Archive: Spider-Man

Post Content

Spider-Man, 4/23/18

Welp, as of last week almost all of the dramas in the current Spider-Man plot had been resolved — Dr. Connors is no longer the Lizard, Bruce Banner can once again turn into the Hulk, and we’re all just going to agree to not talk about whatever the implications of that whole blood transfusion swap business were. All that’s left is Jameson’s threat to out Connors as the Lizard, even though we just established that he wasn’t the Lizard any more. Spider-Man came up with an actually effective, if extremely brutal, solution to this problem, which was to leave Jameson in the swamp to die, but now that the cowardly publisher has promised on fear of his life not to do the bad thing he was threatening to do, I guess they’re going to let him live. Definitely he’s completely dependable on this point and will honor a pledge extracted from him under duress! All that’s left for us to learn is whether Spidey’s extremely efficient “carry the other two guys out of the swamp tucked under your arms” transportation method can scale up to three guys.

Pluggers, 4/23/18

Pluggers are just completely insufferable. Straight-up narcissists. When you have a conversation with a plugger, is he really listening to you? Does he care about you, as a person? He most definitely does not.

Post Content

Spider-Man, 4/19/18

I’m trying to figure out how exactly Spider-Man and et al. can stop JJJ from publishing his huge Lizard scoop, and I can’t, so consider dramatic tension successfully established! My only idea was that Peter Parker would try to unionize the Bugle and seize control of its editorial processes from the business side of the paper, but that requires a degree of interest in the conditions of his fellow employees that he’s never demonstrated, plus it would take a lot of effort.

Mark Trail, 4/19/18

To Serve Manit’s a cookbook … OH MY GOD DIRTY IS PLANNING TO EAT MARK TRAIL

Post Content

Slylock Fox, 4/16/18

It’s extremely sad to me that Count Weirdly is so constantly persecuted by the Animal authorities because of his eccentricities and (let’s not mince words) species. He’s always coming up with amazing inventions like a functional bipedal robot that’s capable of feeling real affection, but because he’s cut off from traditional funding avenues, the only way he can raise capital to manufacture and market his creations is to market his own reality video content. These shows, which are as popular post-animalpocalypse as they were before, have certain narrative conventions. And so, yes, Weirdly had to structure a narrative arc where he appears to develop and construct Mortty within a single half-hour episode. Was this, strictly speaking, true? No, but isn’t the robot itself achievement enough? Doesn’t everyone assume that so-called “reality” shows are highly edited? Why won’t Slylock leave this innovator alone?

Spider-Man, 4/16/18

Hey, remember when we first came upon Dr. Connors, way back at the beginning of this storyline? He was sneaking out of his janky-ass lab, which he presumably owed a lot of back rent on, and was throwing all his scientific equipment into back of his minivan so he could decamp to his even jankier-ass lab out in the middle of a swamp. I’m not really sure “world’s top scientist” meets the standards of journalistic accuracy we’ve come to expect from the Bugle, is what I’m trying to say.

Funky Winkerbean, 4/16/18

Hey, Darrin and Pete, why not try looking excited or eager about your new gig? Maybe put some effort into arranging your facial expressions so that you look like you’re feeling something other than creeping existential dread! Because honestly, if you go into this endeavor convinced it’s going to fail, it’s going to be less fun for me when it inevitably does.

Mary Worth, 4/16/18

I believe it was George Orwell who once said, “If you want a picture of the future, imagine a panel of Wilbur in the shower at least once a week — forever.”