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Metapost: Personal non-fulfillment COTW

You ever have a day where your goals and ambitions do not match up with your motivation or abilities? Today was such a day for me, my friends. But at least I managed to get this comment of the week post together, and share the week’s best comment with you!

NOO! THOSE WERE SUGAR-BASED KEYS!” –Dan

And the runners up! Very funny!

“‘I’m nervous in case someone makes a cake that isn’t a shallow cylinder covered in pink icing!’ ‘What do you mean?’ ‘Well, like, supposing someone decided to represent nature’s beauty by using green icing, or even making a cake shaped like a tree or something?’ ‘Oh, I’m sure if anyone did that they’d be disqualified for not making a proper cake.’” –Horace Broon

“Well, now we know how terrible a Shoe punchline has to be before the characters can’t even be bothered with the Goggle Eyes of Horror.” –Daniel

“Overall, I think you have to grant that the depiction of avian life in Shoe is at least as realistic as the way teenagers are portrayed in Luann.” –cheech wizard

“Maybe Crank considers it a waste of time because he plans on driving his bus through George’s basement at 7:45 the next day? ‘Thanks, George, for letting me scope the place. In 12 hours, you’ll have nothing but matchsticks and tears.’” –Hogenmogen

‘Cell’ isn’t short for ‘cellular phone’ here, guys. She’s calling Archie’s place of imprisonment. The beeps tell her his phone-activated shock collar is still functioning, still keeping him down there on the floor like the animal he is.” –Doctor Handsome

“I don’t know too much about graveyard management, but one thing I do know is that if you have a dead body with an abnormally large arm bone, you should prop it up vertically very close to a mausoleum door. That way anyone who opens the door will knock it over and get spooked out. (This post started out sarcastic, then secretly turned into a good idea.)” –Chareth Cutestory

“If John drops dead of a heart attack as he tries to lift the cake and then Mary delivers a whole week of inspirational platitudes at his funeral, I will forgive everything that has happened in this strip for the past three years.” –Poteet

“I sure hope John’s all-pink nightmare cake tribute to Mrs. Butterworth and/or Mary Worth wins him enough money to get the counseling he so desperately needs.” –Ed Dravecky

Man, that felt good! I should havetightened the crotch on these pants years ago!” –Oregonian

“I’ll never forget the scene when Cameron Diaz came back from the dead in There’s Nothing Natural About Mary.” –Lenoxus

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And as always, we must give thanks to our advertisers:

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96 responses to “Metapost: Personal non-fulfillment COTW”

  1. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën!
    February 1st, 2013 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    Hey, I got the poll position again!

    Great stuff this week!

    Congrats and well done!

  2. Uncle Lumpy
    February 1st, 2013 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

    You ever have a day where your goals and ambitions do not match up with your motivation or abilities?

    In which direction? Polarity matters!

  3. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën!
    February 1st, 2013 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën! (#1):

    Three weeks in a row now!

    // Do I get a cookie or anything for my lucky timing? Snark is fine too.

  4. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 1st, 2013 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën! (#1): Aww, just because you spend the afternoon hitting F5 again and again more effectively than me…

    Congrats, everybody!

  5. Aviatrix
    February 1st, 2013 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

    I would have, but the spam filter ate my COTW opus. Too many links, I think.

  6. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 1st, 2013 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

    You ever have a day where your goals and ambitions do not match up with your motivation or abilities?

    Yes. Those are the days I post a lot here.

  7. tallyHO
    February 1st, 2013 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    Aw. Tomorrow is another day. Goals can be achieved then.

    In the meantime, Josh, you allowed for some to accomplish something by being chosen as COTW and to fill the prominent slots of Floaters Floatorium.

    Congrats Dan and the Floaters! Funny, funny, funny!

  8. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën!
    February 1st, 2013 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#4):

    Truthfully speaking, I’ve managed to stumbled onto it each time thinking to myself that Josh must have the Metapost up by now.

    Sorry if you spent hours wearing out your F5 key.

  9. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 1st, 2013 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën! (#8): Kidding, really. I’m not that desperate. I swear.

  10. sally
    February 1st, 2013 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#6):

    Yes, and most days it involves my failure to figure out how to put Umlauten in my name.

  11. KreatureFeatures
    February 1st, 2013 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    My goals were thwarted today as well, mostly by the spambot in the previous thread who said “Chinese expats can’t keep us afloat forever.” After much research I find that Chinese expats in Canada have made remarkable inroads; the spambot is right to worry.

