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Metapost: Sunday-comic-skipping comments of the week!

The thought of Gil Thorp hiring one of his student-athletes to kill someone has left me so reeling that I’m not going to get to Sunday’s comics until tomorrow, but I cannot deny the masses the weekly COMMENT OF THE WEEK!

“Oh, well. As someone once said, ‘Early to bed, early to rise, something, something, Mary Worth.’” –John C. Fremont

Also very funny: Runners-up.

“Well, it’s not like the Funky Winkerbean cast has anything better to do on a Sunday. I’ve never seen them in church, though the only reason any character would attend a service is to ask God to free them from life in that horrendously depressing strip.” –Jim

“My issue with the FOOB hybrid isn’t merely that it sucks. It’s that it’s lazy and it sucks.” –Allie Cat

“Jeffy may have some previously undiagnosed cognitive disabilities. And by ‘may have some,’ I mean ‘definitely has many.’ Jeffy is so frustratingly literal-minded that I can’t even envision him successfully selling lightbulbs door to door. He’d misunderstand the instructions and try to eat the lightbulbs or stick them up his nose or something. When brought to the emergency room, he’d say his grandmother told him to do it. So very sad.” –Joe Blevins

“I really love that whole family of crazy indeterminate ethnics.” –Dr. Mad, on the Malotte clan

“Maybe Gil Thorp would make more sense to me if I knew anything about sports. But probably not?” –Shmork

“Mary’s not checking the bylaws, she knows them. She has to get Board approval for the dog, and she’s checking her sheet of who owes her, cause nobody rides the Mary Advice Train for free.” –INotI

“I like that Mary has a couch large enough to seat eight but a coffee table barely big enough to set your drink down on. I imagine her apartment is full of many slightly surreal touches like that, to disorient her guests so they won’t notice when she lights them on fire.” –Tats

“Is anyone else freaked out by the fact that Gil seems to be making his team practice this new offense inside the locker room? No wonder these guys have trouble on the field. They’re too bruised and sore from skittering around the highly waxed locker room floor. Practice must sound like a pack of wild dogs trying to stand up on wood laminate.” –Terry C

“Okay, so here’s the plan, Persuader. I’m going to destroy the Bugle’s delivery infrastructure, sabotage the presses, scare away all the advertisers, make sure that no one buys that stinkin’ rag … then I want to buy it! …Wait. Hang on, that’s a terrible idea. Who the hell persuaded me that this was a good idea? …Persuader!” –Inspector Dim

Pluggers is assuming that there are people out in America-land making recipes with ingredients that they cannot buy. ‘I made tahini-polenta enchiladas but I couldn’t find any tahini or polenta at the store, so I used mayonnaise and pancake mix instead.’” –rhymes with puck

“The problem with not getting Mary Worth in my local paper is that I can’t keep track of all the characters. Oh, wait. That’s a good thing.” –Concrete Queen

“Jeremy appreciates the Beatles for perfectly sensible qualities like chord progressions, harmonies, and lyrics. Then Walt barfs up some half-baked pseudo-musicological balderdash that probably wowed ‘em back in ’79 when they were passing the bong around. And Jeremy says ‘Exactly!’ No, Jeremy, not ‘exactly.’ Walt’s statement isn’t ‘exactly’ anything. I don’t even think it’s ‘approximately’ anything.” –BlinkAndItsOver

“I suspect this condo board non-episode is a metaphor for what the sex in a relationship with Mary Worth would be like: a tiny bit of tease, no follow-through, and you’re left wondering why the hell the topic even came up in the first place.” –DaveyK

“At least that trout is pink on the outside, as opposed to Rex, the self-hating salmon.” –SecretMargo

“Wait, does that mean that plastic water bottles are not actually edible? Uh oh.” –Nekrotzar

“Sweet yellow coat, Tommie. Is it tweed? Does it match your best petticoat? Is that mustard or jaundice yellow? Purchased at Talbots two decades ago, perhaps? No? The ‘poor didn’t want these’ bin at Fraulein Maria’s abbey? Even Ruby looks upset by that coat and the woman wears giant bows in her hair like she’s a six-year-old in a Christmas pageant.” –kitty

“I really, really want to see Gil’s arrest for encouraging an already troubled youth into going on a murderous crime spree. But first, of course, I want to see that crime spree.” –True Fable

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105 responses to “Metapost: Sunday-comic-skipping comments of the week!”

  1. Dingo
    November 18th, 2007 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

    Oh, man. Another great collection of comments!

  2. Lou Shumaker
    November 18th, 2007 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    Whoa! Where is everyone?

    Probably buying Wil Wheaton’s limited-edition hardbound book over on his site. CCers can’t get enough of that sweet, sweet Wesley action!

  3. Pinback65
    November 18th, 2007 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    Congrats to all the Chosen Ones, and a special familial pride tip o’ the hat to John C. Fremont. This might be better than a Heineken salute from Mike Nelson!

  4. Brown-eyed Girl
    November 18th, 2007 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    Congrats to all COTWers. John C. Fremont, your comment made me laugh out loud twice.

    Dingo, welcome back. How did it go?

