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One-panel quickies

Ziggy, 7/3/09

Good lord, now we realize why Ziggy has so many pets: so he can express his power madness by running a dictatorship, without due process! When will the oppressed animals finally rise up against their thuggish ruler? I look forward to that great day of freedom, when the Ziggy strip will vanish forever in a bloody revolt.

Dennis the Menace, 7/3/09

Well, let’s just see how non-menacing Dennis is today and OH MY GOD DID HE CRAP ALL OVER MR. WILSON’S SOAP? Too menacing! Abort! Abort!

Marmaduke, 7/3/09

“…of human corpses.

158 responses to “One-panel quickies”

  1. Victor Von
    July 3rd, 2009 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    You know I really wanted there to be another answer to the problem of “what is happening in Dennis the Menace.” Something like “he got peanut butter on the soap,” or “he’s so dirty, when he washes his hands, he somehow corrupts the soap’s cleansing nature.” Barring supernatural evil or insanity, though, I’m afraid Dennis just likes to poop on soap.

  2. buckyswife
    July 3rd, 2009 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    Wow—I read Dennis in the paper today, in B&W, and it doesn’t have quite the same…. impact as it does in color. eeeeeeee

  3. Poteet
    July 3rd, 2009 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    I tried hard to forget that soap before I went to sleep last night, but I’m sure it influenced my dreams. And now I have to think about it again. Curse you, Dennis! Curse you and all who sail in you!

  4. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    July 3rd, 2009 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    I seem to have too much in common with Ziggy. At least I have hair. And toes.

  5. 150
    July 3rd, 2009 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    Here, I have taken today’s Ziggy and made it more universally applicable. I expect to put it on my fridge, in my cubicle, and on the door of the police station, just for laughs.

  6. Winky's Spleen
    July 3rd, 2009 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    DtM – Dennis pooping all over the soap is less disgusting than Mr. Wilson finding it necessary to pick it up and examine it up close.

    HtH – Vikings eating spaghetti? Yeesh, how hard would it have been to make it a frigging Swedish meatball? I’ll say it again: Walker-Browne Enterprises is a lazy, lazy conglomerate.

  7. buckyswife
    July 3rd, 2009 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    6 Winky’s Spleen: I know that anachronistic applies to Hagar all the friggin’ time. But is there a word for something that’s the geographical or cultural equivalent of anachronistic? Because if not, there should be—it would get plenty of use just for that strip.

  8. Muffaroo
    July 3rd, 2009 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    Zig – I suspect that his animals found out years ago that they could eat any or all of his limbs (including his head) and they’d have grown back in the morning. They probably also realized that since he has no flavor and no nutritive value, it just wasn’t worth it.

    commodorejohn @y192 – I think the “Frankfurter” comment in Luann qualified as a first-panel punch line, and I thought they should have put the panels in a different order, since it was funnier than what was used in the big-laff spot.

    special thanks to everybody who reminded me of Slim’s noodle. You know who you are. And so do I. So do I.

  9. Racing J
    July 3rd, 2009 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    Can some one please explain Crankshaft to me?

    http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/comics/crankshaft.html

    Is a panel missing? Is he senile? Is he arguing with himself? Or is there another “crankshaft” character here.

    Maybe he pierced the space-time continuum and he’s talking to himself from another dimension. Apparently in that universe, “Lambert” means “dickhead”

  10. BigTed
    July 3rd, 2009 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    Look, Ziggy, if you had let your dogs out to go to the bathroom at some point during the day, they wouldn’t have torn up the place. Why do you think they’re called “peers”?

  11. Dragon of Life
    July 3rd, 2009 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    Mrs. Wilson looks awfully sly there. If she just pinned the blame for her fecal incontinence on Dennis, my respect for her now reaches almost as high as my suicidal tendencies due to thinking of this.

  12. Shmork
    July 3rd, 2009 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    Ah, that Dennis. He lulls you into an attitude of calm, and then, when you’re not expecting, he does something unspeakably vile. It’s the way it ought to be.

  13. Stu
    July 3rd, 2009 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    Marmaduke is an asshole.

  14. Jackuul
    July 3rd, 2009 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    CranKABOOMshaft: As continued from yesterday’s comment…

    …having eliminated everyone left alive in his town, the old man busies himself with self-entertainment – namely re-enacting World War Two battles using fireworks, and fighting his long dead arch nemesis Field Marshal Hanz “Lamburt” Frussenficher.

    In the battles occurring in his own mind, and being recreated, he shouts a sarcastic “Sorry Lamburt” before raging on in his war against the beastly German who haunted him in the 1940s, while he watched his fellow men get torn up by machine-gun fire.

    This is, unfortunately, all made most interesting since he never served in World War II, and only watched movies. Having set property on fire throughout the deserted town, it is only a matter of time before someone else notices.

  15. BigTed
    July 3rd, 2009 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    Ha, I love the shocked look on Marmaduke’s face. He just realized that his evil owner built a second story on his house, but purposely made it too small for the enormous dog to stand up in. Psych!

  16. zenvelo
    July 3rd, 2009 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    Josh, I ‘m a little concerned about your tweet today- are you hoping Ziggy gets jailed for animal abuse, and becomes the cell block’s Ziggette? “Cuz that might explain the no pants.

  17. Calico
    July 3rd, 2009 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    Y #183 –
    “an angry herd of MILFs”

    That, my dear, is a classic.

  18. jvwalt
    July 3rd, 2009 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    Good God, the comics pages are an existential nightmare.

  19. Digger
    July 3rd, 2009 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    Quick, Wilson, beofre he leaves, throw that blob of poo-soap at the back of Dennis’ head. Stop being a victim!

  20. Jackuul
    July 3rd, 2009 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    @20

    He’s not contemplating throwing it – he’s contemplating licking it, slowly and seductively.

    There’s your disturbing thought of the day.

  21. Calico
    July 3rd, 2009 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    And Y #208 – I am soooo there!

    (Actually, my partner’s Maternal-side family is having their annual family reunion/gathering tomorrow, once again on lovely Ile d’Orleans, where food, wine, people, photos, and a nice nature walk along the river will all be part of the plan. Psst…don’t tell Mary!)

  22. Jackuul
    July 3rd, 2009 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    I meant @19: Digger.

  23. NoVan
    July 3rd, 2009 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    I would complain about you making another “Murderous Marmaduke” joke long after it’s funny, but let’s be honest, they set you you up for it. I mean, damn.

  24. Bill Murray
    July 3rd, 2009 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    Winky’s Spleen — Viking descendants ran the Kingdom of Naples and Sicily for 8 or 9 centuries. Hagar is just explaining why.

    I’m pretty sure a pig and maybe a bear were tried in Medieval Europe by a jury of their peers, so Ziggy is less enlightened than pre-enlightenment Europeans.

  25. Calico
    July 3rd, 2009 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    Baldo – you guys,
    STOP READING FUNKY WINKERBEAN
    Thank you.

    And in FC, Billy has decided to go ahead with that NWO chip implant that Daddy Keane had scheduled to do.

  26. darwiniac
    July 3rd, 2009 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    Baldo: Oh, the bathos! Let this be a lesson, kids, come home on time or your dad will fall down, hit his head, and possibly die from brain damage.

    Also, about the one thing they got right with the EMTs is that they won’t say a patient’s going to be okay, because if do, and something bad happens, it’s usually lawsuit time. But for an unwitnessed fall, they sure don’t seem to care about immobilization. Spine board and straps? Head blocks? Cervical collar? Meh, who needs that? Just cover him with a blanket.

    Archie: SPF 200 sunscreen, also known as a thick layer of white paint.

  27. Isaac
    July 3rd, 2009 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    Baldo goes from bad puns to heavy-handed exploration of racism or the death of a loved one from week to week. I’m not sure what motivates this, unless the authors actually believe that by doing bad jokes for two weeks, they “earn” a week of doing no jokes at all. The only proper reaction is to laugh harder at the serious comics than the “funny” ones, a strategy much less successful when used with Funky Winkerbean, which only tries to be funny once a month or so.

