Archive: metaposts

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Who are the funniest non-Josh posters on this site this week? All of you! But some of you in particular caught my eye. Here’s your COTW!

“Could it be that Charlie and Chance (similar names, unclear parentage, possibly the same age) are brothers? That would explain a lot, including why they’re the only two players this strip seems to care about right now. What it wouldn’t explain is why Charlie’s stepdad is willing to let him rake leaves in shorts, a sure path to Lyme disease.” –BigTed

And here are your hilarious runners up!

“I never really thought of this before, but despite his sometimes atavistic politics Dick Tracy is very strongly identified with northern cities, which puts him squarely in the demographic that doesn’t know or care about the difference between Georgia and Alabama. Ignoring evidence also seems on brand, as is getting het up about a rare disease that primarily afflicts blue-eyed white people.” –matt w

“You mean Dick Tracy could solicit tips from the reader all along? This changes everything. ‘Look out, Dick! Gotta Hatchet is hiding behind the door!’” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“It’s an odd feeling to learn that one of your favorite cranky old man observations about modern life is being voiced by Lois.” –Randy

“While filling up a few months ago I learned from the gas pump that Tinder now has an easy-to-check box for multiple gender identities, so don’t tell me that you can’t learn useful stuff from your gas pump, Lois. Also, unsolicited streaming gas pump information gives Hi the perfect cover when he answers Lois’s ‘What’s Tinder?’ question by accident.” –Mikey

“This must be some production of Our Town if it attracted both the Iron Sheik and Eugene Levy to the theater.” –Joe Blevins

“Never mind Zak, who was never going to last, or Estelle, whose taste in men is too abominable for me to really care about her. If Iris ends up back with Wilbur for any reason whatsoever, I’m going to slit my wrists. She ESCAPED, goddamit! The hopes of middle-aged single women finally not having to fret over their kids anymore EVERYWHERE will be dashed if her best shot at enduring happiness turns out to look, sound, eat, and no doubt snore anything like Wilbur.” –Sally

“Ahhh, characters discussing spending large amounts of money on ill-conceived business ventures? Now that’s the Judge Parker I know.” –Noel

“Ah, Montoni’s, home to Montoni’s famous extra-chunky beer! It’ll stick to the sides of your glass, or form an unsettling mound in the middle. Ask for Ichorous IPA, Lumpy Lager, or Stewy Stout. Montoni’s — where it’s gonna come up in chunks, so it might as well go down in chunks.” –Voshkod

“Hi forgot to kiss Lois and Trixie. But he deliberately shunned Dot, Ditto and Chip. Because Hi is a cold-hearted bastard.” –Ringo Beaumont III

“Ouch. I’d sure hate to be television right now.” –jroggs

“Oh man you can already tell from Mason’s grin that he has lot of stupid ideas lined up for this production, like shooting it in Westview and using locals as the supporting cast. Maybe the high school band will be hired to do the score! Yeah, this is gonna be awful.” –pugufggly

“I don’t think the comics world is ready for the anti-comedy of Six Chix. I mean, everyone else is like 40 years past it, but in the comics bubble where Baby Boomers are still having kids, Mitch Hedberg is as scary and futuristic as a horseless carriage would be to Charlemange.” –toxic

“I love how even Bull’s death storyline has ended up focusing on the Book of Saint Lisa. Nothing actually said about CTE, or the impact on Bull’s wife, just some unfunny jokes about Bull doing laundry early on. Bull’s funeral is literally just an excuse to get Mason in town to start making a movie about Lisa. Her cancer has continued to grow after her death, eating every single storyline in the comic to become a meta-cancer on the comic itself.” –Keylime314

“Well, this plugger is from California, so maybe the bar for pluggerdom is much lower: ‘You’re a plugger if you refer to dollars as bucks and not as dead labour.’” –Ettorre

What if he was your son, George? What if he carried your DNA? What if you had been shtupping Alice all those years and eventually impregnated her, causing this? What if you had invited me to take part in a threesome with her, now and then? Would that have been too much to ask? What if, George? WHAT IF?????” –Maude R. Fawker

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It’s time for this week’s funniest comment … of the week!

