Main content:


Metapost: Comedic comments of the week!

Hey there! Your COTW in a moment, but one last reminder that you can see me and many other funny people do funny comedy in downtown Baltimore, tomorrow (Saturday), in the Doomhilda Festival of Lights! 8 p.m., E.M.P. Collective, 307 W. Baltimore St. Be there or be somewhere less fun!

But few things are more fun than your comment of the week!

“I’m pretty ignorant of both (a) football penalty rules and (b) Gil Thorp conventions (other than the annual hideous family Christmas card). Does it mean anything that the penalty flag has breached the border of the third panel? Is it escaping?” –sally

And the very funny runners up!

“[In panel three] that is the look and posture of a guy using a urinal.” –Dale

“Otto knows that the first thing to do when trying to deter sharks is to start peeing in the water as calmly as possible.” –Chareth Cutestory

“Wait, is this whole storyline just a daydream Otto’s having while he lolls in a bubble bath?” –Doctor Handsome

“I didn’t make the paper myself. There were lots of people involved in it too. The reporters who did the stories, the editors, the boys who run the printers.” –Liam

YES! A crime I didn’t even try to stop resulted in virtually no harm done! This is the closest I’ve come to a victory in years!” –Doctor Handsome

“In The Birds, Hitchcock deliberately made a relatively normal movie up to the moment the eponymous birds do their thing. Can we hope the writer of Mary Worth is a Hitchcock fan? Because I’ll pay good money to see the birds carry off One-Arm’s new prosthesis.” –Voshkod

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

41 responses to “Metapost: Comedic comments of the week!”

  1. Baka Gaijin
    December 7th, 2012 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    How did I miss so many great comments? Congrats to all.

  2. lynn
    December 7th, 2012 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    I can’t believe that Hieronymus Bosch drinking turpentine didn’t make it. Not to mention prehensile rectums.

  3. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 7th, 2012 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    Congrats, float-folk! These are more fun than reading freshman prose.

  4. Liam
    December 7th, 2012 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    Damn! Three weeks in a row. Either I’m getting better at snarking or the inanity of these comics are really getting to me.

  5. Ringo Beaumont III
    December 7th, 2012 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    I’m concerned that I managed to miss the installment of Mary Worth where it was acknowledged that Jim got a prosthetic arm. And I’m even more concerned that I’m concerned about missing it.

  6. Chareth Cutestory
    December 7th, 2012 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#4): Nice job, Three-peater, and a very gentlemanly tip of the hat to everyone else.

  7. Mibbitmaker
    December 7th, 2012 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    Late, and an even shorter list of strips in this post than the number of CotW comments. Any necessary oversnarpologies….

    BBlues: Well, they’ve now stereotyped both genders with tiresome sexist cliches this week. Lynn Johnston would be proud!

    Love is…. Mary Matalin and James Carville.

    RwO: Peter Tork’s auntie!

  8. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    December 7th, 2012 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#2): Or peeing tapirs!

  9. Baka Gaijin
    December 7th, 2012 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#7): To be fair, Josh is spending most of his time writing a novel, right?

  10. bats :[
    December 7th, 2012 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    Enough for now…I really need to keep worrying about getting ready for the holidays!

  11. KreatureFeatures
    December 7th, 2012 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    Very funny roundup this week, with a double Doctor Handsome, even.
    Voshkod made me laugh.

  12. Ed Dravecky
    December 7th, 2012 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    Congrats to sally and all the funny folk on the float.

  13. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 7th, 2012 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    Congrats to all!

  14. pastordan, snark late shift
    December 7th, 2012 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#3): I heard that, girlfriend. Congrats, all!

  15. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 7th, 2012 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#y160): I would rather see Betty bathing with her pussy.
    Okay.

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#y188): Ah, those happy months in the late 70s, when I lived in the ol’ Northern Hotel. One reason for moving out was the street noise on weekends. I miss the view of the Strang Grain elevator, but it’s been gone for years now anyway.

    @lynn (#2): Thanks for the sentiment. I think I tried too hard.

    CoTW – Cumulative effect. By the time I got to Doctor Handsome, I was making little noises. Congrats, all!

  16. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    December 7th, 2012 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#15): Yes, the Northern… There’s a Starbucks in the north corner now, but at least they’ve taken the dome and cleaned/repaired the old fire damage.

    http://www.lostfortcollins.net/2011/01/28/northern-hotel/

  17. Jamus The Bartender
    December 7th, 2012 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations Sally, et al. Now, on to other things.

    9CL: Schultz did it first.

    Luann: South Park did something similarat Halloween when the boys dressed as The Avengers and Stan had to stay in, but Kyle set up an iPad on a dolly so people could see his Captain America costume. I’d bet a dollar this won’t be anywhere nearly as funny.