    My reward for my lack of productivity is plentiful because today’s batch of COTW’s are
    full of laughs. “Sugar-based keys” was especially good the second time around.

  12. Ratiocinator
    February 1st, 2013 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#249):

    Maybe Garfield’s a “companion animal?”

    Would that make Jon a ranger?

  13. Ratiocinator
    February 1st, 2013 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    Oh, and my answer to

    You ever have a day where your goals and ambitions do not match up with your motivation or abilities?

    is that I would need to have some of all four before I had such a day.

  14. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 1st, 2013 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#12): I think that’d make him a furry.

  15. Droopy Says
    February 1st, 2013 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#14): I thought it made him a furball. He looks like something a cat would cough up.

  16. Sequitur
    February 1st, 2013 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

    Congrats to Dan and his Float of Fame! Funny stuff, gang.

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (Y#64):

    Yeah, that sword’s about right.

  17. Aviatrix
    February 1st, 2013 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    This post marks the end of my winter lazython. If you see me on here again before December, it’s not me, but some depressing misshapen phantom supervillain carved out of icing sugar with a rusty fishing lure. Here are this week’s examples of why I will miss you:

    Amos Snarkadder: Oh, no! The fishing contest is in Centerville. And Rod Bassy thought Mark Trail was a pain in the ass. Just wait until Crankshaft shows up.

    bbofun: Here’s the problem with Sunday strips that just recap the week’s events- they miss the important details! where’s the ax? Greg swinging around a dangerous bladed instrument was the only worthwhile thing that happened in this strip all week!

    hogenmogen:
    “A little over $10K in two weeks!”
    “That’s not like her. Something’s going on. Do you think she might be skipping meals? Drinking cheap vino? Eating in??”

    Horace Broon: (Luckily his secret identity is safe: “You … you took pro-active action to stop a crime! Whoever you are, you can’t be Spider-Man!”)

    Morgie910: I wasn’t paying attention and I thought that the Judge Parker was Spider Man. It still made sense.

    Right Venerable Pasdordan: So I did a little research into what causes pink flames. The most likely culprits are lithium chloride, which is used for brazing flux for aluminium in automobile parts, and to produce mood stabilizers, or potassium, which has many uses, including tanning, bleaching, in organic fertilizers, to stop hearts, to make safety matches and lock oxygen in high-tech components in subs and spacecraft(!). Whatever’s in that box, this is one hell of a Christmas present.

    pugfuggly: Shoe So the birds have their own Navy? I wonder if the fish have an air force.

    Ratiocinator: I did look at my hand like that, actually, but my thoughts proceeded along a different path. See, I realized that my fingers do, in fact, fing.

    Shrug, with a Tall Story: “Sly: How could the restaurant staff not recognize that they don’t have a 7ft walrus waiter? ”

    He lied about his height.

    tallyHO: I’ll be honest, after Bond James Bond broke into the burning apartment, I would not have hated it if he surveyed his surroundings and high-tailed it out of there without Margo.

    For god’s sake, there are streams of mayonnaise and mustard in the air! That looks dangerous!

    TheDiva: If a masked man wearing purple spandex walked into my office, “He saw the lion outside” wouldn’t be the first of my worries.

    Weaselboy: This morning I got out of bed, made myself a cup of coffee, and then sat down to
    my computer to learn the latest developments in the continuing saga of two old people pretending to carry a cake. This is what my life has become.

    My commendations also to a painful pun war ending in “Icing the body geriatric…”. Click that one and then you can follow it back through the thread.

    My great thanks to those, mainly Nehemiah Scudder, who fulfilled my wish to have Count Weirdly appear through a trap door in all comic strips.

    And finally, I’m going to plug my Spiderman explanation, because it got threadjumped before anyone commented on it. It might be just that uncommentworthy, but at least this way I’ll know.

  18. Uncle Lumpy
    February 1st, 2013 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#5):

    There ya go. Also: NFL Jerseys.

  19. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    February 1st, 2013 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    Congrats to all the floaters!

  20. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    February 1st, 2013 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#17): Oh, no, don’t go! We’ll miss you, too.

  21. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 1st, 2013 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#17): Why thank you! A little Weirdly improves most strips, I think.

    And thanks for reposting your Spiderman — I missed it before. Wonderful! Spiderman can destroy condoms with his bare hand!

