Archive: metaposts

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Hey all! Hope you enjoy rolling into your three-day weekend, which I’m sure you’ve already got planned out and such! If you haven’t made any plans for next weekend — and why should you, to be honest, why bother planning so far in advance, life is ephemeral — you should consider coming to my monthly Internet comedy show in Los Angeles!

That’s a murderer’s row of comics, two of whom are out of town visitors who you probably won’t get to see in LA again, so why not build your weekend around this show? Here is the Facebook event, to remind you!

But until then, laugh it up with this week’s comment of the week:

“Pluggers pride themselves on their work ethic, unless it’s ‘women’s work.’” –TheDiva

This week’s runners up will also amuse you!

That‘s the most emotion a plugger has felt in years.” –Ruth McIlhenny Gormé, on Facebook

Derek Hoosier and Loweezy Smith feel very differently about their spouses being locked in a room with a toilet.” –A Concerned Reader

“Meanwhile, Toby is relaxing back on the nice, comfy ship and thinking, ‘Maybe if I worry hard enough, no one will realize that I’m not actually helping!’” –BigTed

Wilford Brimley can’t believe it’s come to this. You better believe Brian Dennehy can afford all the cereal bowls he damn wants.” –Shoe Substitutes

“[blows smoke rings] [smoke rings form letters, É-S-M-E] [smoke letters wind their way down to Derek’s nose]” –Dan

“‘Tape head cleaner‘ is often sold as a legal inhalable substitute for amyl nitrate poppers. That’s not a joke but it sure makes today’s FW funnier.” –nescio

“This strip brings up an interesting point: what ‘time and place‘ is it taking place in, exactly? Certainly not this one, seeing as they’re using the awkward phrase ‘girlfriend abuser’, as if the pitcher is grinding up his girlfriends and snorting them.” –pugfuggly

Panel two‘s a keeper. I’d advise Gil Thorp to use it every time they just want to abandon a dull storyline (like, say, this current one) and move on to something else entirely. Notice how the woman stares directly into our eyes, hypnotizing us. ‘In another time and place,’ she says. ‘Yes,’ we slowly respond. ‘In another time and place.’” –Joe Blevins

“‘I’ve got the warrant ready to go, partner.‘ In the glorious days of the old Dick Tracy, ‘the warrant’ was the name Dick Tracy gave to his baton, because it was the thing a suspect would see when he protested about his rights.” –Ettore

Things got very ugly! I mean, like, 70s ugly! You do NOT want to see how they dressed for arguments!” –Brian Olson

Pest control? Yes, that’s just what I want! Do you have some poison to kill pests that are about, oh, 70 pounds each and … Oh, did I say ‘each?’ Ha ha ha, what I meant of course was about 70 pounds in all! I need enough poison to kill 70 pounds of pests total! But can I buy two bags of it?” –seismic-2

“Ignoring the caption, I’m just going to pretend that I’m reading a furry-fied version of Lord of the Rings, and this is the scene right before Dog-Bilbo gives the ring to Bear-Gandalf.” –DimensionalOtter

“Maybe ‘tax audit‘ is shorthand for ‘taxidermy audit,’ the thought of which certainly ought to freeze Cosmo’s cloaca.” –Dood

“The image of a razor scraping along a bird’s beak is horrifying, but at least it keeps me from thinking about Dolly’s skin stretching.” –Pozzo

“Like their counterparts in New York, L.A. cops in this strip scratch the base of their skulls when faced with an ethical dilemma like ‘We’re supposed to guard Mrs. Parker, but Mrs. Parker says she’ll vouch.’ If only a corporation like 7-11 or Popeyes would sponsor ‘National Med-Blue-La Oblongata Day,’ urging everyone in law enforcement across the land to take five minutes to massage their thinkin’ parts, they could probably clear a lot of crimes and stop a lot of abuse.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“What would playing the Spidey card constitute in this case? I picture Peter ducking into the bathroom and emerging two minutes later in costume, loudly saying ‘Hey, I just bumped into Peter Parker in there because we’re two different people, and by the way you should totally let Mole Man go!’” –Steve S

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon! And as ever, we must give thanks to our advertisers:

  • Two Party Opera: A daily comic that features the Presidents of the United States as they live on the stage of history with the day-to-day news of political mudslinging.
  • Oh hey, and don’t forget, I wrote a book! You can get it in hardcover, paperback or ebook forms. It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy.

