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Bowling for freedom

Luann, 2/9/07

So, to keep you updated, Bernice’s long-lost brother has returned from the army, and Luann has been one step away from flinging her panties at him ever since, and Brad has, disturbingly — very, very disturbingly — been simmering in a jealous snit. Today, Luann and Bernice speculate that Ben’s military skills translate easily to the bowling alley, which means that either they or I really don’t understand exactly what goes on in the armed forces. I should point out that I was in a bowling league for my entire adolescence (I even had a ball with my name on it!) but teenage girls singularly failed to hurl themselves at me in recognition of my mad bowling skills. Of course, I wasn’t some sort of black ops army dude who looked like Jared from the Subway ads, either.

Gil Thorp, 2/9/07

Man, I’m loving Coach Thorp’s gnomic response to Marty Moon’s badgering in panel two. “We think about a lot of things”? Positively Rumsfeldian. In fact, his face is looking a little like the former defense secretary in that panel, as well; maybe this is Rumsfeld’s new gig. Sure, it’s a step down, but work is work. “You go into the game against Central with the point guard you have, not the point guard you might want.”

Funky Winkerbean, 2/9/07

The hangdog, eye-bagged expression on the face of Darrin’s Mopey Friend Whose Name I Forget pretty much perfectly encapsulates the black hole of bleakness that is Funky Winkerbean. Why exactly does he look like that? Has he been repeatedly punched in the face by bullies? Is he in constant pain because of his inoperable bone cancer? Does he cry himself to sleep every night because his uncle has been molesting him for years? Pretty much any of these possibilities would fit right into this strip.

So, what horrifying tale will the password post-it set into motion? My guess: Someone sneaks in the newspaper office, uses said password to log on, then downloads vast reams of child porn; Darrin’s Mopey Friend is blamed, hijinks ensue.

This entry was posted on Friday, February 9, 2007 at 02:26 pm and is filed under Funky Winkerbean, Gil Thorp, Luann.

278 responses to “Bowling for freedom”

  1. Krazy Kat
    February 9th, 2007 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    A friend of mine at Vantage Press, Michael Pattersons publishing house, leaked an early copy of the blurbs they will use for the book.

    “My Name is Sheilagh Shaugnessy” places Michael Patterson at the pinnacle of all authors from Milbourough, Ontario. His work easily surpasses that of many lesser writers. As a first novel, this will surely be at the top of any list of “Other works by Michael Patterson” that the future may bring.”
    —Margaret Atwood

    “It’s ME! That little bastard took my life and passed it off as his own work!”
    —Agnes Dingle, war bride

    “Boxcar!! *#@[star][Saturn]!! Boxcar!! NO, No, NO, NO!!!”
    —James Robert Richards, RAF hero

    “This—book—has—a pretty—cover.
    It—cost—twelve dollars and —fifty cents.”
    —Shannon Lake, special friend

    “Harvey Rood knows how to treat a woman!”
    —Howard Bunt, defendant

    “As former CEO of one of Canada’s finest book outlets, I know good writing. Michael Patterson has produced the great Canadian novel. A work for our time and for all time, this work eclipses all other work that has come before it.”
    —Elly Richards, Canadian literati

    “This is a great book….FOR ME TO POOP ON!”
    —Triumph, insult comic dog

    “You stole my bit!”
    —Ed the Sock

  2. dmac
    February 9th, 2007 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    It seems to me if Milford High’s starting controversy is between a player who scores two points and a player who scores six, the team’s not going anywhere this year.

  3. willethompson
    February 9th, 2007 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    KK, you forgot:

    “BOXCAR!”
    - Model Railroader magazinr

  4. Boshek
    February 9th, 2007 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    Oh, but Josh! You missed today’s funniest/most disturbing comic! Family Circus!

    “You can’t get into my room without a warrant!”

    …

    That’s just so… it hints at…. okay, so there’s not much to say about it, it speaks for itself.

  5. Krazy Kat
    February 9th, 2007 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    Boshek
    FC-Billy’s got a meth lab cookin’

  6. dyslexia
    February 9th, 2007 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    A3G: “He’s sweet. Too bad there’s no spark”. Dear, sweet Tommy, I think that you may want to reference a certain saying regarding beggars and choosing. Besides, he’s probably got some more nice, shiny quarters in his pockets!

  7. Audient
    February 9th, 2007 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    I’m surprised that the goth chick even talks to mopey about his post-it note.

    That said, his buddy can have the popular blonde — go for the goth chick!

  8. The Great Ka-Floopa Gush
    February 9th, 2007 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    I went back and read Luann for this past week. Boy that IS disturbing. What’s almost as disturbing is the way Bernice has been drooling over her own brother.

  9. gh
    February 9th, 2007 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    Looks like I just fell off the FW wagon.

    And re FC: I think we now know where all the animals go before they end up in the backyard. Billy’s bedroom is the last stop on the trip to hell.

  10. PeteMoss
    February 9th, 2007 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    (DT)GT- Ahhhgg! That giant, easter island head in panel 3! The dialog printed all over it. What the BOXCAR is happening in this SATURN strip? Still, it really pulls me into the exciting narrative. What will happen tomorrow?

  11. The Great Ka-Floopa Gush
    February 9th, 2007 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    Of course Bernice’s reaction in understandable in light of this:
    Reunited, And It Feels So Good… Oh So Good?

    More and more people are meeting their blood relatives for the first time later in life — and becoming sexually obsessed with this new family member. The Post-Adoption Centre in London has counseled more than 70 couples related by blood who have become sexually involved,

  12. hogenmogen
    February 9th, 2007 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    TDIET again encapsulates “things we’d never see” at a supermarket. Well, we’d never see a manager with a green vest marked “MGR”, for starters. We’d never see two middle aged people manning the registers. We’d never see a “supermarket” with only four registers. Those silly hats are definitely circa 1960, so we’ll never see them anymore. Something very subtle that I’ve noticed, but you never see the cent symbol any more. It’s not even on a modern keyboard, where it used to be on my old non-electric manual typewriter when I was young. And, actually, Scaduto, when I worked retail fifteen years ago, we had a policy to open another register when there were more than three people waiting in line. The logistics made it nearly impossible to implement, but that was the policy, and we had to harrangue the employees to go to the registers when we saw the line start to pile up. It was true. Really.

  13. Trainman
    February 9th, 2007 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    The Goth chick’s name is Chien. Agreed that she’s pretty attractive for a comic strip character, but since this is “Funky Winkerbean,” she’s no doubt a walking genetic time bomb who is going to contract several dozen rare diseases in her 20s.

  14. Herro!
    February 9th, 2007 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    Today’s MW has crossed over into “What about meeeee?” Foob-land.

    “Those Agent Orange kids can wait another year! I’m hungry and want to go to the Bum Boat!”

  15. B
    February 9th, 2007 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    I think Darrin’s mopey friend’s crying and forgetfulness are related, he’s mopey because of his inoperable brain cancer, which also makes it hard for him to remember his password.

  16. PeteMoss
    February 9th, 2007 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    Hey, Mary Worth! He’s just not that into you. Ok? Meddle along now.

  17. Reed
    February 9th, 2007 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    is Marvin seriously whining about not getting enough of an allowance….in thought-balloon talk? Sorry kid; when you’re not old enough to talk you don’t get any damn pocket-money.

    He’d probably just spend it on hookers and meth anyway.

  18. PeteMoss
    February 9th, 2007 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    FW- Looks like a young Sonny Bono. Pre-Congress. Pre-TV show.

  19. Dingo
    February 9th, 2007 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    A million monkeys, chained to a million typewriters, clicking on the keys for a million years could not reach the level of inanity that Lynn Johnston produces daily with For Better or For Worse. BOXCAR!

  20. hogenmogen
    February 9th, 2007 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    #7 – Audient – Yeah, at least Gothqueen won’t throw up on him. Well, maybe she would, but I’m sure she’d write a dark poem about it.

    #8 – Ka Floopa Gush – Bernice’s fawning seems less sexual. Even if that’s the impression you’re getting, it’s still somewhat forgivable, because she didn’t know about this brother, then this hot version of Jared the Subway guy shows up. It is also a well known fact that chicks love hot guys that they can’t have. She didn’t grow up with this brother, and is having a hard time thinking of him as one. At least we’re spared the whiny “Why didn’t my mother tell me? Sob!” Bernice doesn’t seem to have any problems with Luann’s obvious hot-and-bothered state, either. On the other hand, Brad and Luann have grown up together, and Brad is still jealous of his sister’s affections for this guy. For the love of all things non-disgusting, just don’t go there, Brad. Think of Toni! Think of Tiffany! Hit on Bernice and Delta. Hell, boink your buddy TJ for all I care. Your own sister is OFF LIMITS.

  21. miraclemet
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    Funky: Can someone say early onset Alzheimer’s?

  22. Power of 1000 Lemons
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    Doesn’t FW at least try for a punchline, even when it’s a miserable and depressing one? (I think we all remember Les’ “Who could resist a siren song like that?” horror, but at least it was supposed to be something resembling a joke.) This is just a matter-of-fact statement.

  23. wendyinflight
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    Personally, I think that today’s Blondie hints that the relationship between Dagwood and his boss, might not be ONLY professional. If you get what I’m saying. Not that I’m implying anything. oh no.

  24. PeteMoss
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    Family Circus explains the fourth amendment. A warrantless search is much easier, Jeffy, if you catch Billy on his trike, especially if he has a tail light out.

  25. Cornwhacker
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    14 – I had nearly forgotten about the Bum Boat! It’s the purple pantsuit-wearing senior citizen equivalent of “going to the Bucket”, I guess?

  26. hogenmogen
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    No one here talks about Triple Take. It’s a comic with three punch lines, none of which are funny. However, I admire the fact that there is at least a shmorgassboard of crap from which to load your plate.

  27. GG
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    Between the outdated flannel, the kind of long hair, and the complete lack of memory, it’s pretty clear that the mopey friend has been smoking way too much pot. He’s even too stoned to come up with a rejoinder that might remotely resemble a funny punchline.

  28. SmartPeopleOnIce
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    #7 (Audient) That said, his buddy can have the popular blonde — go for the goth chick!

    Er, I believe the preferred term these days is “Suicide Girl.”

    This is FW, after all…

  29. sally
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    #11 — Can someone explain the graphic accompanying the story about long-lost relatives wanting to boink each other? It looks like a banana on an old-fashioned roller skate entering a tunnel. The banana part makes sense…. and I know about the “train entering a tunnel” metaphor from the Hayes Code days…. but the roller skate has me stumped.

  30. Trotzenbonnie
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    I think Mr. Wilson gets a check mark on his side of the Menacing Tote Board today. I have a feeling he’s going to be using lil’ Billy’s line from FC when the cops try to conviscate footage of his love fest with Dennis. If old George’s pipe plumes and contrapposto pose don’t scream NAMBLA recruiting poster, well, I don’t know what does….

    http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20070209&name=Dennis_The_Menace

  31. teegee
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    FW: I’m pretty sure that the face in panel two is one of those “Old Lady/Young Maiden” illusions, so I turned my monitor upside down to see it. It didn’t leap right out at me, but my childhood house had lots of lead paint, so maybe I’m just missing it.

  32. Woodrowfan
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    you underestimate Funky, where tragedy is like potato chips, you can;’t stop with just one! No doubt password boy has bone cancer AND is being abused by his Uncle AND is about to be accused wrongly of downloading child porn. Remember, if it’s painful, it’s Funky!

  33. PeteMoss
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    Winkerbean might be heaing into “afterschool school” special mode, anti-drug thing. Probably anti-marijuana. Whereas Thorp(e) is going for its own anti-drug message – Don’t Do Peyote! (Mushroom in panel two?)

  34. Cornwhacker
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    sally- It’s a poorly drawn [BOXCAR].

  35. hogenmogen
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    Count Weirdly: Hey, Slylock, wanna cruise to the Jurassic in my new time machine?
    Slylock: Sure, even though I’ve proven you to be a criminal about once per week for decades, I’ll be glad to pal around with you in your invention that defies known scientific laws.
    Max: Mee toooo!
    They get in.
    Count Weirdly: The best part is, that I’m going to give you two choices. Either get left behind to contend with the dinosaurs on your own, or I’ll go back and kill your parents before you were born.

  36. PeteMoss
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    33. heading into afterschool….(geez)

  37. Justin
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    One hopes “reams” is not the standard unit by which child porn quantity is measured.

  38. Pelagius
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    Luann: “He can’t discuss that. It’s classified.”

    Actually, Bernice is confused. Her brother was trying to explain the Army’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy. If only she’d realized this, much grief would have been averted later…

  39. brendan
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    y’know, Josh, not to be snitty, but you could at least give me some props for nailing Luann first. Wait, that didn’t come out right…

    I posted about Brad’s creepy jealousy earlier today at my blog, which I started last night and linked at the Black-Robed Angel of Meddle thread, building on a theme I started last week with the arrival of Ben York.
    Again, not to be snitty…

    And by the way, today’s FC is DEFINITELY a Jeff Keane. You can tell by the up-to-date cultural reference.