  28. Nekrotzar
    July 3rd, 2009 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    #9 – The missing panel in Crankshaft says ‘When an ordinary garden hedge suddenly charges at you with apparently violent intentions, don’t stand there insulting it, get the hell out of the way. Sorry if we insulted your intellegence.’

  29. Niall
    July 3rd, 2009 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    100-degree feverish friday follies

    A3G: No, really, does the artist only know ONE male face type??

    Archie: Betty slathers mud on her. And Cammie looks at her again, and even a seagull looks interested. Betty – proof that it’s the seemingly-shy ones who are the wildest in bed.

    BC: gag overdone. A shame, it actually had a few legs for a while…

    Dennis: Okay. Okay, THAT shade of brown? Dennis finally earns some MenacePoints. But really, either his diet needs more fiber, or he’s sick.

    DT: to “aceO means to kill, no? Please, Dick, ace Big Ace! Take us all out of our misery! Plus, we see now more final panels with a face squished in them. Who said it would improve the strips? Cause it doesn’t!

    GT: I dread tomorrow. No really, I dread it. Technological dust? Isn’t that what’s in today’s Garfield, anyway? (which is right above GT in my Chron page build)

    H&L: well, it’s not really a joke, but at least it’s not razor-inducing depressing.

    JP: I gather a number of people here will gleefully misinterpret panels 2 and 3′s conversation. And yet another final panel face squished. Okay, this one looks a little better. (Godiva asks about breeders and then about looking at horses. The subtext is barely away from the text here.)

    My Cage: Okay, Ashley looks so despondent here! I’m really starting to wonder if she doesn’t care more than even she allows herself to think…

    Phantom: Uh, are there any flight suits pristine-white? They look more like astronauts…

    Sly 1: Stick figures: standing doing the funky chicken. walking like an egyptian. running over clouds. sitting and levitating a baseball. Then to contrast, a fantastic tracing (hey, it’s not easy to do well) so completely unlike a stick figure, the contrast almost hurts.

    Sly 2: “That ain’t a stickfigure mate, this is a stickfigure!”

  30. Sly Robbie
    July 3rd, 2009 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    During the last attempted Animal Revolt, the previous Emperor was relieved of his clothing. Dictator Ziggy has cleverly maneuvered to avoid suffering a similar fate. Look, the Emperor has no pants!

  31. Winky's Spleen
    July 3rd, 2009 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    Bill Murray #24 – I did not know that; you really do learn something new every day!

    But please, Bill, ix-nay on the rumored Ostbusters 3-ghay.

  32. NoahSnark
    July 3rd, 2009 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    If Mr. Wilson wants clean bars of soap he needs to stop throwing Dennis into his septic tank. Yeah – maybe that is a bit too much to ask.

  33. Batman Beatles
    July 3rd, 2009 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    9CL:No! Why? Whyyyyyyy?

  34. John C Fremont
    July 3rd, 2009 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    RMMD – Aw, Becka, no need to worry. That Estelle chick isn’t so hot. In fact, “Here’s a quick list of people much better looking than Estelle;

    “Fred Biletnikoff, Brandon Tartikoff, Sid and Marty Kroft,
    Fred Gwynne and Anthony Quinn and Rin Tin Tin
    and Pearl Bailey and Moms Mabley and Mayor Daley and Hank & Phoebe Snow.
    Ethel Merman and Pee Wee Herman and Strom Thurmond and Vince Lombardi
    and something-something George & Jesus Jones.
    Edith Head and Mister Ed and Nostradamus and Danny Thomas and Leona & Sherman Hemsley!”

    (Okay, I’ll go clip those coupons now.)

  35. Citric
    July 3rd, 2009 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    Many questions today:

    9CL: Will someone get Brooke McEldowney a mail order bride or prostitute or something so he can stop taking his sexual frustration out on us?

    A3G: Wait, so Margo’s dad is also Luann’s older brother? Or they’re identical twins somehow? I’m confused.

    FW: something happy happened in FW? How is this going to come back to cause death, misery, and other wacky FW tropes?

  36. Chuck
    July 3rd, 2009 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    Why are Ziggy’s pets trashing his toilet? Shouldn’t they be drinking from it?

  37. Bryan
    July 3rd, 2009 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    (Okay, I’ll go clip those coupons now.)

    I’ve got that clip up on my YouTube page:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ctNlmxiCvW0

  38. Talking Squirrel
    July 3rd, 2009 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    DTM: It looks as if Mr. Wilson’s shit-purging solvent of choice is nail polish remover. I don’t even want to conceive of the smell of shit and acetone, but no doubt it’s ambrosia to the Grumpster. And it certainly explains his chronic hepatomegaly.

    Still, where the hell is MT when you reeeeally need him?

    #6 Winky’s Spleen: “HtH – Vikings eating spaghetti? Yeesh, how hard would it have been to make it a frigging Swedish meatball?”

    Count your blessings. Browne could have forced Hagar to pronounce it “puh-sketti”.

    Also, I really hope that Hagar doesn’t discover a bar of soap when he bites into that steaming lump.

  39. sugarpie
    July 3rd, 2009 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    bats :[ Im whipping up some special treats to bring to the Charterstone picnic tomorrow. I’ll make a few without garlic for Mary but add an extra cupfull of carpet tacks instead. Mary looks fantastic! Sort of like she’s dressed to attend Ray Milland’s birthday in ‘Frogs’.

  40. fishmorgjp
    July 3rd, 2009 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    Yyyyyech. “Marvin’s Syndrome” has hit Dennis the Menace.

  41. Talking Squirrel
    July 3rd, 2009 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    And today, Tank McNamara and Curtis chime in with first-panel PSAs against meat-mutilating pyrotechnics…

    Surely the local news tonight will feature the perennial clip of the cop blowing a pumpkin into pulp by inserting an M-80 and lighting it (with a lighter!) “This is your brain. And this is your brain on flash powder.” I hope at least they show the director’s cut, the Peckinpah/El Topo-style slo-mo version.

  42. Lolsworth
    July 3rd, 2009 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    Look, if you won’t be satisfied then Dennis might as well just give up.

  43. John C Fremont
    July 3rd, 2009 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    #37 Bryan – Have you been able to make out what Crow says after “Vince Lombardi?” I can make out “Borgnine,” but beyond that I’m lost… and as far as I can find, more information on what comes after Vince Lombardi can not be found on the internet.

    #41 Talking Sqirrel – Are you sure you don’t mean like Sam Peckinpah’s “Salad Days?”

    “Oh, Willy DeVille and Agnes DeMille and Cruella DeVille and Roscoe Tanner and Jann Wenner and…”

  44. sugarpie
    July 3rd, 2009 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    John C Fremont Jann Wenner? or is it Janet Flanner?

  45. bats :[
    July 3rd, 2009 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    39. sugarpie: well, you know, Mary’s been so involved with Delilah and ramming. home. the. issue. every. chance. she. gets., that the poor dear didn’t realize that she’d sent out the wrong invitation. Here’s the update, and yes, I’ve noted that you’re bringing something “special”:
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3684751935/

  46. buckyswife
    July 3rd, 2009 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    bats :[ : Nothin’ says “birth of our country” like salmon squares! Or is it, nothin’ says (after)birth?…..

  47. The Waz
    July 3rd, 2009 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

    29: Niall A3G – No, the artist knows two male faces. ‘Man with beard’ and ‘Man with no beard’.

  48. Gnoll
    July 3rd, 2009 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    When I first saw this Ziggy I didn’t even notice the pets (because the art style is so awful it makes my eyes unfocus) and I thought Ziggy was yelling at his fallen plant. It was a lot better that way.

  49. sugarpie
    July 3rd, 2009 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

    bats :[ Hmmmmm! There’s special and then there’s Godiva. ‘Ramming home,” haw, haw, haw!

    Mary’s Fourth of July picnic just might be derailed from her Holly Hobby intent into a day of J. Jones’ Idyll-esque tableau.

    Thanks be to bats :[ !

  50. Violet
    July 3rd, 2009 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

    Wow, even by her accustomed standard of intrusiveness, Mary is really pushing her agenda with poor Delilah here.

