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Metapost: Looking for the COTW

Your comments of the week momentarily, but first: a couple of items for your attention! First of all, here is an intriguing note from Nevin Martell, who has a book coming out called Looking for Calvin and Hobbes: The Unconventional Story of Bill Watterson and his Revolutionary Comic Strip. Here’s an abridged version of the summary he sent me:

For ten years, between 1985 and 1995, Calvin and Hobbes was one the world’s most beloved comic strips. And then, on the last day of 1995, the strip ended. Its mercurial and reclusive creator, Bill Watterson, not only finished the strip but withdrew entirely from public life. There is no merchandising associated with Calvin and Hobbes: no movie franchise; no plush toys; no coffee mugs; no t-shirts (except a handful of illegal ones). There is only the strip itself, and the books in which it has been compiled — including The Complete Calvin and Hobbes: the heaviest book ever to hit the New York Times bestseller list.

In Looking for Calvin and Hobbes: The Unconventional Story of Bill Watterson and His Revolutionary Comic Strip, I trace the life and career of the extraordinary, influential, and intensely private man behind Calvin and Hobbes. With input from a wide range of artists and writers (including Dave Barry, Harvey Pekar, Jonathan Lethem, and Brad Bird) as well as some of Watterson’s closest friends and professional colleagues, this is as close as we’re ever likely to get to one of America’s most ingenious and intriguing figures — and a fascinating detective story, at the same time.

Your readers may also be interested to know that I interviewed almost 50 cartoonists for the project, including Berke Breathed (Bloom County/Opus/Outland), Jim Davis (Garfield), Lynn Johnston (For Better or For Worse), Nicholas Gurewitch (The Perry Bible Fellowship), Keith Knight (The Knight Life/K Chronicles), Bill Amend (Foxtrot), Mort Walker (Beetle Bailey), Stephan Pastis (Pearls Before Swine), Michael Jantze (The Norm), Mark Parisi (Off The Mark), Hilary Price (Rhymes With Orange), Dave Coverly (Speed Bump), Jan Eliot (Stone Soup), Jeff Smith (Bone), Brad Anderson (Marmaduke), Jef Mallett (Frazz), Mike Peters (Mother Goose & Grimm), Steve Troop (Mayberry Melonpool), Craig Thompson (Blankets), Pulitzer Prize winning editorial cartoonist Patrick Oliphant, Jim Borgman (Zits), Mark Tatulli (Lio) and Jim Meddick (Monty).

The reason I am passing this on is because there is a free something in it for you — send Nevin an e-mail at and he’ll send you a PDF of his book’s first chapter! He promises to only use the e-mail addresses he so collects to keep folks updated on when the book is coming out and other information related specifically to that book.

Also of interest is this interview with Apartment 3-G scribe Margaret Shulock, in which, among other things, she wishes aloud that Margo could be allowed to curse in print.

And now … your COMMENT OF THE WEEK!

“How ironic would it be if, one day, we really did get a glimpse of Ziggy’s junk and discovered it to be … the most breathtakingly beautiful, marvelous genitalia ever seen. Then wouldn’t we all feel well ashamed, boy howdy.” –teddytoad

And the runners-up! Also funny!

“I’m pretty sure that Mary is taking her new working gal out for a stroll — how else to explain Delilah’s outfit? Her expression shows her realization of every madame’s worst fear: that her best talent may be lured out of the business by the first smooth operator to come along who parts his hair down the middle.” –Packherd

“I don’t think Charley’s arm is drawn behind his back. I think the artist just forgot to extend it past his side. He just didn’t care. Nor should he. Nor should he.” –sarah

“It’s all so very absurd, and slightly annoying, which makes it all so Mary Worth and the reason I can’t stop reading Mary every ding dong day.” –Nurse with a penis

“If I had to choose the best aspect of Mary Worth, it would be the strip’s attention to subtlety and nuance. Take today’s suitor for Delilah’s attentions. All he needs is a handlebar mustache and he’s ready to head to the railroad tracks.” –Darkefang

“There’s something unseemly about Charley’s leer and the ‘um’ before ‘irreconcilable differences.’ It’s as if his next words are going to be, ‘Yeah, Dana’s vajayjay couldn’t reconcile my enormous schlong! Am I right, or am I right? Aw, c’mon Mrs. Worth, relax, I’m just joking. Or am I? Call me Del! Laters!’” –Old School Allie Cat

“What is causing Gil’s eyes to pop out like that? BLAM! Did Mr. Pearse whip out something that got Gil’s attention? And what was it? A wad of cash? A multi-colored business proposal? A bright, shiny object? Or just his dong.” –Uncle Jeff

Neddy’s friend will be her lover, an improbably large-breasted Senegalese economics grad student. She will fit in seamlessly at the comic strip’s cocktail parties, able to wear revealing outfits and spout boring dialogue at the same time.” –Aviatrix

“I’m still trying to decide whether the placement of that stop sign is intentional. Has Crankshaft been circling the block for so long that the city council’s actually put up a sign to give him a hint?” –Brickers

“Did you know that if the local Rite Aid is out of your particular shade of Clairol, you can just break open a red Magic Marker and rub the spongy stuff inside directly on your hair?” –Joe Blevins

“It’s ironic that Gil Thorp is the first serial comic to come out and say, ‘The years do run together, don’t they,’ because it’s the only serial where the years DON’T run together. New sports seasons always bring new story lines like clockwork. You can use past Gil Thorp story lines like a calendar. When was my daughter born? I think it was when Coach Thorp was trying to convince Brent Raptor’s mom to let him go to college. Oh yeah, spring baseball season 2006! Now, Apt. 3G … there’s a strip that should state ‘The years do run together, don’t they?’ in a narration box at least once a week.” –Gordogato

“‘The county got a grant.’ ‘You mean money?’ ‘No, just … Grant. He can bat pretty well, though.’” –Chyron HR

These are mostly kids who have never played before, so it won’t matter that your coaching consists of sitting in a lawn chair drinking booze from a thermos! We tried to get Clambake, but he’s batting coach for the Red Sox this season.” –AirForbes

“Careful, Mary; if you pull at Delilah any harder, her button’s going to pop, and I won’t be answerable for the consequences” –Pozzo

“Going to Mary for advice = Going to Charley for intimacy. It will be hard, fast, repetitive, and uncomfortable, but with any luck, there will be a pool party when you’re done.” –buckyswife

“Incidentally, if anyone deserves to be kept on at Dithers & Company, it’s the janitorial staff, who have given that floor a flawless mirror finish of the sort you usually only see in professional ice rinks or advertisements for very expensive car wax. And, digressing a bit, there are in fact car wax advertisements that are much funnier than this so I’m not entirely sure why I’m still staring at it as if it might undergo some mysterious internal process and emit a small, fleeting humor particle to reward my patient observation.” –One-eyed Wolfdog

“I like the facial expressions that pass for ‘okay’ in the Funky universe.” –Carly

“I believe that of the torture methods used on prisoners of war, ‘sending you home to live out your miserable days in Westview until you get cancer and die’ has got to be the most effective.” –zooby

“Pluggers eschew all kinds of technology, preferring instead to glorify themselves in some kind of rural, pastoral aura. But then they turn around and gladly reap the benefits of advanced technology in the form of cutting-edge medications. Pluggers, you make me sick.” –Hogenmogen

“Many years ago, at my husband’s old job, one of his co-workers showed up one day in just his boxer shorts and undershirt. He had mental issues, and it appears he hadn’t taken his meds. So I don’t know if this makes that poor guy a plugger, for forgetting which meds to take, or Ziggy, for not wearing pants.” –Perky Bird

“The joke is actually on our anonymous prankster given that Ziggy’s suggestion was ‘please kill me.’” –Violet

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122 responses to “Metapost: Looking for the COTW”

  1. Rusty
    July 13th, 2009 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

    The author lost me at “Lynn Johnston”.

