Archive: metaposts

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Hey everybody! A big thanks to everyone who’s signed up to be a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter over the past week! Remember, for a mere $3 a month (charged to your credit card every month; cancel any time!) you get:

  • A lovely ad-free version of the site and RSS feed
  • A what-you-see-is-what-you-get editor that lets you add bold, italics, and other formatting
  • The ability to edit your comment up to ten minutes after you post it (even if it’s in moderation!)

And we’re working to clean up the redesigned site for older browsers and also tackle some requested design/feature tweaks, like restoring the Random Post O’ Mystery link on the archives page and tweaking the left-hand nav bar. Stay tuned! And if you’re spotting bugs, please email me at!

But your first comment of the week of 2017 is ready … right now!

“Well, no wonder Zak got a strike so easily — he seems to be throwing from the middle of the lane. Iris is really just impressed by how the kids today don’t play by anybody’s rules, not even the bowling alley’s.” –Noel

And your very funny runners up!

“I’m glad to see that Iris has finally accepted Mickey Mouse as her Lord and Savior.” –Dmsilev

“I’m trying to imagine the original conversation that must have led to this moment. ‘Dennis, have I ever told you what happens to us when we die?'” –Joe Blevins

50 Shades of Dull.” –Rusty

“Amazing demonstration of the storytelling potential of the graphic arts in today’s Funky Winkerbean. Through the two panels, we learn a lot: A large dome existed in black-and-white photo times, and was apparently called ‘the Brown Derby.’ Then an indeterminate number of decades later, some old people were smug … in the vicinity of the very same dome!” –Schroduck

“Your momma’s so stupid, her nickname is ‘Bray!’ … … You know, like a donkey’s bray? Bray, a brop of bolden sun? Yo momma’s so hoarse, her nickname is ‘Hhhhh’! Is that not bray-worthy? I don’t remember where I was going with this, but I hope you had a nice weekend, too.” –Hogenmogen!

“These people are about to perform a sex act that in old Hollywood was called a ‘brown derby,’ and it’s every bit as horrible as you would imagine.” –BigTed

“Well, dang it, Elviney! How are we gonna be Hootin’ Holler’s first improv troupe if you won’t ‘yes, and…’ me?” –Dr. Dread

“In all fairness to the ladies, after a few hits from Snuffy’s jug, you can imagine any flavor is good after your taste buds have been cauterized.” –Maltmash3r

“When I dine, I find it convenient to sit with my face approximately an inch from my companion’s, all the better to share our smug, lackluster wordplay and whatever contagious, fatal diseases we’re assuredly carrying.” –Steve S

“Like a seafood restaurant lets you pick your own live lobster from the display tank, The Brown Derby shows you a plethora of human heads upon which you can feast. Pick the one you want and they’ll boil it up quick and serve it with a mallet and scoop.” –Voshkod

“Look at Dennis’ intense study of Mr. Wilson. With the eyes of a scientist he watches. Wilson’s face, his anger, his heart, weakened by age but still capable of immeasurable rage: What makes this old man tick? thinks Dennis. The amateur menaces without knowledge using crude tactics and brute force but Dennis is the master and so studies his opponent. He studies so that he may know the secret words that will bring cold sweats and terror. He studies so that he may someday become the essence of menace itself.” –EscapeZeppelin

“Honestly, I really admire Zak’s commitment to wooing Iris. ‘Hmm, that concert didn’t go so well! What’s a thing that women my mom’s age like? Bowling? Do people still do that? I better check YouTube!'” –Here come the Judge

“…and then, the doors of the Family Fun-O-Rama flung open, and there, standing in the mist (actually, the smoke of smokers who were certainly not fifteen feet from the door), to Iris’s surprise, stood Wilbur, wearing a beard and a parka and ready to fight for his woman. His ball, Mjölnir, glistened as he stepped forward into the light and said, ‘Let’s play.'” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

‘Sophie is not one of your cases, Sam!’ Wait, is this how Sam usually prepares for his cases, by dressing up like a drifter and wandering the woods? There is so much about the law I don’t understand.” –pugfuggly

“I don’t know if anybody noticed, but you can mix and match ‘Fightin’ Rooster‘ here with a lot of other stuff: ‘moonshine still’, ‘stockpile of heroin’, ‘brothel to run’. Actually, if you drop the ‘shameful and illegal’ angle, pretty much anything’ll work: ‘Xbox One’, ‘gold tooth’, ‘newborn child’.” –Jack Loves Comics

And I must give a huge thanks to all the extremely kind people who put some scratch in my tip jar or backed me on Patreon! I’m taking a moratorium on ad buys because we’re still tweaking the ad slots, but look for exciting ways you can advertise on this site come 2017!