“I would not give up on him too quickly. His last two girlfriends wound up with much younger, hotter men. I’m not sure you’re at that point yet.” –cheech wizard

The runners up? Also very funny!

“Snuffy sorted the leaves by color, probably while on a meth jag.” –Uncle Lumpy

“Marie, it would be so great to have you back. Maybe Sophie would open up and emotionally connect with you. And it would open up a world of dramatic possibilities for this comic strip if the gangster cartel that you are hiding from murdered you on the front porch of my B&B! Welcome back.” –greenantler

“Wouldn’t wearing a helmet be counterproductive if trying to die in a car crash? Bull always was the stupid one.” –Rusty

“I like how the last two panels seem to have a spotlight shining down, as if to assure us that yes, there are some vaudeville-era puns being dropped, even if we can’t hear them.” –pugfuggly

“You’re dating Wilbur… and you’re thinking of dumping him because his Netflix tastes do not perfectly fit with yours?! How can you be too and not enough picky at the same time?!” –Ettorre

“Just to recap, Estelle’s last boyfriend was a grotesque con artist who lied about who he was, fleeced her for thousands of dollars, and verbally abused her. The fact that she considers Wilbur a better choice — but only slightly — is pretty sad, man.” –BigTed

“Maybe some fans of this strip didn’t get that it’s really Bull who died. There are a lot of conspiracy theories floating around out there. But now you have it from an authoritative source: the paper of record that didn’t bother to look up the deceased’s real name and publishes death notices in Comic Sans.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“They forgot the indicator but today’s Funky Winkerbean is actually part of the flashback series from last week, giving us a rare glimpse at one of Westview’s famous daily funeral rehearsals.” –Cheddar Monkey

“First the Mutts came for the humans and I said nothing because they were so cute and had a good point.” –RexDartEskimoPi, on Twitter

“Meanwhile, The Phantom’s Asterisk Box, isn’t it time you came up with a real name for the language spoken by the Bandar? Here‘s a Wikipedia article on Afroasiatic languages. Go wild.” –matt w

“I sure would hate to see the Pavlovian experiment necessary to forge the psychological link between praise and suddenly needing to pee.” –Lionheart

“The only remotely interesting part of this Rex Morgan plotline so far is today’s reveal that Mindy has quite a wide variety of interests when it comes to the plotlines of the softcore pornography she’s streaming.” –Brad

“Howard Johnson had 28 flavors in the thirties. Pluggers live in a house of lies.” –gleeb

“Anyway, that‘s gonna be the opening of Bull’s Story. Isn’t it brilliant? God, I’m good.” –Rosstifer

“Man, I don’t get why everyone says not to speak ill of the dead. It’s so much better than speaking ill of the living, who might retaliate!” –JJ48

Bittersweet Nugget is the flavor of your final memories of your dead wife, sir, now in ice cream form! We also have Fumbling Romance, which is the flavor of your initial overtures toward her, Uncomfortable Silence, for that time when you admitted you thought her sister was prettier, Rocky Regrets, for when you nearly got divorced but stayed together for the kids, and Plain Vanilla, for the rest of your life.” –Voshkod

“All hail the rhino, saving us from another day of Dr. Camel talking about how boring other people’s lives are! We can only hope rhinos continue to keep a watchful eye on the strip, destroying something any time we get too bogged down in standard dull-as-dishwater dialogue.” –Conynaut

“Oh, Mary, you hopeless romantic. Everyone should be so lucky to meet that special someone that they can look in the eye year after year and truthfully say those magic words, ‘Overall I enjoy your company.’” –jroggs

“What’s the intended joke even supposed to be here? ‘Ha ha wimmen am I right — always carefully considering a purchase that could run $100 or more!’” –Alex Parker-Spencer-Driver

“Estelle and Mary enjoy an invigorating walk down by the Charterstone mosquito hatchery.” –Ukulele Ike

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Folks! It’s the first Friday of the month, and inevitably, that means it’s time for my live comedy show, the Internet Read Aloud, tonight in Los Angeles! Wanna learn about Ansel Elgort, Tik Tok, and tweens? Then be there!