  40. hogenmogen
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    Foob: Jim, why are you pointing to a donkey and a fedora? What? Mike, I think he’s calling you an asshat.

  41. Junior Tracy
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    Josh-
    I can’t believe it – something is actually happening in Mary Worth for the first time ever (give or take a Kelrast or two) and you’re posting about the fact, obvious to anyone who reads a second-tier newspaper, that Funky Winkerbean is depressing. That’s just horribly, horribly wrong, and I think you know it.

  42. Non-Shannon
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    I know someone just did a Back in the U.S.S.R parody at the end of the last thread, but this just…came to me. Ahem:

    Flew in from Miami Beach to Milford town
    and I saw a fearful sight
    All my former smiles turned to wretched frowns
    when I viewed that poor town’s blight–
    I’m back in the (DT)GT
    Don’t know how ugly you be, boy.
    Back in the (DT)GT!

    Been around to Mary Worth and Marked the Trail
    where everybody looks the same,
    But Milford’s exponentially more bleak than Hell
    (I think the artist is to blame)
    I’m back in the (DT)GT
    Don’t know how ugly you be, boy.
    Back in the (death to)
    Back in the (death to)
    Back in the (DT)GT!

    Well those Milford girls really barf me out
    Don’t need those square behinds.
    And Milford boys make me sneer and pout
    with chins that make me wish I was bli-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yiiiiiind!
    Oh, come on…
    Hu-huhh-HUEEAUGHBLLTH!
    I’m back in the (DT)GT
    Don’t know how ugly you be, boy.
    Back in the (DT)GT!

    Well those Milford girls really barf me out
    Don’t need those square behinds.
    And Milford boys make me sneer and pout
    with chins that make me wish I was bli-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yiiiiiind!

    I don’t wanna see another wooden face
    or mullet on a woman’s head.
    Someone oughta take an A-bomb to this place
    and make these evil monkeys dead.
    I’m back in the (DT)GT
    Don’t know how ugly you be, boy.
    Back in the (DT)GT!

  43. Squawk
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    Luann is either appallingly ignorant or spreading it really thick. Everybody knows that bowling is one of the few sports you can be good at even with flabby arms and a beer belly.

  44. Krazy Kat
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    FW-I think they may be confusing “safeword” with “password”

    That would explain a lot about these otherwise totally unexplanable panels.

  45. Jimmy Sparks
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    I’m trying to imagine any of my brothers having Brad’s jealous reaction to me gushing about someone else’s buff brother. Trying very hard……ewwwwwwwwwwww! Excuse me. Must go scrub my brain with Brillo now.

  46. treedweller
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    Luann: I think my copy of this strip has a misprint. It reads “He is in a special unit”. I believe it should say “He does have a special unit.”

  47. OnandonAnon
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    #1 and #3:

    “BOCKSCAR!”
    - Nagasaki Historical Society

    for them, “Bockscar!” really is a swear word.

  48. gh
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    (the poem, not the Simon & Garfunkle take)

    WHENEVER Doctor Cory went abroad,
    Ms. Mary in her condo longed for him:
    He was a gentleman, indeed, a god,
    Clean shaven, and worked out in the gym.

    And so she flew to Vietnam,
    When troubled that he never called;
    Disturbing dreams awoke her over Guam,
    Her ashes she then feared would not get hauled.

    Then she was there—yes, found him in a jiff,
    And knew exactly what she had to do:
    “This hospital now has a new pontiff”
    And called her doc stateside to seal the coup.

    So they flew home, to Charterstone’s delight,
    Ate casserole, and talked of life ahead;
    And Doctor Cory, one calm summer night,
    Went home and put a bullet through his head.

  49. Donald The Anarchist
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    FW I think if Funky starts handling topics like kiddy porn they need a spin-off, Funky Winkerbean: Special Victims Unit.

    Of corse, it is possible that this has already happened. That would explain why everyone in the strip is a victim, and every episode is so very, very special.

  50. PeteMoss
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    39 Brendan, you’re right. But at least you’re not snitty about it. ;-)

    By the way, I checked your blog. Insightful.

  51. OnandonAnon
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    Excuse me, since when is Jared considered hot?

  52. Randy S
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    I think we’re being too hard on Brad here. I.e., it’s not that he’s jealous because he wants Luann to himself. Rather he’s just a basic shlub who resents good-looking chick-magnet type of guys — And Luann of course is just rubbing his face in it by exhibiting an extreme lack of self-control.

  53. hogenmogen
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    MW: “You could never lose me, Mary, even if you wanted to!”

    You don’t write or call for six months. You’re on another continent. You didn’t even tell her you were in Vietnam. You’re refusing to go home to the stiffling, tedious suburbia of Charterstone. Don’t go professing some kind of half-hearted affection that’s completely incongruent with your actions. Just tell her the truth and let her go. This is your ticket out of your boring lifestyle where piddling, whiny personal angst substituted for hurt, and Chatterstone parties substituted for excitement or happiness. He has stepped out of Plato’s cave, and can see for the first time real life, full of true suffering, but also very real happiness and love. No more will he be satiated by sipping tea on the vinyl covered couch of the old biddy, when he has tasted true girl-on-girl-on-midget action. Yes, Vietnam’s Girls-Gone-Wild Ho-Pho-Sho’ Chapter!! Yee hah!

  54. Galactic Emperor Chennux
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    ATTENTION EARTHERS! SHUT YOUR PIEHOLES AND STOP SINGING! CHENNUX HAS BEEN FOLLOWING THIS SONG PARODY THING FOR TOO LONG! MIBBITMAKER, RED G, MONKEYHAWK, PREENER OF MOLES, WILLETHOMPSON, GH, CRAIGERS, HBGLORD – DON’T YOU PEOPLE HAVE JOBS? OR TALENT? LET CHENNUX SHOW YOU HOW TO PARODY ABBEY ROAD!

    HE CAME THROUGH A TIME/SPACE PORTAL
    PROTECTED BY A MAGMACANNON
    HE WAS GALACTIC EMPEROR CHENNUX
    AND HE WANTED TO STALK NON-SHANNON!

    DON’T ANYBODY TELL HER!
    DON’T ANYBODY TRY!
    ANYONE WHO EVEN THINKS IT
    WILL HAVE A GOOD REASON TO CRY!

    HE SAID HE’D ALWAYS BEEN AN EMPEROR
    RULED OVER 90 CLASS-M PLANETS
    AND WHEN HE GOT UNHAPPY
    HE’D CRUSH THEM LIKE POMEGRANATES!

    SO HE PARKED HIS HEAVY CRUISER
    POSITIONED WITH AUSTIN ON HIS PORT
    AND PREPARED TO UNLEASH THE POWER
    AND THE MIGHT OF HIS SKXCRITORT!

    DON’T ANYBODY TELL HER!
    DON’T ANYBODY TRY!
    ANYONE WHO EVEN THINKS IT
    WILL SMELL THEIR INNER ORGANS FRY!

    HAHA!

    OH, THE ONE CALLED GH – YOU NEED TO WORK ON YOUR ZYNEXIAN! “FLURPING ZURTZ GRANNIX?” THE ADJECTIVE FOLLOWS THE INDIRECT CLANGPRTZ! AND SORRY YOU DIDN’T GET THE ‘STOP DANCING’ MEMO A FEW THREADS BACK! WE’RE INTO SYRUP NOW! GRAB YOUR SWIMFINS AND SNORKEL!

    END TRANSMISSION!

  55. MonkeyHawk
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    39 — brendan wrote:

    “y’know, Josh, not to be snitty… ”

    Gee, imagine how well you could have done it had you meant to be snitty.

  56. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    Never mind who broke up the Beatles. What I wanna know is…who broke up the Banana Splits?

  57. jules
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    #40 – CotW! CotW!

  58. Ran
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Actually, I think Ben wants….Brad!

  59. brendan
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    55: I wouldn’t want ot be snitty, cus I love this site. One of my first visits every day, and probably one of the biggest inspirations to comics bloggers. When i discovered this site, you have no idea how psyched i was to know other people hated FBorFW as much as I did.

  60. Dennis Jimenez
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    Poor Brad – Luann gushing over Ben’s special unit – or is it the other way around. As Ben says, you gotta love havin’ a sister. Or was the inflection actually – You gotta love – havin’ a sister?

  61. AhClem
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    Sally Forth –
    As much as I dislike the occasional “Sally’s Guide to…” series of strips, I have to admit that the woman wearing the “50, Foxy, and Free Tonite” T-shirt in today’s strip is pretty hot.

    Dear God, I’m lusting after cartoon characters now. I need help.

  62. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    I’m thinking – surely someone here knows how to draw, right? And obviously lots of people here know how to write. Let’s start our own comic (”hey I’ve got a great idea! Let’s put on a show!”) – maybe something like, oh, “The Adventures of Galactic Emperor Chemux”* or something.

    * Not to be confused with Galactic Emperor Chennux – who’s obviously a totally different emperor and not in any way fictitious like this “Chemux” chump would be.

  63. joe
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    yeah, i’m more concerned with the setup for FW.
    I mean, who the hell walks by someone’s desk and says “what’s with the post-it”? I have post-it’s all over my damn desk, and nobody has asked me what “was with” any of them.
    Then her response? jesus, chill the hell out. it’s not your damn problem.

  64. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    61 AhClem: Especially for a guy! Certainly she has a far more manly chest than does Ted…

  65. MossMoses
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    Pinko Commie from last thread:

    “I’m falling in love (or at least lust) with a girl named Liz”. If that doesn’t work out you’ve always got the fond memories of some chick who stepped on your hand at your prom, right?

  66. gh
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    [I'm re-posting this from the last thread because, well, nobody said I couldn't.]

    (DT)GT –
    Paris? Grant? Great. Two more names I’ll not be able to match with faces. I swear, War and Peace was less densely populated than this strip.

    [See? That didn't hurt so much.]

  67. jvwalt
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    (DT) GT: If Coach Gil is actually Donald Rumsfeld, it certainly explains all the confetti: shredded war plans and falsified intel.

    And in panel 3: since when is O.J. Simpson a character in this strip?

  68. willethompson
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    Reading this post is like drinking acid out of a fire hose. The Snark-O-Meter is pegged! Please, when you leave this blog, drive safely!

  69. Randy S
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    62: How about a meta-comic strip?
    I.e., a comic strip about a group of people who post on a blogsite about comic strips.

  70. John
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    From previous posts I still think the time machine theory would have made a better strip

  71. gh
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    #56 Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener

    They just, you know, split.

    Hold the bus!

  72. finger quotin’ annie
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    Does anyone else, when reading a particularly drawn-out “Ohh-h-h-h yeah” from Scaduto, hear Duffman’s voice in their head?

  73. andreavis
    February 9th, 2007 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    #7 : uhm, I thought that Goth chick is Mopey-Boy’s sister? Which explains her disparaging comment about his post-it; one should never miss an opportunity to tease one’s sibling about the stupid shit they do. However, one should take every opportunity NOT to hit on one’s sister (are you listening, Brad?)

  74. Howard Erk
    February 9th, 2007 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    #47 Margo Boxcar you.

    Had we had the bomb prior to April 1945, Berlin would have been flattened by it.

    Bockscar you. Pinko.

  75. PeteMoss
    February 9th, 2007 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    66. gh, worth the re-post.

    (DT)GT- “See, there are known unknowns, and unknowned unknowns. Jay. Brennan. Golly gee wilikers, man, don’t go all ‘henny penny’ here.”

  76. ratnerstar
    February 9th, 2007 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    26 – Triple Take is awesome! I’m especially fond of this one. Sure, none of the punchlines are remotely funny, but the snake seems to have swallowed Mickey Mouse.

    Inexplicable and disturbing.

  77. MossMoses
    February 9th, 2007 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    51. Jared, the sultry sex symbol spokes-hunk for Scrubway, lost over 200 pounds by eating fresh and is a chick magnet heart throb, despite his openly gay sexual orientation.

    As for Subway: Subway is nothing but air-pocketed over-proofed bread with skingraft thin meat and gnarly old vegetables. “Scrubway – Eat Flesh”.

  78. Dingo
    February 9th, 2007 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    Two weeks from now, Luann will walk in on her brother and the hot Army guy. I can already imagine the last panel of Luann closing the door and this thought balloon above her head:

    Brad’s a fireman. Maybe he’s just hosing him down.

  79. Coffeeclash
    February 9th, 2007 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    I thought we were all snarked out on the last thread. I should have known better.

    I have been trying to work out the answer to “Why did the chickens cross the Delaware?” all day. The only thing I’ve managed to do is rule out “for the buttery thighs of Mary Worth.”

  80. anne
    February 9th, 2007 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    i just got done reading all the abbey road wonderfulness in the last thread, and I wanted to add:

    Something in the way she meddles
    Repels me like no other biddy.

    unfortnately my apathy prevents me from thinking of any more lyrics.

  81. Reed
    February 9th, 2007 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    Is Coach Thorp nuzzling the Human Goatee’s mic in panel1?