  5. Jamus The Bartender
    November 18th, 2007 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

    Howdy, folks.
    Jamus T Bartender is back from his visit to the northwoods. Damn the woods are nice. Nothin’ like ‘em. Not creepy at all. No vicious animals or taciturn dairy farmers who make lampshades out of people…well, except for that one time.
    While visiting my niece and nephews, my niece pointed to my Cassandra Cat t-shirt and asked, ” Who’s that?”
    I was so proud. I explained that Cassandra Cat was a comic strip character in Slylock Fox who Slylock has to keep on the straight and narrow…but sometimes doesn’t.
    I left out the parts about cocaine and swiping furniture.
    On a related note, my mother has two nice cats. Smoky Joe and China Blue. One of them, i’m not sure which, was all over me like Cassandra on a catnip bender. I hate to tell Mom , who teaches pre-K at the local Catholic school, that her cats are whores. Nasty whores. They can’t act like that for everyone.
    Some Saturday snarkage…
    9CL: Mom takes a spray bottle to her cats when they do that.
    BC: I thought prehistoric cars ran by foot power, like The Flinstones.
    Dick Tracy: Great. Dick’s so juiced up he’s talking to paintings. I TOLD you guys to call me if anything like this happened. Well, at least he hasn’t shot anyone. Yet.
    Luann: Judging by the Nativity Play storyline, it looks like Greg Evans has undergone some kind of spiritual awakening. Which is a fine thing, and I support it. He’s even gentle with it as opposed to Johnny Hart. Downside–now we’ll NEVER see Luann in a string bikini during the summer.
    It also seems as though Tiffany will either A. Go through a lot of hard work and stress like Mary’s sister, Elizabeth(or was her name Margaret?) did, only to find the true meaning of the holiday season, or…
    2. Make out with Gunther and Knute at the same time, due to the above-mentioned stress, like we thought Toni, TJ and Brad were going to do at Halloween.
    Sally Forth: That WAS actually kinda nice.

  6. Weaselboy
    November 18th, 2007 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

    Congrats to all, and kudos to BlinkAndItsOver. Good stuff.

  7. bats :[
    November 18th, 2007 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    Funny stuff here…it’s like watching all the reruns of late night television talk shows, with the writers strike and all, only funnier.

  8. Ukulele Ike
    November 18th, 2007 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    GREAT collection of COTW, and I was thoroughly tickled and delighted by Josh’s comments on the Saturday strips.

    9CL: Is Brooke gonna get away with saying “shiteater” in the Sunday strip?

  9. John C Fremont
    November 18th, 2007 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

    Geez, I’m speechless. Well, except for the giggling like a schoolgirl and jumping up and down part, but I don’t think that counts as speech. I’m sure Mary Worth could pull out an odd quote or two on the subject, but I am no Mary Worth.

    Hmm, what would Mary Worth do? Of course! Tuna casserole! Where’s my grey food coloring?

    Thanks, Josh! I’m – I’m embarrassed. I think I’m blushing. Wait – no, just a clogged artery. Happens all the time.

  10. Jamus The Bartender
    November 18th, 2007 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    OH, hey, the writer’s strike made me think….as long as we can’t watch any television that’s not reality based or sports, go out and get a copy of League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen: Black Dossier by DC/Wildstorm. Alan Moore wrote it. Kevin O’ Neill drew it. There’s some references to comic strip characters in it. The “Further Adventures Of Fanny Hill” complete with illustrations was cool too.
    Honestly, it was the best thirty bucks i’d ever spent. Sadly, the book is only published in the US due to copyright issues. But it’ll take a while to get through. It’s THAT dense and complex. Plus, I like to think the CCers are smart folk who read a lot.
    Oh, James Bond is in this book too. If you’re a fan of the movies, you’re in for a suprise.
    That’s League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen: Black Dossier, for 29.99 at your local comic store outlet. Tell ‘em Jamus sent you.

  11. Jamus The Bartender
    November 18th, 2007 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

    Oh, Congrats, John. I almost forgot. Being up since three am will do that.

  12. Pinback65
    November 18th, 2007 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

    #10 Jamus–Oddly enough, I nearly picked up a copy of that very LOEG book earlier this weekend, but had saved back my money for the Criterion Collection DVD of Days Of Heaven, and holy crap, I’m glad I did. A great presentation of one of my all-time favorite movies.

    (I’m trying to start a totally off-topic Terrence Malick thread…)

  13. bats :[
    November 18th, 2007 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    8. Ukelele Ike re 9CL: I guess so, Ike. At least being a failed vet school aspirant, I didn’t have to look it up (although I did chuckle a bit).

  14. Jamus The Bartender
    November 18th, 2007 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    12. Well, pick it up next chance you get, Pinback. I haven’t been this inspired since I started The Cat And The Curmudgeon this last summer.
    Days Of Heaven, huh?

  15. Islamorada Girl
    November 18th, 2007 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

    I’ve got an idea! Let’s do a reality show about striking TV writers!

  16. sonneta
    November 18th, 2007 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

    (what I expect on Coffee Talk tomorrow)

    Dear Lynn,

    I really appreciated your portrayal today (11/18) of a woman who had a mastectomy. I myself often felt lopsided after my mastectomy, and it was wonderful to see a mastectomy patient going about everyday life- with no stares or teasing from her friends! Kudos to you, Lynn, for bringing light to this painful consequence of breast cancer!

