“Rene’s Scooby Doo reference is frankly unearned. The Mystery Inc teens actually put in the effort of investigating the haunted theme parks and getting chased by ghosts and frankensteins and whatnot. If Scooby and Shaggy had just had just coincidentally met a guy who told them that Old Man Jenkins is dressing up as a vampire to scare away developers, and then Old Man Jenkins ran out in front of the Mystery Mobile and got hospitalized without them even having to pull off his rubber mask, I think the show would have been a lot less popular.” –Schroduck

“‘The Eve of St. Agnes’ was one of the most famous poems ever written by John Keats, the great Romantic poet who died when he was 25. If only Gasoline Alley and its foul cast of miscreants, abominations, and troglodytes had followed his example, the world would be a much better place.” –KMD

“I never knew 3D stood for three dullards.” –nescio

“What prompted their conversation? ‘Sometimes when I’m drunk, I think I can make people fat. Do you ever make people fat?’” –Victor Von

“It’s even more grim and depressing when you realize that his college ‘roommate’ was just his reflection in the dorm mirror.” –KnwItAll89

“Lucky Eddie is displaying his mistaken understanding of banking, which does not consist of having a large sack of money but rather of saying that you have a large sack of money. No need to take that long uncomfortable sea voyage at all!” –But What Do I Know?

“I never would have taken Poulet for a Black Flag guy. The Misfits, maybe.” –astroboy

“C’mon Jen, what the fuck’s Marvin going to do in Hawaii? Shit on the beach?” –Retraux_Rocket, on Twitter

“A minor point, maybe, but why are they discussing this at the breakfast table? Isn’t that the kind of news that you tell you spouse when you get home? I guess when you have a kid like Marvin, the first thing you do when you get home from the office is down a handful of pills to dissociate completely from your body (most importantly, your nose).” –pugfuggly

“And, by that, he meant release a lot of bees. There’s a reason he’s dead now.” –taig

“I don’t think a guy who died a gruesome death fighting Dick Tracy is the best source of advice for how to survive fighting Dick Tracy.” –ectojazzmage

“Ann’s a career criminal now, so she’s got to be ready for anything. And for the mean streets of Cavelton, that means a new hair color, a fifteen-year de-aging process, and scalemail armor evening attire. Sure, that lamellar gown doesn’t provide much protection for her limbs, but judging by the compound fracture on her upper right arm, it’s already too late to worry about that.” –jroggs

“There’s catering to your demographic, then there’s sticking Frank Nelson into your comic (Bing him, Zoomers). Judge Parker? More like Judge Pander.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“So like I realize it’s an unpopular opinion, and it may be mostly maryjane talking, since I’ve been trying to preserve my liver for me twilight years through decreased alcohol consumption — which getting high makes far less onerous, in my experience — and that’s a trip in and of itself; but I’m actually pretty alright with what appears to be the gradual transition of Six Chix to an ‘all koans, all the time’ format.” –Violet

“So who should I send my blank cards to? Who gives me blank feelings? Well, there was that guy I went out with twice in college whose name I forgot; I suppose I’d send one to him if I could. We went to Wendy’s, and my burger was more interesting than him. Imagine his delight when he gets my blank card. Of course, he may not remember me much either. He’s probably a whole different person with a more successful life than mine. Has a big family, vacations in Greece, a great job … Wait. I don’t have blank feelings anymore. Oh, this is going to be a challenge.” –made of wince

“Good news, Dot! Your brother is a drawing, so a regular eraser will work just fine!” –Anonymous

“Ha, Jeff and Jenny can’t afford a hotel in Hawaii ’cause they spend all their discretionary income on diapers! Also, endless rounds of steam cleaning their carpets, financial settlements with local stores to settle legal claims from disinfecting the stream of liquid feces they leave behind everywhere they go, exorbitant babysitter costs because nobody wants to watch their vile child, etc.” –Thelonious_Nick