    Delilah: Mary, I’ve been having an affair.
    Mary: You mean a love affair with how much you love your husband!
    Delilah: No, and Lawrence found out and he shot me.
    Mary: With arrows of love, no doubt!
    Delilah: Mary, stop! I had to go to the hospital!
    Mary: For lovesickness!!!

  51. gts1303
    July 3rd, 2009 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    #9 Racing J,

    I’m pretty sure the middle panel is supposed to go first and the first panel is supposed to go in the middle. So it goes like this:

    1. Crankshaft apologizes

    2. Guy throws a firecracker back at Crankshaft

    3. Crankshaft is angry.

    Not funny, but at least it makes sense now.

  52. gts1303
    July 3rd, 2009 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    I know Josh doesn’t talk about it…but I feel like Agnes today is promoting canibalism.

    http://www.arcamax.com/agnes

  53. John C Fremont
    July 3rd, 2009 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    #44 sugarpie – By golly, I think you’re right! Makes more sense, too.

  54. Anonymous
    July 3rd, 2009 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

    I just meant Chickweed Lane as a comic makes me sick. The constant fucking in really really stupid situations. The way that Brooke depicts God as being a bald pudgy perverted old man who wants to kill off humanity to replace them with cockroach people, but is distracted because the humans he told his plan to protested by fucking in public. And the old farmer/alien guy who knows better than God but is also in to watching people fuck in public.

  55. One-eyed Wolfdog
    July 3rd, 2009 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

    Given my unwillingness to divulge details, this is going to be a particularly pointless comment, but that DtM reminds me of – I’m already saying too much here – a piece of Road Rovers-related fanart rumored to exist somewhere out in the wild internets, which, perhaps depending on your proclivities, can change from “Say! Intriguing!” to “OMG THERE IS NOT ENOUGH BRAIN BLEACH” depending on whether you encounter the line-art or the coloured version.

  56. One-eyed Wolfdog
    July 3rd, 2009 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

    Incidentally, put me in the camp that says that Delta’s “frankfurter” remark in Luann was intentionally sarcastic, and it was pretty funny.

  57. Alison
    July 3rd, 2009 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

    Ah, Marmaduke, Cujo only wishes he could be as evil as you.

    I feel kind of sorry for Mr. Wilson. Mrs. Wilson is as bad as Dennis-she keeps letting the brat come over even though she knows he will mess everything up and drive her husband bananas. I would go insane if the kiddies next door kept trampling through my house. Mr. Wilson should get a deadbolt and lock Dennis AND Mrs. Wilson out of the house.

  58. One-eyed Wolfdog
    July 3rd, 2009 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    Y183 – buckyswife – take this with a grain of salt because the female of our species is not my primary pole of attraction in life, but I don’t really think much of Baretto’s art is very sexy at all. It’s loaded – or overloaded – with signifiers, but the overall effect is symbolic of sexy without actually being it. If that makes sense. Also, as a rule of thumb, if I can put it this way, the suggestion of incipient dumplings is generally more of an enticement to dinner than simply slopping a bunch of dumplings on the plate and ringing the chow bell.

    All that aside, it’s still hard not to cheer for the man as he goes to his spectacular excesses with more technique and apparent joy in his work than you’ll find many other places on the page.

  59. Donald the Anarchist
    July 3rd, 2009 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

    Ziggy This is one of those weird cases where I can see it being amusing as a Family Circus punchline. Really, Ziggy attempting any expression other than resigned despondency is a bad idea. A better line would have been “I guess I don’t have to ask who’s cleaning THAT up…”

    DTM At least his almost certainly unwiped ass doesn’t hang out of those overalls the way it hangs out of those damn PJs.

    Marm I’m amazed that neighbor is so brazen about hanging right over Marm’s fence. Perhaps he keeps the hell-hound well supplied with fresh babies, and thus appeased. Even discounting the “He’s a vicious hell-hound” idea, he’s portrayed as just so goddamn annoying you’d think that fence would be the last place anyone would want to hang out.

  60. Poteet
    July 3rd, 2009 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    # 45 bats:[ — Very impressive! Thank you! I won’t be joining the Charterstone celebration, but somehow, just thinking about it will make my own modest celebration better.

    (“Modest celebration” in this case meaning “walking through a very large field of corn to reach a small prairie where I can photograph a rare thistle.” But hey, at least Mary Worth won’t be there:-).

  61. One-eyed Wolfdog
    July 3rd, 2009 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

    FW failed to load on my chron page today so I have Fred Basset right next to Garfield. It’s a nice juxtaposition because they both suggest something interesting going on and rely on the reader to imagine the details of it. This is actually one of Garfield’s stronger suits, and something they got good mileage out of in the early days of that strip. What I’m sort of leading up to here is that it’s not really one of Fred Basset’s stronger suits. Today’s strip could not fail harder if it was just a single bare panel with Fred thought-bubbling “Go ahead! Imagine I’m doing something humorous!” I mean, that would at least have a sort of shock-surprise humor value to it.

  62. Talking Squirrel
    July 3rd, 2009 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

    666CL: Since Thorax is hardly more than a growed-up analogue of Marvin, today’s strip really begs for a fourth panel in which wispy hot-liquid squigglies signal his arrival in the hot tub.

  63. commodorejohn
    July 3rd, 2009 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

    #62 Talking Squirrel – I see the resemblance; after all, both are renowned for expelling prodigous quantities of utter shit.

  64. Niall
    July 3rd, 2009 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    Y157 True Fable on I, Platypus: I’ve been saying for over a month that Ashley’s exterior has been cracking, ever since Norm has been “available”. Little clues, same as the ones that led to the breakup.

    Y187 Muffaroo: wow, I had not noticed the inner tube in Chip’s room. I have never, ever known anyone to have one of those in their rooms – children, teenager or adult. It’s like the “sock over the lampshade” that Josh once complained could only be there because a set director had a weird idea of a mere description of “squalid”.

    Y208 bats :[ : the image says it’s been deleted…

    62. talking squirrel: WHY OH WHY DID I CLICK THAT LINK

  65. Niall
    July 3rd, 2009 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    I mean, I’m not hungry (despite not having eaten in 24 hours) but that made it just worse…

  66. exapno
    July 3rd, 2009 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    So far, FW’s softball saga this year has been totally predictable:

    1. The Montoni’s team starts off sucking worse than a 14 yr old giving a blow job. (pick your gender, its probably all the same)

    2. They get clobbered by the team coached by the old sour puss, ‘Pops’, whose star player is – SURPRISE- Keisha.

    3. Just when things get bleakest for Team Montoni, Guess Who shows up? Yes, just as in Basketball season its Keisha.. (never mind that in a REAL league, this could never happen, as rosters are usually frozen after a certain date)

    4. Now with a decent player, TM wins their first game…although it is never explained why Summer has to slide into home when she was on 3rd, and Keisha apparently hit the ball – sacrifice fly?

    So, knowing Batiuk, apparently what will happen is that somehow TM will get into the playoffs, get to the final, and beat Old Sour Puss’ team – thereby causing old Sour Puss Pops to have a coronary on the field….

    Now….speaking as a veteran, experienced softball umpire, who has worked high school, rec ball and tournaments for 20 years, I have encountered many MANY ‘Pops’ types…and cant WAIT to see that happen…

  67. The Restless Mouse
    July 3rd, 2009 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

    Josh- I laughed, I cried. Your comment about DTM pooping on the soap was awesome. It really does look like that too.

    I’m not even going to speculate on why Mrs. Wilson is there too, and they are there BEFORE Dennis does his cocky-walk out of the bathroom, like he just gave birth to a Chase bank executive.

  68. dyslexic dog
    July 3rd, 2009 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

    I do apologize in advance for this, but as I was studying the last panel of JP, it suddenly occurred to me that the model for Godiva is Sarah Palin!

  69. dyslexic dog
    July 3rd, 2009 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

    Sorry, I meant this one.

