The Comics Curmudgeon

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Monday Festival of Bile!

Okay, so maybe Sunday’s post was a little, er, gentle. Sorry! It’s hard to maintain Joshworthy levels of invective when you haven’t got, y’know, his digestive challenges. But I’ll make it up to you – here’s a quadruple helping of the most revolting muck ever to poison three seconds of your morning coffee break.

It’s Monday! Go nuts!

Zippy the Pinhead 1/29/07

This dripping, self-indulgent bolus of hipper-than-thou omphaloskepsis no longer stains even the benighted San Francisco Chronicle. Voted off in a reader poll. Deluded fans howled: such sweet, sweet music!

Quigmans 1/9/07

Hahahahaha! People are fat, stupid, ugly, and miserable! Hahaha! Vomit! Booger! Fartfartfart! Hahahahaha!

Grin and Bear It 1/29/07

They’ll Do It Every Time, lacking only the wit, draftsmanship, and goodwill.

The Brilliant Mind of Edison Lee, 1/24/07

A California bill to outlaw spanking of children was defeated when opponents circulated copies of The Brilliant Mind of Edison Lee. Legislators have introduced a bill to require such spanking.

Okay, Chennux? Okay? Jeez – my tap shoes wore out, it hurts to sit, and I have no idea how to peel these things off my chest. What’d you stick them on with, grannix phlegm? It’s not funny, man — not funny!

This entry was posted on Monday, January 29, 2007 at 12:24 am and is filed under Brilliant Mind of Edison Lee, Grin and Bear It, Quigmans, Zippy the Pinhead.

269 responses to “Monday Festival of Bile!”

Artist Formerly Known as Ben
January 29th, 2007 at 12:28 am [Reply]

BMEL: A child who acts like the old guy in Non Sequitur. That’s just sad.
Artist Formerly Known as Ben
January 29th, 2007 at 12:29 am [Reply]

BTW, how’d you get to Monday’s comics so fast, Uncle Lumpy? On the East Coast, it’s only been Monday for half an hour?
Bill Peschel
January 29th, 2007 at 12:30 am [Reply]

“Edison Lee”: More tedious than Mallard Fillmore?
Rusty
January 29th, 2007 at 12:32 am [Reply]

Wow, I tolerate Zippy every day in my local rag, but that other stuff is just howlingly bad. I know it must be difficult to come up with a gag every day, but if you can’t, find something else to do.

BYW, the little genius has never heard of the middle-class entitlement program called the home mortgage interest deduction. I probably pay less in fed income taxes now that I’m a homeowner with 3 kids than I did as a young, single screwup who drank most of my then-meager paycheck.
Uncle Lumpy
January 29th, 2007 at 12:33 am [Reply]

#2 Ben -

You can hack the URLs on the color comics after 9:00 PST. Black-and-white, not so much.
Bill Peschel
January 29th, 2007 at 12:35 am [Reply]

You know, Zippy at one time was pretty good. There was one sequence when the Z-man was sent back to NYC of the 1890s, and that was amusing. Griffy also recalled his childhood, with his father the Army sergeant who hated “Bilko,” was dismissed in the post-Korea drawdown, and died while riding his bike. Even some of the weird strips were delightful in their absurdity.

He also published a travel sketchbook (”Get Us A Table Without Flies, Harry” I think) that shows he has a pretty sharp eye for absurdity.

He jumped the shark for me when he embarked on a LONNNNNNG series of strips in which Z talked to business statues (including the barbell man outside York, Pa.). Now, even San Fran has rejected him. That’s sad.
Rusty
January 29th, 2007 at 12:35 am [Reply]

Upon re-reading the Edison Lee thingy, if the little twit is suggesting we throw the tax burden on the ultra-rich, than I stand corrected. But I’m sure he is just wallowing in neoconservative blather.
What's wrong with Mallard Fillmore
January 29th, 2007 at 12:36 am [Reply]

NOTHING is more tedious than Mallard Fillmore
Poteet
January 29th, 2007 at 12:44 am [Reply]

In the spirit of this post and very early Monday morning, and with apologies to Simon and Garfunkel (and also to any Curmudgeon who maybe did this song already but I forgot), here’s the 59th Street Bridge To Jump From Song:

Slow down, you’re gonna die
You might as well sit down and cry
Just feelin’ ’round for swollen glands
Knowin’ you’re sick and feelin’ Funky!

Hello lamppost
Whatcha knowin’?
I think I feel my heartbeat slowin’.
Betcha want to fall on me,
Blah-deedee blah blah
Feelin’ Funky.

I got no friends at all, no family who cares
I’ll probably break my neck fallin’ downstairs
Let the pigeons fly over and poop upon me,
Death, I’m waiting.
All is Funky!
Alex Blase
January 29th, 2007 at 12:58 am [Reply]

Actually I really like Zippy a lot. I don’t think it’s elitist, just different.

Oh well, I can still get it on chron.com.

I have this Sunday’s edition of Qomics for Queers up. It’s the first post if you click on my name. Read if you want to see queer reinterpretation of this week’s comics.
Rhekarid
January 29th, 2007 at 1:00 am [Reply]

I’m confused by Zippy. Is that Dilbert talking to some sort of boot/corncob hybrid? Or am I trying too hard to find semi-interesting genetic abberations amidst the bilious scumpiles violating the last optic nerves of my one good eye?

In all his brilliance, little Edison Lee has just glued the tax burden to his bricks and table. Soon he will inherit every debt and be supernaturally poor, his life ruined beyond what any brilliance can compare. And when he eats that rat in crazed desperation, that strip is going on my fridge.
Poteet
January 29th, 2007 at 1:06 am [Reply]

Omphaloskepsis is a real word! Omphaloskepsis is a real word! I am SO gonna impress someone this week.
Rhekarid
January 29th, 2007 at 1:06 am [Reply]

Damnencrap, “compare?” That word has no place there. I hate when that happens! Now I’m in a bad mood all over again. I need more things to rage at. Post again! I MUST DESTROY
moe99
January 29th, 2007 at 1:14 am [Reply]

Hello, Dept of internal consistency? The meth junkie mom on RexMorgan MD lost her eyepatch in less than a day. What gives here? Is June one of those nurses whose sarcasm heals?
Randy S
January 29th, 2007 at 1:28 am [Reply]

I’m sure that someone is bound to comment on the fact that the “woman” in that Quigman’s comic is literally talking out of her ass, but personally I’m more interested in the fact that her face looks like a certain male political figure wearing a blonde wig.
I just wish I could remember who it reminds me of.
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
January 29th, 2007 at 1:30 am [Reply]

Remember that episode of Twin Peaks where Josie Packard dies and, uh, somehow her face ends up screaming in terror from inside a doorknob? (No I am not making this up: c’mon it’s a David Lynch joint, what do you expect?) The woman in “Quigmans” looks kinda like that – except that it’s a man’s face screaming to try to get out through her face. That might explain why she is, in fact, talking out her ass. And I don’t want to think about why her ass would be claiming that her husband killed the part of it that cares.

Also, I like “Zippy” – but yeah, this is a blandly self-referential and forgetful example. But at least some care’s been taken in the drawing…more than can be said for a lot of comics.
reader-who-posts
January 29th, 2007 at 1:32 am [Reply]

Edison Lee may be brilliant, but the writer sure isn’t.
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
January 29th, 2007 at 1:33 am [Reply]

Randy: Next time, call me while I’m typing, okay? Now I feel all repetitivey.
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
January 29th, 2007 at 1:36 am [Reply]

“forgettable” dammit – not “forgetful.” Although for all I know the Zippy strip did leave the oven on before it went out and now its whole house went kablooey. What kind of house does a comic strip live in anyway?
Boshek
January 29th, 2007 at 1:42 am [Reply]

I believe, with Monday’s comic added to the stack, that there is a full-blown Tommie story underway in 3G. No cut-away to Lu Ann and the ghost or Margo raining on someone’s wedding parade. And look at that clean-cut Caucasian fellow! My, isn’t HE handsome? I kind of hope that Gina ends up with this Gary guy and the defeated Tommie retreats into the dark shadows of Funky Winkerbean.

And speaking of Funky… GOOD NEWS!? Is this the first good news in Winker-history? Someone confirm this, tell me it’s not just a dream!

Garfield is a metaphor for the whole strip’s progress. Jon represents the readers, asking, DARING Garfield, who represents the strip to do nothing. Can he do nothing? Will he? The strip, the author, Mr. Jim Davis… accepts. He will do nothing as only he can. I don’t know if I’m glad that he’s sticking to his guns or disappointed because I know what his style is and… it is… well, boring.

And FOOB. Liz regrets. Oh, how she regrets. At last she regrets. Regret, Liz. Think of the tears you will shed as Paul marries his true love, the tears you will shed in a decade at 25 year old lil sis’s marriage to kindly older man Warren and the tears you will shed on the shoulder of a certain moustached man as you realize that he is as good as you are going to get. Or…

OH!! CONSPIRACY THEORY!!! The current Garfield arc is the future of FOOB! That Liz is this Liz! She realized that Anthony is not the man for her and throws herself at Jon Arbucke!!
Randy S
January 29th, 2007 at 1:43 am [Reply]

Sorry, Mr. Mole Preener. Actually you said it better than I did anyway.
I’m still trying to figure out who “she” reminds me of though. Someone really old though, like maybe George Bush Sr. or Homer Simpson’s dad…
Either way, it’s a face I wouldn’t want to run into in a dark alley.
Cafangdra
January 29th, 2007 at 1:45 am [Reply]

omphaloskepsis

Thank you for teaching me a valuable new word.

I don’t mind “Edison Lee.” Heavy-handed (and, yeah, he is just like a kiddie version of Danae’s dad) but the weird bulbousy drawings make me happy and…I dunno. I kinda like it.

Today’s FBofW makes me happy, too. Because Elizabitch is SAD, and realizes she’s made MISTAKES. (Of course, her psychic wounds are sure to be dressed and hovered over by the ‘Stache, but at least she’s suffering.)
Mibbitmaker
January 29th, 2007 at 1:49 am [Reply]

#15: Well, she did follow some bad relationship intel that led her to marrying that guy on the couch. It was a badly planned ceremony. I don’t even want to get into the “no IUDs” fiasco! She no longer cares because she’s a lame duck wife.

Well, the joke in Quigmans is lame, so maybe John Kerry drew the panel.
Charles Brubaker
January 29th, 2007 at 2:12 am [Reply]

Today’s “Prickly City” makes a jab at the current state of newspapers.
Mibbitmaker
January 29th, 2007 at 2:18 am [Reply]

1/29:

FOOB: The first 3 panels, Liz FINALLY figured out what we (and the FOOBiverse Journal folks) have been saying for months. Then, in the fifth and last panel, she literally does what we’ve been saying she’s been doing: reverting to babydom.

FW: Ah, there’s good news tonight! Though I’m sure the good news is that, unlike believing she’s going to die on Tuesday, she won’t die until Thursday.

Tiger: No, stupid, that’s what you do at drunken parties! You’d think, having been in comic strips for this long, the kid would know his cartoon cliches by now.

(DT)GT: Hey, I’d like to think of what we do here as “high volume observations”! That’d be cool.

SF: More from Sally’s Forthtyth.
Trixie Belden
January 29th, 2007 at 2:28 am [Reply]

Actually, I enjoyed the “mellow Sunday” theme. I don’t hate all comic strips, all the time. True, too many strips are often lame, and badly in need of skewering, but when they’re good, I can also enjoy a celebration of the artwork or the jokes. The original Steve Canyon that was posted yesterday was awesome.
What can I say? Look, Mama Belden didn’t raise no h8r, OK?
Mibbitmaker
January 29th, 2007 at 2:47 am [Reply]

1/29:

RMMD: WHAT ABOUT NIKKI is RIGHT! Takes a strip a long time to get the hint, don’t it?

MW: “You’re not making any sense! Like ‘Gil Thorp’.”

MT: “Beaver pond” just pushes the innuendo envelope past the breaking point!

JP: Rachel and her late husband were good at comedy basketball from Harlem? I never knew…

A3G: Gary sure looks like a young Robert Redford, doesn’t he? Though more like late comedian George Miller in panel 1… and almost like a male LuAnn in panel 2.

“A dazed Tommie”? From last week, she couldn’t even understand the sign on the “stage enterance” door. She’s getting dazed even before moustache boy bashed her head. Strip ends with signs of brain damage!

The Margo Coup d’etat can’t be far now.
Mr. Oâ€™Malley
January 29th, 2007 at 2:58 am [Reply]

We’re back to Sunday night slow loading. Apparently something called “project wonderful” is the cause.

I’ve got two tabs open so one can update while I read the other.

If it weren’t for the fact that Monty Python is on TV, I’d be a lot more annoyed. But it’s almost over.
Mr. Oâ€™Malley
January 29th, 2007 at 3:01 am [Reply]

The problem seems to go away at midnight. Well, midnight here.
Plumberduck
January 29th, 2007 at 3:19 am [Reply]

Is it just me, or is today’s Ziggy about the aerobic effects of voiding yourself from both ends with rancid chili? Ziggy is darker than previously imagined.

Oh, and Mary Worth: Yes, Jeff. Yes. Just a little closer, and then your oddly large hands can close around her turkey-esque neck. The storms will go away when the witch is dead!
Lynngineering
January 29th, 2007 at 3:55 am [Reply]

FOOB: Sorry, can’t bypass this key moment of Liz finally getting up to speed with what we all know since, oh, since forever: You SCREWED UP LIZ, you LEFT Mitwickiwacky and its potential for some good lovin’, even if it wouldn’t have been marriage, it would have been MEANINGFUL, and lots more meaning than you’re getting now holding that stupid bunny. Hell, Shannon has more independence than you!

