The Comics Curmudgeon

116 responses to “The horror of true love”

1. Stuart P. Bentley
   March 5th, 2007 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

   Silly Dennis! Daddy isn’t a neurosurgeon!

2. Stuart P. Bentley
   March 5th, 2007 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

   …or is he?!

3. willethompson
   March 5th, 2007 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

   Evidently Paris is home to Mohawk indians as well as Quebecoise.

4. Johan
   March 5th, 2007 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

   I found today’s DtM rather funny, actually – “Hey dad, I don’t actually need anything, but I woke you up in the middle of the night and made you come running across the house just incase YOU might be thirsty.”

5. Chris
   March 5th, 2007 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

   Is that some bizarre kind of oversized condom on Neddy’s head? I know it’s supposed to be a beret, but it doesn’t look like any beret I’ve ever seen.

   And, shouldn’t she have a baguette hanging out of her bookbag?

   I also like how today the one punk, en Francais, uses the formal “Vous” instead of “tu” to the other…French punks are so punctilious, don’t you know?

6. RoboMax: Agent of C.U.R.M.U.D.G.E.O.N
   March 5th, 2007 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

   Given that this is Mark Trail. I’m suprised that panel didn’t feature giant, monolithic sea stars that dwarf Mark Trail.

7. Forrest for the Trees
   March 5th, 2007 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

   I finally understand the change in Dennis’ life. His parents have started to drug him with Dex. Thus, the horrifying descent into inane conversations and sympathy for others. Oh, the humanity!

8. Kate
   March 5th, 2007 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

   Mark Trail: the hell? I guess all those starfish I find on the beach that are waving those little sucker thingies around and skidding over the sand are zombie starfish.

   And Mark Trail: The Hell, part 2: when did starfish become sea stars? I missed that memo. Even though it probably was carried by a gigantic ass-talking goose.

9. Kate
   March 5th, 2007 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

   Also, A3G: I hate comma splices. I don’t care if you have had chemo, you’re trapped in a third-panel art gallery with Margo, and your name is the same as mine; use an em dash, a colon, or a period when you are saying two complete sentences, or I shall charter a bus and come whop the potatoes out of you. Thank you.

10. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    March 5th, 2007 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    I dunno if that’s Andy Warhol in Shoe, but I think Dennis’s dad (Mr. the Menace?) looks like Stephen Colbert.

11. Joe
    March 5th, 2007 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    What is the reader’s reaction to the little non-menace’s “root beer” line supposed to be? “Oh. I thought he was talking about vodka or crack cocaine or cigarettes or some other drug. Oh, Dennis!”

12. bootsybooks
    March 5th, 2007 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    Neddy’s beret morphs around on her head like Curtis’ backwards baseball cap. One minute it looks like a beret, the next like something Sam Jackson wears at awards shows to be cool, the next she’s like some little drugged out Keebler elf.

13. Chupper
    March 5th, 2007 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    Whoa, check out the bottom left panel in that A3G! Eric’s neice doesn’t have cancer, she’s just shaved her head because she’s on the lam from authorities trying to bust up her ring of slave labor sweatshops. “Margo, remember, ZIIIIP!” = “Margo, remember, I own you, and soon I’ll have you toiling in a windowless basement again. Muhahahahaha! More zippers, mule!”

14. willethompson
    March 5th, 2007 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    Josh, the ‘drop Margo like a hot potato’ vibe has come to pass with today’s strip as Margo professes her ardor but Eric says, “But I have something to tell you that might change your mind!” Versions of what the shocking revelation might be are offered by PeteMoss, True Fable, gh and GEChennux in the last post. Some bear repeating:

    I checked with Mary Worth and she doesn’t think you’re right for me.
    I taste just like chicken.
    If I’m trying to delay orgasm, I think of you!
    I have three penises.
    I like to dress up like Liza Minnelli.
    I’m allergic to rage.
    I voted for Nader.
    I am the Zodiac Killer.
    In my spare time, I like to mime.
    You make me nauseous.
    My real name is Erica.
    I’m gay and hot for a ghost, no less.
    I run like a scared rabbit at the phrase “I adore you”.
    I have an STD that will rip you raw.
    I have twelve children by eight different women.
    Did you know that your name is a synonym for ‘f*ck’ on a blog? Though heaven knows why.

15. Lettuce
    March 5th, 2007 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    FBOFW: Dude! That dude totally harshed April’s exposition mellow with his Western Culture guilt trip.

    Luann: Oh, TJ. Your eyes say marijuana, but your violence against drywall say three-day coke binge with more Red Bull than regrets.

    9 Chickweed Lane: I totally knew He-Man would wind up in a same-sex relationship. But with Screech?

    Fred Bassett: Are these reprints from the 30s? Or has a rectangular box in my newspaper turned into a time-spanning wormhole reaching back to a point in the Great Depression when people were so miserable even a half-hearted non-pun might be considered comic?

16. reader-who-posts
    March 5th, 2007 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    DtM: Now the dad can give Dennis the lobotomy he’s always wanted.

    FBOFW: Has there ever been a more disturbing line than “Elizabeth, aren’t you overfeeding your kitty?” After she ends up with Granthony, the answer will clearly be “No, Mom, I am not – happy now?!”

    [That sentence needed an interrobang!]

    PBS: Pastis channels They’ll Do It Every Time. If only the caller’s name was Vomito…

    FC: Is Billy in a home? A middle-aged man who still draws like that worries me.

17. AppleGirl
    March 5th, 2007 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    A3G – That last panel is priceless. Um, Margo, um… um… not sure I should out Eric here. Can’t you just enjoy the fact that you have a guy to go shopping with who has exquisite taste?

