Post Content

Six Chix, 9/16/24

Hey lady, if you want to shut down all the chit-chat, repeat after me: “I’m a Cross‑Fit vegan; let me tell you about my fur‑babies!”

On the Fast Track, 9/16/24

Oh for crying out loud, Dethany, it’s the one in Row 3 Column 1. It’s your sight gag, own it!

Gil Thorp, 9/16/24

Gil takes his team to Juvie. “Scared straight” or role-modeling? I don’t know, but I know how I want to bet.

Phantom, 9/16/24

Plasma cutting requires an electrical path through conductive material to ground. Devil’s upset because his prosthetic tin nose itches and there’s an electrode up his butt.

Sally Forth, 9/16/24

The Forths enter a corn maze and narrative Doom Loop. They will escape from neither.

Hmm, do Brits have “maize mazes”?

—Uncle Lumpy

Post Content

“Well helloooooo, ladies! … and gents!”

“Welcome back to World of Animals, an occasional feature—I’m your beloved host, Carl. My how the time does fly; let’s get straight to those fascinating Nature Facts from the wonderful World of Animals!”

One Big Happy (panel), 9/1/24

“What? LIBEL! Wait, libel is when it’s printed. Okay, SLANDER! Hmm, what is it when a printed guy says something? All right James, I’m going to let you off the hook this one time—but watch your step, pal!”

Mark Trail, 9/15/24

“HA! ‘Cat colony in the wild’ is warmblood code for a gang of insatiable, fanged monsters who prowl by night murdering innocent turtles. WIPE THEM OUT! [ahem] Thank you for your kind attention.”

Slylock Fox, (panel) 9/15/24

“Well, of course! Did you think a reptile would ever be so rude? Do you think we’re amphibians or something?”

Mutts, 9/15/24

“Look, we turtles may have our faults, but we’re not delusional.“

Rex Morgan, M.D. (panel), 9/15/24

“Well, you’re the expert! But why not find a nice rock to sun yourself on instead of hogging that bench all week?”

That’s all for today—time to get up from the bench and explore the wonderful World of Animals!

— Turtle Carl

Post Content

Heathcliff, 9/14/24

One of the hazards of the Backup Comics Blogger business is that you start musing about the interior lives of comic strip characters. To wit: does Heathcliff resent Garfield? I mean, he’s got nothing to be ashamed of: Heathcliff has run for fifty years; launched a TV show, movie, and more than 50 books; hung in the Louvre; and sponsored NASCAR driver T.J. Bell (2007 Ford F-150 #50). But relative latecomer Garfield (1976) is a force of nature: the world’s most widely syndicated strip; multiple TV specials; TV series in the US (four Emmys), France, and coming up on Nickelodeon; and wellspring of the Paws, Inc. licensing and merchandising juggernaut sold to Viacom in 2019 for an undisclosed amount probably north of a quarter billion dollars. When you think “orange comic-strip cat,” Heathcliff is probably your second thought.

So I understand Grandma Nutmeg’s mistake; I’ve made it myself. But I understand Heathcliff’s little scowl, too.

Crankshaft, 9/14/24

[Author’s note: On Wednesday I compared legacy comic strip Funky Winkerbean to a parasitic snail. That comparison was mean-spirited and grossly unfair. I have heard and understood those to whom I’ve caused incalculable pain and harm. I am profoundly sorry, and extend my sincere apologies to parasitic snails everywhere.]

In his Joan of Arc play Die Jungfrau von Orleans, Schiller wrote, “Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens”—”Against stupidity, the gods themselves contend in vain.” But I wish at least a couple of those gods would contend with Les here, so I don’t have to. Consider: Les is working around the School Board’s ill-drafted rule that disapproved books can’t be ordered by the school [nudge nudge wink wink] by ordering copies himself to be distributed to students through a local bookstore. Why not just pass them out in class? Don’t know!

And when that bookstore is torched by an angry mob, he accepts the kindly offer of another bookstore owner to take over distribution. What could go wrong? Maybe that thing that went wrong last time? Nah, it’ll be fine.

Frankly, if this “banned book” prestige arc ends with some stupid pun about Harry L. Dinkle’s “band books,” I’ll be strangely satisfied. That’s all I’ve got for you today, Les: go away now!

Luann, 9/14/24

OK here’s another Les, sort of a palate-cleanser. Like Thomas Fairchild in Sabrina—who took a chauffeur’s job so he’d have time to read books—Leslie Knox is unambitious, comfortable in his own skin, and content. He’s the bad one. Whiny, manipulative, anxiety-ridden, passive-aggressive Mama’s-boy Gunther is the good one. You will be made to agree!

Pearls before Swine, 9/14/24

Geez, and here I thought Dagwood was a fascist. Fight the cyclocracy!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/14/24

Panel three: Mary Worth plops down between Parker and Truck and hisses, “Listen to me, young man. You get right back on that bike and this time, stay in your lane.”

So ends the 2024 Comics Curmudgeon Fall Fundraiser. Josh sends his grateful thanks from far-off sunny Italy, and I add my own. Thank you, generous readers!

—Uncle Lumpy