So the last panel shows us Liz is reverting and the next step is psychoanalysis, or denial… This being Foobland, denial is the order of the day.

But in an alternate universe, maybe her mom will call around, get a reference from one of her many friends – oh wait, she has no real friends anymore – well she would call to the community clinic, er…wait she has no real community, either… well she could call to Grandpa Jim’s retirement home and get some names of psychoanalysts, and make the appointment for Liz who is obviously unable.

Then, just when you think things have changed, Elly will bring Liz over for the first appointment. Once inside the doctor’s office, she sees that the doctor is single and available guy. So she starts the Elly thing up, nudging Liz in the ribs, motioning that he is worth checking out.

And before any session, standing right there with Elly, Liz will suddenly wake up and realize that she has been the dupe, the tool exploited for all Elly’s repressed sexual feelings, since Dad is such a wimp. Liz will just scream “why don’t YOU go out with him INSTEAD!”, followed by a dead silence of three panels and everyone in the room, Analyst, Elly and Liz, silently, awkwardly looking at each other, and if you read this on the website, blinking…
ben
January 29th, 2007 at 4:03 am [Reply]

The Internet officially ended at the time this remark was posted:

Theyâ€™ll Do It Every Time, lacking only the wit, draftsmanship, and goodwill.

I am in awe. This is the best thing ever. I do not want Josh back.
Goaty
January 29th, 2007 at 4:21 am [Reply]

I forgive Zippy for all his many crimes for using the phrase “Roadside” in the first panel. All I could think of is little Apwril going roadside in Foobland, preferably with Warren, the stache, or the single doctor previously mentioned and Liz stumbling across them and realizing….. yes, she is the lamest of the Pattersons. Even lamer than ultra-lame brother and his stupid novel.
Goaty
January 29th, 2007 at 4:23 am [Reply]

Oh, and the politician trying to come out of the Quigman lady’s mouth? That’s Tip O’Neill.
Robert Whitaker Sirignano
January 29th, 2007 at 4:49 am [Reply]

GRIN AND BEAR IT used to be more slovenly drawn, with more wash and tone. It also looked better than the recent example that you visually lifted/quoted, I guess if you take over a strip or panel after the orignator dies, you have to maintain the visual tone. Here it’s a mistake. It looks like Billy from FAMILY CIRCUS drewd it.

ZIPPY THE PUTZHEAD is good only in a great while, making me think that this is the strip that should have been Sundays only, instread of FOX TROT.
In large doses it’s kind of wearying, annoying and pointless. It is a cutting edge comic strip, but it’s still a fart.
Marion Delgado
January 29th, 2007 at 5:03 am [Reply]

Boshek, it’s very good news, and heart-warming.

Lisa, thrilled with her good blood count, walking on air, will be smiling when the burgular who just robbed Montoni’s sees her, panicks, and shoots her dead instantly with one shot. She’ll never know what hit her!

Remember: Funky Winkerbean is not where Hope goes to die.

It’s where Lisa goes to die.
Marion Delgado
January 29th, 2007 at 5:07 am [Reply]

I should see it before I say it .. I meant “burglar” and was going to add

That’s okay! Sometimes even false hope helps!

Those are the words Lisa will be remembered for, until Les has that terrible accident that robs him of his memory.
Marion Delgado
January 29th, 2007 at 5:10 am [Reply]

Lynngeneering: From the look of April Farley-Slayers cute little pupils, I’d say Eightball and Elvis from Rex Morgan may have moved to Canada on the lam.

For Better!
Galactic Emperor Chennux
January 29th, 2007 at 5:22 am [Reply]

ATTENTION EARTHERS! GALACTIC EMPEROR CHENNUX DEMANDS YOUR TREMBLING GENUFLECTION!

THE ONE CALLED UNCLE LUMPY HAS SAVED YOUR MISERABLE PLANET FROM DESTRUCTION FOR THE MOMENT WITH HIS INCREASED OUTPUT OF SNARK AND HIS ABILITY TO PERFORM A DECENT BUCK-AND-ROLL FOR 36 CONSECUTIVE HOURS. THE PASTIES WERE A NICE TOUCH. DON’T WORRY, THEY PRY OFF.

LATER BULLETINS AS CONDITIONS WARRANT! YOU HAVE ONLY POSTPONED YOUR DOOM! DEMANDS WILL BE MADE IN A LATER COMMUNIQUE.

END TRANSMISSION!
Marion Delgado
January 29th, 2007 at 5:28 am [Reply]

By the way, go ahead and shoot me, but I have to say for a soap strip, I actually like the Katrina/trash/meth lab plot a little bit.

The point they’re overdoing is to take crusty June and make her all sappy over the poor family. Plus Elvis is a great villain compared to “Troy-shooting woman.”

Plus of course, neither Troy nor the Nikki thing ever happened. Rex and June make this shit up to try to impress people at parties. The only kind they get invited to, hospital functions.
Sheilagh
January 29th, 2007 at 5:45 am [Reply]

Wow, blast from the past morning! Uncle Lumpy, did you, like me, learn that lovely word “omphaloskepsis” from a t-shirt available in the sixties? Also, is “Trixie Belden” new to the cardinals’ choir, or have I just not been paying attention? I actually OWNED a couple of those books, back in the day… I wonder what happened to them?

And Zippy the Pinhead has ALWAYS, DEEPLY sucked. It’s just ol’ Bill Griffith masturbating away, big yawn, what DOES he need spectators for???
Sheilagh
January 29th, 2007 at 5:50 am [Reply]

Re RMMD: I’m fascinated by the amount of glamor that dowdy ol’ June Gale has acquired since her marriage. She’s now an endlessly chic yuppie, when she used to be an unassuming working-class drudge. Guess marriage to A Doctor makes some gals blossom, eh? Or did they just change artists around that time?

It’s sort of the reverse of what’s happened to the Apt. 3-G girls since my youth. I started reading that strip because my eye was attracted by all the lush drawings of pretty women (no, I’m not gay, I was 11 — same syndrome as playing with Barbie!). And now, what a bunch of frumps! It’s much harder to read when you don’t LIKE looking at it…
gleeb
January 29th, 2007 at 5:55 am [Reply]

Zippy is is a senior art-school project that has lasted for over 30 years. Has “Griffy” finished bitching about his failed failed Zippy movie yet?
Coffeeclash
January 29th, 2007 at 6:01 am [Reply]

A3G may be full of frumps, but such antics! Stumbling around backstage butchering simple names, chatting with small appliances, reeling off snappy verbal putdowns. Can you imagine a finger-quotin’ Mary Worth? My God, first the woman would have to think of something to say other than “?” or “!”
Lynngineering
January 29th, 2007 at 6:09 am [Reply]

Yes, but FOOB has mastered the art of the open mouth and !!!!!!!!
Sheilagh
January 29th, 2007 at 6:23 am [Reply]

BTW, speaking of esoterica (and speaking of Zippy), who out there uses Emacs and knows about Meta-x yow?
grinderman
January 29th, 2007 at 6:34 am [Reply]

I can’t believe Grin and Bear It is still around! When I was a lad of 5 or 6 I thought it was a toon about two guys named ” Grin” and ” Bear It,” and I could never figure out which one was which. This was one of the better one-panel strips in its day, in fact the one you post here is really not all that bad.
Trotzenbonnie
January 29th, 2007 at 6:45 am [Reply]

Is this the ‘Slylock Fox’ for spawn of civil unions? Snakes, cake decorating & curtain rods by Mac & Sack?

http://www.gocomics.com/doodles/

Also, justice will reign in Foobville. Monday’s panel 3 shows poor miserable Liz is developing Elly-fat-itis. Breeders hips on a virgin spinster – like lactating glands on a male bovine.
andylightkai
January 29th, 2007 at 7:36 am [Reply]

MW – It’s going to be hard for Jeff to get better when you’ve just SNAPPED HIS NECK, Mary.
lesles
January 29th, 2007 at 7:45 am [Reply]

MW: i think mary’s just broken dr jeff’s neck with her orangutan arms! she apparently has quite a hardcore definition of “relax”. or maybe she’s just exposing his jugular so she can feed.
lesles
January 29th, 2007 at 7:46 am [Reply]

beaten to the goods by one post, dammit.
Sheilagh
January 29th, 2007 at 7:49 am [Reply]

Speaking of strangely elongated body parts, what’s up with that co-worker in Sally Forth? Is he sitting on Ted’s desk, or has he suddenly become 10 feet tall and has to hunch over so as not to hit his head? Oh, and I looooove the message. So women say no when they mean yes, do they? What exactly do they say when they mean no?
Calico
January 29th, 2007 at 7:55 am [Reply]

#20 – at least sweet cute little animal buddy MittyWittyKitty will have a friend in Garfield, if she’s able to sock away a little food before the feline Oreck sucks it all up.

I do think it’s notable that even Shiimsa won’t get anywhere near Liz now – the 30-year old virginess has to cling to some ancient, drooled-on, never-washed bunny wabbit. What a Maroon.
kilgore trout
January 29th, 2007 at 7:56 am [Reply]

(DT)GT: No wonder Ted Pearse can’t shoot – he’s growing a second head on his left shoulder, which will throw him off balance, causing all his shots to drift to the right. You’d think his coach would notice that and tell him to aim a little left.
smacky
January 29th, 2007 at 8:04 am [Reply]

FOOB: Ah… it’s official. Driven to tears, living in her parents’ house, scared away the only two good men to show an interest in her, resorting to her mother doing everything short of wiping her ass, Liz holds her stuffed bunny and sucks her thumb. Liz is now ready. I wouldn’t be surprised at all if tomorrow her mom opened Liz’s bedroom door, pointed to the bed, and silently directed Anthony to lay with her daughter. Wordlessly submitting, the course of the next 50 years of Liz’s life is carved in stone.
lesles
January 29th, 2007 at 8:06 am [Reply]

#52 – maybe ted’s decked his office out with primary school furniture so he doesn’t have to feel challenged by maturity, and he’s just got a teeny tiny desk.
willethompson
January 29th, 2007 at 8:10 am [Reply]

(Using the snark detector…)

Whew! THAT was close! I thought the Earth’s snark layer had been stripped away by that Cheenux weirdo. Fortunately, it’s back to low normal…

JP: Looking at the globe, if I draw a quadrangle that has the vectors of Paris, St. Moritz, Madrid and London, I haven’t even left Western Europe. This qualifies as globetrotting? Which one was Meadowlark Lemon’s pad, because that’s the only definition of ‘globetrotter’ that I see there. Geez, if it weren’t for recalcitrance of the British, she wouldn’t even need to change currency or the position of the steering wheel on her Stutz Bearcat.

RMMD: I think this morning May put her mascara on without looking in the mirror, but I’ll give her points for trying as her hands are probably bandaged and the pain meds they give you for burns will really alter your worldview.

As for her complicity in the meth manufacturing: technically, was she an employee yet? Had she signed the insurance documents, her withholding statement? Had she gone thru orientation, gotten the chat from HR about the wellness program, seen the video about how bad unions are for the drug industry and gotten the employee handbook? Therefore, I’d have to say that she was just a temp, a slightly skanky Kelly Girl who hadn’t even been issued a badge (VISITOR – RESTRICTED ACCESS).
GotFuzzy
January 29th, 2007 at 8:22 am [Reply]

Ahhhhhh, Poteet! That was wonderful, and I don’t mind having The 59th Street Bridge Song stuck in my head all day. Certainly better than Seasons in the Sun from last week…

And my level of rage with FOOB has reached maximum. Tomorrow, we’ll probably be treated to Mike and Deanna bitching that their spawn have no place to play and I’ll be hoping that Warren will make one final play for Liz by towing a banner declaiming his eternal love over the house, when an errant gust of wind that is always blowing the melancholy leaves around FOOBville will tangle the banner in the chopper blades, and the whole flaming, whirling mess will crash onto the Patterson Compound and put us all out of their misery. A girl can dream, huh?
Chance
January 29th, 2007 at 8:25 am [Reply]

Poteet: Hilarious! Bravo!
John C Fremont
January 29th, 2007 at 8:43 am [Reply]

# 47 – I thought the same thing about “Grin” and “Bear It” as a kid. That strip actually used to creep me out back then. I didn’t get it or like it – and, yet, I read it each Sunday.

JP – not much action, but Abbey sure knows how to fill out a sweater.

Really enjoyed yesterday’s Steve Canyon. Thanks again, Uncy Lump! Snarky Sunday. Snark-free Sunday. It’s all good.

Something-something, feelin’ groovy…
Squawk
January 29th, 2007 at 8:45 am [Reply]

Quigmans: Ugh, haven’t seen this one before. Horrible artwork. That woman looks like Joe Lieberman in a wig and a skirt.

The Brilliant Mind of Edison Lee looks like it has potential in the first two panels, but in the third the cartoonist drops a pre-packaged load of banal political commentary that’s better suited for Doonesbury. To be fair, I like the referential name “Joules” that the budding scientist kid gave to his talking pet mouse. The art is good, but the ideas need improvement.
Michael
January 29th, 2007 at 8:51 am [Reply]

Blondie: “Renegade clown poker”? Overblown, nonsensical, nauseating–just like his sandwiches.
gh
January 29th, 2007 at 8:51 am [Reply]

Poteet (apropos of Friday)

I canâ€™t believe I just missed you. I waited as long as â€“ excuse me, pasties? Those are pasties?? I thought they were some weird kind of electrodes theyâ€™d attached to me. So, itâ€™s okay to take them off? Because its been three days and theyâ€™re starting to itch.

