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Well heck, it’s Friday, so let’s have a comment of the week!

“This is a wonderful way to include the children in the strip. Keep them very small and blurry in the distance so we readers can occasionally be reminded that they exist without ever having to actually [shudder] look at them.” –Poteet

Let’s have some great runners up too!

“I Know What You Did To Last Summer” –Anne Elisabeth Dillon, on Facebook

“The good news is if they do accidentally wake her up they still have a fairly sizable window to get the troops to the surface before she tries to intervene. Just that headdress must take an hour to get on, at the inside.” –James Dowd, on Facebook

“In midair, Peter Parker’s body springs back to its natural shape, that of someone lying back on the bed and craning his head up to look at the TV.” –matt w

“Wish I could concentrate on the words in this strip but I keep going back to that toffee-colored steak in the first panel that seems pliable enough to be stabbed with a spatula. Is that like grade-D meat, or are they fixing Jaquan’s knee just by feeding him hunks of colagen…?” –pugfuggly

Skateboarding is too dangerous! Not like pro football, where modern rules and advanced safety gear leave players in perfect physical and mental condition to enjoy their retirement and golden years after many productive seasons! [quietly accepts three briefcases of cash from Roger Goodell]” –Dragon of Life

“He thought it was one of those ‘craft’ lemonades, an imperial stout, aged in oak barrels.” –Hogen the Mogen

“…Because it’s great. I know you’re wondering, ‘why does Ed have a bottle of coyote urine?‘ and ‘why is he holding a trowel, what does that have to do with what he’s saying?’ but really, my bottle of coyote urine: top-shelf, if any of you want to come and see. Jeff, what are you doing drinking my glass of liquid diarrhea?” –Jack Loves Comics

“Sometimes I’ll head to a bar after work, my backpack with me, my laptop inside. With it there, even while I’m drinking and talking and trying to have a good time, my work is also with me, and since I need to keep tabs on my backpack while I’m out, I’m reminded of my work. I’d leave it in my car, but I take mass transit to and from work, and it’s better that I don’t drink and drive, anyway. So I know just how that headsman feels. Sort of. I mean, the reason I take my work laptop home is that sometimes I have to do work from home, which I don’t enjoy. Why does he need to take his axe home with him? Does he do work from home, too? If so, that guy really needs to talk to someone about maintaining work/life balance. Small wonder he looks so distraught.” –Larry McAwful

“Letters is so scarce, we hasta mostly use ’postrophes!” –Peanut Gallery

“‘Boy that was rough — not exactly as Mark and I planned it.‘ *gasp* James Allen has been reading my Mark Trail slashfic!” –Truckosaurus

“His left shirttail is propped open.” –nescio

“‘I’m sure Pete will find something interests him.‘ Pete: ‘Hey, is that a clipboard?’” –Pozzo

“You know, you might want to consider having Johnny buried with you, like a pharaoh’s servants or something. Just throwing that out there.” –Doctor Handsome

“General Halftrack passed the mandatory retirement age a decade ago but his subordinates haven’t found it necessary to tell him as long as he’s content to play golf instead of trying to start a war or something.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Does anyone remember how long it’s been since this strip hanged one of its characters? Me neither, so carry on, I say!” –seismic-2

“I’m impressed the last panel is not the same one as the strip from a month ago which also has Halftrack and the Major out golfing, yet the General’s golfing outfit is almost identical. It’s that attention to detail that keeps this feature at the top of aaahahahaha I can’t finish that sentence ahahahaha” –Ekudamram

“The restaurant’s staff — knowing that one of the diners is a Weston — is busily preparing the mayonnaise cart.” –Dood

“…and as a doctor, I have to ask before it becomes a problem: you have other blouses to wear, don’t you? Wearing the same thing over and over is bad for your skin.” –Kevin On Earth

Le Chien d’Amour sounds like it should be the name of some unspeakably filthy sex act. Knowing this strip, it’s probably a euphemism for petting a puppy until it falls asleep.” –Drewbear

“I’m impressed that Pam is considering the impact of her father’s shenanigans on a macroeconomic scale. My only thought was, ‘Aw, I bet the lawn is dying under that pile of zucchinis.’” –Joe Blevins

“‘I appreciated the meal; the nutrients will provide much sustenance.’ ‘I wish to continue our exchange while performing the customary post-meal exercise.’ Oh boy, Dawn and Ned sure are about to engage in romantic coitus, am I right, fellow humans?” –Dan

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The Lockhorns, 8/18/17

While the Lockhorns occasionally demonstrate the strong emotions you might expect from a couple trapped in an endless, awful hell-marriage between two people who hate each other, more often their faces display only the icy, indifferent numbness that you might expect from people who try their best not to feel anything at all. Today’s panel is particularly grim in that regard: Leroy is of course unfazed as the house fills with thick, choking black smoke and his and Loretta’s murder-suicide pact finally goes into operation, but his friend, who appears to have dropped by to visit at exactly the wrong time, seems only mildly more concerned. I’m not sure if this is because the Lockhorns put out a force-field of ennui that snuffs out the energy of hapless passers-by, or if it’s just a result of carbon monoxide drowsiness.

Crankshaft, 8/18/17

Crankshaft looks a lot more proud and determined than usual in this panel. “That’s right,” he thinks. “We live in a world where an abundance-based economy is possible and nobody needs to go hungry. The hoarders and wreckers of the parastic food industry will have their plans ruined and capitalism itself will be shaken, by the power of my zucchini!”

Mary Worth, 8/18/17

Mary Worth is many, many delightful things, but one thing it is generally not is subtle about the future direction of its plotlines, and keeping that in mind I want to point out that the name of the fancy restaurant where this handsome divorced fortysomething doctor took a college-aged hospital admin temp on a date is French for “THE LOVE DOG.”

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Mary Worth, 8/17/17

Dawn is too young to legally drink alcohol, of course, but it’s nice of this fancy restaurant to pour her Diet Coke into a wine glass for her, to help her feel like a big girl. She’s adulting!

Mother Goose and Grimm, 8/17/17

I feel like a lot of people have seen the distinctive costumes from the The Handmaid’s Tale in posters and commercials and such and absorbed it as a pop cultural artifact without actually having watched the show or read the book, and, like … do you think they know it’s about state-sanctioned ceremonial rape, or what.

Beetle Bailey, 8/17/17

Today’s Beetle Bailey seems pretty strange if you take it literally, what with the awesome power and responsibility held by a general staff officer in the U.S. military, but it begins to make a lot more sense if you imagine that “this job” refers to, oh, just to take a profession totally at random, cartooning.