Archive: metaposts

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It’s that time again: Time for this week’s top comment:

Showing Mary Worth how to look things up on the computer is time wasted, though having Mary Worth supervise as you do something you’d be doing anyway is pretty much standard.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

The runners up? Also very funny!

“Big Daddy Keane uses the tree and its carvers’ fates to show how the outside world’s random coupling can lead to so much unhappiness. ‘Sure, you might be the nice family having dinner or celebrating an anniversary, but you could just as easily be the homeless couple or the fighting couple or the prison couple. Not worth the risk, right? Anyway, outside time is over.’” –Jenna

“Uh, yeah, Marie, we kinda figured you were no longer working here when you stopped working here several months ago. Hey, Marie, before you embark on your new life, you might want to swing by your old elementary school and tell them you’re no longer attending classes there.” –Joe Blevins

“I call shenanigans. Real pluggers drink themselves into a coma sitting in a chair.” –Zerowolf

Pluggers should read ‘A plugger’s psychological development is arrested at the infantile oral fixation.’ Getting lucky at month 3 means getting the breast. Getting lucky at age 50 means getting sweetened cow milk from the woman who supplanted your mother, while you cling to her flesh, ogle her chest, and flaunt your bliss to an extent never before seen in this strip. Don’t expect this guy to use the potty, is what I’m saying.” –Hopester

“Jessica and Cindy accidentally left a mike on while they were bantering good-naturedly about an old murder and they now have a top-ranked podcast.” –lorne

“‘Hey, Cindy, stop harshing my jive!’ ‘Too late! I’ve got the 411 on your shizzle!’” –Thomas Keith, on Facebook

“This is so Funky. All these big shots making documentaries and producing films and stuff, but they don’t have access to source material without travelling to Cancerville to peruse some yokel’s private collection.” –Ned Ryerson

“Leroy is holding his just-completed suicide note, and now has second thoughts about going through with it if Loretta is going to burn to death at the same time.” –nescio

“It almost looks like a these two are going to break out into song, perhaps a grifter/griftee version of the American Tail classic ‘Somewhere Out There.’” –pugfuggly

“The entire collection of movies from an early silent-era star is either something that is available entirely on YouTube or Archive.org copyright-free or is a precious treasure that has escaped collectors and researchers for decades and could revolutionize our understanding of that period — there is nothing in between. This would be a golden opportunity to remake The Name of the Rose with the movie collection in place of Aristotle’s second book on poetics, so you know Batuik is going to squander it.” –Ettore

“‘I will always be in touch‘ means ‘I will never speak to any of you ever again, thank christ.’” –Rosstifer

“The name is a constant reminder of why they are no longer truly birds; why they cannot fly. They took up the humans’ ways. They adopted the humans’ language. They wear the humans’ clothes: shirts and coats and blouses that prevent their wings from spreading open to catch the wind that lofts them above the earth. Shoes that weight them to the ground. Glasses that limit their once penetrating vision to objects within arm’s reach. The only human things that don’t drag them down instantly are coffee and liquor, so they laboriously climb up—where once they could have flown down—climb, wearily climb to get to that tree-branch stool (the closest they’ll get to the heaven they once swam through effortlessly), where they can briefly feel the sensation of flying. Hangovers and mid-day energy crashes are a small price to pay for that.” –Old Man Muffaroo

“I don’t care about Arthur’s looks, Mary! I’m in love with his personality! His insecure, secretive, lying, financially-irresponsible personality!” –jroggs

“Look, I get that Mary Worth’s neighbors don’t seem like a bunch of rabid football fans, but they all live in southern California and you’d think at least one of them would recognize a picture of former USC coach Pete Carroll.” –Brad

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It’s the first Friday of the month, folks, and you know what that means: you should come see my live LA comedy show, The Internet Read Aloud, TONIGHT!

Here’s the Facebook event! Click, learn more, attend, enjoy!

And, here: enjoy your comment of the week!

