – Speaking of sandwiches, I’ll take a LuAnn-Margo on Rye, footlong of course.
Extra mayo, too.
GotFuzzy
January 10th, 2007 at 10:06 am
I gotta think that Warren knew nothing of what he was dropping Liz into, or he would have waited around for the rebound romp that JB2 alludes to. Plus, Lynn did not hammer us with foreshadowing by filling Warren’s thought bubbles with forced puns about two-timing.
Mibbitmaker
January 10th, 2007 at 10:07 am
#155: Oddly enough, I don’t like Liz. In fact, I started hating her when she went all Laila Ali on slimy Eric. Then I hated her some more with her wishy-washiness going from MtigGuffin to home to whining about that. This woman’s aggressive-passive, and like in politics, I dislike both her extremes.
If she confronts the Cheat Police with pure verbal and decision-making justice, I’ll like her better. Relatively speaking, of course. Pattersons still suck.
Sheilagh
January 10th, 2007 at 10:15 am
Mibbitmaker, I can only agree about the wishy-washiness in moving back to Foobville. That’s the point at which Liz stopped being the one lucky escapee from Pattersoniana, and set her feet on the slippery slope that leads to (ugh) Anthony. It’s been a slow-motion train wreck ever since.
Doesn’t mean I have to like it.
Justafoob
January 10th, 2007 at 10:18 am
So, you are telling me that EVERYONE knew that Paul was going to cheat on Liz.
I guess I just don’t get the subtleness of Lynn’s writing.
I need to have Mike Patterson write this strip so that I know exactly what is going on.
Mibbitmaker
January 10th, 2007 at 10:19 am
#137: What? Nobody got my “Paul is dead” joke? Do I need to drop clues into all my albums now? (Well’p, there goes subtlety!)
Hogen Mogen
January 10th, 2007 at 10:22 am
#129 – Dingo, thank you for that horrifying glimpse into just how badly drawn, unfunny, and wretched-platitude-filled a comic can be, all centered around one lady talking on the phone. Now I will more earnestly appreciate Crock for its artistry, FBOFW for its belly-laugh humor, Mary Worthless for its keen insights into life’s concerns (at least she keeps them to 2 or 3 lines) and The Lockhorns for their interesting backgrounds and well developed ancillary characters.
#147 – lesles:
“She said I have a God-given talent, and I should use it,†said Anderson
If ever there was an argument for atheism, that would be Exhibit A.
kilgore trout
January 10th, 2007 at 10:23 am
#171, 172 The Funk is at lower left. Nice George Cliinton reference, though.
pelagius
January 10th, 2007 at 10:24 am
Lizzie (You’re A Fine Girl)
There’s a hut in a northern town
And it serves a hundred men a day
Lonely Mounties pass the time away
And talk about their homes
And there’s a girl, in this northern town
And she works, laying on the ground
They say “Saint Liz, spread your love around”
She serves them with a smile
The Mounties say “Lizzie, you’re a fine girl
What a good wife you would be
Yeah your lips could suck the moustache
Off Anthony.”
Saint Liz, wears a chintzy chain
Purchased with one month of Tim Horton pay
A locket, filled with mousy hair
Of a man that stalked St. Liz
He sat, in his southern town
Waiting for Liz to settle down
Serving up donuts with a frown
What was taking her so long?
The pilots said “Lizzie, you’re a fine girl
What a good wife you would be
But it’s much more fun cuckolding
Anthony.”
Islamorada Girl
January 10th, 2007 at 10:25 am
I hear that Foob trainwreck comin’
It’s comin’ ’round the bend
This comix ain’t shown no sense
Since God knows when
But I’m stuck in Patterson prison
And the stupid just keeps rollin’ on. . .
AUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGH! DEATH! DEATH! DEATH TO FOOB!
The fatwah is official! DEATH! DEATH! DEATH!
Thank you.
Mibbitmaker
January 10th, 2007 at 10:26 am
#185: If Michael wrote this strip, both Liz v. Eric and Liz v. Paul would become a rip-off of Fried Green Tomatoes (Gee, I wonder if all those cannibalism jokes on “Match Game” influenced Fanny Flagg on that one? Yeccchhh!).
And if Susan drives an old VW bug, she better be careful!
Dingo
January 10th, 2007 at 10:26 am
Mibbitmaker, I got it but your “It’s only a man. They’re all just cowboys, anyway.” has totally stumped me. I think all of us are pondering that, instead. Plus… I made that joke weeks ago.
Meanwhile
January 10th, 2007 at 10:26 am
Okay, I get that Margo is too self-absorbed to take any real interest in the world around her or to learn about anything that’s not going to directly advance her social or economic status. After all, that’s why we love her.
So I’ll allow that maybe she has never bothered to dedicate a single neuron to Albert Pinkham Ryder. I’m sure she’s not alone in that, especially among Manhattan’s ignorant population of effete bourgeois hipsters.
But that she would ever admit her ignorance to anyone — especially LuAnn? Inconceivable. She must be up to something. Now I just have to figure out what Margo has to gain by pretending not to know Ryder, or by not pretending she does know Ryder, whichever happens to be the actual case here.
(P.S. I was joking about Manhattanites. Please don’t hate me.)
Frank Drackman
January 10th, 2007 at 10:28 am
#186 Turn me on Dead Man, I got the Paul reference.
Dingo
January 10th, 2007 at 10:30 am
#189 Pelagius: Great work! You took me back to the mid-70s and eating an ice cream sandwich out at the beach. That song played all summer long.
Foobaphobe
January 10th, 2007 at 10:30 am
I kinda like the new Liz look in the last panel. She could be the cruel latex goddess of the North, no?
Mibbitmaker
January 10th, 2007 at 10:32 am
#190: Gee, Islamorada Girl, I don’t seem to remember lyrics like those at the end of the actual song…
I fully endorse them, though.
Randy
January 10th, 2007 at 10:32 am
Once upon a time, the Mary Worth people had a sense of humor about their strip:
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,893653,00.html
Is the same thing happening now? Are they doing a FBOFW take off, with Mary going to Vietnam only to find Jeff shacked up with a Mountie?
We can only hope.
Michael
January 10th, 2007 at 10:34 am
And a Plugger Moon Pie is when you sit on an apple?
And a Plugger Snickers Bar is when they tell you to stop giggling?
And a Plugger happy ending is a tin of perigoric and a brain full of buckshot?
Hogen Mogen
January 10th, 2007 at 10:39 am
#185 – Justa – I told my wife – a big Foob fan who knows nothing of what raging hate the strip inspires on this site and across North America in the silent majority – that Paul was having some First Nation fornication. She was in complete denial. “No! He’s with LIZ! She’d NEVER go back to Anthony! You don’t know WHAT you’re talking about!” I think the recent strips are giving her some second thoughts, but cancer will be cured and Iraq will be a peaceful, secular nation before my wife will admit to her husband that he’s right and she was deluding herself.
