Red in tooth and claw
Slylock Fox, 1/22/07
This little scene immediately brought to mind a quote I’ve always liked, from A.W. Brian Simpson’s Cannibalism and the Common Law:
Leading cases are the very stuff of which the common law is made, and no leading case in the common law is better known than that of Regina v. Dudley and Stephens. It was decided in 1884 by a court in the Royal Courts of Justice in London. In it, two profoundly respectable seamen, Captain Tom Dudley and Mate Edwin Stephens, lately of the yacht Mignonette, were sentenced to death for the murder of their shipmate, Ordinary Seaman Richard Parker, after a bench of five judges had ruled that one must not kill one’s shipmates in order to eat them, however hungry one might be.
Fortunately for Slylock, who’s grinning a grin here that’s a little too sly, as a non-human animal his conduct is governed not by the common law, but by the Law of Nature. Max will make a tasty little snack to take the edge off until the raft washes up on the west coast of New Zealand, where our vulpine detective will use his powers of elementary deduction to solve long-running land disputes between the government and the Maori before dining on the native fauna, which is completely unadapted to mid-sized predators.
Also beyond the Queen’s justice in this vignette is that crafty bottle-stealing octopus. I will say again that Slylock Fox has some of the best incidental details of any strip out there.
Dick Tracy, 1/22/07
So the Tracys seem to think that kicking a little cash at some Alzheimer’s researchers will somehow atone for the monstrous crime of erasing a man’s mind. Note, however, the “Inc.” in the address. That’s no high-minded government research lab, it’s a for-profit pharmaceutical firm — probably a shell company in which GlaxoSmithKline owns a controlling interest. Dick and Tess will no doubt be seeing a generous return from that generous thing she did.
Elsewhere, some dude plans to break into a jewelry store with a crowbar, in a totally interesting criminal act that will surely demand the attention of the world’s greatest, most techno-enabled detective.
Family Circus and Dennis the Menace, 1/22/07
Jeffy’s blatant assault on his mother yesterday was apparently just the beginning; today, she must bribe him with food to stave off another barrage, a strategy that will last only until his little tummy is filled up. Meanwhile, the snowball offensive has spread to Dennis the Menace as well. Mrs. Wilson looks fairly shocked by Dennis’ naked aggression; no doubt years of sub-par menacing have lulled her into complacency.
If all the children in the comics pages rose up senselessly and violently against the adults, like the birds in The Birds, I for one would be a happy guy. I’m sure Elmo has a lot of aggression he needs to work out against Dagwood.
Apartment 3-G, 1/22/07
Lu Ann needs to make nice with her ghost, so she’s brought in … her incredible psychic microwave! Good lord, she’s even dumber than I thought.
January 23rd, 2007 at 5:58 am
Luann! You’re ghost is done!
January 23rd, 2007 at 6:00 am
Geez, I mean ‘your.’ Never, EVER post first again. Talk about performance anxiety…
January 23rd, 2007 at 6:17 am
Now if only the ghostly Vietnamese children would rise up and infect their patronizing old biddy overlords with jungle diseases and the beavers would dam up all water sources resulting in drought and the subsequent deaths of all of the characters in Mark Trail, this comics page genocide could finally be complete.
January 23rd, 2007 at 6:30 am
I wish my microwave would talk to me… then I’d have someone to talk to during the long, lonely nights.
January 23rd, 2007 at 6:36 am
Did FOOB and Mark Trail get switched? The last two panels of FBoFW seem to show Ellie hypnotizing the bird-like April and then dislocating her jaw in order to swallow her. The missing 5th panel shows the gorged Ellie supine with a distended stomach.
MT – if “Thanks, Mark! The kids are worried about what I might do!” isn’t T-shirt material, I don’t know what is.
A3G – The part of the ghost will be played by the sound effects man.
JP – Rachel is that picture of Dick Clark that gets older so that Dick doesn’t.
January 23rd, 2007 at 7:00 am
2: “Y-O-U-R….Y-O-U-apostrophe-R-E…they’re as different as night and day…don’t you think that night and day are different…what’s wrong with you…”
I wish I’d though of that when Pluggers made that error.
January 23rd, 2007 at 7:02 am
#5 — “Thanks, Rocky!”
January 23rd, 2007 at 7:05 am
A3G: It’s just not possible, this strip isn’t even trying anymore. I used to read A3G in the mid 70s, it made more sense in the storylines and the drawing was somewhat sexy, but this is so dumb. I only look at it when you post it. LuAnn used to be a sexy-cool character, not realizing her effect on men – now she’s some stupid poser-artist? There is no way this person is an artist, there is no way anyone would be associating to the ghost of the dead artist Ryder, and on and on.
It’s just … sad.
January 23rd, 2007 at 7:18 am
Hmm, the microwave sucks Lu Ann in ala Carol Ann and they call in Ella… nah, that’d actually be entertaining.
January 23rd, 2007 at 7:20 am
I know there is a squid count going in TDIET, but I think we need a fish skeleton count in Slylock Fox. It seems to me that one shows up with almost the same frequency as the Aggrieved Beaver being the victim of a criminal act.
January 23rd, 2007 at 7:21 am
# 8: More sad than her loser roommate wandering their empty apartment saying out loud how much she bores herself?
January 23rd, 2007 at 7:23 am
LUANN: Huh?? Is Luann’s mom the long-lost adopted mom? Did I miss the big chunk of story where her mother sits her down and explains about giving up her baby? The hell’s going on?
January 23rd, 2007 at 7:26 am
Why are the Vietnamese hospital signs in MW in English? If they’re going to be in any non-native tounge, wouldn’t it make more sense for them to be in French?
January 23rd, 2007 at 7:33 am
MW – what, no Vietnamese directions on the walls of the Vietnamese hospital?