  2. Ukulele Ike
    July 13th, 2009 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    Ooop! Lost ME at “Jim Davis.”

  3. Mac
    July 13th, 2009 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    Sounds interesting to me, Queen of the Foobs or no Queen of the Foobs. I put it in my Amazon shopping cart, at any event.

  4. Canaduck
    July 13th, 2009 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

    Extra funny COTWs this time, guys–congrats!

    And that Calvin and Hobbes book looks super interesting. I know it’s been almost 15 years (holy crap) since the strip ended, but I don’t think any of us have gotten over it. Sigh.

  5. Rusty
    July 13th, 2009 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

    And what, no Cathy Guisewhite? It’s the cartooning Mt. Rushmore if you include her.

    Seriously, though, I would read that book.

  6. BigTed
    July 13th, 2009 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

    Thanks for the heads-up — this sounds like just about the best idea for a book ever. I love Calvin & Hobbes, and I’ve always wondered what the deal was with Bill Watterson. In fact, the only negative I can think of is that it won’t be published till October.

    (I won’t even hold it against Mr. Martell that he previously wrote a book about the Dave Matthews Band.)

  7. Amateur
    July 13th, 2009 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    If Margo were allowed to curse in print, the universe could not survive the resulting apocalypse. We should be thanking our lucky stars.

  8. Cedar
    July 13th, 2009 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

    Oh, I can’t wait to see what Lynn has to say about Bill

  9. Ukulele Ike
    July 13th, 2009 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    Yeah, I’ll definitely buy this book, too. Just added it to my Wishlist.

    I’ve raised two kids (19 & 13) who are convinced that comic strips are for creeps because their Dad likes them, and they’ve ignored all the Krazy Kat and Thimble Theater and Buck Rogers and Dick Tracy and Alley Oop and Lil Abner collections in my library, but they did both love C&H.

    Hey, BigTed, I saw the Dave Matthews Band book credit also, but I owe Martell no malice as long as he doesn’t write about the Bay City Rollers.

  10. fluffy
    July 13th, 2009 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

    Come on, swearing is perfectly okay in newspaper comics. Even Jon Arbuckle says such horrific things as @#%& and %#$* all the %@$#ing time!

  11. Carly
    July 13th, 2009 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

    Another one! (Avoiding) studying for the bar makes me funny, apparently. Out of curiousity, are the runners-up ever in any particular order? In other words, is the first one under teddytoad’s post the one you thought was second funniest?

    There’s no real reason I need to know this; I’m just wondering.

  12. Uncle Lumpy
    July 13th, 2009 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

    Margo can swear at me any time she wants. I’ll even dress for it, and prepare the special room.

  13. Uncle Lumpy
    July 13th, 2009 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

    Mff mff mff! Mff!

  14. KarMann
    July 13th, 2009 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    Congrats to the merry floaters! But, one bit in particular caught my eye…

    One-eyed Wolfdog: …as if it might undergo some mysterious internal process and emit a small, fleeting humor particle to reward my patient observation.

    I believe this quantum particle of humor needs a name. The natural name for it would, of course, be “humon”. With that established, we can then refer to those comics which have expended their last humon (e.g., Foob, BB, Blondie, Luann) as being exhumed.
    Particle physicists can observe quark-humon interactions by watching Deep Space 9, of course.

    With that list of cartoonists that Martell interviewed, I’m wondering if we should be asking him about the repartee between Pastis and Mallett which continued this past week.

  15. Niall
    July 13th, 2009 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

    Excellent japes, oh you Mudgeons! (And I am so glad buckyswife made it with her “hard, fast, repetitive and uncomfortable” comment!) Party hardy, floaters!

    Was the COTW ever about Ziggy before?

  16. Katya
    July 13th, 2009 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

    Oh, poor, poor Mary! I really feel for her; she looks so worried about Delilah. What a lovely, caring friend she is to be so concerned, in a completely unselfish manner, of course…

    Ha, ha, ha!

    By the way, my nine-year-old son loves “Calvin and Hobbes.” In fact, he’s reading one of the books as I write this. Really!

    I don’t know if he’s ever read “The Complete Calvin and Hobbes,” but if not, I’ll definitely have to get it for him. Actually, he reminds me a little bit of Calvin! That is…smart, imaginative, and all those good things!

    We’ve been away for a couple of weeks camping in the wilds of Northern California. It was beautiful, but I really did miss this site. Hope all is well with everybody!

  17. Josh
    July 13th, 2009 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

    #11 Carly — I just keep a text file of my favorite comments over the course of the week. These are dropped into the file in the order in which I read them, which by and large is chronological, though there may be slight kinks to that (for instance, if there are two active threads, two comments form those threads might be put in order in my list in not their order by absolute timestamp). Then on Monday night the best is chosen as COTW, but the others remain in their original chronological order.

    Among other things, this makes it MUCH easier for me to find the links to the cartoons that the comments refer to.


  18. buckyswife
    July 13th, 2009 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

    I’m doin’ the Floater Dance! Thanks, Josh–and congratulations to all; I thought this was a spectacular week!

  19. buckyswife
    July 13th, 2009 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

    16 Katya–Welcome back! Sounds like a great trip; I grew up in the wilds of Northern California. Okay, not really “the wilds”–more like the mean streets of Santa Rosa. Okay, not really “the mean streets”–more like the hardscrabble, rough n tumble…

    Oh, never mind: it was the Brady-Bunch-esque suburbs. But I do love Northern California!

  20. Muffaroo
    July 13th, 2009 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

    Now that I’ve looked at it again, I’m thinking that the jack-in-the-box is just to get Ziggy on his back, from where he is unable to rise without help. Help which, one prays to god, is never forthcoming.

  21. Katya
    July 13th, 2009 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

    #19 — buckyswife:

    Hi! Thanks for the “welcome back” and the cute comment. You’re a good writer (as is just about everyone on this site, which is one reason I love it; most people seem to be barely literate these days. I hope I don’t sound too mean by saying that; I don’t like to judge others, but…).

    I actually live in Sonoma County and know Santa Rosa very well. Yeah, I know what you mean — it’s so rough, tough and down ‘n dirty. You must be so streetwise! (Even though there are a few neighborhoods I wouldn’t be stupid enough to venture into these days. But that’s probably the same just about everywhere.) :)

  22. buckyswife
    July 13th, 2009 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

    21 Katya–Lucky you! I visit my mom in SR regularly, and every time I go back, I’m reminded of what a special area it is–not perfect, but pretty darned nice. (Not that I’m in a hellhole here in Virginia.)

    And thank you for the writer comment–that’s kind of you, and you’re right about the site; I’m consistently impressed and intimidated by the talent and smarts here!

  23. Carly
    July 13th, 2009 at 10:49 pm [Reply]

    Thanks, Josh. I am now no longer curious. I think that’s how I’d do it, too, if I had a wildly popular blog for which I did comments of the week.

  24. Doug Puthoff
    July 13th, 2009 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

    7-13–Not even the creators of “Real Life Adventures” could mess up with a Dick Cheney reference.

  25. Poteet
    July 13th, 2009 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations, teddytoad! Good work!

    And I can bask in the reflected funny of buckywife’s comment because she wrote it in response to something I said. Yay buckyswife! And yay for you other entertaining floaters! You made the most of your opportunities this week.