    MARCH 1 CC THREAD – I’ve been on a vacation from my Mac this weekend, and just now catching up. When I read comment #37, I thought, “The only guy who could make such a funny comment, complete with Zsa Zsa reference is Dingo.” And then #66: Hello again, Dingo! Hooray!

    Dingo – I hate it when Real Life interferes with our beloved snarkiness. I’ve been in the George Bush downsizing basement a couple of times myself. So have my uber-smart friends who hold degrees from Wharton, Harvard and cool places like that. Job security? What’s that? Glad to see you back.

    LUANN – Okay, now I must admit that when I was 13, I painted a wall of my room black. It went great with the black-and-white zebra cushions on the windowseat.

18. Raznor
    March 5th, 2007 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    Frankly the thought of Dennis’ father taking a hatchet and leaving Dennis’ menacing brains strewn on the bedsheets marks the first time I’ve ever felt interested in a Dennis the Menace comic.

19. Treadwell
    March 5th, 2007 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    I can’t wait for Neddy and Abbey’s reaction when they discover that the Paris Metro smells like urine.

    Oh, who am I kidding; most of Paris smells like urine.

20. jvwalt
    March 5th, 2007 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    A3G: What do the colorizers have against human faces? Katy’s undergoing chemo, so she ought to have an ashen face… but everybody looks like they’ve been thoroughly vampirized. Especially Eric; he has an unfinished look about him. Is he fading into the picture, or fading out?

    Speaking of deathly pale, how about the white and pale yellow walls of the prestigious Mills Gallery? How cutting edge! Then again, to judge from the little glimpses of art in the background, the Mills Gallery appears to specialize in vapid would-be Impressionist Art destined for the walls of cut-rate motels. The big city is such a happenin’ scene, man.

21. Squawk
    March 5th, 2007 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    JP: I get the impression the artist got his ideas about punks from a Good Charlotte video.

    MT: In all fairness, Mr. Trail’s got a point. Did you ever see a beached starfish get up and walk back into the ocean? Nope, me neither.

22. Lyman Returns
    March 5th, 2007 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    DtM- “Dad, why does the pattern on your pajamas always line up parallel to the floor no matter what orientation your body is in? Is this further proof I’m mentally boxcarred up?”

    Btw, congrats on what I’m sure is the first Dennis the Menace/Clockwork Orange comparison in the history of the world.

    JP-I think that when the mohawk became not a hairstyle of street hoodlums but of artistic tools looking for attention, cartoon artists everywhere missed the memo explaining the shift. Hey, Neddie and Abby! Stop ogling your map and get Annie Lennox’s autograph! She’s walking by with Pippi Longstocking!

    A3G-In the third panel, that art patron is in the act of falling over after gazing so closely to that painting he slammed his face into the wall. I can see it now…”Gee, it still doesn’t look like anything…still doesn’t…still no luck…” WHAM!

23. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    March 5th, 2007 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    #22 Lyman Returns — Mr. the Menace gets his pajamas the same place Curtis gets his hat.

24. stinky pete
    March 5th, 2007 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    The Josh Reads Millenary Moment

    Josh Reads post #13 is about burping cows, one of whom is burping up a Jackelrod ball. How unlucky can you get?

    This has been today’s “Josh Reads Millenary Moment.” 22 more posts till the millennipost!

    (Can I keep this up for 22 more posts? Oh ye-a-h-h-h-h….)

25. SmartPeopleOnIce
    March 5th, 2007 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    What? No comment on this?

    There hasn’t been body language that stiff in MW since the paramedics found Aldo.

26. Bunnë
    March 5th, 2007 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

    JP- “Take the Metro and go shopping on the way” is a concept that is really bothering me. First of all, normally, even in Paris, you go someplace, shop, and then go someplace else; “on the way” only works if there’s shopping along the way. Paris, like most cities, is not a big shopping mall and as such has large stretches of no shopping. Second of all, Paris Metro stops are mostly all of 20 feet from each other; she’ll spend more time walking inside the metro stations than she will walking to and from the metro stations.

    #15 – He-Man has been established as gay since something like his second appearance. And he is dating Screech because McEldowney is obsessed with pairing the ludicrously gorgeous with nebbishy types. So he wants us to know he’s not sexist, he will pair a man with a nebbishy type, provided it’s a gay relationship. No ugly chicks!

27. Edward
    March 5th, 2007 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    Kate isn’t miming a zipper and saying, “mum’s the word,” she’s really preparing Margo for her own inevitable treatments? Is that why Margo closes her eyes and walks off the cliff in the last panel? Or am I dreaming again?

28. gump worsley
    March 5th, 2007 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

    MT — If I’m making a list of Animals Symbolic of the Sea, I’m getting a long, long way down before I hit “sea star.”

    But that’s just me, I guess.

29. Holy Prepuce
    March 5th, 2007 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

    “Backpacks are even for sale in backwards, retail-starved cities like Paris.”

    Although one might be able to purchase a backpack in Paris, sporting one would be equivalent to wearing a sign proclaiming “American Student.”

30. Kevin
    March 5th, 2007 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

    #9 Kate — It’s not a comma splice. Katy likes to give people cute nicknames when she first meets them; her cute nickname for Margo is “I’m Bald From the Chemo.” If you revisit the panel with that in mind, you’ll see it’s punctuated perfectly.

31. Bucky Ripsnort
    March 5th, 2007 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

    22, Lyman Returns– “Art Patron”’s problems– that’s his actual name, Arthur Patron– are due entirely to his mistaking that daub for a “magic eye” painting.

32. AhClem
    March 5th, 2007 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

    Sea Stars are Starfish that have been renamed by the PC police. The next interation will having us call them 5-Pointed Stellar Sea-Beings. And anybody who calls them otherwise will feel the fury or Mark’s Right Hook O’Justice ™.

