Archive: Beetle Bailey

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Beetle Bailey, 10/17/20

I really like the emotional journey we get to go on with Killer here. Like, in the first panel, he overhears Beetle saying nice things to the chaplain, and he’s like “Oh shit! Is my buddy Beetle actually one of those goody-goody church types? Gross!” But then when he realizes Beetle is just toying with the chaplain’s emotions, he settles into a mood of smug, heavy-lidded sinfulness. “Ahh, yes, less time in church means less time to feel guilty and more time to attack and dethrone God.”

Mother Goose and Grimm, 10/17/20

I assume the intended joke here is that Grimm wants directions to a local public transit system, because ha ha the subway is full of rats, even though anyone who’s ever actually ridden on a subway before would ask for directions to the nearest subway station. But I’m not ruling out the possibility that this is a reference to Subway, the chain of fast-food sandwich restaurants, and that someone over at Grimmy, Inc., had a bad experience there — maybe they saw a rat, maybe they and the sandwich artist had a difference of opinion on what constitutes “extra” cheese — and now they’ve decided to make it their mission to make sure Subway and vermin are firmly associated in the public mind.

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Hagar the Horrible and Beetle Bailey, 10/12/20

Hope you had a good weekend, everybody! Hagar and his band of grinning Vikings are going to murder these two in their bed. Sarge, meanwhile, is going to murder Beetle with a tank, though it’s not clear if he’s going to disintegrate his body by firing an artillery shell at him at point blank range or just crush him to death under the tank treads.

Mark Trail, 10/12/20

In happier news, it’s new-look Mark Trail day one, y’all! Wow, just last week Mark was getting a big fat raise just for winning some dumb industry award he didn’t even show up to collect, but now he’s off in the woods handling snakes and desperately trying to come up with some viral TikTok content that the kids can relate to. Sad!

Gil Thorp, 10/12/20

Oh hell yeah it’s another Wing-T storyline!!!! You might remember way back in 2007 when one of the shittiest Milford football teams in living memory sort of threw in the towel halfway threw the season and spent a lot of time practicing the Wing-T, an old-timey trickeration play, in total secrecy, to prepare to unleash it at just the right moment. They did, eventually, and it turned out to be boring and confusing, but whatever, this isn’t your father’s Wing-T they’re practicing now, it’s the Delaware Wing-T, which means, uh, there’s no taxes on it or something? More on this story as it develops.

Pluggers, 10/12/20

Gotta say, I’ve been reading Pluggers for more than 15 years and never once in all that time did it occur to me to think about whether the plugger chicken-lady had scaly orange chicken legs under her pants or if she was just basically a humanoid with a chicken head and covered with feathers. But now? Now that I know the answer? I’m going to think about it every God-damned day for the rest of my life.

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Mary Worth, 10/8/20

[Reads panel one] Well, Tommy, I think it’s admirable you’re moving forward into this difficult conversation by openly talking about your own feelings and being vulnerable about what the stakes here are are for you emotionally, and [gets to panel two] NOOO TOMMY NO ABORT ABORT ABORT

Mark Trail, 10/8/20

That’s right, you simpering fools! You dared cross Mark and now you understand your terrible mistake! Now you must shower him with apologies! Praise! Money! Only if he cracks a smile will you know that you have returned to his good graces! Keep trying! Try harder!

Beetle Bailey, 10/8/20

Looks like the troops from Camp Swampy are going to be deployed to Afghanistan! Not sure if this means that the Afghan peace process is going well or really, really badly.