Archive: Crankshaft

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Funky Winkerbean, 10/18/21

You don’t read Funky Winkerbean every day as long as I have without becoming a connoisseur of the various textures of suffering its characters endure. Of course, I hate every single Funkyverse inhabitant, so you’d think I’d love each and every kind of pain heaped upon them, but some of them allow the characters to become even more self-righteous, and I’m opposed to that, obviously. But this one? This one I like! Remember when some Hollywood people tried to make an actually watchable version of Lisa’s Story, but Les didn’t like it so he managed to sabotage the production and also get paid for it, but then he agreed to let Mason do it “the right way?” Well, turns out it was the wrong way if you wanted anyone to watch and enjoy it! Ha ha! Get it? Les’s movie’s a flop, and it’s all his fault! Movies usually have quite a long post-production process so it’s actually kind of odd that the wrap party was like six weeks ago and already the movie has landed in theaters with a thud. It’s also kind of odd that Les, who you’d think would be a little more in the loop on how the whole thing is going, just got a phone call from Mason saying “Yeah man, shit sucked, nobody liked it, sorry about that” and that’s how he found out. Almost like Mason didn’t actually bother putting the movie together or finding a distributor and instead left for South America with all his investors’ money! (Just kidding, nobody “invested,” financially or emotionally, in this movie.)

Crankshaft, 10/18/21

Meanwhile, in the “fun” Funkyverse strip, Pam thinks that only God can transform the basic nature of one of His creations, but Crankshaft seems to be contemplating some kind of genetic engineering project.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 10/18/21

Spent what I have to imagine is longer than most people spend contemplating Snuffy Smith contemplating today’s Snuffy Smith and came to the conclusion that this one is good. It’s weird, but good. Less grotesque tongue waggling at backwoods antics and more strips where Snuffy uses the volume of space he takes up as the basis of various gags, please.

Family Circus, 10/18/21

The Keanes have let Billy play tackle football for hours without a helmet in hopes that he’ll concuss himself, but it looks like that’s not going to happen tonight. Maybe they can get him to break his brain by trying to think!

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Crankshaft, 9/19/21

Oh, hey, remember how Max and Hannah’s business/passion project, the Valentine Theater, went out of business during the COVID lockdowns, and also Max and Hannah and their baby lived there, so they lost their home too? Well, they’re moving back in with Max’s parents and Crankshaft. Looks like somehow, despite being with Max for a while, Hannah hasn’t spent much time with him (who can blame her, honestly) and so doesn’t really know what his whole deal is! Well, she’s gonna find out, and find out fast, and it’s gonna wipe that smile right off her face.

Family Circus, 9/19/21

I certainly hope Billy compiled this entire strip specifically so he could throw it in his grandmother’s face. “Look at this, you old bat! You don’t know me! You don’t know shit about me!”

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Oh my gosh it’s the last week of August, and if kids haven’t already gone back to whatever passes for school in 2021, they’re thinking hard about it. Let’s join in …

Baby Blues, 8/30/21

“Kids don’t want to go to school, and their parents can’t wait to get rid of them” is a trope usually found in family comic strips. But once Wanda finds out Darryl is working from home this fall, they’ll be smack in the middle of Lockhorns country.

Crankshaft, 8/30/21

Ed Crankshaft’s clients avoid him at the cost of their own convenience and their children’s futures. Checks out.

Gil Thorp, 8/30/21

Gil Thorp kicks off the school year with sports-team carwashes on every Milford streetcorner. Mom Claxton seems to think these have something to do with getting your car cleaned, but Tevin knows the score. And as an avid consumer of such services myself, I can pass along a tip: “Psst, Tevin—Girls’ water polo.”

Rhymes with Orange, 8/30/21

Yikes, who would have expected Rhymes with Orange to take the baton from Dick Tracy in the “Ironic Deaths” relay? Those sprinkles are just twisting the knife.

Garfield, 8/30/21

Oh, come ON! What do you think this is, Heathcliff?

— Uncle Lumpy