If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get a text shoutout in these posts, get the details on my BuySellAds page.

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Oh hey, it’s Friday so that means it’s time for your COTW!

“Want a tip for another story? Try asking the most obvious question that anyone would think of in a particular situation. You know that suspicious fire down on Main St.? Ask the fire chief how it started! Remember last month’s mayoral election? Find out who won!” –Nekrotzar

Also time for the hilarious runners up!

“If this limo doesn’t take a detour through a cactus patch and a rake depository, I will be deeply disappointed.” –TheDiva

“‘Jacky’ is one of those low-rent limo drivers, with a broken down car that burns a quart of oil every three miles (see last panel) but a cheerful, ‘The more the merrier’ demeanor that makes up for it. It’s a grueling, barely-break-even living, a cycle that will only be broken when he starts investing in whatever that glue is that holds the Mole Man’s hat on.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“Since I can’t imagine they have any concept of recycling, Hootin’ Holler Redemption Center must be Lukey’s underground moonshine scheme, where they pour distilled barley liquor into used bottles to hide it from revenooers under the mistaken belief that Prohibition is still going strong. The word ‘redemption’ is of course used very ironically.” –Schroduck

“John Pascoe couldn’t speak. Ted Pearse was homeless. Cully Vale killed his best friend. Barry Bader’s dad killed Boo Radley. Aaron Aagard didn’t eat for weeks while his mom was on a bender. Scott Fowler believed his dead brother was reincarnated as a lucky peacock. Andrew Gregory was raising his siblings while Marty Moon posed as his dad for child services. Bill Ritter cut his leg off with a chainsaw. Molly Kinsella took pictures of herself in a homemade cardboard bikini which got sent around the school by Shep Trumbo. Cody Exner was dealing drugs. Gil Thorp burns down the town every year. And yet, with all this tragedy flying around, the only thing the Milford Trumpet ever cared about was Tyler Jay clubbing himself. Good luck with that scoop, Anonymous Tipster.” –Drew Funk

Crankshaft accurately portrays generational attitudes toward golf. Very old dude: Super excited. Moderately old dude: Restrained enthusiasm. Stubbly-chinned young dude: Bemused bewilderment.” –Reginald Lansing

“It’s kind of sad that Facebook will ban breastfeeding pics but will allow these ‘MowFap’ communities to keep trading their filth on their platform.” –pugfuggly

“That’s not the real Bubba Watson. The REAL Bubba Watson is left-handed and would never doff his cap with his right hand. Let’s tear off this mask and see who the Crankshaft Ringer REALLY is! Oh. Oh God. It really was Bubba Watson.” –victor

“Blah blah Crankshaft golf story real life golfer DONG HAT” –BrutusJ

“Rex and June have definitely never fooled around. Even their children were conceived and delivered at a tasteful distance.” –Steve S

“Loretta and Leroy go to Dr. Blog, AKA literally this website. What, you seriously thought a newspaper comic author would be aware of any other blogs? The H, if you’re wondering, stands for ‘Hella,’ which the syndicate specifically requested be put in the strip more often because it is a ‘cool fresh word’ that will ‘get the teens excited about our product.’ I don’t make these things up, I just report them.” –Ben Ferber

“I’ve always wondered why these kids look bored as hell in half of the strips, but then I realized a life of spouting out ‘adorable’ darndest things can drive the strongest of wills to ennui-induced despair.” –Noel

“Famous pro-golfer slumming it with Ed? Sure, why not. Ed knows how to operate a computer? Sorry, not buying it.” –The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE

“Arthur sighed as the drunk left. This was not the Summer Lands he had expected when the Lady in the Lake took him, dying, from the battlefield at Camlann. He picked up a dirty rag to wipe down the countertop and cursed, once again, that he had ever drawn the sword from the stone.” –Voshkod

Crankshaft and Lockhorns today illustrate a sort of anti-Bechdel test: there is only one woman in the narrative, and she exists only via male dialogue and only as an object of mockery. I call it the ‘take my wife, please, test,’ or, alternatively, the ‘asshole test.’” –a.

