“I’m really uncomfortable with the way Truck is breaking the fourth wall here. ‘Are you this guy’s father? You, the reader? Well, if I remember my Roland Barthes then, yes, indeed, you could be described as a metaphorical parent to both of us…’” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Lighthouses have traditionally served as phallic images in romance novels and Dot and Ditto show us the consequences of those romantic urges. A timely warning as couples head out on their summer vacations.” –Hibbleton

“The twins scampered around to the other side of Lois’s chair before delivering the ‘sand’ line. Their next complaint about the beach will be ‘The blocking is too fussy.’” –Peanut Gallery

“Pubs must have had a seniority system based on hours spent in the establishment, which entitled the most frequent customers to benefits. In the strict class structure of the UK, it’s the only status Andy is eligible to have over the other mere-drunks who spend most of their days on other fruitless pursuits like productive, but low-paid, labor.” –Philip

“How tall is Hi? I’m trying to decide if he’s slouching to fit into the frame with his much shorter wife, or slumped over to make him look like a loser. Eh, why not both?” –Victor Von

“I love that something medical is finally happening in Rex Morgan, M.D., and Rex is nowhere in sight. He’s probably pretty happy with that too.” –Dan

“I know that this strip over describes everything it does, but in this case it really makes it sound like an obvious fraud. ‘Here’s the website … and now I’m putting in the password … and here are the results …wow, it says here that you are super-duper my dad! It’s funny how these new websites looks just like a PowerPoint file. It’s not, though.’” –pugfuggly

“Truck must have been assuming this would be like an episode of Maury, where the DNA test would just shout out the identity of the father without needing any interpretation. Which, now that I think about it, would be a much funnier way for 23AndMe to work. ‘Travis, you are … NOT 1/16th Cherokee!’” –Navigator

“Trixie may be filled with the same malaise as the rest of her family, a malaise so deep that not even magenta carpet can cheer them up, but she’s already mastered the art of the convincing fake smile. She might just be OK.” –Guts Dozier

“Considering Trixie has been a preverbal infant for decades, I’m pretty sure it’s always too early to apply for her preschool, actually.” –Morgan Wick

“If by ‘applying for Trixie’s preschool‘ you mean ‘searching for houses in a better school district than the monstrosity that produced Chip, Ditto and the other one,’ then yes, yes I am.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“Gertie tried to have Dale’s actual body mounted in the car as well, but Earnhardt family lawyers and a cemetery night watchman put a stop to THAT, the killjoys.” –A Grave Mind

“I guess this answers my question from yesterday. They didn’t take a paternity test, as anyone who knew what ‘paternity’ means would have done. Instead, they sent off to some ancestry-type service. And not one that just says they’re (eyeballing the characters) 107% white. This one matches their genes with everyone else who’s ever used the service, and sends a HIPAA-violating list of close relatives.” –Ken

“Those vampire posers are not real goths! You know who is? Gearhead Gertie! Nothing but a morbid and sexual fascination with death could explain why she put Dale Earnhardt’s car against a wall, the same way he tragically died!” –Ettorre

“I understand why everyone got so outraged by inflation if three bags of Skittles, two bags of chips and an off-brand bottle of Faygo costs $105.95. This price increase is going to drive home-grown American WoW guilds out of business, and before we know it the Chinese will have monopolized the Spine of Deathwing raid business.” –Schroduck

“Wow. Two options, both so unappealing that the only solution is to use each one to get out of the other, then hide out in a decent hotel all week.” –MKay

“Look, man, fuck you, I’m the one that has to collect the phlogiston, the bat urine, the crystalized heart of a mountain, and the blood of a royal virgin for this potion, and that shit costs!” –Voshkod

“My little friend is not so little anymore, Toby! In fact, she’s quite large! Enormous, in fact! Nine foot six and getting taller by the day! It’s actually quite alarming! We’re getting into I’m a Virgo territory here! Did you watch that miniseries, by the way? It was on Amazon Prime a couple of years ago! Jharrel Jerome is a treasure! Some great performances by Elijah Wood and Walton Goggins as well, which reminds me that I need to start my Justified rewatch. Oh, Margo Martindale is another treasure, especially as a voice in BoJack Horseman. Anyway, Olive is a giant, is the point I’m trying to make.” –els

“Are the pickleball gear and Leroy’s madras shirt the only items they couldn’t sell, or the only items they’re selling? Either way, it has to be a pretty good yard sale if you’re attracting aging hipsters to your suburban … patio? Driveway? Paved-over lawn? I dunno … this place is weird, man.” –BigTed

“You know what? good on Dagwood for sticking with pickleball even after he found out it was just a name.” –Banana Sam

“Apartment managing has similar ethics to Vikings, in which the greatest honor is to die in battle with weapons in hand, rather than old age. In the case of apartment managers, that usually means with tools in your hand fixing plumbing or some malfunctioning HVAC system. Marvin’s grandparents, stripped of all dignity by their economic losses, have bought in fully to the ethics, if only because being able to shame the old manager gives them a feeling of no longer being on the bottom.” –Philip

“Putting periods in ‘OK’ looks weird, so I’m not surprised that’s how Alice does it.” –nescio

“Bernice is depicted as organized and responsible, especially in comparison to Luann. Today’s strip reveals that this is because Bernice is so utterly boring that her chores are the highlight of her day.” –TheDiva

