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Metapost: Sunshine on my COTW makes me happy

I hope it is a pleasant early spring day wherever you are! Let’s enjoy our COTW, shall we?

“The willowy Thelma Keane drapes an elegant hand over her wasp-waist and gazes listlessly upon the stumpy ginger fire-plug in human form that has somehow burrowed its way out of her uterus. In this moment she does not see Barfy slavering over the jug-shaped head of her last-born, nor does she hear the ceaseless stream of prattle emanating from Dolly’s ever-flapping mouth. Her features set in a mask of enigmatic neutrality, Thelma struggles to suppress a crashing wave of existential nausea.” –Higgs Boatswain

And the hilarious runners up!

“Oh, Gunther! You’re just like Gandhi, if Gandhi liked to physically assault people while their backs were turned.” –Chyron HR

“I looked up ‘Braxton Hicks contractions’ myself, and nowhere does it mention inexplicable shape-shifting. Tommie’s diagnosis for Nina is clearly incorrect.” –mstgator

“When you look back at this season you should do it with pride. Personally though, I can’t even be bothered to look back at my team as I finish this half-assed sorry-I-blew-it speech on the way out the door. See you in gym class, losers!” –Nate

“Why does Marvin’s mom have three breasts? Is the strip moving to a war footing against Judge Parker?” –Dood

“Given that I have no idea what happened (nor do I care to find out) between Parker Bowen’s suspension and Milford’s defeat, I’m going to assume that the last two days of have consisted of Gil furiously trying to find some rule that automatically disqualifies any team whose players have cornrows.” –Irrischano

Mary Worth: “The giant Belgian waffle is back! My new favorite character!” –Flummoxicated

“Man, you know what would be way more interesting than reading about the unventures of Shoe and Perfesser? Reading about the life of Good Samaritan Hipster Duck. All day he just drives around the (city? treetops? Where the hell does Shoe take place augh what the hell) in his shooter cap and scarf and does minor good deeds.” –bunivasal

“PJ sure seems to enjoy eating his … clod … of something?” –sporknpork

“I think we all know that if today’s strip was truly a distillation of Judge Parker, the shooter would show up at Chesty Shotgun Blonde’s hideout to give her a solid platinum medal for being the best assassination target ever, before promptly dying and leaving his till now unmentioned vast wealth to her. Because she earned it.” –Alex

“Who’s the target audience for Gil Thorp anyway? What demographic gets excited about harassing local tattoo shop owners?” –AndyL

“Who would have ever possibly thought that the most realistically drawn character in Gil Thorp would be the cat-person from Avatar?” –BradyJ

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