The Comics Curmudgeon

107 responses to “Canada: *#@[star][Saturn]!! yeah!”

1. Krazy Kat
   February 8th, 2007 at 10:08 am [Reply]

   Go Grandpa Jim!
   “Blow it out yer A**! ya hack-I read yer book!”

2. Pammeey
   February 8th, 2007 at 10:09 am [Reply]

   I think Grampa Jim is cussing because he wasn’t allowed to mercifully die and go to hell to get away from his family when he had the chance.

3. Randy
   February 8th, 2007 at 10:10 am [Reply]

   FOOB–Yeah, Michael, it’s all about YOU. Your only concern should be whether the old man knows what YOU are saying, and that he should be appropriately pleased for YOU. Don’t hesitate to call his sanity into doubt right in front of him: he said bad things to YOU.

4. AirForbes
   February 8th, 2007 at 10:11 am [Reply]

   Poor Gramps – I think he’s trying to estimate how long this literary nightmare is, because he knows his daughter is going to read it out loud to him.

5. Krazy Kat
   February 8th, 2007 at 10:13 am [Reply]

   Is LJ deliberately making Micheal more loathsome–or does she really think this is a slice of life–cause if I had a son or a grandson that was that self-absorbed I’d be giving some serious thought to getting better so I could take a shovel to his head.

6. jvwalt
   February 8th, 2007 at 10:13 am [Reply]

   How exactly did Michael, this self-absorbed creep, gain his supposedly stunning insight into human nature and behavior? He’s so clueless about what’s happening around him, it’s hard to take him seriously as a wise-before-his-years writer.

   Now, I could believe that he’d excel at, say, writing a snarky blog. I can accept his previous role as a writer of nonfiction. But crafting a novel that explores the human condition? Not so much.

7. Edward
   February 8th, 2007 at 10:14 am [Reply]

   I think that Mark Trail is now old enough to have been fighting as a dough boy. His friend “Dan” is really “Danielle”, a French activist still burning the Kaiser in effigy at Flanders Field.

   How oh how does Michael Patterson not know the aphasiac side effects of advanced dementia? He a Canada-educated author for Christ’s sake. Don’t they all go through mandatory bed-sitting with seniors when they are in the “4th form”? Or am I thinking of Cuba? *@#!!!

8. Mike
   February 8th, 2007 at 10:15 am [Reply]

   In today’s Mary Worth, that sound you hear is the distinct sound of Mary attaching the ball and chain to Jeff’s ankle. She will not rest from her crusade until his testicles are in a jar above the fireplace.

9. Pelagius
   February 8th, 2007 at 10:20 am [Reply]

   According to the FOOBsite, Grandpa Jim was a plane mechanic, a REMF who never left the comfortable confines of a British airfield. At least the parts about schtupping working-class Irish girls will be historically accurate.

10. cheech wizard
    February 8th, 2007 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    Wow – Grampa Chin-nuts is one of us! It’s very nice of Lynn to give us a voice to express what we all feel about Mike’s book.

11. Pozzo
    February 8th, 2007 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    Grandpa Jim’s never sworn like that before. He usually puts “@[star]” BEFORE “*#”!

12. The Great Ka-Floopa Gush
    February 8th, 2007 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    And in today’s foob, Michael continues his self-absorption and gwampa continues his profane tirade.
    After Iris explains about the aphasia, Michael immediately switches the subject back to himself only to be called a [Margo]ing boxcar by gwamps, who then cries out ‘No, no, no, no, no!” as he tries to convince himself that Michael’s book is just part of a horrible, horrible dream.

13. Chris
    February 8th, 2007 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    Even before reading this morning’s Mark Trail I knew the old army buddy was bad news…facial hair is always a dead giveaway.

14. Krazy Kat
    February 8th, 2007 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    MW-Now we need to see Dr. Jeff Corey looking up at Mary and yelling: “*#@[star][Saturn] BOXCAR!!”

15. Krazy Kat
    February 8th, 2007 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    Also, it’s good to see that Gwanpa Jim has made a full recovery!

