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The Family Circus cavalcade of cruelty continues

Family Circus, 5/30/05

A one-panel comic is all punchline, and a skillfully crafted one can derive much of its power from making the reader imagine the scenario that played out to lead up to the presented conclusion. I’d like to think that in the half-hour or so immediately before today’s Family Circus, Daddy took the measure of his eldest’s pitching ability and pounded homer after homer into the next subdivision, barely breaking a sweat and sporting that smug little smile as he systematically broke Billy’s self-confidence and will to live. “When you came along, Billy,” he thinks, “I lost my youth and privacy, I was no longer first in my wife’s affections, and I was ever more firmly shackled to a white-collar job I hate and a soulless suburban home I loathe. Every day I look at your fresh young face, full of life and vigour, and I’m reminded that I’m getting older and closer to death. But by God, at least you can’t get a fastball by me yet.” Then — pow! — another run scored for Team Grown-up. Finally, as the ache in Jeffy’s knees begins to become almost unbearable while he waits for the strike that will never come, Billy attempts to salvage some shred of dignity while begging for mercy. I like to think that Daddy replies with a sneering “Screw you, kid — bunting is for pussies” before sending Billy scrambling with a line drive aimed right at his grossly oversized head.

This entry was posted on Monday, May 30, 2005 at 05:58 pm and is filed under Family Circus.

95 responses to “The Family Circus cavalcade of cruelty continues”

Incident
May 30th, 2005 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

There’s something about FC that leads everyone to the dark place. I don’t think anyone would be this grim when talking about, say, Curtis. My first instinct was to respond “Rule number two is: No drinking before noon, Daddy.”
Woodrowfan
May 30th, 2005 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

Why is the father wearing his good dark dress pants with tennis shoes and a casual shirt?
Sassy_Rocks
May 30th, 2005 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

Daddy may be a switch hitter, ala Rex Morgan, MD.
Frank Drackman
May 30th, 2005 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

When I was a Kid..it was my DAD throwing the beanballs and hitting me the grounders that knocked out teeth,and by the way, the family circus dad has a girly batting stance.
Maxim Gorky
May 30th, 2005 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

Okay, okay, and now here are some more of those delightful family circus parodies!
glubb?
May 30th, 2005 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

awhile back someone was doing parodies of Family Circus online – funniest one I remember was Dolly saying to Jeffy: “Daddy said I should have been a ‘bortion’”
Pookie
May 30th, 2005 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

Jeffy throws like a girl, too.
DrBear
May 30th, 2005 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

Ah, the late, lamented *and removed at Bil Keane’s request* Dysfunctional Family Circus. I’m not sure where it went, but it’s been saved…somewhere…
yellojkt
May 30th, 2005 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

Google means never having to say “I wonder if…”

http://www.drivenbyboredom.com/gallery/gallery.php?x=26

I’ve been on the web long enough to remember the original.

We had to walk up hill both ways. Kids today.
Incident
May 30th, 2005 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

God, the DFC. That takes me back. There was no greater thrill in life than getting in the green. You old timers know what I’m talking about.
Bookman
May 30th, 2005 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

My guess is that Billy is saying this becasue Jeffy just caught a line drive down town is behind the house throwing up.
Woodstock
May 30th, 2005 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

If Family Circus were a 2 panel today we’d see socks, hats, underwear, a cup and some teeth flying out given the distance those two kids are from home plate. All that aside, what concerns me most is the catcher’s complete lack of shins. Is that our buddy Jeffe-Not-Me back there wearing the tools of ignorance? He won’t be making many dashed-line-fun-runs with those legs. It’d be more like a couple dots.
fuzzmaster
May 30th, 2005 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

I am rendered speechless (well, except for this bit) by the power, wit and clarity of Josh’s summary.
PizzaBagel
May 30th, 2005 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

And when Papa Keane eventually smashes one through a neighbor’s window, he will presumably exclaim, “Ida Know. Not Me. It-Must-Have-Been-My-Rotten-Kid-Jeffy.”

