Archive: metaposts

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The comment of the week? It’s coming sooner than you think.

“What’s the angle here? Shady Shrew sinks his boat to collect the insurance money which, by definition, is only just going to offset the price of the boat that he totaled to perpetuate the scheme. It’s not a failing upholstery business, just sell the boat if you need the cash, man. Unless there’s something more here … pretty intense to send all the evidence to the bottom of the ocean, somebody’s going to have to make a long and hazardous dive to investigate, maybe a nosy fox who’s been a thorn in your side for too long. You know as well as anyone that the gifts of this new era of animal dominion haven’t been evenly distributed and nobody has it worse that the fish. Great big brains like the rest of us but they still live like beasts, cowering naked in the mud. Wouldn’t be hard to find a desperate shark who’s willing to take a payday just for doing what comes naturally, one last time.” –BananaSam

The runners up are also hilarious!

“I’m actually kind of delighted to see the grade-school-level kitty and woof-woof drawings Toby has taught the students in her art class to create. Is it possible that Helen was the only decent educator at Santa Royale Community College? Now that she’s leaving, Cal and Maddie will learn even less than before — though they’ll be free to continue their blossoming romance as they graduate into the supermarket shelf-stocking and checkout-clerking industries, which we all know can be fine careers for this town’s less-prepared couples. And if they ever want to learn about, say, Camus, they can do so by reading the newspaper’s comics page!” –BigTed

The photographer doesn’t get it! On Instagram, you send the same picture to all your followers! Personalized pictures for each follower is OnlyFans. And OnlyFans in the Funkyverse is just pictures of a chemo machine.” –Ettorre

“It’s a safe bet that the worst strips from a given franchise are the ones that originate with the author either overhearing or just imagining a perfect setup for a punchline and then rushing to grab their felt tip™ and commit the joke to paper. ‘Haha that kid said gram but what if the person he said it to thought he meant grandma! That’s comedy gold!!! Gold! And what’s up with Ovaltine? Looks more like Roundtine to me iykwim, aittyd!’” –Calvin’s Cardboard Box

“It’s fustratin’ howz I works so hard, wif the moonshinin’ an’ chicken nabbin’ an’ suchlike, but I got nuffin t’show fur’t cuz Loweezy spends all th’ money on brazeers.” –Violet

“So, what exactly is Dagwood’s schedule where he is clearly ready for work and outside at Elmo’s bus stop? Has Dagwood already flattened the mailman? Does he go back to bed to set up that gag?” –Kevin on Earth

“Is Snuffy canonically a glutton? He’s lazy, uneducated, a miser, an irresponsible gambler, and a miscreant, sure, but I don’t think he’s really been characterized as having a big appetite. It’s not looking good if the writers of this strip weren’t able to get to #8 on their countdown without having to pilfer traits from Dagwood Bumstead.” –jroggs

“I really like how Henry’s ‘friend’ looks like he’s primed and ready to burst out of the house in a huff, but decided to restrain himself for just a minute to hear what Dennis had to say. ‘Is this one of those kids who says the darndest things? I’ll wait to hear the punchline and then I’m so outta here!’” –pugfuggly

“Absolutely believe that Ian’s takeaway from all this is that he has a rare gift, and must pursue a carREER… in the THEAtre! That is the one and only lesson he’s learned. Wouldn’t even swear he remembers who Cal and Helen are.” –Dan

“Gil has totally bought into the idea that a blind person’s other senses make up for his loss of sight as he speaks in a normal voice to someone, as far as pictured here, who is no longer on the field.” –Hibbleton

“Feeling very cheated that we aren’t getting Leroy’s side of the conversation here. ‘So, it’s like a ledger, but made of blocks. And, uh, you put the blocks in a chain and … each block has an ape on it. And you can’t funge the ape, because it’s already chained up. But you need to pay for the gas to mine the ape, you see, so it can go to the metaverse. And that’s why … no, let me start over, I forgot that you can use multiple slurp juices on a single ape.’” –Schroduck

