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Not the way to a girl’s heart

Beetle Bailey, 3/1/05

Boy, Spc. Chip Gizmo must be on leave or something, because Beetle Bailey is trotting out all the supporting characters for their brief moment in the sun. I’ll bet Killer here is wishing that his was a bit more dignified. Rocky at least got to show his free spirit and refusal to be hemmed in by traditional political distinctions; Killer apparently thinks that girls are impressed when you dry hump the landscaping. So, so misguided, my randy, mustachioed friend. I’d say that these two strips offer an intriguing window into somebody’s perception of modern leftist politics, but I think that’s maybe giving Beetle Bailey a wee bit more credit than it deserves. The guy I feel bad for is Sarge, who’s reduced to serving as a dumfounded bystander and setup man for these unspeakably lame jokes.

By the way, is there anyone who was in the army, possibly in the 1950s, who can explain to me the difference between Rocky and Killer’s hats?

48 responses to “Not the way to a girl’s heart”

  1. maggie katzen
    March 1st, 2005 at 11:43 pm [Reply]

    Killer is wearing a garrison cap,it’s for light duty and office.Rocky is wearing a patrol cap, which is for outdoor wear and work. neither one of them mantains theirs very well. Sarge’s is the worst.

  2. Incident
    March 2nd, 2005 at 12:17 am [Reply]

    My question is, what is the military application of garrison caps which demonstrate the soldier’s current state of arousal?

    Psychological warfare?

  3. Francois Mitterand
    March 2nd, 2005 at 1:26 am [Reply]

    Good Lord! Killer’s actually pitching a tent!

  4. stone
    March 2nd, 2005 at 4:38 am [Reply]

    I really like the way Mim is balancing her mug on the tip of her forefinger in today’s Apt. 3-G:

  5. Sting
    March 2nd, 2005 at 5:23 am [Reply]

    At ease, soldier!

  6. Hippolyta
    March 2nd, 2005 at 7:26 am [Reply]

    OH MY GOD! Look at Mary Worth. They’re all drinking ketschup (look at the way it sloshes out of the bottle too).

  7. Joe
    March 2nd, 2005 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    Man, this platoon is getting soft…protest rallies, tree hugging…what’s next, Beetle blowing off urban warfare training to watch ‘The View’?

    Ol’ Sarge better put his jackboots on and jump with both feet knee deep into said platoon’s collective arse. Lest we send these boys into combat, which will result in a military combat disaster America has not seen since the battle of Kasserine Pass.

  8. RememberByronFrost
    March 2nd, 2005 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    For sure Joe. This platoon’s gotten so girlie-girlie, they would make Dubya look like General Patton!

    March 2nd, 2005 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    Sorry I cant find a link to it, but just two sundays ago the whole platoon was involved in some kind of tail hook date rape scandel at a house party. Killer is even seem groping a womens breast while trying to coax her in to a dark corner. Poor old Mort must be letting his morality shield drop in his advanced years, dirty old man.

  10. frippy
    March 2nd, 2005 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    And yet it’s still funnier than Mallard Fillmore…

  11. Zanzibar
    March 2nd, 2005 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    Did anyone see Sunday’s Beetle Bailey? This is really going considerably beyond the usual whiff of Halftrack-related sexuality:

  12. RememberByronFrost
    March 2nd, 2005 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    Yep that was a strange one. What struck me was: are these people so ‘out of it’ that they think Paris Hilton is a movie star?

  13. Tracibub
    March 2nd, 2005 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    Just a few words on today’s Mark Trail. 1)Having a fish stuffed is gross. Seriously, after you die, who the heck is gonna want that thing?? My parents have them all over their house, and, well. *ew* IF they’re gonna stuff something, make it the 10 prong in the second pannel!

    2) IF I got a stuffed fish back with drugs do you REALLY think I’d tell authorities?!? Heck NO!! Keep them!! Finders Keepers!! And if you sell them in stead of use them, then it’s like a huge bonus to that annual salary!!!!!

  14. Skip Tracer
    March 2nd, 2005 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    MONKEYS UNCLE, here’s the comic you wanted:

  15. Zanzibar
    March 2nd, 2005 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    I believe this was the Sunday strip that Monkeys Uncle was talking about:

    The woman looks quite a bit like Henry in the third panel, but that’s most likely just coincidence. She also doesn’t have Henry’s signature cleft chin.

  16. Zanzibar
    March 2nd, 2005 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    Ah, Skip beat me to it. Well, my comment about nearly looking like Henry still stands.

  17. Jason
    March 2nd, 2005 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    Here’s a link to the
    strip Monkeys Uncle alluded to.
    MU, if you’re talking about the fourth panel, I’m pretty sure Killer’s got his hand on her shoulder.

  18. Jason
    March 2nd, 2005 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    Heh. Well, my defense of Killer still stands, anyway.

  19. RememberByronFrost
    March 2nd, 2005 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    If that’s her shoulder, her head is on backwards..

  20. Sassy_Rocks
    March 2nd, 2005 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    Killer’s hat flaps have erections, much like Dilbert’s tie.

  21. Janna
    March 2nd, 2005 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    Greg & Mort have mastered and stuck with Perspective 101. Elrod took some sort of Philosophy of Perspective 400 and manages to muck it up all the time.

  22. David C. Matthews
    March 2nd, 2005 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    RememberByronFrost: There are quite a few people who use the terms “movie star” and “celebrity” interchangeably (much as a lot of people use the word “Coke” to refer to any soft drink). Paris Hilton may not technically be a “movie star”, but she is famous for… um… famous for… What the hell IS she famous for???