Love the plain English signs, that permeate everything in this strip from booze shops to ICU’s.
FOOB – Elly goes Ballistic again, finally! A nice treat to see her on the up-end of her Cyclothemic spin-fest. Too bad Lizzy hasn’t learned how to dish it out a la her Mom-then the Susie-Q and Pauly thing actually would’ve had some teeth and snark-breath.
I actually feel sorry for the little stressed-out Northern animal cat friend-buddy, currently being owned by two myself.
January 23rd, 2007 at 7:38 am
Josh – I hate to point out your error BUT one is NEVER too full for doughnuts. The onslaught would be waylaid for the duration of doughnuts (not hunger).
January 23rd, 2007 at 7:38 am
Oh, yes, and MT – I just love the way the two men are desperately clutching at their respective phone cords, seemingly in anticipation. Check Mark’s visage. Priceless.
OK, I’ll stop right there.
January 23rd, 2007 at 7:53 am
A Microwave? A Microwave? This is Apartment 3G! Surely Luann should have brought a toaster over, or better yet, a miniature gas stove she can slave over all day while her husband works a meaningless job in advertising.
January 23rd, 2007 at 7:57 am
Holy shit, Luann got herself a psychrowave oven! Make ramen noodle soup heated with the power of the afterlife!
January 23rd, 2007 at 8:01 am
Adrift in a life raft!? Damn it, Weirdly, just use a gun next time and get the job done.
January 23rd, 2007 at 8:02 am
MW – What bothers me more than the English-only signs in Vietnam, more than the conveniently placed word bubble in the first panel that saves the writer the miniscule creative effort involved in naming the hospital, more than the improbable, crisp, dark-as-her-withered-heart shadow Mary casts across all surfaces she passes, is the fact that despite what the words say Mary *DOESN’T* pray Jeff is alright.
People praying someone is alright have thought bubbles saying things like: “Dear God, please don’t let him have leprosy…” or “Oh Great Dark Lord, I killed the Aldo-lamb in thy name and call on your dread power to sustain me…” Mary is not praying, she’s gone around the bend and is mentally self-narrating her (cough) “amazing” foriegn adventure.
January 23rd, 2007 at 8:08 am
I would forgive the Keene’s for so many of their transgressions if only we could see a week’s worth of panels covering this Jeffy/Mommy snow war. Especially if it escalates to the point where by Saturday all we see are Jeffy’s little boots sticking up out of a snowdrift in Alaska.
January 23rd, 2007 at 8:19 am
Wow, look at the TV show on today’s TDIET. Isn’t it the same as the movie they saw last week?
January 23rd, 2007 at 8:20 am
It looks like they took an earlier panel of Mary Worth and colored the people yellow. Yes, the Vietnamese look just like americans except they are yellow. The whole world is just like america except a different color, and talk funny, except when they say something important, then they speak english. With an American accent.
January 23rd, 2007 at 8:24 am
SF: Wait a minute, this needs some backstory. I know I’m not the only one wondering how the hell Slylock and Max ended up on an inflatable raft in the middle of the ocean. Were they trying to sniff out a jewel thief on an ill-fated Carnival cruise ship?
January 23rd, 2007 at 8:25 am
I’d think twice before knocking the incredible psychic microwave if I were you. Just imagine the possibilities. It could tell your chicken nuggets’ fortunes, and… … …and other stuff. Hey, “Seaman” is funny.
January 23rd, 2007 at 8:29 am
I wasn’t following APT3-G for many years. Thanks for the reminder.
As for DENNIS. I recall back the the 50’s and sixties, Dennis was fond of Root Beer and Peanut Butter sandwhiches (whatever). Root Beer then was flavored from Sassafras, which contains mild natural steriods.
That might explain some things.
Over the years they companies have shifted over to carob, which doesn’t contain those nasty chemicals, so Dennis has calmed down.
Sure wish he’s act his age now.
Potential idea to waste: Dennis at his real age has a son, who is just like him at that age. Oh the irony!
Oh forget it!
January 23rd, 2007 at 8:44 am
A3G – I apologize in advance – I’m enjoying the Luann haunted studio storyline. Seriously. Not in the way I’m enjoying Abbey and Neddy, but still…
BTW, Thanks, Josh, for linking to the 11/12 JP in the previous post. Best Judge Parker ever. This is not an unhealthy obsession.
January 23rd, 2007 at 8:45 am
No joke, it looks like Luann is painting weed in panel two. That would explain everything: the voices, the mysterious “plink”, the appearance of a Magical Paintbrush in her paintbrush holder…
January 23rd, 2007 at 8:46 am
If the Family Circus knew from funny, they’d continue this story the following day with Jeffy sitting beside Mom’s unconscious body with a mouth covered in glaze and an empty donut box nonchalantly tossed aside. But it doesn’t.
January 23rd, 2007 at 8:47 am
Brian Simpson was one of my law professors.. squee!! :D
That made me so happy when I read this first thing on a cruddy Tuesday morning.
January 23rd, 2007 at 8:51 am
” I will say again that Slylock Fox has some of the best incidental details of any strip out there.”
That terror stricken face of the innoncent fish in the lower left corner, as he’s about to be eaten by the starving, sadistic pelican, will stay within me to the end of my days!!!
Or lunch, whichever comes first.
January 23rd, 2007 at 9:00 am
A3G — The haunted studio is really an elaborate prank to secretly film LuAnn and then posting the videos on the internet. We can only imagine the things , speakable and unspeakable, that the “ghost’ will get LuAnn to perform for our viewing pleasure.
January 23rd, 2007 at 9:02 am
Rex Moron: Why is June making such a big deal to Joyce about seeing May? Joyce has already said that June has to talk to the cops. Joyce is the blonde lady’s name. Joyce is what she prefers to be called, don’t you, Joyce? Joyce is probably interesting to watch as Nolan & Wilson fill in a couple of days with pointless exposition that doesn’t involve Joyce, except as a conduit of catch-up information. At least Joyce is more interesting than using a non-Joyce character like a gruff police man. Joyce Joyce Joyce.