33. Bucky Ripsnort
    March 5th, 2007 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    And over in MT, Mark’s already declared his friend dead–”Dan was an excellent swimmer!” Already planning the funeral, Mark?

34. gh
    March 5th, 2007 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    #9 Kate

    I disagree with #30 Kevin.

    It is a comma splice and they’re doing it just to tick you off. Whop them ‘taters! With gravy!

    I was reminded of my own earthquake story over the weekend, but that was so three days ago and it was only a 2.3. Went off only about a quarter mile from the building I was in, though. I thought the furnace blew up and I watched my coffee cup go shimmying across the desk and caught it just before it went over the edge. Hilarity did not ensue.

35. PeteMoss
    March 5th, 2007 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    # 8 Kate. Funny.

    Zombie Starfish and gigantic ass-talking goose are touring together this summer, by the way. Watch your local paper for details.

36. MossMoses
    March 5th, 2007 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    8. Kate, ass-speak is the most commonly spoken dialect in Lost Forest, and not just from the fauna’s asses. Mark Trail talks out his ass all the time. He can’t even get the tides straight. He stood on the oyster bar waiting for the tide to come in so he could walk to shore. Lost Forest warps the laws of physics the way Judge Parker warps the time space continuum. The boat that looked several hundred yards out now is about 20 feet from shore in panel one. Maybe Dan is swimming underneath it and guiding it to shore. He IS an excellent swimmer, after all.

37. Saxman
    March 5th, 2007 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    Judge Parker

    Whoa. I was thinking from today’s strip, the mowhawked-would-be mugger was a woman.

    http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20070305&name=Judge_Parker

    But the Sunday strip is clearly a man. I can’t wait for tomorrow’s tie-breaker.

38. Trotzenbonnie
    March 5th, 2007 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey – looks more like he’s headed to Broadway than Wall Street. Gotta Dance!

    Pluggers – Either Mrs. Plugger is completely defying the Law of Conservation of Mass or her washing machine is capable of creating photon collisions. As impressive as either scenario may be, it still pisses me off that the person doing laundry is a “woman”.

    TDIET – Today’s drollery was submitted by a mirthful resident of merry old McLean, Virginia, with an average household income of around 8 trillion dollars. Dad has the cartoons read to him by Robert Mankoff.

39. Ukulele Ike
    March 5th, 2007 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    JP: The latest hip mode with les Apaches Parisiennes avec Mohawks is Stylized Formalism: using the “vous” form with each other, drinking Darjeeling from bone china with pinkies upraised, etc. You can’t see it yet, but both of these punks are wearing pink tutus over tuxedo trousers and patent-leather dancing pumps.

    Red Greenback: So the Los Angeles papers have dropped “Candorville” ? Just a couple of weeks after it disappeared in Chicago? This is very, very bad. Looks like “Candorville” is taking the night train to oblivion, like “Ellington Way” and that strip about the Jewish Yuppies on the Upper East Side of Manhattan, two other new comics I liked very much.

40. Lammergeier13
    March 5th, 2007 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    #8, #32: Silly peoples, they’re no longer called ’starfish’ because the term is incorrect; they’re not fish, nor are they in any way closely related to fish. They do, however, resmble stars and live in the sea. Hence, ’sea stars’, those adorable little invertebrate echidnoderms.

41. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 5th, 2007 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    So, if Andy Warhol were still alive today, he’d be doing public service announcements about the importance of staying in school? And he’d be a bird?
    Ain’t reincarnation a bitch?

42. ohgrl
    March 5th, 2007 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    Anybody get yesterday’s (Sunday) LA Times? Is it just me, or did a sizeable chunk of comics get replaced by kiddie stuff? The Times divides their comics into 2 sections; one is more for adults(and I use that term loosely), and the other is light (Snoopy, The Pink Panther, etc.). The 3/4/07 light section has 1.5 pages of comics out of 4. The rest is jokes & puzzles for kids. I was never a big fan on the comics in that section, but WTF? And, what did they cut?

    LAT, I like comics. Guess that puts us in conflict!

43. Lammergeier13
    March 5th, 2007 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    Marvin: Great job exposing the inadequacies in your home’s justice system, Marvin, but what exactly were you planning to use as bail? Wait… Don’t answer that.

    Phantom: Finally, we’ll get to see if those lucky lottery numbers the old guy keeps spouting will pay off. Hey, ‘Ghost-who-sets-his-friends-on-fire’, that is not an appropriate way of awakening people!

44. ohgrl
    March 5th, 2007 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    Questions retracted–that’s what I get for skipping the metaposts.

45. Blondie
    March 5th, 2007 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

    FBFW: Has anyone else noticed that guy’s shirt in the last panel. It seems to be saying “What father!” in spanish. Also, the “qué” is spelled with an accent, and yet it isn’t a question. Newsflash Lynn: Some people might actually understand that “obscure” language your using even if you don’t.

46. kippetje2000
    March 5th, 2007 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

    re #35 speaking of talking gooses, FW’s Funky seems to be talking out of his own ass today

    I keep waiting to see some P.I.L.F. from Pluggers and Mrs. Plugger is another instance of my comics frustration.
    Besides everyone knows that tissue cums out in the dryer not the washer.
    Freak Family Circus: Hummers make me sleepy too.

    Rose is Rose: Good thing Pasquel is not going to the gynecologist

47. briantologist
    March 5th, 2007 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    Dennis’s current chipmunk-like levels of menace bring to mind how far the strip has fallen from its heyday. I strongly suggest, however, that those even marginally interested in comic-strip art pick up one of Fantagraphics’s reissues of early DTM daily strips, which they recently began reissuing in the same way they’ve released the early Peanuts strips. Early Dennis is awesome, in that he’s legitimately a little bastard. The strip actually has some bite to it, and it’s complimented by Hank Ketcham’s truly excellent drawing.

