Archive: metaposts

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Hey all! Your COTW in a moment, but first off, a very brief note for those who have backed me on Patreon: if you haven’t already heard, Patreon is changing the way it charges fees to shift them from creators to backers, which means that the amount you’ll be charged for your pledges will be going up. I talk about what it means in more detail here, including options for changing or ending your patronage, and you can also read Patreon’s reasoning.

And with that unpleasantness out of the way, it’s time for your comment of the week!

“Whoever had ‘Hornt-up Henry Mitchell’ in the ‘Weird-Ass Things 2017 Has Brought Us’ pool, congrats, come get your winnings, you shot for the moon and it paid off.” –Dan

And for your runners up! Extremely hilarious

“Oh, I get it! The ‘reindeer’ have revolted, forcing Santa to pull his own sleigh, which means Christmas will be late! And they’re snails, because … it’s slow… [checks notes] No, nevermind, false alarm.” –pugfuggly

An old lady, a middle-aged lady, and bad literary puns — this strip may seem outdated, but it knows how to appeal to the demographic that still remembers what a ‘bookstore’ is.” –BigTed

“Who can forget those beloved Snail Christmas classics ‘Oh Little Shell of Bethlehem,’ ‘Do Your Olfactory Tentacles Sense What My Olfactory Tentacles Sense,’ and ‘O Come O Come, Keep Coming, Any Day Now, We’re Still Waiting, Just Get Here When You Can Emmanuel.’” –TheDiva

“Why, why does the highly-improbable accomplishment always have to involve writing? Just for a change, how about one of these characters fiddles around with some kind of Junior Scientist kit and wins a Nobel in chemistry?” –Poteet

His wrist wizard has saved our lives many times. Sure, we could just use smart phones like every single other police agency in the country, but where’s the excuse to crack skulls for Diet if we did that? Has Tim Cook ever asked us to rough up a suspect? Did Bill Gates ever ask us to plant drugs on a defendant? Where would our fun come from if we just bought our tech from the lowest responsible bidder on a general services agency contract?” –Where’s Rocky?

“But doctor, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH
” –fatherdog, on Twitter

“Consider, if you will, a world in which ‘Clown will soon retire’ is news warranting a front-page screaming-huge-font headline. I see two possible scenarios. Either this is a world in which absolutely nothing of interest ever happens. Or, it is a world of horror, in which the Clowns rule with an iron fist clenched firmly around the red nose of the populace and we are witnessing the Politburo unseating its General Secretary. Though it may not make the news, this story will soon be followed up by Wilhelm’s execution by firing squad (via guns that ‘shoot’ BANG! signs of course).” –Dmsilev

“‘World’s Oldest Clown‘ is probably on no one’s list of life aspirations.” –Pozzo

“You see, it’s windy and… [eyes drift upward]” –Kevin On Earth

“It’s worthwhile studying Jeff’s face in panel one. His wife has just walked in the room, smiling broadly and announcing, ‘Guess what?’ Those words could presage almost anything, but does Jeff allow himself to be optimistic for even a few seconds? He does not. He knows, deep down, that there is a 99% chance Pam’s news will be about her awful, hateful father. In a few seconds, he’ll be required to say something like, ‘Oh, did he? How’d that happen?’ Jeff’s look in panel one is the look of a man who knows he is not even the main character in his own life.” –Joe Blevins

“I’m left wondering how the ‘Moon Governor‘ is elected. How gerrymandered is the Moon? Does one win by focusing electoral efforts on the near side or the far side? Does antenna size matter? How does one do an outside campaign rally without any oxygen?” –Voshkod

“Mr Ermine, I know I’m an alien to your Earthworld, and largely ignorant of your Earth ways and means, but don’t you Earthers need to open your mouth to drink coffee?” –Charles Nelson,Really!