I’d love for Joyce to tell June to knock it off. It’s not as if Joyce is wearing a name tag that says “Ralph”.
January 23rd, 2007 at 9:07 am
#6, that there is a Strong Bad classic.
January 23rd, 2007 at 9:15 am
A3G – Given Luann’s well-known minimalist painting style, I am all a-flutter to see what transforming effect that mysterious third paintbrush will have on her creations. Do not ask for whom the microwave beeps, it beeps for thee.
January 23rd, 2007 at 9:20 am
#32, If the microwave tells LuAnn to do unspeakable things with Margo and/or Tommie, she might start suspecting that it’s not Albert Pinkham Ryder, but rather Egon Schiele. That’s assuming she actually knows about art. Bad assumption, I know.
January 23rd, 2007 at 9:21 am
Elly in Foobland just cannot wait for Liz to come home to give her a big muppety HA HA. I set you up and good, didn’t I Liz. Now go and marry Granthony and move in down the street so we can have a relationship like Everybody Hates Raymond.
January 23rd, 2007 at 9:38 am
I just wanna know what the hell the deal is with that first panel in Dick Tracy — is she gently laying the letter on a glass tabletop? Or is she somehow dropping it into a mailbox with her adhesive fingertips (presumably obtained by being bitten by a radioactive octopus at a science fair)?
January 23rd, 2007 at 9:48 am
If there were any justice in the universe I would be be able to remove that apostrophe from “Keene’s” in my last comment. As it is, it’s just more proof that there is no God.
January 23rd, 2007 at 9:49 am
If pursuing a life of virtue, compassion and sacrifice leads to reincarnation as a microwave, I’m going to go out right now and kick a brahmin in the nuts.
January 23rd, 2007 at 9:49 am
12. I noticed that too Gatormom. It’s the only answer. Either that or one of Luann’s teachers.
January 23rd, 2007 at 9:55 am
Pluggers don’t have to worry about haunted microwaves. A Plugger microwave is 2 sticks that you rub together.
January 23rd, 2007 at 10:03 am
For some odd reason, when I looked at that Family Circus cartoon, it looked to me like Jeffrey was holding a big red paddle…and he was about to throw it as his mother, but then I took a closer look and it was a snowball…and the red paddle was the parking light of the car…. {Was this snow ball left over from yesterday’s supply because he is too learning disabled to figure out how to make his own?}
{maybe I need glasses}
January 23rd, 2007 at 10:04 am
#40 LOL! I nominate for COTW, not that Josh cares what I think.
I haven’t read any comics yet today, and from today’s snark, I’m not sure I want to….
January 23rd, 2007 at 10:06 am
Get Fuzzy – Bucky is running on the NORML ticket!
MW – Mary needs to hurry to get there. Why? Is Jeff on his death bed? No, he’s just being released today. She’ll miss him and spend the next five years wandering through rice paddies asking if anyone has seen a white, round-eyed man.
January 23rd, 2007 at 10:09 am
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So get ready! Friendly ghosts want to contact YOU!!!
January 23rd, 2007 at 10:10 am
I’m thinking a song parody based on Chuck Berry’s Brown Eyed Hansome Man, but it would be Round-Eyed Henpecked Man, but I’m way to lazy.
January 23rd, 2007 at 10:12 am
Dick Tracy’s next case should be interesting. That jewelry store burglar appears to have two right hands.
January 23rd, 2007 at 10:12 am
Foob: Liz gets home and Mom starts asking if Liz is all right.
“What, why wouldn’t I be?”
“Paul was cheating on you.”
“You knew?”
“Everybody knew, Liz. Why do you think Dad and I were pushing Anthony on you?”
“I’d assumed there was an exchange of money involved.”
April comes in
“How are you handling your break-up, sis?”
“You too? Who else knows?”
“Don’t be surprised if the cat starts snickering when you walk in the room.”
“Figures, she’s from the north. She’s ‘one of their kind’.”
January 23rd, 2007 at 10:18 am
I hate commenting on Dick Tracy, (I mean, I really, REALLY hate it) but I think the shadowy jewel-thief in the last panel is an ironic comment on the “In this case, crime paid!” See, crime is about to pay for this guy, too.
Either that, or it’s totally random.
January 23rd, 2007 at 10:18 am
FC
Like the Birds? More like Children of the Frickin Corn. Except with snowballs!
January 23rd, 2007 at 10:18 am
Dick: A thief with a crowbar attacking a jewelry store. He leaves fingerprints all over the place, too. Shouldn’t be too hard to nail him, and that’s if he can even steal any of the valuables, which are probably hidden in some kind of security containment that requires a bit more than a friggin’ crowbar to heist.
January 23rd, 2007 at 10:25 am
Okay, not to be a nitpicky bitch, but is the “criminal” in Dick Tracy going to smash the glass, or is he really the proprieter getting ready to perpetrate some naughty insurance fraud? If it’s not the owner, then the fact that he’s trying to open the door suggests that someone on the inside is helping him by leaving the joint unlocked, so why the crowbar? And wouldn’t dumbass want to wear gloves? They’ve got mind erasing machines in Dick Tracy but not forensics?
January 23rd, 2007 at 10:39 am
I just like it when Josh writes about “perfectly respectable seamen”.
January 23rd, 2007 at 10:49 am
If Shylock’s the kind of fox that pedantically notes after days in a lifeboat that the landmass on the horizon can’t be the east coast of Australia because yadda yadda yadda, no jury in the world would convict Max.
