Archive: metaposts

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Oh boy! The week’s top comment is here!

“Aw, I like the look on the judge’s face. ‘One star in the sky, you say? All right, I’ll allow it. But I’ll warn you, counsel … you’d better be going somewhere with this.’” –Dan

And the runners up are here too! Huzzah!

“Max is sitting at Buford’s table taking notes. Is … is he on Buford’s legal team? Does the New Animal Order allow for counsel separate from the prosecutorial team, and indeed separate from the investigators who build the legal case? Does animal law follow the French legal system, with its assumption of guilt on the part of the accused? There’s a reason Max gets strapped to so many experimental aircraft, is what I’m saying. He’s a terrible lawyer.” –pastordan

“Low’eezy was already pregnant when she married Snuffy and yet while they look middle aged they only have one infant son and a live-in nephew. There’s at least one tragic story here, probably several.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“It’s bad enough that Slylock is somehow both the lead detective and state prosecutor, but now he’s also testifying on witnesses’ behalf. One day Sly will realize he can just steal bikes and window pies himself and thus complete his monopoly on crime/law enforcement roles.” –jroggs

“‘Grandma still uses a landline and the postal service, but what’s really strange is that corners of her house meet at euclidian angles and her head doesn’t pop off of her body and crawl along the walls’ –Billy, saying too much to a child who can now never leave the Keane household.” –iagbegreg

“[chuckles to self] Those kids on the playground … how they laughed at my rigorous utilitarian and solitary training on the slide — even eschewing the corkscrew slide as it was unlikely to be used in an emergency. Well who’s laughing NOW?” –Foodar

“I’m thinking if you show up at practice with that haircut, I won’t let you in. I mean, Jesus, kid, do you even have a mirror at home?” –The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE

“That ‘whoa’ may have briefly fooled us into thinking he’s a real kid, but doing the Charleston after landing immediately disabused us of that notion.” –Jenna

“Rusty’s ‘Say you’re interested in the thing your dad does and the girl you like might send you a sample of it‘ gambit intrigues me, mostly because my dad was a nuclear engineer.” –matt w

“Is Toby gaslighting her husband? ‘You are those things … to me. Other people though think you’re old and repulsive so don’t even consider leaving this totally healthy marriage.’” –Escape Zeppelin

“‘I struggled with grading Jannie fairly.‘ ‘So her name’s Jannie Fairley? I never knew her last name.’ ‘No, what I meant was … yeah, yeah, her last name’s Fairley.’” –Pozzo

“Earlier: ‘Rusty is still just a stupid kid who reads comic books.’ Today: ‘I LOVE reading the funny pages.’ Mark is definitely a complex guy, containing multitudes.” –Everything Is Better With Monkeys

“Blondie must play a dangerous game: enough food scent to sexually arouse her husband, not enough to awaken his obvious cannibal tendencies.” –Ettorre

“I can only imagine how disgusted Rex is when he looks around at his fellow passengers. Each year, the American Posture Association spends millions educating the public about the dangers of slouching — brochures, PSAs, robocalls — and still the message isn’t getting out there.” –Joe Blevins

“So…the plane they were on was so ramshackle that there’s no working radio equipment on it or other way to trace their location? I’m starting to think Mr. ‘I’m going to sue’ Hawaiian shirt guy is actually the most realistic and relatable character in this storyline.” –Her Father, John Darling

“No, really, Max. I’m desperate for a win, here! Rub this salve on your face to cause a reaction that looks like acne, and talk about Pogs and Furbies and whatever else kids are into these days” –JJ48

“The terrible empty Entity of which Dagwood is but a protrusion into our reality prefers that there be no witnesses to its ritualistic feeding.” –Dread

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

  • Ghosts Are Assholes: James Kirst is a new author with a new novel entitled Ghosts Are Assholes, a different kind of ghost story, that he thinks you’ll love so why not read a free preview to see if you agree. Learn more about it on his site and while you’re there, why not check out one of his short stories too?

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Your top comment: It’s here!

“Rusty is developing faster than Mark and Cherry realize. That is not the dewlap of a child, is what I’m saying.” –AhClem

Your hilarious runners up: also here!