Who’s the non-Keane tyke with the overbite next to Billy? Why, in Heaven’s name, would he want to be part of this latest episode of this ongoing family fiasco?
K
May 30th, 2005 at 11:22 pm [Reply]

Nope, that link is wrong, those aren’t the originals – the originals were WAY before the “base are belong to me” jokes. I have two little booklets I picked up fresh off the press at a con in the early 90s…maybe I should scan them in…
fuzzmaster
May 30th, 2005 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

A make-your-own Garfield comic creator.

http://www.garfield.com/fungames/comiccreator.html
anonymous
May 30th, 2005 at 11:50 pm [Reply]

Has anyone seen these?
Lor
May 30th, 2005 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

Pooh. Today’s Curtis is just mean. Down with fat kid jokes!
Incident
May 31st, 2005 at 12:46 am [Reply]

Wait, they printed the DFC in book form?! I want to be compensated for the jokes I contributed…
Incident
May 31st, 2005 at 12:55 am [Reply]

Apartment 3-G: I’ve had bad dates, but at least I’ve never brought a chick back to my bachelor pad and proceeded to tell her all about Highlights Online. Meanwhile, Margo unveils the sordid truth: Scott graduated from high school… um, yesterday, it seems. I’ll leave you with this chilling conundrum: Did Margo just happen to find a freaking huge pic of Scott online and press the F11 key, or is that picture actually pasted onto her monitor?
Anne Nonymous
May 31st, 2005 at 5:58 am [Reply]

Could be a college graduation picture, Incident. Although, given how long A3G has been around, that still makes Lu Ann way older than him. I still think he’s gay and Lu Ann is a fag hag. Meanwhile, in today’s Family Circus, Jeff Keane attempts to be topical by making a pun on the new pope’s last name. Too late- all the puns have been used weeks ago.
yellojkt
May 31st, 2005 at 7:09 am [Reply]

Topical humor alert:
Newsweek Koran abuse jokes in:
Candorville
Prickly City
Mallard Fillmore (like that’s a shock)

Only 12 years until Johnny Hart picks up on the gag.

Oh, that’s right, for once Hart is way ahead of the curve on the Islam/toilet gag.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/ac2/wp-dyn/A2184-2003Nov20?language=printer
RBF
May 31st, 2005 at 8:49 am [Reply]

I love the way Josh sums things up on this one – his last sentence says it all! HILARIOUS!
Woodstock
May 31st, 2005 at 9:02 am [Reply]

Luann of Luann is heading for the roadside internet gig. Blackmail makes for good plotlines. And other things.
Luban
May 31st, 2005 at 9:25 am [Reply]

So let me see if I understand Mallard Fillmore’s twisted analogy…

liberals:suspected Islamic terrorists::Newsweek:Quran

or:

liberals:Newsweek::suspected Islamic terrorists:Quran

No wonder I flunked that part of the SATs…
yellojkt
May 31st, 2005 at 9:29 am [Reply]

Exactly what is Tiffany thinking? To cover up my cladestine dance video, I’ll take some locker room shots of Luann. That’ll shut her up. And can’t possibly backfire.

We do get a bra shot out of Luann. And so Greg Evan can’t be called a creepy old man drawing partially dressed teenagers, ITS INTEGRAL TO THE PLOT and not gratuitous at all.
daChipster
May 31st, 2005 at 9:44 am [Reply]

I am absolutely flummoxed by BC today. Can anyone find a hint of a shred of a joke in this? Or a ghost of an iota of a scintilla of meaning?

And what the HELL does “vulgatarian” mean? Is that like “vegetarian” only you eat vulgar things? Or do you eat the Vulgate as carrion because King James rocked? Is this a veiled swipe at Catholics?

And “indiscriminate tastes” – is that a swipe at liberals somehow?

Is there meaning in the name “Valcrow” I’m not aware of? Is he more upright than the other two because he’s evolving? Is the vulture a poor parent because he allows evolution????

Somebody please explain this and halt my descent into deconstructive madness!”

Our Lady of DiffÃ©rance, pray for me!
Anne Nonymous
May 31st, 2005 at 9:58 am [Reply]

Hey, Chip, re: B.C., Ida Know (oops, sorry, wrong stupid comic). I’m just as clueless as you are, but then, I always find B.C. to be too dumb to bother thinking about. And, Luban, same with Mallard Fillmore. Take heart, though, the SAT’s have eliminated the analogies section and added a writing section, instead, so you can now safely take it over again and raise your score, because we are all obviously superlative writers.
daChipster
May 31st, 2005 at 10:43 am [Reply]

Josh, Great post. Really brilliant stuff. You’ve captured middle-age, middle-class angst so perfectly, that I feel compelled to either kill myself or buy a sports car. Hmmmm.

