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Mark Trail, 1/23/07

Hmm … “Mark, this is Dick … the beaver we trapped is back!” Oh, close enough. Welcome back into my heart, you crazy beavers! All is forgiven!

I love Mark’s goofy, heavy-lidded grin in the final panel. “Yeah, that Dick … he’ll shoot a beaver, all right … no warning … those kids should be worried … he’d shoot the kids too … Rusty and … the other one … the little girl … what’s her name … oh, Christ, I am so wasted.”

Gil Thorp, 1/23/07

Ah, it’s another fabulous Gil Thorp crowd scene, this time brought to you by M.C. Escher. The Lady Mudlarks’ five fans are in full effect, showing their apathetic love in the center of the yawning, featureless abyss that is the Milford gymnasium. Lisa’s mom, who is usually right, apparently thinks that only her patented wacky Mussolini impression will get this crowd fired up. That having failed, in panel two she manages to bend the nature of reality itself, and Blondie McBuzzcut looks up in confused terror as she manages to get her arm in front of his face in defiance of ordinary spatial dynamics.

Speaking of panel two, Person Of Indeterminate Gender Wearing A Fur-Trimmed Jacket And Hat Even Though He Or She Is Inside is back! It’s good to see that Lady Mudlark fever is chronic, if not infectious.

I might be more hip to the nuances of the thrilling “But…” in panel three if I were more intimately acquainted with the meanings of high school basketball referee hand signals. But all in all, I’m pretty glad I’m not.

Spider-Man, 1/23/07

Spidey’s been in the midst of a wholly uncharacteristic crime-fighting spree this week, but don’t worry: it’s just a cover-up for his usual whiny marital angst. I’m not sure how you pronounce “?”, but I can guess why he’s trying; I don’t think any member of the actual criminal element has used the phrase “plugged nickel” in, well, ever.

Pluggers, 1/23/07

No. No. If some aspect of being a plugger is contingent on being literate, then … everything I know about how the world works is meaningless.

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Mark Trail, 1/20/07

Now hear this, Mark Trail: You bore me, y’hear? You bore me. These damn beavers just keep getting relocated and coming back and rebuilding their damn dam. From here on in, I refuse to comment on their shenanigans unless it includes laughably obscene dialog such as “Uh-oh, here comes your dad. He’s going to see the beaver!” or “The beavers are excited about being with each other“. Even strips like today’s, which has potential “shaved beaver” laughs, won’t make the cut because it doesn’t actually contain the line “There’s the beaver Doc shaved!” or the like.

And “Doc did that so he could treat the hurt place” just creeps me out.

Blondie, 1/20/07

Speaking of things that creep me out, I know that Dagwood has a life-destroying eating disorder and all, but you could not pay me enough to put my face anywhere near the terrifying clown-headed PA system in panel one. I am, however, kind of charmed by Clown Burger’s motto, “Say — then pay!” So much faster than paying first and then trying to figure out what to order that costs exactly the amount that you’ve already paid.

Curtis, 1/20/07

I’m going to ignore the socially important but lethally boring message of this strip to ask HOLY CRAP WHY IS MOMMA CURTIS WEARING A BLACK SHIRT MARKED WITH AN ENORMOUS RED BAR CODE? As if the giant symbol of soulless mechanization weren’t bad enough, the Satanic color scheme is soul-chilling. Apparently the Anti-Christ is active in the world of Curtis, and Mrs. Wilkins has agreed to follow him and wear his Mark. This might explain why she’s serving Curtis and Barry some kind of inky black brew, though why she’s serving it to them in bowler hats is still an open question.

Family Circus, 1/20/07

Wow, this is the worst advice on fighting dirty I’ve ever heard. It’s almost as if Dolly wants someone to beat the crap out of Jeffy. Hmm.

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Mary Worth, 1/16/07

Wow, so Mary’s arrived in Vietnam! And she’s managed to check into that country’s most cracker-tastic hotel! It looks like our bow-tie wearing desk clerk has only been Asian-ized thanks to a last-minute introduction of “sallow” by the coloring sweatshop gnomes, who are themselves no doubt based somewhere in Southeast Asia (though probably not Vietnam, as wages there are too high; I’m thinking Myanmar).

The happy Aryan couple in the background of panel two sure are excited to start their Vietnamese adventure; in fact, the redhead looks particularly excited, if you know what I mean. And I think you do.

Pluggers, 1/16/07

Sure, this is mainly a gentle pun on “overlook,” but I think it’s telling and hilarious just what it is Dog-Man is looking at over his reading glasses. He didn’t forget to buy milk and bread at the supermarket; he forgot to take the pill he needs to keep his ham-clogged circulatory system in something resembling working order. Because pluggers need expensive prescription medication in order to live.

Also, to the surprise of nobody, pluggers have trouble distinguishing between the plural and the possessive in writing. Pluggers, I think you might need some unwelcome education from Bob the Angry Flower.

Marvin, 1/16/07

Wow, remember last week, when Marvin was cracking wise about the massive dump he just took? Bet you never thought you’d look back on that and think it was classy and tasteful.

Mark Trail, 1/16/07

“Uh-oh, here comes your dad. He’s going to see the beaver!”

I … I don’t think there’s anything I can add to that.

Crankshaft, 1/16/07

Ha ha! Crankshaft is mad because he thinks that “lifestyle” is code for “gay”.