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Metapost: Sunday-comic-skipping comments of the week!

The thought of Gil Thorp hiring one of his student-athletes to kill someone has left me so reeling that I’m not going to get to Sunday’s comics until tomorrow, but I cannot deny the masses the weekly COMMENT OF THE WEEK!

“Oh, well. As someone once said, ‘Early to bed, early to rise, something, something, Mary Worth.’” –John C. Fremont

Also very funny: Runners-up.

“Well, it’s not like the Funky Winkerbean cast has anything better to do on a Sunday. I’ve never seen them in church, though the only reason any character would attend a service is to ask God to free them from life in that horrendously depressing strip.” –Jim

“My issue with the FOOB hybrid isn’t merely that it sucks. It’s that it’s lazy and it sucks.” –Allie Cat

“Jeffy may have some previously undiagnosed cognitive disabilities. And by ‘may have some,’ I mean ‘definitely has many.’ Jeffy is so frustratingly literal-minded that I can’t even envision him successfully selling lightbulbs door to door. He’d misunderstand the instructions and try to eat the lightbulbs or stick them up his nose or something. When brought to the emergency room, he’d say his grandmother told him to do it. So very sad.” –Joe Blevins

“I really love that whole family of crazy indeterminate ethnics.” –Dr. Mad, on the Malotte clan

“Maybe Gil Thorp would make more sense to me if I knew anything about sports. But probably not?” –Shmork

“Mary’s not checking the bylaws, she knows them. She has to get Board approval for the dog, and she’s checking her sheet of who owes her, cause nobody rides the Mary Advice Train for free.” –INotI

“I like that Mary has a couch large enough to seat eight but a coffee table barely big enough to set your drink down on. I imagine her apartment is full of many slightly surreal touches like that, to disorient her guests so they won’t notice when she lights them on fire.” –Tats

“Is anyone else freaked out by the fact that Gil seems to be making his team practice this new offense inside the locker room? No wonder these guys have trouble on the field. They’re too bruised and sore from skittering around the highly waxed locker room floor. Practice must sound like a pack of wild dogs trying to stand up on wood laminate.” –Terry C

“Okay, so here’s the plan, Persuader. I’m going to destroy the Bugle’s delivery infrastructure, sabotage the presses, scare away all the advertisers, make sure that no one buys that stinkin’ rag … then I want to buy it! …Wait. Hang on, that’s a terrible idea. Who the hell persuaded me that this was a good idea? …Persuader!” –Inspector Dim

Pluggers is assuming that there are people out in America-land making recipes with ingredients that they cannot buy. ‘I made tahini-polenta enchiladas but I couldn’t find any tahini or polenta at the store, so I used mayonnaise and pancake mix instead.’” –rhymes with puck

“The problem with not getting Mary Worth in my local paper is that I can’t keep track of all the characters. Oh, wait. That’s a good thing.” –Concrete Queen

“Jeremy appreciates the Beatles for perfectly sensible qualities like chord progressions, harmonies, and lyrics. Then Walt barfs up some half-baked pseudo-musicological balderdash that probably wowed ‘em back in ’79 when they were passing the bong around. And Jeremy says ‘Exactly!’ No, Jeremy, not ‘exactly.’ Walt’s statement isn’t ‘exactly’ anything. I don’t even think it’s ‘approximately’ anything.” –BlinkAndItsOver

“I suspect this condo board non-episode is a metaphor for what the sex in a relationship with Mary Worth would be like: a tiny bit of tease, no follow-through, and you’re left wondering why the hell the topic even came up in the first place.” –DaveyK

“At least that trout is pink on the outside, as opposed to Rex, the self-hating salmon.” –SecretMargo

“Wait, does that mean that plastic water bottles are not actually edible? Uh oh.” –Nekrotzar

“Sweet yellow coat, Tommie. Is it tweed? Does it match your best petticoat? Is that mustard or jaundice yellow? Purchased at Talbots two decades ago, perhaps? No? The ‘poor didn’t want these’ bin at Fraulein Maria’s abbey? Even Ruby looks upset by that coat and the woman wears giant bows in her hair like she’s a six-year-old in a Christmas pageant.” –kitty

“I really, really want to see Gil’s arrest for encouraging an already troubled youth into going on a murderous crime spree. But first, of course, I want to see that crime spree.” –True Fable

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