16. Cafangdra
    February 8th, 2007 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    #3 Randy: well said, well said.

    I hate Mike one million times more than I hate Anthony, but only a little more than I hate the Lizthony storyline.

17. Coffeeclash
    February 8th, 2007 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    A3G – More information about Wurlitzer jukeboxes can be found on the Internet. I am especially interested in the “One More Time” model, of which the manufacturer says: “The beloved design of those days with chrome and glitter is a welcome change to the priority of functional and abstract features which dominate nowadays.”

    In other words, it is an alternative to reading (DT) GT.

18. willethompson
    February 8th, 2007 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    Uncle Lumpy called it when he invoked the spirit of Patrick Nagel re: the razor-sharp June. I can’t wait for Niki to set pen to paper with, “Dear Forum: You won’t believe what happened to me today! There was this nurse with a carrot…”

19. willethompson
    February 8th, 2007 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    Essay question: Would you rather have a satisfying Margo or a Boxcar? Discuss.

20. Drewbob
    February 8th, 2007 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    #2 He’s not swearing because he wasn’t allowed to die. He’s swearing because he finally realizes that this is hell. Gramps will be forced to listen to Michael read his trashy novel over and over for the rest of eternity.

21. majolo
    February 8th, 2007 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    I just noticed pluggers today also uses the Saturn word. My tender ears!

22. bootsybooks
    February 8th, 2007 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    FC: Is that kid playing pitch and catch with a water balloon?

    MW: Again with the pointing! Stop pointing already!

    BOXCAR! BOXCAR! BOXCAR!

    Yes, that feels good.

23. Poteet
    February 8th, 2007 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    Foob — One sad thing is that sex will turn out to be either totally absent from Michael’s novel or written so priggishly that it will turn off anyone who isn’t already Mark Trail. At least NAKED CAME THE STRANGER offered repeated sex scenes in return for the bad writing.

    And of course Michael’s writing is much much worse. He’d be better off to try to slip that novel under the critical radar, like those really bad movies that make a point of avoiding all opportunities to be reviewed before they hit the theaters. Lynn’s describing that book via the monthly letters was so delusional that her remaining fans should stage an intervention.

24. Smitty Smedlap
    February 8th, 2007 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    Is Michael’s book going to be released as a podcast? If so, Gwampa ChinNuts needs to listen to it, over and over again, until the day he finally goes all Farley on us.

    Fitting punishment for having been responsible for spawning the foobs who fall beneath him on the family tree.

25. athena
    February 8th, 2007 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    re. the first panel of Mark Trail: Did I miss the story line about the dog dying and Mark having him stuffed and placed atop the kitchen table?

26. The Law Firm of Dewey, Cheatem and Howe
    February 8th, 2007 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    TO: Smurglap/Kr’lpak/Epstein, Attorneys in Interstellar Law
    FROM: The Law Firm of Dewey, Cheatem and Howe

    Sirs:

    It has come to our attention that you claim to represent the estate of Curly Howard. Squaloid friends, we have represented Messrs. Moe Howard, Larry Fine and Curly Howard for the better part of 70 years (we do not acknowledge Shemp).

    However, as you track down illegal name-parodies, should you wish to double-bill the Howard estate and split the proceeds with us, we believe this would be quite satisfactory.

    Sincerely,

    Thomas Dewey

27. Old Fogeyette
    February 8th, 2007 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    A3G: “Have you ever seen a Wurlitzer?” might actually be a great pickup line. Depending on what you want to pick up.

    MT: Not only does Old Army Buddy Fisherman have facial hair, he and his wife have blue skin. I do not trust them, but as long as they don’t mess with any cute animals I don’t really mind them. And btw, Poteet, I answered your Funky query at the end of the last thread, #293. To summarize, we’re still buds.

28. thermostat
    February 8th, 2007 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    Senior pluggers? Senior pluggers? Is that distinction reserved for the pluggers over the age of 105?

29. Calico
    February 8th, 2007 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    #23 – Tropic of Cancer, FOOB Style…
    Absolutely nothing happens. Any ensuing children in the bookfromhell and the strip are clones from the FOOBTRONIC 2007 Machine.