“Last week it was sloppy Joe sweaters, today it’s Bitcoin. We may be completely off track on the great Lockhorns generation debate. I’m hesitant to even acknowledge it, but … we may need to consider the possibility that Loretta and Leroy are ageless demigods, living among humankind as some kind of punishment, either for their sins or for ours.” –Austria

“Alexander was just off put by the sound of trillions of souls screaming in agony that escaped through his father’s clenched teeth.” –Dread

“Office Worker With Hair and a Normal Waist: ‘I’ll trade ya for this urine specimen!’” —
Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“Is there a hole in the seat of his pants for his tail to fit through? Uh oh, now I’m wondering if any of these birds have buttocks. Welp, I knew this day would come someday. [EJECTS BRAIN]” –made of wince

“‘Toby, have I ever told you that I would do anything for you?’ ‘…no?’ ‘Phew!’” –matt w

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Like sands through the hourglass, so go the very funny top weekly comments. Here’s this week’s!

“My favorite part of this is the narration box: ‘As Toby tells Mary about her latest situation…’ First off, Toby doesn’t actually have problems, just situations. Secondly, this is just another in what promises to be an endless series.” –Joe Blevins

And here are the hilarious runners up!

“I love Billy’s smug expression. ‘She thinks she’s happy now, but wait till she sees this awesome card I made her. It’s got a butterfly, a heart, and a photo-realistic drawing of the two of us. I’ll definitely be her favorite after this.’” –Weaselboy

“Batman spent years training like a ninja so he could disappear into the night precisely to avoid anyone hitting him with a brick. You think you can just pick up a broom and fight (???) crime, Street Sweeper?! You’re not ready for this!” –Truckosaurus

“As I have mentioned before, I have actually lived in a city with a masked crime fighter. I have never lived in a city where bricks are just lying around in the street.” –Rube

To Mary Sue, Dying in Westview: Smart girl, to slip betimes away/ From towns where glory does not stray/ And early though the cancer grows/ It takes some time before Les knows.” –But What Do I Know?

“I’m unnerved by Toby still working on the same muffin over the course of several days’ worth of panels. It looks like it has regenerative properties. Can you imagine what that’s doing to her gut?!?” –taig

“If the sign above the loaded sales guy can be believed, Henry Mitchell is in the market for a genuine Lrrruriui. That’s a nice car, but not practical for a family man. He should be looking at a Pttrprtooo or maybe a Oeebbanll crossover.” –Old School Allie Cat

“Between Toby being mentally five years old, Wilbur being a manchild who throws tantrums, and Helen attempting to report Toby to ‘School Management’ which isn’t actually a thing, but probably something a kid would assume is, I am getting a feeling that Mary Worth, all this time, has been kids playing pretend. Very, very boring kids.” –Giant Telepathic Otter

He asked if he could pay with a check. [wry chuckle] Anyway, we’ve got the next few months to look forward to, what with me up nights and weekends trying to assemble a doomed defense and with no earthly hope of recompense. It’s a hoot. How’s your spaghetti and watermelon?” –Vice President John Adams

“And I said, you’ll learn a thing or two about fraud when you experience my so-called barely-going-through-the-motions defense.” –Dennis Jimenez

“The three panel comic strip is obviously the perfect medium for telling a story about sports, as the spectacle of a blind pitcher chasing a baseball around the infield by following it directly, the same way the dumber of my two cats chases a laser pointer, is limited only by my imagination.” –Drew Funk

“The Lockhorns are of the WWII generation, that’s always been clear. The reason we can see them as they are is because they’re on a world so incredibly distant that their images are only reaching us now. Which means they’re too far away to ever reach us and be a part of our world, for which I guess we should be grateful.” –cheech wizard

“The *DAGWOOD* is proud of his brood. Already the void forms within them demanding precious resources to fill its emptiness. Soon they will be ready to leave his world and burrow into a new one demanding endless tribute of sandwiches and sacrifices from its inhabitants.” –Dread

“It’s a funeral in Westview, so you can be sure that the Grey Cross will be there, offering relief to those nauseated by Les’s monologues.” –pugfuggly

Life is rigged, you simply cannot win! Well, I now need to go back home to polish the Oscar the movie based on my book won.” –Ettorre

“Well, I guess it’s not so much a funny joke as a depressing anecdote about a man with a crippling gambling addiction. Anyway, the moral is that I mostly spend my time waiting for death these days.” –jroggs

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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It’s the most blessed time of the month: First Friday! The Internet Read Aloud is back on stage at its new time, TONIGHT, Friday May 6, at 7 pm in Los Angeles! This month starring Katie McVay, Gena B Jones, and Kylie Brakeman!