“Of course I’ll have fun. That’s why they call it a playhouse. I do hope the Health Department has allowed them to re-open the ball pit.” –Peanut Gallery

“Does anyone know if there’s a canonical reason Dick Tracy dresses like a noir marshmallow peep? Does he think the bright yellow will make the blood splashes pop? Does he expect to fight Green Lantern at any given moment? Is it a sex thing? The world wonders.” –Voshkod

“It’s petty, but I can’t stand when Crock does just modern domestic comedy that could slide right into Blondie or, lets be honest, Marvin. Like, I’m sorry that nobody really remembers what the French Foreign Legion’s deal is/was but that is the high concept you have saddled yourself with and I am going to have to insist that you keep it at least broadly desert themed.” –BananaSam

“I didn’t get right away that the pets were smelling those objects so I laughed pretty hard at Barfy comparing that football to Billy. About the same size and shape as his head, plus a lot quieter. Probably an improvement!” –pugfuggly

“I like the jailer’s shovel tattoo. He doesn’t always like his job but he enjoys the gravedigging.” –Victor Von

“Oh no, a single unarmed constable! Whatever will these two hardened raiders do in the face of … hey, guys? You’re Vikings, remember? Guys? GUYS?!” –jroggs

“Love that menacing foreground fist in panel one! That’s a right hand, though, and the punch that’s actually thrown is from the left. Waste of a menacing fist, if you ask me.” –Twinkles the Elf

“It’s called ‘sploshing.’ Never say Mary Worth is behind the times.” –Gerry Quinn

“I myself was trapped in a middle seat between two sumo wrestlers once. It permanently damaged my shoulders and this is the only way I can hold a folder now.” –nescio

“If I also were in a fort in the Saharan desert holding an imaginary conversation with my mother about bowel movements in her nursing home on an old-school land line with no cord coming from the receiver, those would be exactly the facial expressions I’d use. Bravo Crock for showing the ravages of ongoing combat trauma!” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“A little Googling indicates that ‘Kid Inventors Day’ is a real thing, celebrated annually on January 17, Ben Franklin’s birthday. Blondie’s writers can’t get anything else about the modern world right, but I don’t think they’re ever wrong about offbeat holidays and observances. Their grandkids must give them a really great calendar every Christmas.” –Rube

“Dennis the Menace has Gabriel’s Horn, and he is announcing Judgment Day. While young, Margaret certainly should be nervous. Has she done enough to enter the kingdom of heaven? Is she ready? ARE YOU, reader?” –Batiuk’s Attic

“It’s a pity that they didn’t draw the flag in today’s courtroom scene in Snuffy Smith. I guess they wanted to prevent a sovcit argument about gold fringe, which is certainly the first argument Snuffy would go for.” –Voshkod

“It seems like it’d be kind of hurtful if your long-lost father’s main interest in you was to start banging your mom again?” –matt w

“By what witchcraft does Mary turn the ingredients off her recipe list — bachelor, marine, policeman, hero — into muffins?” –Hibbleton

“He doesn’t leave his room unless it’s for school? Have you tried disguising yourself as a school?” –Peanut Gallery

“Hi also had to move the couch to an entirely different location in the living room, further aggravating his back.” –taig

“I don’t think Ancestry.com is solving any paternity tests; mostly it uses public records to connect people. But I suppose in a world where those piles of dog vomit Mary is pulling out of the oven are supposed to be appetizing, anything is possible.” –TheDiva

“Sexy plotlines and I’m learning Spanish? Top that, Duolingo!” –Old School Allie Cat

“Stick with sham evangelism, Rene. ‘Crash for Cash’ is a young man’s game.” –MKay

“I see the kids built their snowman facing the house. They’re not doing all that work just to amuse the damn neighbors!” –Peanut Gallery

“Glad to see from the sign over Rene’s head that the characters in Rex Morgan have abandoned the hokey ‘Mirakle Method’ of psychological transformation through total reinvention and finally embraced the stolid, dependable European ‘Le Méthode‘ of psychological transformation through getting hit by a car.” –Chance

