Comment of the Week

We can still have hope that Wilbur washed up on the shores of Tokugawa Japan and is about to be executed by the Shogun in accordance with sakoku.

nicole 2: the squeakquel

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Mary Worth, 1/23/22

Oh my GOD, the island ISN’T EVEN DESERTED, Wilbur is going to be FINE, just FINE. I don’t want to overstate things, but this is absolutely, positively, the greatest injustice in all of recorded human history. He’s not even going to take the opportunity to finally, actually stop drinking this time because all the obnoxious Australians/Floridians (depending on what ocean we’re in) are absolutely going to be buying him round after round of free booze once he stumbles in there and tells his story.

Pardon My Planet, 1/23/22

Ha ha, it’s funny because this guy is so economically desperate that he’s begging some spirit being to rip all his teeth out of head just for a few more dollars! Sure, he needs to buy food, but what are you going to chew it with, buddy? What are you gonna chew it with

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Hi and Lois, 1/22/22

You have to respect the unspoken shorthand these two best pals share. If they were mere acquaintances, Thirsty would have to do a lot more hemming and hawing about how, gosh, it really is cold out, huh, and getting a little dark, wow, maybe, uh, maybe if you’re making dinner, if it isn’t too much trouble, I mean … and so on. But no, he can jump right to “I haven’t eaten since I drunkenly fucked up in some way I no longer remember at 10 am and I can’t feel my feet, help me out, buddy, will ya?”

Beetle Bailey, 1/22/22

Look, I don’t have any secret inside knowledge about how the comics are made, or about which strips are the vision of a single creative mind and which are put out by workshops where gag writers and visual artists work in tandem. All I’m saying is that I have a hard time believing that anyone would think a strip about getting your palm read would be a good idea if they were the same person who drew hands that looked like that.

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Enjoy this week’s top comment, y’all!

“We can still have hope that Wilbur washed up on the shores of Tokugawa Japan and is about to be executed by the Shogun in accordance with sakoku.” –nicole 2: the squeakquel, on Twitter

And enjoy the very funny runners up!

“Will I be able to follow 5WATS if I haven’t seen the first four?” –Mike Puterbaugh, on Twitter

Hi Linda, remember your husband, whose death must have been traumatic for your family and produced a wound that will never heal? I need some of his stuff to solve a minor inconvenience.” –Ettorre

“Feel like if Bull was still alive he could have told them that a mouth guard protects your teeth; the helmet is for your head. Still, with the one character who ever picked up a football gone, I guess we can be grateful that Funky didn’t just staple a bunch of silver age comics to her head.” –Dan

“It’s impossible to match the improbability of ‘Wilbur washes ashore on a deserted island,’ but ‘Estelle’s Premium Oceanview Veranda stateroom is furnished with a cot dragged up from the brig’ makes a bold attempt and I appreciate the effort.” –TheDiva

Mary Worth teasing us by showing fish food while revealing Wilbur wasn’t.” –Windier E. Megatons, on Twitter

“Wilbur is NOT Mary’s ‘friend and neighbor.’ He is her NEMESIS. She has been meddling on his behalf for almost 30 years now, and he’s STILL so dysfunctional that even Hell itself won’t take him!” –Mysterion

“Worst job in the Dick Tracyverse is naming consultant. ‘OK, let’s see what we have here. Metal band around brow, two metal discs instead of ears … Stereo Stan! It’s hip, the kids love their hi-fi sets, we can pretend the ears are speakers and … you hate it. Wait, wait, give me another shot. Tiara Teddy, because the brow band kind of … please put down the gun, sir. Well, tell me about yourself. Uh huh. Uh huh. Cars, eh? Headlight Head? No? Gus the Grille? No. Ah. Piston Puss. Yes, I see you like that. That’ll be twenty bucks. Like me on Facebook and recommend me to your friends!’” –Voshkod

“I like Rex’s very minimal attempt at making conversation. Kelly: ‘That sure turned out weird at the end.’ Rex: ‘Yeah, yeah. Life’s a rich tapestry. But anyway, getting back to this lawsuit…’” –Joe Blevins

“That desk being roughly the same height as the monitor is all that you really need to know about Leroy Lockhorn. Well, he’s also a sad, mean drunk, but let’s not lose focus: he’s a shrimp.” –pastordan

“The Lockfriend seems to be pretty bored with this home tour. Next up is the refrigerator. No doubt that’s where Leroy keeps his libido.” –Geogreg

Wagon, hell — why did you fall off the ship?” –Pozzo

“Wilbur: ‘Maybe I can get a bite of Kate Winglet, hue hue hue.’ Narrator voice: ‘Wilbur died three weeks later, without ever remembering Kate Winslett’s real name.’” –Amelie Wikström

“I think I understand why Jenny and Jeff are somewhere that not only has no cell signal but also no FM or even AM stations in range. They’ve decided that Marvin is a lost cause, and it’s time to let the wolves have a shot at raising him. Hence the choice of music.” –Dmsilev

“Once upon a time, a plugger’s idea of ‘streaming content‘ would have been something like fly-fishing. But nowadays even the Real Americans are so jaded they can only feel happiness from listening in to their neighbors being arrested or found dead.” –jroggs

“And the award for ‘Most Boring Acid Flashback’ goes to…” –Artist formerly known as Ben

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