Archive: metaposts

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Folks! It’s your comment ….. of the weeeeeek!!!!

“You’re telling THIS guy he needs to come up with a name? Based on his history, he’ll be on the phone to Sarah in about twenty minutes.” –Weaselboy

And your very funny runners up!

“Jesus, can you imagine after your own death finding out that not only are you a ghost but you have to haunt your old elementary school? ‘Sorry, but you’ve been assigned to Dunning Primary as part of a package deal with the graduating class of 1922. The thinking was that if any kids come by the old place and ask open-ended questions about the former students that you’ll be there to do a brief demo, assuming that they can see you. Anyhow, you can expect a tour to come by every couple of years, have a happy eternity.’” –pugfuggly

“I love that Ashlee is giving Drew a five-grand shakedown as they stroll through the waiting room. The adult patients are thinking ‘I waited six weeks for an appointment to see this dummy?’ while the little girl thinks ‘This guy looks like an easy mark.’” –Arabella

“Here’s hoping Ashlee is seeing her current Instagram stardom goals as shallow and materialistic, and is inspired to go into nursing, where she can do choreographed TikTok dance routines extolling her own heroism instead.” –bad wolf

“Eleven years ago, terrified by predictions of overpopulation and Malthusian catastrophe, a CIA psyop team began a monstrous secret project: to cut the birth rate by rendering the entire population impotent through subliminal psychological attacks that would make the very idea of sex repulsive. Over the next decade, they worked to create the most perfectly hateful, grotesque human imaginable — a person so foul that any right thinking person would recoil from the slightest association from him, even just sharing the basest human instincts — and hid him in plain sight in newspapers across the country. Today, Operation Dustin’s Dad advanced to Phase Two. May God have mercy on us all.” –Schroduck

“I find it entirely unbelievable that a bunch of obsessed nerds didn’t bother to verify his death, or even look for the website of whatever funeral home was handling the arrangements to offer their eCondolances. Anyway, kudos to Batiuk who made a plot device character about how women creators overwhelmingly get ignored and then ignoring her during the story line where she gets inducted into a comics hall of fame.” –BeeKey

“[several minutes of increasingly improbable misunderstandings later] Yes, I too am pregnant with ideas for future stories, I don’t see why you need to make it a competition.” –Dan

“Tragedy strikes when Kyle discovers his arms are permanently stuck in an ‘it was this big’ position, making it impossible for him to ever work again.” –made of wince

“Well, one thing is settled: there is no level of density for plugger body hair I am comfortable with.” –Frissen Frassen Russen Mussen

“Another old fashioned thing: wearing dress shoes for black ops. Don’t slip!” –Jerp+Jump

“I have gotten used to the creators of Beetle Bailey having no idea how the military works, but you might think they would know how movie ratings work.” –Rube

“Even the lovers on the poster are three feet apart.” –Tom T.

“Dennis’ dad, rather than appreciating the dad joke, is upset at the goatee he’s seeing on TV. They have beatniks on TV? What’s next?” –DAS, Dad Joke-maker Extraordinaire

“The dark canine demimonde of gray-market resales, where literal fleas run the market, Chuck Wagon is the reigning currency, and nobody asks questions about the provenance of your birthday presents, is deeply weird.” –pastordan

“Blonde girlfriend seems to be wearing a very nice dress. She probably won’t enjoy whatever activity Chip has planned with his sweaty cut-offs and the $10 he’s getting for mowing the lawn. Pretty sure she’ll be texting Bruce before the date is over.” –lorne

“I can’t tell if that hand is Mr. Paley’s as he describes the trajectory of the ball or pro John Jawor’s as he karate chops Mr. Paley in the face. The only information pro John Jawor wants from Thorp is if Paley is the type of schmuck who sues after a stupid little thing like being karate chopped in the face.” –Tabby Lavalamp

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Hoo, it’s a scorcher out there, folks! Almost as hot as this blistering hot comment of the week:

“If Daddy was a workaholic, he’d draw both your nostrils, kid.” –nescio

These runners up are also burning up with funny!

