Archive: metaposts

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Your COTW coming in a moment, but first … have you ever dreamed of hearing my voice making jokes on some sort of broadcast for your iPod? Well, I was a guest on not one but two podcasts released this week! First: did you know that back in the ’70s and ’80s, there was a Star Wars newspaper comic strip, not unlike the late lamented Spider-Man newspaper comic strip? Trust me, there was, and it was amazing, and I discussed one storyline on the Marvel Star Wars Explorers podcast. If you’ve spent the years being subject to all my comics opinions thinking to yourself, “Gee, I wonder if Josh has Star Wars opinions as well,” this is your chance to find out!

I also got to be a guest on the delightful MeatCast, a podcast dedicated to our favorite non-lasagna-focused orange comics cat, Heathcliff. Download this week’s episode from Apple or Spotify to hear me emerge semi-triumphant on the HeathQuiz, and also discuss serious questions like why Heathcliff is nude all the time and where he was on 1/6/21.

And now, let’s move on to your comment … of the week!

“Though her face was the picture of innocent contentment, inwardly Dolly raged: ‘Foolish crone!’ she thought, ‘Does she think I offer my loyalty willy nilly? Are the billions daily served as nothing to her? Is she blind to those gleaming, golden arches through which the tired, the poor, the huddled masses yearning to breathe free, the wretched refuse of the teeming shore may pass to bliss and plenty? Truly, there is but one true Founding Father, and his name is Ray Kroc. This isn’t just America: This is McDonald’s America! I am bound to honor my elders, but one day, one not so distant day, Grandma will go the way of last month’s Happy Meal toys, and believe me, I’ll be lovin’ it. Ba da ba ba ba.’” –Urlance Woolsbane

Your runners up are also very funny!

“Henry could listen to spoken directions from his GPS, just like virtually everyone else in the world. But he keeps it in his pocket on ‘vibrate,’ due to a weird sex game he’s playing with his very hot, very bored wife.” –BigTed

Today’s Shoe asks ‘What would Boris Johnson look like if he was a bird? And also he committed a series of crimes so severe he got 68 years in jail?’” –Schroduck

“I’m almost certain that the last panel is Billy just giving up on learning to read and instead just imagining a chaotic mix of characters and events as he stares blankly into the pages. He’s lucky: Jeffy doesn’t have the mental capacity to do even that.” –pugfuggly

“I can almost hear the teacher gasp in pain with every word, as her entire waistline has somehow been squeezed into a small dog collar she’s using for a belt. ‘Learn How to Read Before I Pass Out,’ is what the sign should say. Or maybe ‘Somebody Call 911.'” –made of wince

“Only $1.50 for a hot dog in New York City? Yeah, it’s made of people.”–nescio

“‘Do I vape? I’ve got at least two Vapes in my deck here. Three red, two black mana, does 4 damage but double that to air-types, but if I use it, I might get the addicted status which means if I don’t keep playing it, I start taking damage. I mean, it’s a dangerous card, but not as dangerous as actually vaping.’ –Lines from Vaping Madness, a short-lived PSA that aired on Local 58.” –Voshkod

“Might as well strangle her with your bowtie, Art. That is hilariously not a real gun.” –jroggs

“Dr. Ed will soon learn that the Pomeranian he failed to help was actually a social media star with millions of followers on TikTok. Dr. Ed can handle his malpractice insurance being canceled again, but he’s not ready to be canceled by social media.” –Philip

“The conversation really grinds to a halt when the Doc’s plate of severed fingers arrives.” –Hibbleton

“It really doesn’t matter how that guy’s name is spelled or pronounced, because at some point he’s going to join a rival gang. He’ll be Kryptonite, Blood tomorrow.” –Dave in Pittsburgh

“That is the proud stride of a man who knows he is the great genius, Art Dekko.” –Dan

“In a giant step for women’s rights, thirty years ago Blondie was given a job outside the house! Today another giant step: she is given a new facial expression!” –Ettorre

My cat named Odin is pretty laid-back, my cat and dog get along with everyone, didn’t have polyamory on my Mary Worth bingo card but here we go I guess.” –Stop Motion Cyclops

“Well, if you wanna get laid-backed, Dr. Ed, there have got to be better ways to do it than drinking 6 ounces of vodka, neat, from a wine glass. Like tranquilizers! Surely you’ve got some ketamine back at the office, no?” –Effluvius Erratus