    Hail Chennux.

  82. Jimmy Sparks
    February 9th, 2007 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    #77 – Ugh! I’ll never be able to look a Cold Cut Combo in the air pocket again.

  83. SmartPeopleOnIce
    February 9th, 2007 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    #39 (brendan) And by the way, today’s FC is DEFINITELY a Jeff Keane. You can tell by the up-to-date cultural reference.

    Up-to-date? Pffft. Warrants are, like, soooo 20th century…

  84. Ignatz J Blooper
    February 9th, 2007 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    #79 Coffeclash – ummm…For a dollar?

  85. essteess
    February 9th, 2007 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    RE Gil Thorp, panel 3:
    My God, can someone stop that giant word balloon from eating Grant’s head? It’s almost got his eyes now!

    OK, so let me see if I have this right? Today in “Luann” we have Brad wishing he had a special unit so he could impress his sister, and in “FBOFW” Mike is talking about “pumping” his grandfather? Where is the world I knew?

    Speaking of FOOB, at first glance of panel 2, I thought for a second Mike had taken off his pants — perhaps he’d been so nonplussed by Grandpa Jim’s behavior he soiled himself? But no, that’s just the pant seam arching up his backside not, well, you know.
    By the way, one reason for Grandpa Jim’s seemingly random train reference may be that he’s following this week’s “Annie”:
    http://www.gocomics.com/annie/2007/02/05/

  86. Remus - (A Tater Tot Man)
    February 9th, 2007 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    Damn, I look up and 75 comments on a new thread are posted…and I’m just stuck in the middle of a lame ‘nother Beatles parody…well here’s myu attempt – got so busy ‘working’ I couldn’t quite perfect it, (and I’m no Wille Thompson-needless to say) but none the less…

    I once had a Rachel, or should I say, she once had me…
    She showed me her manse, cared for it well, Parisian hell…

    She told me I couldn’t be sick with that brain cancer stare
    Young Cedric could come grope on Neddy and mock Abbey’s odd hair.

    I lay on my bed, glad to be free, prune-y bidd-y
    She makes me clean house, but when in her room, she uses the broom…

    She told me she’d give me the Bentley and started to laugh.
    I told her I might be contagious and turned on the gas

    And when I awoke, I was alone, Neddy had flown
    So I lit a match, isn’t death grand, Parisian old man.

  87. Lyman Returns
    February 9th, 2007 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    GT-

    Reporter: “Well, the Principal’s office said-”
    Thorp: “How can the Principal’s office say anything? It’s a room, not a person.”

    FBOFW-Boxcar it, people, how many times do we have to tell you? Have the old guy WRITE. IT. DOWN. I think Iris is a sadist and family services should get their butts in that house pronto, and evaculate Grandpa Jim ASAP.

    FW-I think Mopey McHangdog is a self-aware cartoon character…he’s the only character who KNOWS he’s a character in a comic strip. THAT’S why he looks so depressed…he’s know he’s in the colorful ring of Hell that is the realm of ‘Funky Winkerbean’. Buck up, Mopey! It’s not so bad! You could be in ‘For Better or For Worse’…at least everyone around you isn’t a smug, brain-dead (Saturn) Boxcar!

    Why doesn’t Mopey keep that post-it note in his wallet? Then he could pull it out when he needs to log on, but everyone wouldn’t have to know what a tool he is. Well, I guess high school kids aren’t so great at covering up their tool tendencies like we adults are. ;)

    By the way, in FW, why does Snarkette McGothchick walk like she has a back injury? Normally I’d assume she’s just leaning forward, but this being FW, I must conclude that she has some hideous spine-wasting disease or someone hit her with a tire iron just for boxcars and giggles.

  88. MossMoses
    February 9th, 2007 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    79. CoffeClash: Don’t count out the scenario where the chickens crossed the Delaware to get to the buttery good imitation butter flavored goodness of Mrs. Butterworth’s butter box.

  89. stinky pete
    February 9th, 2007 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    Canadian Researchers Make Amazing Discovery

    Mtigwahwah, Canada (AP) – Researchers at the University of Mtigwahwah have uncovered some startling finds in a recent analysis of Beatles albums. By playing the song “Strawberry Fields” backwards, a team led by Professor of Linguistics Dirk McQuickly clearly heard the lyric “I buried Paul.” A computer-aided analysis indicated that the guttural voice on the album belongs to Lynn Johnston, author of the popular comic strip For Better or For Worse. The team now plans to investigate the identity of Paul, and why Johnston, who is also known in Northern Canada as “She-Who-Makes-Fun-of-Stroke-Victims,” buried him.

    The team also discovered that by playing “Revolution 9” backwards, the repeated chant “Turn me on, dead man,” can be clearly heard. They speculate that this is a secret recording of the last futile attempt at lovemaking between Anthony and Therese, but Barry Wom, Assistant Professor of Sociology, cautions that more analysis is needed to confirm this hypothesis.

    Not every recent project has been so successful for the academics, however – they confess to being totally stumped by the phrase: “I am the pornstache – goo-ga-loo-ga-loo-ga-joob.” Says Stig O’Hara, Associate Professor of Primitive Languages, “We have listened to that line backwards and forwards, speeded up and slowed down, and we can only shake our heads and say, what the Margo Boxcar Saturn?”

  90. Non-Shannon
    February 9th, 2007 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    Oh ‘Nuxie, you dog…

  91. gh
    February 9th, 2007 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    #75 PeteMoss

    It’s gotten to the point where I don’t even care if they’re unknowns or what. I just tell them to put their coats on the bed with everyone else’s.

  92. Robert Whitaker Sirignano
    February 9th, 2007 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    Taking a cue from a much earlier post: envision: take the end “punchline” to any ZIPPY THE PINHEAD strip and switch it with a FAMILY CIRCUS “punchline”.

    What do you get?

    Exactly what you had before: nothing!

    Where is all that dandruff in GILTHORPE coming from?

    In LUANNE, any sort of activity that raises the hormones of a teeny brained bopper from just watching, is a manly sport. Bernice’s brudder could have been chucking semi solid cow pies, and it would be so manly…ooo! and turn Lunanne on.

    I hope that “special unit” Ben is in isn’t the one that takes care of GARFIELD’s owner, Jon. He must sleep in a crib so he doesn’t fall down and bang his head again and again and again.

  93. uncle balustrade
    February 9th, 2007 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    I know exactly what you mean regarding “Luann” and the AJBC (American Junior Bowling Congress). I was a member all through my formative years. I’m fifty now, and the bowling groupies haven’t shown up YET!!!

  94. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    February 9th, 2007 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    THORP!!!!!!

  95. Robert Whitaker Sirignano
    February 9th, 2007 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    Who broke up the Banana Splits?

    The Beaver Cleaver?

    Poor ratings?

    Dennis Dementia’s faithful watching?

    Scooby Doo all over the rugs?

    Answers, answers, answers….

  96. Bunnë
    February 9th, 2007 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    #87 FBoFW – Aphasia affects the part of the brain that produces language, not the part that controls speech. Give grampa a pen and he’ll just write “boxcar, saturn, no no no.”

    Apologies; I have a masters degree in geekery.

  97. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    February 9th, 2007 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    Given Grampa Jim’s “boxcar” fixation, I was going to suggest writing a nonsensical parody of R.E.M.’s “Carnival of Sorts (Boxcars)” – but he’d probably just duplicate the original lyrics. Cages under cage…

  98. Bunnë
    February 9th, 2007 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    #12 – There a little chain of grocery stores in central Iowa where they still wear those uniforms out of the 50s. It’s very time-warpy. The clerks are polite and friendly, too, which is even more unnerving.

  99. The Great Ka-Floopa Gush
    February 9th, 2007 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    Wait just a BOXCARing moment! Bernice’s brother is SGT. YORK?!

    How can a lard butt like Brad be a firefighter? I thought firefighters were supposed to be able to run up several flights of stairs while carrying a 100 pound firehose. And why the [MARGO] is he still living at home? I thought he was going to move into that house his parents bought?

  100. Saxman
    February 9th, 2007 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    FW

    I blush to disclose that in previous jobs I was a space station R&D and also a Y2K quality control inspector. “Low hanging fruit” when called upon to do an on-site quality audit was to go around and turn keyboards and mouse pads over looking for password cheat lists. I’d find then 10-20% of the time. Why not keep them in the wallet indeed?

  101. gh
    February 9th, 2007 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    #94 Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener

    Thanks for that. I went to get the AK-47 out of the trunk, but by the time I got back, you’d already addressed the “issue.” Just glad I didn’t have to “correct him.”

  102. jordan
    February 9th, 2007 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    I’m happy to see that Luann has jumped on the Hipsters in Comic bandwagon.

    That striped shirt is very Portland!

  103. Moon Mullins
    February 9th, 2007 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    99: A couple of years back, Brad failed the physical exam to become a firefighter and was so embarassed he started working out in a gym. Unfortunately, it was the same gym that his nemesis Derek also worked out at, giving opportunities for many comic moments involving the word “Lardo”. He did pass the next time he took the test.

    I believe the old lady’s house is still in the remodeling stage, and we will soon be treated to a week of strips of Brad moving in and having TJ in for a “sleepover”.

  104. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    February 9th, 2007 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    Today’s perplexing Mother Goose & Grimm, perhaps unintentionally, is almost a reversal of a 1986 Far Side.

  105. PeteMoss
    February 9th, 2007 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    thorpe thorpe thorpe thorpe thorpe. Hee hee…ouch!

  106. jordan
    February 9th, 2007 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    Why did some chickens…
    Why do chickens…

    or even keep it singular
    Why did the chicken…

  107. Stephanie
    February 9th, 2007 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    I’ll bet you my next two paychecks that Bernice’s long lost brother is gay.

    I’ll let you figure the rest out yourself ;)

  108. Daktari
    February 9th, 2007 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    RWS – #92 – I don’t think it is dandruff in GT. I like to think of it as raining Fritos.

  109. Saxman
    February 9th, 2007 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    56 Who broke up the Banana Splits?

    Reportedly, it was Saturday Night Live’s Bill Brasky. (”Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky went hunting? Brasky decides he’s going to hunt down all four of the Banana Splits. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machete. They all begged for their lives…except Fleegle.”)

    In fact, I guess it was Marty Kroff, under orders from Kellogg’s.

  110. DCBirdblaster
    February 9th, 2007 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    Was watching ESPN-UK and heard some commentary that pretty much sums up anything Canadian:

    Commentator1: “The NHL kicks off another season this weekend. I’ll have to admit I don’t know too much about Hockey other than it’s played by toothless retards.”

    Commentator2: “I think you mean Canadians, Bob.”

    Commentator1: “Yeah, like I said, toothless retards.”

  111. Non-Shannon
    February 9th, 2007 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

    Re: 109 Saxman

    Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky was in a production of The King & I? On opening night, Brasky chloroforms the entire cast and slowly eats them in front of the audience for two hours. The production got pretty good reviews.

  112. Holly
    February 9th, 2007 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    Brad is totally pimping his sister out. “Want mine? Fi’ dollah.”

  113. Shannon
    February 9th, 2007 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    Coach Rumsfled: “Did some players do better than others? Yes. Did some players do worse than others? Perhaps. Do we all have square heads? Yes. Are we indistinguishable? At times. Will we win this game? Yes. Absolutely. Will my hair ever move? My goodness. I don’t know! Only time will tell, but we will stay the course.”

    Reporter: “Um… can I ask some questions now?”

  114. Frank Drackman
    February 9th, 2007 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    Random thoughts ala Larry King….it looks like Luanns nipple in peeking through in that first panel..You ever notice Brads head is shaped like a testicle?…I think the kid in FW has “Allergic Shiners” the medical mumbo jumbo for dark circles under the eyes..or he could just be tired, Any way I like how Darrin is walking like an Egyptian in that last panel..Whats Grace Jones doing in Gil Thorp? View to a Kill might be the best James Bond flick ever…No one could play 007 like Roger Moore.

  115. Saxman
    February 9th, 2007 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

    110

    So I tell the judge, “Only whores and hockey players live in Canada!”

    The judge responded, “My wife is Canadian!”

    So I asked him, “And what position does she play?”

  116. Uncle Lumpy
    February 9th, 2007 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    #110 Birdblaster -

    That’fff . . . juffft . . . not . . . fair!

  117. Randy
    February 9th, 2007 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    As much as I hate to dispense relationship advice to a guy who is hot for his own sister, Brad should be told that he might appear more attractive to members of either gender (take your pick, dude!) if he opened his eyes.

  118. migellito
    February 9th, 2007 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    mw – “Those problems will still be here next year. The kids here now will be dead by then, but these people keep making more of them.”

    Oddly enough, I imagine Mary would be the type to have a pic of Mother Theresa on her tv.

  119. gh
    February 9th, 2007 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    Well, another week shot to hell. And if anyone even touches “I’m Fixing a Hole” over the weekend, I swear first thing Monday morning I’m gonna . . . I’m gonna . . . what? Type something? Not type something? That’s about the only options I guess. Forget I mentioned it.

