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Luann, 3/3/26

Look, man, I get that comic strip time is in some ways just an insurmountable problem for strips where the characters don’t really age, but the way you get around this problem is by just kind of ignoring it and not by having your character mention the impact that an important historical event that happened 25 years ago had on their career journey. Is Brad in his mid 40s now? Is Luann a period piece that takes place sometime before 2012 or so? Does Luann take place in an alternate universe where 9/11 happened in, like, 2019? Those are the three options, and you brought this on yourself by being specific, Luann.

Mary Worth, 3/3/26

“That’s just the way of the world these days! No doubt she’s spending her time convincing a much older man that she’s his girlfriend and getting him to send her intermittent Venmo payments. That’s the 21st century for you!”

Pluggers, 3/3/26

BIG NEWS: Pluggers have heard about ChatGPT and they think it’s for … finding mayonnaise? We might have to consider shutting down human society and technological advances entirely until we can figure out what’s going on.

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Crock, 3/2/26

The comic strip Crock and I have long-running and mutual antagonism, so I am generally reticent to say nice things about it, but I do occasionally think them. Like sometimes I think, “Crock sucks, but unlike Marvin, it doesn’t really do gross-out bathroom jokes.” Alas, I was mistaken! Here’s a comic about how the cook at the local fancy restaurant used to piss and/or shit in the food.

Luann, 3/2/26

Ah, yes, Luann’s mom correctly sees her sexual and family history as being of a kind with other roles that define her economic relations with others, a truth as obvious for all of us as it is taboo to speak about. I’m glad someone in this family knows what’s up (other than Toni, who is clearly the smartest as she managed to avoid this get-together entirely).

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/2/26

Oh, shit, oh crap, this is it, Rex Morgan, M.D., has been fully hollowed out and occupied by the roots country crowd and they’re about to formally seize control of the strip, they’re gonna make Rex put on some dumb retro cowboy outfit and go up on stage so they can jeer at him

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/1/26

Ah, it looks like our runaway ex-Hollywood starlet, now desperate to eschew fame, is about to run into our own Mud Mountain Murphy, who has something of a complicated relationship with fame himself! You might recall that Mud was so intent on getting a headlining spot at a roots country show that he pretended to shit himself on stage to move his set later in the order; subsequently, however, thanks to the phoney-baloney Mirakle Method, he became a better person. Still, the Method also helped him find fame as “Li’l Fergus”, and he seems very twitchy about how his headshot should be on the wall of this crappy motel lobby, so it might take the love (?) of a good (???) woman to set him straight once and for all.

Mary Worth, 3/1/26

Oh, interesting, it looks like this Mary Worth plot isn’t going to be about sinister AI, but actually about the very grim reality of most so-called pig butchering scams. It turns out that if you got tricked out of tens of thousands of dollars in bitcoin by a fake online romantic partner, the conversations you were having are less likely to be with a cackling Danny DeVito lookalike and more likely to be with one of tens of thousands of people who have been recruited under false pretenses and enslaved in compounds along the Thai-Cambodian border. And sure, AI will end up making lots of white-collar jobs obsolete, but it will probably soon be able to do scam convos well enough that the criminal syndicates that profit off these cons will soon find that kidnapping people is no longer cost effective, so who’s to say if it’s good or bad.