  17. Jym
    November 18th, 2007 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    =v= JP: There are companies eco-marketing plastic bottles made from cornstarch. The idea is that they’re biodegradable, except for the “bio” part. (The cornstarch comes apart and you’re left with molecules that aren’t exactly what nature has in mind, but out of sight, out of mind, right?) An edible plastic water bottle would presumably work the same way, as does 80% of the type of food favored by Pluggers.

  18. Loopina
    November 18th, 2007 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

    Cool comments, as always!

    FOOB: Wow. The only thing that stuck with me is that in panel one, Elly’s sitting on my first sofa. I bought it at a garage sale and left it in an alley when I was ready to move. Less than an hour after being released into the wild, it was gone – ashes to ashes, born free and all that.

    RMMD: That was the most exciting thing I’ve ever done! Get used to it Niki, there’s a lot more to come! Bom chika waw waw…

    MW: Hi, Chester!

  19. Nightingale
    November 18th, 2007 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

    Jym RE 17- weird. Got a link? How exactly does cornstarch not break down? I mean, chemically, it doens’t breaking back down into the soil in a useful way? I would have thought it would, since we cook with it and eat it. That said, I cook, but I am not a chemist, though I am fully aware that that which does break down doens’t always do so in a manner which is biologically kind to the Earth…. I’d love a link, tho…

    Back to lurking, I’ve got sick dependants (welcome to winter) and no time to snark recently… thankfully, there’ all the professional snarkers out there. I’ll just have to think snarkiness in your general direction instead…..

  20. Nightingale
    November 18th, 2007 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    yeah, and obviously, tonight, tired= “Nightingale can’t type her letters in the right order.” sorry ya’ll

  21. bats :[
    November 18th, 2007 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    18. Loopina re MW: I almost fell for that Petfinders ad featuring Chester, but then I noticed he’s in New Jersey. Mary’s in sunny Santa Royale, California. They’re not the same beagle!
    (Then again, Mary’s little bike jaunt was pretty epic, going through Monument Valley and all…what’s a couple thousand more miles to the East Coast, when you’re being pontificatin’ and platitudin’?)

  22. Saluki
    November 18th, 2007 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

    I move that the following two comic strips be renamed.

    First, the strip known as “Curtis” shall now be known as “Curtis the Menace”.

    Second the strip known as “Dennis the Menace” shall now be known simply as “Dennis”.

    Does anyone second the motion on the floor?

  23. Bobchillingworth
    November 18th, 2007 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    Egad, no one has commented yet on the totally awesome Beetle Bailey snark in today’s Watch Your Head?

  24. Poteet
    November 18th, 2007 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

    I salute you, John C. Fremont, and may your cats applaud! And congratulations to all you other snarky nicely-waving winners! Kitty, you’ll be getting a bill for my new keyboard.

    And now, Spotted H0rse, wherever you are, I’ve got the eggnog and glasses and am ready for my invisible ride on your private invisible uberluxurious supersecret float, thank you very much. If you’ll tell me where it’s parked, please — for some reason, I can’t seem to see it…

  25. Frank Parsnip
    November 18th, 2007 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    Congrats to all the COTWeekers!

    GT: After Roth overhears that exchange between Thorp and Cully, he’ll be able to express with greater precision what the boy has been doing. “It’s not bullying, exactly… it’s more like he’s ‘killing’, or, to be more precise, ‘culling’ people. Yes, I believe it’s fair to say he’s cullying people.”


  26. Deena in OR
    November 18th, 2007 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

    “Faster, Pussycat!! Cull, cull!!”

  27. Red Greenback
    November 18th, 2007 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

    Dagnabbit Deena in OR: You beat to the Qlonq!

  28. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    November 18th, 2007 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

    Let’s play a little word game, shall we?


    Since he has facial hair, Marty Moon is clearly evil. His name implies a lunar association; I would guess he is a werewolf. And it is Cully’s role to eliminate him.

    Coming this spring (or whenever the writer’s strike is over)… Joss Whedon presents:

    Yes, I just watched the third Harry Potter movie, why?

  29. Red Greenback
    November 18th, 2007 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    Oh and yes, I would be remiss in not congratulating John C. Fremont and the cotw ru’s…Y’all light up my life!

  30. Red Greenback
    November 18th, 2007 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

    As the man once said: “Float on you Crazy Cotwers”

  31. Maughta
    November 18th, 2007 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

    Yay! Now I don’t feel bad for not posting on my own blog. Look, everyone, Josh isn’t posting! Wait, nope, still feel bad. Josh posts all the time, is always funny and.. and.. *sniff* Josh makes me feel inadequate.

  32. Dingo
    November 18th, 2007 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    Hey, Brown-Eyed Girl (#4). Things seemed to go very well. Almost scarily well.

    First, if you are ever in the vicinity of Hershey, PA I advise you to NOT visit the Hershey company’s Chocolate World. It was on my way and only seven miles off course so I stopped by Thursday afternoon. Two years ago, the Field Museum in Chicago had an exhibit on chocolate. As you walked through, it took you from the cocoa beans growing in the jungle through the process of becoming chocolate bars. But… the exhibit also discussed how mankind’s obsession with chocolate helped fuel the slavery trade. At Hershey, I was placed into a moving gondola that took me through the same process but it was narrated by three animatronic singing cows praising the production of cocoa beans and their combination with good, wholesome Pennsylvania milk. It was an Up With People! half-time show for chocolate. At the end, I was given a packet of Hershey’s Kissables. Wait, no. A half packet. There were t-shirts, sweatshirts, backpacks… everything but a Hershey dildo for sale.