  26. Dr. Weird
    July 13th, 2009 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

    Y 134 and others

    It was suggested that Wally lost an arm, but debunked by the fact we see him with two.

    Yet this IS FW, so he might have lost an arm or two and be wearing prosthetics. Then, Cory can steal them and sell them, leaving him armless.

    “How do you hurt a man who has lost everything? Give him back something broken” comes to mind for some reason.

  27. Trekkie
    July 13th, 2009 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

    #11 – You too, huh?

    I think I’d rather live in Westview. At least there if you’re a shoddy lawyer (or doctor, or whatever) no one will sue you because they’re so beaten down by the unceasing doom that is their life.

  28. P
    July 14th, 2009 at 12:06 am [Reply]

    FC: Thel has caught Billy saying “Happy Bastille Day!”, which is illegal in the Keane household because they never support any foreign countries.

  29. True Fable
    July 14th, 2009 at 12:14 am [Reply]

    Faily Failerbean WHAT THE HELL, what is this “five weeks earlier” shit? Either tell the goddamn story or don’t, Batuik; don’t toy around with all this cutesy flashback surprise & gotcha horseshit. Make sense from the beginning. For instance, five weeks earlier today, I thought you were just a hack, but today I know you are a total douchebag.

    See? That makes sense.

  30. True Fable
    July 14th, 2009 at 12:35 am [Reply]

    Children of the Circle How about if Thel says “Go to Hell” and “Have a knuckle sandwich”? No doubt there! And from the way she’s gripping his arm, Thel’s testing to see if he’s plump enough for roasting. – why do I read hostility at every turn in this strip?!
    Spider-Vu If the writers ever bothered to research their own characters, they’d know that Wolverine ought to recognize Peter’s scent as Spiderman in the first place, but NOOooooo! This comic strip is the Complete Dummy’s Guide to Doing A Piss- Poor Job of Writing A Continuing Storyline.
    Dont Ask Dont Tell “Putting on some skin cream”. Yeah, I’ll just bet – putting it where?
    Meddle House Delilah is saying she enjoys being a cocktease.
    Fist O Justice Theater “Dump Site”. Why isn’t this phrase found in Marvin or Canadian Zombie?
    Kit Walker, Non-Green Ranger Well! This has been a nice exercise in wasting fuel, resources and manpower, doncha think?

  31. bats :[
    July 14th, 2009 at 12:38 am [Reply]

    Toonsday observations:

    S-M: Mary Jane looks more than a little concerned in Panel 2. (“Dammit, has Peter been chatting up the possibility of a threesome *again*?!”)

    A3G: when in doubt, give the interchangeable white guy a buzz-cut. “HEY! That’s Tim Mills, for sure!”
    And it’s a lot more manly than a neckerchief.

    MW: while I think the size of the wall-clock is more suitable for Grand Central Station than Mary’s kitchen, I like the bright, happy colors. It seems Mary’s in her condo and all’s right with the world.
    Sort of. Mary looks a little askew:

  32. True Fable
    July 14th, 2009 at 12:45 am [Reply]

    Scenes from Suburban Hell Lois is a licensed realtor, right? And she’s been doing this for a few years, at least ever since the Brownes decided to let her out of the housebound ghetto in a fit of “being relevant”, right? Does she not have a contingency plan for babysitting during business hours when showing a house comes up, like a drop-in daycare? Then what does she do with Trixie when she shows other houses – stick her in the trunk of the car?

  33. zooby
    July 14th, 2009 at 1:02 am [Reply]

    As always, I’m in esteemed company. Thanks for fixing my typo, Josh. Always preview, kids!

    I read the first chapter of that book. I thought at first the writing was a little fan-boyish, but then I realized I would not be able to write a book about Bill Watterson without gushing. And by God, by the time he gets to Watterson’s college roommate and what he reveals, I was on the edge of my seat thinking “Leave it to Bill Watterson to not want to talk to anybody about Calvin and Hobbes, but holy crap! Maybe this will happen! Maybe he WILL talk to this guy! I kind of don’t want him to! But I want to know more about him! I’m TORN!”

    There’s a certain magic to stepping away at the top of your game so completely and leaving people wanting more. And if he gives us this much, the mystery is a little bit solved. And maybe I don’t want it to be.

    Whenever I think of somebody asking Bill Watterson for an interview about Calvin and Hobbes, I think of that scene from Empire Records when Warren asks AJ why he’s gluing quarters to the floor. AJ gives him this withering look and says “I don’t feel that I need to explain my art to you, Warren.”

    Maybe I like not knowing. Having access to Watterson would be like having a definitive answer to the question of Hobbes’ true nature. If you get what you want, maybe a little bit of that magic disappears.

    Or maybe I’m just incredibly jealous that I didn’t think of this entire venture first.

  34. sugarpie
    July 14th, 2009 at 1:05 am [Reply]

    Congratulations to you, teddytoad! And to you too, aviatrix, buckyswife, violet and carly and everyone! Thanks, thanks, thanks for all the good times.

    Calvin, Bloom County and a few old Nat Lamp compilations were all the comic related materiaI kept in my last big pre-moving book purge. Can’t wait to see what Ted Rall has to say about Watterson and C&H.

  35. Sparky AKA Able Bodied Seaman Craggy Fjord
    July 14th, 2009 at 1:18 am [Reply]

    @29 True Fable? He only has one story – “Cancer Lisa”. I am positive Batuik is fucking with us and Wally is really Masky McDeath.

  36. Sparky AKA Able Bodied Seaman Craggy Fjord
    July 14th, 2009 at 1:38 am [Reply]

    As to Waterman – No one misses Calvin and Hobbes more than us fans. And when I see the “Calvin pissing on crap” car stickers I sigh. Bill Watterson did a interview for Honk! magazine ages ago. And damn, Bill is 24 days older than me.

  37. True Fable
    July 14th, 2009 at 1:38 am [Reply]

    Cathy (Must Die!) If you’re going to cast off that much flop sweat thinking about vacation, then for Pete’s sake Don’t Take a Vacation.

    # 35 Sparky AKA Able Bodied Seaman Craggy Fiord – Batiuk may very well just be fucking with us, but he’s still being a douchebag.

  38. True Fable
    July 14th, 2009 at 1:56 am [Reply]

    # 33 zooby – I think we all try our best to not see the flaws of those we admire, and we cherish that golden hour when we see them at their most brilliant. Eventually reality will creep in but we all hold on to the hope that nothing will tarnish the glow or scour the shine too much from our perception of our heroes.

    Watterson left when his glow was brightest, before it could be diminished by over-exposure or watered down by tiresome repetition. I wish more creative forces would follow his example *coughLynnJohnstonJimDavisTheWalkersTheBrownescough*.

  39. Frank Parsnip
    July 14th, 2009 at 2:05 am [Reply]

    Congrats to the COTWeekers!

    Luann: The walk will go on until Toni’s prehensile hair re-arranges the Mrs. Potato facial features she’s got.

    A3G: Tim Mills is out of the Chinese prison-temple? Well, Nora will just have to make room in her heart for another blond man with a vowel in-between a big T and a little m.

    MW: Mary’s being a good madam here, as it’s never good to let your ho’s get emotionally attached to the johns. Still, she’s going to keep a close watch on Charlie, as all “encounters” with Delilah need to be arranged through Mary.

    FC: Billy, better not tempt your mom to move straightaway into the non-verbal options she has for disciplining you in line with what the Bible says.