  70. True Fable
    July 3rd, 2009 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    It’s times like these when I miss our Galactic Emperor Chennux and his magmacannon. *sigh*

  71. buckyswife
    July 3rd, 2009 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

    58 One-Eyed Wolfdog—I know exactly what you mean about JP; the idea of the symbolism of eroticism captures it. It’s not quite parody…. but it’s also not not-parody (or self-parodying). But what’s weird is that the current storyline doesn’t even achieve the type of sexiness that you pinpoint—and certainly all the elements should lead to it perfectly.

    What keeps it from self-parody is the other thing you describe: the lack of complete ironic detachment. Yes, the artist is invested in these drawings, I think; he likes drawing these characters. And that wins him all kinds of points in my book.

  72. buckyswife
    July 3rd, 2009 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    68/69 dyslexic dog: I read your comment with a sense of resignation.

    ha ha (….realizes it’s time to put self to bed….)

  73. dyslexic dog
    July 3rd, 2009 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

    #72 — buckyswife
    Just biden my time until I can think of a comeback.

  74. bats :[
    July 3rd, 2009 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

    62. Talking Squirrel: GROSS! (funny, but…) I don’t know what’s worse, the “tinge” to the water or the expression on Thorax’s face.
    Then again, maybe this is the first time in millennia that Thorax has been able to relieve himself — maybe all the pent-up piss has been behind what’s made him such a pain.

    64. Niall: yes, Mary made a faux pas. Here’s the correct invitation. Please bring chocolate. A lot of it. We’re gonna need it:
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3684751935/

    Look! Over there! Russia!

  75. Elliegal
    July 3rd, 2009 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth and Delilah haven’t stopped eating since Delilah got there!!

  76. True Fable
    July 4th, 2009 at 12:21 am [Reply]

    Menace Schemenace Dennis is right. The best way to celebrate Independence Day is to strap Dennis Mitchell to an ICBM and launch it to the sun.
    Scenes from Suburban Hell I got a kick out of Dot’s expression today. Even her hair is disappointed.
    Fist O Justice Theater Isn’t that like saying, “Let’s tell the guy we ran over, that we’re sorry but the car dealer didn’t give us any cash back when we bought it?” Or, “I’m sorry my dog bit you, but the neighbor kids have been teasing him all day”? The landowner’s not going to give a shit about your problems, lady, especially when you’ve been poisoning a friend of mine’s pet wildlife!

  77. Niall
    July 4th, 2009 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    74 bats :[ : ah, thank you, the one above was a repeat I see.

    I think I’ve woken up five times today. It’s getting difficult to keep track of which day it is. Not eating in the whole day (and still not hungry) means I’ve not recuperated yet… I hate being sick.

  78. Winky's Spleen
    July 4th, 2009 at 12:53 am [Reply]

    H&L – Un-American, is it? Well, just remember that next time you screech about taxes equalling the government stealing your money.

  79. Niall
    July 4th, 2009 at 1:26 am [Reply]

    saturday snark, still sick

    considering it’s on a saturday, there’s precious few strips acknowledging independence day, with the most subtle one being Curtis.

    blondie was actually, if not funny, at least more out-there than usual. good effort if nothing else.

    dick tracy gets more incomprehensible than usual.

    garfield goes for visual humour, which at least is a valid form of humour

    as expected, gil thorp missed the boat completely. the lack of knowledge evident in panel 1 hurts.

    hagar hesitates to hazard a name, as that would be too specific for the non-joke, meaning it’s either the modern black guy with a penis for a head or the modern black guy who’s short and grimaces during anal sex.

    my cage: character development ahoy! tomorrow should be… actually sad yet sweet. and if ashley follows him to the cemetary, then our guesses were right.

    pluggers: wait, are they saying _fireworks_ are elitist and snobbish now?? WTF, pluggers!

    that’s it, i’m too tired for more

  80. sugarpie
    July 4th, 2009 at 1:43 am [Reply]

    MW Delilah is rocking a halter and leopard hip huggers for their stroll around the neighborhood? Isn’t that a passive-aggressive way of saying “blow me, Mary”?, or is it just an homage to Jaqueline Suzanne’s deathless 60′s style?

    I wonder if Fashion Police takes emergency calls on the weekend?

  81. Raymo
    July 4th, 2009 at 1:52 am [Reply]

    Long time lurker /de-lurking (quick, big thunderstorm here)

    9CL: I don’t even bother any more. If I do, I have to eat TUMS like crazy. Ick. Eew. *Gag* *Gag* **Barf!!!**

    MW: Just like someone said way back (I’m much too lazy to look it up) in the threads, Mary’s replies to DOOFUS Delilah: “Yes, but *_________________* (whatever you just said) applies to your love of Lawrence, too, doesn’t it?? And if you two *_______________________* (fuck like bunnies) you’ll probably have children! Just like you want to! Give it a try, try, tryyyy, Deeee-Liiiii-Laaaahhh! \Lurking

  82. Ned Ryerson
    July 4th, 2009 at 2:23 am [Reply]

    76 True Fable: The landowner’s not going to give a shit about your problems, lady, especially when you’ve been poisoning a friend of mine’s pet wildlife!

    That one killed me!

  83. Raymo
    July 4th, 2009 at 2:51 am [Reply]

    I hope I got the lurk (/) and de-lurk (\) correct, but I don’t think I did. But you know what? I just can’t worry about it right now, I have…Zombies under my bed! I have to find a shotgun, and quickly! You’ll have to excuse me.

  84. Der Podvater Liar
    July 4th, 2009 at 4:10 am [Reply]

    Holy motherfisting Christ, Gil Thorp has an OFFICIAL twitter account now. This is the greatest GT storyline of all time!

  85. Bryan
    July 4th, 2009 at 7:53 am [Reply]

    9CL: There’s not enough video memory so Brooke had to turn the shadow detail down to “medium.”
    RMMD: Hey, I just read this in the Rex Morgan entry on Wikipedia:
    June Gale Morgan is currently pregnant with her second child with Rex Morgan, MD (Sarah is excited about having a little brother and/or a little sister)
    What the hell? Did I miss this during the whole Bikini Saga?

  86. KarMann
    July 4th, 2009 at 8:10 am [Reply]

    @Bryan #85: Well, that info was only just added on June 1, by an anonymous user, so I wouldn’t put much stock in it. I’m very much considering undoing his/her revision right now, so don’t be surprised if it’s not there next time you look.

  87. Talking Squirrel
    July 4th, 2009 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    MT: Contrasting the mountain of drums we saw in that ravine, against this recurring backdrop of a sprawling refinery with its impressive twin silos and water tower, it strikes me that 98.6% of its manufacturing capacity must be devoted entirely to toxic sludge production. So, what could they actually be manufacturing for sale? Judging by Panel 1, they must be the premier supplier of hair pomade all up and down the bayou.

    As for Panel 2, my personal thanks for the herb leaves and mushrooms in the foreground. (“Curtis” notwithstanding, this one gets my vote for most subtle reminder of Independence Day). However … I suggest you leave the titmice to Barreto.

    #85 Bryan: “Hey, I just read this in the Rex Morgan entry on Wikipedia: June Gale Morgan is currently pregnant with her second child with Rex Morgan, MD (Sarah is excited about having a little brother and/or a little sister). What the hell? Did I miss this during the whole Bikini Saga?”

    You may recall the liner steaming “towards Barbados” (northwest into the setting sun, finally breaking free of the malign influence of the dreaded Trinidad-Tobago Triangle). However, since the alleged impregnation took place in darkness, Wikipedia’s claim that it’s Rex’s kid “needs attribution”.

    #43 John C Fremont: “#41 Talking Squirrel – Are you sure you don’t mean like Sam Peckinpah’s ‘Salad Days?’”

    Bloody good catch, that, Lionel!

  88. Vince M
    July 4th, 2009 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    I just have to put in a good word for ‘Monty’ (the strip, not…*that* character) – it’s always entertaining, but I’ve especially enjoyed this current lengthy story arc. There probably aren’t any millionaire households with bratty kids in sailor suits and phlegmatic butlers anymore, but I do love the theme.

    Have a wag-tastic Fourth, all!

  89. Mibbitmaker
    July 4th, 2009 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    4th of July (also, it’s the holiday):

    9CL: A giant “?”, perhaps, but a nice break from Thorax trauma and storyline misanthropy. Thus, I’ll give “666CL” a rest today.