“They accidentally printed the unseen ‘missing panel’ of every Crock installment ever.” –Just John

“OK, Grandma, here’s your cue to start waxing nostalgic over the ‘good old days.’ Tell Dolly how a Big Mac cost 55¢ when they first came out. Don’t mention that minimum wage was only $1.25 an hour.” –Guillermo el chiclero

“Mr. Wilson has internalized Dennis’s menace to the extent that it rules his life even when Dennis is nowhere to be seen. This is the highest level of menace. I think that’s from Foucault.” –matt w

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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It’s Friday, folks, and that means it’s time for YOUR … comment of the week!

“I can’t believe they bailed on alliterative fruity vape flavors after one. ONE! Come on. Cantaloupe Catastrophe, Durian Disaster, Honeydew Holocaust … do the work.” –Vice President John Adams

And your very funny runners up!

“That ‘Eat Healthy’ sign in panel 3 is foreshadowing. What could be healthier than eating an actual doctor?” –Uncle Lumpy

“What’s really confusing is why the characters in this strip are All the President’s Men-era journalists — so they’re simultaneously colorful birds and middle-aged white dudes who smoke cigars in public. I guess younger readers are supposed to say, ‘Talking birds? Print newspaper columnists? It’s all crazy!’” –BigTed

“Don’t you hate it when you go into a restaurant and the person serving you welcomes you and introduces themselves? And THEN gives you the menu, like 5 seconds later than they could have? Isn’t that the worst? No? OK, maybe its just me. Go ahead, ignore this one, go on with your day. Glad I get paid in advanced for writing these!” –Dondi’s Dad

“At a surface level, it’s a silly ‘dad-joke’ told by a cranky old man, but reread that strip while thinking about how that cranky old man is delivering that joke while not wearing any clothes. No, reread it again recalling that, canonically, that old man is probably still wearing sneakers and walked into the restaurant like that. Sometimes jokes really do benefit from context!” –pugfuggly

Black Raven comics are really valuable, because the DC Comics lawyers had most of them pulped because of, according to the judge, ‘plagiarism made even more odious by the lack of effort to conceal it.’” –Ettorre

“The most disturbing thing about today’s Crock is that they forced a lowercase ‘i’ into their all-caps font to spell the product correctly. This implies the existence of, against all voluminous counter evidence, someone at Crock paying attention to a detail.” –nescio

“Jeffy has discovered the secret to society — that we use words to accomplish what otherwise would be done by brute force, and that social conventions are just thin veils for naked aggression. The fact that he remains undisturbed by this realization indicates how he intends to use this knowledge to further his sociopathic ends. Menace level: extreme! Oh wait, that’s the other strip. Maybe Jeffy’s blank stare just means he’s stupid.” –But What Do I Know?

“It’s clear that Mary and Dr. Jeff are meant for each other. Their conversation is so relaxed and natural and they say things like real people would.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Another glass of gravy, dear?” –Pozzo

“I’ve just reached the horrible realisation that Blondie’s not only into her husband’s food fetish, but has actually built her life around it. Her transition from housewife to caterer seemed like a feminist step forward 30 years ago, but now it’s abundantly clear that her entire career is based on her husband’s desire to make tender love to a pot roast.” –Rosstifer

“The real menace today is Martha, who’s enabling Dennis’s playing hooky without contacting his parents. They live next door, Martha, and his mother stays at home — all you have to do is pick up the phone! Or if Alice has already left for the morning for her wine-tasting circle or whatever, you could even give Dennis a ride to school. It’s probably on the way to the grocery store, so you could do your errands at the same time. I think after all these years, we’ve finally isolated the source of dysfunction in the DtM universe, and it’s not the five-year-old kid who missed the bus!” –Thelonious_Nick

“‘Don’t let them embalm the corpse!’ joins ‘Don’t mention the autopsy photos!’ in the list of hilariously macabre phrases that make me sincerely glad the dying newspaper comic industry can’t afford editors any more.” –Schroduck

“It looks like the cop and Surf City guy are having a moment, with the staring and all. ‘I don’t know where to put my arms when I’m with you, but I love it!’” –made of wince