“DAY-DRINKING DIAMOND-DEALER: My, my, my… where did you find those? Just lying around Africa, I suppose?
DIRTY: Don’t ask — don’t tell!
RACCOONTAILBEARD: That has always been my policy!
DIRTY: You literally JUST asked me where I got them.
LEX LUTHOR IN CONFUSING COSPLAY: I did not, I tell you!” –T Campbell

“This crew of old people all live in a convalescent home, although it’s been retconned into assisted living. I suppose they all enjoy a communal bath each morning, with the assistance of nurse’s aides.” –Rusty

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get a text shoutout in these posts, get the details on my BuySellAds page.

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Today’s not just the first day of December, but also the first Friday of December, which means my comedy show at the Clubhouse in Los Feliz, The Internet Read Aloud, is tonight! Please come, you will not regret it, this is my promise to you.

Here’s the FB event! IT’S GOOD STUFF GUYS

Speaking of good stuff, here’s this week’s comment of the week!

Is your mother home? I told her I’d stop by on my way to Music Man rehearsal.” –Pozzo

And here are the exceptionally funny runners up!

“Please let this be the only instance in which the title card ‘Dennis the Menace: 21 and older‘ is ever used.” –pugfuggly

“I like the fact that even when depicting the impossible concept of talking Pilgrim turkeys, Gasoline Alley manages not to stray from traditional gender roles.” –BigTed

“Good to see that even famously neutral Switzerland will happily try to kill Hagar.” –Schroduck

“Moe was the brainiest of the Stooges, and Jeffy knows he’s not up to it.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“*extreme cowboy voice* y’see I came here to, uh, give candy bars to grizzlies and [looks at cue card] fuck shit up. And I’m ALL out of [quick cue card glance] candy bars.” –katakana haru, on Twitter

“The most disturbing thing about this Family Circus is that it’s just Billy and Ma Keane. Are there some double indemnity shenanigans afoot?” –Stop Motion Cyclops

“Somehow, the new title of this strip, MARK TRAIL: VOICE OF REASON, seems to lack a little pizazz.” –Shrug

“Years from now as the nation lies awake at night in terror of the ‘Not-Me’ Killer, Mother Keane will remember this moment.” –Dread

“I kind of love how specific Mark Trail is about where Dirty is taking a walk. ‘Will Dirty decide to take in some Latin stand-up comedy at the Flamingo Theater/Bar? Perhaps he’ll go around the corner and stop in at the Guatemalan consulate! Find out next time on … MIAMI CONSTITUTIONALS.’” –Dagger33

“Just imagine Dagwood’s plump, full lips wrapped sensually around a turkey club on rye. He pouts as a dollop of spicy dijon mustard escapes the corner of his mouth, his tongue darting out to retrieve it. Somebody, somewhere is enjoying today’s Blondie way way too much.” –Escape Zeppelin

Hey, a newspaper box! I lost my eye to a newspaper box. It was a bleak and muggy dawn outside of Lubumbashi, deep in the Congo. Belgian paras had occupied the airfield, and Mutanga had broken out of prison. The city smelled like copper and death, and the sun didn’t even try to push away the gloom, like it was afraid to gaze down on that little corner of hell. The Mai-Mai were cutting off hands, and the Army was on the run. The whole city was poised on the edge of a massacre, we were all holding our breath, afraid of tipping into the abyss. An impotent tank rolled down the Chaussée de Kasenga and starving children threw rocks at it. The air was full of waiting vultures. Then I saw the newspaper box, and there was a sale on mattresses! I put in my 10 francs but opened the door too damn fast. Took the handle right in the eye.” –Voskhod

“You’re a plugger if the main difference between your husband and your pet is which one gets the treats.” –Dan

Tingling Brothers! I used to love their ‘Cavalcade of Neuropathy!’” –Peanut Gallery

“See, this is exactly why Wilbur should have put aside his broken heart and stayed at least a few extra days to get those salsa lessons. He’s going to regret foregoing what would have been his only remaining competitive advantage against Zak.” –GDBenz

“You’re a plugger if you submit a joke about a woman who thinks a young man is staring at her, when he’s actually staring at the TV behind her. However, you’re a slacker if you draw a cartoon based on that premise, and it shows no young man staring at the woman, and the TV is turned off.” –seismic-2

“I’d like to know how Dennis managed to master The Doorknob Principle. His arms just don’t look long enough to have reached the latch. On the other hand, this could be just another indicator of a bygone era, when people left their front doors wide open, all the time.” –Charterstoned

“Men rarely jump through hoops/ For girls who eat soups.” –Ukulele Ike

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get a text shoutout in these posts, get the details on my BuySellAds page.

