Archive: Crankshaft

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Mary Worth, 2/25/21

Yeah, Saul, your life sure is a roller-coaster, isn’t it? You know, it’s always something! Either Mary’s coming by to force some horrible leftovers on you, or, uh, well, that’s pretty much it, as you don’t really interact much with anyone else in your condo complex. Say, what do you think Eve’s up to? Oh, did her dog get scared by the thunder and run away, giving you an opportunity for much needed human interaction? That’s wonderf– I mean, that’s horrible! Horrible!

Crankshaft, 2/25/21

An earlier post on this blog predicted that Crankshaft, the title character of the comic strip Crankshaft, would serve the role of the “holy fool” in this plotline, judging an uncarved block of ice to be truly the most profound work of art of all. Instead, he will be playing the part of the “wise simpleton,” seeing through the bullshit that blinds the supposedly educated. We regret the error.

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Crankshaft, 2/22/21

So the current Crankshaft plot/running gag involves Crankshaft, who ruined the town ice sculpture contest last year by destroying the ice sculptures with his bus, being randomly selected to be a (the?) judge of this year’s ice sculpture contest. My prediction is that Crankshaft will fall in love with the stark simplicity of this uncarved cube, with hilarious malapropic results that will get readers thinking about the true meaning of “art.” Since the last time the Funkyverse took on the true meaning of art, it involved parents mad that the high school was putting on a cancer-themed play, this will come as a blessed relief.

Mary Worth, 2/22/21

Eve has panic attacks triggered by men’s suits and falling because her husband, who used to trip her deliberately, wore suits. Eve’s dog helps soothe her when she has these episodes … a dog that same husband shot. So who’s gonna soothe the dog, Eve? Who’s gonna soothe the dog?

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Crankshaft, 2/8/21

My earlier suggestion that what we’re seeing in Crankshaft was written a year ago and reflects the very early days of the coronavirus pandemic was meant mostly in jest, but after two weeks of Crankshaft defiantly going through his daily life in a hazmat suit, I’ve become more and more convinced I was right. Today’s gag, which name-checks hand sanitizer, everyone’s early-to-mid-pandemic obsession, just confirms it for me. I guess the strip’s putting it in terms of “flu” because the thought was that jokes about COVID-19 would be completely out of date by February of 2021? Ha ha! [laugh becomes increasingly manic and desperate] HA HA HA HA

Gil Thorp, 2/8/21

Wait, so Tessi is “short” for Tessa, a word the same number of letters and syllables? I refuse to accept this, but the alternate reading is that her full name is actually “Contessa,” which I refuse to accept even harder.

Crock, 2/8/21

Ha ha, it’s funny because … the birds shit in their food, which they then ate, not realizing it was full of bird shit? Wow, between this and Dennis the Menace yesterday, everyone’s just kind of going for it, huh.