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Spider-Man, 3/28/17

So MJ has to get Ronan, the Accuser, currently in suspended animation, to Albuquerque to use as a human Kree shield against the violent, nightmarish Shemp-bot. And she’s getting there the old fashioned way: using the free market! No “government handout” needed for this entrepreneurial gal! Yes, it’s completely believable that whatever cash she happens to have on hand is enough for her to buy a large commercial vehicle, which is presumably the driver’s main business asset, as well as pay for several hours of labor from both the driver and four day laborers. The system works!

Mary Worth, 3/28/17

Ooooh, I’m guessing this eager couple are about to have their lives meddled in — for the better — over the course of this cruise! What do you suppose their problem is? Maybe they’ve never actually seen a body of water larger than Lake Michigan, so they’ll immediately start panicing the moment they get on the open ocean! Or, since they seem to believe “Hoosiers” and “Cruisers” rhyme, maybe they aren’t really from Indiana or even native speakers of English, and Mary’s about to blow their sinister spy ring right open.

Dennis the Menace, 3/28/17

Call me a prude if you will, but I feel personally menaced by this open display of Mitchell-on-Mitchell sexuality. I DON’T WANT TO THINK ABOUT HENRY’S EROTIC BATHING FANTASIES, OR, WORSE, HIS EROTIC BATHING REALITES, OK? I DON’T. I DON’T.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/27/17

Haha, well, with June’s suggested plan that Heather fulfill her dreams of motherhood by seducing her manservant foiled by her impending departure to the Old Country without him, we now come to an entirely different set of calculations. I hereby apologize for mocking the new, retooled Rex Morgan, M.D., for making its medical plots about snoozeville issues like sleep apnea and dehydration, since it now appears to be wading into the complex ethical issues over whether a person with dementia can be said to be capable of giving sexual consent. Unless Milton’s medications makes him, um — how can I put this …. prone to masturbating in the hallway, or just wherever he happens to be in the house. Then the whole issue is really just a matter of dexterity on Heather’s part.

Pluggers, 3/27/17

Since pluggers are usually depicted as being mournfully resigned to their lot, no matter how dire, it’s actually a little heartening to see this late-middle-aged dog-man so worked up about something that I too find extremely irritating. Still, I don’t think we need to encourage pluggers to start venting years of built-up simmering rage, especially now that I know that many of them are armed and ready to stab something, anything, whatever will make them feel powerful and alive again.

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Family Circus, 3/26/17

Big Daddy Keane’s defeated look as he slouches out to his car really makes this comic, in my opinion. “Ugh, my children … they’re disgusting! I’m certainly not going to touch them with my mouth! Just the image of them will haunt me all day!”

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 3/26/17

I sincerely hope that young man with the spray can turns out to be the elusive Banksy. Lem will find that the notional value of his property will skyrocket, but he’ll be unable to sell the art because to maintain its integrity it must remain in situ, so mostly he’ll have to deal with higher property taxes and irritating hipster tourists.

Mary Worth, 3/26/17