Comment of the Week

That last Crock panel speaks volumes. 'Damn,' he thinks, 'He got me with the blacksmith ploy again. Shows me for letting my libido lead the way. I'm a simple man, really. Just want a cute, good-tempered dame who doesn't heat metal and shape it with a hammer. Practical but fun-loving, caring but not smothering, completely unfamiliar with the bellows, the sort of girl you can take home to mother. Lord knows I'm not a demanding person, I don't expect a perfect life, but is it too much to ask for someone who loves me as I am, wants to spend the rest of her life with me, and doesn't forge curved iron objects intended to protect hooved quadrupeds? A pox on Captain Preppie! I hope he takes his vows at the anvil!’

Urlance Woolsbane

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 1/16/21

Sorry for spending so much time on the Li’l Sparky subplot in Barney Google and Snuffy Smith this week! In my defense, it’s the most interesting thing to happen in this strip in years, even if that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s interesting in some absolute, objective sense. Anyway, one effect of this whole thing is that we’re learning that the animals in this strip, including the chickens, are sapient, which really adds a layer of horror to all the jokes about Snuffy stealing chickens, to murder and eat. Today we see that the chickens are attempting to teach themselves the STEM skills necessary to rise up against their human oppressors, only for Li’l Sparky, who probably doesn’t worry too much about being eaten and is thus happy to cape for the H. sapiens regime, to bust up their revolutionary education project.

Blondie, 1/16/21

Man, when the police start investigating who in the neighborhood knew Elmo planned to run off and join the “hobo lifestyle,” there are going to be some awkward questions for Dagwood, huh?

Beetle Bailey, 1/16/21

WELP IT’S NOW OFFICIAL BEETLE BAILEY CANON THAT GENERAL HALFTRACK PISSES AND/OR SHITS HIMSELF ON THE REGULAR, I DON’T LIKE THE BURDEN OF THIS KNOWLEDGE ANY MORE THAN YOU DO BUT WE ALL HAVE IT NOW AND WILL HAVE TO LEARN TO LIVE WITH IT

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And this one is your comment … of the week!

“That last Crock panel speaks volumes. ‘Damn,’ he thinks, ‘He got me with the blacksmith ploy again. Shows me for letting my libido lead the way. I’m a simple man, really. Just want a cute, good-tempered dame who doesn’t heat metal and shape it with a hammer. Practical but fun-loving, caring but not smothering, completely unfamiliar with the bellows, the sort of girl you can take home to mother. Lord knows I’m not a demanding person, I don’t expect a perfect life, but is it too much to ask for someone who loves me as I am, wants to spend the rest of her life with me, and doesn’t forge curved iron objects intended to protect hooved quadrupeds? A pox on Captain Preppie! I hope he takes his vows at the anvil!’” –Urlance Woolsbane

Hilarious runners up, coming right up!

“Sorry, Daddy, you’re too old to pretend that your life could be enjoyable in any way, like it was before you had us!” –BigTed

“I will ask about the elephant missing from the room: Why the emphasis on Spark Plug being the grand-sire and not the sire of Li’l Sparky? What happened to the middle generation? I assume that Snuffy ate him decades ago and the strip’s creators are too committed to the Googleverse continuity to retcon him back to life.” –FE

Barney Google: a century of not knowing what the hell horses’ bodies look like. (‘Oh, it’s just a big yellow bag with four potato-like blobs at the bottom.’)” –Joe Blevins

“Yes, pretty much everyone of every age in most of the country wears shorts when it snowed but is warming up, but do you stare expectantly at the fourth wall waiting for someone to notice? No? Then you’re not a plugger.” –ChicagoMSTie, on Twitter

“I’m going to try and take Sarge at his word and pretend ‘snack breaks’ isn’t a weird euphemism for ‘chronic diarrhea.’” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Like, dude. Libraries are more relevant than newspaper comics, old media shouldn’t be dragging on anyone.” –jerp jump

“The fact that an entire panel is taken up explaining that this comic strip is now about the former main character’s horse’s grandchild is much funnier than the strip itself.” –Rosstifer

“As a librarian who is also a millennial I really just don’t know who to root for in this Dustin (kidding, obvs, I’m rooting for everyone to vote yes for the library levy every time).” –Cana

“I’ve never been able to snap my fingers in a way that emits anything but a pathetic wee thud. And now, late in life, I find out that there are a fair number of us. I feel a warm glow of kinship with all you other non-snappers. But I still think we should exclude Billy from our snapless community. Requiring that each member have at least one finger with an actual joint doesn’t seem like too high a standard.” –Poteet

“The optometrist has figured out that the town’s tragedies are divine punishment for terrible jokes, and he’s got a family, damnit.” –Bill L

“Gil overhears Vic’s comment about leaving at halftime, and he is inspired to develop a whole new game plan for the rest of the season.” –seismic-2

“What’s truly menacing? Anaphylaxis, that’s what.” –Chip

“If Jeff approaching the kid’s head with sharp steel blades doesn’t cause Marvin to poop himself, what even is the strip doing?” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Saul was miserable until Mary made him her special project. Now he tries to complete the cycle by making Eve has special project. Which, as we all know, is a perfectly healthy place to start a relationship, right? RIGHT?” –Dread

“Isn’t it clear what’s going on, here? Marvin’s been banned from the baby salons. I’m sure you don’t need my help in figuring out the reason.” –mary!

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Marvin, 1/15/21

So Marvin has been doing the thing where it mostly doesn’t acknowledge the ongoing pandemic but sometimes does, like it’s been doing this week, when it has jokes to make about it, which I’m on the record as being basically fine with for gag-a-day strips like this. What has been bothering me about this week, though, is that the specific joke-topic in question has been about Jeff and Jenny having to cut Marvin’s hair themselves rather than take him to a professional, which makes me as a non-parent wonder: Do parents not … usually cut their babies’ own hair? I remember my mom cutting my hair well into my grade school years but maybe she was unusually thrifty or times have changed? Like, are there salons that specialize in baby haircuts or do you take them to a regular place or what? Whatever the case, please enjoy this strip in which Jeff waxes rhapsodically about the scissors he bought — so sharp, so very sharp — that he’ll be waving around in untrained proximity to his terrible son’s temptingly soft skull.

Mary Worth, 1/15/21

“Oh good, I can demand that she answer all my probing questions now, in public! I’m helping!”

Dennis the Menace 1/15/21

Ha ha, it’s funny because Dennis doesn’t understand what simple English words mean and because he has a serious undiagnosed food allergy!