    MT: Yesterday Mark suggested for the brother to meet him at “Lost Forest”, a bit of directions that either implies Lost Forest is only a couple of acres or a test by which showing up at the dump site will basically peg the brother as knowing all about the illegal dumping. Given Mark’s penchant for using his fists instead of logic, my guess is that Lost Forest is quite tiny.

    Spider-Man: Wolverine kinda sticks out in a crowd with his outlandish getup, which is why he really shouldn’t be surprised when people know his name. And, by the same token, I fully expect him to say his farewells to Peter Parker with an equally appropriate: “Bye-bye A-Ha video guy from the ’80s!”

    Pluggers: You’re a plugger if your lawn consists mostly of old appliances and rusted-out cars.

    Sex Organ, M.D.: “It’s the people they’re getting rid of — older staffers, older patients. The tenants arrive in the entrance hall here, and are carried along the corridor on a conveyor belt in extreme comfort and past murals depicting Mediterranean scenes, towards the rotating knives. The last twenty feet of the corridor are heavily soundproofed. The blood pours down these chutes and the mangled flesh slurps into these… ”

    Funky Pantysniffer: Debriefing limbo? What? Apparently Wally had been sent to Gitmo for years of accidental waterboarding.

  40. Nurse with a penis
    July 14th, 2009 at 2:22 am [Reply]

    buckyswife – I missed your fabulous comment the first time around this week, I nearly fell off my chair (so funny).

    O NOES! I are on the float!

    We were just sayin’ in the unit at the hospital that some patients when being wheeled down the hall in a hospital bed – make it look like they’re ridin’ a parade float.

  41. Sheila Sternwell
    July 14th, 2009 at 2:35 am [Reply]

    Congrats everyone! Yaaayy!

    Okay, anecdote time: I once worked with a lady who had been an editor at Andrews McMeel, which published Calvin and Hobbes among other things. She had been an editor for years and years and met a lot of the published cartoonists like Gary Larson, who she spoke very highly of.

    She didn’t care for Watterson. While he usually refused to go to any Andrews McMeel event, he once showed up at the gala Christmas party and proceeded to be a big fat jerk to everyone. She said she decided not to go anywhere near him after watching how he behaved: He and his party companion (she assumed it was his wife, but she didn’t know) spoke to a couple of people briefly then stood at the edge of the room sipping champagne and glaring at people. She said at that point she stopped paying attention, but a few people she knew tried to talk to him and reported he would just turn and walk away from them. Then he sneaked out early.

    Of course, this is 3rd-hand information, so take it with a grain of salt. And the new book may completely shoot holes in my co-worker’s story! I’m definitely going to read the book to find out, I’m deadly curious.

  42. Mibbitmaker
    July 14th, 2009 at 2:39 am [Reply]


    666CL: Consider yourselves lucky?

    A3G: Hey, Tim Mills, what’s with the Curly Howard haircut? (Nyuk-nyuk-nyuk)

    BC: Hey, what’s with the Curly Howard haircut?

    BBailey: We’re spared semi-naked Thorax — and we get stuck with this? BOO-OO!

    Garfield: What, “We’re bachelors, baby!” was busy this week…?

    GA: Well, the “good” news is, at least the Jack Chick tracts are getting better art….

    GT: I like the idea of the first panel by itself, but with Gil saying, “There are baseballs being thrown through my windows?? I’m gettin’ the heck OUTTA here…!!”

    HotC: Hey! I like “Spongebob Squarepants”! Who wrote this one? Squidward??

    H&J: A lesson for Mary Worth characters.

    MT: Uh… lady…. I don’t know how to tell you this, but your hairdye is leaking all over your speech balloon…

    MW: Back to square, boring one — or — The Mace Lady Has Left The Building!

    Ghost-Who-Loves-Playing- Mind-Games: He broke my brain.

  43. Jack Parsons
    July 14th, 2009 at 2:51 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: How does playing Scrabble with yourself count as a medication?

  44. KarMann
    July 14th, 2009 at 3:32 am [Reply]

    666CL: If you really have to ask, you don’t belong in a Brooke strip.
    A3G: Well, between this missing hubby and FW, it’s quite the week for awk-warrrrd reunions!
    AD: Oh, great, the Harts have discovered the bear subculture. Maybe they’re next in line for Archie’s lawnmower.
    BB: That’s so much more of the General than I ever wanted to see! Who brought the brain bleach tonight?
    DT: What does that even mean?
    GT: Milford sends the Chief of Police around for a baseball through the window?!? Need I say more?
    La Cucaracha: And yet they left out the obvious “international relations” pun?
    Marvin: And what’s Marvin think he’s looking at? Lunch?
    PBS: Mebbe Croc have better luck with boneless chicken ranch.
    RMMW: Speaking of bottom lines, where’s June? We wants more June!
    R=R: At least it didn’t reference “sunscreen-saver”.
    S-M: Yup, quick thinking is what you need to be an exciting, action-packed superhero! And then there’s Peter….
    Tank: Where are Jamie and Adam when you need them?
    Willy & Ethel is much more interesting if you overlook the word “off” the first time reading it!

  45. Alfred E. Neuman
    July 14th, 2009 at 4:01 am [Reply]

    OK, Dingo, ‘fess up. You’ve now taken over the writing of Beetle Bailey, haven’t you?

  46. Hobbes Fan
    July 14th, 2009 at 4:12 am [Reply]

    A3G: “And now, we shall present our interpretation Victor Hugo’s ‘The Hunchback of Notre Dame.’ Will everyone in the audience please get your fruit ready.”

    BB: Sooo, you knew putting on skin cream was going to hurt him?

    ReFOOB: “Sorry, Papa, but zombies no longer need sprinkler! Raaarrrr….”


    GT: “And you certainly didn’t need to bring your adorable Shih-tzu along with you.”

    Popeye: Seriously, is there any character in the history of comic strips more gratuitously unlikable than the Bud Sagendorf-era Olive Oyl??

  47. Mr. O'Malley
    July 14th, 2009 at 4:39 am [Reply]

    41. Sheila Sternwell. One person’s “being a big fat jerk to everyone” is another person’s “being a reclusive artist who’s not comfortable at big social gatherings where he doesn’t know anyone”. One person’s “glaring at people” is another person’s “watching what’s going on about you without having a big phony smile pasted on your face”.

    By any chance does your friend happen to be very extroverted?

  48. zooby
    July 14th, 2009 at 4:56 am [Reply]

    Too right, True Fable. I guess I’m giving extra kudos to Watterson for recognizing that the best way to be missed is to leave. And I DEFINITELY think some artists, if you can even call them that, would benefit from same.

  49. DebiDawg
    July 14th, 2009 at 6:52 am [Reply]

    MW: The clock bothers me. It’s ten till 9 – in the morning? They already ate breakfast and had a walk – why are they back in the kitchen? If it’s at night, why are they in the kitchen? You shouldn’t eat that late at night. I hate that this bothers me.

  50. mordock999
    July 14th, 2009 at 7:14 am [Reply]

    Today’s Luann 07/14/09

    Dear Greg Evans,

    This message is to put YOU on notice that with TODAY’S strip, You have Offically EXCEEDED your ‘Sexual Innuendo Limit’ for the ‘LUANN’ comic strip for the REST of the Century. You MUST IMMEDIATELY Cease and Desist any and ALL such Cheap Comic Strip conventions to AVOID having Brad, Toni, Gunther, Luann, Crystal, etc, from EVER having sex. And the DeGroot Parental Units DO NOT COUNT!
    You Do have options to rectify this matter, however;

    You MAY:

    1) Depict Brad and Toni have sex this week.

