The Comics Curmudgeon

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Metapost: Delays … HEY LOOK CUTE BABY

Probably won’t have time to post Wednesday comics till Thursday afternoon, but to tide you over till then … LOOK, IT’S FAITHFUL READER BANANA’S ADORABLE SUN IN FINGER-QUOTIN’ MARGO MODE!

By all means, you should clothe your child in the inscrutable hipster arcana of your choice from the Comics Curmudgeon store. If the logo you want isn’t available in kids’ sizes, just let me know and I’ll add it.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, February 28, 2007 at 08:36 pm and is filed under metaposts.

203 responses to “Metapost: Delays … HEY LOOK CUTE BABY”

stinky pete
February 28th, 2007 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

argh! “old” fogeyette, see my last post on old thread! boy, you try to say something nice and josh puts up a new post right in the middle of it.
Luna
February 28th, 2007 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

Faithful Reader Banana,

Your sun is adorable!
Mr. Oâ€™Malley
February 28th, 2007 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

Since I ended up being the last person in the previous thread, I’m reposting:

Let me add my voice to those urging the old-timers to stay.

Yes, Iâ€™m sure itâ€™s different than when there were only 11 posts a day. I frequently donâ€™t add a â€œwow that was funnyâ€ if other people have already done so, just in order to keep the number of posts down. Iâ€™m sure there are others who do the same. So the amount of received applause should be multiplied by a factor greater than one when assessing how well your effort went over.

I recently had the experience of reading this site while in the cancer ward, and for unavoidable reasons I was generally a few days behind in reading. Nevertheless it was a bright spot in my day, and if I had to skim a bit, I made a point of checking out all the old-timers because I knew they would generally provide some much-needed laughs.

So please stick around if you can, because although Iâ€™m home now, I could still use a few daily chuckles, and if I have to get them out of the local birdcage liner, theyâ€™re going to be awfully thin on the ground. (Is there a metaphor lurking in there?)

That said, there have been a few posts that I found offensive, but I let them go by because Iâ€™m not very argumentative. But now Iâ€™m thinking that perhaps itâ€™s better, especially for those with well-established credentials, to pile on right away.

Itâ€™s a funny view you get of people. You learn that they donâ€™t like Lio, have a huge collection of vintage Smokey Stover or like to drink coffee. But their race, gender, age, sexual orientation, religious preference and home town will remain completely unknown, unless they choose to reveal it. Something to keep in mind when postingâ€¦
yellojkt
February 28th, 2007 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

It’s never too young to learn some ironic detatchnent.

What a cute looking kid Banana. You should be proud.
fizzy logic
February 28th, 2007 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

Hey, is that CHENNUX hiding behind the “sun”?

That’s a half quotin’ Margo, but still cute!

Mr. O’Malley, so sorry to hear you’ve been infirm! At least the Winkerbean knows how to cheer you up. Um, no, but I hope WE can take your mind off of FW for a while.
Stuart P. Bentley
February 28th, 2007 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

He looks more like the pope throwing gang signs than Margo (and of course, when I say Pope, I mean the collective Pope of popishness in general and not the current Darth Popius)
Tedlick
February 28th, 2007 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

#3– Lio is my most favorite comic, and I thank this site for turning me on to it (and, I must add– this site has given me a huge appreciation for some of the in jokes you find in Lio)

Just had to say that, sorry to add to the post count…
Rebecca
February 28th, 2007 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

I agree: her “sun” is “adorable.”
al
February 28th, 2007 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

Am I the only one who has noticed that Mr. Potato Head looks like Captain Kangaroo?
PeteMoss
February 28th, 2007 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

Little Banana is obviously performing the “Little Rabbit Foo-Foo” song. I remember that one from Camp.

Little Rabbit Foo-Foo
I don’t wanna see you
Pickin’ up the field mice
And bash them in the head.
PeteMoss
February 28th, 2007 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

10. I’m probably the only one here who went to that dorky camp, aren’t I?
andreavis
February 28th, 2007 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

10: PeteMoss, I probably went to that camp also, but I remember it as “Little Rabbit Foo-Foo, hoppin’ through the forest, scooping up the field mice and BONKING ‘em on the head.” Looks Lil’ Banana is about to layeth the smacketh down on Foo-Foo… how adorable!
True Fable
February 28th, 2007 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

to continue my snark from the previous thread…

Crankshaft When did the recitation of everyday conversations become comedy gold? Oh yeah, that’s only when Tom Batuik can’t come up with anything lethal.
DtM -5 points, Dennis, you little slug. The Honorable thing a Menacer does is to sneak in. You are a disgrace to rascals everywhere.
FC Thel, you’ve only given the child mashed potatoes to eat? What the hell kind of diet is that?
JP Angela is obviously jealous that the rest of the women in the world have slender eyebrows. And see there, Angie – you’ve been holding up Cedric for so long, his bread is completely covered in blue mold. Shame on you.
MW I hope tomorrow Ella says, “oh, that! I changed my mind and decided dreams are just a subconcious venting system and mean nothing! So where have you been lately, Mary?”
RMMD Rex, you’ll never get the chance to Bang June if you keep running to investigate every gunshot you hear.
FBoFW I like the two little thingle-dealies hanging from April’s headgear. Everyone’s commented on why-is-the-snow-all-over-John so that’s all I can do. The Strip of Infamy is still on its way so I’m hunkering down.
Luann TJ is the Eddie Haskins of Comix.
Luna
February 28th, 2007 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

#11 Pete

I was a counselor at that camp, teaching those songs,
Sir, you left out the first verse!

It went thusly,

Little Bunny Foo-Foo,
Hoppin’ thru the forest
Pickin’ up the field mice
and smackin’ em on the head

Along came the good fairy
and she said,

Little Bunny Foo-Foo
I don’t wanna see you
Pickin up the field mice
and slappin’em on the head!
stinky pete
February 28th, 2007 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

10, 12, 14 my version had the bunny “boppin” ‘em on the head (and “scoopin” up the field mice!)
PeteMoss
February 28th, 2007 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

12. andreavis & 14. Luna, THAT’S IT! Now I remember. Hey, I’m not gonna get mess hall duty for fogetting the lyrics, am I?
Pendragon
February 28th, 2007 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

I don’t post often because people here are more quick, clever and articulate. You say the things I imagine in ways I wish I could. Now I see it also applies to when you are serious and sympathetic. Like Molly, I can’t always comprehend your loss or your pain, whether physical or psychic, but, like her, I know I can come home and be with those who do. It is your unspoken secret — you care, therefore you snark.

Thanks, Josh, for this place. Thanks to the CCC for being the energy all around you. May happiness and comfort find you when you need them.

We now return to our regularly scheduled program.
Artist formerly known as Ben
February 28th, 2007 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

Nice. One hand is doing the air quotes thingy, the other is raving over a fine Italian meal. That’s duality, man.
Pendragon
February 28th, 2007 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

DT – I thought the Blue Meanies were supposed to be the cops. It looks like Royal Flush got out of Pepperland just before the Yellow Submarine docked. I’m thinking Snapping Turtle Turk.
Chromium
February 28th, 2007 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

I had a cassette tape with that song on it. Doesn’t the good fairy end up getting revenge on him somehow?
stinky pete
February 28th, 2007 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

20 Chromium, the good fairy gave Little Bunny THREEEEE CHANCES; he kept boppin’ the field mice anyway so she turned him into a GOON!!
Doug Puthoff
February 28th, 2007 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

Is it me, or is Banana’s kid looking as if he’s about the preach the Sermon on the Mount?

I know, he looks like Ralph Phillips!
Matt McIrvin
February 28th, 2007 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

I think it started out as a shaggy-dog story in which, after many many verses, the fairy eventually turns the rabbit into a “goon”, setting up the punch line “hare today, goon tomorrow”. But some later versions dropped the actual joke and just left the silly song.
Cornwhacker
February 28th, 2007 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

10, 12, etc. – Ah, a subject dear to my heart. The version I learned in day care had “Little Rabbit Foo Foo”,
“picking up the field mice and whacking them on the head”.

The big question is, what did the Good Fairy threaten to do to Foo Foo? (”I’m going to turn you into a goose!)
True Fable
February 28th, 2007 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

DT Today’s villian was revealed today to be a Fusco Brother.
Cornwhacker
February 28th, 2007 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

21, 23: Whoops, too slow for you guys.

GOOSE. GOOSE. GOOSE.
migellito
February 28th, 2007 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

re Dirty Microbe: For at least an hour of reading time, over the space of two days, I assumed dirty microbe referred to some tv commercial I wasn’t aware of. Or of which I wasn’t aware. I pictured it as some high tech advert for .. something high tech.. like a computer chip ad. Actually, I usually prefer the Pixelgirls, particularly the one from about two months ago.. I think.

As long as we’re on the topic, even better is one of the Curmudgeonites who regularly appears in the curmudgeon gear ad, though it’s not possible for me to reveal which one, since it’s randomly selected.
Dean Booth
February 28th, 2007 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

Tom the Dancing Bug does a nice riff on TDIET today.

My foo foo version: bunny, boppin’, and goon.
Thats The Spirit
February 28th, 2007 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

Goon. Goon. Goon.
True Fable
February 28th, 2007 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

We get on the darndest tangents! XD
Pendragon
February 28th, 2007 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

Isn’t “Bunny Foo Foo” another one of those Moebius strip songs like “The Song That Never Ends” or “George Washington Bridge”?

On topic B, most of the Y-chromosome types were favorably disposed to the person in the Roadside t-shirt although, as I recall, she wasn’t technically a Curmudgeonite.
Saberchick
February 28th, 2007 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

bunny, bashing in their heads, and goon
Trotzenbonnie
February 28th, 2007 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

Hare today, goon tomorrow?
Trotzenbonnie
February 28th, 2007 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

Sorry. I didn’t go to summer camp and I’m not a fast typer…
MyGoodName
February 28th, 2007 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

Wednesday’s RMMD: Saved by the bell…or, um, gunfire. Rex almost had to kiss his wife!
Krazy Kat
February 28th, 2007 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

Same here “bunny” “boppin’” but no “goon”
Cute “sun”
Josh
February 28th, 2007 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

God damn it, I really did type “sun” didn’t I. Yes, I’m a professional editor, ladies and gentlemen. I’m leaving it up there as a monument to my incompetence.

#27 migellito — the Curmudgeonite in the “More Zippers Mule” t-shirt is my wife, so you better watch yourself. Of course, if she’s not who you’re talking about, I’ll also take offense. HA HA YOU CAN’T WIN!

Josh
TooTrue
February 28th, 2007 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

Am I the only one who seriously wants a “May I clean your garage, ma’am?” shirt?
PeteMoss
February 28th, 2007 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

Fairy gives Foo-Foo 3 chances but Foo-Foo keeps falling off the wagon and gets turned into a goon. Then the punchline is the bad pun, Hare Today, Goon Tomorrow.
Pendragon
February 28th, 2007 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

#34 – You make up for it in other ways!