    I got to Kutztown and was given a tour of the school. Nice place. The next morning was the interview. Seemed to go well. Afterward, a committee member said it was the best PowerPoint presentation he’d ever seen. Now I just have to wait. I really don’t want to leave the area where I live. I love the rivers, the canyons, and all. But I also realize that this one semester gig could lead to them offering me a full-time teaching job. Oh, and I have another interview here in Illinois – in western Illinois – on Tuesday.

    If only I could talk to Mary Worth and ask her what to do.

  33. Lindsey
    November 18th, 2007 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth would tell you to ditch all job and volunteer to take a trek into the amazon and live in a tree to prevent it from being cut down… for the good of all!

  34. Deena in OR
    November 18th, 2007 at 9:59 pm [Reply]


    ::sweet, shy grin::

  35. Red Greenback
    November 18th, 2007 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    Dingo! It looks like things be poppin’ an’ lockin’ (as the kids today say) for you! Here is advice I learned from a 2d physician: “Wet your hands”

  36. Allie Cat
    November 18th, 2007 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

    #32- Dingo – The thing with Mary Worth is, you wouldn’t even have to ask – she’d just tell you.

  37. Pansy Yokum
    November 18th, 2007 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    32 Dingo -

    You have to go on the Mars/M&M factory tour to get decent chocolate dildos. The Hershey ones just melt in your hand.

    Good luck with the job search!

  38. Red Greenback
    November 18th, 2007 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

    Deena in OR: Aw shucks, ‘twernt nothin’ *doing that shoe scuffing thang*

  39. sonneta
    November 18th, 2007 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

    Dingo- I have also been to Chocolate World, and I found it poor. It wasn’t even actual chocolate-making, just… models thereof, in a sort of Animatronic It’s-a-Small-World-After-All sense. And the portion of chocolate I was rewarded with was a fun-sized (read: miniscule) Hershey’s.

    Congrats to John C. Fremont, who definitely made me LOL, as the kids say.

  40. Red Greenback
    November 18th, 2007 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

    CHENNUX: It’s been an Earther coon’s age, but I gotta ask: How’s Peggy? Does she still do a mean Chick Hearn?

  41. Lou Shumaker
    November 18th, 2007 at 10:28 pm [Reply]

    Cripes! Dingo, I LIVE in Hershey! I knew you were coming to eastern PA, but if I had thought you were going down the Hershey Highway, we could have had an emergency meet-up.

    Granted, it wouldn’t have been much beyond showing off my comic collection, wife, cats and kids, but it would have been far more entertaining than Choc World. Their dildos suxs!

    Anyway, good luck on the job quest. If you make it, come by again.

    Is there anyone else in the Hershey area?

  42. Red Greenback
    November 18th, 2007 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

    Didn’t The Simpsons do an animatronic characters going Cully episode?

  43. Red Greenback
    November 18th, 2007 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

    Barbara Hershey…grrroowwwrrr!

  44. Jim
    November 18th, 2007 at 10:41 pm [Reply]

    OMG… I can’t believe I made it into COTW! I’m so happy. (sob) Thank you Josh, thank you, everyone who believed in me.

  45. Red Greenback
    November 18th, 2007 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    Truman Fable: Tao galoofa!

  46. ralph
    November 18th, 2007 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

    I’ve had one of those weeks …
    So I finally get a moment to scoot over here to read the latest postings. The first words onscreen are the COTW …
    I just sit here laughing and laughing, and then, it’s onto all the runners-up. More laughs. Thank you, all. You are all the greatest! Thank you, Josh. Your fan,

  47. Poteet
    November 18th, 2007 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

    # 33 — Lindsey, I would like to think that’s true, because it would indicate that Mary has some actual concern for the world outside herself, however eccentric. My prediction, however, is that she would advise Dingo to become her personal part-time dog-walker and poop-scooper, with occasional forays into plant-watering, dusting, and bicycle maintenance, for $3/hr. Though she’d also advise him to work on a novel in his spare time. (I realize that being a novelist is not necessarily what Dingo aspires to, but I predict Mary wouldn’t care.)

  48. SecretMargo
    November 18th, 2007 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

    Oh baby! Floatin’! And in such good company! You funny, funny cherubs. I sense good things for the week to come.

    Tats, your comment shines particularly bright.

    Good luck on the job, Dingo!

  49. Poteet
    November 18th, 2007 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

    # 37 — Pansy, are you telling me that it’s actually possible to get a tour of the Mars factory? I thought that company was so secretive that their factory was located on a small offshore island guarded 24/7 by machine-gun-turreted boats.

  50. Brown-eyed Girl
    November 18th, 2007 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

    32. Dingo. I’m glad Kutztown went well; good luck with the next one.

    I don’t like Hershey’s chocolate. Does that make me un-American? Will they be sending animatronic singing cows after me?

  51. bats :[
    November 18th, 2007 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

    I like Hershey’s…good, cheap chocolate. The tour sounds execrable and being a factory tour afficionado (Budweiser breweries (several locales), Coors, Rainier, Ocean Spray, Celestial Seasonings, etc.), that says a lot.

    I also LOATHE Kissables. Leave the thin candy shell to taste to the chocolate.

    If the Hershey experience* was the worst thing that happened to you, Dingo, sounds like you had a great trip and interview!