    2) Pay MORDOCK999, Inc a $500,000 fine.


    3) Kill off TJ in an especially GRUESOME Manner(perferable).

    I await Your decision.


    DEATH to TJ!

  51. Little Guy
    July 14th, 2009 at 7:52 am [Reply]

    GT: Down the street, Gil starts hearing “Wild Thing” blaring.

    S-M: Peter, a) he knows and b) he don’t give a shit.

  52. Klipper
    July 14th, 2009 at 8:17 am [Reply]

    Ok, I am horrified by General Halftrack’s naked body, strangely aroused by the hot male on male action, and curious what kind of doctor this is, actually.

  53. Klipper
    July 14th, 2009 at 8:18 am [Reply]

    Oh, in Beetle Baily today obviously.

  54. teddytoad
    July 14th, 2009 at 8:22 am [Reply]

    Oh, hey, awesome! To echo #33, I’m in very good company, this week especially.

    Now all we need is the Dean’s Comic Booth graphic to go with this… hrm.

  55. Dingo
    July 14th, 2009 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    I would like the writer of Kyle’s Bed & Breakfast to take over writing Mary Worth. Today’s installment makes me wonder what he could do with a Charterstone pool party.

  56. Brick Bradford
    July 14th, 2009 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    DT: We already READ THIS!

    A3G: Who knew bad haircuts were considered a form of torture in China?

    SM: So, I guess Wolverine’s heightened senses work about as well as SM’s Spider sense does in the comic strip. That is, only when it’s convenient for the lazy writer to use them.

  57. Charterstoned
    July 14th, 2009 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    #39 Parsnip – The only thing tiny about MT is the size of Joey’s head in panel one of today’s strip. Lost Forest can’t be too tiny, if it can support all the gigantic animals living there.

    #31 bats:[ and #49 DebiDawg – The scene in Mary’s kitchen IS disturbing. Two breakfasts in the space of an hour–and the fact that Mary seems to be slathering jam on one of her famous Salmon Squares–is making this mudge feel a little queasy. Mary’s plate also seems to be levitating off the table, suggesting a rip in the space-time continuum that is Charterstone.

  58. These Strange Worlds
    July 14th, 2009 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    Beetle B.

    So I get up at five, feed the cats, and stumble to the table to drink my coffee and read the paper. And what could be worse than a naked General Halftrack?

    Then I shower, get dressed, drive to work, and log on to to read the comics not carried in the paper edition. And I learn what could be worse. There’s a naked General Halftrack: colorized!

    I could get hit by a meteor and the day couldn’t get worse. Right?

  59. gleeb
    July 14th, 2009 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    A3-G: Margo must instantly know what Roger knew and when he knew it!

    Dennis: The menace is the unspoken fact that they live in Arizona and that Dennis insists on growing prize water-lilies.

    Dick: The chief is making the universal sign dor “let’s put this baby to bed,” but Tracy can’t see her, or doesn’t want to see her, and rambles on. I predict a new story in early 2013.

    Doonesbury: NEWSPAPERS

    ‘bean: He never gets it right, does he? First he ignores the questions about Wally, not he intends on giving us 5 weeks of this, complete with Creepy Les providing cheap commentary and smirking.

    Spidey: Well, now that Chet Arthur is dead, there’s no one else in New York who has those distinctive whiskers.

    Zippy: Look oput, Griffy. Some day your cache of old newspaper and magazine ads will run dry.

  60. UncleJeff
    July 14th, 2009 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    Hey, I’m on the float this week!
    It just goes to show you kids: whenever you’re in doubt, whip out the dick joke.

  61. Professor Fate
    July 14th, 2009 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    FW: So five weeks ago – Is this back when Funky was still solvent? And wasn’t cindy giving that lame ass speech five weeks ago?

    Once again Tom I’ve written myself into a corner Baituk strikes again – he pays less attention to time than Sub Atomic particles do.

  62. TheDiva
    July 14th, 2009 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    Cathy: This strip could be replaced with random images of people saying “I fail at everything” and it wouldn’t make a difference. No, I take that back: it would be easier to read, and possibly funny on occasion.

    FW: Wally was in limbo? That would explain so much, especially why he looks better than nearly everyone else in the strip–while they suffered the full effects of the time jump, he just passed through it in a static void.

    Luann: I’m just going to ignore the painful innuendo which will only dead-end yet again and ask, what is up with Toni’s hair in the back? She must have used an entire bottle of gel to get that perfect curlicue.

    MW: “Don’t be ridiculous. That would wrap things up easily, and we have to drag this storyline out for at least another month.”

  63. buckyswife
    July 14th, 2009 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    BB: Gah! It’s not just the pink, flaccid nudity; it’s where the doctor is applying the skin cream. The wild speculations creep in no matter how hard I try to resist them….. It had been so long since anyone had touched Halftrack there, in that way. Sarge hadn’t even so much as looked at him since Beetle came along, with his sleepy eyes and taut body. Halftrack tensed, all anticipation. Ah, the sensation was exquisitely agonizing, agonizingly exquisite. How long could he delay before telling the doctor he’d come in because his foot was bothering him?

  64. Niall
    July 14th, 2009 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    Tuesday, I-don’t-have-to-replace-anyone-at-work-so-I-have-time-to-snark edition:

    A3G: Uh, let’s see if I remember this right. Eric Mills went to China, freed the lama, and set off across to India with him, leaving his brother in his cell. Now in India, there’s no sign of Eric Mills, and we get the brother instead? It took a long time in-strip for them to get there, and almost no time between that and now – so they’re going to tell us Eric waltzed back across the mountains and in the prison to get his brother out? Are they sure it was a prison and not just a really remote all-inclusive resort (“inclusive” being relative to a certain level of regional income), by any chance?

    BC: Uh, whu? I’m missing something. Sadly, I’m not missing the bizarre ugliness of a man having had a porcupine surgically grafted under his chest skin. He looks to be still high from the painkillers.

    Beetle: OH, MY EYE! I can’t unsee that mental image!! How the hell did this get approved for publication??

    Blondie: Uh… wow. Normally panel 2 would have been the joke, but for once, and I’ll be honest, they went past the bleeding obvious and got the characters stating what we thought of the stupid gag. Credit where credit is due.

    Dennis: Anyone see a menace? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

    Dick: Is this going to be a full week of re-explaining the plot for the third time? I can’t bring myself to lose that much time checking, but I’m curious to see the ratio of time depicting the actual plot vs the time explaining the plot. I think we’re at 1:3 now.

    Garfield: I guess that answers the question – no need to powerwash the bedroom, therefore no action going on. And now I’ve made at least a few imagine Liz/Jon going at it. :)

    Gil Thorp: “But, chief, I told you, I thought I heard a car! You have to arrest every car in town! I’m famous, didn’t you see me on youtube?”

    Parker: It almost looks like Punk Judge Randy just jacked his car across the road blocking all traffic, forcing anyone to stop or veer off the road to plummet to their death. No one would dare touch the Judge’s Red Shiny Car.

    Worth: What is this? Concise, reasonable advice from Mary? Has the sun gone nova and I didn’t notice?

    My Cage: …and BANG, character development. Fantastic. Now, is she crying more because he just described her life, or because she just realised they have more in common than she thought?

    Pluggers: Once, just once, I’d like to see a cartoonist draw a gruntled teenager.

