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Hey all! Your comment of the week in a moment, but first, a bit of housekeeping: some of you got in touch with me earlier this week about your browser attempting to download a file called DriverUpdate.exe when visiting my site. I believe the ads that were causing the problem have now been fixed. But, if you notice this behavior again, please (a) do not give the file permission to download, (b) don’t click on it if it does (it’s not going to hurt your computer, but it might try to trick you into buying things you don’t need), and (c) take a screenshot of the browser window with joshreads.com in it so I can diagnose the problem. Specifically I need to see the Taboola ads in the left sidebar, the ones that look like this:

In more fun news, I was recently a guest on the Obsessed podcast, hosted by the handsome and talented Joseph Scrimshaw, where I got to talk about my obsession that feeds all my other dorky obsessions: Wikipedia. Take a listen, won’t you?

And now … your comment of the week!

“A few strips ago Peter Parker was desperate not to be recognized as Spider-Man. Yet here he is, making annoying and puerile insults while hoping the villains will explain everything to him, which is Spider-Man’s signature move.” –pachoo

And your runners up! They’re very funny!

“I think it’s sad that Mindy has no friend to stand up with her other than her future sister-in-law. But perhaps it’s for the best — if she had friends we might have to start following their exciting life stories, too.” –Arabella

“You can duct tape Peter Parker’s mouth, but you can never duct tape his mind. And that is a shame.” –Joe Blevins

“How was that weird? Don’t your parents, friends and acquaintances pretend you don’t exist, even for days in a row?” –Ettorre

“It may look like the usual three-panel daily, but this is a single panel broken by pure, white, architectural columns. Rusty is experiencing a mild break with reality and is being counseled by twin, imaginary Maras (Marae?). ‘Becky couldn’t hear you, Rusty, but we can. Come play with us, Rusty.’” –The Mighty Captain E

“I’ll see you at the ’19th Hole’. You’ll both need to carry me down to the parking lot and one of you will need to drive my car. Think you can handle a 1996 Camry, playa?” –Foodar

“I really like how Peter’s inner monologue has to remind him who people are to keep him on task. Hey Peter! That Wilson Fisk guy is the Kingpin. You remember? The supervillain you fought last year? Hey, are you paying attention or thinking of old Columbo episodes? Damnit, FOCUS! I don’t want to end up with *another* concussion!” –pugfuggly

“Pretty mean of the plugger to point out that performers in Branson can’t get a booking anywhere else.” –nescio

“Until I had a revelation … don’t sample your own wares! You don’t have to be a meth-head to sell meth! So anyway, I’m gonna need to you to take these fake IDs and go around town buying Sudafed.” –The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE

“My favorite part of today’s Mary Worth is that you could switch the panel order and have it make just as much sense. I imagine Tommy has been stuck in a loop for the last hour or so, and Brandy is calculating the quickest way to drown herself.” –Irrischano

“By ‘broke my computer,’ I assume she means that casino security goons smashed the tablet she was running her card-counting program on over her head. And by ‘two commandments,’ I assume she means stealing and killing, which is how she got out of there alive. This comic is far more exciting than we thought!” –BigTed

“I hope the strip devolves into an endless parade of poorly-disguised names. ‘I wish we could get Pedsi here, but of course McArnold’s sells only Coba-Cola products.’ ‘Mmm-hm. Mind if I steal a few of your Freng fries?’ I hope the strip gets itself canceled, is what I’m saying.” –Peanut Gallery

“So, I heard they were bringing back Murphy Brown, but I had no idea they’d hired David Cronenberg as a show runner.” –Where’s Rocky

“Max Axlerod is 100% gonna fuck that arugula.” –Dan

“Rusty watched in silence as the woman bowed and handed the ivory mask to the unknown man. ‘You have done well, my loyal servant,’ the man said in a rumbling deep voice that turned Rusty’s knees to water. The man placed the mask to his face and began to howl. The woman knelt prayerfully, chanting in a lost language, as the man clawed at the mask. Rusty gasped as blood began to run down from under the mask. ‘At last,’ the man finally said, his voice somehow deeper, shaking the entire ruin. ‘At last I return to the Fifth World from Mictlan. Blood and flesh is my treasure!’ ‘Hail Mictlantecuhtli,’ the woman screamed. ‘Huh,’ Rusty said to the girl. ‘Is that a toucan over there? Let’s go see the toucan!’” –Voshkod

“You and my father are different people, Tommy! By which I mean, you are literally not the same person. And I believe in us, specifically your likelihood to relapse and my ability to get a date with the hot dude just down the boardwalk who probably doesn’t have a triggering background and isn’t wearing jorts. Adieu!” –Drew Funk

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Banana Triangle: Poor Tom and Scotty and Rosemary, lost on an island somewhere in the sea. Frightened and desperate, hungry as could be, devoured each other; problem solved — one, two, three! A webcomic updated thrice weekly.