    Oh, and on the way out, the Toronto Star poll: since yesterday’s call to action, Warren +78, Granthony +8, Paul +104. Who says you can’t get the electorate excited about anything?

  120. bootsybooks
    February 9th, 2007 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    HBGlord, this is left over from the last thread, but after reading what your preferred stalker ensemble would be, I must ask if you also would wear the “Burn K-Doe Burn” t-shirt?

  121. Mumbles
    February 9th, 2007 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    Grandpa Foob has been listening to “Blood on the Tracks”:

    “There’s a lone soldier on the cross/smoke pourin’ out of a boxcar door.”

    Needless to say if I were in this family the song “Idiot Wind” would resonate with me too.

    “Idiot wind, blowing through the buttons of our coats,
    Blowing through the (awful novel) that we wrote.
    Idiot wind, blowing through the dust upon our shelves.
    We’re idiots, babe.
    It’s a wonder we can even feed ourselves.”

    LJ does not deserve to be compared to Dylan. Forgive me Bob.

  122. Steve S
    February 9th, 2007 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    It’ll only be Funky Winkerbean if the computer gets infected by a virus but keeps staggering on for years, refusing to die and let them get a new one.

  123. HBGlord
    February 9th, 2007 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

    #120: No self-respecting stalker in NOLA would be caught dead without it, Bootsybooks — and all the while i’ll be brandishing my bottle of K-Doe Brand Hot Sauce in case of a red beans ‘n rice emergency, cher! And if i get too much sauce on the shirt, i could always change into my Treme Brass Band, Boozoo Chavis or Morgus the Magnificent shirt.

  124. Jamus The Bartender
    February 9th, 2007 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    11. I’ve gotta admit Luann is the last place I expected to find the whole “keeping it in the family” dynamic. I mean, that’s the sort of thing Preacher used to specialize in, when Jesse Custer used to go fishin’ with his buddy with the one eye who was “gonna marry his sister Lorrie”.

  125. dimestore lipstick
    February 9th, 2007 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    #42, Non-Shannon–
    Outstanding! I have to say my favorite part is
    “Been around to Mary Worth and Marked the Trail
    where everybody looks the same,
    But Milford’s exponentially more bleak than Hell
    (I think the artist is to blame)”

    Any song parody that can successfully work in exponentially is tops in my songbook.

  126. Dactyl
    February 9th, 2007 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

    Query – is there anything on this earth more painful than today’s pictoral-pun in FBOFW? Because if there is, I need to avoid it at all costs, since I can’t seem to stop looking at this ^*$@^!#!strip, and there’s only so much pain one person can take.

  127. willethompson
    February 9th, 2007 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    #62 gadge – I looooooove a challenge.

    MY FELLOW EARTHERS! BEHOLD:

    GALACTIC EMPEROR CHENNUX!

    Uh, you don’t think he’ll be pissed, do you? I mean, I used to be able to draw and I tossed this off in about 15 minutes and I didn’t even leave the mysterious ‘blue placeholder color” and I don’t want to be swimming in syrup for the next eon or anything…

  128. Rusty
    February 9th, 2007 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    FW: I believe Goth Chick had her own sad tale of woe a couple of years ago, it may have involved rape or incest or somthing. She was definitely featured as one of Les’s students. Westfield, Ohio, where the 4 horsemen of the apocolypse avoid entering the town lines.

    Luann: I will give the author the benefit of the doubt here, and hope that the girls are just gushing in some innocent hero-worship. Bernice’s bro is the first soldier in 3 years to have been allowed to leave Iraq at the proscribed time. Within a week or so he will be called back up.

  129. Brayker
    February 9th, 2007 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

    fw: Uh, bags under his eyes? No memory? Those pupils?

    If I had to guess I’d say he’s updating his ‘Ellen Feis’ fan blog, if you know what I mean. He’s had a little visit with his friend Mary, and I’m not talking the geriatric from Charterstone.

  130. jules
    February 9th, 2007 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    Lord help me, I’ve been thinking about these all day. You know, in the back of my head, while I was doing productive things. Really!

    Gil Thorp has no E.
    Also, I can’t tell apart
    the girls and the boys.

    Neil has just one arm!
    Is he gonna arm-wrestle
    Becky Winkerbean?
    (an A3G/FW crossover, there)

    Family Circus
    makes me want to cry out loud
    “Dear Lord, make it stop!”

    Michael is an ass.
    I hope Grandpa Jim keeps up
    all this foul language.

    But I still like Zits.
    Jeremy, if you ask me,
    hasn’t jumped the shark.

  131. jules
    February 9th, 2007 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

    #127 willethompson – Bravo! Bravissimo! Encore!

  132. AwfulArt
    February 9th, 2007 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    50
    FOXY
    and
    FREE
    TONITE
    Nice shirt. To bad “Sally Forth” isn’t wearing it instead of her coworker.. I’d pay to see how Ted would handle that…!!!

  133. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    February 9th, 2007 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

    127 – Bravo! It isn’t how I envisioned GEC (I avoid doing so – too terrifying) but yes. So he’s abandoned Non-Shannon for Shannon now?

    (I note here, apropos of nothing else at all, that “Shannon” contains its own negation anyway in its last syllable – so maybe Non-Shannon could just be Shan-non, or maybe Shan-non-non, or maybe just Sha-Na-Na…)

    My own “drawing” “skills” are on display here: truly geeked out, this is based on a misheard lyric from an elderly Genesis album from like 1976 or so…

  134. Kate
    February 9th, 2007 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

    willethompson:

    In the presence of people who draw, I swoon and tremble and recite Shakespeare and bake cookies.

    Perhaps this explains my life. Yes, I think it does. Want a cookie?

  135. jules
    February 9th, 2007 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

    Have you all noticed
    Aldo Kelrast looks just like
    Captain Kangaroo?

    Oh, sorry.

  136. Kate
    February 9th, 2007 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

    JULES!

    HA!

  137. Different Dan
    February 9th, 2007 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: An entire day singularly devoted to a terrible pun, delivered at the expense of an aging stroke victim. You know, as lame as Garfield is, he did once utter a line that I find applicable here: “Every time I think I’ve hit bottom, somebody throws me a shovel.”

  138. fizzy logic
    February 9th, 2007 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    #127 willethompson – Love it! More “Adventures of Galactic Emperor Chennux”, please! Pretty please with syrup on top!

  139. Old Fogeyette
    February 9th, 2007 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

    127 Williethompson, Awesome! I expect his Overlordness will be pleased. I hope. Boysenberry.

  140. Bucky Ripsnort
    February 9th, 2007 at 8:12 pm [Reply]

    Like I said before, Gramps is telling Michael “you give me gas.”

  141. True Fable
    February 9th, 2007 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    #127 willethompson! Now that I know what the Emperor looks like, I can now spend my otherwise empty hours drawing instead of pretending to work. Of course if I ever expose my drawings I run the risk of getting the crap snarked out of me, so none of it might ever see the light of day. But it is safer than drawing really mean caricatures of my surrounding Cathy-clone co-workers. That shit will get me killed.
    FC Just what exactly is that lying in little Billy’s room just beyond the door? It looks like part of a head and some fingers in the floor beside the bed.
    Could it be Thel, after not adequately explaining why her children have only single nostrils? Crimes of passion are often hard to understand, you know.
    (DT)GT Speaking of hard to understand… I agree with an earlier post regarding the point situation. If your hottest scoring prospects in basketball score 2 points and 6 points respectively, then what’s all the shoutin’ about? “After a loss to Central”, I reckon!
    Then Coach Moron babbles a load of crap. Somebody turn the little dial on the side of his neck so he can get more blood to his brain. Oh, my mistake. I meant, turn the bolt.
    DtM zzzzzt! I suppose a “and what happened then?” panel had to be printed at some point, but considering yesterday’s panel, this one has troubling overtones. MenaceWatch2007 rules 0 points. Nothing ventured, nothing gained or lost.

  142. Mr. O’Malley
    February 9th, 2007 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

    13. Trainman says:
    The Goth chick’s name is Chien.

    Not even Chienne? Talk about being Winkerbeaned from birth!

    Apologies to Johnny Cash—

    Mon père m’a quitté quand j’ai eu trois ans
    Et il a laissé rien pour moi et maman
    Seulement cette guitare vielle et une bouteille de vin
    Je ne lui reproche pas pour se cacher
    Mais la plus mauvaise chose qu’il a fait
    Avant départe, il m’a donné le nom “Chien”

  143. PeteMoss
    February 9th, 2007 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

    127 willethompson— Frightening sight. Let the trembling begin!!!

  144. fizzy logic
    February 9th, 2007 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    #142 – Mr. O’Malley – Since not everyone speaks French (count me among the “non”), my recollection is that “chien” means “dog”, correct? (I learned that from the big bag of dog food my furry friend depends on for sustenance).

  145. gh
    February 9th, 2007 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

    No time to read! Must post only!

    Harry That Waif

    Boy, you’ve got to clean that garage, clean that garage for starters,
    Boy, you’ve got to clean that garage, clean that garage for starters.
    She never shows you her carrot.
    She only tells you to grin and bear it,
    And in the middle of Wheel of Fortune, Rex walks in.

    Boy, you’ve got to clean that garage, clean that garage for starters,
    Boy, you’ve got to clean that garage, clean that garage for starters.

  146. AhClem
    February 9th, 2007 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

    Cutting edge humor:
    Marmaduke is a big dog!
    Lots of laffs ensue!

    Mary Worth in ‘Nam,
    Poor Jeff! Even twelve time zones
    can’t keep her away.

    Torches and pitchforks;
    Canadian citizens
    storm Johnston compound.

    Tinsley’s right-wing duck
    drank too much of the Kool-Aid.
    Tinsley drank the gin.

    Poor Tommie Thompson!
    Named for a Wisconsin guv,
    never gets Margoed.

    Nurse June, super MILF,
    shown young Niki some new things
    in her “cleaned garage.”

    Gil Thorp in the gym.
    What the [Saturn] is that stuff,
    Asbestos snowflakes?

  147. B
    February 9th, 2007 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

    132: I’m pretty sure that is Ted, wearing a cheap wig.

  148. Poteet
    February 9th, 2007 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

    # 139 — Fogeyette, hello! Sorry, I could have sworn I responded twice to your message — maybe I was hallucinating or the messages got lost in the avalanche that now follows every posting by The Pope. Anyway, thanks, and yes, we are buds, united by concern for MT animals and refusing to be separated by the Funky Divide.

    Anyway, Foob is such a loathsome pit of snark-fodder now that FW is pretty much safe from me. Anyone in FW looks very good to me compared to Michael.

  149. reader-who-posts
    February 9th, 2007 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    A3G: I love the action packed first panel, “She drops the coin into the slot and…”. I’m sorry that happened off-panel! And is this a random song jukebox? You would think the fact that she’s holding one arm behind her back to keep from touching him would give him a hint she’s not interested. The fact that about five minutes ago she was kissing Ron Burgundy might be a hint, also.

    MF: Meanwhile, in a newsroom near you, another paper drops this piece of crap from their funny pages.

    MT: So much for dogs being more sensitive to evil than humans.

    Tank McNamara: Today shows how little Jeff Millar knows about sports. Everyone knows that football players take off the Pro Bowl if they have a hangnail, much less boogie-board gut. In Houston, Jeff Millar used to be the movie reviewer too – he sucked royally at that too.

    GT: It’s nice to see that every basketball game has that strange confetti/snow substance. I also like the way Marty Moon holds the mike in Thorpe’s face while he asks the question. No wonder he’s never gotten a job anywhere better then Milford, and trust me, ANYWHERE is better than Milford.

  150. weiser
    February 9th, 2007 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    Curse you Mary Worth. Your trip to ‘Nam and your selfish ways have been so infuriating that I’ve been forced to begin following Judge Parker on-line. I’ve been “Judge Free” since the days it was about the good judge and his protégé Sam Driver. Now because of Mary’s palaver and Josh’s bad influence I’m addicted to yet another slowly moving serial that’s not even in my hometown paper. Damn I miss Aldo.

  151. fizzy logic
    February 9th, 2007 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

    #133 – Gadge – didn’t mean to ignore your comic contribution…uh…um…really…would love to see what you can do using your dominant hand. Perhaps you can contribute storyboard ideas to willetompson for the next big comic sensation, AGEC. Executive producer, as it were.

    Actually it’s as good or better than anything I could have done. I’m with Kate (#134). I bake really good cookies. And I can figure out a loan payment using an HP12c calculator. That’s it, I’m out of skills.

    I’m in awe of all the skills and knowledge from all the posters on this site. From molecular biology to art to fine art to philosophy and on and on and on. I thought y’all just read the funnies.

  152. Poteet
    February 9th, 2007 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

    # 98 — Bunne (sorry, can’t figure out how to type your “e” properly), are you another central Iowan? Are you perchance referring to Fareway?

    I’ve come across other time-warp places in Iowa — there was one little hamburger place in a tiny green building in a small town in northeast Iowa that was so totally out of the Fifties that it dropped my jaw. Great burger, too.