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Hello all! Thank you for your patience with the delayed return to comics blogging; hopefully you think it’s worth it as you behold in all its glory the latest redesign of the site, courtesy of longtime faithful reader and site-redesigner Adam Norwood! (If you’re not seeing the redesign, hold down the shift key and reload the page to clear your cache.)

As usual, we haven’t gone too crazy with the site redesign, and have hopefully made it more streamlined and easier to use. Besides the visual tweaks to make the site look a little less 2010, we’ve made made a couple important functionality improvements:

  • A responsive theme. This is fancy web-design talk for a site that shifts on the fly to accommodate different sized screens and browser windows. You can make your browser window smaller or larger to watch this in action. This helps everybody have the best experience, but it’s particularly important for people viewing the site on phones, who were a niche audience the last time we redesigned the site but now account for something like 30% of visits to the site. Mobile users no longer have to click through from the front page to read an individual post, and should have an improved experience overall.
  • Full-sized comics images. I’m now uploading comics to my server in as large a format as I can find them. The site is now smart enough to render the comics in as large a format as your browser can comfortably accommodate, but all you have to do is click on an image (or, on a mobile device, tap on it) and it will expand to full size, and you can scroll around to see it in all its glory. Click or tap again to shrink it back.
  • Preview as you comment. Instead of needing a “preview” button, you’ll now see a preview of your comment appear as you type.

I think that the new design will be an improvement for everyone. I’m also introducing a new feature that I think some of you will find worthwhile: For a mere $3 a month, you can become an elite Comics Curmudgeon Supporter, an elevated status that comes with benefits.

  • An ad-free experience. When you’re logged in to your account, whether on a PC or a mobile device, you’ll see a version of the site with no banner ads cluttering your view or slowing load times. You’ll also have access to an ad-free version of the site’s RSS feed. (You’ll still see the textual ad shoutouts at the end of the weekly COTW post and posts promoting the semi-annual pledge drive.) Behold, in all its glory:

  • Advanced commenting features. Logged-in users won’t need that preview-as-you-type feature, because they’ll be able to edit comments for up to ten minutes after posting them, and will see a what-you-see-is-what-you-get editor that makes it easy to add bold, italics, and other formatting to text. Check it out:

As you may already know, the ad revenues across Internet publishing are declining and my site’s been no exception. I’m going to be tweaking my ads this year in an attempt to get ahead of this, and while I have some red lines — no ads that play audio or expand to cover text without you clicking on them — being a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter allows you to back the site (and me!) directly and bypass ads altogether. So if you’re interested in being a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter, head over here to sign up! Either way, I hope you enjoy the new site. And of course, as with anything new, there will be a few bugs: please email me at if encounter them, or if you have any other questions or concerns.

UPDATE: The bug where images were covering the text on old posts should now be fixed! And I think I might’ve done something that will fix the “text shifted too far to the right” problem. If you’re still seeing these, or if you see other bugs, please send me an email at rather than commenting here. I mean, you can comment here, but sending an email is more helpful because we can correspond that way. Please let me know what your operating system and browser is when you email, and take screenshots if you know how to do that. Thanks!

Content-wise, this site is going to remain as it always has been, which is to say amazing, the number one go-to Internet home for jokes about Mary Worth and a Safe Space where you can make jokes about Mary Worth! I’m glad you’re here. Let’s have a fun 2017!

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Hi everybody! The time has come for me to go off on my multi-city Christmanukwanzaa journey! As usual, I will be returning after the first of the year and leaving this week’s COTW up until I get a week of comments when I return. (And I’ve jiggered the discussion settings so the comments for this post will remain open during my entire absence.)

I might be on hiatus a little bit longer than usual this year because faithful designer Adam Norwood and I are hard at work at unleashing a new, improved design and some exciting features for you in the new year! If we get to January and it looks like we’re close to a rollout, I may hold off on restarting posting until the second week of 2017 or so, but if it seems like it’ll be longer I’ll start in again with the old design. Refresh joshreads dot com constantly for updates!