    A3G: LuAnn’s brother is all heart, ain’e?

    Cleats: You’re all heart, kids.

    Curtis: You’re all hearts, Curtis.

    DtM: “You’re all heart, Dad!”

    DT: Quiet, spade-nose, he’s being technologically pretentious…

    ReFOOB: You’re all heartworms, Farley.

    FW: On the one hand, it’s about time a comic character finally called another character on the awful puns all over the funny pages! On the other hand…. you JUST WON a GAME, you FREAKIN’ MOPE!

    Garfield: Nice censor-baiting there.

    GF: Next panel: Satchel kills Bucky.

    JP: “Hey, that’s really cool, having famous people like them come here to go against our daughters and — heeeey, wait a minute…!!”

    MT: “…Plus, they all have facial hair, too!”

    Marmadupe: Big dog, you’re all heart.

    MW: “…each other…” Oh, gimme a break, Mare! Lack of any pretense to subtlety AND forced grammar to boot.

    Mutts: I’m an uncle, and I don’t drink. HA!

    Ghost-Who-Lets-Cute-Women-Upstage-Him.-Good-Ghost: From extreme “atheist” to extreme “religious” person. Six of one, half dozen of the other.

    SL (addressing the characters): You guys make me sad.

    The Stuck-In-Stone Mind of Edison Lee: Go on, Harley, let the little know-it-all starve. (You’re all heart, Mibbit)

    ZtP: Mind officially blown….

    Zits: …Not so much here.

  90. queek
    July 4th, 2009 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    if you thought that skinny-dipping Thorax was bad, then you DO *NOT* WANT to see Saturday’s Lockhorns. Trust me. just say “no”. srsly.

    ‘shaft: silent penultimate panel?

    MG&G: even funnier if you know just how big of a horndog ol Benjamin was, even into his 80′s.

    Mutts, SpeedBump: funny!

    JumpStart: biology geek says “word!”

    Frazz: awwwwwwww. I love this strip.

    Lio: Ishmael is so cute. The funeral director in the last panel looks like the human form of the demon from the previous Pibgorn arc.

    A&J: if Arlo had added a “WOOOOOO!” it would have been perfect.

    MC: win.

    Zits: rofl. I do like the art in this strip, its a step above most of the others in the funny pages.

  91. Islamorada Girl
    July 4th, 2009 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    75, Elligal: Mary and Deliah’s pig-out would make a lot more sense if they were digging into individual pints of Ben and Jerry’s New York Fudge Chunk and slurping down a lot of margaritas. Clearly, neither Moy nor Gilella understand how a real ladies’ pity party works. Then again, Mary’s idea of comfort food is Alpo casserole and day old salmon bits, because Mary has no pity.

  92. Niall
    July 4th, 2009 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    84. Der Podvater Liar: if there really a #coachgilthorp twitter account? If there is, only those who know Twitter can correct the error found in panel 1…

  93. Brick Bradford
    July 4th, 2009 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    9CL: Now that’s Brooke doing what Brooke does best–drawing pretty girls with long legs.

    JP: Do you get the feeling that the boys at Sophie’s school don’t really mind getting sent to the principal’s office?

    A3G: It’s the RETURN OF THE FORGOTTEN SUBPLOT!

  94. Brick Bradford
    July 4th, 2009 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    #87 Talking Squirrel: That probably isn’t all Rex’s kid is going to need.

  95. Talking Squirrel
    July 4th, 2009 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    89 Mibbitmaker says “9CL: A giant ‘?’, perhaps”

    If I’m not mistaken, she’s gesturing “Pass me the spittoon, wouldja? This chaw is startin’ to give me th’ whirlies.”

  96. John C Fremont
    July 4th, 2009 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    #79 – Save your strength and get better soon, Niall. Remember, the cheerleader tryouts are almost here!

    #83 – Best of luck with those zombies, Raymo!

    #87 Talking Squirrel – Your Mark Trail comment pretty much guarantees I’ll be spending much of the day shouting, “I don’t want Fop, goddammit, I’m a Dapper Dan man!” And while I’m at it, I’ll probably throw in the occassional “Gopher, Everett?” and an “Oh, George, not the livestock,” or two.

    (sigh) Now my life’s an empty stage where Honey lived and Honey played…

    A3G – Roy may not look like any other male character from this strip, but he curses like Alan Lange. Plus, I’m pretty sure he uses Fop.

    Foob – In the final panel, I think Elly is supposed to be saying, “There is great beauty in the swamp if you know where to look.”

    RMMD – Boy, Becka’s sucking on a mighty slim noodle. Wait. Slim’s noodle? Gaaagghhhh!!

  97. commodorejohn
    July 4th, 2009 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    A3G – Oh, yay, this is going to be that old staple where the Cranky Son thinks that it’s time to give up on the family farm and the Feeble Dad doesn’t have the will to stop him from selling property that isn’t actually his and so the Spunky Younger Children will have to step in and do some sort of fundraiser or some damn thing. Hooray. Can’t wait.

    AS – Either Hillburn has absolutely no idea what a potluck is, or this is utter vile filth.

    Crankshaft – Hell yes.

    GA – Any excuse to avoid drawing multiple panels, eh, Scancarelli?

    GT – Absolutely nothing is ever going to induce me to start using Twitter, but I have to admit that this is pretty damn tempting.

    JP – Mrs. Norton is enjoying this way too much. Also, I can’t even begin to comprehend panel two, given the arrangement in panel one. It’s nearly Thorpian, except that it’s not a projection of π-dimensional space onto a two-dimensional surface.

    Love Is… – COMING STRAIGHT FOR ME OH GOD GET IT AWAY

    Luann – Ha ha! Look at the cardboard villain, isn’t she an assclown! Ha ha ha!

    MW – What the hell is Delilah wearing? Vivid yellow plaid pants? Is that some kind of belly-life preserver, or two individual breast-vests? Eeyargh, my eyes.

    RMMD – Rowr, this lady knows how to work ‘em like a claw.

    SF – …what is that a poster of? A beaver?

    SM – Thrill to the pulse-pounding negotiation scene! You’ll pay for the whole seat…but you’ll only need the edge!

  98. TheDiva
    July 4th, 2009 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    C’shaft: Oh for crying out loud, just take away his matches already! There’s four of you against an octogenarian, you can take him!

    FW: Oh, we’re pretending we have taste now, are we?

    MW: Not since the FOOBocalypse has a relationship been sold so aggressively. I keep hoping this will end with Delilah grabbing Mary by the throat and screaming “You want do know why I left Lawrence, you meddling old bint? He drinks like a sailor, he dislocated my shoulder the last time we argued and he got herpes from some cheap hooker on his last lecture tour, that’s why! I’ve tried to tell you for days but every time I open my mouth you start going on about what a cute couple we are and it’s all I can do not to vomit!”

    Pluggers are too poor to drive to the nearest public fireworks display, let alone across state lines to buy their own, so they circle the block in a futile attempt to capture the essence of what they’re missing.

  99. tb4000
    July 4th, 2009 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    ‘Shaft: Everyone is dying. This is the final strip for the series.

  100. buckyswife
    July 4th, 2009 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    There was only one thing I really wanted to happen to celebrate the 4th of July today: the following conversation between Mary and Delilah:
    Delilah: I can’t wait to see the Independence Day fireworks!
    Mary: But you and Lawrence used to have fireworks, too, right?
    …. thus Worthily commemorating the very concept of “independence” and the freedom to make choices that so many men—and later, women—have fought for over the years. Mary, I’m disappointed in you.

  101. bats :[
    July 4th, 2009 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    96.John C Fremont re RMMD: gah, indeed! That is ONE crossover that never, ever needs to happen. Well, unless it includes that lady-thief’s thinly-clad backside.

    Speaking of butts, Thursday and Friday’s Pibgorn featured Pib’s ass fairly prominently. I guess it’s all right, since she’s a fairy and all (and frozen at the moment). Also because I have no freakin’ idea what’s going through Brooke’s mind anymore, for either strip.
    I used to think he really really needed to buckle down and get all of his work published. The last six months of both — eh, don’t bother.