    Also, y’know what’s weird? Some of the very early Family Circus strips are actually kind of funny, for much the same reason — visit that blasted Hellscape of the Web, familycircus.com, and click on “Files,” then ’60s strips. Okay, most of them still kind of suck, but the fact that Daddy is kind of a neanderthal and is constantly smoking counts for something. Plus there’s a reference to Daddy boozing it up during a football game, which is just priceless.

48. Uncle Lumpy
    March 5th, 2007 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    #39 Uke -

    For a while in the ’90’s, all the avant-garde Japanese boys spoke in the most mannered, sissy keigo, while the girls talked like gangsters and swore like sailors.

    So maybe the punks in JP are from L’Ecole des Artes after all.

    But if Cedric’s close by, we won’t find out – he’s big, he’s tough – - he’s Canadian, py yiminy!

49. Steve S
    March 5th, 2007 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    I think this is Dennis’ way of menacing by causing his father to stay up all night, resulting in him being fired for incompetence at work, resulting in him going on a mass murder spree and doing Dennis’ work by proxy. It’s a fiendish master plan worthy of a Mark Trail villain, except without giant ducks and ridiculous facial hair.

50. Lammergeier13
    March 5th, 2007 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    #45: Yeah, Lynn isn’t exactly what I’d call worldly. Hell, she’s as bad as Mary Worth when it comes to dealing with or understanding other cultures. You recall the whole “people should stick to their own kind” lesson, right? What I find more curious than the guys unintelligible shirt is the guy himself. Who the hell is he, and where is Canada receiving Spanish-speaking refugees from?!

51. Lammergeier13
    March 5th, 2007 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    kippetje 2000 quote: “Freak Family Circus: Hummers make me sleepy too.”

    Me: Heh, heh, heh, ewwwwwwww.

52. rb
    March 5th, 2007 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

    Since you folk like cartoons, and the making of them, i introduce this youtube clip of a realtime inking in session.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l6-e4mGptHM

53. macb
    March 5th, 2007 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    Josh- I think the program you’re referring to was the CIA’s MKULTRA program. This mind-control program continued into the ’60s but was actually approved and initiated in 1953. That same year, Frank Olson, an U.S. Army enlisted man, jumped from a hotel room window to his death after being unknowingly dosed with acid. He had already come down from his involuntary “trip” and was supposed to be monitored by a CIA “minder” during the “recovery” phase, but the latter dozed off in another bed, leaving the terrified and disoriented Olson alone. None of this was known until the NYT reported it in ‘74 just as the Watergate scandal and coverup were exploding and Nixon was forced from office and Congressional committees were investigating 20+ years of top secret skullduggery. In any case, Dennis’s problems can’t be blamed on LSD; he’s far too out of it for that.

54. jules
    March 5th, 2007 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    Believe me: whoever made that blanket on Mr. theMenace’s bed is the one on LSD.

55. Trotzenbonnie
    March 5th, 2007 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

    #52 – rb
    Blasphemy!
    Where are the Speedball nibs, the encre de chine! A Rapidograph even. You young whippersnappers with your damned PhotoShop! Where’s my Xacto knife. A nice #11 blade should take care of all of you!

56. Tats
    March 5th, 2007 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: Man, there’s going to be a critical motion-line shortage soon if those folks don’t slow up. Pretty soon, it’ll cost dollars on the double take to even consider making an “are you insane???” head snap.

    Judge Parker: Looks like Neddy’s natty beret has started a fad on the Sunday funnies page, judging by Margo’s cancer cronie in 3-G. I’d ask why Elly Patterson hasn’t adopted one yet, but then I realized that no Patterson woman ever wears anything but a dowdy shirt and unflattering high-waisted slacks. Regardless of age-appropriateness, or location. Like the beach.

    Mary Worth: Wow, check out Mary towering over that poor cowering psychic woman. “YOU’RE CHECKING OUT?! Hahahaha! I see you discovered the cyanide I put in that tuna casserole! You could never be me! I’m the original; you’re just Mary Worth-less! Bahah… oh. It’s not what I think? Do go on.” *nods sagely*

    God willing, Wannabe Mary has joined the Peace Corp. and we can look forward to a doddering eight-week Mary Meddle on the importance of armchair activism.

57. Trotzenbonnie
    March 5th, 2007 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    #56 – Tats
    I take offense at your slanderous comments regarding high-waisted slacks.
    http://www.marksverylarge.com/people/tandb7308.html

58. MossMoses
    March 5th, 2007 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    57. Trotzenbonnie – great comic. All that’s needed is a freak three fingered talking hand to say – “Placenta Helper helps your afterbirth make a great meal”.

59. MossMoses
    March 5th, 2007 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

    56. Wouldn’t armchair activism be too arduous? How about just raising money for arm chair activism?

60. ElSanto
    March 5th, 2007 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

    #50. I hate to be a killjoy, friend, but … you aren’t suggesting that there aren’t Hispanics currently living in Canada, hmm?

61. Caged Tygre
    March 5th, 2007 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

    #14 Wille, I’m not sure who suggested it, but I think having no penis would be more of an issue than having three, I’m sure Margo could find a way to plan a party around that surprise.

    Luann: Once Brad gets kicked out of the house for breaking his lease agreement he can stay with the lion in Big Top.

62. Lammergeier13
    March 5th, 2007 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

    #60: No, certainly not. It’s just that this character seems to be suggesting that he himself is or has been a refugee, and I’d like to know where the heck he’s supposed to be seeking refuge from! Is there a sudden hot-button topic event happening which is sending Spanish-speaking victims into the welcoming arms of the Canadian suburbs? Though I must profess some slight affection for the lad. Anyone who calls a Patterson on their whiny, melodramatic martyr crap gets props from me.