Frank Drackman
January 10th, 2007 at 10:39 am
#72 great link, too bad FW doesn’t feature some of the less used characters.. That one armed chick is HOT..why don’t you see more one armed women? from “Treasure Island” to Def Leopard, its always the one armed guy who gets the top billing. Do people really drink steaming hot coffee with their Pizza? That single Algebra Teacher is a turnon too..you can’t tell me shes not boinking her students..but what does the strip focus on??Band fund raising,,Breast Cancer, War….its supposed to be the “Funny” pages for cryin out loud..
True Fable
January 10th, 2007 at 10:45 am
#185 – No, Justafoob, I didn’t think Paul was going to cheat, I figured him for a straight-up kind of guy.
But Lynn is so bound and determined to clear the path for Liz to race back into Blanthony Pickledick’s arms, she pulled this Bad Mountie routine.
Yes, there was a little foreshadowing, if you want to say that Chipper and Suds were childhood sweethearts (and you know what THAT means to Lynn!) but there has been silence since there except for Paul and Liz’s keep-the-line-smokin’-hot phone sex relationship, or cyberpornin’, or whatever it was. Probably nothing, pfft.
Then out of left field, the man’s a sneaking loser cheater. and THAT is why I’m so irritated. Sure, Sheilagh, I’ll hand it to you that it’s rough to walk in and find your trust in tatters, and if that’s what will happen then a small sliver of me will feel sorry for Liz. The part that isn’t full of contempt for Lynn for this contrived plot twist, that is.
Lucy’s Spunk
January 10th, 2007 at 10:45 am
I have a deadline this afternoon, but how do I spend my time as the clock is ticking? Writing love songs for Pornstache. This is my first crack at this so be gentle:
(with apologies to The Marvelettes “Don’t Mess with Billâ€)
Don’t mess with Liz
No, no, no, no
Don’t mess with Liz
She’s mine all mine
I want her round behind
She’s done the guys who left tears in her eyes
A thousand times or more
She always wants to go roadside
But that doesn’t make her a whore
Hear what I say, boys keep away, ah ah ah
Don’t mess with Liz
No, no, no, no
Leave my Lizzie alone
Get a girl of your own
Now there’s Warren, Eric, Paul and Howard
Just to name a few
Now, Liz got me and I got her
It’s good to be a foob
Hear what I say, boys keep away, ah ah ah
Don’t mess with Liz
No, no, no, no
Don’t mess with Liz
She’s mine all mine
I want her round behind
Though I tell myself she wants no one else
I want to be sure as can be
I built a love nest just for her
We shag in the cage with Francie
Hear what I say, boys keep away, ah ah ah
Don’t mess with Liz
No, no, no, no
Don’t mess with Liz
She’s mine all mine
I want her round behind
Uncle Lumpy
January 10th, 2007 at 10:47 am
#190 I-Girl:
Oh, great – now we have to explain (DT)FOOB ten zillion times a week.
This patriarchal monotheism stuff is mad harsh!
Mibbitmaker
January 10th, 2007 at 10:49 am
#192: Nobody remembers Eva’s speech about men-as-cowboys with their cellphones? You know, a sexist stereotype as authentic as Lynn’s teen slang (foob, roadside)?
Lynn has plenty of contempt for both genders, really. I believe it’s called “fair and ballanced”…
gh
January 10th, 2007 at 11:00 am
#203 Lucy’s Spunk
Man! I just printed out the lyrics to that one to give it a try. It turned out better than I thought! Terrific!
The Great Ka-Floopa Gush
January 10th, 2007 at 11:02 am
#186 I got it.
I thought it was interesting that Liz jumped immediately to suspicion when told that Paul was with Susan. It’s like she already suspected he was cheating. Sigh, it would be nice if she walks in on them getting a ‘Welcome Liz’ party ready for her, with banners, and streamers and a cake in the oven. But I know that is not going to happen.
rich
January 10th, 2007 at 11:03 am
Apropos of June 23, 2006:
Guess we’re about to find out why she calls him “Suds”…he’ll be frantically wiping his suds off of Susan’s chipper as Liz storms in for the kill!
Big Stu
January 10th, 2007 at 11:05 am
The Toronto Star has weighed in on Lizardbreath’s love life. Lynn is being coy about which suitor gets the pyrrhic victory of her hand.
http://www.thestar.com/artsentertainment/article/169553
Dingo
January 10th, 2007 at 11:13 am
Thanks for that link, Big Stu (#209). Unfortunately, it seems that Lynn never learned how to bake humble pie.
True Fable
January 10th, 2007 at 11:17 am
the scorn heaped on Anthony is an indication of how passionate their views are.
Bwahahahaha. G. Anthony Trickleweiner, Esq.!
Basil Wrathbone
January 10th, 2007 at 11:18 am
#170- Thanks for the “self-portrait” comment. Now I’ve had “portrait of the artist as a young foob” running through my mind all day.
Ham Gravy
January 10th, 2007 at 11:23 am
#44 – What does “He Was Good At Frosting My Tips” mean? I’m reasonably sure this is a bukake thing he’s talking about.
Mibbitmaker
January 10th, 2007 at 11:23 am
“Anti-feminist values”? Then where did ‘women beating up men is okay’, and ‘men are all cowboys’ come from?
I guess it takes an anti-feminist to attempt pro-feminism and have it end up looking like a Rush Limbaugh cliche.
Just “call it a day” now, Lynn. And take Batiuk with you!
GypsyMoth
January 10th, 2007 at 11:29 am
#186 – If you notice on the Sgt Peppers album, Paul wears an “OPD” patch on his uniform. officially pronounced dead or Ontario Police Department. You choose! Either way, let the conspiracy theories fly!
Red Greenback
January 10th, 2007 at 11:32 am
Bidi Mao!…BIDI MAO!!
Mibbitmaker
January 10th, 2007 at 11:34 am
As far as the poll is concerned, where is the “None of the Above” option? Aw, hell, I’m surprised there isn’t an “Every man in North America, who’ll all go on cheating on her, eventually” option.
Herro!
January 10th, 2007 at 11:35 am
“I turn 60 this year, so I’m thinking, you know, there are other things I would really like to do. I would like to travel, I’d like to get better at speaking Spanish, I’d like to paint and visit friends who are now disappearing out of my life. People are dying at our age,” she said.
People are dying at 60?! My boss is 61 and travels the world and regularly goes spelunking. He’s in Israel right now. He lent my coworker and me his kayak last year. And it’s not that hard to speak Spanish. Challenge yourself, Lynn, try Mandarin or Russian.
mattt
January 10th, 2007 at 11:41 am
#158 – “…’if a woman wants to be a real woman, she will have to bear children and therefore will want to quit work to stay home with them’ bullshit. Then I want her staff to all walk out on her, because they want to quit work and stay home with their families.”
True Fable, I suspect her staff are all Granthonies. But that still doesn’t mean they won’t do it, I guess.