    The rumor of June being pregnant: I don’t know if I could handle it. Then again, I wasn’t reading the strip during her first pregnancy (what was it, 15, 18 years ago?), so speculating on Rex’s facial expressions as June goes into labor — yow! Mashup heaven!

  102. Josh Ozersky
    July 4th, 2009 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    I’m going to come out and say it. I can’t decide what is less funny: Marmaduke, or the same joke every day about Marmaduke being a monster that eats people. At this point, that joke has become the Marmaduke of the Comics Curmudgeon. Can we get a petition to ban Marmaduke and Gil Thorp from these pages?

  103. commodorejohn
    July 4th, 2009 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    #102 Josh Ozersky – You can have my Gil Thorp commentary when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers.

  104. Will
    July 4th, 2009 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    ‘Shaft: The black and blue bunting is appropriate, traditional for a funeral.

  105. Will
    July 4th, 2009 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    Baldo: The Batiuk Syndrome strikes again.

  106. kkarenb
    July 4th, 2009 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    Family Circus – What a coincidence. Just yesterday the CNN website reported that competitive eaters can develop obesity, clogged artieries, chest pains and other health issues.
    Keane kids – go for it!

  107. bats :[
    July 4th, 2009 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    If there’s a flag, it must be Independence Day:
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3687634418/

    Happy 4th to all us Yanks! (We had a great fireworks display last night, courtesy of our monsoon season kicking into high gear.)

  108. Kibo
    July 4th, 2009 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    I see that the soap-poop incident has gotten Mr. Wilson so riled up that, in order to soothe this nerves, he’s about to get hammered by drinking that bottle of vanilla extract. (I guess he’s out of Sterno.)

  109. Talking Squirrel
    July 4th, 2009 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    DTM: Despite possessing a full array of bright primary colors that put a MW’s pukey pastel palette to shame, the colorists were nevertheless flummoxed by the artist’s rendition of the ol’ Red, White & Blue.

    Thus, we’re treated to the rather appropriate sight of Dennis brandishing the Stars and Stripes of Anarchy.

    BTW, in celebration of the day, here’s a link to the coolest Banner since Hendrix shredded it.

    Coming soon to a ballpark near you … you wish.

  110. dreadedcandiru2
    July 4th, 2009 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    Sunday FOOB Advisory: Here’s what you need to know:
    - Elly spouts a long-winded and ludicrous theory about why socks seem to disappear from the dryer.
    - John, who knows why they disappear because he’s the schmuck that has to maintain the dryer, laughs quietly and politely up his sleeve.
    - Elly feels martyred because John doesn’t take her brilliant idea seriously.

  111. P
    July 4th, 2009 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    FC: This coming from the kid who could probably eat the continent of Africa in 5 minutes, no less.

  112. Poteet
    July 4th, 2009 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    July 4th is Dimwit Day in the comics. Happy holiday, mah fellow Americans!

    9CL — Brooke, let me try to break this to you gently. The story of Pygmalion is a myth, not a documentary. No matter how often you draw Edda and stare at her longingly, it Ain’t. Gonna. Happen.

    MW — For endless teeth-clenching days of horrendously-bad dialogue, you two have been discussing this topic, and this is all the farther you’ve gotten? How much hash did you smoke before you started?

    JP — Um, Sam and Abbey, hasn’t it even occurred to you that this bizarre scene gives weight to the accusations about how your moolah makes a difference when it comes to who gets to be a cheerleader? Not that I give a damn.

    A3G — Lu Ann, I’m a fan of yours, but I still have to say that not knowing your dad’s ranch is in trouble after being in South Dakota for so long is impressively stupid even for you.

    MT — I don’t know which is dumber — the idea that Mark could be used as a kind of handy hit man to deal with the gamblers, or the bizarre coloring of that poor ovenbird.

    Okay, it’s the ovenbird. Mark is idiotic enough to make this a plausible plan.

  113. buckyswife
    July 4th, 2009 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    111 P: Yeah—With the cellulite on those kids, I’d guess that they were already doing graduate work….

    MT: I’m imagining that conversation with Mark tomorrow: “So, Mark, that’s our story: The real bad guys are the mobsters, and we’d like you to take care of them for us. What’s that? Do they have facial hair? Why, I think they do! Mark, why is your fist twitching?…”

    Happy 4th to all the U.S.ers! I’m consoling myself over not being invited to the Charterstone party (THE social event of the season) with ribs and homemade rhubarb-strawberry pie. And maybe a mojito this afternoon. A couple of those, and I won’t miss the salmon squares and the sight of Ian’s naked legs at all!

  114. Poteet
    July 4th, 2009 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    PLUGGERS — So is today’s message that Pluggers show their patriotism by driving badly-maintained vehicles that burn oil and pollute the air? Or is there something I don’t understand?

  115. Niall
    July 4th, 2009 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    109. Talking Squirrel: that is a great video! Good ol’ ingenuity at work. Though I do love the comment “cool. for your next video, let’s see you hit a homerun? with a violin. ” a lot. I’d pay to see that. :)

  116. bats :[
    July 4th, 2009 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    113. buckyswife: I think the Charterstone Party Pooper Popper Party is open to all — all you need is a covered dish. Considering the rep of Mary’s salmon squares, a covered, empty dish would probably look like manna from heaven by the inmates residents.
    Oooooh, mojitos. And I don’t think it’s a gay drink…
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q_R6YpLpV90

  117. Taeraresh
    July 4th, 2009 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    #116 Bats :[ :

    Your mention of the covered dish reminded me of this.

  118. Bitter Scribe
    July 4th, 2009 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    I’m starting to have evil fantasies about putting razor wire atop Marmaduke’s doghouse and inducing him to lie on it a la Snoopy.

  119. Perky Bird
    July 4th, 2009 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    I always guessed that Plugger fireworks involved flatulence and a lit match.

  120. queek
    July 4th, 2009 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    in the unlikely event that someone out there doesn’t know what Arlo is referring to in today’s A&J, here’s a link to the fanfare.

    http://www.mp3fusion.net/mp3_download/3462002/Strauss_Also__Sprach__Zarathustra_mp3.html

    Sorry if I just insulted anyone’s intelligence.

    “WOOOOOOOO!”

  121. Poteet
    July 4th, 2009 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    MT — Come to think of it, Joey might be safe. Mark tries to be somewhat ethical about who he hits, and Joey’s hair is so horrible that it amounts to a major disability.

  122. Mdgoldrush1984
    July 4th, 2009 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

    Mr. Wilson looks surprisingly nonchalant about holding a handful of shit. I would imagine this would be more suitable towards Marvin. I’d point out a specific one, but really, they’re all about poop.

  123. anty a
    July 4th, 2009 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

    9CL: So, apropos of nothing, we switch abruptly from “Brooke is a peeping tom and wants everybody to know it” to “Brooke is a leg man and wants everybody to know it.” OK, Brooke, we know it, but it doesn’t make for any laughs, thanks.

  124. KarMann
    July 4th, 2009 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

    Big Dog: Research indicates that special frequencies of radiation emitted by these new flat-screen TVs can cause supernatural creatures’ true forms to be revealed. Here, we see that Marmaduke is, indeed, the incarnation of Cerberus.

  125. SomeRandomGuy
    July 4th, 2009 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    7/4 MT: At the rate this story arc is going, I’m thinking we won’t see a new arc until the start of the new year. I foresee at least 20 more strips of talking startled voices and then another 10 strips of Mark looking concerned. Finally, there will be a few strips where Mark tires of reasoned discussion and goes on a “Fists o’ Justice Rampage”, where he punches anyone and everyone in his way, regardless of their gender, previous actions and/or facial hair.

  126. buckyswife
    July 4th, 2009 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

    116 bats :[ —Actually, went with mint juleps instead of mojitos. Anything to consume the mint that threatens to conquer our yard. And then, in lieu of fireworks, time spent consoling the terrified dog. Which STILL beats time spent poolside at Charterstone!

