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Olé, Olé, Olé, Olé, ’Shaftul nu mai e

Crankshaft, 12/5/09

Remember how I compared Crankshaft’s garden club harangues to endless speeches from a vicious totalitarian dictator? Well, right here, where he finally puts a cap on the seemingly interminable thing with a terrible, terrible play on words that doesn’t even merit the label “pun” — that’s when the repressed masses angrily rise up and overthrow him in a bloody revolt. I look forward to the live television coverage of the hastily convened kangaroo court, and of his execution.

Marmaduke, 12/5/09

“That’s why he’s going to use his long, prehensile tongue to reach down your gullet and extract it half-digested from your stomach! Trust me, it’ll be easier for you if you stop squirming.”

33 responses to “Olé, Olé, Olé, Olé, ’Shaftul nu mai e

  1. Gerard
    December 7th, 2009 at 1:12 am [Reply]

    So is that guy going to have a little Marmaduke burst out of his chest in a few days?

  2. Kibo
    December 7th, 2009 at 1:13 am [Reply]

    Marmaduke’s tongue is the stuff of nightmares.

  3. Marimba65
    December 7th, 2009 at 1:13 am [Reply]

    So little Hitler jr. has known the ways of the Hound – and survived?!?

    I’m both impressed and slightly sickened…

  4. Red Greenback
    December 7th, 2009 at 1:14 am [Reply]

    Okay, it’s pretty obvious that the person responsible for Marmaduke is just fucking with us now.

  5. papa
    December 7th, 2009 at 1:15 am [Reply]

    Marmaduke’s not a great dane. It’s a xenomorph!

  6. papa
    December 7th, 2009 at 1:17 am [Reply]

    Gerard beat me to the punch line.

  7. Lauren
    December 7th, 2009 at 1:19 am [Reply]

    Dear Tom Batiuk: When I prefer a comic featuring a hateful, ravenous beast-dog making out with a human to your comic strip, perhaps something is wrong.

  8. SSoccerhead
    December 7th, 2009 at 1:23 am [Reply]

    12/5 GT: What is that huge bottle Gil’s holding in his hand?

  9. Digger
    December 7th, 2009 at 1:24 am [Reply]

    MT: Rusty’s legs have been crushed, but Mark can rebuild him using technology. Get ready for Bionic Rusty! It’ll be great. Rusty will be transformed from a dorky little weenie into……well, a bionic little weenie!

  10. Lisa
    December 7th, 2009 at 1:24 am [Reply]

    Oh, Josh, that Marm comment made me feel sick to my stomach…! :o(

  11. Classic Nekrotzar
    December 7th, 2009 at 1:28 am [Reply]

    Just catching up after being away for a few days, and I have the following to say about the 12/4 FC:

    It would be a lot funnier if that caption were applied to the picture from one of those old Far Side comics with the single-celled life forms chatting. Something like this,

  12. Lisa
    December 7th, 2009 at 1:29 am [Reply]

    9CL- So are we going to get some sort of explanation of how Edie went from this proto-Edda to the shriveled shrew she is in old age?

  13. Nekrotzar
    December 7th, 2009 at 1:29 am [Reply]

    Argh, I forgot to remove the ‘Classic.’ #11 was in fact new material.

  14. Carly
    December 7th, 2009 at 1:30 am [Reply]

    “He really likes what you had for breakfast! It’s the perfect marinade for your face and/or brain, which he is now going to lick out via your mouth.”

  15. Steve S
    December 7th, 2009 at 1:35 am [Reply]

    So Crankshaft makes a seed-planting joke in the dead of winter, when nothing could possibly grow out of the cold, barren ground, and doesn’t somehow tie it into bodies and burial? Batiuk must have been in a good mood!

  16. Sarah
    December 7th, 2009 at 1:38 am [Reply]

    Wow… sorry to be slightly off topic, here, but the continuation of that Dick Tracy strip referenced in our comment of the week sounds like the continuation of said pr0no: “Some long-haired stuff?” “He’s tall and lanky with long hair!” *wink* *wink* *nudge* *nudge*

  17. Sarah
    December 7th, 2009 at 1:41 am [Reply]

    Love the comments on Marmaduke… and slightly – no – a lot sickened by the actual panel.