Stand up, America! Do you prefer to be gooned or, oh, wait a minute…
migellito
February 28th, 2007 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

Sweet! After about 20 page reloads, I found the right curmudgeon gear picture, and.. um.. [re-reads Josh's post]

Wow, how about them foobs, eh?
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
February 28th, 2007 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

migellito 27: I think you mean the one where, whenever that photo comes up, I forget to read the snarkage and usually end up in a reverie, nervously adjusting my collar and thinking the thermostat got turned too high accidentally. Yep – that one. Truth, it seems there are a good number of fine-looking female Curmudgeons out there… (I’ll let someone else address the fineness or lack thereof of the male contingent.)
Mibbitmaker
February 28th, 2007 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

I don’t know which came first, but that bunny camp song punchline is almost exactly one of Jack Mercer’s witty mumblings from a 1938 Popeye cartoon. He’s on Goon Island looking for Pappy, disguising himself to fit in, and he applies goon-like hair to himself, cheerfully chirping (you guessed it), “Hair today, Goon tomorrow”.

I didn’t have the song, but my 1972 summer camp experience included a storyteller spinning a yarn about Jimmy Stewart’s old pal Harvey the giant rabbit, who, I’m sure, could take ol’ FooFoo easy, if he were as violent.

The following year, at a different summercamp, the Wacky Package craze hit, the Monster Mash returned to the top 40, and….

Wait a minute, where was I? Oh, yeah, comic strips….
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
February 28th, 2007 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

What I love about the cute infant is that he has such a serious expression: either he knows the wisdom of the ages or he’s very sad that the rest of us, clearly, do not.

I’d say something about, you know, comics – except all the color cartoons are here and gone, back and forth, in and out like a two-dollar whore on payday*, so I haven’t seen half of them.

*sigh…my sad attempt at a Dingo-esque simile…
NotGodot
February 28th, 2007 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

Huh. It’s probably just dumb luck, but the only Curmudgeon Gear Ad for the “More Zippers Mule!” “T-Shirt” I’ve ever seen doesn’t have a female model at all.

…

Josh, do you by any chance live in Massachusetts?
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
February 28th, 2007 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

Maker of mibbits: It’s amusing the materials people recycle for kids’ stories, isn’t it? I remember once, I was about 16 and we were on a long car trip (I’m the oldest, with two sisters and a brother all three years apart with my brother 9 years younger than I), and I kept them entertained for a while telling them a (considerably edited and cleaned-up) version of the story of Zappa’s “Billy the Mountain”…

(No, it didn’t go “Little Billy Mountain, going on vacation / Crushing random Lincolns / And Studebaker Hoch…” to the tune of “Little Bunny Foo-Foo”)
Mibbitmaker
February 28th, 2007 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

(Belatedly…)

FOOB: I figured out how all that snow got on John and the pets: Given her words as she jumps up and down, I think it was April’s ginormous ego got all that snow on them! Really, who is she, Donald Trump?

Curtis: Given the memory in the 3rd panel, isn’t it the wrong color? Ewww!

RMMD: See, comic strip? See what happens when you wait too long to get back to the real storyline??

JP: Forget the main story in panel one, I’m more entertained by the odd man in the foreground, laughing specifically at the comic creators’ signature. Get that man to a Jack Elrod sphere, stat!

MW: Hey, Ella, what are you doing at Moy and Giella’s apartment? No fair influencing your creators… to…. replace…..Marrrrrrr — nevermind. As you were, Ella.
Badger
March 1st, 2007 at 12:03 am [Reply]

TooTrue, 38:

As the chairman of the “Garage T-shirt” committee, along with insolenttomato, I can assure you that we are campaigning for the “Garages cleaned, senior discount” with all the power of our teemed masses.

You know, I never realized what a cruel bastard that Foo Foo was… what’s his problem?

Oh, it’s just a little rabbit, you say. I warned you that it was a killer rabbit, but did you listen? Noooooo. Time for the holy hand grenade.
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
March 1st, 2007 at 12:04 am [Reply]

I believe I’ve found my first post to this site – on January 10, 2005! (It’s under my old name of “2fs” – it would appear I didn’t start using “Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener” until October 27, 2006.) The post is a comment on an entry dated September 10, 2004..the first comment on which is dated October 17, 2004…and the most recent comment – the 8th – is dated as recently as November 2006! Things have indeed changed around here…but I was surprised I’ve been around here more than two years!
Trotzenbonnie
March 1st, 2007 at 12:06 am [Reply]

#46 – Gadge
Ha! You just made me hack up a boulder!
My 10th grade geometry teacher promised an “A” to anyone in the class who could tell him who Studebaker Hoch was. Thank God. I knew Zappa but I hated polygons.
Cafangdra
March 1st, 2007 at 12:09 am [Reply]

Are people threatening to stop commenting? Aw, sad.

Anyway, Lio is still awesome and that kid is really cute.
Poteet
March 1st, 2007 at 12:13 am [Reply]

Per the top photo, I’d say “what a cutie” except this child already looks like a thinking person. With mesmerizing eyes.

# 3 — Mr. O’Malley, we are thinking of you, and please continue to grace us with your snarks when you feel so inclined. And per the last thread, wow, someone else knows the “G for Generosity” song. Do you perchance know the “If you’re ugly and repulsive” song?

# 39 — Rabbit, pickin’, bashin’, goon. Though I preferred the very short chant about the constipated ape.
Elisabeth
March 1st, 2007 at 12:22 am [Reply]

I will lose a lot of sleep wondering about what happened in the gutter before the final panel of the March 1st Foob. Mike just couldn’t go roadside tonight?
Poteet
March 1st, 2007 at 12:36 am [Reply]

And very very belated congratulations to Weasel Boy and all the brilliant snarkers who made the runners-up list.

And if you read this, Skullturf, thank you very very much for pointing out the centennial of my creator, Milt Caniff, sometimes called by his colleagues “The Rembrandt of the Comic Strip,” amusingly-hallowed be his name.
Colleen
March 1st, 2007 at 12:39 am [Reply]

I’m trying to remember the timeline in RMMD….was it just yesterday that they had the whole fake-doctor-hostage-situation?

You would think with rates like that, gunshots wouldn’t even phase the good doctor anymore.

But then again, if it was two days ago, then I think June’s question of “What was that?” needs an interrobang.
Uncle Lumpy
March 1st, 2007 at 1:04 am [Reply]

And in RMMD, it’s Abbey to the rescue!

PS. Cute how the Chron accepts “February 29″ as a legitimate date! I like their world!
Poteet
March 1st, 2007 at 1:19 am [Reply]

3/1 –

MW — Two hairstyles, each with a strange metallic sheen, telepathically duking it out on the sofa. “I’m weirder!” “No, I’M weirder!” “Eat my spray!”

Foob — Just a few more hours until the new letters are up! I’m jonesin’ for that special Michael pain!

And if any other CCers visit the Foobsite, please, please tell me what the (Margo) is going on with Elly’s face on the homepage. At first I thought she was some kind of bizarre bunned homage to Pansy Yokum, but then I realized that was a gross insult to Pansy.
BoShek
March 1st, 2007 at 1:21 am [Reply]

I know Spider-Man has been several notches below dullsville lately but check out the “!!!” word bubble on MJ today! “BangBangBang” or something.

Also, Foob shows Michael and Deanna in bed. Ick. I think they look uncomfortable not because of the house but bcause their reasons for not sleeping together are all used up and now these two who tolerate eachother at best must share a bed. Good luck, you two. If any “yard work” takes place, be careful. An out-of-practice hedge trimmer is a danger to himself and others. Maybe it’s just best to call ABBA, eh?

Mary Worth- we learn that Mary’s mind is the ultimate source of truth, thus validating Mary’s own hypothesis to that effect.

Gil Thorp – Three panels which could go in any order, stand alone or in groups of 2 and still be no crazier and choppier.

RMMD – Elvis is subdued by the Wonderdog. The world is saved…. but what of EightBall and May!?

JP- The Butler-on-Wife conversation continues. Nothing is said, per se, though there are, indeed, words.

Garfield-Trying to sum up my thoughts on a Garfield I read minutes ago, I drew a blank. I got it in the end, but it wasn’t worth the effort. Four blank boxes would be about as entertaining as the current run of Garfields and would take less time to read.
Mibbitmaker
March 1st, 2007 at 1:55 am [Reply]

3/1:

MT: Wow in panel 2! The woman can really make the Elrodball levitate like magic, can’t she? Bravo!

FOOB:
Panel 1: Going
Panel 2: through
Panel 3: the
Panel 4: motions.

A3G: The FW-ifying of 3G continues (NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!)

RMMD: Ah, this ought to cheer us up now! This is the point in the narative where the studio audience cheers and applauds loudly. (Cheers, applauds loudly)

FC: HAHAHAHA – It’s funny ’cause Bil’s a technophobe! – HAHAHAHAHAHA!!
BoShek
March 1st, 2007 at 2:01 am [Reply]

Thank you, Mibbit. I had the same feeling about Family Circus but could not put it into sarcastic words nearly so fine as you.
Mibbitmaker
March 1st, 2007 at 2:06 am [Reply]

My #58 comment on FOOB could apply to just panel 4, now that I think of it.
MonkeyHawk
March 1st, 2007 at 2:11 am [Reply]

Why’s Dick Tracy giving the old Bob Dole left-handed handshake?
migellito
March 1st, 2007 at 2:20 am [Reply]

When reading Mary Worth, is it just me, or does everyone give Ella the voice of Davros from Dr. Who?
Randy S
March 1st, 2007 at 2:29 am [Reply]

I recently constructed a fairly perverted Zits strip by pasting panels from two different strips together, plus a little bit of creative tracing on my part.
Unfortunately I don’t have my own website, so if anyone wants to use it for that purpose, I could send them a copy and they can decide for themselves.
(P.S. I’m not sure if this would constitute a copywright violation, considering that it’s a spoof, but I’m using the cartoonist’s artwork for the most part)
Mibbitmaker
March 1st, 2007 at 2:30 am [Reply]

#59: You’re welcome, and thank you, BoShek.

MW: Isn’t Ella special? She’s one in a million! She’s what they call… an “enabler”. Ain’t she sweet?

And props to Abbey in RMMD, huh? (clapclapclapclap…) Yeah! Let’s hear it! (clapclap…clap…clap….!) (pause) That Abbey truly is a Wonder Dog!

BANG, BANG, BANG?
BARK! BARK! BARK!*

(*apologies to posting Abbey for “borrowing” her shtick.)
Mibbitmaker
March 1st, 2007 at 2:34 am [Reply]

#64-Me:

……… “shtick shtick”???
migellito
March 1st, 2007 at 2:35 am [Reply]

omg… before going to bed I thought I’d finally look at the letters on the home site of For Worse. I only looked at two, but it was probably the two worst.. Elly and Mike. I only skimmed them, and still my eyes are bleeding. Letting your parents raise your kids in a way contrary to your wishes is worth a few extra minutes in the morning? Their freeking house burned down, and you’re charging them rent?! And you’re hoping they get out soon?!

I see it now, though I doubted it before. They are truly, unremittingly, evil. I didn’t know how full was my soul, until it was violently emptied.

On a lighter note, the potential names for the book were apparently all submitted by Curmudgeonites seeking to make fun of it.
Nyssa23
March 1st, 2007 at 2:48 am [Reply]

#62 migellito–No, although that is a prime second choice. I prefer to imagine Ella speaking in the voice of the Crypt Keeper in HBO’s Tales from the Crypt.

RMMD: I guess we know now who’s raising poor little Sarah while Rex and June conduct their own psychosexual dramas–Abbey the Wonderdog.