    Gwamps has a got a close second to Celeste’s JP rant, though! You go, Jim!

    BOXCAR!

30. fizzy logic
    February 8th, 2007 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    In the last post, Caged Tygre referred to Michael Patterson as a “Vainglorious Ass”, which I think is highly appropriate, and I shall always try to refer to him as “Michael Patterson, V.A.” from now on.

    Of course he is incredibly feeble minded, boneheaded and self centered as well. “Is he crazy or just stupid?” Obviously, he hasn’t been to visit his granpa since he’s had his stroke, and it’s been how long? Boxcar you, Michael!

31. Herro!
    February 8th, 2007 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    I love how, in today’s A3-G, Gary wins the privilege of Tommie’s attention with a SHINY NEW QUARTER!

    And we always thought LuAnn was the one who was distracted by shiny things…

32. Dingo
    February 8th, 2007 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    Michael Patterson’s Anthem
    aka ‘I’ve Gotta Be Me’

    Whether I write or whomever I wrong
    Whether I tie a broken shoelace or take hits from a bong
    It’s gotta be me, It’s gotta be me
    What else can I be? I’m Patterson

    Through me, Sheilaugh lives. Now my career thrives
    This dream’s what sustains me – inflames me! -
    And burns like gonorrhea in my eyes
    It’s all about me, it’s all about me
    Hit the bottle with Dee authorship makes me what I am

    That Pulitzer Prize, a world of success
    Is waiting for me with girlish glee in a calico dress
    So I’ve settled down, and my family’s a mess
    I’ve broke back to making love as my personal best!

    I’ll go it alone, if that’s how it be
    Dump my kids on my harried wife
    How you doin’ there, Dee?
    I gotta be free, I’ve gotta be free
    No writer am I but it’s such a good lie
    It’s all about me

    I’ve got a book deal, and a hefty advance
    Plus the succulent remnants of prime rib I snatched
    Go build me a throne, and a statue or two
    I’m Patterson, don’t you know?
    I’m better than you!

33. booper
    February 8th, 2007 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    gh — (From previous thread) That was me! I remember now. You were going to give up songwriting because you thought no one was listening. But we were (or, at least, I was). And next time things look dark and hopeless, picture me out there with my BIC, waiting for the music to begin.

    (I got my nom de curmudge from my father, who used to call me Booper, in honor of Betty Boop. I sort of looked like her — large round head, large round eyes, short black hair. You know the type.)

34. Saxman
    February 8th, 2007 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    6

    Maybe Michael is the Canadian Faulkner of our age, a total train wreck of a personality with the ability to write moving characterizations and prose.

    Nawwwwww.

    Boxcar.

35. FSogol
    February 8th, 2007 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    Food science, gerontology, and/or chemistry? I’m not sure you have the space to list all the things Pluggers are misinformed about.

36. Jessied
    February 8th, 2007 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    I have to admit, that the last couple days of Grandpa Jim The Pottymouth have amused the hell out of me.

    The entire rest of the run could just be Grandpa attempting to say things and accidentally swearing and I would be very happy.

    Maybe I’m a bad person.

37. AhClem
    February 8th, 2007 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    I think Gwandpa Ballsack was confused by what April said as she stormed out of the house earlier. She said she was going “Roadside,” but he thought she said “Trackside.” Thus the BOXCAR comment.

    Unless April really did say “Trackside,” implying that weird things were going to happen in daddy’s train room.

    Ew.

38. Saxman
    February 8th, 2007 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail

    Trouble came to Lost Forest in a four door sedan.

    Only the squrril saw and mused that if all else failed, at least Mark’s redheaded ex Army buddy and his blond wife would be likely to get skin cancer after they retired to their tropical island with their ill gotten gains.

    The squirrel rushed to call Shylock Fox to help, and silently cursed when he remembered he had no quarters for the pay phone.

    Be careful Mark. Be very careful.

39. willethompson
    February 8th, 2007 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    OK, that’s Boxcar 3 – Margo 0 here in the first inning.