#200 “I think the recent strips are giving her some second thoughts, but cancer will be cured and Iraq will be a peaceful, secular nation before my wife will admit to her husband that he’s right and she was deluding herself.”
Well, Hogen Mogen, as long as Funky Winkerbean is in print, then, she won’t be doing that.
Dingo
January 10th, 2007 at 11:42 am
If they ever make a movie of FOOB (shudder), I want Sigourney Weaver to play Liz just so that she can open the door and shout, “Get off my Mountie!”
MyGoodName
January 10th, 2007 at 11:45 am
#150 TB Tabby: Evilsizor?! Sounds like a Decepticon!
—You know you’re a plugger if you store your energon cubes in a shoebox under the bed.
True Fable
January 10th, 2007 at 11:47 am
Mibbit, I read “fair and balanced” and I threw up a little in my mouth. I’m allergic to Fox, you see. :)
Just in case anyone needs a little pick-me-up, remember:
The Milford Star cares.
Mark “Fists-O-Fury” Trail cares.
Tobey Cameron cares…if you are the right kind of people.
Cathy Must Die. Who cares.
Calico
January 10th, 2007 at 11:50 am
# 215 -or, “Omnipresent Predescribed Dumbass.”
HBGlord
January 10th, 2007 at 11:55 am
#58 — Thanks for directing me, Josh. I had no idea it was there, obviously. Perhaps i can goad all you songsmiths to save your lyrics for posterity by transferring them to the designated page on the CC forum:
http://www.joshreads.com/forum/viewforum.php?f=4&sid=28c4a6cb11e280188303b0893374a1c8
#139 — As for the curious idea proffered in Curtis that there is a lack of distribution for black authors, i suspect, like with the reported Dagwood sandwich shop chain, this is just Billingsley’s way of setting up the announcement of his own Afrocentric bookstore chain. I don’t know about the rest of you, but i’m surely getting all my Iceberg Slim novels from Kwanzotter Books and Haircare Products.
Gal Friday
January 10th, 2007 at 11:58 am
CALL TO ARMS!
#209–The Toronto Star is polling readers as to who Liz should end up with–and Granthony is winning???!!! Time to vote early and often!
MyGoodName
January 10th, 2007 at 12:02 pm
#215: “Obfuscated Paramilitary Document”
“Odd Penguin Dung”
“Old Patterson Dies”
“Outrageous Plugger Decepticon”
Take your pick
essteess
January 10th, 2007 at 12:05 pm
FBOFW 1/10: I want Gary to suddenly pull the truck over to the side of the road, take Liz by the shoulders and say, “You little fool! Don’t you understand? That fragile sapling of a romance you tried to nurture is dead! There’s nothing for you here, nothing! Do the sensible thing — let me take you back to the airport, and then find your way out, somehow, even if it’s in the back of a cargo plane. Just go, and never look back!”
In fact, Gary could suddenly morph into a Mrs. Danvers, and take Joan Fontaine/Liz to a steep cliff: “Why don’t you just jump? You know you want to? Go on…”
Cornwhacker
January 10th, 2007 at 12:15 pm
225: Egad, you weren’t kidding. Even if the poll choices were naarrowed down to Anthony vs. Anyone But Anthony, it would be a close race.And yeah, too bad there’s no “None of the Above” option.
Back in the mid-nineties Luann conducted a Aaron Hill vs. Gunther reader poll. I don’t remember the final outcome, but I recall being gladdened by the number of write-in votes for “neither”.
HBGlord
January 10th, 2007 at 12:16 pm
#225 — I’ll vote only if Satan is one of the choices.
Mibbitmaker
January 10th, 2007 at 12:18 pm
One of the theories floating around, and how it might go down…
Liz shows up to find Chipper and Suds in a darkened room. Her rage further inflamed, she just hauls off and punches Paul with all her might. He drops like a sack of doorknobs as Liz screams, “GET OFF OF THAT WHORE, YOU &%##^%^!!”.
Lights go up, and all of MtigGuffin yells “SURPRIiiise….(?!)”, trailing off in shock.
Liz: “B-but I thought…”
Susan: “Omigod, you broke his nose!”
Paul (dazed): “Uh….S-susan planned this whole party… I wanted to do something…nice for you… Warren was in on it…”
Susan: “Liz, What is your PROBLEM?!”
Paul: “…is that blood?…”
Shea
January 10th, 2007 at 12:27 pm
RE: FBoFW
Didn’t Lizard Breath’s college boyfriend also cheat on her, and with a friend no less? Is “Canadian men are either philandering hotties or faithful dorks, but never faithful hotties” the take-home message here?
cheech wizard
January 10th, 2007 at 12:27 pm
Too bad the action in FOOB has moved out of the chopper – this would be a perfect time for Liz to ask Warren to put “Ride of the Valkyries” on the loudspeakers. A big napalm strike on Mititikkitavi would be pretty cool as well.
Also, in RMMD, I hadn’t realized before that Elvis was one of Saddam’s hangmen – that’s funny, he doesn’t look Shiite.
Axel Fusco
January 10th, 2007 at 12:29 pm
#230: With all of our hoping and imagining that there could be some other (any!) outcome besides the one being so clearly telegraphed for so long, we just have to realize that Lynn is just nowhere near as clever or creative enough to come up with the surprise party scenario or anything other than good old fashioned “true love.” So let’s all face facts (and I’m as guily as everyone else here): It’s Liz and Anthony in the end. End of story. I’m not even going to waste my imagination on thinking about other outcomes any more.
Big Stu
January 10th, 2007 at 12:43 pm
OK, what I’m about to say is sure to be wildly unpopular amongst most of you people… But… I prefer the Bland One over Paul or Warren in the race to deflower Miss Liz. Sure he’s a lacklustre dweeb, but at least he isn’t some macho, unidimensional cliche straight from the Harlequin romance series like Paul & Warren. Granthony has several layers, most of them unattractive, but at least he seems like a real person, as much as a comic strip character can. I’ve known many a Granthony. But Pauls and Warrens mostly exist in the fervid imaginations of “cougars” (a Canadian term, meaning:
“A middle-aged (or above) woman, dressed to the nines, out on the prowl looking for young (20-35 year old) men. Any older woman who frequents clubs in order to score with a usually much younger man. Usually heavy makeup and way too tan, sometimes orange. Generally has leathery, smoking damaged skin, and a large collection of “toys.”"
ghastlymess
January 10th, 2007 at 12:44 pm
JP: I would like pretty much nothing more on this earth than for tomorrow’s Judge Parker to be Groves reopening the door to explain that he’s sick and that a replacement will be arriving shortly.
Red Greenback
January 10th, 2007 at 12:45 pm
For Better or For Worse is set to morph into something old and something worse.
Rather than retire her moribund comic strip in September as planned, North Bay-area cartoonist Lynn Johnston has a greed to continue the strip that runs in more than 2,000 newspapers across North America, including the Toronto Star, putting it in the dubious company of creaky favourites like Blondie and Garfield.