  127. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 4th, 2009 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    I-Day comix

    S-M: Peter, winking at the audience is Clark Kent’s thing. Thus it will remain.

    SSmith: From what I gather here, Snuffy can’t sleep in his bed because Loweezy needs too much sweet lovin’. Thats, um… Moving along…

    9CL: Brooke today gives us nothing about Monty watching a Francis/Diance/Thorax threeway in a pond. And America thanks him for it. Keep up the good non-work.

    Ziggy: Ziggy’s life is so depressing that porn adware is a delightful change of pace.

    Baldo: Someone at least remembers they’re supposed to be a comedy strip. Fight the Batiuk-ian power Gracie.

    BC: Wha? What does Kevin Costner have to do with anything? Is the spider building it so they will come?

    RMMD: Blondes slurping Chinese noodle fetishists, this one’s for you.

    FC: No, Billy, you just need a license to sell hot dogs. Check the trap door.

    DtM: “You want me to be like that little twerp in Non Sequitur and ask why you hate America so much? Trust me mom, I can go there.”

    M-Dawg: It’s your own fault for having Josef Mengele sew another two heads onto his neck. Just had to have your own Cerberus, didn’t you?

  128. Muffaroo
    July 4th, 2009 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

    Here they are at last — comments I wrote six hours ago. They may have a slight crust, but if you stir them gently, they’re still tasty and not completely non-nutritious. Enjoy!

    DtMenace 7/3/09 – Dennis using soap? Don’t make me laugh. (Yes, I know it’s not likely, but I say it anyway.) If he bothers to wash at all, he moistens his hands and then wipes the resulting sludge on the guest towels. Mr. Wilson seems to be looking at a dooky-covered urinal cake. Game, set, and match to Dennis.

    9CL – Does this signal a shift to “hand shadow theater”? It could be an improvement, only after a couple of days, it’ll be Edda’s left hand making an “O” and sticking her right index finger through it, over and over, while everybody in the world watches raptly.

    AD – I have no idea what this is supposed to mean. Just mentioning a celebrity’s name is enough now? John Travolta! Julie Andrews! Clarence Williams III! I’m frickin’ HILARIOUS!

    FCircus – Yes, kids do say the darnedest things. But not that goddamn darned. Get a grip.

    Smirky Schadenfreude – Live by the pun, die by the pun. And don’t take all day about it.

    GAlley – Nice card today. I guess it was either this, or Brandine showing the eagle/flag tattoo on her butt cheek.

    Mduke – Ha ha! He couldn’t see the triple play because of Cerberus! These things just apparently write themselves. (No, the emphasis is different from KarMann’s comment at 124, and anyway, I wrote this hours ago, before I had to go do stuff with my family all day. Actually, he has four heads, but where’s the fun in that?)

    MWorth – “Perfect in one! That’s a wrap. Now we have to go to the park and then the Bum Boat to have this exact same conversation there too.”

    Pluggers know how to make incredible fireworks with just a rented truck full of ammonium nitrate fertilizer.

    John C Fremont @96 – re RMMD: Now cut that out!

    PS – Brighton, NY, had a pretty impressive display last year, but I think this year’s show in Henrietta succeeded in topping it. The only real annoyance was the car ten feet away whose stupid alarm went off with every “boom” over the field.

  129. Poteet
    July 5th, 2009 at 12:13 am [Reply]

    PV — Dare I hope this tale will have a happy ending for Big Herp, and she’ll be able to swim back home with her egg? I still think her entire reproductive strategy is insane, but not as insane as Gawain’s reproductive strategy.

  130. Burl Veneer
    July 5th, 2009 at 1:06 am [Reply]

    July 4 Cul de Sac: is Petey blind? If so, that’s really edgy, even for Richard Thompson.

  131. Mr. O'Malley
    July 5th, 2009 at 4:38 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft: Isn’t blowing up a barbecue on the 4th of July kind of un-American? Unless of course you’re planning to run out and immediately buy a much larger one.

    And come to think of it, why is it the British-style 4th of July (day first) instead of the American-style July 4th (month first)?

    Don’t look at us, we did our bit (stuffed with barbecued ribs, corn and potato salad). And the French wine was … er … in honor of Lafayette. Besides, it was on sale. And what’s more American than bargain-hunting?

    MW: Well here’s some relief from Mary’s tiresome platitudinizing … temptation arrives, in the person of … who is this nebbish anyway?

    RMMD: There’s something funny here, why is this strip going on about health care issues? Aren’t there enough cruise ship stowaways, yacht races and fishing trips to keep things going?

    MT: (Yesterday) You might as well try it, so far the only idea that has been too dumb for Mark was feeding a side of bacon to a mountain lion. (Sunday) “females … are such capable fishermen” could have been better phrased.

  132. Jack Parsons
    July 5th, 2009 at 6:17 am [Reply]

    MT Sunday: Well hellooooooooo, sailor! Ya like these boobies?

  133. KarMann
    July 5th, 2009 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    Damn. Had a big ol’ post going when the browser crashed, so I’ll just say this: MT: Polynesians watching boobies, all in the first sentence? Today’s MT is made of win! (Now, to see if I can beat Naked Bunny With a Whip (so to speak) to posting it over at Slacktivist.)

  134. queek
    July 5th, 2009 at 7:43 am [Reply]

    MT: drat, Jack Parsons beat me to it.

    Frazz: wow, talk about getting stuff past the censors!

    PBS: wow, talk about getting stuff past the censors, squared!

    MC: pop culture win.

    more coffee, mule!

  135. John C Fremont
    July 5th, 2009 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    MT – No, no, it’s Bubble-Headed Boobie, also known as the Nickel-Plated Ninny.

    That seaman really creeps me out.

    A3G – Funny, he doesn’t look like Bill Withers.

    MW – Delilah’s outfit is from the Barbara Eden Collection.

    RMMD – “Like I said, it’s just Rumors. I prefer their older stuff with Peter Green.”

    SFx – They’re already holding their silverware before the food has been served? What a bunch of animals.

    JP – That’s it? It’s over? Already? But, but – I wasn’t ready!

  136. CanuckDownSouth
    July 5th, 2009 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    5 July Judge Parker -

    So the moral really is that with determination, pluck, and one evening of hard work mostly spent revamping their wardrobe, rich heiresses with no previously developed physical or choreographic skill can overcome all obstacles and become cheerleaders too!

    … dang, I was hoping for a more-insane Little Miss Sunshine

  137. Elliegal
    July 5th, 2009 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    Mr. O’Malley- I, too, was wondering who that nebbish is…at first I thought it was MW’s ‘boyfriend’, Jeff. Now that would be a great storyline!

  138. commodorejohn
    July 5th, 2009 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    A3G – So if I’m reading this correctly, Nora is doing her pacing somewhere that is notat Nora’s, and then later at Nora’s encounters her boyfriend. Meanwhile, Margo manages to be even more confusing when she begins to display behavior that is basically the very definition of un-Margo-like.

    A.D. – HELL YES.

    BBlue – For Better Or For Worse: The Remake.

    BrS – An unethical tycoon with a cheeseburger fetish? That’s at least two million Dennises worth of menace.

    Crankshaft – Once again, Crankshaft’s commendable attempts to burn his son-in-law’s house down don’t quite pan out. That’s all right, Ed. Next time for sure.

    DT – Most confusing villainous parting shot ever.

    FC – The Keane Klan is about to be dismembered in a horrifyingly grisly fashion by ants the size of terriers. This is the very best Family Circus ever.

    FW – Today’s Funky Winkerbean is actually charming and not depressing at all. This means it’s only a matter of time before one of those kids brings a submachine gun to school and slaughters half the senior class.

    JP – I’m grateful for the fact that Sophie’s tryout is not shown, because it allows me to imagine that the throwaway panels are alluding to her ritual dismemberment of all who oppose her. And let me tell you, nothing makes this strip better than imagining Sophie pulling a Kill Bill.

    MW – Oh my God. Are we going to have another stalker storyline in Mary Worth? And…is that Tobey Maguire?

    MC – Bah, the Jedi Council don’t know their collective ass from their collective elbow.

    PV – Oh yes. Harryhausen would be proud.