    #32 Dingo – rhyming ‘world of success’ with ‘calico dress’. Niiiiice.

40. gh
    February 8th, 2007 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    #122 AND 184 (last thread) williethompson

    hee hee Ha! Ha! HOO! HOO! And the Okie wildcatter is still funny!

41. Non-Shannon
    February 8th, 2007 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    FW: All right, I know a lot of us here were/are band nerds. Seriously. SERIOUSLY. How can someone be an effective band director with one arm? Sure, you could indicate the time with one arm, but how are you going to cue anyone? Two arms are pretty much necessary, right? Do we all agree here???
    I’m not trying to be a dick about this, but it is eating away at me.
    Much like Funky Winkerbean in general is slowly eating away at my faith in God.

42. Calico
    February 8th, 2007 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    #36 – then you could call the strip “For Better or for Curse.”
    God, I just amaze myself sometimes. #%^$!%#@. I think I have Mike’s talent.

    3G – the quarter is Gary’s version of bling. As Ben Stein would say, “Wow.”

43. jules
    February 8th, 2007 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    Dingo – I KNEW Michael pilfered that prime rib! *#%[star] [saturn] thief! And he’s a bad writer.

    A3G: Is this the grown-up version of “I’ll give you a quarter if you’ll be my friend”?

    MT: Cue the ominous background music…Dan’s comin’ to Lost Forest to perpetrate a scam! Will Ricky the Rainbow Trout arrive in time to save us all?!

44. Coffeeclash
    February 8th, 2007 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    #40 – That’s willethompson – the extra i belongs in “Thorp.”

45. Bitter Scribe
    February 8th, 2007 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    What’s especially bizarre about Pluggers is that canned food is the only kind of processed food that doesn’t have and doesn’t need preservatives. The whole point of canning food is that you heat the can after it’s sealed. THAT’S what preserves the food, by killing microorganisms that would otherwise cause spoilage.

46. Sheilagh
    February 8th, 2007 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    If you spellcheck a document containing the word dickhead, you will find that it gets “corrected” to deckhand. Haha! Deckhand makes an excellent pseudo-swear word! So what might boxcar have been in the original, before Grandpa’s spellcheck aphasia kicked in? Bastard? Ballbuster? Bitchslap? A fun parlor game!

47. B
    February 8th, 2007 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    More Boxcars, Mule!

48. B
    February 8th, 2007 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    By the way, did anybody else notice that Aldo showed up on Lost last night? I guess it really is purgatory.

49. Calico
    February 8th, 2007 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    #46 – Bollocks? He could have learned that in Merrie Olde England, during the war.

    Or, buttcrack, bozo, butthead?

50. Will Cate
    February 8th, 2007 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    I was amazed, astounded, flabbergasted, to see in today’s (2-8) TDIET, the phrase “updating her blog.”

    I mean I know crazy Al has an email address, but does he even know what a blog is?

51. gh
    February 8th, 2007 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    #44 Coffeeclash

    The first time I’m too lazy to simply copy and paste, this is what happens.

    FBOFW: Gwampa is yelling BOXCAR because he’s so pissed off at Mike he wants Iris to fix him a stiff drink.

    http://www.drinksmixer.com/drink1553.html

    FW: Damn! I wasn’t supposed to look.

52. Different Dan
    February 8th, 2007 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    Re: the Plugger “preservatives” gag – Dave Berg did it better. And with almost the exact same phrasing, no less.

    “Pluggers are ripoff artists who rationalize their behavior as sticking to tradition”, I guess is what I’m trying to say here.

53. treedweller
    February 8th, 2007 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    Pluggers:

    What?! You’re a plugger if you poke yourself in the eye with your safety glasses?

    Apparently, the strip is being done by an intern this week. One who never read the part of the “Pluggerville” website that explains what a plugger is.

    Oh, and add “Shoe” to the list of potty-mouth comics today.

54. Pozzo
    February 8th, 2007 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    A3G: “Have you ever seen a Wurlitzer?” They make organs, don’t they? That could be a real sleazy pick-up line.