Johnston acknowledged it’s a work in progress figuring out how to nake the strip even more vapid – it’s among the few that run in real time – while blending new material with “classic” frames dating back to its 1979 inception.
“(Readers) are going to throw up in their mouths a little,” Johnston said in a phone interview yesterday from her home.
The characters will in essence be frozen in time; for example, Ellie Patterson’s father, Jim, who has been suffering the depredations of age, will grow even larger chin-nuts.
But Johnston promises new material that would include revisiting storylines from the past and phone in the new stuff.
“There will be a back and forth in time process in which we’ll freeze all the characters. You know, kinda like Gil Thorp,” she said.
Johnston had been prepared to close the book on the Patterson family because of age and personal cop outs.
“I turn 60 this year, so I’m thinking, you know, there are other things I would really like to do. I would like to a GILF wbsite, I’d like to get better at walking Spanish down the hall, I’d like to take up curling seriously and dance, and hotchacha. People are dying at our age,” she said.
But it’s also clear that loyal readers aren’t ready to let go.
Internet chat rooms and discussion groups continue to buzz with opinions about the strip, particularly about the romantic future of Elizabeth Patterson, who has three suitors: Ned Flanders lookalike Anthony, new love interest Paul, a policeman, and dark horse Secretariat.
“I think it’s great that a comic strip can have that reach and that effectiveness,” said Tom Spurgeon, executive editor of The Comics Journal.
“That really speaks to the kind of affection or revulsion people have for the strip and the skill with which (Johnston) has developed her setting and characters over the years,” he said.
Most readers, knowing the strip was coming to an end, are expecting Johnston to resolve the Elizabeth question, Spurgeon said, and the scorn heaped on Anthony is an indication of how passionate their views are.
“It’s kind of fun to spunk on Anthony because of his porn moustache,” Spurgeon said.
Johnston is coy on whether she’ll resolve the question of Elizabeth’s love life, saying only: “That may be. They (the characters) often don’t confide in me. I have to wait until my new drug prescription kicks in and find out.Fer crssakes, I’m sixty, you know!”
The comic strip has faced controversy in the past. In 1993, Lawrence, Michael’s childhood friend, announced that he was a flaming liberal democrat, leading to a boycott by many conservative newspapers. And the death of Farley, the family dog, following his heroic rescue of April 2005, likewise provoked an anguished reaction. “A lot of people didn’t care much for April 2005″ Johnston said.
Spurgeon said female readers are particularly critical of Johnston’s old-fashioned, anti-feminist values. She readily agreed that she’s “a product of growing up in the 1950s.”
“What can you be? You are what you are … and you do what you know. I gotta be me,I gotta be me,” Johnston sang with a sneer.
She’s also content, if readers don’t respond to the strip’s new format, to call it a day.
“I’ll continue doing my best work and if my best work isn’t good enough, well, I’ll roll up in a big ball and die.”
HBGlord
January 10th, 2007 at 12:45 pm
FOOB: For all those who don’t see a way out of the dreadful inevitability of this unfolding plot, i can’t envision it taking any other tack either, alas. Mainly because Lynn’s Hudson Bay-size ego would never allow her to admit she created and “developed” a character as dull and unappealing as Anthony.
As this comment shows, Lynn’s also evidently knocked all the snark out of me.
Katina
January 10th, 2007 at 12:45 pm
Thanks Big Stu (#209) for the poll link. While this is a fun poll, I’m pretty sure that Anthony will end up being “The One”. I think this is especially clear as the choices are split three ways. At this moment, Granthony has 301 votes. However, the two other choices are a combined 377 against him. Small margin but a margin nonetheless. Suffice it to say, Warren is this poll’s Ralph Nadar.
HBGlord
January 10th, 2007 at 12:49 pm
#236: Never mind COTW — give Red Greenback a Pulitzer!
gh
January 10th, 2007 at 12:49 pm
Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale,
A tale of an awful strip.
What started out not all that bad,
Now makes curminions flip.
The mom was a bottom-heavy frump,
Big sis she was so pure.
Lynn Johnston had to stack the deck,
It’s Pornstache for sure; it’s Pornstache for sure ………
The weather started getting rough,
In Mtiwhatthefuck.
If not for the setup of the rivals two,
The plotline would be stuck; the plotline would be stuck.
The sis ran back to live once more at that godforsaken house,
With Granthony, and Wobin too,
the Braindead Hack, and his Wife,
the Slut-to-be, the Protector and all her clan,
There in Pattersonville!.
Uncle Lumpy
January 10th, 2007 at 12:49 pm
#232 cheech -
Saddam’s hangmen were Sunni. Sorry, I can’t help myself.
Advancing pedantry since 1973
Dingo
January 10th, 2007 at 12:50 pm
I’m in agreement with Mibbitmaker and Axel Fusco on this. Last night I was shopping at Wal*Mart and they had Down With Love in the $4.50 (US) bin. It didn’t do well at the box office but I had rented it before and thought that for the equivalent of a Big Mac meal it was worth it. So, I’m watching it again this morning and realize that most viewers were too dense to get all of the snarky jabs at 60s movies that the film took. Therein lies the problem with Lynn Johnston. That interview mentioned that Lynn never thought of Michael recovering his laptop until one of her employees mentioned it. Lynn Johnston is a product of the 1950s and her mindset is stuck there. We can come up with all types of scenarios for Liz’ confrontation with Paul that are much more funny or insightful than Lynn but, in the end, it’s her strip and she doesn’t have the creativity to fill a shoebox. With my luck, my local paper will replace FOOB with Harriet Thimble or Cathy.
andreavis
January 10th, 2007 at 12:51 pm
I think it’s time for Liz (or maybe Lynn?) to face facts: if she’s always dating cheating losers, maybe SHE’S doing something wrong. When you date a string of losers, the one thing they have in common is you. Maybe she’s a ball-breaking bitch that the guys are desperate to get away from? What is she doing to them to drive them away? Here’s a hint, Liz: you’re in the 5% minority. Give it up on occasion, sweetie; you can’t know how the car will handle until you give it a test drive, right?
Dingo
January 10th, 2007 at 12:56 pm
Thank you, Red Greenback, for including the April 2005 in your story. I kept wondering if that was a new model to replace the April 2000e.
AhClem
January 10th, 2007 at 12:56 pm
#240 gh – Brilliant!
commodorejohn
January 10th, 2007 at 1:19 pm
I might buy Johnston’s line about not knowing whether Liz and Granthony are getting together if the strip hadn’t been TELEGRAPHING THAT FOR MONTHS UPON MONTHS.
At least the option is still open that it will end; hopefully once “The Best Of FBOFW” starts rolling everyone will realize just how much it sucks and it will be put out of comission for good.
Indiebass
January 10th, 2007 at 1:21 pm
Today’s Pluggers… am I wrong, or is this the first Pluggers gay couple?