63. Jamus The Bartender
    March 5th, 2007 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

    FC. I actually laughed at today’s Family Circus. Not because I think an elderly lady falling asleep with the baby is charming, but because I pictured PJ falling off Granny Circus’ lap, cracking his skull open, thereby prompting Granny, Bill and Thel’s prescence in prison posthaste. Subsequently, the remaining melonheads would be shipped off to a Christian based foster home where forced scripture readings are the norm, which, upon reflection, wouldn’t be much of a change for them.

64. Bunnë
    March 5th, 2007 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

    #60, #62 Maybe he’s not latino… maybe he’s… oh let’s see… shiny black hair, broad nose, little tendril of hair at the widow’s peak… a refugee from My Cousin Vinnie?

65. Blondie
    March 5th, 2007 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

    #55: Being one of the “young whippersnappers” with photoshop I still use dip pens and Xactos thank you very much!!! Ah Adobe Creative Suite, what have you done to us?

66. Gabe
    March 5th, 2007 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

    Who still shows “stree toughs” as horribly stereotyped ‘77 UK punkers? Even cartoons and comic books (Batman and the like) stopped that in the early 90s.

    I guess the upside is that its still too modern for TDIET…

67. Jamus The Bartender
    March 5th, 2007 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    JP: Oh dear. This is not good. I admit i’ve been following the adventures of hot babes Neddy and Abbey out of the corner of my eye, but i’ve read enough comics over the years to know that, if the looks on Le Mohawk Bois is any indication, Neddy and Abbey are gonna get engraved invites to the Number Six Dance shortly, unless Abbey and/or Neddy have some kind of heretefore undocumented martial arts abilities, a big freaking gun in that bookbag, or Cedric the Clark Kent-looking guy shows up to save the day in the next few minutes. Another option is if a super-powered guy in pastel tights shows up out of the wild blue. And I don’t remember any super-powered people in Judge Parker. Cedric doesn’t count. This could get ugly folks. And while Eduardo Baretto’s art style is kind of bland, he knows how to draw hot babes. I can’t look…

68. Lammergeier13
    March 5th, 2007 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    MT: God, Dan, WTF?! You were a good swimmer, and now you’re drowning? I’m really terribly disappointed in you. You know as well as I that only people who aren’t good swimmers ever drown. And now I suppose you expect me to go in there and save you right? Well I don’t know, I’m a good swimmer too, but according to your cracked-out rules of the universe, I might well just sink to the bottom of the freaking lake!

69. Lammergeier13
    March 5th, 2007 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

    SpiderMan: Geez, Jonah Jameson’s show can’t be doing that well if they have the same special guest two nights in a row. However, it seems as though they’ve finally managed to wrangle in the “women who are soon to be seen represented in a TDIET strip” market. That’s a hard one to attract.

70. Trotzenbonnie
    March 5th, 2007 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

    #65 – Blondie
    You are hereby declared semi-immune from my wrath.
    Adobe “”Creative”"Suite, indeed!

71. Blade Runner
    March 5th, 2007 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

    Hmmm:

    There are two masked references to albums from the seventies in the comics today, and one from the sixties.

    A3G – I need something to change your mind. (Talking Head’s Fear of Music)

    MW – You can check out any time, but you can never leave. (Eagles – Hotel California)

    PreTeena – Hey You, Get Off of My Lawn! (Rolling Stones)

    I know I’m reaching pretty far with these, but all of the square dancing from yesterday got me all riled up! Yee Haw.

72. Frank Drackman
    March 5th, 2007 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

    Why is Beetle dressed like a 1930’s Mickey Rooney??

73. Jamus The Bartender
    March 5th, 2007 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    Luann: This isn’t a comment on today’s strip. We all know how that’s gonna turn out. Mom and Dad LeGroot are gonna turn Brad out on his dumb ass for letting TJ within a hundred feet of a tool box. No, this is in regard to Greg Evan’s recently upgraded Luann website. I was looking through the Family Circus website, wondering why Spinwebbe didn’t even merit a mention, when I clicked onto Luann, and found an animation of that dumb little dog Puddles, runnin’ around, scarfing down his dog food, runnin’ around again, scarfing down his dog food, repeat….all like a third rate Snoopy, but without the cool goggles and Walter Mitty fantasy life. Evans could have done sooo much. Luann frolicking by the pool on a summer’s day. Luann and her first sorority party. Luann trying on various swimsuits at the mall. Tiffany and Luann in a chickfight…

74. Lammergeier13
    March 5th, 2007 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

    FW: Is Funky attempting to epathize/show solidarity with his wife by having the exact same hair as her? ‘Cause it’s not working. It just makes me wish that he had cancer too. But then, I wish everyone in this comic had cancer, and they all died, preferrably not actually due to the cancer, but through freak accidents. Accidents involving things like toasters, kittens, Rube Goldburg-like devices of coincidence, fluffy bunny slippers, and/or rabid porpoises.

75. Cobra
    March 5th, 2007 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

    MT: “More information on rotting corpses can be found on the Internet.” (Somebody had to say it…)

76. macb
    March 5th, 2007 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    Re: Shoe: I don’t know if this is supposed to be Andy Warhol, but given the strip’s penchant for both right-wing would-be-clever snarkery and anachronism, this is certainly a possibility. MacNelly and his successors were notorious for their denunciation of them tax-and-spend lib’ruls (who wanted to tax more of MacNelly and Co.’s royalty income for-HORRORS!- decent education, housing, job opportunities, and health care for the working poor) and their old reliable depiction of liberal politicians was a paper-thin caricature of Thomas P. (Tip) O’Neill, the Reaganites’ bugaboo and stereotype of the glad-handing, liberal politician. Problem was, ol’ Tip retired from Congress in 1987 (the same year Andy Warhol died, as a result of incompetent medical care at an NYC hospital- not unlike the aforementioned Frank Olson, who was supposed to be in a psychiatrist’s care in NYC when he “committed suicide”) and died in 1994. This, however, did not stop MacNelly and his successors from depicting their inevitably liberal, corrupt politician as a Tip look-alike for years afterward, when one would think that basic decency and respect for the dead would preclude it. Now apparently they’re invoking the ghost of poor Andy Warhol to thrash liberal platitudes once again: this time, the poor beleaguered middle class paying for public education with their tax dollars. Everyone knows that middle class tax dollars should be used for worthwhile things, like tax breaks for big corporations and endless wars in Iraq.