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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Hey kids, it’s Friday, and that means it’s time for your comment … of the week!

“And let’s wait a couple of days into the honeymoon before we visit the pinball hall of fame — it will make touring the pinball hall of fame seem like fun, by contrast.” –lumaca morente

And also time for your hi-larious runners up!

“Barberton, Ohio is the Magic City. That’s Crankshaft territory, beeyatch.” –Jim Collins, on Facebook

“Pluggers don’t need passports for their vacations. Anyway, few other countries reject The Hague tribunal.” –Ettore

“When you think about it, there really isn’t much difference between watching a movie and viewing the world’s natural wonders solely through the front window of your stultifying suburban home. Or, at least, that’s what Dolly will finally understand in another decade, when her college neo-Marxist film society screens The Truman Show.” –BigTed

“Spider-man, Spider-Man / Ugly American Spider-man / Can he speak / Your native tongue / No he can’t / Cuz he’s too dumb / Look out! He is the Spider-man.” –Bunivasal

“It took me a minute to realize that Eddie meant that he didn’t want ears that could hear people being mean to him. From his pained expression, I assumed he was haunted by the screams of those he had slaughtered. ‘Wait, I want to change my answer to jellyfish! They don’t have eyes to see spilled blood, or noses to smell the stench of death!’” –pugfuggly

“Rusty thinks that ‘Jose‘ rhymes with ‘toes,’ right?” –seismic-2

“Seriously … do you think you can … help me out here? I’ve lost my … balance and I seem to … be pitching slowly but inexorably … forward…” –Proteus454

“So Snuffy can’t pronounce ‘with’ or ‘your’ properly, but he can say ‘acquaintances’ flawlessly? Clearly, much as he tries to hide it, Snuffy is one o’ those book-lern’d types, and Lukey is keeping him awfully close, just waiting for the day the strip is allowed to get truly bloody.” –JJ48

“In addition to demonstrating mirth, the hand flapping and arm waving vigorously waft the body odor of Snuffy and his pal throughout their immediate surroundings so that they may trade pheromones in a ritual of male bonding. As a further bonus, it frightens off skeeters and looks really, really stupid.” –made of wince

“My favorite part of this Funky Winkerbean is how the counter has disappeared between panels one and three, leaving me to assume that Funky’s response to Cory’s assurance that he can, in fact, run a pizza parlor for three days or whatever while Funky attends to a sick loved one was to leap over the friggin’ counter, quivering, with hands raised and palms heading toward Cory’s scrawny neck, sputtering out sentence fragments. Meanwhile the girl with the wavy raven locks doesn’t even break her smirk during this outburst, and I can only assume will continue smirking as Funky throttles the life out of Cory over the next 2 days.” –Drew Funk

“Fun Fact! That cabbie started this trip with an uncreased brow and a mane of luminous, shoulder-length, jet-black hair. That was eight minutes ago.” –Joe Blevins

“Poor Tommy. You can try to ‘Do it for Brandy!‘ but every twelve step program will tell you that to succeed, first you need to do it for one person and one person only: Mary Worth.” –Mikey

“Imagine what a hell-hole Rocky’s hometown must be in order for her to decide to live in Westview with these smirking losers. Stay in school, kids, like Summer did, and never be seen in the strip again.” –Rusty

“Rocky never speaks, in an effort to maintain her as a sympathetic character. But the moment she says ‘I do’ it’s straight to Hollytown.” –Uncle Lumpy

“99% success rate? It doesn’t really even matter what’s being measured here, if it ain’t six sigma, it’s worthless. Hell, his success rate doesn’t even meet the purity-of-Ivory-soap standard!” –Richardf8

“Gasoline Alley’s heard about the unexpected success of The Shape of Water, but it hasn’t yet figured out that there’s more to winning awards than just graphic depictions of fish bestiality.” –Schroduck

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Banana Triangle: Poor Tom and Scotty and Rosemary, lost on an island somewhere in the sea. Frightened and desperate, hungry as could be, devoured each other; problem solved — one, two, three! A webcomic updated thrice weekly.