Or am I misreading the anthropomorphized chicken-thing’s gender? It looks like to ani-man-s.
Plugmein
January 10th, 2007 at 1:26 pm
Well, they are sharing a banana.
Luna
January 10th, 2007 at 1:29 pm
#236 :Red Greenback
#240: gh
I love that I work in a cubicle farm because I can read the curmudge when things are slow…
I hate that I work in a cubicle farm because I can read the curmudge and I choke on my Jolly Rancher and try to snuffle my chortle…
Luna
January 10th, 2007 at 1:31 pm
oops I forgot to say to Red and gh — bravo! I choked on my Jolly rancher!
Professor Fate
January 10th, 2007 at 1:40 pm
“I’ll continue doing my best work and if my best work isn’t good enough, well, I’ll take my bow and do more baking.”
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! like she’s going to be any better at baking than she is a ploting.
Granthony Apple pie: Put an apple in a bowl. Tell anyone who will listen (holding their arm to make sure they don’t leave) what a great pie this is over and over again until apple rots. replace apple and continue as if nothing happened.
cheech wizard
January 10th, 2007 at 1:46 pm
241- Lumpy – Do you mean as opposed to the rest of the crowd there, which was clearly Shiite? That’s why they were chanting the name of Moqtada al-Sadr, leader of a Shiite militia.
Foobaphobe
January 10th, 2007 at 1:49 pm
Comment # 236 and Aunt Fritzi are all that are going to get me through all this.
Uncle Lumpy
January 10th, 2007 at 1:49 pm
#252 cheech -
My error – I read “Saddam’s hangmen” as “hangmen who worked for Saddam”, not “men who hanged Saddam.”
Trotzenbonnie
January 10th, 2007 at 1:51 pm
I have other issues with today’s Pluggers way beyond the gender confusion. Those ani-mani-people don’t tip the scales at 300 pounds by splitting bananas. They’re all down at Dairy Queen crowding those red enamel sieve benches with their enormous asses, sucking up real banana splits and washing them down with a Brownie Batter Blizzard. Split a banana my arse.
Uncle Lumpy
January 10th, 2007 at 1:56 pm
Liz Patterson Angel Cake:
2 oz. bittersweet chocolate
4 oz. cocoa
1 lb. oat flour
no sugar or yeast – just tell everybody it’s sweet and will rise
put in oven at 350 degrees – no, 375 – no, stick it in the refrigerator!
Have your publisher tell everybody it’s beautiful and people like it.
Red Greenback
January 10th, 2007 at 1:58 pm
#254 Uncle Lumpy-
I read it as “Saget’s hangmen”- Time to upgrade my eyeglasses ’script.
Uncle Lumpy
January 10th, 2007 at 1:59 pm
#257 Red -
And miss the opportunity? Get out there and hang Saget!
Cornwhacker
January 10th, 2007 at 2:00 pm
Re the Toronto Star article: It does say that Johnston intends to “expand” on old storylines, which makes me think future strips might be more retcons than clip shows. We’ll go back in time and see the untold story of how Anthony was actually a Really Cool Guy All Along, revealing stuff that was going on in the background while the original strip focusing on an Elly storyline or something.
But then the Editor And Publisher suggests the gimmick of Michael & family looking at a family album, which definitely sounds rerun-heavy. Or a lot of untold Michael stories…
gh
January 10th, 2007 at 2:00 pm
#249 Luna
Thanks, and I have a bag of Jolly Ranchers in the bottom drawer. I think I’ll have one!
Richard Onley
January 10th, 2007 at 2:04 pm
#112: “I could probably find more information somewhere (but where? oh where?!)”
Right here:
http://www.fln.vcu.edu/mm/mmmenu.html
on the Internet, where more information can be found!
#209: “Patterson’s father, Jim, who has been suffering the depredations of age, will remain forever old.
“
So much for my prediction that he’d go to sleep and dream of Farley galumphing up to greet him, whereupon . . .
” ‘I think it’s great that a comic strip can have that reach and that effectiveness,’ said Tom Spurgeon, executive editor of The Comics Journal.
” ‘That really speaks to the kind of affection people have for the strip . . . ‘ “
What affection? Is there a website anywhere that has anything positive to say about the thing?
#241: “Saddam’s hangmen were Sunni. Sorry, I can’t help myself.”
Well he really doesn’t look “sunni.” Knock out one of the i’s in “Shiite,” however . . .
gump worsley
January 10th, 2007 at 2:11 pm
#235, excellent.
Ten Day Dinosaur
January 10th, 2007 at 2:13 pm
… Whenever I spot a comic with fine dramatic storytelling, excellent and innovative characters, unexpected, riveting plots, and stunning artwork, so that the overall effect is absoluetly marvelous, I despair of my own abilities.
Then I turn to Gil Thorpe, and feel better.
Red Greenback
January 10th, 2007 at 2:14 pm
#236-Thanks HBGlord, you’re too kind… The reality is, I would actually prefer a “Pullet Surprise”
Magnetic Rose
January 10th, 2007 at 2:24 pm
236 Red: Thank you, thank you, thank you. You do indeed deserve a Pulitzer, as well as the little-known Flann O’Brien Pint of Plain Award for outstanding snark.
Concerned Citizen
January 10th, 2007 at 2:28 pm
MW – Yes, Toeby, dreaming. It’s when you are asleep but you experience images as if you were conscious. For instance, when you perceive yourself as being in bed with a charming, witty and handsome man, that is a dream. The reality is when you find yourself sprawled next to chinbeard.
Red Greenback
January 10th, 2007 at 2:31 pm
Mmmm…pullets ‘n’ a pint o’ plain. Breakfast of Champions!!!
ChristyNell
January 10th, 2007 at 2:41 pm
FBOFW: Ohhh, I get it. It’s the Jane Austen theory of romance. Never trust the dashing handsome young guy, he’ll end up eloping with your sister. Go for the stuffy guy with the big house.
(I’ll never compare Anthony to Mr. Darcy again, I promise, don’t hurt me.)
commodorejohn
January 10th, 2007 at 2:41 pm
Michael Patterson Cookies:
* 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
* 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
* 1/4 teaspoon salt
* 2 cups semisweet chocolate chips
* 6 tablespoons butter, softened
* 1 cup white sugar
* 1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
* 2 eggs
* 1/2 cup confectioners’ sugar
DIRECTIONS
1. Combine flour, baking powder and salt. Set aside.
2. Melt 1 cup of chocolate chips over low heat. Cream butter and sugar. Add melted chocolate chips and vanilla; beat in eggs; add flour mixture and remaining chocolate chips.
3. Wrap in plastic and freeze until firm (about 20 minutes).
4. Make small balls (1 inch); roll in confectioners’ sugar. Place on ungreased cookie sheet and bake for 10-12 minutes at 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Cool on wire rack.