“Can’t wait to see Tracy’s idea of tropical attire. If he doesn’t wear the most godawful Hawaiian shirt and trunks combo imaginable, I riot.” –ectojazzmage

“I call BS. Mr. ‘Sam Scott’, if that’s his real name, is from one of those effete liberal Connecticut towns who look down on real pluggers. The joke’s on you, ‘Sam’ — no real plugger would even pretend to listen to his wife.” –Lawyerbob

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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Folks! Your comment of the week in a moment, but first: If you’re in LA on January 13, you can get some more laffs from me, live and in person! That’s because my live comedy show, The Internet Read Aloud, is coming back on a new day (the second Friday of the month) and a new time (8:30 pm) but the same place (The Clubhouse in Los Feliz) and the same shtick (jokes about the Internet). Here’s the Facebook event!

And now, as promised: youuuurrrrr comment of the week!

“Santa’s most elderly, decrepit elves are kept out of the way with useless jobs — painting a handful of toys for the last two children on Earth who want wooden doll houses for Christmas — while the rest of the elves spend all year making the presents kids actually want. Bunky has been seconded to the team soldering GPUs into Playstation 5s, or possibly ghostwriting Logan Paul’s No Cap Bussin Fortnite TikTok MMA Dabbing Activity Book.” –Schroduck

And your very funny runners up!

Rex Morgan, M.D. is setting up an extended story line where all of June’s advice is wrong (the guy in the parking lot has a concussion she missed, the one in the store is dizzy because he’s having a stroke) and she’s sued for multiple malpractice. This is a helpful reminder to all medical professionals from their insurance carriers: Be like Rex Morgan — don’t get involved.” –Ken

“The most deliriously batshit thing about this is the narration box, which promises us a ‘then’ and a ‘now,’ as though time had any meaning in Dick Tracy.” –pastordan

“Ugh, I hate when contractors always ask me stuff like this. Look, if I knew all the specific technical answers to questions like ‘Who exactly do you want to have killed?’ I’d just do it myself! Just … take a look and fix it, okay?” –jroggs

“I prefer to think that between the panels Thirsty made a single burger, put on the condiments, plated it, and brought it to the couch, staring directly at Hi the whole time (the problem with this theory is that Thirsty has no eyes).” –matt w

“I love how this strip will spend days describing (but barely showing) sports matches that have no effect on the plot, and just two panels to say goodbye to a central character who has been present for decades(?). ‘That’s Milford Junior Sports Program manager to you, coach!’ ‘Ha ha, indeed. Insert joke here, my friend, insert joke here…’” –pugfuggly

“Gil knows that the basis of a successful conditioning program for his student athletes is making them power-walk from one side of the gym to the other for hours until they’re light-headed and ready to drop!” –Thelonious_Nick

“I like the detail that Santa says ‘Attention all elves.’ He is calling a specific elf to his office, but he wants all elves to be aware of his mighty power to surveil and discipline at any moment. I would expect no less by the master of Panopticon, who ‘knows when you’ve been sleeping, knows when you’re awake.’” –Ettorre

“Well. Crap. Zak only has stubble on his chin. It’s one thing to have Iris look like Nan, it’s a whole other horror if he turns into a second Ian.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Is there anyone Zak’s age at the wedding? Other than his stepson, of course.” –Professor Well Actually

This one doesn’t sound quite right. A true plugger will tell you about the time they had the most painful ingrown hair you’ve ever seen.” –Hibbleton

“Wilbur once again expressing how sexually intimidated he is by Zak with one breath, planning fantasies with the next in which he doesn’t so much reconquer Iris as happen to be present when she’s forced to settle for him, and doing the whole thing with a smile on his face. Get ready to have your previously-rocked world resteadied, he thinks, followed by a wink and a double thumbs-up. Honestly, this is the consistently amazing psychosexual weirdness you just don’t get at Rex Morgan, M.D.” –Dan

“No, I meant are you medically okay? Because there are multiple signs that you are not, starting with your facial expression and your lack of bladder control.” –Anonymous

“Having fought each other to a draw on the field of sentimental glurge, Iris and Zak resort to literally butting heads in the manner of rams competing for dominance.” –Peanut Gallery

“I object to this strip’s insinuation that the cast of Mary Worth will go anywhere except Hell when they die.” –ectojazzmage

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!