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It’s Friday the 13th!!! The first of two such days in consecutive months! Hopefully this comment of the week will assuage your fears:

“[patronizingly] That’s an awful big word, Dad. You didn’t hurt yourself, did you? Are your teeth okay?” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

The hilarious runners up will similarly soothe you!

“I think we’re misinterpreting this. The alien and robot aren’t trying to stop Heathcliff, they’re just … there. In that empty field. Doin’ stuff.” –A Grave Mind

“Heathcliff, known punk provocateur, set this all up to elicit a lawsuit from the NFL. The ‘Super Bowl’ refers to the name of the dip recipe, something that is not covered by the NFL’s trademark. When the NFL has to pay damages and attorney’s fees, he will use the cash to buy new, novel HAM outfits and props.” –Philip

“Yes, that’s an awful big word, alright. Here are a couple more: POSTOPERATIVE PERITONITIS.” –Charterstoned

“Say what you will about the insanity of the coaches, but both high schools have pretty nice walls with their names on them.” –treetown

“‘There is only ice and time’? Au contraire, there also seems to be a large building, and Randy Parker, and another guy. You can’t fool me, Judge Parker narration box!” –matt w

“Sorry, I cannot believe that this scene is real. I’m guessing tomorrow we’re going to see Dr Jeff snort himself awake from an impromptu nap on a pile of old Auto Mechanic magazines. He phones Mary and immediately gets his call declined.” –pugfuggly

“[Wipes tear] Looks like someone misjudged the futures market.” –Hibbleton

“Please let there be such a thing as bird strikes for yachts, please let there be such a thing as bird strikes for yachts, please…” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“The Camerons don’t strike me as typical bird owners. Don’t you have to care about another living being in order to do that? Ian and Toby always seemed like they were struggling with the effort to do that about each other.” –2+2=7

“‘URK … UGH … SIGH…‘ is the ‘Christ, what an asshole’ of Shoe. It could be Cosmo’s dialogue in every panel and the strip would probably improve.” –Navigator

“Is Dennis’s mother’s food so bland? I don’t want to make judgments about WASP cuisine, but they think that water is a fancy drink deserving a special straw!” –Ettorre

“I can’t blame Dennis here. Dinner appears to be a wooden cog, three Goldfish™ crackers, and three lima beans. And who set that table, anyway? Drinking glasses go on the RIGHT. This is just a disaster all around.” –Menace the Dennis

“Dick Tracy doesn’t really do catchphrases, but if he did, it would be something like ‘Hey, bad person! [PUNCH] Don’t. Do. Crime.’ or ‘Forget about crime, you deceitful crimer!’” –Hergen

“So my understanding is that humans haven’t invented anything, all of our technology comes from a cadre of archaeological entomologists making bank from what they’ve dug up from ancient ant homes.” –Tabby Lavalamp

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Blondie, 2/13/25

I like the first couple of panels here: Dagwood being somewhat indulgent about his barber’s fixation — he knows a thing or two about fixations, ha ha! — but looking concerned as he walks out, knowing that his nervously sweaty friend will be blowing that crisp $20 bill on officially licensed Team USA merch or a Peacock Premium subscription. I don’t care for the final panel, though, as it forces me to contemplate how weird Dagwood’s skull shape is.

Dick Tracy, 2/13/25

Oh yeah so it turns out that Dick’s ex-partner was in fact the real killer, and all his (stolen? I think? or maybe he was paid, to do crime?) money blew away right before Dick punched him in the face. I guess it proves that crime doesn’t pay, because your money will blow away, and that’s even before the part where you get punched in the face.

B.C., 2/13/25

Hey, remember how the ant dad in B.C. died horribly? Were you wondering how his family was doing in his absence? Well! Not good, it turns out.

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Marvin, 2/12/26

A thing about Marvin is that over the years it has strayed further and further from the one thing that made it unique — a comic strip? about a baby? — and made Marvin more of a generic child of indeterminate age who goes to school and speaks in complete sentences. In order to “get back to its roots,” the strip is doing a flashback sequence to show us what Marvin was like when he was really a baby, like a really tiny young baby, and it turns out what he was like was infested by vermin.

Dennis the Menace, 2/12/26

You guys know I am not a fan of the “Dennis insults his mother’s cooking” Dennis the Menaces, but I gotta say I kind of enjoy this one, because (1) Dennis’s insult is fairly silly and actually the sort of thing a small child might say, and (2) we get a reaction panel showing us that Dennis is realizing how extremely sick of his shit his parents are.