    *Why does this sound like a piece of dialog from Rex Morgan?

  52. Dick, the Doorbell
    November 18th, 2007 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

    Brenda Starr: Grandma looks awfully green there. *sniff, sniff* Uh-oh. That tray of food is going back uneaten, just like every other one since Dorita propped Gran up in her favorite chair and left the TV on the Hallmark Channel.

  53. Poteet
    November 18th, 2007 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

    # 32 — And good luck, Dingo! Hope you’ll get good news.

  54. Ubiq
    November 19th, 2007 at 12:07 am [Reply]

    At this point, I think Shortpacked! is openly courting the Comics Curmudgeon fanbase.

    I eagerly await his take on Mary Worth or Rex Morgan, MD.

  55. Pansy Yokum
    November 19th, 2007 at 12:19 am [Reply]

    49 Poteet -

    I’ve been here too long, I thought you said “machine-gun-turreted goats“, and wondered if that would be more effective than ninjas.

    Must be time for beddy-bye. Night, all!

  56. Pester
    November 19th, 2007 at 12:21 am [Reply]

    “Sweet yellow coat, Tommie. Is it tweed? Does it match your best petticoat? Is that mustard or jaundice yellow? Purchased at Talbots two decades ago, perhaps? No? The ‘poor didn’t want these’ bin at Fraulein Maria’s abbey? Even Ruby looks upset by that coat and the woman wears giant bows in her hair like she’s a six-year-old in a Christmas pageant.” –kitty

    I think that that might actually be a hideous yellow continuity nod. Naturally, Margo fights viciously for the coat one moment, and a few weeks later, it’s on Tommie’s back. Now, I’d just like to see the kind of cattiness that would ensue if the pattern continued itself with boyfriends.

  57. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 19th, 2007 at 12:40 am [Reply]

    Congratulations to John C and the runners-up. You got it goin’ on, so keep it goin’ strong.

    And now a late start on the Sunday comics, which mostly seem Thanksgiving themed. Guess they demand the Sunday six-panel treatment.

    DtM: Stupid, but not menacing. Unless you have poitical power and/or large weapons.

    9CL: Those first two panels with Thorax and the cow make me feel like nothing will ever be right again.

    A3G: I’m sorry, and Neil may be sleazy and lecherous enough for Broadway. But no way can he handle the Hollywood game. Not if he picked out that sweater.

    MT: In praise of hunting and fishing. I only with that fish with the hook in its mouth said “And how!” in the last panel. Or maybe, “You said a mouthful, Trail.”

    RMMD: In the second to last panel, they for some reason used bold print for the word “more” instead of the word “come.” Strange.

    JP: Judging from Sam’s stance in the final panel, he wants to eat a tennis racket.

    Marvin: Credit where credit is due. This is different, maybe even funny. Definitely nightmarish, so an effect has been achieved.

    FOOB: Hybrids on Sunday, too? Can’t even work one day a week now?

    MW: Mary is going to try and find the beagle’s owner? I can only hope that this leads to a battle of wills between Mary and Charlie Brown. Oh yes, Mary, you do have cunning. But he’s a fatalistic depressive from Minnesota, and he’s got nothing left to lose. Watch your back.

  58. Spotted HØrse
    November 19th, 2007 at 1:00 am [Reply]

    Congratulations to COTWers for another awesome week of snarktastic quips, shenanigans and tomfoolery, especially Mr. John C. Fremont… you make it look easy!

    Poteet, I’m parked in the fire lane right in front of EAT Cafe. Jump on up! Egg nog sounds good! In glasses, you say? Hooo! I’ve got Rice Krispies treats! Put some music on the PA, and let’s get our float on!

  59. prospero
    November 19th, 2007 at 1:00 am [Reply]

    Maybe Gil Thorp would make more sense to everybody if Gil knew more about sports. His coaching skills make Charlie Weis look like the genius that tub o’ guts claims to be.

  60. Broken Skittles
    November 19th, 2007 at 1:22 am [Reply]

    Monday’s Crock + Last Week’s JP: Sophie has seriously miscalculated if she thinks the goat community will be a valid niche market.

  61. The Avocado Avenger
    November 19th, 2007 at 1:24 am [Reply]

    #57 Artist – I think the FOOB was just drawn to look like a hybrid. It’s part of her retconning John into being a sleaze for the last 30-odd years.

    Congratz to all the winners! John, your COTW just kills me. I’ll be saying it for weeks.

  62. Eaquae Legit
    November 19th, 2007 at 1:26 am [Reply]

    MT: Aside from the colour, I would swear that is an RCMP uniform, lovingly rendered by our friend Elrod. It even has the lanyard, the cross-chest leather strap thingy, and the collar insignia. I think this one is just a goof of the colour-monkeys, although it’s hard to imagine them not remembering the BRIGHT RED. The RCMP do have a brown uniform, but it’s different than the one Elrod drew.

    These are definitely Canuck caricatures. What forest ranger pats an angry man on the head? And who aside from les Quebecois could – even in caricature – utter the line “Thanks, my friend” with a straight face. It’s too bad Elrod forgot to footnote that he’s translating from the original Quebecois French.