“One detail Slylock will not include in his report was his inability to keep pace with a tree.” –Naked Bunny with a Whip

“The tree’s inevitable groans of ‘kill me’ will also fail to keep it well camouflaged.” –tb4000

“Blondie had sent the children to her mother’s house. She had fled, leaving behind the obligatory sacrifice for the unfillable void of which Dagwood was but the incarnation. She had taken every precaution, but once again, her post-Super Bowl plans would involve hiding the gruesome remains of a human being.” –Dread

“I guess the best thing to be said about that Pajama Diaries strip is that it wasn’t three separate Pluggers strips.” –Anonymous

“Newspapers get their ‘police blotters’ from the official records of the local police department. This means that any story in the paper is at least several hours behind the department’s record. The police department’s record is, of course, normally available to its employees. I can only assume that Dick is required to wait until the stories are in the newspaper in the vain hope of the city’s liability attorneys that this will give the suspects enough time to turn themselves in before the next inevitable police brutality lawsuit.” –Where’s Rocky?

“Tip for working at home: You wouldn’t develop ‘house bladder‘ if you didn’t keep sipping from that glass of ‘house vodka.’” –BigTed

“Why should he be invading my dreams?! There is no oil there!” –Ettore

“By which I mean, I will collect the copay in advance, so keep $75 in your wallet at all times.” –Foodar

“Making a wine reduction seems like an awfully complicated step for a couple who decide to outfit their enormous kitchen with a mere 2-burner stove. Maybe she’s drinking straight from the bottle because they don’t actually own any glasses?” –Dmsilev

This strip has hit peak Funkyverse. It has everything; truly terrible wordplay that would absolutely not be appropriate even if it did make sense, the fucking smirk, and the looming spectre of death.” –Rosstifer

“Everyone knows puberty only happens if you talk about it.” –FeralCanadian

“Some other guys on the team did it! They abducted the other team’s mascot, thought it would throw them off their game during the playdowns. But we … but they didn’t know how little air there is in a car trunk. I … they remember … opening the trunk and realizing … oh god … what we … what they’d done. They … weighted it down with bricks and threw it in the quarry. It took forever for the body to sink, it was just bobbing in the moonlight like an accusing ghost. One of us … them … I had to go down and poke it with a stick until it sank. It was such a clear night, and the moon was so bright, I could see it all the way to the bottom … and I’m not sure … we weren’t sure … I mean they weren’t sure … it was dead even then. Oh, you said induct. Yeah, that’s great. Just don’t let there be any mascots at the ceremony.” –Voshkod

“Ah! Denial quickly followed by blaming someone else. Is that truly the Scapegoats’ way?” –tallyHO

“That is totally unbelievable. A real ham radio guy would just sit there and talk about ham radio.” –Mumblix_Grumph

“Toby is going to talk with Ian and find out how stupid the whole incident was, and then somehow think even less of Ian than she does now.” –JJ48

“Jannie, this is no time to stop doing what you do best. I want you to tear into Michael with every bit of savageness you can muster. ‘Girlfriend?! Ha! What kind of pathetic, no-self-esteem bimbo would agree to be seen with you?! By the way, you shouldn’t play pocket pool! I hear the referee’s a prick!’ And then walk away, all cool and dignified.” –Joe Blevins

“It appears that Jannie has stumbled across the casting tryouts for the spring campus production of Rebel Without A College Diploma.” –Just John

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

  • Ghosts Are Assholes: James Kirst is a new author with a new novel entitled Ghosts Are Assholes, a different kind of ghost story, that he thinks you’ll love so why not read a free preview to see if you agree. Learn more about it on his site and while you’re there, why not check out one of his short stories too?

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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It’s that time of month again: the time when I let you know that the Internet Read Aloud, my live comedy show about the Internet, is happening tonight! Do not, miss it, if you are in Los Angeles!

Here’s the Facebook event!

And here’s the comment of the week!

Funky is using a classic BDSM technique. They’ve been feeding us a steady stream of smirks until the pain they instill turns into arousal. Then the moment that a smirk would be appropriate to satisfy us they withhold it until we beg for release.” –Sisserphus, on Twitter

Wondering where the hilarious runners up are? They’re right here, my friends.