    // Notice how Mr. Robber seems to be getting balder every panel? He starts out with just a widow’s peak, but… must be that radioactive spider bite thing. Another hour in the car with P. Parker and he’d be cueballing.

  22. Majicou
    February 1st, 2013 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#17): Doing things is seriously overrated.

  23. Majicou
    February 1st, 2013 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#12): Druid. However, a Tiny housecat is not a suitable animal companion for a druid. Something on the order of a lion or a leopard would be called for. Tiny cats can be commonly seen serving as wizards’ or sorcerers’ familiars.

    This has been your D&D Minute.

  24. tallyHO
    February 1st, 2013 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

    @Majicou (#23):

    Isn’t Gargamel a druid?

    You know, the guy who is always trying to eat three square smurfs a smurf?

  25. Ratiocinator
    February 1st, 2013 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#17): I’ll miss you too, and look forward to the day when you–or at least a depressing misshapen phantom supervillain carved out of icing sugar with a rusty fishing lure–return.

    @Majicou (#23): Ah I see, thank you.

    Not quite sure Garfield qualifies as “tiny”, though.

    I’m sure he doesn’t if we count his feet.

  26. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    February 1st, 2013 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

    @sally (#10):

    Just copy and paste letters from my name.

  27. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 1st, 2013 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

    @Majicou (#22): +1. It’s too cold to do things. Better stay in where it’s warm and there are cats, coffee and comix.

  28. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 1st, 2013 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#17): If you take some lithium chloride, it might even out the mood swings that cause wanting to do things, and make you burn pink.

  29. tallyHO
    February 1st, 2013 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

    @Mary Worthless (#181):
    “why is Mary [b]aking cookies at a cake contest?”

    Yeah. What up with that?

    Seeing her cutting out those circles dashes my hopes that she is making a miniature (or an enhanced sized) John Dill.

    What is she doing?

    //i searched and searched for an answer
    only found out that I will miss the Jesus Flower Power Hour on TV [/ gregorian monk chant]

  30. Anonymous
    February 1st, 2013 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

    Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör

    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    @Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#26):

    Das it un snausagekumumphkikoff!

    So, if I post this, your umlauts will still appear? This isn’t some trick of the Preview, is it?

  31. tallyHO
    February 1st, 2013 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#30):

    Act un Larry Leiber!

    It works!

    So, umlauts are supported when you paste them in but not my kryptonian gibbergabber babble?

    //actually, other special characters like copyright and some super/subscript stuff.
    I know Unca Lumpy showed us the light on typing a lot to get a little unicode symbol to show up. But, I didn’t expect for the umlauts to work when just pasting into this wordpress field.

  32. tallyHO
    February 1st, 2013 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#29):

    Oh yeah…. I’m pretty sure I posted this sometime during this whole Cake Decorating Fiasco. But, it does gibe with what Mary might or is considering… well, what she should have done to make everyone laugh.
    //she’s gonna freak on seeing mini-Mary. Hell, mini-Mary is gonna freak on seeing Mary!

  33. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    February 1st, 2013 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#31):

    I lifted mine from a Wikipedia article, but I can also type them in on my iPad keyboard.

  34. tallyHO
    February 1st, 2013 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    @Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#33):
    For typing the characters, that’s no big deal. I’ve tried before with other thing and I don’t think they show up beyond my computer.

    Sometimes I can preview them and they won’t post properly.
    Other times, I type other things and they do post properly–or, I should say that they show up properly on my computer.

    It isn’t not big deal.
    ë

    There should be an umlaut E above this sentence, I’m not sure if it will show up.

  35. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 1st, 2013 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

    ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

    Friday.

    It’s been a long week.

    it is frikken COLD outside, I have a big cozy sweater on, and a bottle of Pinot Noir to take the frost off of whatever the sweater doesn’t.

    With the exception of a run to the store for Big Game munchies and groceries, I don’t plan on leaving the house until Monday! :-) Perhaps I can actually start learning to use this Gimp program I DL’d last weekend. Step 1, learn how to add Count Weirdly to other strips!!!!

  36. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 1st, 2013 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    You ever have a day where your goals and ambitions do not match up with your motivation or abilities?

    Only every day of my life. *Batiuk smirk*

    Congratulations to the COTWers. Good stuff. Oregonian, you made me bust a gut just now.

  37. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 1st, 2013 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#17): Fine choices. And an… intriguing take on Spider-Man. Your departure gives me a reason to look forward to this coming December.