    # 101 — gh, I referred to “Thorpe” several times in the past before looking it up and correcting myself, so I probably have contributed to your righteous fury and your twitching left eye. Sorry, sorry…(backing away slowly).

  153. Poteet
    February 9th, 2007 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

    # 127 — willethompson, I cannot tell a lie. I think Galactic Emperor Chennux is cute when he’s mad. I suppose now I’ll be blast-melted into a tiny pile of black goo. It was nice knowing you.

  154. jules
    February 9th, 2007 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

    You go, AhClem! I like the Tinsley one :)

  155. Red Greenback
    February 9th, 2007 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

    I am Lynn Johnson, goo goo g’foob g’goo goo g’foob.
    Goo goo g’foob g’goo goo g’foob g’goo.

  156. Non-Shannon
    February 9th, 2007 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    #133 Gadge:

    You’ve got it, man. Hence the fact that I often find myself singing:

    Shan-non-a-non!
    (doot doo de doo doo)
    Shan-non-a-non!
    (doo doo doo dit doo)
    Shan-non-a-non!
    (doot doo de doo doo,
    dee doo doo,
    dee doo doo,
    dee doo doo doo doo doot doot doo doot doo!)

  157. Non-Shannon
    February 9th, 2007 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

    Galactic Emporer Chennux is cute, isn’t he? Seems that in spite of that large voice he’s just a cuddly lil’ reptile like my beloved Hubert. Aww.

  158. Poteet
    February 9th, 2007 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

    I used to try to express my appreciation for every good song parody on CC. But now there are so many good ones that I content myself with awe and laughter. Between this thread and the last one, I’m agog.

    I’m very partial to “Why Does Love Got To Be So Sad” by Derek and the Dominoes. But while singing it in the shower, I suddenly found myself singing “Why Does Foob Got To Be So Bad.” But I refuse to take it any further. I will not pollute my mental soundtrack of that song with your bilgewater strip, Lynn.

  159. Red Greenback
    February 9th, 2007 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

    Holy Margoin’ Saturn!!!-that’s JohnsTon!
    Also “Iam the TRAINMAN, Goo goo g’foob”…I’ll get back with the completed version. Or Worst.

  160. TB Tabby
    February 9th, 2007 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

    61: Join the club, AhClem.

  161. Tim McDonough
    February 9th, 2007 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

    #149: My observation exactly. Marty looks like he’s interviewing the invisible guy to the coach’s left. I also think any lack of career advancement for Marty is due to his 1962 vintage goatee…or is it a van dyke?

  162. macb
    February 9th, 2007 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

    The Derek and The Dominoes song I always liked was “Bell Bottom Blues”; please nobody make up a song parody “Big Bottomed Patterson Women” and ruin the original for me; use Queen’s “Fat-Bottomed Girls” instead; I never liked that song. Grand Emperor Chennux: your song parody was the best I’ve seen so far.

  163. Poteet
    February 9th, 2007 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

    # 162 — Macb, I also really like “Bell Bottom Blues.” And “Layla,” and their version of “Little Wing.” And I agree that Galactic Emperor Chennux writes a very good parody when he puts his mind to it.

  164. Richard Onley
    February 9th, 2007 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

    #79: Coffeclash said: “I have been trying to work out the answer to “Why did the chickens cross the Delaware?” all day. The only thing I’ve managed to do is rule out ‘for the buttery thighs of Mary Worth.’ “

    Keep in mind that in the Revolutionary War, the British were the . . . other side.

  165. MossMoses
    February 9th, 2007 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

    “Onion” dose not compare favorably with Cool “Disco” Dan, despite the double quotes. Cool “Disco” Dan is a famous grafiti artist, while “Onion” is a stupid punk, the gullible type who bites into hockey puck sandwhiches without noticing.

    The evildoers in Curtis are every bit as incompetent and inept as the ones in Lost Forest. Mark Trail needs to come to the ghetto and punch out Derek and “Onion”.

  166. CHA5NCE
    February 9th, 2007 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

    I watched “The Maltese Falcon” the other night and laughed at how dated some of the behavior was between the sexes. Especially when Humphrey Bogart just decides to kiss this woman he’s just met and who might have killed his partner. And she just lets him because it’s the 40s and what’s a woman to do? It was all very hilarious and I even said something like, “Can you imagine a woman today just letting some strange man kiss her and then acting like it’s just an embarrassing consequence of being the fairer sex?”

    Then I read this week’s A3G.

  167. Mr. O’Malley
    February 9th, 2007 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

    162. I think Spinal Tap has made that subject their own.

    The bigger the cushion
    The sweeter the pushin’ …

  168. Harry Paratestes
    February 9th, 2007 at 11:06 pm [Reply]

    “Cool Disco Dan” rocked in the ’80s and ’90s. I heard the rumor that he was actually Dan Quayle, but that seems to be discounted now.

  169. Red Greenback
    February 9th, 2007 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

    Im a gig as you hang high as you’re hands on and we have all gone roadside.
    See how they fuss Canucks on a bus, see how they blink.
    I’m nauseous.

    Sitting on a pornstache, Lizardbreath is gonna cum.
    Flanders lookin’ milquetoast, Francoise in the basement.
    Man, you been a naughty boy, go flagellate yourself.
    I am Lynn Johnston, they are my Lynnions.
    I’m an old douchebag, goo goo g’foob.

    Mister Mountie Policeman sitting
    Frisky little Mountie, bust a move.
    See how he rut that fine Mtwaki slut, see how he go.
    I’m throwing, up in my.
    My mouth now, my mouth a little.

    Apwil offed ol’ Farley, because she did something lame.
    Canicide was your fault, back in twenty-o-five,
    Boy, you been a naughty girl it should have been you,Foob.
    I am Lynn Johnston, they are my Lynnions.
    I’m better than you, goo goo g’foob.

    I wanted to end this damn strip travel see the world.
    If the world ain’t there, don’t give a care
    I’m gonna take up Spanish then.
    I am Lynn Johnston, they are my Lynnions.
    I’ll do some knitting, goo goo g’foob.

    Grampa Chinnuts stroky stroker,
    Don’t you know Mikey P. laughs at you?
    See how he blink his shit doesn’t stink,
    That pompous ass.
    I’m hurling.

    Johnthedentist/trainman, puttering in his workshop.
    Gotta love the chocolate Enjoying a chick flick.
    Hatin’ asparagus Shit, he’s got it all sussed out.
    He is the trainman, diggin’ Shania.
    He is the trainman, goo goo g’foob g’goo goo g’foob.
    Goo goo g’foob g’goo goo g’foob g’goo.

  170. reader-who-posts
    February 9th, 2007 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

    161 – The one thing about about Marty’s craptabulous facial hair is that it makes him the only easily recognizable character in the entire Gil Thorp-a-verse.

  171. Klipper
    February 9th, 2007 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

    #52: I think Randy’s on to something. Brad isn’t jealous ‘cuz he wants to [Margo] his sister. He’s just pissed that he had to partake in this Alabama-foursome. Frankly, I’m pissed too.

  172. Mr. O’Malley
    February 9th, 2007 at 11:52 pm [Reply]

    166. I guess you’re talking about the third film of this story, the 1941 version with Humphrey Bogart.

    I think you must have missed a lot of what was going on. This film was made during the days of the Production Code, so anything to do with sex had to be portrayed in a very oblique way. Brigid O’Shaughnessy was a woman who manipulated men with sex. She seduced the Russian general to get the bird, then she seduced Thursby and Jacobi (the ship’s captain) to get it away from Gutman. At the point in the film you mention, she needs a new protector, so she enlists Spade onto her side with the help of her feminine charms. Spade is too smart to be manipulated by her like the others, but it doesn’t stop him sleeping with her.

    The rest of the gang (Cairo, Gutman and Wilmer) are immune to her wiles because they are gay.

    See if you can find the 1931 version with Ricardo Cortez and Bebe Daniels, which was made before the Code, for a different slant on the story.

  173. Oracle Steven
    February 10th, 2007 at 12:11 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp: Why does the artist do that? The microphone doesn’t have to be in front of the coach’s face. Even on TV shows they sit 85 people on one side of a table to avoid blocking the view. The artist has a choice, he can move the microphone, and the words and their balloons could be smaller. There’s too much big stuff jammed in the last panel! It would make sense to me if someone showed me that there was a long-standing fued between the artist and the guy who pencils in the dialogue, but I think it has to be the same guy, right? The last panel is such a waste of space. There isn’t enough information in the whole strip to put together a logical meaning and after weeks of reading (I know it takes years in these dramatic strips, but I’m not that patient), I’m not sure who all these characters are, much less the plot. All I know is, the words are too big and the artist is (apparently) so ashamed of his work, he tries to cover the sloppy stuff up with word balloons and easy-to-draw objects like microphones. Argh.

  174. Artist Formerly Known as Ben
    February 10th, 2007 at 12:21 am [Reply]

    #146, Haiku ga-joob!

  175. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    February 10th, 2007 at 12:26 am [Reply]

    151: “would love to see what you can do using your dominant hand” – well, I didn’t use any limbs at all, actually.

    And my mouth was full.

    Anyway: no, it was drawn on the computer screen just using the little pad doohickey on my laptop. I actually rather like the foot. Sometimes I get lucky.

    On today’s (DT)GT: And the producers of this strip find yet another way to be incompetent: let’s totally obscure this guy’s face with a word-balloon! I don’t think I’ve ever seen that before (except, maybe, intentionally). I mean, to compare the standards of artwork for published daily strips, it would be like a photography magazine publishing a shot with the photographer’s blurry thumb taking up three-quarters of the frame. Just awful.

  176. ohgrl
    February 10th, 2007 at 1:00 am [Reply]

    48/gh: brilliant.

  177. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    February 10th, 2007 at 1:22 am [Reply]

    I seem to recall this having been discussed last time the character appeared…but isn’t Chien (in FW) meant to be half-Vietnamese? So her name isn’t “dog” in French, but Vietnamese?

    Or maybe it’s just the cartoonist, Tom Beeyotch, getting even.

  178. rich
    February 10th, 2007 at 1:29 am [Reply]

    Speaking of Beatles lyrics…

    “Hold you in his arms, yeah, you can feel his disease”

    …isn’t that line a perfect description of the Anthony Caine experience?

  179. ohyes
    February 10th, 2007 at 1:40 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp: Points are not the only metric for a point guard. Guarding counts too. And, in Gil Thorp, keeping your general appearance from one panel to the next should count for a lot.

  180. TB Tabby
    February 10th, 2007 at 2:12 am [Reply]

    BC: What if the bouncer’s a woman?

    DT: Sorry, Mr. Shady Poker-Themed Villain. Tracy’s been derailed.

    A3G: I know the feeling, Tommie. I can still see that outfit when I shut my eyes, too.

    Curtis: I was right…

    MG&G: Oh no, a Darwin Fish! The BC cavemen are on their way to burn it at the stake!

    MF: Just think…when he was drawing up these comics two weeks ago, Tinsley was so confident, not only that Walter Williams would take up his offer without hesitation, but that he would have an unprecedented groundswell of support and give the Democrats fits. I haven’t seen such a gigantic display of hubris since the Maginot Line.

    FW: There it goes again! Over the past six days, the only thing even vaguely resembling angst has been the lamenting over the lack of class-trip deposits on Wednesday! It’s still not very funny, but it doesn’t make me want to slit my wrists either.

    Bizarro: Uh…what is the punchline here? “In the future, Denny’s will have robot waiters?” It’s like they tried to rip off a joke from The Jetsons, but couldn’t even get a joke.

    Phantom: “O-Ghost” instead of “O Ghost?” Why the unnecessary hyphen? Is the Phantom a member of the O-Force?

  181. TB Tabby
    February 10th, 2007 at 2:14 am [Reply]

    178: Sounds more like a perfect description of the Dr. Jeff Cory experience to me.

  182. Mr. O’Malley
    February 10th, 2007 at 2:20 am [Reply]

    MW: That Vietnamese hospital is worse that I thought!. They appear to have transplanted a right hand on to Jeff’s left arm!

  183. Mr. O’Malley
    February 10th, 2007 at 2:23 am [Reply]

    182. Well, maybe not, but there’s certainly something about that hand that looks very weird.

  184. Mr. O’Malley
    February 10th, 2007 at 2:47 am [Reply]

    TDIET: That’s a rather strange suggestion to send in from California, since because of Prop. 13 your house doesn’t get re-assessed here— except when there’s a change of ownership.

    Foghorn’s house is currently valued at $65K, which is what he paid for it in 1977. When the new people buy it for $950K, that’s going to be what they’ll pay taxes on.

    But I guess this is depicting things that happen in some other state.

  185. Nyssa23
    February 10th, 2007 at 2:55 am [Reply]

    #183 Mr. O’Malley–No, you’re right, that hand is seriously Margoed up. Maybe it’s just been wrenched clean around by Mary Worth’s frenzied clutching. A look at the torturously twisted sleeve supports this theory.