77. TB Tabby
    March 5th, 2007 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

    SFx: Why are they entering her house through the window? Obviously, they’re the ones who robbed Cassandra and are setting her up. Who’s going to take the word of an ex-con over theirs?

78. Iggy
    March 5th, 2007 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    #72 – whenever Beetle puts on his civvies they’re straight out of the Roaring ’20s. All he needs is a raccoon coat and a Model T flivver with “23 Skidoo” painted on the side.

79. Tomcat
    March 5th, 2007 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    lol, when is Brad gonna stop taking advise from TJ? Didn’t he learn after TJ tricked him into buying a phony timeshare plan?

    Well, then again, they *did* repaint an entire half of the living room in just ten minutes. They should be able to repave the wall TJ caved in just as fast. Just imagine;

    Brad- “All right, TJ. You caved that wall in pretty fast. You better repave it just as fast or that wall ain’t gonna be the only thing getting caved in! (Reaches for baseball bat, aims for TJ’s head)”

    TJ- “Woah, woah, easy there, bud. It’s a simply fix!”

    Brad- “Then start fixin’ before I fix YOU!”

80. Tracer Bullet
    March 5th, 2007 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Bolle is obviously leading us to believe that Eric is gay, but I prefer to think his love affair with Margo is doomed for another reason: Eric, sadly, just isn’t a hat man.

81. Harold
    March 5th, 2007 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

    I guess Katy’s mom is waiting in Eric’s office with a fresh supply of medical marijuana. At least, that’s what it looks like she’s trying to tell Margo.

82. Christopher
    March 5th, 2007 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

    Slylock Fox:

    Um… wow. Lots to comment on here.

    I mean… I don’t even know where to START.

83. Zorba the Geek
    March 5th, 2007 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

    #74: “FW: Is Funky attempting to epathize/show solidarity with his wife by having the exact same hair as her?”

    The wife who has cancer (and is growing out her hair, which is very short) is Lisa, who is Les’s wife. Funky is not currently married, but is living with Holly. (Why do I even know this? This is not important in the grand scheme of things.)

84. Draktyr
    March 5th, 2007 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    I think I have finally come up with a way to “fix” FBOFW – We need to force Lynn Johnson import a character from another strip who can;; thru clever usage of banal platitudes and just the right amount of meddling, whip the Patterson clan into a family you’d be proud to dine with at the Bum Boat, or invite to the latest cookout round the Charterstone pool. Yes, folks. we’re talking none other than Meddlin’ Mary herself. She’s still riding high on the triumph of her first foray into the world of International Meddling. She’d be able to set Mike and Deanna right, all the while baking her “special apple cake” without missing a beat, and since Mary is a looker, there can be that whole subplot of jealousy and resentment with Iris, especially when Grampa begins to respond favorably towards Mary. It’s time, Lynn Johnson, time to change the name of the strip to “For Better or for Worth” and open up Canada to Biddies Without Borders.

85. Trotzenbonnie
    March 5th, 2007 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

    #82 – Christopher
    How about we start with this – the burglars snatched her diamond ring but, thank gawd, left the ben-wa balls in the drawer!

86. dale
    March 5th, 2007 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

    Luann: I really hope Brad and Toe Jam(*) are about to learn the meaning of load-bearing wall.

    (*) not necessarily his name, just what he thinks with.

87. Jamus The Bartender
    March 5th, 2007 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

    84. Indeed Drak, indeed. Of course, Mike’s next book will be about the cook on board the plastic PT boat moving up the Nung river…

88. andreavis
    March 5th, 2007 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

    #82: Christopher, in re. SL, you could start with the real reason we know that Cassandra Cat is lying about the robbery… her earrings are still cold.

89. Jamus The Bartender
    March 5th, 2007 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

    Slylock Fox: Yeah…damn that Cassandra’s pretty hot. And she seems crazy too. Both pluses in the Jamus column. THIS is what i’m talkin’ about. If Slylock doesn’t hit this, then…well, I just don’t know, that’s all…

90. Flipper
    March 5th, 2007 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

    #83: Thank you for clearing that up, Mr. Geek; however, I was more comfortable believing Funky was being supportive of his wife by cutting his hair. Now it’s just Les married to a woman who looks like his best friend Funky.

    Eww.

91. CC Reader
    March 5th, 2007 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

    #45 – Not that I’m defending FBOFW in any way, but Que Padre is spanish slang meaning ‘cool’. It’s a common expression in Mexico.

92. Christopher
    March 5th, 2007 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

    I’m a little curious why Slylock was looking through her bedroom window.

    Does he patrol the neighboorhood, looking through people’s bedroom windows for signs of crime?

    On a different note, the fact that Max is climbing in through the window is disturbing to me… I know he probably just wants to help, but the thought of being tied up and helpless as some gargantuan, jaundiced rodent in a crimson bowler advances towards me is giving me the heebie-jeebies.

    The fact that Cassandra’s “friend” tied her up bondage style, in a way that would accentuate her breasts if she had any, is not helping me think pure thoughts here.