55. HBGlord
    February 8th, 2007 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    Foob: I think it works more along the lines of an aphasic word association — you say “boxcar”/i think of “Willie” — so Grampa is clearly calling Michael a dick. Hear, hear!

56. gh
    February 8th, 2007 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    And speaking of polls, I check the poll-that-wouldn’t-die in the Toronto Star every couple days, because there are people out there still voting for Granthony! Warren is still winning, but Paul is less than 300 votes up on the ‘Stache. I vote for Paul whenever I drop in, because I figure it infuriates the true believers the most.

    If you want to do your part:

    http://www.thestar.com/artsentertainment/article/169553#

    And buy bonds!

57. Non-Shannon
    February 8th, 2007 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    Re: #50

    That’s because it’s MY TDIET!!!!

    Yep, today’s TDIET was my submishe. “Loopina” = Leila!!! (AKA me)

    Aren’t you all so proud???

58. Chromium
    February 8th, 2007 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    I know a million billion people have already commented on it, but I absolutely cannot get over the fact that Michael is so stupid he asks if his grandfather is crazy while standing a foot away from him. He seriously couldn’t go into the next room to ask Iris what’s wrong? Or at least ask it QUIETLY? He is clearly shouting with the “?!!”.

    I remember when I was 12 and my grandma got angry in a grocery store and dropped a “*@$%#.” I had never heard her swear before, and I was shocked. And yet I still managed to remain more collected than Michael, and he’s what, going on 40?

    And today Iris claims she can read Jim like a book when a couple days ago she didn’t know if he wanted the fucking window shades open.

    This strip is an abomination.

59. Anonymous
    February 8th, 2007 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    Whoa, Shannon, congratulations.

    Did Scaduto ask you what a blog is?

60. Non-Shannon
    February 8th, 2007 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    Re: #59 Anonymous

    No no no no no…
    I’m NON-Shannon. SHANNON is my negation.

    I got my very own paper copy of the comic! And no, I think ol’ Scaduty must have asked one of his grandkids what a blog was or something.

    I ain’t ashamed to say it. I love They’ll Do It Everytime. Al Scaduto’s humor reminds me of my beloved, corny old Papaw (RIP).

61. Citric
    February 8th, 2007 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: Given the picture, I’m thinking pluggers have found ways of turning canned food into cheap drugs. How else can you explain the “I’m so FREAKING HIGH!” look on the woman’s face?

62. PseudoChron
    February 8th, 2007 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    More like:
    ✼#@☆∅!!

    am i rite?

63. DorrieBelle
    February 8th, 2007 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    FOOB – Maybe Gwampa is just getting his digs in at Michael any way he can, since it’s probably reading a few advance chapters of his (star-saturn-hash-ampersand) book that gave him the stroke in the first place.

    I mean, who among us wouldn’t want our brains to cancel our air supply at about Chapter 3, to avoid the pain, oh, the pain…

    (There’s three writer-to-be’s in my family. I fully expect to stroke out reading a third ‘rough draft’ of somebody’s nacent magnum opus.)

64. Dactyl
    February 8th, 2007 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    jvwalt – well said. Boxcar, indeed, that FBOFW would try to convince us that Michael could craft a (best selling!) novel deftly exploring the nuances of the human condition. Though I must take umbrage with your claim that he could write a snarky blog – our Josh doesn’t deserve to be put into the same category as MP, any more than does any novelist anytime, anywhere.

65. Chromium
    February 8th, 2007 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    (Gahh, 59 was me.) Sorry, sorry. I realized right after I posted it that I probably violated some rule.

    Yes, I… like TDIET. I wouldn’t say love, but it’s probably the only good one-panel comic in the papers right now. That old-school humor and artwork is hard to come by these days.

    I like Blondie for the same reason. I don’t care how lame the jokes are, the artwork in Blondie kicks ass, and that’s good enough for me. Somehow even the cubicles with computers look like they were drawn in the 30s, and it’s awesome.

