Archive: Spider-Man

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Dick Tracy, 6/19/17

It’s not a secret that I have come to miss the days when Dick Locher helmed Dick Tracy, not least for its violent batshit insanity (the many gruesome deaths of the villains are all nicely outlined here by Uncle Lumpy) set against an art style that seemed to verge into German Expressionism. The subsequent strips since the change in personnel, though in theory featuring better art and more coherent plotting, lack the verve of the Locher era. I feel like things have been getting slightly nuttier lately, and today’s panel is as glorious as it is inexplicable. Is Blackjack robbing Paragon Bank, in a crime unrelated to B.O. Plenty’s problem with the institution’s out-of-control mortgage department? Or is Blackjack secretly running the bank, with his army of masked thugs forcing innocents like our mustachio’d bank exec here to illegally foreclose on houses? How do said thugs get their masks to drape just so? Why is B.O. Plenty wearing sleeve garters like a dealer on a riverboat casino? Is the musical notation floating over our characters’ heads part of the bank’s decor, or is it meant to represent the muzak system playing blissfully away while this scene of high danger goes down? I’m looking forward to getting none of these questions properly answered this week!

Funky Winkerbean, 6/19/17

Oh, hey, so it turns out that the thing Jessica was worried Darin would accidentally discover was that … her mom helped her plan a visit for him and Pete to the Flash Museum in Central City! Now, I don’t know all the ins and outs of the world of comics books, but I’m pretty sure that most places that have “museum” in their name well let anybody in to see their exhibits who’s willing to pay the admission fee, so I’m not sure why everyone is acting like this is a huge deal? Maybe because this museum is dedicated to the Flash, an actual superhero that people have heard of, and not Mister Sponge and Starbuck Jones, which are made up and phony-baloney.

Spider-Man, 6/19/17

Don’t worry, Spidey! Despite this being’s designation as an “armadilloid,” he appears to only superficially resemble any representative superorder Xenarthra, the clade that includes armadillos and and anteaters; in particular, the creature lacks the specialized dentition that makes anteaters unique, instead displaying what a scientist might call “a bunch of big teethy slabs.” Nice try using some taxonomy knowledge to get out of having to do superhero stuff! On the other hand, you yourself are not a spider at all, just a super strong dude in a spandex suit, so maybe he can eat you, I dunno. I for one am willing to find out!

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Funky Winkerbean, 6/8/17

I’m no “weed-ologist” but I’m given to understand that if you’re looking for a drug that will give you energy and help you focus when you’re tired, marijuana is not ideal for the task? Quite the opposite, in fact!

Spider-Man, 6/8/17

I for one would be extremely glad to see the Tyrannus storyline dropped entirely and instead we pivot to Mole-Man becoming a beloved oddball character actor à la Wallace Shawn.

Pluggers, 6/8/17

Pluggers can’t put away the booze like they used to, and they can’t chew that well either.

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Dick Tracy, 6/7/17

Ugh, remember how the last Dick Tracy storyline started out with low-stakes cosplay grifting perpetrated by three women named Margie and then took a hard right turn into baffling anti-Semitism? Well, we’re going to just ride that level of discomfort straight into this new storyline, where beloved Dick Tray ancillary character B.O. Plenty, last seen siring a hideous nightmare-baby, I think, gets evicted from his haunted home after having failed to pay the mortgage on it.

Spider-Man, 6/7/17

Mole-Man’s “He’s vowed to do so!” in panel one is endearingly naive and is perhaps indicative that he wasn’t devious enough to maintain political power in the underground realm. Lots of politicians vow to do things before they enter office — cut taxes, fix health care, conquer and enslave the surface dwellers, whatever — but often move those goals to the back burner once they’re confronted with the realities of governance. MJ’s observation in panel three is on the mark and further evidence of Mole-Man’s diplomatic incompetence: if he had access to an immortality serum, surely he could’ve opened trade negotiations with the world above and at least gotten some windows installed in the earth’s crust to let a little sunlight through.

Hi and Lois, 6/7/17

“I hope Mother Earth, the metaphorical embodiment of our planet’s ecosystem as a nurturing parent, doesn’t get jealous of my actual mother, who’s rocking a hot bikini bod and making everybody horny” –an infant in an actual comic published in newspapers around the country