FW: This meeting of the Cancer Club is now in session. Abandon all hope, ye who enter here. Oh, and there’s punch and pie. Awesome. Seriously though, what’s the password, “tamoxifen”?

Piranha Club: Something about this strip is absolutely hilarious to me. I think it’s the dippin’ sauce. DIPPIN’ SAUCE!!!!

(P.S. gh, Old Fogeyette, et al.–please don’t leave! Mr. O’Malley and dimestore lipstick and all those who have posted about their losses and illnesses, I for one am glad that a few snarks might have lightened up your days.)

P.P.S. I learned it as “Little Bunny Foo-Foo,” with the attendant “scoopin’,” “boppin’,” and with the “hare today, goon tomorrow” punchline. And that wasn’t even at camp.
dramashoes
March 1st, 2007 at 3:06 am [Reply]

#62 migellito: Actually no, but I gloss Mary Worth as a cyberman. She’s flat and emotionless enough:

“Do not be afraid, Jeff Cory. The Cyberworth will keep you from caring about the children. The children will be deleted.”
AppleGirl
March 1st, 2007 at 3:38 am [Reply]

Banana, your child is soooo cute and he looks like a smart one!

MW – Those ladies look so teeny-tiny in the room of GIGANTO furniture. Hahaha! I LOVE perspective problems. I didn’t even read what those biddies said; just looking at the artwork today made me laugh!
Johan
March 1st, 2007 at 3:48 am [Reply]

In regards to the discussion over people complaining about comments / leaving over comments / whatever:

I’ve been reading this website since about a month after he started, since back when it was called something else and was on a different website.

My 2c: I don’t care about the comments. Unless I have something to say, I rarely bother reading them, I just read what Josh posts. He’s the only reason I’m here.
The Avocado Avenger
March 1st, 2007 at 4:03 am [Reply]

#70 Johan: Well, we all love Josh like the evil sadistic uncle we never had. That goes without saying. I really enjoy the comments and hope no one leaves, but, as a relative newbie (lurked a few months, have posted for about one) I’m disturbed that some regulars are so upset by the new people. Of course I would be, I’m a newbie. But still.

FOOB: I’m not sure why Michaelstein and Bride of Michaelstein are laying there with stunned looks on their faces, unless it’s a post-coital TMI kind of moment. It’s not just the last panel that bothers me, it’s that weird pattern on April’s shirt. Bad for the eyes.

RMMD: I can’t wait to find out what Elvis shot. My guess is that he shot off one of his toes; what makes this funny is that he probably didn’t have 10 toes to begin with.

MT: Am I the only one who can’t wait to find out what crazy-ass scheme the Evil Moustache has concocted? I’m actually really looking forward to this. Guess we all have our secret shame.
Randy S
March 1st, 2007 at 4:58 am [Reply]

71: I agree about MT. There actually is some suspense there. (It sure beats Mary Worth lately)
I like Thursday’s strip, where in the last panel, Mark is looking out the window saying “He looks excited. Maybe he’s hooked a big fish”
Well, not yet, Mark, but pretty soon. Hehe.
Timbo
March 1st, 2007 at 5:56 am [Reply]

The kid? Yeah she’s cute.

(Just kidding..don’t cry please don’t cry…want a choo choo? Thomas choo choo? Henry? Percy? Gordon? Sir Topham Hat figurine? AND his two goons? Halloween choo choo train?)
willethompson
March 1st, 2007 at 5:58 am [Reply]

Gadge and Trotzenbonnie – there’s a Howard Johnson’s — wanna eat some clams?
willethompson
March 1st, 2007 at 6:00 am [Reply]

…and Josh, speaking of cute babies and shirts…Margo? Boxcar? Saturn? Hmmmm?
dreadedcandiru2
March 1st, 2007 at 6:20 am [Reply]

FBorFW – What is wrong with John, today? Doesn’t he realize that his son takes after his mother when it comes to making decisions? He’ll spend DAYS agonizing over meaningless trivia and make a stupid choice just to end the pain of having to think.
compass rose
March 1st, 2007 at 7:02 am [Reply]

#42 GCMP
Re: Mudgeon Gear models

well, there is that cute Boat Wrestler…
willethompson
March 1st, 2007 at 7:07 am [Reply]

RMMD (as quoted from next week’s Economist, “The Fall and Rise of Abby the Bitch…)”

She took a first in Dramatics at Oxford, matriculated to Julliard for her Masters in the violin and made the critics weep at her portrayal of Cho Cho-san in “Madame Butterfly” at La Scala. The world was her water dish and the water dish flowed with Tattinger Brut. All she heard was praise in her floppy ears. Ah, but pride goeth before the fall. Directors found her impossible to work with, calling her a ‘bitch.’ Jack Warner declared her a ‘cur’ and chased her off the lot with a rolled up newspaper. Then, the baying at the moon at 3 am. Paparazzi photographing her at the pound after the cat fight with Garfield. The “accident” on the rug of the Plaza.

But above all, she was a professional. Rehab, a 12-step program and finally, a call from her agent asking if she wanted a part in a comic strip. She leapt at the chance the same way underwear leaps off Britney Spears’ butt. Sure, there were issues, egos and days where it hurt just to show up. A voice that had enchanted Paris was reduced to going BARK! BARK! BARK! on the command of a director who was phoning it in. But she gritted her canines and stuck with it.

Finally, the payoff. her own scene, hackles raised, fangs bared with just a touch of slobber and eyes fixed the way Straussberg taught her. The actor playing Elvis was screaming, “Hey! HEY! THIS IS JUST ACTING! TAKE IT EASY!” Like Barrymore said, acting was like sculpting in snow. Ah, but what snow it was. GRRR! The perfect line at the perfect time.

She wondered what she was going to wear to next year’s Oscars.
Ham Gravy
March 1st, 2007 at 7:17 am [Reply]

DT: What is the deal with Dickâ€™s hideously deformed hands?
ohyes
March 1st, 2007 at 7:44 am [Reply]

37 – “Faithful reader banana’s adorable sun…” is poetic, albeit in a flippant way. Throw in a parrot, a peignoir, and some coffee and you’re brunching with Wallace Stevens of a Sunday morning.

WIth a cute kid too.
Ran
March 1st, 2007 at 7:46 am [Reply]

Ever notice that no one in Mary Worth ever has a reflection in a mirror? Check out the the second panel, thats not a picture behind them, its a mirror. My hunch is that they are all ghosts who don’t know they are dead and are going on about their ‘lives’ as if nothing had happened. Aldo is the only one to escape the purgatory of Charterstone.

Cute kid.
willethompson
March 1st, 2007 at 7:49 am [Reply]

#57 BoShek – You didn’t find Garfield interesting?? Maybe if it had been Mr. BOSHEK’s cranial matter dripping from the pick-ax, you might have perked up a bit! Jim Davis, reeking of vodka, teenagers and lasagna, is drawing a bead on me/us! Duck and cover!
insolenttomato
March 1st, 2007 at 7:50 am [Reply]

Just to add to the good vibes sent Mr. O’Malley’s way, best wishes for a quick convalescence. I’m glad to hear you’re out of hospital and sincerely hope you stay that way for a good time to come.

This concludes the test of the emergency shmaltz system.

Damn. Tomato, if you can’t think of anything snarky to say, don’t say it at all!
True Fable
March 1st, 2007 at 7:53 am [Reply]

Questions, questions, I have some red hot questions!

RMMD Let me get this right – Abbey shot Elvis with her bark???
MW Does a “higher truth” also mean the challenge to hold your coffee cup just a little bit higher than your guest’s? Ah well, can’t blame Ella – from the way she’s standing in panel 1, she’s pretty stiff all over, like an artist’s wooden sketch figurine.
FW Les is digging something in panel two. Geez, Les, cancer’s tough but do you HAVE to dig Lisa’s grave right NOW? Can’t you wait until, oh I don’t know – until she DIES?
DtM A talented Menace would stay on the phone and fuck with their heads, Dennis.
True Fable
March 1st, 2007 at 7:59 am [Reply]

RMMD …and since when do dogs growl with an open mouth? Wouldn’t that be like, “AARRRR” or something? Mine always bared his teeth to growl.

Then again, I never had Abbey, the Wonder Dog!
True Fable
March 1st, 2007 at 8:05 am [Reply]

DT Look at the magic hands of the Queen of Diamonds! First she’s offering the right hand, then either she switched to shake with the left quickly, or her fingers just bent backwards so she could grasp Tracy’s hand – only this made his fingers shrivel up into short little stubs!
I think it’s already serious, Queenie. Oh and hey, Dick the doorbell is already hitting on Liz while married to Tess so move it, baby, three’s a crowd but four is downright unwieldy.

Besides, the Queen of Diamonds is a piker next to Poteet, my Queen! :-)
True Fable
March 1st, 2007 at 8:20 am [Reply]

Hi & Lois, Archie and Curtis made me smile, and 9CL is hard for me to snark anyway since I identify with Seth on a lot of levels. I thought for a moment I was losing my teeth.

But then I read S4th it invigorated my snarkin’ gene. Boo hoo, Sally, you bitch. So you’re 40, big deal. I was glad to even SEE 40.

Yeah, I know it’s all about the universal assumption that people dread turning 30 and 40 and 50 as if those are terrible milestones but dammit all, when you consider the alternative, birthdays are pretty darn good.

AAARRRR. Sicc ‘em, Abbey the Wonder Dog!

I promise this is my last post for this morning.
andreavis
March 1st, 2007 at 8:21 am [Reply]

RMMD: Let me get this straight– Abbey works as both a parental block on the TV, AND a burglar detector? Now THAT’s multitasking. June and Rex should just sign custody of Sarah away right now; they’re useless in comparison to Abbey, The Wonder Dog!
AhClem
March 1st, 2007 at 8:25 am [Reply]

Close to Home – if you can get past the crude artwork, today’s strip is seriously funny:
http://www.gocomics.com/closetohome/index.phtml

GF – Am I the only one who thinks “Buck, I don’t suppose you’d actually admit to blowing my tweeter” would make an awesome T-shirt?

Finally, thanks to Gadge Cubic for the Zappa memories. “And the booth … and everything … lifted up … out of the parking lot … and into the skyyyyyy!”
Galactic Emperor Chennux
March 1st, 2007 at 8:27 am [Reply]

(what the margoboxcar….?)

ATTENTION EARTHERS! VOMIT IN SHEER TERROR! CHENNUX SPEAKS AND HIS WORDS ARE LIKE LAWN DARTS IN YOUR EARS!

LITTLE BUNNY FOOFOO??? CHENNUX RESTORES COLOR COMICS AND PERMITS A SMALL STOCK MARKET UPTICK AND THAT’S THE BEST YOU CAN DO? GET SNARKING, EARTHERS! IT’S NOT LIKE YOUR LIVES DEPEND ON IT OR ANYTHING! HAHA!

ACTUALLY, ON ZYVEX, WE HAVE A SONG SUNG BY THE LITTLE LARVAE AT SLEEP-AWAY CAMP. IT GOES SOMETHING LIKE THIS:

LITTLE GRANNIX GLURTGLURT
SLITHING THRU THE BOROGROVES
PICKING UP THE MANXOMES
AND EVISCERATING THEM WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE!

ALWAYS PUTS THE LITTLE SQUIRMERS TO SLEEP! HAHA!

