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Folks! I’m about to head out on vacation for a week and change, but fear not: your favorite Uncle Lumpy is on duty in the iterim! I’ll be back on Thursday the 29th, but till then, enjoy this comment of the week, and Uncle Lumpy’s comic stylings:

“Oh no. Hugo’s going to fall off that ladder and break his neck, isn’t he? And Dawn will spend the rest of her life regretting that she didn’t help– oh, wait, this isn’t the Funkyverse! It’s the Mary Worthiverse, which means that we get to spend the next few weeks literally watching paint dry.” –els

And your very funny runners up!

“The man in cargo shorts is having a life crisis as he is forced to reconsider all those fake girl gamer memes he shared.” –Ettorre

“While you were playing with dolls, I was playing with guns! Remember? In the house we grew up in together, at the same time?” –pugfuggly

“Following an unsuccessful attempt to boost tourism in the 1950s, every day in Milford is St Patrick’s Day.” –Schroduck

“Interpretation one: ‘Don’t worry. The kids won’t care about the poop landing on the cake, because they don’t care about the candle blower’s saliva.’ Interpretation two: ‘Don’t worry. There are no horizontal surfaces in the world for the poop to land on. It will just keep falling forever.’” –A Concerned Reader

“Come on, just one little baseball can’t hurt you. All the cool kids are doing it. You won’t get hooked! You won’t end up like those losers who spend hours staring slackjawed at double-header games on TV, blowing their whole paychecks at the ballpark, stealing from their own mothers to feed their habit for official MLB-approved merchandise…” –Peanut Gallery

“A lifetime of heavy beer and meat consumption meets its inevitable conclusion.” –Rusty

“I, for one, am taking this opportunity to enjoy General Halftrack’s desk in perfect isolation. Look at all those scrotums carved into the wood!” –Joe Blevins

“See, this is why Rex is a great human being and Roy from Judge Parker is sapient pond scum. Roy gave the Mafia info about someone he didn’t like, and that makes Roy irredeemably evil. But Rex is only going to give someone info that they will pass along to the Mafia. Rex isn’t going to deal with mobsters directly. It’s that one extra degree of separation that divides sinners from saints.” –jroggs

“Forget the magical hoverbaby, I’m worried about the voidpillow on the couch! An inky, comfortable blackness that cushions and devours all it touches. It… it’s in my mind. ALL HAIL THE VOIDPILLOW!” –Victor Von

“Let the grown-ups have their moonshine. These young ‘uns know that psychedelic frog secretions are the best high you can get for free — especially since they allow you to hallucinate trademarked Disney characters without paying the movie-theater admission prices.” –BigTed

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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Hey kids! It’s the comment of the week!

“Of course, now ‘above the fold‘ just means for an hour or so it will be placed high enough on the website’s main page that it’s visible without scrolling, before getting unceremoniously wedged between two external Outbrain links to ‘native content’ about organic diet pills. Enjoy your career in journalism, kids!” –Schroduck

And it’s also the runners up! They’re funny!

“Jokes about runaway inflation are not the gold standard of comedy, but there is no need to devalue them! There must be a reason why they are in circulation!” –Ettore

“Thank you, Dawn, for both translating and questioning the quote box.” –Pozzo

“Well, at least it’s a very nice drawing of an optometrist’s office.” –Noel

“Celebratory Fist Pump or Jerk Off Motion? It’s left to the reader to decide.” –Rex Thrillhouse, on Twitter

“‘I’m throwing out stuff today!’ says a manic Lois is a nearly empty house. ‘Soon we will achieve the cleanliness singularity! COMPLETE AND TOTAL TIDYNESS IS WITHIN OUR GRASP!’” –pugfuggly

“Hadley V. Baxendale really knows her way around jort law.” –Ned Ryerson

“It’s a ‘few days’ trek‘ back to JJ’s car. So I was right when I said these idiots supposedly were carrying enough water for at least a week of hiking in the desert terrain and heat despite the fact that NO THEY ABSOLUTELY WERE NOT THEY SHOULD BE DEAD.” –jroggs

“We all react to traumatic upbringings in different ways. Jeffy, whose every request has been rejected as a matter of course since he was born, predictably snaps, inflicting his withholding father with third-degree burns. But it’s PJ’s glassy-eyed stare — the one that reflects a lifetime of neglect and a grim fascination with his older brother’s complete lack of composure — that is truly chilling. He’s content to just observe for now, biding his time, learning from his siblings’ mistakes. When the time comes to finally act, he will have purged himself of all emotion, and his wrath will be terrible, indeed.” –Doctor Moreau

“Dawn: ‘Yay, something good is finally happening to me!’ Mary: ‘Yes, but you know it’s going to end soon, right?’ Dawn: ‘This is why everybody hates you.’” –BigTed

“A month ago, in a dusty and forgotten thrift shop, an ancient old man with malarial skin sold Loretta a book of forbidden knitting patterns, the legendary and shunned Unaussprechlichen Knitting, banned by Popes and Etsy alike. Loretta’s fingers caressed the strangely warm cover of the book, so soft, before she opened it and her eyes were filled with wonder, her brain filled with knots. Now she sits, day after day after day, knitting a long yellow … something. She can’t stop. Her fingertips are bleeding, her hands and arms ache, but she can’t stop. Some day she will finish her great project, a scarf fit for a king, a shroud fit for a pharaoh, but for now, tell me — have you seen the yellow stitch?” –Voshkod