January 23rd, 2007 at 10:52 am
Man, I’ve got to get out of this office job. The most sexually suggestive thing I saw all day was from Judge Parker.
January 23rd, 2007 at 10:55 am
Not that we usually pay any attention to “Baldo,” which is basically an attempt to show that Hispanics can fill a dull strip with uninteresting characters and decades-old jokes just as well as a white guy, but this week’s series is a thinly-veiled “Pluggers” ripoff.
Yeesh. How pathetic is your strip, if you’re ASPIRING to Pluggerdom?
January 23rd, 2007 at 11:01 am
A3G is going to go all Phantom of the Opera on us. I just know it.
“Closer, monseiur! Keep drawing that way!”
January 23rd, 2007 at 11:11 am
Jeffy and Dennis don’t know jack about snowball throwing. Linus whippin’ ‘em with a blanket — now THAT’S snowball throwing!
January 23rd, 2007 at 11:12 am
FC
It is a sad state of affairs when the kids in FC are ten times more menacing than the kids in DtM.
But I guess we knew that. I still have nightmares about the FC’s horrific backyard pet semitery.
January 23rd, 2007 at 11:13 am
A3G — Albert Pinkham Ryder is not speaking through that microwave — he’s spinning in his coffin and trying to arrange ghostly hits on Bolle and Trusiani.
January 23rd, 2007 at 11:17 am
24: I agree. How can they possibly be so casual about being adrift in the ocean for days, so far from land that they may or may not be near Austrailia? You have to hand it to Slylock, though: even in the middle of the South Pacific, he’s so intent on detectiving, he doesn’t even remove one piece of his official detective uniform.
January 23rd, 2007 at 11:34 am
GF: I was pretty fuzzy myself when I read the paper this morning, but I could swear the strip in the print edition of the Washington Post is not what’s online today. I guess they found it too controversial?? Anyone else have this experience?
January 23rd, 2007 at 11:37 am
So, basically, what the court is saying here is that it’s wrong to eat seamen.
(c’mon folks, how long did you think it was gonna be until somebody posted this?)
January 23rd, 2007 at 11:41 am
12, 41: Whoa, what is this??? It sort of looks like they’re setting this guy up to be the latest in the long line of Luann crushes, so it’s unlikely he’s her brother. Damn, too bad I saw today’s strip first, because yesterday’s strip taken out of context is too funny for words.
January 23rd, 2007 at 11:47 am
#64 SPOI
I was hoping till after lunch, at least.
January 23rd, 2007 at 11:59 am
12, 41, 65: I assumed that this guy will be Bernice’s bother.
January 23rd, 2007 at 12:04 pm
I’m not into all of these fantastical, “magical” storylines that are suddenly taking over ostensibly “realistic” comics. Although strips like Spider-Man and Mark Trail aren’t exactly realistic, at least they pretty much take place in the physical universe we all live in. But these others…
A3G — Magic paintbrushes are dropped from the heavens into Luanne’s brush holder thingie.
MW — Mary has suddenly developed the power of psychic dreaming.
GA — Bears perform CPR; a 106-year-old rides a gurney down a winding staircase in a house populated by barely humanoid cartoon characters.
FBOW — The only decent, eligible bachelor in a 500-mile-radius is revealed to be a slope-shouldered, mustachioed bookkeeper/cinnabun slinger.
…Stop the insanity!
January 23rd, 2007 at 12:05 pm
Further disquisition upon (DT)GT – why we read it (not that anyone asked):
It’s like when you’re up at 3 AM flipping through the channels and you run into one of those 30 second badly-produced used car lot commercials where the owners are dressed up like Mexican wrestlers, screaming Bad credit? Slow credit? NO credit?! Come on down!! 1972 Buick Electra 225! Deuce and a quarter!! 95 cents/month! 1976 AMC Gremlin! Candy apple red! Only 34 cents/month! and you’ve just finished off that second bottle of Boone’s Farm and somehow you just lose the will to move on to the next infomercial. It’s like that.
I’m sorry, but I had to chauffeur Margo out to Long Island and I’m on my laptop because she told me to Stay In The Car or she’d tear me a new one and she’s been gone quite awhile now . . .
I need to go to the bathroom . . .
January 23rd, 2007 at 12:09 pm
First Shakespeare, then Tennyson, and now Bucky Katt is hoping to “legalize it”.
Up next, a Peter Tosh quote.
January 23rd, 2007 at 12:12 pm
Bucky’s probably trying to legalize catnip, which he doesn’t know is already legal.
January 23rd, 2007 at 12:17 pm
GF: The ‘ganja leaf’ version ran in the Chicago Tribune.
January 23rd, 2007 at 12:23 pm
67. Makes sense to me. They both have the same glasses. What gets me is that the soldier has time to look for his mother what with Sunnis and such bombing the green zone left and right.
January 23rd, 2007 at 12:35 pm
MW: No coolie hat today
TDIET: I just noticed that he e-mail address is alscaduto2! Apparently there was already an Al Scaduto on optonline when Big Al signed up.
Or maybe he forgot the password to his e-mail account.
January 23rd, 2007 at 12:36 pm
“I pray Jeff’s not seriously ill”.
Now Mary Worth is waxing religious. The Pattersons are saintly but Mary Worth is truly the patron saint of nosy meddlers. When do the waxy crocodile tears start falling? The irony is that Doc Jeff picked up an STD from the paper doll, Hutchinson-Gilford freak running around the Peace Village and is now in grave condition. He wouldn’t go looking for it on the streets of SE Asia if he was getting any back home. Doc Jeff is saintly himself but he’s also human. His intimacy-free, platonic special friend status was not satisfying his carnal wants ‘n needs.
January 23rd, 2007 at 12:43 pm
The latest events in MW support the idea that the strip takes place in a universe other than our own. Einstein’s theory of relativity predicts that as you speed up, time slows down. You have to be going really really fast to notice it much (near the speed of light) but very accurate clocks have confirmed Einstein’s prediction to a high degree of accuracy.