    Also, owie.

    Curtis: What’s this? Our plucky protagonist destined to be devoured by Derrick’s devilish doggies? Tune in Monday, same “Compton” time, same “Compton” channel!

  186. Mibbitmaker
    February 10th, 2007 at 2:56 am [Reply]

    #127: Nice work there, wille. I draw, too, but lack of a scanner (and where applicable, money) keeps my stuff off the ‘net. Besides tons of pads full of cartoons, I only have two issues of a minicomic I’ve sold at the local comic shop.

    (That was alittle too Michael Patterson-minus the pretension, wasn’t it?)

  187. Mr. O’Malley
    February 10th, 2007 at 2:57 am [Reply]

    Bizarro: Why does Denny’s in 2058 have a lighted stick of dynamite on the table? (Lower left corner)

  188. Ubiq
    February 10th, 2007 at 3:17 am [Reply]

    Marty Moon: Any thought of starting Jay again?
    Coach Donnie: As you know, you go to play with the team you have, not the team you want to have.
    Moon: Wait… couldn’t you just start him if you wanted to?
    Coach Donnie: Good gosh, that’s a tricky one there. Did I begin the game with him on the bench? Yes. Does that mean he’s not starting? Debatable. Is it the scouts’ fault if Brennan didn’t make shots that he needed to or is it Brennan’s? Absolutely. My goodness gracious me, would Jay have even played better if he had been in there the whole time? Will he next time? Would he if he was on the court at the beginning of the game? Who can say? We’re dealing with an unknown here. Several unknowns, right?
    Moon: … What?

  189. Mibbitmaker
    February 10th, 2007 at 3:22 am [Reply]

    2/10:

    FOOB: Eliminate the last panel (and that awful pun) and it’s a vastly more satisfying strip.

    Marvin: The youth of Stewart Smalley.

    A3G: It’s official! Margo is now officially the sweetest damn person on the planet, a veritable saint. Tommie took her “Bitch of 3G” role. Tommie, BOXCAR! BOXCARRRRRRR!!

    SF: Sorry, pal, Steve Carrell already got the Michael Scott role 2 years ago. Thanks for auditioning, though.

    S-M: Given panel 3, Spidey must’ve been throwing his voice in panel 2.

    Nancy: Am I mistaken, or did the titular character just insult UL? Kid, you can never get enough Lumpy!

    Curtis: Sunday strip’ll be mostly just a stagnant image of a mauled human skeleton with a massive cap facing backwards. The last panel is Curtis’s parents standing over the remains, sobbing and screaming, “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

    Garfield: The big orange cat just got heckled by Frazz.

  190. Mibbitmaker
    February 10th, 2007 at 3:26 am [Reply]

    #189: SF being Sally Forth, not Slylock Fox.

  191. Sjofn
    February 10th, 2007 at 3:40 am [Reply]

    “Fat Bottomed Girls” rules and I will irrationally dismiss any disagreement with that CARVED IN STONE FACT out of hand! Neener!

  192. TB Tabby
    February 10th, 2007 at 4:18 am [Reply]

    189: And Monday’s Curtis will be Derrick and ‘Onion’ getting off scot-free, since punishing bullies would ruin their self-esteem and school spirit.

  193. Randy S
    February 10th, 2007 at 5:26 am [Reply]

    171: Spot on, regarding “Alabama foursome.”

    187: For the record, one of Bizarro’s trademarks is the placing of certain “weird” details in various places around the strip.
    Among these include a slice of pie, a miniature flying saucer complete with alien pilots, a stylized rabbit face, a shoe, a bird (often drawn upside down), and now apparently a stick of dynamite.

  194. The Avocado Avenger
    February 10th, 2007 at 5:53 am [Reply]

    FOOB: So we finally find out that Grandpa Chinnuts can’t write very well. And when he does try to write something, Nurse Diesel harrangues him into having another stroke, the guilt-trips him for having the audacity to be alive. Lovely.

    I know this is a craptastic strip, but can’t LJ set aside just one panel where poor Grandpa Chinnuts gets help for his disability? There must be some specialists who can help a stroke victim up there in the Pristine Northerness in which they live. Someone. A volunteer, perhaps. Obviously it would have to be somebody smarter than the rest of the clan. Perhaps a Kindergartener with a few free moments between finger painting and nap time.

  195. TB Tabby
    February 10th, 2007 at 6:21 am [Reply]

    As far as I’m concerned, there is nothing but empty space between F Minus and Fred Basset on the Chron.com comics page.

  196. dreadedcandiru2
    February 10th, 2007 at 7:06 am [Reply]

    194: FOOB: Where the Margo are Jim’s children and grandchildren in all this? Can”t they see Margo-ing Iris is full of boxcar about her ability to take care of him or do they even Margo-ing CARE? The only one who might suspect something wasn’t right would be April, but she knows even if she were to say something BEFORE the inevitable catastophe the huffy bungler caused, none of these snivelling boxcars would Margo-ing BELIEVE her. I tell ya, it’s a sad Margo-ing scene in Foobonia. They’re crossing into FW’s turf. You’d hope for light at the end of the tunnel, but it’ll only be from the oncoming train that is the Lovepocalypse.

  197. willethompson
    February 10th, 2007 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    #169 Red G – “Hatin’ asparagus Shit, he’s got it all sussed out. He is the trainman, diggin’ Shania…”

    I bow to you, sir.

  198. Coffeeclash
    February 10th, 2007 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    #164 – that means the Hessians were… the OTHER other side?

  199. Coffeeclash
    February 10th, 2007 at 7:54 am [Reply]

    DT – OK, we’ve had the flashback to where Dick learned that Liz would be the next chief and that she once had a crush on him. Today’s strip takes a new and suggestive turn. If Dick were any closer to Liz that chin of his would bisect her face, and look at the background frame – a Margoin’ HEART ! Don’t do it, Dick! Remember Tess’s maiden name!!

  200. Coffeeclash
    February 10th, 2007 at 7:59 am [Reply]

    JP – Great, now Abby is subscribing to the Thorpian School of non-answers. Or is that Thorpean?

  201. Coffeeclash
    February 10th, 2007 at 8:02 am [Reply]

    #183 and #185 – That hand is indeed deformed, likely the violent result of Jeff having the temerity to point back at Mary in panel one!

  202. True Fable
    February 10th, 2007 at 8:11 am [Reply]

    FBoFW Aside from the usual insipid coy play on words in the last panel, and the overall stupidity regarding aphasia patients, the neat way panel 3 shows Gwampa’s frustration through the squeezed-shut eyes immediately gets overruled by that grotesque little tongue in that big gaping Foobish mouth of his in panel 4. It reminds me that Chinnuts is responsible for bringing Elly into the world so screw it, let him go to his grave without another person understanding him.
    And I just cannot stand Iris. Never liked her before and I sure as hell don’t now.
    MT the Bluebird B-17 is now dropping its payload of Jackelrod Ball in panel 2 along with its commentary about the place, but nothing say revelation quite like Mark in panel 3 – that Rusty is the main member of the family (Mark’s member gets very little use, evidently) and Rusty even keeps them all in shape, and with that main member I hesitate to ask how.

  203. John C Fremont
    February 10th, 2007 at 8:13 am [Reply]

    # 133 – Gadge, your drawing actually reminded me of Rammstein’s Rosenrot. But then, most things remind me of Rammstein, Richard Thompson, Warren Zevon, or MST’s own Mike Nelson. Or TV’s Frank. Or Apocalypse Now. Or Abbey and Neddy. Or Blythe Danner, but that goes without saying. But definitely not Foob! Well, okay, maybe sometimes.

    MT – If Mark hadn’t interrupted, what the bird was trying to say was, “This is an interesting place! I gotta get out of here.”

    (Say, if that were a movie, the bird’s theme music would have kicked in, as sung by Eric Burdon. Not very subtle, but what else could be expected of a Jack Elrod movie?)

  204. True Fable
    February 10th, 2007 at 8:22 am [Reply]

    DT Dick’s angling for a promotion the time-honored way: sleeping his way to the top. He’s going to have to, since his arms are too short for police department regs.
    GA *shudder* Jesus H. Christ! Would SOMEBODY teach Jethro how to speak the fucking King’s English?!
    Luann Ben’s figured out the easiest way to get past a suspicious, jealous brother to get to the nubile sister, is to flatter him with obvious bullshit.
    Man… even I don’t stoop to that. Flattery should be done directly to the intended, or it doesn’t count. Minus 20 points, Jared. Seriously.
    FW Hey, Mr. Montoni, let’s be fair. Darin could be telling customers your pizza place delivers Big Round Portions of Diseased Carcinogens. Because I suspect it’s true.

  205. John C Fremont
    February 10th, 2007 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    …or Frank Zappa. Or early Clapton. Or Charlie Brown. Or this site. Or pie. Eraserhead. Chris Elliot. Mary Worth. Sex. Money. Sex for money. Money for sex.

  206. John C Fremont
    February 10th, 2007 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    … Baked shrimp. Boiled shrimp. Shrimp cocktail…

  207. John C Fremont
    February 10th, 2007 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    Fat kids. Skinny kids. Kids who climb on rocks.

    Tough kids. Sissy kids. Even kids with chicken pox.

  208. Old Fogeyette
    February 10th, 2007 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    Poteet: At last we see each other’s posts! We have connected! Buds!

    And I’m with you on the awesomeness of all the parodies–no longer any time to respond to all of them. I just bow and feel jealous.

  209. Calico
    February 10th, 2007 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    #1 – excellent!
    FC – no, you little brat, it won’t cause your teeth to stick together, but it will glue your mouth shut permanently after 5 minutes!
    (Tell this to Joey in DtM also, as Dennis seems to have been faltering in his menacing skills the last several days.)

  210. Calico
    February 10th, 2007 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    I see Lynn is having Jim work his way back through the alphabet. Ahhhh, Boxcar, Congratulations…
    What next for “D”? Bring it on, curmudgeons!

  211. TB Tabby
    February 10th, 2007 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    Death. As in “Forget about Death to Gil Thorp and Cathy, we’ve got bigger fish to fry up north!”

  212. stinky pete
    February 10th, 2007 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    #207 JC Fremont

    ..love hot dogs, Armour hot dogs, the dog…kids…love…to..b-i-i-i-i-i-te!

    Haven’t thought of that commerical in decades.

    Todays Curtis: Of all the things I would think of to say if two hellhounds were about to rip my throat out, “Gasp” would not be high on the list. Various permutations of Margo, Boxcar and Saturn would be in the top 10.

    Prediction: Curtis will not be eaten by the dogs.

  213. gowens
    February 10th, 2007 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    Re: Luann – Given that to “have” someone has certain sexual implications, Ben’s line, “You gotta love havin’ a sister” – taken in combination with really happy expression on his face and all of the other circumstantial evidence noted above – pretty much cements the case against Ben.

    And then you have the response, “Yeah. Want mine?” Which could lead to an interesting “Who’s On First?” moment: “No, I have mine all the time.” “What?” etc., etc.

  214. Calico
    February 10th, 2007 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    #212 – Stinky – if you like old ads with a bit of snarky comment, here’s a great site:

    http://www.roadode.com

  215. Old Fogeyette
    February 10th, 2007 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    FOOB: I feel sorry for Grandpa. And much as we all hate Lynne, the depiction of his aphasia is not that far off. My brother had moderate-to-mild aphasia for a number of years, and his struggles to find the right word were sometimes heartbreaking to watch. He would get so frustrated, and really didn’t want help even though he needed it.

    MT: We’re learning so much about Mark’s background now that I find it all more of a mystery than ever. Who the Margo is Cherry? His wife? If so, why does her little boy call him “Mark”? I also didn’t realize that he actually OWNS Lost Forest. That being the case, couldn’t he just have told Mr. Dickhead Beaver Hater to leave Theodore and Castoria alone? And just how big is LoFo, anyway? How many acres? How much money could he get selling it to a developer? (Not that I would advocate such a thing, just wondering.)

  216. stinky pete
    February 10th, 2007 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    I ate dinner at a casual restaurant last night, the kind where you order at a counter and they give you a buzzer/pager that goes off when your order is ready. My pager was labelled #23. A few minutes later the counter guy called out, “Number 23.” The very first thought that ran through my head was, “Hey, it’s a Pluggers pager!” I need to quit hanging out around here.

  217. Loppie Scaduto
    February 10th, 2007 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    186 Hey Mibbitmaker: minicomics rule!

  218. The Ghost of Ernie Kovacs
    February 10th, 2007 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    Yes, Burtram, you may kiss me. But first, take that clarinet out of your mouth.

  219. kilgore trout
    February 10th, 2007 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    Today’s DtM is so saccharine that Dennis undoes every bit of semi-menace ever committed in the history of the strip – we can now officially change the title to Dennis the Candyass. Better yet, change the two kids to Jeffy and Billy, and Mrs. Wilson to Grandma, and you have the prototypical Family Circus.