UPDATE: Happy new year y’all! Adam and I are putting the finishing touches on the new design, so I’m gonna hold off until January 9th to start posting again. Brace yourself for excitement!

Anyway, with that said, please enjoy your comment … of the week!


And your very funny, 2016-capping runners up!

Peter has to put his foot down right away, or MJ will pester him to call every other superhero that they know. ‘What about Jameson? He wore Iron Man’s suit once, he kind of counts, right?’” –TheDiva

“I like the vulture in Slylock Fox. ‘C’mon, Max, you want this dollar, don’t you? Sure you do. You probably need it, am I right?’” –BeckoningChasm

‘We’re currently in the Negative Zone’ simply means ‘No, I don’t want to talk to you.'” –Ettorre

“So, is Killer supposed to be a sheep, a cloud, or just a highly-visible, easy-to-hit object that wants to get out of the wargame as quick as possible?” –pugfuggly

“I just realized that Shoe takes place in the same universe as Slylock Fox. Down below the trees the mammals fight for dominance over what remains of the human’s world while the birds live in a futuristic society full of driverless cars and ennui.” –EscapeZeppelin

“Okay, with a little imagination, I can picture Killer wriggling, worm-like, into his tube-shaped ‘sheep’ costume and finally poking his head out the other end after a half hour of struggle. But how did he get the hat on his head after that?” –Joe Blevins

“The real tipoff came from Loweezy, who is not surprisingly delighted to see her husband go to jail.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Of course, even if Snuffy isn’t frozen to death, there’s no way he’ll be able to hear the Sherriff with so much snow and ice packed around his head. After the Sherriff shoots Snuffy for ‘resistin arrest,’ the snowman will serve to keep the body from putrefying too much until the ground thaws enough to dig a grave.” –JJ48

“Today we learn that Zak is not, in fact, 25 years old. He’s a centuries-old undead creature who maintains his youthful appearance by absorbing the life energies of his middle-aged paramours. Just look at the process happening to poor Iris right before our eyes! By tomorrow she’ll be a dry, discarded husk.” –Steve S

“General Halftrack isn’t dying; the Rapture is occurring. Miss Buxley is about the ascend, hence her spreading her arms so she can fly better. Also, we, the readers are also rapidly rising, which is why the General seems to be sinking from out perspective. Clearly, reading Beetle Bailey for our entire lives counts as our penance.” –Drew Funk

“Just realized, Mark Trail is dropping the ultimate ironic twist: everything but the boat is exploding.” –Dan

“If only there were some way to convert electricity to heat.” –James Dowd, on Facebook

“Even in Wilbur’s imagination, Iris looks like she’s settling” –Kevin on Earth

“It’s fun to imagine that the military has grabbed Wilbur for research purposes in trying to figure out his immortality. ‘Sir, he’s been in the oxygen-deprivation, mayo-starvation unit for 30 days. Seriously, he shouldn’t be alive. But. He. Is.’” –Dood

“Aaron wants to know what’s coming up this weekend? Well, Christmas, for starters. And I didn’t even have to scroll down through the ads on Google!” –seismic-2

“Wow, hey, Spider-Man is looking like a muscular sex machine in panel one as he’s popping his shirt off. Oh, wait, next panel has him huddled very awkwardly in his undies trying desperately to get his costume out. Immediate re-balancing of the scales.” –Chareth Cutestory

“‘No sense blowing my secret identity’ shouts Peter to his famous wife as he carefully unfolds the costume he carries everywhere and pulls it on in public, mask last.” –Schroduck

“I feel like saying ‘Stay back, honey’ as he disrobes probably sums up all levels Peter and MJ’s relationship, unfortunately.” –Here csome the Judge

“What’s that box supposed to be? Did Peter have to type his costume?” –made of wince

And I must give a huge thanks to all the extremely kind people who put some scratch in my tip jar or backed me on Patreon! I’m taking a moritorium on ad buys because the redesign is going to reshuffle the ad slots, but look for exciting ways you can advertise on this site come 2017! Happy New Year! Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah! Let’s hope for a real Kwanzaa madness tale in Curtis this year! I love you all! See you next year!

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