  38. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 1st, 2013 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#y239): *goes to read*

    I will also mention that yesterthread’s mention of Aviatrix wearing Hello Kitty pj’s was rather nice, and boggled my mind for several moments. Then I realized it was a flashback, and it was kinda like today’s Lewwwwwwwann.

  39. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 1st, 2013 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#38):

    unreadable on my screen.

    maybe if I could transfer the files to my TV or something. *bother*

  40. Baka Gaijin
    February 1st, 2013 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#Y274): I understand why the book didn’t do so well. 10,000 pages and no pictures, drawings, or seek-a-words. In sitcoms, you use a “B” plot so the audience doesn’t get bored. Think about that for the next book.

    @Ratiocinator (#12): I’m not looking up “ranger” in the Urban Dictionary. Innocently I expected the gentle reader to equate this “companion animal” with those little yappy purse dogs some women who lunch claim they need to have around or else they’ll, um, something.

    @Aviatrix (#17) on Spiderman mashup: Um, that looks like the start of something I saw in a Bible in Mexico. Put me off reading the Bible ever again.

    @tallyHO (#24): I’ve been wondering: in those blue potato chips, do they use Smurf pee or ground-up Smurf, Soylent Blue if you will, for coloration?

    @tallyHO (#32): The last panel of the link is wrong. The last thing Mary wants is a man with a penis. That works. Important omission there. The last thing Mary wants is a man with a working penis. He may want to put it in….[bleargh!]

    @Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#33): You can post onto this board from your iPad? I can barely browse the comments on mine.

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#35): Try to get the Count’s flying car to go to the store. Fly right above all the slush and car wrecks. How cool would that be? Also, this weekend’s the Super Bowl? I guess I’d better read the news before work on Monday in case anyone asks.

  41. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 1st, 2013 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#40): Maybe I should get Brooke McEldowney to illustrate it for me?

  42. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    February 1st, 2013 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#40):

    @tallyHO (#32): The last panel of the link is wrong. The last thing Mary wants is a man with a penis. That works. Important omission there. The last thing Mary wants is a man with a working penis. He may want to put it in….[bleargh!]

    No he won’t! No sane man wood (no pun intended)!

  43. Majicou
    February 1st, 2013 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#24): I wouldn’t think so. From what I, despite my best efforts, remember from the Smurfs cartoon, his magic was pretty overtly arcane, not derived from any deity or nautral princple. An evil wizard type in the classic mold, I’d think.

  44. Baka Gaijin
    February 1st, 2013 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#41): Maybe. Someone on the “do not hire” list: Emmett Kelly.

    @Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#42): Touché!

  45. Sequitur
    February 1st, 2013 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#40): When you tire of mojitos, Smurf piss makes a delightful cocktail.

  46. Anonymous
    February 1st, 2013 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#40): Re:@Aviatrix (#17): Actually, those “Mexican’ bibles are the only type I enjoy.”

    And thanks, Aviatrix!

  47. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 1st, 2013 at 11:22 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#44): Mental note: next 10,000 pages: clowns. Lots and lots of clowns.

  48. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    February 1st, 2013 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#39): Bummer. It did seem a bit cramped to me, but readable on my screen. On a smaller one, though…

  49. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 1st, 2013 at 11:41 pm [Reply]

    Congrats, float-folk! Very funny—not quite as funny as a Crisco-based Mary Figurine that John Dill plans to “use” in unspeakable ways, but damned funny nonetheless!

    And a Bonus Aviatrix Aerial Float: yay! (See ya later, aviator!)

  50. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 2nd, 2013 at 12:00 am [Reply]

    MW: I think we all know where this storyline is going:

    Someone left Mary Worth out in the rain
    I don’t think that I can take it
    ‘Cause it took so long to shape it
    And if we lose she’ll jam a cake knife in my brain—
    Oh, noooooo!

  51. tallyHO
    February 2nd, 2013 at 12:14 am [Reply]

    A3G:
    scenario: Granpdpa Soulpatch may be having a heartattack. Do you interpret his heavy breathing and his smiling face as

    a) he’s in extreme pain and his life in danger
    b) he’s unaware he’s in extreme pain and imminent danger of dying
    c) he’s really turned on by your recent heroic exploits and wants you to save him from a lonely night

  52. tallyHO
    February 2nd, 2013 at 12:17 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth:
    I can’t tell if Mary is being patronizing to Mr. Whipple of if she is genuinely flattered.
    Seriously, what is the etiquette for acting impressed if someone carves your likeness in a soluble medium?

