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Middle-aged spread, here I come

Sally Forth, 9/26/05

Hah! I’ve only been married two weeks and I’m already relating to married people in the comics! No, I’m not talking about today’s Cathy, where Cathy’s mother-in-law is brought to a state of eye-popping rage when faced with the prospect of sleeping on a futon; I’m talking about today’s Sally Forth, where Ted gets fat. Because now that I’ve landed me a fine woman, I’m totally letting myself go. Also, I’m going to stop doing work. Since I work at home anyway, I figure I’ll have a good eighteen months of sittin’ on the couch all day watchin’ my stories before she notices that we’re bankrupt.

Anyway, this strip illustrates the problem of a strip having a separate writer and artist. Ces possibly sent the artist a note to the effect of “MAKE TED EXTRA CHUNKY TODAY” or something, but in the end he just has the same oddly linebacker-shouldered look that he and everyone else in the strip, including Sally, always has. The only evidence that we have that this isn’t Mr. Forth’s first double-dip into the pie are his pants in panel one, which are clinging disturbingly tightly to the area around Little Ted, and even that’s not because his hip region is particularly big, but because his trousers are much, much too small. In fact, if you really want to either make yourself laugh or give yourself the heebie-jeebies (depending on your personality and/or inclinations), imagine that Ted’s pants end just below the bottom of the frame. Because the only thing sexier than little short shorts are little short shorts with a belt.

32 responses to “Middle-aged spread, here I come”

  1. Mooselet
    September 26th, 2005 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

    Hey, FIRST!!

    Ok, ok, the witty rules probably still apply…
    For someone wearing incredibly tight pants as Ted here is doing, they are remarkably, well, smooth in the frontal area. Is he like a Ken doll and has an odd blankness where is bit-n-pieces should be?

    Eeewww, I just grossed myself out.

  2. romanetti
    September 26th, 2005 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

    #1: OK, you just grossed me out too. Don’t wanna think about Ted’s naughty bits, thanks

    The daily here just dumped Brevity (kinda liked it) and Bleachers (hate hate hated it!) for Sudoku puzzles. Gotta admit, I kinda liked doing the puzzle. They say they’re addictive…now that they’re on the funny pages, well…I may have to try it again!

    We’re also running Calvin & Hobbes repeats…still beats everything on page.

  3. loudfan
    September 26th, 2005 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

    Our paper dumped the Lockhorns and Dennis the Menace a couple months ago in favor of Sudoku. Good riddance to bad rubbish, says I. The puzzles are more fun than those two comics ever were (at least since Hank Ketcham passed away).

    Josh, welcome back from your honeymoon and mazel tov, but I hope you will find time for a redesign soon. The text is WAY too small and gray now, and I hate having to increase the text size every time I look at this page. And no, I’m not old enough to need bifocals, or even reading glasses yet.

  4. Marc
    September 26th, 2005 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

    Remember the exterior view of the Forth’s house last Sunday? Pretty nice. You think they’d be able to afford haircuts from this millenium, an actual microwave AND oven (instead of the illustrated 1970′s version which are connected) and therapy. Sally is very unsecure about Ted’s waistline. Maybe she’s seeing anorexia in someone, where they think someone else is fat even if they are skinnier than his belt..Just some things to ponder….

    Speaking of finances wheres the cash hog “Kitty?” Don’t see too much of her. Last time she was sitting with Ted in their swanky sunroom.

    Maybe we’ll be lead into another story line, “Ted gets his arteries pumped from binge junk food eating..” Then Kitty will snicker in the corner and then get her tail broken from being near Fat Ted’s chair leg at the wrong time.

  5. Wes Rand
    September 26th, 2005 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

    I just learned a new fork position from Sally in panel two. Can’t wait to try that with the wife!

  6. Mibbitmaker
    September 26th, 2005 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

    Josh, when you do go bankrupt, try doing like those guys in the commercials; you may’ve seen ‘em on TV during your stories: the husbands with the ironically cheery expressions on face and voice, barely masking desperate rage (“…Ivy league…” “Somebody help me…”).