  63. Poteet
    November 19th, 2007 at 1:32 am [Reply]

    # 58 — Spotted H0rse, the Internets just made my comment invisible — I’ll try again. Thanks for sharing your float! Whoa, even the nog is invisible up here and those Krispies are wonderful! I’m twenty times more beautiful than ever before, and who’s going to argue? And you’re pretty fantastic-looking yourself! And the music is excellent! Boogie down!

  64. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    November 19th, 2007 at 1:35 am [Reply]

    How come Monday’s TDIET, with its premise of “don’t you hate it when this happens with your purse?”, is submitted by somebody named “Rob”?

    I mean, not that there’s anything wrong with a dude carrying a purse, but would he really call it a “purse”?

    Also, for what must be the first time EVER, the strip Ziggy seems to be saying something, and I have to say I agree with it. Anchovies do not belong on pizza, and the absurdity of putting any fish on pizza is illustrated aptly by the merely slight exaggeration of placing a big honkin’ entire TROUT on the pizza; head, tail, and all. I mean, that’s what you might as well be doing if you’re putting anchovies on there. Am I right?

  65. Frank Parsnip
    November 19th, 2007 at 1:48 am [Reply]

    A3G: Gina’s going to Hollywood to star in her first-ever movie, boy that’s going to make it a hit. Somewhere, a producer is sitting about thinking: “I really need to open up more roles to newcomers of Janeane Garafalo height and build but with fucked-up hair and annoying personalities.”

    MW: Yes, “charitable” is one word for bringing a dog in. I mean, all this might seem nice and all, but let’s not forget that taking home a well-behaved beagle with no overt health problems could also be seen by some people as: “my lucky day.” “Charitable” could perhaps better be used to describe the valuable work of Dr. Jeff Corey in treating antibiotic-resistant venereal diseases in Southeast Asia, but god knows that’s not acceptable in Mary’s view.


    CULLY: “That’s crazy, coach… I’m no contract killer, and it doesn’t work like that. I have to know the person before I look into their eyes and watch the lights go out from within. I then tear the skin, wear the skin, and use it to be reborn into universes beyond the understanding of men.”

    MT: The doughboy is telling Malotte not to “do anything foolish”? Like what? Dressing up in frickin’ doughboy uniform and hiking on down to the local bar in hopes that the rest of the Canadian Village People will show up? The puttees take forever to wrap, but they sure make his calves look slim…

    Sex Organ, M.D.: After releasing that enormous pink trout with a salmon’s head on it, they go back to the cabin. Apparently the only sockeye they’ll be getting tonight will be when Rex lets loose with his famous donkey-punch.

    Funky Pantysniffer: Black Dahlia/The Man Who Laughs fan alert: Harry’s mouth has been cut so as to allow the edges of his smirk to extend into the middle of his cheeks.

    Jugs Parker: Sophie has kept her silence, but Sam should never have short-changed Trudi her opportunity to thank him carnally… Trudi’s ensured that Abbey will be able to watch Sam wriggle for the next 4 weeks, and I think I speak for nearly everyone here when I say we’d prefer that it was Busty, Trudi or Abbey who was wriggling.

  66. Poteet
    November 19th, 2007 at 1:51 am [Reply]

    FC — Billy is supposedly seven years old, but he often talks like a really boring fifty-year-old Babbitt. Either way, I don’t understand why he’d be playing football.

    RMMD — This strip has already demolished the image of fishing for me, and now it’s jumping up and down gleefully and dancing on it.

    MW — How many more days of this insane drivelling moral smugness must we endure??? Have mercy, Moy and Giella! Stop punishing us for loving you!

    MT — Yep, when I’m really furious, nothing calms me down faster than a patronizing comment and hearty hair-ruffling by a really large officer of the law.

  67. Frank Parsnip
    November 19th, 2007 at 1:53 am [Reply]

    GT’s Cully @ 65, above: I recall Phil Hartman in a sketch in which he led a fan club for “the guy who played Mr. Belvedere” had a similar line re: “”to tear the flesh, to wear the flesh, to be born unto new worlds where his flesh becomes my key”. It just crept into my mind, much in the way that I can’t think of the war in Iraq without Josh’s “General Halftrack or Half-Assed?” line.

  68. AMC
    November 19th, 2007 at 2:10 am [Reply]

    RMMD Ah, the after-glow of trout fishing with a young boy….

    Laugh out loud funny week after week – it HAS to be intentional.

    JP She was a warm charcoal briquette . . . IN MY PANTS!

    GT Gil’s tete-a-tete with Cully in his office ends prematurely….

    MW In desparate straights, her meddling and self-aggrandizement forked by Toby’s deft move to ambiguous hollow compliments, Mary responds with the Queen’s platitude gambit declined.

    MT Apparently, you rub French Canadians’ heads for luck.

    I didn’t know that.

  69. JG!
    November 19th, 2007 at 2:58 am [Reply]

    Hey, there’s a CC shout-out in The Onion AV Club today!

  70. Dingo
    November 19th, 2007 at 3:01 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: the George Ryan of Charterstone.

    If you’re not from Illinois, you probably won’t understand that.

  71. dale
    November 19th, 2007 at 3:51 am [Reply]

    62 – Eaquae Legit – MT
    The leather strap thing is called a Sam Browne belt.

    Gil Thorp, Monday
    They just used the 30 flavors of ice cream but no chocolate joke.

    Dingo – When was “Field” put back in the name? When I was growing up it was Natural History or maybe Museum of … Only people my parents’ age used Field. Was this like switching Boulder back to Hoover?
    Good luck on the job search.