Every morning I have coffee with a group of local guys – we’ve been doing it for years. I happen to be the youngest and the ages range on up into their 70s. We were discussing Indy racer Danica Patrick when one of the fellas said “and she’s a cute young girl.”

Your post was on my mind as I grumbled into my cup “I’m fast approaching the age where ALL the young girls are cute.”

There was much nodding of grizzled, silvered and whitened heads.

Damn you, Josh.
Mooncity
May 31st, 2005 at 10:44 am [Reply]

I’m looking at FC today, and I have to wonder; who (and I mean WHO) this side of Schroder’s family, has a tyke-sized catcher’s outfit laying about? I mean, that’s like making kids wear a helmet when they ride their Big Wheels around. Is it just possible that Jeffy could unlease such a powerful pepperball as to impose a subdermal hematoma on his little brother? I mean, his fastball must be all of what, three MPH? Pretty darned anal. At least Schroder was playing on a TEAM. Meanwhile, I wonder why Daddy is so cruelly taunting his children with his batting prowess? Only one possibility presents itself; I bet Daddy is just praying for the day when, after constantly destroying his kids baseball dreams and filling them with rage and hatred, they will get strong enough to offer him a fastball vasectomy (hence the girly batting stance). Then he won’t have any more stupid kids, unless the milkman visits Mommy on the sly. That means he can divorce that scheming harlot and disown the kids he already has, move out and take up with a hot 20-year-old. Then the Family Circus can start reflecting the REAL American family… dysfunctional!
yellojkt
May 31st, 2005 at 11:01 am [Reply]

Bad news for Josh. Tom Scocca is still reliving the glory days of Funny Paper in Baltimore’s City Paper as revealed in the following quote from an interview.
http://blacktable.com/daulerio040818.htm
Funny Paper is still officially ON HIATUS — which is by far the most influential media criticism I’d done before “Off the Record.” We called out a Pulitzer winner, Doug Marlette, for plagiarism. We were cited as “Garfield” experts. We got quoted in “Trivial Pursuit.” We found our names hidden in the artwork of the Sunday funnies.

Just how did Baltimore become the ground zero of witty newspaper comic commentary?
another nameless new guy
May 31st, 2005 at 11:23 am [Reply]

Ida know . . . seems to me FC is pretty dysfunctional as it is.

With a batting stance like that, Daddy probably just wants to get some decent hacks at a pitcher he can hit, for a change. As Josh so rightly says, “by God [Billy], at least you can’t get a fastball by me yet.” Daddy probably realizes this the last summer he will be able to say that.

Not only is Josh’s analysis right on, Daddy’s anger is also fueled by a childhood of alternating between right field and left out. Obviously, his dad never showed him the fundamentals of the game, and by the time he got let out to play the with the fellas he was hopelessly behind and the laughingstock of the neighborhood. Crushing Billy’s fastball is his only chance at redemption.
Anne Nonymous
May 31st, 2005 at 11:38 am [Reply]

Welcome, “another nameless new guy.” It is imperative that you choose a nome de blog, however, so that you can be elevated to the exalted status of Komix Kardinal. We simply cannot go around calling you Kardinal “another nameless new guy.” If you can’t think of a good name for yourself, I bet if you ask Islamorada Girl, our High Priestess, she will have an appropriate naming ceremony for you.
a nobody
May 31st, 2005 at 11:54 am [Reply]

Just think if fity cent foxworth had played baseball with pus boy. We wouldn’t have had the last four months arc in RMMD, that’s fer sure.

And widdle Sarah would be getting three squares a day.
Incident
May 31st, 2005 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

Wait a minute… Who the hell is that in the catcher’s outfit? P.J.? But he’s a baby who can barely walk! More physical development would be necessary in order to hold that crouching position. So it can’t be P.J.

Look, I’m not saying it necessarily HAS to be Daddy’s personal sex midget, but that’s the way the evidence is all pointing, okay?
Sybil
May 31st, 2005 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

It is a neighborhood pickup game of widdle Billy’s “friends” (the kind of friends that a fudgesicle and a peek at Thels boobs when she bends over to hand it to them buys). ‘”Dad” is just honing in on the game to show off his prowess against an 8 year old’s fastball.