5. Insist that these are not chocolate chip cookies off of allrecipes.com, they’re somethin you came up with yourself.
HBGlord
January 10th, 2007 at 2:41 pm
#264 — Hopefully not like the one currently co-starring in Pluggers.
Gabe
January 10th, 2007 at 2:41 pm
#234: We say Couger in the states, too. It’s even used in a recent commercial.
cinephile
January 10th, 2007 at 2:47 pm
#240– genius, pure LOL genius (and oh, if only the FOOBs would get stuck on an uncharted desert isle. Because at least then we could count on wacky cameos from the Harlem Globetrotters).
Groddeck
January 10th, 2007 at 2:50 pm
#269 – You forgot step 6.
6. When oven catches fire, ignore the danger to your wife and kids and shove your hand through the flames in an attempt to save the bland, inedible tibits you’ve managed to cough up.
Red Greenback
January 10th, 2007 at 2:53 pm
-pullet – young hen usually less than a year old
-biddy, hen – Mart Worth, adult female plugger
Gal Friday
January 10th, 2007 at 3:00 pm
Drat–unlike US media which lets you vote as often as you like, the Toronto Star is refusing to let me vote more than once in FOOB Liz/Future Husband Poll.
Justafoob
January 10th, 2007 at 3:04 pm
Lynn is going to go back and explore some of the minor characters and what happened to them “off screen” so to speak.
We will get to see Howard Erk raping multiple women.
Uncle Phil will make millions when he sells his Hoseophonium to Hasbro as a novelty.
Lawrence will find out he has AIDS and is going to die a painful death.
Kortney will get caught up in a theft ring.
The Kelpfroths will be shown getting painful skin grafts.
and SSSSS sssssssshhhhhh…. shhhhh…. shhhhhhhhhh…..SSSSSSshhhhhhh…..aaaaaaaaaaa…. aaaaa……. aaaaaaaa….. nooonnnnnnnnnnn….. will spend a month at Tim Hortons ordering a ssssssss ssssssss…… ssssssttttttt…..sssssssstttttrtrra….. SSSS sssSSSS T SSSSssstrtrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaa … SSSSTrrawwwwwwwwww berrrrrrrrry ssshhhh…. sssssshhhhhhh…… ssssshhhhaaaakkk…..sssssss….malt.
Hogen Mogen
January 10th, 2007 at 3:05 pm
Lynn Johnson says she doesn’t want to hand the strip over to someone else because she would be constantly watching over their shoulder – but didn’t she say that she would allow someone else to write a few strips as part of the hybrid? She’s also mashing in new angles in previous plots and rerunning some old ones. Sounds like her plans are grandiose, but she’s still stuck with the limitations of a 1.5″ x 4″ space on a page. She wants some of this, some of that some more of another thing – and when you throw in all kinds of nuanced facets and facades you wind up with a shapeless blob. Following the entire Pomperson clan could be done 15 years ago when they were all under the same roof and there were fewer of them and the story lines only lasted a week. Now Johnston has clearly reached her level of incompetence. She’s got too many characters doing too many things. Freezing them in time is just a cop-out to prevent characters from dying and a cheap way to avoid dealing with figuring out how old Robin and Merridith are and how do you draw an age appropriate picture of them after they haven’t been shown for six months. Working in a time freeze also allows Lynn to keep her techno-ignorance in check. Like Mike Patterson going back to save his laptop instead of his paper copy – but I bet a few years ago some employee might have pointed out that Mike Patterson would be working at a laptop for his novel instead of a manual typewriter, too, and many strips had to be redrawn.
So, my bet is that in September when this mess of hybrid hippogryph of a strip will debut, we will realize that Johnston’s strip management is as inept as her ability to keep a story together, and answer the question of what happens when a strip jumps the shark for the second time. My hope is that it will fall in and be devoured by the shark.
Justin
January 10th, 2007 at 3:07 pm
…meanwhile, Fred Bassett breaks the fourth wall.
gh
January 10th, 2007 at 3:12 pm
As of now, Paul is only 115 votes behind Granthony on the Toronto Star poll. We can do this, people! The link is at comment #209.
Hogen Mogen
January 10th, 2007 at 3:14 pm
#276 – Justafoob: My vision of watching the other minor characters would focus exclusively on the Kelpfroths in order to tell their side of the dispute. Unfortunately, any strip that expounds on the Kelpfroth existence by Johnston will be Mellville pondering over a collection of six old half-smoked stogies in the ash tray, debating internally whether or not they are worth re-lighting. The lame punch line will be “six o’ one, haf dozen o’ de oth’r. Buuurp *fart*”
But on a plus note, maybe Johnston will take us on a story in which we get to see a graphic depiction of Becky doin’ it roadside. Hoo-yah!
Luna
January 10th, 2007 at 3:15 pm
1/10 Slylock Fox:
Whoo droo yoor stoopid cartoon tooday anyhoo?
Dingo
January 10th, 2007 at 3:18 pm
No man, short of a heart of stone, could think of hurting ChristyNell without laughing.
Kate
January 10th, 2007 at 3:18 pm
Anyone ever see The Hitcher? There’s a moment when Rutger Hauer delivers one of the best movie lines ever written (I am excluding O Brother, Where Art Thou? from consideration; I mean, normal movies that weren’t written by gloriously insane people). Rutger, the hitch-hiker, is explaining to a kid that’s picked him up that the last person he, Rutger, hitched a ride with didn’t get very far.
The kid asks, “Didn’t get very far? Why?”
Rutger Hauer says, “Because I cut off his arms.
“And his legs.
“And his head.
“And I’m going to do the same to you.”
Ever since I read today’s FOOB, I keep thinking about that scene, and it’s like water in the desert to me.
I’m just sayin’.
Dicky
January 10th, 2007 at 3:19 pm
247: The chicken looks to me like a female… but I can only say one thing supporting that opinion from today’s strip since going back the last few weeks in the strip has exhausted my attempts at prior evidence:
1) The collar, while seemingly not a male collar, has been used on a male character here
2) That all the males use only flannel long sleeve shirts was also broken by that same strip.
Well here’s one. A previous showing of the chicken.
And while I know that this dog is different from the other furry dog, you could always think that he’s two-timing a pair of females if you think that he’s shaved from the first strip I referenced.
Oh, and look at the chicken’s waist. Frills. No Plugger male would ever consider frills, right? Such crossing of rigid gender signifiers would be utterly taboo.
gh
January 10th, 2007 at 3:21 pm
#281 Luna
I’ve been waiting all day for that one to come up. “Any more?” he asks — how about the humans: the goofus, the tool, the goon and . . . the foob?
Red Greenback
January 10th, 2007 at 3:22 pm
Re: The Toronto Star Liz hook-up poll. Pity there is not a write-in option. My vote would be for outdoorsman and adventurer Johnny Malotte.
gh
January 10th, 2007 at 3:23 pm
#282 Dingo
Bless you, Oscar Wilde.