TECHININ AND FIZZY LOGIC – THERE IS NOTHING REMOTELY CUTE ABOUT CHENNUX, EVEN IN PLUSH! NOTHING! WILLETHOMPSON HAS ALREADY FELT MY WRATH FOR THAT UNFLATTERING PICTURE! CHENNUX’S BUTT IS NOT THAT BIG! HE IS JUST LARGE BONED!

BTW! THANKS FOR DIRTY MICROBE GIRL! SHE WAS DELICIOUS, BOTH BEFORE AND AFTER SKXCRITORT DEPLOYMENT!

END TRANSMISSION!
jules
March 1st, 2007 at 8:30 am [Reply]

Hey y’all, in this morning’s FW…are Funky and Les burying a body? It’s the oddest thing, the way they’re clearly shown outside, with shovels and somber expressions, while the wimminfolk are inside chattin’.

Discuss.
Little Guy
March 1st, 2007 at 8:33 am [Reply]

Galactic Emperor Chennux says:

(what the margoboxcarâ€¦.?)

My week is complete. Thank you.
Artist formerly known as Ben
March 1st, 2007 at 8:35 am [Reply]

#91, I think they’re supposed to be shoveling snow. Then again, this is Funky Winkerbean, so they could just be preparing for the inevitable.

BTW, anyone else notice that chron.com’s February archives have gone missing?
jules
March 1st, 2007 at 8:37 am [Reply]

Oops, now I see True Fable had the gravedigging idea too. Which just means it’s probably right! Wahay!

Banana – that kid is a doll! :)
Calico
March 1st, 2007 at 8:43 am [Reply]

Bunny, Bopping.

It’s Back-of-The-Heads week for Mike’s wife in FOOB and Elvis in RM. How very weird. How very easy to draw.

Even stranger are Mary and Ella’s heads in MW. Ella seems completely pissed and frustrated that it’s taken the Queen of Advice so long to actually “get” something on an intuitive level. Meanwhile, Mary as usual is in her own reverie/rapture/ego-bubble.

And as for poor old Andy in MT, have Mark, Cherry, or Rusty not yet discovered that their grand protector has been doped overnight? What a crew of Maroons.

My hat and MuttluksÂ® off to all the comics dogs today, who are ten times more intelligent than their owners – Abby, Andy, Daisy, Buckles, Snoopy, the Mutts, Ruff, Dixie and Edgar, Barfy (!) even Hahahaha! Still a big dog! and anyone else I failed to mention.
Thank you and have a fine day. I’ll toast all the kitties tomorrow.
Krazy Kat
March 1st, 2007 at 8:54 am [Reply]

Did Lynn Johnston write the Little Bunny Foo-Foo song?
Galactic Emperor Chennux
March 1st, 2007 at 8:58 am [Reply]

#96 CALICO! TOASTED KITTIES! MMMMMMM!

END TRANSMISSION!
ISBN
March 1st, 2007 at 8:59 am [Reply]

Dear Mr. O’Malley:

I’m in! I don’t know if I’m an old-timer per se, but I read every day and don’t post every day. And…yes, I skim. It’s true. But hey, Josh doesn’t. That’s why there’s the COTWs!!

Further, I used to be a regular on the craigslist open forum, and it turned all nasty. I think it’s a different sort of crowd here. For god sake, we’re here to mock comics. I’m with you: if I see something offensive or “egging,” I ignore it. Remember how your mom used to say that if you just ignore people picking on you they’ll stop? And then you tried? And they didn’t stop, they just found new and worse methods of making your preteen years hell? No? Oh… maybe that was just me…. anyhoo. You get the point. It’s that I’m with you.

And now that you’ve reminded me of those angst and acne-filled preteen years, I need a drink. But I’ll hoist it under the guise of toasting a speedy recovery to you or your loved one. Yep. It’s 8:48 AM. Thanks a lot. Slainte!

Love and chuckles!
ISBN

Dear Banana:

Your son may be the cutest thing since plastic pants. And I really don’t say that about a lot of kids. Even most of my own nephews. Ignore how bad that makes me and take the praise.

mmmwah!
ISBN

Dear Josh:

I have two issues:

1. I think we need a T-shirt with Mary WOrth’s face in that first panel on Sunday. I don’t know what she will be saying but that crazed glaze is perfect! Why not something in your honor? Like “I can’t get enough of that Comics Curmudgeon!”

2. As for hipster arcana, I just bought a sweatshirt from another forum that says “kiss my cloaca” and has a picture of a turtle smacking its ass. Obviously, this is from a turtle forum. Cloaca is basically a turtle ass. ha! Has nothing to do with anything, but I’m quite pleased with me.

XOXOXO
ISBN

Dear Ms. Johnston:

Was it not the effible, ineffible Lou Reed who once said “Anyone who’s ever played a part wouldn’t turn around and hate it?” I would assume the same can be said of writers and their characters. Not so, apparently! Poor puffy-mouthed Dena. Not only did she marry into the clan (her own fault) but now she might move NEXT DOOR?! It can only be surmised that you hate the character you created. If not, why torture her so? Are you prepping us for the first suicide in the history of comics?

Furthermore, please do not ever show April doing that dance again. It really disturbed me. She looked like a muppet on meth. Of course, should April turn to meth as part of the story line, feel free to recreate the dance. Thank you for your time.

Most sincerely,
ISBN

PS Besides THE BAND, does April have a life? I can’t remember taking long walks with my dad when I was ‘tween. Loneliness is a GREAT reason to start a crystal meth addiction…jus’ sayin’. But then, maybe I’m disfunctional. It’s a possiblity.
gh
March 1st, 2007 at 9:04 am [Reply]

First things first: itâ€™s rabbit, boppinâ€™, scoopinâ€™, goon. stinkypete is the new authority on camp songs, nursery rhymes and lullabyes.

#263 SPOI, #266 SixFootJen (last thread)

That was exactly what I came up with too. Donâ€™t know if there was a back story. I do know the same person pissed me of once, and at least one other person responded to one of his comments with a hearty â€œ[Margo] you!â€ except he didnâ€™t say [Margo]. What are ya gonna do? Heâ€™s aboriginal.

#274 Allie Cat

â€œthis is where I come to feel authenticâ€ couldnâ€™t sum it up better. Iâ€™ve got the picture of CHENNUX taped to the wall at work. Someone walked in yesterday and said â€œWhatâ€™s THAT?â€ I said, â€œItâ€™s a cartoon a friend of mine drew. Itâ€™s called CHENNUX. Heâ€™s, itâ€™s, so whereâ€™s that spreadsheet you promised me?â€ I havenâ€™t had this many friends since high school and I spent the last two days at work dabbing my eyes and telling everyone I had hay fever REAL BAD.

Oh, and since the Chron was down nobody got to see yesterdayâ€™s Slylock Fox, so Iâ€™ll lay it out for you. Thereâ€™s his head, his hand, his foot, his d–, oh, wait, thatâ€™s a banana. Sorry.
Artist formerly known as Ben
March 1st, 2007 at 9:05 am [Reply]

SFx: I have to admit I felt a definite “Awww” rising when I saw the dog and cat comforting the boy with a toothache. Of course, they probably have relatives who were put to sleep for that very reason. Now they assume the worst.

RMMD: Okay Elvis, you went to the Morgans’ house with a gun. To take out a 14 year old. And then a beagle gets the jump on you and you squeal for mercy. What a sorry excuse for a violent crankhead you are!

FOOB: The look Michael and Dee have in the last panel is also movie shorthand for “just had mind-blowing sex.” Say what you want about Lynn, but at least she spared us the details.

DT: More fun with indeterminate gender in the Tracyverse. The Queen of Diamonds looks not unlike Billy Ray Cyrus in Queen Victoria drag.

Marvin: “Committed to making the relationship work… committed to making the relationship work… committed to–”
Kid, I have no idea what you’re talking about. But I gotta say I like your style.

Curtis: Not snarking, this just made me laugh. Dad’s soul-wrenching, two-panel scream made it for me.
willethompson
March 1st, 2007 at 9:05 am [Reply]

(re: #46 Gadge…)

The Preener family is driving toward the Zappa concert at 50 mph. If the oldest Preener is 16 and the succesive three Preener offspring are three years apart in age, at what point during the singing of “A Mountain is Something You Don’t Want to Fuck With” will the father Preener swing his arm into the back seat with lethal intent and yell “Sweet son of Suzie Creamcheese! Knock it off! Do you want me to turn this car around??”
ISBN
March 1st, 2007 at 9:10 am [Reply]

Also, The Moldy Peaches have a wonderful version of Little Bunny Foo Foo…. (#11)

http://www.rhapsody.com/themoldypeaches/themoldypeaches
MonkeyHawk
March 1st, 2007 at 9:28 am [Reply]

#100 — gh:

Huh?
Poteet
March 1st, 2007 at 9:34 am [Reply]

I’m one of the newer old-timers, and anyone, new or old, who plays by the Pope’s reasonable rules is fine by me. I wish I could skim faster and had an extra few hours in the week to really savor the good snarking, but feel lucky to be here. Especially since my immediate neighbors were without power for a couple of days and a new blizzard is moving in. Hang in there, ice-coated lines:-)!

Foob — Here is my sister’s snarky comment on the Elly image on the main Foobpage: “It would appear that Elly’s mouth line is WAY too high for her face, making her look as though she were still in need of some sort of operation that never happened when she was small.”

And Michael’s March letter is up! Here I go to read it — it’s kind of like hitting myself hard on the head with a hammer for a couple of minutes…

URRGH. It’s not as bad as the Sheilagh-intensive letters, but it’s bad enough. And the Novel from Hell has a title now — sorry, Prayrie fans, but that isn’t it. And there’s news of the Kelpfroths. Enjoy, my sister and brother Foob masochists!
Foobar
March 1st, 2007 at 9:40 am [Reply]

Whoever said it, I like the Mary Worth faceshirt idea, but I’d prefer it said nothing at all. It should just be a big, but like, we mean, big picture of her grill and nothing besides. Maybe an “OM” or an interrobang just to rub it in.
Poteet
March 1st, 2007 at 9:42 am [Reply]

Foob — And here are the two most memorable lines from Elly’s new monthly letter. Don’t ask.

“Elizabeth has rekindled something with her pilot. We don’t know if it’s a spark or a flame. Whatever it is, it should be kept away from the hand sanitizer.”
Poteet
March 1st, 2007 at 9:43 am [Reply]

Oops, that’s three lines, sorry. It’s all Lynn’s fault.
gh
March 1st, 2007 at 9:53 am [Reply]

#104 MonkeyHawk

It was in a galaxy long ago and far away. I riposted and left the “you putz” in a thought balloon. I know you better now. Plus you did “Why Don’t We Do It Side the Road,” so all is forgiven. By the time the other guy came along (I’m sure you remember that one — a newbie — I was tempted to take him aside and say “Hey, That’s just MonkeyHawk. You don’t want to say things like that. What you want to do is take out a contract and have him knee-capped. Then bring him flowers in the hospital. Youâ€™ll both have a good laugh.â€

The “Huh?” cracked me up.
Poteet
March 1st, 2007 at 9:55 am [Reply]

Foob — And from John, we have the following monthly-letter gem:

“Liz was just getting over the break up with Paul, when the court case ended, and she is pretty fragile. I decided to have a light conversation with her one evening about where it all might go, and she, well, she told me to go away! I guess she’s too fragile to talk about things logically. Or is there ever any logic to love?”

