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Judge Parker, 12/20/18

I love how absolutely blasé Judge Parker Senior is about this whole scenario while Katherine freaks out. “Now, I know stealthily breaking into people’s homes and leaving expensive and no doubt extremely illegally obtained diamonds as a vaguely menacing gift is an very on-brand move for Norton, but Sam’s contact at the CIA said he was killed. When has the CIA ever lied to anybody? No, this must be from some other Norton. Maybe the anti-virus people? Do we get these with our subscription?”

Mary Worth, 12/20/18

Just to remind you, King Lear features, among other things, vicious intrafamily dynamics, betrayal, murder, a character’s eyes being gouged out on stage, poisoning, suicide — just bad business all around. But apparently hearing Ian describing it all is enough to get this lady horned up. Sure, STEM classes are more “practical” or whatever, but you don’t get this level of arousal from taking mechanical engineering, folks!

Dennis the Menace, 12/20/18

Mr. Wilson’s facial expression here is an unusual one that I would describe as “cruel triumph.” “Egads! This whole time, all I had to do to tame this monster was placate him with a series of cheap trinkets? Finally, I shall be able to bend his menacing to my own designs!”

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Dennis the Menace, 12/11/18

Dennis knows that it would be extremely menacing if someone were to tip off the Mossad about the location of Georg Wilhelm, one of the last SS commanders still at large.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/11/18

“I actually get a commission for referring your son to the hospital, which is why I’m here: to make sure you pay for the surgery. Remember all that paperwork you signed? Bet you wish you’d read it now, huh?”

Sam and Silo, 12/11/18

Bit by bit, I’m figuring Sam and Silo out. Now I know which one is Sam and which is Silo! Sam is the one with severe clinical depression.

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Funky Winkerbean, 12/4/18

Ha ha, this story has gotten more off-putting more quickly than even I could’ve predicted. It’s only day two and we’re learning that Funky’s dad definitely fucks. The expressions in the final panel are a real journey: Funky’s is the face of a man thinking “Holy shit, my dad fucks?” and the receptionist’s is the smirk of a woman thinking “Heh heh, this guy’s unpleasant old dad fucks … and I’m telling everybody.”

Kevin and Kell, 12/4/18

Oh, hey, by the way: the furries of Kevin and Kell? They don’t just kill and eat one another; they also fuck. They also talk to … a … tree, via some kind of … intercom system? But don’t let that distract you from the important thing, which is that they fuck.

Mary Worth, 12/4/18

You might think that this whole cat allergy business is just one more indignity Mary Worth the person and Mary Worth the comic strip has dumped on our poor Dr. Jeff. But remember, Mary once cruised a guy at his mother’s funeral and then contrived a fight with Jeff so she could dump him, only to deign to return when she realized that only Jeff was willing to subsidize her seafood habit. She enjoyed an extended Manhattan flirtation with handsome Broadwaysman Ken Kensington and only broke it off when she realized New York City’s traffic was dangerous to a small-town California girl like herself, accustomed to just stepping off the curb into the street willy-nilly. And so sure, maybe Mary’s foster cat sent Jeff fleeing from her apartment for his life, but in fact Libby has achieved the seemingly impossible: gotten Mary to refer to Jeff as her “boyfriend”! It’s too bad Jeff is miles away, doped up on Benadryl, and can’t hear it.

Judge Parker, 12/4/18

Meanwhile, in Judge Parker, Neddy has fled in failure and disgrace to the family compound, but is tired of hearing from everyone in her family about how she really needs to stop fleeing in failure and disgrace to the family compound, and so needs to go to the maid for emotional reassurance. Why should she even need Marie’s number? Isn’t the whole point of a maid that they’re always close enough that you can summon them by ringing a bell or clapping loudly and order them to bring you soup or tell you that you’re pretty and smart?

Mark Trail, 12/4/18

Looks like Cool Motorcycle Guy (or, to use his “government name,” Raul) is about to fall to his death. It seems somebody’s getting his just desserts for violating the number one rule of jungle karma: never insult a toucan.

Dennis the Menace, 12/4/18

Mr. Wilson had hated Dennis’s constant intrusions into his life for years, of course. But he finds his presence strangely comforting these days, now that Martha finally left him.