  65. Patrick, Interlibrary Loan Lending Division
    July 14th, 2009 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    Funky Whatthefuckerbean: I’m sticking with my theory that Wally is a visiting ghost a’la the movie The Others (Nicole Kidman). He’s just coming to say goodbye. Cindy on her secret TV reporter mission to Iraq is probably returning with Wally’s remains.

    Of course, I could be wrong but that’s how I’m seeing it.

  66. buckyswife
    July 14th, 2009 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    SM: MJ considers her options. While the two dorks are stumbling around their conversation, she could make a break out the corner of the panel and be done with both of them.

    FC: Hit him, Thel. Hit. Him.

    MW: I know many women who coordinate their handbags to their outfits. But it takes a real woman to coordinate her drapes to her dress.

  67. Kajjansiblackmamba
    July 14th, 2009 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    BB- today’s strip has introduced a generation of impressionable young readers to the ‘Joys of Anal Fisting’. Tune in tomorrow when Miss Buxley presents ‘Dominate Women, Submissive Soldiers- How to properly use a Cat o’ nine tails.’

  68. Hogenmogen
    July 14th, 2009 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    #8 – Cedar – Lynn Johnston vs Bill Watterson:
    Calvin & Hobbes went out on top of its game, instead of idling by for a decade or two after it lost appeal. Bloom County did the same, but Breathead started up new strips, pulling in old characters, but never with the charm of the original. Watterson is the JD Salinger of comics. Johnston is in some forgotten-but-not-gone limbo, creating strips so lousy that they’re barely worth the effort to insult.

    #41 – Sheila – Maybe Watterson is socially awkward in a room full of strangers. I’m not making excuses, but I wouldn’t know what to say, either. I wouldn’t stand in the corner sipping champagne, but only because I’d rather stand in the corner chugging gin & tonics.

    BB: No way did I ever EVER want to see THAT.

    #14 – KarMan, there used to be a 70s sci-fi goof show called “Quark”. Perhaps that’s where the humon and quark interacted. I caught an episode on YouTube a few months ago, but it wasn’t as good as my eight year old self remembered. Maybe that’s why it was cancelled halfway through the first season.

    Spiderman: This strip sucks, but you already knew that. Wolv is asking “You know me?” when he already has some notoriety. What I was hoping for in today’s strip was
    Peter: MJ!
    MJ: Peter!
    Peter: Wolverine?
    Wolverine: Bub?
    MJ: Peter… I…
    Peter: Logan, you…. !
    Wolverine: Mrs. Bub?
    MJ: Logan?
    Peter: Wolverine! Logan!
    Wolverine: Bub?

    Dick: This is the part that needs more exposition. Will someone explain to me how “thermal imaging” turned a 4 into some kind of card that beats an ace?

  69. Bee Drunk
    July 14th, 2009 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    SF – Ted Forth. The comics answer to Murray Slaughter.

  70. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 14th, 2009 at 10:24 am [Reply]


    Congratulations to those on the COTW float. But teddytoad? My mind just won’t go down that road, sorry. Now for today.

    GT: I guess that kid is just going to keep winging the ball through Gil’s window until he comes out singing so they can do the Latter Day Saints ad.

    SFx: All those fish out of a brook that’s like, ten square feet? Our fragile ecosystem is taking quite a hit, without any humans involved.

    S-M: At this point Mary Jane wonders if she should become a superhero in real life. Crimefighting is apparently something anyone can do, judging from present company.

    FW: You wish life were filled with contrived coincidences that wind up causing major angst? Haven’t you been paying attention?

    9CL: Well Amos, on the question of what you’re going to do, Edda seems to have an idea. It involves doing a 360 with her head, and probably vomiting pea soup.

    FB: Wow, that was one inflamed testicle.

    Luann: Congratulations to Brad and Toni on the most boring double entendre in history.

    6C: True fact. This same misperception led to the infamous chicken slaughter at an Alice Cooper show.

    Phantom: Hey, just because they’re between the extralegal abduction and the deep-jungle waterboarding doesn’t mean Phantom and Wifebeater can’t have a nice little chat.

    BB: Tell you what, Walker and/or Browne. The next time I want to see Amos Halftrack naked and prone with the implication that he’s about to get a procto exam, I’ll let you know. Don’t hold your breath.

  71. Niall
    July 14th, 2009 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    63. buckyswife: that was disturbingly good. I’m not sure I should ask you to never do this again.

  72. Niall
    July 14th, 2009 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    I haven’t been always around, but has anyone seen Angry Kem recently? Her West of Bathurst site has been down for a week now, and I’m getting concerned.

  73. Hogenmogen
    July 14th, 2009 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    #67 – Kajjansiblackmamba – I’m totally there for some badly drawn femdom scene. The shitty punchline will, of course suffice as sufficient punishment given to the reader.

    Panel 1:
    Close up of Buxley talking to Ms. Blip. “Beetle is always complaining that Sarge rides him hard.”

    Panel 2:
    Pan out. Black leather clad Buxley is riding naked Beetle like a donkey. “But he pays me for this.”

  74. buckyswife
    July 14th, 2009 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    71 Niall: You think you’re disturbed? It came out of MY brain.

    And I’ve wondered about Angry Kem, too. You’re right that it’s been a while since she’s appeared. I know she gets swamped with student essays–but it’s not that time of year.

  75. The Waz
    July 14th, 2009 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    44 KarMann – Sorry, we used up all the brain bleach last week on 9CL. We will have to resort to gouging out eyes.

    BB – It puts the lotion on the skin, or it gets the hose again?

  76. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 14th, 2009 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    GA: Apparently Upton thinks being a fake protestant minister requires taking a real vow of chastity. Either that or it just hasn’t been the same since Ramona Lisa turned 18.

  77. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 14th, 2009 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    #63 buckyswife,
    I have to doff my hat to you on that one. Vivid, perhaps moreso than we were prepared for.

    #72 Niall,
    Teaching a summer class, maybe? Angry Kem has disappeared/reappeared before. Hopefully this is one of those times.

    Haven’t seen kalki in a few weeks either.

  78. Dingo
    July 14th, 2009 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    #45 Alfred E. Neuman, you have found me out. Notice how you can’t see the doctor’s thumb? Yes… the doc is just putting on some skin cream… on the inner walls of the General’s ass! Don’t ask and don’t tell.

  79. Muffaroo
    July 14th, 2009 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    9CL – Okay, I’m ready to be a cockroach now. Um, they can’t read comic strips, right? Yeah, I’m ready.

    BBailey – Dr. Coldfinger meant to say, “I was just putting in some skin cream.”

    Glaring at Dingo, whose comment showed up as I was previewing.

    Blondie – “Splunge!”

    DTracy – “There are literally thousands of uses for thermal imaging, all of which I’m going to tell you about right now!”

    Dbury – It’s like the glasses are his real eyes, and the eyes are something he puts on over the glasses. I’m still working on an explanation for the nose.

    FCircus – “Ow, Mommy! Are you sure this’ll give me an elbow?”

    Mduke – “Eughhh! I said fetch the slippers, not retch the slippers!”

    Pluggers – You’re a plugger if you suffer from the delusion that anyone whose life is similar to yours in some small way must be a plugger.

    R=R – Hey, panel 5 reminds me of this one scene at the end of this movie that, uh, a friend of mine told me about.

    Frank Parsnip @39 – How big could that forest be if it’s that easy to lose?

    KarMann @44 – Good catch on Thorp. I was thinking the Chief should be saying, “Well, I just happened to be right outside in my car. Uh, can I have the ball?”