John’s monthly letter also states that the little house that is now being proposed for purchase by Michael and Deanna is well-furnished inside and has more space than he expected, and that he thinks that little house is better suited to himself and Elly, especially since Deanna and Michael aren’t interested in the very large lot and might sell it off, the thought of which horrifies him. But he says that Elly doesn’t want to move out of their current house because “she doesn’t like too much change.” (Well yeah, look at her eternal bun.)

The entire Patterson clan is going to tour the little house later this month, so we are now set up for a hilarious epiphany in which Elly will decide that SHE wants the nicely-furnished little house and is finally ready to move out of the big house so Michael and Dee and their hellspawn can have it. Ha. Ha. I’m laughing already.
Poteet
March 1st, 2007 at 9:59 am [Reply]

Umm, I need help, don’t I? The Foob thing, I mean. But you all understand why I’m obsessed, right? Right?
Bill James
March 1st, 2007 at 10:01 am [Reply]

It looks as if no one reads “Liberty Meadows”, or at least no one has commented on this week’s visit from Mark Derail, the “manliest man in Hollywood.”

It’s worth a peek
Calico
March 1st, 2007 at 10:01 am [Reply]

#98 – Methinks Chennux has quite a big appetite!
I’ll be serving marshmallow salad as well.

#107 – I think Lynn is losing it. There are two different versions / dimensions of FOOB now – the comix version, and the really odd letters version. Holy shit – listen to this:

“I laughed to myself, imagining the guy who accidentally lit his digits while trying to light his smoke.” Oh man.
Calico
March 1st, 2007 at 10:02 am [Reply]

I would LOVE monthly letters from MW and MT. Bring it on, snarkers! : )
jules
March 1st, 2007 at 10:03 am [Reply]

Poteet, thanks for the heads-up on the Foobletters, and I mostly have this to say: Stone Season? No wait, I mean: Stone Seasonâ€½

Elly’s line about the hand sanitizer, I believe, can be translated thusly: “Elizabeth has rekindled something with her pilot…it’s clearly filthy, and I expect it will remain so.”

John decided to have a “light conversation” with Elizabeth, eh? Was the line “If I were a gambling man, I’d put my money on Anthony” the light part of the conversation? That strip (last week sometime, I think) made me throw up in my mouth a little bit.

As usual, I had much more to say than I implied in my first sentence. :)
Indiebass
March 1st, 2007 at 10:04 am [Reply]

y’esh… According to Pluggers, I have been a Plugger for the last two days. My life has taken a turn for the worse, I feel…
teapot
March 1st, 2007 at 10:07 am [Reply]

Maybe I was too far away from the computer when I read today’s FOOB, but it took forever to understand why Michael was wearing a gigantic pair of bunny slippers in the first panel.
gh
March 1st, 2007 at 10:11 am [Reply]

#105-111 Poteet

You just keep right on reading them. They arenâ€™t so bad, filtered. The â€œvery large lotâ€ is foreboding, though. Room to build more houses for the rest of the clan. It will turn into one of those compounds like the one along the Utah/Arizona border with John deciding who marries who when. Ick.
Calico
March 1st, 2007 at 10:13 am [Reply]

#118 – I thought April would be the One to Decide.
Catya
March 1st, 2007 at 10:14 am [Reply]

Poteet, absolutely. John Fooberson’s letter is dripping with disdain for his son and wife and reeks of slavish admiration for the pouty pharmacist Deanna. Except for the brief stumble when he reveals Deanna would sell off the lot:

“….and you could put down a lot of track there!” It’s all about trains for him.

Elly’s letter notes that April’s basement has become something of a lair. Here’s my preview of next month’s letter (picking up on ISBN’s comment):

“April’s home meth lab has really taken off! We worried about her being so involved with her music and not really focused on the future and career. But she’s found a niche providing crank to the citizens of Milborough and maybe by next month, she’ll have expanded to Toronto and maybe taken on Michael as a part-time employee. Lucky for us we didn’t take John’s crap idea of buying that tiny house. I’d have gone shack-wacky.

P.S. Liz has no such initiative.”
gkl
March 1st, 2007 at 10:27 am [Reply]

MW: Oh, great. Mary now knows she has a “higher truth.” I sure hope this doesn’t make her smug and self-righteous or anything.
Lyman Returns
March 1st, 2007 at 10:31 am [Reply]

Crankshaft-I’ve commented on this before, and I’ll comment on it again. I can’t NOT comment on it. It bugs me that much. Really, what is UP with the gargantuan eyeglasses on whatshisname and whatshername? Are they big fans of the character of ‘Hawkins’ from the movie ‘Predator’?

BB-I’m sure the base has a motor pool staffed with trained mechanics to fix the Sarge’s brakes. So why does Beetle, an infantryman, take it upon himself to do it? Since we’ve spent the past millennium being hit over the head with the fact that Beetle is a lazy S.O.B, why are we now suddenly being treated to Beetle showing some initiative? Could Walker be inserting some…gasp…INNOVATION into this strip? Nah, he probably meant to draw Plato and forgot. Tee time was approaching rapidly and he had a deadline, blast it!

Curtis-With that white hair, he could be Eva’s dad! This was actually funny today…but not enough to make up for the ’syrup edition’ nonsense we were recently subjected to.

TDIET-Dude, Gramps was chilling in front of the TV with what looks like A BAG OF DONUTS on the endtable next to him. Now, THAT’S the way a man chills! I think I’ll go home and do that right now, except I’ll also add beer to make it the ultimate chillfest.

PreTeena-Ah, the timeless humor inherent in snot being spewed all over a plate of food and then being eaten! Junior high kids across the nation laugh hysterically!

#63-Migellito-Love the ‘Davros’ shout-out. You gots to represent Doc Who, yo! I figure she sounds like either Davros or a Cyberman.
teenchy
March 1st, 2007 at 10:41 am [Reply]

9CL: Okay, I haven’t searched the massive archives, but can someone tell me just how much of Amos is McEldowney and vice versa? I gather either Amos is based in some part upon McEldowney’s youth, or else McEldowney is living vicariously through Amos.
bootsybooks
March 1st, 2007 at 10:42 am [Reply]

From the last thread, if you read this Dimestore Lipstick, I’m sorry you have had so many bad things happen to you so all at once, and your loss is so difficult. I, like Tratzenbonnie, found this place in my post Katrina diaspora, and it makes me laugh. On with snarking

TDIET: I thought “The O’Reilly Factor” was the doopie doop show. Banished to the Cockpit! Oh yeah!

#&( – wille – excellent!

#(^ Calico, only if you toast them in a real toaster.
bootsybooks
March 1st, 2007 at 10:45 am [Reply]

WTF with my punctuation! I meant wille’s #79 comment and Calico’s #96.
spoonman
March 1st, 2007 at 10:45 am [Reply]

Reading today’s Rex Morgan I am struck with a bit of sympathy for Elvis. I too have been attacked by a spaniel. Granted, I was 10, lying on the floor, watching TV, and half-asleep at the time; but I can totally see how a heavily armed, paranoid, meth-dealer hell-bent on murder could have a problem with that. But, to give Elvis the benifit of the doubt (the benifit due the King of Rock ‘N Roll), here are some other, equally likely, scenarios.

#1: Abbey has actually blasted Elvis in the testicles with her laserbeam-eyes.
Probability: Our yellow sun does grant fanstic powers to Kryptonians. 9/10

#2: Abbey, like the singing and dancing frog from old Warner Bros. cartoons, has a spectacular gift only seen by one select person. In this case when only Elvis is present Abbey turns into a deamon with eyes of burning fire and three mouths screaming blasphamies in a thousand different tounges. The arrival of Rex has turned her back into a dog.
Probability: …hell, it doesn’t require a greater suspension of disbelief than anything else in this comic. 8/10.

#3: Elvis is an ingenious robot suit built and worn by Abbey to create a state of terror via a long plan involving narcotics and a street-urchin which she can then diffuse in a contrived scene earning praise and a possible increase in people-food handouts from the table.
Probability: Oh, [margo] yes. 10/10.

#4: Elvis was only startled by Abbey, or perhaps an approaching police officer, causing him to slipon the wet ground and discharge his gun into his own leg. Abbey is barking at him out of a combination of protection instinct and fear from the loud gunshot. The police will arrive and Rex will patch up Elvis’s leg while we will all learn a valuable lesson about trust and compassion.
Probability: Reliant on Rex being a competent doctor. 1/10.
GALATIC EMPORER CHENNUX JR.
March 1st, 2007 at 10:47 am [Reply]

DAAAAD, YOU ARE SUCH A TOOL! STOP EMBARASSING ME IN FRONT OF MY QPTJBVBDS!
Charlotte
March 1st, 2007 at 10:53 am [Reply]

FOOB Letters: Is it wrong that I hoped Jim’s letter would just say “BOXCAR” or have some non-sense drawings like Meredith’s submission?
ohyes
March 1st, 2007 at 10:57 am [Reply]

Based on client satisfaction, that Cedric is clearly quite the manservant. Everything done properly and in the proper place, unless the lady wants it elsewhere.

Why is Abby okay with letting that hunk take her daughter around town? Because he wears glasses? A hunk working temp is not a guy you want to leave alone with nubile young women.

But dear Abby is so sporting, she’s left her husband alone at home with that German slut in the kitchen, I mean that Irish rose of a maid. Another metaphysical question concerning comics: Is Abby’s husband banging the maid?

What about Abby and Angela together in the same panel – would the page explode?
True Fable
March 1st, 2007 at 11:17 am [Reply]

Okay, I told a fable. It’s still morning and I’m back to snark. So [margo]ing sue me already.

I saw Poteet (my Queen!)’s mention of Foob letters so I read them. Barfomatic.

Take part of Elly’s letter, f’rinstance: Which brings me back to the weather. It’s a cold day with a clear sky and pink on the horizon where the sun is beginning to set. The snow is still white and beautiful. Two gods are sitting at the front door looking wistful. I’m going to take them for a walk, and think about all the things for which I am truly grateful. When I come back, I’ll be a stronger spoke on the wheel. Well, I guess I’ve spoken! Shit, now we know who helped Foobboy with his b.s m.s. “two gods are sitting at the front door looking wistful”? WTF?

Michael: In my mind, I’m living in novel number two. It’s about a cook on a windjammer. He’s 23 and this is his first job. He’s peeling potatoes and he’s a lot like myself. Heading out into unknown territory, hoping he’ll survive. Does this mean we’re going to have schlock about sailing now? And I’m sure Deanna’s going to be pleased as hell that her hubby’s got his head up his ass AGAIN over his book.
Yeah, after that mind-numbing page-turner he spewed out the first time, peeling potatoes in a windjammer is just gonna be the berries.

John’s letter takes the cake: Even though Mike is no longer working, she can see that they could afford a house just with her income. As a pharmacist, she makes around $100,000 per year, and if they had help with the down payment, it actually could work out to being less than rent on a two bedroom apartment. WHAT? If she’s pulling in $100K a year, you bet your SWEET ASS she can afford a [margo]ing house! Just where the [margo] does Lynn Johnston live anyway? What the hell kind of house does Deanna want? I mean, if she wants ones with separate wings so she can send the yard apes to one wing and AssHat to another wing so she can live in a third wing, I can understand but Jeez Louise, I’ve had four bedroom house in a nice neighborhood that cost under that! What the hell do Canadians use for shingles – margosaturnboxcar’ing gold plates?! (interrobang!)