“All the other cartoonists are going to thrash Hi and Lois cartoonists this week. ‘Dudes! You drew the chick teeing off from the dude’s markers. Bro! Do you even golf?’” –Harry F

“I love how Sarah looks bored but thoughtful in panel 5 of Rex Morgan, M.D. ‘Oh, that’s kind of different. Not the kind of different I was imagining, but you’ve got 2 minutes to get my attention. Tick tock!’” –Victor Von

“One of the signs of a healthy relationship is the need to hide any interaction with the opposite sex from your partner so they won’t get jealous and punish you for playing the most boring game in the entire world with women, which is basically tantamount to taking them to the Holiday Inn and having an orgy.” –Jerp+Jump

“Sure, this seems stupid. But if this results in the discovery that Lisa also faked her own death, destroying what little professional career Les has enjoyed, and subjecting him to prosecution for bigamy, it will all be worth it.” –Where’s Rocky?

“There are so many weird artifacts from this strip’s past that I’ve never noticed how weird its cars are. Obviously this model dates back to a simpler time in car safety when things like headrests weren’t a thing, but they’ve tried to update the seatbelts to modern standards when obviously this model only had waist belts. As a result, Herb’s shoulder strap seems to just continue on into infinity, much like this strip itself.” –pugfuggly

“We can’t allow Dagwood to grow a beard! Immagine all the food crumbs that would get stuck around his mouth! Just imagine!” –Ettorre

“How poor is Ashlee? She’s so poor that her mobile home isn’t even mobile. It just squats there on cinder blocks, slowly rusting away, leaky and drafty and unsafe. Oh, you were looking for a joke? This is Mary Worth, son, where poverty isn’t a joke, it just makes you a bad person.” –Voshkod

“I’d like to point out that yesterday’s Mary Worth said Dr. Cory hadn’t been in contact for ‘several days,’ so… has he just been thumping this guy’s chest all that time? He can’t Venmo her the money because his hands are constantly engaged in futile CPR, hour after hour, day and night, until everyone else stops looking and he can pretend this patient didn’t die during his shift?” –Schroduck

“It would appear from the monitor that the patient does indeed have a heart that is beating, so we’re left to wonder if Dr. Drew is having one of his day dreams where two women whose only discernable difference is their hair color slowly pull him apart. It would definitely explain the scowl on the nurses faces if he’s been standing there motionless for 20 minutes, preventing them from changing a line or replacing a bed pan on their totally conscious and totally confused patient.” –DevOpsDad

“‘Three hairs on the top of his head,’ thinks Mrs. Wilson. ‘Exactly three. How come I never noticed that before? Wait a second — the hair in the middle isn’t even attached to anything! It’s just floating there! Should I tell him? No, it’s not doing any harm. Besides, he wouldn’t believe me anyway.’” –made of wince

“Sure, it’s endearing when slobbering a sammich. When blowing his nose or masturbating, not so much.” –Dennis Jimenez

“Normally, I think the bored, heavy-lidded Garfield look is overused in comics, but I would welcome it here. Mother Goose & Grimm makes me uncomfortable because most of the characters in it look like they’ve just witnessed war atrocities.” –Joe Blevins

“I see that the Burns house has only been awarded a ‘B’ grade by the county health department. No wonder they go out front curbside into the clean, fresh air to discuss family news!” –odinthor

“Thel is thinking about how much time and money went into Billy’s matching salmon sneakers and t-shirt, and how his winsome enthusiasm better start bringing in the brand sponsors on her social media accounts.” –Francisco Arrowroot

“I’m barely following who’s a thinly-veiled analog for who here, but is Batiuk having Jack Kirby posthumously make peace with Stan Lee? Finally Funky Winkerbean assumes its final form… not cancer, not nostalgia, but cancerous nostalgia.” –Dan

“The thing that makes this cartoon for me is Jeremy’s complete indifference to the scene on the TV. The other thing that makes this scene for me is the fact that, in a few minutes, Jeremy is going to be loading Connie into his Microbus for a trip to the orthopedic urgent care, because there’s no way that flat screen is supporting her weight.” –richardf8

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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[Little joke introducing the COTW goes here]

“Removing the border between the last two panels of today’s Dennis the Menace would work so much better on every conceivable level. How do you get aesthetically outflanked by Hi and Lois? How do you even show up to work the next day after that happens? How do you face your family?” –Dan

[Slightly longer joke introducing the runners up goes here]