“Wait, is the worry that Nancy is going to get bullied by the jocks for liking nerd stuff, or by nerds for blogging about female superheroes? Is Gil going to have to learn the phrase ‘toxic fandom culture,’ or just mouth it quietly and in contempt before angrily throwing someone a football.” –Dan

Your runners up are also very funny!

“Since dogs communicate largely by urine, I don’t think what Josh assumes Otto means by ‘streaming‘ old TV stories is necessarily what Otto means.” –Shrug

“I never thought I’d be saying this, but you know who gives better advice than a cat? Mary Worth. Get advice from Mary Worth rather than your cat, folks! She may talk way too much, but at least she talks.” –BigTed

Henry David Thoreau was a chump! Give me money any day! You think you can buy pond-front property in Massachusetts with truth? Think again, bitch!” –Joe Blevins

“I’ll give Batuik this: he’s perfectly depicted how awkwardly someone like Crazy Harry would try to change the subject if a woman came into his shop talking about the menopause.” –Schroduck

“Ok, one thing bugs me here: there is no way that Rex would come home and recount some of his story to his family. I think the minute June asks him how the trip was, he would recount every last detail in sequential order, like a cash register spitting out receipts at the end of the day.” –pugfuggly

“It breaks my heart to see Rex’s wife and blond son try to coax some kind of physical affection out of him while he sits like he’s posing for his Supreme Court portrait.” –Jenna

“If someone ever said to me, ‘I’m curious why Funky Winkerbean is considered to be almost as insufferable as a decade of famine, yet I’m unwilling to read more than one single strip to find out,’ I can just point them to 4/1/19. This is as Funky as it gets. We’ve got unlikable characters, terrible jokes flailing for some kind of wordplay just out of reach, worship of nerd culture, legally-questionable appropriation of copyrighted intellectual properties, unnecessarily disgusting references to aging, reminders of the grim march towards death, in-universe reference onanism, and of course self-impressed smirking. The only thing seemingly missing is the desperate award-bait pandering, but it’s just Monday so let’s give the plot a couple days to take shape.” –jroggs

“Back in the day, you could go to the local video store, go through the saloon-style half-doors in the back of the room, and pick up a cassette of ‘Looper’s Load Lovers VIII‘ to rent for three fun-filled days (and nights!).” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“Check out how the part in Jeff’s comb-over switches to the right side of his head in the last panel. Is the tight framing in the first two panels meant to indicate that he was rehearsing this little speech in a mirror? Or, more likely, recording it with his phone for a web series where he stars as ‘Jeff,’ a super cool guy who is definitely liked and valued by his co-workers, respected by his son, and amazingly supported by his life-partner ‘Jenny?’” –JJ

“‘It’ll be hot out there!‘ Doc remarks prior to a trek into the desert. You can see why this family is known as the nature experts.” –TheDiva

Jenny ignores Jeff and wordlessly continues to update her Match.com profile.” –Lionheart

“Man, it looks like someone hung Carmen Sandiego out to dry. Like, literally, she’s been in the sun too long, her colors have faded.” –Proteus454

“‘Fly up a rope?’ Lady, the only superpower Dick Tracy needs is his Super Lack of Judicial Oversight.” –Naked Bunny with a Whip

“Molly has some serious ‘leave me out of this‘ head action going on in panel 3.” –Pozzo

“Just noticed that whatsherface keeps turning to look out the window whenever the flight attendant arrives, pretending that she doesn’t know the old asshole sat next to her. I can’t stand a lot of Batuik’s trademark stuff — the terrible wordplay, his raging cancerection — but I love that he puts the work into letting you know that all his characters hate each other and themselves.” –Rosstifer

“Now, if Rex Morgan was really a soap opera strip, and had any storytelling chops, Rex would open that bag to find five kilos of Afghan black-tar heroin, two recently fired dueling pistols, and a human hand. Then a jump-cut to a grimy warehouse in an unspecified urban center. A grim-looking thug opens his bag to find golfing clothes and a business card for ‘Rex Morgan, M.D.’ And a new storyline begins.” –Voshkod

“[the next day] Mary, I think this guy‘s better than I expected. I’m going to need your help recovering twenty grand and the deed to my condo before Ian gets home tonight.” –JJ48

“Ever the epicure, Mary knows nothing pairs better with a lettuce bagel sandwich than a refreshing glass of abstract art.” –Irrischano

“Mark fixes the shop owner with a steely glare. His right fist tingles. Yes … soon, my pet, you will feel the stubble of this obvious miscreant on your mighty knuckles, he thinks.” –Dread

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It’s about to be the first Friday of the month, folks, and you know what that means: you should come see my live LA comedy show, The Internet Read Aloud, one week from TONIGHT!