Now consider the biddyverse inhabited by Mary Worth. She seems to have virtually transported over to Vietnam in our time; on a fast plane in our universe time should have slowed down. The bus ride to Peace Village took longer than the plane ride, whereas in our universe time would have speeded up (since the bus is slower than the plane). Now that she is walking, time in her bizarro universe has slowed to a crawl and it will take her three of our weeks just to reach the hospital door.
January 23rd, 2007 at 12:48 pm
MW – Mary sez “I pray Jeff’s not seriously ill†but she heads immediately for intensive care. This is all moving too fast for me, but perhaps in the world outside Charterstone time is calibrated differently.
January 23rd, 2007 at 12:49 pm
“Mark, this is Dick. The beaver is back!” Almost as good as “Dick, the doorbell!”
Rusty says is practically a pet. Huh? He nursed it for like day and a half, hardly bestowing “practically a pet” status. He gave it the same name ALL the LoFo anmials that get nursed back to health get.
January 23rd, 2007 at 12:52 pm
Tragically, LuAnn bought a GoldStar to save a few bucks; microwave is mistakenly channelling Dudley Ryder, the 2nd Earl of Harrowby.
She is asked to leave the condo after badgering the other residents about the Maynooth commission.
January 23rd, 2007 at 12:56 pm
I’ve happened to catch Annie recently for the first time since, well, ever. What the hell is going on in this strip? First she’s traveled through time to the lost city of Atlantis, and now she’s in Nazi-era Germany. Except — for Depression-era Annie, that’s actually more than a decade FORWARD in time. So any chance she’ll return home to Daddy Warbucks and use this knowledge to, I don’t know, stop Hitler’s rise to power? That would so one-up Dick Tracy’s check-mailing enterprise.
January 23rd, 2007 at 1:01 pm
[to the tune (?) of Donovan’s Atlantis]
The comic strip of Scaduto was an island
which lay before the great flood
in the area we now call the Funny Pages.
So great a waste of space, that from its western border
those clueless hubbies journeyed
to Prickly City and Chickweed Lane with ease,
in their roadsters with jutting fins.
To the East A3G was a neighbour, across a short strait of white space.
The great Pluggers age is but a remnant of The Scadutoan culture.
The anachronistic king colorized the world
All the dweebs who play in the mythopoetic dramas
In all urges to panfry but good were from Al Scaduto.
Knowing his fate, Scaduto asked for e-mails from all corners of the Earth.
On call were the Twelve:
Migraina, Dragbutt, Loopina, Barfo,
Daffia and the other so-called Gods of our legends.
Though Gods they were -
And as the youths of our time choose to remain blind
Let us rejoice and let us sing and dance and ring in the new
Hail Scaduto!
Way back in 1950 where I wanna be he may be,
Way back in 1950 where I wanna be he may be,
Way back in 1950 where I wanna be he may be,
Way back in 1950 where I wanna be he may be,
Way back in 1950 where I wanna be he may be,
etc. . . .
January 23rd, 2007 at 1:07 pm
63 – I noticed that too, although I can’t for the life of me remember what was in the printed version.
January 23rd, 2007 at 1:14 pm
#81 – gh – The yellow tape outline on the office floor is me after I read your version of Atlantis, because it killed me. That’s even funnier than the Futurama episode when they Donovan to parody his own song about the Lost Delta Hub of Atlanta.
January 23rd, 2007 at 1:19 pm
I do appreciate Slylock Fox’s commitment to his look. Though adrift in the South Pacific “for days” he’s still sporting the wool hat and cape. I suspect Mr. Fox is English.
January 23rd, 2007 at 1:24 pm
I think that it is high time for Jeff Keane to go see a shrink. Working out his problems on the funny pages is just making us all cringe a little bit. A couple of weeks in the laughing academy should clear his head. Either that or I should head to there for reading all this dreck at the end of the Lifebeats section of the paper and putting in so much thought.
January 23rd, 2007 at 1:30 pm
The Viet Nam portrayed in Mary Worth doesn’t look terribly different from Santa Royale, with the exception of a few people with a slightly yellow-tinged skin tone and black hair that gives off a navy blue sheen. Maybe we won that war afterall.
January 23rd, 2007 at 1:31 pm
Mary, don’t waste your time praying. Toss some popcorn in LuAnn’s mystical microwave, and in 3-4 minutes your problems will melt away like butter. And it leaves a delightful aroma that masks the stink of your desperation.
January 23rd, 2007 at 1:39 pm
The Slylock Fox above reminds me of Billy Crystal and John Lovitz in City Slickers II.
Max: We’re off the east coast of Australia!
Sly: No, because the sun rises in the east, we’d be off the west coast.
Max: No, because right now we are IN the west, beyond the point at which the sun sets. From HERE, the sun rises in the WEST.
Sly: And I am directly south of AN IDIOT!
January 23rd, 2007 at 1:42 pm
This is probably obvious, but how do they know the sun is rising? Honestly, it could very well be setting. The coloring gnomes didn’t put in dark-purple (usually sunrise here) or orange (usually sunset) coloring, so its impossible to tell…
January 23rd, 2007 at 1:45 pm
B.C.: Missing a frame there, aren’t we Mr. Hart?
TDIET: Wait… kids can submit to this strip? I thought you were required to be cranky and middle-aged.
Luann: Okay, am I missing something here, or do yesterday’s and today’s strips imply that Luann is some soldier’s birth-mother?
January 23rd, 2007 at 1:46 pm
Or, did genius Slylock ever think that he may have slept through the day completely and that is actually the sun setting, rather than the sun rising?