Kinda like if you had someone from the Cubs or Dead Sox live in your neighborhood. They would be over playing against your kids so they could get a hit once in awhile.
Adouble
May 31st, 2005 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

Catching up on the past week of Get Fuzzy, I’m convinced that Rob Wilco suffered some massive head trauma between last Wednesday and Thursday’s comic. Possible in the medulla oblongata. Normal people’s eyes just don’t look like that. I guess the eyes of a normal zombie do look like that so maybe he has just become a rather mild-mannered member of the undead. Either way, Get Fuzzy is clearly leaving out its most interesting plot points.
Islamorada Girl
May 31st, 2005 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

And on a very special episode of Rex Morgan MD, we have guest star Wilbur Weston (Mary Worth), playing against type as a crooked academic whose real job is a thief of time pot stealer!

Tune in, won’t you?

Yet more combovers, Mule!
Still yet another name
May 31st, 2005 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

The kids in FC listen to Rap music? And they are catholic?

Well I’ll be derned.

Next thing you know they will be pimpin out Jeffy’s room and talking like they live in Milford.

yo yo puff barfy dog.
dimestore lipstick
May 31st, 2005 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

And over in Sally Forth, another cliff-hanger day. But we do seem to be getting back to the budget-conscious Sally. How much Kitty care can the Forths afford?
Grim Reaper
May 31st, 2005 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

Kitty vs. Paris

Just what will the Forths do?
yellojkt
May 31st, 2005 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

In Judge Parker, the bad Indiana Jones ~~rip-off~~/homage continues. You just know they wanted to say, “Snakes, I hate snakes” How soon until the the giant boulder rolls down on them?
loudfan
May 31st, 2005 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

I just got back from 2 weeks in Europe and was so jet-lagged this morning that I figured there was something wrong with me — I just DID NOT GET the Family Circus. Then my clever, non-jet-lagged husband explained that “rap singer” = Ratzinger. I thought I’d put that in just in case anyone else felt as confused as I did.
Flasshe
May 31st, 2005 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

Confused I was. Enlightened I now am. Amused I am not.
Islamorada Girl
May 31st, 2005 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

It’s okay, Loudfan, jet lag and comix withdrawl can do that to you. Besides, the joke was awful, even by FC’s admittedly low standards.
Peaches
May 31st, 2005 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

How sad that the Forths have NO PET CARE INSURANCE!
Which wouldn’t cover Kitty’s emergency visit anyway. . .
yellojkt
May 31st, 2005 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

Family Circus doing topical humor. Not pretty. Stick to dotted trails.
Mooncity
May 31st, 2005 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

“Confused I was. Enlightened I now am. Amused I am not.”

Flasshe has been spending some time this weekend at the Multiplex I suspect, for I detect some Yoda-speak!

:D

Actually, it helps make FC more understandable:

“New rule now we have. Over 8 years, bunt, must you!”
yellojkt
May 31st, 2005 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

Now that Edda has temporarily gone “curbside”, all my fellow Eddalusters are in silent mourning. However, in our concern for Edda’s virtue, (although I think more than a few of us were living vicariously through Amos) we overlooked a very important development. Seth and Mark had a fight and Mark went home. Just what could have come between our favorite same-sex couple:

a) Mark found out Seth was teaching Amos more than the tango.
b) Hissy-fit over who was dreamier, Mark Trail or Rex Morgan.
c) Seth’s spread in Honcho was causing too many X-rated e-mails from some closet-case going by tforth@kitty.com
d) Seth insisted it was Mark’s turn to clean up the santorum.

Inquiring minds want to know.
Adouble
May 31st, 2005 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

Yellojkt brings about the much hyped Savage Love/The Comics Curmudgeon cross-over. But the real question is “who would win, Green Lantern or the Silver Surfer?”
yellojkt
May 31st, 2005 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

The Kirby Silver Surfer or the Moebius Silver Surfer?
Incident
May 31st, 2005 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

Hal Jordan: The Surfer dodges a big green fist and kills him.

Kyle Rainer: The Surfer dodges a giant green boob and kills him.

John Stewart: The Surfer listens to him rant about that rap junk and those horrible Spike Lee movies, then kills him.

Guy Gardener: The Surfer listens to him rant about masculinity and gladiator movies, then kills him.