“In his childhood memory he’s smoking a pipe and wearing the same clothes he’s wearing at the moment. This is a man blocking out his childhood and creating alternate memories. Hi & Lois is about to get real dark.” –Donny Ferguson, on Twitter

“Oh, cool, this is that classic sitcom plot where the spouses trade jobs for a week. Henry will learn that household chores are a pain in the ass, and Alice will learn that if you work as an aerospace engineer without any training, your rocket will blow up and kill half a dozen people on the ground.” –Anonymous

“Ah yes, mowing, mowing all the time. Mowing and smoking, smoking and mowing. I wonder which was the bigger addiction? I was the mowing-est, smoking-est kid in town. I used to mow all the neighbors’ yards for free. There’s no joy in finishing off a pouch of Captain Black without having some grass to mow at the same time. I wonder… would it really do that much harm to just clean up that little patch of grass Chip left? Do I still have one of my old pipes in that box in the garage, or did we throw it away? Maybe I’ll just… No, Hi, no! That way lies madness! I’d better text the kid.” –Peanut Gallery

“This strip is about space coupes crashing into Jupiter, and yet the single most implausible element is Diet Smith smoking indoors without incident.” –Joe Blevins

It crashed on Jupiter! Jupiter, Florida, near the campus of Florida Atlantic University, to be exact. Go Owls! Given that it launched from Cape Kennedy, about 120 miles north, I’m guessing they weren’t very good pilots. Or maybe I’m a terrible engineer. Either way, there’s a heap of scrap filled with bloated bodies in Jupiter, Tracy, and I know that’s the sort of thing that gets you excited.” –Voshkod

“I also made lemonade but I have no idea if it’s any good because my socks are too tight. Does any of this make sense? Is this how things work?” –Shoe Substitutes

“Since disc golf is really taking off these days, I can’t wait to read a comic where Hi is vaguely baffled by Chip playing this wild new sport that cheapens his beloved pastime. I imagine this comic will run 15-20 years from now.” –Tristan Olson, on Twitter

“Do the birds of Shoe not have dictaphones or shorthand? Maybe that’s why they’re always so weary and surrounded by piles of paper, because they’re always trying to write out 180 word a minute speeches by hand.” –Schroduck

“For a professional comics snarker, Josh still has a lot to learn. When it comes to legacy comics, there are certain things that are inherently hilarious and serve as punchlines on their own with no need for wordplay or embellishment. For example: present day technology, unexpected visits from relatives, mentioning a one-dimensional character’s sole trait, the weather, and above all golf. And if you can manage to combine some of these factors, such as a strip where a character can’t go golfing because it’s raining or his mother-in-law is in town or he can’t figure out how to reserve a tee time with his newfangled iTelephone, well then, you have what is known as a genu-ine gutbuster, sure to adorn the cubicle walls of your least-tolerable coworkers.” –jroggs

“I know golfers enjoy playing golf. I know golfers enjoy watching golf. But I can’t believe golfers enjoy listening to other golfers tell golf stories as much as those other to golfers are listening to hat guy’s golf story. Surely the only actual pleasure they’re feeling is from understanding every word of golf jargon and feeling part of the in group.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“I think we’re supposed to hate Ashlee because she’s a grifter, but hear me out: what if we hate Drew for being the easiest mark ever? Like, damn dude, how do you remember to breathe.” –Twiggy Peas, Champion of England, on Twitter

“I don’t have any money. I already told you that I live with my dad, my watch was a gift, and I work at the People’s Clinic. Also, I gave Mary Worth my power of attorney after I loaned Shauna money for her political campaign.” –Mysterion

“Ha, look at the waitress’s face: despite her best efforts, she is now picturing Mr Wilson in the shower. I hope you’re taking notes, Dennis, Mrs Wilson is the real menace.” –pugfuggly

“Wait, he invented perfect deepfakes and he used the technology just to put a comic strip into reruns?! I have never seen such a big waste of talent and mental capacity on useless things like comics since that time Josh opened this blog!” –Ettorre

“What know ye of laughter, Barney Google and Snuffy Smith? WHAT KNOW YE?!!” –Matt McKinney

“The setup would work better if Jughaid was about to get a shot, except that we might have had to look at his stubbly misshapen buttocks instead.” –nescio

[Sales pitch block: check to see if I’ve updated these recently first]

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

[Little thank you for reading this far goes here :) ]