    SM – Wolverine stalks the city; then he gets a restraining order. What, you didn’t think anything interesting was going to happen, did you?

    Edison Lee – doesn’t have a fucking clue about hospitals.

  139. TheDiva
    July 5th, 2009 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    C’shaft: “They’ve finally realized you’re a danger to yourself and others and are taking you into protective custody.”

    Luann: At tonight’s performance, the role of Cathy will be played by Luann.

    MW: Ah, the specter of infidelity! Now we get another month of Mary sermonizing about Delilah’s beautiful life, with the added variation of “Don’t even think about it, you whore.”

    Pluggers: Foul! Pluggers don’t read!

  140. sully
    July 5th, 2009 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    THE NEW “ADAM @ HOME”

    Have reader(s) been subjected to this new version of “Adam @ Home” long enough to warrant comments? The old strip was lamer than a 2-legged cow, but this new one is a failed effort, at best. Poorly drawn, horribly over-written and clumsy, with what appears to be an attempt to put more emphasis on family dynamics over the title character’s tiresome caffeine addiction. Unfortunately, the kids just come out obnoxious, and the parents even sadder sacks than before. Go back to the drawing board, or better still, smother this puppy.

  141. Charterstoned
    July 5th, 2009 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    MT – More information about boobies can be found on the internet. WAY more.

  142. One-eyed Wolfdog
    July 5th, 2009 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    DT: “When gambling, remember — the house seldom loses. So feel free to use high-tech cheats and don’t hesitate to shoot their employees if it seems expedient.”

  143. Niall
    July 5th, 2009 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    BC: where did this come from??? More. MORE!

    Mark Trail: Oh, yeah, field day over here as I predicted. Polynesians are renowned for the beauty of their boobies…

    Judge Parker: BOOO! CHEATERS!! Talk about a non-climax! I feel like I just missed a week’s worth of strips! (I know I’ve been sick, but not that sick!)

    Hi & Lois: Um, doesn’t this contradict yesterday’s strip? Or did they drive to another town fast enough to arrive in daylight the same day (I doubt there are fireworks on the 5th, right?) and are going to hit the space-time wall on their return?

    FC: I checked in photoshop, those ants at the bottom could snip PJ’s neck off. DO IIIIIIIIIT

  144. Izzy
    July 5th, 2009 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    134 – But no mention of Get Fuzzy? That was getting crap past the radar cubed!

  145. queek
    July 5th, 2009 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    144: actually, I meant to say GF instead of PBS. too little coffee, and realized after posting that I’d muffed it up. Still, PBS did have a bit of naughty, but GF was amazingly so. :-)

  146. Muffaroo
    July 5th, 2009 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    AD – Am I jaded? I used to like it when they courted us.

    Cshaft – It is funny because he is stupid. (“He” being the reader who thinks it’s funny.)

    DTracy – Explain again why it mattered whether Tracy won the draw or not. Was that so Dick could shoot somebody and use his joke about the dead man’s hand? How could heat change a card to “any card”? Why wouldn’t he just have it so any card could turn into the Ace of Spades?

    What I like about today’s strip is the next to last panel, where it’s impossible to determine which way Spadenose is really facing. If only it mattered.

    FCircus – In the real world, ant hills are a bit of a giveaway. Here, the hill should be about the size of a VW Beetle.

    FBasset – That had better be real chocolate you’re offering that dog!

    JParker – Imagine my surprise — nay, shock — that Sophie has been welcomed enthusiastically into the cheerleader squad. I’m guessing the thing that put her over was the “goooo” mentioned in panel 2. Judges love goo.

    Lio – For it to work that way, he’d have to draw the last panel first. Otherwise, he’s just showing the panels coming in one by one, like Polaroids.

    MWorth“Are you going to walk away–” Of course not! My advice to her is to run!

    SFox – Slylock is warning the pig because the other three items on the tray are salads. Pigs are notorious salad dodgers.

    S-Man“So why is my spider sense tingling like mad?!” I’ll take a wild stab at it and say it’s because of the six No-Pest Strips aimed at your head.

    Monty – I’m surprised Fleshy’s not wearing a slip there. You know the kind I mean.

  147. buckyswife
    July 5th, 2009 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    138 commodorejohn, re: Delilah’s impending paramour: I’m seeing Brendan Fraser, with a few extra pounds.

    FC: Later, when the police arrived on the grisly scene to find the mutilated bodies, they were struck by two things: the way that large chunks of flesh had apparently been ripped from the bodies—it was clear that these were no ordinary ants. And: the size of the heads on those kids—skulls the size of basketballs.

    JP: Wait, that’s it? After what, weeks of build up, the climax happens off stage? In a throwaway Sunday strip? In what could be a first, Wilson apparently grew bored with his plot before we did.

  148. bats :[
    July 5th, 2009 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    138. commodorejohn re FC: from your lips to the Ant God’s ears (I guess ants got ears). I thought the same thing and spent more time than usual looking at the strip and configuring the schnauzer-sized ants on the Keanes.
    Very, very satisfying.

    Frazz: absolutely fabulous.
    We have a 3-1/2′ plaster statue of David in out living room (shut up!). I’m so going to make him a gnome hat.

    JP: that’s it?! I wish this particular subplot hadn’t come to an end so quickly, but at least we were spared the potential of Sophie trying out and making a clumsy ass of herself.
    To give the devil her due, Sophie does seem to think things out (aside from her fashion choices), so if she planned on going out for cheerleading, she probably does have a modicum of athletic ability and is willing to learn the routines so that she wouldn’t humiliate herself.
    OTOH, the thing of Rocky and Godiva being old family friends is a big lie, right? Unless Sam having met Rocky 10 hours ago constitutes a history…

    MW: http://www.freesound.org/samplesViewSingle.php?id=45654

    RMMD: “…and their names are Rex, June and Sara Morgan!”

  149. Sparky AKA Able Bodied Seaman Craggy Fjord
    July 5th, 2009 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    Sunday’s BC: PBS’ Rat invaded BC and made it actually funny. I didn’t think it possible. There’s got to be a trick somewhere.

  150. Bryan
    July 5th, 2009 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    Hey, Sparky, you’re right! Has the world gone mad?
    For an encore, the ants need to swarm and skeletonize Rat in a matter of minutes.

  151. Niall
    July 5th, 2009 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    148. bats :[ :

    We have a 3-1/2? plaster statue of David in out living room (shut up!).

    But.. but.. aw shucks, you spoil all the fun! :)

    (For actual fun, check my name for an impromptu “dance” I did on my birthday party. I actually had fun trying to guess where the “song” was going to go next.)

  152. Izzy
    July 5th, 2009 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    The comics page is full of ants and rats. I’m… getting too disgusted to open it anymore.

  153. Calico
    July 5th, 2009 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    #152 – And don’t forget the Blue-Footed Boobies
    (i.e., Abby and Godiva?)

    #135 – …and Bob Welsh.

  154. dreadedcandiru2
    July 5th, 2009 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    Canadian Zombie Warning: In tomorrow’s strip, Elly moans that even though she has a fancy kitchen, she still cooks crap like Cheapie Weenie Casserole. This means that next week will be dedicated to Pattersnarfing: the smacky, gobbly, messy nasty way that the Pattersons eat their ‘grub’ and make angry the heart of man.

  155. Red Greenback
    July 5th, 2009 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Mark TRAIL reminded me of This.

  156. commodorejohn
    July 5th, 2009 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    #143 Niall et al – I greatly admire the primo japery that today’s Mark Trail has inspired; I only wish I’d been able to come up with something on that topic worthy of posting :)

  157. Uncle Lumpy
    July 5th, 2009 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    #131 Mr. O’M –

    . . . why is this strip going on about health care issues?

    Rex Morgan sticks in a little medicine from time to time so we don’t forget he’s a doctor. Usually, it’s a panel or two’s dark brooding about “defensive medicine” or some such hokum, followed by “oh well, whachagonnado amiright?”, followed by eight months of tedium.

  158. Bryan
    July 5th, 2009 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    Rex most recently advised his elderly readers to get their inhaler replaced with the suck-ass kind

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