My initial reaction to the “east coast of Australia” was that pelicans, scared goldfish and thieving purple octopi aren’t native to the east coast of Australia, or that Sly and Max were in the raft because they were too cheap for the Staten Island ferry, and Australia is in an entirely different ocean.
Coming up with a back story for Sly and Max can be an enormously fun excercise in the evil sort of way. Of course, with Hagar landing on a tiny desert island with Lucky Eddie about once per week on average, you can play that game on a regular basis.
January 23rd, 2007 at 1:46 pm
the reason slylock knows that’s not australia is because, acting in the spirit of our current super-friendly migration laws re … um … not-very-pale people floating about in boats near the coast, the australian navy towed them way out to sea the night before and gave them a shove toward new zealand.
lucky for sly, really. foxes are none too highly regarded here. if he’d made it ashore, he probably would’ve just been put down, or sent to a lab for research on how to eliminate foxes, before he’d even had a chance to demonstrate his amazing detecting skills. and max would’ve been snake food.
January 23rd, 2007 at 1:46 pm
#89: It says in the description that Max just woke up in the morning.
January 23rd, 2007 at 1:47 pm
Apartment 3-G: Sorry for the double post:
She has to remember the code they developed. One beep means “yes”. Two beeps means “no”. Three beeps means “take it off”.
January 23rd, 2007 at 1:47 pm
#90 – Shannon – That “kid” looks like he’s about 57.
January 23rd, 2007 at 1:50 pm
Notice that Joey’s pants are around his ankles, and his legs have turned black from frostbite. Dennis, having used this one up, is looking for more victims. And you people say he’s not “menacing?”
January 23rd, 2007 at 1:54 pm
Ya have to wonder a little about Jeffy’s intensity here – point-blank range, leg-extended wind-up, the soulless eyes, total lack of facial expression – it’s positively Junior Barnesian.
That’s one angry little man.
January 23rd, 2007 at 2:01 pm
Man, I knew a Manhattan studio lease would be full of clauses, but is there one about getting permission from the resident ghost each time before using the premises? I’m staying in the midwest, thanks.
January 23rd, 2007 at 2:03 pm
#90, 95 – If I had to guess, I’d say that the soldier is either Bernice’s sibling or maybe Gunther’s sibling – (the glasses) or Mrs. Horner’s kid.
Which leave us with a few outcomes…
1. If he’s a long lost sibling of one of the gang, we get to learn about the consequences of unmarried sexual relations (ohpleaseohpleaseohplease). Plus, if it’s a sib of Gunther, we have the added bonus of learning that Gunther may age into something more pleasant to look at.
2. If he’s Mrs. Horner’s kid, something is going to compromise the plans for Brad’s Bachelor Pad, and he won’t bet getting any for another decade.
Either way, this is going to ROCK THE WORLD of the citizens of Luannville.
I somehow don’t think this guy is related to Luann, because if he isn’t that gives her the opportunity to drool over him – which, if he’s related to either Bernice or Gunther, makes it way more awkward.
Keep your fingers crossed!
January 23rd, 2007 at 2:11 pm
MW: The fact that everything in Vietnam is written in English confirms my suspicion that Mary has stopped taking her medication and is actually wandering around a new Vietnam pavilion at EPCOT Center’s World Showcase.
January 23rd, 2007 at 2:16 pm
Between the haunted apartment and the perpetually blank expression on the face of the pretty blonde being tormented, I’m beginning to suspect that Roman Polanski is moonlighting as the author of Apartment 3-G. Next week, Margo sells Tommie’s uterus to the ghost in the microwave.
January 23rd, 2007 at 2:17 pm
The only reason that Slylock fox knows that it is the Australian coast is that he sees the lifeless body of Steve Irwin floating by and a school of rays. Other than that, he just might be off the coast of Florida.
January 23rd, 2007 at 2:27 pm
SmartPeopleOnIce, I need Wikipedia open to understand half of your posts. Junior Barnes? From a Bil Cosby comedy bit…
Learn something new every day.
January 23rd, 2007 at 2:27 pm
#99 – Allie – I was referring to #90’s “kid” reference to TDIET. He looks like a sad old man wearing a backwards baseball hat.
January 23rd, 2007 at 2:28 pm
FC–what kid winds up at point blank range to fire a snowball into his own mother’s face? A kid who’s looking for a quick trip to Social Services if he’s lucky, or to the emergency room if I’m the mom.
January 23rd, 2007 at 2:31 pm
Sorry, it’s Bill Cosby and Bil Keane. Which kid is Disney animator Glen Keane supposed to be? Did Billy or Jeffy start going by a middle name out of shame?
January 23rd, 2007 at 2:35 pm
#29 Joe : If the Family Circus knew from funny, they’d continue this story the following day with Jeffy sitting beside Mom’s unconscious body with a mouth covered in glaze and an empty donut box nonchalantly tossed aside. But it doesn’t.
Bill : “Oh… o-oh my… for the LOVE of GOD… who DID this?”
Jeffy : “NOT ME!”
January 23rd, 2007 at 2:36 pm
JP: From Abbey’s silouette, it looks like Aunt Rachel needs to turn up the heater just a bit.
MW: Unfortunately for Dr. Cory, intensive care in Vietnam means they put more leaches on you.
SF: You would think that being adrift at sea that fox would be more concerned about the octopus stealing it’s water than teaching Max a lesson about the sun’s position. We can only hope this is a deserted island and in a couple of months he’ll be extracting a tooth with an ice skate.
Shoe: What the hell kind of class is he taking where “name something you get from a goose” is a test question?
DT: Dick’s chin-to-chest ratio disturbs me greatly.
January 23rd, 2007 at 2:37 pm
#83 willethompson
Thanks. Just trying to get something started here — over 100 comments and it’s the only parody so far. Slacker!