  18. Sarah
    December 7th, 2009 at 1:42 am [Reply]

    Any updates on the re-design, Josh? Okay, I’m done w/the multiple posts. I feel like everything has a 140-character limit, these days…

  19. Josh
    December 7th, 2009 at 2:03 am [Reply]

    Hey Sarah #18 — We are going to start beta-testing the new site (i.e. having a select group of users poke at it) this week! If you (or anyone else) are interested in being a beta-tester, email me at bio@jfruh.com. Assuming all goes well with the beta test, the live site will probably have the new design just after the first of the year. I’m really excited about it and there’s some cool stuff that I think you’ll all like!

    Josh

  20. Dragon of Life
    December 7th, 2009 at 2:11 am [Reply]

    I have discovered the reason Crankshaft exists as a separate comic. Witness panel 1. Were this FW itself, anyone making such a perfect window silhouette would be karmically destined for immediate sniper fire.

  21. NoahSnark
    December 7th, 2009 at 2:34 am [Reply]

    Place yourself in the position of the man being assaulted by Marmaduke. Then imagine the horror that comes with the realization that is the late afternoon and your breakfast has already moved to your colon.

  22. Roto13
    December 7th, 2009 at 2:49 am [Reply]

    Am I the only one who is completely unsurprised by the fact that Rex Morgan was robbed? I mean, the dude was on a cruise for a whole year. He should have hired a house sitter.

  23. Uncle Lumpy
    December 7th, 2009 at 2:55 am [Reply]

    Josh –

    It’s a rare comic snarker who cares enough to look up the original Moldovan. Though I suppose it’s a requirement if you really want to follow Gil Thorp.

  24. bunivasal
    December 7th, 2009 at 4:58 am [Reply]

    Marmaduke is simply excreting a nuerotoxin that numbs his prey and eases digestion.

  25. Little Guy
    December 7th, 2009 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    y9CL: Last panel: truly scary and semi-incestuous. Even John Phillips would have been skeevied shitless.

  26. Pastor Z
    December 7th, 2009 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    OH,NO, THE JACK IS BROKEN! OH, GOOD, THE TIDE IS COMING IN!

  27. Jonn
    December 7th, 2009 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    I’m going to have to agree with #4.

  28. Alan's Addiction
    December 7th, 2009 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    Wait – Acme, the fine purveyors of those rocket skates, muscle vitamins, and other Wile E. Coyote gizmos, have a seed catalogue? I can only hope that the ‘Shaft and company have ordered jet-powered plants, or giant, flesh-eating soybeans, or some other equally cool and cartoonish stuff. Unfortunately, I have a feeling they’ve ordered plants that merely secrete a slightly poisonous, depressant mist into the air, which is like the all the other vegetation in the Funkyverse.
    I read somewhere that, to eat and digest their food, starfish first eject their stomachs outside of their body and onto whatever they’re trying to eat. It looks like Marmaduke has a similar method of digestion.

  29. Poteet
    December 7th, 2009 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    I can’t see MARMADUKE. All I see is a little red X. Great, now I’ll have to search the Internets for a panel that will no doubt sicken me if I find it.

  30. Gary
    December 7th, 2009 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    If Tom Batiuk really had a sense of humor and not an omnipresent sense of dread and doom, he’d use the blank what square on Crankshaft’s hat to sell sponsorships. Viagra, to an extent, seems like a natural. But the real opportunity missed is for Batiuk to get Preparation H into the game since Crankshaft is a pain in the ass to everyone.

  31. Joshua
    December 7th, 2009 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

    #12 Lisa: My guess would be “living 64 more years.”

  32. Poteet
    December 7th, 2009 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    # 29 — The panel showed up. Eeeewwwwww! Even worse than I feared.

  33. It's time to pay the price
    December 7th, 2009 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

    Marmaduke shoving his probiscus down another man’s throat? A little alien shaped like a disaproving hand bursting out of Shaft’s chest? Shit, don’t tell me I forgot Alien day again!

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