  220. MossMoses
    February 10th, 2007 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    168. Harry, who is this “Cool Disco Dan” you refer to? Is he related in any way to that famous grafitie artist Cool “Disco” Dan? Calling Cool “Disco” Dan “Cool Disco Dan” would be like saying, Oh no, it’s “Derek and Onion” rather than Oh no, it’s Derek and “Onion” .

  221. kilgore trout
    February 10th, 2007 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    #180 TBT, Re: Bizarro. It’s a riff on today’s automated phone menus – menus in a restaurant… phone menus….?? No? I thought it was pretty good, actually.

  222. stinky pete
    February 10th, 2007 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    214 Calico, thanks for the link – interesting stuff!

  223. Red Greenback
    February 10th, 2007 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    Excuse my interruption, Sire Chennux-The buuter is making me break out with severe zybglorts. Could you possibly sub with Molly McBuuterâ„¢? Even I Can’t believe It’s Not Buuterâ„¢ will do, Oh Merciflul One…

    Or are you past the syrup n’ flapjack phase.

  224. MossMoses
    February 10th, 2007 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    At first glance you think the human body doesn’t bend that way and then when you try it yourself you realize you can actually bend your hand at that angle. It is extremely awkward and uncomfortable but it will actually move to that angle. I tried it myself with the digital camera set on timer mode. I can get my hand to that bizarre, unnatural angle but my thumb keeps going out at a weird angle when I try.

  225. Krazy Kat
    February 10th, 2007 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    FOOB-Suggesting words to an aphasic only compounds the problem as they must then process the incoming verbal stimuli while simultaneously struggling to find an appropriate word.

    I suspect the Marquis de Iris knows this.

  226. stinky pete
    February 10th, 2007 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    224 MM, your extensive field research in the service of accuracy in comix is noted and appreciated.

  227. Red Greenback
    February 10th, 2007 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    The title of this post just reminded me of the 70s teevee show “Bowling for Dollars” on KTLA channel 5. Chick Hearn hosted that show, a great line was “Pick up that spare for your ‘pin pal’ and Chickie Baby”

  228. Baba Ghanouj
    February 10th, 2007 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    Aw, man, I’m gone for two weeks and now I have no idea what’s going on around here. Where’d this “Boxcar” thing come from all of a sudden?

    Opus: How the (margo) is “Chunky Lord Voldemort” an anagram for “Dick Cheney Va-Voom?” It’s only got one V and there’s too many Os in it.

    Slylock: Clearly, if you’re an anthropomorphic animal, Slylock’s got all the dirt on you. Today, we get a glimpse into Mickey Mouse’s life of crime. What damning evidence is contained within those manila folders? Cheese-smuggling? That hit he ordered on Donald Duck? (Though it was duck season, and the guy had a license, so, technically, it was nice and legal.) Those photos of him, Daisy and that jar of Cheese-Whiz? Perhaps it was Disney’s hired goons who roughed up Slylock’s office – or maybe fellow rodent Max Mouse was trying to help out a “brother” by disposing of the evidence?

  229. Randy S
    February 10th, 2007 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    More info on the weird little “hidden” drawings in Bizarro comics can be found here:
    http://www.bizarro.com/symbols/index.htm

    (Although for some reason, it fails to mention the firecracker / stick of dynamite symbol)

  230. IdolsofMud
    February 10th, 2007 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    #228 — Grandpa Jim yelled out a stream of obscenities in Thursday’s FBOFW:

    “*@[[Star]]!! Boxcar!! No!! No!! No!! No!! No!!”

    Coincidentally, this is what I yelled when Michael got his $25,000 book contract.

  231. Galactic Emperor Chennux
    February 10th, 2007 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    ATTENTION, EARTHERS! SOCKS WILL BE DROPPED AND SKXCRITORT WILL BE GRABBED! CHENNUX SPEAKS! FIRST A PERSONAL NOTE:

    #223 RED G. – THE BUUTER IS CONSIDERED REMOVED! RUB SOME HALOGEN-FREE COPOLYMER ON IT AND YOU’LL BE FINE! AND YES, JOIN THE OTHERS IN THE SYRUP TANK! END THAT PART OF TRANSMISSION!

    NOW, WHAT THE FURPLANGIT SNORKX IS THIS ABOUT A CARTOON ABOUT ME?? FIRST, I AM STALKING NON-SHANNON, NOT SHANNON! SECOND, MELKARDAMMIT, CHENNUX DOES NOT TOLERATE THIS!

    SET MAGMACANNON FOR ‘SAUTE’ AND LOCATE CORDINATES WILLETHOMPSON! HAHA!

    END TRANSMISSION!

  232. Red Greenback
    February 10th, 2007 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    Just in case you are asking “Who is this Chick Hearn person”

    You must have seen a movie or a TV show where the characters are doing their thing in the foreground while a basketball game plays on a television set in the background. Invariably, the voice that’s just barely audible under the dialogue is Hearn’s, even if neither of the teams on the screen is the Lakers.

    That’s because people who make movies and TV shows live in Southern California, and to people who live in Southern California, basketball sounds like Chick Hearn.

    It wasn’t a warm voice. Hearn never became the lovable grandpa that a lot of older announcers turn into. He was loud, brash, opinionated and utterly himself. In the days when men wore wild sport coats, his were the wildest. Though he clearly loved the Lakers, he wasn’t a homer — a requirement in L.A., where a good part of the audience for any sporting event has moved from other cities, where their sports loyalties remain. For a while he had the title of assistant general manager, and you could tell a player was on the outs when Hearn harped on his shortcomings. For a while he hosted “Bowling for Dollars.” He would have made a hell of an aluminum siding salesman.

    He was playful, calling himself Chickie Baby and inventing a good part of the modern basketball lexicon. “Slam dunk” was his. So were “air ball” and “finger roll” and “no harm, no foul.” Somebody did someting stupid? “Not a Phi Beta Kappa play.”

    A ballhandler who faked a defender into jumping “put him in the popcorn machine.” A point guard dribbling while assessing the offense was “yo-yoing up and down.” The last few minutes of a lopsided game, with the scrubs in there and fumbling the ball around, were “garbage time.” Someone scored 130 against a last-place team? “I don’t care if you’re playing the Little Sisters of the Poor, that’s a lot of points!”

    His voice was a Gatling gun that lived in the back of his throat, biting through the transistor-radio static like a hail of bullets, rat-a-tatting play-by-play with astonishing speed and clarity. That’s what was needed to describe, say, a Magic Johnson-era fast break without missing a single nuance, and without ever being more than a half-second behind the ball.

    It was a thing to behold, Chick Hearn doing play-by-play. Nobody ever tries to imitate him. Other basketball announcers are content to merely call the name of each player who touches the ball, then review the play in its aftermath. Hearn kept you right up to date. If a player made a stutterstep move, then dribbled to his left and around a screen to the corner of the key, then pulled up for a jumper, you’d get the hesitation, an assessment of its effect on the defender, the dribble, the name of the screener and the spot on the floor where the shooter popped up, expressed in terms of direction and distance from the basket, and if another defender stepped up you’d get his name too, all with enough time to spare for Hearn to say the ball was “on the way” — while it still was. And if the shooter was fouled and the shot missed: “Counts-if-it-GOES-it-doesn’t-go!”

    Try it sometime, just for fun, to see if you can do it. Nobody else ever does. Not with a microphone turned on anyway.

    In 1965 he missed a game because weather grounded his flight, and last season he was forced to the sidelines first by open-heart surgery, then by a broken hip. In between he offered his “word’s-eye view” for 3,338 consecutive games. He was back behind the microphone for the playoffs, though, and he called the Lakers’ run to their third straight championship, their ninth since they moved to town and Hearn took over the announcing duties. His wife, Marge, said that returning meant the world to him.

    He had lost a little over the years. The delivery was slower, the voice a little more gravelly and weary than in his nearly endless heyday. But he still sounded like basketball in Los Angeles. For Lakers fans, it wouldn’t have seemed like a championship without Chick describing it, and the next one probably won’t. What will a lopsided Lakers win be without Chick saying, “This one’s in the refrigerator: The door is closed, the light is out, the eggs are cooling, the butter’s getting hard and the Jell-O’s jiggling”?

    It’ll still be a win. But it won’t be the same. A great announcer is more important to fans of a team than any great player. He stays around longer, for one thing, and he talks to you all the time. You get to know each other. He’s your connection to the team.

    The Lakers eventually replaced Magic Johnson, just as they had replaced Jerry West and Elgin Baylor before him, and just as they’ll one day replace Shaquille O’Neal and Kobe Bryant with other great players. But no one will ever replace Chick Hearn. A team only gets one “Voice,” and now that voice is gone. But Lakers fans were lucky. While they had him — and for most Lakers fans that’s as long as they can remember — he was all they could have asked for.

    RIP, Chickie Baby.

  233. Donut
    February 10th, 2007 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail: I think when Mark says:

    “Rusty here is the main member of our family.”

    what he really means is:

    “Rusty here is a real dick.”

  234. NotGodot
    February 10th, 2007 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    MF: I think the Walter Williams thing is meant as some kind of vaguely racist assertion that the democrats wouldn’t really tolerate a black president just because he’s black. The fact that they might be opposed to Williams should he actually run, not because he’s black, but because of the fact that his social and domestic agendas would be completely and utterly opposed to that of the democrats is completely lost on Tinsley.

  235. Nyssa23
    February 10th, 2007 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    #232 Red Greenback–Aw, now you’ve gone and made me all misty-eyed. Especially since your post makes me think of that other Grand Old Man of Southern California sports, Vin Scully. Thankfully, Vin’s still with us; it’ll be a sad day indeed when he goes off to that big press box in the sky, and Dodger games will just never be the same. *sniffle*

  236. treedweller
    February 10th, 2007 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    166 Cha5nce:
    That’s funny. Awhile back, I watched another Classic Movie, Billy Wilder’s The Apartment. Shirley Maclaine is surprised Jack Lemmon knows where she lives and he freely admits to mining her personnel file for all kinds of information. She giggles and admonishes him not to tell the boys at the office about her appendix scar because she wouldn’t want them getting the wrong idea about how he knew she had one.

    I thought, geez, how could anyone be so clueless about stalkerism?

    And then I read Mary Worth.

  237. Techinin
    February 10th, 2007 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    #146, Snark-ku

    #127, Josh and Wille: I want an Intergalactic Emperor Chennux doll from Cafe Press! I want I want I want!!!

    #89, great article!!!

  238. Red Greenback
    February 10th, 2007 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    I’m sorry Nyssa. Hopefully, Vin will live ’til 150 , but when he passes let us pray Harry Shearer keep us comforted with Vin’s dulcet tones.

    BTW, As a CCSA (Comics Curmudgeon Service Announcement)-the Hearn piece wasn’t mine-It was written by King Kaufman for Salon.com.

  239. ISBN
    February 10th, 2007 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    Hey, Josh, I tried to be on a bowling league in junior high! After the first outting, I was relegated to “substitute” member by my uber-competitive bitch teammates. Yeah that’s right, I said it.

    Then, the one game I got to play? Sr. Jean (the nun who oversaw the league) took me out and wouldn’t let me play again. She insisted that no one could be as bad as I was and that I was…. trying to.. impress boys… by being so… bad at bowling? (I scored a 3 in that game). Cut her some slack, she’s a nun. Troof is, I’m just a bad bowler.

    Could you imagine Luann getting laid? She’s the kind of girl who no doubt would fake her orgasms–not for HIS sake, but for hers. That way she won’t have to adjust her idea of reality and admit he might suck in bed. “Oh, you’re so good! Must be all the army training!” Thanks, Luann. From the rest of us who don’t fake ‘em.

    A little vulgar, sorry. But you know I’m right…

  240. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    February 10th, 2007 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    #232: See, here’s the thing that makes this place so great – I’d heard the name “Chick Hearn,” and if pressed, could have told you he was a sports announcer, maybe. (I’m not a sports fan generally.) But Red G., you go and write this tribute, and all of a sudden I’m right there with you, wishing this guy were still around and missing his way of putting a listener right there in the middle of a basketball game.

    Bravo, sir.

    Oh, and willethompson – man I told you the emperor should be called “Chemux” or something, to avoid just this sort of unpleasantness. Hopefully, Chennux’s saute-based threats are as empty as his empress is unsatisfied, and you’re still okay.

  241. Ribinin
    February 10th, 2007 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: I am officially freaked out and have a new fear in my life. My wife finishes my sentences incorrectly when I’m talking at (my) normal speed.

    Thanks, Lynne!

  242. M. Peachbush
    February 10th, 2007 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    SF: 50 Cent, Foxy Brown and 60’s blues rockers Free Tonight! In concert? What a great lineup! Where are they playing?

  243. stinky pete
    February 10th, 2007 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    #232 Red et al, I lived in LA from 1984-1991; who can forget, “no harm, no foul, no blood, no ambulance.” And Stu Lantz, the prototype for every color man who could not get a word in edgewise, saying, “That’s right, Chick.”