Alan Scott: The Surfer dies.
Anne Nonymous
May 31st, 2005 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

You know, yelljkt, you may be on to something there in suggestion # 49a. If Amos is gay, that would certainly explain the nonconsummation. Which would make Edda, like A3G’s Lu Ann, another fag hag. Friend is gay, roommate is gay… there we go. So, if Amos is gay, that leaves hope for all you poor little Eddalusters.
Tracibub
May 31st, 2005 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

In the epic war of Kitty vs. Paris, my money is on Paris. I know that’s what I would choose. Do you all know how long that stupid cat has been alive?!?!? Since I’ve been reading comics!! (Okay, I don’t have any clue, but I know it’s been for a while). So if they give up the dream vacation to Paris, they buy what? A few extra months with the cat before it is so old it’s eaten by a coyote or rabid dog because it’s poor arthritis is kicking in? Yeah. Not happening. I’d totally choose Paris…
Anne Nonymous
May 31st, 2005 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

And PS, has Tommie in A3G ever once, in living memory, had a story-line? Why is she there, just so they don’t have to change the name of the strip to “Apartment 2G”? Then, of course, they’d have to go changing the name of all the fabulous product tie-ins, dolls, etc., so that wouldn’t do at all.
Mac
May 31st, 2005 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

You can still find a downloadable copy of most of the DFC if you search around. (I copied mine to CD just in case.)
CHA5NCE
May 31st, 2005 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

The family who didn’t notice their cat was missing for five days isn’t going to give up their Paris vacation for vet bills. Another harsh life lesson for Hilary Forth, as Sally smirks her way straight to hell.
gnome de blog
May 31st, 2005 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

Anne Nonymouse says I can’t be just “another nameless new guy” but have to choose a nom de blog. Thankfully, she was kind enough to suggest one. Gnome de blog it is.

By the way, Tommie did have a storyline once, back in the ’60s. I’m sure of it. She even had a boyfriend. Of course, that was back in the ’60s, and they say that if you can remember the ’60s, you weren’t there.

I was there. Maybe I’m making all this up.
Adam-12
May 31st, 2005 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

I have to admit that the FC “joke” took a little while for me to decipher. “Rap-singer”–Ratzinger…oh ha ha, those wacky Keane kids. Why did “Calvin and Hobbes” end but this drivel keeps on numbing my brain?

What I’m really waiting for is the inevitable Tiffany/Luann catfight that absolutely has to be coming tomorrow.

Gotta love the Judge Parker “jungle uniform”: black t-shirt, tan safari shirt, and the ubiquitous electric blue slacks. What, was the costume shop out of pith helmets?
Anne Nonymous
May 31st, 2005 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

Cute name, gnome de blog. Regarding A3G’s Tommie, I said in “living” memory- you don’t sound too sure. What were you smoking in the 60’s, anyway?
Amos
May 31st, 2005 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

I’m not gay! My friendship with Edda’s just too special to ruin with a night of pointless passion! And besides, what if Seth had walked in? Seth, with those huge biceps and, and tiny waist, and, and dreamy blue eyes, and, and…oh shit!
gnome de blog
May 31st, 2005 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

Camel straights, Anne. Plus some alternative Mexican blends.
J.Po
May 31st, 2005 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

Aside to Ces – your “That Darn Cat” clue has had me thinking for several days (a sad commentary on my life)…could Kitty have ingested a wristwatch, bracelet or some other bauble (similar to what the protagonist in TDC brought home) that caused his/her digestive tract problems? And could this be something that limp-wristed Ted bought for Sally, and hid somewhere, for the upcoming anniversary that she wanted to celebrate in Paris?

I’m done thinking now.
fluffytufts
May 31st, 2005 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

Admit it, J.Po – you went out and rented “That Darn Cat,” Didn’t you?
Bill Peschel
May 31st, 2005 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

Tracibub, you’re forgetting, this is the COMICS PAGE, where a day can stretch over a week, a week over a month and a month over two years. Even if he’s on a tube, unable to eat unless it comes out of a tube, he’ll last longer than Schiavo.
J.Po
May 31st, 2005 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

No, fluffytufts, I cheated and went to imdb.com…where I was also able, conveniently, to find all the ballet movies featuring 18-year-olds. You should be receiving them in a plain brown wrapper in the next couple of days!
Zipper the mule
May 31st, 2005 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

I’ve been staring at the FC josh provided and I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what was so weird about the drawing. I thought at first it was the strange metal doodad in the window put there for no reason. And then it dawned on me. It’s not just that Dad has a weird batting stance, it is MOM’s body. The artist just changed the head. I don’t know what this means, I just thought I’d point it out.
kill bill...keane
May 31st, 2005 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

Daddy is gonna break the neighbor’s window and when asked who did it will answer, “I don’t know”. And the little ghost creatures will show up. Only they’ll be old old and evil looking and Dad will slink off in shame.

