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It’s like Mary Worth, with more spandex

Spider-Man, 1/13/05

When I did my first Spider-Man comic, almost a month ago now, I said, “Presumably the ass-kicking will begin in due time.” Oh, how naive I was! How, bitterly, bitterly wrong I have been proved to be! In that time we’ve had marital spats, a little aimless Web slinging, a press conference to announce the opening of new theme restaurant, and the firing of an incompetent waiter. The closest we came to ass-kicking was when Kraven brushed aside some no-doubt trained crocodiles. And now … this! “Cage of loneliness?” I have to sit through some camped-up supervillain’s attempts to flirt via ham-handed metaphors?

I tell you, there’d better be some damn ass-kicking soon, or Stan Lee will be getting a very nasty note.

29 responses to “It’s like Mary Worth, with more spandex”

  1. Troubado
    January 13th, 2005 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

    I love the touch of the shy, effacing, school-boy arm beind his back. “Aw shucks, MJ…”

  2. So-Called "Austin Mayor"
    January 13th, 2005 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

    Stan Lee must be rolling over in his grave.

  3. I Love Comics
    January 14th, 2005 at 1:07 am [Reply]

    So This Is Romance
    Speaking of romance and Mary-Jane Watson: witness Kraven the Hunter’s CAGE OF LONELINESS! (Link brought to you by the fine people @ Bookslut.)

  4. Hubris
    January 14th, 2005 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    Maybe he’s placing his hand on hers in preparation to disembowel her with the knife hidden in his other hand?

  5. Anonymous Rex
    January 14th, 2005 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    Grave? That’s a weird place for Stan Lee to hang out.

  6. Michael
    January 14th, 2005 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    Come on now…MJ’s heart is in peril! This is edge of your seat drama.

    Yes, that last statement was intended to be read with fully sarcasm mode on…

  7. lefty von righty
    January 14th, 2005 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    I don’t see a ring on her finger.

  8. Josh
    January 14th, 2005 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    Kraven is a hottie!

  9. "-"
    January 14th, 2005 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    You just haven’t been paying attention: Marvel’s new line of comics will start with “M.J.’s Dual Identity.”

    It seems that MJ has a problem: she’s attracted to the wrong kind of guys. And plenty of ‘em. Don’t miss an issue!

    URL email: “-”

  10. matt
    January 14th, 2005 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    that guy’s beefcake on the outside and cupcake on the inside.

  11. ozone ferd
    January 14th, 2005 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    it’s got to be part of Kraven’s evil plan, he knows Peter Parker is Spider-Man and wants to make him jealous so he can’t think straight and be easy prey for the hunter. Or perhaps Kraven just wants to bang a red-head.

  12. Dwight Brown
    January 14th, 2005 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    Hey, let’s not be hatin’ on poor Mr. “Cage of Loneliness” so much.

    After all, I’m sure the past year has been rough on him, what with Roy getting mauled by that tiger and all…

    (Yeah, I know, I stole it from The Treach:
    http://jimtreacher.com/archives/001244.html)

    ==Dwight

  13. Hubris
    January 14th, 2005 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    I’ve been thinking about my own cage of loneliness for the past few hours, and now I’m kinda depressed.

  14. Jim Morrison
    January 14th, 2005 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    To the person who left note 2. Stan Lee is
    not Dead!!!!!!!!

  15. Dwight Brown
    January 14th, 2005 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    “To the person who left note 2. Stan Lee is
    not Dead!!!!!!!!”

    Then I guess he must really be rolling over in his grave. At least, when he’s not frantically clawing at the inside of his coffin.

  16. David C. Matthews
    January 14th, 2005 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

    This IS depressing: I’ve been following Spider-Man on the King Features website, which is two weeks behind the daily continuity, so the latest strip there is 12/31. “Surely,” I thought to myself, “we’ve gone through enough of the soap-opera crap and this coming week the ass-kicking will soon commence!” Now, as late as the 1/13 strip and STILL no ass-kicking?? Can I co-sign that “nasty note” to Mr. Lee?

  17. Mark Jackson
    January 15th, 2005 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    None of this – well, maybe Kraven’s softer side – should be a surprise; the Spider-Man strip is notorious for its leisurely pacing.

  18. T
    January 16th, 2005 at 2:23 am [Reply]

    Back in ’79 or ’80 or so, I read the strip through one entire plot thread, right to the bitter end. I think it had something to do with wall-climbing. I felt so relieved to finally see a story line wrap up, that I never read it again.

  19. Alkaline Earth
    January 17th, 2005 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    Don’t read comics; read meta-comics
    I know that several of you are big comic strip fans and read your favorites every day. If you’re more like me, you don’t keep up because you find so many of the published strips tedious and unfunny. Thankfully, Josh reads the comics so you don’t h…

  20. x.
    January 18th, 2005 at 2:03 am [Reply]

    This is nothing compared to two storylines ago when Mary Jane hired a “hacker” to work at the computer store she works at, bought Aunt May a computer, Aunt May got bilked by internet fraudsters and Peter set up a sting to get Aunt May’s money back from Hammerhead, who was organizing the whole thing from in prison. Then Mary Jane’s computer store went bankrupt.

    Also, no other comic strip has more unintentional googly eyes.

  21. Charlie
    January 21st, 2005 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    I just find it funny when they have these guys NEVER get out of their costumes… he’s pardoned, he’s free, he’s hanging out with a lovely lady, and he’s STILL wearing that moronic outfit! Does he really think that’ll help him score more effectively than a nice pinstripe Armani suit, or hell, jeans and a wifebeater?

  22. Bobby
    January 21st, 2005 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

    I would rather Kraven to a man with jeans and a wifebeater.

  23. Tangent
    January 21st, 2005 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

    “A cage of loneliness!

    …with bars of tears and broken dreams!

  24. rickyyyy
    January 30th, 2005 at 5:51 am [Reply]

    Stan Lee sure looks like he died.

  25. Christopher Batty
    October 16th, 2005 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    Kraven the Hunter has never been more sexy.

  26. stinky pete
    February 5th, 2007 at 11:56 pm [Reply]

    I was just trolling thru the archives & thought I’d set a world’s CC record for longest time between comments.

  27. Frosted Donut
    November 27th, 2012 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    And the record is broken.

  28. Austin
    November 27th, 2012 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    So, Josh, did you ever send Mr. Lee that note?

  29. gnbman
    April 21st, 2013 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

    I really doubt Stan the Man has been the writer for this comic anytime in the last 40 years. Also, it’s kind of sad to see Josh at this stage, still hopeful for butt-kicking appearing in The Not-So-Amazing Spider-Man.

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