And about that potato smell you mentioned: I know that smell. Absolutely the worst. You wouldnâ€™t think anything so seemingly benign tasting could work up that much enthusiasm. PSA to all Curmudgeons: know where your potatoes are and inspect them regularly!
Dennis Jimenez
January 29th, 2007 at 8:52 am [Reply]

JP – I think I remember Meadow Lark Rachel!
Michael
January 29th, 2007 at 8:54 am [Reply]

Crock:

Q: Can demonic Victorian villains join the French Foreign Legion?

A: Yeah, sure, why not. It’s not like it’ll make less sense than normal.
lesles
January 29th, 2007 at 8:55 am [Reply]

i love watching the background people in A3G. they always seem to be having a great time with all the crazy goings on. it’s like they’re totally in on the gag, truman show style, but don’t even have to pretend to hide it ’cause they know none of the main characters are remotely sharp enough to catch on. check the two in monday’s strip for eg.

you know, before i moved to curmudgistan, i would never have thought of reading A3G, even if i knew it existed, but now i … i … i sort of enjoy it. it’s shameful, i know. but A3G’s so weird, i can’t help it.

i think josh has become more powerful than we could ever imagine. if i was the authorities, i’d be worried. and i don’t htink we need to worry to much about that chennux fellow when we have a pope with that sort of power – “this is not the planet you are looking for”. or josh’ll just get him addicted to the lockhorns.
John C Fremont
January 29th, 2007 at 8:59 am [Reply]

# 61 – That’s it! Joe Lieberman! It almost makes the strip funny if you imagine her sounding just like Joe. Or better yet, that it really is Lieberman in drag.

No, wait.
MonkeyHawk
January 29th, 2007 at 9:02 am [Reply]

#61 — Squawk!

DING!
DING!
DING!
DING!
DING!
DING!

Joe Lieberman it is! Tell ‘im what he’s won, Johnny!!!

A USED CAR!!!!!
MonkeyHawk
January 29th, 2007 at 9:04 am [Reply]

Unca Lumpy:

I just got rid of the Pacer.
willethompson
January 29th, 2007 at 9:12 am [Reply]

#9 Poteet – I went back and read the song TITLE for that extra tweak of the nipple. Clapclapclap!

#58 GotFuzzy – Sorry, but bad song parodies are SUPPOSED to stick in your head. But for you, I’ll put an OSHA warning black-and-yellow stripe above the next one.
jules
January 29th, 2007 at 9:17 am [Reply]

I am very, very, very upset that that rat’s name is Joules.
GotFuzzy
January 29th, 2007 at 9:19 am [Reply]

wille, just warn me about maudlin 70s crap. The rest of the earworms I am pretty much OK with. But thanks for thinking of me!

Man, there was so much me me me in that sentence that I should just change my name to Lizardbitch.
Calico
January 29th, 2007 at 9:22 am [Reply]

#55 & #58 – you have made my day.

Now, all Liz needs to do is cover her bedroom windows with tin foil, weakly accept a sippy cup of warm milk from Elly (who has a PhD in codependence), and the wegwession is complete!
jules
January 29th, 2007 at 9:24 am [Reply]

(DT)GT: That guy in the last panel. (I still can’t tell these characters apart.) What the hell is he doing? It looks like he’s folding a fitted sheet, but that seems…unlikely.

MT: AHA! Now Dick Morgan’s glad those beavers moved onto his property! (Oh dear.)

FOOB: Oh man, whoever predicted that Liz was headed for a full emotional and mental breakdown hit it right on the head. She’s in the fetal position, clutching her beloved childhood toy Mr. Funnybunny. April will be along to mock her any minute now! Go April!
Axel Fusco
January 29th, 2007 at 9:39 am [Reply]

I think I am ready to take back all my hatred of Paul, Warren, the Mtigwackians, and even dear old Lynn Johnston. It is now clear to me that all of those folks despise Lizardbreath and the rest of the saintly Pattersons as much as all of us in Josh’s world do! Paul’s two-timing, Warren’s knowingly flying Liz into the heart of infidelity, the tight-knit community’s acts of ommission, and even Lynn’s writing of all this showcase the pain and misery we all would like to inflict ourselves. So I’m actually starting to enjoy this schlock!!!
Remus - (A Tater Tot Man)
January 29th, 2007 at 9:39 am [Reply]

This “Gary” in A3G is a male Tommie (not a far jump.) Look at his full lips and perfect hair in panel 2 today. It’s obvious they are meant for each other -they are opposite sex doppelgangers!
Deanbooth
January 29th, 2007 at 9:40 am [Reply]

MW: Mary’s plan is becoming clear. I don’t think I want to see what happens next.
Gabe
January 29th, 2007 at 9:44 am [Reply]

Yeah, I don’t really read Zippy, but I know he seems to have a serious problem with Dilbert. Seems pretty childish.
Deanbooth
January 29th, 2007 at 9:45 am [Reply]

MT: As Stephen Colbert says, “I called it!” Well, almost.
Old Fogeyette
January 29th, 2007 at 9:51 am [Reply]

RMMD: the very odd time warp here is blowing my mind. I thought Niki was sitting out in the car. But June has obviously been talking to May for several days, since her eye is better and she has agreed to have Elvis thrown back in jail. I guess in the meantime Elvis has already killed Starfish Boy.

But what I really wanted to say was: those of you who, like me, have an actual online subscription to comics (talk about your disposable income) ought to add classic Calvin and Hobbes. I did that a couple of weeks ago after jettisoning the ones that most annoyed me, and what a pleasure it is to read a great strip. And how nice that my memory sucks so much that each strip is as if I had never seen it.
kilgore trout
January 29th, 2007 at 9:52 am [Reply]

#74 jules, the guy in (DT)GT appears to be putting on (or taking off) a sweater, which would make sense except that he clearly has another sweater on already. Perhaps they play in an unheated gym, which could be another explanation for Ted Pearse’s cold shooting.
anonymous
January 29th, 2007 at 9:59 am [Reply]

Zippy – this odd strip utterly terrified me in ways I can’t explain when I read it years ago. But I always read it anyway, and it always scared me in an addictive druggy way. It was as if there’s a box in a room, and you don’t want to look into the box because what’s inside ain’t pretty and you won’t be able to get it out of your mind, but of course you do look. You can’t not.

FOOB: I predict Liz is going to mope around, if not go catatonic in her narrow childhood bed, until – ding-dong, who is that at the door, to “see how she’s doing?” Who is going to jolly her out of her depression? Who is going to give her a purpose in life? Who? Who? Who?????? The beginning of the end. Ahh, they deserve each other.
Islamorada Girl
January 29th, 2007 at 10:09 am [Reply]

Ack! Lizardbreath is one step away from taking Granthony up on his offer to become roommates in his playpen house. Ack! Ack! Ack!
You know where things will decline from there. Don’t be fooled. This is just Lynn’s contrived attempt to shove Liz into the limp flaccid arms of Mr. Pornstache. Ack.

Marry me, Emperor Chennux. I’d make a great trophy empress.
True Fable
January 29th, 2007 at 10:19 am [Reply]

BMEL Somebody open a window; this strips stinks. It is qualified to join the Pantheon of Stink-Bombs we regularly follow. Gas masks UP!
BB Only in Beetle’s world do drill sergeants feel free to issue threats of violence if a soldier doesn’t re-up, and where Beetle is 100% certain he won’t go to Iraq if he does.
A3G Yep, Tommie’s got short-term memory loss! I called it!
MT Get ready to pin those tiny little medals to Theodore and Castoria’s tiny little chests.
FBoFW A microcosm of the entire strip.
C(MD) No, I didn’t read it today; didn’t have to read it today to know Cathy Must Die.
DtM Dennis is revealed as a flasher. Well, when your kid’s only friends are a whiny little milquetoast afraid of his own shadow and a grim, twisted old misanthrope, expect more disturbing ’show and tells’ in the future, Alice.
David V. Matthews
January 29th, 2007 at 10:26 am [Reply]

#16:
“That might explain why she is, in fact, talking out her ass. And I donâ€™t want to think about why her ass would be claiming that her husband killed the part of it that cares.”

Thanks for reminding me about Assy McGee, on Cartoon Network. I saw a few minutes of that show last night and realized the show makes no sense. How does Assy hold his gun if he has no arms? How does Assy see if he has no eyes? Why do some people apparently think Flash animation is worthwhile?
Sheilagh
January 29th, 2007 at 10:28 am [Reply]

Jack Jawbreaker. Kissing his girlfriend. “Now I’ll NEVER know how it’s done!” Who remembers that sequence, from vintage Li’l Abner?
treadwell
January 29th, 2007 at 10:28 am [Reply]

“So women say no when they mean yes, do they?”

Well, sometimes, yes, they do.

“What exactly do they say when they mean no?”

They say “no” here, too.

This would be one reason men go insane.
Donald The Anarchist
January 29th, 2007 at 10:35 am [Reply]

Quigmans Obviously the part of her that cared was in her ovaries. The really sad thing about the Quigmans is that I remember when Hickerson’s stuff was in the National Lampoon. It was just as crudely drawn but it was a LOT funnier. Some of the best ones were multi-panel efforts, and of course he wasn’t putting ‘em out once a day… So I guess frequency and format have a lot to do with it, but it’s always sad when somone who used to make me laugh out loud can barely elicit a grimace now…I mean, really, this is just typical Lockhorns shite…
Len
January 29th, 2007 at 10:35 am [Reply]

Look! Ubiqui-pheasants! And in the flames behind them… ubiqui-deer!

Does everything in Lost Forest travel around in pairs? Mark Trail should build him an ark of gopher wood.

http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20070129&name=Mark_Trail
reader-who-posts
January 29th, 2007 at 10:40 am [Reply]

FBOFW: Now even the characters are beginning to question Johnston’s lame plot decisions.

Quigmans: To see a former Quigmans contributor obsess over whether the head Quigmans guy is stealing from him, go to quigmans.com. It gets to the point where he googles himself and the writer and because he has more hits he concludes that he’s more popular and relevant. Unfortunately, since he once contributed to Quigmans he will forever be known as a no-talent ass-clown.

FW: Sure Lisa’s going to get good news, but the shock of the news will cause Les to have a massive heart attack and die on the spot. At his funeral Funky will stumble in after falling off the wagon, declare his unrequited love for Les, shoot Mr. Montoni and then kill himself. Standing over their dead bodies Lisa will say “and all I can think about is that my cancer is getting better.”

MW: Yes, Mary, by all means talk to the doctor – it’s obvious that he isn’t treating Dr. Cory’s ’something’ to the high standards that Vietnamese hospitals are known for.

Garfield: And the award for expending the least effort in drawing a comic goes to Jim Davis’ minions for the 798th day in a row!

BB: When Beetle says he wants to re-enlist because he wants to stay alive, it looks like Sarge is forcing him to stay in disregard to all Army regulations. But in reality Beetle is referring to how dead he will feel without Sarge’s love.
Meanwhile
January 29th, 2007 at 10:40 am [Reply]

They dumped Zippy, but chose to keep Mallard Fillmore and Popeye. And this is a good thing?

…

Jeffy Keane for president!

(It was only a matter of time. I figured I’d get the ball rolling.)
Artist formerly known as Ben
January 29th, 2007 at 10:43 am [Reply]

‘kay, a few more for 1/29.
FW: In tomorrow’s strip, the doctor will say, “The good news is that… aaauuughh!” She will then start bleeding from the mouth (among other orifices) as a hot zone virus wipes out the city block.
Shoe: That joke is worthy of “Mother Goose and Grim”, maybe “F Minus” on a slow day. It’s nowhere near Shoe-level. Did MacNelly knock over the tombstone when he rolled over?
BF (for Between Friends, if it’s unfamiliar): I like this one. It does seem like FOOB without the misguided morals. And Kimberly approaches Lois Flagston levels of MILF-itude.
Lockhorns: The dude Leroy is talking to is pretty handsome. Makes me wonder why he’s hanging out with a Lockhorn. In fact, the mid-day kaffeeklatch is kinda puzzling. Why aren’t they at their soul-sucking jobs?
Remus - (A Tater Tot Man)
January 29th, 2007 at 10:44 am [Reply]

Does Snuffy and Mammy Smithâ€™s son , whose name is apparently â€œJughaid,â€ wear a coonskin cap or has he over the years shaped his hair into an assimilation of an actual coonskin cap? The reason I ask is that the â€œtailâ€ seems to be un-striped and in panel two today you can see a gradation on the side that seems inconsistent with a hat.

I am quite concerned about this. What if todayâ€™s youth decides that shaping their hair like coonskin caps is â€œinâ€? (and yes, that may be what theyâ€™re calling it these days â€“ never underestimate the enormous influence Snuffy Smith has on the kids.) Whether through recessive genes or imitation, we may soon have an enormous surplus of bushy rat-tailed children on our hands, their puffy pates demanding equality and massive quantities of beef jerky. To live in harmony with these mutants, maintaining peace through mutually assured destruction, we must keep track of where the good scissors are.

Edison Lee is today not only copying Bloom County (usually a good thing), but for once doesnâ€™t have a political punchline!

And in FW: God, Batuik is even sicker than I thought. Now the doctor is taunting Lisa and Les in order to draw out the â€œsuspenseâ€ of whether her chemo has succeeded in putting her cancer in remission the second time. Way to squeeze another strip out of a horrible moment, you (margo)ing sadist.
Pelagius
January 29th, 2007 at 10:45 am [Reply]

Is there any point at all to the Sunday-only Foxtrot? It worked as a daily, but Bill Amend does NOT have the artistic chops to really take advantage of the Sunday format.
Professor Fate
January 29th, 2007 at 10:47 am [Reply]

FOOB: Nothing like a 1,000 yard stare from Liz to make your day – would that the rest them all have the same kind of self discovery i.e. “I’m manipulating my own daughter to marry some lame gimp with a porn mustasche because I hate the idea of any of my children being happy ”
or
“I have retreated from life to play with trains and wait for death”
or
“I have written the worst novel in the world – and neglected wife and kids to do so.”
or
“I have the musical talent of a kazoo.”
or
“I married this jerk”

And after that they all wander about their remaining days with blank stares not responding to anything anybody says eventually ending up in a wing of a state mental hosptial – where they are fed and watered.

in this state they go over the past (allowing Lynn to continue the strip)
Mad Dog Rackham
January 29th, 2007 at 10:48 am [Reply]

Paris, London, Madrid, St. Moritz. Yes, that’s globetrotting alright.