    Hogenmogen @68 – Thermal Imaging needs no explanation! It’s this year’s miracle technology, and just mentioning its name is sufficient to make everyone nod their head in silent agreement. In earlier years, it would have been cold fusion / holography / atomic radiation / high voltage / steam / mirrors / forged steel / wheel / inclined plane / pointed rock.

  80. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 14th, 2009 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    #46 Hobbes Fan

    Popeye: Seriously, is there any character in the history of comic strips more gratuitously unlikable than the Bud Sagendorf-era Olive Oyl??

    Popeye must believe in reincarnation, and think he did something really bad in his past life. That’s the only explanation I can think of for being with Olive.

  81. Bee Drunk
    July 14th, 2009 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    Popeye – Olive Oyl. The comics answer to Stephanie Vanderkellen. (And a bad answer at that).

  82. Chip Whittle
    July 14th, 2009 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    Dick Tracy is going to keep explaining the plot until it makes sense. This might take even longer than Pibgorn needs to finish a plot point. And yet I’m strangely curious what would happen if the guy with the spade nose that I guess was the villain were to have a child with Cathy. Repelled, but curious.

    Tiger has fallen prey to British war propaganda meant to obscure the effectiveness of their radar stations along the English Channel. Apparently he’s a lackey working for Marmaduke’s owner.

    Putting aside the implausibility that Upton reads, he’s managed in a blacked-out house he’s never seen before and which just had all its contents uprooted and put back into place by Slim of all people to locate and light a candle? I couldn’t find my flashlight in my bedroom in the dark and I’ve left it on the windowsill for two years now.

    Does Hi And Lois Despair Face Airlines send its frequent fliers to Zimbabwe just because it’s a foreign country with a kind of funny-sounding name I guess if you’re amused easily, or is Ziggy trying clumsily to say something about the hardships of that nation’s complete economic collapse and 89,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 percent inflation rate and lack of a functional government?

    “Joey, those people you are involved with are gangsters … they will ruin us and the company is you don’t stop them now! So, quick, talk to Mark Trail, who I know as a person who takes photographs and emphasizes words peculiarly! Just don’t let him see whatever’s wrong with your hair! What did you do, have the transporter room merge with with a raccoon hat?”

  83. commodorejohn
    July 14th, 2009 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    A3G – The difference between this and Funky Winkerbean: Tim seems to realize he’s not actually in prison any more, and is smiling.

    AS – Remember, domestic abuse can be made funny by making it into a shitty pun! Next up, how ’bout them concentration camps?

    BB – Ah, prostate exams! How uncomfortable to think about and even more to undergo absolutely hilarious!

    FW – Wait, what the fuck? Tom, we don’t care about the lead-up. We’re just here to see what kind of soul-crushing miseries you’re going to inflict on your creations next. And what’s the point of building up to something we’ve already seen happen? Oh, wait, sorry, I guess “it’s called ‘writing,’” isn’t it?


    JP – “Yes, speaking of which, how about MIMI, whom we are ABSOLUTELY NOT GOING TO ENCOUNTER no matter HOW IMPROBABLE THE CIRCUMSTANCES?”


    MC – You made her cry, Norm. I’ma have to hurt you for that.

  84. Perky Bird
    July 14th, 2009 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    # 75 The Waz re: Beetle Bailey

    “It puts the lotion on its skin before it gets the ‘hose’ again.” If you know what I mean. wink wink

  85. Calico
    July 14th, 2009 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    The good doctor is applying K-Y cream, obviously.
    Next up, Sarge.

  86. CanuckDownSouth
    July 14th, 2009 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    72-Niall – Haven’t seen Kem posting, but I keep up with West of Bathurst on, and that updated Saturday and yesterday.

  87. Poteet
    July 14th, 2009 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    DT — I predicted in a yesterthread that we’d see the plot explained a few more times, but this is ridiculous. I am now formally asking whoever put the Repetition Curse on Locher to please lift it. Yes, it’s been mildly entertaining, but enough is enough.

  88. Poteet
    July 14th, 2009 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    9CL — I was trying to think of some brainless organism with which to compare the characters and their author, but really, what have slime molds ever done to me?

  89. Poteet
    July 14th, 2009 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    # 87 — “Mildly entertaining”?? I hereby refute former Poteet and clonk her hard on the head.

  90. Rob
    July 14th, 2009 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    FOOB- HAAAAA!!! Mom says you can’t do something but then Dad says you can!!! LMAO That is just too good, ahh its funny cuz its soo true! HAAAAA! Where does Lynn come up with this stuff. Thank God she didn’t retire.

  91. buckyswife
    July 14th, 2009 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    #89 Poteet–But don’t clonk her too hard; she certainly redeemed herself with her “slime mold” comment!

  92. Bee Drunk
    July 14th, 2009 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    One should not compare 9CL to slime molds.

    According to an article on slime molds from Cornell University, it has this to say:

    Slime molds will disappear if left alone,…

    9CL does not disappear even if left alone (unfortunately).
    Yea! for slime molds. Boo for 9CL.

  93. Calico
    July 14th, 2009 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    #49 – I know, that clock annoyed the hell out of me too. Mary sure packs in a full day, even before noon.
    Ah, the kitchen, where at least half of Mary Worth and FOOB take place. The horrible, emsculating suburban kitchen filled with the smell of tuna casserole, unhappiness, contradictions, and no laughter whatsoever.

  94. UncleJeff
    July 14th, 2009 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    Phantom: Looks like somebody’s going to be digging a shallow grave tonight.
    Mark Trail: Lools like somebody’s going to be digging a shallow grave tonight.
    Rex Morgan, nursing home administrator: Looks like somebody’s going to be digging a shallow grave tonight.
    Funky Winkerbean: Well, what were you expecting? Christmas in July?

  95. commodorejohn
    July 14th, 2009 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    #92 Bee Drunk – Indeed, let’s have no such unkind words for the marvelous slime mold, the only single-celled organism capable of solving mazes.

  96. Steve
    July 14th, 2009 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey: Somehow I am not surprised that Beetle Bailey was the first comic to feature fisting humor. However, I am surprised that Sarge was not involved.

  97. Perky Bird
    July 14th, 2009 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    Of course Mary Worth is in the kitchen already! Those salmon squares don’t just bake themselves.

  98. Amateur
    July 14th, 2009 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    Baldo: I realize Gracie is just a kid. But I still find it hard to believe that just after a week after Dr. Tactless was filling her with fears about her father’s possible death, she’s able to work herself into a state of devastation over Gloria Estefan’s future.

  99. Anonymous
    July 14th, 2009 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    Funky Smellingbeans: “Figured. Everyone’s been asking where you were.” Uh, no… everybody actively assumed he was dead years ago! Isn’t that his empty grave that she was shown sticking a flag in a few weeks ago?

    Gasshole Alley: I always figured that when Johnny Hart was inevitably brought back to life via voodoo, he’d take over his own strips, but it looks like he took a wrong turn at Albuquerque. It happens.

    Marvin: What was that line from Family Guy?… “My weewee seems to have gotten rigor mortis!”

  100. mav
    July 14th, 2009 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    99 – Notice the “five weeks earlier” caption in the second panel? We’re about to see the flashback to five weeks earlier, when everyone learns that Wally (Wally, right?) is alive. So in the present time, everyone has known for over a month that Wally is alive, but he hasn’t come “home” yet. As Josh pointed out, the last week has been foreshadowing this, but it is only today that we learn that everyone in the strip has known for at least a few weeks that Wally was alive. That explains John’s depression, Crazy’s comment on Tuesday that “All things considered, he’s doing ok,” whatever the hell Susan was doing at the storage unit, and even Funky heading to the airport.

