Metapost: Disturbing search engine term watch
Yes, it’s that time again, everybody: time to reveal what kinds of sickos and perverts are out there plugging their filthy and baffling search terms into Google and other, lesser, search engines. The latest crop included: “past mother’s day foxtrot comics -dance -suicide -waltz” (because you sure don’t want any alarming dance-related results), “can god bring you back from the dead to have super powers” (he only did it once, I’m sorry to say), “funny things to put on a gravestone,” “when bc was funny” (I suppose there must have been a time), “hilarious comics about adultery” (is there any other kind?), “angry fat kid rapping” (Brent really seems more befuddled than angry to me), “hair styles of the rich and filthy rich,” and “how to tell if you have high cheekbones” (”Step 1: Get a mirror”). Also, someone sent me a secret message via the search engines: “how are you today josh? read any good comics?” Very well, thanks, but no, I haven’t today.
May 14th, 2005 at 3:31 pm
The phrase “how are you today josh? read any good comics?” (without the quotation marks) calls up Comics Curmudgeon on google’s “I’m Feeling Lucky” button.
May 14th, 2005 at 3:52 pm
I’m now paranoid about searching for things, fearful that my string of vaguely comic-related words will be subjected to endless public scrutiny.
May 14th, 2005 at 7:28 pm
I’ve probably done more searches in the 6 or 7 months since discovering this blog than in my life on the net for the previous 20 years or so.
Yeh I started YOUNG, btw.
I would hate for anyone to find out how many searches I did for “ugly bald men”, “rubber-masks for bald men” etc. trying to figure out who the old G to the eezer looked like in Mark Trail.
Needless to say many of the results were so friggin’ hilarious — I temporarily forgot WTF I was searching for… but thank God someone came up with it…. the old guy from “Blazing Saddles” – ty ty
May 14th, 2005 at 9:19 pm
More hilarious comics about adultery, mule!
Or, recalling a thought in the women’s shoe section at Target today (for my daughter, not me!) that made me laugh out loud:
More mules, mule!
P.S. to RBF – the Geezer’s identity was driving me crazy until I remembered Rev. Johnson from “Blazing Saddles” …but props to TJ for coming up with the name and photo.
Howard Johnson was RIGHT!
May 14th, 2005 at 10:12 pm
It’s HEDLY Lamar, you idiot!
May 14th, 2005 at 10:23 pm
Found by googling Mary Worth:
http://www.simpleton.com/19980729.html
May 14th, 2005 at 11:14 pm
http://www.simpleton.com/19980729.html
A renegade ex-grad student whose abilities far outweigh his common sense?! Doesn’t that sound familiar…
May 14th, 2005 at 11:19 pm
Anyone want to speculate on why Dr. H said Pus-boy was stupid?
No. 1, hasn’t been a student for over a year
No. 2, Why would the Pro have any interest?
May 14th, 2005 at 11:22 pm
OMG! Incident ! what a link,,,,,, toooo funny !
May 15th, 2005 at 12:54 am
Sunday’s Hi & Lois speaks for so many cartoonists today.
May 15th, 2005 at 2:41 am
Giant gum-chewing raccoon alert in Sunday’s MT.
Also, Mr. Trail shouldn’t be surprised if he’s hit with a plagiarism suit from the good people at About.com:
http://inventors.about.com/library/inventors/blgum.htm
I never thought a rugged outdoorsman like Mark Trail would stoop to Web-cribbing…
May 15th, 2005 at 2:51 am
And check out Buck’s sister, the shapely Missoula equestrienne, in Sunday’s RMMD. Va va voom. So is Robert Redford guest-writing this week? I’m sensing a Horse Whisperer/River Runs Through It vibe coming up.
May 15th, 2005 at 10:34 am
http://www.voicesinmyhand.com/index.php?page=20050411
May 15th, 2005 at 11:14 am
So is Grandpa Boondocks dead? At least Huey didn’t pin it on Bush or Rumsfeld or something.
May 15th, 2005 at 11:14 am
I forget if anyone has ever mentioned this, but BC actually did used to be funny, once. Not terribly hilarious, but still worth a slight grin every now and then.
The strip used anachronistic cavemen to satirize modern life. For example, one of them wants to write a Stephen King style novel, but the only form of writing they have is carving on stone slabs. So he carves on these slabs and they stretch out for miles, and he charges people to walk along the road and read the book. Another guy decides he wants to read the book for free, so he sneaks along the road at the middle of the night, only to discover that the all-important last pages of the book are inside a cave with a locked gate. Again, not hilarious, but a bit clever.
Then Mr. Hart found religion. He renounced all things funny and decided to use his strip as an evangelical platform. Unfortunately, he was saddled with a strip that by virtue of its very name could not possibly include Christ. He worked around that problem as best he could, which is to say, not at all. And so we have the BC strip that we know and revile today.