January 23rd, 2007 at 2:38 pm
Lu Ann’s microwave is set on medium.
January 23rd, 2007 at 2:40 pm
#108 – What the hell kind of class is he taking where “name something you get from a goose†is a test question?
Having read your comment before reading Shoe today, and given that they’re all birds, I was really hoping for an answer like “chlamydia”. Alas, ’twas not to be.
January 23rd, 2007 at 2:43 pm
As the helicopter pulls away from the village, and our interest sinks slowly in the west, we bid a fond farewell to Mtiggersarewunnerful things.
January 23rd, 2007 at 2:44 pm
#22 HogenMogen : Wow, look at the TV show on today’s TDIET. Isn’t it the same as the movie they saw last week?
Yes, they liked the movie so much at the porno theater that they bought a copy on the way out to enjoy at home. Junior’s right… there’s only grown-up stuff on TV.
January 23rd, 2007 at 2:53 pm
#81 — gh, that’s hilarious. (although I liked the Lost Delta Hub of Atlanta, too).
#102 — that made me laugh out loud too, but then I felt bad. damn.
January 23rd, 2007 at 2:54 pm
Y’know, I find brunette girls who wear skirts and boots together to be about as hot as it gets. Now, thanks to Jeff Keene, that fantasy has been forever buried under a sea of the little man’s snowballs, which I’m guessing is a problem with which Mommy has to deal with way too much when the lights go down, eh?
January 23rd, 2007 at 3:01 pm
#109 gh – I’m two-and-a-half verses into the JP version of The Band’s ‘The Weight’ (Just landed in Orly, the time was half past one, got drunk in first class, was lookin’ to have some fun… (and) Take a ride on Neddy…) but the words ‘project,’ ‘deadline’ and ‘unemployed’ keep getting penciled in the margins.
I blame Luann’s ghost.
January 23rd, 2007 at 3:05 pm
A3G: I find it interesting that the name of the ghost, Albert Ryder, is an anagram for Try Beer, Lad. I realize that this has nothing whatsoever to do with the whole stupid ‘ghost-buddy’ plot, but what the hell.
I do like LuAnn’s cordless microwave.
January 23rd, 2007 at 3:10 pm
Luann is warming up one-and-a-half portions of Lean Cuisine Road Runner.
(BTW #110 foobar – nice slow roller there)
January 23rd, 2007 at 3:21 pm
Stan Lee and Larry Leiber must be hanging out with Scaduto – a thug who speaks of ‘plugged nickels”? I mean even with colloquialisms’ lengthy lives, that phrase surely died some years ago – especially in West Hollywood, where those gay pirates clearly are.
January 23rd, 2007 at 3:25 pm
#108 — reader-who-posts asked:
“Shoe: What the hell is he taking where “name something you get from a goose†is a test question?”
A test for down syndrome?
January 23rd, 2007 at 3:26 pm
I spent yesterday wondering what the rest of Greta Weber’s “you might want to hurry….” would be:
“…because the bus to the hospital is leaving now. Run, old woman, run!”
“…because you’ll spend all day wandering around lost since you can’t read Vietnamese.”
“…because you’ll probably have to fight the Chinese for Dr. Jeff’s organs.”
“…because if you’re caught on the streets after 5 you’ll be sent to a re-education camp.”
Today I find out the sentence isn’t even finished and Mary is already entering the door of a whites-only hospital. Come on, can’t they even make it look like it takes place in Vietnam? Can’t the writers copy some squiggly lines off the back of a menu?
January 23rd, 2007 at 3:33 pm
If Baldo turns into a Hispanic Pluggers, so help me G-d, I vow to go to Vietnam and wash all of the electric blue dye out of every orphan’s hair and make sure that blatant English signs in a country which does not profit from American tourism, are removed immediately.
January 23rd, 2007 at 3:39 pm
Above DtM: Dennis is so rusty at being a menace that he has to ask Mr. Wilson to be a snowball target.
January 23rd, 2007 at 3:41 pm
Late post regarding Sunday’s FOOB, but I just realized that Mama Elly, following the fire and Liz’s departure from Camp Mitiganation, has finally succeeding in drawing all her spawn to her in the ancestral home. Soon, with the strip drawing to an end, she will pull down the pillars upon them all in a blind, postmenstrual fury, entombing them with her in an undead, unaging world where they are doomed to eternally play out the familial interactions of childhood and adolescence.
Couldn’t happen to nicer people.
January 23rd, 2007 at 3:53 pm
#104 – HogenMogen – Oops- that’s what I get for trying to hold down a job *and* keep up my street cred as a curmudgeonista.
To me, all Scadutokinder look like small adults in weird clothes. As opposed to the adults who are normal sized and in weird clothes.
January 23rd, 2007 at 4:00 pm
Baldo: Oh no, don’t tell me he believes that stops police radar! Doesn’t Tio watch Mythbusters?
January 23rd, 2007 at 4:00 pm
Baldo: Oh no, don’t tell me he believes that stops police radar! Doesn’t Tio watch Mythbusters?
January 23rd, 2007 at 4:09 pm
“Elsewhere, some dude plans to break into a jewelry store with a crowbar, in a totally interesting criminal act that will surely demand the attention of the world’s greatest, most techno-enabled detective.”
I’m sure Batman will have no trouble with this shadowy fellow.
January 23rd, 2007 at 4:23 pm
#40, “If pursuing a life of virtue, compassion and sacrifice leads to reincarnation as a microwave, I’m going to go out right now and kick a brahmin in the nuts.”
Dude. I’m married to one. That is, he’s of the brahmin caste, but he’s not a professional brahmin. He’s a computer geek. Anyhow, kicking him in the nuts is a service to mankind. Today anyway. I see microwave meals in your future.
110: Set on medium. That was a friggin’ JOKE GRENADE and it exploded my day into happy.