  72. Spotted HØrse
    November 19th, 2007 at 4:03 am [Reply]

    #63 Poteet: Thanks, Poteet, you are indeed a vision! And regardez how well I dance while invisible. Good thing this float has autopilot, or our ability to boogie would be sadly restrained. Float on!

  73. Red Greenback
    November 19th, 2007 at 4:03 am [Reply]

    NY’erCC time:
    -”His schtick kinda lost his luster when he stopped saying ‘Here’s Johnny!’”
    -”More milk?”
    -”That’s what happens when your grazer’s best friend is a glazier”
    - “Don’t mind Barry, He’s been like this ever since Lamborghini cut off his royalties”

  74. Spotted HØrse
    November 19th, 2007 at 4:06 am [Reply]

    BC: For those pining for Rusty in JP, there’s a very special chestacular panel 1 in BC today. For you, from Mason!

  75. Broken Skittles
    November 19th, 2007 at 4:08 am [Reply]

    # 64, Skullturf – I think Rob is the cashier, the one who’s “heard it all before.” Or maybe it’s just short for Roberta.

  76. NJP
    November 19th, 2007 at 4:08 am [Reply]

    JP: “I wouldn’t say she’s an old flame… the term we used back then was ‘fuck buddies’.”

    RMMD: As the homoerotic subtext rapidly becomes text (I think I stole that from someone here). I’m becoming bored with this storyline. Where’s June? When can we see her engage in some Grade A ballbusting again?

  77. Red Greenback
    November 19th, 2007 at 4:11 am [Reply]

    -”Lord Vishnu, Sometimes I wish he wasn’t so sacred!”

  78. Mibbitmaker
    November 19th, 2007 at 4:14 am [Reply]


    GT: “…So you’ve been telling me that I’m no killer — by getting me to KILL SOMEONE?!?? YEESH!!”

    FW: Harry Dinkle is Robert Loggia??

    FC: Not to confuse sports, Billy, but you’re no Jonathan Pappelbon!

    FOOB: Yep, her personality certainly emerged here: obnoxious crying li’l brat.

    S-M: There’s nowhere for this to go but reeeeeeeally ugly!

    MG&G: Well, he does look like that gratingly annoying chauffer from “Hart to Hart”.

    Cranky: …And I think it sounds stupid. The idea and the strips it’ll inspire.

    H&L: Trixie states the flipside to the Beatles’ song
    “I Walrus”.

    Drabble: Hell, Wendy, get Cully Vale to do it.

  79. TB Tabby
    November 19th, 2007 at 4:19 am [Reply]

    A3G: And from there, you’re going straight to DVD!

    Crock: Sophie, take note.

    FC: Who were the kids that DIDN’T make the cut?!

    MC: How long is it before Norm firebombs Mike’s house in a crazed fit of jealousy?

    MT: “You need to calm down, Malotte. Here, have some caffiene!”

    NAoQV: If you ask me, he’s concerned with neither.

    Preteena: George Carlin comes up with jokes like this in his sleep. And then he discards them.

  80. Red Greenback
    November 19th, 2007 at 4:32 am [Reply]

    -”Up for a threesome, Elsie?”

  81. Eaquae Legit
    November 19th, 2007 at 6:18 am [Reply]

    #71, dale: Good to know. My Mountie-spotting has always been at a distance.

  82. John C Fremont
    November 19th, 2007 at 7:01 am [Reply]

    MW – A quote from Bob Hope? Really?

    RMMD – “After the loving, I’m still in love with you.”

    JP – (sigh!) Abbey’s back. And her front looks pretty good too! (That joke wowed ‘em back in third grade. Stick with the classics, I say.)

  83. Frank Parsnip
    November 19th, 2007 at 7:05 am [Reply]

    Dingo: Ok, glad to hear the interview went well, but you still haven’t reported on the Hershey oompa-loompas yet. Years of interbreeding has made them nearly our size, but the funny hair is apparently a dominant genetic trait that carries over. Or were you only stuck watching the animatronics with absolutly no access to the real manufacturing areas? Do tell!!

  84. Anson Pants
    November 19th, 2007 at 7:08 am [Reply]

    JP If I was looking at Abbey and thinking of Rusty Id be thinking “good sandwich” too, but I wouldn’t say it out loud.

  85. Frank Parsnip
    November 19th, 2007 at 7:21 am [Reply]

    Shit. Now I have that oompa-loompa song running through my head…

  86. Zamboni_Rodeo
    November 19th, 2007 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    FC: Billy must have gotten a tryout with the Mudlarks. Only Gil Thorpe could be deluded enough to think the little brat would ever have a chance of getting into the endzone in the first place.

    Billy, you’re no Chad Johnson.

  87. Inspector Dim
    November 19th, 2007 at 7:59 am [Reply]

    TDIET parody in Shortpacked! today.

    Shortpacked!, we love you.

  88. Ryl
    November 19th, 2007 at 8:10 am [Reply]

    MT: I’m shocked! A man with facial hair is being treated kindly!

    MW: Toby has Stepford eyes. Chilling.

    RMMD: It’s official: Wilson and Nolan know exactly what they’re doing and they’re cackling along with us.

  89. Godzooky
    November 19th, 2007 at 8:15 am [Reply]

    I’m a little late with this, but FYI: Sunday’s Single and Looking pokes a little fun at FW and FBoFW.