May 15th, 2005 at 11:20 am
I just read today’s Rex Morgan, and holy crap! There may actually be such a thing as TOO nubile. Well, this proves my theory of a clone farm in Montana: somebody just threw the DNA of every blonde teenage knockout, from Hayley Mills to Hilary Duff, into a vat, and “Cousin Perky” is what popped out.
May 15th, 2005 at 11:23 am
Okay, just one more post, I swear, but somebody HAS to say something about Mary Worth serenading Momzilla with some Nina Simone action. Next comes the Marvin Gaye.
May 15th, 2005 at 1:27 pm
Mary Worth:
Her “door is always open…” for hot, elderly, alcholic widows.
A 3-G
LuAnn is all set up to service Scott Gaines “Project”
More innuendo mule!
May 15th, 2005 at 1:48 pm
Say, where can you read the current Apartment 3-G online, anyway? Google doesn’t help, here, it keeps linking back to The CC. King Features’ home page is, of course, useless.
May 15th, 2005 at 2:16 pm
Dear Josh,
Damn you! In the middle of sex last night, I found myself thinking “More lube, mule!”
May 15th, 2005 at 2:24 pm
Incident, you can get A3G and most everything else from the Houston Chronicle.
May 15th, 2005 at 3:19 pm
Rose, that’s not so bad. If you had been in the middle of sex and been thinking “More mules, mule!”
Now THAT would have been bad.
May 15th, 2005 at 4:03 pm
More AstroGlide, Rose!
May 15th, 2005 at 4:04 pm
Rose, I’m very disturbed by your choice of partners. Do you, by chance, live in Tijuana?
May 15th, 2005 at 7:15 pm
daChipster:
Yes, one mule was enough.
And now that I’ve gone and shared a glimpse of my sex life on some comments section of a blog, well, either life doesn’t get any *better* than this, or any *lower*.
I’m just not sure.
May 15th, 2005 at 7:52 pm
Incident-
washingtonpost.com is a good site for current Apt 3-G,and also Mark Trail, Mary Worth, and Rex Morgon MD.
May 15th, 2005 at 7:52 pm
Rex Morgan, I mean:)
May 15th, 2005 at 7:56 pm
By the way, for historical interest, Doonesbury way-back-when had Rick Redfern and Joanie in bed together and many newspapers edited or altered the final frame. So I guess sex in the comics has been going on for about 20 years. All of it controversial.
The MW baby-making boink happened so long ago I couldn’t make the connection between turning off lamps and pregnancy. We must start a campaign to prevent unwed teenagers from turning off lamps.
Practice safe illumination.
May 15th, 2005 at 8:10 pm
Hypothetical situation.
You are at an emotionally fragile point in your life. Someone you just met invites you over and feeds you gourmet french food. During dinner, you are bombarded with all sorts of happy talk about “not being alone”. Do you:
A. Run for the door, change your cell phone number and start checking the sexual predator database.
B. Sit on the couch very close and let your new friend touch you lightly on the shoulder.
C. Run out of the house, rent a U-Haul, and show up at your new life partner’s modest two bedroom condo, demanding a spare set of keys.
May 15th, 2005 at 9:20 pm
D. All of the above, plus tequila shooters! Mas cales, mulo!
May 15th, 2005 at 9:23 pm
Rax Morgon! Spiderman’s next foe.
His weapon of choice will be pus infected wounds and cancelling Spidey’s health insurance.
And by the way, death to Gil Thorp.
May 16th, 2005 at 12:46 am
Heads up – “josh the comics curmudgeon guy – i am lost in the funnies without him” is me.
Yeah, I know it’s a lame message. It’s lamer than lame. It’s lamer than Beetle Baliey. But screw you, I’ve gone nearly two days without sleep and this is the best I can think of, so sue me.
May 17th, 2005 at 6:54 am
If you’re wondering who was using such choice search words as “site:joshreads.com mark trail sex animals” and “site:joshreads.com bestiality,” I confess, it was me. I was looking for something to compare with today’s Dilbert (http://www.dilbert.com/comics/dilbert/archive/dilbert-20050517.html)
and I figured Mark Trail would be my best bet, but even a rhino in a furry suit couldn’t hold a candle to the pointy-haired boss seducing an owl in a hot tub.
(you know, that there’s comment of the week material)
May 17th, 2005 at 11:33 am
For the record, B.C. was HILARIOUS about 30 years ago, Seriously, it was one of the best strips going. Wry, subtle, clever… I know it is hard to believe.
Did You know Schulz wrote an adoring introduction for one of the B.C. paperbacks once? And that was way back when Peanuts was still funny, too!
For the comics that you actually like today: Hope the authors quit before they suck.