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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Guys, tonight is the second of two Internet Read Alouds in consecutive weeks, and, uh, I’m impressed by people who run actually weekly shows because turns out it’s hard! We’ll be back to our usual once-a-month schedule after this, but please reward my hard work and dedication by coming to The Internt Read Aloud: THE DOG DAYS OF SUMMER at 8 pm, if you are in or near Los Angeles. I promise we’re all funny!

Is there a Facebook event? You better believe it!

And now: your COMMENT OF THE WEEK!

“Kudos to the Rex Morgan colorists who can tell that guy and his weird kid apart well enough to give them different colored shirts. That’s more than I could handle.” –Roto13

And your very funny runners up!

“That guy we were chasing had no advance warning of the object which knocked him unconscious! If he wasn’t Spider-Man before, he is now! If he was Spider-Man before, he’s … Double Spider-Man?” –A Concerned Reader

“Can someone remind me how the hell did Buck manage to become a permanent character in this strip? I thought the whole premise of Rex Morgan was ‘rich, good-looking people without emotions doing what the want’, so why are we watching a family of bespectacled woodchucks plan a vacation for some point in the future when they might have saved up the money? We should be watching Rex buy a yacht with his pocket change on a whim, only to set it adrift in a week when he gets bored.” –pugfuggly

“I feel a more important question is exactly what did Gil use to make that ‘lemonade’? It can’t be water, the ice cubes have sunk to the bottom. 100% ethyl alcohol has a low enough density to let ice sink, so maybe he’s mixed himself a nice cocktail of Everclear, a hint of urine for color, and some ice.” –Dmsilev

“‘Did you pack any jorts, Corey?’ ‘Nine pairs, Dad.’ ‘Hmmm. That may be cutting it close, but it’ll have to do. TO THE AIRPORT!’” –Joe Blevins

“‘Don’t bother me with details.’ If ever there was a phrase that summarized Gil Thorp, this is it.” –TheDiva

“I think, based solely on my own prejudices, that Tommy was RAISED Catholic, lapsed into meth dealing, found the Evangelical Church of The Tiny Bible in prison, was saved from that cult when he got out and no longer had to swear fealty to Tiny to keep his teeth intact, and is now heading back to confession for the first time in a LONG time indeed. I hope that priest has all day.” –Sally

“It’s unsurprising that Marvin’s art would consist of brown excretions. I bet the crayon is scented.” –nescio

“I prefer to think that Jeffy is crying, knowing that he’s gone too far this time but — at the same time — admitting that he’s too far gone to really care. He’s hitting the bottle hard, damnit, and none of ‘Mommy’s Rules’ about appropriate syrup consumption matter any more.” –Richard

“We must first see if she wants him to disappear … we have a possible path to score Hamilton tickets, so let’s not screw this up.” –Foodar

“Meanwhile, at Timex, Inc., the Junior Vice President for Innovative Marketing is being escorted out of the building by security.” –Voshkod

“Hootin’ Holler Care Center: Come for the leeches, stay because of the secondary infections caused by 17th century hygiene practices.” –Dread

“I was going to joke ‘Leroy watches hentai lol’, but just look how traumatized he is. He’s living through an episode of monstrous bodily horror as his eyes burst out of the confines of their sockets, and even now at the worst moment of his life — one worse than any nightmare Leroy’s mind could ever have dreamed up — his wife turns away and mocks him. He knows there’s nothing he can do to stop the forcible reshaping of his skull by powers unknown, but even in his resignation, he still clearly feels a gnawing sorrow for the man he once was and fear at the monster he is becoming. Also, Leroy watches hentai lol” –Schroduck

“Kid, you’ll have to settle for a mango or something. We’re hundreds of miles from pawpaw territory, and they don’t ship well.” –Peanut Gallery

“I don’t think it’s ever been addressed but are the characters in Shoe normal bird size with adorably tiny furniture or are they human sized but the trees are absolutely gigantic? These are questions that keep me awake at night.” –Escape Zeppelin

“When Rex gets horny, his chin gets bigger.” –Ignatz

“Hey, way to suspiciously name-drop Doris the violent ex on the way to the wedding, Rex Morgan team! Seeing as how (1) there are way too many characters and storylines no one cares about in this strip, (2) all of said boring characters are going to Vegas, and (3) Rex hasn’t used his medical superpowers in a while, my hope that this strip can be saved through cast reduction via Game of Thrones-style wedding violence as provided by Doris is now in play! Rex can use his doctor skills to heroically save one of the characters. I’m thinking June.” –Drew Funk

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon! If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!