“Rene must have been well educated, to say ‘lie low’ instead of the common ‘lay low.’ I need some back story on him. Was he a Yale man, for instance?” –White Rabbit

“The good news is that the ice comes from melted snow cows. The bad news is [40 slide powerpoint about the cramped conditions of factory farmed snow cow pens]” –matt w

“I see a guy trying to ‘masculinize’ do-it-yourself sex toys. Hi’s lying there all smug (and just a little bit aroused) in the knowledge that he doesn’t have to spend a fortune on dildo cozies and Ben-wa balls.” –2+2=7

“No way would I waste my cute pink bow or a hat on a snowperson I made. Accessories are very important to me. And they’re not getting my glasses, either. Like I won’t be able to drive or read until these scumbags melt? Yeah, no.” –made of wince

“Love the idea that The Founders, when it came time to rename Stink Hollow or Jaundiceville or whatever, sat down, thought it over, and after extensive debate decided, ‘How about we commemorate it as a place where you ford, not a river, but Moms We’d All Like to F*ck?’” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“I like how Mr Out-of-Towner has absolutely no reaction to that ‘joke’ at all, just catalogues it for future use. ‘Ok, compliment their sandals. Thanks, bud.’” –pugfuggly

“And you know why they call this place ‘Strike Bowling,’ right? Because the object is to get a higher score than your opponent, and the best way to do that is to make more strikes. Think about it: if you bowl twelve strikes in a row, that’s a perfect game with a score of 300! No one can beat that score; they can only tie it, which is very rare … I’m sorry, what were we talking about?” –Weaselboy

“Lois could take this opportunity to tell Trixie that, since we’re now more than two weeks past the winter solstice, the days are actually getting longer. Instead the message is, ‘The days are shorter in winter, Trixie. Like the waning crescent moon they’re edging toward eternal darkness. Anyway enjoy your time sitting by the window completely unattended.’” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“The writers of Shoe don’t worry about some offensive joke they told long ago coming back to bite them. Young people don’t read newspapers and certainly aren’t checking out the printed collections or archives. But there is a chance a Boomer will clip a poorly worded future comic and put in on their cubical wall, and some Gen-Z worker made to work in-office will see it, post about it on TikTok, and they will have to learn to actually use TikTok to see if they are canceled or not, and do whatever dance is trending to apologize.” –Philip

“Why is Dagwood standing at the school bus stop waiting for, presumably, his carpool? Can’t they pick him up at his driveway? For that matter, why isn’t he rushing out of the house with the carpool driver honking, knocking aside mailmen and traveling salesmen? Instead he’s just standing there shooting the breeze with Elmo. What’s this strip think it is, Dustin? Listen Dean Young, stick to your own shtick — there’s only one Dustin, and its shtick is thin enough already without you horning in on it!” –Thelonious_Nick

“’Tis a pity this is only a visual medium. I would love to hear how Marty mispronounces ‘Atazhoon.’” –Ettorre

“Gil is the Mario of his story, the boring protagonist. Kaz is the Luigi, the often-forgotten sidekick. Hernandez is the Wario, the rude antagonist who also goes bowling with the protagonist and has weird W-shaped facial hair. So the laws of narrative symmetry demand a Waluigi, an anti-Kaz, and I guess that’s who this guy is. Big permed mullet, New Romantic fashion sense, terrible coaching … but this time, evil.” –Schroduck

“Oh, you ‘barely played,’ ‘Martin’? Well, tell it to the wave, ’cause the face don’t want to hear it!!” –Dagmar Nasty

“Help me with the cop lingo — when did ‘taking him out’ become synonymous with ‘bringing him in?’ Or does the oven have an advanced feature that reveals the soul when it’s opened?” –But What Do I Know?

“‘What kind of tone are we going for with the Dick Tracy art today?’ ‘Dark. Ominous. Moody. Really film noir shit.’ ‘Okay, so bright yellow polo shirt it is.’” –Tabby Lavalamp