    RE: Sally Forth: I think maybe “little Ted” has gotten even littler since raising a family – fairly uniquely to the Forth household, I’m sure.

  7. Mibbitmaker
    September 26th, 2005 at 10:54 pm [Reply]

    If you do what I suggest in the first part of #6, you may want to apply it to your other “stories” in comics form, saying things like:

    “Hey, that’s great art in Gil Thorp today…”

    “Lynn Johnston, you’re in peak early ’80s form…”

    “Wow, Apartment 3G makes alot of sense today…”

    “Wow. ‘Cathy’. What a great strip…”

  8. Islamorada Girl
    September 27th, 2005 at 6:03 am [Reply]

    Attention! I got the attention I so desperately crave! Whoo Hoo!

  9. yellojkt
    September 27th, 2005 at 6:58 am [Reply]

    Ted’s pants suffer from Dockers relaxed fit roll. It’s rather common. And the bulge around little Ted is because men never change their underwear size from college. The wasitband eventually just gives up under the pressure.

  10. pengoons
    September 27th, 2005 at 7:07 am [Reply]

    Fist post, love the site, congrats on the marriage, much happiness for you both. Now with that said, what the hell is Sally’s story and why is this strip still running??? Smug and annoying is no way to go through life…

  11. Firegoat
    September 27th, 2005 at 7:14 am [Reply]

    Ted is reminding me of Jim Dangle from Reno 911 with the short shorts.

    But this is what I really find disturbing…. go to the third frame. Now squint your eyes. Squinting? TED is a WOMAN! how effeminate is he!!!!!
    Buy that boy some duct tape and silicon implants and we gotta Martha Stewart on our hands.

  12. Monkeys Uncle
    September 27th, 2005 at 7:22 am [Reply]

    Welcome back Josh and Mrs. C. or I should say Mrs. F.

    Thanks for your comment about Ted in short shorts. I will be spending the rest of the morning in a dark room, curled up in the fetal position and rocking back and forth while humming “Its a Small World” over and over until the image is erased from my mind. Something about the belt comment makes it all too real; Ted is exactly the type of man to wear a belt with short shorts. He would complete the ensemble with closed toe Italian leather sandals and white cotton socks.
    “It’s a small world after all…”

  13. WoodrowFan
    September 27th, 2005 at 7:26 am [Reply]

    Yellojkt: why would I want to change my underwear size? Isn’t it enough that I change my underwear. Oh, and Josh, a little hint from a happily married man, make sure you seperate your underwear from your trousers when you toss them in the laundry bin, even if they do come off at the same time. It’ll keep the wife happy, trust me.

  14. Chet McCord, Wildlife Defender
    September 27th, 2005 at 7:27 am [Reply]

    It looks like the Rita story is slooooowly grinding to a conclusion that is satisfactory for all concerned. That is to say, it is about to come to a gradual ending. What I mean by that is, Rita is probably going to leave and the story will eventually end. This will be a gentle ending, not happening all at once, because the shock of losing the Greatest $%#@$ Comic Character of all Time would be too much for us to bear.

  15. comics
    September 27th, 2005 at 7:29 am [Reply]

    Hey WoodrowFan-

    Actually, since I’m the work-at-home half of this marriage, the laundry is my job. In terms of underwear, I make my own job easier by most days just wearing the same pair of pajama pants until they become a health hazard.

    jf

  16. comics
    September 27th, 2005 at 7:31 am [Reply]

    That above comment about the pajamas (and this one, for that matter) is me, Josh. Stupid new WordPress version insists on calling me “comics”, which is my admin login name. Grr.

    jf

  17. ISBN
    September 27th, 2005 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    First! (time posting… does that count for anything?) I just have to say that I could NOT believe when I found this site. I’ve been lurking for a while now. Here’s what I have to say.

    Relevent part:
    1. I work at home, too and spend all day in my PJs. I’ve learned this valuable truth: covering PJs with a sweatshirt to walk the dogs DOES = getting dressed for the day.