    Sally Forth: I have a feeling we’re going to see a lot of tables loaded with half empty gin bottles and glasses along the lines of the MST3K movie I Accuse My Parents

    And now…
    A Strip Jamus Hardly Ever Reads

    Arctic Circle
    What it’s about:
    In the arctic wastes, a group of Soviet scientists and military personnel gather to design and build a doomsday device to act as a deterrent to American military adventurism…no, it’s just a bunch of talking penguins and polar bears.

    Good points: The artwork is pretty good. Nice linework, easy on the eyes.
    Bad points: The blurb says it’s ” about three penguins who have migrated from the Antarctic to the small town of Snowpeak, within the Arctic Circle.” And, they deal with ” everything the 21st century has to throw at them” I’m thinking it’s stuff like Facebook and Oprah Winfrey’s reading lists, and not things like WMDs and missle silos. You know, cool stuff.
    Snark Factor: A little bit, but…gosh, those penguins are so cute, you wanna hug ‘em, and who wants to mock that?
    Sex Factor: Plenty. I think there’s a snow bunny in the cast, and…honestly, what else is there to do in the snow all day?
    Geek Factor: Well, Luke Skywalker gained a lot of movie mileage getting lost in the snow in Empire, so there’s that.
    Can Cassandra Cat come out and play?: She sure can. We know she likes to ski, but sadly, there isn’t always a lot to steal in the Arctic since the Yukon gold rush, so it’s a mixed bag.

  18. agony
    December 7th, 2012 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#17): You missed the defining feature of this comic, which is that it has never, in the history of the strip, been even a little bit funny.

  19. Voshkod
    December 7th, 2012 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    “For more than a year, ominous rumors had been privately circulating among high-level Western leaders that the Soviet Union had been at work on what was darkly hinted to be the ultimate weapon: a doomsday device. Intelligence sources traced the site of the top secret Russian project to the perpetually fog-shrouded wasteland below the Arctic peaks of the Zhokhov Islands. What they were building or why it should be located in such a remote and desolate place no one could say.”

    Mix that with your Arctic Circle and we’ve got us a comic!

  20. Jamus The Bartender
    December 7th, 2012 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

  21. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 7th, 2012 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations to the Commentors of the Week. Salud to all!

  22. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 7th, 2012 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    @Ringo Beaumont III (#5): If it makes you feel any better, Karen Moy pretty much missed it too. Dawn made a brief mention on Thursday, but it’s the very definition of afterthought.

  23. pastordan, snark late shift
    December 7th, 2012 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

    This one here‘s for Baka Gaijin, if he’s still reading…

  24. seismic-2
    December 7th, 2012 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations to the float-folk! And Voshkod’s Eponymous Birds would make a good name for a rock band, or maybe a video game.

  25. Dale
    December 7th, 2012 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

    I figured striped-shirt guy was saying: Can somebody get me a clean hanky?

  26. Droopy Says
    December 8th, 2012 at 1:13 am [Reply]

    Congratulations to all the floaters!

    ========
    Spiderdick: Parker’s left hand may be his jazz hand, but the look on Jameson’s face says that his right hand is playing a decidedly non-jazz instrument. And is Jameson related to Phil Hitler?

    Spiderdick, again: The shock on Jameson’s face conveys an entire conversation: “By gum, Parker may have something non-contagious here! The cops just might think that an arch-villainous super-criminal fashion victim might have–accomplices! Trained chimps who break into houses and steal nothing of great value! It’s the perfect dry run for entering a museum, evading its staff and their high-tech surveillance equipment, and stealing a tiara which he can’t possibly hock or ransom without getting arrested–ohmigawd I’m thinking like Peter Parker, somebody please shoot me!”

    Flunky: This is funny because . . . uh . . . because nobody cares about Crazy, including Funky Whosawhatsa, who has vanished, leaving his friend acquaintance alone with his schizophrenic babbling. No, wait, that isn’t funny. It could be tragic, but . . . no, you can’t have tragedy if you don’t care about the people.

    Phantom: So after swinging on the vine, Stripey-Butt ends up trapped again. Nice getaway, Kit. Are you waiting for the lionness to finally drop from that double dose of Bandar Joy Juice? I think you have a better chance of the kitty dying from boredom.

    Mock Trail: Otto, Trail is doing it . . . man, that sounds disgusting . . . because it’s no fun to unleash the Fists o’ Justice against a shark-mangled corpse.

    Shoe: Some day less than nothing will happen in this strip, and of course it will be marked with the goggle-eyed look of horror.

  27. Poteet
    December 8th, 2012 at 1:48 am [Reply]

    Huzzahs for sally and the entertaining runners-up! And the Poteet asterisk this week goes to dale.