I strongly suspect Liz has been reading the Comics Curmudgeon, she’s talking reason (for her). she was incredibly understanding about Paull and Susan – such a saint, you might say! and this was an eyeopener: I need to get out more, get involved in things, and start having some fun. I need to meet some new people. Well, for Pete’s sake don’t tell your parents about them until several years and a child or two after you marry.

April, you little punkass! I’m looking at some Indian drums – not Native Indian, Indian Indian. You mean Eastern Indian, Euro girl? Go roadside yourself! Naw, I keed, I keed. I get it. Euros get to name everything! :P They’re in the punk and metal bands around town, and they’re really big, intense dudes with ponytails and leather wristbands and stuff. They freak Mom out sometimes, but most of them are really sweet. I would pay top dollar to see that.

The Big Kill – Deanna’s letter. It looks like we can swing something in the $400,000 range – which has really surprised me. I never thought we were ready for this, but with their help we can actually think about being first-time home buyers – which has its perks as well. Say WHAT. First time homebuyer wants a $400K House?

MARGO BOXCAR SATURN just ain’t gonna cut it.

Goddamn FUCKING RICH BITCH!

Thank you, TF
[/rant]
Old Fogeyette
March 1st, 2007 at 11:22 am [Reply]

Well, I’m late as usual. No time to read the comics or snark, as one of my cats is sick and has to go to the vet. But brief mentions of posts from last thread and this thread:

Stinky Pete and Dean Booth, thanks for the comments on the preceding thread. When I turned sixty, I looked on it as an accomplishment, not a tragedy. So many people in my life have died so young. It’s frustrating to be marginalized, but the truth is life just keeps getting better and better.

Mr. O’Malley, so sorry for your health troubles. It sounds as if you’re doing all the right things (laughing, snarking) to take care of yourself.

#100 gh, glad to see you’re still here. Or here again.

Poteet, True Fable and other recent snarkers: Thanks!
Never teh Bride
March 1st, 2007 at 11:28 am [Reply]

In reply to both John Patterson and commenter 130…

I’d like to meet a pharmacist that makes $100,000 yearly!

I’ve known both pharmacists and individuals working as scientists in the pharmacology industry, and neither was making that kind of bread. Perhaps Lynn did not make it adequately clear that D. is the CEO of a small pharmacology company?
Kate
March 1st, 2007 at 11:29 am [Reply]

Unfortunately, True Fable, a bunch of 720-square-foot condos sold for $310K around here last week. So, yeah, a first-time homebuyer in California would *love* a $400,000 house, but then you’d have to kick aside trash, needles, and dead bodies before getting into your car …
Kate
March 1st, 2007 at 11:31 am [Reply]

And Old Fogeyette, life stopped sucking hideously when I turned 33. Life actually got settled and lovely when I turned 41. Now I’m 44 and I’m thinking that if this arc continues, I’ll be sad to die. Thanks for the encouraging words.
april glaspie
March 1st, 2007 at 11:35 am [Reply]

Holy Crap.. The Big Manâ€™s walking. But I think the big chick is going to knock his ass out. Y’all will pay for ignoring Liberty Meadows.
Poteet
March 1st, 2007 at 11:37 am [Reply]

# 118, 119, 120, 128, 130 — gh, Calico, Catya, Charlotte, True Fable, BWAHAHAHAHAHA! What glorious snarking. Thank you, thank you. They’ve just closed the Interstate near my house and the schools are all closed because a big blizzard is on the way, but I don’t care because I’ve got CC.

I love the meth lab. But I will try to put that image of John as the Crazy Polygamist Leader out of my mind because although hilarious at first, upon reflection it is Just. Too. Creepy. And the image of Apwil as Warreena Jeffs is melting my synapses.
kingklash
March 1st, 2007 at 11:41 am [Reply]

Foo-Foo!
True Fable
March 1st, 2007 at 11:41 am [Reply]

oh oh OH!!!
Iris’s letter spot: “You can find Iris’ letters mixed in with Grandpa Jim’s; they share letter-writing duties and we didn’t want to burden the eldest Pattersons with too much computer technology.”

Can I shoot Lynn for you, Old Fogeyette? Can I, huh, can I, can I please? For all of us?

[margo] you with a cattle prod, Lynn Johnston, you senior-hating, working woman-hating, man-bashing, child-bashing (I know a four year old who could read the Baltimore Catechism and even quiz his sister in it and check her answers, don’t tell me 4 year olds can’t read or write! Oh, well maybe it’s just YOUR fucking family stump who can’t do that, Lynn.)

But oh noooo, let’s not burden the poor little helpless seniors with all that big bad technology stuff, they’ll be so lost with it! Not like a newspaper editor friend of mine, who at 80 seized the new computer technology at work like a kid in a candy store and blew people a third his age away by what he learned to do by the end of his first computer class. “Well Christ, I’m not stupid, just weathered” he told me. HE was teaching THEM before it was over. But then again, maybe it’s just Lynn’s family tree stump who can’t grasp shit.

[Margo]ing [Boxcar]ty [Saturn]ard! You are such a… such an istay, Lynn Johnston.
[/mini-rant]
Perky Bird
March 1st, 2007 at 11:43 am [Reply]

If Deanna is bringing in that kind of cash dispensing drugs, maybe “pharmacist” is what they’re calling “crack dealers” these days. Either that, or she’s the kind of pharmacist keeping Rush Limbaugh supplied with oxycontin. (Eep! Don’t banish me to the Cockpit for that comment!)
And as for $100,000 houses, here in Northern Virginia, we’d kill to get a decent house for less than that price. My husband and I recently got the tax appraisal for our little 2 bedroom townhouse, and it’s more than triple that amount.
Amy
March 1st, 2007 at 11:48 am [Reply]

First time homebuyer wants a $400K House?

Uuuuuh… yup. In Portland, that’s about average. And as someone else said, that wouldn’t buy you much at all in CA or New York.

100k a year is what I’d expect JOHN to pull in, not Deanna – we all know dentists make a mint, like pathologists.
So every Walgreens in the country can afford to spring a 6-figure salary on the poor pill-dispenser up the back? Hyeah, right.

Oh but of course, Michael, you don’t NEED to fight a single battle on your own! What the boxcar is self-respect when you have mom and dad to bail you out without even asking?
Uncle Lumpy
March 1st, 2007 at 11:49 am [Reply]

#130 – TF

“Two gods” = “two dogs“. Cute, huh? Bleah.

Hey, hear the one about the dyslexic insomniac agnostic? He lay awake all night wondering if there was a dog!
True Fable
March 1st, 2007 at 11:52 am [Reply]

#133 In some parts of California, Kate my precious one, yes I’ll grant you that $310K is chicken feed for a house.

But in Milborough, Ontario? What the hell? We’re talking Starter Home for a young family!

I’m sorry, gorgeous, I just don’t believe that Little Miss Prissy Deanna is going to put up with all that crap at Lovey’s place and not be thankful about being able to buy into a ordinary starter home – okay, a 4 bedroom starter home at that – and it will cost less than $400,000 dollars.
If I’m wrong, I’m wrong, but I don’t think so in this case.
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
March 1st, 2007 at 11:53 am [Reply]

Weren’t there a couple of different posters that were “Monkey Hawk,” “Monkey Pants,” or something else? Perhaps someone thought they were insulted by Monkey Hawk but were really insulted by Monkey Pants – who only did it to cast suspicion on Monkey Hawk, who’d recently broken up with Monkey Pants to run off with Monkey Buns, who doesn’t post here but is secretly seeing Monkey Nuts on the side.

That’s my theory, anyway.
gh
March 1st, 2007 at 11:53 am [Reply]

#131 Old Fogeyette

Of course I’m still here. Who said I was going anywhere? Has someone been posting under my name?? I’ll have him brought before the Ethics Commission so fast . . . Abbey! Sic ‘em!

Besides, you came back first, Little Ms. #250 on the last post. Donâ€™t think I didnâ€™t see that. Weâ€™re hopeless, both of us.
Galactic Emperor Chennux
March 1st, 2007 at 11:55 am [Reply]

ATTENTION EARTHERS! AND EVIDENTLY SOMEONE FROM ZYVEX! POSTER #127 CLAIMS TO BE THE FRUIT OF MY LOOMS (INSERT INTERROBANG)

A COUPLE OF POINTS, LARVALSTATE:

1) THE NAME AND ALL RESULTANT INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY BELONGS TO YOURS TRULY, AS SHOWN BY PRIOR PUBLICATION OF THE NAME ‘GALACTIC EMPEROR CHENNUXâ„¢Â®Â©2007$#!â€ ’

2) KID, IF YOU PLAN ON INHERITING THE UNIVERSE FROM ME, LEARN TO (MARGO)ING SPELL YOUR TITLE! EMPEROR!!! NOW GET YOUR MELKARDAMMIT HOMEWORK DONE OR NO ‘HALO’ FOR YOU TONIGHT!

END TRANSMISSION!
True Fable
March 1st, 2007 at 11:56 am [Reply]

Well, okay then.

I guess I just don’t live in the toney areas. Me and mine didn’t live in big expensive houses when they were growing up, but they didn’t seem to mind and we lived well enough.

You learn something new every day.
stinky pete
March 1st, 2007 at 11:58 am [Reply]

140 Amy, actually, demand for pharmacists greatly outstrips supply at the moment – I quote from CNN.com:

“A recent report from the Pharmacy Manpower Project predicted there will be a shortage of 157,000 pharmacists by 2020. Already, the American Hospital Association reports a 7.4 percent vacancy rate for pharmacists.”

Monster.com reports starting salaries of 80K (US$!) for pharmacy school grads; the bureau of labor statistics reported median salary of 90K in 2006.

This has been your “An economist weighs in at the Comics Curmudgeon Forum moment.”

I’ll try not to do it again.
NotThatGuy
March 1st, 2007 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

Nope, $400,000 won’t buy much of anything anywhere near the San Francisco or Monterey Bay area…well, for nearly $500,000, you can buy a one-bedroom cottage of 900 sq ft up in the mountains.

As far as comics wars and comics snark, well, I like Lio sometimes (now that the animal cruelty index has gone ‘way down), but I like Mutts, Get Fuzzy, Doonesbury, and Dilbert for consistantly making me smile, if not LOL. I only read Foobs for the snark-value now. I admit I loved Mark Trail when I was a sprout (and I still like the Adventure! Pow! Andy! Help! Giant Beavers! bits.) Although I was sucked into Mary Worth by Aldomania, killing off the only interesting character wasn’t really a career move for strip longevity IMHO (oh, who am I kidding? They’ll be running Mary Worth well through the next global cooling cycle.)

Oh, and I’m really into the classic Peanuts reruns, although dead strips taking space from live ones is a little hurtful, I think. It’s nice that they’re on-line, though.)
Old Fogeyette
March 1st, 2007 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

#138 True Fable, Sure, go ahead and shoot Lynn. But to be fair, she does get some things about old age right, including the love for each other that old couples share. The lucky ones, anyway. Her condescension, which I gather is the reason you want to shoot her, is something else again. I had a friend who died at 92, who was very into computers. But I had another, who also died at 92, who just didn’t want to be bothered. Different strokes for folks of all ages….

