Archive: Beetle Bailey

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Crock, 3/25/17

Look, I get it. The scenario outlined here — one in which a developed nation makes the unfathomable decision to send children to serve as soldiers in an endless colonial war, to watch innocence vanish as these young people, who ought to be at school or under their parents’ tutelage, kill and die and become something broken — is utterly hilarious. So, why not make the same joke twice in four months? Thousands of people boisterously laughing at the image of freckle-faced 12-year-olds stumbling into an ambush and desperately bayoneting Algerian guerillas to survive can’t be wrong!

Hi and Lois, 3/25/17

How much do I love Lois’s sour face here? Lois doesn’t want to get to this party on time. Lois doesn’t want to get to this party, period. Lois has never wanted anything less in her entire life.

Beetle Bailey, 3/25/17

Wow, I didn’t think I’d have to add “necks” to the list of things that the staff of Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC occasionally forgets how to draw, but thanks to panel one, I guess I do!

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Beetle Bailey, 3/24/17

I can’t stop looking at that weird little gadget (?) propped awkwardly on Killer’s pillow in panel one. It’s like someone drawing this realized that “uh, probably military hospitals use, like, advanced medical technology now???” but wasn’t sure what exactly that might entail, so rather than just draw a groggy-soldier on a cot, they drew a groggy soldier on a cot with a cell-phone-sized black box hanging off the side of his pillow, like maybe it’s clipped on, I dunno. And it’s recording his … heartbeat or blood pressure, even though it’s not connected to him at all? Or his breathing? Maybe his breathing? All this high-tech business really gets in the way of a solid gag about how Killer’s “illness” is that he’d rather be on the beach, gambling and looking at tits.

Crankshaft, 3/24/17

Ha ha, yes, this is just another in an endless, soul-crushingly eternal series of “Crankshaft says the darndest things” gags, but wouldn’t it be great if some lady did give Ed a Trojan hearse for Christmas? Like, you know, a big black car with space in the back for a coffin, and Crankshaft accepts it thinking it’s an offering to the gods and brings it inside his walled fortress, but inside are dozens of hidden Achaean warriors, who emerge at night and wreak terrible destruction. I’d like to see this storyline depicted over a period of six to eight weeks, with particular focus on the lamentations.

Pluggers, 3/24/17

Welp, the bedroom eyes the she-plugger is flashing here seems to confirm something hinted at earlier: NCIS has such high ratings among the plugger set because it’s a Pavlovian sex trigger. Nobody actually watches it.

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Family Circus, 3/12/17

Here’s what you know about the emotional lives of the two younger Keane Kids: Jeffy makes the tiniest noise as he gets into the cookie jar and all he can hear is deafening guilt and anxiety ringing through his skull; meanwhile, PJ contemplates the idea that each of his toes might be a distinct little smiling nightmare creature with cool equanimity.

Beetle Bailey, 3/12/17

Glad to see that Beetle Bailey is continuing to up its game when it comes to Sarge and Beetle’s perverse relationship! Today’s throwaway panels reveal that Beetle definitely views Sarge’s binges as a spectacle for his enjoyment. He plans to nibble on kale and wait for Sarge to come back to him at the end of his gorging process, wobbly and maybe a little nauseous. Hot stuff!