Metapost: Springy COTWs
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It’s finally springtime (for the rest of you, I live in Southern California now where it’s literally nice all the time) and what better way to celebrate than with a hilarious comment of the week?
“At last we know how you afford those natty clothes and keep everyone in awe of your crime fighting prowess. It’s a scam with you playing Fagan to the local miscreants. Today’s picture tells all. Look at Roger Raccoon: does he look the least bit concerned that Slylock Fox is hot on his heels? Of course not; he knows it’s a charade to keep all eyes on him and Slylock. Meanwhile Max checks to make sure no one is looking at him before going through Mrs. Beaver’s purse for valuables that can be hidden under his bowler. You’re getting sloppy, Slylock, and pride goeth before the fall.” –DOlz
And also some hilarious runners up?
“In Ickian UFOlogy, ‘Nordics’ are a variety of humanoid space alien that frequented the earth in the 1950s. This might explain why the strip is named after Funky even though the author’s focus is on the inferior, soul-sucking ‘grey’ alien Les.” –Little Blue Bicycle
“‘How did you get the ring back, Shylock?’ ‘I helped the bird cough it up, of course.’ ‘Why is there blood on it? ‘I said I helped the bird cough it up! Let’s just leave it at that.'” –Lorne
“Life is capricious. One minute your tire is fine, the next it’s flat. One minute you’re driving on the left side of the car, the next you’re possibly in England. BANG!!” –Shoe Substitutes
“Aw man, when Snuffy loses the game, Jughaid’s gonna pop up from behind a chair or something, take a long drag off his e-cig, and say, ‘This hyar’s good fer bitcoin!'” –Dan
“I can only hire one of you, so go into that airport lounge and strangle each other. Whomever emerges gets the job and company trenchcoat.” –Kevin on Earth
“In panel #1 it looks like Wilbur Weston is performing Terry and Adam’s wedding ceremony. ‘By the power vested in me by the State of Mayonnaise, I now pronounce you husband and sandwich. You may now kiss the sandwich!'” –Rocky Stoneaxe
“…at work, where we would receive notes from our haggard drama coach in his lifeless, sterile office … at play rehearsal, where we struggled with the blocking for the scene in which Stanley Kowalski oafishly palpates Blanche’s lymph nodes … It was pretty much the most depressing week I’ve ever had in my life. Where am I? I hope I’m not daydreaming on that overpass again!” –made of wince
“Damn it, Gasoline Alley, you can’t just photo-reference random characters and then freely intersperse them with the deformed chimp-people who usually populate your strip. There’s a thing called the Uncanny Valley, and you’re peeing into it.” –Joe Blevins
“I can see the pitch now. Nick and Nora Charles meets Starsky and Hutch, produced by Glen A. Larson and then beaten about the head seven hundred times with a fencepost until it can barely count to yellow. Ratings dynamite.” –C. Sandy Cyst
“As an investigative team they may have been the best but damn, their mattresses and/or pillows weren’t. Look at those misaligned cervical vertebrae.” –Baka Gaijin
“Based on their uniforms in panel one, Adam is training to be a karate fighter, and Terry is training to be an ass-kicking dental hygienist.” –seismic-2
“As an investigation team, we were the best! We always investigated with our guns drawn. I know some people think you should investigate discretely, quietly, and without drawing attention to yourselves. But Mary, when we went on an investigation with our guns out, it’s like everyone wanted to talk! And they all said the same things: ‘Please don’t shoot us.’ ‘Take all of the money, but let me live!’ ‘Oh, god, you shot me in the leg!’ That’s how you investigate on the street.” –Voshkod
“It is really, truly not a good thing if someone looking at you from slightly above can see the bottoms of your top molars.” –lumaca morente
“…anyhow, as it turns out, the guns were captured by a violent terrorist cell who slaughtered hundreds of innocents in Venus’ very own 9/11. Yorky’s dad was held responsible for the mistake and eventually took his own life in prison awaiting trial. The end.” –pugfuggly
“!!! What was the point of making the A.D.A.M. Investigative Robot if it was just going to exceed its programming and request a transfer? If the investors get word of this, we’ll lose our funding for cobbling policebots together out of wax models, dollar-store mannequins, and surplus hands!” –Dragon of Life
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