Here’s the Facebook event! I promise you will regret nothing!

You definitely won’t regret reading this comment of the week:

“Also coincidentally, The Troublemaker’s Twin was a series of books for older children about a polite, rules-following boy who was often mistaken for his mischievous look-alike brother, resulting in hilariously sticky situations. They were based on real-life brothers, one of whom, shockingly, grew up to be a serial killer who mostly struck on airplanes. Which one was it? That’s something for them to know and Rex to find out.” –BigTed

Nor will you regret enjoying these hilarious runners up!

“I find the use of an Edgar Allan Poe quote here ominous. Somebody’s not making it out of this story alive.” –Noel

“He seems nice. And the ripped upholstery shows that he really does like cats!” –seismic-2

Dick Tracy’s police state dystopia may have brutally crushed the unions, but there’s always a loophole. The teachers can’t go on strike, but their pets can. Rise up, hamsters and gerbils of the classroom! You have nothing to lose but your leashes!” –Schroduck

“I can believe a lot of things, Dick Tracy, but there’s no way in hell I can suspend my disbelief far enough to believe that a sports columnist for a newspaper lives in an apartment that large in Chicago.” –Dread

“Also: Facebook? Is Michelle supposed to be Curtis’ aunt?” –Joe Blevins

“I would argue that the ‘worst part‘ is the murdering.” –A Concerned Reader

“In the last panel, Mohawk Guy is reflecting on that time someone asked him what he was doing this weekend and he said ‘Just family stuff.’ He is marveling at what a perfect response that was, how it satisfyingly answered the question. ‘That explains things,’ indeed!” –Jenna

“Snuffy looks down on other West Virginians wanting to keep their coal jobs, since coal is too modern and innovative! Fight to keep our charcoal jobs!” –Ettorre

“Even though basketball season just ended, I’m staying in condition. Watch me dribble this hamburger!” –seismic-2

“I assume everyone is smiling in this strip because no-one can hear Dennis. More cymbals! I can still make out the upper register of his voice!” –pugfuggly

“I like that JT is supposed to be the ‘good twin’ and all we know about his alleged moral superiority is that he talks endless amounts of shit about his brother with strangers. TJ was an abrasive lout, but he never once defamed his family.” –jroggs

My two boys … my two boys … Could they be twins? I’m not sure. Let me think back on my medical training. Twins are … born at the same time, right? I think we only got the one when June went into labor. Did we get two? It was a while ago; I don’t remember. We could’ve gotten two and given one away, right? And maybe we wound up adopting him. That could happen. What a wild story that would make! But if you put one up for adoption, are they not twins anymore? Maybe that’s what makes them stop being identical twins, and turns them into fraternal twins? It’s all kind of hazy. I’ll check Gray’s Anatomy when I get home and see if that’s got any answers. I’m sure glad I have medical training. Twins! What a crazy thing, huh?” –Larry McAwful

“JT’s eyes are exactly the same colour as his moustache. No way is he the good twin.” –Mantha

“‘Picasso’s style isn’t Abstraction, it’s Cubism!’ Halftrack yells as he thrusts Beetle’s head through the canvas.” –Lee Sherman

“Is that Beetle’s beret? His hair? Do the two somehow combine to make an inside-the-helmet helmet? This is the real abstraction. Well played Browne-Walker, Inc.!” –Bobby Sneakers

“Ah, hell. Ditto’s got the rabies, he’s foamin’ at the mouth. Time to put Young Yeller down, Chip.” –Voshkod

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

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