If your globe consists entirely of Western Europe and white people.
Clouseau
January 29th, 2007 at 10:50 am [Reply]

The Quigmans would do better if it just switched into some sort of German depress-o-vision. They need to toss off the pretense of a more white trash Lockhorns and embrace the sheer dullness and black and whiteness of it.
Marlowe
January 29th, 2007 at 10:52 am [Reply]

I think it would be awesome if Zippy and Gil Thorpe swapped creators for a week, just to see if some kind of wormhole in the space-time continuum opened up from the resulting Nexus of Comic Insanity. Seriously, Griffiths. Wilco Tango Foxtrot?
RoboMax: Agent of C.U.R.M.U.D.G.E.O.N
January 29th, 2007 at 10:56 am [Reply]

Blondie: I think the games of “renegade clown poker” (What the fuck? by the way) are actually the file names for Dagwood’s gigantic collection of internet porn.

Over in F00Bville, Liz continues to be the most unlikable, irritating comic strip character this side of Margo.
Sheilagh
January 29th, 2007 at 10:58 am [Reply]

Well, yes, Treadwell, you have a point. HOWEVER, if you have any doubt at all which is meant, take it as a “no”. Otherwise, trust me, hilarity does NOT ensue.
Remus - (A Tater Tot Man)
January 29th, 2007 at 11:05 am [Reply]

Whoa dude, are you defending TDIET? Against Grin and Bear it? I don’t know about you Lumpy.

MT: what sort of firefighters are unfamiliar with major lakes and rivers in their area? Why would Mark Trail have to tell them of nearby water sources? ANd lastly, why would he tell them to use the beaver pond specifically, as opposed to the stream, lake or whatever it’s built from?
Mazeville
January 29th, 2007 at 11:12 am [Reply]

Glad to see BMEL pop up here. Our paper is doing a “trial run” with this strip, using it to replace 9CL. The first day or two, it seemed OK.

Now I want 9CL back. It’s not the greatest strip, that’s for sure. But it has its own charm.

BMEL, by the way, is a heavy-handed clunker of a strip, a thinly premised fount of liberal invective. The jokes land with all the subtlety of a Bruce Tinsley hangover.
Randy S
January 29th, 2007 at 11:18 am [Reply]

52: “So women say no when they mean yes, do they? What exactly do they say when they mean no?”

“Restraining order”?

But seriously, the actual message isn’t specifically about women. Rather in sitcoms and comic strips in general, whenever someone (of either gender) is asked whether they want a birthday party or not, the answer is always yes, even when the answer is no.
gh
January 29th, 2007 at 11:20 am [Reply]

I love weekends! It only took me two freakinâ€™ hours to catch up (pant, pant!). I see I wasnâ€™t the only one pastie-ized.

Old news:

SPOI — Tulips on an Organ? Brilliant, the whole thing!

True Fable â€“ A glorious C(MD) rant. I had a variation on a theme experience when I worked at the University of Houston. All the women in my dept. were wives of Exxon executives, so it was â€œletâ€™s play workâ€ all day long. Mandatory birthday cakes â€“ they gave you one, then you had to buy the next one. Nothing but icy stares when I opted out and said they could skip me next time. We actually had a staff meeting at a honest-to-god faux English Tearoom (in Houston!). The only way I survived was my office was across campus and it got to where I would only stop in the main one once a week to check mail. I really enjoy working with women, but I realized I have zero tolerance for working with ladies.

williethompson â€“ I only remember bits and pieces [Dave Clark 5] of â€œSeasons in the Sunâ€ so I couldnâ€™t enjoy it as much as usual. Waah!

New news:

#9 Poteet

Yaay! I donâ€™t know if anyone did it before, but it certainly didnâ€™t have the panache of a lifeless body hanging from a lamppost, slowly twisting in the wind. Youâ€™ve been practicing!

#52 Sheilagh

â€œNo-fuck-you-very-much, assholeâ€ usually registers as no.

#76 Remus

Spot on!

And Old Fogeyette â€“ didnâ€™t I say weâ€™d have Beaver Heroes? Iâ€™m getting two tickets for the awards ceremony if you want to come.

I’m exhausted. I think Iâ€™ll take an early lunch.
AhClem
January 29th, 2007 at 11:21 am [Reply]

#77 Deanbooth –

Eww eww eww eww eww. That image was the absolute LAST thing I needed to see an hour before lunch.
Calico
January 29th, 2007 at 11:23 am [Reply]

#56 – just reading your post, I thought you had written something different, but close to, “teeny tiny desk.”
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
January 29th, 2007 at 11:26 am [Reply]

Re SF: I think it would be amusing if Ted takes cow-orker’s advice, plans a big surprise bash…and finds out that, yes, Sally really did mean no. Weren’t you listening at all, Ted?
True Fable
January 29th, 2007 at 11:26 am [Reply]

JP Maybe Rachel is superstitious and only travels in one direction around the world, thus she tells herself she is a globetrotter.
One-Way Rachel. Oh sweet jesus, if I ponder that further I will have to rinse out my mental image eyeballs.
SF Why did Ted redecorate his office in a Japanese Teahouse motif?
Blondie Dagwood, if you aren’t going to keep Elf Bowling or Flame Alchemist, you may as well give up renegade clown poker too.
FW The good news is: Lisa, you’re going to die quicker than we thought. And you thought all YOU could think about was your cancer! Here in Fableland, we celebrate it!

hey David V. Matthews: I watched Assy McGee last night too. Biggest. Waste. Of. Time. Ever. They couldn’t spent their money on Season Three of The Big O, oh no no. They had to waste it all on a dozen really shitty, cheaply done so-called comedies. [/rant]
Poteet: Your parody has got me feelin’ groovy! [/dog-like adoration]
gh
January 29th, 2007 at 11:27 am [Reply]

FW:

“How are you at handling good news?”

Lisa: I wouldn’t know. It’s never happend before. Les?

Les: I got nothing. Anyone?

Comic Bok Guy: I’ll check the internet and get back to you.
Uncle Lumpy
January 29th, 2007 at 11:27 am [Reply]

#69 -

Deft move, MonkeyHawk! Squawk, come by any time to pick up the Pacer. We had to roll it onto the lawn.

Keys are in it. Sorry about the windshield.
Randy S
January 29th, 2007 at 11:28 am [Reply]

BTW, I guessed the correct answer to the Slylock Fox riddle today. But then again, it was actually logical today (even if it does show a serious lack of foresight on Count Weirdly’s part)
Bitter Scribe
January 29th, 2007 at 11:38 am [Reply]

Is there some kind of feud between Griffith and Scott Adams? A few years ago, Adams devoted a few strips to slamming “Pippy the Ziphead,” which he described as “a strip about a clown who says random things.”
True Fable
January 29th, 2007 at 11:38 am [Reply]

#104 gh, I hear you, brother! Cathy Must Die for those very reasons!

but wait….The Dave Clark 5 covered Seasons in the Sun? Oh swell, I thought Terry Jacks was the only one to cough up that hairball and put it on vinyl.
gh
January 29th, 2007 at 11:42 am [Reply]

#113 True Fable

No, but DC5 did a little thing called “Bits and Pieces.” Must limit my asides to myself!
gh
January 29th, 2007 at 11:43 am [Reply]

#109 Comic Book Guy. Jeez.
MossMoses
January 29th, 2007 at 11:44 am [Reply]

101.
Q. what sort of firefighters are unfamiliar with major lakes and rivers in their area?
A. Firefighters in Lost Forest are as incompetent as law enforcement and are basically useless without Mark Trail telling them what to do.

Q. Why would Mark Trail have to tell them of nearby water sources?
A. Their divining rod was in the shop and they aren’t from around “this area”.

Q. ANd lastly, why would he tell them to use the beaver pond specifically, as opposed to the stream, lake or whatever itâ€™s built from?
A. This will raise beaver awareness and teach Dick Morgan to coexist peacefully with the rodent interlopers.
Galactic Emperor Chennux
January 29th, 2007 at 11:48 am [Reply]

ATTENTION, FEEBLE EARTHERS! CHENNUX DEMANDS THAT ALL SHALL ASSUME THE POSITION! YOU, TOO, POTEET! AND GH! AND LUMPY – STOP DANCING!

TO CONVINCE YOU OF OUR POWERS, WE HAVE FIRED A WARNNG SHOT FROM OUR ELECTROMAGMA CANNON (ALSO KNOWN AS THE ANGRY SKXCRITORT)! THE LOST FOREST IS NOW ABLAZE AND YOUR GIANT BEAVERS ARE DOOMED! YOU ARE DEFENSELESS!

HEED OUR DEMANDS! THE EARTH WILL BE DESTROYED BY DAWN, ZYVEX TIME, UNLESS YOU TAKE THE ONE CALLED ELIZABETH PATTERSON AND FEED HER LIMB BY LIMB INTO THE FIREY MAW OF…

HOLD, PLEASE…

(CHENNUX NOW PLAYS THE MUZAK VERSION OF THE CARLY SIMON TUNE “I KEEP HOLDING ON”…)

BEAVER POND? THAT IS YOUR DEFENSE? YOU HOPE TO STOP CHENNUX BY MOISTENING YOUR BEAVERS? CHENNUX LAUGHS! OF WHAT USE ARE HOT, WET BEAVERS AGAINST AN ANGRY SKXCRITORT?

END TRANSMISSION!

#83 ILSAMORADA GIRL – CHENNUX ACCEPTS YOUR OFFER! YOU SHALL BE COVERED IN MOLTEN BRASS AND PLACED ON THE CRAGSPRTN WITH OTHER TROPHIES!
ChristyNell
January 29th, 2007 at 11:48 am [Reply]

FBOFW: I got excited at first. But I don’t think Liz is talking about moving home from Mtigwaki – she’s just talking about living in her mother’s house. Her own apartment – or a room in Anthony’s house – would fix her right up.
Craigers
January 29th, 2007 at 11:49 am [Reply]

Today’s Best Strips (from the Chron) : Speed Bump, Pearls Before Swine, Non Sequitur, Luann, and finally Crankshaft, for no other reason than the wonderful imprecation “For Corn’s Sake”. Think of the Corn!

Today’s Worst Strip : Redeye. Nothing like a good old-fashioned genocide joke to get the laughter flowing!

In Judge Parker, Rachel calls herself a “true globe-trotter”. The area encompassing St. Moritz, London, Paris and Madrid covers less than 0.3% of the earth’s surface.
True Fable
January 29th, 2007 at 11:52 am [Reply]

Holy crap, if I tried using the word Omphaloskepsis at work, I would get a witchy beatdown wihtin an inch of my life. Even if I gave co-workers the definition they’d swear I was making it all up and never believe me again. Not that they do now thanks to my evil chromosome.

I’ll keep shiny things on my desk to distract them from words I pick up here.
queek
January 29th, 2007 at 11:57 am [Reply]

89: those are quail, not pheasents. ubiquail?

108: there’s a third season of Big O?
True Fable
January 29th, 2007 at 11:58 am [Reply]

#114 gh: Oh. OH! Oh… DC5, Bits and Pieces, I get it now!

Yeah, that kind of put my brain on spin cycle for a while. :)

#117 Apparently the Galactic Emperor Chennux doesn’t realize that the best use of beavers is when they are hot and wet. He must globe-trot with Rachel.
True Fable
January 29th, 2007 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

#121: Sadly, no. 3rd season was planned but the funding fell through when Adult Swim discovered photocopy machines and piss poor comedy writers instead.
gh
January 29th, 2007 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

DtM:

I can guess the “show” part, but what about the “tell”? Maybe “And then Mr. Wilson makes me shake hands with his.”
treedweller
January 29th, 2007 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

MT: The firemen are going to pump the beaver pond! Oh, Yeah!

I wonder if Theodore and Castrata will chew the firemen’s wood.
Krazy Kat
January 29th, 2007 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

FOOB-
Does anyone, anyone have any news on the Klepforth’s condition?
Michael
January 29th, 2007 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

#126
FOOB-
Does anyone, anyone have any news on the Klepforthâ€™s condition?

They’ve been downgraded to “non-Patterson.” Donations to be made to the “I can’t believe I read that fucking novel, I swear I’m gonna hurl” foundation of Ontario.
What's wrong with Mallard Fillmore
January 29th, 2007 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

Don’t forget to head over to What’s Wrong with Mallard Fillmore today to place your guess in the “who’s going to be filing a restraining order against Bruce Tinsley this week” competition.
Krazy Kat
January 29th, 2007 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

Yep, I’m sure Winnie and Melville can’t wait to give Mike a special thank-you for leaving them to burn while he saved his wretch inducing tome
MonkeyHawk
January 29th, 2007 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

#107 — Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener:

“… if Ted takes cow-orkerâ€™s advice…”

“Cow-orker?”