    Maybe Cassandra is a high-class hooker, and this is all just an elaborately staged sexual fantasy scenario that Slylock purchased for Max. Slylock, of course, plans to watch voyeuristically as Max and Cassandra do things I really, REALLY don’t want to think about anymore.

    Also, somebody in this strip is sadistic enough to let their own pet fish drown, whether for an insurance fraud scheme or a bizarre rendez-vous.

    That can’t be a good sign, and whatever the truth, I expect to see at least one of these people as the victim in the next episode of Law & Order: SVU.

    Also notable: Cassandra has no toes.

    Could this be the greatest Slylock Fox of all time?

93. willethompson
    March 5th, 2007 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    #55 Trotz – Located 4 feet from my Mac G5 running PhotoShop, FreeHand, Quark and whathaveyou is my drawing board, complete with a set of Koh-i-noors, a drawing set with a caliper-adjustable pen and a jar of one-coat. And when I sketch up an idea, I DRAW it before I turn it into some bezier-lined vectored infinitely-scalable eps file. And then I use the Xacto #5 to trim my ear hair. Kids! Try to get your 1200 dpi scanner to trim your ear hair!

    #67 Jamus – #6 dance…but Neddy’s anger managment problem will come to the fore and she’ll be a ridin’ and a whompin’ the algonquin punks atop her blazing saddle – but Cedric then will show up. Too much Clark Kent in the DNA for him not to.

94. willethompson
    March 5th, 2007 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

    Slylock Fox IS disturbing from a BDSM angle. Cassandra is tied in a presentational John Willie/Irving Klaw fashion (see: The Infamous Bettie Page), especially the rope around the waist, which is more decorative than functional. If we are to assume that Cassandra tied herself up, then Slylock must be wondering over the lack of a fetishist ballgag or blindfold, as they are part of most self-bondage scenarios. Also, the lack of a release device would belay that. Nope, someone tied up Cassandra. But who?

    My conclusion is that Cassandra, naughty pussy that she is, was doing some bondage role-play with a friend who skarkered off when he spied the fox coming up the sidewalk, leaving Cassandra in a predicament.

    I blame Anthony.

95. Norville Barnes
    March 5th, 2007 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

    Didn’t anyone else feel like that last panel of DtM was a huge moment? After all these years, we learn the truth: Dennis is not only suffering from schizophrenia, but he’s aware that he’s disturbed. Kind of sad, not in the least that it now makes it a little insensitive to make fun of a handicapped kid.

    And this is the first time I’ve read Judge Parker, like, ever, but even I can predict that Neddy and Abbey will just get a scare from the Paris thugs. Maybe a purse will get stolen. But oh man will they ever be scarred by it.

    The French punks may as well have “Bad People” tattooed on their foreheads…in English.

96. Lammergeier13
    March 5th, 2007 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

    #92: Damn it, Christopher, you just made me equate Max Mouse with the Yellow Rat Bastard from Sin City! Thanks, thanks a lot!

    #94: It couldn’t be Anthony, otherwise she’d be caged up in the basement.

    Crankshaft: And so we continue to catch glimpses of Dick Cheney’s OTHER life. I’m waiting for him to shoot one of the school kids he drives around in the face.

97. aquagirl2
    March 5th, 2007 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

    “Sea star” is the correct scientific term. I am a biology teacher and they are not called starfish any more I guess because kids think they’re fish (and they’re not–they’re echinoderms! invertebrates). I am impressed with Mark Trail. I would offer to be their scientist-on-staff, but obviously they don’t need one.

98. zeeba
    March 5th, 2007 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: maybe the Que Padre t-shirt is backhand Spanish for “who’s your daddy?”

    That Abandoned ad at the left is giving me the creeps.

99. Lammergeier13
    March 5th, 2007 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

    MF(er): Tinsley continues to live within his happy little world. RIIIIIGHT, Mr. Tinsley, no one has any idea who Hillary Clinton is. It’s not as if she’s ever been anywhere near the world of politics before. Well, maybe he’s just bitter. Until the U.S. allows the drawing of anthropomorphized waterfowl named after one of our most forgettable Presidents to count as charm and the necessary political experience, his Presidential campaign is just screwed.

100. Mokey
     March 5th, 2007 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

     WTH age group is Slylock Fox directed at? I think I was at least 20 years old by the time I had any sort of grasp on insurance, let alone insurance fraud.

     And the idea of a pet dying for Trashy Tabby would have been so sickening to me I would have definitely stopped reading the strip, nevermind the letter to the editor of the paper running it, etc.

     Once, when I was a seven year old girl, I read in some envrionmental newsletter that the company that manufactures Scott tissue cut down X amount of trees every day.

     I called the number listed in the newsletter and got a Scott’s rep on the line, who must have been a 40 something guy, a regular Leo Lockhorn. I told him what I read in the newsletter. I couldn’t have sounded older than nine at the time.

     He was enraged, he was like “Why don’t you do a little research and get your facts straight before you go calling me? We plant X amount of trees a year (to cut down again for facial tissue). Yeah, get it straight next time! ” I was just like, jesus christ I’m SEVEN years old. I had to ask my mom for help just dialing the number” I was all shaking and everything. The newsletter said to call that number and let my voice be heard. I was a little kid. I liked birds. I’d love to run into that douchebag today. I’d rip the broken windshield wiper off his Dodge Diplomat and shove it up his bitter ass.

     It feels better to get that off my chest twenty years later.

101. Mokey
     March 5th, 2007 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

     Sorry, I meant to post that to the last thread.

102. Jamus The Bartender
     March 5th, 2007 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

     FOOB: There was another character who used to call women “man”…oh yeah…Brenner from Doonesbury, JJ’s first boyfriend and second husband, and sometime caretaker to Uncle Duke.

