Apartment 3-G, 5/13/05
As a long-time New York Mets fan and registered Democrat, I love lost causes. Thus, every time Apartment 3-G wraps up another exciting adventure, I keep rooting for the next one to feature Tommie. There’s all sorts of wacky plotlines just waiting in her mysterious, off-cameral life, I just know it! Maybe they could revolve around medical issues she encounters on her job — like the millions of Americans who lack health insurance! There’s something that nobody has the guts to tackle in the funny pages.
Instead, though, it looks like we’re going to have to sit through eight and a half boring weeks of a boring boring storyline about Lu Ann’s boring boring boring love life, which, as you may have guessed, I don’t find very interesting. My hopes were briefly raised this week that we’d at least get to see that saintly art teacher fired and reduced to eating cat food and turning tricks down at Port Authority in order to keep making her rent, but alas, there’s only sweet, chaste, Apartment 3-G-style romance in the cards for her. As an example of why Lu Ann’s romance storylines are so dull, we need only take a good look at the “gorgeous” object of her lustful rumination: he’s just some guy who looks like every other dark-haired, suit-wearing, 1950s-white-collar-job-holding male character who’s wandered in and out of this strip (and they are legion).
I do admit that I’m intrigued by the no-color view through the window of Dr. Fielding’s office, though. Is that pane of glass really a one-way mirror that the lusty headmistress uses to spy on choice morsels who come into the outer office and do nonspecific but plausible-looking things with pieces of paper? Too bad Lu Ann is such a goody-goody with a terror of authority figures; the two of them could bond by engaging in construction-worker-like catcalls together. “I’d like to service his project — and not for our school, either!”
A word of Lu Ann-management advice for her future paramour: if you really want to get her all hot and bothered, just don’t fire her! As we saw yesterday, it’s apparently the equivalent of giving her an enormous amount of Ecstasy.