I suspect we’ve met before.
Harry Paratestes
January 29th, 2007 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

Poteet
You can go around telling people that omphaloskepsis occurred due to an irregular borborygm, that’ll impress the peons.
MossMoses
January 29th, 2007 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

126. KK, the irrelevant Klepfroths have been diagnosed with chronic evil syndrome (CES) but will no longer be a thorn in the saintly Pattersons’ holy side. Some common manifestations of CES include banging on ceilings, evil cigar smoking and buying plastic drapes at KMart.
gh
January 29th, 2007 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

(with apologies to Stevie Wonder)

On the backbeat now â€“
one two,
one two,
one two,

Tommie is bored
With her life in the city
Surrounded by
Two roommates who are pretty
Sheâ€™s treated with
Derision and sarcasm
In her whole life
She has not had one orgasm
Living just enough, just enough for A3G…ee ha!

Luann can think
Some days for 15 minutes
And you can bet
She barely forms a sentence
She sits and works
Some days for fourteen hour
And you’d best believe
She can hardly paint a flower
Living just enough, just enough for A3G… yeah!

Margo is mean
But she is sho’nuff pretty
Her skirt is short
But Lord sheâ€™ll treat you shitty
To miss her sting
Youâ€™ve got to get up early
Her clothes are fine
But boy can she talk dirty
Living just enough, just enough for A3G…um hum

The landlordâ€™s smart
He skulks and heâ€™s a hider
Heâ€™s learned to talk
Like Albert Pinkham Ryder
To watch Luann
He doesnâ€™t have to wheedle
Cause where he lives
Heâ€™s got a hidden peephole
Living just enough, just enough for A3G…

Living just enough…
For A3G… ooh, ooh
(Repeat several times)

Her hairâ€™s a mess
Her life is also boring
She thinks she hot
But Ginaâ€™s got us snoring
Sheâ€™s got a part
In some piss-poor production
The role sheâ€™s got
Gives meaning to the word â€œsuctionâ€
Living just enough, just enough for A3G…
yeah, yeah, yeah!

I hope you hear
Inside my voice of pity
And that it motivates you
To move out of this city
This place is cruel
No where could be much colder
Itâ€™s just a taste
Of when CHENNUX will take over
Living just enough, stop giving just enough for A3G!!!!

La, La, La, La, La, La,
Da Ba Da Da Da Da Da Da
Da Da Da Da Da Da
Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Da
(Repeat to end)
Jeff
January 29th, 2007 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

Up next on the CBC: Adult Infantilism
OK, maybe not, but today’s strip (01/29/2007) sure seems to be heading that way. I half-expected Liz to take to breast-feeding by the last panel.

Also, are we to assume that Warren is also -exed by the Lizard? I have to say that if he is, it’s a rare display of good sense on her part *ducks thrown objects* because the way he ratted-out Paul and then put the moves on her while she was vulnerable was truly Anthony-ish.

Speaking of which – I bet he and Lizard Queen are foramlly an item by Valentine’s Day.
Poteet
January 29th, 2007 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

# 117 — Pant, pant, trying to catch up. Okay, Eminence Chennux, please sit down on your thrunxitet for a couple of minutes and listen. You have totally misunderstood the generous offer of Islamorada Girl. She is a major snarker on our planet, and covering her with molten brass would be a serious waste. I think she could perhaps put you in a better mood if you gave her the opportunity.

Also, we dancers are very sore already and would rather not assume the position. I’ve been seeing a chiropracter already, and this won’t help. Also, if you are going to keep doling out pasties, please put them on the right places (ouch).

Your Omnipotence, I would propose that we try some bribes instead. Behold, upon this improvised altar I place three large bags of assorted Dove chocolates (other varieties available), three bottles of Islay single-malt scotch, and a pan of Rice Krispie treats, as an opening offer. Also five Mystery Science Theater tapes. I’m backing away now…
Ten Day Dinosaur
January 29th, 2007 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

Okay… I have a horrible, embarassing confession to make. I actually kind of sympathized with Liz today. … Okay, so here’s why. I felt about that way over Christmas break coming home from college. Please note that I’m a full time sophomore college student, slowly being buried under mountains of debt. My point there is that I have not finished off my education, and… Well, mostly, I’m not in my late 20s (hell, I’m not even 20), with a freakin’ job, living in my parent’s house…. I’m in a dorm.

However, actually getting a pause for emotions, instead of moving on to another sloppy “plot developement” reminds me why I used to love this strip. Watching it slide to the abysmal level it currently inhabits hurts me. At first I denied it, then I was angry, and now I’m just sad about how bad it’s gotten in the last two or three years. I think that’s why Lynn’s shooting for semiretirement, but I wish she’d go all the way.

I want Pogo and Krazy Kat to be on a comics page along with Bloom County, Pearls Before Swine, The Phantom (shut up, I love it), 9 Chickweed Lane (although lately it’s been sliding, too), Get Fuzzy, Little Nemo, and Mutts. Who else has a comics dream team?
Poteet
January 29th, 2007 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

# 58 & 59 — Thanks, Chance! And thanks, GetFuzzy, and I like your dream. We should be so lucky (sigh).

# 63 — Thanks, gh, and you are definitely on a roll today. I cannot imagine anyone in the next decade making a better snark about rotting potatoes. Or women/ladies. And the song really rocks! I just hope Chennux takes it as THE HUGE COMPLIMENT I KNOW IT WAS MEANT TO BE (yelling in his direction).

# 70 — Thanks, willethompson! Wow, compliment from a verbal/graphic CC master.
dimestore lipstick
January 29th, 2007 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

#7, Rusty–
The press release for Edison Lee’s launch described the strip as an “intelligent, left-leaning comic strip that masterfully mixes social commentary and humor.

So I’m thinking Hambrock’s going for the “tax the rich” meaning. Or the tax everybody meaning.

I happened to be reading the comics in dead tree format on Saturday, and I noticed my local paper isn’t carrying Edison Lee anymore, although they did when it first came out last November.

Intersting for a couple of reasons, not the least of which is–my local paper is also the cartoonist’s local paper.
JRM
January 29th, 2007 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

Today’s TDIET seems to have been submitted by Lord Voldemort.
Galactic Emperor Chennux
January 29th, 2007 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

ATTENTION EARTHERS! YOU WILL PROSTRATE YOURSELVES BEFORE MY EXHALTED THRONE!

THE ONE NAMED POTEET HAS MADE AN OFFERING OF ISLAY MALTS! THE SMOKY PEAT AROMA OF THE LAPHROIAG REMINDS US OF THE TIME WE REDUCED OMICRON SIRIUS BETA TO CINDERS! ANY WHO DARE TO PUT WATER IN THIS WILL HAVE THEIR SKXCRITORT TORN OFF IN DIMENSIONS FIVE THROUGH NZKX!

ALSO, THE MOTHERSHIP’S SNARKOMETER HAS REGISTERED MASSIVE SNARK GAINS ON YOUR PUNY PLANET! I SEE GH, TRUE FABLE, SHEILAGH AND OTHERS ARE PRODUCING SNARK AT HIGH LEVELS! YOU ALL WILL STOP DANCING! GH, YOU WILL KEEP THE PASTIES ON! THEY HAVE A SLIMMING EFFECT!

MANOS THE HANDS OF FATE? AND WILD WORLD OF BATWOMAN? SWEEEEEET!

END TRANSMISSION!
kilgore trout
January 29th, 2007 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

#139, then that would be “He who must not be named,” wouldn’t it? And if Voldemort’s been hanging out in Cincy, Book 7 is not going to be as interesting as most fans seem to expect.
Chromium
January 29th, 2007 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

I’ll take Edison Lee over Mallard Fillmore any day. At least the artwork in the former could actually be qualified as artwork, whereas MF is usually just the demented scrawl of a madman over a duck head.

I do appreciate Uncle Lumpy’s efforts to introduce some new sucky comics into the CC’s repertoire. Too much Beetle Bailey and Apartment 3-G is bad for the soul.
Gal Friday
January 29th, 2007 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

Ten Day Dinosaur–those are the 5 stages of grief you’re going through for FOOB–you just haven’t reached “acceptance” yet.

Comics Dream Page: Thimble Theater (the original), Mutts, Calvin and Hobbes, Far Side, Alex Kotsky’s (sp?) Apartment 3G (RIP), Red Rover (ahh), Steve Canyon (before it started wallowing in S&M stuff), Phantom, Dick Tracy (old), Barnaby.
Gal Friday
January 29th, 2007 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

Edison Lee: You know, Barak Obama said the same thing last week!!
mk
January 29th, 2007 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

Recently Scott Adams opened up his blog for questions. I asked this:
“Do you ever want to punch Bill Griffith? I mean, sure he wrote Zippy The Pinhead and all, but he is kinda obnoxious isn’t he?”

he responded:

“A. Yes.”

Seeing this reminded me about that. I hadn’t thought he would actually respond.
SmartPeopleOnIce
January 29th, 2007 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

In other news:

MW Eeek, it looks to me that the “Mary and Jeff Reunion” is only a motion away, if you know what I mean.

Not to mention: I’m going to make sure you do…starting with a talk with your doctor. Yeah, I’m picturing some poor Vietnamese resident coming off yet another 29-hour shift and getting buttonholed by a crazy American woman second-guessing his ICU procedures in loud monosyllabic English. Now see here young man, I was at the Red Cross back when the Kaiser was in short pants…

Di di mau, indeed.
gh
January 29th, 2007 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

Gadge Cubic, Third Eye (no wait . . .)

About umpteen comments ago you mentioned Antelope Freeway. I used to live in W. LA and would do the same thing (only in my head) when I drove up the valley. Also, when I’d drive down Pico Blvd. to Santa Monica I’d pass on the left none other than AMES GUNS. Didn’t see Louise though. The studios of KCRW at Santa Monica Community College were right up the street. Harrry Shearerâ€™s â€œLe Showâ€ was also recorded there. Gave me a little frisson of pleasure every time I passed by.
gh
January 29th, 2007 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

#148 Galactic Emperor Chennux

Er, they fell off. Should you have another set in XXL, I would humbly comply.
Rhekarid
January 29th, 2007 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

I spent the morning watching Pink Elephants on Parade in multiple languages, Chennux. You can’t scare me.

If I’m reading today’s Mark Trail right, and I deeply hope I am, Lucky the Beaver is about to be sucked into a tube, dragged across the forest as a cartoonish lump in a firehose, and shot, like a cannonball, directly into a forest fire.

Ohpleaseohpleaseohplease.
AJ
January 29th, 2007 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

Baby Blues—I think the punchline would have worked even without the mom telling her son that she’s been telling him to brush and floss for “years.” The son is probably five (if that) and only had teeth for two to three years. It is sort of like my daughter who is all of five years saying that she didn’t have something “HER WHOLE LIFE!”
Justafoob
January 29th, 2007 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

After wallowing around for days being such a foob, Liz is going to have the chance encounter that will change her life.

She will be over at Granthony’s when his ex will come by to pick up something she forgot when she blew town.

Liz and Francoamerican will catch a glimpse of each other and they won’t be able to keep out of each other’s heads. It will be true love for both of them.

Liz will get her instant family and the two of them can take turns taking Alpo down to Granthony who will be chained up in the basement doll house.

And Michael can update his name calling from lizardbreath to lezziebreath.
monica
January 29th, 2007 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

I’d posted this response in an earlier thread, but now I see that the gang’s all here, so I’ll repost:

True Fable, I feel your pain, and can only hope to make you feel better about your Cathy-ridden job situation by sharing that I, in fact, work with Mary Worth. Sheâ€™s a full-time volunteer here at our little academic establishment, and as she has gobs of money, her word is law. And oh my, she knows so much about life and work and MY JOB IN PARTICULAR that I just donâ€™t know what Iâ€™d do without her. Probably my job, only better and faster.

Oof, sorry for venting. Itâ€™s Monday. I still have to build up my tolerance.

gh – that ladies/women distinction is so, so key…
kilgore trout
January 29th, 2007 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

#136 Ten Day Dinosaur:

My dream page:

Classics: Pogo, Li’l Abner, Far Side, Calvin, Bloom County, Peanuts, Downstown (does anyone else remember this one??).

Current: Pearls before Swine, Get Fuzzy, Baby Blues (for sentimental reasons – it was my 14-year old’s favorite when she was little), Mother Goose & Grimm.
finrod
January 29th, 2007 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

I’m sure the fire in Mark Trail is going to be interesting, yet I can’t help but be disappointed that the lightning didn’t strike the beavers and give them superpowers. Now that would have been something.
Firegoat
January 29th, 2007 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

Manos the Hands of Fate was one of the worst MST3Ks ever. But I’d still watch it again.
SmartPeopleOnIce
January 29th, 2007 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

Okie dokie, since I recall some grumbling about the lack of snark in the Lumpmeister’s Sunday post, and since I’m pretty sure I’m going to hell already, I give you some rejected “Love-Is” Cartoons I stumbled across.

(Note: not for the feint of heart – we’re talkin’ Starless and Bible Black here…)
Wisconsin
January 29th, 2007 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

i’ve always really liked zippy — i came to it late, a couple years ago. i really don’t understand all the ire toward it, especially here. yes it’s self-referential and ironic and the blithe, dismissive attitude toward narrative and meaning does seem a little lazy at times. but that doesn’t make it pretentious, contrary to what a lot of people think; i’d say it’s the only “ironic” comic out there that isn’t mean-spirited and generally dismissive to its very core, because it refuses to cater to and congratulate a particular privileged point of view.

it’s certainly the only comic that i actually think about for a while after i read it. even an encyclopedic knowledge of pop-culture doesn’t give you particularly better insight into what’s going on in zippyland, but something does seem to be going on, and it’s fun to try to figure it out. i’m fine with not understanding griffith sometimes, or even most of the time, but i think that’s part of the experience of reading zippy — coming away with a slightly skewed and winsome look at the world.

i was looking through the most recent zippy archives on the chron. with lines like “somebody had to say it, and it might as well come from an inanimate object” and “if i get any cuter, i’ll have to challenge hello kitty to a dangerous high speed drag race” with the glowing face of hello kitty appearing over the horizon…i’m sorry, but how can you not love it?
SmartPeopleOnIce
January 29th, 2007 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

Testing…testing.