    2. Congrats on your wedding and honeymoon to both of you!

    3. FBOFW makes me crazy with rage just about every day. It’s the first thing I rush to read, just to piss myself off.

    Irrelevent:
    1. I’ve been reading the comics in all the newspapers I could get my hands on since I was a wee bairn. can’t BELIEVE I finally found a group of people that makes my obsession seem… dare I say it, intellectual? Sociological? Whatever it is… I love you all for it.

  18. Zorba the Geek
    September 27th, 2005 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    Welcome to the blog, ISBN. We are all obsessed by the comics here, although I daresay that makes us more pathological than intellectual or sociological, but we don’t care!

  19. laska
    September 27th, 2005 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    The fists.of rage.are silent.

  20. rich
    September 27th, 2005 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    Ted Forth would have to be played by some 1980s actor like Jameson Parker, hopefully with a knotted pastel sweater around his neck, because the characters in that strip are SO stuck in the ’80s.

  21. Firegoat
    September 27th, 2005 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    Oooooh! I’d read it more if we had Jameson Parker. Wasn’t he a hardy boy? (or just resistant to freezing) Others who might play Ted: The blond guy on bosom buddies, the blond guy on that show where there were two investigators… and a big monster truck…. and I don’t remember the name of it but I think one was called A.J. Or possibly the father on Family Ties.

  22. Firegoat
    September 27th, 2005 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    IF he didn’t have a pastel sweater knotted about his neck…. could he please have one of those knitted ties? please?

  23. Firegoat
    September 27th, 2005 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    Simon & Simon! That’s It!

  24. Occam
    September 27th, 2005 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    RE: Today’s “Grand Avenue”

    I know this is nitpicking at its worst, but since the cartoonist is apparently not spending any time being amusing, is it too much to ask that a cartoon at least be grammatically accurate? Apparently it is. The whole lame joke in “Grand Avenue” revolves around checking out a cheap, homemade plastic bracelet with a “loop” instead of a “loupe.” Aarrgghhh!

  25. rich
    September 27th, 2005 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    Jameson Parker: Simon & Simon

    Parker Stevenson: Hardy Boys

    I know, everyone assumes they’re the same person. I’m going to go on assuming it – one less factoid to memorize.

  26. Adam-12
    September 27th, 2005 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    RE #’s 17 & 18: I’d say less sociological and more scatalogical…

    …which segues neatly into…

    FBoFW: Oooo, more poo humour. Gosh Lynn, you’re on top of your game! HAHAHAHA! I hate the Pattersons……

  27. Ces
    September 27th, 2005 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    Congrats, mazel tov, big ups and all the huzzahs possible on your life of wedded bliss, Josh! And despite how it may endlessly be portrayed in “Sally Forth,” marriage is actually a wonderful, wonderful thing.

    That said, thanks to your image of Ted in tight shorts and a belt I’m now going to have to pluck out my mind’s eye. I hope you’re happy.

    Honestly, I hope you and Ms. Curmudgeon are very happy indeed.

  28. Beasley
    September 27th, 2005 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    It would’ve been nice to see Ted throw the empty pie plate into Sally’s gaping pie-hole.

  29. Beasley
    September 27th, 2005 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    Not “throw”…I meant “smash”.

  30. Marc
    September 27th, 2005 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    Haha i actually sorta laughed at today’s Sally Forth. I can imagine her strangling Ted with his tiny little belt. Sally runs away from home and takes up a new identity “Sally Fifth” runaway wife.

    Thank you for solving the problem about todays Grand Avenue, i tried thinking about it for a while then i just had to give up….Like last week when Mama Winslow (Maramaduke) wonders who keeps putting the bones in the fridge….hmm? Let’s think about this…its either Maramaduke or your kids have taken up some sort of cannabalism…

  31. WoodrowFan
    September 28th, 2005 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    You work at home in PJs? Please tell me that it doesn’t involve Pay-Per-Minute webcam sites!!!

  32. yineyes
    September 29th, 2005 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    Sally Forth is a succubus. Chef ain’t got nothin’ on poor Ted.

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