  244. stinky pete
    February 10th, 2007 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    #237, thanks – 148 posts later, someone notices..(*sniff*)

  245. stinky pete
    February 10th, 2007 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    but 232 red, shouldn’t that be “the buuter is getting hard?” (Memo to self – collect all thoughts into one post from now on…)

  246. True Fable
    February 10th, 2007 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    DtM You little sod! Don’t give me any of that “even mobsters like cookies” crap, you just lost 50 points because MenaceWatch2007 opposes such banal kindnesses from anyone claiming the Menace title! You don’t compliment a goon like Mrs. Wilson, you tell her something like, “the cookies are a nice touch, but cold hard cash doesn’t need sweetening. Call us when Mr. Wilson comes out of his coma and we’ll find out where he hid his nest egg for you.” Something like that.

    Geez, do I have to do everything for youse?

  247. Remus - (A Tater Tot Man)
    February 10th, 2007 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    Derrick and “Onion”, teach me a valuable lesson about man’s inhumanity to man vis a vis famed black dancers and Jim Crow segregation…and beat Curtis to a pulp while you’re at it, just to ram the point home. Please?

    Red Hot Sexed Up Marla WITH Cleavage!! in Retail !!! I am so lovin’ that.

    And kids, just remember, “Paris is not Spencer Farms.” Wisdom for the ages.

    Andy’s back!! Woohoooo – best non-beaver character in Mark Trail.

  248. Michael L.
    February 10th, 2007 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    FBofW: In today’s online strip, first and fourth panels, Grandpa Jim’s eyes blink. I’ve seen the blinking eyes on the character-profile pages. But in the daily strips? It’s like seeing a mannequin move — it’s just wrong.

  249. MonkeyHawk
    February 10th, 2007 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    #232 — Red:

    Although I agree with everything you wrote about Chick Hearne, “Chicky Baby” remained the #2 sportscaster in Los Angeles.

    Vin Scully retrains the crown. It’s a different game, different timing (and, yes, Chick had a way with keeping up with lightning-fast basketball action with words that painted vivid audio pictures), but Vin has always been a poet. There’s possibly no broadcast better than Vin calling a blow-out; except, of course, Vin calling a close game.

    Scully seems to be the best-read, most omniscient person on the planet (a concession to Galactic Empror Chinuxx on this one, since he’s orbiting above somewhere), who just happens to be talking about a baseball game. He gets the game, gets the drama, gets the fans, gets it across simply by the words that come to him at the moment. Listending to a Dodgers broadcast is like watching Picasso paint.

    And — sorry if I veer too on-topic for a moment — the appeal of Hearne and Scully remind me of why we read the funny papers. Sometimes we strike gold.

    Walt Kelly’s “Pogo” was before my time, but it’s obvious he was the best there was when he was. Shultz had his heyday. Bill Waterston raised the bar so high we can only hope to live long enough to see it surpassed.

    I know squat about hockey but I treasure the time I watched Gretsky play. I was in the arena one night when Michael Jordan levitated effortlessly to do a Nike logo-worthy slam-dunk from the free throw line.

    All this leads up to a thank-you to the people who post on this forum. We may disagree on stuff, but most of us tend to be people who recognize and appreciate brilliance.

    I recognize and appreciate you all.

    (Well, not Dingo so much, but the rest of you)

  250. Red Greenback
    February 10th, 2007 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    MonkeHawk—thats HEARN!…Oh, I get it…the ThorpE thang…You old E-baiter, you!

  251. Red Greenback
    February 10th, 2007 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    #249 My utmost love & respect to Vin, but he never hosted a bowling-themed teevee program. (keeping within the parameters of this thread)

  252. True Fable
    February 10th, 2007 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    DtM Oh, and Dennis: Ice the little girly kid you been hangin’ wit’, ‘coz I know there’s a leak in the organization and that wimpy little puss and his black ski pants an’ magenta coat gives me the suspicions. Unless he’s your ugly cousin from Buffalo, in which case I’d slap your aunt and uncle for littering.
    Just sayin’. *sigh* I know, I know, tomorrow is Sunday and you’ll go to church wit’ your folks; I respect the whole show an’ all, but you gimme the creeps when you don’t menace up on Saddiddy’s. What’re confessionals for, after all.
    A3G Hey Blond Boy! What the hell are you SMILIN’ ABOUT in panel 3? Slick Boy’s birddoggin’, man! Pop a cap in his ass when she ain’t lookin’, and be sure to be all comforting to her when she finds his cold dead body. Be a man.
    C(MD) Irving, you are dead to me. Cathy Must Die. Why is this person still before my eyes?
    BB The overly dramatic pose in the second panel does not make up for the fact that you are a weenie to the tenth power, Emo Boy. Now drop and give me twenty, or twenty grand in small non-consequential bills. I like to think I’m a reasonable fellow.
    MW Mary, you are my finest hitwoman, calculating and untraceable. Haven’t you nagged that quack to death yet? And what’s with this noise he’s giving you, is that Reason and Explanation? Better do more than just twist his left arm out of its socket, kid… unless that is the bonus you give yourself, of course. I would not presume to tell a Master Meddler she cannot derive pleasure from someone else’s pain.
    FBoFW Dammit. Why won’t these people DIE?
    April, you have failed me. I should be seeing foob chum in Lake Erie by now. WTF are you waiting for? If that book gets published there will be consequences, April.
    *sigh* I sent a punk to do a Fable’s job. What was I thinkin’.

  253. Jym Dyer
    February 10th, 2007 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    =v= #152 (re: #98) — I was thinking Hy-Vee. “A helpful smile in every aisle.”

  254. Dennis Jimenez
    February 10th, 2007 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    RMMD – Episode 2.10.2007 – Rex Screws the Pooch

    SF – Can I get a witness?

  255. John C Fremont
    February 10th, 2007 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    # 218 – Give up taxidermy, Thurmond. All those mounted squirrels…

  256. John C Fremont
    February 10th, 2007 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    # 98, 152 & 253 – In the fifties and sixties, Iowa also had United stores, which also featured the aforementioned white paper hats and pencils behind the ears. Also had whole beef tungues, hearts, and brains prominately displayed in the meat counter. Pretty cool when you’re a kid.

  257. Jack Parsons
    February 10th, 2007 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    Phantom: the odd shape of Sancho Panza explained: he and his tribe are
    Neanderthals!

  258. True Fable
    February 10th, 2007 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    #254 I suspect you are right, Dennis. June looks pretty pissed off that Rex is dissing her boy toy. After all, he’s a poor little kid who’s fallen on hard times with a sympathetic story and a mommy who’s trying her best but being led astray by a wicked, wicked man.
    Rex, you ain’t getting any tonight -again – so just go drink yourself into oblivion before the kid empties all the good Scotch out of your liquor cabinet. And be sure to pass out on your bed so you’ll have at least one comfortable piece of furniture in the house after Niki the Innocent hauls off the rest to be pawned.
    And don’t look in the garage, Rex. Remember how you first tapped June? …yeah. Go drink something.

  259. Cowboy Dave
    February 10th, 2007 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    Re Gil Thorp, panel 3: You know you comic’s in trouble when your own characters—characters you are actually drawing!—try to hid their faces behind their own dialogue balloons. Grant could have said, “Yes, I’m going!” but the resulting balloon would have been so small you’d have seen his eyes. So instead Grant throws in an extremely weak “Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions” joke just so he can make the balloon large enough to hide his shame! In the future, and for efficiency’s sake, I recommend that Grant simply talk in a larger font. It works for Mallard Fillmore.

  260. Dingo
    February 10th, 2007 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    #249 MonkeyHawk:

    All this leads up to a thank-you to the people who post on this forum. We may disagree on stuff, but most of us tend to be people who recognize and appreciate brilliance.

    I recognize and appreciate you all.

    (Well, not Dingo so much, but the rest of you)

    Wow. Gosh. Thanks.

    [MARGO] you, too.

  261. Mibbitmaker
    February 10th, 2007 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    #203 et al: Aw, I wanted to make my own John C. Fremont-type list! Well, better late than never.

    Mine is Really Cool Stuff (apologies to Little Steven)….. The Beatles, SNL (esp. the ’70s), this place, the 2004 Red Sox, Peanuts, Krazy Kat, Pogo, Calvin & Hobbes (except when Bill W. gets too opinionated), non-preachy Mutts, non-crazy Cerebus, Strangers in Paradise, The Maxx, Patty Cake, Bone, Mort Drucker, Bob Clampett, Don Wright (when I agree), Oliphant (when I agree), Jeff MacNelly (WIA), Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me, Chuck Jones, Fleisher Studios & Famous Studios & Charlton comics (c. 1969-74) Popeye, Little Steven’s Underground Garage, ’60s garage rock, lounge instrumental/Space Age Pop/exotica, classic rock (less ’80s), oldies, Rolling Stones, Arrested Development, The Office, My Name is Earl, Veronica Mars, M*A*S*H, All in the Family, Cheers, NewsRadio, 30 Rock, Joan of Arcadia, Johnny Carson, Late Night (Dave and Conan), Night Flight, Tex Avery, Archie comics drawn by Harry Lucie……..

  262. deeeeeeeeelightful
    February 10th, 2007 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    Its nice we get a window into the kind of men Greg Evans would date if he was a 16 year old girl…..

  263. jake!
    February 10th, 2007 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    Jeez, it’s ‘Gil Thorp’ guest starring Evil Spock and Christopher Walken.

  264. Ol'Froth
    February 10th, 2007 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

    My apologies if its been noted before, but is the reporter in GT the Evil Spock from “Mirror Mirror?”

  265. Dean Booth
    February 10th, 2007 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

    I never even heard of Gil Thorp until I started reading CC several months ago, and today I was shocked to discover that Gil Thorp is actually a character in the strip. I’m not sure of what I thought a “Gil Thorp” was; perhaps I didn’t think he was a person because that’s not what the drawings in the strip bring to mind.

  266. Red Greenback
    February 10th, 2007 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

    Hi Dean- Gil Thorp sounds like a bubble in a bathtub, innit?

  267. Poteet
    February 10th, 2007 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

    # 253 — Thanks, Jym. I’ve lived in Iowa so long that I don’t know what supermarkets in other states are like, but it’s true that in my Hy-Vee, the staffers, if asked where an item is, will lead you around until you are actually touching the item you were looking for. Or maybe I just look particularly clueless. Fareway, on the other hand, was closed on Sundays until fairly recently, and was even more of a timewarp place. And their meat counter was legendary for good service. Okay, I promise I’m through Iowa-ing for awhile.

  268. Red Greenback
    February 11th, 2007 at 12:05 am [Reply]

    Poteet…You are the wind beneath my Iowings.

  269. Bunnë
    February 11th, 2007 at 12:52 am [Reply]

    153: Yes! Fareway sounds right. I am married to an Iowan, and so the names of local businesses sometimes escape me. We end up at Hy-Vee more often, which is my mother-in-laws favorite choice for brunch. Grocery store brunch. You know.

  270. Techinin
    February 11th, 2007 at 1:41 am [Reply]

    #244 aw, honey, don’t cry. the last line was especially COTW material – what the Margo boxcar Saturn? which is perfect to use when in mixed company.

  271. Dr Ling
    February 11th, 2007 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    A jealousy story on Luann would finally let Greg get it all out of his system – all the years of bland DARE conformism – he’d be able to draw Luann (and Berenice) in skimpy outfits as they compete for Sgt. York. Bud would have to confess that his “sibling rivalry” is really Degrootophilia.

    Appropriately 1970s Resolution: a car-key party where Luann wins Bud and Berenice wins Sgt. York. They come to their senses and swap back. The next day.

  272. the genghis
    February 11th, 2007 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    I’m a Joe, and we have a bowling alley on damn-near every post we have. So Jared McBernie’sbro very well COULD have learned how to bowl while in the Army.

  273. pumafan
    February 11th, 2007 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

    Just a quick question … what does the (DT) in (DT)GT mean?

  274. Red Greenback
    February 11th, 2007 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    #273 pumafan- (Darn That)Gil Tho….All right, “Peggy”…Shit. less than 24 hours and we are already the Lockhorns!

  275. whoamItoday?
    February 11th, 2007 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

    RedGreenback, Nyassa23, and others?

    What say we have an actual in person, SoCal snark-a-thon?

    Before March 11 though. I’m moving overseas on the 12th.

  276. reader-who-posts
    February 11th, 2007 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

    Curtis’ dad spent the entire strip discussing all the cool things his generation has done without mentioning one thing that could be contributed directly to african-americans. I guess it is more important to describe giant golden telepathic otters during Kwanzaa than black achievements during Black History Month.

  277. Red Greenback
    February 12th, 2007 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    #275-w?-Sweet! Because of all the Stalkeraldos out here in the Intertubes, I gotta refrain from giving out my e-mail addie. Josh can hook us all up,though. Oh yeah, don’t forget Apple Girl….I got a feeling she needs to experience “The Real OC”…Oh Yeah #2…”Peggy” is kinda shy, so I don’t know if she will be able to make the scene.

  278. Scott Nickel
    February 28th, 2007 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    I stand humbled before your gigantic wits.

    Scott Nickel

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