Hey, everybody! I’m a cowboy! Howdy, howdy, howdy.

I hate the spam filter…
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
January 29th, 2007 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

Oh, good idea: get the stubborn, ill-tempered, dictatorial Galactic Emperor stinking drunk.

Such a person could never ascend to a position of leadership – not even if his father had been emperor before him.

Oh.

Uh-oh…
Mibbitmaker
January 29th, 2007 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

You know where this whole Liz Foob stuff from today is really going? She’s going to revert all the way to the womb (I mean, literally). If we just wait a short time until she becomes an early embryo, medical science can use her for the stem cells and cure someone with a dread disease. Then finally, Liz can do somebody some good for a change.

Except that the person with the dread disease is from Funky Winkerbean! Oh, well…
willethompson
January 29th, 2007 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

#149 Rhekarid – if THAT isn’t worth a tee-shirt, I don’t know what is…

#148 gh – I see that between you and Poteet, the lyrics bar has been raised AGAIN! Don’t you people have REAL jobs? (snark, snark, grumble, grubs again…)
gh
January 29th, 2007 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

#157 SmartPeopleOnIce

I’m forming a support group, if you’re interested.
Drewbob
January 29th, 2007 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

fborfw: Having regressed to infancy, Liz works her way back through the phallic stage and develops a raging Electra complex. She will ultimately bed her father and the entire Patterson household will be thrown into a vortex of betrayal, despair, and bloodshed.
gh
January 29th, 2007 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

#158 Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener

Reminds me of the joke:

Q: Why didnâ€™t Hitlerâ€™s staff like him to get drunk?
A: Because he was a mean drunk.

Chennux is nothing like that (whimper).
unclelumpy
January 29th, 2007 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

#158 SPOI -

Recovered #156 – were there any others today?
Boshek
January 29th, 2007 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

If Lynn Johnston does, at some point retire, she can donate her characters to another strip… how ’bout Funky Winkerbean? Then, they could live on in real-time and get the misery they deserve, as everyone in FW must inevitably be miserable?

And, because it is better to show than tell, I present for the approval of the snary community…
For Winker or for Worserbean
Day 1: The scene is set after some truly disgusting “romantic” encounter between Pornstache and Liz.
Panel1:
Liz: Oh, Anthony, why do you always look so sad when making love?
Anthony: Well… it’s…
Panel2:
Anthony:Because I keep thinking that I’ve probably given you my disease, and may have killed the only woman who will tolerate me.
Panel 3: Liz:!!!!!!!

Day 2, Doctor’s Office:
Panel 1:
Liz: So, doctor, how am I?
Panel 2:
Soctor: I don’t know how to say this… How are you at taking good news?
Panel 3:Liz:It’s good, then?
Doctor: No, dear. The ’stache infected you. You have two months.

Day 3, The garage where April’s band is rehearsing.
Panel 1:
April:Come on, guys! Liz is counting on us to play an awesome concert at he funeral!!!
Panel 2:
Other FOOB children:But April, we don’t know anything sad or solemn or anything.
Panel 3: April: It’s okay, I hear that her symptoms are so bad from whatever Anthony had that death will be a relief!
Others laugh.

To be continued!
Boshek
January 29th, 2007 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

Spelling error: I meant Snarky Community,

How hard is Chennux on bad spelling?
TB Tabby
January 29th, 2007 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

117: “HEED OUR DEMANDS! THE EARTH WILL BE DESTROYED BY DAWN, ZYVEX TIME, UNLESS YOU TAKE THE ONE CALLED ELIZABETH PATTERSON AND FEED HER LIMB BY LIMB INTO THE FIREY MAW OFâ€¦”

Uh…what’s the catch?
Chromium
January 29th, 2007 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

Today’s FOOB is the funniest ever. Just… ever.
Galactic Emperor Chennux
January 29th, 2007 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

ATTENTION EARTHERS! ESPECIALLY THE ONE THAT PREENS MOLES!

I AM NOT STUBBORN! I JUST STAY THE COURSE REGARDLESS OF FACTS, INPUT OR CHANGING CONDITIONS!

I AM CHENNUX THE DECIDER, SON OF GALACTIC EMPEROR H.W. CHENNUX! AND IF I DECIDE THAT MOLE PREENING EQUIPMENT CAN BE RECONSTITUTED AS MEAPONS OF (HIC!) WUSS DISTORTION, THEN CONSIDER YOUR GADGE CUBIC REDUCED TO (HIC!) TWO DIMENSHUNS! NOW FOR THE ARDBEG!

END TRUNSMASHUN!
gh
January 29th, 2007 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

#156 SmartPeopleOnIce [Love Is . . . edition]

No wonder the spam filter grabbed you. Have you no shame?
Mibbitmaker
January 29th, 2007 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

Uh, Chennux… I was just wondering….

On your planet, do the roadside foob shiznits really osszefogva the axolotl, or is that just during veeblefetzer? I know it’s crackers to slip a rozzer the dropsy in snide, but, as your own Mickey Bitsko once said in a Max Korn interview, what’s so fillagadusha about that? As intergalactic Johan Gambolputty de von Ausfernschpledenschlittcras-crenbonfriediggerdangledongle-bursteinvonknackerthreasherapplebangerhorowitzti-colenscigranderknottyspelltinklegrandlichgrumble-meyerspellerwasserkurstlichhimbleeisenbahn-wagergutenabendbitteeinnurnburgerbratwurst-legerspurtenmitzweimacheluberhundsfutgumber-aberschonendankerkalbsfleischmittleraucher Von Hauptkopf (of uhlm) said one bleem, the nimnul is salf-satisfactorally furshlugginer, negating potrzebie on a farshimmelt scale. “Nov shmoz ka pop, as they say. It might nix-nix the hossenpfeffer, but I just wanted to know. As you say in your world, Chennux, “Notary Sojak”.

Thank you.
Ribinin
January 29th, 2007 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

#149 Rhekarid - Wash out your mouth with soap! Theodore (NOT “Lucky”) is a courageous and loving mate to his sweetheart Castoria. They are such a cute couple and their efforts will save the lost forest from devastation and win the hearts of all.
andhow04
January 29th, 2007 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

whats with all these obscure comix? caint wait till josh gets back

bring on the Foob, the Bean et al
Mibbitmaker
January 29th, 2007 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

#172: That should read “self-satisfactorally”. Honestly, I just can’t spell hard words like that. (sigh!)
gh
January 29th, 2007 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

#152 monica

I feel your pain. The Manageress of our campus bookstore is the niece of a Trustee: ALL SHALL KNEEL BEFORE ME AND DESPAIR!
reader-who-posts
January 29th, 2007 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

Trying to read Zippy the Pinhead gives me a headache. It’s so poorly written it reminds me of those emails about the poor Nigerian guy who needs me to help him get a sum of $10 MM.
Anonymous
January 29th, 2007 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

SPOI here posting with the winos from some public annnommous site (dammit! these keys are stticky) to fool Mr. Spam filter. Hah! I’m wiley! (Ho-haa, jump back, kiss myself…)

Thanks UL (#165) for the quick SAR. I think you got ‘em all.

GH (#162) thanks for the sympathy. Did you know that 93% of all email is now spam? Can’t that Glorphoplex Emperor dude do something about this? (And, really, Mr. Cheney, you’re not fooling any of us…)
Remus - (A Tater Tot Man)
January 29th, 2007 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

116: Thanks for straightening me out: Here are some other Mark Trail facts!

Mark Trail once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Contrary to popular belief, Mark Trail, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Mark Trail has 72… and they’re all poisonous.

If you ask Mark Trail what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds ’til.” After you ask, “Two seconds ’til what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Mark Trail drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

Superman owns a pair of Mark Trail pajamas.
Saxman
January 29th, 2007 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

FOOB

I’ve been out of town and out of touch since friday morning. I fact, I’ve been in Muncie, Indiana, mere miles from the Garfield compound.

But I’m hoping it is not too late for me to weigh in on “what could save FOOB.”

I’d move on four fronts.

Liz & her suitors: Liz is pregnant and it isn’t at all clear who the father is! Anthony (who couldn’t be the father) doesn’t care, but each of the other two possible father change their minds and want to “do the right thing” too. it’ll be weeks until the paternity test is possible.

April grows up. Liz is so wacked out from her previously described problems that she misses a court date and the almost-rapist walks. And stalks Liz, but settles for molesting April (all off screen of course). April blames everyone in the world (as well she might). A police cadet guards her, shoots the rapist, and she falls in love with the cadet. But it can never be.

Grand-dad recovers: But with psychic powers. I’m hoping for heat vision, but most likely will have to settle for projective empathy.

Michael’s book. Book is snarfed up by a high profile publisher. Just when it looks like everything is going great, somebody figures out that portions of it are plagarized (of course, Michael had read the seed book decades agao and it is all inadvertent). Final straw for his marriage, but fortunately his agent is a looker, she supports him through it all, and it turns out OK in the end.

Please note that the parents just keep going along. woot woot.
willethompson
January 29th, 2007 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

#172 Mibbitmaker – that’s ULM, not UHLM. Use spellcheck next time.
Ribinin
January 29th, 2007 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

An interesting news item. No one here has mentioned the Energizer Bunny so we are probably safe. But if Gil Thorp dies……..
Axel Fusco
January 29th, 2007 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

# 180 Saxman (and everyone else who still bothers to speculate about FOOB plotlines): Haven’t the bitter lessons of seeing Liz predictably dumped by Paul, and the total non-shock of Melville’s cigar causing the fire, and every other friggin’ uninteresting, un-funny, predictable episode that Lynn Johnston writes given you enough reason to stop speculating? Wondering who Liz will end up with or any other aspect of the Pattersons’s life is about as interesting as speculating if Cathy will find a bathing suit that fits.
Dennis Jimenez
January 29th, 2007 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

179 – More information on Marks Trails are available on the internets.
gh
January 29th, 2007 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

#161 willethompson

I don’t know about you, but I think our audience has dwindled to about three. I’m thinking of getting out of show biz.
lesles
January 29th, 2007 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

#172 mibbitmaker – come on. “axolotl”? chennux’ll never fall for that. you were so close to getting on it’s good side, but if you just start making stuff up, you’ll only make it angry.
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
January 29th, 2007 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

oh no ive been shrunk to two dimensions and must write everything lowercase like a junior highschool girl poet and with no punctuation but im laughing because chennux cant hurt me because im fictitious

ha

yes i cant capitalize or punctuate but i can still html o joy
gh
January 29th, 2007 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

Uncle Lumpy â€“

Thanks for the push for diversity. I get Kudzu in the paper, but have never been able to rant because, as far as I could tell, no one else had heard of it. Not that I particularly want to, but itâ€™s nice to know, just in case. Also enjoyed the other fresh faces, but please no more Cathy. I, too, have managed close to a year without reading it, even though it is in the paper. Now I have to set the Cathy-free days dial back to zero. Aacckk!!
Uncle Lumpy
January 29th, 2007 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

Note at 1/29/07 6:38 EST

Well, that was exciting – my first service outage! I hope it didn’t inconvenience anybody too much. The backstory is something Josh describes as “a [Margo] mistake of my own, which fortunately meant I was able to fix it myself. . . .” Through the magic of SMS phones and Wi-Fi at Josh’s hotel (and a healthy dose of blind panic on my part!), we’re back in the game.

Thanks for whatever patience you were able to muster.
jules
January 29th, 2007 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

Y’all, thanks for making me go look up “omphaloskepsis.” I did not know there was a word for that! It Pays to Improve Your Word Power!
jules
January 29th, 2007 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

Uncle Lumpy – I only hyperventilated for a couple of minutes. My son got me a cup of water and I felt better then.
Uncle Lumpy
January 29th, 2007 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

Yeah, I was sure I had busted something and Josh was gonna spank. And not in the good way!
Prehumous
January 29th, 2007 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

Is that a tranvestite hooker in ~~Lockhorns~~ Quigmans or just some really, really bad art?
monica
January 29th, 2007 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

Thanks gh, it’s nice to know somebody understands… I came from the corporate world, and I’m still trying to get used to this bizzarro world of bowing and scraping.
Booper
January 29th, 2007 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

#185 — gh, don’t quit. You have lots of fans. It’s just that after reading all the brilliantly funny things on this blog, I don’t have any energy left for posting.
Jamus The Bartender
January 29th, 2007 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

FOOB: Yeahp….what did I tell ya…
“Holdin’ the rabbit-a….holdin’ the rabbit-a…can’t shovel snow off the car…without a whole lotta milk-a…”
M. Peachbush
January 29th, 2007 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

Uncle Lumpy broke the internet!
Old Fogeyette
January 29th, 2007 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

gh #104: I accept your invitation to the awards ceremony! Thanks! We were out buying new clothes today, and I got a lovely navy blue skirt that will be perfect for the wet beaver awards. I’m not sure how I will explain that to my husband, however.

Galactic Emperor Chennux: drink several glasses of blitzflgl and I’m sure you will feel better. Or simply eat crackers with the dropsy in snide.

Yours respectfully.
Boshek
January 29th, 2007 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

Exceeded the bandwith a while ago, eh? So many snarky people! Too many at once for the poor servers! We are great in number! Or was that just a demonstration of Chennux’s power or something?