  23. RememberByronFrost
    March 2nd, 2005 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    Agree with Janna. Ya think Elrod was *also* a Grad School Dropout?

  24. King Of All Paperboys
    March 2nd, 2005 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    Am I the only one who thinks Killer is overcompensating a bit? I mean, that moustache is a bit “Village People,” no?

    We gots us a case of “don’t ask, don’t tell,” here. Killer’s really a big flamer.

  25. Semi
    March 2nd, 2005 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    Paris is a movie star. In that, she was in a movie. A few of them actually. House of Wax and Raising Helen spring to mind.

    A side note, I spend waaay too much time on IMDB.

  26. RememberByronFrost
    March 2nd, 2005 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    I stand corrected, Semi. What a scary world we live in.

  27. Shaun
    March 2nd, 2005 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    Just thought I’d pass along this little gem:

    Alternate Captions for Seven Family Circus Cartoons

  28. Scot
    March 2nd, 2005 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    Hope I’m not the only one with this question…anyone have any idea what the last panel in today’s “Dilbert” means?

  29. Mibbitmaker
    March 2nd, 2005 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    The plump Elbonian doesn’t want to break an airplane’s fall (Can’t say I blame him!)

    In the Beetle strip… Maybe Killer’s a big fan of the Mary Catherine Gallagher movie – hell, maybe it’s the same tree Molly Shannon made out with!

    Actually, given the seemingly obvious hugging a tree/hugging Miss Buxley (Down, General!) possibility, this seems like the Case Of The Missing Joke. Ah, what could’ve been….

  30. freehand
    March 2nd, 2005 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    Killer’s hat is officially called a garrison cap, but in GI vernacular was known as the “cunt cap” or, less frequently, the “pisscutter”

  31. Tracibub
    March 2nd, 2005 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    Theplump elbonian doesn’t want to break the fall of the poor guy who has to jump out the plane and flap his arms to aim for a plump elbonian. The plane doesn’t land…they have to jump for it!!!

  32. Reswob
    March 2nd, 2005 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    Is is me, or is today’s Doonesbury a repeat?

    I could swear I’ve read it before…

  33. dimestore lipstick
    March 2nd, 2005 at 3:53 pm [Reply]


    Ran before, featured before.

  34. Moesy
    March 2nd, 2005 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    Anyone notice the balck lipstick in Hi and Lois again today? Enough with the S&M. It’s freakin me out.

  35. Jer
    March 2nd, 2005 at 5:27 pm [Reply]


    Trudeau had some kind of skiing accident recently so the strips in re-runs until he heals up.

  36. peaches
    March 2nd, 2005 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    Also, if the current Doonesbury’s too controversial for Ma and Pa Comic Reader, some papers will run an old strip instead.

  37. Karl the Idiot
    March 2nd, 2005 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    Am I the only one reminded of this work of art?

  38. Jason
    March 2nd, 2005 at 8:08 pm [Reply]


  39. vincent
    March 2nd, 2005 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    I think today’s Ziggy finally clued me in on what’s fundamentally wrong with the strip. Take a look and see if you notice it…

    It’s that the words that make up the joke are emphasized weirdly. The exclamation points, the extra bolded word (kind) and the overly dramatic lettering. The comic looks like it was lettered by someone unfamiliar with how humans speak, the way we emphasize different parts of grammars.

  40. Zanzibar
    March 2nd, 2005 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

    What if all the actors in Ziggy are supposed to be bad, though? We can’t rule that possibility out.

  41. Woodstock
    March 2nd, 2005 at 11:54 pm [Reply]

    Ziggy is channeling his inner William Shatner.

  42. Oreothecat
    March 3rd, 2005 at 12:57 am [Reply]

    OK, I am incredibly FREAKED and DISTURBED that June is leaving her little girl alone in the house while she tends to this grifter out in the backyard/graveyard. That little girl is much too young to be left alone. Not to mention how STUPID June is for going out to tend to this psycho.

    What a maroon.

  43. luluchappel
    March 3rd, 2005 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    Note the talking breasts in the 2nd panel of today’s Mark Trail.

  44. TJ
    March 3rd, 2005 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    Oreothecat: You noticed that too, huh? She left that kid eating lunch for 13 days! And then came back, said “finish your lunch”, and went back out again for another week. Poor kid. I wish she could play with the weird-armed boy from Mark Trail.

  45. RememberByronFrost
    March 3rd, 2005 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    Besides the talking breasts in Mark Trail today, check out the chick in Panel 3, dumb blonde needs to use BOTH hands to comb her hair.

  46. Sassy_Rocks
    March 3rd, 2005 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    What animal is the bespectacled household help holding in the background? could this be another RICH CAT type episode? Will Jim Coles be thoughtful enough to show up for Miss Baker with some dead read, booze and knockout drops?

  47. Cody
    March 3rd, 2005 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    I am in awe of how Get Fuzzy can get around censors. First there was this little gem (2/15): 15 ways to debone a beaver…
    Then today there is I don’t suppose you’ll actually admit to blowing my tweeter

    Who wouldda thunk reading the comics as an adult would be such a different experience?

  48. willowy1
    March 3rd, 2005 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    Yeah, killer hasn’t sported wood like that since he caught a glimpse of Miss Buxley polishing the Army “Brass”.

    Isn’t that the same tree that has been Otto’s favorite stop after he and Sarge pounded down a few too many over at the NCO club? That could be why Killer is super glued to the bark!

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