Axel Fusco
January 10th, 2007 at 3:24 pm
# 286 Red Greenback: I’d write in Michael Patterson just to make things interesting. But, wait, I said I’m officially done hoping for anything interesting in FOOB.
HBGlord
January 10th, 2007 at 3:32 pm
#274 — Applying what you taught me about poultry, Red, let me revise my comment:
Any offspring begat by the current Pluggers couple would be a pullet surprise.
(Also, is your handle inspired by The Red Green Show, one of the many great Canadian cultural institutions that even a national association with the likes of Foob cannot sully?)
Michael
January 10th, 2007 at 3:32 pm
Michael Patterson Cookies:
…
4. Make small balls (1 inch)
Testify.
MonkeyHawk
January 10th, 2007 at 3:35 pm
Zombi FOOB is nothing but pressure from the syndicate. 2,000 papers is a helluva lot of money to lose. It’s gonna be a clip-show, with new bookends and long flashbacks. Michael will write an autobiographical novel and Lynn will run weeks of 1985 strips.
It’s gonna turn into the 21st Century TDIET, which has to be nothing more than a mercy strip papers hold onto until Scaduto takes the dirt nap.
That’s what the syndicate wants to do with Lynn. As if FOOB hasn’t been on life-support for the past decade or so, the syndicate wants to bleed it for all it’s worth.
The whole “frozen in time” concept sucks dead bunnies. Michael with perpetual toddlers. Liz and Blandthony with a bun in the oven (Warren’s) for all time? Apwil going roadside on the high school bathroom floor for 10 or 20 years? And “Farley the Dog” ever inching toward the drowning pool for all eternity like in an old “Twilight Zone” episode.
I thinnk we should take up a collection and send Lynn a bunch of Betty Crocker cookbooks.
NEW-ME
January 10th, 2007 at 3:39 pm
Ok so Liz gets to Mitiwhocaresville, the entire village is there to meet her (because no secrets are kept in the village), The mountie, and his old “girl friend” are in the kitchen baking the Michael Patterson cookies. Liz see’s them and she just knoooowwss something is up with them (because she can read her mountie like a patterson family photo albumn). She calls Warren to helicopter her out of there IMMEDIATELY! He flies her home to mom and dads’ where she finds Blanthony in the bed with April (they will never actually show this frame as non of the pattersons actually have sex).
She runs from the house, forgetting the helicopter is still in the yard, running into the blades, (yuck) Michael will do a story on her in the local paper, telling all the horrid details of her life. His parents will read the article and throw him out of the house along with April. Lynn commits suicide after re-reading any one of her strips and everyone lives happily ever after.
cheech wizard
January 10th, 2007 at 3:44 pm
293- And everyone will learn that Liz had dandruff. How? Because they found her Head and Shoulders in the bushes.
(w/ Apologies to Vic Morrow)
cheech wizard
January 10th, 2007 at 3:45 pm
oops, I meant 292 -
gh
January 10th, 2007 at 3:46 pm
Granthony’s lead had been cut to 96. There’s a computer lab where I “work” and I was able to vote a second time by logging in with a second generic username/password. Tell your friends! What about all those new Vietnamese MW haters? They should be up for it.
Red Greenback
January 10th, 2007 at 3:47 pm
#289- Funny story; My handle was inspired by a bank job gone horribly awry. It all happened in Reseda back in 1986. Well, things were going as planned, except for an unanticipated dye pack that that made a big “SPLORT” during the getaway…oh wait, that was another guy!
Allie Cat
January 10th, 2007 at 3:48 pm
#291 – I would pay big money to send Lynn a box of cookbooks – where do I send the check (or, if you will, checque)?
AhClem
January 10th, 2007 at 3:53 pm
Not exactly comics-related, but…
RIP, Yvonne DeCarlo (Lily Munster)
Jack Drake
January 10th, 2007 at 3:55 pm
Can I get:
“You’[re] as creative as the authors of the Scholastic Aptitude Test and about as predictable as a Catholic mass”
on a t-shirt??
Hogen Mogen
January 10th, 2007 at 3:56 pm
Foob: Aint it hard to discover
you’re just like any other
Jealous Lover?
And it’s hard to take
but you’re making no mistake
Anyway, my dream scenario is that Liz catches Paul and the Chipster. She takes Paul’s gun from his holster lying abandoned on the floor with his pants. She blows away Paul in the nuts and Susan in between the eyes. She realizes there is no way for her to carry on after blatantly murdering the man she loves, so she turns the gun on herself. A sad, sad day in Foobville, but that would make me so happy I’d actually start liking the strip again – again? no wait, for the first time.
Dingo
January 10th, 2007 at 3:59 pm
Noooooooo! Not Yvonne DeCarlo! She made a great wife of Moses.
I always wanted to make a porn movie using her best line:
These hands may not be soft and white like Pharaoh’s daughter, but they can serve. (boom-thwacka-thwacka-thwacka)
Indiebass
January 10th, 2007 at 4:00 pm
#284: Thanks for the legwork. I mean, it’s possible that the chicken is the ani-man version of “Pat”, but something tells me that in the Plugger-verse, any gender confusion would be verboten.
That being said, I’m also pretty sure I’ve seen some real-life She-Pluggers that I really had to look at to discern their gender, so maybe this is an instance of art imitating life? I still think they’re both animal-dudes though.
Red Greenback
January 10th, 2007 at 4:04 pm
298-AhClem-Lillies are most appropriate at this time of mourning for Yvonne. Also, Rest in Peace Iwao Takamoto, creator of Scooby-Doo.
Dingo
January 10th, 2007 at 4:04 pm
Indiebass, I believe Professor Henry Hounddog asked that same question when he posed, “Why can’t a pullet by more like a man?”
Anonymous
January 10th, 2007 at 4:05 pm
Time for me to step past Foobville; yes, the Fool Killer must lower his bat and walk away shaking his head, stunned at the enormity of the task at hand.
We know Lynn will do what Lynn wants, and no amount of taste, sense, or practicality will sway her from her goal. The reason John Patterson plays with toy trains is because he is a front-row to witness to so many figurative train wrecks over the years.
Men are evil; nay, downright vicious, but especially the ones in Canada. (I qualify that by pointing out that John, Michael, and Anthony Pornstache are too emasculated to be considered men) Men only want ONE THING – to cheat on Liz Patterson? *insert open-mouthed I-just-reset-my-brain smile here* – and then they are dismissed when they just might get it. Liz and Eric weren’t just playing footsie when they moved in together, so it’s not as if it’s a contest to see who gets to unseal her sha-bootie.
Somewhere at the future Old Comic’s home, the ghost of Paul Wright will wait on the porch, ready to laugh his ass off when the Patterson clan is refused entry and sent to live at Charterstone instead.