  90. Inspector Dim
    November 19th, 2007 at 8:15 am [Reply]

    “Ha ha, Cully, I’ve been trying to tell you that you’re no killer! Why, you’re as harmless as a kitten! What do you mean by ‘I’ll show you’? Wait, where are you going?”

  91. The Divine O’F
    November 19th, 2007 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    Congrats to all the excellent snarkers on the float. This seemed to me to be an exceptionally funny collection.

    Dingo: Congrats on the good interview! May it lead to a job offer!

  92. Whippersnapper
    November 19th, 2007 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    FW: So Harry’s not completely deaf yet? Wow, by Winkerworld standards, today’s strip is downright chipper. Of course, this is likely just a brief reprieve before Batiuk has Harry’s ears ripped off by wild dogs, or some such thing.

  93. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    November 19th, 2007 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    9CL: And here I thought “apothegm” was the word for the highest point of the parabolic path of a loogie hocked into the air.

    A3G: “We’re thinking of renaming it ‘Kitties!’ with an exclamation point.” Boy, the Writer’s Guild strike really has Hollywood desperate. The good thing is, after breaking the picket line like this, Neil will never work in Hollywood again.

    DtM: That’s not menacing. Using a leaf blower as a hair dryer, that’s a little menacing. Putting a paint-stripping heat gun in the bathroom in place of Mom’s hair dryer? Now that would be menacing!

    FC: “An’ they wanted to know if Mommy could sew the skirt for my uniform!”

    GT: “See? I’ve been trying to tell you that you’re no killer! Now, do you think any of your new friends might be? I mean, yeah, I’m glad for you, but I really do want Marty Moon dead.”

    JP: Rusty was a “good sandwich”? Pay attention, Sam! You just told Abbey about your Rusty-Trudi threeway! Better find something in that paper to change the subject to by tomorrow’s strip!

    MW: Poor, poor Mary. She can’t even control her platitudes any more. Someone should put on a telethon to help find a cure for people like her who suffer from an aphorism version of Tourette’s syndrome. “Aphorrhea is a kindness is it’s own reward terrible disease! As you may have a stitch in time saves nine gathered, I have lived with a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush aphorrhea for years. Please, won’t you turn that frown upside-down send in a pledge to help us catch more flies with honey find a cure than you can with vinegar?”

    Pluggers: I’d say it’s impossible. I wouldn’t know how to “sheep delk” or “wagn eat” either, and I have no idea where the “attk” is.

    SFx: Listen, banana breath, Cassandra Cat didn’t get away with it when she tried to pull the same gag a few months back. And you ain’t got her cans or her oral talents, and I ain’t talking about her fibbing skills, if ya catch my drift. So you might as well spill it.

    SS: Ah, yes, my second-least favorite word in the comixtionary: “Reckymember.” It’s right next to my least-favorite word, FC‘s “Rememberies.”

    Ziggy: That pizza would go over great in Japan.

  94. Jim
    November 19th, 2007 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    Happy Nashanull Keel-A-Zeeba Day, everybody.

  95. Steve
    November 19th, 2007 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker: It’s great to have gorgeous Abbey back, but it appears to me that her bust has shrunk. How could she lose weight in Paris?

  96. Girl Randolph
    November 19th, 2007 at 8:43 am [Reply]


    Firstly things first – The added narration is completely out of character for Liz. She’s not the self-deprecating type. I can see April saying this. I can see SuperMike saying this as a segue into how it made him funny, self reliant or some other noble quality. But Liz isn’t one to make fun of herself.

    However, I don’t find it hard to believe that Elizabeth didn’t have a personality until she could crawl. She barely has one now.

    That quibble aside, is it horrible for a child who just took a tumble down some stairs to seek attention, comfort and care? Where the hell were Elly and John. Was Liz simply allowed to just wander about the house with no supervision? Apparently Elly couldn’t even be bothered to make sure her baby didn’t fall down the stairs. Even Britney knows better.

  97. True Fable
    November 19th, 2007 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    Congratulations to John C Fremont, whose Mary-snark is damn near perfection, and to all the nominees on the COTW Float! And yeah hey! There’s little Truman at the back of the float, throwing trinkets to the crowd with a ninja goat at his side. Only you probably can’t see it; it’s a ninja, you know.

    Red Greenback – tao galoofa, indeed!

    Man, I slept in last night, my snark is late late late.

  98. Keg of Curd
    November 19th, 2007 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    The thing about today’s Heathcliff is — trust me, I know those people — you could sound klaxons, set off fireworks, and wave a big flag, and they still wouldn’t get the fucking hint.

    I bet they stayed for another hour, at least.

  99. Loopina
    November 19th, 2007 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    GF: Yeah, been there, done that. I love Satchel’s expressions.

    GT: What is the name of the one-legged kid? I sifted through some old strips to try and find out, but GT makes my eyes hurt.

  100. SmartPeopleOnIce
    November 19th, 2007 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    Congratulations to John C. Fremont! I knew that quip was gonna make the list the first time I laughed at it. And now, there it is, makin’ the list. Right there! as Howard Cosell used to say.


  101. Gold-Digging Nanny
    November 19th, 2007 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    Congrats, COTWers! Nice batch this week, which is more than I can say for those tahini polenta enchiladas I made.

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