The second 92 year old, my mentor, told a story about a man in his hometown (Milford, Massachusetts) and the first day an airplane flew over. Everyone knew it was going to happen, and everyone was excited, except this particular old man who decided to stay in his house rather than watch. His well-meaning relatives forced him to go outside and see this modern marvel (it was, I believe, about 1910). The old man said nothing and went back inside and crawled into bed and died two weeks later.

Now I’m off to take care of the cat.
Poteet
March 1st, 2007 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

# 130 — True Fable, you have pointed out weirdnesses in the Foob letters that my skimming missed. My pleasure in your good rant has now turned into the realization that I will have to go back to the letters and read them more carefully. I just hope to Chennux that Lynn won’t actually write that ghastly Sheilagh epic, or I’ll feel compelled to read that too.

# 131 — Old Fogeyette, good to see you! Thank you also. And per Lio, I think we all encounter strips and/or characters that push our particular “ick” buttons. I have an “ick” thing going about that dishwasher guy in GA. I don’t mind Corky or the cook, but “Suds” (I think that’s his name) makes my eyes hurt.

# 138 — True Fable, can I hand you the bullets? Please? Kee-rimeny, I work with a guy in his seventies who “retired” (ha ha) a decade ago, but works harder than ever, keeps up with the latest in his field, and contributes enormously to his community. I have also known, in the past, a certain young man of twenty-four in the same field whose brain arteries and ideas were already hardened and well behind the curve. Sigh.
True Fable
March 1st, 2007 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

*sigh*
I stand corrected from all angles. Okay. If Deanna Patterson doesn’t want to lower herself to live within her means among ordinary people, so be it.

But I still mean it: every rabid, foam spewing, air-snapping syllable. I’ll wager that the average FBoFW reader who lives in Salina, Kansas or Tyler, Texas or Roopville, Georgia knows exactly what I mean.
april glaspie
March 1st, 2007 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

You could listen to Lightning Hopkins
Poteet
March 1st, 2007 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

In my part of Iowa, $400,000 will buy you quite a house. Nevertheless, people are not tripping over each other in the rush to move here, har har.
cheech wizard
March 1st, 2007 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

But dear Abby is so sporting, sheâ€™s left her husband alone at home with that German slut in the kitchen…

I can just see Sam Driver, lying spread out in bed, hollering “I’m not getting up until I’ve f*cked someone!”

Hmmm – Polly Walker as Abbey – esp. if they installed a sunken marble jacuzzi. I like it!
True Fable
March 1st, 2007 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

#154 Cheech wizard – I can just see Sam Driver, lying spread out in bed, hollering â€œIâ€™m not getting up until Iâ€™ve f*cked someone!â€

It only works if someone can hear you.

Don’t ask me how I know. :-(
gh
March 1st, 2007 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

(DT)GT Iâ€™m not certain (can one ever be with the Thorpiverse?), but I think the CheeriosÂ®
shirt boy may have moved on to DoritosÂ®.

http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2007/3/1&name=Gil_Thorp

The background figure in panel 1 seems disturbed by the change. Or maybe heâ€™s thinking â€œUmmm, some nachos would be good about now.â€ I suppose next it will be Mr. SaltyÂ® pretzels or Hardeeâ€™s Triple Bypass Cheeseburgers with Bacon, Sausage, Canadian Bacon, Steak, Fatback & Deep-Fried Twinkies on a Krispie Kreme BunÂ®. Now thatâ€™s good eatinâ€™!
True Fable
March 1st, 2007 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

But I laughed at #154 anyway! XD cotw material!
athena
March 1st, 2007 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

Did anyone else who read this month’s Foob letters notice that Elly relieves Iris only when Jim “is sleeping or having a good day”? Only then will Elly stay with her dad so that Iris can step outside for a few minutes (to contemplate throwing herself in front of traffic, presumably). Nice.

And in his letter Michael waxes pseudo-poetic about his spur-of-the-moment decision to leave his job, even though he loved his staff blah blah blah. Well, if he loved them so much, why didn’t he at least give a few weeks’ notice? Now they’re stuck having to put out an issue without an editor. Again, nice.

Is it wrong that I’m so incensed by fictional letters by comic-strip characters?
anne
March 1st, 2007 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

apparently $100k Canadian is $86k US. I thought it would be less for some reason.
Gabe
March 1st, 2007 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

I generally imagine Iowa a sweeping barren wasteland. With corn. And MMA fighters.
PeteMoss
March 1st, 2007 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

#57 Poteet- Eat My Spray?? BWHAHAHA!. [SATURN], that’s good.

#91, All hail the majestic and omnipotent ruler of the neighborhood and the cosmos. That LITTLE GRANNIX GLURTGLURT tune is now stuck in my head. All part of your plot to contol our minds? I prefer it to those pods* the last invaders used, but still, very cruel. Reign On, Orbiting Potentate!

*I think Steve Jobs is one of the old guard invaders.
Kate
March 1st, 2007 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

#151, True Fable: Actually, yes, I grew up in a small town in Texas, so I share your foaming fury. (And what the boxcar is John doing, offering to help them buy a house? Does he not realize they will NEVER be out of his hair then?) It’s just that I have become embittered by the insane real estate prices in California so I have to swank around saying “You think YOU have it bad, dahling.” My bad.
Pamster
March 1st, 2007 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

Don’t know if this link will work

http://jobsearch.usajobs.opm.gov/jobsearch.asp?FedEmp=N&sort=rv&vw=d&brd=3876&ss=0&FedPub=Y&q=pharmacist

but there are federal pharmacy jobs that pay in the $100,000 range. That said, if the combined income of Michael and Deanna was around $200K before he quit his job, why hadn’t they ever looked into home buying before the fire? Or moved straight into an apartment after maybe a day or two with his parents? And why do they keep carping about being broke? Has no one explained savings accounts to them? Argh.
Mountain Mama
March 1st, 2007 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

Today’s MW: “Your higher truth”? What the [margo] is that? Is that like “the higher power” they talk about in AA?

That’s it! Ella’s not psychic; she’s just a drunk.

As far as all the other stuff goes, keep snark alive. I have grown so fond of the commentors here and I am hoping the “oldies” won’t be chased off by the “newbies.” I’m a newbie poster, but I’ve been lurking for quite some time and I constantly marvel at the literacy and wit of the comments here.

Whoever said to ignore the offensive posts had it right. Let’s just snark on snarkin’ on and enjoy what we do have.

Carry on!
Kate
March 1st, 2007 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

#163, Pamster: because … little Robin is sick a lot? So, um, they spent all their money on … doctors? Oh, wait. Canada has universal health care. I got nothin’.
Pinback65
March 1st, 2007 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

160-Gabe

Oh, Iowa was a barren wasteland, but in the last year, my fair city of Des Moines has gained both a Fuddrucker’s AND a Red Robin. Toss in that P.F. Chang’s from the year before, and we’re in the big time.

Crap. We suck.
queek
March 1st, 2007 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

more graveyard fun in Non Sequitur today. (check out the headstones, especially the small one in back.)

and a Happy Meal in Lio. *heart*
Uncle Lumpy
March 1st, 2007 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

Canadian pharmacists make between $C66K to $C127K, with an average of $C85K. So Deanna’s $100K isn’t a ridiculous number for a metro area, although retail pharmacy is probably closer to the low end.
AhClem
March 1st, 2007 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

Buying a $400K house on a $100K income isn’t that much of a stretch. My income and house value are much less than that, but their ratio, about 3.5:1, isn’t too far off from their 4:1.

Of course, I don’t have a slacker spouse (well, not any more, anyway) and a couple of shrieking urchins to support, so the situation is a bit different, but you get the idea. Not to mention that $400K, even in C$, is a lot for a first-time home buyer.

OK, I just realize I’ve been defending Lynn and the Foobiverse. I’m so sorry. Chennux, aim your skxcritort cannon or whatever-the-hell-it-is at my backside and fire away.
smacky
March 1st, 2007 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

#112: Bill James, I loved Liberty Meadows when it was a daily strip, and I love Frank Cho’s work, but since the strip has been reruns for years, I’ve given up checking it out online. To me, it would be like wondering what was going to happen next on Peanuts.

But if anyone out there isn’t familiar with the strip and hasn’t read them before, I give them a high recommendation and add that I’m a little jealous. Iâ€™d like to read them all again for the first time. Maybe if I live to make it to the Old Cartoonâ€™s Home!
Gabe
March 1st, 2007 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

But the town of Bettendorf can pretty much collectively kick the ass of the rest of the country, Pinback65. You at least have that.
Squid Countess
March 1st, 2007 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

Well, that was odd. I just tried to post, and was asked for the password to access Joshreads.com.

Aaiiggh!

Common sense says it’s a screw-up of my Windows operating system.

Common insecurity and self-loathing says ya’ll chose a password and didn’t tell me.

I’m guessing “Dick the doorbell.” Here goes nothin’.
Anonymous
March 1st, 2007 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

Age, schmage. If you are a dipshit when you’re young, you’ll be a dipshit when you’re old. Same if you’re literate, open-minded, or nice, you’ll likely be the same when you age. I like getting older. I wander around the house snorting and mumbling “Kids today, with their hair and their clothes and their crazy music”.

And then all the kids crash on our floor during music festivals, and think we’re the cool old people.

I gotta say though, those kids bring the kine bud. We never got that good stuff when we were young.
reader-who-posts
March 1st, 2007 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

RMMD: Yes, by all means stick your head out the window to see where the gunshot came from!

Amazing Spider-Man: This has been brought up before, but I wish I knew how to say “!!!”.

FW: Les and Funky (I think?) are preparing Lisa’s grave – like me they don’t by this whole remission thing.

The Brilliant Mind of Edison Lee: It’s become obvious that this title is sarcastic.

MW: Why does Ella look so mad talking about the higher truths? Is she offended that Mary called it a gut instinct? Maybe her powers just told her that Mary has killed before.

LuAnn: Brad wants to pick up Goth chicks.

Curtis: I don’t think we need to be even hinting about periods in comics unless it’s essential to a Kwanzaa story.

Zits: Zits channels Shoe’s old, tired and lame school question and answer jokes. Tomorrow Sara will pull a football away before he can kick it, and then the next day the dad will run into the mailman while rushing to his carpool. Next week Monday will suck.
Justafoob
March 1st, 2007 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

Gotta love Deanna’s monthly letter. Talk about being a blatant gold-digger. We NEED a four bedroom house. I NEED a sewing room.

Mike better get a ton of money for the movie rights or he will not be able to meet Deanna’s NEEDS.
Poteet
March 1st, 2007 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

# 160 — Gabe, I am currently listening to the governor of Iowa on TV announcing that the entire state has just been declared a disaster area because of the recent blizzard and the new blizzard that is about to hit my house and try to take away my electricity for two days as it did to my neighbors, which I hope it won’t. (And Galactic Emperor Chennux, if you have anything to do with this, we Iowans would like to know what we’ve done to offend you. Or, if this is your kid playing a prank, kindly smack him upside the head for us.)