Hogen Mogen
January 10th, 2007 at 4:08 pm
When in doubt about a person’s gender, it is best to assume that they are the gender you are not attracted to. I, being a hetero male would envision some “Pat” to be another guy, lest through some set of unforeseen circumstances that transpire only on cheesy beach movies, I find myself in a compromising situation with him/her. For example, back when I was single, there was this kid in my neighborhood who was either a boy around 20 or a really dyke-y girl. The nickname was “boygirl” – clever, eh? Turns out she was a dyke for sure. But anyway, I never made comments to the effect of “Hey, let’s go out.” and I’m better off for it.
So if you’re attracted to men, envision the androgyn in question to be a woman, and vice versa. If you’re bi, I can’t help you there, but I would venture a guess that lack of gender identity would be no obstacle there.
True Fable
January 10th, 2007 at 4:09 pm
#305 – I can’t believe I failed to sign my own snark. So, I will now.
HBGlord
January 10th, 2007 at 4:10 pm
#298 — I beg to differ: Yvone DeCarlo was born in Canada, and she’d rather die than witness for another day the shame of her nation, namely foobosity (or in Quebec, le foubosité).
A side note: As when Screamin’ Jay Hawkins departed this vale of tears, no one has to worry about picking out a coffin for her.
Poteet
January 10th, 2007 at 4:11 pm
Foob — The only good thing about the current storyline is that it is postponing the continuation of the storyline about the publication of The Worst Book In The World, which is the storyline I hate with the white-hot fury of a thousand suns, as some eloquent Curmudgeon wrote earlier so I could swipe it.
And after seeing Liz’s expression in the last panel today, I’m wondering if Eric, the boyfriend who cheated on her in college, is buried in a shallow grave somewhere.
True Fable
January 10th, 2007 at 4:13 pm
#309 Poteet, I’m all for calling it The Book of Bile.
Red Greenback
January 10th, 2007 at 4:15 pm
Dingo , what the hell does Jerry Vale have to do with Screamin’ Jay Hawkins?
Dingo
January 10th, 2007 at 4:17 pm
Red, I think you meant that for HBGlord.
Red Greenback
January 10th, 2007 at 4:19 pm
Sorry Dingo, I meant HBGlord…you are just such a ubiquidingo!
gh
January 10th, 2007 at 4:21 pm
CNN Central
In a dramatic reversal, Granthony’s lead over Paul has been cut from 115 to 67 in the last hour. During that time, the erstwhile front-runner has received 2 votes to the challenger’s 46. James Baker has been brought in by the Pattersons in the necessity of a recount. Stay with CNN for the latest results.
Plunk Your Magic Twanger
January 10th, 2007 at 4:35 pm
MT: Plot summary for the last month:
The young beaver’s in danger. No he isn’t. Yes he is. No he’s safe. No, he’s in danger. No, he’s safe. He meets the female. The beavers are in danger. No, they’re not. Yes, they are. No, they’re not.
Mibbitmaker
January 10th, 2007 at 4:43 pm
#256:
Q: What would one use to mix the ingredients of an Elizabeth Patterson Angel Cake?
A: A cheater-beater
Q: What would that produce?
A: Patter’-batter (Because “Patterson-batterson” just sounds stupid)
gh
January 10th, 2007 at 4:45 pm
And Paul pulls into a 20 point lead! The Giants win the pennant! The Giants win the pennant!
Mibbitmaker
January 10th, 2007 at 4:59 pm
#309: That gives me an excuse to bring in what I wrote (and subsequently drawn) back in April 2, 2002:
(Eric’s feet are seen sticking out of the bathroom doorway, lying in a pool of blood)
Liz: “Tina, grab that shovel… we have to hide the body!”
Tina: “Omigod! Omygod! Omigod! Omigod! Omigod! Omigod! Omigod! Omigod! Omigod! Omigod! Omigod! Omigod! Omigod! Omigod!…..“
Terryfic
January 10th, 2007 at 4:59 pm
The voting thing uses cookies, so you can use a different browser to vote again. I just did that and it works. I got two in for Warren. Or delete cookies; that should work.
http://www.thestar.com/artsentertainment/article/169553#
Crankenstank
January 10th, 2007 at 6:24 pm
Will the Margaret Sandwich feature Joey or Gina as the other slice of bread? assuming of course Dennis lives long enough to be the first slice.
commodorejohn
January 10th, 2007 at 6:35 pm
I love the very idea of comitting vote fraud against Granthony. I love it, you hear?
Dean Booth
January 10th, 2007 at 7:42 pm
Oh, geez, I’m having to do real work-related stuff at work this week and have fallen dreadfully behind on reading CC comments. I’m sure I’ve missed some marvelously snarky observations. Hope to catch up soon…
Prehumous
January 10th, 2007 at 8:03 pm
91 — Uncle Lumpy
My bad. I remembered that I had asked that question before but I couldn’t remember which comments section. I apologize if I caused any injury.
Uncle Lumpy
January 10th, 2007 at 9:40 pm
#323 Prehumous -
No harm, no foul.
Poteet
January 10th, 2007 at 11:22 pm
# 310 — True Fable, maybe we need a variety of insulting titles. I have a feeling more will come boiling to mind when that POS book gets published, especially when we find out what Michael is going to call it.
# 315 — BWAHAHA! Thanks, Plunk (do you prefer Plunk, Twanger, PYMT?)
# 318 — Mibbitmaker, that’s very excellent. 2002? Wow, you’re a Snarkmaster!
# 323 — Prehumous, I agree with Uncle Lumpy. No harm. And you’ve given me an excuse to bow out of foob answer duty:-).
rich
January 11th, 2007 at 11:07 am
Two belated nominees for COTW!
33, Poppinjay: At least Dennis isn’t talking again about that hot dog that reminded him of Mr. Wilson.
108, Monkey’s Paw: Anthony’s personality is like action in GT, it all happens off screen and we only hear about it secondhand.
Zal
January 12th, 2007 at 4:12 am
Oh please, there’s already lots of redhead 3-way porn…
Remus
January 12th, 2007 at 11:55 am
Is nobody else a little pissed at Crankshaft’s “Netbusters” storyline lately? Now, I know Crankshaft is neither a beacon of modernity nor creativity, but that lazy combination of Netflix and Blockbuster(s???) just gets my goat. I guess it’s because Netflix is slowly but surely defeating Blockbuster, so the ‘buster’ in the new combination title for what is obviously a Netflix ripoff seems so …wrong-headed. I’m probably reading into this too much, but isn’t that what being a honorary curmudgeon is all about? Anybody?
Jack Parsons
January 13th, 2007 at 3:20 am
(sucks)GT: I think the pixillated woman (yes I know that’s not what it means) is being transported up to the Enterprise. That’s why half of her dots are missing.
Or maybe it’s cancer in Flatland.
svybi vpua
June 24th, 2007 at 6:01 pm
jlyw gertks fwlqz rwkbi ybfar smrtq tkbhq
nemoErensenuT
February 9th, 2008 at 5:17 pm
I’d prefer reading in my native language, because my knowledge of your languange is no so well. But it was interesting! Look for some my links: