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Metapost: Punctual comment of the week

Oh, look, I’m getting the COTW out on time for once:

“I don’t see any reason to assume that the liquid falling from Billy’s face is sweat; it could just as easily be tears. With a little imagination, and a willingness to use a red Sharpie on your monitor, it could even be blood.” –ratnerstar

And the runners up! Also hilarious!

“She’s clearly flashing back to her previous life. Pointy black hat, green skin, ‘These things must be handled delicately…’ It’s all coming back to her.” –Spiff Bereft

“Max Mouse may be stupid but at least he understands a suit and cape are inappropriate clothes for hot weather.” –nescio


“I imagine that the discussion between writer and artist about portraying Gil’s horrifically unhuman-looking face in today’s second panel went something like this: ‘He’s angry, he’s serious! Draw more lines on his face to show that!’ ‘Uh, he already looks like an alien from Star Trek, so we cou–’ ‘Shut up. More lines.’” –Alan’s Addiction

“Just look at how happy Petey is!! ‘Sweet, I’ll have a few hours of uninterrupted TV time, then when she comes home, I’ll have the perfect excuse to be whiney and mopey all night!!’” –pugfuggly

“We now know the mystery woman’s name is Susan, but nothing else about her. If they’d just added any reason to care, this would be a textbook example of how to build suspense.” –Some Guy

“Going by today’s installment, it would appear that these pluggers are very nearly if not actually in their nineties, which … the fuck? I would really like to know the precise cocktail of pharmaceuticals and Whoppers that enables these corpulent layabouts to achieve such astonishing longevity. Or is it just hugs from their grandkids? Their AARP-eligible grandkids?” –Violet

“Really, Luann’s ‘villains’ and ‘disreputable’ characters all seem a million times more likeable or at least interesting than any of the alleged heroes. I’d much prefer it if the de Groots and company all moved off to a compound where they could be obnoxious anal-retentives together and left the main strip to the people I don’t hate.” –commodorejohn

“But you have to admit that Brad is cool. Look how he stands there in the last panel with his hand in his pocket, just casually playing with his penis as he gets fired. COOL.” –Greg

“Also, Ziggy is dating his cat.” –Gold-Digging Nanny

Thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And this is where we’d thank our advertisers — if we had any this week. To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

67 responses to “Metapost: Punctual comment of the week”

  1. Soccerhead
    June 17th, 2011 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations on COTW, Ratnerstar.

  2. Maggie the Cat
    June 17th, 2011 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

    Hurray Ratnerstar & floaters!

  3. pugfuggly
    June 17th, 2011 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    Well, a float ride just made my evening!

    Congrats to all, very funner, especially greg’s, which actually made me lol.

  4. pugfuggly
    June 17th, 2011 at 7:01 pm [Reply]



  5. lorne
    June 17th, 2011 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

    Ah. Friday, drunk on the patio. No better way to see my name on this list. I don’t even remember posting that comment.
    Thanks, Josh, and congratulations, ratnerstar. Drink deeply, I know I did.

  6. Liam
    June 17th, 2011 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

    This seems early to me. I didn’t expect this till tomorrow. Nice to see more runners up this week than last week.

  7. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 17th, 2011 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    @Y (#y162):

    Check out the ripping on Family Circus on Cracked today, it’s great

    You didn’t include a link, so here it is:

    (I vote that we make Seanbaby an honorary floater!)

  8. Moebius
    June 17th, 2011 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

    @lorne (#5):
    Lorne, I’m with ya……know all their damn names from those 75 cent paperback reprint books in the 1970′s!

  9. Girl Reporter
    June 17th, 2011 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

    Hey, how come the photo on what’s-her-name’s phone isn’t sepia-toned with old-timey scrapbook corners!? (I am so proud that I don’t know the name of the woman who won Les).

  10. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 17th, 2011 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

  11. Esther Blodgett
    June 17th, 2011 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

    Yay floaters! I may not have made it on this week, but Precocious Daughter just told me I’m a nerd. So that’s…yeah.

  12. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 17th, 2011 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    I’ve been sadly remiss in past weeks, often not even having the chance to read all, or sometimes any of the comments. This week I decided to do something different for my Special Features Float: I’d take various comments from each day and feature them according to categories.

    I managed one day: July 13.


    Best one-liner with classical reference


    BC: I’m almost certain this isn’t what Diogenes had in mind.

    Best analysis of a comic through evolutionary theory

    Alan’s Addiction

    Let’s look at “BC” this way. You’re a caveman; you’ve got a life-expectancy of 28; your next meal is uncertain; you’re always a few steps away from becoming a cave-bear or saber-toothed tiger’s next meal; and your position in the tribe is always an uncertain and careful balancing act of dominance to the right people, submission to others, and bribery to yet others. If, given those myriad problems, you choose to look up another guy’s skirt, congratulations, you belong on the cast of “BC,” and chances are that you won’t pass on your genes. Actually, I rather like that stance; humanity has been naturally selected not to find “BC” funny most of the time. It would explain a lot.

    Best use of logic in a comment

    Walker of Dog

    MW: Drew, that limitation on contact with Liza also applies to your car. So no running her down in the parking lot with your Prius-Aztek. Nice try, mister. Plus, she’s not around. Plus, you’re not in the parking lot.

    Best comment regarding animal observations

    Baka Gaijin

    @Walker of Dog (#73): Of course the plugger’s truck mirrors are gone. His bird wife keeps seeing herself and pecking angrily at her reflection until it’s gone.

    Best comment parodying Emerson Lake & Palmer

    The Spectacular Spider-Brick

    Karn Evil 9CL by Emerson, Brooke & Palmer

    Welcome back, my friends, to the strip that never ends.
    We’re so glad you could attend! Come inside, come inside!
    There upon the page is a scene upon a stage
    That will spawn a bloody rage. Homicide, homicide!
    Come inside, Bolero’s going on
    Wagner’s Ring was only half as long.
    Rest assured this isn’t Mary Worth
    It’s the best leg fetish show on Earth

    You’ve got to see the show, it’s a dynamo.
    You’ve got to see the show, it’s Bolero!

    Right before your eyes are Fernanda’s silky thighs
    And they’ll twist and spread and ply till you cry, till you cry
    Come inside, the show’s about to start
    guaranteed you’ll blow your head apart

    You’ve got to see the show, it’s a dynamo.
    You’ve got to see the show, it’s Bolero!

    Soon the blond retard in a tiny leotard
    Will perform until he’s hard
    Be on guard, be on guard!
    Next upon the stand on a Bosendorfer grand
    They’ll have sex with just their hands
    What a man, what a man!

    Roll up! Roll up! Roll up!
    See the show!

    Performing on a stool from a Catholic girl’s school
    Is a gay guy who’s a tool!
    What a fool, what a fool!
    We would like it to be known that the fetishes I’ve shown
    Were exclusively my own.
    All my own, all my own!

    Come and see the show!
    Come and see the show!
    Come and see the show!
    See the show!
    See the shoooowwwwwww!

    (by the way, you have @KarMann (#118)’s Vaseline comment to thank for this.

    Best comment using household tips

    Mr K Martin

    It’s a good idea to use the funny papers to train your pets, because then you can see Marvin make hilarious, pithy comments about the fecal matter.

    Best comment in aid of reassuring a comic artist


    Yes, Brooke. A peenie can go into a woo-woo. We get it.

    Best spam ever

    Essay Botman

    Need paper on Oedipal analysis? Momma will help enable you with manipulation. Man Drakeman essay on realistic magic sur- meta- neo- realism root for Johnny badman goodguy in Xanadude; dekk the redd with boughs of folly! On marital sadness see Better Half; deals on pizza! Compare contrast ho bard Al-Jo Thulsa Doom pose Coachkaz the barbarian ease up! Harry Potter eronomes analysis relationship with phantom erastes; knife penetration reversal of roles. Stressed for test ask Nona with your mind she’ll reply in kind. Freecheapandeasy essays now through June Morgan.

  13. Anonymous
    June 17th, 2011 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

    Luann – I should bring my proctologist here so he can see two of the world’s biggest assholes.

  14. demoncat
    June 17th, 2011 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

    brad is so busy watching Tori leave that he does not relize that his work ethic is going to wind up with him being like Tories brother . ziggy is so desperate for companminship he is now willing to commit beastality and getting a restaurant closed down for having the cat there eating .

  15. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    June 17th, 2011 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

    Congrats to all!

  16. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 17th, 2011 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#12): Frank, if there was a float for secondary floats, you’d be on it for this.


  17. KarMann
    June 17th, 2011 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#12): I managed one day: July 13.

    Woo-hoo! COTWs from the future! Until then, congrats to ratnerstar and the rest of you on the current float!

  18. Jessy
    June 17th, 2011 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

    Congrats, y’all!

  19. Sequitur
    June 17th, 2011 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

    ratnerstar! Way to COTW! And congrats to the floating funnies!

    BLONDIE: Look at the barber shop. See the wall? Only it’s not a wall because it’s got the international comic lines that indicate it’s either glass or a mirror. Being a barber shop we can deduce it’s a mirror. What don’t you see in the mirror?

    I never would have thought that Blondie would want to get in on the vampire craze.

  20. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 17th, 2011 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#16): Something like that might well lead to an infinite regression loop in which we end up with comments appearing from the future.

    @KarMann (#17): Oh no! It’s already happening!

  21. JH Pants
    June 17th, 2011 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    OK, I know this post is off topic, and Josh, feel free to move/delete this if necessary, but I want to thank you and all the regular posters to this site for helping me hang on to my sanity for the past couple of years. I’ve been a fan and occasional poster here for a long time (I have a What Would Margo Do bracelet and everything!). Over the past two years, I’ve lost my job and my husband (pending divorce) and this has always been a place I could come for a laugh and a dose of cute. You are all smart and funny people, and I’m so happy a place like this exists on the interwebs. So keep on keeping on, and many, many thanks for all the laughs when I so desperately needed them.

  22. Pseudo3D
    June 17th, 2011 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#7): Or not. See, adding obscenity into anything doesn’t inherently make it funny, and Seanbaby has still not grasped that concept.

  23. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 17th, 2011 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

  24. Pseudo3D
    June 17th, 2011 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

    @Rusty (#y165): Not sure. Maybe all the homes in Luann-Ville are made of fire-retardant material.

  25. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 17th, 2011 at 10:31 pm [Reply]

    @JH Pants (#21):

    I’m a regular* poster on this blog, so if anything I’ve written has made you laugh, I’ve done my job!

    *As long as I start off the day with a heaping helping of Kellogg’s® All-Bran® Complete® Wheat Flakes cereal!

  26. JH Pants
    June 17th, 2011 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

    Thanks so much queek! And in case you haven’t seen it, check out he puppies! When they’re all sleeping I just want to bury my face in the sweet puppy goodness.

  27. JH Pants
    June 17th, 2011 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#25): Yes! You’ve made me laugh. And if your cereal keeps you “regular,” enjoy!

  28. Girl Reporter
    June 17th, 2011 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

    @JH Pants (#21): Why, you are smart and funny yourself. I’m very sorry you’re riding a rough patch.

  29. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 17th, 2011 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

    @Pseudo3D (#22):

    …adding obscenity into anything doesn’t inherently make it funny, and Seanbaby has still not grasped that concept.

    Going by the comments people left at, Seanbaby’s piece drew a mixed reaction. As you might have noticed, profanity really isn’t my thing — I prefer to work “clean”. (Naughty but nice!)

  30. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 17th, 2011 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

    JH Pants, I’m glad I could have contributed in some way to another’s sanity level. Because the more I can do that, the more I can let my own sanity relax a little and take a day off. The “sanity credits” market is really a wonderful thing, and I’m grateful to the bureaucrats who came up with it.

    Seriously, I hope things get better, and I’m glad if any of us help in any way.

  31. JH Pants
    June 17th, 2011 at 11:14 pm [Reply]

    @Girl Reporter (#28): @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#30): Thanks to you both. And while my grasp on sanity has always been tenuous at best, it really has been a help to be able to come here.

  32. Anonymous
    June 17th, 2011 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#12): I made a float! Thanks Frank.

  33. KarMann
    June 17th, 2011 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#32): Essay Botman? Is that you?

  34. commodorejohn
    June 17th, 2011 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

    @JH Pants (#21): Aww. Glad we could help :)

  35. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 18th, 2011 at 12:07 am [Reply]

    Very nice crop of COTWs. Congratulations, all.

  36. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 18th, 2011 at 12:09 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#25): You mean Kellogg’s has registered the concept of completeness? Why didn’t I think of that?

  37. Mark B
    June 18th, 2011 at 12:12 am [Reply]

    @JH Pants (#21): I feel exactly the same about the CC site, although I’ve actually been going through a pretty good period in my life. The warmth and cleverness of the commenters keeps me coming back. Unlike many other sites on the interwebs, the commenters can go where their imaginations take them, and it’s pretty interesting. Who could forget the epic conversation about holes a couple of weeks ago. There’s something about these crudely drawn squiggles on a page that sparks the imagination … even bad strips like Funky get you involved … mostly with white hot rage directed against the clueless egotism of the main character.

    Some strips, like Judge Parker are so artfully drawn that you can just admire the artwork … and it’s a good thing, because in JP, you need a distraction from the writing. Dick Tracy has become a thing of awesome beauty in the last couple of months, and it looks like the writing is catching up with the artwork.

    Then there’s Reply All, which is just crap.

    Anyway, seeing all of this, and getting to discuss it, it one of the most interesting and engaging things I do every day.

    So, good luck, JH, and may your rough spot be a lot less rough than the one Nurse Liza is about to hit.

  38. Bill Thompson
    June 18th, 2011 at 12:51 am [Reply]

    Phantom: Jungle Patrol Etiquette Lesson #1: “Nuisance, meet Lunatic. Lunatic, Nuisance.” Lesson #2: “How to Deal with Three Vengeance-Obsessed Pursuers,” or “No, it isn’t nice to shoot the bad men who want to kill you.”

    EffYou Wankerbean: You understand any of this, Les? Your egomania knows no bounds.

    The Amusing Spiderman: Peter Parker’s determination would make a deeper impression if he hadn’t spent the entire week pissing and moaning. He would make a better impression if he waved his right fist, which is overdeveloped from using his remote.

    Dustbin: They’re milking the credit-reader joke for all its worth. Okay, they milked it for all it was worth halfway through the first day.

  39. CanuckDownSouth
    June 18th, 2011 at 1:13 am [Reply]

    So will Rex and June’s super advice-giving powers lead Summer Wright to sign up for an unlimited text plan?

    Psst, Bizarro, igloo temperatures DO NOT WORK THAT WAY

  40. Maggie the Cat
    June 18th, 2011 at 1:17 am [Reply]

    Saturday’s MW- WTF is up with Mary’s meddling method, or the M³ lately?? Bland advice and even more pallid responses just don’t cut the mustard, Mary.

  41. This Guy
    June 18th, 2011 at 1:52 am [Reply]

    Okay… the Dustin thing, God only knows why I’m paying attention to it, gets more baffling by the day. How in the name of all that’s right and sensible does this make any sense as a premise? I know most people leap up and hurl themselves off the stadium seating the second a credit appears on screen, but what the fuck? How the hell do credits offend the useless tools who create this strip? Did movie credits kill their parents?

  42. Mr. O'Malley
    June 18th, 2011 at 2:48 am [Reply]

    @This Guy (#41): I already made a vow never to look at that strip ever again, so now I depend on other people to keep track of the idiocy. Thanks. By coincidence, today I got my father’s name into a film credit – a first for our family. When the DVD comes, I’m going to go straight to the credits and put it on pause.

  43. Bill Thompson
    June 18th, 2011 at 3:16 am [Reply]

    Dustbin: Who writes and draws this strip? I didn’t read the credits, which I’m sure won’t bother them.

  44. Doctor Handsome
    June 18th, 2011 at 4:44 am [Reply]

    Well done, y’allz! Big Laffs as always!
    Extra big ups to Alan’s Addiction’s Gil Thorp gag. Hilario.

  45. Doctor Handsome
    June 18th, 2011 at 4:51 am [Reply]

    @JH Pants (#21): I’m a pretty shitty degenerate in real life, so I always hope that if I can make someone chuckle on the internet, it might keep me out of hell.

  46. Bill Thompson
    June 18th, 2011 at 5:26 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: Listen to the bear, Sheriff Dad. The bear is wise in the ways of the wilderness. And the ways of wascally wabbits, so if the law-enforcement gig falls through, he can help you find a career for which you are more intellectually suited.