    How do you reciprocate? Do you reciprocate? Do you attack them or run away?

  53. tallyHO
    February 2nd, 2013 at 12:20 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail:
    Charlie Brown as an adult and after much needed therapy.

    (his anxiety shirt is gone and is replaced with orderly, colorful shirts. Good for you, Chuck!)

  54. Poteet
    February 2nd, 2013 at 12:23 am [Reply]

    Dunno about my abilities, but riding the float does help my motivation, thank you. And congratulations to the other floaters up here, especially Dan.

  55. tallyHO
    February 2nd, 2013 at 12:24 am [Reply]

    As I live and (barely) breathe!

    Two Thirstys in one week. Hi, Lois, what did America do you for you to deserve such an honor?

    Noah In a Canoe! What is Thirsty thinking? Isn’t the Groundhog second in line to succeed the American Bald Eagle should he become extinct?

    For shame, drunken neighbor of Hi! For….awwwwww….I can’t hate Thirsty for making chip shots at small rodents! As a matter of fact, that groundhog doth protest too much!

  56. Sequitur
    February 2nd, 2013 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#53): Which duck are you talking about?

  57. tallyHO
    February 2nd, 2013 at 12:26 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#54):

    //i was happy to see your funny comment there. you mentioned being busy for a while and (i guess) not posting or reading the site. So that is good thing that your snark is sharper than most wits. (mine especially. ha)

  58. tallyHO
    February 2nd, 2013 at 12:29 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#56):

    Hmmmmmm. ducks. ducks? ducks!
    Ohhhhhhhhhhh. ducks.

    That comment was for Saturday’s Mark Trail*. The Introduction of “Catfish”.**

    *actually all of these nighttime comments are for Saturday’s strips.

    **which I don’t think was the sequel to the “Last Temptation of Linus” but I might be wrong.

  59. Sequitur
    February 2nd, 2013 at 12:34 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#58): Never mind. My source just updated to Saturday.

    Charlie Brown, indeed. Aka, Catfish. Good ol’ Catfish. Catfish, you blockhead!

  60. tallyHO
    February 2nd, 2013 at 12:37 am [Reply]

    Ah Ha!
    Mystery solved!
    The state that Snuffy Smif (aka Mistopher Trendy) lives in, the location of Hootin Holler, is:
    The State of ScrewinLikeCatsInHeat. That’s around Tennessee, isn’t it?

  61. tallyHO
    February 2nd, 2013 at 12:39 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#59):

    If his name were “Tuna” instead of “Catfish”…well, what the heck! I’ll state it anyway: The appearance is uncanny!

  62. Sequitur
    February 2nd, 2013 at 12:40 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#51): Are you sure that’s not Nehemiah Scudder?

  63. tallyHO
    February 2nd, 2013 at 12:42 am [Reply]

    Wow. I’m not sure if this is really, really bad or healthy.
    In Family Circus, Dolly has a very high opinion of herself and of Jeffy.

    It surprises me that she is stooping so low as to ask an adult human for an answer.

  64. Poteet
    February 2nd, 2013 at 12:42 am [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#17): Not til December?? Noooo! *pause* Okay, the very small mature part of my brain has just ordered me to wish you well until you return, so I do.

  65. tallyHO
    February 2nd, 2013 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#62):
    Now I’ll never see his name again without thinking of Good Ol’ Catfish!

    lol

  66. tallyHO
    February 2nd, 2013 at 12:45 am [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#17):
    Say, that’s good…because you’ll be way too busy to access the internet

    Or That’s a drag. But, even in the space station has the internet, right? Even Antarctica has AOL, right?

    So, eleven months, eh? Tsk. That’s quite a repast.

  67. Sequitur
    February 2nd, 2013 at 12:47 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#65): Actually, I was referencing Apartment 3G. But Catfish? Yeah, that’ll do.

    Catfish Scudder. Didn’t he pitch for the A’s and the Yankees?

  68. tallyHO
    February 2nd, 2013 at 12:49 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#67):
    I made a mistake then.

    Yes, Catfish Scudder. He wasn’t well liked, while other players signed autographs for free, Scudder charged a fin.