We’re at The Clubhouse in Los Angeles and the show is free! Be vaxxed, masked, and emotionally available! Here is the Facebook event!

But that’s for the evening. Today, during the day ….. we comment of the week.

“Ian never realized that Helen carried a torch for him for so many years … Anyway, she talked to him and that did the trick … Now she never wants to hear from him again! Problem solved!” –Thelonious_Nick

And we runners up as well!

“Wait, who’s the plugger here? Is Henrietta Beak not a plugger now? Do we have to remember who Mr. Beak is? Do we have to deduce things about a character who is not shown? Because let me tell you, Pluggers readers don’t roll like that. Pluggers barely have object permanence!” –matt w

“Good news: the Brisk Iced Tea sponsorship deal came through! Now we just need to namedrop their brand as many times as we can, but we also need to be subtle about it.” –Westing1992

Helen’s face in the next-to-last panel is, and I’m saying this without any kind of irony, the best drawing ever put down in Mary Worth, and I encourage everyone to zoom in on it. She looks like the protagonist of a magical girl anime right after being reminded there’s a test today, just this frozen moment of cartoonish terror right before comical jets of tears start shooting from her eyes as she screams about life’s unfairness, which yes, is a perfectly reasonable reaction to have when you have to go snuggle Ian in the next panel.” –Dan

“So the Lowell Observatory hires people who are shaky on how (or even if) telescopes work. Good to know.” –Joe Blevins

“I don’t care for this remake of Don’t Look Up. Or possibly Melancholia.” –made of wince

“The quotes are gone around Onion’s name, which in the Curtis world means his parents had it legally changed.” –Trofe

“Looks like Beetle has discovered induced demand: see, it doesn’t matter how big you make that screen, more unwashed humanity is simply going to roll in and block your view. Ugh, people.” –pugfuggly

“It’s good to know that not a penny of the massively bloated US defense budget is being wasted on chairs for enlisted soldiers to relax at the end of the day.” –Tabby Lavalamp

Toby & Cal & Helen & Ian is the remake of Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice that nobody wants, so of course it is what we are getting. We’re all being punished for wanting Wilbur dead.” –Malaclypse

“Holy crap, today’s Mary Worth drops a massive hint about the worldbuilding at play. Ian taught in Franklin, the State of Franklin, which in our timeline was an unrecognized area of eastern Tennessee that petitioned and failed to become the 14th state of the Union! But in Mary World, Franklin obviously was recognized as a state! Maybe Ian taught at the University of Franklin in the capital city of Greeneville (go fighting Crocketts! (named after Gov. David ‘Davy’ Crockett, who founded the school)). Maybe Franklin became a Unionist bone in the Confederate craw during the Civil War, leading to a quick Union victory and substantial and prolonged Reconstruction which (bear with me here) eliminated the NeoConfederate resurgence, which means the African-American Great Migration to the North and West wasn’t as sustained, which explains, finally, why there are only white people in Mary Worth! The mind boggles.” –Voshkod

Shoe is a Nietzschean universe in which God is dead but its inhabitants are full of joy and merriment. Truly if you gaze into the googly eyes of horrors, the googly eyes of horror gaze also into you!” –Ettorre

Hi and Lois guide to comic strip creation: 1. Take a perfectly ordinary conversation. 2. Illustrate it as if there’s a joke. 3. Tee time!” –Rube

“Hi Flagston has good reason to look so concerned about Chip going to the movies. The Batman photo in the paper reveals that he lives in the suburbs of Gotham. About 25 years ago, a very wealthy couple were violently gunned down in full view of their only child after leaving a movie theater. If the protected classes can’t go to the movies safely, then none of us can.” –Dave in Pittsburgh

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!