Comment of the Week

The key to success in crime, Rene thought, is finding people dumb enough not to file kidnapping charges because you give them the old repentant criminal bit. Your murder beefs become six month stints, your kidnapping charges don't even get filed. Morons are where it's at.


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Get ready to party all weekend with the comment of the week!

“The key to success in crime, Rene thought, is finding people dumb enough not to file kidnapping charges because you give them the old repentant criminal bit. Your murder beefs become six month stints, your kidnapping charges don’t even get filed. Morons are where it’s at.” –jerp+jump

Your runners up will also keep the party going!

“I like to imagine that Zero is doing this because he exasperated Sarge or the officers so much that they told him to ‘go fly a kite‘, like in old-fashioned comics. The officers had to keep this G-rated insult not because of children reading the strip but because they know Zero is literal-minded and they don’t want the horror that would occur if they told him to ‘go fuck yourself!’” –Ettorre

“Sure, there are lots of things you can do with three fingers and a thumb — drop your coffee, read a two-page book, play a three-stringed guitar, fly a kite two feet in the air. But just think how much these guys could accomplish if the artist had the ability to draw their hands with four fingers and a thumb — heck, they could probably fight an entire war or something! Not win it, of course, but they’d get points for trying.” –BigTed

“But can humans sniff each other’s butts? Well, yeah, I guess they can, but it’s frowned on in public.” –Pozzo

“Keith has spent the last few days installing five extra locks on his door, but hey, the casserole can be squeezed under it, spoonful by determined spoonful.” –MKay

“Good idea, Mary, give the single man living by himself a sixteen-serving casserole that, even if by some miracle he likes it, he’ll never be able to finish before it starts to molder in his fridge. That will REALLY endear you to him.” –TheDvia

“Ah, good old General Halftrack! The character famously established as always up to date and using the latest technology, unlike SPC Chip Gizmo, a character that the strip introduced in 2002 apparently for no reason whatsoever! Also if anyone gives me guff about saying ‘latest technology’ when QR codes were invented in 1994 we are both going to wind up in The Hague but I am going to have enjoyed it more.” –matt w

“It’s funny how the punchline to this strip is essentially ‘I’m horny!’ Wait, I mean off-putting. I mean, look at those eyes. [shivers]” –pugfuggly

“I tried to extrapolate the QR code on the assumption that it had been lifted from a product found in a Walker-Browne household, meaning that it was invented no later than 1965. I’m thinking either Sanka or Pond’s Cold Cream.” –Tom T.

“But the good news is I told them to shove it! So they’ll be here in 15 minutes to pick up this creepy little shit and I’ll never have to see him again!” –jroggs

“Who says ‘out of stir’ except …[Buzz pulls off his wig and goatee-covering latex appliance] OTHER CRIMINALS!” –Tabby Lavalamp

“The choice to bold the word like here delights me. Mary has done the following things: decided to make a tuna casserole; pulled the pin and made said tuna casserole; placed it in a box that once held, if I’m not mistaken, a men’s dress shirt purchased at JC Penney, and still holds the tissue paper from that purchase; folded the tissue paper carefully over the tuna casserole; carried the tuna casserole up/down at least one flight of stairs; deflected this giant man’s no doubt polite attempts to reject a visit from a woman who is clearly on a truly mind-pummeling amount of cocaine; and, finally, waited for him to fold back the tissue paper and pick up a pan of tuna casserole that is either piping-hot or lukewarm at best, before wondering ‘Huh, I wonder if this guy actually likes tuna casserole.’ (She doesn’t care about the answer. He’s getting a casserole whether he likes it or not.)” –els

“I hope Keith Hillend is also open minded about 3rd degree burns after searing his bare hands on that piping hot cast iron baking dish that, only moments ago, Mary pulled steaming from her oven using thick oven mitts before placing it into an insulated bag and taking it directly to her upstairs neighbor.” –Charterstoned

“I’m no psychiatrist but if both my parents loomed over me while I did my homework (creative scribbling?) I’d probably engage in some menacing behavior myself.” –Hibbleton

“A biting satire on the arbitrariness with which the law is enforced? Or just wacky shenanigans? Either way, it does imply that someone is about to get 20 years as a joke.” –Anonymous (but not that one)

“Hootin’ Holler, which is much more interested in blood feuds than who sits in the remains of the White House or Capitol, doesn’t resist whichever regime will claim them, and throws up a patched blanket of whatever regime happens to be in charge and in town to try and enforce the claim. As soon as the regime’s sole functionary is called away, the blanket goes down and life goes on as it always has.” –Philip

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 9/29/23

Believe me, if there’s one bit of empathy doing this blog for multiple decades has granted me, it’s the understanding that it’s actually really a grind to come up with a new joke every day indefinitely, so I don’t blame comics writers for latching onto whatever they can as a a prompt. Blondie in particular loves to use fake holidays made up for marketing purposes to hang their jokes on, and that’s what I assumed was going on here, but a little Googling shows that “Contrarian Day” simply is not a thing — it mostly seems to occur in the phrase “contrarian day trader,” which is a sort of person who, if some very sad Reddit threads are any indication, frequently loses a lot of money. Anyway, you’d think he could’ve just said “Opposite Day?” That isn’t any kind of official holiday either, but at least it’s been sanctified by numerous cruel teens, right after they tell you that your clothes look nice.

Dennis the Menace, 9/29/23

What’s the menace here? That Dennis is revealing to his mother that his father has a comely assistant? That Dennis is accusing his father of being bad at his job and needing help? Neither: it’s that his father has violated their community’s WASP code and hired [shudder] an Italian.

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Dennis the Menace, 9/28/23

Look, Mr. Wilson, I know your irritating neighbor has pushed you to the brink of madness, but when a couple renews their vows, that doesn’t represent a “reset” where they can decide they actually want to be child-free and any progeny they’ve already sired simply wink out of existence. That’s not how vow renewals work, or how children work, or how the progression of linear time works.

Dustin, 9/28/23

This kid voluntarily hangs out with Dustin all the time, which is a big clue the he’s not in a great place, but after today’s strip I really think someone should be looking into his home life, because it seems like it might be pretty grim.

Mary Worth, 9/28/23

“Sometimes,” he continued, “it’s not about what you like, it’s about what you need — what you need in terms of protein to maintain your massive, rippling physique, and how efficiently you can ingest it.” Then, without further ado, he shoved his face into the pan and started slurping.