  69. Poteet
    February 2nd, 2013 at 12:50 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#57): I think our relative snarking abilities vary from week to week, but with that said, I thank you very kindly. Yes, I was away from home for several days and the only available computer was so ancient that this site could not be seen. So to speak. I’m happy to be back, and “the Last Temptation of Linus” made me snort.

  70. Sequitur
    February 2nd, 2013 at 12:59 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#68): You didn’t make a mistake, you made an incorrect assumption. Which is kind of like a mistake but sounds better in a court of law. Not that you’re in a court of law but, well, uh, in that case you made a mistake. But that’s okay. I’ll assume you didn’t and just call it an oopsie.

    But if I did that I will have made a mistake… or not. It stays in Vegas.

  71. Chareth Cutestory
    February 2nd, 2013 at 12:59 am [Reply]

    You ever have a day where your goals and ambitions do not match up with your motivation or abilities?

    Never had a day like that, but there have been a few evenings…

  72. tallyHO
    February 2nd, 2013 at 1:01 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#63):

    I mean seriously. Is St. Peter too busy taking names and kicking asses to hell?

    @Poteet (#69):

    Your snarking ability seems consistent and you bird knowledge has taught me a thing or two. Now, I’m really questioning just why Daffy Duck goes au natural and why Donald Duck is ashamed of baring his breast.

  73. Sequitur
    February 2nd, 2013 at 1:01 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#69): Yea! Poteet made the Float!

    Where all fine princesses should ride. Especially snarky, funny ones!

  74. Poteet
    February 2nd, 2013 at 1:11 am [Reply]

    MT — “I’ll let you know when you can go inside my van, Trail!” “Thank you…”
    There is no worse porn than MT porn.

  75. Poteet
    February 2nd, 2013 at 1:13 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#73): Aww, thanks! *scuffs toe*

  76. Poteet
    February 2nd, 2013 at 1:14 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#72): I think maybe Daffy had a happier childhood, while Donald was raised by a couple of really repressed ducks who sternly loved but never hugged him.

  77. Sequitur
    February 2nd, 2013 at 1:14 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#72):

    I’m really questioning just why Daffy Duck goes au natural and why Donald Duck is ashamed of baring his breast.

    And what about Woody Woodpecker? That looks like feathers but also looks like it’s a suit of feathers. Is he naked as a jaybird under those feathers? And just how naked is a jaybird? Not much really.

    This is making my head hurt.

  78. Poteet
    February 2nd, 2013 at 1:21 am [Reply]

    MW — Wait a minute. Dill just now carved that intricate portrait out of a cylinder of lurid pink sugar? Why is this guy wasting his time with cakes? There’s an entire country of state fairs waiting to offer him carving gigs.

  79. gnome de blog
    February 2nd, 2013 at 1:28 am [Reply]

    This Mary Worth arc can only end with John Dill ODing on sugar-based keys and driving off a cliff. It’s the bow tie that does it.

  80. Poteet
    February 2nd, 2013 at 1:30 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#77): Woody is way beyond any explanation I could offer, starting with his white gloves.

  81. commodorejohn
    February 2nd, 2013 at 1:33 am [Reply]

    @Majicou (#23): Tiny? Garfield is at least Small.

  82. Poteet
    February 2nd, 2013 at 1:34 am [Reply]

    A3G — This might be the point at which real NYC emergency responders would start objecting to this storyline. Also, as someone who helped someone else get through an exciting heart-attack adventure several years ago, I would advise calling an ambulance NOW. And give Mister Pant-Pant a small aspirin.

  83. Poteet
    February 2nd, 2013 at 1:41 am [Reply]

    STONE SOUP — If this is an accurate portrait of typical modern middle school and typical modern parenting, having cats has never looked better.

  84. Droopy Says
    February 2nd, 2013 at 2:28 am [Reply]

    Spiderdick: If Parker had thought of his a week ago, he would have missed that old newspaper page and been in New York. As a cadaver, dead from from exposure.

    Funky: Is that really Strokeman’s daughter? Let’s see. Bad timing, dresses in black, makes people uncomfortable just by existing–yep, she passes the Batiuk DNA test.

    Family Circus: The angels tell God his allergies wouldn’t bother him if he hadn’t created melonheads.

    Mary Mirthless: So this baking show is in fact Chartestone Idol? Or is this a case of actual pagan idolatry, with Mary being the first to worship herself?

    Mock Travail: Sorry, Elrod, Dick Tracy beat you to the punch on this one.