  47. Bill Thompson
    June 18th, 2011 at 5:57 am [Reply]

    Uncle Lumpy, Spamorama at yesterthread #170 to 173, and today at #44, 45, 46, 50 and 51.

  48. Mr O'Malley
    June 18th, 2011 at 7:01 am [Reply]

    Robots vie to clothe us. Still no flying cars or electron microscopes at the farmers’ market.

  49. ArchieNemesis
    June 18th, 2011 at 7:29 am [Reply]

    I’m impressed that, with a few deft squiggles of the pen, the Dennis the Menace creative team has managed to convey such expressions of contempt, disdain, and resentment in today’s strip.

  50. pugfuggly
    June 18th, 2011 at 7:32 am [Reply]

    Spiderman: “…and he’ll respect me after I BEAT HIM TO DEATH! Like I always say, with great power come petty revenge…or something….”

    FW: “..Oh I understand that part…not that i owe you any bit of an explanation that part…I just wonder how i got caught…mope..mope…mope”

    Pluggers oppose any bit of progressive legislation on their idiotic reactionary principles, thereby holding back society at large.

  51. Lucky
    June 18th, 2011 at 7:49 am [Reply]

    Family Circus – Judging by that slinky dress Thel is wearing, I think we all know what Bil’s present was.

    Marmaduke – …has buried a corpse in a baseball field.

    Peanuts – It often surprises me how meta Schulz could get.

    Pluggers – …don’t give a shit about the environment.

  52. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 18th, 2011 at 7:55 am [Reply]

    @True religion outlet (#44):

    Nice try, but I’m already a customer of your main competitor… the False Religion Outlet.

    @tiffany sale (#45), @tory burch sale (#51):

    FYI Tiffany and Tory B. are also known as the Spambot Sisters. As a youngster, I remember watching their dad, Soupy Sale, pitch pies on TV. (Way to keep up the family tradition, ladies!)

    @MBT Shoes (#50):

    I had no idea that Mark Trail had started his own shoe company. (MBT=Mark Beauregard Trail)

  53. The Ridger
    June 18th, 2011 at 8:09 am [Reply]

    JP: Manley is doing yeoman work to keep us from being bored to death by the entitled-looker-with-the-miserable-life story, isn’t he? More lookers who enjoy themselves, please.

  54. The Ridger
    June 18th, 2011 at 8:12 am [Reply]

    A3G: Wow. Tommie’s so boring even her mom can’t handle her for more than a few hours – even after years of absence.

  55. CanuckDownSouth
    June 18th, 2011 at 8:15 am [Reply]

    @This Guy (#41): How the hell do credits offend the useless tools who create this strip? Did movie credits kill their parents?

    Yeah, it’s beyond weird. They’re treating this as on par with, say, wanting kids or not. This is something where he could make her happy by spending maybe, what? 4 minutes of his time per movie being bored by the credits. He probably wouldn’t even lose 4 minutes of his day because they’d avoid any parking lot rush. If that’s beyond the pale to consider, what other people having different tastes in food, music, etc? He needs to marry his clone.

  56. The Ridger
    June 18th, 2011 at 8:17 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Wow. That’s all. Just … wow.

    (ps – would she complain if her ?daughter? said 2000 sentences in a week? It’s her fault for getting a plan that charges that way.)

  57. Old School Allie Cat
    June 18th, 2011 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    @JH Pants (#21): I don’t think you’re the first to use this site for a sanity check. I find it cheaper than therapy with far less crying.

    Luann – Brad became a firefighter in response to the events of 9/11. Are you telling me in the decade he’s been mopping the station, nobody else has decided to go to the academy?

  58. Baka Gaijin
    June 18th, 2011 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    @KarMann (#33): Shhhhh! I’m hiding out. I thought I spotted a round red nose last night. It might have been a ripe tomato. I didn’t wait around to find out.

  59. Calico
    June 18th, 2011 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    @JH Pants (#21):
    That sounds tough. Glad you can come here for some laughs.
    Hoping things get better and happier for you-and soon! Best wishes.
    : )

  60. Jessy
    June 18th, 2011 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

    @JH Pants (#21): Hi, JH Pants . . . I am a newbie here, but just wanted to say hi and sorry you have had a tough couple of years. I like this site for its smart and funny people, too. :)

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