66. Krazy Kat
    February 8th, 2007 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    Dear Mr. Dingo:
    You have written a best-seller.
    Please accept this cheque for $25,000.
    Regards,
    Your Publisher

67. Brandon
    February 8th, 2007 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    Anyone else notice the blinking eyes and swear words in today’s FBOFW?

68. Tukla in Iowa
    February 8th, 2007 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: I didn’t think it was possible, but my hatred of the self-absorbed Michael just jumped another notch.

69. Steve S
    February 8th, 2007 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers are double-wide, leather-skinned walking corpses.

70. Steve S
    February 8th, 2007 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    Which means there are quite a few Pluggers at my neighborhood bar. Appropriate.

71. HBGlord
    February 8th, 2007 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    Non-Shannon: Corn-gratulations on your successful submission, and for putting Scaduto’s grasp of 21st century lingo and gadgetry to the test! And it was very kind of ol’ Al to put a bow in your/Loopina’s hair to signify a female animal, considering how his default male youngster character, Loopie, sports the same Prince Valiant coiff.

    And, speaking of verisimilitude, do you actually own the X-ecutioners’ scratch remix of “I’m Getting Sentimental Over You”?

72. AppleGirl
    February 8th, 2007 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    8 – Mike, I nominate you for COTW. Excellent!

73. Krazy Kat
    February 8th, 2007 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    FC-finally, we know that Billy would rather ‘pitch’ than ‘catch’

74. anne
    February 8th, 2007 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    where is the “saturn” key anyway?

75. nsr
    February 8th, 2007 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    I like the old-fashioned blops of consternation flying off June in panel 2. Especially for such an ultra-real soap style strip, that’s some cartoonin!

76. WarOfTheBees
    February 8th, 2007 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    Grandpa Jim’s swearing is only the beginning of yet another subplot. The day will come when Iris finds him walking under his own power. Then the murders will begin.

77. B
    February 8th, 2007 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    61: I think it was explained in South Park episode that the Pluggers cure for SARS involves Cambells chicken noodle soup and sprite.

78. SteveRoper
    February 8th, 2007 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    Delurking for the first time after enjoying the banter for months. Re: Mark Trail. No, he wasn’t in Vietnam, or the Korean War. He served in the army in WW2; the strip in fact began on 4/15/1946 when he’d just gotten out of the army and was looking up Doc for a job in Lost Forest. So, yes, he’s a 34-year-old WW2 veteran– which is about as good as the fact that he courted Cherry for 50 years before marrying her at 34. Part of the temporal disconnect that makes MT so special. As for the story that’s revving up now, look for another Elrod rerun with changed facial hair.

79. Mibbitmaker
    February 8th, 2007 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    (shortened version):

    “There’s a penguin on your television set.”
    “Boxcar the penguin!”

    That works well.

    Actually, you know how a vagina is sometimes refered to as a “box”? I guess we know what “boxcar” means, then.

80. (still)PeteMoss
    February 8th, 2007 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    DT- First Tracy acts stunned at the news he’s been passed over for a promotion. Then he gets smug, saying, “Big deal, I already knew about it. Can’t surprise me.” Next he’ll be saying, “I didn’t wanna be Chief anyway. I’ve gotta be out on the streets where the actions is.” What a Dick.

    MT – Today we’re back to featuring a big-ass animal. My wife won’t read MT unless she sees a giant critter in one of the panels. It’s essential to the appeal of the strip and was missing from yesterday’s (2/7) strip. Also, it’s been too long since Andy St. Bernard saved the day. I think this story line may give him another chance. Probably during a critical poker game scene. Also, the Andoreans have returned and are trying to pass themselves off as blonde Brooke Shields and Stacy Keach.

    MF- Look, this strip only works for me when the duck is in it, even if it’s just that drawing of the duck, necktie blowing in the wind, holding a mic. Otherwise, I just don’t get it.

    TDIET- Non-Shannon sent this in? Congratulations. Josh, you spend a lot of time on your blog. Do you also enjoy listening to scratchy LP’s? If so I got some Uriah Heep, Frampton Comes Alive and Foghat’s Fool for the City I’d be happy to sell you. Maybe even a great copy of the White Album. “Turn me on, dead man…”

    Pluggers- Pluggers also strangle themselves with that damn, Nader-enforced, car seat belt.