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You’re all mostly sleeping off Thanksgiving dinner and/or interacting with your beloved family and friends, but I will remind you that a mere week from today my beloved live Los Angeles comedy show, the Internet Read Aloud, will be happening again! Come again and laugh, for the first time!

And though my COTW list is a bit truncated due to holiday travel madness, I think you’ll be pleased with this comment of the week:

“Sheriff Tait is simply surprised to hear one of the performers speaking directly from within the ludicrously unconvincing horse costume, rather than through the grotesque ventriloquist’s dummy ‘riding’ on its back. He is unused to fourth-wall-breaking innovations in this most traditional of local artforms.” –butsuri

And these runner ups are as tasty as leftover pie!

“Mental note to never, ever watch a porno starring ‘Woofus Magnolia.’” –Doctor Handsome

“I always knew Sarge was a traitor, but I didn’t realize he was secretly an agent of the Duchy of Burgundy.” –Schroduck

“Aw man, he’s got the same sort of overconfidence that did in Saviors A through Y. I can see we’re going to have to break out the Greek letters.” –Peanut Gallery

“If the Phantom isn’t careful, he’s going to fly right into that guy’s gigantic nostrils. Of course, that may be his plan — the nose is the gateway to the brain, and a skull mark on the old medulla oblongata will put down the hardiest of opponents.” –Voshkod

“Where exactly is Crock’s roadkill coming from? As far as I can remember Crock has never shown a road crossing their endless yellow hellscape, let alone an automobile. Are they importing roadkill? Has Snuffy Smith finally found a profitable local industry in roadkill export? Will the sale of crushed possum to foreign markets with a taste for exotic American meats finally be the key to pulling Hootin’ Holler out of the 1929 depression? I have so many questions.” –Escape Zeppelin

“His desperation for arm-if-not-wife clears up some questions. It saves the Parkers the trouble of going to the library and scrolling through microfiche until they find the old headline ‘ACCIDENT CLAIMS DOCTOR’S MASTURBATING ARM.’” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“It seems that in the early stage of the animalpocalypse, every species fought for itself alone, like these pigs trying to eat this chicken. The animalpocalypse could have gone differently, with some species carving a role in the human society as Quislings or, more optimistically, with a gradual evolution towards equality within the rule of law. Was there a charismatic leader who was able to forge a United Front of all the animals against the Humans? Who was this animal-Lenin, who stood against any compromise and for the complete collapse of the human society? And yet, even his revolution completed its cycle: chickens and pigs might live in harmony, but fishes are still the underclass and everyone lives in fear of the vulpine KGB.” –Ettore

“That sly Dog Grandma knew Dog Grandpa couldn’t resist her cookies, which is why she baked enough chocolate chips into them to take care of the old guy for good. If Dog Grandson has to go too, well, that’s just unfortunate collateral damage.” –BigTed

“I Have A Mouth Yet I Can’t Scream” –janphar, on Twitter

“Well, it may not be Big Bird, but it was a bird. It had a mother and a father, and probably knew other birds, and was part of its environment, and now it’s gone from the world forever, and I’m a little sad about it. But you’re right, it is reassuring to know we’re not going to eat a man in a bird costume. Thank you for that.” –A Concerned Reader

Last sight seen by countless sandwiches. #sandwichvision” –Pat Ferruzza, on Facebook

And though it’s a bit too long to get COTW honors, we need to honor faithful reader Schroduck for taking my joke about a bluegrass version of “99 Problems” and making it a reality! “Cos I’m old and I’m white and my hat’s real quaint?/ Do I look like a soothsayer Sir, cos that I ain’t.”

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get a text shoutout in these posts, get the details on my BuySellAds page.