Marriages are like sharks. Dull eyed, ever plodding forward — until your eyes roll back and you lash out violently.” –Foodar

“There’s so much that makes this the best Mary Worth arc since Entertainer Esme, but my favorite has to be how we spent a week on ‘Don’t let that first easy assignment fool you, Professor Cameron is really tough!’ only to find Ian frowning morosely and agonizing ‘How can I fail Jeannie? She’s so nice!’ Jeannie really didn’t need to take on the emotional labor of pretending to be interested in Ian; any excuse would have worked.” –TheDiva

“Readers whose papers don’t carry the Mark Trail throwaway panels on Sunday are really missing out. I imagine Mark is saying this to Cherry. It’s early in the morning, and she’s just woken up. Mark’s been standing next to the bed for hours, preparing for this exact moment.” –Joe Blevins

“Simpler explanation: the look on his face indicates that he’s attempting to use a mobile phone.” –Horace Broon

“Whether you’re a female West Coast millennial college student or an elderly unemployed Appalachian man, some things (stomping angrily away muttering to yourself about how everyone else is to blame for your problems) are universal. Kudos to Mary Worth and Snuffy Smith for bridging the cultural divide.” –Schroduck

“It’s really an indictment of our education system when some students get to college ready to seduce their teachers for better grades and others arrive without the faintest idea of what flirtation and seduction even look like. Isn’t the SAT supposed to determine college readiness?” –FeralCanadian

“Just imagine what despair the people at the ‘Cat Foo‘ factory must live in that they can’t even shake themselves from their depression to fit the product’s generic description on the cover. (‘It has a picture of a cat, people will figure it out. Let’s go get hammered.’)” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

An F!? I need to re-examine this series of bad life choices I’ve made, and get my act together!” –Just John

“‘&%$#@/‘ is how the teens today are saying ‘a legitimate reason for giving me a failing grade.’” –John Salerno, on Facebook

“A sexual power struggle between a young female student and her professor? Occasional interruptions by the professor’s wife?? Vile profanity?!? Omigod, it’s happening! David Mamet is finally writing Mary Worth!!” –Where’s Rocky?

“So this is what happens when an unlovable force meets an immovably awful judge of character.” –jroggs

“I’m really disappointed that we won’t see the explosive graffiti written by these badass kids. I’m guessing it would be something along the lines of ‘OR MAYBE NOT? THE SITUATION ACTUALLY MIGHT BE A BIT MORE NUANCED THAN WHAT IS BEING PR-‘ (at which point they run out of room).” –pugfuggly

“Well, we don’t need a ladder to get higher! [They start huffing the spray paint]” –Ettorre

“The fingers on the backscratcher have uncurled between panels one and two. The cursed artifact that grants you wishes, but fulfills them in the most terrible way, has been passed on to its next victim. (Snuffy wished to be known across the country and didn’t realize that it would be for making jokes like this.)” –matt w

“Where did Snuffy get the money to buy a nice, store-bought backscratcher? I figured he’d make do with rolling on some broken glass, or the severed, mummified hand of a Barlow.” –Guillermo el Chiclero

“The first draft of this strip was Barney saying, ‘Yer sure usin’ that backscratcher. They should call you … Scratchy Smith!’ But the key to great writing is rewriting until you nail it.” –Jenna

“So for these reasons and many more, I feel that I deserve an A on this assignment.” –Chyron HR

This storyline is starting to read like it was written by Nick Pizzolatto. All questions and no answers. Are we supposed to judge this naïve college student as hopelessly pathetic for choosing expediency over the hard work or deciphering ancient texts? Are we supposed to feel sorry for Ian because he was briefly taken in by this jezebel but then admire his academic integrity while relating to his deeply welled feelings of longing for any sort of female companionship? Is this just searing but subtle dig at the pathetic ways state colleges deal with their Title IX obligations? Or is this all an elaborate set up that finally instills in Toby the courage she needs to finally extricate herself from a flawed and distant partner? All we need now is a time jumping sequence or two before the whole thing is abandoned all together for a more linear story next year about Mary’s quest to buy Jeff a birthday gift that says simultaneously says ‘yes, we’re together’ but ‘no, I’m not quite ready to commit.’” –GdBenz

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

  • Ghosts Are Assholes: James Kirst is a new author with a new novel entitled Ghosts Are Assholes, a different kind of ghost story, that he thinks you’ll love so why not read a free preview to see if you agree. Learn more about it on his site and while you’re there, why not check out one of his short stories too?

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!