    JP- Again, the problem is what isn’t featured. No Neddy or Abby – just some horrifyingly unnecessary close-ups of rotting fruit.

81. Rafael
    February 8th, 2007 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    Wizard of id is funny today. First. Time. Ever.

82. Anonymous
    February 8th, 2007 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    s’a good question. even whitebread Elizabeth has had more experience with the human condition than Michael. Although she’s about to become a Stepford wife.
    What has Michael done? College, marriage, editing and writing, never had to worry about paying the bills, never gave birth, never divorced, never killed a man in Reno, no mental illness no life to speak of really (unless you count naracissism), I guess if you can’t live you write….

83. edgeways
    February 8th, 2007 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    fwiw, that was me, not anon

84. andreavis
    February 8th, 2007 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    #57 Non-Shannon, congrats on the TDIET submish! Did’ya win a case of squid with your entry?

85. M. Peachbush
    February 8th, 2007 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    I don’t think Gary’s Wurlitzer pickup line is going to work on Tommie. But you know who might fall for it? Loopina! She loves old records!

    Let’s check – Hey, Non-Shannon! Want to see my Wurlitzer?

86. AHEM
    February 8th, 2007 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    . . .and the part of Dr. Rex Morgan will be played today by Robert Mitchum. . .

    What’s with this art??!!

87. Mike Trail
    February 8th, 2007 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail was in the Army?

    What th’!

    #74 Anne- The “saturn” key is next to the ‘any’ key

88. dreadedcandiru2
    February 8th, 2007 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    FBFW Unfortunately, Jim actually was trying to praise Shitburger’s literary triumph when he gave that nonFoob reiview. BOXCARS was his attempt at cursing. Well, now they’ve got their slang curse word. As in “Michael, you egomaniacal piece of boxcarsucking, motherboxcaring boxcar!”

89. Anonymous
    February 8th, 2007 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: Can anyone say blatant plagiarism?

    ““Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.”
    Robert Orben (1927–) American humorist.

90. jordan
    February 8th, 2007 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

    I’ve just realized that Lynn Johnston most identifies with the character of Grandpa- just like grandpa can no longer try to say a nice thing without yelling mean words, no matter what she means to have her characters be and do, they come out as self-centered awful people.

91. jcster
    February 8th, 2007 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

    Grandpa Jim knows that Michael is the only Patterson likely to pick up a pillow and put him out of his misery. He cries “no, no, no” as the coldest-blooded grandchild leaves – as now he has to endure yet another long, painful, empty day deprived of the simplest human communication.

92. Natural Medicine (of Humor) Man
    February 8th, 2007 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    RE: Mark Trail: Hey, didn’t the two guys from Brokeback Mountain also “go fishing” together?

93. Marion Delgado
    February 8th, 2007 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

    There’s a small chemical possibility antioxidants like BHA and BHT really will “preserve” life:

    http://www.smartbodyz.com/BHT(butylated-hydroxytoluene)hydrox-toluene-bha-2.htm

    So Plugger Science may have the last laugh here. You never know. I first heard about this almost 15 years ago.

94. King Folderol
    February 8th, 2007 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

    FBOFW – *#@[star][Saturn]!! is a great start. But, honestly, it’d be much better if Jim puked his 87-year-old guts all over Michael. Oh yeah!

    MT – Mark must be talking about the Army of Life because there’s no way he spent any time in the U.S. Army.

    Pluggers – What the hell is he buying? It’s a can with the picture of an open can. On the front it looks like a smashed in toilet bowl. Are pluggers into enemas now, too? What the hell am I supposed to think?

95. Aaron T.
    February 8th, 2007 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

    Non-Shannon: Wha-a-a? Oh-h-h-h! C-c-c-ongratulations. (Just a little Scaduttospeak for you there.)

    Regarding Grampa’s expletive-laced tirade, keep in mind that Saturn’s not the only planet with rings. I like to think he was actually making a rude comment about Uranus.