103. Poteet
     March 6th, 2007 at 12:08 am [Reply]

     # 101 — Mokey, the link below might interest you. It’s a lot more recent than twenty years ago. And from what you described of the guy, the wiper plan sounds reasonable.

     http://www.nrdc.org/media/pressreleases/041118.asp

104. King Folderol
     March 6th, 2007 at 12:22 am [Reply]

     A3G – Katy looks w-a-a-a-a-a-a-y too much like Eric Stoltz.

     Shoe – No, I think this is an anti-education message, that all the money we’re spending on educating our young is going down the drain. Ha ha.

105. Plinko Commie
     March 6th, 2007 at 12:56 am [Reply]

     FOOB 3/6: Well, April, you suck too. “The look”? I thought that was what guys gave you to prove that (hoo!) you are more than just Michael’s baby sister.

     Don’t worry, though. The only reason Becky is giving you that “I’m better than you and I always will be” look is that … wait for it … she’s better than you and she always will be. That’s why you have to have sex early and often. Roadside today = roadies tomorrow. You just think about that as you tuck yourself into your dresser or shoebox or whatever your adult siblings have reduced you to. You think Becky has a half-evolved 3-year-old nephew doo-dooing on her computer? No sir, and you know why. Because she let Jeremy Jones touch her lady parts, and you didn’t, and now she wins and you fail. You think about that one long night in your bureau, listening to Anthony squeal like a pig in the throes of what passes for passion in Canada. You just think about that.

106. Ten Day Dinosaur
     March 6th, 2007 at 1:04 am [Reply]

     52 and 55 – I qualify as a whippersnapper for at least ten more years (30, right?) but I ink with a brush. Yeah.

107. Lynngineering
     March 6th, 2007 at 2:59 am [Reply]

     Dennis: There should have been a cut-away over to Mr.Wilson, laying in bed, smiling to himself in satisfaction over the fact that all those drugged brownies Mrs.Wilson has been giving Dennis should be taking effect right about now.

     JudgeParker: Jean Paul Gaultier’s assistants apparently watch for any tips on “the street”, and checked out those two fashionistas walking along looking rally worldly with the map all folded out and the big, clunky schoolbag. And we’re in Paris on some oblique side-street view, so obligatory shot is required showing zippo-style lighter and cigarette being lit, otherwise how would we know where we are.

     Apt 3g: The other girl has chemo going on, but Margo has no excuse to be such a tool. What HAPPENED to this strip, it really hurts to look at that drawing level of drawing and Margo’s level of toolness.

     FBOFW: This has all really been a refleciton of Mike’s Coma but I got tired of the fact he can’t even manage much, he is obviously losing the plot he barely had. I wasn’t even doing the math of the last days because he’s so obviously just rifling through the possible combinations of memes till they click again and he finds another attractive way to push LIZ’s face into something! So meanwhile, his dreaming works overtime like a bad morse-code trying at the same time to figure out the lock to the safe: the combinations are just tried out – - Mom, Liz, (feeding the pussy), April, Dad, (overstimulated wet pants), Dad, Deanna (both want another house, only one wants to play trains in “your” yard)…
     Finally, Michael must be getting warm in his hospital bed, he keeps returning to April recently, introducing her in all kinds of symbolic sexual potential, first with dad, now obviously he just wants her to sleep with Becky so bad…

108. Jym Dyer
     March 6th, 2007 at 3:48 am [Reply]

     =v= JP: I’ve been to Paris, and I’ve never run into so many Canadians. (I’m assuming the menacing dudes are from Canuckistan, since they’re speaking bilingually.)

     =v= Foob: Didn’t I just predict that April was the only decent one left and Lynn would devote the rest of the strip to setting her onto the road of whiny Pattersonhood? Yes. Yes, I did.

109. Benicillin
     March 6th, 2007 at 7:50 am [Reply]

     In a clear signal by North America Syndicates, Inc. of their esteem held for Apartment 3G’s avid fans and regular readers, locations and plotlines must be printed twice in each Sunday strip so as not to overwhelm and lose them with the myriad complexities of the riveting and popular drama.

     ( See panels 1 & 3 at the top – “At the Mills gallery…”)

110. cheech wizard
     March 6th, 2007 at 9:37 am [Reply]

     97 – Aguagirl2 – So you’re the same people who killed the brontosaurus?

     You bastards!

111. Kronkina
     March 6th, 2007 at 10:26 am [Reply]

     So Eric’s big news is he can’t make the party?! That’s it?!! And what happened to Margo’s steeliness? Her independence? Her “I’m more important than man will ever be”? Her snootiness, for God’s sakes?!

     I’m so, so sadly disappointed in you, Margo.

     Yeah, so I really need a few of those interrobangs right now…

112. joeyjoejoe
     March 6th, 2007 at 11:10 am [Reply]

     Re: #9, #30, #34

     I thought for sure I would be the first to comment on the blatant and infuriating comma splice in A3G. I could barely concentrate on Josh’s snarkiness because of that heinous oversight. However, I don’t think anyone has mentioned Eric’s use of a hyphen where he should have used an em-dash, or, better yet, a period. It’s because of mistakes like this one that we have Boat-Wrestling scholarships.

     Frankly, this whole strip is an affront to proper punctuation (also to good taste, realistic characterization, fashion sense, New York City, event planners, artists, and humanity in general).

113. Gabe
     March 6th, 2007 at 11:57 am [Reply]

     Ha ha. Hammy in Baby Blues wants a “hot lunch.” I guess he’s jealous of PJ’s dirty sanchez.

114. The Former Blogger Formerly Known as Josh Cohen
     March 6th, 2007 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

     Wait… “Shoe” is still running?

115. Mokey
     March 6th, 2007 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

     Thanks for the link, Poteet.

116. winky
     March 6th, 2007 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

     i believe that would be called a “bacque-pacque”.

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