    Phantom: Look out, Kit! Deskman has twice the proportional mental powers of Spiderman!

    Pluggers: Fat slobs with no self-control, blah blah blah, just how many possible variations are on this trope?

  85. Chip Whittle
    February 2nd, 2013 at 2:45 am [Reply]

    Peter just web-slung himself to an 18-wheeler bound for Toluca, Mexico, didn’t he?

  86. Baka Gaijin
    February 2nd, 2013 at 3:28 am [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#47): Putting in material that guarantees every reviewer will shred then ignite your book is probably not a good thing for your Amazon star ranking. Just sayin’.

    @tallyHO (#60): I think I’ve stayed in a motel there during a road trip once. Could not get to sleep.

    @Sequitur (#77): Good question. How naked is a jaybird? Maybe a Sunday Mark Trail soon will answer that question.

    @Droopy Says (#84) on Mary Worth: Oh you ‘d know if it were Santa Royale Idol. Smiling down benignly from Santa Royale Mountain would be the visage of Mrs. Worth etched in pink quartz 30 feet tall. Idol indeed.

  87. Droopy Says
    February 2nd, 2013 at 3:32 am [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#85): And tomorrow he’s going to get bitch-slapped by a newspaper with a picture of an old nemesis who lives in Mexico City. Parker will contemplate battling him lucha-libre style before he’s detoured by another inept criminal he can easily defeat. My guess is it’ll be the Mad Jaywalker.

  88. Doctor Handsome
    February 2nd, 2013 at 5:55 am [Reply]

    Top-to-bottom Big Laffs once again! Extra Big Ups to cheech wizard.
    @Aviatrix (#17): Enjoy your extended vacation to stupid real life. We’ll miss you, sweetheart.
    And for the record, Josh, goals and ambitions are for assholes. Knock that shit off.

  89. Baka Gaijin
    February 2nd, 2013 at 6:32 am [Reply]

    Saturday’s Strips

    John Dill announces he was inspired in the first panel. Before the second panel I was inspired to regurgitate. Repeatedly.

    Ari Papablowhardius turned into a young Colonel Sanders so gradually I hadn’t noticed until now.

    Awww, realistic pre-teen angst in Sally Forth.

    Early Onset Death Throes. Worth reading Get Fuzzy just for that.

  90. gleeb
    February 2nd, 2013 at 6:50 am [Reply]

    I hope to have ambition some day.

    Slylock: This is of course, a speculative story, What if There Were No Slylock Fox?

    3-G: Don’t worry, he’s just becoming Aristotle Papagoras the White.

    ‘shaft: “Oh, and I kind of dumped your wife’s ashes in the lake and slapped your grandkids around. Is that a problem?”

    ‘bean: Oh, good. A new character to be miserable. And a new reason to fuel Ann’s need for revenge. How convenient for her to show up just exactly when Mumbles Fairgood will have a hard time explaining (or perhaps refuting) her story.

    Phantom: “Wait. I’m not mean? Is that what you’re saying?”

    Dick: No, Patrick (or is that Bojarski?), it isn’t right. You shouldn’t be playing ball so close to things you could destroy. It’s a good thing Moon Unit has an in on the force.

    Doones: NEWSPAPERS!

    Luann: TJ shows up, they leave the room. These two may be smarter than I thought.

  91. KreatureFeatures
    February 2nd, 2013 at 7:31 am [Reply]

    FW: I love how the new character has a mushroom-shaped head, and angrily shouts derogatory names at the blonde douchebag kid: “Hey, Ding! Yeah you, Dong! Answer your friggin’ door!”

  92. bats :[
    February 2nd, 2013 at 7:49 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#89): fortunately, I don’t think you’re supposed to eat the decorations. Or possibly touch them, without wearing a haz-mat suit…

  93. bats :[
    February 2nd, 2013 at 7:58 am [Reply]

  94. Shrug, with the proportional humor of a spider
    February 2nd, 2013 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#87):

    I don’t think Spidey is up to battling The Mad Jaywalker yet. He’ll work his way up by first taking out his minions, the Slightly Irritated Jaywalker and the I’m Not Mad I Just Get These Headaches Jaywalker.

  95. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 2nd, 2013 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#86): Clowns seem to have worked for Stephen King. It.

  96. Sgt Saunders
    February 2nd, 2013 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    Catfish, this is Clambake. Clambake, Catfish. You recreational sports sidekicks get to know one another and … I’m getting hungry. Later.

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