Anyway, I would post my fourth episode of Miserable WinkerFOOB, but I just realized what exactly I was doing. I was re-writing FOOB to make it WORSE! To make something with the potentail to turn “For Better” into something definitely worse. For shame.
dramashoes
January 29th, 2007 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

I never would have thought, when I first saw “Zippy The Pinhead,” that a comic with existential and absurdist themes could be classed with “Pluggers.” However, the more time I spend reading comics, the more I see the similarities. “Pluggers,” “Zippy,” and, as someone in a previous thread pointed out, “9 Chickweed Lane,” all suffer from the same weakness. It’s the “look how wonderful and fantastic and amazing our main characters are” syndrome. I’m serious. All the characters in 9cl are either reveling in their own perfect splendor, or worshiping at the feet of the other characters. Pluggers share the common knowledge that they are secretly better than the more affluent, well-educated, less conservative classes surrounding and subjugating them. And Zippy, with its pompous vocabulary and rococo surrealism, thumbs its nose at its readers on a daily basis. At least Barfo and his TDIET ilk know, on some primal level, that they are hopelessly pedestrian and doomed to live and die unsung and unloved, with only their petty neuroses and prejudices to soften the blow of their agonizing existence. That’s my take on it anyway.
willethompson
January 29th, 2007 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

gh thinks that only three people read the (let along try to sing with) the song parodies. He may be right. We may be crazy.* But that’s not gonna stop me. Dammit.

Ahem. I want to thank #149 Rhekarid for the inspiration for this. Blame HIM.

(to the tune of Maxwell’s Silver Hammer)

(OSHA regulations require me to state that this song is beaver-related and may cause adverse humming and trying to bite down trees)

Theodore/Castoria, beavers in our story â€“ ah!
Chew up on some trees
Working together, they make a little
da â€“ ah â€“ah â€“ ah – am
Dick the curmudgeon doesnâ€™t like the fuzzy ones
Wants to see them dead
Wants to take a thirty-aught-six and
bla â€“ ah â€“ ah â€“ am
But as heâ€™s slowly raising the gun
A noise comes from behindâ€¦
Bang! Bang! Zeusâ€™s thunderbolts rain down from the sky!
Bang! Bang! Lightning strikes and makes Lost Forest fry!

The LoFo fire brigade drinking Tuesday lemonade
Gets a panicked call
Wonders where theyâ€™ll get the
wa â€“ wa â€“ wa – wa
Down behind the piney frond thereâ€™s a little beaver pond
They can suck it dry
So they set their pumper truck up and
ah â€“ ah â€“ ah â€“ ahâ€¦
But just as the firemanâ€™s turning the key
the beavers get too closeâ€¦
Suck! Suck! Little Theodore gets took up by the nose!
Suck! Suck! Little Cast-o-REE-ah gets slurped into the hose!

The beavers look like little lumps (kinda like a tube with mumps)
Pushing through the hose
Shooting out the nozzle into the
ah â€“ ah â€“ ah â€“ air
Castoria and Theodore arcing to the forest floor
Dick is in the way
Fifty pounds of beaver blow through him
there â€“ ere â€“ ere – ere
As the men are fighting the flames
The beavers have a planâ€¦
Tug! Tug! Drag the body of Dickweed into the path of fire!
Tug! Tug! This is natureâ€™s way of making a great funeral pyre!

(Beavers get their vengeance â€“ Markâ€™s next!)

*billy joel – an untapped resource
Jose Pluma
January 29th, 2007 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

OK, here’s an idea–Josh does a good job of letting us know about all the bad comic strips out there, but what about the good ones? Could anyone give suggestions of actually enjoyable comics we could read, so that we don’t have to care about the latest idiocy in FBOFW or BC?
Uncle Lumpy
January 29th, 2007 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

#202 Jose -

I’m subbing for Josh this week. Check Sunday’s post for a couple recommendations.
Shannon
January 29th, 2007 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

I like Zippy. Dang it.
AwfulArt
January 29th, 2007 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

What a mug shot of Hillary on the cover in the N.Y. Daily News today.. Like a drivers license photo from hunger.. But she looked good in “Housebroken” in today’s Record. Though I felt heartbroken that she would want a hit put on Jack Bauer…!!!

P.S. Maybe someone can post it.
Galactic Emperor Chennux
January 29th, 2007 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

ATTENTION, EARTHERS! THIS IS CHENNUX! WHATEVER GROVELING YOU CAN MUSTER WILL BE INSUFFICENT, BUT GROVEL ANYWAY!

TAKING DOWN YOUR SERVER WAS MERELY A WARNING! CHENNUX VOWS TO REDUCE YOUR INTERNET CONNECTION TO PRE-1998 AOL DIALUP LEVELS UNLESS YOU COMPLY IMMEDIATELY TO THE FOLLOWING DEMANDS!

1) ENOUGH WITH THE OMPHALOSKEPSIS! IT MAY MEAN ‘NAVEL GAZING’ ON YOUR PLANET, BUT THE REST OF THE GALAXY CONSIDERS IT A CURSE WORD ON THE ORDER OF ‘BELGIUM!’ CEASE OR FEEL MY WRATH!

2) DITTO ON AXOLOTL!

3) I HAVE RECEIVED COMMUNICATION FROM A BANKER IN A PLACE CALLED LAGOS OFFERING TO SHARE $25 MILLION WITH ME! CHENNUX COULD USE SOME WALKING-AROUND MONEY AFTER CONQUERING THE EARTH! HELP CHENNUX SET UP A BANK ACCOUNT FOR THIS CURRENCY TO BE SENT TO OR FEEL MY WRATH!

END COMMUNICATION!
John
January 29th, 2007 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

Good lord, when does the regular guy come back? I hope next time, he just puts this site on hiatus. Your comments totally suck.
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
January 29th, 2007 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

Re: patently unbelievable explanation of server outage above – yeah, right.

Here’s what I think really happened, and what Josh said:

Dammit, Uncle Lumpy, I told you not to leave the Curmudgeonator plugged in and running all night long. Look at that – the bandwidth is totally shredded. And the snarking belt is all worn and misaligned, plus the antifoobinizer is nearly shot as well.

And…just a minute. Young Lumpy, what is that you’re holding behind your back? I don’t care if Uncle Lumpy told you to, what is that? Uh-huh…the “Biddy-Stalker’s Best Friend” size of Johnnie Gold, with a Wines Liquors pricetag still on it. That’s what I thought. Let me see that bottle, Young Lumpy.

Quit your whimpering, Uncle Lumpy. Yep, just as I suspected. The bottle is completely…full.

How many times have I told you, you can’t run the Comics Curmudgeon without proper alcoholic lubrication? The whole system falls apart without it. Dammit, man…
stinky pete
January 29th, 2007 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

#172, #206, I, at least, am diggin’ the Python references. Chennux, stay away from Belgium or the Sprouts & Phlegms will put an intergalactic whuppin’ on ya.
Caged Tygre
January 29th, 2007 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

My comics refuse to load, the bastards!
Let me take a guess:
MT: As the fire spreads, Theodore/Lucky inexplicably swims back to the lodge to get his laptop. Luckily the lodge is in the middle of the pond, so no harm done. Castoria slaps him with her tail, not because she’s angry, just kinky.
FW: Everyone suffers, but still manage to smirk about it.
MW: Mary, feeling it is the only merciful thing left to do, snuffs Jeff out with a pillow.

Also, working at the Disney gulag.
stinky pete
January 29th, 2007 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

#172 Mibbitmaker, I hate to pick nits but I believe the correct spelling is: Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern-schplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dingle-dangle-dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple-banger-horowitz-ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer-spelterwasser-kurstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-gutenabend-bitte-ein-nÃ¼rnburger-bratwustle-gerspurten-mitz-weimache-luber-hundsfut-gumberaber-shÃ¶nedanker-kalbsfleisch-mittler-aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm.

At least that’s what came up on my spell-checker.
Bombcar
January 29th, 2007 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

46: Yowza!

eliza is cool, too.
Luna
January 29th, 2007 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

Gottta unlurk to tell #207 that wasn’t nice.

Uncle Lumpy is doing a wonderful job.

Now, Uncle Lumpy, you just ignore that bad man. We are all very proud of you.
Mr. Oâ€™Malley
January 29th, 2007 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

205. Shannon, I’m with you. I don’t necessarily like every single Zippy strip. It does get a bit pretentious. But overall I find it worth keeping up with. It’s nicely drawn, and I share his interest in quirky designs like Nash Metropolitans, Bob’s Big Boy and old diners. (Too bad about Corky being evicted—the last diner in Gasolinealleyville will now be replaced by a Quizno’s!)

I think part of Griffith’s hostility to Dilbert is that Scott Adams can’t draw. Just like an old working musician who resents some untalented kid getting a big hit song. Plus he hates the idea of a strip about an office.
Squid Countess
January 29th, 2007 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

# 9 Poteet – I never did understand the real line (”But the morning sun drops all its colors on me” or something like that) so, “Let the pigeons fly over and poop upon me” shall be what I sing from now on. Thank you for that life improvement.

#55 Smacky – I remember a bad TV movie called The Harvest in which the heroine was forced to have sex in a field with some dude while everybody watched and chanted, “Make thee the corn!” So what are they going to be chanting around Liz and Anthony – “Make thee the syrup”?

Ribini- Your love for Theodore and Castoria does not go unnoticed or unappreciated.

Emperor Chennux – You forgot to end with a drunk and sullen, “Fuck you, pony.”

Whoever said that the African-American doctor in Funky Winkerbean looks more Vietnamese than than the Vietnamese people in Mary Worth – too true!

Somebody said, about 2 weeks ago, when Becky, the one-armed mom in Funky Winkerbean was getting a pep talk , “Uh-oh. I think Becky’s being converted to Scientology.” To which I say, Bwahahahaha! That is so funny! I feel bad that I didn’t mention it before.
Ukulele Ike
January 29th, 2007 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

So, Unc, NOW could you fix Chron.com? I can’t get any of the fershlugginer color comics to load.
Dean Booth
January 29th, 2007 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

I like Zippy, too.

But I don’t like #207 John. We’re with you Uncle L!
Uncle Lumpy
January 29th, 2007 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

#216 Uke -

Problem is King Features, not Chron – even their main site doesn’t load.

If they don’t get it fixed by 11:00 PST, we won’t be seeing Mary, Margo or Castoria tomorrow.
TB Tabby
January 29th, 2007 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

202: As in comics which we laugh at in a non-ironic fashion? The list is small for most of us. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I read the following on comics.com every day:

Ballard Street
Cow & Boy
F Minus
Frazz
Get Fuzzy
Pearls Before Swine
Spot the Frog
Booper
January 29th, 2007 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

I suspect #207 is REALLY our Josh (J-o-hn/J-o-sh — coincidence, I think not.) He’s seeing what a fantastic job Uncle Lumpy is doing and how much fun we’re having this week and is regretting his decision to put Uncle Lumpy in charge.

Ave, Uncle Lumpy!
Sheilagh
January 29th, 2007 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

Wisconsin, Shannon: Oh, please. When Zippy’s not phoning it in (repeat phrase three times — oh, the hilarity!), he’s wallowing in how fucking special Bill Griffith is. And Bill Griffith makes Jon Arbuckle look like Mr. Wonderful. Hell, Bill Griffith makes Granthony look like Mr. Wonderful! If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s a man who has to play “Mine’s Bigger” all the time — Griffith not only does that, he WHINES because nobody cares. Ugh, feh, ptui! He hasn’t got half the integrity that Cathy has — and Cathy has no integrity at all.
Poteet
January 29th, 2007 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

# 159 — Gadge, you may have a point, but what can I say — you go to the altar with the offerings you have, not the offerings you wish you had. And I hope you’ll regain access to capitol letters soon.

Anyway, he seemed to be put in a good humor by the offerings, so I dare to make one more. OH GLORIOUS AND EXALTED HIGH EMPEROR CHENNUX, IN HOPES THAT YOU WILL HAVE MERCY AND GRACIOUSLY GRANT THE MOLE PREENER KNOWN AS GADGE ACCESS TO CAPITOL LETTERS AND PUNCTUATION, I OFFER YOU UPON THIS IMPROVISED ALTAR A BOTTLE OF LAGAVULIN, AND WITHDRAW, BOWING.

# 161 — Willethompson, you flatterer you. Keep showing us how it’s done!

# 173 — Thank you, Ribinin, for eloquently defending Theodore and Castoria, who deserve a happy ending with flowers and hearts (sniff). I can think of any number of comic characters who are more deserving of being sucked through a firehose as a large lump, starting with Cathy.

# 213 — Yeah, Uncle Lumpy. Luna is totally right.
Heckler123
January 29th, 2007 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

My, my, Uncle Lumpy – such a wide vocabulary!!!! I had to look up the meaning of omphaloskepsis. While I don’t usually practice it, I suppose it’s a more valuable use of time than ambulatory intracolonic cranial implantation, a pastime which some cartoonists (and many of the rest of us) seem to indulge in with great gusto.

Thanks for taking the helm while Josh is gone!
Sheilagh
January 29th, 2007 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

Oh Heckler, don’t make me call you a senile coprophagist! Just for fun, of course ;-)
Poteet
January 29th, 2007 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

# 215 — Thanks, Squid Countess! And I remember that movie! After the sex, they killed the corn-making dude as a sacrifice, right? If Liz and Granthony make syrup, I hope the chanting villagers will remember that part.
insolenttomato
January 29th, 2007 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

Dayum. I go visit my parents for the weekend and in my absence the site is farmed out to the inimitable UL and about eight more running gags are added to the comments (including an otherworldly despot who can only be placated with booze, chocolates, and MST3K). I feel like I tuned into “I Love Lucy” about midway through, or like the mother in an Ibsen play.