  28. Poteet
    December 8th, 2012 at 1:52 am [Reply]

    MT — You know a story is badly written when even the water and sharks don’t know what to do. “Am I supposed to be shallow or deep at this point?” “Hell if we know. We can’t even figure out if we’re supposed to bite these guys.”

  29. Baka Gaijin
    December 8th, 2012 at 1:56 am [Reply]

    Does anyone have a view of Hartsfield International or Washington Dulles airports? Pigs must be lining up for takeoff: Beetle Bailey actually made a funny using a contemporary topic.

    Mutts was funny today. Funny “ha ha,” not funny “that’s amusing.”

    Merry was so brave? How? I thought she tumbled over the railing when the barge bumped the pier.

  30. Baka Gaijin
    December 8th, 2012 at 1:58 am [Reply]

    @pastordan, snark late shift (#23): I can relate. That strip gave me an idea for the next visit to the dentist.

  31. Poteet
    December 8th, 2012 at 2:08 am [Reply]

    MW — Quick, where’s a diarrhetic seagull when we need one?

  32. Poteet
    December 8th, 2012 at 2:20 am [Reply]

    JP — And she means it. In this strip, spending $7,000 for eight hours at the spa, with flakes of real gold raining down onto your body as you enjoy an avocado oil massage while listening to the actual Philadelphia Orchestra playing for you, is just another day in paradise.

  33. Poteet
    December 8th, 2012 at 2:37 am [Reply]

    CRANKSHAFT — Yes, Ed, those are beautiful birdhouses if you want to provide housing for English sparrows and/or make it easier for climbing predators to raid the nests. If you want to actually help native cavity-dwelling birds, you leave off the perches. And if you don’t want to cook the baby birds, you add generous ventilation openings and you don’t make the roof darker than the rest of the house. But in your town, the birds probably all die of cancer anyway, so never mind.

  34. Mr O'Malley
    December 8th, 2012 at 2:47 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#33): The only birds they have there are vultures.

  35. Droopy Says
    December 8th, 2012 at 5:19 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#31): The diarrhehic seagulls are pecking away at keyboards. It’s more cost-effective than using chimps to do the writing.

  36. Dale
    December 8th, 2012 at 5:39 am [Reply]

    How did MARK TRAIL get half his body out of the water, unless he is one of those clown things that always pops back up?

    Why, Otto? Because I’ve got a slightly better chance of survival with you alive than if left to your associates. They still expect $2M, no matter what you do.

  37. Little A.
    December 8th, 2012 at 6:48 am [Reply]

    MW: Barf barf barf.

  38. gleeb
    December 8th, 2012 at 6:58 am [Reply]

    ‘bean: So, the crazy man who is losing his job (despite working for a huge organization that could just move him to another location) –a job he does badly, by the way–has spent a week using a painfully extended metaphor about being the “CEO” of his collection of books. The metaphor is possibly related to his heretofore unhinted-at political ideas. Used books being a drug on any market, especially comix in this town of Cancerdeathville, he is likely to make how much? Maybe, from 6 boxes of books and one of comix, $20? And this is meant to supplement what? His retirement pension? Letter carriers, by organizing and acting together, have a sound pension system. Again, Batiuk is wrong on so many points it’ frustrating and ridiculous.

    Katherine’s Frustration: In her long wait for her husband, Katherine Parker has gone mad, smearing the walls with goodness-knows-what. Altogether a better portrayal of madness, and more economical in time, than the ‘bean.

    Mark: Because he didn’t get to punch you yet.

  39. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 8th, 2012 at 8:16 am [Reply]

    9CL: Amos’ cello has a worn spot on the back.

    rCdS: Riley started young.

    NAoQV: ROFL! (love the FX)

    SBp: that’s a war crime.

    DT: it’s going to be REAL difficult to pull of the Bat-vanish with all that clanking armor on. just sayin’.

    JUMBLE: zombie boxing? also, *groan*

    Lockhorns: that’s actually pretty funny.

    RMMD: Rex gets swag! film at 11.

    6Cx: and the size of his Dewey decimal. . .

    SFx: forms an ironic counterpoint to the current Phantom.

    Retail: *snurk* Despite my dislike of anklebiters and pocketdogs, this is pretty funny. (I like big mutts and I cannot lie!)

  40. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 8th, 2012 at 8:19 am [Reply]

    Love Is . . .billing and cooing. and mites.

    (are you cooing with my boid?)

  41. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    December 8th, 2012 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    Rex: Tickets to Sea World? Listen, bitch, I wasn’t the fifth caller to some crappy AM radio show, I SAVED SOMEONE’S LIFE TODAY! GRANTED IT WAS JUST A WORTHLESS OLD BAT, BUT I SAVED A LIFE WITH THESE HANDS AND I EXPECT TO BE REWARDED APPROPRIATELY!

Comments are closed for this post.