Remember, you heard it here first.
yellojkt
May 31st, 2005 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

For ballet movies, I would start with Center Stage and follow up with Showgirls.

Center Stage is about a ballet school with a lot of real dancers in the cast. The dancing in Showgirls isn’t really ballet, but they do sweat more.

Now, we know Seth thinks Amos is cute, and he did spend a lot of time teaching him tango. Seth wants to keep Amos around just in case Amos becomes a little “curious” or if the unrelieved tension just becomes too great. Besides, I think Seth likes his boys just a little nellie.
yellojkt
May 31st, 2005 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

Since I have been spending a lot of time staring at Carol “Roadside” Hartsell today, I have to ask the question: What is the pose supposed to mean?

a) Homage to Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction
b) Flashing the Rule of 3 gang symbol.
c) “C” is for “Carol” … and “cat” which will live despite my Nationally Syndicated Cartoonist(tm) husband using the near death experience of our own cat as material for his second rate comic strip.

BTW, the roadside shot is much hotter than the one on her homepage right now. Change it, …please?
johnwhorfin
May 31st, 2005 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

Zipper the Mule, now there’s a great “nom de blog” I must say. I always thought that switching the original phrase around sounded good, too, ya know, “More Mules, Zipper!“
clashkid
May 31st, 2005 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

Is it me or is todayï¿½’s (5/31) Luann a little racy by Greg Evansï¿½ moral standards?

http://www.comics.com/comics/luann/index.html

http://joshreads.com/index.php?p=189

We seem to be heading into Showtime After Dark territory (does this reference make sense? Iï¿½’ve never had premium cable). Liberty Meadows cannot do a story line about two consenting adults having a sexual relationship but Greg Evens does one ï¿½”save it for marriage” stripï¿½ and he can indulge in setting up an under-age L Word (again, I donï¿½’t have premium cable so I have no idea if this reference makes sense). More importantly, how does this help Tiffany at all? The teachers already know who took the video and what exactly are they going to do to her? They were dancing at a school dance and she took a video of it. This is not exactly Oliver Wendell Holmes material. I think the video of Luann is a completely different plot, which will culminate in the title character getting kicked out and falling in with Rap-Dogï¿½’s gang over in Gil Thorp.
PizzaBagel
May 31st, 2005 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

1. Meddlin’ Mary still hasn’t figured out that Woe-Is-Rita is a rummy? Can’t she smell it on her breath, or does Rita drink only Hennigan’s ™ scotch?

2. Today Ritzilla reveals that her financial troubles are mighty deep. So Mary is resigned to her next project – getting Begler back on her feet (and out of her guest room). A week or so from now, when the biddy and the remora realize that the latter isn’t going to join the mainstream workforce due to age and lack of marketable skills, Mary will reluctantly offer to pimp her newfound charge all over Charterstone. Problem sol-ved!
PizzaBagel
June 1st, 2005 at 12:00 am [Reply]

Re yesterday’s Ziggy: How long has this “gag” been gathering dust on Tom Wilson’s shelf, like thirty years? The titular [snicker] character asks his parrot, “… Do you have to hum the theme from ‘Jaws’ every time I feed him [his fish]?” Looks like Johnny Hart has some stiff competition for stale joke-meister. But the Keanes look to give both of them a run for their money with today’s Family Circus, in which Oscar the Grouch is referenced.
Guy
June 1st, 2005 at 2:48 am [Reply]

Years ago, at the Folger Shakespeare Theatre, those of us in the cast of Romeo and Juliet started collecting all the Apartment 3-G dailies, and did a dramatic reading of them at the end. And it was a Tommie story line!
WoodrowFan
June 1st, 2005 at 6:33 am [Reply]

mmmm,. Edda appearing in Showgirls. I’d rent that!
PizzaBagel
June 1st, 2005 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

Despite his being a girly-man, I don’t picture Papa Bil not getting the last word here.

Billy: “We have a new rule, Daddy. If you’re over 8 years old, you have to bunt.”

Dad: “Fine with me. But from now on I’m paying your allowance in Monopoly money.”