Anyway, Gabe, I’m sure not about to argue with your characterization of Iowa on this particular day, except that to fully respond, I’d need to know what MMA fighters are:-).
Poteet
March 1st, 2007 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

# 161 — PeteMoss, thank you. And I plan to steal and use “Orbiting Potentate” because it’s cool.
NEW-ME
March 1st, 2007 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

On $100,000 a year I could buy 3 houses and put ALOT of money in savings!
cheech wizard
March 1st, 2007 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

157 – Thanks, TF – Rome is a big favorite of mine.
willethompson
March 1st, 2007 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

A wide ranging post, then back to the code mines…

#57 Poteet (as reinforced by PeteMoss) – telekenisis/eat my spray. Yeah, encountering THAT as I scanned the post this morning was NOT a good thing beverage-wise. Snort.

#154 Cheech – Ditto.

#100 gh – I’m genuinely touched. Send an address and I’ll send you the original Chennux art.

#172 Squiddy – Has to be the spam filter burping. As you can see, you did get through. I would be personally affronted if you were intentionally ‘filtered.’

Real estate values – here in the hills of North Carolina, I purchased my dream house 10 years ago, sitting on 3.5 acres, built in the 50s by a doctor who was a gardening nut and planted the place with boxwoods, holly and azaleas. There are (or were) topiary paths all over the place (I still need to trim them out). I have woods and a stream. And because it sat empty for two years without A/C, I got a hell of a deal.

Several years ago, we hosted a dinner for a poetess (poetitrx? poetrianne?) visiting the local college for a symposium. She was from California. She had an entourage, one of which was a hippie-looking fellow a bit younger than me. I was delegated to give him a tour. As we walked down an azalea-lined path toward one of the few redwoods on the east coast, he looked at me and said, “Do you know how much this place would be worth if it were in California?” To which I replied, “Do you know how much this place is worth to me because it’s NOT in California?”

Not that there’s anything inherently wrong with the Golden Bear state, but good lord, what you people pay to live there… ouch!
Gabe
March 1st, 2007 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

Poteet: Mixed Martial Artists (those Ultimate Fighting guys). One of the biggest training centers in the country for MMA is in Bettendorf (Miletich Fighting Systems). Current UFC HW champ trains there, and the former WW and LW champs.

So uh, yeah. That’s what I know about Iowa. That and one of my old Navy buddies was from there and his family grew corn.
SmartPeopleOnIce
March 1st, 2007 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

#100 (gh) I think the Tick said it best when he told Sarcastro: We don’t use our superpowers on each other, Mister.
Squid Countess
March 1st, 2007 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

OK! #172 was me, and it did post, so I seem to have guessed the password!

Mr O’Malley- I was looking for you one middle-of-the-night not too long ago. My insomnia was in full-force, and I thought you might be up and posting, as you sometimes are. But you weren’t. Still, I’m sure we’ll cross paths in the wee hours one morning at the end of a thread. Then we can post back-n-forth saying “Ha! Good one!1!1″ until we’re sleepy. I hope your health is on the improve every day.
Josh
March 1st, 2007 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

Squid Countess #183 — could you send me an email (at blogfrontpg@jfruh.com) describing in more detail the whole password thing you were confronted with? There really shouldn’t be any need for a password on the main site. (The forum site is a different story.)

Josh
NEW-ME
March 1st, 2007 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

Squid Countess.. In the wee hours of the morning when sleep can not be found, just give me a call and we can count every Margoing minute as they pass us by and torture us………..
stinky pete
March 1st, 2007 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

169 AhClem and others, with a 6.3% 30-year mortgage a $400,000 loan translates into a $2321 monthly mortgage payment. On a $100,000 annual salary, your loan payment-to-income ratio is 27.8%, well below the 30-36% that a bank would begin to consider too risky. Love that easy credit!
gh
March 1st, 2007 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

Yes, the first of the month holds a special place in our hearts. Some of us anyway. Iâ€™ve given each (but not every) Patterson a verse to bring us up to date.

Gimme a ticket for a choo-choo train,
Ain’t got time to mess with novacaine.
Yard apes will be gone, Mikeâ€™s buyinâ€™ a home,
See, Elly, I wrote me a letter.

I don’t care how much money I gotta spend,
Livinâ€™ with Elly has just gotta end
Iâ€™ve got the income, I’m buyinâ€™ a home,
See, Michael, I wrote me a letter.

Well, I wrote ME a letter
Said I couldn’t live without ME no mo’.
Listen mister can’t you see I got to get back
To ME ME ME ME ME –anyway…

Gimme intense dudes with their ponytails,
Iâ€™m fourteen, I can fill the jails
Sorry that I lied, I just went roadside,
See, Daddy, I wrote me a letter.

Well, they wrote them a letter
Said they couldn’t turn the printer thing on.
Listen geezers can’t you do one single thing right
You just click the icon–anyway…

Gimme a ticket for sailing ship,
Peeling potatoes, man, theyâ€™re gonna flip.
This is such a breeze, sailinâ€™ the high seas,
See, baby, I just wrote me a novel.
See, baby, I wrote me a novel.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some catching up to do.
bootsybooks
March 1st, 2007 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

Hey, Chex Mix, give the kid a break.

Oh Saturn, is that going to get me into trouble? Cuz I haven’t drawn his attention before this. I’ve been snarking, tap dancing, syrup pouring.

Gotta go, the top of my head feels hot….
willethompson
March 1st, 2007 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

#182 SPOI – well, that’s the March 1st trifecta –

1) Zappa

2) The Tick (I watched the justice/Destroyo episode last night)

3) In front of me on the road this morning was an SUV with a license plate frame that said, “My other car is a boxcar.”
willethompson
March 1st, 2007 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

…oh, yeah, AND a gh parody – what is that, a quadfecta?
ltrftp(not so first time)
March 1st, 2007 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

I don’t read the parodies.
I have been coming since before the name change.
I ignore any ALL CAPS posters.

And if I don’t recognise your nic I am less likely to read a longish post.
Gabe
March 1st, 2007 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

I find the parodies tough to read, usually because I have no idea what the song is. Either my musical nawlij is lacking or you people pick of lot of obscure/particular songs. And I’ve written a few, so I’m just as guilty (never full versions, just a couple of verses).

Well, if you’re skipping the Emporor’s posts, you’re missing some good stuff. He’s really the only one who types in all caps (they don’t have a shift key on his home planet).

Sometimes there’s moments of brilliance in long diatribes by first-time posters. Sometimes they’re the best, actually. Built up snark and all that.
fizzy logic
March 1st, 2007 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

#186 stinky pete – That’s provided they don’t have a car payment, or student loans, or credit card debt up to their eyeballs. If I was married to a Patterson, I’d be out doing retail therapy every chance I could get, so my guess is their debt-to-income ratio is closer to the 55% – 65% range.

And $25k isn’t enough of a down payment for a $400k house, so they’d either have to have proof of gift money or another note on the side with payments on that to the Sr. Pattersons.

Sorry, I’m a commercial RE lender, saw (something near) my area of expertise flashing by – hey everybody, look at me!

#187 gh – great parody, as per usual.

#169 AhClem – I don’t think you have to worry about Chennux’s skxcritort cannon on your backside – he seems more interested in the dirty microbe girl. His magmacannon, maybe…
Kate
March 1st, 2007 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

#187 gh, I bow before you.
Lyman Returns
March 1st, 2007 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

FBOFW-Deanna makes THAT much money and old man Patterson is going to help them with their mortgage? Sorry, John…I think you should pay for some personal finance classes for your son and daughter-in-law.

If Mike and Deanna were both working, what the boxcar were they spending their money on? Do they have insanely expensive hobbies that we don’t know about? Are they drunks or drug addicts? Do they take bi-monthly excursions to resorts on tropical islands?

True Fable, I’m with you. Outside of those handful of ‘prime real estate’ areas of the US (and I imagine, Canada, too), a person making a six-figure salary can afford a very nice home, and at the very least a small home that needs some fixing up. This is all just more proof that Lynn Johnson has so much cash stockpiled that she is utterly out of touch with how 98% of the population lives.

Plus, why is it that only Mike, Deanna, and kids are being encouraged to move out and get a house? Liz has a full-time job, too, and while she’s probably not as flush with cash as Mike and Dee are, she could probably afford a house of her own or at least rent an apartment. What kind of old-school mentality do the parents (or their puppeteer, Lynn Johnson) have that dictates that the married couple with the kids OF COURSE GEE WHIZ absolutely HAVE to buy a house while their single daughter must live totally live with them while they verbally nudge her in the direction of various men until she hooks up with one of them and moves out? Are they going to be expected to provide a dowry, too? Better start amassing some herds of camels and goats, Doc Patterson!

Of course, Liz is only there because of…well, no good reason. It wasn’t like she had to go live with her parents due to financial problems (she seemed to be doing just fine in Mtignowutterlyforgotten) or something traumatic happening to her. It’s not like the place she was living became abruptly uninhabitable, like what happened to her brother and his family. Why is it that the kids who returned home due to legitimate hardship are being pushed to move out and buy a house, but it’s OK for Liz to freeload off of them as long as she wants??? Boy, I could really use an keyboard with an interrobang right about now.

Rant over.
Bill James
March 1st, 2007 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

#151 True Fable: I know (or at least knew) Roopville, Georgia, young man, and they would wish to be Pluggers there. My late father referred to the inhabitants of such places as “American Neaderthal.”

Now, I do hear good things about Salina, Kansas.
Paperback Rifler
March 1st, 2007 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

187. Ye gods, that’s some good parodysmithying. Let me ask you though, gh, were you thinking of the Box Tops version or the Joe Cocker version when you were writing? (Well, I guess it’s a moot point since both versions have considerably more soul than the Foobs are likely to muster anytime soon.)
gh
March 1st, 2007 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

#197 Paperback Rifler

Strictly Box Tops.
zeeba
March 1st, 2007 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

ROTFL, gh, great parody!!!

As for LJ, she’s probably so margo rich now that she doesn’t have a clue how much us peons bring in every year, so she picked $100,000 for Deanna as it sounds “low” to her. Although I’d LOVE to make $100,000, I probably never will, given my profession (librarian).

And thanks to all for the Bunny Foo Foo, scoopin, boppin, goon memories!!!
Poteet
March 1st, 2007 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

Another declining thread, and here I am. Oh well, I’ll give it a try…

# 180 — Thanks, wille. From you, that means a lot. And your comment re California was hilarious (and I know some Californians who would laugh too).

# 181 — Gabe, after decades here, it’s rare that anyone can tell me anything about Iowa that I don’t have some vague knowledge about already. You have told me something totally new. Thanks!

# 187 — BWAHAHA! Nicely snarked, gh.

# 195 — Lyman, nice rant. For what it’s worth, the new Lizardbreath letter is apartment-intensive to the point that I almost wondered if Lynn has slipped the chains of reason and now expects her readers to step up to the plate and give Liz some hot tips about rentals they know about in her price range. I don’t think Liz mentioned Granthony once. If that’s intended to throw us off the scent, it didn’t work on me. I, along with most Curmudgeons, know she’s doomed to Pornstache.
NEW-ME
March 1st, 2007 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

Banana.. That is one cute baby!
Dean Booth
March 1st, 2007 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

192, Gabe, I believe Emperor Chennux’s transmissions are in all caps because of the Doppler shift.
ohyes
March 1st, 2007 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

Has anyone seen the Dalai Lama lately? ‘Cause we seem to have a new incarnation of enlightenment in the above photo.

(Hoping not to offend any enlightened spirits…)

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