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Metapost: Sunshine on my COTW makes me happy

I hope it is a pleasant early spring day wherever you are! Let’s enjoy our COTW, shall we?

“The willowy Thelma Keane drapes an elegant hand over her wasp-waist and gazes listlessly upon the stumpy ginger fire-plug in human form that has somehow burrowed its way out of her uterus. In this moment she does not see Barfy slavering over the jug-shaped head of her last-born, nor does she hear the ceaseless stream of prattle emanating from Dolly’s ever-flapping mouth. Her features set in a mask of enigmatic neutrality, Thelma struggles to suppress a crashing wave of existential nausea.” –Higgs Boatswain

And the hilarious runners up!

“Oh, Gunther! You’re just like Gandhi, if Gandhi liked to physically assault people while their backs were turned.” –Chyron HR

“I looked up ‘Braxton Hicks contractions’ myself, and nowhere does it mention inexplicable shape-shifting. Tommie’s diagnosis for Nina is clearly incorrect.” –mstgator

“When you look back at this season you should do it with pride. Personally though, I can’t even be bothered to look back at my team as I finish this half-assed sorry-I-blew-it speech on the way out the door. See you in gym class, losers!” –Nate

“Why does Marvin’s mom have three breasts? Is the strip moving to a war footing against Judge Parker?” –Dood

“Given that I have no idea what happened (nor do I care to find out) between Parker Bowen’s suspension and Milford’s defeat, I’m going to assume that the last two days of have consisted of Gil furiously trying to find some rule that automatically disqualifies any team whose players have cornrows.” –Irrischano

Mary Worth: “The giant Belgian waffle is back! My new favorite character!” –Flummoxicated

“Man, you know what would be way more interesting than reading about the unventures of Shoe and Perfesser? Reading about the life of Good Samaritan Hipster Duck. All day he just drives around the (city? treetops? Where the hell does Shoe take place augh what the hell) in his shooter cap and scarf and does minor good deeds.” –bunivasal

“PJ sure seems to enjoy eating his … clod … of something?” –sporknpork

“I think we all know that if today’s strip was truly a distillation of Judge Parker, the shooter would show up at Chesty Shotgun Blonde’s hideout to give her a solid platinum medal for being the best assassination target ever, before promptly dying and leaving his till now unmentioned vast wealth to her. Because she earned it.” –Alex

“Who’s the target audience for Gil Thorp anyway? What demographic gets excited about harassing local tattoo shop owners?” –AndyL

“Who would have ever possibly thought that the most realistically drawn character in Gil Thorp would be the cat-person from Avatar?” –BradyJ

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This entry was posted on Friday, March 9, 2012 at 07:37 pm and is filed under metaposts. |

40 responses to “Metapost: Sunshine on my COTW makes me happy”

  1. bats :[
    March 9th, 2012 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    Congrats to all the floaters, and just to Higgs Boatswain for his/her screen name alone! Float on!

  2. Irrischano
    March 9th, 2012 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    thanks josh!

  3. gnome de blog
    March 9th, 2012 at 8:12 pm [Reply]

    An exceptionally toothsome collection of floaters, to be sure.

    However, I’d like to risk trespassing on Pope Josh’s prerogative with an unofficial chest-bump for Calico, who observed of the improbable April Bowers:

    As long as she works that shotgun like a claw, there should be no problem.

  4. Chyron HR
    March 9th, 2012 at 8:14 pm [Reply]

    I myself happen to have sunshine in my stomach, like I just rocked my baby to sleep.

  5. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    March 9th, 2012 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    Congrats to the floaters!

  6. Zerowolf
    March 9th, 2012 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

    Congrats to Higgs Boatswain and this weeks floaters.

  7. Zerowolf
    March 9th, 2012 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

    “A control freak who squashed his spirit and made him a boozer.” Mabel and Foster or Batiuk and Funky? You decide.

  8. Zerowolf
    March 9th, 2012 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    Who says the comics page isn’t educational? Thanks to Judge Parker I learned that predicament is Arabic for breasts.

  9. Judas Peckwood
    March 9th, 2012 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    Outstanding comments all, but Dood’s is the funniest I’ve seen in a long while

  10. Baka Gaijin
    March 9th, 2012 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

    Kudos to all on the float and I’m hoping for Cadbury Eggs for us in the Peanut Gallery.

  11. Peanut Gallery
    March 9th, 2012 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#10): Me, too! Actually, I’ll take almost any kind of candy except Tootsie Rolls. Tootsie Rolls are the most commonly thrown float-candy, because they’re cheap and indestructible. Sadly, while these are good criteria for float-throwing, they don’t bode so well for palatability, IMHO.

    @Gringo (#Y83), @A Smirch Unheeded (#Y165):
    Oh, you guys is talkin’ ’bout Peter Paul Rubens. Dang, now I want a Mounds bar.

  12. Poteet
    March 9th, 2012 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

    Yay for Higgs Boatswain and the other assorted crew members of the merry float! Another good week!

  13. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 9th, 2012 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#1): Hear hear! All right, already, we’ll all float on.

    Congratulations to the COTW crowd. Funny people, funny words.

  14. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 9th, 2012 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

    @Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines (y224):

    MW Ah, here’s part of her problem: Nola has a drinking problem. And by drinking problem, I mean she’s trying to drink without a glass in her hand.

    She must be an Airplane! fan.

  15. Here Come ole Flattoop
    March 9th, 2012 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

    Henceforth (as if you care), my nom de blog will be “Underpants Gnomes”. Yester thread (one word, two? Too hard.) I just think it’s brilliant and I’m naming my new band this. It’s just too damned funny.

  16. Maggie the Cat
    March 9th, 2012 at 11:43 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#11): I will take your Tootsie Rolls. Especially the vanilla ones. Oh yes.