“The gag would obviously work a whole lot better if Henry was looking for a tennis partner and not a golf partner. But, suburban dads in comic strips must play golf. The sacred trope must be maintained even at the expense of the joke.” –Astroboy

“I’m picturing Evy and Ed’s view of Mary’s face, up-nostril shot and all, and it’s not pretty.” –Weaselboy

“Mary begins to pack for her trip to New York. ‘Hmmm. I’ll wear what I have on now for the plane ride. However, it might get chilly in the city, even though it’s July,’ she muses, adding a purple cowl-neck long-sleeve top to her empty suitcase. ‘That should do it!’” –Charterstoned

“And, in lighter news, the comic strip Crankshaft has ceased publication after being sued into a smoking crater by Warner Bros. Discovery Inc.” –Dmsilev

“I like how these two are talking right into their coffees, as a way of being covert, I guess? You think they’re blowing bubbles? I hope so.” –pugfuggly

“One must imagine Leroy Lockhorn … happy? I don’t know if I can do it.” –matt w

“The Lockhorns usually has a pretty minimalist approach to backgrounds, so when they suddenly decide we need to see every detail of their backyard electric switch box situation, you’d better believe I take notice.” –Schroduck

“‘A couple of the cashiers are kind of cute!’ [They share a hearty chuckle.] ‘Anyway, thoughts about how to escape this quicksand patch?’” –Voshkod

“Generative AI will not destroy all artistic jobs. For example, humans will still get to draw Max, mainly because the AI could not be bothered to.” –Ettorre

“I think you mean ‘HOW TO VIOLATE COPYRIGHT Max Mouse,’ Bob. I’m surprised the syndicate keeps letting you get away with this. If the kids want a picture of Max to stick on their fridge, they can ask their grandparents what a newspaper is.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Is Dr. Jeff’s ‘again’ meant to indicate that he’s already (willfully?) forgotten what Mary’s told him, or does it display his belief that Wilbur’s life is a karmic circle of disasters that are superficially varied but basically the same thing happening to him over and over?” –Pozzo

“Somehow, it seems like Sigmund Freud would have been a more appropriate choice to quote in Mary Worth today. What’s German for ‘man, that’s completely fucked up’?” –Dmsilev

“Y’all, are we sure they’re playing chess at home? It looks more like the White Void comic strip characters love to visit. Maybe it’s some kind of timeshare?” –Victor Von

“WILBUR: ‘I just … I want to get on a plane, leave Santa Royale…’ [Literally the entire cast is gathered at the window, watching eagerly — major characters like Toby and Ian, infrequent appearances like Saul Wynter, total one-offs like Keith the beefy daughter-haver and Esmé the smoking boat seductress; everybody.] MARY [trying to subtly but desperately wave everyone away, they’re going to blow this]: ‘It’s perfectly normal, Wilbur.’” –Dan Carroll

“The replacement of the Charterstone pool party with ‘private cruise on Dr. Jeff’s yacht’ as the standard Mary Worth storyline interstitial is symptomatic of the broader pandemic-era trend towards isolation and atomization in American society. In this essay, I will…” –Vince, on BlueSky

“The entire bottom of that fish tank is encrusted with blackened filth, and the fish are visibly dirty. Marvin doesn’t do many things right, but the strip is always on-brand.” –Rosstifer

“On the plus side, Leroy’s eyes appear to operate independently, chameleon-like, or are totally blank, depending on how you squint at them. I like the second option, accompanied by a flat, robotic voice, all the better to fit the emotional tone of this strip. You can lead a horse to the greeting card section, but you can’t make him care!” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“Don’t feel bad, Truck. Maybe Cody will have a kid soon. Then you can be a terrible grandfather.” –MKay

“Truck’s fiancée is trying to insert a classic roots country LP into a cheap 90s era CD boombox. This marriage is over before it even began!!!” –Where’s Rocky?

“Humans be damned! We’re setting the gorge guardrails at ‘dog on hind legs’ level!” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“…and the staff at Bed, Bath and Beyond just let him sleep there, for like, days. It’s kinda scary what a grip the military has over this town.” –pugfuggly

“That’s the face of a future supervillain who is going to encase our sun in a Dyson sphere so she can have it all to herself. She’s so adorable!” –Tabby Lavalamp

“I used to know someone fairly into NASCAR, and have half-heartedly sat through a few races. I recall no reason why I should’ve been at an angle to watch. Is this what I was missing, all along, with sports I’m not into? Literal change in perspective? Should I be upside-down for basketball? Would twisting my head 180 degrees make lacrosse endurable? Is perpetual spinning the secret of the Winter Olympics? Or is Gertie, like, pretending she’s having the tires on her couch changed, or something equally soul-dead? It’s that one, isn’t it?” –A Grave Mind

“Yeah, I get that you’re an alcoholic and gambling addict, but my issue with you is that you keep your lounge chair right next to our shared fence in a direct line with our bedroom window. What’s that all about, dude?” –Weaselboy

“I’m starting to think Thirsty isn’t even actually a dysfunctional buffoon, he just pretends to be one so he has a ‘bit’ to identify himself by in the world’s most boring neighborhood.” –ectojazzmage

“Part of their annual ritual to ensure that the Sun comes up for another year.” –Liam

“Hey, look on the bright side: maybe this means the Keane Kompound is about to be obliterated in a rocket attack.” –Schroduck