January 23rd, 2007 at 5:00 pm
# 81 — gh, another major keyboard cleaning, but it was worth it.
January 23rd, 2007 at 5:11 pm
So, is Slylock Fox some kind of Life of Pi retelling, where the mouse has to learn how to keep the fox from devouring him while they share the same raft? Unfortunately for Max, next week’s guest artist is Tom Batiuk.
January 23rd, 2007 at 5:12 pm
Empty platitudes are lost on the terminally ill but here are a few for Doc Jeff if he is near death.
* Death is only a beginning. (the beginning of fighting over your money by your useless kids).
* You’ve never looked thinner!
* I hear they’re really close to a cure for that.
* That gown looks great on you.
January 23rd, 2007 at 5:15 pm
Is that microwave even plugged in?
January 23rd, 2007 at 5:16 pm
If kids are now allowed to submit to TDIET, I’m looking for a long streak of complaints about playing marbles and kick-the-can, and how your sister never wants to use her roller skates until the moment you use them on your homemade two-by-four-and-milkbox scooter.
There will probably also be kid-related squid and punchbowl items, but those require Scaduto-level talents far above mine.
January 23rd, 2007 at 5:32 pm
DT: Am I mistaken, but is the state abbreviation on the “Alzheimer’s Inc” envelope “TA”? If memory serves, this has been used a couple of times (usually in early seasons) as the abbreviation for the state that the Simpsons are in. I wonder if there’s a relation?
Or not.
Maybe my mind is just fried from Tracy’s visage in panel 2, great googly-moogly but that man has a square face? What do they use to draw him with, a ruler? (That’s probably how he defeated Figment Froid, his mind just exploded looking at Tracy)
January 23rd, 2007 at 5:34 pm
#132 – If Doctor Jeff Cory is really at deaths door, Mary had better get a casserole in the oven for the bereaved. How do you say “cream of mushroom soup” in Vietnamese?
January 23rd, 2007 at 5:36 pm
#136 – Crap, make that death’s door. Call off the grammar rottweilers!
January 23rd, 2007 at 5:54 pm
#136: Your reference to tuna casserole got me thinking… what exactly is Mary eating on this trip? I can’t really see her going for Balut.
January 23rd, 2007 at 5:56 pm
Mrs. Keane’s world is so safe, soft, plastic, and carefully kept distant from reality, that even the mild aggression of a child has left her so shaken and terrified that she’s willing to forsake her cherished pro-anorexic beliefs to distract Jeffy with donuts. “Please, demon! Eat the sinful donuts, don’t hurt me again!”
Since all the animals in Slylock Fox seem to be anthropomorphic, one has to assume that the fish in the top right is audibly screaming in pain and fear, just as the one in the bottom left is soon to be. The fact that he would seek employment under a mid-sized predator really doesn’t speak well of Max’s already questionable deductive skills. Especially since they’ve already killed and eaten one of these expressive fish.
#15 Having eaten more than a dozen donuts at one time, I’d have to say there IS a point at which you do not want to eat more donuts.
January 23rd, 2007 at 5:57 pm
Foob: When Liz gets home, she needs to start ranting about how she cant trust “those kind” and “them”.. I’d like to see FOOB world get reeeeaaal dark before the dawn of everything turning out sunshine and lollypops.
January 23rd, 2007 at 6:13 pm
#119 willethompson
I’ve only got a minute — I’m 2 hours from home on a site visit and had to wrestle someone’s computer away. I used the drive to treat myself to my Xmas present to myself: Neil Young & Crazy Horse Live at Fillmore East 1970. Good lord amighty! Fifteen minutes of Cowgirl in the Sand plus five other tasty delights. I can’t say I recommend it for a road trip; it’s rather . . . propulsive. “I’m sorry, officer. Could you repeat that? I’m currently deaf.”
So I won’t whine about the Neil-less parodies. The Band definitely works for me.
#130 Poteet
At your service, as always.
January 23rd, 2007 at 7:03 pm
#138 Shannon
Thanks. I was starting to eat my dinner when I clicked on your link. That’s “almost” as bad as Dingo’s links.
January 23rd, 2007 at 7:49 pm
Slylock and Max don’t seem too distressed by their ordeal – in fact, they seem to be spending their time happily engaged in sexual hijinks, with the mouse about to jam his thumb up the fox’s butt.
January 23rd, 2007 at 8:05 pm
Agent Orange and its effects are incredibly debilitating and Peace Village lady seems to be bundling up Wally and the Beav for outside hijinks…
January 23rd, 2007 at 8:49 pm
Re: comments on Shylock Fox.
Maori’s are from New Zealand, not Australia. People native to Australia are called Indigenous Australians.
January 23rd, 2007 at 8:53 pm
Hi Anonymous #145-
Yes, you’ll notice that in the exact same sentence in which I use the word Maori, I say that Slylock has arrived in New Zealand. The whole point of the little puzzle in the strip is that they aren’t landing in Australia.
While we’re being pedantic, the plural of Maori is strictly speaking Maori. Maybe Maoris, casually; definitely not Maori’s.
Josh
January 23rd, 2007 at 9:29 pm
81- That’s pretty darn funny. I’d love to hear some more Donovan.
Also, thanks for the love. I do my best for you people, and this is the thanks I get, he said, making it the first unironic use of the phrase ever.
January 24th, 2007 at 12:57 am
Is it just me, or is the area-code on that letter in pannel 1 of Dick Tracy “DEATH”
That is obviously,due to the lack of cord, a battery powered microwave Luann just set down. She was apparently using it to render herself sterile so she can have even MORE sex with people in suits.
January 24th, 2007 at 12:52 pm
Calling Jeffy’s imminent snowballing of his mom a “blatant assault” actually made Family Circus funny. Damn you! Daaaaamn youuuuu!