And like every Friday — first, last, whatever — today we present to you this week’s comment of the week!

“I’m glad they’re doing this Buck and Mindy story as a flashback, so there’s no DRAMA stinking up this pregnancy storyline. So relieved I didn’t have to experience any dramatic tension when Mindy fell! I bet we all need some ‘bed rest‘ after such a close call with narrative.” –katakana haru, on Twitter

Your runners up? Also hilarious!

“What’s not funny is that Thel would ever consider taking those brats into a piano and organ store, even with clean hands. Truly her mind is gone, or her hearing.” –Arabella

“The DJ gladly complies with Slylock’s request. It is a welcome change of pace from the incessant drudgery imposed on him by his animal masters, who insist that, as one of the few surviving humans with any knowledge of how to operate a radio station, he perform all of the DJ, engineering, and maintenance duties, or be punished for his failure. At least his fate is better than his friend at the car factory, who is tasked with keeping all of the automated assembly lines running despite having no idea how to ensure that the resulting product operates safely for more than a few minutes at a time.” –Harold

“Hmmm, looks like Wilbur has traded in his half-round glasses for a new pair of rounded squares. I guess when you’re travelling distant disaster zones with a cold sense of detachment, you might as well look like Kissinger.” –pugfuggly

“Yes Dawn, we know you got laid. The biblical symbolism is a little tacky though.” –Dan

“‘In life, Bull gained fame charging through the opponents’ defensive line, so it’s only fitting for him to depart by charging through that guardrail.’ –Les giving the eulogy, probably” –matress_island, on Twitter

“Presumably Crankshaft is anti-vaxx because it leads to fewer children on his bus route.” –Marcus Theory

“‘You know, you can tip me right on the app.’ ‘And waste this sandwich I found on the sidewalk?’” –Rube

“I’d be grouchy too if my shirts had that many buttons. Must take him an hour to get dressed in the morning.” –Ukulele Ike

“If my reading of medieval sagas tells me anything, this no doubt is the beginning of a long violent and especially blood feud. Only after the death of many trusted thanes in Hagar’s comitatus (watch out, Lucky Eddy) will a fragile peace be bought with the paying of wergeld and the marrying off of Hagar’s daughter Honi as a peace weaver between the warring clans. Then the monsters will come.” –Joe Momma

“And it was Sophie who figured out that waiting on just the three of us meant the servants were only working like, two hours a day. So this B&B thing means we’re getting more value out of them, although watching all this increased activity is exhausting, quite frankly.” –cheech wizard

“I have to say that I’m glad (read: disappointed) Funky Winkerbean didn’t have some bizarre euphemism for Bull being dead on the spot. I suppose they could repurpose ‘solo car date’ for it.” –Brian Renadette, on Twitter

This is quite literally what passes for pillow talk in the Marvinverse.” –pastordan

“Since roughing it is a pretty common concept in our culture, I can only assume that the quotation marks Marvin’s parents are using here mean they’re employing it as code for a specific sex act. Marvin’s dad (whose name I refuse to look up) wants to go camping so they can ‘rough it’ for a weekend away from the prying eyes and ears of their neighbors and household smart devices. Jen’s price is that Jeff (okay, FINE, I had to look it up) will have to clean their child’s bottom with 1-ply toilet paper … presumably forever? Their scat-obsessed, willfully non-potty-trained monster of a child. No wonder he looks so pissed.” –Doctor Moreau

‘Was he wearing a…’ ‘Yeah…’ ‘Wow, I’ve never even seen a Pulitzer prize medal close up, before!’” –seismic-2

“I had Mr. Wilson pegged as someone with Fox News on his TV 24/7, so I’m surprised to find out he’s actually into the Voluntary Human Extinction movement.” –Zombie Dodge

“You’re looking at this all wrong, George. His status as an overindulged only child explains 90% of Dennis’ behavior. What you’ve gotta do is make sure Henry and Alice have a second child. Stop seeing this as a series of battles and start seeing it as a war.” –Joe Blevins

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

  • PicturePunches: Join our community of funny memers who like to earn from their sense of humor.

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!