“If this Mark Trail storyline completely forgets the kidnapping angle and just devolves into eighteen weeks of these three characters discussing hair care, I will give the syndicate two hundred dollars.” –Applemask

“Derek breaks into a full sprinter’s crouch in order to cover the 10 yards to the bathroom door, ending up doing a face plant onto the sidewalk when he has to screech to a halt upon reaching said door. Knocked unconscious, he lies motionless on the ground while Katie continues screaming. Mary looks around sheepishly, verifies that nobody else is watching, then meanders back to the ship, idly whistling the theme song from Leave it to Beaver.” –Calvin’s Cardboard Box

“Here, we see both kinds of bodies available to men in the Blondieverse. Dag’s coworker is sporting Model B, aka the Julius Dithers/Lou the Counterman special. It features two skinny, stumpy legs buckling underneath the weight of a plump, teardrop-shaped torso. Dag himself prefers Model A, with its incredibly generous thighs. Trust me, when you’re sitting down with an oversized deli tray, you’ll appreciate having that extra-long lap.” –Joe Blevins

“Playing the long game here. Once Derek is put in a Haitian prison for breaking into a woman’s washroom, Katie will soon find it uneconomical to keep visiting — not like Esmé, whose cruise ship stops there regularly. Just give it a few months (assuming extreme longevity is discovered so you can).” –pachoo

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon! And as ever, we must give thanks to our advertisers:

  • Two Party Opera: A daily comic that features the Presidents of the United States as they live on the stage of history with the day-to-day news of political mudslinging.
  • Oh hey, and don’t forget, I wrote a book! You can get it in hardcover, paperback or ebook forms. It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy.

If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get a text shoutout in these posts, get the details on my BuySellAds page.

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The week’s top comment: here it is!

“Looking forward to Spidey’s beatdown from a guy whose superpower is never to end a sentence with a preposition.” –matt w

The hilarious runners up: here they are!

“Three kids eat a bunch of cookies and they’re charged with a criminal offense. Slylock haphazardly parks his car at an angle so it not only blocks the driveway but is halfway out in the street and he’s rewarded with a hot steaming mug.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Wow. Society has collapsed. The gatekeepers of capitalism are long dead. And yet, our heroine still refers to her daily hunting expeditions as ‘shopping.’ Now that’s what I call internalizing Western values.” –Joe Blevins

‘Body language or something — they haven’t quite pinpointed it yet.’ He’s BALD, okay? Just say it! Jeez, do we have to be so ‘politically correct’ that we pussyfoot around the obvious?” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“Someone’s been experimenting with the ‘frowny face’ character template. I wouldn’t mind if we pull back the camera just a bit, thanks.” –Rusty

“I think it was pretty optimistic of the young hipsterbilly to expect sushi for sale in what is clearly some sort of artisanal log store.” –Truckosaurus

“It’s good to see that even Hootin’ Holler is part of the growing farm-to-table local food trend. Snuffy brings the big sushi-grade catfish fresh from stream to market every morning right after he fucks them to death.” –Mikey

“Poorly! Turns out most people use ‘pancake’ these days, and the term ‘hotcake’ just confuses them. Still, good for setting up crusty jokes. Speaking of which, have I told you about our upcoming ‘Salad Days?’” –pugfuggly

“Trixie, you’re not going to grow faster just because you shit your pants in the second panel. Fertilizer only works on plants.” –nescio

“His newest nemesis: THE DIPSTICK” –Dennis Jimenez

“The bucket appears to read ‘Ace Drywall Compound,’ which could mean he’s a builder, but I’m betting it just means he stole it from a construction site. –Pozzo

This is the most disappointing Mary Worth I’ve read in a long time, mostly because I was invested in Esmé somehow forcing her and Derek to miss the boat and keeping him captive on the island to be her lover, like Calypso. I don’t think that problem could’ve been solved by meddling, though, which means we have been robbed of seeing Mary don a beret and fatigues and leading an invasion of Haiti. Thanks for nothing.” –Drew Funk

“Are you sure those are Chip’s nips and not his eyes? After all, we’ve never seen those, either.” –Charles Nelson,Really!

“Is that smug face as she brags about High School Band trophies ironic? It has to be ironic, right? Otherwise, this would be the saddest town in the history of the– oh, right. Carry on, band booster lady.” –Dread

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon! And as ever, we must give thanks to our advertisers:

  • Two Party Opera: A daily comic that features the Presidents of the United States as they live on the stage of history with the day-to-day news of political mudslinging.
  • Oh hey, and don’t forget, I wrote a book! You can get it in hardcover, paperback or ebook forms. It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy.

If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get a text shoutout in these posts, get the details on my BuySellAds page.