96. Drakkelian
    February 8th, 2007 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    Its just hit me, Pluggers are the group of people that all these ridiculous warning labels are written for! Ever wondered why plastic bags have a “do not leave in a baby’s crib” warning on it? Or why window blinds have a label warning you that the cords could choke you? Or how dish soap says not to drink it? Turns out, a Plugger was there each time…

97. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    February 8th, 2007 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    41 Non-Shannon: you asked how a one-armed band director could cue various sections (and as a former band geek, you know that one couldn’t depend on people actually, you know, counting measures and knowing when to come in…). I think you’d just use a little Elvis body-English – or, as RHPS put it, “just a pelvic thrust.”

    Of course, that means this high school band could appear on the Ed Sullivan show only from the waist upwards…

    PS: congrats on being Scaduto-ized. I hope it didn’t hurt.

    PPS: Your negative counterpart (”Shannon”) was wondering what other name to use. I should think that would be obvious: to avoid being confused with Shannon the FOOB character, our Shannon should henceforth be “Non-Non-Shannon.”

98. Davenport
    February 8th, 2007 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    We can’t see what the label on the can in the Pluggers cartoon but I bet it says “Dog Food” (because the Plugger is a dog)

99. Cornwhacker
    February 8th, 2007 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    74: I can’t stand it when I can’t find my keys. Didn’t the Saturn dealership give you a spare? Failing that, I agree with 87. Those “any” keys come in handy.

100. sidewalksg
     February 8th, 2007 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

     I’m wondering what to make of this.

     Lynn Johnston can fill those thought balloons with whatever she wants. I know Jim’s just expressing his disbelief that despite The Warbride being a joint Canadian-UK effort not one single Canadian in the entire Foobiverse seems to be commenting on Mike’s blatant act of plagiarism.

101. Jamus The Bartender
     February 8th, 2007 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

     FOOB: When I was in…I think it was third grade, we read a book called The Boxcar Children. It was a picaresque novel about four orphan children who lived by their wits , slept in an abandoned boxcar, and had all kinds of neat adventures. I haven’t thought of that story in years. My apartment is located by railroad tracks. I love the sound it makes when a train comes by in the night. Now, whenever the word Boxcar comes up, i’ll think of Grandfather James Chinnuts of the RCAF and his self absorbed grandson, who doesn’t even care his sister is watering flowers with the bagged milk-eh….

102. alamo
     February 8th, 2007 at 10:28 pm [Reply]

     rm — so much for june’s rehab-ing poor neglected niki. “scram kid. go watch the cyclops in the other room.”

     “senior pluggers” is redundant!

103. worded
     February 9th, 2007 at 12:34 am [Reply]

     Speaking of monthly letters, did anyone notice John’s discourse on his naked girls calendar in December’s letter?

104. Portia
     February 9th, 2007 at 12:50 am [Reply]

     RE: A-3G, 2/6

     Gina looks like she’s about 14 years old–in other words, too young to serve alcohol. What is this, Canada?

105. Jym Dyer
     February 9th, 2007 at 3:54 am [Reply]

     Foob – Boxcar? Man, he’s going totally *#@[Star][Saturn]!!ing Roadside!

106. Kate
     February 9th, 2007 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

     That’s *#[Grawlix][Phosphene][Quimp]!!

     http://www.haroldsfonts.com/marker.html and http://itre.cis.upenn.edu/~myl/languagelog/archives/003942.html have details on the book that names these comic symbols.

107. whoamItoday?
     February 11th, 2007 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

     45 – Bitter Scribe says: “What’s especially bizarre about Pluggers is that canned food is the only kind of processed food that doesn’t have and doesn’t need preservatives.”

     Pluggers are now on TV. There’s a commercial for Hormel lunchmeat in which the mom-making-the-sandwich asks, “who wants preservatives in their ham?”
     Duh–we all do. Without preservatives, it’s just raw pork. And even if vacuum packed, by the time it traveled from processing plant to you, it would be ROTTEN, raw pork. So, happy lunch, kiddies!

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