Also, Old Fogeyette, it is a tough call but I’m gonna have to go with June as the Madonna. Her sudden upgrade from schlub to glamorous yet tasteful yuppie can only mean one thing . . . she’s just recited the Magnificat and is pregnant by the holy spirit. Or Elvis. Either way, it sure ain’t Rex.
tubbytoast
January 29th, 2007 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

Another shy lurker taking offense at #207’s unjustified comment. Uncle Lumpy, you are doing a great job; I’ve enjoyed reading your comments every bit as much as Josh’s. I consider you U.L. approved.
Dean Booth
January 29th, 2007 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

Mnemonic for remembering omphaloskepsis: Chanting (OM) while you look at your navel and doubt (SKEPSIS) that you have a penis (PHALO). I’ll never forget now.
LlamaFace
January 29th, 2007 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

Three cheers for Uncle Lumpy!

On the Winkerbean tip:

She’s pregnant. She’s gotta be. Either that or the sweet release of death. That would be good news, no? Getting out Winkerbean-land? What the heck is their town called anyway…Land of the Lost?
Richard Onley
January 29th, 2007 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

#119: Craigers: “Todayâ€™s Best Strips (from the Chron) : Speed Bump, Pearls Before Swine, Non Sequitur, Luann, and finally Crankshaft, for no other reason than the wonderful imprecation ‘For Cornâ€™s Sake’. Think of the Corn!”

I’m trying to remember where I’ve seen that exclamation before. My not-always-reliable memory says it was used in a 1960s family strip called “Priscilla and Her Pop” or something, but that’s as far as it’s responding.

#136: “I want Pogo and Krazy Kat to be on a comics page along with Bloom County, Pearls Before Swine, The Phantom (shut up, I love it), 9 Chickweed Lane (although lately itâ€™s been sliding, too), Get Fuzzy, Little Nemo, and Mutts. Who else has a comics dream team?”

There used to be a weekly paper called The Menomenee Falls Gazette that carried runs of recent and classic comic strips. I miss it.
Eridani
January 29th, 2007 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

Wow, that Zippy comic is about the biggest pile of nonsense I’ve ever read. Oh, and “omphaloskepsis” puts it in perfect perspective. But where the hell did you learn that word…
Poteet
January 29th, 2007 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

# 226 — Insolenttomato, welcome back! And those are just the bribes, er, offerings that have been tried so far. We have no idea what else might work. Or whether Islamorada Girl is now Trophy Empress.
True Fable
January 29th, 2007 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

Saxman –

Michael goes on Oprah, who tears him a new ass for plagerizing his piece o’ crap book. Michael has a meltdown on the air…

….the rest is in your guys’ hands. Don’t bother to warm them up, either.
Stacia
January 29th, 2007 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

#218 – Unca Lumpy, you have saved my brain. I’ve been trying several sites to get my daily crack fix errr I mean “Mary Worth”, and now I know why I can’t score any. You’re a good man, Lumpy.

#134 – Jeff, I agree. Warren skeeved me out before, but the semi-surprise reveal of him knowing about Paul put me over the edge. Paul’s not psycho enough for Liz, anyway. She needs the full-on puts-the-lotion-on-its-skin treatment in the death pit that Pornstache surely had installed one floor underneath the playdungeon.
Red Greenback
January 29th, 2007 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

Galactic Emperor Cornchex: Do you and Xenu hang out? Aside from the throwing Thetans into the active volcano schtick, is he a Nice Guy?
Marion Delgado
January 29th, 2007 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

Edison Lee, BTW, is the opposite of neocon. If anything, it’s liberal libertarian hybrid. The comparisons to Non Sequitur are very apt. Like Wylie, the creator of Edison Lee wants to have their “look how the dimbulbs in Dee Cee waste our tax monies that the IRS extorts with jackbooted thugs” moderate Republican cake and eat his moderate Democratic “they’re stealing social security” slice too. Think slightly-liberal “Perot movement” and you’ve got it.

It really is Non-Sequiter minus Joe. Very fond of the cliche and the cheap shot.

IDEA!!!

A Danae/Edison child!

“The Non-Sequiturs of Danae Edison Lee, Jr!”

omigod we’ll all be rich!
Red Greenback
January 29th, 2007 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

RE: “for corn’s sake” As I recall, Fred Mertz used that term in several ILL episodes.
Marion Delgado
January 29th, 2007 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

Oh, and having already called “dibs” on “Trainman” for autistic Roman hands Dad and “Foobistank” for April’s “band,” I want to add another one:

Dibs on “April Farleyslayer!”
Marion Delgado
January 29th, 2007 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

Is “The Brilliant Non-Sequiters of Danae Edison Lee, Jr.” pushing it, or is it pleasantly sending up the already long title of Edison Lee?
Artist Formerly Known as Ben
January 29th, 2007 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

#156, The “Love-Is…” couple are already naked and sans genitals, a la Aladdin Sane. Full-on depravity is only a short jump away.
Richard Onley
January 29th, 2007 at 11:22 pm [Reply]

#223: Heckler 123: I used to practice omphaloskepsis, but gave it up for lint . . .
Red Greenback
January 29th, 2007 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

Zippy: It’s Archiebeard and Pluggerhead!
lesles
January 29th, 2007 at 11:50 pm [Reply]

#215 squid countess – surely it’d be “make thee the sticky buns”? and as per poteet #225, i hope they follow up properly with the sacrifice. though i’d prefer it to be “the wicker man” style, then we could cram all the pattersons and granthony in, and maybe let paul set the fire. or give the klepforths another go.
treadwell
January 29th, 2007 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

93: I can’t get today’s strip to load, but yes, Jughaid has always worn a coonskin cap. If it has morphed into actual hair due to a new artist not knowing what he was looking at, then, well, that is utterly awesome.

100: Definitely with ya there, Sheilagh.
insolenttomato
January 30th, 2007 at 12:17 am [Reply]

#232: Thank you, Poteet! What’s really sad is that, due to the fact that visiting my parents entails a trip to the frozen north, there was a whole slew of “Mtigmuhnamuhna” jokes I completely missed out on.
Mibbitmaker
January 30th, 2007 at 12:23 am [Reply]

Gee, my spellcheck worked so well for the rest of the long name in #172. My spellcheck being The First 20 Years of Monty Python by Kim “Howard” Johnson (sounds like a Zippy the Pinhead strip). That’ll teach me to look up from the book and “of Ulm” solo!

“Axolotl” offends you, O Emperor? And I thought the “Max Korn” would be the obscene one, since Max Korn is alien for “Lame made-up word/name that’s not creatively fit to kiss ‘Mickey Bitsko’’s ass, let alone ‘potrzebie’ or ‘furshlugginer’”.
Mibbitmaker
January 30th, 2007 at 12:36 am [Reply]

I know Lumpy’ll probably get the next thread up soon, but I can’t wait….

FOOB: Well, we leave Liz in her infantile disfunction (otherwise known as “life impotence”) for the Return of the Mikefamily, and the cornball horror of the li’l one that’s depressing enough (in more ways than one) to make up for the ‘happy’ FW.

FW: That’s what they told Gilda Radner.

FC: Jeffy’s brain is on that milk carton.

A3G: OUCH! And after Tommie got that nasty concussion, too! FU, Gina.
Squid Countess
January 30th, 2007 at 12:38 am [Reply]

#201 WilleThompson: You…you…not nice person! Here I am sitting on the couch actually singing out loud down behind the piney frond there’s a little beaver pond and the next thing I know, Theodore’s sucked in a hose. That is so not right.
Jose Pluma
January 30th, 2007 at 12:38 am [Reply]

#210 yea, but if all the women looked like the honey falling down the stairs and the red-headed waitress….
Poteet
January 30th, 2007 at 12:55 am [Reply]

Oh gawd, chron is still down, and it seems King Features is still down, so I can’t see Mark Trail. I can’t find out what’s going on with the fire. I can’t find out how the beavers are doing. And I’m actually upset about this. The true meaning of “nadir” has just been revealed to me.
Dicky
January 30th, 2007 at 12:57 am [Reply]

236, Marion: I don’t know. I’ve never found Non Sequitur as abrasive as Edison Lee (which I haven’t read outside of the few times it’s been mentioned here). Maybe I’m biased, but I enjoy Non Sequitur and have been reading it since it started in the papers…
bobbaloo
January 30th, 2007 at 1:11 am [Reply]

dick tracy is taking that “i before e” rule too seriously…”hiest”? wtf?
Dub Not Dubya
January 30th, 2007 at 1:27 am [Reply]

Oh, Galactic Emperor Chennux, we surrender! We’ll give you anything you want if you’ll just relent and bring King Features back online!
skulking on the outskirts
January 30th, 2007 at 1:31 am [Reply]

# 207, John- A loud wet raspberry to you, sir. May the Great And Terrible Emperor Chennux trample you under His enormous tricloven hoof unnoticed and unmourned.
Uncle Lumpy, I hope that you sub for Josh whenever he takes a vacation from now on. That way, Josh can take as many as he wants, and the rest of us won’t whine nearly as much when he does. Win-win.
Victoria Waterfield
January 30th, 2007 at 1:31 am [Reply]

I tried to imagine a universe in which today’s BC could conceivably happen, and failed miserably. The next time you are feeling down, remember this: at least you were not born into a pre-technological world where you stand about making stilted pronouncements about objects whose future existence you couldn’t possibly be aware of, all for the sake of something that is presumably meant to be a joke, yet makes no sense whatsoever.
Victoria Waterfield
January 30th, 2007 at 1:36 am [Reply]

Meanwhile, Cathy lives in a batshit insane universe where bread, one of the cornerstones of all human civilization, is an evil second only to shoes that don’t fit.
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
January 30th, 2007 at 1:52 am [Reply]

222 Poteet: I introduced everybody’s favorite Galactic Emperor to a certain golf pro, and now he’s too preoccupied with “following through” and “avoiding the rough” to pay attention to his Decapitalizer and Unpunctuizer (I sent Alex from Doonesbury over to futz with the machinery – and doesn’t she remind you a bit of Genetic_Mishap?), so it looks like I’m okay for now.

Also: there’s a joke somewhere in there about your last two words “withdraw, bowing” – involving a cellist using proverbial high-school birth-control methods, presumably.

Finally, at least in the Chron, today’s FW is guest-authored by Philip K. Dick, from beyond the grave. Here it is, as it appears right now – nothing but these words:

Comic image

(You can tell it’s a guest artist also because FW as drawn by Batiuk is never a “comic image.”)
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
January 30th, 2007 at 1:59 am [Reply]

Oh, and 207 “John” – if indeed that’s your name: I do hope you nominate yourself for Vice Pope next time Josh goes on vac – I mean, next time Josh’s wife goes on vacation. Because, you know, “totally sucks” is such a mindbendingly witty insult! It’s like Shakespeare coated in Raymond Chandler with a chewy Dorothy Parker center! “Totally sucks” – wow. Wish I’d thought of that.
Mibbitmaker
January 30th, 2007 at 2:01 am [Reply]

MG&G (1/30): Uh, Tom & Jerry was a series of theatrical cartoons (unless it’s the ’70s versions. Please don’t be watching the ’70s versions!).

And no hidden meanings on TV shows? Obviously somebody (cat, dog, and/or cartoonist) never heard of “Arrested Development”, or “The Office”, or “Veronica Mars”… or “Lost”; I don’t watch it, and even I think there’s hidden meanings in that one.

Aha, you say, what about hidden meanings in old theatrical cartoons? Two words: Chuck… Jones.
Mibbitmaker
January 30th, 2007 at 2:09 am [Reply]

#258: I think “totally sucks” is more Groucho Marx (and/or his comedy writers) by way of Larry Gelbart with a Walt Kelly center, myself.
Mr. Oâ€™Malley
January 30th, 2007 at 2:39 am [Reply]

257. That reminds me of another high school music birth control joke:

Girlfriend: I think you’d better pull out.
Saxophonist: Why, am I sharp?
Mr. Oâ€™Malley
January 30th, 2007 at 2:46 am [Reply]

It’s only the color comics that aren’t working. But those are the same ones that are not available on most other sites. There’s no trouble reading FOOB or Pluggers.

I take it from this page that these are the ones that for some reason are not cached at the local paper.

Oh well, down behind the piney frond thereâ€™s a little beaver pond ….
Loppie Scaduto
January 30th, 2007 at 7:38 am [Reply]

King Features… down! So many… strips… missing!

Ah well, there’s still (Death to) Gil Thorp:

I just read today’s, and all three panels followed each other in a logical, easy-to-stay-with, sequential order. For a few seconds, I understood a (DT)GT conversation.

Y’know, seeing as there must be an Alignment of the Planets today, I woulda thought they’d announce it somewhere else long before this.
Loppie Scaduto
January 30th, 2007 at 7:40 am [Reply]

Woops, wrong day’s posts! I’m gonna relocate my comment, if you’ll excuse me… [Duh.]
kostia
January 30th, 2007 at 11:41 pm [Reply]

Love the alt tags on the links.
reader-who-posts
January 31st, 2007 at 12:32 am [Reply]

I think we all learned something in today’s Mark Trail. Yes, it’s true that beavers are annoying and literally chew up your resources. But if you have fire that needs putting out those beavers just may provide you with a place to stick your hose.
nemoErensenuT
February 10th, 2008 at 5:56 am [Reply]

I’d prefer reading in my native language, because my knowledge of your languange is no so well. But it was interesting! Look for some my links:
danamorale
February 21st, 2008 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

First time visitor, just happened upon this site: Actually, I miss the Zipster since the new editor of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazzette dropped it a couple of years ago. Not only is it stunningly good when I understand it(most of the time) but the other 3 ‘toons that were whined about weren’t bad either. Only met one other Josh in my 56 years, he too is a whiner at 6′1″ and a staunch Bush supporter. Are you also tall? Just a thought fellah; ahh, don’t like it? DON’T READ IT! hEE hAAAW.
jeff (Divination Power)
February 16th, 2009 at 2:59 am [Reply]

Very good festival and i like this post.

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