    All the clues are supposed to make sense once you realize he’s NOT dead. Basically, it’s the Sixth Sense in reverse. Except that being dead in the Shyamalan universe is infinitely better than being alive in the Batiuk universe.

    Got to hand it to Batiuk. Just when you think he can’t possibly find a new way to torture his characters, he outdoes himself. Not only is Wally alive, totally screwing up Susan and John’s life, they get a month and a half living together to think about it before he actually shows up.

  101. TheDiva
    July 14th, 2009 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    100: Which leads into my question, namely: What kind of pissy return home is this for a guy who’s been MIA for ten years and presumed dead, anyway? I mean, a certain amount of awkwardness is understandable in light of the whole Becky-moved-on-and-got-remarried thing, but it seems to me the event calls for something a bit more dramatic and emotional than “Hi, sorry I’m late,” “Yeah, I thought you might be.”

  102. Niall
    July 14th, 2009 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    86. canuckdownsouth: Ah, thank you. The Massey College server seems to be having problems – or perhaps she just moved it lock, stock (and knowing Kem, plenty of moving barrels) to the comicgenesis site, and the strip repository site I use to access it doesn’t know the redirection.

    Which means her absence may be because she’s blissfully away from anything resembling university, papers, the net or even Toronto, and relaxing. I really hope she is.

  103. Sheldon
    July 14th, 2009 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    Non-Sequitur — This is rather proposterous. Mathamatically, there is no possiblity of a “Mars 3.5″ in the directional vortex of the proposed travel. And not to mention that wormholes do not exist in the vacinity of planet Earth. Even string theory would find it hard to explain such abject negation of the physical laws prevalent in this endeavor. My gosh, man, Wiley must be using the part of his brain that manufactures robots for entertainment. He would be more believeable if he said, “I’m Batman.”

  104. Crankenstank
    July 14th, 2009 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    You know, I think we did see Ziggy’s junk. He’s just more evolved, like the David Bowie alien in “The Man Who Fell to Earth With the Sun”.

  105. mav
    July 14th, 2009 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    101 – I imagine Batiuk perceives it as dramatic understatement. Plus, writing it that way allows him to neatly tie together his foreshadowing and flashbacks, regardless of the fact that it does not appear to resemble real human interaction (though he has going for him the fact that probably none of his readers has ever actually experienced a reunion with a presumed-dead spouse–of whose resurrection you learned a month ago–while in the presence of a current spouse).

  106. Sheldon
    July 14th, 2009 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    Oh, and excuse my spelling errors. Spelling has never been my strong suit. If this site had a spell checker we would not have to be stricken with the instigation of such errors. However, such as it is, that does not deviate from the proposition that Non-Sequitur is leaning toward the vacuum part of the spectrum in relation to the current story line.

  107. Perky Bird
    July 14th, 2009 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    I wonder if Wally has really been held captive all these years. Maybe he begged the Taliban to let him stay, rather than be forced back into the Funkyverse. I mean, can living in a remote cave in the mountains and herding goats for a living be any worse than living in a town that could give you cancer or take your arm at any given moment?

  108. Darkefang
    July 14th, 2009 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    BB: Greg and Mort Walker made sure and put the framed “MD” certificate on the wall just so we know that this is a medical rectal exam, and that General Halftrack didn’t just drunkenly stumble into the wrong door on the way to the massage parlor. Of course, then again, I’m not sure what kind of medical exam involves putting skin creme on a patient’s ass.

  109. Anonymous
    July 14th, 2009 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    #104 Crankenstank – You know, I think we did see Ziggy’s junk. He’s just more evolved, like the David Bowie alien in “The Man Who Fell to Earth With the Sun”.

    Great, now I’m thinking about David Bowie’s junk in “Labyrinth”. Again.

  110. Gregory Earls
    July 14th, 2009 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    I go see “Bruno” and I’m think that I’m not going to see anything that shocking for a long time. So I put my guard down. I log onto my computer and there is General Halftrack, nude, having butt rubbed with skin cream by another man. Sucker punched in the mouth, once again.

  111. Niall
    July 14th, 2009 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    109. Anonymous: I’ve known a number of women who have quite happily spent a non-small amount of time thinking of David Bowie’s junk in Labyrinth. So it’s not exactly a negative thing, in and of itself. :)

  112. commodorejohn
    July 14th, 2009 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    #103 Sheldon – I dunno, I’m willing to excuse a whole lot of junk science for the sake of a seemingly entertaining storyline that doesn’t have anything to do with politics, something that is as rare as a diamond in Non Sequitur.

  113. Todd
    July 14th, 2009 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    @100,101: That’s assuming he’s really alive and this isn’t just Becky imagining him when seeing his remains. C’mon, given the lack of excitement of everyone, especially Funky going to the airport, it’s gotta be his remains.

  114. Sheldon
    July 14th, 2009 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    112 commodorejohn – I would normally defer to your rank but one must not ignore the inconsistant endeavors this comic (and I use the word loosely) strip proports. Besides, simply put, what is this thing you call politics?

  115. commodorejohn
    July 14th, 2009 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    #114 Sheldon – Oh, by all means, expound on the scientific wrongness; I’m just stating that I’d prefer a whimsical yet factually-unsound adventure to another couple weeks of the same smug lecturing Wiley usually churns out.

  116. queek
    July 14th, 2009 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    111: and men. . . . .

    (tight tights!)

  117. bats :[
    July 14th, 2009 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    113. Todd: wow, that’s a gruesome thought.
    Gruesome, but not far-fetched.

  118. Uncle Lumpy
    July 14th, 2009 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean: We put the “GI” in “turgid”!

  119. Hammertime
    July 14th, 2009 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey: When will Miss Buxley visit her doctor?

  120. Anonymous
    July 14th, 2009 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    GA: That was it. One day of not showing Hillbilly Hooters and you can stick a fork in it, the plot is done.

    See, Hagar the Hilarious is awesome today because he did something for his memory, but he doesn’t remember some aspect of it! See how he used the subject to negate itself! What is humor if not that? I am electified by the by-the-book, overdone, formulaic humor that it theoretically possesses.

    Well, at least Lucky Eddie didn’t shove his hand up Hagar’s ass.

    Marvin: and for threadbare humor, we have the wife thinking that the husband secretly watched as an attractive lady sauntered by. Meanwhile Marvin is free to gawk at her thonged ass.

    It reminds me of an actually funny comic from Playboy about 20 years ago. A kid says to a lady wearing a thong “Hey, your crack is eating your bathing suit!”

    No one has pointed out that the third panel of Herb & Jamaal has that staticy word balloon, indicating that it is the guy on the phone who says he is getting his wallet. That would have been really great for Herb, but then he put down the phone and continued drinking beer until catatonia set in.

    (What th’) Dick Tracy: I don’t get his “We lost no Jack to the Ace.” comment. There was a guy named Jack, and now he’s dead. So, he’s “lost”. True, he was killed by an equally bizarre playing card character instead of Ace. Maybe Locher heard another playing card term and worked hard to awkwardly force it in before the plot line ended.

  121. Talking Squirrel
    July 14th, 2009 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    118 Uncle Lumpy says: Funky Winkerbean: We put the “GI” in “turgid”!


    And Beetle Bailey flips that right over, putting the …

    Also, I feel compelled to point out that the additional letters are t-u-r-d, in that order. Coincidence? I think not.

  122. indichik
    July 14th, 2009 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

    Man, I thought I had a chance for COTW this week, but once again, I’m bitterly disappointed. I feel like I’m in Funky Winkerbean.

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