“Vitamin Flintheart always calls Dick Tracy ‘Richard.’ Could he be that unseen villain who is calling Sam Driver ‘Samuel?’ Because being at the center of a drug distribution network in just one strip simply isn’t enough for a man of his obvious virility.” –seismic-2

“‘Well, actuallying’ your armed kidnappers? Sam is admirably true to himself.” –matt w

“How does Mary keep opening these fortune cookies without anyone noticing?” –JJ48

“‘Wealth still treating you right, I see‘ is the elevator pitch for Judge Parker.” –Brutus Jay

“‘Seriously, Mary? Like if I’m getting a tooth drilled, I should sit there saying to myself, I am ENJOYING this! I am ENJOYING this!?’ ‘You didn’t let me finish, dear. My point is, I hear a lot of crazy shit.’” –Peanut Gallery

“‘I’m not sure people understand how problematic Norton is. I know — I’ll put him in blackface!’ –the Judge Parker colorist exercising some creative control, apparently.” –VinegarMike

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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The Internet Read Aloud is BACK tonight in LA, everybody, and it’s better than ever!

Pledge your allegiance by clicking on the Facebook event!

And also? Enjoy your comment of the week!

“In tomorrow’s Six Chix, a witch flying on a plunger tells her compatriot ‘watch out for a pissed-off plumber with a scythe!’ The next day, a plumber tries to clear a clog with a long pole, and tells his assistant ‘keep an eye out for a decathlete with scythe!’ Thursday, a pole vaulter tries to clear the bar with pitchfork and tells the ref ‘somewhere there’s a farmer with a scythe!’ Friday, a farmer calmly cuts wheat with a scythe.” –Voshkod

Your runners up are also very funny!

“I cannot wait to go swimming! Immersing my fleshform in dihydrogen monoxide is a pastime of which I, like all genuine Earthlings, am inordinately fond!” –Thomas Keith, on Facebook

“What makes this a ‘joke,’ and not just an advertisement for child violence, is that Dennis has a name for his beatings. I don’t get it either, but I like the way he assumes his mother is hip to his lingo: ‘Did you finish him off with a customer satisfaction survey to the ass, dear?’” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“The physician reporting Beetle’s death is Dr. Bonkus, the Camp Swampy physician. Beetle finds that Sarge has already reached heaven ahead of him. Clearly, these facts mean that both Beetle and Sarge have perished in some military-related incident. And it’s happening soon, given that they are both about their present age. Did they die in combat? Is the nation in fact going to war soon? WHAT DO THE WALKER-BROWNE STUDIOS KNOW THAT WE DON’T, DAMMIT???” –seismic-2

“I’m literally begging the Walker factory to draw a slope in the blanket for Beetle’s thighs so we don’t wind up with strips like today’s, where dreams about his own death give Beetle not one, but somehow two raging erections.” –Dan

“Sure, golf makes Hi horny, but Lois seems to be spending her day boiling a pot of piss, which makes his fetish look positively vanilla.” –pugfuggly

“Which reminds me: I got fired for playing golf during office hours.” –TheDiva

“These are my kind of con artists. So polite, so pleasant, so mutually supportive. I hope they get away with everything.” –Joe Blevins

“So basically Vitamin had to buy the theater to land the lead part in a summer stock production of a high school standard. Wouldn’t a converted barn outside of town been a lot cheaper?” –Guillermo el Chiclero

“A dream is like a movie that you get to watch for free! And a nightmare is like a trip to hell that you can only escape by dying! I wonder what we’ll see thanks to all these sleeping pills we took from my parents’ nightstand!” –jroggs

“A dream is like a movie that you get to watch for free! And there’s nothing wrong with dreams, right? So there’s nothing wrong with free movies either, right? Or just to cover some expenses, selling them for a price that’s practically free? Anyway, I’ve hidden a camera inside this teddy bear, and I need you to hold it on your lap after we sneak you into the theatre.” –pachoo

“What are the odds that Mark intentionally set up this cave to confuse Doc and make him more agreeable to being moved to a nursing home?” –JJ48

“I’m pretty monolingual, but I’d guess that idioms consisting entirely of common prepositions and pronouns like ‘up for it‘ are probably the hardest to learn. There’s a decent chance that Hugo meant to ask Dawn ‘Are you high?’” –matt w

“I am ze Franshe you know? I am how you say pepper my language with ze franshe words. My hamac a banane eez out at ze cleanairs, so I am wearink dees American how you say ‘short of boxing.’” –Anonymous

“Not that ‘I’m sorry I pulled the gun … I got carried away!‘ is much of an apology for nearly murdering your new acquaintances, but it’s still better than ‘I’m sorry you feel that way.’” –BigTed

“I guess what makes it funny is that Jane Fonda and Steve Jobs here are not the biggest grifters in today’s strip.” –Zla’od

“I cannot get over the absolute state of Dawn’s hair. This was either an attempt to draw a stylish messy bob that failed dramatically, or a skilled demonstration of drawing split ends to show us that Dawn cuts her own hair with kitchen scissors.” –Rosstifer

“The fish would say nothing to these two. But it will have a full report for Mary by the end of the evening.” –Gabacho

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!