And that kid behind the plate in the catcher’s gear better watch out that he doesn’t take a bat to his oblate spheroid-shaped noggin.
Chrees
June 1st, 2005 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

I think Daddy’s response, assuming he had trouble hearing Billy, would have been “I’m already married to one. Now just pitch, damnit!”
Public Servant
June 1st, 2005 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

Public Service Announcement: GENUINE DFC archive is available at http://www.wildsea.net/dfc/index.html
Dub Not Dubya
June 2nd, 2005 at 12:35 am [Reply]

Public Servant: Thank you. Really. America will never recover from the lack of productivity that will ensue as I gleefully read all 500 pages of it. But at least I’ll be laughing. More dysfunction, mule! (No, Amos, I wasn’t talking about you and your *little* problem….)
Islamorada Girl
June 2nd, 2005 at 5:45 am [Reply]

Confidential to Dub not Dubya–Frank Aherns and Rita Kemply ring any bells? Is that you?
Dub Not Dubya
June 2nd, 2005 at 8:25 am [Reply]

IG, nope, sorry, those names don’t ring any bells. Unless those are the real names of Fencepost Frank and Rita the Drunken Momzilla, but I don’t think that’s who you meant.
Islamorada Girl
June 2nd, 2005 at 11:00 am [Reply]

Dub, someone who goes on the Washpost chats is using your nom. Identity theft! Somewhere, a cubicle worker in NoVa is charging stuff at
Nordstrom’s to you. . . and signing the charge slips DubNotDubya. Wa, wa, wa, waaaah.
Hubris
June 2nd, 2005 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

Every day I look at your fresh young face, full of life and vigour, and Iâ€™m reminded that Iâ€™m getting older and closer to death. But by God, at least you canâ€™t get a fastball by me yet.â€

That’s the funniest thing I’ve read in a while.
Dub Not Dubya
June 3rd, 2005 at 12:55 am [Reply]

IG, thanks for the heads up. Wow, I thought I was the only one clever enough to use this alias. Must. Find. Nom. Thief.
BFrank
June 3rd, 2005 at 8:01 am [Reply]

Sorry if someone already posted this but it’s too damn funny not to mention this cartoon spoof of Family Circus and The Sixth Sense:
http://www.whatisdeepfried.com/megocircus.html
JohnnyC
June 3rd, 2005 at 8:53 am [Reply]

I’ve been out of town for a few days. Has anyone commented on the excellent rack sported by Sheila, Royal Gilstrap’s secretary, in the 5-30 RMMD?

And is Gilstrap a combination of (death to)Gil Thorpe and jockstrap?

btw, Ces’s wife is smokin’!
Cory!! Strode
June 5th, 2005 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

Every time I read a comment on Family Circus, i remember the website “The Dysfunctional Family Circus” that had readers submit their own captions, and the webamster woudl post the best ones. He finally shut it down because Bil Keane found out about it and asked him to stop because it made him sad.

I believe that.

But there is no way it made him as sad as the strip makes me with the real captions.
Braniff
June 8th, 2005 at 8:39 am [Reply]

In memory of the Dysfunctional Family Circus . . . a good caption for this cartoon would be “Daddy, if you strike out, we’re going to trade you to Charlie Brown’s bunch of losers–for a loser to be named later!!
Reed
October 20th, 2006 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

The only thing that would improve this FC after reading Josh’s synopsis would be if Billy was portrayed with tears streaming down his cheeks.
erica
January 28th, 2007 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

I am looking for the family circus when they are visiting philadelphia, if you know where i can find please let me know.
from the future
April 8th, 2007 at 6:50 am [Reply]

http://i155.photobucket.com/albums/s289/kippetje2000/badfamilycircuscopy.jpg>
from the future once more
April 8th, 2007 at 6:54 am [Reply]

http://s155.photobucket.com/albums/s289/kippetje2000/?action=view&current=badfamilycircuscopy.jpg
Doodee
January 31st, 2008 at 11:00 am [Reply]

Thanks for sharing
prufrock
February 23rd, 2008 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

My roommate and I hated this strip with such a passion it inspired us to try to out-do each other daily. My favorites were the one with Billy (or Jeffy– who can tell ‘e, apart?) running out of the parents’ bedroom, crying and holding his butt. The improved caption read “Mommy!! Daddy put his thingie in my fanny!!”

My other fave was Mommy getting dolled up at her dresser, in her slip. Dolly asked, >i>”So, how much do you pull in in a night?”

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The Family Circus cavalcade of cruelty continues

95 responses to “The Family Circus cavalcade of cruelty continues”

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