  17. bats :[
    March 9th, 2012 at 11:50 pm [Reply]

    @Maggie the Cat (#16): I’ll take the plain ol’ chocolate ones, too. I think Cadbury eggs are kinda creepy.

  18. Frank Lee Meidere
    March 10th, 2012 at 12:06 am [Reply]

    @Maggie the Cat (#16): There are vanilla Tootsie Rolls?

  19. Trillian
    March 10th, 2012 at 12:08 am [Reply]

    A3G: Tommie wishes Rick would leave her alone. She’s hoping some Reuben-and-beer toots will drive him away.

    Love is…sexy naked vacuuming. Rrrrowr!

    Luann: Ox thinks algebra is what girls get when they swim in the lake in mid-August.

    Mary Worth: We’re going to have to bring in the UN to settle this conflict between Mary and Nola.

    Zits: Sorry, Jeremy, it’s Christian side hugs for you until your wedding day.

  20. Sequitur
    March 10th, 2012 at 12:41 am [Reply]

    MARZIPAN! Chocolate covered MARZIPAN!! And lots of it! Toss it out here NOW!

    And congrats to Higgs Boatswain and the floaters. Way to go!

    Now, toss that chocolate covered MARZIPAN!

  21. Poteet
    March 10th, 2012 at 12:51 am [Reply]

    Milk chocolate, please. Plain milk chocolate, unadulterated by other ingredients. In large quantities. Thank you.

  22. Poteet
    March 10th, 2012 at 12:52 am [Reply]

    And yeah, I know dark chocolate is healthier. I don’t care.

  23. Bill the Butcher
    March 10th, 2012 at 1:04 am [Reply]

    So…Josh, you don’t have a single reader from the Southern Hemisphere, huh?

  24. This Guy
    March 10th, 2012 at 1:06 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#20): I’m not sure Marzipan would appreciate being covered in chocolate and thrown from a parade float.

  25. Droopy Says
    March 10th, 2012 at 1:16 am [Reply]

    Creepy Les: Batiuk, give up the cartooning gig and do Halloween masks. Today’s Les Moore face could scare the Mars bars out of any trick-or-treater.

    Mock Trail: I’m going to sit here and ponder the conundrum of a good bird hunter who can’t tell the difference between birds and rabbits. Or maybe I’ll wonder if Butch is so tired of waiting for a meal that he’s going feral.

  26. Poteet
    March 10th, 2012 at 1:45 am [Reply]

    MT — So Butch the blind dog “heads away from his friends,” huh? The “friends” who threw down a coat and left him alone to wander around and take his chances. He shoulda peed on them before he left.

  27. gnome de blog
    March 10th, 2012 at 1:47 am [Reply]

    @Here Come ole Flattoop (#15):

    Henceforth (as if you care), my nom de blog will be “Underpants Gnomes”.

    As Jack Benny used to say, “Well!”

  28. gnome de blog
    March 10th, 2012 at 1:53 am [Reply]

    When the Red Sox won the World Series in 2004, they more or less became the hated Yankees. Funky Winkerbean will now become For Better or Worse.

  29. Poteet
    March 10th, 2012 at 2:15 am [Reply]

    3/10 A3G — In the second panel, Tommie has somehow turned herself into a cabin boy, and though weird, it’s an improvement.

  30. GaryPotter
    March 10th, 2012 at 2:18 am [Reply]

    FW – Well, at least it didn’t drag on, I guess.

    Also, I just realized why I don’t like the women on this strip, they all have enormous pointed chins.

  31. Underpants Gnomes
    March 10th, 2012 at 3:29 am [Reply]

    FW: As if the foreshadowing wasn’t enough, he actually did it, didn’t he? For some reason the word “treacle” comes to mind.

  32. Comcis Fan
    March 10th, 2012 at 3:48 am [Reply]

    MW: Wisdom from the Lama of Santa Royale. Just add “Grasshopper” after each moral lesson.

    “The things you want may not bring you the ultimate satisfaction you seek.”

    “There’s no need to destroy everyone in your path. Your way will not bring you peace.”

    “Nothing is worth having if it means harming others to obtain it.”

    “Nola’s a sharp dresser. I’d better wear something nice to our lunch tomorrow.”

  33. Ed Dravecky
    March 10th, 2012 at 4:13 am [Reply]

    Congrats to Higgs Boatswain and all the funny folk on the float!

  34. Baka Gaijin
    March 10th, 2012 at 5:25 am [Reply]

    Did Miss Big-hair just make fun of Gunther’s eeny weeny weiner? Why yes, yes she did.

    WARNING: Whale Farts on Slylock Fox.

    Today, Jeffy Keene is more menacing as Dennis the so-called Menace.

  35. Baka Gaijin
    March 10th, 2012 at 6:14 am [Reply]

    Pluggers start the next generation on the road to massive obesity early.

    I predict Tommie will say “Jinkies!”

  36. Doctor Handsome
    March 10th, 2012 at 6:14 am [Reply]

    Hilario from top to bottom, cats and kittens. As per usual.

  37. Curm
    March 10th, 2012 at 6:44 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#34): I’m ashamed to admit that I can’t ever solve those stupid puzzles. I cheat by looking at the answer, then gawk at the damned thing, check fin positions, count whale farts, etc. and basically think: “if you say so…”.

  38. Baka Gaijin
    March 10th, 2012 at 7:44 am [Reply]

    Dean’s expression in the last panel is what I look like when I see a clown.

    Grandad’s expression in the last panel is what I’d like to look like when I see a clown.

  39. Carly
    March 10th, 2012 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    All very funny, but I have to disagree with BradyJ since I thought that was Legolas at first.

  40. greghousesgf
    March 10th, 2012 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    I’m with Sequitur! Dark chocolate covered marzipan!

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